The Second Request

Yesterday, during a self-healing session, I asked my guidance to assist me with healing core issues. I did not expect it to happen straight away, though.

Early this morning, around 3am, I awoke from a dream in which I was kissing my soon-to-be ex and had a surge of desire hit me. It woke me. Surprised, I went back to sleep. Again, I found myself kissing him with the same results. I woke up and returned to sleep a third time. The final time the dream continued and he told the kids that we were going to share a bed again. Eek!

It took me a while to return to sleep but I did.

I remember a dream where I saw two birds’ nests one on top of the other. The top nest had large, healthy babies opening their mouths for food. They were sitting among unhatched eggs. The lower nest had newly born, weak babies. I worried all the babies would freeze, saying, “Why are they having babies in the winter?” 

Then I was inside a house. It was my former best friend’s house. She and her husband were having a party. In the center of the living room I saw my friend and made a couple of dry humored jokes. She got mad and stomped away. I went to look for her, saying aloud I was joking, and found her crying. She walked past me and I saw a man pouring vodka all over the chairs in her living room. I went after her to tell her but couldn’t find her. Instead I arrived at a wave pool. Many young people were sitting around the top which seemed very high up. Below was a concrete slope empty of water with water even further out. Suddenly, a wave came up and knocked them all off the top and into the water. I could see ice in the water as it pulled them away.

Then, I overheard my SIL telling someone that my husband was going to give her money to pay for something but that she can’t let me know because we are in the midst of a divorce. I walked up to her and said, “It doesn’t matter. I heard everything.” 

The dream takes a turn here and me and my SIL have an in-depth conversation. She asked me, “Do you want help.” I thought of a certain type of counseling I could get and told her I would try it again except for the people. I said, “When you speak to them and it is a good talk they think you are now their friends but I don’t want to be their friend!” I was asked why and received many images all at once from this lifetime of times when I had been hurt by others. I realized very quickly that I purposefully didn’t have friends. I often say, “Friends are too much work” but I think the real reason is, friends are too much hurt. 

I remember her telling me, “I can help you.” I asked, “How?” She said, “Assist” and “Stat crash.” This confused me and caused me to gain lucidity.

Before I could wake fully, I realized it was a female guide, not my SIL, I was talking to.

I remember telling the female guide that I didn’t want to change my coping mechanism to protect myself from being hurt because “it is working.” I avoid close relationships with people beyond my husband and immediate family. My family hurts me enough as it is! So, it is a relief to not get hurt by a friend, but then it is sad to not have someone outside my family to talk to. In the past couple of years I have felt very, very alone because of my lack of friends.

Ah-ha moment: I realized my request for assistance had been granted. I was shown a core wound and how to repair it. Feeling overwhelmed at what I felt I was being asked to do, I said, “I can’t.” 

A male guide said, “It just takes some time….” and a song I have had on my mind for two days took over. I looked up the lyrics and when I read them I started to cry. The parts in bold emphasize where I feel the main message is.

The Middle, by Jimmy Eat World

Hey, don’t write yourself off yet
It’s only in your head you feel left out or looked down on
Just try your best, try everything you can
And don’t you worry what they tell themselves when you’re away

It just takes some time
Little girl you’re in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright, alright

Hey, you know they’re all the same
You know you’re doing better on your own, so don’t buy in
Live right now, yeah, just be yourself
It doesn’t matter if it’s good enough for someone else

It just takes some time
Little girl you’re in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright, alright

Hey, don’t write yourself off yet
It’s only in your head you feel left out or looked down on
Just do your best, do everything you can
And don’t you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say

It just takes some time
Little girl you’re in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright, alright

As I cried I had images bombarding me along with what seemed like instructions on how to change, how to fix the “stat crash” I have been experiencing for the last…..two years maybe more. In that time, I’ve not felt connected spiritually. I’ve felt “punished” but I didn’t know what for. I had chosen to do nothing rather than do what I knew needed to be done. Now that I am taking action things are quickly shifting. My guides are back (they were never gone but had stepped back). The syncs are returning. My dream recall is more vivid and my dreams are more lucid. 

Messages have returned. For me, this has been what I’ve missed the most. 

Examples:

The Mug

I was shopping for mugs. I found one that said, “You’re doing great”. When I read it, I started to cry. I put it back and began to walk off but then turned around thinking, “No. I need to remember that.” I bought the mug. 

Fast forward a week or so. I am in the same store. I have been upset over some things in life and feeling quite down. My daughter is with me. She knows about the mug. A woman about my age walks towards the entrance towards us. Her sweatshirt is too small for her. It has written on it, “Don’t worry. You’re doing great.” I laughed aloud and pointed it out to my daughter. I tell her it is no coincidence. The message is clear.

The First Request

I’m at home feeling angry. My mind is full of scenarios of vengeance. I don’t like it. I don’t like feeling angry. I go to the pantry to get something to eat and the thoughts are swirling. I get frustrated. I say aloud to my guidance, “I don’t want to be angry anymore. I’m tired of being angry.” 

Later that day, my daughter is anxious and so am I. I tell her we need to get out of the house. I suggest a movie. She wants to see Wicked. So we see it. I have no idea what the movie is or that it is a musical. Halfway through the movie I begin to identify with the “witch”. There is a scene where she is finally seen by the group. It makes me cry. I can’t turn it off but manage to by the end. Then there is another part, a song, that causes me to cry, too – Defying Gravity. The movie ends. I go to the bathroom and cry in a stall.

On the drive home I start to talk to my daughter, trying to say something really simple about why I identified with the witch. I start crying and then sobbing uncontrollably. I have to park the car. I cry in front of her. I feel bad but she is so very good at giving me space. 

We get home and I get a phone call from my husband. I start to tell him about the day and begin to sob all over again. My eyes are swollen I’ve cried so much by this time. I just can’t keep it in. A quiet message I hear from within says, “It’s okay. Maybe you should do this more often?”

The second request is at the beginning of this post. 

I have a feeling the floodgates haven’t even opened all the way yet (picture the wave hitting from the dream). 

Oh, and I might have forgotten to mention I’m getting a divorce. It was suppose to be final on the 6th but judgement was postponed. We have yet to get a date for the hearing. Hoping it is before the end of the year.