I’ve been continuing to have the energy sick feeling I wrote about previously. It comes in different forms but I recognize it as the same energy. Back in December and January it made me feel ill inside and out to the point of wanting to up and run out of work, my life, etc. The panic attacks increased after that and continue. Now the feeling is more like a discomfort from within where my life feels strange, like not my own. Yesterday this feeling crept up on me while working from home. I tried to ignore it but couldn’t. I just felt weird! Like I’m not in the right place. I didn’t want to run or leave right then and there but it did upset me. I can’t find a source of it, really, but it makes me want to step back and out, observe and evaluate and then put things right. Yet I don’t know what ‘right’ is!

What is even stranger is that lately when I have this feeling intensely like this, my husband will usually call me not long after. Yesterday that is exactly what happened! While in the midst of feeling the ick he called and told me he was feeling bad and wanted to come home. It makes me wonder if the energy is somehow linked to him but then in the past it seems not to have been specifically him but other around me who were either physically ill (like my coworker with cancer) or just had erratic or negative energy.

I am at a loss as to what the cause of this energy is as much as I am at a loss as to the cause of my anxiety. They are more than likely linked, though. Anxiety and fear stem primarily from the third chakra but also from the root chakra, especially when linked to feelings of insecurity or instability. Based upon recent energetic experiences and dreams I have no doubt that my lower three chakras are clearing. I specifically asked for help with the second and being all the chakras are linked, especially those located above and below a blocked one, I am not surprised by some of my symptoms.

Most recently my dreams suggest a return to past issues that need healing. Again. Sigh. The clearing/healing seems never to end! Last night I had yet another dream that left me a bit bothered upon waking. In fact, I struggled to return to sleep after.

Dream: Haunted History

Most of the dream took place in a large parking lot. I recall meeting up with my physical counterpart there as if on a “date”. The entire time I noticed he was acting strange, like distracted and unfocused. His energy was the most obvious. It was “off” and I could tell he was in a dark place emotionally and spiritually. I remember thinking more than once that I was glad we were not physically around each other because his energy was so unbalanced that it was almost repellent.

I remember walking with him around the parking lot as we talked. He didn’t say much but when he did the energy behind his words indicated that he was not really present, like he was putting up a front. I stopped by a parked car and told him about something that happened when I was a child. The story I told him was that my family went to the beach and my mom had me and my sister go to the car to wait. With keys in hand we went to the car but a man intercepted us and tried to take the keys. I mentioned that we often waited in the car. Since these incidences never happened in this life, I suspect the story was symbolic.

We walked some more and the parking lot filled with people sitting at tables talking and eating. I recall telling him my favorite candy was peanut butter cups. I asked, “Did you know that?” He said he did not. Then, someone called to him about his younger brother Michael needing him. He excused himself and said he had to go. He said, “I will call you. Or, you can call me. You have my number, right?” He flashed his phone screen to me and I saw a number with a 7 in it. I said, “Yeah, yeah I have it.” Then he rushed away.

Alone now, the parking lot seemed more like a restaurant and I felt like a waitress. Someone near me began to reminisce about the past and pointed out a large globe in the restaurant. There was suspicion that it was haunted and I investigated, only I ended up inside a restroom. The door would move on its own and I tested it and saw it move. On my way out of the restroom I saw the globe. It was spinning and had my writing on it indicating locations across the world.

Suddenly, I heard my name called and saw my physical counterpart in the distance waving his arms over his head. I went to him. He was standing next to a very large, red pick-up. It was massive and had an extended cab with the door open. Excited, he showed me three seats and how each had a luggage compartment behind them. He invited me to go with him and I declined. I remember thinking there was no way I was going with him in that thing when his energy felt the way it did.

Interpretation

I woke suddenly then concerned with the low vibration coming off my physical counterpart. I remember thinking, “Wow. He must really be in a dark place right now. How can he be in such denial?” The avoidance in his energy was really obvious and it was sad to me.

A parking lot is delay or waiting. When you park your car (life path) there is no progress or movement. In the dream it felt like a long waiting period, which makes sense. The story I told about waiting could be that I was recalling waiting for him at other times. A peanut butter cup likely indicates lack of understanding or difficulty communicating my thoughts/emotions, specifically love.

When he is called away it suggests the distractions he is having have to do with a “brother”, likely someone he is helping out. Him telling me to call him indicates he does not want to sever communication.

The globe being haunted feels to me like I am haunted by our history together. When my psychical counterpart comes back to show me his red truck and invites me along I decline. A truck is “work” and red is the root chakra, so security, survival, foundations. The seats had space for luggage, which is baggage one carries to include responsibilities and things they cannot let go of. The invitation was not appealing to me. It felt like he was inviting me into his mess. I wanted no part in it.

I don’t know as of yet if my declining indicates avoidance on my part or not.

I fell into the in-between as I attempted to go to sleep. I remember hearing myself talking to someone. The word “test” brought me out of my reverie.

Dream: Airport and Stolen Phone

I fell to sleep after that and found myself at an airport standing in line to board a plane. I was told the flight was continuous. In my mind I saw it flying in circles and never landing. Despite this knowledge, I still intended to board the plane.

Then I was running and met up with a near exhausted man wearing regular clothing and a heavy jacket. I asked, “Have you been running a long time?” Through heavy breathing he nodded yes and then asked, “Can I borrow your phone?” It felt like he wanted to know where he was but then he said, “I need to call my wife.” We are running side-by-side and I get out my phone and ask, “Sure. Who is your wife?” He said,”The Reverend Jessup.” I think the name odd and feel something is off about the man. He reaches toward me, indicating he wants my phone. I unlock my phone, hesitate and then hand it to him. He takes it and then sprints to the right across heavy traffic. I reach for his arm and end up taking off his jacket. Another man tries to retrieve my phone but there are too many cars. I think, “I should’ve known.”

My phone being stolen woke me up. For some reason I started thinking of something that happened a long time ago, when I was a teenager. My mom had just filed for bankruptcy  and was doing very poorly financially. We had many animals, cats and dogs, that needed veterinary care she could not afford. Our beloved cat had an abscess that was killing her. My mom asked my grandfather to shoot her. Similarly, we had two dogs that came to our house after being dumped by their owners. Both were big and liked to kill goats, costing my mom the money to replace the goats. My mom could not afford to take care of them and could not afford to pay the fees the pound would impose. She asked my grandfather to take care of them as well.

One day I came home from school and the dogs were gone as was our cat. I knew what happened and was very upset by it.

For some reason these lost pets were on my mind. Just thinking of them made my entire body tense up. I saw my white cat Whiskers and the black and white dogs also. It was horrible the amount of upset this caused me to think of them losing their lives that way. It also upset me to think of how it might have made my grandfather feel.

Eventually I wondered why this memory came up. My guidance asked me to feel through it. Dogs are protection. Since one was black and one was white then it may represent yin and yang. Cats are female sexuality. The feelings I was having was very similar to the decimated feeling I have been having related to my physical counterpart. There is also a sense of unfairness and outrage at mistreatment of innocent creatures, or the innocent in general. I have always struggled with the way the cycle of life works and how something must die for another thing to live.

Honestly, I don’t know why all this came up still. It just adds to all the weirdness I’ve been experiencing lately!