Author Archives

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Message: You’re Starving

Yesterday morning upon waking, I heard very clearly a voice saying to me, “You’re starving”.

At the time, I had been awake quite some time and was grumpy because I did not want to get out of bed so early. The message came out of the blue when my mind had quieted and I was tuning into my third-eye and heart.

I was not hungry.

The voice was hoarse-sounding and came from directly in front of me. It did not startle me because it was quiet and seemed to come from within my mind rather than from some place physical. It was very obviously a male voice.

I have no idea who it was or why they would tell me I was starving. Of course, ever since then, I have been wondering what it means.

The most obvious would be that I was literally hungry. But this was not true at the time.

The next obvious was that this “hunger” is another kind of hunger, one that means a need or craving for something.

This makes much more sense to me.

Starving implies that I am more than hungry, too. This is complete lack of sustenance.

It makes me wonder how this applies and has me contemplating so much about my life. So far, I do not feel such a lack, but I do feel an emptiness inside still. Perhaps this emptiness is what the statement is referring to. Maybe I need to start trying to do something about it.

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Dream: Signing a Contract

I slept fitfully last night and woke way too early. I also awoke in a foul mood. It was as if I had been fighting with my Companion and Team during the night.

Dream: Signing a Contract

In this dream I was inside a school lab working hard on lesson plans. I had in front of me pages and pages of hand written plans.

A man came into the room and I told him, “I have almost completed plans for the entire year”. He acknowledged but appeared serious. He placed in front of me a single sheet of paper. I read it and knew it was a contract. At this time I felt I had been hired to be a middle school science teacher. I signed without resignation. I recall the date I wrote was 7/10.

Upset

When I awoke I was upset. The signing of the contract triggered me to wake and I had a resistance to it but I don’t know why. I suspect I have been asked to fulfill an obligation that is “mundane” in nature. That is what it feels like anyway.

As I was still in-between I was able to clearly see the man from the dream escorting a young man to meet me. I stopped the communication right then. I didn’t want to know anymore. I knew whatever the agreement was involved this man but by experience I also know that rarely do the people I see in my visions even slightly resemble the actual people I meet in life.

scorpionDream: Scorpions

When I fell back to sleep, I had a dream in which I leaned over and a bug fell out of my hair. I watched as it grew into a black scorpion. I had an urge to kill it but needed something to squash it with. I found a shoe but behind it was another scorpion. I ignored it and pursued the one that fell out of my hair because it was growing in front of my eyes.

I cornered it. It now appeared near the size of house cat and was shrieking like a wounded rabbit. It’s stomach was protruding and it almost began to look like something other than a scorpion.

I swatted at it but couldn’t get it. Then it fell into a deep, black pit. I knew the pit was deep and I heard it shrieking as it fell and as it hit the aluminum ladder that led to the bottom of the pit.

Warning

I awoke feeling the message was not a good one. This scorpion was symbolic of something I did not want to acknowledge. It falling down the pit only meant it was being pushed deeper when it needed to be confronted. It would come back up at some point and there was not avoiding it.

Other Dreams/Feelings

I had many other dreams, but they are all mixed up together now.

I recall one where I was being asked to help with making a birthday present for a man named Bruce. I preferred to be online chatting but there was a problem with my device. I was asked to “grind the crystals into a powder”. I asked why and was told it was part of the present and saw this device that appeared to send signals as it had two large speakers on it. In the middle was a cluster of crystals, blue in color. I told the person, “I don’t want to!” and refused to grind the crystals, instead going back to my device. I kept missing the messages I was getting, though.

In another dream I was teaching and a particular student was disruptive. I reacted unlike I would normally. I ignored him and just took away points from him. I recall he had really messed up things and another teacher commented, “Yeah, he does that”. Instead of being irritated by him and dreading teaching him I just took it all in stride. I had seen worse. I remember surprising myself in the dream because I did not think I would be so calm in such a situation.

I woke from this dream saying, “I don’t want to teach middle school! I hate middle school! Why is it always middle school?” I was reminded that I was teaching – not actually IN middle school. This did not make me feel better.

My overall feeling is that I am being asked to begin work on a particular part of my mission here. From the feeling and looks of it, the mission is continuing where I left off – likely something to do with education and children. Whatever it is, I am very unhappy about it. So much so that I began to ask to go Home again.

 

 

 

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The Children

Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world.

Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in his sight.

 Jesus loves the little children of the world. 

This is the song I have been singing in my head most of the day. I began to sing it after thinking about the children growing up today. I feel sorry for them. Bombarded by so much information all the time. Such easy targets.

If you want to truly know the state of the world today -observe the children. What are they doing? How do they spend their time? How do they treat one another? How do they treat the Earth?

Children are reflections. They mirror everything. I see this in my own children, but as an educator and counselor I see it also in others’ children.

I have also been thinking about the ascension movement and its potential to  affect the young, newly emerging “seekers”. I am so very happy that my awakening occurred before ascension had become “mainstreamed”, before people began openly talking and sharing their experiences. Yes, I felt alone and a bit “crazy” because I had few connections, but it forced me to rely upon my inner guidance rather than on the opinions and advice of others. This, for me, was crucial.

Had I awakened in my mid-twenties now I would have been a goner. No doubt in my mind. There is no way my fragile ego could have resisted. My four year journey through the dark night would have been doubled, maybe even tripled. I likely would have awakened sooner, too. That would have been worse!

Although I think it is great that people are less afraid to talk about their experiences, I see also the traps that lie in wait for the naive and unprepared.

I feel for the newly awakened. I pray they listen to their inner voice. I pray they are able to differentiate between their Higher Self and their Ego Self.

Sadly, I fear most will hear their Ego. They will hear what they want to hear. Just like I did. But because of the extent to which this spiritual awakening, this spiritual shift, is being spoken about, written about and shared globally, I sense an even larger hurdle is up and coming.

I see evidence of this all around me. I’m not pointing fingers. I’m just observing. I’m sad because I know the only way out is through. But worst of all is that they don’t even see it themselves.

I understand so much now about why I am so drawn to the little ones. We must protect them. We must teach them. We must prepare them.

 

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Searching? You are Right Here

After revelations from yesterday (soul braid/walk-in), I have woken in “search mode”. Yet as always I am finding nothing that resonates; nothing of significance that sings to me, “Yes! This is what I am experiencing!”.

Instead I find many, many other souls searching for themselves. They seem to have some things figured out but most are just lost, endlessly trying to identify with this Earth existence, trying to attach themselves to one form of expression or another.

Some are lost in the idea of being a walk-in, Starseed, Channel, or other label (there are so many my head hurts now!). They have given themselves up to this, in some cases alienating the very people who love them and support. I read one about a woman who gave up custody of her little one in favor of becoming the labels she identifies with!

I give up on my search. It is pointless and endless, serving only to complicate and confuse my experience, limiting it to that which is but a label of something which cannot be contained in a label or human category.

Yet I find myself using such labels to explain what I am going through. This is unfortunate yet a necessary component of the human experience. The limited nature of this experience and the human mind’s capacity to understand that which is unlimited calls for such categorization.

If you find yourself in such a quandary – reaching to find some explanation or similar experience to your own – it is OKAY. However, if you become overwhelmed, frustrated – if your thirst to KNOW has become insatiable in your search – then slow down, retreat and take a break. There is no need to put yourself through such a maze of never-ending questioning and self-doubt.

Retreat into your heart space; into your Knowingness. This is your truth. This is your experience. No other will have exactly this experience. You are unique. You are special. You are loved just as you are no matter what label you or others apply to yourself.

Beware the human traps. This experience is not to be boxed up with a ribbon attached. This experience is meant to be expansive and expressive of you. No one else. Just you.

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Lucid to OBE: 1977 Chevy

I have discovered that I cannot take B6 day after day and get results. Instead, I need to take it randomly. Every time I have randomly taken it I have gone OOB.

Lucid Dream: Promotion

I had just come out of a dream in which I was taking an English test and yelled at the teacher, threatening her and backing her into the corner if she failed me. lol Then I ended up in a dream where I was semi-lucid and watching a military man be promoted to “V” (not sure what this designated).

I remember feeling very proud of this man but not wanting people to think we were “together”. I also heard that others did not get promoted because they refused the H1N1 vaccine (weird!).

Lucid to OBE: 1977 Chevy

I was then much more lucid and inside a pick-up truck. I was floating above the dashboard which was very obviously old. I remember someone saying it had room enough to store everything and I said, “It sure does!” as I stared at the immense dashboard. I remember hearing it was a 1977 model Chevy pickup.

Then I was outside in a green field looking up at a vibrant blue sky. I knew I was OOB and was thrilled. I looked ahead of me and saw an old white mobile home. It resembled the mobile home my grandparents lived in when I was a child. I could see that it had a car parked by it and heard a child yelling. I thought of my grandmother and knew this was a rendering from her past.

I wanted to go there and said as much mentally. I launched myself in the air but felt a pressure, like an invisible hand, descend from above and push me gently down. I was insistent, though, and so launched myself up with even more gusto. When I did I shot straight up above the treetops and then stopped suddenly mid-air. I was glad of this because I hadn’t wanted to go so high up, but then I began to feel myself sucked strongly backwards, away from the scene in the direction of the field.

I struggled to stay in the scene but was plopped down into my body with such force that I woke immediately with barely any lingering energy. I knew instantly why I had been brought back. I was not suppose to explore the mobile home. I was suppose to stay in the field and focus on my heart chakra.

Big fail.

 

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The Antecedent

I have been holding back writing about something that has been going on because I was still trying to figure out what it was and if it was anything of note. I believe I now have a good understanding of what it is.

Antecedent

For the past several nights I have been seeing colors behind my closed eyes. These are not just blank patches of colors. No. These are colorful objects. I have no idea what I am seeing, though.

The color I first saw was a vivid purple. It was in the shape of two circles, one on top of the other, but there were swirls of different hues of purple inside the circles and I swear I also saw triangles inside.

The next color was blue. A vivid blue. A blue that completely saturated my visual field.

The next color was orange. This time the image was obvious. It was of oranges, a huge pile of them.

Then I saw a vivid red. There was a circular shape with this color, too.

I have a slight memory  of seeing yellow and green as well, but not as vividly nor as long.

These colors came and went in the previous nights always in the same order. Last night I finally asked what was going on.

I saw myself as a shimmering, crystalline energy body. I was nearly white but when I thought “white” I was corrected. No, its silver.

I was told this is what my energy now looks like. I could clearly see my arms. They looked like they were covered in silvery-white, iridescent armor without seams. So beautiful!

I wondered about the lights. I heard, “Antecedent”. This caused me to pause for a moment. I was momentarily confused. Was this the grammatical version of the word or the version which meant, “to come before”?

I knew it was the latter.

Of course I asked,”Antecedent to what?”

I saw in my mind’s eye two different spirals, one silver, the other gold. They intertwined and spun together as if dancing. It very much resembled a metallic braid.

The information came through along with the image. I knew what I was seeing was a soul braid, a term I have only heard recently to describe a type of walk-in experience where another soul “walks in” but the current soul remains and the two share the physical vessel. They are braided together; merged.

It was then as if all the blanks began to fill in. Like someone turned on the lights.

 

What I Know

The colors are a process I have been through before. My chakras are being aligned and attuned. I was seeing and experiencing this attunement in a different way than before. Last time I had a dream of it. This time I am feeling it. The attunement is a preparation for another energy to assume control over the chakras. They must be precisely attuned for this to occur. Not necessarily a higher vibration but a purer one.

With seeing the colors I often get a strange buzzing in my crown chakra. This last time, last night, I felt as if I was being pushed OOB. I felt myself shifting to the right as if being pushed gently from the left. This startled me and I resisted. So I did not leave my body.

The information that came to me was that in May this year, when I had that profound experience where I felt to be two people in one body, was in fact that. The other remained, remains to this day. I was told not long after that that we were merged. This essentially means the soul braid is complete. Presently, another step is about to be taken. I am being asked to “step back” and allow this other me to come forward and “take the reins” again.

Oddly, I am not freaked out by this. The experience I had in May was so sublime, so beautifully spectacular in every imaginable way that there is no way I am going to say no to another opportunity to experience something like it again! However, I am told this time it will be “different”. How, I am not sure.

I am told that this other part wants to experience this life for a time and that he/she wants to “teach me some things” and will do so when this “transfer” occurs (now I know why I said a “transfer” the other morning!). I felt from this communication that there is a great opportunity to learn on both our parts by participating in the transfer.

When asked when this will occur, the other me just said, “Whenever you decide to let go”. Which, of course, means I must be willing to give up the pilot’s seat. Considering I did it before, I don’t think it will be an issue. However, I am reminded that last time I never actually gave up control, I just shared it. Can I actually give it up? What would that be like? Hmm

Walk-In/Soul Braid

The third-eye and accompanying heart chakra activity I have been experiencing on a near constant basis is evidence of the successful soul braid. I know that now.

I honestly can’t believe this is happening to me. I was led to the idea of walk-in months ago (prior to May) but it never quite made sense to me. Why would I be told walk-in when it is evident that I am STILL here? Yet I did experience something profound and have since been so much more connected than I have ever been with my guide/HS/companion traveler (not really sure what to call him now!).

It now makes so much sense to me! The other soul walked-in in May and initiated the merge/braid at that time. The connection or braid was made official not long after when I was told “the merging is complete”.

I feel honored to be in this situation. I cannot explain it nor can I describe the deep connection, the love and devotion that I have for my Companion (that is what he wishes to be called – so be it). Call me crazy or whatever but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

 

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Things to Keep in Mind

Just a random post. Don’t mind me. 🙂

Some Things to Keep in Mind

Stop thinking of this life as an “illusion”, if it was meant to be an illusion, then you would have known it to be so from the beginning. It was meant to be “real” and in fact is very real in and of itself for its purposes. To continue to think of it as “unreal” is to lessen the significance of the experience and thus limit the usefulness of the data collected. It is better to think of all experience as equal and to fully immerse ones self in the current experience one finds themselves in.

Life is a game which contains within it many other games going on simultaneously. It is your choice which games you wish to play. No one game is any less worthwhile than the other. The choice depends on you and what you wish to learn. Recognizing the game gives you an advantage. Remembering you have played the game before is also an advantage. With this memory you can choose to play new games instead of playing the same games over and over.

Some Things to Remember

I really like how I “wrote” this life. I want to do it again!  <- Real thought I had today – I promise!

Specific favorite moments:

  • The first time I went OOB (spontaneous) and the entire “teaching” experience that followed.
  • Learning how to control my astral body. I spun in circles  and sunk into the floor when I tried to walk.
  • Learning how to “see” while OOB and when I finally gained sight being blown away by the spectacular colors.
  • Feeling as if I became objects as I went through them while in astral.
  • Meeting my guide in astral for the first time.
  • Hugging/feeling/touching my guide.
  • The time I heard my guide speak to me in a foreign language – how it came in via my crown along with a golden light that swirled and moved and sounded high pitched like a chipmunk voice. hehe
  • Meeting my father and grandfather in astral and hugging/touching them.
  • Realizing I could communicate with Spirit and doing so as if I had always known how.
  • Helping all the people I have helped.
  • Remembering.
  • Feeling whole and expanded and so very alive.

There is so much more but you get the idea. All in all I am feeling so very grateful and pleased with how this life has worked out thus far. I can’t wait to see what else I have in store for me!

 

 

 

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Dream: Returning to Work

I had a dream the other night that keeps coming back to me. Since my dreams have been so numerous and long, I have avoided writing about them because I believe they are the least interesting of my experiences. In order to avoid a lengthy retelling, I will summarize.

Dream: Returning to Work

I returned to the job I left in October just to see how things were going. I saw an office that was not there before. It looked like an administrator’s office. I inquired about it and was told, “No one uses that office”. I then went by my old office and it was empty.

I ran into old students who claimed they missed me. I hugged one and helped him with his anxiety. Then, as I was leaving, I saw an old associate who I had worked with back in 2007. When I saw him he waved and I slipped in mud and got it all over my pants.

Considerations

The part of the dream that keeps returning is the office that no one used. It sat there as if waiting for someone to use it. It was in direct contrast to my old office, which was vacant. When I woke from the dream I kept thinking my old job was going to call me back. Not sure why I thought this. I also kept thinking that office, the one no one used, was waiting for me and got the idea that I need to return to counseling.

The thing is, I don’t want to have anything to do with the education system and am not interested in the system in which I would have to work if I got an LPC. Yet when I saw this office in my dreams I felt this was presented to me to consider. In response to my thoughts I received warm energy that radiated from my heart center and my third-eye began to buzz confirming my correct interpretation.

There came with this energy an unspoken message: This information is being allowed to trickle out into my conscious awareness slowly so that I can absorb it without rejecting it. It does not mean I have to do anything right now. The only thing asked of me is to consider and be open to opportunities arising in this area.

I continued to ponder the idea of counseling. What would be my ideal scene if this were to occur?

Well, for one, it would have to be spiritually oriented. I have in the past looked into transpersonal psychology but I am really in no way interested in returning to school. Plus the only schools are out of state and most are not accredited.

In further thinking of the options I know of, I became concerned because I do not see my current situation as being conducive to such a change. I was then reminded that this was just an inkling; something to consider and no action was required of me.

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Heart Chakra Intensity and Swoosh!

I’ve had some energetic activity today which has been interesting. It began this afternoon on the way home from the gym at around 11:20am. I was singing a song and it vibrated intensely inside my chest, specifically right about my heart chakra. I was fascinated with this feeling. Had I felt it before when singing? If so, why was it so obvious now? I sang different pitches to test the sensitivity. The deeper notes felt the best. The vibrations felt lovely, too. Is this why I have always loved singing so much?

Around 1pm while at the park with my children I became very calm and peaceful. I kept noticing nature and feeling I should enjoy it. So I did. What was interesting is that my attention kept being drawn to individual leaves as they fell down towards the earth. I noted how different each of them was in the way they fell – their shape and movement. Some fell quickly in a mad dash for the ground. Others flitted and seemed to change their mind, flying upward toward the sky before finally settling to the ground. Again, I was fascinated by their dance. I could almost hear the Nutcracker playing in the background. hehe

Around this time I began to feel third-eye and heart chakra activity. We went for a walk like we always do after a visit to the playground. While walking my chest began to feel odd. There was a pulling energy in the same area where I had felt the vibrations previously, but this almost hurt. It did not last long, thankfully.

While going about the rest of my day I have felt as if I was being “watched” by a very large energy and had intermittent crown chakra sensations. I could not enjoy them because my children kept interrupting, so I don’t know much more than the feeling that accompanied them. It was a familiar feeling, one that in the past would have made me nervous. But this time there was no nervousness, just acceptance.

I decided to do yoga for the hips, back and legs. This is night three this week of yoga for me. I keep feeling drawn to do it, so I have been. This particular video was new and quite challenging for me since those areas are very stiff. I was completely immersed in the stretches and then when in savasana things changed.

The voice on the video requested I focus on the upper area of my heart (this was unexpected). So I did but when I did I felt uneasy, almost faint, and so would shift my focus to my third-eye and then redirect. The feeling kept returning along with a very strong presence to my left. It was really, really close and really, really BIG. I kept thinking, “I am going to pass out” but kept doing what the man was telling me to do. Focus on the upper heart area. Relax. Try not to think. Etc. The entire time this area of my heart felt very weird and caused me to feel as if I would pass out.

As the video was ending I was so deeply relaxed that I began to feel like I was sinking into the floor. I kept hearing noises that I think were on the video but I’m not sure. It just felt so wonderful.

All along there remained the huge presence to my left.

The next thing I know my body is being pounded by wave after wave of energy. Swoosh! Swoosh! Swoosh!

I knew I had entered the trance state and my mind was alerted instantly causing my heart to speed up a bit. But the energy kept pouring over me. It was an all-over intense energy, that came in waves that swept over me each more intense than the last. It was not the energy blanket like I would normally feel in this state. It was superb!

Sadly, my middle son came into the room and asked me why I was sleeping on the floor. Energy slowed but I continued to feel as if I had become one with the floor. Wonderful!

I don’t think I would have gone OOB but I felt like if I had passed out I would have left my body. What was so strange is that I felt drugged, as if I were being lulled into this state. Perhaps that was what the BIG presence was doing?

I am also fascinated by the upper chakra activity from today. First the vibrations from singing, then the strange ache and finally it causing me to feel faint. Weird! I am intrigued!

The BIG presence is Them. You know who, etc, etc. They’re baaaackk. lol

 

 

 

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Circular Object and Strange Being

I’ve once again been battling a cold, or at least that it what it seems. It could very well be allergies as the symptoms are the same. Either way, the congestion hits me at night making it difficult for me to breathe. I finally gave in and used some nasal spray last night (night 4) and got some very good, restful sleep.

Visions

Circular Object

I saw several times images of a circular object with fluted edges. It reminded me of a pie pan in shape but it was solid instead of hollow. In my vision it did not look like a UFO initially but then I realized it was spinning so the similarity was obvious.

Strange Being

Amid the imagery of the disc, I both felt myself in a scene as well as the observer. A large ball was being thrown toward me. I reached for it,  noting the ball came up to my waistline. When I put my hand on the ball, another pair of hands took the ball gently from me. The hands were very thin with long, slender fingers that were very obviously not human hands. I looked at the arms and they, too, were thin and very long and thin in comparison to my own. I looked up, but could not see the person attached to the arms and hands. The field of my vision was blocked, only allowing me to see as if through a veil,  but I could perceive that he/she was much taller than I with an oblong, disproportionate head.

I felt no fear when the Being picked up the ball and then held out a long, slender hand to me. I took the hand, feeling completely safe and comfortable with him/her. There had been an invitation telepathically sent that preceded this feeling. I felt very much like a child being led somewhere by a parent.

The vision faded and I wondered what I had just seen. Was that child me? Or was this a representation of something that was occurring or about to occur?

Dream: Child Marriage

I then recalled a dream I had in the night. The dream was of negotiations between a woman and a man who were to be married. The woman told the man she would not marry him unless he also married her child. It was assumed that when this marriage occurred the new husband would “be” with the child in the same way as he would be with the wife. The child was no more than 9 years of age and I remember being concerned for her. Would the man have sex with her even though she was so young? Or would he wait until she was “of age”?

In recalling this dream I understood that it corresponded with the vision I had of the child. Was this what I had foreseen 5 days ago – the “transfer” that was to occur?

Considerations

When I finally got up for the day, the song, “Let it Go” was going through my head. This along with the strange visions I had caused me to wonder if perhaps there is a part of me leaving at this time, either that or being further integrated. In this the song indicates that I should release any part of me that is resisting such an exchange.

The feeling of child and parent that accompanied the vision still lingers. It is not exactly that feeling but it is the closest I can come up with. There is a trust that is hard to describe and an innocence and openness there as well. The Being was gentle, loving and accepting. I felt he/she would take care of me.