A Step Towards Wholeness

I am noticing some changes in myself lately. Not just energetic, which there are plenty of, but also personality-wise.

Energetically it feels like my entire energy body is getting an overhaul. I have felt every.single.chakra on and off for the past week non-stop. Usually it is my heart, throat and solar plexus, but the others join in as well. My lower chakras were really beginning to become a physical issue because my stomach and digestive tract went completely haywire. I felt like I had the stomach flu without the nausea. Just icky, bloated, and crampy. I also had indigestion out of the blue. Thankfully this has all passed and seems to be back in balance. Earlier this week, while driving home, my third-eye turned on for no apparent reason and I began to feel like I was ten times larger than I normally am. Why does this stuff happen while I am driving?

Personality-wise I feel very balanced and centered almost all the time lately. I feel as if my guidance is pouring through me, like I am living my guidance…hard to put it into words. My heart has been central to this. It feels like my high heart especially has a role in this shift.

One of the things I have noticed is that I can tell when a major purge is about to occur. Today I recognized one is forthcoming. The Kundalini seems to go in like a scrub brush and scour the meridians and chakras until there is enough residue from the scouring that it needs to be flushed. Then the flush comes. Whoosh! One day this week I felt a shift in my energy body specifically, like my body, my energy, was speaking to me. Very interesting I must say.

Finally, there have been some instances of clarity that surprise me. For example, one night while spending some time with my husband I recognized that I am wanting something from him that he may not be able to give me or perhaps I am not able to allow – I’m not sure yet. I want to trust him, to be able to give of myself to him completely, but feel unable to do this because there is something in the way. Is it old programming on my part? His part? Both?

When I first recognized this feeling it was surprising to me and caught me off guard. After some time to digest it, I have come to realize it goes with the balancing of the masculine and feminine. What I felt was, in essence, the emergence of my feminine side and her desire to have a strong, masculine presence take action. This feeling manifested in a strong willingness to completely let go and submit to the masculine energy. Yet, in the face of my husband, I retreated from it because there was an identification of his inability to be this strong, decisive, action-oriented force in my life. Additionally, I withdrew because I am unable to fully trust myself to his care. Yet that is what I desired. I felt very much like a child eager to be guided by a parent. I was/am ready to receive, which for most of the life has not been my strong point.

Just in recognizing that my true nature is revealing itself has me emotional and I am not rejecting of it in myself. The feminine is about receptivity and surrender, about creativity, intuition, patience and allowance. The fact that I desire to be this and that I am looking to receive what a masculine energy has to offer is a relief to me. In itself, this development indicates that I am changing, I am becoming more balanced and I am shifting into Wholeness.

As time passes, the desire to have this balance in my life remains. I have touched on a part of myself that has been in hiding a long time. I was raised to be both the man and the woman in my life, to never trust a man. So, I have never truly allowed myself to receive and fully surrender to a man because of a fear that if I do, I will be taken advantage of, hurt, or worse. This is most apparent during intimate moments with men in my life. So it is fitting that such a moment would show me with great clarity what I have been missing.

What does this mean for me? I’m told it is a step towards total integration. Prior to this point in my life, I think I would have been freaked out by such a “weak” reaction in myself. Just being able to recognize and embrace my reaction is an accomplishment for me. Now, if only I could take the plunge and truly surrender.

Dream and Odd Encounter

I was exhausted last night so went to bed at 8:30pm. I slept all the way until 6am and then lingered in bed until 7am. My sleep was deep until about 3:30am after which I slept lightly and had more lucidity.

When I woke at 3am I tried to remember my dreams. When I did, I experienced something odd. The dream images were outlined in a neon blue color. It was like they glowed blue. Every time I tried to recall a dream I saw this color and eventually the images contained strange symbols, or code, that were the same blue color.

Dream: Clarion

I was in my old bedroom at my mom’s house. Sitting across from me was a woman. She was telling me about her life experiences, specifically her spiritual awakening. She did this to give me advice about my current life challenges. I recall that she had come to visit me specifically to share her story and give me advice. I saw her as older than me, probably in her mid-50’s, but in trying to recall her appearance now I only remember her as having blonde hair and a nice smile.

I remember that she told me that she used her connection with her guidance sparingly, at most a few times a month. She described this connection as one not sought out by her but more of a Knowing that came to her via her intuition and caused her to enter into a receptive state when called upon by her guidance. When I heard this I understood that she was advising me to do this and to focus more on my physical life. She said it would come naturally to me and she knew that I knew this and had experienced it. I acknowledged her but was not eager to follow her advice because I feel more comfortable with Spirit than with people and life in this physical reality. She then mentioned that she knew I was Pleiadian. I told her, “Yes, I’m Lyran. From Lyra. I remembered that….” but I didn’t finish my sentence. Talking about it made me sad.

lyra

She then shared her own awakening experience with me. I saw this in pictures as I heard her words. She was a teenager when Spirit first came to her and it took a long time to adjust to the changes that resulted. She changed her name at that time. I asked her, “What is your name?” She said, “It’s Clarion. It’s my middle name.” I remember saying, “I wish I had been a teenager when it happened to me. I was 26.” Then I told her about my awakening experience, meeting my Companion and how I felt something was wrong with me because I had so much love for him that I literally fell in love with him in those first years after meeting him. I explained that meeting him in the astral state only reinforced my love and made it very hard for me to want to live in this reality.

She was very comforting at this time and said to me, “You’re lonely. You wish to be around others like yourself. Why don’t you?” I don’t remember what I said to her but I felt unable to do anything about my situation and was overcome with loneliness and sadness.

Then Clarion was leaving and invited me to come with her to go camping. I told her I was not interested in camping yet for some reason I ended up in a pick-up truck sitting between her and a Hispanic man on my right. The man was quite grumpy and told me to leave him alone. The feeling from him was that he didn’t want to go either. She drove and asked me if I knew how to get to a specific place. I told her I did and gave her instructions on what route to follow, telling her it only took 45-50 minutes. The place we were going was the place where I now work.

When we arrived we went into the school and found many children there. They were holding a camp there and there were camp counselors. I remember mentioning I did not want to stay the night but ended up doing so. The next thing I knew I woke in the morning and the camp counselors were waking everyone. I could see the boys and girls restrooms in front of me. A small child was next to me and I shared Clarion’s gummy bears with her. Then I went outside and watched the sun rise. A child said to me, “Look what I got!” He showed me a small bottle of beer. I said, “Where did you get that?” He said, “I found it.” I said, “Well you can keep it but don’t drink it here.” lol

Interpretation

There was a lot of background conversation between myself and Clarion. When I woke the feeling was that she was there to remind me that my spiritual experiences had a place in my life and to not forget them while at the same time to not forget my Earth mission. Her name seemed to be in reference to the “call” I have been told I will receive. There was much memory in the dream about my life and spiritual journey; how it unfolded and the purpose behind it. I remember feeling tired and worn out, similar to how one feels after being on a very long journey.

The symbolism afterward is interesting. A pick-up symbolizes hard work and/or something that needs to be picked up. To me it seems like I am being encouraged to “pick up” where I left off prior to December, 2015, which I am sorta doing already. Camping indicates a need for relaxation and a break but it also symbolizes a need to belong and be part of a social group while maintaining one’s independence. Beer represents relaxation and enjoyment of life via being social.

In-Between Experience: Taking Samples

This is an odd but very lucid experience. I was talking with another individual. I don’t know if the individual was male or female. My consideration was female but it was obvious that the person was androgynous. “She” was talking to me about my transformation. All I remember now is that part of it was viewing others as androgynous. There were memories that came forward then, memories of dreams/experiences I cannot place in time. In those memories I was with others who were bald and very feminine looking but they were of neither gender. I felt to be the same – without a specified gender.

Then she was telling me that she needed to take skin samples. I am not sure why she was doing this but I did not resist. I stood facing a white wall and put my arms over my head. I was very aware of being completely naked. I could also feel her presence very acutely. It was like her energy and mine were mingling. Like her energy spoke to mine. She very gently began to touch me. She placed one hand on my back. I could feel the impressions by her fingers up near my shoulder blade. It tickled. Since I was very lucid, it felt as if I was physically present and experiencing her touch.

I then felt something press up against the back of my thigh. Though I was not looking at the object, I could see it. It was long, thin, silver and flat. On the very tip was a small scraper, similar to a cheese grater. The width of the tip was shorter than the length of my fingertip. She ran this object up and down the back of my right thigh. It didn’t hurt. In fact, it felt like someone was giving me a gentle, sensual massage, lightly touching my skin just enough to bring a ticklish shiver. In my mind I was reassured that all the she was doing was taking a sample of my skin cells. The scraper took only the dead skin cells like an exfoliation device would do.

She then moved to the left thigh. What was odd here was that as I experienced the tickling sensation of the scraping object I was experiencing myself as male and then female and then male, etc. I could not get a good idea of what my body looked like and was trying to identify as one gender or the other. I was reassured that it was normal. That humans tend to identify with gender as part of their experience but that we are not limited by such considerations

I felt the object tickle my left thigh and then come very close to my genital region. Since I was neither male of female this actually brought me back to my body awareness. When I woke I could still feel finger impressions on my back and my thighs were still tingling.

Considerations

This in-between experience seemed very much like an ET encounter but I am not completely sure because I didn’t see the person as an ET, just androgynous and bald. Perhaps an Andromedan? Who knows. The sample taking and instrument used was a new experience for me. I don’t know if an actual sample was taken or if this was just my interpretation. Yet I can still see it very vividly in my mind and the sensation was so real! The path the object made left a thin, electrified sensation on my leg that made my nerves tingle and stay tingling much longer than what is normal. It was at least three passes on the center of each thigh all the way up to just below my groin area.

Day #6

Today I am grateful for:

  • My physical body. It is the vehicle through which I can experience physical reality.
  • My family and the foundation they provided me this life. Without them I would not have the personality and perspective that I have today.
  • My dad. Though you passed away in 1995 your guidance both during life and even in death provided me with some of the most impactful lessons of my lifetime. Your hearty laugh, zest for living, persistence and ability to push the limits of this physical reality even when what you did was against the grain of what society deems “right” is a reminder to me that life is meant to be LIVED not feared. Thank you for that. I love you.
  • My guidance (Team). They are my spiritual family, the ones who are always there observing, advising and supporting me through this life. Most never come to know their guidance. They go through life oblivious to the other world/family that is constantly assisting them and loves them unconditionally. For some reason I chose to be close with my Team during this life and though it has its drawbacks and challenges, I cannot imagine my life without them in it.
  • Astral travel/OBE. The main tool used by my guidance to communicate and connect with me. It provides me with so much: The ability to meet members of my Team in person which has been a Godsend in times of darkness for me, perspective I would otherwise not have had, numerous lessons and experience, access to other dimensions and realities, and so much more.