Monthly Archives: November 2016

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Neptune, Ruler of All Things Spiritual

Yesterday I experienced a HUGE shift during the middle of the day. After weeks (a month?) of intense emotion which pushed me to my absolute limit, haunting and sometimes disturbing dreams, and relentless hounding by my Team of guides, all of it went CALM and for the first time in a month I was feeling immense relief and smiling from ear-to-ear. I had the urge to paint for the first time in weeks as well and it was the creative outlet I needed to push past the last remnants of funk that have been clouding my days.

When I woke this morning I was smiling. Yeah. Woo-hoo! It’s about time! There was still a Knowing that some particularly difficult times are awaiting me, but I didn’t care. I was just happy to be alive and, for me, that is a rare thing!

This morning my good friend Litebeing commented on something I posted yesterday on FB. I had been considering deleting my entire online presence – disappearing completely from the internet, even deleting email accounts I’ve had for years. She commented that Neptune had stationed direct last night and to hold off on making any decisions until its influence upon me had diminished because it can cause uncertainty, fogginess and confusion. She published a post on Neptune Direct and it peaked my interest. Was Neptune the cause of all my funk and now the huge relief I am feeling?

In a search for the answer, I returned to the astrological forecast Litebeing did for me in May this year. Sure enough, Neptune is a very strong influence in my chart:

The planet Neptune is about creativity, spirituality, and dissolving of reality. It has been in my chart since Feb 2003 and is in the 1st house. It coincides with my first awakening which is no coincidence. It will remain until 2021. At age 40 I hit a developmental cycle which will propel me into public view, increase creativity, exaggerate mood (ugh), and increase psychic and empathic connections.

Litebeing gave me additional information about what is happening with my chart currently. She said, “Natal Neptune is conjunct your Moon (emotional center) and they are square Mars natally. Lots of emotional upheaval and extreme sensitivity is your normal. Transiting Neptune is squaring your Moon and Neptune and opposing your Mars at this time.” I read this and am a bit overwhelmed but thinking, “Why did I do this to myself!??”

This information brings clarity to a dream symbol I have been encountering the last few weeks, though. The gun. There is a gun/gun reference in my dreams almost nightly. I see the gun as a symbol of protection and this coincides with my guidance suggesting I surround myself in protection because I am super empathic right now. Have I been doing this? No because I don’t feel it will do any good. Hahaha Me and my pessimism!

Saturn is also influencing my chart right now (through December). I am not sure if I hate Saturn or Neptune more right now. Thinking Saturn is worse based upon what came up in my forecast. It makes me super moody and depressed (that is my tendency anyway).

Saturn may cause a tendency to be more melancholy and depressed but if I am willing to work this could be a good time career-wise. Since I tend towards the melancholy I suspect I will be depressed……..In Nov/Dec there is a high likelihood for arguments especially with men. LOL Delays in relationships and testing of relationships also likely. In February relationships become more balanced and there is stability all around, especially money-wise. Practical love. Is there such a thing? Added bonus is that someone with a lot of Saturn influence like me tends to be more mature and patient. I laughed at the patient part.

I also have Jupiter influencing my chart right now. Jupiter makes everything bigger. Since October Jupiter has shifted my focus to the occult, going deep within, being more analytical and intuitive, powerful and sexual.  Could it get anymore complicated!?

Thankfully everything should begin to level out by February and definitely by March. My job ends at the end of January and my dreams/OBEs continue to indicate that something will happen by this time as well (4 moons, two of which have already passed). My gut Knowing is that it is a time of endings, completion of some cycle. I wish I could take a long nap and wake up in February.

Good news is that the career portion of my life is taking off. By the time I finish with this job assignment I will have accrued $14k. Not bad for 10 weeks of playing with kids all day. 🙂 Though I have no idea where I will be led career-wise when this job is over, I feel optimistic (yeah) about my job prospects in the future. In the past I was certain that work/finance would never be an issue for me. This certainty wavered last year but has now returned along with an interest in returning to the work-a-day world. My current job has played a significant grounding role in my life these past few weeks. Without it I think I would likely have dropped into the deepest, darkest depression ever. So thankful for the stabilizing influence it has had in my life! In fact, work is the only stable thing in my life right now. Ha!

I have nine days off for Thanksgiving break so the stabilizing influence of my job will be missing during this time. Additionally, my 9th wedding anniversary is on Thanksgiving day this year. However, my guidance indicated to me this morning that much work will be done in the coming days – healing, clarity, integration, heart-centeredness, creativity, etc. I look forward to having more clarity, heart-centeredness and creativity. I am not sure I am eager for more healing and integration.

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Dreams this Week

Some dreams from earlier in the week. I have been inundated with vivid dreams that invoke strong emotions. In these I was upset or angered by the dreams.

Dream: Many Faced Man

I entered into a house on a hill. It was big with lots of space. In the center of the room was a long, rectangular, white table. There were people I knew gathered around it. Someone then collapsed onto the floor. The person was left there until morning. By morning the body had begun to decay and it smelled awful. There were flies everywhere. The feeling was of disgust.

Then I was with a man I knew. He was very interested in me and kept me close. The strange thing was that the feeling from him was indecisive. This showed in the dream as his face shifting. It was like he had ten or more faces in one face and he would show me one of those faces and then another based upon what he wanted. I rejected this and was not interested in being played this way. The rest of the group was encouraging us as a couple and I became restless, wanting away from them and especially the man. He was very happy and loud and talking to me quite a bit. All I recall now is that the feelings he sent me were too confusing. One minute I thought he was one way and then he would shift to being another way. I didn’t like it.

Dream: Healing Lodge

The next thing I knew I was in a car with my friend Sophia driving. I was still upset by the man, feeling manipulated by him and not wanting that to continue. I didn’t know what to do about it. The discussion here was that I needed rest and healing and Sophia said, “Why don’t you let me drive you to the lodge?” I remember accepting this and going along but still felt unsettled.

We got to the lodge which was on a mountaintop. Inside, Sophia took me to the restroom. She entered into the middle stall and began to change her clothes. I went into the first stall and just sat there staring at the closed door. Then I saw my friend Eric come in. He said, “Welcome Dayna! So good to see you here!” He then entered the third stall. I just continued to sit and stare at the stall door feeling absolutely nothing.

Dream: Full House

In another dream I was partially lucid and in my grandparents old home. In the living area there was a sofa that was old and tattered. I was to stay the night there but the floors were grotesque. They were covered in dirty spots and smelled like urine. I sat on the sofa and it was just as dirty and I tried to curl up and sleep but the smell of urine was too strong. There was a show on the TV. I remember only that it was the show Full House.

In-Between

Then I shifted into the in-between. There I saw three brand new tablet computers on the floor. One was at my feet as if given to me specifically. I looked down at it and heard/felt it to mean, “Communicate”. I was not interested in listening to this suggestion.

Symbols/Interpretation

Corpse – An aspect of Self which has died; a feeling of deadness inside.
Flies – Filth, dirtiness or the breakdown of a plan of action.
Face (shifting) – A person in your life is untrustworthy.
Lodge – Feeling stuck in life; not knowing what to do.
Bathroom – Need to relieve one’s self of a burden; need for healing/purification.
Urine – Unwilling to confront certain emotions; having a pissy attitude (lol)
Carpet/Flooring – Foundations; since these are stained and ugly indicates unwillingness to confront an issue.

 

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Dream: Weight of the World

This week has been riddled nightly with vivid and intensely emotional dreams. My days are “normal” with a bit of a numb feeling. But at night it’s like I am being hit from all sides. This one was from this morning. From what I can gather, there is some major clearing going on that goes beyond my individual clearing.

Dream: Weight of the World

Felt to be on a vessel of some sort. I was transferred to another one.

Then I was in a house with a group of people. We were putting up food. Lettuce was being put away. My food was open. I asked another person if they wanted some of my peas telling them I would pack them frozen and when they thawed they were perfect for eating. Then I went to the fridge and got out eggs. One split in half. It was frozen.

The others in the house were preparing to leave. 6 of us would stay. I remember discussing how we would live together in a sustainable community. We talked about solar power and I perked up, discussing how if we disconnected from the power grid when it failed we would be able to maintain our power as a group.

The scene shifted and I was floating along a road. I took a road and saw it went parallel to the main one. There was trash and beer cans indicating a party had been there the night before. I stopped at a church and ran into two women. One women was huffy and angry. She asked about a woman and a man. I told her they were in the hospital. I saw the woman in my mind sitting by the bed of a very sick man. He looked almost like someone with AIDS. There was such love between the two of them and I felt every bit of it. I mentioned to her that he was still sick and she said, “Then there is no point in picking her up, then.” She got very angry and walked away. The other woman talked to me for a bit about the woman having great potential, talking about how she was as a child and mentioning how good she would have been as an actress.

I turned and saw groups of people walking through the church. They looked to be in a parade. The main group I watched was all dressed in light blue scrubs, like they were all nurses. They were singing, “I’ve got guns in my head and they won’t go…..” When I saw them I filled with huge amounts of grief. It welled up from within, splitting my heart in two with such pain I could not breathe. They continued to sing, “I’ll be a dreamer ’til the day I die…” and the grief became super intense. I began to sob uncontrollably, the pain was so much that I didn’t know if I would survive it. As I began to gain consciousness I heard, “Autism” and I felt huge amounts of sorrow for everyone in the world who was struggling and feeling trapped in the human condition.

I woke in heaving sobs, my heart hurting so badly I did not know what to do about it. I couldn’t breathe for the crying and my throat felt like it would explode. It seemed like I was purging the heaviness of the world – all of the sorrow, grief, despair and pain of millions upon millions of people. I told my guidance the pain would surely kill me.

I went into the in-between and heard, “Be a manager. We will help you.”

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Picture of my butterfly friend.

Butterfly Friend

As I have been able to do since this onslaught began, I easily adjusted and went about my day as if all was “normal”. This afternoon, near the front of my car, I saw at my feet a small butterfly on the ground. He was very obviously struggling so I reached down and offered him my finger. He grabbed on and I carried him into my car. He traveled with me all the way home, slowly recovering from the colder temperatures that came in today. I took him inside, hoping he would completely recover but knowing I could not let him go and that ultimately he would die.

My youngest was fascinated with him and fiercely protected him from my other two children, shielding him with his entire body to make sure no one touched him or hurt him. Unfortunately, the poor butterfly died despite all his protection. He was just too weak.

The butterfly I found was a Buckeye Butterfly. Such a magnificent creature. So fragile and beautiful. Unfortunately, I am not sure his message is a positive one. Ending of a cycle perhaps? Or maybe something else.

I feel exhausted today. It is like all my inner strength has been sucked away. I would like a reprieve from this crazy emotional purging.

 

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OBE: False Start

Another mid-work-week OBE.

OBE: False Start

Awoke at 4am and then ended up aware in body hearing noises-off. I heard my husband above me working on an a/c vent. Looked and saw him on ladder. Knew I could exit and so moved my body to see if I could. I moved completely to one side of my bed. It felt too solid to me for some reason and so I moved back into my original position. Then I began to hear voices and knew without a doubt I could exit. I automatically opened one of my astral eyes and saw my room. It was dark and I lingered there for a while experiencing the ability to see through closed eyes. I could feel my physical eyes and astral eyes which was really cool.

I shifted and rolled out of my bed coming to a standing position next to it. I saw the room was very crowded with furniture. The dark was broken by sudden light and there was furniture lining the walls, furniture I use to have when I was young. Then I saw my husband by the door smiling. I saw the door and all I could think of was getting out of the cramped room and away from my sleeping body.

As I neared the front door the furniture was more dense and there was a fish aquarium right next to the door partially blocking it. I saw my husband and asked him about the furniture. He said he liked it that way. I thought it needed to be cleared out. The desire to get out of the cramped space was strong.

I pushed past the aquarium and squeezed through the door. On the other side I saw my mom kneeling next to my daughter. She said hi and I waved as I went downstairs.

When I got downstairs I ran into my husband again with our youngest child. I still wanted out of there and the urge to get to the front door was strong but I felt held back as I stood there looking at my husband and child. My energy then shifted quickly and I was back in my body with very strong, hectic energy. Once I settled in I opened my eyes a bit disappointed that the OBE had been so short. It was 4:33am.

Considerations

When I woke I knew I was suppose to pay attention to what I saw. The cramped room and the feeling of wanting out of it made me realize that it was reflecting my current feelings. My husband’s stuff crammed into my space is very much how I have been feeling lately. I have also been trying to get away from the feeling of being cramped in life or burdened with all the responsibilities I have.

 

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Heart Bliss vs. Heart Fire

Yet another post from my WP break. I’m being led to re-read these old posts and share them. Interestingly, my third-eye and crown chakras are active after a very, very long break. This one is from April 25, 2016.

Heart Bliss vs. Heart Fire

I couldn’t sleep last night. My heart, third-eye, and crown were alive with energy and so was I. lol My mind was also in overdrive. I’m not sure why I am thinking so much! I hear my guidance telling me, “You have a lot to say, so say it!” lol They are encouraging me to “speak my Truth” yet I’m not quite sure what that is. I suppose, though, that it will come to me.

Even now there is so much I want to write about but I don’t know exactly where to start. SO much flowing through my heart and mind.

I guess I will start with the heart energy. There are distinctly two kinds I am feeling. This was not so evident before, but now I have a sense of it. There is my favorite kind, which I will call heart bliss. Then there is the other kind which I will call heart fire. The main difference is former feels amazingly beautiful, expansive, and all-encompassing while the latter feels like an intense, deep, burning that splits my heart in two and courses straight through my back like someone has stabbed me.

I have no issue with the heart bliss. Bring it on! lol The heart fire, on the other hand, is quite unsettling at times and there is a rejection of it when it is at its worst. Most of the time the heart fire just sits there as if to remind me I have shit to work on. For five days now I have had the heart fire as an almost constant. In contrast the heart bliss was fleeting, only lasting a bit longer than the lucid dream in which I contacted it.

Since my most recent encounter with Steven and the amazing heart bliss, I have been different. Each dose of heart bliss seems to push me to the next level. Level of what, I’m not sure, but afterward all I can think of is getting more of that heart bliss. Lately my mind is on the latest heart bliss episode and seeing Steven sitting there across from me in that hot tub smiling. The recognition and knowingness along with the amazing feeling makes me want to return and stay there and never leave. I had not seen Steven look like he did in that experience since an unexpected OBE in 2004 where I met him and he looked like that.

Memories

Seeing him and feeling Steven this time brought about an inspection of his energy and the energy of my physical counterpart. They feel identical and it is very confusing to me! How this is possible, I don’t know, but I know it is purposeful.

In considering the energy similarity – match may be more appropriate – memories surfaced about when I first met Steven.

His energy scared the shit out of me. I mean literally repelled me. I couldn’t run from it because he wasn’t physically present, so I just pushed him away and spoke instead to a female guide. Later, when he came to me his energy – he – was huge again and I was scared but fascinated at the same time. He made me feel special and loved and I was drawn to him despite being afraid. As our relationship grew, I fell in love with him. From what I could tell at the time, being in love with a guide was not a “normal” thing, so I hid it from people who knew me. I worried I was going crazy and making up a relationship with an imaginary lover and so this meant I was messed up in the head. In fact, I judged myself quite harshly for this “fault”. I was constantly conversing with him throughout the day and he was also with me in my dreams and OBEs. He was a constant presence in my life.

My fear eventually got the better of me and I got in so deep into the “fantasy world” I was in (this was my reasoning at the time anyway) that when I was asked by Steven to “merge” and agreed, the things that happened after were too much. The spontaneous past life memories were intense and the OBEs even more so. Yet I wanted more so kept asking for more. I remember getting so impatient that I told Steven, “I want to know it all” and one night I got what I asked for. This was not in an OBE, this was while wide awake. I am not sure what happened exactly but suddenly memory upon memory upon memory of past lives hit me all at once. It was too much for me to mentally process and I must have cried for most of the night. I remember rocking back and forth, wrapping my arms around myself for comfort as I sat on the front driveway in the middle of the night. I can still see the clear night sky dotted with stars in my memory as if it is happening right now.

The memories wouldn’t stop no matter how hard I tried to make them stop. I begged Steven to make it to stop. It finally did but I was in shock afterward, like on the brink of insanity.

After that I told Steven to go away. He backed way off and gave me space and eventually I stopped feeling him/hearing him. I  must have grieved for an entire year – maybe longer – after that. I just wanted to die and go Home. That was all I could think about. That is when my Dark Night hit me hard, too.

Steven slowly shifted back into my life over many years. And then it was back to “merging” and him asking me permission to do so. I now know he had to have my permission, but of course I would give  it to him. There is nothing I would not do for him and at least now I don’t feel ashamed or crazy to say that. I understand who he is now. Finally! I must be completely dense to go as many years as I have with our connection and not connect the dots. Duh! But then I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. Everything happened exactly as it was meant to.

Spiritual Merge – Physical Merge

As my heart fire was ripping through my chest last night and my mind was going a thousand miles an hour in all directions, somehow knowingness got through to me. I heard Steven whispering to me. Anyway, he asks me to focus on my physical counterpart. He does this a lot and it use to drive me crazy but now not so much. It is like slowly information has trickled down into my conscious mind in bits and pieces and is settling in putting the puzzle together piece by piece

What he tells me is that while I am merging with him at a spiritual level, this in itself is not enough. There is a missing piece – the physical. Steven is not able to merge with me completely because he is not physically present. Honestly, I can’t even begin to imagine the power of such a merge and just thinking of the possibility of it makes me want to die. lol In fact, Steven told me this morning, “You have not really seen me yet. When you do, you will die a thousand deaths.” I did not take this as a bad thing either. I would love to die a thousands deaths. lol After feeling what I have felt there is a longing to die in this way. Completely.

But back to the topic. I can’t get distracted by the heart bliss even though it is all I think about. lol The physical merge is a necessity for a complete merge into Wholeness. I am still not completely sure what Wholeness means or looks like, though. I also don’t know what it means to merge at the physical level.

With this, I kind of disengaged. I am not sure I am ready to hear what a merge in the physical entails. I think this is because I am still afraid to accept all the feelings I am having. The confusion between their energy is making all this very difficult to process. But then I am hearing now that processing is not productive. It is best to think of their energy as the same energy for it IS intended to be as such.

Of course my mind immediately wants to take over and this is where it gets hard to shut it up. All these “what if’s” come into play and the heart fire doesn’t help.

Thankfully, I have done a SHITLOAD of work with Steven already. So much in fact that he is telling me, “We are very close.” I am shown 40 again as a very big year for me/us. The way I understand it, Steven has already ascended. A while ago. And has been helping me ever since. I won’t say he is more advanced but he has finished and is focused on getting me to the finish line now. Once I finish, we will “regroup” in Spirit and then split off from each other again to make our individual journeys. We have done this many, many times. This particular merge is not the same as the one I am working on with him presently, though it is intricately connected.

And I wonder about the intense feelings, heart bliss and fire, and how long it will last. The feeling I get in return is that it will not ever really go away. Thankfully I am at the point of acceptance now. Just let it in.

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Question and Answer Session

Another post from my short break from WordPress. This one was written on April 30, 2016.

Question and Answer Session

I needed some answers so I figured I would just start asking my guides and see what they give me. I use to do this after my first awakening. My journal during that time if full of question and answer sessions just like this one will be.

We are glad you are seeking our council. (I received a major blast to the heart that made my stomach drop and covered me with goosebumps)

Wow, I wasn’t expecting that!

We know. We have been waiting for you to appeal to us. It is about time.

I guess you already know what I am going to ask then.

Of course we do.

Why does my heart do that? What are you doing to me? It makes me feel like I am losing my breath.

Your heart is responding to what it knows. We know you. You know us. We are family. Always together.

Who are you?

We are the Many, you are the chosen. Is that settled now? (this made me laugh)

Who are the chosen? Why do you use that word to describe me/us?

The chosen are those who volunteered to be of service to Earth during this time, the time of the ascension. We are able to communicate through those of you who have been selected as candidates for contact. This you are and this you know.

This is not what I had in mind when I wanted to talk with you. I’m a bit caught off guard here.

Would you like us to explain? 

Explain what? I have forgotten what I was going to ask and my mind is blank.

In another year’s time you will not need to ask us the questions you wish to ask. You will know. We have already explained this and established it as fact for the time being. However, if you would like us to explain it again so you can have it in writing then we would be agreeable to that.

Okay then. What is happening to me in regards to my physical counterpart? Why is he so frequently in my thoughts? I feel like an obsessed idiot and it seems it was just forced upon me out of the blue.

We understand you have many questions and upsets regarding this matter. As you know we are limited in what we can reveal to you of this process because it is so very important that you do not booby trap yourself along the way, and you will indeed do this for you have too much emotional investment in the outcome. 

What you are experiencing is a melding of two consciousnesses. One which resides in you and the other which resides in him. You are similar but not identical. You were made from the same cloth and from this was cut the pattern from which you both created the lifetimes which you have lived. Each of you has created your own tapestry of experience and within each of your own experiences are pieces of one another’s. In this particular tapestry of experience you have chosen to join your two individual tapestries. With this comes a Remembrance of that which you Are. In this Remembrance is much detail and emotion. Lifetime upon lifetime upon lifetime. In this Remembrance you have both chosen to integrate all aspects of yourSelf for you have selectively created aspects across many different timelines simultaneously in order to create your own unique tapestry. Ultimately your tapestries will become one, a grander more elaborate version of the individual pair which composes it. 

So how does this go along with my human experience because what you are describing sounds more like something that is going on at higher levels.

There are no ‘higher’ levels, there is only You.

Okay, well then can you explain it more from the human perspective?

From your perspective it would seem that you were being invaded by another. In a sense, you are as his energy and yours are intermixing, although this is not visible to your human eyes. In the process of this exchange you will become more of the other and as such also more of yourselves. 

Is this the Wholeness I keep hearing about?

Yes, it is.

How many times will I be experiencing something like this in my lifetime?

Once.

Thank God. lol But then can it occur more than once?

If it were to happen more than once, it would be with other aspects and not with another occupying a human body as the aspects themselves exist outside of space and time. They are interconnected within the fiber of your being. They in fact compose that which is You. 

How do I avoid the almost obsessive thoughts? It is strange to me and I do not know what to do about it.

There is only the monitoring of thought that will bring you relief. In this we remind you to remain in the heart and as the observer. If you accomplish this task then the thoughts you are referring to will be nothing more than echoes reverberating in your head. They are of no consequence. Do not give to them more weight than they carry for this can lead to mental and emotional exhaustion. This you have already witnessed firsthand have you not? (they are laughing at me)

So the path to wholeness, as you call it, does it require his participation?

Yes and no. Yes in that he must consciously agree and no in that there is not a specific path or steps that he must follow in order to help you in becoming Whole. Consider yourselves to be on similar paths, parallel to the other yet intricately intertwined. What one of you accomplishes, so too will the other.

Do we have to meet physically for Wholeness to occur?

No, you do not.

So what is all this energy? Specifically from the heart but also the third-eye.

The heart energy you are experiencing is your connection to All. It is your finite body reacting to the infinite being that you are. It is like putting similar ends of two magnets close to one another. There is a pressure, a resistance, felt as the energy of both sides comes in contact. This is also how it is when you place the infinite up next to the finite. It is simply the energy of  You, one limited and one unlimited. 

Wow, I wasn’t expecting that explanation but I like it. It makes sense. And the third-eye? Is it the same.

Yes. With each vortex of energy there comes the sensation you are experiencing. Each is connected to the physical body but also to other aspects and other times. When one is active as you call it, then you have access to the other aspects and times via that particular vortex.

So, you mean that if my third-eye is active then I have access to the intuition – the vision – of other aspects of me on other timelines?

That is an appropriate rendition of what we have just explained, yes. 

I know there is more as I see what you are showing me but it is hard for me to understand the layers upon layers and vast connections I see. It is like a matrix over a matrix over a matrix.

It has been referred to as “fabric” by many others because of its resemblance. What you see is the tapestry we formerly discussed. What you see is intention and creation. What you see is the building blocks of God/Source.

I think it may be just a bit over my head, but then you know that. I guess I would just like to know how much more of this heart connection will I be subject to?

As much as you can handle and then some. It is not going away, Dayna. It is part of you. It IS you. This you have already concluded for yourself so why are you again asking us this question? 

I was interrupted by my youngest several times during this session so I ended it here. I was getting a bit overwhelmed by all the information that was coming through.

I must admit I am shocked from the amount of energy that was coursing through my heart during this exchange. It is like heart fire on steroids. lol And the imagery I was shown- wow! The very vastness of each of Us is beyond compare. There is nothing on Earth or in my limited human experience that even comes close. The “tapestry” is the only analogy that makes sense as it appears in interwoven layers of color. I could see the stars and the universe within its “fibers”. That is how big We are and I am sure We are even bigger than that.

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Lucid Dream: My Everything

This was a post I wrote when I had taken a short reprieve from writing here. I keep being reminded of what I was told in this experience and so looked back in my blog for it. I found I had written it privately and believe it should be shared now. The date of the original post is April 23, 2016. Enjoy!

Lucid Dream: My Everything

I was outside on a veranda of some sort that reminded me of a very large, white gazebo. The setting was somewhere in the deep South. It looked like a plantation estate that I had visited when I was in North Carolina. The sky was clear and a deep blue. There was a slight breeze and the green of the grass and trees indicated it was Spring.

I sat at a long, white table looking out at this beautiful place as I did my homework. On the paper in front of me I was writing numbers. Each number was in the millions. I was counting the places and trying to remember if millions had six zeros or eight. So I was looking back in my text when he arrived.

A man wearing a white dress shirt and black trousers approached from the lawn in front of me. He had come to see me and I looked up at him briefly as I did my homework. I was kind of dismissive and he said, “Oh, excuse me, you are busy. I will come back later.” Then he was walking out onto the lawn and away from me.

I stopped what I was doing and yelled to him, “No. Wait! I want you to come back. Please!” He stopped and turned, looking at me briefly and then walking onto the gazebo to stand next to me.

He said, “Really?” and sounded thoroughly surprised and hopeful. Still facing my homework I said, “Yes, of course.” I reached my left hand behind me and touched his pant leg and then apologized because I worried it would be unacceptable. I pulled myself up via his leg to stand up next to him.

I looked up at him this time and realized he was quite old. His hair was completely gray but thick and unruly. His face was kind but etched with deep wrinkles. The feeling I had was that he was the professor who had been teaching me. I knew him as my teacher. I did not recognize his face, I recognized his energy.

Then I reached up and kissed him on the mouth. The feeling from him was that he was very completely caught off guard by my behavior but that he had wanted me to do exactly what I was doing. My lucidity was full-on by this time and I could feel the kiss in all ways – very real!

I wrapped my arms around him. He hugged me close to him and nuzzled his face in the crook of my neck. I remember thinking, “I love him”. And fell into him, feeling absolutely no resistance.

Heart Bliss Explosion

With this came an intensity of desire that shot into my heart chakra and poured into all of my lower chakras. It was the most exquisite feeling I have ever felt.

I woke up and the energy intensified and poured through me. I did not want to wake up yet even while awake the energy was coursing through my heart and lower chakras. My root and second chakra were especially active but my heart was beyond exploding. The feeling is indescribable. It is passionate and tender and beautiful and all encompassing.

The appearance of the old man confused me. Who was he? My first thought was that I was just going to have these heart-connections with everyone I met now, that I must be a spiritual slut of some kind. lol It sure felt that way. Yet there was the man’s voice in my head and it was the same voice I have always heard – my Companion’s.

I realized that my Companion is my father, my brother, my son, my uncle, my…..you get the point. He is all of them. There was a complete recognition of him in this way, too. He is my everything. With this I saw him as pure, golden energy – swirling and pulsating. A Golden Man.

The energy continued to explode into and out of my chest. He was speaking to me the whole time, asking me to focus on him and what I was feeling and what I remembered of our interaction. I knew he and I had been discussing some things. My life, my hopes and dreams, my spiritual progression, etc. As I recounted what I remembered, I fell into this bliss-gasm and my heart felt ten, no a hundred, times its normal size. And the beautiful feeling, OMG I can’t even describe it.

And I knew he was drawing me towards him, embracing me. I suddenly felt as if I shrunk and became a child-version of myself. I was looking up at him and his appearance was more familiar. His tan skin and long, braided hair was distinct and my recognition of him was complete. I again realized he was everything to me – father, husband, son, uncle, friend, teacher, guide. I knew without a doubt he had always been with me, is with me always and is a part of me. He told me this as well. Communication was a constant. And the love was unlike any I have ever experienced.

Then I realized we were in a hot tub together. I saw him sitting across from me with a big smile on his face. I yelled, “Steven! It IS you!”

I remembered then why he gave me a name he gave me not long ago: Moab. The name meant “ancestor” in Hebrew but also meant “father” and numerous other things. It all made complete sense now. He was my Moab – my everything. My spiritual counterpart.

We discussed then what was going on and what would commence now. The whole time the heart bliss is exploding through my physical body and pouring down my lower chakras. I kept thinking, “Push it up” to keep it out of my lower chakras but at the same time I was receiving permission to allow it to go down – that it was OK to feel pleasure, passion, desire. I felt my crown and third-eye blaze at this time, so I knew the energy was beginning to rise.

I’m not sure how I was able to communicate through it all.

I kept asking for the completion of US; for the energy to complete it’s rise up through my crown and beyond. I was told it was not yet time, that I have work to do on many levels first. My physical counterpart was mentioned in this. Part of my completion is assisting him with his. My Companion also said that We must work on my life, tweak it and this alarmed me. He said, “Baby steps” and I felt the progression would be gradual, the changes gradual so that I would not overreact.

I then recalled a dream I had before meeting him on the gazebo. We were looking at a small Christmas tree. I had just made an ornament and put the name of my middle son on it. The branches were full and I saw that my son already had an ornament on the tree. In this I knew that my middle son was a “gift” to me. I felt such love for my middle son and knew he was also part of me – husband, father, son.…. My children are very, very important to me and to this life and my purpose here.

This is by far the most amazing experience I have had to date.

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Another Beneficial Conversation

I had another productive conversation with my spouse yesterday. I find it quite curious but welcome such conversations. For some reason I end up channeling information out of the blue in these conversations and it leaves me feeling awed and inspired.

The Council

These conversations are challenging because my husband is not on the ascension path with me. He is not familiar with the terms I use and finds it difficult to relate to my spiritual experiences. However, it is the very challenge of explaining certain concepts to him that creates the perfect opportunity for Spirit to use me as a channel.

To my surprise, my husband brought up a memory he had of what he called “the Committee.” He described this committee as a group with a dark agenda who made him feel small, insignificant and afraid. He encountered them while in session (similar to hypnosis) and described having multiple memories of this committee. He described the time related to these encounters as “folding in on itself” – as if time was nonexistent. Each time he recalled an encounter he felt judged by them. Finally, however, he recalled confronting this group. He said they told him what he would do and he said to them, “No, I will not do that.” He said then he felt freed of them and relieved.

I smiled in recognition and told him the time element was likely nonexistent because encounters with such committees (which I told him I called the Council) occur between lives and beyond the realm of Time/Space.

Then I shared with him my experiences with the Council. How when I first encountered them I also felt afraid, small and insignificant, like a child being sent to the principal’s office. However, after many experiences and discussions with them, I realized that this feeling was brought about by my Forgetfulness while in a human body and by the largeness of their energy. It does make one feel small and overpowered. There is a sense that what they say is what must be done and a sense that my own choices are faulty in comparison to their great wisdom.

Then I explained to him that how the Council appears to us is a direct reflection of us. If we are highly critical, judgmental, doubtful, fearful, etc – then we will perceive them through those lenses. As we become more aware of our own power and potential, the Council shifts dramatically from an authoritative or dictatorial group to a democratic or mentoring group. I congratulated him on his successful recognition that he was the director of his own life and no one, not even the Council, had the authority to tell him what to do unless he gave them that power.

Dreams as Teachers

The conversation then shifted to dreams and how I interpret them. I explained that I see everything in my dreams as a reflection of myself. Dreams are, to me, a gateway to the subconscious/superconscious and through them I am able to reach into a deeper, unseen part of myself and initiate great healing and growth. I explained that I am seeing my experiences in the physical in a similar way now. That each person, situation and event that comes into my life is a mirror of mySelf offering great potential for learning. He seemed to grasp the benefit to this.

Divine Connection

The conversation shifted to soulmates/twin flames/Divine counterparts (you choose your term). He wanted to understand what it was. I told him, “So do I!” I began by asking him if he thought it possible that his Higher Self could experience many lifetimes at the same time. He was curious to know what I meant.

Since he was in agreement with me that we exist outside Space/Time as Spirit, I started there, explaining that if we function from outside that boundary that we could in fact experience many lifetimes in many forms all at once. I used an octopus to illustrate my point. I told him to imagine that his Higher Self was the body of the octopus and that each of his legs extended into a different Space/Time. Each leg connects to an individualized consciousness that then experiences an individual lifetime. When that lifetime concluded it would retract back to the body of the octopus and be integrated there into the Whole. I explained that from where we are (in a human body) it would appear that we are the body of the octopus but in reality we are just one aspect, one leg, extended forth into a timeline to have a separate experience.

He seemed to relate and understand so I continued. I said, “What if two legs were on the same timeline? What if three or four or even more were on the same timeline? Is it possible?” He agreed that it would be (so do I). I asked him, “What if two of those individuals met? What do you think it would be like to meet yourself?” He thought about it. He didn’t answer but his face showed that he realized it would be an exceptional experience. Then I said, “That is the closest I can come to explaining the (soulmate/twin flame/Divine Counterpart) experience.”

The image of the octopus has stayed with me ever since this conversation. I see it as purple for some reason. The idea resonates with me and I can’t help but smile when I think about it. I hope it was helpful to you.

Teachable Moments

There is something educators are very good at: taking advantage of teachable moments. A teachable moment is an unplanned opportunity that arises in the classroom where a teacher has an ideal chance to offer insight to his or her students. It is a fleeting opportunity that must be sensed and seized by the teacher. Teachable moments have maximum impact.

As I reflect on this most recent conversation with my husband, it is obvious to me that it was a teachable moment. I have had many such similar moments with others, also. What is exceptional about these moments is that the teacher also becomes the student whether they are aware of it or not. It is the same from the student perspective, also. The student is also the teacher. The more we allow ourselves to take advantage of teachable moments in our lives, the more potential there is for growth on all dynamics.

 

 

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Hold On

Yesterday I went to get my hair cut. I wanted to cut it all off again, like I did in 2014, but my daughter talked me out of it. While I was getting my hair cut, a song came on the radio station they were playing in the salon. Right as it came on I heard my guidance say, “Pay attention to the song.” So I did and smiled when I recognized the song. It was a song I use to listen to my senior year in high school. The song was Hold On, by Wilson Philips.

The song happened to be one that I was listening to around the time when I was having conversations with myself about my future. I was feeling isolated and alone and finally prayed to God to send me someone to love. Though I was not aware of having guides at that time, I did receive answers. I thought I was talking to myself and left it at that. My answer at the time was that it would be a very long time before I would meet “the One”. It wouldn’t be until my 30’s (to a 17 year old this is a looooong time). I remember crying about waiting so long and that is when I prayed to find someone sooner.

At the time, the song Hold On, was not in the forefront of my mind. I didn’t look for signs or synchronicities at that time. I didn’t even know what a synchronicity was then. But when I came home from the salon and read the lyrics to the song my heart flipped-flopped in my chest. I laughed at my Team thinking,”Oh wow. Are you kidding me?”

Dream: The Little Engine that Could

It was a sunny and warm day. The sun was bright overhead and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. I waited near a railroad track with others of my own age group. We were all probably 10-12 years old. One member of my group laid down on the track. I remember thinking it looked comfy. I warned him that the train would run over him if he stayed there. Then we heard the whistle of the train, he got up and we boarded it. The train was only the engine part, though. There were not any train cars attached to it. It was one of those steam engines and reminded me of the story The Little Engine that Could.

peacock.jpg

Dream: Going to Prison

From the train dream I shifted into another dream where I was entering into an enclosure with a handful of other women. It was a low security prison with low fences and appeared more like a home than an institution.

We went through processing where we were each given blue shirts and pants. Then we met our prison guards, both women, and were taken into our living quarters where we were shown the kitchen. It was explained that because we were in the 4-5 group that we would have our food prepared for us each day. Once we got into the upper level groups we would have to prepare our own food.

After some time passed I received news that my sister from Alaska had requested a transfer to my prison. I was excited and shared the news with everyone but the guards were suspicious. When I met her, she looked just like me.

My sister seemed to disappear from the dream at that point and then I was learning that the guards who normally watched my group would be gone. As we waited for a breakfast of pancakes, my attention went to the back fence. In the distance I saw a beautiful white peacock flying down from the sky, its wings and tail spread. As I watched, it crossed over the prison fence and landed. When it landed it morphed into a woman wearing a jacket and a skirt that resembled a folded up peacock tail. The skirt was not white, though, it was tan.

The woman approached me and I saw her clearly. She had blonde hair but her hair was long on one side and super short on the other. In her hand she held a handgun. One guard saw her and alerted the other guard but the peacock women seemed almost to have magical abilities because she instantly immobilized the guard that came toward her. The male guard in the tower shouted something at her but did not advance.

Then the woman spoke to me. I don’t recall all the words spoken but I do recall seeing in front of me images representing our conversation. In the image was a young man with dark hair who I identified as my friend/boyfriend. He was standing a short distance away and seemed to be glowing in yellow light. The information passed on to me was that he would be away for three days. I kept thinking he was in Alaska but in the discussion I mentioned that his time zone was a hour ahead of mine and so the time for him would pass faster. I saw the time as 11:00 and knew he was ahead of me. I kept focusing on the three days and it seemed like an eternity to me. The woman said to me, “Just hold on for one more day.” Hearing this peaked my lucidity and I became emotional. I began to cry and woke up in tears.

I was able to recover from my upset fairly quickly. The song Hold On was going through my mind.

Interpretation

The first dream is giving encouragement, saying, “You can do this” via the story of the Little Engine that Could.

The second dream represents how I am feeling: Imprisoned in my life situation. It is a low security prison, which to me symbolizes that I am not feeling overly restricted. The sister from Alaska is representative of the me from that time in my life. That time in my life was similar to this time in many ways. The peacock symbolizes Spring, birth, new growth, longevity and love. The peacock turns into a woman. Her hair stands out to me here and I see her as being representative of an integrated or Whole version of myself. She is carrying a gun and helping me to break out of the prison. Her message is a significant one – one of hope and perseverance.

 

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Dreams

It’s been a very active week for dreams. Most are from one night and I awoke feeling very positive. The last one is from this morning and I woke feeling very pessimistic, probably because I woke up like every 2 hours throughout the night and didn’t sleep very well.

Dream 11-8-16: Preparing for Dinner 

I was with my family (soul family) at a beautiful retreat with rolling hills and a crystal clear creek running through the middle. We were preparing to meet for dinner. I recall that part of this preparation was to clean the grounds, meaning get any debris cleared away. I was scanning the area and saw a clump of leaves caught up in a bush. I cleared them away. There was quite a bit of time spent at this point looking for leaves.

Then, I went toward the main house which I never saw in the dream. I remember walking through the crystal clear, cool water. It was up to my waist and quite refreshing and enjoyable. There was interaction with others at this time but I cannot recall anyone except my dog Trooper, who was jumping and frolicking in the water and running up and down the hill barking. I remember shooing him away a few times because he was doing what he did as a puppy and nipping at my ankles. At one point he swam in the water with me. He loved to swim.

The next thing I knew I was inside the house with a few others. The main one I remember interacting with was a woman who I thought of as a mother figure. There was also a man who stood behind me the whole time I was there. The woman showed me a tray with five Cornish game hens all prepped for cooking. In recalling how they looked, they were super tiny and already appeared cooked. I remember doing the math and reminding her that she was short one, referring to my child. She told me that he could share with me. As she put them into the oven I saw the time was 2pm and asked her how long it would take to cook them. She said, “Just about an hour.” I realized this meant they would be done at 3pm and way too early. I said, “But then they will be ready too soon. Dinner is at 5.” She didn’t seem to care, though.

When I woke up from this dream it was 4am and I felt rested and wide awake. I actually felt very calm and happy.

Dream 11-8-16: Fishing Down Under 

I traveled to an island which we referred to as “Australia” but I recognized right away that it was symbolic of the subconscious mind. Me and two companions, a man and woman, traveled out on the ocean in a very small, fragile boat. The man and woman had fishing rods and were casting their lines into the ocean. I watched and did not fish. There was fear here of accidentally catching something too big and then not knowing how to handle that without sinking the boat.

The woman’s line went taunt and I grabbed it to help guide in the fish. I saw beneath the ocean the silhouette of a killer whale and held my breath. How was she going to get him on the tiny boat? We would surely sink!

Then the man was helping me guide the huge whale onto the beach. We must have successfully reeled it in. The woman was gone. The killer whale did not look like a killer whale, though. Instead he was brown and it appeared as if his lungs had been pulled from the inside out to where his face would have been. It was grotesque. We decided to throw it back before it died. My main feeling here was, “Now that we’ve got it, what do we do with it??”

Dream 11-8-16: Our Song 

I spent the entirety of this dream with a dark haired man who I was very in love with. I never left his side. We stayed close and enjoyed one another’s company like two love birds. There was a special song I was singing to him throughout the dream. I can’t remember it now, but in the dream I was playing a game with him using the song. The game was that when I sang the song we got to show each other how much we loved each other. The main issue here was that when I would sing the song and we would get close, my daughter would interrupt and we would have to stop. It wasn’t annoying and we laughed about it, but it happened throughout the dream more times than I could count. We never got to show each other how much we loved each other because of her interruptions.

Dream 11-9-16: Match

I was invited to participate in a match game. Similar to the Bachelor except that both men and women were choosing partners. When I got there people were already paired off and I had no one. This didn’t bother me much. I talked with some of the people, a woman especially who had paired with a man. Both of them were much larger/fatter than I was and had dark hair. I had no one there and so just made the best of it. I remember telling the woman that I was just going to focus on being healthy and start back on my diet to lose some weight.

Then we were all asked to clock in. We were given tickets we had to punch and stood in line. I punched my ticket and then it ripped. I was told I would have to punch my card again but I never did.

As we were leaving we all went our separate ways. I began to head one way saying where I was from and a man said, “Then you need to go that way.” I said, “Oh, okay” and went in the direction he was pointing. I walked down the street and noticed someone was following me. It was a dark hair man. He had two small dolls in his hands. One was female and the other male. The male doll was all blue and muscular and looked like an action figure. I remember wondering why the man was following me and not being sure I wanted him to and was a bit annoyed. The man dropped the dolls on accident and picked them up. For some reason I kept thinking they had no heads but when I looked, they did.