Another good night’s sleep after many weeks of struggling to sleep. Funny how grateful you can be for something you once took for granted when you have been denied it so long.

Dream: The Killer in Me is the Killer in You

The dream began on a highway (life path). I was with someone, a friend, and we were navigating the path together, giving each other advice and direction.

What I mostly recall of this part of the dream is seeing two dead (suffering, loss) geese on the side of the road. One was white and black, the other brown and black. A motorcycle (forward movement and balance in life) without a driver had caused their deaths and I pointed it out as if to suggest the irresponsible driver caused the carnage.

I arrived at a small town and met up with my friend there. We went into a shopping area. A building stood in front of us which we both knew. It stood apart from the rest and was a line of a three or four shops that inside were all connected. The outside was brown and somewhat rustic or old looking, but modern at the same time. She asked me if I had been to visit the vendors there, I said I had. We agreed to go inside and take a look.

Inside we stopped at a healer where my friend had previously been. She motioned to the two men standing there. One was bald and robed like a monk, the other was taller and older with graying hair. They stood behind a small table that had a tapestry hung over it and a singing bowl and other healing tools sat on top. When I turned to look the men welcomed me, opening their arms and motioning me to come over. I turned and looked at the other vendors and said, “I don’t think I need healing right now….”

My friend accepted this but something changed my mind and I turned back and walked up to the men. The cost of the healing was discussed. As usual, a donation was the only price. I said, “I only have $4 (cautious advancement).” I reached into my purse and got out my wallet, pulling out my money. When I looked at it I was surprised to see more than I thought and upon inspection I had two $50 (personal freedom) bills. I said, “Wow! I didn’t know I had this much!” When I inspected the money it appeared to have nothing printed on it and was a bit transparent and iridescent. When the money changed position, however, the printed ink could be seen. I opted to keep the two $50 bills and donated the rest.

I was asked to stand on the table, left foot resting on something a bit higher than the right – a bowl maybe? Whatever I stood on rotated and was covered in fabric. The man instructed me to let myself spin with the rotation of the disc I stood on. I could feel myself off balance and was afraid I would fall so I stiffened up. He instructed me to relax but when I heard his voice it sounded like a woman’s. I suddenly felt to be lower, ground level, and hands were lightly touching both shoulders. The energy felt feminine and I relaxed into it, closing my eyes and spinning gently. I could hear a woman’s voice encouraging me and telling me, “That’s it…”

When it was over the two men were there again and the woman gone. The spinning sensation had balanced out and I received a vision of an old man with white hair and a beard. He was familiar. The taller of the two men asked me what I had seen and I told him. He was astonished and pulled out a picture of a man. I confirmed it was him and said, “He died here….he had trouble breathing…his chest hurt.” I somehow knew the man’s name was Yogananda.

At this point I asked to be excused to use the bathroom (release, healing). I went into a room from which several woman emerged. Inside I found many women in various positions and several tall clay pots for urinating in. I saw one woman on the floor as if seizing as she pushed a large, white ball around. There were other women on the floor as well all seeming to be convulsing as if overcome by something. They were not in danger, however, and I knew it. They were “possessed” by the Divine.

I entered yet another room, hoping to find a more private place to urinate and encountered more women. Along the side of the room were smaller rooms with doors – small saunas. Women were inside the saunas sweating, conversing and very relaxed.

The dream fades in and out here. I recall mostly trying to urinate and not being able to and seeing various strange toilets made of clay pots that were too high to sit on and so forced a woman to stand. In one I remember feeling I must be getting a UTI because my bladder hurt.

Lastly, I am standing again at the table with the two men and my friend. A song is playing in the background. It is familiar.

Messages

When I woke the words, “The killer in me is the killer in you….” are whispered to me by a voiceless voice as the music in my dream fades away. I know immediately the song, one I have not heard in years.

This is when the name of the man I saw in my vision repeated in my mind – Yogananda. I knew little to nothing about this guru so had to look him up. Turns out he died of heart failure. Source 

I am sure his teachings are relevant, also, but I will wait to be shown what, if any of his teachings, are relevant.

As I lingered in bed, still heavy with sleep, a calming energy swept up and down my spine – an energy hug as I call them. With this energy came a reminder that all lessons are cyclic and will repeat over time until learned and absorbed. If there is anything we can be sure of in physical experience it is that life repeats and so what we feel we have lost or been denied in one experience will be offered up to us again in another. My response was, “But what if it is not until another lifetime?” The reply to that was, “It will be so if you desire it.”

Yet a part of me feels afraid and resists the offering of certain lessons again. I can feel her clinging to her safety net; beliefs birthed out of fear and suppressed memories of when pain and destruction came from following the heart.

As I pondered this, it was revealed to me, as if a memory, that no specific path is the “right” one. It is just a path chosen to explore and many new paths can arise from it. The way of the heart is not linear, nor logical, nor can the destination always be seen/perceived for that is the Soul’s journey unto itself.

And with that I am brought back to the song and the words in it. It speaks to me of Oneness and how we are all aspects of one another. There is also the part about how the years “burn”. This is very real to me. Sometimes it feels as if time hurts….burns.

And I am reminded of a vision I had this morning that I nearly forgot. A plant grows, vines moving upward and then bursting into brilliant flames as if flowering Light. The image of it pleases me, I’m not sure why.