Riding the wave is taking on a whole new meaning now that I have given the intense emotional purging I experience a name.

Surge – a sudden powerful forward or upward movement, especially by a crowd or by a natural force such as the waves or tide.

Purge – to make free of something unwanted.

I know you know the definitions but sometimes writing them out is needed. It is in this case, at least for me. It just occurred to me that all this time people have been using the phrase “ride the wave” and I just accepted it without really grokking it.

I get it now. Yep.

Last night I had yet another purge surge. Lucky me.

Dream: Kill the Goat!

The dream began with a trip to the beauty/barber shop (looking to change direction, inspecting sexuality). Inside I watched a young boy get his hair cut by a beautician who was rather large and smoked. I only remember her from the neck down which is odd. She was smoking a cigarette the entire time and seemed pretty bored/apathetic toward life. She only took off a little bit of the boy’s blonde hair. While I waited I notice both her and the other beautician did not shave their legs. I even noted it in the dream thinking, “Hmmmm. Guess I am not alone.” lol

Then I saw my brother sitting by a computer in the adjacent shop which was nearly deserted. I asked him what he was doing there and he said his boss asked him to bring in his pet. I saw an old, brown pony (playful aspect) in the isle. When I went over to it, it struggled to get up as if unable because of its old age. I let it be and walked back to my brother but the pony got up and followed me. Turns out it was not old age but enormous testicles (raw power, energy, sexual drive) that hindered its movement. lol

I went outside to leave and walked to the end of a parking area. For some reason it turned into me following a group of young boys who were getting into trouble. They took me to a field where there were two very large men. One man had in his hands a rifle (power, aggression), the other a crossbow (combination of male/female energy). The men had with them a decrepit old goat (lack of judgement, desire, lechery) that could not stand. The whole situation seemed odd to me.

I watched as the men shot at targets. The first man hit his target right in the center blowing a huge hole in the chest area. The other man shot his bow only he missed the target and the arrow flew farther. The kids were chanting, “Kill the goat! Kill the goat! Kill the goat!”

I ran over to the goat to check on it. He was laying on his side but still breathing. He had not been shot. I helped him up onto his feet and he seemed better. The goat was a typical billy goat with go-tee and horns. His coat was white with a few large, black spots.

Dream: Obstacle Course

The dream flowed into another dream where I was with a group heading through an obstacle (hardships in life) course, only it seemed like a path to an unknown destination in the dream. A man led the way and we went through twists and turns, over raised platforms and under bridges. At one point the man warned it might be too difficult to go on. The ground was very muddy (spiritual cleansing needed) with sinkholes (uncertain about relationship). Unconcerned, I walked through the mud without incident. The man raised his eyebrows, impressed but I still felt it was no big deal.

As we came to the end we rested for a while. Most of the group were women but they remain faceless to me except one woman in particular. Everyone was congratulating one another and I noticed this woman was particularly critical of me. She said some nasty things to me like but I can’t recall exactly what she said. They were insults, though, and she looked directly at me with a snarl on her face and satisfaction in her eyes. She meant to hurt my feelings and was delighted to see me react in surprise.

I stopped and faced her, her wicked smile was piercing. I said something to her like, “Thank you.” It was her time to be surprised. She said, “What? You like what I said? You approve of it/me?” I said, “Yes, of course. You are showing me attention when no one else is.” The minute the words came out of my mouth I felt a heaviness in my chest that spread outward. A realization hit me like a ton of bricks – I seek out attention/approval and am so desperate for it that I will accept even the most negative and destructive of attention, when no other attention is available. Then I cling to it desperately even when more positive attention is available.

Ouch.

The minute the realization hit me I broke down in tears, sobbing so heavily that it woke me from my sleep. The tears continued along with an awful feeling. I remember asking myself, my guides, am I so desperate? Do I do this!? I knew the answer….Yes, I do.

I lingered in the in-between for a while, still upset by the dream and feeling like the lowest form of scum.

I was pulled into a visual of a very large blender. Trash of all types was being put into the blender – old, useless furnishing, boxes, and other large items crammed inside. The blender was turned on and the trash mixed up. Then I heard a very loud cracking noise and saw the glass of the blender split in a starburst fashion. The blender stopped and the sound startled me out of my reverie.

I couldn’t return to sleep after that. The sound was extremely loud and real and the image unforgettable. I knew it was a message. You can only shove in so much crap/trash  before it breaks you. Yep. CRACK.

Considerations

As you can tell, my guidance is laying it on thick right now. They are really working at getting my attention. It worked this morning but not sure it worked like they want. I am confused as to what it is that I need to do. I hear them loud and clear, but WTF DO THEY WANT ME TO DO!?!

In looking at the first dream, the message about the goat stands out above them all. Long ago (2013), I got a message in an OBE – “The goat will bite you.” It never really made much sense. Goats symbolize so much! My final conclusion was to go with the dream symbolism of the goat – desire, lechery and sexuality, but honestly I never figured it out.

Now in this dream the goat is nearly dead and kids are yelling, “Kill the goat!” I save the goat and it seems to revive. The dream message leaves me once again perplexed. If the goat is a bad thing, which I assumed since the OBE with the original message was before some extremely difficult times for me, then why would I want to save it?

So maybe my idea of the goat symbolism is wrong? IDK but I wish the damn goat would go away already. lol

It bothers me that my guidance was so insistent upon me hearing them that they would startle me awake with the sound of a cracking blender. It was so loud and realistic!

What is interesting is that I had gone to sleep feeling like I was being sucked into some kind of deception/mental instability again and that I needed to stop analyzing my dreams and even forget them altogether because it was doing me no good and causing me to have “crazy” ideas.

Music Message

On top of all the cRaZy, I had a song in my mind. Only one part – “I want something just like this…” The music was full-on, too. Listening to it makes me want to just dance… 🙂 If you haven’t guessed I’m a fan of Coldplay. lol Doo doo doo doo doo doo….I want somethin’ just like this….doo doo doo doo do doooooo. hehe

Oh and physically I am doing much better today. Still some slight congestion and a tiny bit of cramping pain this morning but so far no diarrhea and feeling pretty good. 🙂