Author Archives

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Transmutation of Sexual Desire

It has come to my attention of late that there is an issue I am struggling with. It is specifically related to incarnating in the physical. Apparently this is a common issue among Star-people (Starseeds).

Transmutation of Sexual Desire

As energy-beings (Spirit or whatever you want to call it), those of us newly experiencing life in an Earth body amid limited and overly rigid belief systems, typically struggle to adjust to life on this planet. Though I do not completely feel “new” to this (I have incarnated here previously without much success in overcoming these limitations), there is much memory returning to me in regards to adjustment.

Of the most difficulty for me in this life is understanding and overcoming the limitations of human sexual desire and reproduction. In a nutshell, it is very difficult for me to override intense sexual attraction and desire for the opposite sex. I am currently in the pattern of resisting such physical attractions by simply eliminating them altogether. I have done this out of recognition of how destructive such tendencies can be. Yet these intense feelings are resurfacing and I have been struggling with them once again.

In this case, the feelings are arising for people I have never met in the flesh yet have a strong spiritual connection to. I sense their energy, their spark or signature, and it is familiar to me in a very deep and attractive way. I am struggling because when I sense their energy my physical body responds in its natural way. It perceives the attraction and so responds in kind. Then I, in recognizing this is inappropriate, promptly switch it off.

Yet I am being encouraged to not turn it off but to transmute it and so allow it to fully express itself in me. I recognized this morning that I have been learning how to do this during the night which is why I get teased in my dreams via “sexual” advances and jokes by my friends (not funny!).

It was explained to me that my familiarity and thus reaction to these kindred spirits whom I have never met in person is what is initiating the energy which triggers my physical reaction. The key is to not mentally shut it off but allow it to run its course while effectively controlling the physical components.

I am not sure I know how to do that but mentally I have a block to doing this. I feel I am somehow being untrue to my husband even though I logically know this is not the case.

The desire, I am told, is one I am familiar with and when asked to focus on it, I realized that what I am feeling is indeed something else altogether than what I thought it was. My Companion called it love, but love unlike in the human sense, as humans typically associate love with sex (ie love=sex) because this is how reproduction is accomplished.

Thankfully I am not stressing over this new development (or not so new really). I just need to withdraw my conditioned human response. This is a totally new, wonderful experience I am not allowing myself to have because of something that does not apply!

What It’s Like

How does it feel? The first inklings of the feeling (this is all that I have allowed) are similar to how I have  felt when meeting someone I had a strong attraction to in the physical. However, the feeling hits me in the heart center and this wonderful warmth spreads out that makes me lose my breath and causes me to want to melt into the ground. It is scary in some ways as it makes me feel like I will lose control. This is usually when I promptly put an end to it. I am told this feeling, if allowed to expand, will bring a much more beautiful experience. I have felt this before in this physical body (yes but by accident) and so I know what it feels like. I will say it is indescribable but is along the lines of pure ecstasy.

I do want to experience it again but there is such fear connected to it. I hate that my physical experiences have created this barrier for me. No wonder my friends in spirit think its funny. Sigh.

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Intensity Hits Home

Though the day started out feeling light it definitely turned intense.

This afternoon while driving to visit my mom I had crown, third eye and heart chakra activity, though muted. I also could not seem to focus and kept freaking out as I drove because I felt all ungrounded like I would fly away. This is common when I drive these days.

When I got to my mom’s I sat down and meditated a while because my heart chakra felt off and I felt physically sick from something, but I didn’t know what. Once I grounded and meditated I felt much better.

Then my step father sat down and said he wanted to talk to me about something. I felt immediately that it would not be a fun talk and knew the source of my unsettled, sick feeling.

He went on a rant about his Christian beliefs and began questioning me about my own beliefs. He was accusatory in tone and kept asking why my husband and I believed we were “equal to God”. He also got into a long speech about how God was in control and was the “one True God” and the “only creator”. He was upset because he knew both my husband and I believed we were capable of creating and wanted to make sure that we understood that anything we created was in fact created by God and not us. He was very angry that anyone would think they were equal to God and kept going on and on about it.

I listen uncomfortably for a while and gave him answers which he promptly turned around on me. I explained that although I was raised Christian, that I no longer believed that I needed Jesus Christ to “save” me, nor did I believe that I needed him to escape some fiery Hell. I ended up recognizing and calmly saying that I was no longer Christian, which surprised me but is in fact truth. This declaration sent him into a story about how no one should take God’s gifts and use them for selfish gain.I finally stopped the conversation and asked him to be respectful of me and my husband’s beliefs and pointed out that I was always respectful of his. The talk ended but I felt a huge weight hit me like a ton of bricks and had to hold back the tears.

That was when my mom told me she had a dream that she, I and my sister were singing together. She asked me to sing with her and her husband. So, after the intense talk I had just had where I realized I was no longer technically a Christian, I ended up singing “Jesus is Coming Soon” (ironic) and “I’ll Fly Away”. I love to sing, so it was nice, but when I think back on it I wonder if maybe my mom was trying to somehow make herself feel better, and me, too, by having us all sing these hymnals.

As I drove home, not a mile from their house, a huge amount of emotion hit me and I began to cry. I realized, though, that it was not upset over the talk and what was said, but over the feelings projected toward me by my step-father. As I allowed the emotion to come, I also recognized my own emotion – grief. I was grieving for them – my mom and her husband. It was clear to me that they didn’t see; that they prefer to be asleep. This saddened me and I felt so discouraged.

The emotion came in waves as I drove home. My higher heart was blazing with energy that almost hurt and I was battling with the discouragement I was feeling. I saw the majority of the world in my mother and her husband. So many people going about life, day in and day out, asleep and unwilling to wake up.

I heard my Companion remind that it’s their choice. I heard him remind me that not everyone will choose to stay asleep. I heard him remind me not to be discouraged or give up.

By the time I got home I felt better. But it is so very overwhelmingly obvious that this planet has a very, very long way to go.

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A Night of Light Language

I slept deeply last night – yay! This, however, does not mean I was doing nothing through the night. Quite the opposite. Seems I was working and so were many, many others!

A Gathering: December 20-25th

Most of the night I was within a dream gathering of like-minded, mission-oriented, Lightworkers and Starseeds. I remember the dream, but when I woke it was not the dream that stood out to me. Rather, it was the memory of what was contained in the symbolism of the dream.

We were discussing an upcoming convening of a very large group of individuals. The purpose of this meeting is unknown to me, but based upon the memory and feeling of the dream, it is suggestive of a type of reunion. This gathering is similar to a family reunion except that we are not exactly family but linked by a similar purpose and plan.

The meeting, which in the dream was likened to a vacation, was to occur toward the end of December. The specific dates were the 20th-25th.

I recall seeing many familiar faces and even knowing names. The name Eric stood out the most, however. There were so many people, though, that I could not count. I want to say there were hundreds. Some that I met had distinct personalities. There was a lot of sexual playfulness, but no actual sex. I believe they knew I was serious about my work and so were teasing me. Thankfully, I did not get insulted. lol

Symbols and Messages

While in the dream there was a repeat of a symbol. It was that of a triangle with something coming out of the top of it. It reminded me of a volcano. I saw this symbol several times and each time it was inserted into the dream in such a way as to grab my attention. It is like the dream paused and there was suddenly this symbol taking up my entire vision. My assumption was this was the related to the gathering.

There was a message about the on-going gridwork that I am participating in. The celebratory feeling of the meeting is related to this gridwork. It feels as though we are celebrating a job well done. Perhaps we will be done anchoring the grid and can finally relax for a while and take a much needed break?

I saw also several times a list of people’s names. There were pages and pages to this list. I believe the names on the list corresponded to those who were celebrating with me.

So, if you are one of us who helps to stabilize and anchor the new Earth energy (gridworker) then congratulations on a job well done! You deserve a much needed break.

Light Language Transmissions

Throughout the night I would wake briefly, as is my usual. However, this time, upon waking, I would see light language symbols seeming to flow through my mind on a grayish black screen. It was like it was streaming but in 2D. These symbols would sometimes be streaming in and other times seem to be streaming out.

Amidst these streams of symbols occasionally symbols would stand out to me. Two that I recall most commonly are the triangle with what looked like a flame coming out the top and the arch with the dot under it that resembles an eye.

The picture with this post is what I drew this morning. I feel so light and refreshed this morning.

 

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The Owl and its Connection to ET Experiences

My totem for as long as I can remember has been the owl. The Great Horned Owl to be exact.

Some of my earliest memories are of playing with my grandmother’s owl figurine as a child. I was always drawn to it and touched it whenever I saw it.

When I was around 8 years old my father was driving in his black Porsche with me and my two sisters. He liked showing it off and we took a drive at night on a familiar country road.

Out of the blue a large bird flew into the front of his car. It hit so hard my father stopped to check for damage – both of his car and the bird. He went into the ditch to see what he had hit. I had a strange feeling at the time, like I was scared something would happen. My dad laughed his hearty laugh and said, “Look! I hit an owl!” He held up the massive bird by it’s feet, which was still alive and just stunned. I looked on in both curiosity and horror, standing back and away from my dad because the owl suddenly woke up and began flapping its massive wings. My dad yelled out and let go of the bird and it flew away. I can still hear the sound of its wings. The memory is one of my most vivid memories of my early childhood.

When I lived in Montana we had a family of Great Horned Owls living near the house. They would perch on the top of our roof and look at us – Mom, dad, and three babies. They also would leave us pellets which always seemed to be right where we would walk. They stayed the entire time we lived there, which was about a year, and I saw the babies grow up. No matter the season, there they would be seemingly watching all the time.

Even more recent, but probably a good four years ago, I had an incident where I was driving home alone at night and had to stop because a Great Horned Owl was just sitting in the middle of the road looking at me. It was right in front of the entrance to my driveway, so I didn’t have to slam on my breaks. I sat and looked at him for quite some time. He also looked at me, just staring at me. What was even stranger is that there was a strange fog that night which settled around the owl making him look almost like an apparition. I remember thinking he must have something to tell me, but I don’t recall getting any messages.

I turned into my driveway after a good while of back and forth staring and saw him fly away.

Owls and ET Experiences

Only recently have these memories surfaced. I actually read about how owls can be indicators that one has had an ET abduction. I read this in Keepers of the Garden by Dolores Cannon. She mentions how often owls are used to hide an abduction memory. The owl memory gives the human mind something to focus on and distracts from the true experience and memory. She then hypnotizes Phil whose own experience begins with having to stop suddenly because of a huge owl.

Reading this, I began to wonder about my own owl experiences. I quickly tossed the consideration that maybe they were shielding my own ET encounters. No way could that have happened to me!

Then I stumbled quite coincidentally upon a book by an ET Experiencer called, The Messengers: Owls, Synchronicity and the UFO Abductee. I haven’t read the book yet and am not sure if I plan to, but the book is about the author’s  experiences with owls and their connection to ET abductions and contact. This, of course, I could not ignore. Here I had been reading about owls and had thought maybe it may be applicable to me and had just tossed that reasoning. Now to find yet another hint that maybe, just maybe my owl encounters have been more than what they appear.

1989

My mind has been going back to the summer of 1989, when I was only 12 years old and that strange, eerily calm and quiet night when I saw the UFO right over top me. My memory of seeing it is so clear and the awe I felt returns as if I am living it again. I don’t know why I wasn’t afraid. I was the exact opposite. I was thrilled and excited yet all I could do was stare and I did not, could not move. No beam was upon me, that I recall, but I was staring into a very, very, large, round, white light. It was one of about five total that were on the bottom of the craft which was directly above me. It was centered right over me!

Yet I have no other memory of the experience except for the awe I felt, the bottom of the huge craft, the lights, and what seems to be an endless amount of time just staring up at it. I don’t remember any communication or abduction, just the UFO and the intense white light.

When I finally broke from the trance-like rapture I was in, I went inside to get anyone to come see. My mom came but when we got outside it had gone and I saw it in the distance. I pointed it out but my mom did not believe me. I watched it dart away at an angle but she had already turned her head to go inside. Such a bummer!

Could it be that I have experienced other such encounters and they have just been wiped from my memory? With all the odd memory lapses I have been having lately I am starting to think it is very likely.

 

 

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Dream: Light Language Transmission

I finally slept pretty soundly last night. I had many, many dreams containing more information than my conscious mind was able to retain. Thankfully, I did retain some and my Companion helped me access it.

Dream: Light Language Transmission

This dream was long, so I will condense it.

I was visiting with a group of people living in a commune-type setting. It was families sharing everything and they were very tight knit. I was learning of their daily routine and my husband and I were considering joining them.

At one point they were telling me how they lost a member of their group. I felt very sad for them and told them I would help. I got down on my knees in this golden space (alter maybe?) and looked up at the sun which was at about 10 o’clock in the sky. I began to sing a lovely song that was very alien in its sound. It was nothing like I had ever sung and the melody was strange yet beautiful. As I sang the song which consisted of words and syllables I was unfamiliar with, I saw a golden light come out of me and connect with the sun in the sky. Within the light were symbols streaming out of me and up. They were golden also and shimmered in the light.

I had such a peaceful feeling while singing but something about my song connected me to these people I was with and I felt an overwhelming love and sympathy for the loss of their loved one. All I wanted to do was help them.

My husband did not want to stay with these people so we chose to leave, which saddened me for they felt like family to me now. As I said my goodbyes, three women dressed in simple dress, stood in a line to see me off. I went to each of them and gave them a hug and a kiss. I felt myself crying as I did.

Message

When I awoke I immediately recognized the song as light language and was surprised that it had come out of me. I also knew I had sent it, or transmitted it, to an individual far, far away as a means to “bring them back” from being lost from their family. I don’t remember what I sang but I finally understood what light language is. It is a connection established between one (or many) consciousness and another. It is purely telepathic so no words could ever actually translate, only an emotion or an overall sense of the message.

Space Craft and Being

I fell back into the in-between thinking of this and saw suddenly that I was hovering inside some sort of space craft and I was not alone. The craft was a circular, domed disc. It was vast, spreading out around me and covered with symbols similar to what I had just seen in my dream. I was hovering over a window that looked down onto a galaxy far below. It looked like a partial swirl of stars and dust. I knew instantly that I was in space on board a ship and that I had been there before.

With me was my Companion. He asked me to look down at the swirling mass of stars below me. He said, “That is You”. A tiny star stood out more brightly than the rest. I understood this to mean this star was Earth.

We conversed for quiet sometime. Him telling me that They wanted me to Remember and that this was a test to see how much I could handle. I could see him, or parts of him, and knew he was not human in appearance. He was much, much taller than I and very pale, with long, spindly arms and legs and a bulbous mid-section which was hard for me to make out. His head was elongated without any visible hair and his facial features were very small in comparison. He had massive eyes that took up the majority of his facial area. They were dark blue (like the eyes of a newborn baby) and slanted upward toward his temples. I do not recall seeing any whites, only the bluish color. His nose was very small and petite, but it was there, and his mouth was similar in size to his nose with no discernible lips.I did not see any ears. It was hard to tell what color he was in the light (it was dark) but he appeared light in complexion, so I suspect he was either light gray or blue in color.

I contracted from this image at first but felt no fear so stopped and took a closer look.

The most vivid aspect of him were his hands. They were very thin, with long fingers that had overly large pads on them. It was almost like he had frog fingers. I asked about them and he said, “Our senses are not like yours. We have a supremely developed sense of touch”. I saw that he used touch to control the ship and saw an electric blue energy that ran through the ship in what appeared to be “veins”. I knew then that the ship had consciousness and that he was tapped into or a part of that consciousness.

I asked many questions as I hovered there over the window overlooking our solar system. He told me that They stayed far from the Earth so as to not be detected. The ship was indeed “alive” and the symbols inscribed all over it were the same symbols that I saw in my dream. The ship itself communicated with those on Earth who were receptive to it. Similarly, those on board the ship (connected with the ship) also communicated with those on Earth who were receptive. It was like a mass consciousness circuit between the ship, those on the ship and those on Earth. I was and am still in awe! So this is what Light Language is! It is US communicating with Them and their ships!

I asked about his body and where he was. He told me that his body is not like ours. He said it is composed of energy but would feel solid to the touch. This is/was hard for me to understand. Eventually, after several questions and answers, I concluded that he is either a 4D or 5D Being.

What was the most concerning to me was that this Being was in fact my Companion. I have no doubt of this. He explained that his consciousness and mine had been interlinked but that he continues his commitments/activities in this craft as well as other areas all at the same time. He can do this easily and without much concentration. This is very amazing to me.

I once again saw the 3D plane set out in front of me. It again had objects and markers on it. He said to me, “We need you to Remember your mission now”. I did not and do not remember it despite being in awe of this experience. I was told more was to come which indicates to me that my reaction was appropriate.

There is so much more I was told, but I am still digesting it all. I will share it as I feel comfortable.

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Dream: Stabbed

Again I couldn’t fall asleep last night until around midnight. Very frustrating! Thankfully, I slept very well even if for only six or seven hours.

Dream: Stabbed

I found myself riding a bicycle down the road. I don’t ever ride a bike, so this is unusual for me. Out of the blue a force comes toward me and hits me in the mid-section.

I wake in a hospital bed. I am groggy and told I just underwent surgery for a stab wound. Without looking I knew where I had been stabbed – in the solar plexus. I saw in my mind’s eye a small, two inch wound which had been stitched up. It was located right where my rib cage ends; where the two sides split off from each other.

I lay in bed looking around. I was inside a huge room that was filled with hospital beds from one end to the other. Each bed was white and had an occupant. I saw that we were on the 9th floor, the sign indicating that we were in room 900 something.

I began searcing for my clothing. I wanted to leave before it got too dark. There were woman watching me and asking me questions about how I got there. I told them I was okay – that I didn’t even feel the wound. Specifically I said, “My c-section was way worse than this. I don’t even feel it!” I tested this out and sure enough I could not feel even an ounce of tenderness.

A nurse came by and asked me if I would look at a list of prices to pay for my stay. I told her, “I’ll take the lowest. I don’t have any insurance”. A woman across from me asked about it. I told her, “Since Obamacare, we can’t afford insurance. It costs us $13,500 a year and I only make $23k”. The woman said, “Do you at least get vacation?” I said, “Yeah, I’m a teacher. We get all summer off. It’s the best job ever”. She said, “I get unlimited vacation”.

I remember the bill was $1100. Then I said, “I need to leave. How do I get out of here?” No one had an answer.

I saw it was already 7pm and gave up because I knew it would take me 3 hours to get home from Dallas (why I thought I was in Dallas I don’t know). I decided to stay for the night and fell asleep.

When I woke I asked where breakfast was and was told they were waiting for the last person to wake before serving it. I said, “What if they wait until 10am!? Then we will all be starving! Worse yet, what if they wait until 1pm?”

My husband came to get me at that time and said, “Your bill was paid by American Express”. I said, “I don’t have American Express”. lol

Messages

I woke suddenly from the dream feeling very calm and relaxed; happy. My Companion was there and said, “We’ve been working on you. Recalibrating”. I knew the solar plexus was the focus because it held my fears.

I saw then a 3D image in front of me. It was of a geometric plane spread out in front of me. On it were images set in specific locations upon the plane. I don’t remember them now but they were familiar images like a house, people, and other landmarks or markers. I was told this was my next assignment; our Plan.

It was then brought to my attention by my Companion that my resistance was waning and we would soon be able to initiate the Plan. The visual I received was of him stepping forward to resume control of the human host body while I stepped back. I heard then the song, “Come Home” by OneRepublic. The specific part was, “Everything I can’t be, is everything you should be”. I understood this meant that I was to be shown Our potential by my Companion. He has said as much, that he will “teach” me when he is in the pilot seat. The song just gave me more information. This exchange is to show me what I am capable of.

I tried to get more information, to understand what this experience will be like. I did not get much clarification, only that it will be “different”. I was shown a blender and understood this meant our energies would blend during this time. But wasn’t that already the case? Apparently this is not the same as the braid.

I was and still am ready. I do not feel fear but am told the experience, if not gradually implemented, will initiate a sudden fear response. So, it appears it will be gradual to test my response. I am intrigued and I am ready!

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Another Memory

I have had yet another memory resurface. This is one that has repeated and I keep forgetting it despite it repeating. So since I have time today I want to write it down before I forget.

The memory is of a conversation I had with my Companion years ago and with it came a memory of my own of an event early in this incarnation.

I was shown the work that goes on prior to birth. In this I also had memory of participating in this work. The work involved integrating with the human host. There was memory of getting the host to agree to the integration. It was a communication with the body and it communicated back!

During the integration process I was not alone. I was in the body but not the body yet. I was still settling in. The body consciousness was in the process of being formed and so I was learning how to take control of it.

There was specific focus on the brain as it was being developed (so I am in the body while it is still forming inside my mommy). I “touch” an area of the brain lovingly, tentatively. In this process my Companion is showing me how to do this, like a lesson in “How to integrate with a body”. lol

What is interesting is that the body, this tiny human body still growing and forming inside its mother, had its own consciousness. It was very limited, of course, but it was there. It had a simplistic type of consciousness. Perhaps this is in fact the Ego, but it is hard for me to tell as I only recall the surprise I had in discovering that this body had its own ability to function separately from me. The purpose in communicating with the body was to get it to agree that I was its friend; that I was helpful to have and would take care of it. It was a nurturing, loving, energy/feeling I was sending it and when accepted the link was established and then built upon. Eventually the body and me became one and my consciousness and its consciousness were permanently linked.

I remember this memory vividly and wonder sometimes if the memory is the creation of Me, the Experiencer, and what my Companion means when he said, “I created you”. If so, it is quite intriguing indeed!

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Dialogue with my Companion

One of those wiped memories that suddenly returned was a conversation I had with my Companion yesterday. I wanted to share it with you all since I am confused still by it.

I asked him about Us. Who are We? Is everyone like Us? Does everyone have a Companion Traveler? Is a Companion Traveler different from a Spirit guide?

His answers were this:

Who are We?

We are two of the same individual (individual is not the right word here but is good enough). Halves of a whole. I am You and You are Me. You are the Earth Traveler and I am your Companion Traveler.

Does everyone who comes to Earth have a set up like us – Companion Traveler and Earth Traveler?

No. We are chosen to do a specific task while here and have traveled this path before. We travel always together.

Is a Companion Traveler different from a Spirit Guide?

Based upon the definition you have of spirit guide, no, but your definition is the one We provided Us previously. In terms of what most people consider a spirit guide, I am not that. You have those, though. We call them Assistants.

Are you my Higher Self?

This terminology can be very confusing in that it implies that We have a Higher and Lower Self; that We are one more important than the other. So, no, I am not your “Higher” Self, I am simply You.

Yes, You are the Me that Remembers, correct?

Correct. I am here to give you access to certain knowledge at certain points in Our journey. Through you I see and experience the physical, which you call 3D. This is your application at this time. You were created by Us for this purpose – to be the Experiencer.

So not everyone has a Companion Traveler, then?

No. Only those who have come for the purpose of restoring Hue-manity.

Is a Companion Traveler limited to those who are soul braided?

No.  A soul braid is just one way it is done. In this case, We have chosen this particular method in order to strengthen our connection and communication during Our time here. Without such a connection it is likely that You/We would fail to complete our mission.

You say we “travel always together”, what do you mean by that?

We have been together from the beginning. It cannot be explained in a way that your human mind would comprehend. I will explain it as best I can. Imagine a piece of fruit. You cut it in half. You still have the fruit, but it now in two pieces. This is Us. We are separate for a time. We do this purposefully in order to experience. When You return from this life We will once again be whole but remain separate until We have finished what we started.

So when I die I will return to You and We will be whole again?

Yes, but we will again separate to experience again.

Will you be the Experiencer this time?

No. I am sorry. This is your application.

The way you are describing our relationship sure does sound like what I have read of the Higher Self.

It is similar but not correct.

Are you then perhaps my future?

This would be a more appropriate description, yes, except that Time is part of the illusion from which your experience stems. 

I am confused about my memory of being in stasis and of my Starseed origins. Can you explain this to me so that I understand?

What you recall of your origins is in fact accurate. This is where We reside, though it is not confined to Time or space.

So you are in another dimension yet you are braided with me?

Yes, this would be accurate.

Is this other dimension consider the Other Side? Is this where people go when they die?

No. This would not be accurate. The place people go when they die is located around the Earth in layers. This you know as the astral realms. They extend for many layers.

Yet the image you show me in my mind shows me going through these layers and beyond.

This is accurate.

I am confused by this.

You must travel through the varying levels. It is similar to your scuba diving experience. You cannot come to the surface from deep below without first decompressing at the lower levels. To do so would mean damaging your human lungs. It is similar for us when we leave a human body. You must “decompress” in order to return to your original vibration.

Okay. This makes sense to me. Why then don’t others also go where I will be going?

Some will. Those whose vibrations lead them…… higher will go higher (resistance to using word “higher” here).

The resistance is that We do not want anyone to misjudge what We intend to relay because the word “higher” once again implies that there are lower, thus, lesser levels. These levels are not “less”, they merely are. When a body is dropped, the individual will then go to where their previous (before Earth) vibration was. 

So when I go to You and We are once again whole, is this what I perceive as Home?

Yes, but what you perceive is but a sliver of what is available to you.

Like always, I am left with many more questions than I had to begin with. This is why I often do not ask many questions of my Companion.

 

 

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Upgrade Underway

There is an upgrade underway. This is how I have been experiencing it. How about you? What have you been experiencing this week leading up to today, 12/12/2015?

Memory-Loss

These past few days have been filled with information seeming to constantly stream into my consciousness. I get the information, acknowledge it, think to myself, “I need to write this down” and then promptly forget all about it. It becomes completely gone from my mind. Wiped out.

Then out of the blue it returns. It is like it is simply placed back into my mind and appears as if it never left. And I’m like, “Wait a minute. When did that happen? Where did that come from? How could I have forgotten that?”

Headache

I also have a headache. I am on day two of it. Sometimes it is my entire head, other times just right in the center of my forehead. It got so bad last night I almost took an Ibuprofen but as soon as I thought of it, the pain lessened.

I can’t help but think the two are related. Memory loss + headache = upgrade in effect. At least that is my suspicion.

Grumpy

I have also become Grumpy Mommy again. Not all the time but enough that I am embarrassed by myself. For some reason lately when my kids all talk at once very loudly (which is most of the time) I can’t take it and snap. I usually just yell or tell them to get away from me. But it is not nice and I always feel bad afterward. Then again loud noises in general have been making me grumpy lately it is just that my kids happen to be the main source of that in this house.

Ego Fits

And my Ego is coming out of hiding again as well. I suspect this is part of the current upgrade – push, pushing, pushing me to see certain patterns that need to be let go. I got upset over something I read by a friend of mine and began thinking of saying something back to show them how wrong they were. But then I got to thinking (with the help of my Companion of course) that it was not me but my Ego self which was upset. I could have it just as it was and so let it go. This has been less and less common for me but for some reason I just didn’t want to let it go. I am glad I finally did.

Emotional Releases

There have also been strange emotional releases hitting me out of the blue. Two nights in a row I have woken up crying. Then, last night I read someone’s account of losing their beloved pet. I burst into tears over the loss of mine in 2012. Ugh! I thought I had gotten past that! Guess not. Thankfully it was short lived because my youngest got very concerned and the love and concern in his eyes made me laugh at how silly I was being. I snuggled him close and was reminded by my Companion that We wanted to know the love of a pet because it was so strange to Us how humans get attached to pets. I hate it when he reminds me of that.

Restless Sleep

And then there is the restless sleep. I am simply not tired when I head to bed. I end up wide awake for a few hours before I fall asleep and then I wake up way too early. In the midst of sleep I have crazy, vivid dreams, and end up waking up in tears or just pondering what the heck the dreams mean. I don’t feel rested when I wake up yet I can’t go back to sleep and usually my Companion is urging me to get up, reminding me that I have children I love and life to live. I am not a morning person so to have my Companion nudging me to get up is very annoying. I think he is a morning person and wanting me to become one! lol At least he is not all happy-go-lucky like a cheerleader. I think I would throw up if he were.

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Dream: A Whole New World

I struggled to fall asleep yet again last night. I was concerned I would miss something important. I could feel that something was going on and I knew I was not to be allowed to remember it. I did not like that!

Often I would begin to fall into the in-between and felt to be carried away gently into the unknown. It was similar to falling to sleep except that I could feel my assistants encouraging me to come with them. But I wanted to know what was happening so each time I would wake up.

I heard my Companion say to me, “Ask for help”. So I did. I said, “Please help me. I want to sleep. I want to know what is going on”. And I soon fell asleep.

Dream: A Whole New World

I was with an older woman and a few others. We were preparing for a ceremony where we reenacted a wedding. It was like a renewal of vows but there were no vows. Instead, I was to sing the song I sang at the original wedding – my wedding.

I heard the music and the woman and I went over it. It was the song Let it Go. It had some difficult parts and I said, “I don’t think I can do those parts. I don’t remember those being there before”. She said, “You are right. Let me find the original music”.

She returned with the original music and showed me the original wedding invitations as well. She had a pile of them. They were baby blue in color with snowflakes on them.

I said, “You always keep things like that! You are awesome!”

Then the time came for me to sing. I walked up in front of a huge group of people. A was told to stand in front of the monitor which projected the words to the music for me to read. But I already knew the words.

The music started but I chose not to sing at the last minute. Yet I heard myself singing anyway. I sounded so beautiful, like an angel singing!

I watched the crowd of people and saw many faces I recognized. They were all crying from the beauty of it. I heard the words from Disney’s Let it Go but I also heard words from another Disney song – from Aladdin, A Whole New World. They mixed together like the same song and everyone was crying such happy tears.

I awoke in tears. The feeling I had was a mixture of happiness and sadness. I don’t understand it even now. The lyrics to A Whole New World were going over and over in my head while at the same time I was hearing, “Let it go”.

I suspect that I am holding onto something which is getting in the way of movement forward, movement toward my true purpose for being here. I am holding onto this part I have been playing this whole life. It’s time to stop being the “actress” and to be who I came here to be. No wonder I am sad.