Yesterday was a rough day. When I woke up I was emotional and broke down into tears a couple of times over some personal struggles I have been experiencing.

On my morning walk I tried to process my overwhelm without success. Toward the end I spotted something on the side of the road. I picked it up. It was a cell phone someone had tossed. The front screen was cracked and the back panel was missing. The battery was still in tact. My first thought was, “Broken communication”. I took it inside and let my daughter try to see if it could be salvaged. It couldn’t.

Not long after my mom forwarded me a message she received from my BIL concerning my sister:

This is what’s about to happen. Today the doctor from infectious disease is going to call me and let me know if any other hospital has accepted her [my sister]. If none has I’m taking her out of the hospital and driving her to St. Luke’s in Houston. The doctor told me this as a friend he said cause he could lose his license for telling me that. He told me her valve could go at anytime and he said the hardheaded cardio doctor was wrong in not doing the surgery. He said they have the Staff at bay for now but her valve is so weak it could quit at anytime. What I think we will do is take her out and they will prescribe her the antibiotics she needs and I’ll take her home. Cause she misses [her son] so much. Let her see [him] for a day and then drive to Houston. I need you to keep him while we are in Houston. Do you understand everything I’ve said? Cause if we don’t get her surgery done immediately she only has days to live.

I immediately replied to my mom. She asked me to take my nephew for her when the time comes. I agreed. I asked her if she wanted me to come over, just to be present for her. She said she was laying face down on the floor, devastated over the news but she didn’t ask for me to come. I knew it was because she had her husband for help but also because my presence would likely cause her to be unable to contain her emotion.

The entire day was a rough one as I felt the overwhelm of carrying all the weight of what has been going on in my world. The events of 2014 came to mind and I questioned why it had to happen “all at once” like this?

I have a strong desire to return to my family’s land; to return to what I recognize now is my “safe place”. In fact, I just asked my mom the day before the above news if I could begin building a small home on her land so I could have a place to escape to. She eagerly agreed and seemed happy to accommodate my needs. When I realized she supported whatever I wanted to do I felt near tears with relief. I didn’t understand my reaction at the time. I do now. My wish to escape to my safe place indicates just how small and insignificant I have been feeling lately.

Today, the desire to escape has lessened some as I slowly begin to accept what I feel is coming. When I awoke this morning the memory of a previous dream was on my mind. The dream was called May Day and at the time I thought it may be indicative of something happening on May 1st. I realize now it was about needing help – as in Mayday.

As I reviewed the May Day dream I saw a connection to something that happened this morning. As I was lingering in bed in the in-between I was telling someone, “Two pizzas at once….” A visual of two pizzas was in my mind and at the same time I hear myself say over myself, “Twin.” The feeling I had was of being “full” like one would feel if they ate a whole lot.

In the May Day dream there was a whole section about pizza. I don’t think that is coincidence. In the dream I didn’t have enough pizza to give to all the children. My feeling is that this indicates that I feel unprepared, that my giving all of myself is not enough.

My sister was planning a wedding in the dream. To me this is symbolic of Union with Self which in physical reality terms can be likened to death, or leaving the body and returning Home where Union with Self then occurs. When I thought of this part of the dream this morning I knew that if my sister decides to leave this world she will do so without warning. One minute she will be here and the next she won’t. A part of me saw this as selfish. Doesn’t she care about Mom? Her son? But another understood that her path is her own to choose. If I were given the same choice under similar circumstances I would choose to go Home, too.

Physically I am once again experiencing eczema only this time it is over a much larger portion of my body. I am super itchy and it is annoying. My stress levels have been high and I only get eczema when I am super stressed out.

The messages coming from my guidance throughout this year suggest some major life changes approaching. I am slowly beginning to get an idea of what those changes might be. Their message has been to follow my heart for the most part, though the other morning I was told, “All you have to do is show up.”