Category Archives: Ascension

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New Awareness – Embracing Multiple Me’s

Last night I once again did the pyramid visualization meditation before bed. This time, however, the pyramid began to spin very quickly to the right. I did not intend this, just saw it happening. It then slowed and I began to drift into the in-between.

New Awareness

I don’t know what I did in the in-between. It is like I have amnesia. I recall pictures and conversations occurring, similar to a light dream state, but that is all. What I do remember is suddenly opening my eyes and coming back to full awareness. When I did this I felt energy come in from both my left and my right. What is crazy about this is that I recognized the energy as me. In fact, I recognized it as distinct pieces of me coming in from somewhere outside of me.

At first I was nervous about it because the energy was so intense. When it returned to me it felt like it added something to me; like I grew larger because of it, but not in a bad way. The thought crossed my mind that I had just taken on another Spirit; that Spirit was piggybacking on me. Yet there was a calmness that remained with me and those thoughts just dissolved as if they were “nothing of note”.

It was then that I Remembered, or maybe I was told and it seemed like a memory, that I had been practicing in previous nights over the last week or so how to control my energy, or “essence” may be a better word. It is complex and something far above my human comprehension, but it is something my heart understands. In fact, when I Remembered these “sessions” I felt assured that whatever I just experienced was not to be feared but to be embraced. I was re-learning an important skill that had been lost.

The feeling of being “broken up” and then reconstituted was the beginning stages of these lessons. Now instead of feeling hundreds of pieces I feel only a few. What is most interesting is that in these few I recognized them to all be me. It was like I could transfer into any of them and have a different perspective, similar to the OBE where I met myself and did exactly that.

Visions and Dreams

In my sleep and in-between states after that I received messages, some not so good by the looks of them.

Recruits

In one in-between flash of a vision, I was presented with a long list. The top of the list had the title, “Recruits”. As I read it, I woke fully from my reverie and was a bit startled. I had an instant memory of the messages I had received about there being spiritual soldiers sent to Earth to help. Was this that list of soldiers?

Burning Earth

I awoke from a disturbing semi-lucid dream. I clearly recall being embraced in silken-looking, translucent white wings or petals. They wrapped around me and I called them by a name which I cannot remember now. They were not connected to a person, but appeared to be part of a system of transport into space. In fact, I was floating in space and looking down at Earth. Except Earth was not its normal beautiful green and blue with swirls of white. No. This Earth appeared to be molten lava, a swirling mass of red and black. It was horrifying yet I was not horrified.

Rescue Capsule

I had a detailed dream in which I was a teacher with students. The students had discovered a room and gone into it without permission. I found them and went inside this room. Yet when I went inside, the room was not a room at all but a tall, cone-shaped capsule with stairs that spiraled upward. The student had gone up the stairs and I had to get them down. I explained that this capsule was only for use in emergencies. It was meant to evacuate and not a playground. I was very serious but the students were not.

I remember the capsule very clearly. It was made of a silver metal and there was paneling, some of which contained controls and buttons. I remember when I looked up the stairs that it was not time to go “up”, yet that going up those stairs meant freedom, or at least something better than what was down below.

butterflySo Many Questions

My third-eye continues to blaze, though not all day now. It seems to come on suddenly without warning, and then tones down.

There is also ear ringing that comes on suddenly as well. Last night I had ear ringing and distinctly felt the presence of Spirit to my left. She knelt down and put her hand on my left arm and asked, “Do you see me?” I told her, “No. I’m sorry. I can only feel you”. I did not try to continue the conversation for I was about to meditate and did not want the distraction.

All these strange changes and energy experiences have left me with so many questions. I don’t understand what is happening and I want to know. I ask questions in meditation and then I have the strange visions and dreams. I was told that I needed to be able to transfer 50% of myself into something, what it is I am not sure. I saw it, but forgot most of it as I became startled by it. However, this transfer of Self is why I am practicing the manipulation of my essence (can’t really adequately describe it).

I am surprised I have not convinced myself that I am crazy with all this going on. I am actually fascinated, especially by the experience I had last night of being three me’s all at once. It felt so natural and normal – yet it wasn’t, at least not to this part of me.

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A Conversation with Robert

Yesterday, I kept thinking all day that I need to sit down and open up communication with my guide, but I couldn’t. My kids interrupt too much and I could not get my mind to settle. I’m thinking non-stop about my business and what I need to do. And when I’m not thinking about that, I am tending to my children’s needs and what I need to do for them.

Yet I knew that there needed to be a still time; a quiet time to Receive. I tried. Honestly I did, but when I did there was always an interruption. šŸ˜¦

I knew that the information I was to receive was about the New human form. The human of the future. My curiosity was peaked.

When I read The Convoluted Universe Book 1 last night, it just so happened that the chapter I was reading was about this New human. It said the New human would not be physical like we are now, but we would have form and shape and be somewhat solid. Interesting.

A Conversation with Robert

Last night and this morning I was closely tended to by a guide I am not familiar with, at least not consciously. When I felt him last night, there came with him wave upon wave of loving energy. It came up from the base of my spine and then spread out with such a loving warmth that I could not ignore him or it.

When I awoke, he was there and very close. I could see him fairly clearly, especially his smile. And he radiated a feeling that made me smile. I cannot help but smile and almost giggle from his energy. It’s my favorite part about him.

He gave me a name – Robert – and I could not, still cannot, remember him no matter how hard I try. We talked for quite a while about the things that have been going on. He reminded me that everything I had been reading in the Convoluted Universe had already been given to me. I recognized this as true. This includes but is not limited to the information I have been given about “the end of times”, DNA alterations, merging with the Higher Self, ascension, the Shift, and even the ETs.

All of these things were written in the book but came after I had already received information. It is as if the book was meant to be confirmation of what I had received.

Yet it is still hard to believe and so I asked many questions of Robert. Who is he? Are the ETs real? Will there really be a New human, a New Earth, and a “rapture”?

His explanation of who he is makes sense. He said he is a part of me sent to assist me. He is me yet he is not. My Higher Self sent him to assist. He is my Remembering so to speak.

When I asked if the ETs are real, I hear they are but they aren’t. The not-realness has to do with them not being a part of this physical universe. Their realness is consciousness. Their involvement is via consciousness, via the part of us that is not physical. This is the best I can describe what I was given. I was asked in return, “Does it really matter who they are?”

And I replied, “No, it doesn’t”. And the subject was dropped.

When I asked about the New humans, I was told this is an evolutionary process. The information in the book I am reading is where we are headed, but it will take time and the process is much slower than the book relates. All matter of the physical universe is changing, evolving. This is the way it was meant to be. It was created to evolve.

The “rapture” is not as it is written in the Bible. It is not to occur at the physical level. It is a purely spiritual process, one that is individual.

The experiences I have brought back with me from my time OOB and in-between are symbolic representations of what has actually occurred. To see what truly occurred would be incomprehensible to the human mind. It must be surpassed to truly Know. Because of this, it is best to focus on the feeling of the experience rather than the symbolism.

We discussed at length my struggles in this life, specifically that it seems time goes by so slowly and it takes so long to get what I want. I wondered why it took me so long to get to this level of awareness, why did it take so many lives?

And with that last question I quickly reviewed my last three lives and saw very clearly that I was incorrect in thinking that I just now became aware. I have had the awareness, this connection with my Higher Self, much longer than just this life. It has always been there. And I saw it. I remembered it. I remember feeling the homesickness in my life in Mississippi as a black woman. I remember this awareness in my life in the Midwest when I was molested and emotionally abused by my father.

I remember this awareness in the very beginning of this life and I saw just how very different from my family I am. I was born into a family that is not mine in Spirit. I was born with awareness, with a deep connection to my Higher Self, to the All. They were not. No wonder I felt so different from them.

It made me sad but at the same time it humbled me. There is so much I do not know consciously, yet I can feel so much of what I know if I just tune in.

Robert continued to remind me of my progress. His smile and the feeling of joy that he brings is so lovely. I am grateful to have been given his assistance.

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Pyramid Meditation and Experience

As predicted in a message I received over a week ago, the 20th brought about yet another strange energy experience.

Pyramid Meditation

I have been reading Dolores Cannon’s Convoluted Universe Book 1 and am nearing the end of it. In one of the chapters there is discussion about how to balance chakras using a pyramid to help funnel the energy into the solar plexus which then balances out one’s whole energy system. This was in conjunction with information on how to manifest in the physical.

Since I had just read about it, I decided to try it as I did my nightly meditation.

The directions are simple:

Relax in your normal meditative position (mine is laying down with head propped on pillow).

Focus on your third-eye chakra while envisioning yourself laying in the center of a giant pyramid. Position yourself 1/3 of the way from the bottom, or base, of the pyramid.

When I did this, I immediately went into the in-between. I mean immediately! There was no time of clearing my mind or deep breathing. As soon as I saw myself inside the pyramid I went elsewhere. I don’t know where I went, but I went fast. So fast that I had this strange energy seemingly come at me with such force that I immediately came back from wherever I had been thinking, “What the hell!?”

The energy was that same energy as I had the night of this blog post. BUT this time the energy was not scary and did not shake me up. It felt more normal and balanced, like I had gained control of it somehow.

It is the oddest energy I have ever felt and I have felt some pretty weird energy! It felt like I was in a million pieces and then converged back into one whole piece. It’s like I am shattered, splitting into different aspects of myself and then reassembled.

The majority of the energy sensation was centered around my head this time. So this may be why I was less shaken.

Explanation

Of course, upon coming out of this strange experience, I went back to the pyramid meditation. This time there was no immediately departure but I think it is because I was looking for the experience. I did have an odd energy traveling through my body. What is interesting is that it did center around my solar plexus!

I requested an explanation but rather than a direct answer, I ended up going elsewhere again.

The memory of what occurred is mostly lost to me now. Again, it was like it was siphoned off before I had a chance to remember it in full. What I do remember is going from one “Me” to another; back and forth, back and forth. I also recall not being alone but having a man with me who was completely white. I don’t remember details of his face but I remember he had human form and facial characteristics.

The energy that went with this movement between “Me’s” is what brought me back to my body. I checked the clock and it was 10:30pm. I had expected much later as I had settled into meditation at 9:40pm. So the time from my pyramid experience to waking from the next experience was less than an hour!

When I finally came back to full, physical body awareness I remember seeing the White man. He was standing next to a smaller White person. They reminded me of statues they were so still. This visual actually shocked me enough to cause me to completely forget what immediately preceded the vision.

Mostly what I recall is the feeling of moving. It was the same strange energy of breaking apart and reassembling. What is odd is that I did not have fear and it felt like it was systematic – go to point A, then B, then CĀ  and then repeat. Could the pyramid have caused this strange movement?

Messages

I returned to sleep but woke several times in the night, each time thinking I had slept longer than I had.

I had several messages during this time:

The number 6 repeated itself. Angel number 6 has to do with maintaining balance between spiritual and physical.

The number 114 repeated itself enough to wake me up, the number still very clear in my mind. Angel number 114 says that if one uses caution and wisdom they will be successful in business and money matters and life in general. This goes well with my thoughts from last night as I kept thinking of my business.

Dream: Slaughtered Cats

Upon waking the last time this morning, I recalled a vivid dream in which I was inside a mobile home cooking dinner. The stove wouldn’t work and the bread was stale. I was with an old man whom I was suppose to marry. He kept asking me what boy’s names I liked, as if we were going to have a baby.

I left, feeling weird about the whole thing, and as I left saw that the house was made of glass and had a specific entry and exit separated by glass.

When I went out of the home, there was a maze-like walkway with walls waist high. The first thing I saw was carnage and fur. Upon closer inspection it was massacred cats. Some were still alive but they were eating the dead cats!

I walked past the cats and went into a hallway that turned into a school. I remember meeting up with some people and telling them, “It’s safe. I made it that way” and seeing all kinds of tarps and posters up in the halls. Though I couldn’t read them, I knew they had messages or invocations that made it safe.

I’m not sure what the dream implies but it was very odd. I have never seen slaughtered cats like this. Most of them were black, too. Maybe I am overcoming some bad luck? šŸ™‚

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667 Days to Home

Today is my last day of work. I took a half of it off because I have days to burn. I was also hoping to get more sleep. I did, but not as much as I would have liked.

I have mixed feelings about leaving work despite knowing it is the right choice for now. I will miss some of my students and those coworkers whom I developed good working relationships with. One coworker sent me an email thanking me for helping her son and asking for me to let her know if I ever go into private practice. It is her son that I am saddest to leave. He is sad, too. He cried when I told him I was leaving. šŸ˜¦

It’s wonderful to feel I have made an impact in someone’s life, even if only a small one.

Gaping Hole

I don’t know if it is just me leaving work that is causing this, but I feel a gaping hole in my life. I think it has always been there but now it seems bigger. There is nothing there. It is just empty and the emptiness of it is what bothers me the most. The bigger it gets, the more empty I feel inside.

I have tried to fill it with things – activities, movement, mental tasks – but when all is done it is still there. I go within and find it there and it is not scary but I don’t know what to do with it. Do I fill it? Do I leave it alone? What is it anyway?

My guide told me this morning, “Why don’t you just rest? It is okay to take a break”. Perhaps, but I am such a busy-body, so use to keeping myself and my mind occupied, that taking a break is not all that easy for me.

For example, I awoke at 5am this morning and immediately my mind began to fill with thoughts of things I needed to do. I even got confused on what day it was, thinking it was Friday and then Wednesday and finally getting to the fact that it is Monday. There are so many lists of things I have to do – exit paperwork for work, promoting my new business, resolving a return of a large product I ordered, a parent-teacher conference, and so on and so forth. All these things flooded my mind and I panicked when I accidentally thought it was Friday.

It’s actually kinda funny. šŸ™‚

667 Days

Out of control thoughts, even if they appear productive, can bring a person down really fast. I reacted by begging my guides to help me return to sleep and asking when I would return Home.

Surprisingly, I got an answer the to second question immediately: 667 days. Really?

Of course, I immediately thought there is now way that could be accurate. Why would my guides reveal something like that? Maybe because they know I will forget it. I forget so easily.

667 days is just under 2 years from now. “Home” I believe is not me leaving this physical body via death. I believe it is reestablishing a connection with the part of me that is Home, is always Home. It is a feeling not a destination.

Mind-Heart Connection

It is clear to me that I have established a link between my mind and my heart. It is undeniable to me now. Every night I feel it as I relax and prepare for sleep. My third eye lights up like a beacon and my heart follows. It is like clockwork.

I feel it throughout the day, too, but mostly it is my third-eye that is blazing throughout the day. It is doing so now and any time I check for it, it is there as a reminder that I am always connected. Sometimes it blazes so intensely while I am doing mundane things that I cannot help but stop what I am doing and notice. It is like I am being asked to take notice of the moment. To not get lost in all the “things” I have to do throughout the day.

My crown chakra is also buzzing, but it is less in comparison to the huge pulling sensation in my third-eye. The energy helmet is becoming so familiar to me that it goes unnoticed until the energy in my crown reaches similar proportions to that of my third-eye.

Honestly it feels like my head is a beacon of light.

20%

In one of my intense, third-eye energy moments I got a vision along with a message. It was a timeline, or at least that is how it appeared to me. I could see that most of the line was colored in in green. It reminded me of the download screens one gets when downloading something from the internet. Towards the end of the green line there was written “20%”.

As soon as I saw it I got the message that I only have 20% left to go. I did not feel encouraged. Who knows how long it will take to download that 20%. My connection often gets interrupted. 6 minutes can take an hour.

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Dream: You Have Been Transferred

Things have finally started to settle down. I am getting a full 8 hours of sleep at night now and my dreams have returned. Unfortunately, I am still waking up wide awake at 5:30am.

Deceased Loved Ones in Dreams

For the last few nights I have had dreams in which I met up with deceased loved ones. I specifically recall dreams with my father and my grandmother in them. In a dream last night I saw both my grandmother and my father in the same dream but in different parts of it. I remember acknowledging my grandmother when I accidentally noticed her sitting across from me at a table. I said, “I didn’t know you were here!” but I don’t remember anything else we talked about. When I saw my father it was in a similar situation but I knew he was there and was quite comfortable with it, as if he had always been there and not died at all.

I have not seen my father in my dreams or astral in a very long time. I want to say about 10 years. My grandmother just passed away last year and so this was one of the first times I have seen her in my dreams. I have had contact with both of them via my mediumship ability while completely awake and doing other things. My grandmother in particular was quite demanding of my attention after she crossed over. My father was as well (he was my first Spirit connection), but I actually asked my father to stop coming to talk because it caused me so much emotional upset. So he chose to visit me while I was astral projecting or dreaming so that it was less emotionally upsetting.

I have a vague recollection of seeing others who have passed in my dreams lately, too. I think my husband’s boss and wife both have visited me, as well as my great uncle. I remember my great uncle gave me information about my great aunt, my grandmother’s sister passing away soon. I also got information about my own aunt, my Mom’s sister, and health issues she would have.

What is odd is that I had not memory of most of these dreams during the time period in which my sleep was interrupted by the strange vibrations and experiences, yet now they seem to be returning to me. But they are so weird! Why would all my family be visiting me now?

Dream: You Have Been Transferred

One strange dream from last night came with a message.

In the dream, I was with Tom Cruise (this is the second dream with him in it!) and he and I were dating. I remember him being very ambivalent towards me. I recognized this and so was hesitant to get close to him.

He took me to a place where I ran into my grandmother. I remember being in a room of a large building, like a mall, that had a kitchen sink and I was cleaning the dishes and talking to my grandmother about something, kind of like small talk and relationship advice.

Then Tom showed me a cell phone that had a message on it, like a fax receipt. He said, “Look! You have been transferred!” He acted like it was a big deal and showed much excitement about it. When I saw it I felt like it was not good news and was not pleased.

This message stood out to me for some reason, as did the fact that Tom Cruise was there. I don’t have any sexual attraction to the actor and don’t know why he keeps showing up in my dreams.

More Light Codes

When I awoke from this dream, I was seeing light codes. They began in the light, cascading down from above. As I awakened the light turned dark and the code became gray. It flowed down around me like a waterfall. My third eye was pulsing with energy as was the back top section of my head. I have no idea the meaning of the codes. They just looked like squiggly lines, circles, and shapes moving down around me in my vision.

Controlling My Own Energy

One last interesting change: Last night before bed while meditating and connecting with my Companion, I had an unexpected breakthrough.

My typically meditation involves me laying on my back with my eyes closed and focusing on my third eye and heart simultaneously. When I do this, my third eye lights up immediately or intensifies (it seems to be active most of the day now anyway). Then my heart will light up, as if in response to my third eye. Sometimes my second chakra will light up with energy as well. It is at this point that communication with my Team, Council and/or Companion in initiated. This has been my nightly routine for a little over 2 weeks now, maybe longer (lost track).

What is different about last night is that I began to focus on the energy and will it to build up. When I did this there was an intent to connect with my Divinity. My second chakra had been warm and tingly but when I began to focus on building the energy, there was a spreading out of warmth from my heart chakra and I could feel the energy rising up from my root to meet it. My second chakra seemed to vibrate more intensely because of this. All the while my entire head was buzzing. It felt wonderful and was beautiful. I felt my entire being vibrating with warmth and love.

I realized while this was happening that I was doing this and had always been able to do it. It was so easy to move the energy! Unfortunately, my mind began to wander and the intensity subsided.

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RoshaiYelle

I’m not sleeping much these days. I don’t fall asleep until midnight and then I wake up around 5:30am and cannot return to sleep. I continue to hear that I no longer need as much sleep. Perhaps, but I feel like I need sleep and I like sleep, so it makes a bit grumpy to have it taken from me.

This morning when I awoke I felt calm and well rested. Despite this, I still wanted to go back to sleep. I was feeling energy sensations around my head and knew the “work” was on-going. I decided to meditate since I felt my Council close once again.

Almost as soon as I began to meditate, information came flooding in. When it came in, it sparked a memory of something that had occurred in previous nights that I had long forgotten. What I experienced was a “light code transmission”, at least that is what I recognized it to be when I saw it.

To describe it is limiting the experience of it; however, I am told my job at this current time is to report my experiences in order to help others “feel less alone in their transformation”. As I rarely hear from others experiencing what I am, I trust that there are in fact many others or there will be others that will need to know this so that they do not “fall off the deep end”.

Light Code Transmission

What I saw/experienced was a beam of golden light that seemed to shine down from above with seemingly no source whatsoever. In it, I could see strange symbols. The glimmered and were somewhat transparent yet they also had a golden hue about them. The symbols were none like I have ever seen on Earth. I saw many circles and loops along with some strange squiggly looking lines that appeared to move as they descended. I also saw many lines and zigzag patterns.

When I saw this in my memory I heard these were transmission codes, which confirmed what I originally called them. I asked if they were a language and was told, “No, they are thoughts” yet I knew the word “thought” was incorrect in its description yet it was the most precise our language could offer.

I was told I had been receiving these codes for sometime and was reminded of the symbols that had come to me back in May/June. I asked if this was what the “call” was and was told it was not, that I was called in 2003 (the year of my awakening) and that this was the month that another such call was to be put out. These “calls” are in fact transmission to the Starseeds. It is a sort of activation in that it awakens them to their true purpose, one that many are not aware of and some may outright reject.

Enter the Shadowlands

I must have drifted into the in-between because I heard very clearly the title of a book or similar. All I can recall now was the last part of the title: Enter the Shadowlands. This is because I chose not to get up and write it down. I am kicking myself for that now.

I questioned why I was receiving this information and felt I should research it further. The “shadowlands” to me feels like a dark place, one that I would not want to go. Yet I am told my “work” involves this. I have not had any luck in finding information about the shadowlands as of yet. I suspect this place to be the lower astral realms as I was reminded of my awakening in 2003 and the vision I was shown of standing between two worlds, one that was dark and one that was light. Perhaps the Earth is the shadowland?

RoshaiYelle

Falling back into my reverie I saw standing in front of me a very small being. She was pretty in her own way but very obviously not human. Her skin was a very light gray color and had a sheen about it, especially the top of her head which seemed smooth and soft. I very much wanted to touch it and see how it felt. She had very large, blue eyes but not so large as to make her look out of proportion. She almost resembled those Japanese anime cartoon characters with big eyes. She had a tiny nose and very small mouth with thin lips. She smiled at me and I felt a calmness from her, as if she were sending the message to not be afraid.

I somehow knew she was female and as if to show me this, I was drawn to look at what appeared to be earrings on her nonexistent ears. They were an emerald green color and sparkled.

As I became more aware, her image disappeared and my questions were answered as the thoughts appeared. I heard a child’s voice say to me, “Her name is RoshaiYelle (Roe – Shy – El). She is one of your guides. Yes, she is small. She stands only 4 feet 2 inches of your height”.

The image of her was so intensely ingrained in my mind that I had to draw what I saw. I am not much of an artist but I think I captured her pretty well. I wish I could add color for that would give you a better impression of how beautiful she is. There is nothing but kindness, love and understanding coming from her.

Ā 

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The Guardians

I struggled to fall asleep last night. A song kept going through my head and it wouldn’t go away.

We all are living in a dream,
But life ainā€™t what it seems
Oh everythingā€™s a mess
And all these sorrows I have seen
They lead me to believe
That everythingā€™s a mess

The bold words were the one’s that repeated over and over.

Odd Sensations Return

I must have fallen asleep, though I don’t recall it. What I do remember is awakening very rapidly to a situation similar to the night of the 7th of October. This time, though, I was aware of a conversation taking place between another version of myself (my Higher Self?) and another individual. I don’t recall what was being said, because my focus was on the strange sensations coursing through my physical body.

The sensations were intense and focused mostly on my head, which felt to be exploding with energy from my third eye. The typically circular area of energy that is normally my third chakra was a gaping hole almost the size of the entire front of my face! In addition to this strange, gaping hole of energy was a strange sensation on the back top of my head. The energy felt to be pulling and going out instead of into my head. It was not painful, but close and I could feel a slight headache beginning.

My heart was doing something odd. It was a feeling I have never experienced and my heart was flip-flopping around in myĀ  chest in an irregular pattern. There was also a feeling of energy escaping, or maybe it was being sucked out of me. I remember thinking I was going to die.

This concern, of course, panicked me and brought me to full awareness but not before I recognized what was happening. The conversation, which had been going on while I was become more and more aware of what was happening, had given me enough information and I remembered it.

Understanding

As soon as I awoke the sensations in my body diminished substantially (thank goodness!). Energy was still coursing through my head. It was similar to the “wide open”, receptive feeling I use to get with a “download” except that the intensity was much more and the energy seemed to be both coming in and going out. It was the outflow of energy that was the most uncomfortable, though.

There was instant understanding of what had just been discussed. I remember distinctly hearing the other Me talking with a guide. This other Me is the Me who came through in May, the Me who Remembers her Starseed origins along with so much more knowledge. I heard her talking about me, using the pronoun “she” instead of “I”. I felt like a child whose parents were discussing her.

With this realization came also the understanding of what all this strange new, scary energy was. I knew it was the exchange taking place. The Old me was leaving and the New me was taking her place. It was/is the dissolution of the Ego and I was/am being witness to it.

It scared/scares the shit out of me!

I sent out a plea for help to my Higher Self and the group of guides with her. Again I said, “Help me”.

I wondered aloud, “Am I going to die? Am I going to remember any of this?” along with several other questions I don’t remember now.

I heard in response that this was a death but not one in which I would be “gone” or “lost”. I was told, “You have asked to be witness to this. You will Remember”.

I didn’t/don’t know whether to feel violated or relieved. A part of me felt very violated, and I withdrew from it and did not want to witness it. I asked to go to sleep. “Please. I just want to sleep. I would rather not remember this”.

The Guardians

The sensations in my head were so intense that it caused me to want to retreat from whatever was happening even more. But no matter how I tried, the sensations would not cease and I felt very much like a scared little girl hiding in the corner of her room waiting for the storm to pass.

I was asked to lay on my back. I knew why. It aids the process. I told them, “No. It makes it worse. I don’t want to feel it”. I continued to lay on my side but eventually conceded and rolled onto my back. The sensations decreased significantly.

I was reminded to focus on my heart center and I did. It calmed me down.

I was reminded of the other me, the New me, and the knowledge she gave me back in May. I understood. This was/is not a bad thing. This was/is a good thing. I wondered why she had not presented herself like last time. I heard, “We are merged now” and understood this to mean that the experience was now a joint one.

But the fearful part of me did not want to let go. She was terrified. Thankfully, I was/am able to control her. I remember hearing, “Fear is interfering. You must use what you have learned. Be the observer”. I settled into my heart space.

It was then that I was able to ask the group of 13 (there were 12 plus one guide), “Who are you?”

I heard in response, “We are the Guardians”. There was complete understanding that this process I was going through was necessary. That I was being prepared. I understood who these Guardians were/are. They have been watching over Earth for millions, maybe even billions of years. I asked what their job was, and I saw they were Protectors, keeping watch over the Earth and its inhabitants, inhabitants that have come and gone many times. They only interfere when absolutely necessary. It was time for such interference.

I lost touch with my heart at this time as I began to reject the information I was receiving. The Knowingness was intense and very scary. I did not want to hear it.

I once again said, “I just want to go to sleep”. I looked at the clock. It was 11:30pm.

Domed Lights

I must have fallen asleep or gone in-between because I was then aware of visions of very odd things. I saw what I think is another Earth-like planet. I saw very distinct domes of light settle down over the ground. They were yellowish-white in color and pulsated. I was aware that there was another dome of light and it came towards the one on the ground. The touched and merged, exchanging energy, becoming one.

I awakened from this with an acknowledgment that these two “lights” were somehow linked to the two parts of “me”, though there was also a link to the two parts of “mankind”, as if another piece of mankind was to be reunited with him and once merged they could be whole again. I could be whole again.

I felt back into the in-between and both saw and heard the number 529.

Losing Dreams

The last thing I remember is thinking I should write all this down. The next thing I know I was waking up at 5:30 and could not return to sleep. I heard the Imagine Dragons song again. I tried to recall my dreams, but my mind was a blank. I recall only that I was discussing something in a space filled with golden light. I recall seeing beings that were taller than I and wearing white. I also recall seeing one being that was outlined in a dark shadow and seeing him made me fearful. In this I was reminded of just how powerful fear can be and to be wary of it.

I am not even sure this part was a dream as I was very tired. I wanted to return to sleep but could not. I keep being reminded, “You don’t need sleep”. So frustrating!

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Time to Elaborate

After last night’s episode, I could not return to sleep. I kept trying to recapture what I had lost, for I knew it was at the tip of my tongue.

I fell into the in-between finally and became aware within the midst of a familiar experience. It was a great “Ah-ha!” moment because it had been something I meant to remember but kept forgetting.

Multiple False Awakenings: Surrounded by Beings

I found myself aware of laying in my bed in the dark. Yet it was not my room and I think the bed was created by me to help me feel comfortable. Looking up, I both felt and saw very tall shadows of people, or beings, standing over me at a slight distance. As I saw them, they converged upon me, hovering very closely over me. In awe and fear I lay there immobilized while a sensation unlike any I have ever felt overwhelmed my “body”.

I knew nothing of what was happening other than having the thought, “They’ve come to get me”. In this sense “get” does not imply anything sinister – no boogeyman or anything. In fact, it felt like it had been planned, that I knew of this plan.

In this case, I began to gain lucidity and the fear of the strange sensations enveloping me began to take over. The sensations are difficult to describe except to say that every cell of my being, every particle of energy, every chakra began to pulsate and expand. At least I think this is what was happening. The feeling was so very alien that my conscious mind took it as some kind of attack, yet the majority of me was very accepting of it and able to control the fear without incident.

As I awoke from this “dream” or whatever it was, I remember suddenly that this exact scenario has been playing out in my sleep for many nights now. On this particular night, from 9-10pm, it happened at least three times and each time I thought I had awakened from it, only to find myself once again in the same situation, struggling to gain awareness and then thinking I had awakened only to end up back with these beings hovering over me.

Sirens

As I awakened from this memory, I heard a song in my head – Iris by U2. I knew the title of the song, yet I kept hearing that it was titled, “Sirens”. Upon questioning this, I heard/saw dates of this month. 7, 12, 20. I knew that this was not to be the only occurrence of whatever it was that happened to me. There would be two more.

Sensing my Team was there and remembering now that before I had gone to sleep they had been there and told me, “Your heart is wide open. Are you ready?” I began to become fearful of the unknown. A calm came over me, entering through the back of my heart chakra and radiating outward, igniting my second chakra in a pleasant warmth. I asked, “Why can’t I sleep. I just want to sleep. I’m so tired”. I was told, “It is part of the unfolding”.

The song continued, specifically this part:

Iā€™ve got your light inside of me
Iris… Iris…

Memories Returning

I got little sleep last night and when I awoke I had memories of my reaction to the “incident”, specifically the moment in which I felt this vast knowledge pouring through me but was unable to process it.

I kept begging my Team, “Help me.Ā  Help me. Help me.” I felt unable to cope with what was happening; unable to function in this body; unable to process everything I suddenly Knew.

All I could think of in my desperation to make sense of what was happening was to go down stairs and hug my husband. That is all I wanted to do.

I gripped the covers in my bed, somehow hoping it would help, but knowing it wouldn’t. I continued to ask for help because my body was filled with such a strange energy and my chakras seemed to be exploding. It wasn’t pleasant but it wasn’t painful. I honestly don’t know how to describe it. The best description I have is that all that is Me was exploding from within and if one saw it they would see rays of golden light coming out of me in all directions.

I climbed out of bed, my whole body shaking, feeling as if it would fall apart. I stumbled down the stairs and my husband saw me. I told him, “Something is happening. I don’t know how to describe it”. I am sure I was white as a ghost. He hugged me and I gripped him hard. He asked if what happened was from the past. I said, “I don’t know. I don’t know what is going on. I feel like I was sucked back into my body, like I went from something very expansive to this tiny space and it is difficult to readjust”.

Thankfully my husband is very understanding. He just hugged me. I sat down but could not feel settled and was still shaking inside, though on the outside I was not.

I am better now, though I am still somewhat shaken and perplexed. I know now that the reason I can’t remember is that the knowledge cannot be processed when in this dense state. It is unfortunately inaccessible and incomprehensible when in this physical form. Yet there is a way. If the vibration of this form is heightened then this knowledge can be accessed. This, I believe, is what is happening to me.

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We are Not Alone

I just awoke very suddenly in a state I am struggling to describe and from which it is still taking me quite a bit of work to break free of. There are absolutely no words to accurately describe what I just experienced.

I was somewhere else, I know that. It was somewhere far away, beyond any place I have memory of traveling to. I felt to be traveling very, very quickly back to this physical body, this Earth. I was not alone, but in the end, as I re-converged in this form, I was.

The last I remember is feeling pulled or maybe sucked yet at the same time intending to return to this form. There was massive amounts of energy required in this along with vast amounts of knowledge. I remembered so much all at once.

I was most certainly OOB and then suddenly, very intensely and all at once back IN the body. It felt as if I had to squeeze vast amounts of myself into a very tiny space. There seemed to be a fracturing of the consciousness in this contraction into the physical form, as if there is no room for all the immensity that is me.

The sensation of it was/ is (as it is still on-going) like none I have experienced. It is Earth-shattering. Within it is contained such knowing that it terrifies me. I mentally have been yelling both “Don’t let me forget” and “I want to forget” simultaneously. I began mentally projecting this message as soon as I gained consciousness in the body. And as soon as the message was sent, it was as if knowledge began to be siphoned off, bit by bit, far beyond my reach. I could feel it dissipating, being suck back from whence it came. It is absolutely terrifying! I know with such certainty that I am so much more than this, we are so much more. And we are NOT alone – literally!

Such a strange physical sensation is with me. It feels as if my third chakra has been stretched, pulled and expanded beyond its natural location. It does not pull, it vibrates, it is ALIVE. My heart chakra is so wide open right now but I am not sure if that is the right description. I don’t feel solid. I feel to be breaking apart or maybe it is that I am being put back together?

Physically I feel this strangeness, as if I will break if I focus on the feeling too long. My insides are shaking but my body is not. It is very unsettling. It scares me.

Whatever happened, is happening, I am changed because of it.

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Dream: Full Moon Man

I had a particularly odd dream this morning in which I was being given information about some things to come.

Dream: Gym

The dream started out inside a truck. I was sitting next to my husband who was pulling milk crate from the floor. It contained his gym clothes. I told him, “Good idea!” and he pulled out a crate for me containing my gym clothes.

We walked across a field. In front of me I could see a large lake and a few buildings to my right. We headed to one of the buildings. It was the gym, but it was very small.

I went inside and found the gym completely packed with people. There were so many people that I could not get to the dressing room. I stood against the wall watching and feeling a bit claustrophobic. A gym employee was there and I commented about how crowded it was for a Sunday. I thought perhaps I had come during a class. The gym employee just stood there but I received the thought that people just had to take turns.

I left the building, telling the employee that I would go to the larger gym where there was more space. I ran into my husband who was wearing swimming goggles and told him my decision. He agreed. The employee asked which gym we would go to. I said, “The one in Copperas Cove”. In the dream I wondered to myself, “Is there a gym there?” I convinced myself there was, recalling a dream in which I went to the Wal-Mart there. I thought, “It’s right next to the Wal-Mart”. This, is not true. There is no gym there!

Dream: Full Moon Man

As we turned to go, the scene shifted and I was standing beside a crystal clear creek. A man was talking with me about a dam. I looked at the stream and saw a small dam was built over it. The dam had some kind of system in it that reversed the flow of the stream. The man told me, “Man has dammed up all the streams. He should not do this”. I looked upstream at the lake it was coming out of and leaned down and put my hands into the stream, taking a drink of the cold water. It was so wonderful!

I was instructed to pay attention and the man continued to discuss with me how mankind had altered the environment and if he does not reverse this damage, Mother Earth will do so herself. He told me that Earth is much like a living organism and needs to be preserved. He directed my attention back at the dam and he said, “All this to make this” and held up what looked like a kitchen scrubber. I didn’t know how to react to this, I just listened.

My attention was then drawn to a woman who was walking in the stream. She was eating orange ice cream and serving it to children. They acted like they were at an event, like the 4th of July. She looked up and so did I. There was a long cable stretched across the lake and coming down on a zip line was a man in a moon costume.

The moon was very large and full and it looked to be covered in white fur. The man was smiling and yelling as he zipped down the line toward the opposite bank. I saw him and wondered why he was in the costume.

Messages

I was awakened by my son yelling for his daddy but the man from my dream, the one who was teaching me, was nearby. It was the old man with the beard.

He explained that there was to be a great cataclysm. I told him, “I don’t want to hear about doom and gloom”. Yet, he continued. I drifted into the in-between and heard about the Bahamas and the recent damage and life lost. I acknowledged this as I came to full awareness.

He said, “You will be called” I had heard this already and somewhat ignored him.

But I saw a vision of people stepping into what looked like individual shower stalls without doors. They were rectangular, white boxes with one side open to allow for a human to step inside. When the human got inside, a yellowish light appeared. It did not come from above but from the center of the person inside. It intensified and the person seemed to break into a million-trillion particles of light. I did not see the person but only the light.

I had slipped into the in-between without knowing it and this vision caused me to say, “The men will be most affected” or something of the sort. This brought me to full awareness but I somehow knew why I had said that. I knew the light show I had just seem would be an spiritually orgasmic-type of experience and that men would be overcome by it faster than woman. I am not sure why I thought this, though.

I also heard that incidents of testicular cancer would increase.

Then I heard him say, “Your body is a living hologram” With it came an understanding that this reality is a physical hologram and like a hologram it is merely energy and can be transformed. Is this what I saw in the vision?

I do not know how to take what I was shown. It is literal or was this just a symbolic showing of what would happen? Is this the rapture? And why am I being shown this? What good will it do?

I then remembered my full moon dream and recalled that I was told a while back to expect another activation in October that coincided with the full moon. I felt a confirmation with this and then a wave of pleasant energy entered through my heart space from my back and reverberated through my body, filling especially my root and second chakras will a warm, pleasant feeling.