Monthly Archives: November 2017

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Kundalini, Tarot Reading and Reflection

I’ve been meaning to write sooner but each day I can’t seem to find the time and when I do find time I am either too tired or have lost motivation. Today is similar and even in writing this I am tempted to go lay on the floor (my attempt at meditation/grounding) for a while or take a bath rather than write. The tiredness comes from the previous four days of sleep deprivation. I seem unable to catch up no matter how many hours of sleep I accrue.

Additionally, our new puppy, Monty, requires tons of attention. I feel like a new mother! The only time I get to myself is when he takes naps. When he is awake I have to constantly monitor him and play with him. His morning nap is when I have scheduled my workout. His afternoon nap is when I am usually laying on the floor zoned out. lol By the evening he sleeps more but I am too busy with dinner and the kids to do much else. Once bedtime comes around all I want is sleep.

Speaking of Monty, he is settling into our family well. He has been kennel trained already meaning he goes to his kennel when he wants to sleep and play and will go into it when asked. He sleeps in it during the day and in the night without complaint, only whining when he needs to go potty. He is well on his way to being potty trained, too. He is a bit stubborn about the nipping/biting but then he is a herding dog so that is to be expected.

Here are some recent photos of him. He was 7 weeks old on Tuesday.

 

 

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Messages and Kundalini

The last four nights I have had messages in dreams along with Kundalini the last two nights. I have been so dead tired that I have forgotten most of the dreams except for last night’s.

Firstly, two nights ago I received a message that was simply two words: Portal and Change. They seemed unrelated but then I received it again but this time heard it as “Change. Portal.” The feeling I got was that change was coming and it was related to a portal and somehow both were connected to the planet Mars. In my tiredness I mentally sent an eyeroll and fell back to sleep. lol

Edit: I just realized this “portal” is likely the 11/11 portal. What is weird is that I thought we were long past 11/11. Not sure where I’ve been….oh yeah zoned out on the floor. lol And apparently Mars and the Moon will be doing a dance on the 14th. 🙂

That night I had a dream of which only a small portion remains. I have a vague recollection of working alongside a male companion under the instruction of a male teacher. We had late work to do and I cheerfully agreed to complete it since it was math and I am “good at math”. I remember heading my paper with “Worcester” only I spelled it with a “ch”. Then I wrote out four digit subtraction problems and was praised for my neatness.

Also, early that night, prior to the dream and message, I had Kundalini activity in my root chakra again. Just like last month it was a very physical experience but this time I didn’t awaken and almost forgot it except that the experience are very intense so some of that intensity bled through enough to remember it.

Last night I again had Kundalini activity early in the night. I have faint memory of a bright, white light accompanying root chakra activity and a very pleasurable sensation. This time I woke up from it but had cramping in my abdomen like IBS pain that took about 10 minutes to subside.

The following dream came early this morning:

Kundalini Dream: Extinguishing the Fire

I was with a woman in a school building. We were taking down Christmas bulletin boards and clearing out our classrooms. The woman had a tiny red ball that she would press up against the bulletin boards. It somehow pulled them off like a magnet and then dissolved the material. The bulletin boards came down fast because of this gadget.

I remember thinking we would be done soon and said to the woman, “I don’t know why they give us so much time to do this. I can get it all done in a day.” The feeling was we had a week similar to what teachers get at the end of the school year.

Then I noticed a small fire burning near the floor. It was coming from a strand of Christmas lights. No one noticed the fire but me but I knew if I didn’t put it out it would engulf the entire room and building. I found a fire extinguisher and fiddled with it. Someone asked me if I knew how to use it. I said I did and then flipped the little ring off and pointed it at a drain on the floor to see if it would work. It did and so I then directed it at the flames. They went out almost immediately.

When we were done I met two women. One was very tall and the other very, very small and child-sized. I greeted the first, hugging her and saying, “It’s so good to finally meet you!” When I went to hug the smaller woman she said, “You know we’ve met before.” I looked at her closely and knew somehow that she was really male despite her female appearance. I also knew the two were a couple and were trying to have a baby.

I ended up with the child-sized woman/man and seemed to get a lesson from her/him. She showed me in mental images male genitalia and explained how men can have multiple orgasms. I was fascinated by this and the more we discussed it the more lucid I became. My root chakra activated and shifted up into my second chakra. There was a “lesson” going on when this occurred but I only recall “extinguishing” the activity rather than giving into it. I do remember saying to the woman/man, “I need a partner.” When I said this is when I extinguished the energy despite very much wanting to give into it.

I woke up with the energy still very active and my lower chakras but it died down quickly.

Still really tired I attempted to sleep and ended up in the in-between. Most of what was discussed is lost to me now. I was just too tired to try and remember it all. However, I recall being told something about change and having a lot more coming. I suspect it has to do with the Kundalini but can’t be sure.

Part of a song was going through my head as I woke. Over and over I heard:

It’s not giving up, it’s letting go
And moving to a better place

It’s from this song:

 

My thoughts about the above dream are that it relates to the ending of my job/assignment as a “teacher”. The decorations being of a Christmas theme remind me of the many OBEs and dreams I’ve had with Christmas trees and gifts in them over the past several years. I seem to finally be moving beyond whatever this theme was all about. Gifts, Christmas….surprises, attraction or maybe expectation? IDK but the fact that I took that fire extinguisher and put out the fire to me is GOOD. I’m saying, “Nope. Not gonna be the effect of the ‘fire’ anymore.” Then the dream reiterates that I am ready to put out the fire because I literally shut down the Kundalini rather than give into it.

On Letting Go of Time

Yesterday in my exhaustion I opted to just browse FB rather than write in my blog. I ran across a post that jumped out at me. It seemed to be an explanation of the message I got recently – Let go of Time and Possibility – specifically the part in bold.

“hell is always doing things by laughing. It’s about living thinking about something else. Hell is never to be there, but always a little before or a little later, regretting something or waiting for another. It’s never gonna listen to you when you’re talking, ‘ cause you fuck around and there’s no reason for it to stop. Hell is life wasted waiting for life, thought wasted thinking of something else. This is where things become endless, where time passes, where time always goes far too slowly, where the days spread as centuries. As soon as we don’t see time, it’s that we went inside. And then everything lights up, everything lights up. The Kingdom is a state you reach when you don’t see time. It’s like party or love, but transferred to every moment of life. “

From: (pacôme thiellement, the victory of the without)

The quote is an accurate description of why I feel Earth is hell. Time here seems like an eternity, mostly it seems I will never get to the end of this torture. Many years of my life I have spent waiting. Waiting for what? IDK but it seems like I am just waiting for something, passing time. That is how I feel right now. Passing time, keeping busy so that time goes faster. The only thing I look forward to right now is sleep. I wish I could sleep forever. <——— I’ve been saying that for years…decades even.

So to let go of Time would be a huge deal.

Tarot Reading

A few days ago my brother sent me a link to a tarot reading he did for me. It was very good and had some parts that really hit home for me. Mostly I received validation of messages I had received via my guides and my own intuition. Sometimes, though, validation is all one needs.

These are the cards he drew for me:

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The cards are as follows: Empress reversed, Queen of Swords, Strength reversed, Ten of Wands, Temperance, The Moon, Page of Pentacles.

I won’t include the whole reading as it is too long. Therefore, I will include only what he wrote in bold because he felt it was most important to my situation.

Empress reversed: Reversed, the Empress suggests a loss of personal power through placing too much emphasis on another person’s emotional or material needs, thus neglecting your own…..This card can also suggest a dependence on other people’s feelings, indicating that you may be playing a waiting game now to see how your partner reacts and what emotion he/she displays. It is best not to do this but instead work through your own emotions independently of him or her. Notice that your next card is The Queen of Swords which further supports what was just said.

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Queen of Swords: You are far more interested in career and ambitions than in emotional matters. The butterflies seemed to pop out to me when I drew this card (look at her gown). I haven’t really read any of your blogs recently but I remember seeing a butterfly in one of them.

Strength reversed: Strength reversed indicates weakness. You may have recently experienced a setback, or you are questioning your own journey and whether you are on the right track. Your inner strength and courage is lacking right now and you are feeling inadequate and vulnerable as a result. While these feelings may seem very real when you are in the moment, you will soon come to realize that they exist only to remind you that you are only temporarily out of touch with your inner strength. Similarly, the reversed Strength Tarot card suggests that you may be starting to doubt yourself and lose some self-esteem and self-confidence. Instead of taking the lead and manifesting your goals, you may be engaging in self-doubt and becoming dependent on others’ feelings and actions that then dictate your own. (Look at the top paragraph of The Empress)

Ten of Wands: Learn to delegate responsibility and do not take on more than you can handle.

Temperance: Moderation and wise management are the keys to success. You need to slow down, reevaluate your position, and remain open to compromise. The Temperance card reflects that you have a clear, long-term vision of what you want to achieve.  Patience and moderation will result in good management of all things. (Look at 10 of Wands) 

T6c7544799875e604a6c441bc92660637.jpghe Moon:  That which has been invisible or secret is coming to the surface.This is a time when you need to go deep into your soul and dredge up your anxieties, fears, psychic blocks and personality disturbances. This is a time when you need to go deep into your soul and dredge up your anxieties, fears, psychic blocks and personality disturbances.The card itself  reminded me of your new puppy. Especially since the card has two dogs and a Full Moon in the background (Notice that its a Full Moon today). I think it signifies something that needs to be uncovered within your psyche over your former dog, Trooper. Or maybe something even deeper that is bothering you. 

 

Page of Pentacles: The card does not indicate the fulfillment of dreams as much as the initial motivation and energy to begin the process of creating those dreams in reality. Therefore, this card encourages you to begin to put in place clear plans and actions that will ultimately lead you to achieve your dreams and goals. This is a time when you need to be able to apply careful planning in order to manifest your dreams and achieve your goals.

img_8060He also drew some advice cards for me. The one that stood out to me was the Spiritual Partnership card.

This card indicates a time when a significant spiritual relationship is about to be forged, Perhaps it comes in the form of a friendship between like-minded souls on a similar journey toward enlightenment. Or maybe its a master/disciple relationship where an important individual enters your life. The saying goes, “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear”, and when yours arrives, he or she will assist you in expanding your spiritual growth. During the course of this relationship, you will play the role of both teacher and student, and the wisdom gained form this experience will enhance your connection to Source. Perhaps a spiritually minded catalyst in another’s spiritual journey and help that individual on his or her path. Reason will broaden your understanding of the Divine. Regardless of the form this spiritual relationship takes, it will serve your greater good.

Reminders 

When I’m as tired as I have been and not as spiritually inclined I tend to receive messages in synchronicities and such rather than directly. One such sync occurred yesterday when browsing the astral projection group I am a part of on FB. I have long been disconnected from it so thought I would look through the recent posts. Turns out there was one where they were asking for OBE accounts where the experiencer meets up with a deceased loved one. Of course the one I recalled first off was the one where I met my dad in the astral in December, 2005. In it he warned me of my sister’s upcoming life struggles and asked me to help her. It was such an odd OBE because of how intent he was on passing along the message. Intent enough that he always turned the conversation back to my sister when I tried to change the subject. He must have really wanted to get his point across to put as much effort into contacting me as he did!

After I wrote my account of that encounter I was reminded of all that has been happening with my sister lately. Most recently my mom and step-father have been losing sleep because someone has been vandalizing their property in the night. If you haven’t been reading my other blog then you don’t know all the crazy family drama that has been going on. To keep it short, my sister and BIL were evicted from my mom’s house just a couple of weeks ago. It is suspected that it is my BIL who is doing the vandalizing.

The OBE with my father all those years ago seemed to echo in my memory as if my father was saying to me, “See. I told you. Hard times.” And up to this point it has been so very accurate a prediction. Since that OBE my sister has been through hell and though she seemed to come back from it for a bit appears to be headed back there.

Knowing and Returns

And then there are the sparks of Knowing that hit me out of the blue. I do my best to ignore them but one got through the other day. I was trying to sleep and one of my guides came close. I began to dramatize, whining about how horrible my life is and how I want to go Home, etc, etc (typical whiny me). He gave me a look like, “Give it up.” lol Then turned his back on me. I stopped and knew instantly I was being childish and this was “getting old”. I asked him, “What’s wrong?” He said, “You’re not listening” (sound familiar?). I immediately shut that part of me down and settled into my calm heart space.

The next morning I woke up feeling like I didn’t want to get out of bed and wanting to go into my “poor me” whining again. Instead, though, I felt someone cut me off mid-thought and when he did (it was that same guide) I Knew I would get everything I wanted. It hit me so strongly along with memory of previous Knowing of the same.exact.thing. I worried a little then that I would get what I wanted and it would end up being a hard lesson. lol Then I wondered what is was I wanted….well you get the idea. Thinking too much again.

This year I’ve not been the best at practicing what I learned prior. I was doing so good for so long, too. But honestly with all the letdown at the end of 2016 is was to be expected. I felt totally decimated and picking up the pieces of my crumbled Self has not been is not easy. The reading above is so right on with the Strength card reversed. I am depleted – mentally, spiritually, emotionally. Right now I am clinging desperately to the physical aspects because, well, it is the only part of me that seems strong still. In fact, I have not been sick since summer and am in the best shape I’ve been in since my 20s. But I can’t do anything with my physical life beyond shaping this body until I have rebuilt the other parts. I have to be mentally sharp and interested again, I have to reconnect with my heart and emotional center, and I need a strong spiritual connection.

Getting the new puppy has me wondering if perhaps I am at the ending of one cycle and the beginning of a new one. The old cycle would have begun in 2000 when I got Trooper. Now, with Monty, perhaps I have returned to similar lessons from the year 2000. I feel similar in many ways – the same questions, the same emotional state, feeling fractured and alone, not knowing what I want or where I want to go in life. Stranded, stuck, without courage.

I feel like I felt prior to 2014 when everything started ramping up spiritually. I am again asking myself, “What now? What’s left to do in this life? Is this all there is?” I am not excited about life, though I am trying to keep myself interested. I feel once again like my life is pointless and without meaning. I question living as a human, of procreation, of the cycle of life and death….of all of it. I look back on my life and find I’ve accomplished little to nothing of value and I don’t really care. Because of the Kundalini I don’t want to have sex ever again (lol yeah really) and so have been unintentionally practicing abstinence for…. months, I’ve lost count now. No physical sexual act will ever live up to what I have experienced, at least not unless it is melded with the spiritual and I’ve lost hope of that ever happening in my lifetime. So what is left? No sex, no enjoyment of everyday things, nothing to look forward to but…..sleep. You get why I wonder, “Is this it?” Maybe next I just need to suck it up and accept that, yep, this is it.

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Dream Message: Let Go of Time and Possibility

OMG I’m so tired! Finally got sleep last night but it has been a long time coming. 4 straight days of hardly any sleep adds up. I forgot to mention that I’ve also had a headache on and off, mostly at night, all four days and the last two days I’ve had a horrible crick in my neck that makes it hurt to look anywhere but “straight ahead”. Yeah, I didn’t miss the message in that last part. Look straight ahead. No looking back or to the side. Ha!

Our puppy Monty is a handful and does not want to sleep at night. Instead he sleep during the day and whines most of the night. When he plays he is adorable, attacking with a full-on pounce like a cat and then growling and barking at his prey, a tiny stuffed bear. He is learning his name and coming more when called already and started to recognize that grass = potty, not the floor.

Last night I woke suddenly at 11pm from a very deep sleep and flew out of bed to go down and check on Monty. Turns out he had an accident in his kennel/crate and so it was good I woke up like I did. Mommy instincts must be on for him because then I couldn’t sleep because I was worried about him. lol I had to remind myself I needed the sleep and staying up worrying over a whining puppy would do neither of us any good. It was the “cry it out” method for puppy and sleep for me!

My husband was up around 4am yelling at my daughter to go tend to Monty so I know his whining woke him up. I was grateful that I wasn’t asked to do it and fell back to sleep.

sleepy

Monty – all tuckered out.

Dream: Let Go of Time and Possibility

I’ve not been remembering my dreams of late but this one is very memorable. The first thing I recall is being taken to a neighborhood (aspects of subconscious) that was newly constructed. The houses were on rolling hills and we were heading to a house on the hilltop. I remember commenting on the locating saying I would not want a house on the hill (struggles to get to goal) but I knew why someone would: the view.

Inside the house I realized I was with my mom and family. A realtor (new sense of self) had brought us to a house to sell us on his proposal. I sat on the sofa very tired and overheard what was proposed. He wanted my mom to sell her land to him so his company could build a neighborhood like the one we were in. In exchange he would pay off all her debt but 10%. Her mortgage would be gone and she would be set for the rest of her life. The houses he would build would be spaced far apart and not be many, just enough to make a small neighborhood. I remember telling my mom I had many dreams about just such a future for the family land and suggested a location.

I became very tired (resisting awareness) and took a nap on the sofa. When I woke up I was disoriented and irritated that they woke me up. I recall seeing the owner of the house leave and wondering why he didn’t care that I was making a mess of his living room. I had pillows and blankets (comfort) all bundled around me.

The realtor was very insistent that I participate in the negotiations for this “deal”. Sleepy-eyed I followed everyone into the kitchen and sat down at a bench-like table. There was a contract to be signed and the only person left to sign was me. I recall hearing more details but not caring or being excited about any of it. I asked, “When will construction begin?” He said, “Oh we won’t be breaking ground until 2036.” I remember thinking that was a long time. He then gave me some advice, “I suggest you let go of time and possibility.”

This message woke me up somewhat in the dream and I repeated it to myself as I walked out of the house to look at the neighborhood. I saw a garbage truck (get rid of old habits) in the distance and followed the sidewalk as I repeated it over and over. I was carrying a handful of chicken strips (cowardliness) in my hand and lost a few, bent down and picked them up and then saw a couple more ahead of me on the path. I heard again, “Let go of Time and Possibility.”

I woke up groggy hearing a song verse in my head, “And I think it’s gonna be a long, long time….” The verse repeated over and over along with the message and the date, 2036.

Conversation with Husband

The dream reminds me of a conversation I had with my husband last night. We were talking about human conditioning and it’s affects on life and individual happiness. Specifically we were in agreement that we have been brainwashed into believing that the ultimate goal in life is to experience as much pleasure as possible, specifically pleasure in sex. In our own ways we have both gotten to the point that we are rejecting much of our attitudes and beliefs about sex. I am in a place where I am trying to fill in the gaps left by rejecting these ideas, searching for meaning and trying to make sense of what life has to offer once these ideas are removed. My husband seems to have already found his own answer though I am unclear of what it is still.

I was philosophizing for much of the conversation discussing my observations in this lifetime. We discussed what it is to “live” and I offered two options – the “safe” route and the “go for it”, Seize the Day options. The former tends toward a gentle, consistent curve if one were to view as a chart or graph. The latter is a spike that drops down quickly. Both have the same end one is just more extreme than the other. I asked my husband which life he prefers: the intense and exciting one or the “boring”, safe and consistent one?

He said he prefers the intense one and that he believes everyone prefers it. I disagreed. He went on to discuss how life in the present has removed much of what creates the excitement of the intense one. We live longer, we are more “secure”, we no longer have to fight for our existence like in the past. I told him that time and time again I opt for the safe path but that I suspect the reason for that is that I have already lived many of the more extreme lives and am now taking a break. I asked him if he could see how we might choose to experience both types of lives and how both offered their own unique lessons? He said he could see that. I said it is likely that part of the lesson is in being willing to experience either type of lifetime without desiring what we don’t have – to be happy with what we have when we have it.

Nonetheless, we both have this inborn, human drive toward seeking pleasure. It is always there and is the origin of human suffering. The key is to not be the effect of it.

By the end of our conversation I had the answer to questions I have been asking myself for a while now. I have been unable to understand why my soul put me through everything it did in 2015-2016. Why would I be exposed to the feelings I had, feelings I did not even know existed prior to that time? Why would I feel the entire time that giving into them was “bad” and that I should avoid them at all costs? Where did the seemingly irrational fear come from?

It all goes back to something I asked a while ago when I was asked by my guidance that infamous question: What do you want? I said I wanted a connection with my husband. I wanted our relationship to be what it should be. In my mind I was unsure of what this even meant by my heart knew. I recognized that what I had asked for was much bigger than I could have imagined. So big that it required me to rectify the split between my spiritual and physical selves. I told my husband about this split and how I felt that when I was whole (meaning my spiritual and physical selves are in balance) much of our (me and his) issues would be resolved.

During my conversation with my husband I could see how my request was also shaping his life and that his lesson was similar to my own. He was learning it in his own way, separate from me and that is how it should be. His challenges are not the same as my own. Yet there we were, together, connecting and recognizing our lesson is one in the same.

We discussed many other things and had an enjoyable evening of sharing and communicating. Communication is what our relationship has always been built upon and when we are in good communication it is obvious to us both why we are together in this life. I was able to see more clearly the path I chose to take with him and why. It is the “longer” more “secure” path – yes – but one of the advantages of this path is the extended lessons it brings. Lessons one will not have the opportunity to learn via the shorter, more exciting paths.

The message from my dream is asking me to put aside my considerations of time and possibility.  My interpretation is that this means I need to stop hoping for the possible outcomes that come with the passage of time. Let go of Time – stop thinking “what if” or “when ____ happens then _____ happens.” Let go of Possibility – stop the wishful thinking; the could’ve, should’ve thinking. Part of me feels that letting go of these things means letting go of my hope. It doesn’t.

In considering the Time portion of the message I came across a message from Eron given to me a while back. Time is nothing but a preoccupation of thought. So, let go of Time, let go of preoccupation of thought. Interesting!

I am reminded of a dream fragment from a couple of nights ago. I was talking to a person who had lost their left arm and possibly their legs, too. Their message to me was, “You never know when your time here will end. So live life like there’s no tomorrow.”

The combination of the two messages is one I’ve heard many times before: Live in the Now. Be present in the Now. What’s even funnier here is that my husband and I had a conversation about that very subject the day after the dream with the one armed person. Ha!

 

 

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Meet Monty

The trip south of San Antonio was a long one but we got there by 7pm last night. The place was way out in the country and they had more dogs than I could count running this way and that. The mini-Aussie is so much smaller than a standard Aussie that their size caught me off guard. I almost backed out but I didn’t want to disappoint my kids. Plus we had driven 2.5 hours through traffic to get there. The father of the litter of pups was so handsome and reserved and his energy was wonderful, so much so that my middle son asked, “Can we get this one?” LOL

It took the kids a while to pick the one they wanted. I wanted the one that was too young (of course) but since this dog is not just mine I let the group decide and they opted for a very out-going, friendly one that kept jumping toward them when they came near.

Montana

The trip home only took 1.5 hours because there was no traffic so we got home before 10pm. The puppy did well considering it was his first long car ride. He only whimpered a little and the kids all three sat in the back seat with him on their lap. They are over the moon in love with him. Even now I hear them downstairs talking and playing with him. He will not be bored by our family, that is for sure!

We considered names as we drove home. My husband kept saying, “Barlow” and I had a name pop into my head – Gunther. So I joked around the whole trip that his new name would be “Gunther Barlow” – “Gunner” for short. LOL I actually liked it because it sounded like some kind of musician or celebrity name to me. hehe Plus, my ex-husband’s nickname is Gunner and I thought it suited a pet’s name (no insult intended). I have been thinking of my ex and Montana lately because I have been thinking of Trooper and the time he was alive so that is why my ex-husband’s nickname was on my mind.

The puppy spent his first night in an extra large crate, Trooper’s old one. He was not happy in it and cried of course. He started out in my daughter’s room but within 5 minutes she was begging me to take him out because he was too loud. So I took him downstairs in the spot we created for him in the laundry room that’s connected to our kitchen. He spent the night in there and we couldn’t hear his cries. I know he stopped crying within 30 minutes though because I could not sleep again. I was up until 1:30am this time. 😦

This morning when I woke up I was thinking of the little puppy and wondering about a name. I thought, “Montana on my Mind” and then knew his name – Monty. When I went downstairs the entire family was at the park with him (sun barely up) so I joined them. When I got there I told them the name and the kids all loved it and immediately started calling him Monty. So Monty he is. 🙂

Now begins potty training and training in general. So far the kids are very attentive to him and listening to my doggy rules for training. The rules are: 1. Whoever gets him from his crate/kennel must take him immediately outside to go potty (dogs won’t potty in their crate). 2. Always take him outside after he eats and don’t let him back in until he has done his business. 3. Someone must always be with him when he is inside the house and not in his kennel. 4. Take him outside every half hour or so to let him potty. 5. ALWAYS praise him when he goes potty outside. 6. Anytime we are not home he gets put in his kennel/crate.

So far so good. During the week all of the above rules will mainly be my job. Yay? lol

Personality-wise he seems to be very attention-seeking. He likes feet and tends to get right up under my feet as soon as he sees me. He likes being held and being close to a human body. He hasn’t been playing much but last night he found a dirty sock to play with almost immediately. When left on his own he follows us and does not wander far. So far he responds to us calling him pretty quickly. I was told (I didn’t see myself) that my husband’s already prepping him for his role of “running companion”. Monty ran with him and he was able to keep up for a short distance, too. Considering how small he is (can’t be more than 5lbs), that is impressive!

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Dream Theme: New Job Assignment

Since my last post I have had trouble sleeping. Maybe it’s the energies of the full moon or some other influence but I can’t fall asleep. Normally I go to bed around 9pm because the kids wake at 6:30am for school and inevitably so do I. However, for three nights straight I don’t fall asleep until midnight or 1am. That means for three nights straight I’ve only gotten 4-5 hours of sleep when normally I get 8-9.

When I sleep I have strange dreams all centered on the same dream theme of me being given a new job. After each dream I wake suddenly as if in surprise at around 5:45am, well before I have to wake up. Then I can’t return to sleep. 😦

Dream: Job Assignment

In this dream I was told I was to be assigned to this well-to-do man who could get me into a position as an administrative assistant or similar. I was not keen on this type of work but went accepted it anyway. The woman talking to me gave me the impression of a man who had several prostitutes working for him. It put me off but then when I met the other woman I felt at ease.

The main thing I recall is fixing my hair (evaluating a new way of thinking, new perspective). When I brushed it the color changed from a dull, medium blonde (dish water blonde) to a vibrant, flaxen blonde (vibrancy) that curled on the end. It looked like Barbie hair. I put it up in a side pony tail.

Then I met the man who was to get me the job. I can’t remember what he looked like now but in the dream it seemed like he was making war with others.  He was also throwing large pallets full of money (success, prosperity). Very odd imagery!

Dream: Four Friends

In this job I was watching a detective trying to question people about a theft. I remember not knowing where I was and being a bit confused. Eventually I was with him and three others sitting outside at a picnic table. One man was a police officer (structure, rules) dressed in uniform. Another was a pregnant (experiencing connection) woman. I suddenly recognized the feeling I had and said to the group, “Can you feel it? We are all connected.” One woman gave me a frantic look and I said, “No, not like that. We don’t have to be romantic but it is obvious we were brought together for a reason.” I felt confident that I was right.

I then went to a truck (hard work) that was parked on the side of the road. Across the road was a strange mesa and I mentioned to the man I was with that I missed the mountains (knowledge, spiritual truth). I told him about them and as I spoke I could see them in the distance. I remember calling them “Blue” and mentioning Montana.

Eventually I was in the truck. An old friend of mine was driving me north and she was irritated to be there with me. Long ago she cut ties with me so I understood her upset. She took me on a road that had heavy construction (rebuilding life, surge of confidence) and then to a house where I was to be given my next job.

Inside the house I waited in a small bedroom. Curious, I looked through the drawers and saw several pill bottles (healing), sexual lubricant and a tube of estrogen cream (sexuality, the feminine). I knew somehow the woman was pregnant and had to use the cream but I was grossed out.

Dream: Movement Manager

This was last night’s dream. I was with my sister and recall eating pizza (choice) stuffed with veggies. Then a woman arrived and announced we had both been given jobs because of our background as teachers. The woman was very excited and assured us we would not be disappointed. My sister was all for it but I was suspicious. Why would someone just give me a job?

She took us inside the place we would be working. It had the highest ceilings (spiritual perspective) I had ever seen and I mentioned it was high enough for a second floor. There were three desks in the center of the room and around it were other cubicles and workstations. It was obvious the ones in the center were the higher positions. Turns out the desks were ours and we were to be supervising everyone in the building. I also discovered we were to be working for Mazda but we weren’t selling cars we were managing the people who owned cars (life paths). Our main job was the answer the phones (communication). I remember thinking that would be a very boring job but then reconsidering because it would be “good money”.

Then we were being introduced to the others I felt very uncomfortable because I had no experience with management. My sister fit right in but I lingered in the back unsure of what was going on. The lady in charge began to call out names to announce us to the company. Mine was called but I did not go up front. My sister did and tried to get me to go but I wouldn’t. Turns out they replaced me thinking I was a no-show but the lady in charge found me and told me she got me back my position. I was told I would be making $29,000/year (adds up to 11 again). I remember telling her, “That is not as much as I thought. My family can’t move to Dallas on that kind of salary.”

I woke suddenly then and wondered about the dream. I heard, “Movement Manager” out of the blue. For some reason I was not happy at all when I  woke up.

Observations

In the last few days I have noticed some shifting in the energy and in myself. I’ve been feeling slightly anxious in the evenings. Nothing major but mostly I can’t get my mind to shut up. There is something I sense that I can’t quite put my finger on and it is unnerving.

Then I’ve also noticed that while I am going about my day and not particularly thinking of anything that there are conversations going on in the background of my mind. Yesterday this was happening a lot and I would catch myself mentally telling someone something that made no sense to this reality. Strange phrases and such that were out of place. I can’t recall them now but I briefly wondered if perhaps I was getting a glimpse of another reality/dimension – like I was dialed in. It annoyed me, though, because it made my normally quiet mind seem like a radio station.

Yesterday I was visited by a butterfly in the park. I took some photos and then afterward it landed on my left shoulder and stayed there for some time. Even after that it flew back toward me almost like it was drawn to me.

Puppy Time

This afternoon we are going to drive down south to take a look at five puppies and select the one who is to be the new addition to our family. It is a 2 hour drive, though, but hopefully it will be well worth it. The puppy will not be cheap – $500 – but I am prepared to pay for a breed I know will be good for my family. Since we are getting a miniature Australian Shepherd the cost is higher – they are in demand. Standards are about half the price. I believe I paid $225 for my Trooper way back in 2000.

You may wonder why we don’t just get a dog from the pound. Mostly it is because I want an Aussie. If we get a pound puppy (lol) then we don’t know what we will get. We roll the dice. I know the temperament of an Aussie and really don’t want to end up with a dog that will be hard to manage or have issues. My BIL just had such an experience with a puppy he got from the pound. Not saying that dogs in the pound are bad but I just don’t want to take a chance.

One of the things that is on my mind at night and causing anxiety is the new puppy. I keep having anxious thoughts – what if it gets sick and dies? What if we can’t afford the puppy? What if he runs away? …. What if’s like that. I also had a resurgence of grieving for Trooper. I feel like such a sap and am really hard on myself for my perceived “weakness”. It seems wrong for me to grieve so much for an animal when in comparison I hardly grieved at all when I lost my grandparents and father.

Anyway, we will see what happens. We may get there and I may dislike the sellers and the feeling there. Who knows. Here are the puppies we can choose from: