Category Archives: Ascension

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Tantrum-Throwing Portal Energies

Oh man, have you felt the swirling, shifting energies? It feels like somebody is stirring the pot. You know how when you let something sit long enough, all the dense material sinks to the bottom? And when you stir it then it comes back up? That’s what is going on now, and boy is it ever bringing out some Ego fits!

Yesterday I had a good day. Productive. These shifting energies don’t affect me like they use to. I sense the shift, I sense the Ego, but I have learned ways of channeling the energy. I create upon it or focus my attention in some way so as to move past the unsettling energy without incidents I will later regret. While I create, I transmute. It is a whole lot easier than allowing the Ego to take hold and throw its fits.

Yet mid-day I had an unfortunate run-in with these energies manifesting in those around me. It came from a comment someone directed at me on the internet. When I read it I literally felt the energy as it made impact. Dense, heavy, bottom-of-the-pot messy energy. It was slung toward me with force and when it impacted my heart I held my breath. Whoa!

I was in the middle of editing an image for my Oracle deck and had to stop. There was no way I was putting that kind of energy into one of my cards. I pulled away from the computer and took a walk to the other side of the house. I knew not to respond or react. To let it sit and feel through the energies that were slung at me. Interestingly, it was the Blue Avian card I was editing. Their message is the Golden Rule – Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 🙂

The impact of the negative onslaught did not last. It maybe took up 5 minutes of my day, or less. As it dissipated I recognized what was going on in the individual who threw that negativity at me. I became aware of her entire situation, her life patterns, her pain. And as I allowed myself to feel it, feel her, there was compassion. I held no resentment toward her because I understood why she was reacting the way she was. I have been there before. I can relate. So, sending love her way, I moved on with my day.

The Spring Equinox portal potential is intense because we are pulling off layers, stripping away the False Self. What does the False Self do in response? It throws tantrums, acts up, rears its ugly head. The best way to deal with it is to show it love and compassion but also be firm with it, much like you would be with a resistant child who just doesn’t know when to stop pushing your buttons. You can’t lose your temper. You can’t react. You just allow and eventually the tantrums stop. The False Self gives up and gives in. It’s hard to not react, though. Trust me, I wanted to tell that woman how it “really was” but then I knew better. Would she have listened to reason when in such a state? No.

If you think of the False Self as a child and you are a parent or have worked with children, then you already have the tools you need. Children are easily distracted and if you can get them to focus on something fun, something they enjoy or are curious about, then they quickly move past their upset. My three-year-old is a perfect example. He will throw a fit over losing the TV. If I ignored him, he goes on and on and nearly drives me insane. If I go to him and offer him an alternative, one that is positive and fun, then he stops and becomes interested. Then he is his happy, cooperative self. Similarly, the False Self will respond in kind.

So you need to know what makes you happy, what you enjoy and what brings you into a higher vibration. These things work wonders when the energies are like they are. If you feel your Ego/False Self growing unsettled then it is good time to throw yourself into something enjoyable.

How do you know your False Self is about to throw a fit? You feel unsettled. You may become fearful, confused, irritable, grumpy, quick to temper, and unmotivated. Mentally you may experience negative self-talk and doubts may creep in. For me the first sign is I feel unbalanced. It is energetic mostly at first and if I don’t respond and take immediate action against this feeling, then most if not all of the above results.

I also need to note here that if you have not taken care of your body (food, water, adequate rest) then you are more prone to falling into the False Self. Test it if you don’t believe me. It is the same with little children. Fits and tantrums are more prone to occur when they haven’t eaten or need to sleep.

Happy tantrum-throwing portal energies to everyone. You will make it. Be kind to yourself and others.

 

 

 

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Another Section of Equinox Portal to Open April 7th

The energy shifted early last night. In the midst of a geomagnetic storm, too. I was awakened at 11am from a Kundalini dream that drove me into wakefulness and a concierge of guides who wanted me to “Pay attention”. Messages were being thrown my way while I was still recovering from a powerful blast of heart bliss, one so powerful I was still reeling from it for a good 30 minutes afterward.

The messages were regarding my own path, but I’m sure others who have traveled a similar path to mine (Kundalini awakening) you will understand their messages well. Specifically I was told, “Remember your goal. We finish at Wholeness. It’s from the heart up from here. You cannot be distracted by desires or physical body responses. You must push past them. You must think through it.”

My response was to say, “How can I think through that!!!??” I was still breathless and unable to concentrate on what they were saying. When that heart bliss hits hard like it did last night there is really not much I can do but allow it. I could see how I was becoming distracted by the bliss but could not fathom ever being able to think whilst it was occurring. It seemed impossible.

I am reminded of the book by Gopi Krishna, Kundalini: The Evolutionary Energy in Man. Though I have not yet finished the book I read enough to know what it was my guidance was trying to get me to understand. Gopi writes of his Kundalini rising experience in the very first chapter. His method of handling it is the method my guidance wants me to apply. He fixes his focus on a lotus and though his mind does wander from that focus because of the amazing feelings brought on by the Kundalini energy, he is able to refix that focus on the lotus and achieve a full rising.

During one such spell of intense concentration I suddenly felt a strange sensation below the base of the spine, at the place touching the seat, while I sat cross-legged on a folded blanket spread on the floor. The sensation was so extraordinary and so pleasing that my attention was forcibly drawn towards it. The moment my attention was thus unexpectedly withdrawn from the point on which it was focused, the sensation ceased. Thinking it to be a trick played by my imagination to relax the tension, I dismissed the matter from my mind and brought my attention back to the point from which it had wandered. Again I fixed it on the lotus, and as the image grew clear and distinct at the top of my head, again the sensation occurred. This time I tried to maintain the fixity of my attention and succeeded for a few seconds, but the sensation extending upwards grew so intense and was so extraordinary, as compared to anything I had experienced before, that in spite of myself my mind went towards it, and at that very moment it again disappeared.  Chapter 1

My experiences with the Kundalini have not been as Gopi describes, though. When he focuses on the feeling it disappears. When I focus on the feeling it grows exponentially and a raging fire results, a fire of such intense pleasure that it leaves me wanting for more of it to the point that I feel like an addict. This fire almost never reaches above the heart chakra, though occasionally it has. When that happens it leaves me wishing to remain wherever it was it took me and all connection to physical experience and desire to remain in this physical body is lost. Gopi also describes a loss of desire after his Kundalini rising experience, but I did not read past his many reminiscences of his life to know what the result was. Perhaps I need to finish the book now? 🙂

So I asked my guidance to help me find a way to stop becoming distracted by the feeling, to “think past it.” I did not receive an answer that I am aware of other than the above book reference, though I did have many dreams leaving me with impressions that much discussion occurred between myself and my Companion Traveler about how to resolve the situation I find myself in.

I was reassured that I am capable of bypassing the physical body distractions and once I do that I will be “pleased with the results”. Funny how they downplay these experiences. “Pleased” is likely a huge understatement!

Another Section of Equinox Portal to Open April 7th

Interestingly, as I sat down to write about this experience I was told another portal opening is fast approaching. This one will open in the first week of April. I heard April 7th specifically. This is another section of the Equinox portal. When I see this portal I see a flower petal as before but it is overlapping the previous one. I understand that to mean that the previous portal remains open even after the next one is available, the second amplifying the energy of the first. This amplification will continue into July as each portal “petal” adds to the next. The center of this flowering portal will only be accessible when all sections are open and available. When this happens embodiment will be possible.

You may wonder how many sections there are, as did I. I heard “seven” with the eighth (center) achieving full amplification of energy.

We are peeling away layer after layer of False Self. That is what the petaled sections indicate to me – layers that will come off. At the center we access our True Self.

 

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A Collective Vote and Geomagnetic Extremes

Finding myself sleeping deeply and almost instantly forgetting my dreams upon waking again. I was reminded that we are still selecting timelines to embody the light, so the loss of my dreams doesn’t really upset me.

This morning the only memory I brought with me into wakefulness was of floating in front of what appeared to be a a large, glass window. I couldn’t see the top, bottom or sides of it, so I’m not sure if it was a window. However, there was something, a screen or pane of glass, separating me from the other side. On the other side were people of all ages and races. Some were pressed up against the window looking at me, but not in an attempt to escape, just out of curiosity. The memory interested me and I wondered who the people were and then knew they were different versions of me.

My guidance and I had a short conversation in the in-between. I was so tired that I had begun to just drift off into sleep when something they said caught my attention. I heard, “We are about to take a vote.” I laughed and said, “For President?” My own humor woke me up and I realized the timeline selection process, for me anyway, is drawing to an end. But I wondered, why would we vote on it? My guidance didn’t respond in words but the answer was that all of Earth’s inhabitants will be “splitting away” from a main timeline. Individually, we will still be able to access all timelines we occupy at any given time. The vote my guidance was referring to was for the collective.

Geomagnetic Extremes

Over the weekend and into this week I have been highly active to the point that I wonder how I didn’t just collapse on the floor from exhaustion at the end of the day. I blame the low geomagnetic activity for that burst of energy and the gamma rays that came in (three I believe) in that short time. I really, really felt good on Saturday and Sunday.

The K-Index began to creep back up yesterday and is still up today. It began to affect me last night. I started feeling strange mid-afternoon and got a headache last night prior to bed. Today I already feel more sluggish, with a slight headache and a bit of an upset stomach this morning.

planetary-k-index

When I think back to last year or even the year before I don’t recall geomagnetic activity such as what we have today causing me to feel really any different from other days. I didn’t pay attention to gamma ray bursts until sometime in 2015 and really they didn’t cause any consistent shifts of note. Yet for some reason this year I am extremely sensitive to both geomagnetic storms and gamma rays. My response has been fairly consistent, too. When the K-Index (above) is in the yellow and red I have physical symptoms such as headache, sluggishness, tiredness, minor and sometimes major stomach upset, and a general feeling that something isn’t right, like the energy is shifty. When the gamma rays come in I usually sense them as a rise in vibration, my energy increases and I have more vivid dreams and/or spiritual experiences.

A friend of mine asked me to present her with reliable, research based evidence that geomagnetic storms and gamma ray bursts affect human health. In my research (which was limited) I found consensus that gamma ray bursts have no effect on human health. In other words, there is no evidence that it causes what I and other have experienced – that energetic “high” and entrance into La-La Land (as I call it). However, I did find some information indicating that geomagnetic storms can cause health issues to manifest, especially in those who are already at risk or have health issues. Geomagnetic storms mainly affect the cardiovascular system, so anything relating to the heart and circulatory system. The number one side-effect of a strong geomagnetic storm is heart palpitations with an increase in heart attack and stroke. In this article it says that geomagnetic storms also affect the pituitary gland as well as the hypothalamus and adrenal system and these regulate pretty much all the body’s activities.

All in all, there was no consensus that geomagnetic storms have any effect on the human body. NOAA’s (the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Association) Space Weather Prediction Center claims geomagnetic storms don’t cause physical or mental side-effects because the earth’s magnetic field protects us from geomagnetic storms and gamma rays.

Personally, I don’t think enough research has been done to definitively state one way or the other whether storms affect human health. However, in my own experience, space weather has significant impact on me. I have had heart palpitations that scared me and have been so zoned out that I did not know how I got from my home to a destination 40 minutes away (La-La Land). I have not checked to see if space weather changes coincided with my symptoms every time, but when I have checked there has always been some kind of fluctuation whether a gamma ray or CME (coronal mass ejection) or geomagnetic storm.

Throughout my spiritual journey my guidance has passed on messages relating to the earth’s axis shifting and this in turn resulting in a “shift” in the human axis (chakra system). Additionally, I have received information related to space weather (plasma and gamma rays specifically) and its effects on human DNA. Add this to my own personal physical and mental symptoms and I have no doubt space weather is connected to ascension and ascension-related symptoms.

If you want to know more about space weather and its effects on earth’s inhabitants, I high recommend the Suspicious Observers YouTube channel and website.

 

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Equinox Portal Open: Releasing the False Self

Did you feel the portal open last night? I did, well I did in my sleep anyway. My dreams are clearing up again and messages are coming through. The portal – gateway (same thing) – of this Spring equinox was one of those messages.

I was with a group of older individuals who I perceived as “celebrity” in status. Much like I am in waking life, their status did not impress me other than for me to take note of it and offer them my respect and gratitude. A gathering was under way and now that I am awake I understood it was a council meeting of which I was granted access. As I witnessed the meeting as more of an observer than a participate, I overheard them discussing the portal and how it was in “sections”. I saw it, then, but the image was confusing. It looked like universes superimposed over universes. The word that comes to mind is “stargate”. The sections of this stargate were what I was seeing. Each section built upon the other but not all sections were available for access at the same time. When complete, a portal was created that resembled a many petaled flower, or lotus, with petals overlapping the closer to the center one got.

At one point I recognized something they said and interjected saying, “I know what you are talking about! I’ve been on that spacecraft! But I didn’t know it was in sections. I guess I can see how that could be…how I’ve only been on one section at a time up until now…” They corrected me almost instantly, and I got a feeling here much like I use to get as a young child when I interrupted my parents while they were having a serious conversation. Obviously I had gotten my facts mixed up. They were not discussing a spacecraft but an actual event that was underway and would culminate at a much later date.

Two men from the group took me to the side and began to talk to me privately. As I look back on the experience I realize they were “babysitting” me similar to what happens when children interrupt adults and have to be supervised so as to not do it again. But this was done with great love and never did I feel that I had done anything wrong. It is only the me looking back at it that sees it that way.

The discussion here was about music and they were asking me if I knew their music. The year 1970 came up and I wracked my brain trying to recall what artists these men were. They looked familiar to me but I couldn’t place them, the time period they were referencing too far before my own birth for me to clearly relate. I recall hearing them ask me about the Mamas and the Papas and I recognized the band but otherwise was clueless. I began to tell them about my own musical library and got very excited then, going back over all the genres of music I have ever liked and listened to and remarking at how diverse it was. It made me feel accomplished for some reason when I recognized this about myself.

One of the men, his face clear to me even now, was very kind to me and genuinely interested in what I had to say. I was listing out all the bands I had ever liked (long list) and recall he stopped me when I mentioned The Cure. He repeated to me, “The Cure” and it brought on full lucidity, pulling me out of sleep. Upon waking I knew he was telling me that this portal and its many sections were part of the Cure for humanity.

I knew I needed to share this here on my blog because of this particular portal and its impact on those of us who are currently experiencing the intensity of the many shifts of 2017. This portal, of which the Spring Equinox is only one section, will provide us with opportunities for stepping into our authenticity. This comes with much shedding of the False Self, a process we have all experienced in our own way this entire lifetime. I, personally, have been chipping away, consciously, at this False Self since 2003. Some of you have been doing so for much longer periods of time, while still others have already managed to embrace your True Self but have yet to integrate it fully, still tying up the loose ends of your lives.

For those of you like me, who are very close to releasing the False Self completely (meaning the last layers of that onion are falling away), prepare for some intense healing and purging. I was warned that the 20th will be intensely powerful for me and to expect high emotion with it. I am already experiencing it. The False Self (Ego) does not release its hold without a fight and the closer we get to releasing it, the more it becomes like a noose around our throat.

2017 is kicking my butt.

 

 

 

 

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Staying in 3D

A few years ago, when I first began to interact with other Lightworkers online, a friend and fellow Lightworker/Wayshower/astral traveler (the list goes on), announced that she knew that she would be “staying behind” in 3D to help those who were left behind. At the time I did not really understand what that meant but it stayed with me. I wondered if I was like her. Would I be one of those who stayed behind to help?

Yesterday a feeling and Knowing came over me suddenly. I had been thinking about the information I recently received about selecting timelines for the embodiment of Light. I knew this process had been going on since the end of February for me and soon would be coming to an end. I also knew that when it was done that I would be staying in 3D. I pushed the thought out of my mind, though. Surely I would not be doing all this grueling work only to stay behind!?

This morning when I awoke I knew the information from the previous day was correct. I am staying behind. In fact, that is why I am here. Just like my friend said years ago, I am staying behind to help with the ascension.

Upset at this and feeling a bit deflated (I’ve been through the wringer since last November!), I just accepted the news. What else can I do? I am so exhausted, so tired of thinking and analyzing this process. To me staying behind means that I am in 3D to stay. There will continue to be the 3D drama, negativity, illusions, etc that will be part of my experience. I will continue to live as I have been, immersed in that reality whether I like it or not. It is all purposeful.

But it does not mean that I am not ascending. No, quite the opposite. It just means that I will remain “living life in-between”. One foot in 3D and the other in higher realms/dimensions, accessing higher dimensional Knowledge as I have been ever since my awakening in 2003.

This straddling two realities is not easy. It never has been. I really prefer to be in one or the other. It makes life so much simpler. But it is not to be. I can’t help with the ascension if I leave the 3D experience behind me.

It is not just me doing this, either. I hate to tell you this, but if you are like me then you are going to do exactly the same. It is part of your work. You will bring the Light to 3D. This is embodiment in a nutshell. If you thought (like I did) that ascension meant you would one day be completely free of 3D, you were/are incorrect. Ascension/descension is the creation of a bridge between the lower physical realities and the higher frequency dimensions of Light.  This “bridge” is what we ARE.We act as anchors of the Light, holding it here so that others can access it. It’s a big job. And for me it is going to take at least two more lifetimes. Two! Imagine knowing that. Two more lifetimes living life in-between. Just thinking of that makes me tired. lol

I know, I know, this is something I should have already known. Maybe I did at some level but the experience of it kind of brings it Home. Thankfully I have killed off so much of my Ego programming now that it really makes no difference to me where I am – 3D or 5D or wherever. I just want to get the job done. This living life in-between is tough.

 

 

 

 

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Selecting Timelines to Embody the Light

I’m going to try to put into words something that I was shown last night relating to timelines and embodying the Light. It may make absolutely no sense but then it was mostly images and impressions so translating those into words can be a challenge as you know.

I awoke at 11:11pm from a mass of dreams that seemed to pile one on top of the other. The last thing I recall of the dream sequence was of being inside a subway or train station of some sort. I saw a woman walking away from me. I said to her, “So you don’t want to?” She did not reply and kept walking. I shifted focus, moving on toward a point of light.

I woke up before I got to the light and there was a sudden Knowing of what I had been doing.  My guidance was also close and assisting. I heard, “Embodying the Light” and saw how this was done. It is related to what others are calling “jumping timelines” but that is not at all what is really happening. We are not “jumping” really, we are selecting timelines, organizing them according to vibration level/intention. This is done across all available timelines and is so vast it is beyond human comprehension.

What I am doing in dreamtime, what we are all doing right now, is rapidly analyzing all available timelines that we occupy. These are viewed, the lifetimes scanned for vibration and “level” reached. I say “level” but this is only because I cannot find any other word that fits what I saw/experienced. We as the surveyor of our own lifetimes/timelines are attempting to gather up and organize into groups all similar lifetimes/timelines. I saw millions of tiny lights slowly converge according to similar vibration/level. They seemed to move outward, like a tiny universe, growing larger until there only remained maybe a dozen large “suns” or balls of white light.

I remember how this analysis was done. I would “jump” to a timeline, converse with myself in it, and ask her/him if they were interested in living/experiencing life. This question was not meant to distinguish between whether the me in that timeline wanted to live or die. It was meant to test intention and vibration level. The answer would in turn always indicate their vibration or wavelength. The dream section I recalled was an answer I received from a particular me in a particular timeline. She said no, meaning her vibration and intention was not matching what I was looking for. It was like her purpose and mine were out of sync. That timeline was then automatically grouped with other similar timelines.

What does this have to do with embodying the Light? Honestly, it is hard to describe. It was a feeling that it was part of the preparation process. We have reached a point in our spiritual evolution where we can take the chaos and shape it into order. The timelines are scattered about haphazardly. We are “harvesting” them for a purpose. Harvesting those with similar vibrations and then aligning them all accordingly. From there it is an ordered line spiral from one extreme to the other. From this vantage point the “Light” can penetrate throughout all timelines. When complete we can occupy any of the final timeline groups and embody the Light in those experiences.

They key is the grouping according to vibration. Aligned vibrations or wavelengths create a uniform medium through which a single beam of Light can penetrate. Otherwise the Light would scatter, similar to light filtering through a drop of rain creating a rainbow. The Light has been scattered, this has been our experience up until now. A “rainbow” of experience. Not bad, just an experience. We are now focusing the Light, creating another kind of experience. What that will be like, I am unsure, but I see it as brilliant, white Light.

BTW, “Harvest” is the word I kept hearing. It kinda creeped me out but then it is what it is.

My dreams continued to be strange and confused through the night. I have some recollection of choosing “faces” like masks to wear. I also had impressions that didn’t make much sense to me at all. It was like I was moving so much that all was left were jumbled impressions of where I had been.

In all honestly, what we are doing, how it is stated – the wording, etc. – doesn’t matter. We are preparing to fully embody the Light, to streamline our own inner universe (because really all of this is taking place INSIDE us) so that we can focus the Light and put it to greater use. I see the rainbow of color that is the result of the chaos (3D experience or whatever you want to call it) as the chakras. The focusing of the Light into one color – White – is the alignment of those chakras (rainbow). When aligned the Light no longer scatters, the chakrs lose their color, and all that is left is the brilliant White Light of US – Source – God.

It’s really very beautiful if you don’t over analyze the words and focus on how it feels.

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Message: Time is Not Linear

Last night I watched a movie that I recommend to you if you haven’t already seen it. It is free if you have Amazon Prime. I don’t know if it is on Netflix or not. It’s called The Cokeville Miracle. It’s based on a true story. My daughter and I watched it and were both crying most of the movie. So be aware that it is a tearjerker but not because it is sad, but because it is beautiful.

I went to bed crying and woke up crying. Lots to process this morning. Full moon energy is powerful this month. I am still struggling to recall dreams from early on in the night but my morning dreams are vivid and revealing.

Dream: Healing Boat

Suddenly found myself sitting on the deck of a boat in the middle of a calm, blue-green ocean. All I could see for miles and miles was ocean and a clear, blue sky. My focus, though, was on a woman who seemed to be walking on the water. She was talking to a dog that was swimming in the water below her. The woman had dark hair and was wearing a gown of white lace that seemed alive, swirling around her like energy or millions of tiny butterflies. If looking at her, the top of her – face, torso, arms – was solid looking but her hips and legs were a mass of swirling white.

The woman was talking to the dog, asking him to retrieve a ball or something floating on the water. He was paddling fast but making no progress and she was thinking (I could hear her thoughts) that he was just playing with her as was his normal personality. There was another thought originating from someone else about dog treats and what kind to give him to encourage him to go after the toy. It was a lighthearted conversation and pleasant.

Similarly I was telepathically speaking with the other woman about the woman floating over the water. I knew she traveled OOB every night and that this was normal for the place I was visiting. Everyone went OOB. Everyone was super tuned in to their spiritual – well innate – abilities. I remember thinking, “I guess I’m not special after all” but I didn’t react to this knowledge despite recognizing a part of me was very attached to wanting to be “special”.

From aboard the boat I watched them but then began to get pulled into a memory of my own dog, Trooper. I knew the dog in the water was my dog and the woman floating above the water was me. There was an entire recollection of a lifetime of memories with my dog, but they were not memories from this life though they were very similar. I remembered that he got lost for a long time and one day just appeared standing at the front door to my old house. Yet the dog that returned home was not the dog that was lost but an exact duplicate of him and one I accepted wholeheartedly as my lost dog. In the recollection I was talking to someone, saying, “He just came home one day.” The memory confused me, though, because I also remembered him dying and so to see him so solidly at the front door upset me to no end. I began to cry at the joy of seeing him and the realization that he was not alive but had been dead for nearly 5 years. I could not make sense of it.

In the midst of my tears a voice said, “It’s not your reality here.” It woke me up and I fell into heaving sobs over the loss of my dog. 5 years and I still have such heartache over the loss of him.

Time is Not Linear 

Memories surfaced of the time I had with my dog. I missed my companion and wished he was here right now to assist me in yet another difficult life transition. He had been there for the entirety of my first marriage, through my Dark Night and into the first years of my current marriage. I again began to feel guilt over his death. I was reminded that he never really died and that he was still a part of me. This calmed me because I knew it to be true. I saw him often in dreamtime.

After crying for a short while I Knew that I was still in the midst of major healing. I was still dreaming of being on the boat (unknown or subconscious aspects of Self). The good news is that I never go into the water and the water is always calm. The boat is always white and I feel protected, safe and comfortable, as if I am on a long vacation away from everything. I recognized the boat was my protected healing space where I received helped as I sorted through lifetimes of memories and jumped to various timelines doing healing there, too. The boat never moves, it floats, as if suspended in time. That is how my life is now as well. Everything is temporarily suspended while I heal.

There was Knowing that this healing work is purposeful and necessary, preparing me to “move on” to my next step. I am very acutely aware that I am not yet ready to take that step. I don’t know how long it will take me to be ready, either.

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I was shown the healing I am doing as a mass of yellow. It looked similar to a weather map showing precipitation in a certain area. Yellow would indicate moderate rainfall, green light and red intense. Thee was no red (yay) but some minor spots of green. Most of it was yellow. In this case the map was of the Austin area focused on the main highway heading toward Austin. The yellow color was bunched up along the highway and then masses of it were circling Austin. I saw the map as representing a map of my healing on the way to my center (core).

When I finally calmed down, I drifted into the in-between over and over. I kept running into full stories of alternate lives I lived parallel to this one, at least that is the best way to describe them. This has been coming up for several months now but I have not been ready to confront what what I was experiencing. I kept assuming I was just entering into dreams and then forgetting them in full when I attempted to retrieve the memory.

I will have full recollection of an entire life similar to this one with subtle and sometimes major differences. The memory will be so vivid that it catches my attention but as soon as I focus on the memory it vanishes and all that will be left are impressions and feelings. For example, one time I had a full memory of a list of things I needed to do and was about to leave the house to retrieve them. When I focused on the memory to get more details I knew it was not important or related to this lifetime and I lost the specifics, only retaining the impression of the list and the feeling of needing to go to my car.

While in the in-between I went to a beautiful house and began to pull down white shades on huge windows overlooking a view of a valley full of trees shrouded in mist. A woman said to me, “You will open them again soon” and I looked back at the windows and realized I had been allowed to view one of these alternate realities of mine. I also recognized the house. I had been there before.

My guidance came through then and said, “Time is not linear.” With this information I saw the typical timeline that one connects to an individual lifetime explode outward as if hit by a bomb. There was no longer a line but a void full of dots resembling stars. I knew this meant that my perception of time was being altered. It gave me a strange feeling that is hard to describe.

I was told that multiple timelines are available to me. I got a feeling that I was shifting rapidly through them all the time during this healing process. Past, present and future were all Now in these experiences.

 

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March Through May – Let Go or Hang On?

There are currently 5 gamma ray bursts, some of significant size, heading toward Earth. 5 at a time is more than I’ve ever seen. This on the heels of almost continual geomagnetic storms where the K-Index shoots into the red zone (currently in the yellow zone) combines to make for quite an energy onslaught. Add to this Venus retrograde in Aries (later shifting into Pisces) and you may be feeling a bit on-again, off-again. One minute buzzing with energy and the next exhausted or just unmotivated. If you’ve been feeling it, hang on because this entire month is set to be a crazy ride and my guidance indicates it will continue into May.

For me the energy onslaught has had mixed results. I’ve been slightly bi-polar but nothing extreme, just kiddie rollercoaster stuff. My guidance is very quiet but not gone. Their messages are less vocal and more intuitive, sentences and visuals infrequent and tending to arise in dreamtime rather than during the day. I feel as if I’ve been let loose to test my new wings. Will I be able to fly or will I stay grounded in 3D? This is all part of the shift into 5D apparently. The rollercoastering is normal and will eventually stabilize. Where first I was on a major rollercoaster ride going from high bliss states down into near suicidal depression, I am now experiencing less intense shifts from one extreme to the other. Bliss has turned into a calm, happy acceptance and the depression is more of an irritable restlessness. Eventually (I am told) I will remain on a pretty even keel depending on what vibration I finally settle into.

If you’re family members have not been affected by the intense energies, noticing or commenting on the ascension energies in their own way, then they may not for some time. There is still a large group who have not chosen to accept the invitation and they may never accept it. I am told to expect many to exit this life and try again via a new body. This is a repeat from around 2014 when many were choosing to exit.

Many children, mostly those born in the early 2000’s, will begin to be affected by the energies right now. Emotional outbursts, minor (sometimes major) illness, and other setbacks may manifest. There are some who have already adjusted and may begin to express ideas and thoughts relating to spiritual and metaphysical subjects – dreams, spirit guides, imaginary friends, energy, empathy, questioning, etc. My daughter was born in 2008 and I have already noticed that her normally overly emotional tone has skyrocketed. She is also asking questions about dreams and telling me more of her dreams. She’s the only one of my children who saw Spirit as a child and told me about what she was seeing. She also had a whole group (5 or 6) of imaginary friends she played with, each with their own name and personality. I suspect she will eventually regain memory of some of this in the future.

Venus retrograde began to affect me almost a week before Venus actually went retrograde. My dreams introduced me to it via an entire dream sequence about me helping an ex-boyfriend move out of his apartment. So fitting of Venus retrograde! Since then, I have been on a journey of reflection and introspection not only in dreamtime but actively during my waking hours. Most of the reflection is on more recent relationships with family and partners. Thus far, I am finding this healing not uncomfortable but not pleasant either. There are some things I do not want to confront or deal with.

If you are currently in a relationship the Venus retrograde may ask you to inspect the relationship further. What are your motives? Is the relationship giving back what you are putting into it? Are you happy? Content? In Apathy? Where do you see the relationship going? How are the patterns of this relationship similar to other relationship patterns? Can you break certain unhealthy patterns? Add to this inspection the intense energies and you get a sometimes volatile combination. I suspect (though it hasn’t happened yet) that my emotions will begin to bubble up uncontrollably sometime in April and maybe into May. This may or may not be the same for others, I am not getting that specific information, but with my fiery tendencies (Leo after all) and Venus retrograde heading into Pisces in April, I may just say “enough is enough”. My goal is to try to keep my emotions under control – both the fires of anger and passion alike. 🙂

How to mitigate these energies? The best you can! Everyone is a little different. I’ve found that my normal outlet – high intensity exercise – does not work for me right now. I run out of steam early on and end up exhausted, in low blood sugar mode or just feeling wrong. I am finding art, music, dance and other creative outlets working much better for me. Writing, meditation, yoga, long baths, silence, nature (especially soaking up the sun) are all helping much more than intense exercise. I actually didn’t do any sort of exercise for over a week and felt better for it. Yesterday I tried running for 20 minutes since lifting weights has not been working out and even running made me feel like death afterward. My body is protesting loudly saying, “Rest! You need to heal right now.”

Another little tidbit, a bit of future advice coming from my guidance, the next few months may bring about some abrupt changes for some who have been resisting change for a while. Work-related issues abound as do familial ones. I am reminded of my sister’s situation right now. She and her family were recently evicted from their home. She feels like her life is crumbling down around her. These kind of life hiccups will run rampant. They are meant as little wake-up calls to get you to notice patterns and habits that are not serving you.

The picture I chose for this post is purposeful. This time period is going to ask each of us, “What do you need to hang onto and what do you need to let go of?” If you hang onto those things that you shouldn’t then it will be just like the picture. Eventually you will be hanging onto a tiny thread and, ultimately, it will break.

 

 

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Dance in the Rain: Choose Joy

You may be wondering if I’m still doing the happy dance over here. Well, yes and no. Yes, I am still feeling silly. Singing and dancing, playing around with my kids, just enjoying life. Then there is the “no” part. I only said “no” because yesterday morning I woke with a strange “off” feeling in stark contrast to how I have been waking every morning for the past week. Ultimately, it was a premonition of things to come. My husband triggered me and I spent a good part of the morning working with intention and pulling myself out of the heavier energy I allowed myself to fall into. But I  did it. 🙂

This song came to me while I was reversing the energy flow and shifting back into my happy place.

I went to bed feeling happy. 🙂 This morning I awoke feeling happy. Silly songs were going through my mind and I felt like dancing. Honestly, this personality change reminds me of my “drunk” self. I’m a happy drunk, a silly drunk, a talkative, laughing, high-as-a-kite drunk. Some say you become your “real” self when you’re drunk. Perhaps it is true? And now I am just being my real self when in the past I was unable to fully embrace her?

Here is a song that was going through my head when I woke up this morning. Makes me want to spin around and around and around while smiling really big.

So are you tired of my happy posts yet? Anyone disgusted, jealous, or just can’t stand to read my posts lately? (gagging sound) I totally understand. I’ve done a bit of gagging in my life and been completely put off by being around people who are “overly happy to the point of sickening”. I get it. I do. Hate me, pass up my happy posts. I’ll still be happy over here dancing to songs from the Minion’s movie. To be totally honest, I never thought this kind of extended happy feeling could be maintained. I do reality checks often (am I dreaming?) and turns out this is real.

You may also be turned off by my posts because your reality right now is in stark contrast to my own. I’ve been there. It’s tough. I’m sorry you’re struggling. I love you. I hope you can feel it.

The energies right now are brutal! First, there were several intensely powerful gamma ray bursts. Then came the geomagnetic storms that are only now subsiding.

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We are being tumbled and thrown about in a raging ocean of intense energy – energy of extremes – positive/negative, protons and neutrons – cellular restructuring, crystallizing. Just when you come up for air you are pummeled and pushed below the water’s surface again.

By the way, I’m not immune, either. Not only was I triggered by my husband, but my neck has been feeling strange, energy swirling up and around the back of it and at moments causing me to feel as if I have a sore throat on the outside. Try to imagine that…. My lips are peeling like I burned them (I know weird). I’m super hungry and thirsty. So yeah, I have some side-effects, too.

I’ve been asked by others how to ride this wave. No you are not dying. You are transforming and this WILL pass.

My advice has been listen to your body. If you’re tired, rest. If you’re hungry, eat. If you’re thirsty, drink up. If your mind is slowly sending you into a deep, never-ending despair or taking you around in circles, get out of it and into your heart. If you can’t manage that, then occupy your mind with something mentally challenging. Crossword puzzle? Or do something grounding but active like house cleaning, walking, strenuous exercise for short periods.

Sometimes, though, you may just have to allow whatever it is that needs to surface to come up. Then let it go. Harder than it sounds, I know. It takes practice. I am by no means a master at it. It took me all morning yesterday to “let go” and “hold space” for myself and my husband. Setting an intention helps.

Hot salt baths with essential oils are one of my favorite ways to handle intense energies. Sometimes they incite an emotional release. It’s okay. Cry in heaving sobs. Get it out.

Don’t forget to turn to what brings you joy in life. This can be a masterful way of integrating the energies. If you have children, surround yourself in their hugs. Snuggle. Watch a movie together. Veg out. Love to sing? Sing, even if it a sorrowful song. Drawing, painting, gardening, dancing….do whatever brings your heart joy even if at the time you don’t feel that joy.

A question I’ve seen a lot of lately:

I’ve been on this ascension path for what seems like forever! When will it stop?

Hate to tell you, but there is no “end”. We are always ascending. And descending. It’s a spiral. The pain, the discomfort, the struggle will stop when you are done with the experience. Think back to when you were a child. You were curious. You explored your world. You spent hours sometimes just exploring one particular object or space. Sometimes you went back over and over to this space or activity. When did you stop? When you were no longer interested in it. Then you moved on to explore something else. This is how we are as Spirit – forever children in awe and fascination with life and existence. Though you may feel you are “done” and have lost interest in the ascension path, your higher self may still have more to explore and is currently fascinated with whatever experience you find yourself in.

For me, I had to surrender. Completely surrender. I’ve been traveling this path all.my.life, but intensely so since 2003 and even more intensely since 2014. It was only recently that I finally surrendered and I only did so when backed into a corner. I thought for sure I was going to do something crazy, lose my mind, die the most horrendous death. I was ready to commit myself, to take any and all psychiatric medications just to make the pain stop. I had many previous “death” moments, but nothing like this.

On the other side of it, I can see how I chose the path, the pain and despair. Once I surrendered I saw that I could choose love, joy, happiness. That it is an intention. Though I had set intentions previously, I never truly understood the process until now. It is not a mental activity – Think what you want and focus on it and it will come to you. It’s from the heart. It’s a feeling. A full allowance and openness from the heart. There is no doubt, no second guessing, no what if’s. Setting an intention from the mind opens you up to all of the booby traps of the mind and leads to failure. It’s a lot of work, too. You have to keep thinking, focusing, re-stating intention. When it comes from the heart it just IS.

I hope this all makes sense and provides you with some kind of direction, some kind of solace as you ride the storm. If anything, listen to Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head. Hopefully it will make you smile.

 

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Ascended?

Funny how when I write about how disconnected and disengaged I feel that things shift. Just last night, while enjoying the house to myself once again a feeling came over me and Knowingness just seemed to pour through me. It is Knowing that I’ve had before yet somehow ended up assuming was wrong or false, so remembering it was like a bolt of lightening, waking me up in the Now moment and causing me to go, “Oh yeah, that…” It was followed by a feeling of “Oh shit.” lol But not really a bad feeling, only a realization that just because I allow myself to fall out of sync with my Higher Self for a while doesn’t mean that the mission/plan has changed. Nothing has changed.

For the next half hour I could see ahead in this life. It was not specifics, just a general feeling of what is to come. It was like I had on special future-seeing goggles that allowed me to peruse the next two to three years as if flipping through a picture book to the end. The overall feeling was there were some things coming up that were not pleasant but that in the end it would all smooth out and I would be exactly in the right place. I could see how everything up until now played out as planned, too. It created within me a very masterful feeling, like an all-knowing planner/creator-type mastery. Yeah, it’s gone now. Fleeting but enough to shake me awake.

I will say that being in this state of Remembering caused me to feel uncomfortable. When it hits it feels strange, like something from a Sci-Fi movie; dreamy and surreal. A part of me always rejects the feeling. Being aware of both the part of me that Knows and the part of me that hides from Knowing is what creates the uncomfortable feeling. Lately I have been pushing away the Knowing and focusing on being “normal”, trying to be the me prior to Awakening. That is never easy and always fails to work, yet it does offer a brief reprieve which I desperately needed after November and December’s empathic overwhelm. This time I must have really done a good job of avoiding to be surprised by sudden Knowing.

The Knowing didn’t stop there, though. It has remained and persisted throughout my dreams.

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Dream: Reuniting with MySelf

I recognized myself as male in dreams spanning throughout the first half of the night. Though I don’t recall all of the dreams, toward the end I began to gain lucidity. I walked through a door and spotted a very obese, blonde woman laying on the floor. At the same time I knew I had entered into a prison and was aware of iron bars on the windows. I recognized the woman as my partner, my wife, but also as a part of me. An aching followed. I had missed her terribly! I ran up to her, looked into her eyes and wrapped my arms around her. She embraced me back. That was when I realized I was as obese as she was but I didn’t care. I was so very happy to be reunited with her. It had been too long. I was so happy I began to cry. The tears woke me up. I was still crying upon waking.

When I woke I knew the dream represented a major step towards Wholeness for me. Not only did I identify myself as male, but I encountered my female Self and we embraced, reunited after a very long time. While recognizing this, I noticed my entire crown was lit up with energy and the energy was jumping around my head. It was like I had a light show going on in my head but it was very comforting. My guidance was reassuring and I was in a kind of daze of Knowingness.

Yet another connection is that in my dreams I tend to sit or be on the right. Also, while I tend to favor my left side when I sleep, lately I have favored my right. Feminine corresponds to left side of the body, right hemisphere or the brain. Masculine corresponds to the right side of the body, left hemisphere of the brain. It appears I am identifying with and balancing the masculine right now.

Dream: Ascended?

I was driving on a 5 lane residential street. I moved into the far right lane but was slowed by a work crew who appeared to be dusting for bugs. A Native American worker told me they were monitoring tree bark. I could see it on the road in piles. It was rusty orange. He said the bark’s diameter was thinning because of drought.

Then I was at a house that was also my place of work. I had two weeks remaining and wanted to quit but didn’t because it was good money. Though I wore an apron like a waitress I knew I was employed by an escort service. I felt to be betraying myself in staying for the money. I began talking to a man about it. He mentioned to me a word I now can’t remember but this word represented a situation ascended individuals often find themselves in. They desire to be and communicate with other ascended individuals about 5D things and find their existence in 3D very unfulfilling and lonely. He told me that I was perfectly normal and repeated to me that it was typical of “ascended individuals.” When he said this I became extremely lucid and the phrase seemed to echo in my mind.

I woke up trying to remember the word used but couldn’t. Then I wondered, “Surely he wasn’t implying that I am already ascended? If so, then what does that mean? I don’t feel ascended but then again I’m not sure what it feels like to be ascended.”

The rest of the dream makes sense to me. The right side of the road equals the masculine. Tree bark represents one’s thick skinned nature. It is thinning so I must be letting down some protective barriers. I have only 2 weeks left at my job and have often thought of leaving but stay because the money is so good. I would rather be working because I enjoy the work than for the money.

What Happens After Ascension?

The above dream message had me thinking this morning. If I have somehow ascended, now what? What happens after? I recognize that I really didn’t understand the word “ascension” nor had I even thought about what happens after because, to me, the ultimate goal is leaving this physical body/experience and returning to Source. I didn’t consider that it is a continual process, one that never really ends or begins. Never-ending spirals of consciousness. So, really, to be told I have ascended only means I have gone beyond the point before, the “end” being reached but only an end to what came before so that something new can begin and I can ascend through the next spiral. If that makes sense. lol

I found this article helpful in case you would like to read more on what others have said about what happens after ascension.