Monthly Archives: September 2018

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Dream: Black Diamond

Another night of difficulty falling asleep. This time my daughter was up afraid of the storm. 😦 Thankfully, I was able to sleep in long enough to get in a full 8 hours. I feel so much better because of it!

Sleep brought with it one of those all-night-long dreams. The kind where when I wake up and return to sleep, the dream continues. I love those kinds of dreams! Not only that, but this dream seemed to pick up where another dream left off. Check out the other dream if you have not read it yet – Dream: You are Her.

Dream: Black Diamond

The dream began in the UK. I was with my family discussing the wedding procession and rules relating to how to act as a royal (spiritual strength). I felt very nervous and my every action was being nit picked by those advising me. For example, when I wanted to wave to the crowd, I did it all wrong and was told to keep my hands folded a certain way. Eventually I felt like a scolded, clumsy child for all the things I kept doing wrong.

When the time came for approval by the Queen’s court we were kept waiting. A specific adviser did not like me and was purposefully holding off on giving the go ahead. I felt very lacking, like I didn’t meet the standards because I was just a regular girl and had no royal upbringing. I kept fidgeting and was told over and over to stop and put my hands a certain way. It was very hard to do.

Eventually approval was given. I remember feeling relieved. There was a whole discussion then about my wedding ring. The ring itself had tons of diamonds (wholeness of Self) but the central diamond was black (the unknown, possibility, potential). I was told it was suppose to be that way, that black diamonds were very, very rare.

I don’t recall the ceremony at all. I had awakened and then returned to sleep and I guess I skipped it. Instead I was at the reception sitting at a very long, rectangular table (feeling unable to keep up with things). It was set up with fine china and tons of food. I looked down the table and could not see the end but everyone sitting with me was family, some my own and some I married into. My own family was sitting closest to me.

My aunt and uncle had gotten glimpse of some kind of financial log indicating all the money coming in and going out. My aunt was furious about how much wasteful spending there was. I got a glimpse of the ledger and it was in the millions, so I understood. We had a long discussion about the money and she suggested I live well below my means. Another objected and I tended to agree that I could not do that because I had to play my part as a royal. I told her my plan was to use the money to help people. I would give it to those in need as I traveled. My uncle seemed pleased as did many other family members.

The honeymoon was then discussed. I did not know where my new husband would take me. I thought we might go to Europe and recounted memories from this lifetime of my trip to the UK and how I could see France across the English Channel. There was discussion about a day trip to Italy and all the places we could travel. Eventually my family agreed I would likely be taken overseas by plane, far from Europe. One of my family members offered to make me a map but then changed their mind stating I would probably have a chauffeur and wouldn’t need one. I told her to make it for me, that I would love a map.

At the end of the dream my husband and I were on our honeymoon on a tropical island. We were being driven and had many bodyguards and security with us. I remember taking a run with my husband and seeing a black limo shadowing us. I put my hand on my husband’s bare back when he stopped to take a break. I recall being concerned that he had overheated.

I never saw my husband’s face through the whole dream.

Considerations

When I woke the dream was very clear and memorable. I knew it was a continuation of the previous dream but I didn’t understand why. There was memory of a discussion with my guidance prior to sleep about something that is coming, though. I spent a good hour in the in-between but cannot recall much from it now. All I can remember now is that we talked about how no matter what I chose to do, the spiritual acceleration I am going through will continue. I could deny my path, pretend I was normal, but it would still happen. During this time I acknowledged this as fact and said, “Because I am one of the chosen.”

My best guess about the dream and becoming a “royal” is that it is somehow symbolic of a particular path I am being prepared to take. It did not feel like a past life memory dream.

Quick Update

For those curious about other things going on in my life, well things are good. My job is going well. I enjoy working from home more than going into the office (of course). I got to work from home three days this week, one more than usual because my daughter stayed home sick. The refinance went through and so our debt is lessened somewhat and with the added income from my working we are well on our way to paying it all off. The family drama has been low up until yesterday. My sister and BIL/cousin got evicted from the RV park where they have been since my mom kicked them off her property. They had to be evicted by the constable. 😦 So there may be more drama rising up from that but we will try and stay clear of it.

My husband and I are preparing for a trail run the last weekend of the month. He is running the marathon and I am running the 10K. I have not been running much because of the heat so am increasing my distance slowly over the next couple of weeks. We will be checking out the trail this weekend if we don’t get rained out. Thankfully it has been cooler. The highs all next week only go into the high 80s.

 

 

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Despacito – Slow, Steady Progress

Another night of limited sleep courtesy of my daughter’s stuffy nose and congestion. Well, I say my lack of sleep is connected to her cold, but I can’t be 100% sure that is all it is.

Last night the energy sensations returned almost immediately upon laying down. My crown and third-eye were the most active. I sensed a male energy to my left, my guide, or “partner” as I tend to call him now – the part that says “I am YOU” and continues to facilitate the merging of the masculine and feminine within.

Whenever my partner draws close I am covered in energy that spreads all the way to my fingers and toes. This has always happened, for as long as I have been conscious of him. Recent events, however, have revealed that this energy can be magnified internally and externally. Internally by my own intent. Externally by a catalyst.

Up until this point I have only had two external catalysts for this energy. Most of my experiences have been internal. Both provide lessons unique to the experience. Those that are external tend to amplify the stagnant areas or blockages in ways that my own inner work cannot. If I am not moving forward/progressing on my own then these catalysts get me moving again, spurring me forward by exposing that which is holding me back. Often times I am aware of what is revealed but purposefully or habitually ignoring it. I have learned through this external catalytic experiences that ignoring something will not make it go away but will in fact make it larger until I am forced to confront it.

In both cases the masculine energy becomes personified. Internally this energy feels separate from myself, like a guide who is always there, nudging me along and providing support and unconditional love. I have called him many names – Steven, Companion Traveler, Spiritual Counterpart, and now partner. He changes as as I change; grows as I grow.

Externally the masculine energy comes with a body, a unique personality, a history, an Ego, hopes, dreams, fears, etc….and, of course, karma. Ultimately, the two – external and internal – are the same energy, one is just personified in human form for the purpose of teaching – no reflecting to me – that which I most need to know about myself. Thus, the external masculine has a “catalytic” effect the internal masculine does not have.

At present I am happily connecting to my internal masculine and being shown more about myself and my innate spiritual abilities. Last night I was shown how I can go within and dance with him/me/us. In other words, I am being taught how to reproduce from within an experience that previously has only come about via a catalyst. This, for me was exhilarating despite my exhausted state.

I will try and describe my experience the best I can…

When my partner came near and I felt the energy that is Us spreading through my physical body I was at first sad because I knew it would not intensify as it had recently. I felt sad for this and a bit hopeless and unable to understand the why of it all. My partner asked me to stop looking outward to him (or anyone else) for the connection I was seeking, He then repeated to me, “I am YOU”, and I knew he meant I should turn my focus inward. I have always known this but for some reason this time my perspective was different. The minute I focused inward I seemed to shift into him, into my own masculine, and as such I saw/felt myself, the feminine. In an instant I became both masculine and feminine and the energy – my energy – seemed to flood into my head all at once, pushing against my third eye with such force that I could sense that some other version of myself would take over, forcing my eyes open to “see” in a way I cannot on my own. Like in my previous experience of this, it seemed as if someone else was about to “take over”, but I know this is not the case because last time I allowed it. However, my human mind cannot help but react to what feels like a “invasion” and if I were to over analyze the sensation I would likely freak out completely. Thankfully, I have experienced enough of the “strange and unusual” that these types of human reactions are easily quieted.

The sensation I felt in my third-eye was most similar to my experiences of going OOB. There was a sudden swirling expansiveness and pressure in my third-eye accompanied by what I can only describe as a sound – a rushing, whirling like wind in my ears. Of course, the experience and understanding of what I was doing and how I was doing it was all at once mind-blowing. A part of me thought it impossible. With this doubt everything calmed, and once again I was sensing my partner as separate from me.

Recognizing I was the cause, I was doing it all, it did not take me long to try again. And again. And again. Each time I would get to a point, a crescendo of sorts, where I knew all I needed to do was allow and surrender. When that point arrived I couldn’t do it. It was just too exciting, to mind-blowing (not scary). My mind would not let go. It all reminds me of attempting a conscious astral projection from the body. It took me over a month of consistent trying to finally achieve a conscious exit. I would keep failing because I was just too curious and excited. Even when I did succeed I was so excited that I would end up right back in my physical body.

At least I succeeded at recognizing I could come into Union with myself whenever I wanted and that I have the capacity to expand beyond what I ever thought possible without any external help.

I will continue to work at surrendering to what feels very much like an invasion of my mind. This is the drawback of being fully awake and aware. The human response to the unknown is fear. I can’t help it and I won’t beat myself up over it. The first experience of this sense of invasion did not harm me. It was not scary. I was not “taken over” or “possessed”. I was there, observing and experiencing at the same time. Actually, the experience was truly awesome. I felt BIG, expansive and full of potential. But then I have always been an explorer, keen to jump into the unknown, to expand beyond the limits of this human experience; to Know.

Syncs

Ending this post with more syncs. Yesterday we got tons of rain in central Texas courtesy of Tropical Storm Gordon. On the way home from work my daughter was on the phone from home freaking out because it was raining so hard. We were very close to home but it was sunny. I looked out the window and saw it was pouring over our house in the distance. I took a photo and sent it to my daughter as proof. It was amazing to see.

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Later, we got caught in the storm as well but the blue sky could always been seen in the distance. It was really beautiful. It felt like the heaven’s were literally opening up over the top of me. Like it was saying it’s okay to let it all go.

On the way home in the rain a song came on the radio. My husband turned it up and I almost protested because it was rap. I am not a fan of rap but this one caught my attention because it was about opportunity. Yeah, there’s that word again! lol

Look, if you had, one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted. In one moment
Would you capture it, or just let it slip?

You only get one shot
Do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime…

You can do anything you set your mind to

Here’s the song:

So this song is playing while the heavens are opening up over the top of us. It was actually pretty awesome and put me in a really, really good mood. I felt awesome.

This morning another song presented itself. I noticed it because once again (like rap) it was out of my normal music preference. This time Spanish. lol I asked my husband what despacito meant. He said, “Slowy”. When I saw what the lyrics said I couldn’t help but laugh because this is the message I have been getting from my partner for a very long while – One step at a time. Slow but steady progress. This song makes me just want to dance. Again, “dance” is not a coincidence either.

Regardless of my lack of sleep, these are very exciting times and I am blessed to be alive in a human body experiencing them. Thank you God.

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No Sleep for the Weary

I’ve been unable to fall asleep for two nights straight. 😦 I’ve been so tired, too. The night before last when I would start to doze my entire head would light up with energy and my body would feel odd, as if it was expanding. This would wake me up and then it would start all over again as I would drift off. I didn’t fall asleep until midnight that night. Then last night the same thing happened but I would startle awake as if I needed to do something important. My daughter was also up from a sore throat and congestion so it took me even longer to fall asleep.

Even now, as I sit here typing, my head feels weird and I have energy in my neck, specifically right were the neck and head meet.

I don’t remember any dreams from last night but the night before I had an odd one.

Dream: School Library

The dream started out in a school library (evaluation of some situation) with my mom (aspect of me, likely as a “mom”). Spread out on the floor were thin white (new beginnings) sheets (new phase of development). Kindergartners (unresolved feelings of separation) were having their naps. Each began to wake up and most of them peed their pants (release of negative emotion) and the floor was wet with urine.

There was a whole discussion about starting an Amazon business. I recall giving advice about it and suggesting a less risky way of starting out by buying 9 boomboxes rather than stocking up on a hundred and using Amazon Prime to mail them out. I said it was better to mail them individually from home. The whole time we talked about this I was surveying the library. I believe this conversation was about taking risk and how to mitigate unexpected losses.

Then there were animals where the kids once were. Most were puppies (carefree nature) that had urinated all over. There was discussion about potty training (desire to change some situation) and using a schedule to do so. I remember petting them and that one turned into a large bird (goals, hopes, dreams) that pushed it’s head into my hand like a cat would.

The library morphed into a kind of retreat center for healing. My mom was a self-admitted patient. I could feel her sadness and was trying to comfort her. I discovered she had been there 2.5 years. There was an older man with white hair, very tall, who was suppressing her, making her feel unworthy. He often made her doubt herself and her progress by saying suggestive things like, “Are you sure?” or “Maybe you shouldn’t”.

The man was just in her memory, though, long dead, yet to her he was very much alive still and around her and in her mind inserting doubt and upset. When I learned he was dead I thought about telling her I could talk to him and then decided not to because it may upset her. I could see a large slash (need for understanding) across his forehead (mental implications) parallel to his eyebrows. I assumed this was how he died.

When I suggested it was time for her to leave we were standing on a bridge (important decision, critical juncture in life) looking down at the water. I saw a blue bird dead (loss of hopes, dreams) floating down the stream (flow of emotion).

Vision

After this dream I saw a herd of horses (freedom, strength, power, sexuality) that had just been released. When I looked at them, though, they were all blind (lack of awareness). This vision upset me and I woke up fully. I believe it indicates that I have unleashed a part of myself but am unaware of it or maybe of how to handle this part. The message felt like “So you did it. Now what will you do with it?” It seems I am refusing to see/acknowledge this part of myself. This lack of acknowledgment (purposefully ignoring her maybe?) is likely to lead to unconscious reactions, behaviors, thoughts, urges or patterns. Eek!

Music Message

When I woke I was talking to someone but can’t recall all of the conversation now. As this male energy left a song came into my mind, specifically the part, “Got me feeling drunk and high, so high, so high.” :

Considerations

I believe the dream was showing me a part of myself that is in need of healing. The older man from the dream that was suppressing this part of me may represent an authoritative masculine from this or another life. Whoever or whatever he represents, it is clear that the result if self-doubt and depression. The 2.5 year time frame may be the last 2.5 years of my life, the next 2.5 years or some other time. It is hard to say for sure. My best guess is it is about the last 2.5 years. My overall feeling in the dream, though, was compassion for myself and a desire to help, which is good. The discussion indicated that the path toward healing should be gradual so as to reduce the likelihood of regression.

This morning I am feeling once again overwhelmed by my life. Too much to do, too little time. This isn’t helped by my lack of sleep.

 

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Kundalini Experience: Meet Me in the Middle

Okay, so the Kundalini was just taking a break. Wow. Where to begin?

I guess I will just relay what happened. Are you ready? It’s intense.

I went to bed around 9:30pm. I was asked by my guidance if I would reconsider my previous decision (opportunity missed). I agreed that I would.

Vision

A man stood completely naked in front of me. I felt pulled into the vision.

We stood facing each other and did not touch but the energy was very intense between us and my entire body felt overcome by it. It was not sexual. Instead it just felt blissful but not at it’s full potential yet. I could sense there was more there that would build if I allowed it.

The man asked me to follow him and I did. He sat down cross-legged in a circle that was drawn in white chalk on the ground. I knew to sit across from him cross-legged. Our knees were barely touching and both of us were naked. He drew something on his forehead with his finger. I don’t know if there was paint on his finger but I saw a line drawn vertically between his eyes. He then leaned over and drew the same line between my eyes.

I don’t recall much after this except feeling deliriously drunk on bliss. In fact, I was so relaxed and at ease with our combined energy that I must have drifted into the in-between for some time. We were talking throughout most of this but I only remember feeling completely in tune with him. Our energies matched so well and it seemed as if we were reacquainting ourselves with one another.

Then I remember hearing him say to me that he wanted to see me. I think he said, “Let me see you” but all I really remember is the word “see”. It wasn’t the words that brought me out of my reverie though, but the sensations of a force entering between my shoulder blades. It felt focused and was around the size of a closed fist in diameter. From within this space my own energy reached out and swirled around the other as if dancing.

Then we, both our energies dancing and swirling together, rose upward through my throat and into my head. When at my third-eye and right when I heard the word “see”, I felt as if I was no longer myself, like someone else took over, but I know this is not true. It was more that I released myself into the care of this new me – US. My eyes felt to be forced open and in front of me was nothingness; a blank, deep blue (indigo?) expanse. In the distance was a blinding white light, just far enough away to notice but not within reach yet.

kundalini-snakes

Wide awake now, the energy slowly retreated and control was returned to me. I was left shocked, eyes wide open, looking at my bedroom and wondering what had just happened. The sensation of this was so new to me, so overwhelmingly beautiful and powerful that I needed time to recover. How could I be so BIG? How could this even be happening? How was it even possible? And what does it mean? What will happen when that energy – the energy of US – exits through my crown? What will I become? Will I cease to be? It seemed like it. In fact, when my eyes opened seemingly outside of my own control, it felt as if I was transformed and not in a bad way, just a different way.

There was conversation throughout all this but I don’t recall specifics now. I just remember feeling fully trusting of this masculine energy. My solar plexus felt odd, as if it was stretching, and the odd energy just sat below my rib cage. I realized it was my anticipation and apprehension of what was coming. Fear of the unknown. Resistance to losing myself; losing control.

All of this happened between 9:30-10pm.

Somehow I fell back to sleep, which is unheard of for me, but the energy of Us was so beautiful that I know it was why I drifted off. There is nothing like it.

Dream: Blind Date

I entered into a dream where I was with a girlfriend preparing to go to dinner at a place where men and woman came to connect. It wasn’t a dating scene but more like an exchange place, like exchanging information but with the intent to connect. It seemed like my friend had set me up on a blind date (unknown aspects of self being revealed) but I am not sure. The feeling was that I was just following her lead.

As I sat with my friend at the table with two men we played a getting-to-know-you game. Each of us would take turns giving the name of one of our previous partners. The man on my left was asking me why I looked so concerned and I said, “I can fit all my previous partners on these two hands.” I held up my ten fingers as proof. It seemed like so few, like I was inexperienced and behind the others. I recall someone chuckling and I remember in my mind being reminded of boyfriends in school. I remembered one specifically and thought, “Oh.” That would mean there were more than 10 then.

There are sensations and images during this time of very feminine things. The color pink was prominent as was lace and girly attire. It seemed like my blind date was not suited for me and he and my friend and some others departed. They walked to the bus stop but I forgot my purse and cell phone and went to retrieve them. When I turned they were yelling back that we must have missed the bus (temporary setbacks). I slowed down and picked up my things which included a small backpack. When I turned back around the group was running full speed up the road to the intersection. I heard, “The bus is here!”

Figuring I had missed my chance I lingered still. A man approached who I didn’t know. He was fairly tall, lean and average looking, though he seemed familiar to me. He came up to me and introduced himself. I don’t remember his name now but in the dream I called him by it. I told him I missed the bus. He offered to walk me home. I accepted his invitation and asked him to take my backpack (decisions and responsibilities) while I picked up my things. He did this gladly. When I took back my backpack, which was very small now, I looked at him and he smiled. I knew him but was not sure how, but he felt like a friend and I trusted him. We walked toward the intersection together, holding hands.

Meet Me in the Middle

At this point the scene shifted suddenly and I was laying down next to the man from the previous ceremonial vision (above). We were both facing up. He was on my right. I was asked to focus on him. When I looked, all I could see was his heart, the rest was completely empty and black. It was as if I was looking into his physical body. What I saw was not an organ, though, but what looked much like a uterus and ovaries within the center of his chest. There was a heart shaped “uterus” heart in the center and two “branches” with circular discs on either side. I could hear him invite me inside of him. I can’t recall the words used as it was more of a sense of “come and get me” that was sent to me.

I did not hesitate and imagined both my hands reaching into his heart space. Yet it was not my hands that entered but all of me, as if my entire Being entered his heart. I felt swept up into his energy, swirling and then suddenly he was me and I was him; We were One.

My memory here is dizzying. It was as if I was swirling so fast that I ceased to have any memory of myself as this human in this body. We swirled upward together but I became overwhelmed by the bliss of Us and this new Beingness I was experiencing. So I came out of my reverie again, breathing as if I had just run a race but with more depth. Every breath was bliss so I breathed in so deep, deeper than I have ever breathed.

The energy continued to intensify for a while after this. I continued to get glimpses of the white light. My crown felt to explode upward and outward and I sense – I still sense – that I am very, very close to whatever comes next.

I realized then that I had been asked to meet this masculine presence “in the middle” previous to this but had not understood. In fact, earlier in the day I heard a song with the lyrics, “Meet me in the middle”.

The message meant that rather than be fully pursued, which was nice and exhilarating to experience, I also needed to pursue him (the masculine). To meet him with the same intensity that he came to meet me with. Equal.

Considerations

I have no doubt that what I experienced this morning is leading up to a full Kundalini rising experience. Though I have had many experiences with the Kundalini, never have I had one like this. I feel so very blessed this morning. The bliss, which I have experienced many times before, was beyond amazing and I could sense that I was only experiencing a tiny portion of my full potential. Where this is going, how I will be changed, is yet to be known. I am not afraid and completely open to what is to come.

And on a positive – I have absolutely no physical body issues (aches, pains, strange sensations) this morning even after all that intensity and no psychological freaking out or triggering, etc. Very good news!

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Message: There’s a Ghost Inside Me

I continue to be really tired. Mostly it manifests as me sleeping in every morning and waking up feeling as if I took a sleeping pill – groggy, heavy eyelids, lingering in bed. Once I wake up I am okay. The third-eye and crown chakra activity has subsided and the Kundalini appears to be taking a break.

Dreamwork

The dreamwork continues but most of the dreams I have are lost upon waking now. I am just too tired to care. This morning one dream lingered upon waking along with a song and a sense that the “opportunity” that I had many syncs and dreams indicating was coming, has already come and gone. I missed it, I guess, and a part of me is kicking myself for it.

This morning’s dream goes along with a dream theme that has been recurrent for some time now: Montana. The dream scene varies, sometimes it is beautiful and green and other times covered in ice and snow. Sometimes I am in a large, log cabin or inside a structure of some sort, but most of the time I am out in the mountains or flying over them. Just talking about it brings to mind so many vivid experiences – watching a whale flying through the sky, traveling with a group to a lodge cabin mansion, and meeting up with a man at the top of a mountain while surrounded by hundreds of cats (yeah! lol).

Montana appears to symbolize my own, personal spiritual journey. I connect the mountains with being Home, a place that, to me, has a special feeling of “arrival”, peace, release and acceptance.

Dream: Modge Podge Montana

This entire dream took place inside a very large lodge (feeling stuck in life) in the mountains of Montana (spiritual journey). I did not go outside, so I never actually saw the mountains.

I was with a group of individuals, most unfamiliar to me in this life. I recall being with my current family as well as with my ex-husband’s family, specifically his mother. The dream seemed to mix the two life experiences as if to show me the similarities. I believe I was speaking with someone about what was transpiring in the dream, as if narrating while also being a participant.

I woke up in the dream and went out to the main area of the lodge. A group was gathered, among them my current husband and my ex-MIL. My husband told me he was leaving for the day with his friends, a group of guys who stood behind him. In the dream I was upset and protested very loudly in front of everyone (something my husband hates). My main complaint was that he often left for the entire day without warning, leaving me with all three of our children and no help. I complained that I would have to hire a sitter if I needed to anything outside of the house, either that or take them all with me. I felt overwhelmed and dumped upon by him. I also didn’t know what to do without him with me. Without him, I felt unable to do anything on my own, as if I was frozen in place.

My ex-MIL came to his defense. In real life she was very passive aggressive, which often infuriated me because no one else seemed to notice but me. To everyone else she was loving and wonderful but to me she was intent on separating me and her son.

My husband, whose appearance kept morphing between my ex and current husband, left and I sulked for a bit, all the memories of the injustices I suffered at the hands of my ex-MIL coming to mind mixed with the issues I have with my current MIL.

As I mulled over it all, emotions surfaced and mixed together leaving me feeling overwhelmed. The main emotion I felt was abandoned. I remember discussing my need to be with my partner, to feel included and supported. When left alone I managed, but the loneliness always got to me and I often grew angry and depressed. When my ex would come back from weeks or months away I struggled with being happy at his return to being resentful for his leaving me. I often felt that it would have been better had he never returned so I would not have to go through the upset of him leaving all over again, and again, and again.

Then there was my ex-MIL and her constant meddling. In the dream this played out as me seeing her spread rumors about me to the others in the lodge. In real life she would call up her son and tell him negative things about me, insert doubt into his mind about our marriage and me, all the while under the guise of being his loving and caring mother. The dream revealed to me just how much hurt this caused me but at the time it infuriated me and likely made me look all the worse in the eyes of my ex-husband. Years later and after our divorce, my ex told me he rarely spoke to his mom because he realized what she was up to. Too late for us but at least she was found out.

In the midst of all this distant past memory was the present, seeming to mix and merge, revealing the many similarities of the two.

At one point in the dream a group of Native Americans approached. There was a little girl (inner child) and a very, very old woman (the crone) with them. The old woman was to be healed via a special ceremony that involved packing her entire pelvic region in clay and letting it harden. I remember being very kind to the old woman, holding her hand and the hand of the little girl and walking across a wooden bridge toward their camp. There was a medicine man with us explaining the old woman’s ailment. I laughed when I realized the clay was to help her have a bowel movement (release of old habits and patterns) and commented on how ingenious it was.

There was a whole other dream scene after this inside an elementary school (lessons). I remember a young boy stepping on my heels and twisting his ankle. I sent him to the nurse but was told he often purposefully hurt himself to get attention and was shown a huge pile of nurse slips from his many attempts. The whole time I had two female teachers accompanying me and seeming to act as guides.

Considerations

When I woke I realized I had slept straight through the night. This is unusual for me. I usually wake 2-3 times. A song was going through my mind, specifically “there’s a ghost inside me”.

My daughter knew the song and listened to it with me this morning. She did not know what a “spectre” was. I told her it meant “ghost” and showed her the definition. In telling her this, I was reminded of a dream I had not long ago where I witnessed a part of me who I could not control. She was at first a white horse and then morphed into a ghost and left with a ghost man. I recognized that the song was referring to “the ghost inside me”, this white woman who seemed outside of my control, wild, and free – like a horse.

Similarly, a couple of nights ago I had a short visual in a dream of me opening a gate and releasing an entire herd of horses and not long before that a dream of one horse being released and running free.

Finally, I was reminded of another dream I had not long ago. It was short and made no sense at the time. I was flying around a city center above a road that circled a fountain. In order to get home I had to take a highway but when I got to it, it was closed. I was told I could only enter if I had someone with me. I agreed and was allowed to pass. This memory in turn reminded me of all the dreams and syncs occurring at the time indicating “opportunity” was coming.

Everything seemed to point out to me that my opportunity came and I turned it down.

As you can imagine I was not in a good mood after all this.

In reflecting on the dream, music message and resulting memories, I am reminded of other recent events. It all points to me being or feeling unable to move; feeling stuck. I recognize it is my own doing. A visual comes to mind of a woman in quicksand refusing a stick held out to her.

It seems that these two tarot spreads are playing out, just not like I thought they would. This one especially:

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Preparation Dreams

Well, I hate to say it, but I’m going through another “upgrade”. There’s no other explanation for the tiredness, constant chakra activity and intense dreams. Thankfully, for me at least, this is a teeny, tiny one…..or maybe I am just so use to them that it takes one hell of a beating for me to notice now days? 😀

First, More Syncs

Yesterday, I posted a dream I had where I received the message, “You are her.” I posted early that morning and then within an hour of arriving at work, a co-worker brought up the Harry Potter books. If you read that dream account then you know that I was going to see Harry Potter in the dream. lol So that was the first sync.

This morning, though, I came across a memorial post about Princess Diana. Not only is that in and of itself a sync, but so is the date of her passing as posted on the memorial: August 31, 1997. The date of my dream was August 31st (yesterday). Also, the year 1997 recently came up for me as well.

These kinds of syncs are becoming more and more common. I have a dream and then very soon after something in life reflects part of the dream back to me.

This is the video I saw this morning:

Last night I was working in my dreams, and not self-work, group work.

Wedding Preparation Dream  

I was preparing for my wedding (union), putting on my gown and doing my hair and makeup. I remember seeing my veil (what I’m trying to hide) – a short one that did not go below my shoulders. I also remember that my bra (support) was flowered and wrapped around my neck like a bathing suit top. The dress itself was white and flowing – traditional – and also wrapped around my neck. The groom was tall and fair haired. I recall feeling apprehensive and talking to the groom while getting ready for the ceremony.

New Contract Dream 

In this dream I was traveling with a group in a war-torn country – my country. Everything was covered in dust and there was no greenery as if we were in a desert but I knew it was this way because of war. The road we traveled was also dirt. There were no cars but it felt as if we traveled in many cars, like the “cars” were our bodies.

I recall working with a woman who was a yoga (harmony and balance) instructor. She was helping others by teaching them yoga to help with stress relief. I knew she was one of the many leaders and that she had organized her own group with their own mission.

I also recall coming to a check point and being stopped and told to fuel (energy, rest) up because where we were going there would be no fuel available. I questioned this, suggesting we skip it and move on. My group overruled me, opting to fill up their vehicles (which were not present in the dream) to be on the safe side.

Then I was presented with a written contract indicating that a portion of our group had decided to break away from the other. It was not a rebellion but a decision made by several members (the majority). At the bottom there were maybe a dozen, hand-written names, which were familiar to me in the dream. The contract stated that individuals listed were not to be a part of this new group and contract. My name was not listed and I voiced my agreement with the contract and what is specified.

Battle Plan Dream

In this dream I was sitting at a table inside a cafe somewhere. It felt like a scene from a movie. Across from me was a good looking black man who, in the dream, resembled Will Smith. We were both huddled over a large map (path) or blueprint discussing the coming changes and our individual and group roles. He mentioned to me the timeline and I interjected saying, “I thought it wasn’t until this Fall.” He said in response, “It is and it is almost time.” With his words came a telepathic reminder that today is September 1st. In the dream I held my breath briefly as I realized he was right and said, “Oh, yeah….”

Something about our conversation and the reminder of the date and why it was important brought me near full lucidity. With this awareness I was able to sense this man’s energy. It was familiar and attractive to me but not to the point that I was feeling intense energy. It was just familiar. This awareness caused me to wonder about his physical world condition – his age, his relationship status, etc. With my curiosity came immediate answers and I realized he was much, much older than he looked. I said to him, “You are 22 years older than me? But you look so young!” He immediately recognized my interest and sent back that he was in a relationship. I felt the relationship – their history together, his devotion and love, etc. The information/Knowing was instantaneous. Then I felt him suggest we get back to work but I was overcome with embarrassment for some reason. I felt humiliated and a wave of emotion washed over me. I remember thinking, “Why do they always have to be so much older than me? Why am I so young? What is wrong with me?” LOL (I laugh now but I was very upset in the dream). My thoughts were a jumble of considerations about physical world limitations. It was difficult for me to see this man as 64 years old when his energy was so young and vibrant. It made me wonder if all the people on my team were old (lol) and suddenly age was a big deal for some reason.

I started to cry in the dream and it woke me up, tears still streaming from my eyes. I heard people talking as I fell into the in-between. They were discussing the coming “storm” and asked me a question. In the midst of answering I forgot what we were discussing. My mind went blank. One of the voices said, “Oh, she’s awake now.” The telepathic sense here was that once physical awareness is reached certain topics cannot be discussed.

The same Nora Jones song was going through my mind when I woke. Specifically the lyrics:

Out across an endless sea 
I would die in ecstasy,
But I’ll be a bag of bones
driving down the road alone. 

Considerations

I wasn’t expecting to wake up crying over something like that. It was a surprise considering how good I’ve been feeling lately. Yes, I’m tired, and likely hormonal (lol), which doesn’t help. The way the emotion hit me in the dream, it was like it walked in from the left and just took over; like another aspect woke up and brought with her a whole flood of emotions.

The emotion was enough to send me back to asking to go Home (sigh). It can be so difficult to wake up to this harsh reality when the other reality, the one where we are ageless and unlimited (the endless sea of ecstasy), is right there and obvious. It is like I can see it through a pane of glass, but while in this body I can’t touch it and am forced to live in a reality with so many limitations. The biggest surge of emotion came from knowing I walk this path alone (a bag of bones) and that those connections I feel when I am on the other side of that pane of glass will likely never be realized within the confines of this physical reality. So a part of me grieves continuously for the perceived loss.

Regardless of my grief, it is obvious that something is coming and I am being prepared for it. And, lo and behold, another sync greeted me this morning. A post on WP had the title, “Remain Calm as the Storm Approaches”. Then another titled, “Hope Your Rested”. Both were about the upcoming “storm”.

The “Hope Your Rested” post fits nicely with the part in my dream where I was being forced to “fuel up”. I’ve been having lots of dreams with fuel in them. Fuel = recharge, rest, refuel, take time out to rebuild your energy. Just three days ago I was advised to return to yoga and stop all high intensity exercise temporarily (over the weekend).

My mind is still lingering on the last dream and the upset I felt in realizing my friend in Spirit was so much older than me in the physical. The humiliation/embarrassment I felt was the result of recognizing just how obvious my loneliness must be to those I interact with OOB. I sensed a desperation in myself and as a result was ashamed at my weakness and inability to cope with the limitations of this physical reality and form. I am better than that. I know this. Yet it is still there and to be confronted with it in such a way was humbling. I was also jealous that my friend had a partner in his physical life and was happy and content with the life he had. That is why I was wondering, “What is wrong with me?” It was clear that he was not struggling like I am.