Monthly Archives: March 2017

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Equinox Portal Open: Releasing the False Self

Did you feel the portal open last night? I did, well I did in my sleep anyway. My dreams are clearing up again and messages are coming through. The portal – gateway (same thing) – of this Spring equinox was one of those messages.

I was with a group of older individuals who I perceived as “celebrity” in status. Much like I am in waking life, their status did not impress me other than for me to take note of it and offer them my respect and gratitude. A gathering was under way and now that I am awake I understood it was a council meeting of which I was granted access. As I witnessed the meeting as more of an observer than a participate, I overheard them discussing the portal and how it was in “sections”. I saw it, then, but the image was confusing. It looked like universes superimposed over universes. The word that comes to mind is “stargate”. The sections of this stargate were what I was seeing. Each section built upon the other but not all sections were available for access at the same time. When complete, a portal was created that resembled a many petaled flower, or lotus, with petals overlapping the closer to the center one got.

At one point I recognized something they said and interjected saying, “I know what you are talking about! I’ve been on that spacecraft! But I didn’t know it was in sections. I guess I can see how that could be…how I’ve only been on one section at a time up until now…” They corrected me almost instantly, and I got a feeling here much like I use to get as a young child when I interrupted my parents while they were having a serious conversation. Obviously I had gotten my facts mixed up. They were not discussing a spacecraft but an actual event that was underway and would culminate at a much later date.

Two men from the group took me to the side and began to talk to me privately. As I look back on the experience I realize they were “babysitting” me similar to what happens when children interrupt adults and have to be supervised so as to not do it again. But this was done with great love and never did I feel that I had done anything wrong. It is only the me looking back at it that sees it that way.

The discussion here was about music and they were asking me if I knew their music. The year 1970 came up and I wracked my brain trying to recall what artists these men were. They looked familiar to me but I couldn’t place them, the time period they were referencing too far before my own birth for me to clearly relate. I recall hearing them ask me about the Mamas and the Papas and I recognized the band but otherwise was clueless. I began to tell them about my own musical library and got very excited then, going back over all the genres of music I have ever liked and listened to and remarking at how diverse it was. It made me feel accomplished for some reason when I recognized this about myself.

One of the men, his face clear to me even now, was very kind to me and genuinely interested in what I had to say. I was listing out all the bands I had ever liked (long list) and recall he stopped me when I mentioned The Cure. He repeated to me, “The Cure” and it brought on full lucidity, pulling me out of sleep. Upon waking I knew he was telling me that this portal and its many sections were part of the Cure for humanity.

I knew I needed to share this here on my blog because of this particular portal and its impact on those of us who are currently experiencing the intensity of the many shifts of 2017. This portal, of which the Spring Equinox is only one section, will provide us with opportunities for stepping into our authenticity. This comes with much shedding of the False Self, a process we have all experienced in our own way this entire lifetime. I, personally, have been chipping away, consciously, at this False Self since 2003. Some of you have been doing so for much longer periods of time, while still others have already managed to embrace your True Self but have yet to integrate it fully, still tying up the loose ends of your lives.

For those of you like me, who are very close to releasing the False Self completely (meaning the last layers of that onion are falling away), prepare for some intense healing and purging. I was warned that the 20th will be intensely powerful for me and to expect high emotion with it. I am already experiencing it. The False Self (Ego) does not release its hold without a fight and the closer we get to releasing it, the more it becomes like a noose around our throat.

2017 is kicking my butt.

 

 

 

 

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Staying in 3D

A few years ago, when I first began to interact with other Lightworkers online, a friend and fellow Lightworker/Wayshower/astral traveler (the list goes on), announced that she knew that she would be “staying behind” in 3D to help those who were left behind. At the time I did not really understand what that meant but it stayed with me. I wondered if I was like her. Would I be one of those who stayed behind to help?

Yesterday a feeling and Knowing came over me suddenly. I had been thinking about the information I recently received about selecting timelines for the embodiment of Light. I knew this process had been going on since the end of February for me and soon would be coming to an end. I also knew that when it was done that I would be staying in 3D. I pushed the thought out of my mind, though. Surely I would not be doing all this grueling work only to stay behind!?

This morning when I awoke I knew the information from the previous day was correct. I am staying behind. In fact, that is why I am here. Just like my friend said years ago, I am staying behind to help with the ascension.

Upset at this and feeling a bit deflated (I’ve been through the wringer since last November!), I just accepted the news. What else can I do? I am so exhausted, so tired of thinking and analyzing this process. To me staying behind means that I am in 3D to stay. There will continue to be the 3D drama, negativity, illusions, etc that will be part of my experience. I will continue to live as I have been, immersed in that reality whether I like it or not. It is all purposeful.

But it does not mean that I am not ascending. No, quite the opposite. It just means that I will remain “living life in-between”. One foot in 3D and the other in higher realms/dimensions, accessing higher dimensional Knowledge as I have been ever since my awakening in 2003.

This straddling two realities is not easy. It never has been. I really prefer to be in one or the other. It makes life so much simpler. But it is not to be. I can’t help with the ascension if I leave the 3D experience behind me.

It is not just me doing this, either. I hate to tell you this, but if you are like me then you are going to do exactly the same. It is part of your work. You will bring the Light to 3D. This is embodiment in a nutshell. If you thought (like I did) that ascension meant you would one day be completely free of 3D, you were/are incorrect. Ascension/descension is the creation of a bridge between the lower physical realities and the higher frequency dimensions of Light.  This “bridge” is what we ARE.We act as anchors of the Light, holding it here so that others can access it. It’s a big job. And for me it is going to take at least two more lifetimes. Two! Imagine knowing that. Two more lifetimes living life in-between. Just thinking of that makes me tired. lol

I know, I know, this is something I should have already known. Maybe I did at some level but the experience of it kind of brings it Home. Thankfully I have killed off so much of my Ego programming now that it really makes no difference to me where I am – 3D or 5D or wherever. I just want to get the job done. This living life in-between is tough.

 

 

 

 

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Dream: Space Gremlin

I’ve been on board craft in my dreams quite a bit but purposefully haven’t been focusing on dream recall because the dreams are so muddled and weird. I am still sleeping very deeply and so it is hard to remember anything until the early morning hours anyway.

Well this morning I remembered one of my space craft dreams and will share it. Warning it is weird! But then that goes well with me. 🙂

Dream: Space Gremlin

The dream began with me assisting some women with carrying out supplies for a children’s party. The woman was surprised I told her I would help and she handed me this giant toy abacus that was the size of a baby gate. I walked with her toward her destination but was not sure where that was.

The next thing I know I am sitting in front of a control panel. I see several small screens indicating the date, time, location coordinates and other things. I was adjusting the time specifically but the panel was acting crazy and not doing what it was suppose to do. A woman came to assist me. I was trying to set the time to 4 o’clock but the dial wasn’t working and so the time would speed forward or backward and the minutes would never be right. I settled on 3:59 and let it go.

Then a man entered the space and I saw that I was actually inside a space craft. The space was small, like the size of a small RV. There was only a narrow isle in the middle to move about in and on both sides there was metallic looking shelving and then the instrument panel where I was, which was black and silver with tiny screens. The ceiling was domed and white, connected by paneling. the man had with him this metallic looking liquid that moved and seemed to have a life of its own. It was an organism that he had recently contained and at the moment I saw it I knew it was not really contained. The organism could easily get into small spaces and whatever space it occupied it would destroy. It was especially ruinous to circuitry and anything mechanical.

Somehow the critter had gotten loose and this was the reason for the malfunctioning of the gauges. The man seemed to have control of the situation so I continued to fiddle with the screen. After some time I was able to set the time at 3:53pm, a minute too fast. The woman and I were surprised it worked but then the man told us he had contained the creature. He told us he had captured it inside a metal cylinder and put it in a metallic box to keep it from wreaking havoc on the ship. He told us that since the panel was working that he thought we could take a look at it. He got out this large mechanical arm and used it to reach into a container deep within the side of the ship. He pulled out what looked like a giant, metal block about three feet square. It appeared the creature had made a cocoon. He set the block down and told another man, “Smash it open.” The man took a hammer and did as he was told. Surprising the block crumbled as if it were a shell of some sort, cracking open and revealing a creature whose back was turned to us. The creature was eggplant purple and curled up. We moved in closer to look at it and it turned around quickly, snarling. When I saw the creature I was shocked because it had two sets of eyes, one on its head and one in its mouth. What was even stranger is that it had a pair of what looked like white bunny ears coming out of its tooth-filled mouth. I didn’t know whether to be afraid or to laugh. I felt the energy of the creature to see if it meant us any harm and knew it couldn’t harm us, so then just looked at it curiously.

When I woke I was still shocked at the vividness of this dream! I drew a picture to give you an idea of what he looked like. He was no more than two feet tall and from the backside he looked like a cute, cuddly purple stuffed animal.

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When I drew the picture my daughter was watching and she said, “It looks like someone is wearing a costume. See! There is a person inside of it!” I said, “Yeah, I can see that but what is with the bunny ears? Do you think the creature inside is vicious rabbit?” lol

Honestly, when I saw the creature the ears looked attached to the outside of the mouth right where the upper jaw and lower jaw met. They were the only part of the creature that was white. It was so real I am still wondering what kind of joke my guides were playing on me! Is this meant to be symbolic of something? I doubt I will be able to find a listing of “gremlin with bunny ears in his mouth” in a dream dictionary!

This is how crazy weird my dreams have been lately and why I have chosen not to focus on recall. Just too bizarre to bother.

Interpretation

I will attempt to interpret the parts I can.

The numbers all have meaning but the one I finally settle on – 3:53 – indicates changes are coming into my life because of the decisions I have made. It is a reminder to trust these decisions and the resulting changes even if the steps are not clear.

The abacus indicates outdated views on some matter. This coincides with me trying to set the time and it not cooperating. Spaceships are a journey into the Self and unknown aspects. The gremlin is symbolizes a problem I am not fully aware of. Perhaps it pertains to abundance,success or sexuality (rabbit)?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Selecting Timelines to Embody the Light

I’m going to try to put into words something that I was shown last night relating to timelines and embodying the Light. It may make absolutely no sense but then it was mostly images and impressions so translating those into words can be a challenge as you know.

I awoke at 11:11pm from a mass of dreams that seemed to pile one on top of the other. The last thing I recall of the dream sequence was of being inside a subway or train station of some sort. I saw a woman walking away from me. I said to her, “So you don’t want to?” She did not reply and kept walking. I shifted focus, moving on toward a point of light.

I woke up before I got to the light and there was a sudden Knowing of what I had been doing.  My guidance was also close and assisting. I heard, “Embodying the Light” and saw how this was done. It is related to what others are calling “jumping timelines” but that is not at all what is really happening. We are not “jumping” really, we are selecting timelines, organizing them according to vibration level/intention. This is done across all available timelines and is so vast it is beyond human comprehension.

What I am doing in dreamtime, what we are all doing right now, is rapidly analyzing all available timelines that we occupy. These are viewed, the lifetimes scanned for vibration and “level” reached. I say “level” but this is only because I cannot find any other word that fits what I saw/experienced. We as the surveyor of our own lifetimes/timelines are attempting to gather up and organize into groups all similar lifetimes/timelines. I saw millions of tiny lights slowly converge according to similar vibration/level. They seemed to move outward, like a tiny universe, growing larger until there only remained maybe a dozen large “suns” or balls of white light.

I remember how this analysis was done. I would “jump” to a timeline, converse with myself in it, and ask her/him if they were interested in living/experiencing life. This question was not meant to distinguish between whether the me in that timeline wanted to live or die. It was meant to test intention and vibration level. The answer would in turn always indicate their vibration or wavelength. The dream section I recalled was an answer I received from a particular me in a particular timeline. She said no, meaning her vibration and intention was not matching what I was looking for. It was like her purpose and mine were out of sync. That timeline was then automatically grouped with other similar timelines.

What does this have to do with embodying the Light? Honestly, it is hard to describe. It was a feeling that it was part of the preparation process. We have reached a point in our spiritual evolution where we can take the chaos and shape it into order. The timelines are scattered about haphazardly. We are “harvesting” them for a purpose. Harvesting those with similar vibrations and then aligning them all accordingly. From there it is an ordered line spiral from one extreme to the other. From this vantage point the “Light” can penetrate throughout all timelines. When complete we can occupy any of the final timeline groups and embody the Light in those experiences.

They key is the grouping according to vibration. Aligned vibrations or wavelengths create a uniform medium through which a single beam of Light can penetrate. Otherwise the Light would scatter, similar to light filtering through a drop of rain creating a rainbow. The Light has been scattered, this has been our experience up until now. A “rainbow” of experience. Not bad, just an experience. We are now focusing the Light, creating another kind of experience. What that will be like, I am unsure, but I see it as brilliant, white Light.

BTW, “Harvest” is the word I kept hearing. It kinda creeped me out but then it is what it is.

My dreams continued to be strange and confused through the night. I have some recollection of choosing “faces” like masks to wear. I also had impressions that didn’t make much sense to me at all. It was like I was moving so much that all was left were jumbled impressions of where I had been.

In all honestly, what we are doing, how it is stated – the wording, etc. – doesn’t matter. We are preparing to fully embody the Light, to streamline our own inner universe (because really all of this is taking place INSIDE us) so that we can focus the Light and put it to greater use. I see the rainbow of color that is the result of the chaos (3D experience or whatever you want to call it) as the chakras. The focusing of the Light into one color – White – is the alignment of those chakras (rainbow). When aligned the Light no longer scatters, the chakrs lose their color, and all that is left is the brilliant White Light of US – Source – God.

It’s really very beautiful if you don’t over analyze the words and focus on how it feels.

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You Belong Here

Have you all been staying grounded through this full moon? If not, you should. It makes a huge difference.

It’s Spring Break in Texas. I’ve been hanging out at my mom’s in the country with my three kids during the day. Mostly I’ve been outside in the sun for two days. It’s been nice. Beautiful. When I drove to my mom’s the first morning I was really out of it while driving to the point that I kept forgetting where I was and having to remind myself. On the way home, after an entire day outside, I was the complete opposite. Never felt better. Today was a little better. I guess the grounding from yesterday did me some good because I was pretty grounded when the day started. Still am. Feeling balanced and very much in my body. It’s nice.

One thing that has been prevalent over the last couple of days are the messages I see on the 40 minute drive to/from my mom’s. I will just be driving along, thinking or singing or whatever, and some word or number will just pop up and then another and another. Usually they are in line with my thoughts and energy. So very obviously messages.

For example, yesterday night I was feeling great, singing loudly (lol) while driving to an old favorite and saw very clearly the word “freedom” pop out at me from a nearby car. The number 111 followed almost immediately after.

Then on the way home today I was feeling a bit out of it and thinking about some things, mostly not positive and feeling a bit down about things (long story). I was asking my guides what the point of all this – life – was. Why am I here? When can I go Home? That kind of thing. As soon as I have the thought about going Home a car catches my eyes and the word, “Journey” pops out. At the same time the song Fireflies by Owl City is playing and the last part of the chorus rings in my ears – “cause everything is never as it seems”. Then, literally a second after, I look up and a billboard sign catches my eye and it says, “YOU BELONG HERE.” LOL

I am a bit stunned by the whole message and go into a kind of daze, blinking my eyes and trying to shrug it all off. Then the song repeats and seems to echo – cause everything is never as it seems…..Geez.

This is just one kind of message. Wait until you read about this next one…

Woken in the middle of the night with awful tooth ache. Entire right side of my mouth aching. But this is normal when you have braces and I knew it was just that, but suddenly I got a bit paranoid. I had heard several messages within the past week about getting dental insurance. I got a phone call reminding me to go for a cleaning. I keep putting it off and made yet another excuse as to why I can’t go. The woman asked me if I wanted to sign up for their dental plan. I said no. Then this week I think I got three flyers in the mail for dental cleanings at a majorly reduced rate. On top of that, my daughter has been begging me to make her a dental appointment, too (yeah weird!). Then my mom and I literally just spoke about insurance that day. For some reason, right at that painful instant all these memories hit me at once along with a memory of being told by the dentist, “Braces move your teeth and can cause them to crack. You need to make sure you go to your cleanings.” Ughhhhhh. I went into baby panic attack mode thinking this pain would lead me to a root canal. Eventually I tuned into my heart and recognized the messages as a warning. So I plan to schedule that cleaning (cringe). Can you tell I hate the dentist? lol Oh and my teeth feel fine this morning. It was just the braces.

watersnakeFinal story of signs from the universe….

Went fishing today with my kids. No, we didn’t catch any. There were kids running up and down the banks of the creek and pond throwing in branches and stones and being complete idiots to scare the fish. Sigh. I was trying to teach my daughter how to cast and fish, etc. She wandered away while her cork sat untouched in the water. Like a good mommy I watched it for her. I headed toward the bank of the pond and felt an odd sensation beneath my right shoe. I moved a bit and it remained so I looked down at my feet. Probably the biggest freakin’ snake I have ever seen was up in the air squirming about trying to get out from under my foot. LOL It scared the bejesus out of me. It was literally in.the.air and came up to my knee! I jumped backward and screamed and it flew directly into the water. I think my heart raced for a good few minutes after that one.

I don’t know what kind of snake it was. It was pure brown so maybe a garter snake but not sure if they get that big. My first thought after I calmed down was that it was a message about the Kundalini energy. We’ll see. It also could just be a message to watch out where I step next time. 🙂 Glad it was too freaked out to bite me. Or maybe it was about to when I saw it…trying not to think of that.

Anyway, if you are on this “journey” with me, remember “everything is never as it seems”, “you belong here,” and “look before you take a step.” hehe

Happy equinox and full moon crazy snake energy to you from me.

Edit: BTW I did some research. The snake encounter I had was with a yellow bellied water snake. Gotta share this video to give you an idea of just how enormous it was….

 

 

 

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Dream and Message: Stop Hiding

Full moon dreams and messages from last night into this morning.

Dream: Stop Hiding

I found myself laying in bed with a man on my right. The covers were up over us. On the right of us was an elderly couple. On the left of us were two young, school aged children. There was a knowing that the man and I were to be in a pornographic movie. I felt guilt at this and was uncomfortable yet at the same time a part of me was okay with it and had agreed to do it. The man was talkative, trying to calm my nerves by asking me questions and cracking jokes. He was experienced while I was not.

The more comfortable he made me the more relaxed I became. We filmed the movie but most of it is lost to me, the sexual part anyway. I remember that the children and the elderly couple were watching, though, and that it bothered me. I also remember the cameras. Nothing was hidden despite us being under the covers. I recall an intimacy with my partner and afterward feeling that I would happily repeat the experience despite the guilt and feeling exposed.

Afterward I remember going home and being intimate with my husband. I was wracked with guilt over it and felt dirty.

Then I was talking with my partner from the film and taking a walk together. He was telling me about himself and asking me questions. I remember being acutely aware of my age and not wanting him to know how old I was. He appeared younger than me and very fit and attractive. I couldn’t understand why he would want to continue working with me when I was old and losing my physical beauty. I was happy and cheerful while with him and recall crawling into a giant dollhouse at one point and him saying, “What are you doing in there? You don’t fit!” He was right and I got right out wondering why I had done that and where the doll house came from.

Then we were laying on a green hillside. I think we were both completely naked, but I was mostly aware that he was. He looked like one of those Greek statues, very fit, muscular and lean. He was telling me how he felt he had failed at his art. I asked him what his art was and he said he danced. I asked, “What kind of dance?” I saw ballet. I smiled, impressed and told him so saying, “Oh! I like ballet!”. He still acted pensive and preoccupied. So I said, “Well I failed at being a singer, so you’re not alone.” There was a whole conversation here about art, choices and handling failure.

Then we went into a small, white room that had pictures hanging on the walls. They were all pictures from when I was in high school. There was a large picture of my best friend standing with her boyfriend at Homecoming and he pointed to them saying, “Is that them?” I said, “Yes, but don’t pay attention to these. They show my age.” I was acutely aware that several images had dates on them.

We continued to walk and talk for what seemed like a very long while. We could talk about anything and enjoyed one another’s company. He and I were to work together long-term. He was asking me questions about why I felt the need to hide my profession, our relationship and our work together. My answer came in the form of a dream within the dream.

Dream: Hide the Evidence

I went to my computer and began to type up my experiences in my journal. I was super charged with energy and extremely excited about the future with my partner (the man from above dream). I wrote about how he made me feel and my first on camera experience. It was very detailed. I also had the video of our experience together but can’t recall viewing it, just that it was there. Then I made sure to hide both my writing and the video away from my husband. I even went and cleared the computer history but after I would hide it, it would pop up on the main screen right in the center in bold lettering. I tried over and over to hide it and it kept reappearing. So my solution was the buy a laptop and hide the entire computer. I felt confident this would work and hid the laptop under the desk.

Dream: Our Work

My partner and I continued to talk, him asking me, “Why do you feel the need to hide? Why not just be yourself?” I remember feeling guilty, like I was bad and what I wanted was bad. I would be judged harshly if people knew. I equated the feelings of passion and aliveness I felt when I did my work with him as somehow wrong. This was based solely on what others thought, though, not on what I thought/felt.

The conversation shifted to him discussing our future work together. In this discussion we were floating over a crystal clear, flowing creek. I could see the rocks beneath the surface. It was no more than eight feet wide, maybe a little wider. My partner was explaining what the job entailed and what I would need to do, the characteristics I would need to have, to be successful at the job. I don’t remember all of what he said, I think because I did not doubt I had what it took. I do recall saying, “I can do that. I’m familiar with the Colorado (river).” There was a sense that this river was connected to the Colorado River. It felt like we were to follow it to its Source.

However, when he got to the last part of what he was saying I fixated on it. He said, “Sometimes the river floods.” He pointed to water standing in muddy puddles along the banks of the river. “You have to be willing to walk through the puddles to do this work.” I saw the puddles clearly and hesitated.

Message: Viernes 

That’s when I woke up. I knew something major had occurred in dreamtime. It was all very vivid in my memory. Who was this man I was with? Was he a guide? No, it felt like my Companion Traveler.

As I reviewed the dream in my mind I shifted into the in-between. I was having a conversation with my partner in Spanish (why Spanish again!?). I instantly translated it to English, too. lol We were talking about Spring Break and how we were to meet on Friday. I remember laughing about the word Friday in Spanish (viernes). My high school Spanish teacher (an awesome lady) made a huge deal out of viernes, saying it meant “beer day”, so I joked that we would be having a beer on Friday. lol

I woke up with viernes in my head and knowing that I was receiving a message about this Friday (it’s Spring Break here). What will happen, I don’t know, but message received.

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Song Message: I Believe in Angels

I fell into the in-between again as I was trying to make sense of my dream. I concluded that I was being confronted by my Companion Traveler. He was urging me to stop hiding from myself and others – to be my authentic Self. This means embracing those things I feel others judge as wrong such as my passion (sexuality) and mission (work). I am idealizing family life and avoiding problems (dollhouse). My partner feels he has failed to find balance in his life and relationships (ballet). I feel I have failed to find happiness, harmony and joy in my marriage (singing). We are both seeking a Homecoming, but I feel my tendency to follow old patterns and habits (age) is preventing it. The dream within a dream is a perfect example of how I hide my true self. He was explaining that I needed to connect the physical with the spiritual (Kundalini rising to Source). This I think was the symbolism of the river. We were following it to Source. This is our work and to succeed at it I can’t avoid my negative emotions and situations (muddy puddles).

I felt that my healing period was coming to and end soon. When it does, I will be asked to start moving forward and to stop hiding. This has been asked of me before without success. I am not sure I am ready to do it. I am told I will be when it is time.

This is when a song message came to me. I heard over and over, “I believe in angels…” It just kept repeating. I hadn’t heart the song in ages so had no idea what came after that part. When I looked up the lyrics the song made perfect sense as a message. If you look at the lyrics you will see there is a part that mirrors my dream.

I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see.
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I’ll cross the stream, I have a dream. 

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Message: Time is Not Linear

Last night I watched a movie that I recommend to you if you haven’t already seen it. It is free if you have Amazon Prime. I don’t know if it is on Netflix or not. It’s called The Cokeville Miracle. It’s based on a true story. My daughter and I watched it and were both crying most of the movie. So be aware that it is a tearjerker but not because it is sad, but because it is beautiful.

I went to bed crying and woke up crying. Lots to process this morning. Full moon energy is powerful this month. I am still struggling to recall dreams from early on in the night but my morning dreams are vivid and revealing.

Dream: Healing Boat

Suddenly found myself sitting on the deck of a boat in the middle of a calm, blue-green ocean. All I could see for miles and miles was ocean and a clear, blue sky. My focus, though, was on a woman who seemed to be walking on the water. She was talking to a dog that was swimming in the water below her. The woman had dark hair and was wearing a gown of white lace that seemed alive, swirling around her like energy or millions of tiny butterflies. If looking at her, the top of her – face, torso, arms – was solid looking but her hips and legs were a mass of swirling white.

The woman was talking to the dog, asking him to retrieve a ball or something floating on the water. He was paddling fast but making no progress and she was thinking (I could hear her thoughts) that he was just playing with her as was his normal personality. There was another thought originating from someone else about dog treats and what kind to give him to encourage him to go after the toy. It was a lighthearted conversation and pleasant.

Similarly I was telepathically speaking with the other woman about the woman floating over the water. I knew she traveled OOB every night and that this was normal for the place I was visiting. Everyone went OOB. Everyone was super tuned in to their spiritual – well innate – abilities. I remember thinking, “I guess I’m not special after all” but I didn’t react to this knowledge despite recognizing a part of me was very attached to wanting to be “special”.

From aboard the boat I watched them but then began to get pulled into a memory of my own dog, Trooper. I knew the dog in the water was my dog and the woman floating above the water was me. There was an entire recollection of a lifetime of memories with my dog, but they were not memories from this life though they were very similar. I remembered that he got lost for a long time and one day just appeared standing at the front door to my old house. Yet the dog that returned home was not the dog that was lost but an exact duplicate of him and one I accepted wholeheartedly as my lost dog. In the recollection I was talking to someone, saying, “He just came home one day.” The memory confused me, though, because I also remembered him dying and so to see him so solidly at the front door upset me to no end. I began to cry at the joy of seeing him and the realization that he was not alive but had been dead for nearly 5 years. I could not make sense of it.

In the midst of my tears a voice said, “It’s not your reality here.” It woke me up and I fell into heaving sobs over the loss of my dog. 5 years and I still have such heartache over the loss of him.

Time is Not Linear 

Memories surfaced of the time I had with my dog. I missed my companion and wished he was here right now to assist me in yet another difficult life transition. He had been there for the entirety of my first marriage, through my Dark Night and into the first years of my current marriage. I again began to feel guilt over his death. I was reminded that he never really died and that he was still a part of me. This calmed me because I knew it to be true. I saw him often in dreamtime.

After crying for a short while I Knew that I was still in the midst of major healing. I was still dreaming of being on the boat (unknown or subconscious aspects of Self). The good news is that I never go into the water and the water is always calm. The boat is always white and I feel protected, safe and comfortable, as if I am on a long vacation away from everything. I recognized the boat was my protected healing space where I received helped as I sorted through lifetimes of memories and jumped to various timelines doing healing there, too. The boat never moves, it floats, as if suspended in time. That is how my life is now as well. Everything is temporarily suspended while I heal.

There was Knowing that this healing work is purposeful and necessary, preparing me to “move on” to my next step. I am very acutely aware that I am not yet ready to take that step. I don’t know how long it will take me to be ready, either.

map_specnewsdct-83_ltst_4namus_enus_650x366

I was shown the healing I am doing as a mass of yellow. It looked similar to a weather map showing precipitation in a certain area. Yellow would indicate moderate rainfall, green light and red intense. Thee was no red (yay) but some minor spots of green. Most of it was yellow. In this case the map was of the Austin area focused on the main highway heading toward Austin. The yellow color was bunched up along the highway and then masses of it were circling Austin. I saw the map as representing a map of my healing on the way to my center (core).

When I finally calmed down, I drifted into the in-between over and over. I kept running into full stories of alternate lives I lived parallel to this one, at least that is the best way to describe them. This has been coming up for several months now but I have not been ready to confront what what I was experiencing. I kept assuming I was just entering into dreams and then forgetting them in full when I attempted to retrieve the memory.

I will have full recollection of an entire life similar to this one with subtle and sometimes major differences. The memory will be so vivid that it catches my attention but as soon as I focus on the memory it vanishes and all that will be left are impressions and feelings. For example, one time I had a full memory of a list of things I needed to do and was about to leave the house to retrieve them. When I focused on the memory to get more details I knew it was not important or related to this lifetime and I lost the specifics, only retaining the impression of the list and the feeling of needing to go to my car.

While in the in-between I went to a beautiful house and began to pull down white shades on huge windows overlooking a view of a valley full of trees shrouded in mist. A woman said to me, “You will open them again soon” and I looked back at the windows and realized I had been allowed to view one of these alternate realities of mine. I also recognized the house. I had been there before.

My guidance came through then and said, “Time is not linear.” With this information I saw the typical timeline that one connects to an individual lifetime explode outward as if hit by a bomb. There was no longer a line but a void full of dots resembling stars. I knew this meant that my perception of time was being altered. It gave me a strange feeling that is hard to describe.

I was told that multiple timelines are available to me. I got a feeling that I was shifting rapidly through them all the time during this healing process. Past, present and future were all Now in these experiences.

 

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OBE: Blurry Tunnel of Light

I think I am already feeling the energy of the full moon. Had several lucid dreams and an OBE last night into this morning.

Woke at 11pm feeling off. My heart was not feeling right. It didn’t hurt but it was unsettled, like there was this energy tending toward anxiety but I wasn’t anxious. When I turned on my side, my heart would skip beats. This is familiar to me. My heart did that with every one of my pregnancies. Higher blood volume causes it and it is perfectly normal. But I’m not pregnant now. Why is my heart doing that when I am on my right side? Even when I was in other positions my chest felt odd. I had a bit of worry at this time that maybe I am following in my mother’s footsteps and developing arrhythmia. She had to go on medication and doctor’s suggested she have surgery because her’s got so bad she passed out a few times.

So I couldn’t return to sleep for a long while, waiting for my heart to feel normal again. For some reason I determined the cause of my heart issue was dehydration so I got up and drank a bunch of water. It solved the problem.

Dream: Stolen Luggage

I was in a foreign country with a bunch of traveling companions. We had stopped at an apartment and were in the parking lot. A friend saw someone she knew from years ago and went to reunite with them. It was an ex-boyfriend. They were both older and graying. There was another man who was there but he looked ill, like he had AIDS. I remember thinking I knew him but thought of him as a “she”.

Someone came and warned me that our stuff had been messed with. Inside the apartment I couldn’t find my bag. All our things had just been tossed into a corner. I was upset because without it I had nothing. I was especially upset because my identification and wedding ring were in it. I remember wishing I had been wearing my ring. Then I would have it to use as money if I needed it.

I went to use the bathroom and was interrupted by two black priests. I remember trying to go #2 and saying to them, “Do you mind?” They looked at me and went on with whatever they were doing. I don’t think they understood me.

Interpretation

Being in a foreign country represents change in my life. Since I am lost/stuck in it, then I am not ready for this change. I am seeing a friend reunited with an old lover but when I see the person I know he has AIDS, so is terminally ill. Not a good sign. My luggage is lost which means I feel I have lost my identity. Lost ID means the same thing. The lost wedding ring indicates unresolved issues with my marriage. The priests indicate I am looking for spiritual guidance. Since I am using the toilet in front of them I am likely trying to cleanse something I feel is dirty or unclean about myself.

Vision

I had awakened briefly and before returning to sleep received a vision. At first it was in the form of a letter. I saw it was written in Japanese and knew it was from a male who wanted to communicate with me. Who he was, I have no clue. When I saw it I immediately said, “I’m not interested in what you have to say.” The image vanished.

Then I saw a cell phone in front of my eyes, the screen clear and the face of a man began to form in the screen. I again cut it off sending a nasty energy toward whoever was sending it. I was not in the mood.

Then I saw very clearly a closed coffin preparing to be put into the ground. The scene was complete with sunny day, trees, and green grass.

Then the scene shifted again and I saw rain, but it was not normal rain. It was millions of tiny, rainbow crystals falling from the sky.

My interpretation of these visions is that I am going through a death process. The raining crystals is likely related to healing. Rain represents tears or crying and forgiveness and grace.

Lucid Dream: Spiritual Retreat

I was in my old bedroom at my mom’s house. She came into the room, waking me, to ask me if I was going to go with them that morning to the weekend retreat. I told her I wasn’t. She explained what kind of retreat it was and I saw images of it while she spoke. I told her I didn’t need to go and pray to some statue of a saint who spent her lifetime as a nurse taking care of people. My mom said it would help me focus on my heart. I told her I knew quite well how to do that. I got irritated with her and her with me. She left the room.

Then I heard a loud ring, like a doorbell. My step-father yelled he would get it but I got out of bed. I went to the computer and checked FB noticing the FB feed was all messed up. It was like a collage of everyone’s feed and it moved around the blue screen. I could hear people’s conversations and my sister’s was one I was focusing on. I tried to turn off the sound but the speaker was not working. I climbed under the desk and unplugged it but it still wouldn’t turn off. That’s when a newscast began to broadcast really loudly. I got upset I would wake someone and turned the monitor around thinking I could turn it off there. I finally figured out how to turn it down via the speaker.

Then I was in bed again and looking at the wall. A screen was sharing my sister’s FB feed. She was announcing that she had just bought an expensive water filter. I was yelling at the screen because she had just been evicted. Yet she spent $1000 on the machine. I yelled, “How can you be so stupid!?” My husband came in and asked me what was going on. I told him. I saw a yellow jacket wasp on the blanket and told him to kill it. He ignored me. It flew up and then landed again and I wanted it dead yet he still wouldn’t kill it. I prepared to kill it when it landed near his thumb, the stinger touching it. He was unafraid and didn’t move, almost willing it to sting him.

Then I became extremely lucid. I was in my own bed looking at a box standing in the corner of my room. It was black and had a picture I recognized on it. It was a Pandora Star machine! The machine helps induce OBEs. I saw it in action, the lights flashing. I heard someone say, “The lights will be noticed even after you go OOB.” I could see the outline of a man’s shadow standing at the foot of my bed.

Interpretation

I was almost fully lucid during this string of dreams. I think many of the symbols were reflections of things I had been thinking about the previous day. The sounds I heard were noises-off, indicating I was ready to exit my body. My guidance is obviously trying to encourage me to stay in my heart, to teach me, but I feel I don’t need teaching. My irritation at my sister also came through (she was evicted and makes dumb decisions when it comes to money which is why she was evicted). Wasps are negativity. My husband seems to be the source of this negativity. I want to kill it, but he seems to want to be its friend. The Pandora Star was obviously there to get me to go OOB. 🙂

chiron-the-wounded-healerOBE: Blurry Tunnel of Light

Immediately I knew I could exit my body. I sat up thinking, “I can do this!” There was no strange energy in my chest, no heaviness or sluggishness. It felt very real and I think that is why I was encouraging myself.

I stood up and went into the hallway. I could hear my family moving about and went toward a bedroom. My vision was on but extremely blurry, like how I use to see without my glasses before I had laser surgery to correct my vision. I saw in front of me a very, very long, golden lit hallway resembling a tunnel. I followed it despite only see blurry yellow and shadows. I said aloud, “I can see clearly now.” The song came to mind as I said it. My vision cleared instantly but still was not crystal clear. I saw my husband standing near the dresser putting socks on our youngest. I smiled and went toward him asking, “What are you doing?” He said, “You said you didn’t want to go.” I felt happy to see him but at the same time I felt repelled by him. This contradiction seemed to affect my OBE because as I went to hug him I was sucked backward down the tunnel and back into my body.

As I awoke, I heard someone say, “Chiron 3-4”. And then I heard, “Chiron the wounded healer “. I remember reading yesterday that this next full moon in Virgo (tomorrow, March 12) will be influenced by Chiron. I believe Chiron is in my chart.

I tried to go back OOB but just wasn’t feeling it. I had become to aware and awake and to try and go back would be difficult. There was a strange feeling with me as I got out of bed. It felt like I had no future and no past. I didn’t like it.

It was raining outside when I woke. So I guess the rest of the song from my OBE was not meant as a message – “It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun shiny day.” Not here. lol

The OBE was showing me my current situation that needs healing. The conflicted feelings I have for my husband need to be addressed. The fact that he tells me, “You didn’t want to go” suggests he is going to go without me; leave me behind. I cannot see the situation clearly, though, so there is more to uncover before it can be resolved.

 

 

 

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Dream: Good Morning

Interesting dream this morning that I wish to recount for documentation purposes. I think it is a good reflection of Venus retrograde’s current affects on me.

Dream: Good Morning

I was inside my dorm room in college and on the phone with an ex-boyfriend. He had called me and was asking me, “Can you come over…. now?” I knew he was only calling me because he had no one else to call and was feeling sexual and lonely. So basically he wanted a mutually beneficial sexual encounter with me. Our history together came to mind. When we broke up, he made it very clear his only intentions for me were as a casual,sexual partner. This was unacceptable to me and I was devastated by his announcement and decided to stay clear of him because of my strong desire to be with him and it’s destructive tendencies. I told him, “No. You know I can’t.You told me you had no romantic interest in me, remember?” It was very difficult to say because all I wanted to do was go to him. My resistance to going made me literally squirm in my skin.

I hung up the phone and said to someone (my guidance?), “Please help me get him out of my head, out of mind! I can’t take it anymore. I want him GONE!” I was desperate to be rid of him and all memory of him.

Then somehow I ended up meeting him, only it wasn’t him but someone like him. It was a casual encounter and he was heading to work. He told me, “I have to go to work but you can come with me. It only pays $10/hour, but it’s the best I can do until I graduate.” He mentioned his schedule was Monday – Saturday. I laughed and said, “Don’t forget Sunday.” He smirked and said, “Yeah.”

We drove into a mall and parked the car inside of it next to a row of tables where people were dining. I remember thinking it odd that we didn’t park in the garage. The car was a white station-wagon type car that I didn’t recognize. He took me through the mall and outside to a city street, pointing to where he worked. A huge sign read, “Good Morning” – the name of the business. He said he was the store manager.

We walked in through double glass doors through a small entryway and then into the main store. It looked like a diner. He sat down and was talking to his mother, who he introduced to me. He had with him a large, yellow dog, like a Labrador. What is odd here is that he shifted from being male into female with light hair. There was an invitation from him/her for us to be romantic and I resisted, feeling any connection to him/her would be destructive, just like the other man. Yet I was extremely drawn to him/her and found it difficult just being there. I wanted to leave but I wanted to stay and be with him/her. The whole time the visual shifted between this man and this woman, back and forth.

Eventually I felt like I needed to leave because there was an invitation being sent by the male version for us to be romantic partners yet his actions and words said, “We’re just friends”. His energy said one thing but his person said the opposite and it was unacceptable to me. So, I told him I had to go and said goodbye. I remember looking at the female version and seeing a bare back and noticing how large she was. I remember finding it unattractive and telling myself, “I’m not attracted to him. He’s not my type anyway. I don’t want anything to do with him anymore.” That’s when I realized I was seeing both gender versions because a balance had been reached between masculine and feminine.

As I left through the front glass doors I was overcome with a feeling of being both male and female and of kissing someone that was not there, the energy very strange around my mouth and face. I ended up stopping in my tracks and pleading with my guidance, “I want him out of my head/mind. I just want all memory of him GONE! Please!” It was heartwreching because even as I asked I could not get him out of my mind.

When I went inside the mall I was disoriented and lost. I couldn’t find the car and wandered around noting I was on “Level 1”. I wondered if maybe we entered through the ground floor? Eventually I asked a woman for help, telling her I was lost and didn’t know where I had parked. She asked, “Where did you come in from?” I said, “I don’t know, some store. I entered from over there.” She said, “Was the store called ‘Good Morning’?” I said, “Yes!”

Then she morphed into the man I had just left behind and he was taking a woman who had just gotten a haircut to the register. As he was checking her out he said, “With your $50 coupon and 40% off your total comes to….” I somehow knew she owed no money. Then I asked him, “I thought you didn’t give haircuts.” He said, “I don’t. I check people out, though.”

Then he walked me back to the store, the sign again very obvious – “Good Morning”. He told me I shouldn’t be embarrassed about being lost and that he could have handled his dog on his own (felt I was suppose to have taken the dog with me to take care of it while he worked). The feeling I had was of confusion. Why was he with me again? I felt a strong feeling that I was never to be rid of him.

I don’t remember ever finding the car. I woke up in the midst of asking my guidance, “I want him out of my mind/head. Please get rid of him. I want him GONE!” I was convinced that his presence in my life was destructive.

Interpretation

I feel like I was revisiting an old relationship in this dream. The mall indicates my life choices and how they shape my personality and view of Self. I am trying to establish who I am. The car is my path. Being I parked it in the mall it indicates that I am seeking to make sense of this life decision and it’s impacts on me. The two versions of the man were the past version or my memory of him and the current remnants of him in my memory. I returned to issues I had with this particular man and was reliving them. The shifting from male to female version indicates reaching a balanced state. This kissing and energy are likely me wishing to remain in the balanced state but there is resistance to it, also. The store name is likely a joke from my guides or maybe a message relating to a new start. The number 40 has been coming a lot, so it likely another message, as is the number 50. The check-out versus hair cut may have to do with a message about me and how I view myself (haircut) and wanting to “check-out” of that self-image. The man is somehow assisting me with checking-out of this version as he says that is his job.

Overall my feeling upon waking was frustration. It seemed like there was an invitation to be a better, more whole version of myself but I was rejecting it for the destruction I felt it was bringing into my life.

You know what funny about this dream? I was motivated to get out of bed by the prospect of a hot cup of coffee and starting a new day. lol So good morning, fresh start, new day.