Author Archives

by

Dream: I’ll Fly Away

The last six weeks have been odd energy-wise and otherwise. Ever since I had Covid mid-July I’ve been dealing with odd, sciatica-like pain that migrates from one location in my hip/leg area to another and a lowered immune system. All last week I struggled to sleep, as did my oldest son, and we both came down with the same thing. So, I am currently getting over a nasty head cold (no not Covid), but at least now I am sleeping!

The major issue has been a pain in the butt (and leg). The pain started out as sacroiliac pain. Then it migrated to my right side and down my leg/ankle which lasted only a few days. Then the pain just went to above my knee. I had a friend do distance healing which got rid of the pain on the right side but then it migrated to the left side!

The pain is not severe, just super annoying. I can do all the things I need/want to do. In the mornings it is practically non-existent but by night time it is at its worst. I would say a 5 out of 10 with 10 being the worst pain ever. Usually I am just more careful with how I get up or sit down as that is the only time it hurts. Once I am in bed, it goes away and by morning it is gone except for a little tightness.

It definitely muscular. Thinking it is a tight piriformis putting pressure on the sciatic nerve. So, I have been doing frequent stretching and yoga.

All this happened right around my birthday. So I guess old age has finally found me. Sigh.

For the past week I’ve been asking for healing before bed. I’ve had some odd dreams, too! In one I was going down straw-like tunnels into rooms below ground. The first couple of tunnels were like water slides without water. I eventually came into a room where there was a birthday party celebration. I was offered hamburgers and hotdogs but I wanted to keep going. I was shown where I would need to go next. It was a similar tube “slide” but it went up for a bit and twisted around back down. I took one look and said, “I’m not doing that. I’ll just stay right here.” A voice said to me as I began to wake up, “All you have to do is let go of control.” I woke up thinking the tubes were the meridians of my energy body. One of them is a hum dinger and very scary! lol

So far, the healing has not been physical.

Below is what I got last night when I asked for healing.

Dream: Stop Running

I was walking and suddenly there appeared next to me a man. He put out his hand and I reached for it. I knew who it was. We walked together holding hands for a short distance and then he let go and began to run. I followed after, yelling at him to stop. I noticed he was struggling to breathe, taking huge gasps of air and losing strength for lack of oxygen. When I caught up to him I pushed on his back as I said, “Stop running and breathe. Take deep breaths, like this…” I demonstrated deep breathing, urging him to breathe with me. 

He lurched upward and took off running again, throwing me off his back. I ran after him, urging him to stop and breathe. He slowed, tired. Eventually he collapsed to the ground. Again I asked him to breathe and demonstrated. He lay there, exhausted, and breathed with me. 

As we breathed together I remember feeling his body relax. I was pressed up against him, hugging him from behind holding his hand. We talked about how he needed to stop running. I remember just laying with him for a long time, breathing in sync. Somehow I ended up under him. I only know this because when I let go of his hand and reached around him to hug him I could feel the sway of his back. I lifted up his shirt and slowly brushed his skin. It was warm and felt very real, not like a dream at all. I could feel him do the same to me. I could feel him breathing with me, relaxing, and could sense his exhaustion.

We lay together like this for a while, talking. I don’t recall what we talked about but I do remember crying.

Our conversation eventually morphed into a dream. One minute I was laying with him, the next I was in a dream about some contest. The winners had been announced with prize money awarded. I only recall that I walked around looking at various people I didn’t know as I talked with him. Then I heard him say, “I could use the money”. It felt like he was financially strapped. I woke up, eyes still wet from tears. 

Dream: I’ll Fly Away

When I woke I was sad. I lingered in bed a while, thinking of how I should’ve or could’ve done things differently but knowing they happened just as they were meant to happen. 

When I returned to sleep I was surrounded by my family. My grandmother (deceased) was there as well as others both living and long dead. I don’t remember what we did, only that, at the end of the dream, I went into my bathroom and began to brush my hair. I remember looking at myself and smiling as I brushed my hair. I looked like I do now but my hair was a bit darker and my face younger. I felt very peaceful.

As I brushed I sang a familiar gospel song: 

Some glad morning when this life is o’er,
I’ll fly away;
To a home on God’s celestial shore,
I’ll fly away (I’ll fly away).

I’ll fly away, Oh Glory
I’ll fly away; (in the morning)
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,
I’ll fly away (I’ll fly away).

I sang the song different than normal, putting my own spin on it. I woke up after I finished singing it, wondering what my grandmother would think of it. 

In a past life, one where I died in 1963, this song was sung to me on my deathbed by my loving family. I flew away from this cold, harsh world, the voices of my loved ones lifting me up to heaven. 

by

Nature Zoom

I’ve been busy. Life can be a PITA sometimes. So, rather than dive into the details, I will share some photos taken with my Iphone 12 Mini with a 15x zoom lens. I’ve had the lens only 24 hours and I’m really enjoying getting up close and personal with nature. Hopefully it lifts your spirits as much as it does mine.

I ran across a ton of “stink” bugs on a blooming cactus plant. Turns out they were mating. lol Sharing some of the tamer shots of those “stinkers”. 😉

It seems the theme, for me at least, is to take a closer look at life. There is so much beauty all around if you just take a moment to pause and L.O.O.K.

Here are photos of my beautiful children’s eyes for you to enjoy. Aren’t they just fascinating!!? The first pic is of my daughter’s eye, the second is my oldest son’s, and the last is my youngest son’s.

Did you know this common grass (known as “big bluestem”) has tiny, pink flowers on it? I didn’t until I zoomed in to take a look. It’s actually quite beautiful! The tiny yellow flower is called Neptunia (thanks Iphone for the look up feature). I’ve never seen one in yellow. Usually they are purple blooms.

The fire ants were eating the pulp of a yucca plant bloom.

Edit: Had to add this tiny bloom (below) to the rest because when I looked it up the name was hilarious. It is called Turkey Tangle Frogfruit, Sawtooth Frogfruit or Turkey Tangle. Now those are some funny names for such a teenie, tiny flower. 🙂

Funny plant name: Turkey Tangle Frogfruit LOL

So cheers! Here’s to finding beauty in the most surprising places. May you ever be in a state of wonder at the world around you.

by

Emotional Dream: Rebuild

Had healing dreams last night and woke up in tears from one. I’m not really surprised because I asked for healing prior to sleep and also asked what I needed to do.

Dream: Rebuild

I don’t remember many details now except that I was walking down a hallway with someone who was holding my hand. The hallway was brightly lit with a main wall to my right that was so high I could not see the top. The wall had a massive screen upon it that seemed not to have an end to it.

My companion and I were in deep conversation about my experiences with my heart connection. The words we spoke translated into songs in the dream and I could hear the music and the lyrics, though both are lost to memory now. To my right the screen played images and shed a golden light upon us.

The song spoke of how broken I felt inside, of the utter destruction of my heart. The visual of a forest that had been destroyed from above is prominent, the trees nothing but burned stumps of various heights, the ground scorched, the sky grey. Tears streamed down my face as the song and imagery played through my entire Beingness. The desolation within re-experienced yet again, as if to remind me there is no way to hide. 

The song spoke of letters being written. I remember hearing the word “letters” distinctly. The communication between parts, both within and without, was my understanding. I was reminded of the past and all the communication between us. I had saved all the emails only to one day find them all deleted and irretrievable. 

The love I felt returned to me. I remember saying, “I’ve never loved someone like that.” It was so clear, so obvious, so completely correct. At the time it felt like my entire purpose in this human body and lifetime was to experience that love. So when it became clear I was wrong, that everything I felt to be true was false, it decimated my heart.

The song continued and blended into another. The song, “Angel” came to mind in the dream, though the melodies and lyrics did not match. 

I asked a question about what could be done. It was clear from the visual of the destruction that there was no way to recover what had been lost. The answer I had upon waking was “rebuild” or “rebirth”, the two seemed as one word. In other words, I would have to start from scratch.

Considerations

Upon waking I had to wipe the tears from my eyes repeatedly. I couldn’t stop crying and even when I returned to sleep I would awaken from a wet pillow. 

There were other dreams in the night but none so emotional as this one. Since it was at the beginning of the night, by morning the emotion and desolated feeling are now undetectable. 

I vaguely recall talking about the path to rebuilding my shattered heart. It was only through love that it could be healed. Divine Love. The very love that I desire but also fear and dread. 

“Angel“

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh, beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
Oh, and weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don’t make no difference
Escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

by

Healing Heart Bliss

Wonderful sleep last night and heart healing dreams.

Dream: Missing High Heart 

I was in a reclined position. My friend Angela and someone else were hovering over me. Angela was closest and had her hands positioned over my chest. I could see her face distinctly. She was smiling. She gently touched high up on my chest. Where her hands touched my skin it felt almost like two distinct bumps with a deep channel between them. My breasts? I don’t think so. I winced because it was tender. It felt like sore muscles after a workout. She said to me, “You’re missing your High Heart.” Both she and the other individual worked on my heart space. I could feel the energy of the healing. I remember knowing the importance of what they were doing.

Dream: Heart Bliss

Another dream scene came before this one but I will only touch upon it. I was a child in an elementary classroom setting with other children. I remember a man coming to pick me up.

The man drove. I remember looking over at him and knowing him. He had light hair of a dark blonde color. His facial features are lost to me now, but he was familiar and if I saw him again I would recognize him. A deep connection existed between us. It was not a father connection, for I was not a child any longer. It was familial, though. 

We drove along a paved road through a hilly residential area. The area was familiar to me. I had been there before and even now I can recall a past dream of the place. The man spoke to me about land for sale in the area. I saw in my mind a map of all the parcels up for sale. The lots were distinguishable by large, green rectangles outlined in white. Their price tags were high, each in the millions of dollars. 

The man said, “Do you remember when they were $14,000 dollars?” I turned to look at him and nodded yes, I did. In considering his question, I realized then the history between myself and the man. We had known each other for countless human lifetimes but in that moment it felt like I had last seen him just yesterday. My heart began to overflow with love for him. He asked me, “Do you think this (heart bliss, divine love) is less valuable then that (millions of dollars/material gain)?” 

His question seemed to float around in my consciousness as if teasing me to fixate on it. I ignored it momentarily, caught up in the heart bliss. I thought, “THIS is what I want.” Unfortunately, the thought woke me but the heart bliss remained, swirling subtly in my chest. I heard a male voice say, “I love you.” I smiled and lingered in the bliss as long as I could. I didn’t move my physical body because, if I moved, it would “break the spell” and the bliss would evaporate.

I said to the man, whose energy I could still distinctly sense, “I want to feel this way (the bliss) all the time.” He said, “It is yours. It’s always there.” I wondered who the man was. He felt like a guide but then also something else. I didn’t linger on the question, though, and enjoyed the bliss as long as I could.

Considerations

I tried to return to sleep so that I could recaptured the bliss, but that didn’t happen. Instead, I fell into other odd dreams related to current life issues. Not what I had hoped for at all.

I woke up early so I lay in bed thinking of the healing dreams. I think the absence of my High Heart is significant. High Heart = living your personal truth. This is a good article about the High Heart. 

In contemplating the message from that dream, it resonates. I have been wondering about my purpose. I feel pointless with no direction (again). I was also recently sick with Covid when I am usually a very healthy person who rarely, if ever, gets sick. My life has seemed full of discord lately, also. Things are just not lining up like they should; disconnected.

The last dream was wonderful! The heart bliss is beyond beautiful to experience and I miss it very much. There is nothing I want more in this world to feel consistently. Sadly, it is a rare experience.

Then there is the question the man asked me. Basically he is asking me what is worth more to me – money or love? Honestly, in this lifetime, I have chosen money over love but only because the love I have experienced most has not been real love but love of the human kind (distorted). If offered love of the divine kind the choice would be a no brainer. I’d choose love. It felt as if the man were warning me that there will come a time when I will have to choose. Will I choose love and turn my back on “millions”? What would you do? 

by

Dream: Pelican Island

The energy lately has been of the healing sort, at least for me. I am having dreams about my heart connection quite frequently. I’ve also been having dreams with my older sister, though those have declined substantially in the past few weeks. I don’t recall many of the specifics of the dreams after they happen. I just wake up with a Knowing of what was being discussed.

The following dream is an exception to this. It is reminiscent of dream meetings I’ve had in the past.

Dream: Pelican Island

I met with a man at a restaurant. For some reason I thought of him as the husband of my best friend from high school but he looked nothing like him. It was clear he was romantically interested in me and we were on a “date”. He was very charming, handsome and familiar. 

Our conversation is a blur to me. I only recall that we chatted a while and I liked him very much. Throughout our time together I was a bit confused and also concerned about him being the husband of my friend. I never mentioned my concerns to him, though my guilt was obvious, and just enjoyed our date. 

Wherever we were was spacious with high ceilings, huge windows and plants of all kinds both indoors and out. I don’t recall a waiter/waitress taking our order or any food or appetizers being served. In fact, there was no food anywhere in the “restaurant”. All we did was talk and eventually we snuggled close and even kissed, though it wasn’t with passion but more the familiar kiss and interactions of a couple that had been together a long time. The intimacy between us was obvious.

I knew he had two children with “my friend” and that they were about the same ages as my two oldest, maybe a little older. We discussed my age for some reason. He was complimenting me about how beautiful I was and commented on how I couldn’t be very old. I told him, “Not true. I’m 43…..oh no, I’m 46.” He laughed and said, “You ARE young. I’m…” I don’t recall his exact age but he was in his 50’s. Again, I felt a bit confused about what was happening. I didn’t quite realize I was dreaming but I knew something was up. I didn’t care, though, because I really liked the man.

His looks are hard to recall but I think he had brown hair, maybe graying or light brown, almost blonde. He reminded me somewhat of my mom’s ex-husband but in all the positive ways. Though I don’t remember our discussion I was able to remember what he told me about himself. He was a successful businessman. I don’t know what business but money was not a problem for him. His personality felt similar to that of a good salesman, there was nothing he felt he couldn’t do or achieve. I knew that he would happily provide me with anything and everything I could ever want and need plus more. He would always put me first. It actually seemed like he was selling himself to me, which in itself is flattering.

As we were preparing to leave he asked me if I wanted to go to Pelican Island with him. He motioned across the room to a counter where they were selling ferry tickets. He said, “We can make the last boat if we hurry. Like, we have 1 minute!” I recall seeing him looking at his watch and I saw what he saw in my mind. The analog clock face showed it was nearing 4:30. I, of course, wanted to go. Everything about him felt exciting and appealing to me and I said yes before I even had time to think about it. 

We ran up to the counter and stopped short of it. We then stood facing away from it and I noticed two children with us. He also mentioned that his wife would be joining us, but she never appeared. Again, I felt extremely guilty and uncomfortable but pushed it from my mind. 

The tickets were purchased but I don’t remember the boat ride to the island. I just remember what the island was like and saw all the pelicans. There were so many that almost all the ground on the island was covered with them!

Considerations

I woke up thinking of how real the dream seemed. It felt like it was a dream visit. But who was this man? Was a he a guide or was he someone who is visiting me ahead of actually meeting me in the physical? Either could be true. There was very muted Kundalini and it was of the kind that was very calming and loving. No intensely passionate or magnetic sensations, which is nice. Whoever he was I very comfortable with and it felt like he was presenting me with an invitation, like a Call. It was such that I couldn’t resist. Everything in me was saying “Yes!”

The Pelican Island destination is odd. Is this symbolic or an actual place, or both?

Symbolism:

“When the Pelican Spirit Animal calls itself to your attention, it’s time to sit up and take notice. A fortuitous opening presents itself. The counsel from Pelican is remaining patient. Don’t dive too quickly or wait too long. You may feel a little insecure about the situation, but you have the chance to apply skills and talents, honing them even further.

The Pelican Spirit Animal is an active team player. It will not allow you to sit on life’s sideline, unmotivated. You need to get out there, among like-minded people and build new friendships. Accept support; give support. The groups you form during your work with Pelican will become some of the most important in your life.

Pelican asks: are you the half-full or half-empty person? What is in your beak, and when do you need to empty it? By letting go, you fill your cup far above the halfway mark with better things. Let nothing weigh you down when you’re reaching for the stars.

Your Pelican Spirit Animal knows you are compassionate. You see needs in people’s lives and respond. But do you respond to your own needs? Have you forgiven yourself from past misdeeds and mistakes? Tackling these two questions is part of Pelican Medicine, and only you have the answers”. Source

There are multiple places with the name Pelican Island. One is close to me, near Galveston, Texas. Another is in Florida and still another on the Missouri River. There is even one in the British Virgin Islands. 

Based upon my dream, the Pelican Island I saw most resembled the wildlife sanctuary in Florida. 

by

Full Moon Healing Dreams

Full Night of Tearful Dreams

Last night I had unexpected dreams of my heart connection that resulted in waking multiple times in tears. When I would return to sleep, the dream topic would continue and more tears would result. When I woke I would hear my guidance remind me, “It’s okay to love him.” I’m still uncertain as to why they would choose these words specifically. Do I not feel like it’s okay? Do I feel guilty about it? 

The first dream is the most hazy. In the dream I was living with him in an apartment. It was actually really nice. I was enjoying being there with him, as he was with me. I remember recognizing that I felt no extreme Kundalini energy fluctuations or heart bliss blasts. I felt very level headed and normal with the exception of feeling full of love for him. The love manifested as pure joy/happiness. I remember thinking of him as my best friend and not being distracted by sexual feelings whatsoever. It was a wonderful feeling.

Then we were going our separate ways. I dropped him off at the station (railroad I think but I never saw it). He promised to contact me after he made it to his destination and I remember noting the time difference between where I was and he would be. After four days of nothing, I began to despair. I remember talking to someone, telling them, “I should’ve known better”. There was a Knowing that when we connected in life that it always left me in a similar state of grief and loneliness. The despair I felt every time we parted ways was beyond description and difficult to manage. I remember asking, “Why?” and breaking down in tears. This is when I woke. My heart was aching and when I heard, “It’s okay to love him”, the only thought I had was about the pain I was feeling and how unbearable it was.

There were a few other dreams but the dream of most significance was similar to the above. I had clear memory of spending quite a bit of time with him. The love was there in abundance. The happiness I felt at just being with him was profound. I’ve never felt so happy in this lifetime. I felt complete when with him. There was no sense of lack whatsoever. 

The time we spent together we traveled extensively and loved one another dearly. Again, it was more a sense of us being best friends than anything else. When we met initially we were like long lost friends reunited, sharing our life stories and catching up. I don’t remember much else of this story except returning home and going to bed with wonderful memories of our time together. When I woke I searched for our emails and couldn’t find them. I began to search for other proof of my memories and found nothing. I began to despair, thinking I must be going crazy. No one I knew had any knowledge of him or our time together. I remember wondering, “Was it just a dream? No! It was too real! It wasn’t a dream.” 

The last thing I recall is going through my bags looking for souvenirs I had brought home from our travels together. Unfortunately, there were none. My hopes dashed, I broke down in tears and woke up with a lingering aching in my heart. My biggest upset was that everything I experienced with him wasn’t real after all. It was all just a dream and never happened.

When I awoke for the final time this morning the stark contrast between the joy and happiness I felt in my dreams and the way I feel in currently in life was hard to ignore.

Music Messages

There were songs following me through the night also. The first one was a song I’ve heard many times before as a message about my heart connection – Charlie Puth’s When I See You Again.

Another song that was coming up is called Cola. The part I heard over and over was, “She can’t tell the difference yet.” This seemed to be in line with the dream of not being able to find proof of what I had experienced and feeling crazy and upset about the loss of that reality.

The last song message I received was after the last dream. Beauty and the Beast – “Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme…” I have no idea why that one came to mind but I do think I’ve received it as a song message in the past. It was odd and seemed out of place because of the movie and “the beast” part. Maybe it is a reminder that he and I are old, old friends, meeting “by chance” over and over with similar outcomes from life to life?

There was another dream where I had given up my oldest son for adoption and was upset at seeing him being raised by another. I have no idea why it was stuffed in between the other dreams but it created a similar upset feeling. I remember seeing him as a baby and the love I had for him. To think of losing him created an ache in my chest similar to the ache I feel for the loss of my heart connection.

by

Thankful it’s August

I don’t know about you, but July was a difficult month. It started out good (Kundalini dream) but quickly turned sour, at least for me.

On the 4th my husband announced he wanted a divorce. I will spare you the details (and drama) of the whole situation. Let’s just say it’s been stressful. I’ve been on a rollercoaster of emotions ever since, though the ups and downs have leveled out a bit over time. Currently, we are at a standstill, not progressing much because of logistics and trouble confronting the magnitude of changes that will result if we move forward.

That same week, my new assistant at work began to give indicators that he was not happy. We knew he had a tendency to move from job to job based upon his resume but hired him anyway. He was good at the job but he indicated he was unhappy within his first week. Mostly he complained he was not getting as much money as he wanted and he wanted to work from home. At the last minute he emailed me a resignation letter, giving us just one day notice. Someone had offered him a job at the pay he wanted. So be it. The timing was not the best but really it helped ease some of my stress. I am happier with him gone. The last thing I need is a whiny, indecisive, unhappy assistant.

About the third week of July I came down with what I thought was a head cold. My oldest son had the same symptoms and we spent the first two days feeling similarly – stuffy head, mild congestion, and headache. He complained of his eyes hurting and ended up sleeping quite a bit while I continued about my normal, daily activities, unbothered.

By day three I was concerned because my symptoms weren’t getting better. In fact, I worried I was getting a sinus infection because the pressure in my head was getting worse. Someone at work had Covid previously so I took a home test. Within seconds it showed the result: positive.

July 24, 2022

I was shocked initially and then laughed about it. It seemed fitting for some reason. I didn’t test my son because we both knew he had it, too.

The next few days my headache got progressively worse, specifically behind my eyes. In fact, my eyes hurt so bad that I couldn’t bear to have them open for long. The pain was like someone stabbing me with a knife. Ibuprofen helped ease the pain so I could function but looking at screens of any kind was near torture. For every 30 minutes of screen time (I kept working from home) I had to close my eyes for an hour. Day 5 was the worst of the eye pain. I worried I would have to go to the ER if it got any worse because it felt like my eyes were about to explode out of my head.

Then on day 6 everything went back to very mild symptoms and by day 8 I had no symptoms at all. I did sleep extremely hard the entire time I had symptoms and for a few days after. I would get tired around 8pm and then crash and wake up feeling like I had been drugged. I loved it! Sleep = my favorite part of the day.

So, Covid, for me at least, was horrible eye pain and that is pretty much it. It is like the Universe was saying, “Close your eyes. Go within.” That I did (I had to). I will also say that I felt pretty negative the entire time. It was like a black cloud was hanging over my head. Yucky stuff.

By my birthday I was feeling normal again. That very day, though, I had stabbing pains in my right ankle that would come and go. These were accompanied by odd pains in my leg that would also come and go. The pain in my ankle was far worse than the leg pain which I would describe as extremely mild. After two days of the pain in my ankle I did some foam rolling and deep stretching, focusing on my legs. I’ve not had any ankle pain since but the other pain remains. I suspect it is sciatica or maybe a faulty vein. I’ve had both in the past. I’ve also been dealing with sacrum pain again. Altogether it makes me feel like I’m falling apart. Is this what happens when you are over 45yrs? lol I hope not!

Also on my birthday my mom called telling me she had similar symptoms to my Covid symptoms. She didn’t take a test but was worried she had it. The last time I talked to her she was resting in bed and taking cold meds. I had no contact with her whatsoever, so if she does have Covid it wasn’t me who gave it to her.

I blame all the physical body issues on my stress level. I rarely, if ever, get sick. I’ve gone this entire time without getting Covid (that I know of) and then July happens and I get it. Ha! The pain in my eyes was unexpected. I figured it would be flu-like. Nope. Nothing like the flu. More like a sinus infection from hell without the congestion. I wouldn’t wish eye pain like that on anyone. I suspect my other body issues are inflammation-related and it wouldn’t surprise me if they were brought on by Covid. I’ve read it can impact the nerves.

On a more positive note, last Sunday the Universe gave me a gift. On my morning walk I came upon a beautiful, red-tailed hawk. It was in my neighbor’s yard eating something. I was about 20 feet from it when I saw it and I just stood there watching it for a while. I was able to take a photo of it before it flew away. It was magnificent! For me, the hawk represents the bigger picture and gaining perspective. I think it significant that it was on the ground. It was a reminder to me that all things happen for a reason. I may not see the bigger picture right now, but in time I will.

Juvenile Red-Tailed Hawk, Aug 7, 2022

by

Dream: You’ll Get Use to It

Had a dream that lasted most of the night and woke me around 4:30am. 

Normally I would categorize the dream as a Kundalini dream, but the K was extremely muted. I think it was purposefully muted in order to keep me from gaining lucidity.

Unfortunately, I’ve lost memory of most of the specifics now. I was too lazy to get up and jot down the dream at 4:30am, so it is what it is.

Dream: You’ll Get Use to It

The dream felt to be a counseling session of some kind. Every once in a while I was aware of a female guide and counselor asking me questions that would then lead into answers that became the dream scene. Occasionally there was a male guide, who resembled my heart connection. I’ve previously referred to him as the “dark haired man”.

I was asked to remember what occurred during my heart connection – how it felt, the sequence of events, etc. So I told the story and shifted into a dream scene where I was with a dark haired man who very much resembled my heart connection. Throughout telling the story I re-experienced the bliss and connection thoroughly.

Sometimes during my story-telling I would feel to shift back to the scene where I was being counseled. I would see my guide, the one who looked like my heart connection. I Knew I had seen him recently in dreamtime. I told him, “I just saw you not long ago.” Memory of the dream fluttered into my consciousness and then departed. The moment felt important somehow.

One very memorable part of the dream was when the dark haired man and I were standing face-to-face, so close that I could feel his breath on my face. Our bodies didn’t touch. We were just standing very close, as if testing how close we could stand without touching. The heart bliss was overpowering to the point that I lost my breath. I remember thinking how beautiful it was, how much I missed it and how I wished I could feel it forever. In contrast, I was also afraid of it because I wanted only one thing: to completely surrender to it. I said to him, “I don’t think I can handle this.” He said, “You’ll get use to it.”

I distinctly remember one moment when I was telling the dark haired man about a part of the story that doesn’t line up with what I personally know to have happened. I said, “This is the difficult part of the story, the part where they have to be apart.” When telling this part, I saw and experienced the heartache and depression of the separation and instead of seeing myself, saw another woman from a distance, as if mixing up the current lifetime with another. I was also able to connect to the emotions and experiences of my heart connection, experiencing them from his perspective. 

During this time apart I was acutely aware of the absence of the heart bliss. I mourned it and said to the male guide, “I can’t feel it anymore. It is gone forever.” The answer I got was that, no, it was not gone, it was overshadowed by fear. This information rang true to me. I recognized that fear was love’s nemesis and momentarily was relieved to know the solution was to abandon my fear and embrace love. 

The story continued and the two reunited, their time apart over and a new chapter begun. The dream is hazy here, I think because the rest of the story has yet to be told. 

No longer with my two guides, I lingered near a wooden picnic table looking out onto a meadow. There were others with me I didn’t know. I remember distinctly the man sitting on top of the table (not on the bench). He was amused by me and had a hint of playfulness in his eyes. I sat down next to him and he leaned close to me and whispered, “You are still young.” He looked me up and down, causing me to also look at myself. I saw my body, still youthful and beautiful. He said, “You should use what time you have to enjoy your body.”

I didn’t react to his words at all but stood up and looked out at the meadow. Another man approached, my male guide I think. In the dream my consciousness felt far away in the distance so I don’t know what led to what came next. I can’t remember who said this but I also saw it in my mind. The words were, “Dance like a chicken (unexpected change) and lay an egg (creation)” and then I saw someone doing the chicken dance but no egg. I told my guide what the other man said and told him, “I can’t do that [lay an egg]”. 

I woke up filled with memory of the heart bliss. 

Considerations

IDK if my heart connection was actually present in the dream. What it seemed like is that I was being warned of future heart bliss in order to be prepared. In fact, when I awoke, I Knew there would be more heart bliss. My stomach did a little flip flop at the thought of it.

The years 2014-2015 come to mind. How, in 2014, the K dreams first began to shake up my world. I knew the dreams meant major change was coming but was unwilling to really confront that change. I feared it would mean the end of my marriage. Another was both attracted to and terrified by the power of the Kundalini, especially the part that seemed to compel me to surrender to it, but slowly I began to surrender little by little and the K progressed, leading me to my heart connection experience in December, 2015.

It think something similar is occurring now. A warning of an upcoming decision.

The magnificence of the heart bliss is impossible to resist. It feels like coming Home. The bliss of the lower chakras, in contrast, is highly erotic and sexual. Sure, it is spectacular and hard to resist, but it doesn’t compare to the heart bliss. Nothing does.

I still have no idea how anyone could “get use to” the heart bliss. 

by

Reminder: This is a Dream

Last night I had a lucid dream for the first time in ages.

In the dream I was in a house arranging furniture. I’ve been in this dream house before and recognize it now as I recall the dream. The house is in the country and seems to be my mom’s current house only different. The inside and outside are just slightly off. In other dreams I recall, I was similarly moving things around. 

Anyway, I was moving around furniture, specifically chairs and small tables. There were two sets of chairs. One pair were folding, wooden chairs and quite nice. They had a little wooden table with them. I remember commenting on how nice they were when someone brought them in. The other two were already in the space and I can’t recall them specifically except that they seemed to be just regular, old sitting chairs. 

I moved them around, trying to space them perfectly and cleaning up dust that had settled on the tables and around the floor of the chairs. I was cleaning and arranging and quite enjoying it. There was this tall cabinet, like a armoire, that needed moving and I had a woman push it slightly to the side to put up a hanging wall decoration made of rope.

Out of nowhere I realized I was dreaming. In an instant I turned away from my arranging and sought an exit. When I went to where the kitchen should be I encountered a solid wall. It wasn’t suppose to be there. I went to look for a door and found one. It was made of heavy, blue metal and I had to push it to the side to open it. I remember thinking, “These are prison doors.” 

On the other side of the door sitting in the kitchen were two older ladies. I said, “What is this? A prison?” I got no response. I turned to look back and saw the wall from the other side and thought, “Prison.”

I saw a back door, one of those screen ones with a window up top. A woman was standing by the door. It felt like she was a teacher and I was a student. I went directly for the door and rushed outside when she opened it. When I got outside I found myself in a courtyard garden. Without thinking I jumped up into the air and immediately began to fly. I had an explosive feeling, like I had been holding something in and could finally let it all out. I felt like what I imagine a child with ADHD feels like when they’ve been couped up in a classroom all day. For an instant I felt embarrassed but quickly let it go. 

I zipped up and around in the air like a balloon whose air is rushing out of it. When I landed I found myself floating over two women sunbathing. Still lucid I instantly wanted to be with one of the women. I sat on top of her, root to root, and looked at her. She began to talk to me, asking questions and answering them herself. I leaned down and kissed her. I woke from root chakra activity surprised by the lucid dream.

Reminder: This is a Dream

Fast forward to later in the day. I returned home from work and was laying on the floor just relaxing while listening to some calming music. I stared up at the ceiling imagining the future me staring up at that same ceiling. What will it be like? How will I feel? How will my life be different from now? I imagined my life changing course suddenly; unexpectedly. With that thought, I felt a distinct shift from within, as if someone said, “Remember, this is a dream.” It hit me all at once and it was like I was there but not there. Reality check. I felt a huge rush of relief and began to cry. I Knew this experience to be but a dream. OMG! I had forgotten I was dreaming. All at once I Remembered and it was such a relief. I didn’t zip around like in my dream as I let all the air out I had been holding in, but I did feel a sense of, “Soon”.

by

Kundalini Dream: Who Are You?

I hope you have all been well. 🙂 It’s been a while since I last posted so I figured it was time for a little check-in and update.

Daily Yoga

I’m proud to say that I’ve kept up my daily yoga practice. It will be six weeks come Monday. Yay! I’ve honestly never kept up a yoga practice this long, daily or otherwise. It has been a nice change with positive results. In general, I feel so much better physically – less stiff in the mornings, more relaxed, and less preoccupied and anxious. Setting a daily intention, which is always part of my yoga practice, has worked wonders for me emotionally and mentally. They are simple intentions like, “I AM ____” or “I want to create _____”. Usually I insert “love” into the blank. I try to keep it simple but every once in a while I’ll surprise myself. 😉

Previously, I wrote about some weird heart rate fluctuations and dizzy spells where my heart rate was going as low as 40bpm. I’ve not had anymore since then but my heart rate has remained consistently lower than average, especially when I sleep. Just to ease my mind, I bought myself a blood pressure cuff to rule out excessively low or high blood pressure because I’ve had experience with high BP in the past (pre-eclampsia). I’ve yet to have a reading that is considered high, BUT I’ve had some pretty low readings. So far nothing to be concerned about, though. Usually my BP averages about 117/73 but I frequently have readings of 100/60 with the top number sometimes dipping below 100.

I can’t say for sure the yoga is the cause of these blood pressure changes since I didn’t check my BP beforehand, but I suspect it is contributing to it. I am much more aware of my breath, taking breaks just to breathe and BE when I feel stressed or anxious. Since I have an Apple watch I see immediately the impact focused breathing has on my pulse. For example, my pulse will rise into the 90’s when driving sometimes but if I focus on my breath I can keep it in the 60’s-low 80’s.

So, I am going to maintain my daily yoga practice, intention setting, deep breathing and breathing breaks. It could be that I am just now tuning into and experiencing the true rhythm of my body.

Dreams and Experiences

Sadly, my dream explorations and recall have been almost zero. I am sleeping deeper and more soundly, though, which is good. No complaints there!

There are some dream themes that seep through, however. I’ve had two distinct dream experiences since May where I was being instructed on how to activate my energy centers, specifically my root and second chakras. There is no specific memory of the instructions, just an overall sense of being instructed. In both instances I awoke both pleased at my success and shocked by the nature of the dream. I can remember being outside of my physical body manipulating it but also feeling the results of that manipulation. It was as if I was in both places at once with a third party observing and giving pointers. After the last “lesson” I woke up and realized I was being shown the capabilities of the physical body and was in awe at just how little I knew about it.

Another dream theme is of being counseled; talking through life issues with a confidant. Often I don’t recognize the other person but feel very connected to them in the dream. In one instance I was with a coworker who I’ve had many dreams with in the past (I refer to him as “K”). There are always messages that come through in the dreams, which is probably why I remember them when I wake. Some recent messages have been: “Make space” and “Talk it out”.

Messages about “space” have been repeating since last summer when I went to Costa Rica (back then it was “I need space”). After receiving the message “make space” on June 27th, I remembered my Human Design incarnation cross is all about space.

The Left Angle Cross of Refinement (33/19 | 2/1)

You bring the energy of having your own living space and nice things within it. Part of the driving force is about privacy and having your own space, not just for you but for the belief that it is everyone’s right to have such a thing. In addition to the shelter a home provides, you desire some beauty within it to add to your life. You are here to ensure all of us have the right to our own private and inspiring space. ~from the Definitive Book of Human Design.

One thing about incarnation crosses is that there is no one way of interpreting them. “Space” is the key word here. It is assumed initially that it means a physical space because it says “living space”, and “shelter”. And that could very well be but the idea of ensuring everyone has their own living space makes me think of interior designer. Ha! However, I am reminded of my environment in HD – Markets Internal. I invite people into my space. So my space is very important, both physical space and energetic. 

But then perhaps I am an “interior designer” but in so much more than the accepted definition. Interior= my inner world and self. My favorite place to go is within. The worlds that await me there are so much more fulfilling than any physical place could ever be. And my outer world will reflect my inner world. So all I need to do is create my inner world and the outer one will fall into place.

Kundalini Dream: Who Are You?

I saved the best for last but I won’t be telling it in full (sorry). I’m only putting it here since it was one of those “OMG” Kundalini dreams.

The day before the dream was an odd one with some hints I should’ve noticed, and some I did. One I noticed was the yin/yang symbol drawn on my Hyundai’s back window. Seeing it actually made me cry! I later learned my husband put it there. Huh? Not like him at all! Another was a post about the “Hermaphrodite” that caught my eye that morning. It was just so…unusual, so I had to post a reply, something I rarely do these days. Lastly, right before bed, I saw 1111 flash in my mind’s eye, bright white letters on a black background. I never see 1111 anymore so it was a surprise. Just FYI, I saw it again last night, so two night’s in a row now. All three signs point to the merging of the masculine and feminine.

The beginning of the dream is pretty much a blur in my memory. I was not lucid and the dream was nothing extraordinary.

I become lucid when a man takes my hand. Immediately I am struck by a familiar feeling. It is magnetic and irresistible. I don’t recognize the man but I don’t care. I go with him. He pulls me close, all the while the energy is rising like warm water from my root upward. The way it spreads is like liquid, tendrils moving upward through energetic channels I didn’t know were there. I can feel every one of them. They are like the roots of a tree….inside me! When the liquid ecstasy hits my heart I am blown away. I AM love. It feels like my heart is gone, replaced by a funnel that is pulling in the love of the Universe. It goes through me and up and around and back through (like the infinity symbol), a never-ending loop of love. I tell him, this stranger, “I love you!”

I lean in and kiss him right above his collar bone. I can hear his thoughts and feel what he feels. He is blown away by what is happening. He begins to lay me down and the energy intensifies. The warm, liquid bliss is flushing upward with ferocity but it is also extremely gentle. I’ve never felt anything like it. And though I want nothing more than to let it take me away, to drown in the bliss, I awaken.

I sit upright in bed immediately, shocked. My heart is still open, a fountain of love. I can hear the man’s thoughts in my mind. He is asking, “Who are you?” My own thoughts echo his. I wonder briefly, “Who’s thoughts are these? Mine? His?” I let that pass, realizing it makes no difference. My tears concern him. “Why are you crying?” I answer him with, “I never thought I would feel this again.” He asks, “You’ve felt this before?” I can sense his amazement. I answer, “Yes, but not quite like this”. I am still overcome with bliss and love but it is faltering now. My heart is racing in my chest. My tears continue to seep out of me as if I am leaking. I can’t seem to stop them. It is just so beautiful! 

My heart doesn’t stop pounding and I eventually have to get out of bed. It feels like a mini panic attack so I go outside, hoping the night air will settle me. It takes a while and some deep, focused breathing, but my heart finally settles and, amazingly, I return to sleep.

I am both elated and anxious from the experience. Mostly, I don’t understand why I heard another’s thoughts, felt another’s feelings, experienced a merge such as this with a total stranger. Completely caught off-guard, I went into fight or flight but had nowhere to run. This isn’t something you can run from. It’s the Kundalini and she gets what she wants. Every time.