I’m still overcoming jet lag. It is mostly manifesting as sleeping more and struggling in the mornings. Daylight savings has added to the problem.

Yesterday I was emotional for much of the day. Some things happened on the Hawaii trip which left me feeling a bit hollow inside. The panic episodes I endured along with the extreme exhaustion have taken a toll on me. It was hard for me to enjoy the vacation because always at the back of my mind was worry that I would be hit with terror or extreme exhaustion or both. Then there was the added strain of my unstable relationship and several incidents pertaining to that instability. Since arriving home I haven’t had any panic but the worry of it returning remains. So the emotion now, I think, is a release of all that I endured in the past week plus uncertainty about my future.

Prior to leaving for Hawaii I sensed that my time there would be important. How it was important is still unclear, though. Yesterday, there were several indicators that I was not alone. My guides surrounded me. I could sense them. And there were many messages indicating assistance would be coming. Throughout all this I was feeling very much like I was in a life that was not my own. Disconnected in a way, but not completely.

Dream: Llama’s Quilt

The dream began with me entering into a small doctor’s office for a check-up. I informed the short, male doctor that I took a pregnancy test and it showed positive but that I had also just started my period. The doctor, who had dark hair and wore spectacles, asked me to lay down on the examining table. He placed something resembling a magnifying glass into my vagina, handle side in, and then I sat in clear shallow water. Blood showed up in the water and he mentioned he could see it. I looked down and saw the circular end of the magnifying glass but it looked more like a teardrop and there was no glass insert. I began to suddenly feel very embarrassed but he acted like it was normal so I relaxed.

He then asked me to lay down. The water suddenly vanished and I was on the examining table again. He asked me to insert a tampon, which I did, and then he went under the table and examined me from underneath, asking me to move the tampon this way and that as he inspected me closely. The table was clear so he could see through it.

I remember thinking to myself, “Why did I get a male doctor when I knew I would be examined? I never do that.” I always go to female doctors.

He indicated that all was well and left the room.

A nurse entered the room and helped me to dress. This part of the dream is odd because as I laced my shoes the examining room vanished and I was standing next to a field of llamas. There were so many that they stood touching each other. The llamas each had a large flower on it. The flowers were of all colors. The llamas danced across the field in unison as I weaved pieces of what I was seeing into a huge patchwork quilt.

The entire time I was talking about the commute home with the nurse. She indicated that everyone was leaving and the examining room was very close to the exit which was good because we would be able to leave before the crowd. I worried about the commute being long. For some reason I thought I was in Temple. I said, “It takes me 45 minutes to get home but with traffic much longer. I think I will stay and have dinner and then leave after to beat the traffic. OR maybe I will take 2484 (another route). Do you know of that road?” The nurse indicated she didn’t and seemed in a hurry to leave. I knew she was waiting on me so I threaded the fabric through faster and faster. I could see the large quilt in front of me spanning the entire pasture. It seemed to be for my bed and I seemed to be in that bed.

As I looped the last bits of the llama fabric into the quilt I came to two large pillows. They felt heavy so I opened them up and inside I found all sorts of things – money, candy, magnets, and other oddities meant for children. I showed the nurse and said they would be perfect for my kids. I dumped out the contents of one pillowcase and inspected the contents. There were dozens of tiny round magnets about the size of a pea. Each magnet was in a connected pair. I worried my children would mistake them for candy. I replaced the contents and left the room.

Interpretation

The above dream is typical of the types of dreams I’ve been having lately. I often don’t even recall the details because they are so odd.

Llama’s are an unusual symbol and what stand out to me most in this dream.

The llama brings trust, faith, and hard work to your dreams. She reminds you have the ability to endure tough challenges. You do not have to worry so much, for worrying makes positive outcomes harder. You may feel burdened, but have faith in your strength and persevere to overcome all challenges. Source: dreamstop.com

Since the llamas were dancing and had blooming flowers on them, it suggests a message that I am loved and supported and need to release negative emotion.

Dreams of a quilt represent the random aspects of my personality and life experiences weaving together. I am sewing together fragmented pieces of my past experiences and future visions into a context that provides warmth for me at a soul level.

The first part of the dream indicates I am seeking healing. My particular concern is pregnancy (something new is being created) but have also started my period (release of tension and worry). The water indicates cleansing and release. The blood represents anxiety which is then confirmed when I become embarrassed and anxious about the doctor being male.

I’ve had other pregnancy dreams lately, some indicating I have a child with special needs and others of my bulging tummy. I don’t know what to make of them for the most part. I guess I am trying to create something new or mulling over new ideas.

As for the other symbols – magnets, money, candy, magnifying glass, the road to Temple, etc. – they just support the rest of the dream and I am not feeling the need to inspect them any closer. I’m just too tired to bother right now.