Had another episode of intestinal upset yesterday which put me out of commission for half of the day. I must have pushed myself too hard thinking I was “all better”. Despite early morning signs of recurrence I opted to take a run. This was a bad idea. I pushed myself to run a little over 2 miles and paid for it. My heart rate took a while to recover and I felt nauseous for the first few minutes after stopping. I convinced myself that I was okay to run “slow” (10 minute mile) but obviously my body was not ready yet.

So the rest of the day was spent lounging about and reading through old blog posts from another blog I have. The day was nice so I even threw a blanket out on the grass and soaked up some sun with Monty for a half hour or so. Spring-like weather again here in Texas so I am taking advantage of it.

I continue to follow the Full GAPS diet to the best of my ability. Yesterday I popped a grass fed beef chuck roast in the crock pot along with lots of veggies to include potatoes. Potatoes and sweet potatoes are not allowed on the diet but I can’t quench my carb cravings without them. For dessert we had a GAPS friendly chocolate cake topped with almond butter icing. The kids weren’t impressed (not sweet enough) but it tasted awesome IMO. I’ve been making a new recipe pretty much every day partly because I like to cook and partly because every meal I prepare leaves no leftovers. lol If you want to see what I’ve been up to you can find me on Instagram.

I’m especially proud of the yogurt I’ve been making. I bought a yogurt maker and have thus far made two batches with success. Today I’m straining the most recent batch to make Greek yogurt – my favorite. I will be experimenting soon to try and get a batch of sour cream made. We go through tons of sour cream in my house.

For my first breakfast I have homemade yogurt with berries and a glass of fresh squeezed apple-carrot-beet juice. It seems to make my tummy happy. I then have another breakfast a couple of hours later with more substance. I haven’t given up my coffee but I suspect that it is the reason my stomach has convulsions (lol) in the morning. You’re probably asking, “Why the hell are you still drinking coffee!??” Ugh, because I LIKE it. I’m also still holding out hope that my issues are caused by a virus. I’ve had one like this before and it lasted 10 days, which is not uncommon. Today is day 8.

My cold is pretty much gone except for a stuffy nose upon waking. Glad to be rid of it but seasonal allergies are bad right now here in Texas due to a sky-high cedar count. We call is “cedar fever” and it really seems like a full-blown cold minus the fever and body aches.

I’ve decided to stop taking BC and see if it helps with the heart palpitations. So far I’ve already noticed a HUGE improvement. For example, just last week I was experiencing several an hour. Now I can’t remember the last time I felt one. Maybe one time yesterday? Not sure.

Dream: Labels

Long, intricate dream with message/counsel from my guides at the end. More “dream lessons” or “class” for me. Yay?

The dream began inside a very dark lit room. I was with a group and we were reviewing a band and discussing songs and eras to our liking. This band was an old one but I can’t remember which band so I will say it was Chicago since, well, it’s old (to me anyway). I remember looking at decades and stopping with the 1980’s since that is when I remember the band first entering my universe. Of course, it was around well before that. Just a little factoid about me – Chicago was the first ever concert I ever attended. Ha! I got a t-shirt and wore the hell out of it and thought I was super cool to have gone to see them in concert. lol Makes me ROFL now because I was such a dork.

Anyway, the group of people I was with were old compared to me and it was very obvious in the dream. One man in particular kept catching my eye, not because I was attracted to him in a sexual way, though. I was just overly interested in him and thought he wasn’t bad looking for an old guy. lol

At one point everyone in the group was working on Lego (pun to “let go”) puzzles, building various craft. I had an incomplete set, or so it seemed, and gave up quickly saying, “I don’t like Legos.” lol

Then we were all sliding down a slide (loss of control). I remember turning around as I slide down and laughing as I smiled at the old man who had caught my interest. I turned back around as I got to the bottom and then jumped up onto my feet in a successful landing. The old man landed roughly, flying right into the wall. lol I remember asking if he was okay and he nodded. This part of the dream was quite fun for me and also funny because of the man’s fall.

Next I was laying in my bed facing the wall. Next to me was the old man and it felt like the rest of the group was also in bed with us. I could hear the man’s thoughts and feel what he felt. He had quite a bit of interest in me. I slid as far away from him as I could. Though I was attracted to him I did not want anything to do with a man his age. He began to gently touch me, nothing sexual but loving. I remember freezing at his touch and panicking a bit especially when he touched my upper thigh and I realized I must be naked. The entire we were telepathically talking to one another but I only recall feeling uncomfortable with the situation because of his age.

Eventually he wrapped his arms around me. I gave in and melted into his arms. It felt so wonderful and safe that I couldn’t help myself. The me that was worried about his age didn’t care in that moment. In my memory he looked to be in his 60’s.

Then I was with the old man in a room. The room was reminiscent of another time, maybe the 1800’s, but I’m not sure. It was like I was instantly transported to this time/place and with this shift I became a different person. Past life memory maybe? IDK.

I sat quietly in the corner of the room while the man met with other men. It seemed to be a legal affair and the men all felt like lawyers. I think they were drawing up a contract.

I was dressed in a gown fitting of the period I felt to be in. I could see the window sill and there was a man outside cleaning the window. I commented on this saying, “What is he doing so high up?” The old man chuckled and said, “We aren’t high up. This is the first floor. Remember?” I took a breath and remembered. No, that was my old room, not this place. He said something to me then like, “You must have really kept to yourself.” I nodded and said, “Yes, I didn’t get out much.”

As I sat there another woman came up to me. She was wearing a fancy, vivid blue gown with lace around the bodice. She was absolutely stunning. Her hair was brown with ringlets coming down around her temples, just a few though. She smiled and got close, whispering in my ear, “You make a good couple.” Her words indicated that she thought the man and I were married and that she completely agreed with it. I looked at her shocked and said, “Oh no! He’s old enough to be my father.” Her smiled disappeared and she said something like, “Well, it’s okay if you are. At your age anyway.” I remembered I was an “old maid” and that I should be grateful that any man wanted me. The feeling was strange to me, though, and I knew I was dreaming because in my current life I was never an “old maid”.

Conversation and Message

I entered the in-between a bit shocked at what I had just dreamed/experienced. I was filled with the most uncomfortable feeling, one I have felt before but much stronger than this. The “split” feeling. Ugh. I also had the familiar warmth spreading from heart – the beginnings of the heart bliss.

A male guide was to my left and he asked me, “Do you like labels?” When I heard his question I knew why he was asking me the question. The dream was all about the label of “old” and my considerations of old age. It did not take long for me to answer, “Yes. They help make sense of things.” I saw a visual as I said this of categorizing things in life by giving them names and labels, putting everything into a white box with a nice, clear label on it and placing it in its correct place. He asked me, “Why do you like them?” I said, “They organize things. They make sense and make life safe.”

I thought about it and thought, “Labels are good.”

There was a pause and then he said something I can’t recall but it was with irritation like, “Cut the bull shit.” lolol Then he said, “Labels don’t suit you.”

We had a long discussion then about how putting labels on life and trying to organize everything in life is an attempt to control life, to make life safe and expected. This is why it didn’t suit me. It as suffocating me with sameness, with the illusion of “safety”. He helped me remember that coming here was meant to be exciting, fun – an adventure – not a repetitive, miserable, boring, experience focused on avoidance of everything unexpected or “unsafe”. He said something like, “Why not take a risk?”

There was also discussion about what I thought “old” meant. What did I equate with the word “old”. I listed off what came to mind – Decrepit. Unable. Wrinkly. Boring. Life is over. Waiting to die. He asked me, “Do you think you are old?” My answer came immediately – “Yes”. Then I stopped short in surprise and said, “No. No. I’m not old!” In my mind I saw the man in the dream and said, “He’s old. I’m still young.”

Then I was asked to think about when someone was old in comparison to myself. When they are 50? 60? 70? I thought about it. Hmmmm. So I thought about it in the context of a romantic relationship. Would I be involved with someone who could be my father? Like that old man in the dream who had to have been in his 60s? My immediately answer was “Yes because it doesn’t matter how old in years he is if I love him.” And this I knew was true and had been in my life thus far. I have dated men much older than myself without any issues with their age or their looks. One was 15 years older than me and age was never a consideration. Yet he was in his 40s at the time and so really didn’t look “old” because he wasn’t yet, not in terms of physical appearance anyway. How would I react if the man I loved appeared old in comparison to me? Could I see past the wrinkles and sagging skin and other flaws that comes with age?

Each time I considered it I was pulled back to the feeling, the beautiful connection and love. Ultimately I decided that appearance would be the last thing on my mind if I loved him like that.

The conversation shifted then because I touched on the feeling of loneliness I carry around with me. My guide asked me to focus on it and on how I ultimately responded to the man in the dream, giving into his embrace and melting into it. I completely surrendered myself to him. It felt right. It felt like that was how I was suppose to feel in a man’s arms. I’ve lived my whole life never feeling like that in a man’s arms. I’ve always kept my guard up, never felt completely safe.

My guide said, “You’re lonely.” I said, “Yeah, yeah.” lol This we already know now let’s move on. I’m tired and want to sleep.

Unexpected OBE

I shifted deeper into the in-between, floating right on the edge of sleep. I was asked to take a good look at myself. When asked this I was standing in front of a mirror and saw my face clearly. Then something caught my eye and a fluffy squirrel (message to have more fun, take life less seriously) was crawling around to my left. I turned, noting the squirrel as a message, and looked at myself again. I saw every detail but what I noticed mostly was a mature beauty I hadn’t seen before. I also noticed that my eyes were deep and penetrating…..and full of loneliness. It was like my eyes were forever searching. This must be why I have been told by others that my eyes drew them in, why I have been told that my eyes are “wise” and “older than my years”.

Then a small, sphere of light flew into my view. It was made of all colors, but mostly I recall a vivid blue and a flash of white. It was alive with energy and about two inches in diameter. When I looked into it I could see pictures. It drew me into it and before I knew it it was taking me with it, flying and zipping along through old city streets filled with ancient buildings.

Eventually the sphere took me to the end of my mother’s driveway. It grew larger and opened up. Then I was floating there looking at the insides of it. It was like looking into an open skull. The inside was tan colored and dry and when I peered into it a memory of this lifetime sprung into being.

The memory occurred in the very spot I was visiting – the end of my mother’s driveway. I had been followed home by a classmate. I was getting the mail when he rolled down his window and asked me if I wanted to go dancing with him. I didn’t think and blurted out that I wouldn’t, I would never go “hick dancing”. I laughed uncomfortably and he said, “Oh, okay”. He drove off and I repeatedly criticized myself for saying such a stupid and mean thing to a guy I actually liked. In fact, I liked him a lot. So much that for years I would watch him get on the bus and fantasize that he would ask me out. Then when he did ask me out I was too proud to go dancing with him just because it was country dancing. WTF was wrong with me!?

Then my memory shifted to meeting him after graduation. We attended the same college and by chance bumped into each other – twice. The first time he was with a blonde girl and very happy. The second time he was sad because his girlfriend had just broken his heart. I was nice to him, listened and told him it was good to see him and that I wished him well. At the time I had already met my soon-to-be husband (now ex). The thing is, that husband was 100% country hick. I mean country dancing, country music, boots – the works.

My memory shifted to another meeting with this guy. We were at a street dance in the town where we graduated. I had taken my fiance and we were dancing in the street. Afterward the guy walked up to me and we talked, catching up again. He was still single and had bought property in the country with horses, etc. He asked me about my fiance and I told him we were to be married. I could see the disappointment on his face. Deep inside I was disappointed, too.

The memories were instant and so were the realizations. How did labeling effect my life path? What would my life have been like had I not labeled that guy a “country hick”? Did the label perhaps get in the way of a potentially good relationship? My conclusion was that it had. I had liked this guy since freshman year. My senior year he finally asks me out and I slam him. Hard. And the thing is I lied to him when I said that. The reality was I was terrified to go out with him because of what people would say. I had a reputation to live up to and I was all “grunge”, not “hick”. The me now yells at the me then and says, “Who the f*&^ cares!!??”

Every single time I saw him after that awful put down his eyes told me everything. I am sure my eyes told him everything, too. I could see into his soul it seemed and it told me he was a good man, loyal, loving, big heart, etc. And he never held what I did to him against me. He was always seeking from me some hint, anything, that invited him in. I sensed it every time and I never gave him that invitation. Never.

All because of “labels”.

I’m such an idiot.

Lesson learned. Again. The light took me to a hotel room. There were computer desks lined up against my bed. I looked around at the people sitting at the computers. There was a young boy being disruptive. I offered my help to the old lady that was there. When she looked at me I suddenly remembered the sphere of light. I thought, “Wait a minute. This is a dream. I can go OOB.”

I immediately stood up and out of my body. When I did this my face was covered with something. I ripped it off and saw the entire hotel room. My bed was at my feet. The covers were all messy and formed a pyramid in the center of the bed. There was another bed next to mine unoccupied.

The room was dark but I could see everything, so it was just low light. My vision was clear and I didn’t hesitate to head toward the door despite the window being right next to me. As I passed the bathroom I realized I had something tight around my mid-section, just below my breasts. I tugged at it and it fell to the floor. I was very aware of being completely naked as I reached for the door knob.

This is when my breathing became very obvious. My nose was clogged and it felt like I was struggling to get enough air. I paused thinking, “I can’t have a good OBE if my body is struggling to breathe.”

With this thought the scene seemed to dematerialize right in front of me. Then I was in my body and my nose was so clogged I had to change positions to breathe.

Music Messages

Two songs came to me after I woke.

All I can say about this song is, “Damn.” lol I never knew the lyrics before and reading them was like reading a message written just for me. Wow.

This song was playing in my mind in the background but only the chorus.

Man, all these songs make me feel old…..HA!