I’ve been unable to fall asleep for two nights straight. 😦 I’ve been so tired, too. The night before last when I would start to doze my entire head would light up with energy and my body would feel odd, as if it was expanding. This would wake me up and then it would start all over again as I would drift off. I didn’t fall asleep until midnight that night. Then last night the same thing happened but I would startle awake as if I needed to do something important. My daughter was also up from a sore throat and congestion so it took me even longer to fall asleep.

Even now, as I sit here typing, my head feels weird and I have energy in my neck, specifically right were the neck and head meet.

I don’t remember any dreams from last night but the night before I had an odd one.

Dream: School Library

The dream started out in a school library (evaluation of some situation) with my mom (aspect of me, likely as a “mom”). Spread out on the floor were thin white (new beginnings) sheets (new phase of development). Kindergartners (unresolved feelings of separation) were having their naps. Each began to wake up and most of them peed their pants (release of negative emotion) and the floor was wet with urine.

There was a whole discussion about starting an Amazon business. I recall giving advice about it and suggesting a less risky way of starting out by buying 9 boomboxes rather than stocking up on a hundred and using Amazon Prime to mail them out. I said it was better to mail them individually from home. The whole time we talked about this I was surveying the library. I believe this conversation was about taking risk and how to mitigate unexpected losses.

Then there were animals where the kids once were. Most were puppies (carefree nature) that had urinated all over. There was discussion about potty training (desire to change some situation) and using a schedule to do so. I remember petting them and that one turned into a large bird (goals, hopes, dreams) that pushed it’s head into my hand like a cat would.

The library morphed into a kind of retreat center for healing. My mom was a self-admitted patient. I could feel her sadness and was trying to comfort her. I discovered she had been there 2.5 years. There was an older man with white hair, very tall, who was suppressing her, making her feel unworthy. He often made her doubt herself and her progress by saying suggestive things like, “Are you sure?” or “Maybe you shouldn’t”.

The man was just in her memory, though, long dead, yet to her he was very much alive still and around her and in her mind inserting doubt and upset. When I learned he was dead I thought about telling her I could talk to him and then decided not to because it may upset her. I could see a large slash (need for understanding) across his forehead (mental implications) parallel to his eyebrows. I assumed this was how he died.

When I suggested it was time for her to leave we were standing on a bridge (important decision, critical juncture in life) looking down at the water. I saw a blue bird dead (loss of hopes, dreams) floating down the stream (flow of emotion).

Vision

After this dream I saw a herd of horses (freedom, strength, power, sexuality) that had just been released. When I looked at them, though, they were all blind (lack of awareness). This vision upset me and I woke up fully. I believe it indicates that I have unleashed a part of myself but am unaware of it or maybe of how to handle this part. The message felt like “So you did it. Now what will you do with it?” It seems I am refusing to see/acknowledge this part of myself. This lack of acknowledgment (purposefully ignoring her maybe?) is likely to lead to unconscious reactions, behaviors, thoughts, urges or patterns. Eek!

Music Message

When I woke I was talking to someone but can’t recall all of the conversation now. As this male energy left a song came into my mind, specifically the part, “Got me feeling drunk and high, so high, so high.” :

Considerations

I believe the dream was showing me a part of myself that is in need of healing. The older man from the dream that was suppressing this part of me may represent an authoritative masculine from this or another life. Whoever or whatever he represents, it is clear that the result if self-doubt and depression. The 2.5 year time frame may be the last 2.5 years of my life, the next 2.5 years or some other time. It is hard to say for sure. My best guess is it is about the last 2.5 years. My overall feeling in the dream, though, was compassion for myself and a desire to help, which is good. The discussion indicated that the path toward healing should be gradual so as to reduce the likelihood of regression.

This morning I am feeling once again overwhelmed by my life. Too much to do, too little time. This isn’t helped by my lack of sleep.