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Major Release and Mission Notes

I had a major release of some sort yesterday and through the night. With it came a happy, care-free feeling and a lightness that I have not experienced in some time. This began in the evening and continues this morning.

It did not surprise me when I looked on the NOAA website and found that there are active geomagnetic storms that began last night and are currently in effect. One reached a 6 on the K-Index. Here is the K-Index as taken from NOAA just now (8:52am CST):

noaa_kp_3d (1)

It is just recently that I found my energy surges and ascension-related “symptoms” tend to coincide with geomagnetic storms. I am also sensitive to gamma ray bursts. It should be no surprise that I am sensitive to these though since the Shift is directly related to such phenomenon.

Morning Messages

Upon waking at my normal 5:30am time, the messages began to inflow as is usual. I recognized that I had once again been working in my sleep, but the specifics of my activity was not revealed. I am OK with that, though, as I enjoyed the deep, restful sleep I received and do not need to be overly concerned with what my multidimensional Self is doing. I trust everything is as it should be.

On-going Adjustment and Alignment

I am in the process of a major energy adjustment. My solar plexus is the main concern. For those of you who are healers, you know then that when one chakra is blocked or needs adjustment, one or both of the chakras next to it is affected. In my case, both my sacral and heart have been off the charts with activity. In contrast, my solar plexus feels “dead”. lol

Vision

I was shown this morning an image that I immediately recognized but from where, I don’t know. It was an image of the outline of a person. I could see all the body systems, muscles, sinew, circulatory system, etc. There were four circles of energy alone each side of the human body (8 circles total). Each was of a different color and had an image inside that represented something. I don’t know what the images are, though, as I could not see them clearly. However, the colors of the circles corresponded to the chakra colors.

Above the head of the human body was a very large circle. It was a brilliant white and about three times the size of the human head. It looked like a starburst.

When I saw the image my first thought was that I needed to eat properly. I don’t know why I thought that. I was not corrected but told that the image represented me. My Companion told me I had made it to a certain level and this image represented that level. Of course, the image meant nothing to me as I have no idea what it represents other than maybe the 8 chakras I have previously written about.

I have searched the internet without success. If anyone is familiar with this image, please let me know.

Mission Notes

I was reminded of my mission, though I cannot relate it in words other than knowing that I am currently on track and will be expanding my “range”. There was special reminder to not be distracted; to stay focused on my present-time, karmic duties. This, of course, is my family and roles therein. There are karmic connections here, which I recognize, as well as lessons I have agreed to learn.

At the same time I am in a period of expanding my reach, at least that is the best way to explain it. Currently there is not much I am doing in this direction. However, I have this strong urge to connect to others with a similar purpose.

Finally, I was reminded that there is soon to come a great reunion of sorts. A reunion with my “family”. A reunion or gathering to prepare. For what? I am not sure. There comes with this “reassignment”. In many cases this means physical movement from one’s current physical strategic location. In other cases there is movement in other dimensions which does not directly affect one’s physical location. I feel a great anticipation of this gathering, but I doubt I will remember it for it will be happening in another dimension. Maybe I will get a glimpse of it.

So for those of you feeling the energy, the purges, the alignment, and/or the anticipation, know I am feeling it, too. We are all in this together.

 

 

 

 

 

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My Multidimensional Work: The Seraphim and The Eagle

When my Companion woke me at 5:30am, I had been in a dream where I was helping a young woman named Cassandra. The dream immediately vanished from my memory, though, all but her name that is.

That’s when then that I recalled my journey into 5D. The shedding of layers of density, the establishment of a Link and my transfer to my final destinations.

The Seraphim and The Eagle

The destinations for me were two. I was told the first was called “The Seraphim” and the second “The Eagle”. They appeared as balls of swirling energy/consciousness. Yet when I got closer they became locations similar to being in a room or inside a vessel of some sort. I don’t recall much of the environment other than it was familiar to me.

From these stations I joined others (crew members) and we did our “work”. On board the Seraphim which was much larger than the Eagle the work was consciousness-oriented and focused specifically on assisting with Earth ascension on a large scale. For me, it seemed like a place where I obtained my “orders” and conversed/exchanged with others with similar purpose.

The Eagle is where I am stationed and conduct my “work”. The name is symbolic of the type of work being done by those “on board”. It is one of the main vessels for the United States and so the symbol is appropriate. However, our purpose is also inherent in the name – timing, victory and spiritual quest. Eagles are known for their vision and in this I feel a strong identification as do the members of my group. Our vision is what joins us in our purpose.

While aboard the Eagle last night I have specific memory of working with the woman I called Cassandra. What was amazing to me is that I worked with her as her Assistant (guide)! I recall helping her get into what appeared to be a large box but I believe that is just how my human mind processed it. Its purpose was to align her energy but Cassandra was not liking it at all and was extremely fearful of it. Her reaction on a subconscious level projected as a nightmare and this is how her conscious mind perceived it. I do not know exactly what her dream was, but she would have awakened feeling very upset temporarily but it would appear as only a dream to her.

In this Assistance I am in essence a human guide for a fellow human. This reminded me of the encounter I had with one of my healing Assistants. He had shown me the locations where he “worked” on Earth as a healer. I had been surprised to discover he was also currently living a life. Now, here I was doing the same thing! I was once told that I was training to be a guide. I thought it was a future endeavor, not something on-going!

The work of those on board the Eagle is to assist in the awakening of individuals still technically “asleep”. We are assigned to specific individuals per our skill set. I was shown my specific skill set which was accumulated via my past incarnations (the last four were called to mind). I won’t go into detail here, though I want to, but I was able to see the specific lessons learned and why I learned them. So utterly amazing!

I now can clearly that all my lives before this one were to prepare me for my work NOW. It is a bit overwhelming as well and brings a huge amount of satisfaction. My specific work now is as an Assistant-in-training. I am assigned but watched over, similar to a student teacher in that I have progress checks and consultations with my mentor teachers.

Timeline of Concern

There is a memory I recovered that is of concern to me and others in my group. In this memory I am able to see different timelines and zero in on ones of particular interest. It is like I am high up in the sky looking down on a screen of probabilities.

From this vantage point I was able to see a specific timeline that is a probable outcome for the U.S. I will say it was quite disturbing and I do not completely understand it. I saw two massive groups of people, one which looked like a mass of yellow (confused) energy. Above that group was a face. I recognized it as “Bush”. This caused me to retract. I recognized this timeline to be an undesirable. With this came the word “witch hunt” and I immediately thought of Salem and the witch hunts that took place there. It was told to me that there is potential for those of us who are outspoken about ascension and the dangers of the “dark” to be targeted. It also reminded me of the Bible and how those who were followers of the Light were eliminated by the Dark. This gave me a sinking feeling in my stomach.

Seekers of Truth Forging a New Path

I was then reminded of a particular trait of mine (and many other Indigos). It manifests as stubbornness and standing up for what is right. I recognized myself instantly as an Indigo though my Companion says there are many names for the path I travel (he avoids labels and categories because they are limiting). I saw this personality tendency in many of my past lives. I struggle with it even in this life for it pushes me to question and I tend to get very rigid when I know something is not true or I detect deception. It also tends to lead me to isolate myself as it is there to forge a new path, a new path for others to follow. This personality trait or tendency is purposeful in those of us who came to help with the ascension. We must speak out, we must not be afraid to speak out and to stand up for what is right. That’s our job, witch hunt or not, for we are the seekers of truth forging a new path for humanity.

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Shifting into 5D: What it Looks Like

I have so much to share with you all this morning! However, I am unsure how to format all of the information I received. I feel about ready to explode from what I have Remembered!

I am told to start slow so here it goes.

Shifting into 5D: What it Looks Like

Without going into my specific experiences which would be rather lengthy, I will break it down for you.

I am being allowed to glimpse my progression from 3D to 5D. Though far from complete, it is manifesting in me certain “symptoms” for lack of a better word.

Enforced Amnesia

For lack of a better description, enforced amnesia is a phenomenon I am experiencing and have been experiencing for some time now. It is escalating in intensity and becoming quite confusing to me. I experience it like this:

  • Lost dreams and conversations from dream-time. It is like they are plucked from my mind as soon as I recognize they are there. I am then left with complete amnesia. There is no way to locate even a smidgen of what was there. When it first happened it scared me and left me disoriented. Now it is not as disruptive and only causes me to feel disappointment for the loss.
  • Sudden loss of memory and connection to my current life. Usually memory is accessible but as soon as I try to locate what anchors me to this life (emotions which sustain and connect me to relationships within this lifetime) it seems inaccessible. This often startles me but this is immediately calmed by an inner Knowing.
  • Not recognizing myself when I look in the mirror. This is sporadic and accompanied by a feeling of being a stranger in my own life. I At the same time I am fascinated by my “new” face and inspect it with a new appreciation. This has only happened twice so far (thankfully).

I am told that the amnesia is the result of a change in frequency. My human brain is unable to process this frequency as of now and so the amnesia is the result. It is like tuning into a radio station using old, outdated equipment. My brain is in the process of being upgraded but this takes time and until then these amnesiac episodes will continue.

Shifting Timelines

As a result of moving into 5D I have gained the ability to shift into different timelines. Though this is a new phenomenon to my human consciousness, I am told this is nothing new and quite accessible to anyone who has reached this frequency level.

In fact, shifting into these different timelines is in essence what it means to shift into 5D.

Thus far, I have not retained memory of doing this but have instead been reminded and shown in visions (like a return of memory) by my  Companion Traveler. This new form of accessing memory is what I have been told will be my norm until the necessary upgrades to my physical body have been completed. My Companion is my direct link to 5D until I can establish it on my own.

Here is the process of shifting timelines and accessing 5D as I was shown:

A Link is established – I was shown several steps. The first is establishing a link. This was shown to me as a type of consciousness “jump” in which I shed layers of energy. It appears like shedding skin or taking off layers of clothing.

Travel to Relay Stations – This is hard to explain and really does not transfer well to human consciousness. However, the way I interpret it is travel to a spiritual hub where there is a group awareness of consciousness. When I arrive I link in to the consciousness, finding similar vibrations to my own and then move out from this hub towards a group destination. It appears like a massive, swirling, ball of colors and energy. There are lines of different colors – pink, blue, green, yellow, white – all swirling together in a great energy ball. These colors then stretch out along energy lines across space and time. These are like highways on which we travel. We are tuned into our specific “road” and so do not go off course.

Destination -From the Relay Station one moves onto other destinations. Some will have just one while others will go to multiples destinations. These destinations appear like balls of consciousness until one “arrives”. Once there, these consciousness swirls condense and separate into specific “locations” from which the individuals focus on their assigned task(s). I am told that these locations are the “vessels” or ships as identified by many who have brought back memories of their journeys to these destinations. The human brain cannot comprehend the experience and thus translates it into something identifiable and familiar.

Share to Expand Understanding

I was told that I am allowed to bear witness to my own transformation in order to help expand understanding of what it means to shift into 5D. There are many channeled messages out there which vaguely define 5D, yet there are not many actual accounts of experiences of such transformation. I am being allowed access to what, for most, is  behind-the-scenes information. Many, many are going through this transformation but are not consciously aware of the specifics of the process. They know the generalities and the impressions and images left in their human consciousness. I was shown that the “ships” or “space craft” are such impressions. These are not actual physical objects in space.

What I am being allowed to retain is the experience of my multi-dimensional self and the multiple timelines that exist. It is quite amazing and extraordinary. I was told much of it is beyond the reach of my limited human mind in understanding at this time. This makes me wonder if it will be something within my grasp at a later date. I guess we will see.

I will share my specific experience from last night in my next post.

 

 

 

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Show All Downloads

Today is the second day of low, settled energy for me. I do have some crown, third-eye and heart chakra activity but it is only when I take my mini-meditation breaks. There is an influx of information coming in but I am told it is not allowed to be processed yet. In fact, that is why I named this post “Show All Downloads”. I use Google Chrome and on the bottom, right hand side of my browser window it says “Show all downloads” and that is when I received the message – “You are preparing to download and process information that you have received but that has yet to be released to your conscious mind”.

I secretly wish I could access all the downloads I have received like I do on the computer. Just click a button and see all the files and then read or see what is inside of them. I imagine there are hundreds of files on my hard drive!

Other Strangeness

For two days now I have been picking up on an energy that I believe is trying to influence me in order to pull me down into the heavier, more fearful energies that abound right now. I do not take the bait, but it has peaked my interest.

I don’t feel like it is an entity just an energy. With it usually comes a concern that I will become ill. I see my stomach and feel it is not digesting properly. Yet I am having no issues. This thought/concern has come up several times in the last two days and does not feel accurate. I suspect I may be picking up on someone else’s concerns. I would not be surprised if I find out my Mom or someone close to me got the stomach flu. Considering I am an empath such things are not extraordinary for me.

There is also the “calm before the storm” feeling hanging around. I don’t feel like anything bad is going to happen, though. It is just a feeling of anticipation but it is quite muted. I feel, overall, very calm and stable – very normal.  When I feel this way it usually doesn’t last too long. But I have the familiar feeling I sometimes get when things are quiet – I begin to think everything I have experienced is just a dream.

 

 

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Message: Reassignment – Ashtar Mothership in Saturn’s Rings

I attended a company Christmas party last night hosted by my husband’s boss. Normally I don’t go to such events but I promised my husband I would. As is normal for me, the large number of people along with the fact that they were consuming alcohol, caused my energy alarm to go off.

I ended up sticking close to my children and away from the crowd in order to cope. When I did this it helped immensely and I found I was able to protect my energy. What is funny is that the more drunk the crowd got, the easier it got for me. It is like once they got tipsy the group energy stabilized and thus allowed me to lower my energy defenses somewhat. I still kept my distance, though.

Toward the end I accepted a rum and coke from a friend. I didn’t drink it all but got reprimanded by my Companion for drinking it. He said, “We must keep this vehicle pure by not introducing toxic substances”. I saw a visual of my liver and understood. Though just a small amount, alcohol can dramatically shift one’s energy. I could see the diversion of energy into channels surrounding the liver while my body was processing the alcohol.

Dream: New Assignment

I struggled to sleep (not surprising after alcohol intake) and when I did sleep it was deep and restful with few dreams. However, this morning I awoke in the early morning feeling “alerted” to something. At the same time my crown chakra was buzzing.

I returned to sleep and had a dream where I entered a classroom full of high school students. I had no idea where I was but knew I was a “new” teacher at this large school. I remember another teacher came in and took over the class, allowing me to help students individually. I felt like the “co-teacher” or “assistant”.

While I was helping a student a female teacher entered the room and confronted me. “Who are you? Are you new here?” I told her I was. She began to tease me in a nice way, laughing and trying to be friendly. She invited me to lunch and I declined, feeling a bit out of my element.

There were two male teachers there as well. They also teased me, making remarks one would make to a newcomer. All was in fun and none taken the wrong way by me.

I could not for the life of me remember why I was there or where I came from. I went into the halls to find the administration and figure out how I got there and where I was. The halls did not resemble a school, though, and I wandered to a waiting area where others sat on comfy couches. I went to the front desk and was told to “Take a number”. I reached for a number but had thick gloves on so it slipped, but it was the number 8.

Then I ended up going to lunch with some others and had a dream within a dream of encountering a dark black wall which I climbed to the top of. It was nasty, like made of sludge. When I got back they had already called my number and I was told I had to draw another one. I showed them my number 8 and they accepted it. I then asked where I was and saw a planet hologram floating in front of me. It was large and resembled Earth but had a very large, dark spot on it similar to Jupiter’s spot only black or dark gray. I got confused as memory tried to surface. I recalled this planet clearly for a moment and then the memory vanished.

Message: Reassignment

When I woke I questioned the dream I had and what was going on. There came into my mind the image of symbols on a gray metal-like surface. I recognized it instantly as a ship and the symbols were familiar. I somehow knew this was not my Home ship so I asked where it was. I saw a planet with numerous rings around it and knew it was Saturn. I saw that the ship I had visited hid inside the rings, becoming a part of them so as to not be detected. I also heard, “Ashtar” which I instantly tossed from my mind assuming it was just my conscious mind interfering.

I thought I was done but more information came. The dark spot I saw on the planet in my dream was symbolic of the “dark”. I understood “dark” to mean negative energy but really it is the “misuse of energy”. The dark spot was over a specific region of Earth and I wish I could remember it better but I want to say it covered all of North American and part of Central America. I don’t know if there are more dark spots (likely) but this was the area I was shown. This is the area where I am located so it makes sense that I was shown this.

It appears that I have been “reassigned” and so was being introduced to a new “crew”. When I questioned this I was told it is a “ground crew”. “We spend most of our time on the surface” was the response I received to what this ground crew is. My dream was symbolic of my introduction to my new crew and new assignment.

There is also a faint memory of an individual, a man, who came forward to introduce himself. He presented to me a hand-written message which promptly disappeared as soon as I tried to focus on it. He was speaking as I read it so I was able to hear him say, “I am…...52“.

Because I was told this ship resides within the rings of Saturn as it observes Earth, I was curious if anyone else had received this information. I found an article that confirmed my suspicions almost right away. I also looked up Ashtar but I don’t know how I feel about it yet. Something about the information I read does not resonate with me so I am inclined to distance myself from this link until it does resonate. Perhaps the reason it doesn’t resonate is because this is “new” territory for me.

For those of you who don’t normally follow my blog, you should know that I do not seek out information via books or the internet unless I am led to do so. Therefore, I do not have background information on Ashtar or motherships in Saturn’s rings. I have in fact never considered the rings of Saturn to be anything other than a debris field.

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Dream: You May Now Exit the Karma Train

Prior to bed last night I still felt weird. I had buzzing on the left side of my body and my crown was wide open. Then my left ear began to ring a very high, pitched ring. I felt/knew I was being “called”. I knew there would be a meeting in the night. I didn’t care if I remembered it or not.

As I began to drift into sleep, I began to hear a melody in my mind along with syllables I didn’t recognize. I felt prompted to sing this repetitive tune and the words with no meaning to me. When I did I was hit with a rush or warm, tingly energy that entered through my back at my heart center. It spread to my second and root chakras and was wonderfully comforting. I fell asleep not long after.

Dream: You May Now Exit the Karma Train

My sleep was deep without many dreams. In the early morning I had one very vivid dream, though. A dream about a train.

I was on board a train and it was being bombarded by bombs. The conductor was there, dressed in white. He seemed frantic. I joined him but saw a huge hole in the bottom of the train that had a magnetic pull to it. It sucked everything toward it. I watched a woman in black be sucked into it. The hole was black and ominous.

I decided to jump off the train. I found myself standing in the center of a circular train track. The train went round and round seemingly forever. I just stood there watching, glad to be off of it.

When I woke I knew it was the train of karma. We are stuck on it going round and round and round, over and over. All we have to do is jump off, but so many of us don’t. We don’t even know we are on the train.

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Walk-In, Settling-In

The more I live this life the more I think that I put in all kinds of twists and turns to keep myself on my toes. It just keeps getting curiouser and curiouser.

I was in the shower when it happened. Suddenly, I felt completely disconnected from this life and who I am….or….er was. When I tried to contact her/myself it was strange. I honestly can’t find the words for the feeling.

I had flashes of my life come into my mind. My past and present all at once combined together. Usually emotionally charged memories were just dead, like a movie film of someone else’s life. There were memories of specific people like my Mom and sisters, my childhood friends, and pets I loved and lost. All incidents which I held onto for whatever reason be it anger, hurt, sadness, joy. When I saw these memories I knew those experiences had “served their purpose”. I was “done” and they weren’t needed anymore.

Huh?

I freaked a bit, but not too much because I instantly recognized where this amnesia-like feeling came from. My Companion and his settling in. He told me it would be “different”. Ha! This is freakin’ WEIRD!

I remembered the blender I saw in a vision. Funny but not funny. I feel a bit violated. This is MY life dammit! Stop taking it away! – Yet I know it is not going anywhere, hasn’t gone anywhere. But I am so utterly different than I was. So totally different than I was even yesterday.

It is hard to explain. I wish I could articulate it, but I don’t think a feeling like this has a word in this or any other language.

I sense a change in my energy. It is specifically on the entire left side of my body; the left side of my brain. My head hurts on and off. My neck, too. My focus shifts in and out.

My heart chakra hurts one minute and is exploding in love the next. Then I want to laugh and giggle and let it take over. Woosh!

I keep expecting the lost emotion from those memories that flooded my mind to come back. But when I inspect them, they are the same. They are there. I can remember everything about them, but I am different. It is like I am turning my back on them and walking away. I am saying goodbye to my life and everything that went with it.

I will say my children have not been in those memories. Neither has my current husband. The memories in question are of my Mom, Dad, sisters, old friends, ex husband, college, high school, etc. They go back to the beginning of this life. That me is fading quickly. She was already alien to me in many ways but now it is like she is just gone. And what is even better is that it feels like the karma is gone with her. Maybe this blending thing isn’t so bad….

As I type this I am being asked to let go, to step aside, to make room for this other me. But I see the division clearly, it is like a door has opened and I am being asked to walk through it. When I do, I leave this behind, these memories, this entire story that is my life.

And the glimpses I am getting of what it will be like without the heaviness of my past (I didn’t realize it was heavy until now) I am not near as afraid I was.

I can’t help but think that I will wake up in the next week or so and not be me anymore. Not this me anyway. Parts of me will be there, I think that is necessary, but a new part will be in charge. How can this be? How can such a thing happen? Honestly, I don’t know. And I don’t even know if I will know when it occurs being it has gotten this far and I am just now noticing. Weird. Weird. Weird.

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Message: Our Ship Has Suc-Seeded

I slept hard last night but had a long, in-dept dream this morning. I am told that the deep sleep occurred because a re-alignment is in process. It seems always that I am realigning!

Dream: Gentle Giants

I was co-teaching a class of middle schoolers. This was a temporary assignment I was asked to help with, so I agreed. I was not comfortable with it fully, however, because I had to administer to them a test. I ended up letting my co-teacher give the test. It as a history test of 20, multiple choice questions.

I observed the students while they took the test. What is strange is that there were hundreds of them! Most were playful and be mischievous. When caught they obediently did what they were asked to. One girl put lipstick on me and I allowed it. So strange!

I was then going to the parking lot to leave (I had stayed too long) and was seemingly transported to a different scene in which I was the observer.

There was a man looking in through the window. He was very large, probably upwards of 8 feet tall. He looked human but his skull was very large with strong cheekbones and a high forehead.

I interacted with him but soon found he was very simple minded. He told me of his life story and I knew he was badly treated. Orphaned at a young age he fell into a crevice and was left for dead. Strangely, people threw coins at him rather than help him.

He somehow survived but the incident left him without legs. I saw instead he had prosthetic legs made of metal. I wonder, though, if those were his real legs.

His job and the job of others of his kind (there were very few) was to mine the salt mines. I saw extensive tunnels of salt mines. It was a marbled rose colored salt and very beautiful. I saw the crystalline properties of this salt up close. I do not believe it was like table salt.

This gentle giant had intermingled with a woman who was much smaller. They had produced a child. I remember seeing the child. The woman treated him very abusively because of his simple mindedness. Even though he had been treated horribly, he did not hold any grudges and was very happy.

Considerations

When I woke I considered the dream sequence and wondered if perhaps the dream was showing me the history of these long, lost gentle giants. Was this Earth history? I suspect it might be but since it was a dream I am not sure.

The salt cave was very vivid. Apparently there are actual salt caves in the US and there is a salt mine in the Himalayas. Very cool!

I contemplated it but fell into the in-between. I felt myself in space again, transported to a void where a brilliant white light flashed. It brought my awareness back but not before I heard a voice say, “Our ship has succeeded”. However, when I heard the last word I saw it spelled, “Suc-Seeded” and there was a mild chuckle with that.

Oh the humor my Team has!

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Transmutation of Sexual Desire

It has come to my attention of late that there is an issue I am struggling with. It is specifically related to incarnating in the physical. Apparently this is a common issue among Star-people (Starseeds).

Transmutation of Sexual Desire

As energy-beings (Spirit or whatever you want to call it), those of us newly experiencing life in an Earth body amid limited and overly rigid belief systems, typically struggle to adjust to life on this planet. Though I do not completely feel “new” to this (I have incarnated here previously without much success in overcoming these limitations), there is much memory returning to me in regards to adjustment.

Of the most difficulty for me in this life is understanding and overcoming the limitations of human sexual desire and reproduction. In a nutshell, it is very difficult for me to override intense sexual attraction and desire for the opposite sex. I am currently in the pattern of resisting such physical attractions by simply eliminating them altogether. I have done this out of recognition of how destructive such tendencies can be. Yet these intense feelings are resurfacing and I have been struggling with them once again.

In this case, the feelings are arising for people I have never met in the flesh yet have a strong spiritual connection to. I sense their energy, their spark or signature, and it is familiar to me in a very deep and attractive way. I am struggling because when I sense their energy my physical body responds in its natural way. It perceives the attraction and so responds in kind. Then I, in recognizing this is inappropriate, promptly switch it off.

Yet I am being encouraged to not turn it off but to transmute it and so allow it to fully express itself in me. I recognized this morning that I have been learning how to do this during the night which is why I get teased in my dreams via “sexual” advances and jokes by my friends (not funny!).

It was explained to me that my familiarity and thus reaction to these kindred spirits whom I have never met in person is what is initiating the energy which triggers my physical reaction. The key is to not mentally shut it off but allow it to run its course while effectively controlling the physical components.

I am not sure I know how to do that but mentally I have a block to doing this. I feel I am somehow being untrue to my husband even though I logically know this is not the case.

The desire, I am told, is one I am familiar with and when asked to focus on it, I realized that what I am feeling is indeed something else altogether than what I thought it was. My Companion called it love, but love unlike in the human sense, as humans typically associate love with sex (ie love=sex) because this is how reproduction is accomplished.

Thankfully I am not stressing over this new development (or not so new really). I just need to withdraw my conditioned human response. This is a totally new, wonderful experience I am not allowing myself to have because of something that does not apply!

What It’s Like

How does it feel? The first inklings of the feeling (this is all that I have allowed) are similar to how I have  felt when meeting someone I had a strong attraction to in the physical. However, the feeling hits me in the heart center and this wonderful warmth spreads out that makes me lose my breath and causes me to want to melt into the ground. It is scary in some ways as it makes me feel like I will lose control. This is usually when I promptly put an end to it. I am told this feeling, if allowed to expand, will bring a much more beautiful experience. I have felt this before in this physical body (yes but by accident) and so I know what it feels like. I will say it is indescribable but is along the lines of pure ecstasy.

I do want to experience it again but there is such fear connected to it. I hate that my physical experiences have created this barrier for me. No wonder my friends in spirit think its funny. Sigh.

by

Intensity Hits Home

Though the day started out feeling light it definitely turned intense.

This afternoon while driving to visit my mom I had crown, third eye and heart chakra activity, though muted. I also could not seem to focus and kept freaking out as I drove because I felt all ungrounded like I would fly away. This is common when I drive these days.

When I got to my mom’s I sat down and meditated a while because my heart chakra felt off and I felt physically sick from something, but I didn’t know what. Once I grounded and meditated I felt much better.

Then my step father sat down and said he wanted to talk to me about something. I felt immediately that it would not be a fun talk and knew the source of my unsettled, sick feeling.

He went on a rant about his Christian beliefs and began questioning me about my own beliefs. He was accusatory in tone and kept asking why my husband and I believed we were “equal to God”. He also got into a long speech about how God was in control and was the “one True God” and the “only creator”. He was upset because he knew both my husband and I believed we were capable of creating and wanted to make sure that we understood that anything we created was in fact created by God and not us. He was very angry that anyone would think they were equal to God and kept going on and on about it.

I listen uncomfortably for a while and gave him answers which he promptly turned around on me. I explained that although I was raised Christian, that I no longer believed that I needed Jesus Christ to “save” me, nor did I believe that I needed him to escape some fiery Hell. I ended up recognizing and calmly saying that I was no longer Christian, which surprised me but is in fact truth. This declaration sent him into a story about how no one should take God’s gifts and use them for selfish gain.I finally stopped the conversation and asked him to be respectful of me and my husband’s beliefs and pointed out that I was always respectful of his. The talk ended but I felt a huge weight hit me like a ton of bricks and had to hold back the tears.

That was when my mom told me she had a dream that she, I and my sister were singing together. She asked me to sing with her and her husband. So, after the intense talk I had just had where I realized I was no longer technically a Christian, I ended up singing “Jesus is Coming Soon” (ironic) and “I’ll Fly Away”. I love to sing, so it was nice, but when I think back on it I wonder if maybe my mom was trying to somehow make herself feel better, and me, too, by having us all sing these hymnals.

As I drove home, not a mile from their house, a huge amount of emotion hit me and I began to cry. I realized, though, that it was not upset over the talk and what was said, but over the feelings projected toward me by my step-father. As I allowed the emotion to come, I also recognized my own emotion – grief. I was grieving for them – my mom and her husband. It was clear to me that they didn’t see; that they prefer to be asleep. This saddened me and I felt so discouraged.

The emotion came in waves as I drove home. My higher heart was blazing with energy that almost hurt and I was battling with the discouragement I was feeling. I saw the majority of the world in my mother and her husband. So many people going about life, day in and day out, asleep and unwilling to wake up.

I heard my Companion remind that it’s their choice. I heard him remind me that not everyone will choose to stay asleep. I heard him remind me not to be discouraged or give up.

By the time I got home I felt better. But it is so very overwhelmingly obvious that this planet has a very, very long way to go.