Monthly Archives: February 2020

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OBE: Silent Night

I got an unexpected OBE this morning. It was short but followed by some interesting messages.

Dream: Teaching Assignment

The dream takes place in a non-traditional school environment. I am working there and talking to the principal and other teachers about the end of the school year which is fast approaching. This is a self-paced school and the students are expected to reach their goals in a timely fashion but are not forced to adhere to specific syllabus or itinerary.

At first we are talking about an email virus (interference in communication) that has been infecting our work computers. I see the email containing the virus in my inbox. It seems to replicate and I hurry to delete it.

Then the principal asks me if I think all my students will be done by the end of the school year. I say “no”. The principal asks how much time I think they need and I say, “Another four weeks, at least until the July break (4th of July).” A co-worker acts surprised and I mention how I will take my summer break then. She looks even more surprised and I ask, “Don’t you have a summer break here?” I am told school is year-long.

Next, I remember pacing back and forth in front of my mother’s house talking to someone about how my current employment as a teacher is in my favor. It can help me find another job, one where there is a summer break (need for a break). It feels like I am trying to convince myself that everything will be okay because I have a Plan B.

Then I am watching as the children head down a steep set of stairs (levels of consciousness) to go home or to lunch. A group of hillbilly looking people drive up. They have a trailer attached to their truck. It is filled with all sorts of birds – chickens and turkeys (cowardice) mainly. The principal says the group is a family who he is trying to nudge away from his school. It feels like they are a nuisance. We begin to usher the kids back up the stairs but it is very steep and the top step very high. I have to help a little girl (aspect of myself) who I think of as my daughter because she is so little and the step so tall. She makes it with my help and we stand on the balcony watching the hillbilly family below.

The principal makes a deal with the family who offers to use his turkeys and chickens as a petting zoo for the kids. He warns us to not let the children get too close or they might get pecked.

OBE: Silent Night

I am aware of lying in my bed and hear a familiar clapping beat to my left. I say familiar because I heard it yesterday morning. The clapping goes along with drums but I don’t hear the drums, I feel them. I am following along, trying to learn the rhythm. Yesterday morning I was actually saying the rhythm while clapping, “Da, daa, da-da, da, da…” As my mom, a music teacher for 30+ years, would have said it, “Ta, ta-i, ti-ti, ta ta.”

Unlike yesterday, this morning I recognize that these are a type of “noises off” except that focusing on them doesn’t keep me from going OOB, they assist me. As I decide to shift OOB I feel heavy blankets (security, protection) over my head and shoulders. I will them away, clapping my hands harder and singing the rhythm louder. In my memory I see the music I am making move the blankets off of me and I feel lighter as they fall away.

Out of bed and OOB, I head toward my bedroom door and easily pass through it. It acts like a portal and I find myself floating down, down, down towards a school setting with wood flooring and toys scattered about. I set my eyes on something, a toy of some sort, but I can’t recall what it was now, and head toward it, curious and feeling somewhat out of character for myself while in my astral form. Something catches my eye from behind me and I turn to see a man standing, hands casually clasped behind his back. He feels like a teacher and is dressed very casually in a blue polo shirt and jeans. He is looking at me and sending me a telepathic message for me to come over, so I do.

On the floor at his feet is a fluffy teddy bear (trust, security, companionship) with a large object in its hands. I want to say it is a megaphone (need to hear something) but it is hard to say. It is definitely shaped like one and is red in color. I lean in and snuggle the bear and the man says, “He is saying something. Listen.” He again says this telepathically so there are no words but rather it is like a hum or energy inside me that urges me to pay attention to the tiny bear.

I put my ear up to the bear’s mouth and listen. I don’t hear anything so I listen harder, stilling myself in order to catch even the faintest of sounds. I hear a small voice, very faint and it is singing a song. I listen and catch the bear’s words and know he is singing a lullaby. He sings, “Silent night….” but in the tune of the familiar ABC Song.

Caught off guard by the message I am receiving and not understanding I look up to question the man but don’t remember if he is there. I decide to explore the area more but am stopped by the familiar sensations of shifting back into my body.

In-Between

I shift back into my body which feels very heavy with energy focused in my mid-section. I receive visions and communication from the same man from my OBE for some time after. In these visions he is next to me. I am seated in a captain’s type wooden chair with a tall back that reaches shoulder height. The man pulls up another chair but does not sit in it. The feeling is the chair is meant for a visitor but that visitor is not the man. Am I waiting for someone? I feel the answer is yes.

The man tells me something but his exact words are lost to me despite my repeating them over and over in order to recall them. The meaning remains and it is that they (my Team I guess) will assist me with a type of re-integration and healing. I am frustrated to not recall the word he used because it made so much sense to me in the moment! Yet now I have no clue other than a feeling that lingers and suggests a “piece” being re-placed via a type of “lesson” that is forthcoming.

I remember seeing the edge of a pool, its waters crystal blue, calm and clear. I hear the man say, “See” and I know he is indicating the waters are related to my spiritual state, not just a “clearing” or healing. When I visit waters like this in my dreams and OBEs I find them delightful, calming and peaceful with a sense of freedom and fluidity that is hard to describe.

I am reminded of a message I woke to yesterday morning. Someone was whispering to me, “En Fuego.” All day I thought, “I should look that up just to be sure of it’s meaning” but I never did. I already new it meant, “On Fire” and was likely a message relating to the Kundalini “fire”. Later that day I was driving home from the store and heard a duet on the radio. The song stirred something in me and I remember how music and singing light up my soul. I began to fall into the song, seeing the voices as the masculine and the feminine energies within me. They danced together as the two voices in the song harmonized and I felt it within myself. It was beautiful but sadly it was interrupted by a phone call. 😦

In reflecting on the water symbolism along with this message of being “on fire” I can’t help but think of the elements and astrology. I am Leo – a fire sign. Water signs are strangely attractive to me, likely because they are my opposite. I can’t help but wonder if I am being asked to immerse myself in the opposite “element” to create a catalytic effect. Perhaps that empty chair holds the answer?

 

 

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Dreams and the Lessons they Teach

Though I haven’t been trying to remember my dreams and have not been writing them down often, sometimes a dream or two will linger in my mind for days after having it. I take this as reason to review and write the dream down. So I will do that now.

Dream: Too Old

What I recall most about this dream is being with a group of others my age but they all appeared younger than I am in life. We were sitting together at a round table and across from us was a group of older people. I say older because their hair was graying and they appeared much older than we did. The place we were in reminded me of a bar except the lighting was brighter. There was quite a bit of background noise from people talking and catching up. Perhaps it was a class reunion or similar? Hard to say as I did not have that feeling while dreaming.

I remember an older man with almost white hair was looking at me from across the way. His face didn’t seem too old but I felt he was much older than me. A woman sitting near me commented that he was interested in me. I think he said something to me but I can’t recall what now.

My comments were what I remember the most. I remembered suddenly that I would turn 44 years old this year. To me this was too old – too old to anticipate anything exciting in life, too old to bother making new plans or exploring new relationships, just too old. I mentioned how all the men my age were starting to show their age and the neglect of their physical bodies. They were pudgy, gaining weight or overweight, they were balding, they were graying and they were just unattractive in general. I pointed out that the men my age were looking for women much younger than me and told the woman sitting with me that she was the age they were interested in and I was far too “old”. The men interested in me were the age of the graying man who was staring at me from afar. I found this extremely unfair. Why do men get to get old, gray, let their bodies go and get progressively unattractive and society allows this and even encourages it? Yet women are expected to maintain their youthful looks as long as possible and if they don’t then they are judged harshly? “Old women” are not considered useful, yet old men are. Add to that women are expected to accept unattractive, older men as their partners, which leaves them in the likely position to become their caregivers in the end as they inevitably grow old and develop age-related complications and illness.

In the dream I felt the impossibility of my situation and I began to cry. I woke up crying.

My thoughts about this dream are that it is the result of finding my ex-boyfriend’s profile on FB and seeing just how much he had neglected his physical body. He was fat and had really let himself go. I could see all the years of heavy drinking, drug use and partying on his face and body. Yet his wife still maintained her youthful looks and was still by his side, accepting the lackluster man he had become and looking unhappy and stressed out. I knew he had not changed much over the years and felt it unfair that he would be so successful and people would accept the lie he presented of himself so eagerly.

I know this dream reflects my struggle with growing old. I work overtime to keep my body in good physical shape, eating healthy, exercising, etc. Why? I want to continue to look “young” as long as possible. I’ve always said I will grow old gracefully yet I am fighting it. My main reason for working out is to keep my body looking better than a 20-something body and it is working but it won’t work forever. I look at other women and men and judge them harshly if they have let their bodies go – mainly if they are overweight which 65% of our population is. I want to show them how easy it is to maintain optimal weight, be healthy and feel good. What I end up getting is lots of jealousy by women and stares from “old”, gross men. lol

When I am OOB I almost always looks young and youthful – beautiful. Here, we get to watch ourselves deteriorate and we really can’t do anything about it in the end. All roses wither and die.

Dream: Betrayal

In this dream I was watching as my husband generously offered to pay for the meals of a large group of people – families mostly. This group was very large – like fifty or more. I stood watching him, fuming that he was doing something that would cost us so much. Mainly, though, I think my upset was that he would do it knowing I did not agree.

I confronted him in front of a “family” member, a young woman who I recognized as his cousin. When she heard our disagreement she said that she felt this was a warning sign to him and advised him to fix the situation. Her comments held meaning beyond her words, suggesting that he end our marriage. I called her on it, telling her that she knew nothing about the history of this long-standing upset I have with him explaining how he had done similar things in the past without first asking me if I was in agreement. It felt like a slap in my face that he would do it again, purposefully knowing how it would make me feel.

The cousin’s face softened and she offered to pay for the meals herself and I rejected this because the issue was not in the money. The issue was in his not advising with me beforehand and taking away my choice in the matter. I felt powerless to do anything. There was also a fear that I would have to make up for the lost money by working more and frantically try to make up for it in other ways. It left me feeling insecure and I do not like that.

I woke up upset and recognizing I was exploring my feelings and the source of my upset.

In considering my reaction in the dream (and in life in similar situations), I look at how I’ve paid for entire meals for others (groups even) in the past without a thought. Yet when my husband does it I get furious. Is it that he is somehow taking away my glory? Is it because I feel the people undeserving? Or is it really because I had no part in the decision? It is very obviously illogical.

My main feeling is that he has no right because part of our money is my money. MY money means I make the decision, not him. I seem intent on hoarding money, keeping as much as I can for “potential unexpected expenses”. But really, money makes me feel safe, or at least gives the illusion of safety. When he “throws money away” like that I feel he is a threat to my security, to our family’s security. This is the heart of my upset. I must have had a lifetime in which someone, maybe me or maybe a partner, spent money without consideration of the future and left me and our children destitute.

In this lifetime I watched my own mother stand by idly while her second husband spent money without a thought to the future. They got an in-ground pool installed, bought nice cars, and went on trips to exotic places. He spent and spent and she stood back and watched despite her gut feeling that spending frivolously and not saving money was a mistake. In the end, his income dwindled to little to nothing and he up and left her when money got tight and he couldn’t spend as he pleased. Then she found out he had not been paying his taxes over the years and so the government came after her because she had been his wife. They began to garnish her wages leaving her with no way to support her family. She had to file for bankruptcy and it devastated her.

What is even stranger is that my MIL demonstrates a similar money problem, she blew hundreds of thousands of dollars in a short time, never saving it or investing it in her retirement, wasting money without considerations for her future or the impact it would have on her children. Now, in her old age, she expects her children to care for her every need and continues to not take responsibility for the money she does earn, spending it frivolously and expecting her children to give her more whenever she asks.

So it is obvious to me this money issue is a big lesson for me. I wonder, though, what I am suppose to learn from it? I mainly get angry with the inconsideration people have shown me and my loved ones. How could anyone do that to another person on purpose? It feels like the ultimate betrayal to me, one with potentially devastating consequences.

Reflection

The sense I get from the dreams and the lessons they offer is that they are the result of my asking my guidance for help. What is left for me to overcome? What is holding me back?

I am consistently receiving the message to “open my heart”, to look at life through the lens of love. I know what love is. I have experienced love beyond human love (which is conditional and frivolous). Divine love does not judge. It isn’t critical of others or self. It holds no expectation. It is purely accepting. It sees beauty in everything.

My first response to the above dreams is to be critical of myself for these very obvious “flaws” in my human self. Yet this reaction will not help me. I have to love these aspects  of my present self and personality. How do I do this? I have to show myself compassion.

These considerations I have are the result of lifetimes of human conditioning. My considerations about growing old are not just mine. Every human has them as they grow older to some extent. And my concerns about frivolous spending of money come from experience, past and present lifetime. They are deeply embedded and their rising to the surface gives me the opportunity to consciously explore their roots in order to free myself from the suffering they cause.

 

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Updates

This post will mostly consist of updates and musings.

Updates

My sister is still in the hospital. I haven’t been able to visit her again because my husband is out of town for work and I am playing single parent to our three children. Thankfully, nothing major has occurred with her condition. She is stable, though she has had some minor complications. A few days ago she had to have fluid removed from her right leg which had swollen and grown very painful. She also continues to have a fever despite the antibiotics they have been giving her. She had a picture taken of her heart valve, but I haven’t heard the results of that test yet. The doctors believe her valve is failing and she will need it removed and replaced. At this point I think a heart valve replacement is inevitable. We all knew it would happen one day, it was just a question of when.

As for my health, I had a physical over a month ago, the first in about four years. My blood work came back normal and I am still awaiting the results of my first ever mammogram. I don’t expect any bad results from the mammogram, either.

I have concluded that the heart speed-up incident last August was the result of a mixture of conditions – stress, spiritual healing/shift and eating too little for my activity level. First, when I told the doctor of the incident she agreed that it sounded very much like a hypoglycemic “attack” rather than a heart attack or heart related issue. Second, I had a series of very stressful incidents around that time, one of which was my dog, Monty, being horribly attacked by a loose dog in our neighborhood as we took our daily walk. I had also been going through some major spiritual shifting specifically in my second and third chakras which brought about debilitating panic attacks. Finally, I had been eating way too few calories – around 1500/day – for my activity level. I am active 6-7 days a week, meaning I do some kind of exercise every day and most days it is moderate to high intensity for 45+ minutes. So, I recently changed my calorie intake to closer to 1850 and am about to increase it to 2000/day. I’m not sure how I got stuck at such a low daily caloric intake. I know better than that!

I continue to work on flexibility and have already noticed a difference in how I feel. The tightness in my hips and shoulders seems to be decreasing. I can do reverse plank and bridge without feeling like my shoulders are going to break off. lol My calves are still a major sticking point for my deep squat and I still have discomfort at my hip crease when I squat deep. These will take time to resolve – maybe years – but I have accepted that and am just focusing on increasing my flexibility.

As I suspected would happen as I worked on my physical body, my spiritual body is responding in kind. Slowly, but surely, some issues are rising to the surface for inspection. For example, I have been having dreams related to issues and events in my past. I haven’t written much about them because they are deeply personal and revealing. The dreams bring back emotions that I would rather not feel and self-defeating thoughts tend to follow.

I have also recognized once again my tendency to hold onto or fixate on certain things. Finances tend to be one of those sticking points. My goals financially are to have no credit card debt and to have a substantial amount of money in savings. I reached goal #1 recently and am working hard to reach #2. Unfortunately, it looks like goal #1 is not going to last as our downstairs heater stopped working and we had to have the whole unit replaced. Similarly, a debt to a friend of my husband is coming due, one I didn’t know existed until just recently.

On a positive note, financially we have the ability to handle these situations and to continue put aside money. My job continues to be perfect for me and I am so very grateful to have the freedom, lack of stress and financial security it brings.

Spiritual Update

I’ve been in a period of integration, which feels like stagnation, for some time now and I do not see that changing anytime soon. As is my struggle with periods like this, I tend to get extremely bored and listless. Physical life is just not very interesting, especially in comparison to that types of spiritual experiences I am use to. I do not desire to do most things that others would find enjoyable. I still do not like being out in crowds of people even though I no longer experience anxiety or panic when I do.

Lately, I’ve been thinking quite a bit about what is important in life. This was brought on by my sister’s sudden illness and her continued teeter-totter on the tightrope between life and death. My dreams suggest she is at a life turning point where she can choose to stay or go. When considering my feelings about this I felt okay if she opted to leave but recognized that there would be an obvious hole in my life left by her absence. The feeling is hard to describe but is similar to having a piece missing. Those who have lost loved ones would understand this feeling well, but I experience it differently. I do not struggle with the physical death of a loved one very much as I know they continue to live on just in another form. What I struggle with is feeling alone. I manage this feeling daily but when a family member dies it becomes all the more obvious and I envy them. I honestly can’t wait until my visit to Earth ends and I can rejoin my family in Spirit.

I’ve also begun to feel a bit guilty about how little I have done to help my sister in her life struggles. As I contemplated the potential loss of her I thought to myself how spiteful I have been and the conditions I have set on the love I have for my sister. My actions say, “I love you conditionally” and that is NOT what I want my sister to take with her from this life. Because in the end love is really all there is and human love and all that it lacks is so degraded compared to the Divine love we all are. When I take away the conditions, the love I have for my sister causes me to want to give her whatever I can to ease her suffering. I still struggle with that voice that says, “But…..”. At least I am viewing my relationship with her in a new way.

Another feeling I’m having is loneliness. It is more acute than usual, anyway. I feel a lack but cannot put my finger on what exactly it is except to say I feel alone and isolated. I realize I isolate myself from others purposefully and when I inspect that action I don’t feel it is the source of my loneliness. I desire deep, meaningful connections, not superficial ones. Most everyone who surrounds me in my daily life (except my close family) will only provide superficial connections. I’m tired of being an actress, playing the role others want me to play. Yet I struggle to be my True Self. She is illusive or maybe she just doesn’t feel safe? All of this is just a part of the period of integration asking me to confront physical reality, really inspect it and my response to it. Perhaps there is something I’m not seeing or maybe I am doing what I do in other areas of my life, resisting reality?

I have been reminded in my dreams that we choose to enter this physical life and body to challenge ourselves. We travel this path “alone” on purpose. Alone = separate from the Oneness; individualized and sequestered. Those special few (soul family) who remind us of our true nature and purpose come and go. Sometimes – rarely- they stick around and we create lasting physical life memories with them. Other times, and more frequently, our paths diverge. Heart sickness results when this happens but the heart heals and we are stronger in the end, though it may take some time to realize that.

 

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Dream: V-Day

Lots of change occurring right now.

February 6th Dream: V-Day

I was driving along a rural road in an unfamiliar place. My kids in the back of the car. I noticed all the other cars around began to pull over and off the road like an emergency vehicle was coming. I looked and listened. Nothing. Why were they pulling over? Rather than get in trouble, I pulled over quickly, running my car into the ditch nearly hitting a fence. Relieved, I looked around. The roads were completely clear and all was quiet. I rolled down my window and asked someone in a nearby car what was going on. They said, “It’s an evacuation drill for V-Day.” I thought, “He must mean D-Day. Maybe we are in the UK?” I thought it strange they were doing a drill when there was no war and no need.

My family and I got out and began to walk back to our hotel. As we entered a circular, gray stone courtyard in a city, we noticed there was snow all over the ground. I turned around and saw a ski hill in the distance. It made me smile and I mentioned how fun it would be to ski. I began to slide around on the snow. My kids did the same and we made sure to avoid the deep puddles that were forming as the snow melted.

We entered a building that reminded me of a mall. I remember seeing the entrance back to the hotel. It was hidden in the back of a tourist gift shop.

Interpretation

When I woke I knew the dream was a premonition. My interpretation of it was that some kind of “evacuation drill” was coming on Valentine’s Day. The good part is that it would be a “drill” and ultimately not the actual event.

The positive feelings I had at the end of the dream were promising. The snow is melting – so some kind of stalled situation will finally have movement. The ski hills in the distance seem to indicate quick progress and hope.

My thoughts of “D-Day” in the dream seem to indicate that an assault of some sort would occur. Assault here could be symbolic of taking action where it is needed.

A couple of days after I had the dream I was shopping for Valentine’s gifts for my children to give to their teachers. There was a small box of chocolates that had, “Happy V-Day” on it. I remembered the dream and knew it was a reminder. Never in my life had I seen “V-Day” used on boxes of candy like that.

V-Day

I was on alert all day on Valentine’s Day. When nothing happened I shrugged my shoulders and thought no more on it.

The day after Valentine’s Day I received a voicemail from my mother who told me my sister was in the hospital. She had been rushed to the ER on Valentine’s Day after waking up to find she couldn’t see. Her vision went completely black and she was disoriented and afraid.

My mom told me that the doctor’s told her my sister had a “blood infection”, which translates to sepsis. They didn’t know the source of the infection but since she also had a UTI, then that was likely the source. She had three mini-strokes, the first of which caused her blindness. The source of the strokes was an infected heart valve. She had a heart valve replacement (HVR) with a pig valve 12 years ago. The valve was worn out and failing, throwing blood clots that lodged in her brain and caused the strokes.

I was able to visit my sister the next day, Sunday February 16th. She was awake and her vision had returned, though not fully in her right eye. She was in pain but otherwise seemed like her old self. She appeared very swollen and pale and had sores all over her body, a side-effect of the sepsis.

She talked with us for over an hour and seemed much better. She told us that when she was admitted they had asked her, “What year is it?” Her response was, “1987”. She said she couldn’t remember anything from the past two days except waking up and not being able to see.

Several times while talking to her, she broke down into tears. Her tears stemmed from overwhelm at her situation, the pain she was still feeling and the love she was feeling from friends and family.

The bad news is that once healed from the sepsis she will have to undergo another HVR. The first time she had the surgery was devastating to her. Open heart surgery is never easy and the road to recovery is long. She is hoping they will be able to do the surgery without opening her up, but I don’t know if that is even possible. She survived it the first time, so bets are she will again.

I told my sister about my dream and it gave her hope. I didn’t tell her that I think the “evacuation” part symbolized leaving the physical body. The “drill” in the dream symbolized a test of her readiness to leave this life. Some call these “exit points”, points in our timelines where we can choose to go Home. At this point it appears she has decided to stay.

Please keep my sister in your thoughts and prayers.

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The Issues are in the Tissues

For a little over two weeks now I have been working on flexibility. It is my belief that the body reflects the Soul, and as such the aura and related blockages tend to manifest in physical body issues that, if not addressed, can become exacerbated over time.

For example, someone who has had a life-long issue with a blockage in their throat chakra will at first find their neck sore, have tension headaches, develop seasonal allergies, experience a sore and/or scratchy throat, or have other irritating but manageable problems that come and go. However, if the blockage continues unresolved, major issues such as thyroid problems or worse can develop.

In my case, my issues tend to be in my hips. My hips are tight and inflexible in certain positions. I also often get female menstrual symptoms in that area that can be quite uncomfortable. Often, when the Kundalini rises, I have residual soreness in my hips and lower abdomen. All of this points to my lower chakras – first and second specifically – being out of balance.

Recently I have also noticed I have horribly tight shoulders. This is a high heart chakra related issue but also directly related to the hours I spend at a computer or huddled over my Iphone. As a CPT and trained in muscle imbalances I know that my tight hips and shoulders are connected and to fix one I have to also address the other.

My goal, then, has been to work on my tight shoulders and hips at least twice a day. Typically I begin with foam rolling and follow up with deep stretches. This regime takes about 15 minutes, twice a day, sometimes more depending on how stiff I am. If I am working out that day, then I do two more stretching sessions, before and after my workout. Yeah, that is a lot of stretching.

As a way to measure my progress I am focusing on my deep squat, or yogi squat. I am unable to go deep into the squat because of my tight hips and calves. The only way to remedy this is to continue to practice a modified version of the yogi squat consistently and over time the muscles will get use to their new positions and adjust. To give you an idea of how bad my squat is, I have to hold onto something in order to get all the way down, otherwise I fall backward if I go below parallel. Currently, I can do 1 minute at a time before my hips begin to bother me and I have to stand up. I should be able to 4 minutes without holding onto anything for support. So I have a very long way to go.

Here is an article about the yogi squat you might find interesting. If you also struggle to get low into the squat the article can help you figure out why and give you steps to address it.

When it comes to shoulders, my goal is to be able to sit in cow faced pose without discomfort. I am able to manage the seated portion fairly easily (yay!) but the arms/shoulders are another issue. I cannot, no matter how hard I try, grab my hands or fingers in the back. I have to use a towel and even then my right shoulder is very stiff when I come out of the pose. So, like with my hips. I have to work out the knots first and then do some deep stretches to loosen up my chest and shoulders.

Cow Faced Pose 

While also stretching twice a day I am now sitting differently and changing the way I move. When I need to bend over and get something, I squat to do it, even if it means that my heels are off the ground. When I sit at my computer I sit in a low seat that forces my calves into a flexed position. When I am in bed on my computer I sit cross legged for as long as I can or take butterfly pose. So far, these daily lifestyle changes seem to be making the most difference. Not that the stretching isn’t helping, it is, but lifestyle changes put those stretches to use.

In the end, just working on the physical issues is not enough, I know that. An old saying that was often said when I was in massage school applies here – The issues are in the tissues. When I was in massage school I was giving and receiving at least one deep tissue massage a day. I soon discovered that I had bouts of crying and other intense emotion that would come and go. This, I was told, were the issues releasing as my body healed. Pretty awesome, huh? So, I am certain that as I address my current flexibility issues that issues will arise for resolution in much the same way.

Get Flexible! 

Anyone want to join me? You don’t have to do my intense regime. You can simply devote 15 minutes a day to stretching. I also recommended getting a good quality foam roller and some lacrosse and tennis balls which are great for working out knots in places like the chest, shoulders, lats (underarms), back and other harder to reach areas.

Below are some of the tools I use:

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Foam roller – Triggerpoint
GoFit Roll-on Massager – I love this tool! I got mine at Academy but have seen it at Target, too.
BodyGlove massage bar (they have one on the GoFit website, too) – great for quadriceps.
Double ball (for thoracic spine/back)
Not shown – tennis ball

If you have no idea how to use these tools, check out the how-to videos here. There are also tons on YouTube. Basically, you roll a muscle area (thighs, back, calves, etc) and when you feel soreness or sensitivity you stop and hold firm for 30 seconds. Then follow with 30 seconds of stretching for the muscle you just foam rolled.

Here are some videos I recommend for stretching:

If you decide to try this, give it at least 30 days. You will be tempted to give up because if you are tight some of the poses will be uncomfortable (they should never hurt, though). I break a sweat from the intensity sometimes, especially those stretches involving my hips and shoulders. Ugh! But, you should begin to notice you are less stiff as you progress.

Good luck and let me know how it goes! I will be updating with my own progress over time.

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Dream: My Heaven – No Entry

Interesting night of dreams.

Lucid Dream: Chest on Fire

I suddenly became lucid. I was standing in a suburban neighborhood in a cul-de-sac. There was a car on my left as I approached some people standing on the side of the road outside a house. Everyone of the people in the group were African American and I recognized that I was different from them but didn’t care. My main focus was finding my “daughter”. I remember thinking, “Do I even remember what she looks like?”

Not long after that thought I saw her and rushed up to her, wrapping my arms around her and hugging her tightly. I told her how much I loved her and called her my daughter. I asked her how she was doing as I pulled away and saw her looking to her left and behind her. I turned and saw another young woman, probably about 14 years old approaching. When I saw her I knew she was my daughter, too, and that she was very sad. I opened my arms to her, inviting her into a hug. She fell into my arms and I told her how much I loved her, how beautiful she was and not to be sad.

When I pulled away I looked at this young woman and marveled at her beauty. Her hair had been relaxed and straightened and was pulled up tight at the top of her head, cascading down around her in a neat little shoulder-length bob. Her skin was flawless and glowing but her eyes told another story.

I motioned to the woman sitting in the car to my left and told the young lady, “Never forget how much you are love. She loves you.” It felt like the woman in the car was the mother. I touched the mother figure and was surprised to find her very, very pregnant.

I hugged the young woman again and told her, “It won’t last forever. Just feel the love. Just feel it right here (putting my hand on her chest). You are always loved.” I believe she was crying but can’t remember seeing any tears. What I do recall is that I could feel all her sadness and pain. I took it on as my own and began to cry with her.

My hand was still on her chest but I could also feel the pressure of it on my own chest, right between my breasts. The pressure was focused and distinct to the point that it almost hurt. I began to physically feel an intense heat there. It got hotter and hotter to the point that I felt I would not be able to bear the heat much longer.

The heat and pressure spread over my entire body and eventually woke me up. I could still feel it lingering as I rubbed the tears from my eyes. I have never felt heat like that before. It was so real, so physically hot, that I was certain my bed had caught on fire.

Dream: Surgery

This dream was very long. It took place mostly in a hospital. I was to get cosmetic surgery on my stomach area and had checked in. I was awaiting surgery, first in my room, and then in an operating room.

There were several “interns” tending to my needs and talking to me about my up-coming procedure. One was familiar, a tall, blonde male of slender build. There was discussion about what to expect from my surgery. They gave the surgery a name but I don’t recall the name now. Instead I remember seeing in my mind what would happen. They would take a flap of skin from my abdomen, double it over on top of itself to make my entire mid-section more firm and tight.

While I was waiting, my sister stopped by. She was an intern at the hospital, too, and was surprised to see me there. She gave me more information on the surgery and then left, wishing me luck. I remember knowing my sister in this life was nowhere near being as smart as this sister and marveled at how different she was in the dream.

I ended up staying the night and being taken back to wait for surgery the next day. The same group surrounded me and I asked if I could make a change to my surgery and get breast implants. They said it shouldn’t be an issue but I still seemed to wait for a long time. I remember wandering to an area with a very old computer and rotary phone. I realized it had long been abandoned by the staff and looked through the files, curious at the time capsule I had found.

When the doctor arrived I was placed on the operating table and left awake as the surgery took place. It took no time at all and I remember being left naked on the table for a long while, my new body looking like Barbie it was so perfect.

Eventually the blonde male came and took me from the operating room. I knew he wasn’t meant to because he sneaked me out. He seemed romantically interested in me but I didn’t mind.

He took me to the cafeteria to get some food and ordered us cookies. We were each given two cookies and then there was a third cookie also. I remember asking him, “Two cookies?” He nodded “yes”. I took mine and began to eat them. So did he.

Then we were in the shower together, both of us naked. I recall seeing his nakedness and noticing his arousal but not caring because I felt safe with him and knew he was a gentleman. This is where the dream ended.

As I woke I was hearing someone (the man from the dream perhaps?) asking me, “Do you know how beautiful you are?” There was a conversation that followed but I was too tired to remember it. Mostly I remember that he was trying to tell me that no matter how old my physical body gets, I will always be beautiful. I also think he told me that he was there to help me.

Prior to falling asleep I had asked again to be shown my Heaven, or where I would go when I died. This time I think my question was answered.

Dream: My Heaven – No Entry

I found myself in a beautiful garden, beautiful beyond any place I have seen on Earth. There was a crystal blue, shimmering stream running down the center. It shined like it had diamonds or crystals in it. On either side of the stream was vivid green grass dotted with flowers of all kinds. People dressed in white and with glowing skin were walking about, mostly in pairs, some holding hands, others arm in arm. Groups of people were sitting among the flowers and others under the massive oak trees that had shimmering fruits hanging from their branches. Beyond the trees were rolling hills that went as far as the eye could see.

In the center, crossing over the crystal stream, was a golden bridge. In the middle of the bridge stood a man who, to me, felt like “God”, but I knew this concept is incorrect but the closest approximation my mind could come up with. I watched as he met those who had arrived into the garden in the middle of the bridge. He spoke with them, telling them what their path would be while they were there, and then granting them access.

I saw a young blonde woman dressed in white walk up to the man on the bridge. The gatekeeper, as I will call him, barred her way into the garden. In that moment I shifted perspectives and became that woman.

The tall, gorgeous blonde man was fantastic in appearance. His skin shimmered as if covered in diamonds. His eyes were a vivid blue and his hair, straight and blonde, flowed down to his mid-back. He wore all white and was a good two feet taller than me, making him at least 7 feet tall. When he spoke to me my inclination was not to question anything he said but accept it fully and comply.

I wish I could recall word-for-word what he said but I became extremely lucid at his words. They echoed in my mind as I tried to capture them and their meaning. I do remember he said that my purpose was back on Earth, assisting my “family”.

When I heard him tell me, “Your purpose is not here” (meaning I could not come into the garden), I initially accepted it without question and turned to leave. Then I began to wonder to myself, “What did he say?”  So I turned and with my mind asked him, “Say that again?” He repeated himself and his words were odd inside my mind, like musical but also booming and not of this Earth.

In this short period of time as I pondered what was happening the scene began to de-materialize and the garden slowly faded from view. The man, however, did not leave my mind/thoughts. Upset, I remember hearing that I was not meant to walk the path I once thought I was here to walk. Instead, my main purpose was to my family, which I interpreted to mean my husband, children, mother and siblings.

Interpretation

I believe the first dream was me visiting my daughters from another life or parallel lifetime. It felt like I crossed over, into this other dimension, with the purpose to check on them. The empathic connection I had was amazing as was the heat I felt in my chest that spread to my entire body. I’m not sure exactly what to make of the whole experience, though.

The second dream about a surgery is probably a result of my recent considerations about getting some cosmetic procedures done to correct some physical imperfections that are the result of growing older. Mostly these ideas are coming out of sheer boredom and wanting something interesting to do with my time but they also arise from a sense that my youth is slowly fading away. The message in the end was that I am beautiful no matter what. The dream could also be symbolic of healing, specifically to my mid-section where my second and third chakras are located.

The final dream seems to be a direct message to me that I am not yet meant to go to my Heaven. My firm belief is that Heaven is whatever we want it to be, so on some level I see Heaven as a magical garden. I must also think that there is someone acting as a kind of gatekeeper. This probably stems from my Christian background where people are said to stand at “the gates of Heaven” and from there are either granted entry or not based upon their good deeds on Earth. The appearance of the gatekeeper in my dream reminds me of my many dream encounters with Andromedans. They are usually very fair skinned and appear similarly to the gatekeeper man. It seems that my dream Heaven is not based upon “good deeds”, though. Instead, entry is granted when a person’s mission on Earth is complete. I am told in no uncertain terms that my mission is not yet complete.

As for my purpose being to assist my family, my guess is that it not just my biological family members I am assisting.