Daily Archives: March 12, 2022

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One and the Same

“The Nagual woman and don Juan found completeness and silence in each other’s company. Don Juan said that the feeling they had for each other had nothing to do with affection or need; it was rather a shared physical sense that an ominous barrier had been broken within them, and they were one and the same being.“

From: The Eagle’s Gift, by Carlos Castaneda

When I read the above quote, I recognized the feeling described – “one and the same being”. I have had this with another. It is perfection; Divinity.

I still think fondly on that brief experience and wonder if it will ever repeat. Union feels to be why I am here; my purpose. So, if that is the case, why did it only happen once? Was the timing incorrect? Was I not ready?

Then I think back to the other connection I had not long before that last one. Interestingly, I now feel nothing for the person I often called my twin flame, heart connection, divine counterpart. Nothing.  When I think back on that time it feels alien to me. It doesn’t feel like it was me experiencing it.

So it turned out to be true what my guidance repeatedly told me – Time heals all wounds. Be patient with yourself and Allow. 

The last dream I had with him in it was not long ago. I woke feeling very sad and somewhat angry at the way our meeting and inevitable farewell went this lifetime. I suppose it was better than other lives. I didn’t kill myself at least! If I try and rekindle any of the feelings I experienced long ago, I can’t. Instead, my soul yearns for that experience of Oneness to repeat. It reaches out from deep inside me, calling.

I Know the man with whom I felt a heart connection is now distracted – immersed – in another. It is a more “normal” relationship, one he can better tolerate. There isn’t anything overpowering or compelling about it. It is comfortable and much more suited to him and his present position in life. Sadly, a previous unfinished lesson will play out again regardless of his sense of preparedness. It is written in his blueprint and part of his karmic cycle. He is destined to be burned and left wondering, yet again, what happened and what he did wrong.

I can see clearly now how his lessons and path did not align with my own. His deeply hidden secrets, those he was so terrified I would see, would have destroyed our relationship before it had even begun. He never knew I Knew. I saw what he was hiding all along. His inability to see came at a cost and that cost was Us.

What was he so afraid of? Himself. His magnificent, divine, masculine self. 

When all I desired was to be One with him, it was never to be. I couldn’t have been One with someone not already One with themselves.

So the pages turn and my story continues. What will happen next? IDK but it feels ominous. Perhaps that is a good thing considering the quote above? 

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Letter to Myself

March 6 – Message: The Outlet Can’t Handle the Load

I dreamed I was being counseled by a woman. There are flashes of memory in which I encountered people in my life who I no longer have contact with both living and dead. I vaguely recall seeing my friend’s deceased father and her brother, but I vividly recall seeing my ex-husband and the feelings I had resulted in tears. It seemed like I was grieving the past, specifically that I did not show love as often as I should and my regret about that. There was also a sense that everything in my past didn’t matter; that it was just a waste of my time and energy. 

The woman who was counseling me asked me to write myself a letter. She gave me an example, reciting her own letter to herself. The sense was that in the not too distant future I will be very different and the letter will help me to recognize the changes in myself. 

All this discussion happened amidst a dream taking place in the background that would occasionally shift to the foreground. In the dream I was inside an RV helping clean (healing) up the space. I grabbed a hand-held vacuum and joined a man who had a larger one. I focused on what looked like tiny worms (regrets) the size of a grain of rice that appeared to be dead (in the past). When I began to vacuum the power suddenly dropped and the suction stopped. I turned and noticed three other people vacuuming. The man next to told me I needed to stop cleaning and let them finish for me. His said, “The outlet can’t handle the load“. I also remember hearing “44 watts” was the max load. I took this to mean I stopped “cleaning” (participating in the healing work) at the age of 44. Now I need to let them (my guides) do the work for me.

Letter to Myself

When I woke, I remember hearing, “2025” and I felt disappointed and frustrated. The message I got was that it was not long but to me, three years feels like an eternity. I am so tired of waiting. I’m bored and disinterested in life. I told my guidance that I didn’t like this place or experience and the torture of all this waiting. I wondered if there was any way to not feel like this or is it just my burden to bear in this life? They told me they could help and I got a sense of how – an unexpected, exciting invitation – and I replied with, “But it never lasts and I am back to waiting so quickly.” It does seem that way – a never-ending game of waiting.

Since I was advised to write myself a letter, I guess I will.

Dear Future Me,

I hope you have gotten where you wished to go in life and that you are finally feeling fulfilled and interested. 

You deserve it. 

Life is short. Take advantage of each moment, each tiny opportunity, while you can because it will be in the past before you know it. 

It is not your fault. Remember that.

Focus on what you love and disregard the rest. It is a waste of your time and energy.

Love,

Me