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222

Initially upon waking this morning at 6am yet again, I was in a horrible mood. I felt a wall of impenetrable darkness descending upon me and I was caught up in it. I don’t know exactly what caused it because I do not recall my dreams now. This is likely because, whilst in the midst of the dark feelings, I swore to forget my dreams upon waking, to not write about them and ignore any messages they might bring. I recalled them at the time of this declaration. I do not remember a bit of them now.

I tossed and turned for some time, the feeling of gloom heavy upon me. I must have fallen back to sleep, though, because I soon became lucid while in a dream.

Service

I found myself in my car waiting in a long line at a gas pump. I was out of the car pacing about and talking to some of the people in front of me. I could see a building ahead of me. It appeared to be the service station but it looked more like the front porch of a country house. It had wood porch beams with red, cracked paint, and wood steps leading up to the porch. People were walking back and forth gathering donations while also taking payment for the gas.

I filled my car and heard a voice say, “I’m George. I will be helping you today. That will be $101.00”. In my mind I saw an image of the bill and the amount was odd. It said, “$.001.00”. I was shocked and said, “I didn’t even fill up my tank”. He said, “It is a service charge. Your car is due for service”. I said, “I don’t want service now”. He said, “Ok. I will adjust your bill”. Then in my mind I saw, “$15”. That was more like it!

Being I did not fill my car up completely, I filled it up again. This time I heard the voice of George again and he said, “That will be $100”. I was confused and then he said, “Oh, I will take the service off”.

I pulled up to the porch where the donations were being sorted and rolled down the window of my Prius. A woman asked me, “Who helped you”. I said, “George. I think”. She stopped a young man who was busy and he stopped. He had a piece of paper or something over one side of his face. I found this weird.

I got out of the car for some reason at this point. I saw a man standing near the edge of the porch. I studied his face. He looked to be caught up in his thoughts. He also seemed sad. I felt sorry for him and wanted to comfort him but since I did not know him, I decided not to. He looked like the Marlboro man and I believe he was even smoking a cigarette. Note: When I first met my guide Steven he appeared to look similar to the Marlboro man – hat and boots and all!

Somehow, the man and I began talking and I saw him as a guy I use to go to school with. I was suddenly aware that I was back in my hometown. He told me that there was some kind of celebration going on and invited me to stay. I thought against it and then heard my name called from across the parking lot. There were girls I had gone to school with. I had not seen them in ages!

They were in a pickup and drove by, asking me to come to the event. I decided to go. “Why not?” I said to the guy. And we walked down the street towards the celebrations. I recall asking what the event was and they said this young boy was going to demonstrate his amazing gift. I don’t know what the gift was but they made it sound supernatural.

Being lucid as I was in this dream, I was still somewhat foggy until this point. I took over the dream at this point and decided to go home to my house. I was instantly transported to a room. I left the room and walked into the master bedroom. My first thought was, “No one is going to be there”. And sure enough, no one was. The walls and ceilings of the room were gray and the room was dark. I saw the bed to my left and on the wall in front of me was a bulletin board. On the board was a large piece of white paper with bright red writing on it. I did not try to read it but the numbers 222 jumped out at me. The red ink had drip marks and almost seemed like blood.

I remember thinking, “None of this matters” and feeling very hopeless about the pointless experience I was having. With this thought I awoke.

222

This number indicates that I am being asked to have faith that everything is happening for a reason. I may not be able to see it now, but there is always a purpose behind everything in life. My guides are asking me to not lose faith and to try not to get caught up in negativity and hopelessness.

Easier said than done.

waitUnderstanding

I avoided writing anything upon waking this morning because I was so disillusioned by all that has (or hasn’t) been happening to me lately. I actually was ready to write a post that said I was no longer going to focus upon dreams and ascension-related issues or kundalini. I really felt done with it all when I woke up.

What I have since realized is that what I am feeling is very normal considering what I am being told. I am not a patient person, haven’t ever really been patient. I like to keep busy and I like to feel needed and challenged. Yet I am being told now that it is not time yet. I am being held back for a reason; a reason that I do not know or fully remember. I recognized also that my passion, my life’s work, is what is on hold. On hold for quite a while, too. How would you feel if you knew your purpose, or at least had an idea or a feeling of what it was, and was told, “Sorry. Not yet. You have to wait”. How patient would you be? Could you wait a year? 5? 10? 20?

These exact same conditions occurred for me after my first awakening in 2003. I did not listen to the warnings I got back then (so new and over zealous). I embarked on a journey that I was destined to fail because I was not ready yet. The timing was wrong. I was forewarned, told it would be four years. I didn’t want to wait. I remember my guide saying to me when I made the decision, “You will regret doing this”. He was right, too. But at the time I thought it was the right move.

Now it seems I am fulfilling other promises I made. I know who they are to. My husband. My children. Maybe to others as well.

The waiting is hard, but I have done it before. It is odd to me how I know when it is “time”. I get told. I hear a voice tell me when. Yep. Ha! Call me crazy but that is how it happens.

It has happened three times now. The first was when I left my ex. I heard, “Get out now!” (I will never forget that). The second was when I met my current husband. I heard, “This is it” when we first came face to face. I had been told the night before, “You will meet someone” but I shrugged it off. “Yeah. So I will meet someone. I will meet a lot of people”, I replied. Imagine my surprise to hear “This is it” as I am looking into my current husband’s eyes thinking, “He is my angel”. The final time was last year when I heard, “Leave” and knew it meant it was the right time to sell my house, a house I tried to sell two times before without success. Then there is a bidding war and we made $30k more than our asking price! This and other perfectly timed things happened.

After three times, I do not doubt there will be a fourth. And I do not doubt that timing is everything. I had to wait years for each of these moments. I struggled with the same feelings I have now. It is HARD knowing you are waiting for the next step and can’t take it until everything is just right. Its even harder when you know that if you try to move forward too soon that you will face much more misery than if you just waited. I only needed to learn that once. Not again.

So I will suck it up and wait. God help me. This will be hard. I know just under four years before the next step. My guide says, “That is not a long time”. Yeah, well, you come down here and live it. Then maybe you will think differently!

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Learning to Fly

I don’t know why yesterday was such a difficult day for me. Perhaps it was astrological or maybe my Ego just decided to come out and fight after being subdued. Whatever the case, I feel much more balanced and positive today.

Practicing Exits

I awoke suddenly in the midst of a dream “activity’ sometime in the middle of the night (not sure what time). I say “activity” because it appeared to be an exercise of some sort, like a practice or drill. I was with one of my guides in the midst of exiting and then re-entering my body. I had been doing this over and over again prior to my waking up within the experience.

I became suddenly acutely aware that I was practicing exiting my body. I do not recall the communication going on between myself and my guide in exact words but with more of a knowingness that this was a practice and my guide was instructing me through it. I was being taught how to astral project.

When I became fully conscious I was still OOB and hovering directly over my body. I did not see my physical body. Instead I saw my guide about five or so feet from me. I wish I could recall how he appeared but all I remember now was that he glowed. The color was yellow or gold at the center that became paler and paler until it turned white around the edge of the aura. I also recall that I was quite small in size and appeared much younger than I am now. Perhaps I saw myself and thus I knew what I looked like? But I do not remember looking at my physical body. The memory of this “me” was quite different than how I appear now. She had long, wavy, medium brown hair. Her age must have been 8 or so by the way she looked.

Seeing both my guide and this unfamiliar “me” confused me and I instantly fell back into my body. As soon as I was in my body I was immersed in intense hypnagogic imagery. My entire vision moved with black and white bubbles that morphed and moved from one circular shape to another. It was like my entire face was encased in moving bubble wrap! I noticed the black and white coloration and thought it should change and then the color red began to slowly come into the images in small amounts.

Ultimately, I tried to ignore the images because I knew they would only distract me and I wanted to try to exit my body. When I turned my focus away from them I felt energy pulsing up and down my body. It was not very intense but strong enough for me to notice. It moved down and up and down again, continuing the cycle. Sometimes it was more intense in a certain area of my body but it never lingered in one place. I wondered, “Is this what vibrations feel like when one is not distracted by them? or is this Kundalini?”

I wanted to stay in the feeling, but I had an intense need to use the bathroom so I moved to get out of bed and broke the feeling and imagery.

Pregnant with Twins

I fell asleep quickly after that and went into a dream in which I was talking with my sister who was very pregnant. I was concerned about her and was giving her all kinds of advice about how to take it easy on herself and not overdo it. I then had a vision of two twin babies who had just been born. They were swaddled tightly and laying in a small bassinet. Their doctor was with them and showing them to me. He showed me the baby girl first but she was swaddled in blue. The vision was very clear and I remember telling my sister at this time, “I always wanted twins but I am glad I didn’t get them as they are a lot of work”.

Library

Then I was walking into a library with my mom and brother. She told me she was going to buy us tickets and we could go to the shop. I was browsing it to find a thank-you present for my mom. I remember the library was very large and appeared to be like a gym. The people coming in and out were wearing workout clothing. The scene did not make sense to me and I wondered about as I looked at a pink balloon that said, “Thank you” along with another message of gratitude on it.

Sky Diving Lessons

I went into the library and it turned into this large park dotted with tall trees and green hillsides. People were all over the place, some at picnic tables and others laying on spread out blankets. I stopped at a large airplane that was parked in the park. It’s door was wide open. A woman was practicing skydiving and had on all the gear. She was jumping out of the parked plane to the ground below, the parachute falling down to the ground behind her as she landed. She was nervous but was trying to learn and her instructor was very patient. I watched as he gathered up the parachute and helped her get back on the plane to try again.

WebMessage

I awoke with a bad headache in my left temple, wondering about my odd dreams and recalling the OBE I had it the beginning of my night’s sleep. I tried to remember everything and wondered about it. Why had I been allowed to remember being OOB? Was that girl me? Or had I traveled to another time? Or maybe she was me and I was taking on a different visage?

I managed to drift into the in-between state and when I did I heard my guide say, “Wait until you see what we’ve learned”. When he said this a huge, black snake slithered through my line of sight and disappeared. When I saw the snake I woke up entirely and said to my guide, “Was that a snake??” I got no reply but I know what I saw. My first thought was kundalini.

My mind went back to my dreams, specifically the one about the twins. I have been having twins in my dreams for some time. Twins can represent being in harmony or conflict with ideas and/or decisions. I was talking to my very pregnant sister. Being pregnant or seeing someone who is pregnant represents a new idea or a part of one’s self that is coming or about to be “born”. I felt very distinctly that my sister represented me in this dream. I was giving myself advice. The more I thought about it, the more I recognized that I was returning to a place I had been in this life before. I was reminding myself to be careful since last time I struggled so much.

by

Toy Store

I awoke in a very sour mood this morning. Not only did I wake up at 6am on my day off (again!) but I awoke with an answer to a question I asked my guides upon sleeping that did not make me happy.

Green Serum and Classroom

The dreams I had last night were part of why I woke up feeling so negative.

Green Serum

In one dream I was with small a group of people. Some I recognized. They were all people associated with my husband. Specifically, his boss, who died last November from double lung failure, was there. The whole dream centered mostly around his boss. He was receiving a treatment for after his death and was being taken to a special place to be rejuvenated. The treatment was in this large container that reminded me of those tubes you put your deposits in at the bank. Inside was this gelatinous florescent green liquid. I could see the large bubbles in it and my focus was on this tube most of the dream.

I went along with the group as my husband’s boss, we will call him Bob, was taken to a facility that specialized in rejuvenation. I watched as the group gathered around him in a circle. He was in the middle holding the cylinder. I remember that his arms was the primary focus at the time. The people appeared very knowledgeable in the process, as if this was their primary, or only, purpose.

After watching this, “Bob” came up to me holding the green cylinder. We spoke but I do not remember what about. The only thing I remember him saying is, “I’m sorry”. I accepted his apology and thought nothing of it. I had no issue with what he had said to me when he was alive (he had called my guide a “Demon”). Note: Later, after I woke and recalled the dream, I got angry at him for not writing a will before his death which caused major issues for my husband at work. Maybe he was also apologizing for this?

The others then approached me and were trying to get me to go to the facility to have the samegreen procedure done. I do not recall feeling resistant but instead they seemed to try to be selling me this opportunity; convincing me to do it. I remember saying, “I don’t care about the wedding”. This is the second dream in two nights where I resisted attending a wedding.

At this time I remember everyone separated into their own little spaces in the room and did their own thing. Bob went with his cylinder and took a shower. I stood watching and not knowing what to do, so I began to cook up a pot of meatball stew. I remember Bob came out and commented on the stew. He loved food when he was alive.

Classroom

The next dream I had was of being in a classroom of very young children. The desks were being rearranged and the teacher was a female who appeared to be in her 20s. I suggested a new position because the desks were too close together. It was then I realized I was fully grown like the teacher but was sitting at a desk with the students!

The teacher told us that while we waited she was going to give us an assignment in advance because we were farther ahead than she anticipated. She said, “You can get a head start”. The assignment was a puzzle and there were phrases we were suppose to match with current movies. There was no list of movies either. I immediately told her, “I don’t know of any movies. I have three kids and don’t get to see movies anymore”. All the while the other kids were easily matching movies with quotes.

I looked up and around the room. The teacher’s desk was not a desk. It was this large, golden colored podium-thing similar to what a council sits behind. I saw no council just this high-standing, ornately embellished golden piece of furniture. It seemed very out of place.

Not Now

Before bed I had asked when I could OBE again and when, if ever, I would have another energetic/Kundalini experience. I also asked what I was suppose to be doing now (again) as I do not feel anything is happening other than the same ol’ same ol’.

My dreams revealed to me that I was to stay in the same pattern I am in for a while longer. How long was not revealed but the feeling I awoke with was that it could be another long stretch. Really the message was clear: “Not now. You are trying to go too fast. You need healing”. Yeah. Okay. More healing. Great. Seems to be a never-ending process of “more healing”. What about more OOB exploring? What about the fun stuff?

I was shown a memory from just the day before. My daughter had wanted a specific toy that my son was playing with. She didn’t want it until he was playing with it. Prior to that she couldn’t care less about the toy. When I told her that she had to wait and suggested she find another toy, she went into one of her agonizing, painful screeching and moaning episodes. You would think she was in the midst of the worse agony ever! “But I want that toy! I don’t want to play with anything else. All the other toys are boring. I don’t like them. They’re no fun. I want that toy!”. No amount of pointing out all her other toys, toys she had previously enjoyed playing with, would change her mind. She went on to say that my son always got what he wanted and she never did. How it was not fair and I didn’t love her, etc. etc.

The memory hit me suddenly and the message was not one I could avoid, especially when my guide said, “Why don’t you look?” This was in reference to the physical. He was basically telling me that I was acting like my daughter. My focus was only on the toy (astral/spiritual) that I wanted to play with and all other toys (possible substitutions in the physical) were “boring”. Considering I had just been whining about how “boring” my life is, that there was nothing exciting about it, I felt very unhappy with my guide at that particular moment. How dare he!

I won’t go into the mental tantrum I put on for a while longer after that (eyeroll).

When I finally calmed down and gave up on trying to get some kind of reprieve from my apparent misery, I was covered in psychic chills. I initially resisted but heard, “Let me” and so relaxed and they intensified. It does instantly calm me down. But I was left with a sad, apathetic feeling. I don’t like that feeling at all. I honestly feel a lot like how I did as a kid when I would be told to go to my room for hours at a time or was grounded for a week and couldn’t go outside to play. What is it that I am suppose to do while I wait?

Toy Store

I must have dozed off after this conversation with my guide. During this time I had a lucid dream or vision, not sure really which it was.

I was in a room full of toys. It appeared to be a toy store actually. The shelves were piled high with toys, all the way to the ceiling, and even the isle behind me was full of toys of every shape and size. They all had a golden glow about them.

I was wandering around, looking at the toys but feeling disinterested in them. I felt someone was watching me and out of the corner of my vision noticed this man, as clear as day, crouched down in the corner of the room watching me. I felt nervous, as if I had been caught doing something I shouldn’t be doing. I decided to ignore him, but something in my mind “woke up” and I thought to myself, I know that man!”

I turned back around and looked at him. He stood up from his crouch and walked toward me. He was taller than I had anticipated and I had a very “Uh-oh I was caught not doing my job” feeling. I also felt like he was my supervisor. I was overcome with a familiar feeling. I have gotten it in life when my supervisor would come into my work area to observe me. I always feel on edge when this happens, like I need to do my best and look like I am doing what I am suppose to even though when my supervisor wasn’t around I would often slack off.

The image of this man was quite clear to me, which surprised me. I also recognized him, which threw me off and increased my awareness. He was tall and fair skinned with medium brown hair that was cut short. He was very ordinary looking but attractive at the same time.

After realizing he was my guide, I said to him, “You are watching me like a supervisor watches his employees”. He said, “Yes”. I came out of my reverie and digested the experience, thinking of all the toys that were around me. He said, “You have so much to choose from”. I felt very ashamed of my behavior then. He said, “What would be interesting to you?” He was asking me to think of what “toys” in the physical I would like to “play” with. I told him I wanted to feel intensity of emotion again. Other than that, I honestly don’t know.

by

Working on the Heart

Yesterday was a good day overall but by the time I went to bed I was not feeling very positive about it. I had started to convince myself that everything that had occurred the night before and morning of had been untrue or ego-created. It left me with a deflated feeling and I could not fall asleep.

My guide interrupted my self-pity and said, “None of it has changed”. I told him I thought that the idea of me training to become a guide was ego-influenced. But the feeling I got from him was to stop thinking about it and meditate. So that is what I did for some time. I focused upon my body, starting at my feet and moving up to the top of my head. As I did this, I focused on how my body felt to see if there was something I was missing that my body was trying to tell me. Besides a few stiff joints and tense muscles in my chest and neck, there wasn’t much I got from this exercise. After I finished I rolled over and attempted to fall asleep but this time it was not immediate. I was caught up in thoughts about my work and solutions to a situation I have encountered (not a big one).

My guide once again interrupted my thoughts when I became a bit irritated by my wandering mind and lack of sleep. He said, “Focus upon your blessings”. So I did that and my mood immediately increased. I fell asleep not long after.

I’d Leave it All

I woke up sometime in the middle of the night from a dream I no longer recall. In my head was one phrase from a song called Budapest. The phrase I was singing in my head was “For you, I’d leave it all”.

I lay there singing the phrase over and over in my head for a while until it dawned on me that it was a message from my guide. I immediately knew it was about being a guide and commented to him on it. The phrase was very representative of a guide’s job. They are selfless in their work, compassionate in their nature and patient and loving with their charge. In effect, they “leave it all”, “all” being themselves, behind to do their job.

I again told him I thought that there was no way I was training to be guide. I had none of the characteristics that one would need to be a guide. I was impatient, selfish and quick to frustration and anger. My guide quickly reminded me, “You are not the same when you are here”. The impression was that when we are not in a body that all the flaws we had while in it are expressed to a lesser degree. Some of them are nonexistent when one takes into account the pure love and acceptance that exist on the Other Side. Impatience is tempered with understanding. Selfishness is nonexistent as there is no Ego to contend with. And frustration and anger are felt only as a memory of our human selves.

I have always been told that all guides must keep more of a connection to their human experiences than those who are not. I never asked how this was done. Since hearing that my guide has two other lives in the physical while also being a guide in the spiritual, I am guessing that the way guides maintain connection with their human experiences is because they are currently in a human experience!

I fell back to sleep after recognizing there was more to being a guide than I first thought.

krising1Walking-In

I found myself in an odd dream state. I was in school and I knew I was a student. What grade I was in, I was not sure but it was definitely elementary. I felt very out of sort; not myself at all. I was in a classroom sitting at a desk and looked around at the unfamiliar setting. I remember a boy who sat near me and other odd things that happened in between the recollections of being in the school. Is was like I was popping in and out of a scene and a body.

Every time I found myself in this classroom and in another beingness I was confused. Where was I? Who was I? What am I doing here?

At one point I was eating lunch. I stayed in the classroom because I did not want to be around the other kids. The boy stayed with me. Who was he? Why was he here with me?

I only recall a bit of this lunch experience. I had two drinks, one was a red colored juice. The boy questioned me about it. I told him, “I like having two drinks”.

I then found myself walking through the halls, stopping at the bathroom. I took a good look at myself in the mirror. The image was very vividly clear and unfamiliar. The girl was not me! She had long, wavy, dark blonde hair that went to her waist. Her face was round and she had large, sad eyes. She was quite stunningly pretty. Then, I looked at her body and saw she was wearing a sleeveless, light colored dress. Her arms were much too big, though and the rest of her was well. I remember being taken aback by how fat she/I was.

I looked again at the girl’s face to take my mind off of her fat. I was hit so suddenly with a repulsion of the way her body looked and felt ashamed for thinking it. I thought instead about how pretty her face was but could not help but think what a shame it was that her face was not pretty enough to distract from her obesity.

The dream continued on for some time after that. There was an encounter with a couple of dark skinned kids. The girl was very interested in getting this me to be her friend but there was something sinister about her that repelled me. She asked a lot of questions and requested that I be her partner for a class assignment. I sought out the boy instead, distrusting the girl. She seemed to want to do bad things and wanted me to help her do them. I was the quiet, shy, smart girl. Why would she want to be my friend? The whole situation felt very off.

I awoke from the dream not sure what to make of it. As I went over the image I saw in the mirror I realized this girl was me. Maybe a past me or a current me that I am unaware of. The rejection and sadness that hit me from focusing upon her memory was surprising to me. The fear of rejection strong and the disgust at her fatness even more so.

Working on the Heart

Later in the morning I recalled something my guide had said to me that I had forgotten. He reminded me that our work was not done and I instantly knew that I would be focusing on clearing my heart. This was prior to me going to bed and so now I am certain this dream, this “walk-in” as it would seem, was to help me recognize where certain aspects of my current personality come from. The most intense emotion came with the thought of being rejected. There was also intense fear of being fat. Interestingly, I have worked hard in this life to maintain a healthy, thin physique, sometimes to extremes. There was a feeling of unease around the girl and an overall distrust of her. In this life, I distrust people when I first meet them and it takes a very long time for me to fully trust a person. I actually don’t know if I really have ever fully trusted anyone. I always seem to be waiting for them to hurt me.

At first the dream had me thinking I must have regressed from “teacher” back to “student” but the feeling of the dream says this is not so. I was completely confused each time I found myself in the body of the girl as if I had been suddenly taken out of somewhere else. The whole experience/dream was very weird. The only thing I know for sure is that this dream initiated a strong emotional response from me. I felt the emotion build up in my chest as I recalled the image of the young girl, her sad eyes and overweight body. She was so beautiful! Yet life for her was misery because she was trapped in a fat body. So unfair!

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Attunement

Yesterday was quite an emotional roller coaster for me. After getting yet another allergic reaction (cause unknown) I took a Benadryl and the reaction went away. Unfortunately I was very drowsy the rest of the day and took an hour long nap because of it. Later, my husband wanted to go out to a movie by himself siting that he had watched the kids “all day” (which was untrue) and I was in no mood for his antics. We had a nice fight which then resulted in both of us feeling exhausted and disappointed. All the time we were arguing I felt an energy settle over my entire head. It felt like my head was a hot air balloon ready to fly away at any moment! This feeling was not ignored and I eventually knew to listen (this was after our fight was done) and saw my wrong in the situation. I decided that every day I would do something nice for my husband above and beyond what I already do. I then apologized to him and told him this, saying he should go to the movie. He, of course, jumped at the opportunity and left within fifteen minutes.

I was left alone with slumbering children but was not tired since I had taken a nap that afternoon. I decided to watch a movie – A Little Bit of Heaven. The movie is about a young woman who is diagnosed with colon cancer. She is told she is dying during a dream in which she meets God (who happens to be Whoopi Goldberg).

While watching the movie I was reminded of how I received my own message last July. I wondered about it for some time and by the time the movie was over I was feeling my guide close.

At bedtime I brought up the subject of death and I was told once again, “You will know when it is your time”. When I asked how, he said, “I will tell you”. I did not doubt it. I had a strange feeling settling over me and my crown and third eye chakras were pulling quite intensely. When I noticed I heard, “It is opening” and I immediately connected all the skin issues I have been having to this fact.

My guide then said a whole lot to me. I do not remember all of what he said, but I was surprised at how much he said. I am use to one sentence or one or two word phrases. This was a whole paragraph and it flowed together very well without interruption. This, of course, has everything to do with me and nothing to do with my guide. I am the one that interrupts the communication – thinking/focusing too much upon it and trying to anticipate what will be said next. I will add that I was fully conscious at this time – not on the verge of sleep or even relaxed. I was very alert and quite awake.

What he said to me basically was that this whole process is what I wanted. The knowing of things to come, the kundalini, the shifts in energy, the spiritual gifts – everything was purposeful. I could see this and he acknowledged that he knew I knew. He told me that the warning of the time I had left was purposeful so that I could “prepare” and I was reminded of the movie and how the girl had time to prepare for her passing. There is a grieving process involved, much like Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, MD’s 5 Stages of Grief.

I recalled the conversation I had with my husband when his boss and his boss’ wife were dying. He asked why people choose to suffer. I told him it was because they wanted time to prepare themselves and their families for their passing. To suffer through a slow death is the most selfless way to die. I told him I would choose that path rather than a quick death, even if it meant I would suffer great pain.

These thoughts all came back to me and I felt I needed to choose. Life or death. As I lay there my guide asked me, “What do you want to do?” I said, “I don’t know”. He urged me to feel from my heart and so I did. I felt nothing for life but when I thought of death I felt great longing. I said, “I want to go”. He said, “Okay”.

I went to bed feeling calm and without upset at this decision.

Dreams and Messages

I had a dream-filled night. The dream I recall most vividly is the one I awoke to. In the dream I was visiting a school and quite happy and full of such energy as I flitted around from place to place. I recall going through an amphitheater where an orchestra was playing. My mom was conducting and as I went through she would stop the orchestra and say, “My daughter! Look!” They would all focus upon me and I tried to hide, not wanting all that attention.

When I left the theater, I met up with a classmate and we were catching up, laughing and discussing old times. She was tall with auburn hair that she tucked behind her ear. We were discussing going through a door, one that was off limits. We hid from a teacher but he caught her. I felt no fear at this because I was a teacher, too. I told her, “Don’t worry, I will handle this”. As I left her I gave her a hug and said, “You are getting taller” and she said, “No, you are”.

I awoke from this dream feeling very high energy and so positive that I was surprised by the amount of joy I felt.

My guide was instantly there and began to speak to me yet again. I cannot recall word-for-word everything he said, but he was again speaking to me about my decision. However, I quickly learned that the decision I made was not what it seemed.

Attunement

In my mind I saw a vision of a beautiful place. I instantly recognized it and heard the name. I am not sure if I have it right but I do know the last part of it contains “Laria”. It was as if I were standing on the top of a tall structure. It was made of a whitish material, some kind of stone. It glistened in the sunlight. I could see a clear blue sky above me and the orange sun was very clearly visible in front of me. At the level of the building were puffy white clouds in all directions. Upon seeing it I recalled the sensation of being there – the wind in my hair and a feeling of of total peace and serenity.

organI told my guide, “I know that place!” and he said, “Yes”. “I want to stay”, I said, as the vision began to fade.

I then saw another image and I knew it was located in beautiful place, Illaria. In front of me appeared a large open area and rising in columns one after the other were what seemed to be beams of colored, translucent light. These were large enough for a person to stand in and they went from the floor up higher than I could see. When I saw this, I thought “It’s an organ!”

I knew each of the beams of light to be associated with a tone or sound and all of them together played “music” except that this music was not like any on Earth. It resonated throughout one’s being, flooding them with not only a feeling but a sound beyond what ears can hear. I remembered the sound. Heaven sings all the time! It is filled with this music! The memory of it even now has me near tears. It is the most beautiful thing and no words can describe it.

My guide was speaking to me as I remembered this place and the feeling that went with it. When I saw the columns and wondered what they were for, he said, “Attunement”. And I knew what he meant. I knew that my own vibration would reach the same vibration as these columns of light. It was similar to tuning an instrument to that of the other instruments in a band. When one gets it just right, such a beautiful, pure, rich, and blended orchestra there will be! All the instruments play as if One. And what marvelous, heart moving music results!

As I was soaking up all of this my guide mentioned to me about how I was at this place and I remembered my dream. I recognized that I was not the only one at this place. I said to him, “There are thousands of others”. He nodded. I recalled how I greeted my friends, my colleagues, in the dream. There was a distinct feeling that I had moved on and they hadn’t. That I was “teacher” and they were still “student”. My thoughts drew a confirmation from my guide. I asked him, “Does that mean I am training to be a guide?” He asked, “Is that what you want?” I thought a bit. I remembered that when I first learned of guides that I often asked if I could be one. I remembered this and said to him, “Yes!”

We discussed the role of a guide for a while after this. I do not think I am a “guide” yet, as I do not feel ready and so I questioned him. “Am I learning to be a guide?” The word “apprentice” popped into my head. He nodded. I said, “But how can I do that? I am living a life!” He said, “I have two lives right now”. This puzzled me. Do guides live lives on Earth while simultaneously acting as guides to others who are on Earth? I suppose this could be. Why not?

I understood then that many were moving into new positions as guides or “teachers”. This was needed in order to help the many others who were struggling to adjust to the changes on Earth. That is when the conversation moved to the ascension, or what is happening on Earth now. I asked why it was happening now. Why now? Why me? And wasn’t it “cheating” to have all this help getting to a higher “level”? My guide, of course, said there is no “cheating”. “It is a group effort necessitated by group need. Transformation is a challenge and such challenge as this requires great collaborative effort”.

It was not until later, after this in-depth conversation, that I realized that my willingness to “die” was in fact a willingness to “live”, just in a different state. It had seemed to me so very real that I would actually die and leave this physical body. I was/am completely open to doing so without hesitation. Maybe that is what was suppose to happen?

Future

I must have dozed a bit after this as I recall a brief dream about dogs and seeing my Trooper romping with a German Shepard. I woke up from this dream still feeling extremely positive. However, I felt again that my guide wanted to talk and I knew instantly what the topic was.

I remembered the dream/OBE I had not long ago when I overheard a group discussing my life. I remember knowing that I was to meet a man, a married man, but I did not think much of this during the experience other than feeling pity for him. As I remembered this my heart and solar plexus chakras lit up with energy. It was a pleasant, warm, buzzing feeling. It was a feeling that made me want to shout out with glee. I understood what it meant immediately.

Rather than be resistant to it, I was open to it but a bit unsure that the idea was a good one. It was then that I remembered the timing had been changed because I was not yet ready. I still believe this to be so. I am not wanting to meet anyone and have that kind of connection. It would be disruptive to my life and would throw me into a tailspin. Yet I was now knowing, again, that it was to be. Why?

The answer I got was that it was necessary. The meeting would be mutually beneficial. For me, it was to help clear some blockages and facilitate much needed healing. Of course, I immediately wanted to know when. I heard “December” right away but then I knew this was not set in stone. Changes had already been made and might be needed again depending on my readiness.

A bit apprehensive still I began to get a bit worried. I told my guide, “I can’t handle that right now. I don’t think I can resist such a strong connection”. I was, of course, thinking it meant the kind of connection I have experienced in this life so far. My guide immediately corrected this idea. He said, “What does it feel like now?” He was referring to the amazing feeling I was having in my third and fourth chakras.

I focused upon the feeling for a while. I could make it come and go just by thinking about this “someone”. Weird. The more I focused upon it, the more I realized it was love. Pure and simple love. There was no sexual desire or misplaced emotion. No expectation. I did not tap into it totally but what I felt was enough to calm me down. This was no threat to my marriage.

But I knew instantly that he would not have the same experience. He would want more. No wonder I pitied him in my OBE.

All of this information is a lot to digest. I know I am missing some of what occurred this morning, but that is okay.

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Ascension Symptom Update

Just a quick symptom update.

Current Ascension Symptoms

  • Loud ringing in my ears that eventually goes away
  • Deep sleep
  • Lack of OBEs and lucid dreams
  • Numbness, usually in hands and/or legs
  • Itchy, dry skin
  • Rash on lower legs
  • Restlessness
  • Energy fluctuations
  • Trapped energy
  • Burning sensation on surface of skin
  • Allergic reaction (skin)
  • Intensity of physical body sensations
  • Feeling disconnected from the physical human form

The ringing in my ears has been on and off. One day I had the ringing very loudly in my left ear that lasted for quite some time. The next day at approximately the same time my right ear did the same thing. Then the next night I had the intense influx of energy that made both my ears ring and clog up similar to a very high pressure sensation. I suspect this particular incident may have been Spirit merging with me that caused the high pressure feeling from within as the energy moved in from the right and then exited from the left. It left behind energy, though, which I then had to push down and out my legs.

I still mostly get the numbness in my hands and it goes away pretty easily. I have been feeling restless in my legs, like there is trapped energy there. I have moved the energy out and it helped but last night the trapped energy feeling was so intense that I could not move it out and had to lay on my side to alleviate it. When I questioned why this was happening I was shown energy coming in through my crown and stopping in the middle around my solar plexus. I also saw energy moving up from my root chakra but then the flow was blocked at my sacral plexus. So, the energy is not able to fully circulate as it is suppose to.

I have also noticed a little thing that I feel is much bigger than it may seem. I have been focusing a lot on my sense of feeling. Not only am I experiencing odd sensations on the surface of my skin – numbness, tingling, burning – but everything feels more intensely.  For example, while walking from one building to another at work I walk across this gravel surface. As I walked I was keenly aware of the rocks crushing beneath my feet and it gave me a little chuckle. I could feel the change of positioning the rocks created as my foot moved across them and it thrilled me. I have also noticed that when I am touched it feels extremely sensitive, more so than usual. I wonder if this has anything to do with the skin changes I have been experiencing?

Finally, I have been experiencing what I can only call a “disconnect” from the human form. I no longer really care that much about how I look. I don’t wear makeup when I go out of the house (except to work). This is very out of character for me! I have been forgetting to take showers (I know, gross!). One day I forgot after four days! The hair on my legs was like a forest. EEK! I am also highly intrigued by the body at the same time. I spend a lot of time just observing the different shapes the human form can take. For example, while observing my daughter in gymnastics, I kept focusing upon the human form and all the differences, admiring it in a way I normally wouldn’t. I briefly wondered if this was how Spirit sees the human form? Am I being shown this to remind me that I am NOT my body?

Edit: While typing this, I began to have an allergic reaction again. I don’t know what to, but my ears, face, neck and shoulders are burning and hot and I am getting a rash as well. Just like last time. Benadryl to the rescue. 😦

Sudden Urges

Along with the above symptoms, I am getting tons of ideas and thoughts and a strong desire to not only write them down but also speak about them. I am so busy, though, that I do not get enough time to write them down and when I finally sit down at the computer to write I feel like I need to be “prompted”. What I mean by this, is I feel like I need someone to ask me questions in order for me to say what needs to be said. This is very frustrating for me because I do not talk to people who are experiencing what I am experiencing. I communicate with them via FB or my blog, but that is it. In fact, I know no one close to me who is going through what I am going through. Yet what I am feeling needs to happen is for me to be prompted into action in order for what I am feeling inside, this welling up of information, to come out. And I hear one of my guides say, “That’s quite a conundrum”. I think one of my guide thinks this is funny. Poo!

Since I cannot find the prompting that is needed, I will just write some of the ideas that have been coming to me. I am not sure yet what I will do with them, but at least I can free my mind of them for the time being:

  • EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and trauma
  • Reiki and other forms of healing on the sick and elderly
  • Reiki and other healing modalities to transition an individual to the Other Side; releasing fear of death
  • Video taping myself (talking about what I don’t know)
  • Children and ascension

I know I am missing some of the topics that have crossed my mind this week, but oh well. They will come to me if needed.

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Fishing Cats

My second chakra is once again blocked and this time it seems much more severe. I had hoped that with my success at unblocking it not long ago that it would remain that way, but I guess not.

What Does a Second Chakra Blockage Look Like?

Emotional Disconnection or Lack of Emotion. If the second chakra is blocked then there will be difficulty feeling and expressing emotion. The source of this could be some kind of trauma from our past, childhood conditioning or just from the  fear of worrying what others will think of us if we show emotion.

Difficulty with or Resistance to Change. The second chakra is also linked with the ability to adapt to change or new situations. The second chakra is the root of emotional and mental flow. When we are feeling forced into a corner by life, we may shut down mentally or try to control the situation by trying to push people and events into a more comfortable mold.

Difficulty Enjoying Sex or Sensual Experience. The second chakra is also connected to enjoyment of the senses and of sex. When it is blocked we may find it difficult to enjoy sex, withdraw from intimate situations or find any sensual experience uncomfortable or less enjoyable. This may or may not result is lack of enjoyment of the physical act of sex (inability to achieve orgasm, less fulfilling orgasm, pain during sex, fertility problems, etc.).

Trouble with Problem Solving using Creativity. The second chakra is also linked to our creative ability which is an inherent part of problem solving. This chakra allows us to think outside to box and see possibilities in life. It is the heart of inspiration in the individual.

Why is This Important?

The second chakra is our sensual link to the physical. It allows us to experience life via the senses – the pure joy and wonder of the physical world. The second chakra also allows us to create from emotion rather than thought and gives us spiritual, emotional and physical intimacy. This allows us to establish a deeper connection with others. In other words, the second chakra is our passion.

Passion, which often is immediately connected to all things related to sex, is also how we open up to Source and that deeper sense of Self. This kind of passion is not connected to the Ego Self but to the Higher Self and is about being a conduit for something much larger than ourselves. It is only with passion that we can create something new and wonderful in the world. It is passion that allows us to bring change to the world. When we have this kind of passion it is a sign that we have gotten out of our own way.

My Experience

For a while I have experienced a gradual shutting down of my second chakra. This is often most obvious to me anytime my husband and I are intimate. I just have no interest at all and often I actually push him away. When I do allow intimacy, I flinch at his touch and find myself mentally blocked to any pleasure sensation. I am tense and refuse to relax. I find certain smells repulsive. It is like I am being touched by a rapist or something! I do not get this way with my children, thankfully.

I am also very ridged toward new experiences in life. Anything not in my normal routine is questioned and sometimes vehemently protested (this especially when my husband suggests something). I have been doing better at this and allowing myself to do things out of the norm. I notice almost immediate relief when I do this.

Emotionally I am on and off depending on the situation. I don’t feel devoid of emotion like I use to. The numbness is gone. I am grateful that I at least have some emotional fluidity still. This indicates that my second chakra is not completely blocked but it sure feels like it!

Beside the physical symptoms of blockage, I also am aware of the energy itself. Whenever I have a surge of feeling or pleasure it stops abruptly at my second chakra. Sometimes I even experience a twinge of pain in my second chakra. The blockage is so very obvious that I cannot help but notice it. Unfortunately, I do not know what to do about it.

Dream: Fishing Cats

I went to bed very disturbed by my lack of ability to experience any kind of pleasure in life. I asked what I could do about it and my guide told me I was already doing it. I sighed because I honestly don’t know what I am doing other than asking that it be fixed. Perhaps that is enough?

I had several very vivid dreams last night but will only recount the one that is directly related to the second chakra.

In the dream I was walking along a creek in the woods talking to man about the creek and how it should have a pond dug into it so fish could live there. Not long after I said this, I saw a small pond and upon closer inspection saw a fish swimming in it. I was able to look under water at the fish in more detail and it had large, flowing fins and was gray in color. I was delighted!

I then saw from below the water several cats of various colors pacing along the rim of the pond. One jumped in and tried to catch the fish I was watching. He missed. I moved my vision to above the water and saw all of the cats were doing the same. They were fishing!

At first I was worried about the cats as some seemed mean but eventually I began to like them and watched them with interest as they tried, and failed, to catch fish.

Somehow the dream ended with a sexual encounter but there was absolutely no enjoyment in the encounter.

This dream is very interesting because it again has cats in it but this time I am pretty confident that these cats represent femininity and sexual fulfillment and enjoyment. Fish are ideas and since the cats were fishing, it was representative of my concerns about my second chakra (the cats) and looking for solutions (fishing). The sexual encounter in the end sums up the dream’s point: exploration of my concerns about my second chakra.

angeldevilFeelings

After weeks of waking up in a pretty good mood I awoke this morning in a very sour one. I was immediately angry at my husband and I have already had to take a walk to help ease the upset I have been feeling. It is a swirl of negative emotion that seemed to come out of nowhere but I have linked it directly to my dreams and frustrations.

I feel like something is very wrong with me and that it is somehow all my husband’s fault. This is totally untrue and i recognize this, but I still FEEL it! All of the resentment I have ever had towards him seems to be seething out of me, oozing through my pores and making me a general grumpy person today. Thankfully the walk I went on helped dissipate these feelings somewhat, or at least I was able to make more sense out of them.

A memory came to me from out of nowhere while I was on the walk. It was from about two years ago, prior to when I became pregnant with my youngest.

At the time I had stopped by Walgreens on my way home from work to pick something up. As I was leaving the store I felt eyes on me (you know the feeling that someone is watching you?). I turned and there was a man in his car to my right. He had just pulled into the store. He was staring directly at me with these intense brown eyes. When I turned to look at him our eyes locked. It was only briefly but that was all it took. I was hit with complete recognition of him yet I had no idea who he was!

Ashamed but not sure why, I turned and pretended to look down at something in my car. I was completely frozen, though, and so did nothing pretty convincingly. My heart was pounding and I didn’t know why and all I kept saying to myself, “Don’t look at him. Don’t look up.” I became unfrozen so turned on my car and put it into gear. All the while I could feel his eyes still on me. Why was he doing that!? Why wouldn’t he stop!? I peeked out of the corner of my eye and saw him still there. I saw enough to remember what he looks like even now. He appeared to be about my age, maybe a few years younger. He had brown hair that was long and wavy and came to just above his shoulders. He had one section tucked behind his ear.

I left the parking lot wondering who the man was and considered several times that I should go back and talk to him to find out. I was terrified to do that, though. I still am not sure why. Perhaps I was scared that we had a connection that I would not be able to resist? Yes, I think that was it. I know it was. In fact, I remember thinking that I had just passed up an opportunity; a fling or an affair or whatever you want to call it. Part of me desperately wanted to turn back around but another part of me, the stronger part, did not allow this.

This memory came to me with emotional intensity. I quickly pushed the emotion down. Swallowed it hard. When I did that I walked passed two men in the front of a house. One turned and looked at me a long, long time. I said hello and he responded in kind and turned back around. I kept walking and then he turned around and stared at me again. I felt uncomfortable. DejaVu. And I silently wondered to myself, “What the hell is he looking at?!” LOL I laugh about it now but at the time I really was wondering if I have some kind of sign on my forehead that says, “Stare at her until she screams”.

I wonder now if the recollection of that memory is the key to my second chakra blockages. It likely is I just don’t know how yet. I dread, and I mead D.R.E.A.D. something like that happening again. It terrifies me. I know it shouldn’t, but it does. I think it scares me because I know that I will not allow anything to come of it. The classic Devil and Angel on the shoulder scenario but I honestly don’t know which is which in this case.

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Detroit

I had another interesting Kundalini experience last night. At least I think that is what it was.

I meditated prior to going to bed. This time I did not immediately fall asleep which surprised me. I did not do any self-healing or any specific meditation exercise. I have not felt the need to do such in quite some time. I did, however, focus upon my third-eye by rolling my eyes slightly up and back. I let my mind go as blank as possible, allowing thoughts to come in and then pass through without focusing on them. I also focused upon how my body felt, seeking out any tense spots or areas that hurt or felt off in some way.

I felt the normal sensations that have been coming to me when I do this. Specifically, my nose and the areas on either side light up with energy. One night my nose felt like it was going to fly off my face! Last night, though, the energy was more pronounced on the left side than the right. As usual it felt like a mask of energy over the front of my face.

I also felt my entire lower right leg below the knee covered in a sheet-like energy. It felt like my leg was wrapped in a large, soft sock. I was intrigued by this since that spot I mentioned in my last post is on that leg. I took a seaweed bath to try and suck toxins out of my body and wonder if that had anything to do with it.

At some point, I think when I had reached a point of “no thought” and just being because I do not recall thinking or dreaming or anything, I was startled awake by a strange and unfamiliar energy. It hit me suddenly and from the right, pouring through my entire body. I startled because I felt like I was about to be swept out of my body and upward because the energy hit with such intensity that I felt a slight falling and then lifting sensation. It made my body feel very, very heavy and dense and my entire head felt as if it were going to explode the pressure was so intense. Both of my ears filled with huge amounts of pressure and I could not hear anything but this muffled sound of air and my own heart beat. The sensation in my ears was exactly like what I have experienced when taking off in an airplane but I was laying in my own bed!

As I sat there in what I can only describe as a “bubble” of energy my guide whispered, “Do not be afraid. You are okay”. Interestingly, I wasn’t afraid at all, just curious and wondering what would happen next. Would I suddenly pop out of my body? Would I begin to hear voices or strange noises?

The odd pressurized sensation began to lessen in my right ear. At the same time it intensified in my left. I heard a slight ringing but nothing major. A minute or so later the pressure moved to my right ear and was relieved in my left. Then it repeated – left, right, left, right.

I know I must have tensed my body quite a bit from the sudden energy inflow because my guide reminded me to relax. So, I began to focus on my body and then noticed the heavy, dense energy was not on my lower body, below my hips, at all. I knew then that I needed to move the energy and so, with a quick thought and mental imagery, pushed the energy down and out my feet. When I did this, the dense energy moved very easily down my legs and the pressure in my ears normalized. I also moved my hands which had begun to feel like dead weights and when I did this the heaviness began to dissipate.

Detroit

I fell asleep quite quickly after that. I had once again asked my guide for more clarity on the message I received the day before. What exactly was I suppose to be doing here on Earth?

I found myself driving along snow-covered roads in an older, residential neighborhood. For some reason I knew where I was: Detroit, Michigan. I was heading to my new job and was looking for a specific address. On my way, I passed up the house accidentally and when I attempted to turn around I fishtailed out of control. When my car came to a stop a group of bystanders began to crowd around the car. I looked up as one approached. He was a tall, fairly young, African American man wearing familiar gang attire. I immediately became suspicious but not afraid. One of his buddies was behind him smiling a wicked looking smile. The man told me I should not be out alone at night in these parts. I told him I knew that. The man’s buddy then got out a knife and I knew that I needed to get out of there.

Somehow I closed the door and sped off. I felt they were pursuing me so I went very fast down the streets and then took the wrong turn on purpose. When I came close to my destination, I turned off my headlights and then slowly parked the car. A man was on the streets and I yelled to him to keep an eye out for the men.

I walked up to the door of the residence and knocked because I could not get in. I did not have a key. I heard a response but when I pushed on the door it opened.

Inside I was met by a nice, older woman dressed in very professional attire. She led me into a room where I sat down. Other individuals came in one by one. I only recall now the man who sat on my left and the woman who sat on my right. The man on my left was blonde and had an odd energy about it. I did not want to touch him because I knew he was interested in me in a sexual or romantic way. He rubbed his foot against mine and kept trying to have a conversation with me. He had an odd smell or something about him. I just didn’t want anything to do with him.

A tall, dark haired woman dressed in a suit and high heels walked up in front of the group and welcomed us. I listened, mesmerized. This was my new job and I needed to pay close attention. The man next to me kept bothering me throughout and I struggled to hear everything that was being said. I do remember discussing EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and other healing modalities. I was the oldest of a group of five people who would be working at this place. I don’t know what kind of place it was exactly but it seemed to be a school but all I heard was “charter”. I remember feeling a bit apprehensive about getting along with my group but not about the job itself.

Another thing that was very distinct here was that we were in Detroit. It kept being brought up and I remember wondering why I was so far north. I have been there only once and I didn’t like the place. It felt tainted by negative energy. I think that may be what it symbolized in this dream, too, because when I woke up I immediately told my guide, “I don’t want to work with those kinds of people”. In my mind I was recalling the students I use to work with. I worked with them for 8 years. They were either adjudicated, on probation or just completely wild and unwilling to follow the rules.

Kundalini_truthinsideofyouFurther Considerations

Now that I am considering my dream, I wonder if it was the answer to the question I asked prior to going to sleep. I did not specify this time that the answer not come in the form of a dream. I wish I had now. When I awoke from this dream it was the first time all night and I could not go back to sleep. I kept feeling urged to get out of bed, too. All I could think of was Detroit. Detroit? Why? And the people I was with, especially the blonde man, were familiar. Was he one of my guides? Why was he coming onto me? And why were they all so much younger than me? The man was 26 (not sure how I know this) and the woman was still in her 20s also. The entire dream/experience was similar to an OBE in that I had full awareness of what was going on while in the dream. I knew why I was there. I was starting a new job and this was my orientation. I knew the people, though I cannot remember their names now. I knew the location.

And the part that does not escape my notice is that I was arriving to be a teacher or something similar. I was not a student. This was my new JOB. And I cannot help but think of what my guide said to me yesterday (which I almost forgot until now). He said, “You need a purpose. You will have it soon”.

Sometimes I think all of this is just too surreal. I still catch myself thinking this whole experience is just beyond real and has to be a dream. I am reminded of the Bible and Moses when God spoke to him, giving him instruction on what to do. Is what I am experiencing like that? Was Moses talking to God? Or was he talking to his Higher Self or a guide? And I am not trying to say I am the next Moses. LOL I am just thinking out loud.

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Subtle Changes and Gentle Nudges

Last night before bed my guide was close and reassuring me that all was going as it was suppose to. This was because I have been concerned about some physical issues. Some I have spoken about – dry skin and eczema, achy legs, vision changes (fixed) – some I have not. The main concern I have now is that this spot appeared on my lower leg. I first noticed it about six weeks ago and so kept an eye on it since it looked like a bug bite or sore. This happened right after my eczema on my arm so I thought it was the same thing but I didn’t recall it ever itching. Well the spot is still there and since it is hard to see I have trouble telling what exactly it is. So I am going to my dermatologist to have it checked out because it isn’t going away. Of course I have been thinking the worst – cancer – but my gut feeling is that it is nothing to worry about. Yet it bothers me still. I hate feeling like I am missing something that my body is telling me. Perhaps I am just being paranoid since I got the message “listen to your body”. We will see.

So I asked my guide to help me, to tell me what is going on with me and what, if anything, I should do. He said he would and I asked that it 1. not be in a dream and 2. preferably be a direct communication. Well, I woke up with a song in my head. I think now I should have asked him to not send it in a song!

The song (video above) is Yellow Flicker Beat by Lorde. The specific part I awoke to was the chorus:

I’m done with it (ooh)

[Chorus:]
This is the start of how it all ends
They used to shout my name, now they whisper it
I’m speeding up and this is the red, orange, yellow flicker beat sparking up my heart
We’re at the start, the colours disappear
I never watch the stars, there’s so much down here
So I just try to keep up with the red, orange, yellow flicker beat sparking up my heart

The message is quite clear if you look for it. The answer to the first part, “what is going on with me”, is that my energy/vibration is speeding up. So the transformation continues even if I do not notice it or the changes occurring. The answer to the second question, “what do I do?”, comes from the part “I never watch the stars, there’s so much down here”. This tells me that my job is to focus on my life and the physical, not the spiritual. It is also interesting to me that the colors “red, orange, yellow” correspond to the lower three chakras which in turn are considered those chakras which most relate to the physical.

When I listened to the song and read the lyrics I felt the pull in my heart chakra and emotion which tells me that the message was received loud and clear. And it was. I do not like it, though, as I am continuing to struggle with wanting to be in the physical and I am still asking nightly to astral travel without being allowed to.

lightbody-chakra-bodySubtle Changes and Gentle Nudges

Thankfully, slowly the physical is bringing to me aspects of the spiritual. What I mean by this is that I have had two reading requests this week after a very long period of nothing. I want to say it has been at least a year of no such requests. I am told more will be coming. Okay. Fine. I can handle that.

I have already begun the first tarot reading. I usually don’t use tarot but it is a good tool and it helps the sitter by giving a visual for them to follow. Interestingly, I have already noticed a significant difference in how the information is coming through. Usually I “hear” things  – words along with mental image pictures come through from Spirit. This time, though I am getting the usual images and words, I am also getting feelings. This is unusual when I do reading via email as the sitter is not present. The feelings are subtle but as I was doing the reading I was urged by my guide to focus upon them more and the feelings began to materialize more strongly. I never fell into the feeling, as in I did not allow myself to actually experience the emotion, but it was there and tangible. It was more like I was an observer of the feeling, if that makes sense.

I am also seeing changes at work. I have more requests for counseling and more individuals putting enough trust in me to become emotional and tell me things that are personal. I had one tell me she sees her deceased great grandmother whenever she is feeling sad or upset. I had another cry in front of me who in the past was extremely reserved and emotionally distant.

I have also found that I am doing my job better. I am becoming a better listener and I am not pre-judging people. I am completely without thought when I put on my counselor hat to listen and help. And when it comes time for me to talk, I seem to say all the right things, sometimes things I had no idea I knew. It reminds me quite a bit of when I use to give mediumship readings.

For example, when I was listening to the young girl who told me she saw her deceased great grandmother, I was experiencing physical phenomenon that indicated the presence of Spirit – I was overly hot and felt a mental pressure from my right which I ignored in order to be more present in the conversation. When she revealed she saw her great grandmother sometimes the feelings suddenly made perfect sense. How could I have forgotten them?

I have also “known” things about individuals without intending to. I will just look at them and know, “They are having a bad day today” or “They had a fight with their spouse this morning”. Sometimes I will suddenly be directed to look at their energy. One woman’s energy showed a dark blue color that streaked down her entire spine. My understanding was that she suffered pain, likely back pain, and was on medication. In this particular situation I had noted the woman seemed irritated by my talking to her and had initially thought I had done something wrong or she did not like me. Seems I was directed to her energy so that I could recognize her behavior had nothing at all to do with me. A very valuable lesson.

Unfortunately, I cannot just go up to these people and ask them if what I am seeing or “knowing” is true. This would reveal that I know more than I let on and people really don’t like that. I only say what I see or know if asked. I learned this the hard way long ago. But it seems I am being shown that I can know these things and still help indirectly. I know this but long ago pushed this kind of knowingness away because it was too difficult for me to experience knowing I had to hide it from people. I did not need to be reminded that I was walking around pretending to be normal!

But now I am being directed to reconsider this past decision – to unmake it and follow the subtle pushes to use my abilities to help others again. In fact, I remember last night that my guide said to me, “You are very gifted” and I replied, “I know, but I am not using my gifts”. He nodded and the message was clear that I needed to get them out of storage, dust them off and try them on again, like a long forgotten but much loved dress or coat one put in the attic long ago.

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GAPS – Day 3

Just a quick look at yesterday. I will likely not post much more on the diet from now on since my family is settling into it pretty well now.

My daughter had her first tantrum over what she could eat. She came home from school and wanted Raisin Bran as a snack. My mother-in-law told her no and she commenced to her yelling, kicking, and “dying” routine. So mother-in-law called my husband who gave her permission to eat it (boo on him!). I came home just after, oblivious to the drama and saw her sitting with her new bowl of cereal. I immediately told her no and then I got the tantrum. I stuck firm and we went for a walk. Cereal forgotten and replaced with mother-daughter time. Score!

My son is doing much better. He still hates his probiotic and the cod liver oil (who could blame him?) but he is eating better and much happier. My mother-in-law watched him yesterday and all I got from her is, “I hate this diet. There are no snacks for the children”. When I explained there were snacks just not the kind they were use to and that they would get over it, she said, “Well get rid of all of it then so they can’t see it”. I explained that not all of it would be forever excluded from our diet. Why waste good food? We didn’t eat bad before. Mainly I just need to toss the Goldfish, sweets and cereal bars. I told her I would.

I made Fish Soup last night – a first ever for me. I thought “Nasty” when I heard the name but all the websites online said it is a big winner for families with kids. So I made it. This was the recipe I used:

Fish Soup – total time to prepare and cook was approximately 40 minutes

  • 6 cups chicken stock (homemade)
  • Several baby carrots cut up
  • Two stalks of celery, chopped
  • Three sprigs of fresh parsley, chopped
  • 1 white onion
  • 2 cloves of garlic, chopped
  • 1 small bok choy, chopped
  • 1 cluster of broccoli florets
  • 2 Swai filets, thawed
  • Salt and pepper to taste
  • Lemon if desired

Put all ingredients except the broccoli and Swai in a large pot. Bring to a boil and then turn down the heat and allow to simmer until carrots are tender. Add broccoli. Allow broccoli to cook until bright green (maybe 2 minutes). Add Swai whole to the pot. When the fish turns opaque and flakes then it is done (approximate 2-3 minutes).

Serve with lemon and more parsley if this suits your tastes.

This recipe was a huge hit. My husband said it was his favorite meal of the week (wow). My daughter didn’t like it much but she had a tummy ache during dinner.

Positive Change

As a family we have eaten a much greater variety of meats and veggies than is normal for the week and the week isn’t even done! In four days we have eaten – chicken, ground beef, ground lamb, bone broth, and fish. The fruits and veggies we have eaten is triple what we normally eat. We have eaten a dozen apples, 8 bananas, 4 pears, blue berries, bok choy, broccoli, kale, onion, garlic, parsley, carrots, celery, spinach, cucumber, beets, lemon, and ginger. I still have brussel sprouts and peppers I have not used yet.

If you are thinking of trying this diet, I will say that you will need to grocery shop more than is your norm. I have already taken two trips to the grocery store and am considering a third (fruit is low again). Also, if you think you are making enough for your family, double it. I made an entire crockpot of chicken soup and it lasted two days. I made an entire crockpot of meatball soup and it lasted ONE day. The night I made boiled meat patties there was one patty out of 10 that survived for leftovers. The fish soup was gone after one meal with only a tiny portion left which my husband took for lunch today. I never thought I would have to cook so much! Ha!

It can be done, though, and is not too bad since most of the meals are pretty easy to prepare. I have three small kids and was able to do it and I work part-time. I know I could do this if I worked full-time, though the grocery shopping would have been harder.

Overall I think this diet is a great way to get your eating habits in order. It has been a great learning experience for my entire family and my children did not die from lack of carbohydrates and sugar.