The last couple of days have been interesting. After my nauseous feeling in the grocery store the other day an urge to change has been gradually taking form. In fact, I can’t seem to shake the feeling that if I don’t do something to make my and my family’s eco-footprint smaller that I am letting down Mother Earth and the future of humanity.

Yesterday morning I woke up feeling that nausea again, this time at work. It was slight and almost unnoticeable this time. However, my thoughts were stuck on shifting my way of life so that I am creating less waste. It was, at first, overwhelming. How can I make the change I want to make without completely tossing all that I have built and am use to?

My first thought was that I need to just start small. For example, stop buying paper towels and use hand towels instead. Then buying less pre-packaged foods such as the pre-washed spinach we buy weekly. But thinking of changing just these little things makes me want to change everything to the point of wishing we had an outdoor market I could visit every other day so as to avoid the grocery store altogether. In fact, just the idea of my next visit to the grocery store makes me a little sick inside. Yet I know it is unavoidable.

I talked to my husband this morning about my ideas and he is fully on board. In fact, he is wanting to be a bit more extreme than me even, suggesting we sell our house and buy and RV to live in! I told him that was a bit rash for my tastes but that a downsize was definitely on my agenda at some point in time. I just can’t imagine five people squished into an RV no matter how big it is. I might want to downsize but I still need my space!!

Currently we are discussing buying an electric car to replace our Prius when/if my MIL decides to take it. Previously we had tried to give her our Mazda5 and she refused it, despite it being completely free and clear. So we traded it in on a new minivan only to find out my MIL’s car needed more repairs and would not pass inspection. So, now we are at square one again with her needing a car and no one else in the family being in a position to really help but us. We, again, have a good, used car to offer that we owe very little on and can pay off and give to her. I am a bit reluctant, however, because she keeps changing her mind and it is infuriating me! I just can’t handle it for much longer. Who the hell doesn’t take a perfectly good FREE  used HYBRID car when offered? My MIL I guess!!!

What I envision eventually doing is rejecting the suburban life completely and opting for a communal-type living environment for my family. This would be the ideal scene but there are not many such places available around here nor nation-wide. We could, I guess, create one of our own, which would require purchasing a large plot of land (50-100 acres) and splitting the costs with other families. My husband’s family is already open to this but no action has been taken other than looking at land nearby. The ideal living situation would be a central house where gatherings and eating would take place and then smaller houses for individual families.

This is just where my heart takes me. If I continue to feel sick about my current living situation (suburbia, middle class lifestyle) then I think ultimately I will feel forced to make changes like the ones above. There also seems to be a feeling that suggests at some point humanity will “implode” and be forced into living simply again and respecting the earth. “Implode” here just means we will destroy ourselves from the inside via our habits and tendencies to over indulge. The biggest threat humanity faces is itself.

Dreams

On to my dreamwork…..

A dream theme dominated last night: Test.

In the first dream I was trying to leave my house to head to school to take an “important test”. It felt like a qualifying test of some sort, like a test to graduate or make it to the next level. I was rushing about trying to get out of the house 15 minutes before the start date because I knew that was how long it would take to drive to school from my house.

When I arrived at the school I was just in time. I ran into my old best friend and her brother. Both told me not to worry and joking that they just randomly answered questions and still expected to pass. I was told to head to room #102. The lady said, “Take one right (follow the heart), then another and room #102 will be on your right.” When she said this I saw the door (entry into unknown) with the number above as if I had been in the school many times.

I woke from this dream because I was cold. The temps have been below freezing at night (28° last night) and so I have been waking around 4am with either a cold nose or feet (or both). My poor nose! lol Anyway, I returned to sleep quickly and resumed the dream theme.

This time I was with my husband heading to the school to take an important test. He wanted to stop off and socialize with the neighbors (of course!). I protested but ended up going with him. There was a gathering at a neighbor’s house to watch a movie for the kids. We all sat in their living room watching the movie but I was distracted and irritable. The neighbor was a typical suburban housewife and annoyed the hell out of me. I just didn’t like her and wanted her to go away. What I remember most about her was her very fat fingers as she offered me popcorn.

I kept checking the time to make sure we had 10 minutes to get to the school. My husband kept lingering and being overly social. Ultimately, I remember accepting I would likely be late and letting go of my biases about the housewife. When I did, she stopped looking chubby and became more normal looking. I heard a voice in the dream, like my own conscious, reminding me to stop being so critical and remember to love. The dream became more fun then and I lightened up. The housewife put on a mask (projections) from a glass covered bookshelf and was acting silly.

Messages

As I woke the feeling of a test coming was very strong. It felt important but I don’t ever know what these tests are until they arrive. As I struggled to stay warm under my covers I somehow fell into the in-between where a male guide was close. His energy enveloped me as he told me to consider that perhaps things were happening as they were to bring about new and wonderful life events that could not occur otherwise. Then I saw a vision of myself eating a soft shelled taco. Tacos symbolize warmth and comfort. A soft shelled one represents an accepting and open attitude. 🙂

As I embraced the warmth of his energy and a familiar song came to mind. This line repeated over and over: Walk along the path unknown…… My recent dream of going “off road” came to mind.

Once I acknowledged the music message the song faded and my guide said, “October 24th.” I didn’t know what it meant but felt I should check my previous blog posts for posts written on that date. I found this one: A Lesson on Aging. The last line stands out to me: “Could it be that eventually I will be faced with a situation that will test whether I am able to see past the illusions and limitations of the physical?”

So perhaps I am preparing for just this type of “test”? I can’t help but feel as if I am standing on a precipice. Perhaps many of us are about to be asked to take a leap of faith?