Category Archives: Ascension

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Manifestation: The Secret

I am beginning to think my daily walks put me into a space where I am able to manifest more quickly. The longer the walk, the more manifestation potential it has. This is based upon my experiences over time and all the items I “accidentally” find on my walks.

Yesterday it happened again. But first a backstory.

On Monday or Tuesday last week, my husband took the boys sledding in the newly fallen snow of Winter Storm Uri (previously known as Snowmaggedon). He took his brand new AirPod Pros that I bought him only a few weeks prior. He is a talker, always on the phone, so he takes them everywhere. While out enjoying the snow, he lost them. He didn’t tell me the full story, just that he had them one minute and the next they were gone. He looked for them, but the deep snow hid the white AirPods which blended in perfectly. 

I was angry at first. It seemed like he obviously didn’t care too much about the gift I got him if he could so easily lose them. But mostly I was upset because I hadn’t even paid for them yet. They were $250.00, so quite pricey. I charged them to a credit card and the bill comes next month (I pay off my cards monthly). Money has always been a trigger for me and I have to work hard to accept certain situations, especially those that involve “waste”. 

All week I would wake up with the lost AirPods on my mind and then work up to the point that I could accept the loss. Sunday morning I asked my husband if he had asked his brother to help look for the AirPods. He said he did but he hadn’t heard anything. I told him my upset (for the umpteenth time) and then let it go. What could I do about it anyway? Eventually, I reached full acceptance and moved on. I was even looking to buy him a refurbished pair since he still had the charging case.

Sunday afternoon, with temps near 70, I decided to go on one of my long walks. The same walks that have brought me tarot cards for three weeks in a row. I didn’t find anymore tarot cards, though. This time, my mind was on the AirPods. I was thinking, “Maybe I will find a pair on my walk”. None appeared but I was okay with that. As I said, I had reached acceptance level and was moving on, already thinking I would just buy another pair. Still, I had to try and manifest them on my walk after so many previous successes! 

Later, I asked my husband if he wanted me to buy him a pair. I had one selected and all he had to do was tell me “yes”. He said not to, and I let it be.

Later that afternoon, while we were washing the car, my husband got a text from a neighbor. She had a busted pipe and asked him to help. He always says yes and left immediately. When he returned he showed me a wad of money. He hadn’t counted it and so when he showed me and started to count it he was shocked. It was $250. He handed me the money and I took it. At the time I knew he was giving it to me in exchange for the lost AirPods. He felt really bad for losing them.

I instantly knew I had manifested the money. There was no doubt in my mind. The Universe gave me what I asked for, it just came about in a different way than expected.

One of the signs to me that this was a gift from the Universe were the two, $2 bills that came in the wad of cash. I hadn’t seen one since my early teens. Instantly, memories of my great aunt came to me. She use to mail me a card with a single $2 bill in it every single birthday. It felt as if this gift came from my family.

I posted on FB my win and then spoke the my daughter about it. She was shocked but not surprised. I tell her of all my “finds” on my walks and how I manifest them and she believes me. 

As I left to go on yet another walk (this time with my dog) I said to her, “Now we’re gonna find them [the AirPods]”. 

Five minutes into my walk my husband calls me. He had been picking up dinner and so I thought he was going to ask me what I wanted. Instead he said, “I am gonna drop off the food and then head over to my brother’s house. They found the AirPods.” 

Shocked and then elated I ended my walk. My husband said his brother sent out his two boys to look for them and they found them. He then told me the whole story behind the loss. His brother had tackled him in the snow that day and the force of the impact caused them AirPods to fly out into the snow. 

Neither of us knew if they would work but the light turned green on the case when they were inserted, meaning they were accepting charge. Later, my husband called me using them. They worked just fine.

All I can say is that I was amazed once again by the Universe. Wow. 

Not only did I get the money to replace the AirPods but I got the actual AirPods. Double what I requested. Double! 

The Secret

Long ago a friend of mine took me to see The Secret. As I have been typing this post I am reminded of that movie. Someone on FB asked me what technique I was using to manifest and I answered, “None”, but now that I think about it, I think I am using the technique from that movie.

All week I was unable to manifest the lost AirPods. Why? Because I was fixated on the loss, feeling the lack and accepting the lack. So, lack or loss is what I manifested. However, when I accepted the loss and move past it, recognizing and embracing the possibility that the loss was opening me up to receive, the Universe sent me double what I lost. 

So, like the movie teaches, manifestation occurs when we think and act as if we already have, not from a place of want, or lack. 

For so many years I didn’t get what this meant. You can’t force yourself to be in abundance. It is a state of Being and from that state one can manifest anything. 

On all my walks I never considered that I couldn’t have what was given to me. I was accepting of what was, in the present moment, and in doing so – Being that – I was filled with gratitude and abundance. 

Part of my ability to manifest has come from a shift in my reality in general. While 2020 hit many people hard, especially financially, my family prospered. At first I struggled with accepting my new reality but have since fallen into acceptance. 

Having more money hasn’t really changed my circumstances much. We haven’t gone on spending sprees or done anything drastic. Yeah, we took a family vacation and paid cash for it and I can buy ridiculously priced AirPods for my husband just because I feel like it, but other than that we have been living the same as before. Having more money has helped me to release my fear of lack to the point that I am no longer in fear of not having enough. I realize now that what my guides told me years (decades) ago has proven true my entire life – I will always have enough. 

You know what is funny? Since we’ve come into this period of abundance, I think more often about downsizing, getting rid of “stuff” and living a more simple life. Material things are of no interest to me, personally. I enjoy buying things for others I love, though, and do so when I feel the urge, but I do not care to have more things myself. I prefer to use the money to experience life. More family vacations will be planned. South Padre is already planned in May. Costa Rica is also on our radar. And maybe another ski trip to Montana this coming Christmas.

So why do my walks seem to increase my manifestation potential? My best guess is that they put me in “the zone”, meaning I am in the present moment, taking it all in – nature, life, my environment. When I exercise it is a moving meditation, the best kind of meditation IMO. And being I now set an intention when I walk, it speeds the process.

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Human Design – Right Angle, Left Angle and Juxtaposition Geometry

Geometry in Human Design (HD) refers to the potentials and limitations that frame the ways we interact with others to fulfill our life purpose. There are three geometries: Right Angle, Left Angle and Juxtaposition (p. 261, The Definitive Book of Human Design). 

Right Angle Geometry refers to those with a self-absorbed personal destiny and comprise 64% of the population on Earth. They are here to create karma, to work out their own life without becoming absorbed into other peoples’ life processes. When someone with a Right Angle meets and interacts with another, the other may give them a new experience but will not change their life direction/path. Right Angles enter their life completely unaware of their past lives and their past connections. They are here to re-experience, explore, research and gain a new perspective. 

Juxtaposition Geometry refers to those who are here to act as a bridge between Right and Left Angle individuals. They make up less than 3% of the population on Earth. Only the 4/1 Profile in HD is Juxtaposition Geometry. These individuals have a fixed path. Others who come into contact with these individuals for a long enough time will end up on their path with them, pulled into that fate.

Left Angle Geometry refers to those who need others to fulfill their purpose – transpersonal. They make up about 33% of the population on Earth. Encounters with others can easily change their direction or life path, or the other’s path/life direction. Left Angle’s are more conscious of the world and others, maintain a connection with their past lifetimes and often feel a deep familiarity with people they encounter or experiences they have. Left Angles are here to resolve karma that has been created. 

Our Incarnation Cross will take over our life naturally when we function as our differentiated self. “We don’t awaken to our cross, we awaken in it. Our cross embodies the full expression of our awareness potential and our process of living awake” (p. 288). 

“There are 192 basic Incarnation Crosses and 768 specific Incarnation Crosses used in [HD] analysis” (p.288). These are summarized in section 8 of The Definitive Book of Human Design. A full Incarnation Cross reading is needed for complete understanding. 

My Thoughts

I am Left Angle Cross of Refinement. The first half – Left Angle – means I am here to resolve karma and I do this by easily being pulled into another’s path/life direction. These others are people who either need my help resolving karma and/or are helping me resolve my own karma. My understanding of this is that I don’t have a particular set path of my own, though I do have a destination (my life purpose). 

The second half – Cross of Refinement – does not have much of an explanation in the book. In summary, I am are here to ensure the right to one’s own private and inspiring space. Part of my drive is about privacy in this space, not just for me but for the belief that it is everyone’s right to have such a thing.

The Cross of Refinement is linked to Gates 19 and 33 which further explain the specifics of it. The short version is that Gate 19 means I am extremely sensitive to people, places and situations. I can read the energy of the space and people, understand it and then decide how or if I want to participate in it. If I don’t like the energy I struggle to maintain a “poker face” for very long. <—– I laugh about that because it is so true! My emotion is written ALL OVER my face. I can’t fake how I feel. lol

Gate 33 means that I have a creative reservoir that runs very deep and the ability to bring a space or situation back into alignment via creative means. However, I am easily overwhelmed by the gravity and/or time-intensive nature of what it takes to bring situations back into alignment. This part is true for me – I do find great satisfaction in organizing people, places and things.

The Left Angle explanation makes total sense for me because I live it and have been living it my whole life. People come into my life and take me in a totally new direction and it has happened over and over again. The examples are numerous but the main ones that stand out to me are: my ex-husband, a boyfriend and my current husband. 

I am and have always been acutely aware that this life is one of many. Even in my early years I knew somehow that what I was being told about “one life” in church was complete BS. I knew Heaven was not what they described and I knew the rules I was told to obey to avoid Hell were based upon fear. Past life memories came on spontaneously in my twenties and continue to be revealed even today. 

I have been in communication with my guides since a very early age. My mother told me I talked to an “imaginary friend” when I was a toddler and I have memories of hearing someone in my head (a voice) telling me things as young as 4-5 years old. 

As for soul connections, I can’t count the number of people I’ve met in this lifetime who I have felt a deep, soul connection to. Some so much so that there was instant love and recognition.

As for the direction of my life, it has never been a straight line. I feel like a feather in the wind. I float about, someone catches me, holds on a while, and then lets me go. I then float around a little longer until the process repeats. My path, if the feather analogy is used, is simply to go from point A (the sky) to point B (the ground). Yet that path is intercepted frequently to the point that I end up seemingly going in circles, sometimes to the point that I don’t know up from down. In fact, I was just writing in my personal journal this exact observation. It has been frustrating over time because my own path seems to get lost along the way as I end up traveling another’s path time and time again. But I realize now, of course, that my path is meant to be this way.

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Question Answered and a Return to the Clarion Call

Lots of high, chaotic energy, strange dreams and syncs lately.

On my drive into work yesterday I got a strange feeling in my crown/head area. I worried I would pass out because my vision shifted a bit and I saw blotches of dark spots. As it was clearing, a thought occurred to me that it was spiritual and not something to worry about. What I was experiencing likely went along with other incidents, incidents which lined up in my memory, flashing in sequence. The minute I understood this I was stopped at a light. In front of me a license plate read, “111X19”.

Maybe 10 minutes later my husband told me something and included the current time, “1:11”. 

The memories that came to me in that short, odd experience while driving, were recent. It was a day, maybe two days, before the election. I was researching Human Design (HD) while feeling very upset and overwhelmed with my life, current troubles and problems and just in general. Though I didn’t save the article I was reading, I recall that while reading it certain words and sentences would trigger emotion and realizations. I also ended up being inundated with flashes of memories in my head, while knowing these memories were showing me the answers, providing what I somehow missed. But in the moment the memories and emotion and realizations were so much that I grabbed my head, bent over, closed my eyes and began to sob as I yelled out loud to my guides, “Stop it! Get out of my head!” 

What I experienced is unprecedented for me. I often get memories as answers. I often get huge Knowings accompanied by strong emotion. These are not unusual. BUT the way they came all at once into my head, invasive/intrusive, without me being able to control it all, was just too much. I knew it wasn’t an attack. I knew it was to help me, but at the time it made me feel crazy, it made me question my comfortable little illusory reality. A reality I was instructed to return to while I waited. Funny how easily I reintegrated into that illusion. How easily I forgot. 

In the days since then I have been able to slowly process what happened that day but it has not been without interruption. The election and the crazy energy still present has made it difficult to consciously digest it all. Thankfully consciously doing this work is not a requirement. If anything, it can be a hinderance.

I realized on that day and still now that the whole re-introduction to HD that I have found myself in was in answer to a question I have been asking: “Who am I?” I have been asking this question because it became clear to me how chameleon-like I can be. I have noticed a destructive pattern in my life – I tend to become what others want me to be. My HD profile warns against this specifically. 

I have only two closed/defined centers – the G-center and Throat. The rest of me is wide open. I take in others deeply using my open centers. So it is not unusual really that I would sorta become the Other in the process of this. It is also hard for me to know what emotion is mine and what emotion is from Others. Add to that the fact that I connect to Spirit in much the same way and it can make for a mess of identity confusion!

Thankfully my guidance spent several years teaching me how to differentiate between Me and Other. I can see why they did that now. It was a pre-requisite. 

The answer to my question, “Who am I?” was, “A Projector”. 

One of the things I read in that article (here it is, I found it!) is that I am here to BE a Projector! That is who I am. And there is SO much in that answer, so much in BEing a Projector. The memories, Knowing and emotion flowing through me were showing me all at once what BEing a Projector means. And it is HUGE. So much so that I couldn’t bear Knowing it because so much of who I think I am is not Me. So much of my life is inauthentic. It feels like I need to completely start over. And of all the Knowing I had, that consideration was the most unbearable. 

Here are the key phrases and words from the article that created the inflow I spoke about above:

In Human Design, it is important for you to recognize the “signposts” or clues that you are either on or off your path to fulfillment.

Are you consistently feeling bitterness or success?

When I read to word “signposts” I remembered many dreams from years ago that indicated I needed to be paying attention to signposts. Then I read the word, “bitterness”, which is how I feel when I am my Not-Self. I have been bitter most, if not all, my life. Edit: I discovered this post from my other blog which is entitled Signposts. Another sync to add to the bucket.

The trouble with most adult Projectors is, we have been deeply homogenized and conditioned from birth. Highly susceptible to the pressures to act like the Manifestors or Generators that our parents wanted us to be, we don’t know how to let go of all that and allow ourselves to just be Projectors.

So how do you “be” a Projector? Many of us are deeply enmeshed in a life we are not well suited for, on the edge of exhaustion and burnout, bitter about the jobs, mortgages and commitments that drain us. How do we live our designs?

The above two paragraphs were when the inflow became so much I yelled for it to stop. 

It’s the most difficult thing about being a projector because you are so deeply conditioned, that’s its just so difficult to just let go and start from scratch.

The rest of the article discusses how the Projector finds success when they help Others find success. This was very real to me! I have always known I am here to help. I have always known that for me to be successful then I must help Others be successful. My focus should always be on Others, not on myself.

After I had calmed down a bit, I returned to my HD search and found this article: Projectors – A Clarion’s Alert.

What drew me to it was the word, “Clarion”. I remembered receiving messages about a, “Clarion’s Call”. It struck a chord with me and more emotion resulted. 

The post I wrote with Clarion Call in it was called – Messages: Ezekiel and Echelon. Here is a link to that post if you want to read it.

The entire first echelon is called the “Clarion Call” – the call to the heart. It bears witness to the large number of souls awakening at this time to bring forth the fruit of man’s potential.

My search also took me to this post, also from 2017, where I met a woman in dreamtime who said her middle name was, “Clarion”. I knew when I woke it was referring to a call I would received at some point. 

Eventually I just stopped following the impulse to research HD. I remember thinking, “I need to process.” Boy did I ever!

Ultimately, I realize now how time is on my side at this point. Time is needed to get from point A to B. The Knowing I had says lots of change is needed. OMG! SO much change that to think about it is overwhelming and I just want to curl up in a ball. 

I have been attempting to move toward change but it is slow-going. I am encountering resistance. With everything I am experiencing now, all the Knowing and inner PUSH, the most obvious change needed is in my relationship. I have lost myself in trying to be what my husband wants/needs. I need to find myself again. As long as he is around me, his energy becomes my energy.

Dream Message

Sleep has been difficult, as you might guess. Syncs are coming at me, energy is high and erratic, and “stuff” keeps happening. I’m surprised I haven’t lost it, but I am holding it together. 

I don’t remember my dreams much but one memory is vivid.

In the dream I am visiting a classroom (life lessons), my classroom. There are student desks and everything. It is well lit. Golden. Near the white board sits a stand full of my weights, just like in my home gym. I go up to it. The video projector (maybe symbolic of my HD profile?) screen is down and a woman is instructing the watchers to do an overhead triceps extension using 10lb weights. I attempt it but then realize I am not holding any weight. I go to get the 10lb dumbbells but they are not in the right place. I grab what I think are the right ones only to discover they are mismatched – 10 and 12lbs. So I go back and see that all my weights are moved around. Someone has been messing with them and stole some! 

I go in the hall and talk to the janitor, asking her who cleans my room. We go in and I tell her no one is ever in the room, no students, just me, so it must be the person who cleans it. I show her the evidence and see a pair of gym shorts – not mine. The woman doesn’t have any answers, so I just leave.

Sitting in my car I contemplate whether I should just bring my weights back home. I remember thinking how heavy it would be and time consuming and then I think, “Wait. This is just a dream so it doesn’t matter anyway.” lol I can’t believe I didn’t wake up in my dream, but I didn’t. I just knew I was dreaming.

I then began to drive but I knew it was in the wrong direction (pressure to follow status quo). I attempted to turn around and found myself at a military entrance. So I faced my car back toward traffic. That is when the car was gone and I found myself running across more lanes of traffic than I could count. All the lanes were heading left. I needed to go right. But the opposite lanes never materialized and I just kept crossing traffic!

Eventually I made it to the other side (the lanes still going left, no right lane). I ran into a young man and I began to walk along the side of the highway against the flow of traffic with him. There was a guardrail and I saw several backpacks dumped in the ditch. I said, “Someone’s stuff was stolen!” The young man grabbed a backpack and handed it to me. While I looked through it he handed me an ID on a lanyard. Inside of the backpack was the folded clothing of a girl. The ID read, “Michele Garcia”. I remember thinking how sad it was that she didn’t have her things. I took note of the name, noticing she spelled her first name with juts one “l”.

For some reason I exited the dream and shifted into the in-between. In this space I was talking to someone. Myself it seemed. I said, as if repeating something I heard, “start something meaningful…..” Then I heard and said, “sustainable”, as if correcting myself. This woke me up and I thought, “Meaningful or sustainable? Maybe both??” 

I will add that I seemed to be talking to someone all night long – well more than one someone. It caused me to have very poor sleep quality and I can’t remember even one thing discussed except the dream and message above. Ugh! 

So I came away with two answers – BE the Projector that I am. Follow my strategy and authority. Listen to my HS, which just so happens to also be my authority (self-projected). Listen to the words I speak because they will be my Truth. Wait to be invited. Wait to be acknowledged (seen).

The second answer is – “Start something meaningful and sustaining”. I’m not quite sure what that even means for me, but I can ask the Universe to show me.

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I KNOW NOTHING

It has been a strange couple of weeks. Unusual. Challenging. Emotional.

First off, I got some upsetting news from my husband (private – sorry). Then a friend I hadn’t heard from in over a year contacted me. Surprise! Not long after (like literally days!) another friend from the past contacted me. This one was from years and years ago. WTF?

Was there something in my chart that indicated “the past will come for a visit” and “someone close to you will betray you?” Hmmmm.

Mercury retrograde perhaps? lol

A week passes, and the emotions hit, as if to say, “Okay, now PROCESS THIS SHIT”. I am sick, BTW, the whole time. No, not Corona, allergies or a maybe a cold, hard to tell which. The emotions are weird. They come up when I speak of a past incident. Suddenly the past feels to be suffocating me. The emotions get stuck in my throat. I feel unable to breathe or speak. I get super hot and uncomfortable. The tears erupt and I feel stiff, as if I will explode from the pressure building up. Then it is goes almost as soon as it comes. Huh?

The message I got was, “Hey, guess what? That pain you thought you resolved? Not resolved.”

Then, as soon as the sickness ends the emails return when I had thought no further communication would be coming. Prior to one message came energy. It came from my left, wrapped its “arms” around me and I melted into my chair. When it left I knew a message was coming. It came that night.

Again, huh?

And now, nothing. No communication but it doesn’t feel like there needs to be any. No emotion either.

I Know NOTHING

The other day, I was having some high emotion over certain life events. I had just finished a good workout and opted to take a bath in the middle of the day because I knew the workout would result in sore muscles the next day. As I prepared my bath I began to have high emotions regarding life and my design this lifetime. I questioned something I had read online about my Human Design (HD) profile – my variable. I only read about it briefly but it stuck with me.

My variable is PRR DRL. This is the description of a video I later purchased that explains my variable in more detail:

You are part of an evolutionary movement, the bridge to what is coming. You are carrying one part old Left and three parts new variation of Right. What does this mean for your life’s story?

Ra explains how you are designed to have a new receptive brain system, perspective and mind in an active body from the past. Learn how you can understand and deal with the dilemmas of living in a Left world through your correct dietary regimen and Design Nodal environment. In this lecture, you will see how important your relationships are, because they are ultimately going to define your process. Source

What is interesting to me about the description, and why I ultimately purchased the video, is the word “bridge”. It feels correct to me, like it is my purpose to be this bridge. Yet while I was thinking about it later I was angry at the word “bridge”. I thought, “Great. I’m a bridge, so people just walk all over me.” I remember thinking how the only control I have over this is to make myself unstable so that the people walking all over me fall off.

During this time I was speaking with a guide out loud. No one was home but me and I’m not sure when I started or when I realized what I was doing, but I did. The guide was so real to me, so audible in my mind, that it was just natural for me to speak to him. Then I was just laughing because I had gotten to that frustrated, insane sorta emotional tipping point when life is just making you feel batshit crazy. And then a realization hit me. I said aloud to my guide, “I know NOTHING! NOTHING!” And that was the funniest thing ever. Oh the paradox of it! To feel at once that you Know so much but also that you Know nothing at all.

When I was done laughing I no longer felt the need to be upset. There was only calm and my guide said, “Do you feel better now?” And I said, “Yes.” I knew then that all I needed to do was surrender. To be calm and go with the flow. I remember being that way in the past and I know I can be that way again. I have to get out of my monkey mind, or as HD calls it, the Not-Self. I must listen to my inner voice, which for me is my ultimate guide because I am self-projected. I need to listen to what I say when I speak because through my words my path is revealed. This has always been true for me, too, and so the whole idea of it resonates fully with me. I need to recognize and accept that right now my job is to witness, to observe what is happening around me. Action is not necessary. What I observe and witness will help me understand better my life and purpose so that when I am ready I can step into that last stage in my life, when I become the role model I am here to be (I’m a 6/2 Self-Projected Projector). BUT that last stage usually doesn’t start until around the age of 50. That is 6 more years and feels like an eternity away and I think, “What can I possibly get done at such an age?”

Drink from my Well

So, this morning I went back to the video I had reviewed the day before but never purchased. Turns out it was on sale, half-off. Wow. So I bought it.

After listening to the video on my variable type I now understand what “bridge” means. In the video, Ra Uru Hu explained that I am a bridge to the new nine centered Being which is arriving in 2027. I am 3 Right to 1 Left. Left is the past, Right is the future. Left is strategic/active. Right is receptive/passive. The new nine centered human will be all Right. I am almost there but not quite. Therefore, I act as a bridge between the old Left and the new Right. 

I have a Right brain and Right mind. Because of this I am a “well of awareness” from which others come to drink. My job is to just BE awareness. I am to be active in things that I enjoy. Through this action others will be drawn to me to drink from my well. When they come to me, I give them what they need. If I do the correct activity, or that which feels good to me, then the correct people will come to me. I need to be selective when it comes to who I allow to drink from my well. Those who drink from my well may want to possess me. If I surrender to this, meaning I am not aware of it and seek to please them, I can end up forced to be strategic (Left) because I have to figure out how to get rid of them (lol I SO resonate with this!).

I see things in a very, very deep way. The video repeats over and over how I am a WELL of awareness that others drink from. That is my only purpose. I take in, take it all in, and then wait for someone to drink from my well. Those who drink from my well IS what I am aware of. If they drink murky, stagnant water, so do I. People come to me as a resource. What kind of resource will I be? I need to be selective. If I share openly what I am aware of, what I perceive, then I can easily be perceived as “crazy”. I SEE others. Others have to come to me to also see and only then should I share, not before.

In school I shouldn’t study. I wouldn’t have to. I just show up and pay attention and then when that info is needed I will have it. This is very true for me. In school I didn’t need to study. It all came naturally. Answers I didn’t know would come to me if I allowed them. I could pass tests just by using my intuition! If you asked me later why I answered a question the way I did, I wouldn’t be able to tell you except to say, “it felt right”. 
Because I am 1 Left it is easy for me to convince others that I am like them but I am NOT. I should not change for others. I need to be ME.

The video says, “Don’t get stuck. You are here for the ride.” It says, “Your partner needs to bring out of you that which feels good.” The Left will be drawn to me. The Left socializes through sexuality. The Right socializes through awareness. I am NOT like the Left (this is repeated, too).

Something interesting that was said: If someone comes into my environment and I want to yawn, I need to get rid of them. I find this fascinating because that is most everyone in my environment now (except my kids).

The advice is to stay busy, busy doing things I choose and enjoy. It can be ANYTHING – gardening, reading, blogging, exercising, etc. If I remain busy doing things I enjoy, that I am drawn to, then I am PROTECTED.  

I will feel the best when others drink from my well. This is why when I gave readings I felt so good. This is why when I was a teacher it felt good. Anytime another drinks from my well I will feel this way. When another comes to me, I will always give them something sweet to drink. I will often not know why I say what I say. It will just come to me and I will say it. Then later I won’t remember I said it and I won’t care because I gave them what they needed and that is why I am here. Period. 

I am here to make awareness available to others. 

The video left me with questions. He (Ra Uru Hu) said that the environment I live in is important. It needs to be nourishing. The wrong environment will not nourish but make me sick. He also said I need to nourish my brain the right way. If I just eat and eat without discretion then I will feed everything, even that which is not good for me. So now I want to get a HD reading for this purpose, to find out what environment is best for me and what diet I should follow. 

If I think of places where I felt the most supported when I lived there, they have been inland, in the plains area or in places with lots of space. My guess is this would be my best environment, the one that nourishes me. I love the mountains and the coasts but when I lived in the mountains I did not flourish. When I visit the coasts I feel okay but I do not feel like staying. Being in the trees and forests often causes me to feel penned in. I seek open spaces. 

Diet makes me curious. Should I be eating much less? Should I be eating like I am? 

The good news is that if I am following my strategy and authority then I will already be in the environment that nourishes me.

Finally, I really liked Ra Uru Hu. What an amazing energy! He is a Manifestor. I wonder if I have ever met a Manifestor? I wonder what it would be like to be around someone who didn’t end up exhausting me? Instead, I have surrounded myself with Generators (my two sons) and Manifesting Generators (my daughter and husband).

Today I received a copy of the book, Human Design: The Science of Differentiation. I can’t wait to read it!

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POLARIZED

Below is a post I wrote in my private journal back in mid-August. At the time I was noticing more and more often the fear and negativity brewing on social media, the news and even around me in the day-to-day world in which I personally reside (Central Texas).

The below journal entry came to mind as I once again came across posts demonizing a specific political party. I see posts about both sides frequently and even though I snooze the person who posts them, another friend inevitably posts another and I am snoozing them, too. Similarly, when I try to update myself on the daily news, no matter which news site I visit, the bias is ridiculously obvious. I think, “When did the news become so biased?” as I think of my days in journalism class being told by my teacher the utter importance of unbiased reporting.

Then there was the post that really disturbed me. The person was basically outlining a world without suffering in all ways, indicating that in that world all humans should be provided the “basic needs”, nobody should be allowed to have more than that, and if this happened then all our problems would be solved. My first thought was, “That is Communism and we all know that doesn’t work.” I asked for more info from this person and discovered they were not condoning Communism but instead a Utopia. Rather than explain that would go against the whole point of planet Earth (as a spiritual playground where we learn and grow by experiencing what we are NOT) I just let it be.

A Utopia would be awesome indeed but unrealistic and unlikely to ever exist in this dualistic reality. The whole point here is to SURVIVE, to learn how to be human and function within a limited, dualistic, unfair and purposefully difficult environment that is everything we are NOT. Of course, part of that lesson, part of being human, is to always strive for something better. To always have problems to overcome. To confront all the challenges of this experience and SURVIVE. Take away all those challenges, make everybody “equal” and every situation “equal” and then what?

There has to be a game. Duality requires it. And sadly, when one game is removed another, equally challenging one will replace it. Otherwise, what is the point of coming to the most challenging planet/reality of them all?

Anyway, on to my post from August 19th:

The Earth is severely polarized right now. I believe this is part of the “pole shift” my guides warned me about years ago. Yes, the Earth’s poles are shifting but this is just part of the message. My guide also said MY poles were shifting. Thus, all of mankind’s poles are shifting, too. 

The “put on your blinders” message seems relevant right now, also. Though I had assumed the message was meant to help me through my anxiety attacks and other energetic adjustments at the time, I think it was also a message about how to handle the future. Since the message came pre-Covid this makes perfect sense. Often, I go through what the world will go through before the world goes through it. It is like I perceive the shift ahead of time, go through the shift and then when the rest of the world is going through it I am already halfway or fully shifted and moving onto the next shift.

I am noticing that more and more people online in both my FB feed, news feed and other places, exhibiting sign/symptoms of this major polarization. Some are obsessed with politics – hating on one political party, demonizing that party, etc. Others obsessed with conspiracy theories. Some are still on the Covid-train of fear and/or resistance and disbelief. And then there are those caught up in all of the above plus more.

If one wore blinders in this situation then what would it look like? Well, if you can only “look forward” and cannot see behind you or to either side, then you would be in the moment, unconcerned with what this or that person is saying, disregarding the media (which is NEVER in present time) and focusing on your next step. Additionally, blinders are there to keep the horse “calm” and “focused” and keep the horse from reacting out of fear. 

Think of the media, politics and Covid as “distractions” which could result in fear, panic, confusion, upset and other negative and distracting emotions. Think of blinders as that which keeps you focused, calm, steady and objective. 

My review of my 2013 post Tossing Pebbles reminded me of some other visions I had, most dating to 2002-2003. There was a period when I was having intense, realistic, visions where I felt transported to scenes and Knew information all at once. These experiences were unwanted and often scary to me as I had no control over them and felt I could do nothing about what I was being shown. They made me feel helpless. 

Vision 1: I saw the White House on fire. Not just a small fire, either. It was engulfed in flames and I knew it had been bombed. 

Vision 2: I was walking in a rubble field. I knew I was at the school campus where I worked at the time, which is located across the highway from an entrance to Fort Hood. As I walked through the debris – school desks, textbooks, articles of clothing, all burned and smoldering – I knew that Fort Hood had been bombed. I heard, “Prepare yourself” and understood that there would come a time when military bases would be targeted and bombed. Was it a war? Yes, but not a typical one. I asked to not be shown, questioned why I was being shown. I only got, “You need to know.” 

Later, worried for my family, I was told that as long as I stayed where I was (meaning Central Texas) me and my family would be safe. 

Whether these visions will come to pass is as of yet unknown. I feel very strongly that the time of these events is not too far in the future. Likely escalating after my children are all grown. My youngest is 6, so that means at least 12 years from now. My oldest is only 6 years from age 18, though. 

The polarization will continue. Though some are convinced here in the US that the path of the future all rests on who is President or what political party is in power, this is an illusion. A distraction from what is really important. It doesn’t matter who is President. One candidate might delay the inevitable a bit but change IS coming and it is necessary. If we are indeed moving toward the world I was shown my children will one day live in, then major change has to happen. 

Governments cannot go on the way they are. We can’t continue to rape the Earth. We can’t continue to think we are above nature and the rules of natural selection. We can’t continue to live out of balance with nature. Overpopulation is the result of thinking we are somehow better and smarter than the other inhabitants of this planet and so can somehow cheat the game. Ha!

Earth is a tough place to live. There is pain and suffering. Disease and death. It is a world where predators eat prey, where energy comes from the consumption of living things (other energy). To think we humans can play God and eliminate pain and suffering is idiocy. Control is an illusion. If we don’t die from disease, we will die from something else. The Earth seeks balance and WILL put back into balance that which is not in balance. 

Just observe nature – in all it’s glory – without judgment, without labeling something “good” or “bad”.

Notice the hawk swooping down to catch a rabbit, tearing it apart while it is still alive to feed itself and it’s babies.

Observe the Hyenas attacking the Wilder beast, tearing its midsection to the point that its intestines hang out and eating it alive as it tries to defend itself.

Are we humans any different? No. But we think we are. We think, “We are smarter. We have communication, writing, intellect, science, technology…..We can change the game, change the rules.”

Nature doesn’t stop and mull over how it doesn’t want to die. Nature lives in the moment. When death comes, it comes. Then life begins again and the cycle continues. Sure the Wilder Beast tried to live, and so should we, but altering the Earth without concern for anyone but ourselves? Kill all the predators to feel safe. Kill all the virus’ to feel safe. Modify the genetics of our food, find cure for all disease, find ways to keep alive those who otherwise would have died, modify our own genetics….

What won’t we do to avoid death? And at what expense? The Earth’s. If the Earth dies, WE die (or our bodies do anyway).  

The tar pit from my vision the other day comes to mind. Earth is the tar pit of the Universe. Why? Because 1. We forget who we are and 2. We resist the rules of the physical Universe and fight to the end to hold onto life out of fear of the nothingness beyond. When we don’t Remember who we are, we continue to think we are bodies and as long as we think we are bodies, we are trapped in the tar, slowly suffocating and becoming frozen by our Forgetfulness. 

For every person in this world right now who is being distracted by everything going on, overwhelmed by fear of death, caught up in the political Us vs. Them, fixating on conspiracy theories – you are being POLARIZED.

Every time you post how your political party is better and demonize the other party, you are being POLARIZED.

Every time you attack or insult a person for wearing a mask, you are being POLARIZED.

Put on your blinders. Step back and observe. See behind the illusion. Accept that you are not in control. Say the Serenity prayer. Do whatever you can to center yourself.

Or you can go ahead and get caught up in it all if you like to feel that way – unbalanced, chaotic, negative, etc. 

I prefer to feel centered and at peace. 

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Kundalini Dream: The Universal

Ladies and Gentleman we have lift off.

Not sure why that came to mind but I will go with it. 🙂

I wrote an entire post and was ready to publish when WP froze on me. When I attempted to recover the post all that remained were the first two lines (above). 😦 So here I go again.

After yesterday’s message to “speak my truth”, I had a memory come to me out of the blue while I was preparing my breakfast. I recalled an incident from August, 2014. Without going into detail, the result of the experience left me recognizing that a part of my life was not in line with my Truth. Though I took no major action at the time, a decision was made on a subconscious level. That decision was to rid my life of those things which were not in line with my Truth and replace them with things that did.

Prior to bed last night I was thinking of all the experiences I’ve had in the past six years and asking my guidance once again, “Why? Why did all these things happen?” It felt like it had all been for nothing.

Today, after this morning’s experience, I see that my question was answered. Everything that transpired after August, 2014, has been in line with that subconscious decision to rid myself of that which did not resonate with who I am. 

Kundalini Dream: The Universal

I with two others inside a small home that was very welcoming. Inside were two small rooms, one in the front and one in the back. Between the two was a small ramp. I knew the house was located in Alaska (the last frontier).

Within this dream occurred another dream. In it I was speaking to a man. He was very muscular, tall and completely bald. It seemed like we were getting to know one another. All I remember of our conversation is that he referred to me as “the Mother” and also as, “The Universal”. Note: Upon waking I recalled the man and thought of Mr. Clean, thus the featured image.

Then I was back in the tiny house observing myself as a young girl running into the back room via the ramp. 

When I arrived in the back room I was again my older self. I sat down at a picnic table (solidarity and harmony). The man sat next to me on my right. In front of us was a woman, though I can’t recall what she looked like. The back room felt like a screened in porch (feeling carefree) and there was a sense of a garden around us, though I never saw it.

The woman spoke to us about our connection but mostly I recall visuals at this time. I saw a large, 2D, circular image of the Earth. At the top was a spot or circle. At the bottom was another one. There was a line running from the top circle to the bottom. From the two sides were lines of energy coming toward the center.

I recognized the top circle as The Father and the bottom as The Mother. Together they were known as The Universal. When I saw the image I recalled the conversation I had with the man. I turned to him and said, “You called me The Mother and also The Universal!” 

The woman began to explain some other things but again, all I recall is a visual. I saw pillars falling in upon one another. The feeling was chaos and destruction. There was also a sense that the two – The Father and The Mother – were causing this chaos and destruction. For a moment it all seemed surreal, like watching a superhero movie play out. Our job was to save the world from utter destruction. If we did not work together we would destroy each other. 

Understanding the woman was indicating that the man and me were to come together, I said, “We have nothing in common, though!” I turned to the man as if asking for his opinion. He said, “We both like to work out….” A visual of a gym came to mind and I realized he was correct. I smiled and said, “And we both like to sing.” Something about knowing this made me hopeful.

And then I began to feel the man’s energy. It was magnetic and intoxicating, a very familiar feeling. 

At this moment in the dream the man scooted closer to me, putting his left arm around me and pulling me towards him. In that instant the visuals of the pillars falling came on vividly. They were all I could see. Complete devastation. Yet at the same time it was perfection. Organized destruction.

Alongside the visuals I felt the man’s energy coming in from my right, merging with my own. My entire midsection from my throat to my root came alive with energy. The energy in my heart was amazing. Oh how I’ve missed it! It was complete ecstasy.  

I started to cry and woke up. I immediately asked to return, but could not.

Messages

I went in and out of the in-between for a little while after. During this time I received two messages.

The first was, “6 months”. The feeling was this message related to an ending. I recalled a previous Knowing that in February/March something would change. 

The other message was, “You can start a new life, but not yet.”  

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Message: Down in a Blaze of Glory

So my daughter tells me her dreams every once in a while. She says that for a while now they have been upsetting, even violent. I told her I have heard others say the same thing. Most recently she says her dreams are about our family being in danger – our home was on fire, someone broke in, hostage situations, etc.

She has also told me she thinks she died in 9/11 when the World Trade Centers were bombed. She told me this several years ago but then again after the anniversary this year. I asked her why she thought this and she described a dream she has in which she was running for her life in the streets of a large city. The buildings towered over her, the sky was dark and debris was falling from it. There were hundreds of others running with her. I asked how she died. She said, “I was hit in the head by something that fell from the sky.” I asked her why she thought she died in 9/11 and she said, “The dreams are just so real. It feels like it really happened to me.”

My daughter has also described numerous experiences where she feels she cannot move but is wide awake (sleep paralysis) as well as obviously lucid dream states that she wakes herself up from.

When my daughter was young (2-4 years old) she would tell me about Spirit she saw. She pointed to someone once, describing what she saw. It was my recently deceased grandfather. She also saw our recently deceased neighbor outside her bedroom window, calling him “a one-armed man”. He had lost his arm in an accident when he was young but she had never seen him in real life to know that.

I find it interesting that my daughter is experiencing this now when for years she experienced nothing. I’ve been feeling strongly that this year is more than an upsetting, eye-opening year because of the events taking place around the world. I keep hearing/Knowing that this year is a pivotal one for those who are Spiritual Warriors. It is time to step into that role fully.

Up until now I can’t say I’ve had any violent or upsetting dreams. However, I tend to not be upset by dreams in general. After my daughter told me about her dreams I, of course, had a dream in which our home was being broken into and items stolen. I woke, hearing a loud “bang!” and went downstairs to check. I felt shaky but otherwise unconcerned.

Then, last night, I had another strange dream. It felt like I was witnessing an actual event. The event may have been in this timeline’s past or on another timeline altogether, or could be a future event. Then again it may not be an actual event at all. Yet it reminded me of when I was a child and how I would receive vivid images of events when they were told to me. Later in life I discovered these vivid images were me witnessing the event through the eyes/mind of the experiencer.

Below is the dream I had this morning. Prior to this I had woken briefly and before I fell back to sleep I heard a voice say, “Do not be afraid.”

Dream: Dawson Mass Murder

I was floating down a country road in an unfamiliar area. Someone was with me, giving me a tour of the area and describing the events that occurred there.

What I saw was a vast field of tall, dead grass. To the left of the field was a grove of deciduous trees. The road near the field was small and might have been made of dirt, but I am uncertain. The area felt to be located somewhere in the Northeastern US, but I was not informed of the “where”.

Then I was observing a scene unfold. A group of people were standing in the field. Someone was barking orders at them, but I can’t remember what they were being told to do. Whatever it was, the people were not doing it. I could hear one woman’s thoughts. She was adamant that no matter what she would stand her ground. She was responding to the threat of death by fire and repeating to herself, “I like fire. It feels good.” It was as if she was trying to convince herself that death by fire was pleasant and as a result she believed it.

Then there was a commotion and a rise in fear among the people gathered there. Out of nowhere a gush of fire was shot at each of them as if someone was using a blow torch. They each caught on fire and began to burn alive. The entire time the woman was smiling, enjoying the feeling until she collapsed on the ground next to her companions.

The scene shifted. I was still at the field but there was now a fence to the left and the area seemed groomed and less wild. In the exact location where the group had died stood a circle of tall, thin trees. I knew there was a tree for each of the victims. I noticed a person could walk into the circle and inside were places to sit. It felt like it was placed there to honor the fallen.

As I woke, I wondered what I had just witnessed. I heard, “Dawson” and felt like I had been witness to either a mass murder or suicide event.

Strange Sync

Upon waking I went downstairs to get my morning coffee. My husband is prone to play music loudly in the mornings (he is a morning person) and for some reason he had awakened with a particular song in his head. He asked me, “Have you ever seen the movie, Young Guns? My brother said it was his favorite when he was growing up.” I said, “Yes. I think that movie was lots of peoples’ favorite. It was very popular at the time.”

Before he was able to play a song I knew what song he was going to play. The lyrics, “down in a blaze of glory” came to mind along with a memory of my dream, the people all on fire standing together, dying together. Then the song was playing and I said to him, “It’s very interesting that you are playing that song this morning. I just had a dream….” I described the dream but my husband was upstairs in the shower, so never heard me.

After hearing the song, I can’t help but think that it is part of a bigger message – to “go down in a blaze of glory”, to stand firm in my truth no matter the threat to my own survival – or to be more specific, the Ego’s survival. And going “down” does not mean the end. It is transformation by fire, something I am already very familiar with; The Phoenix. Rebirth.

Considerations

A friend of mine recently relayed to me that she felt a breakthrough was on the horizon. I responded with, “I think we are all anticipating something right now. It is ‘in the air'”.

Though I am not having great spiritual breakthrough experiences like I’ve had in the past, there are still messages coming through. These messages indicate, like I said above, that the time we have been preparing for is here – NOW. The preparation has been thorough. We have now the tools needed to step into our role, whatever that role may be.

My question has been, “What is my role? Who am I?” The answer is coming in bits and pieces but I have now received the same message enough times to know that that role is well known by me (my HS) and the timing of it is crucial and pre-planned.

Yesterday I wrote of an opportunity to go to Costa Rica where I can effectively unburden myself, opening up a space within that can then be filled with the New. Upon further research I discovered that though Costa Rica is open to visitors from the US, the state of Texas is not permitted entry. Our Covid numbers are just too high.

I wasn’t really disappointed to discover this fact. I had an inkling that the opportunity was more symbolic of what it is I need to do right now.

As if to affirm my suspicions, I came across a blog post and video that basically reiterated my Knowing. The video stated that the time is Now, that the present and future are coming together and that “we have to completely redefine who we are” (@23:45).

The video title is, Set the Mother Free and the Soul comes Home. Now if that isn’t a sync, I don’t know what is! To state the obvious – I am being guided to unburden myself. The burden I feel is as a mother in this time on Earth.

Now the question is, “How do I do that?” I have no doubt that the answer will be provided to me. If not to go to Costa Rica for three months, then something else.

At 30:51 she asks, “What do I have to do to set you free?” The answer: “Speak the truth always. Shatter the spell, this pretending that she doesn’t exist and the soul isn’t important. Each and every one of you has the Mother imprisoned within you and that is your spark, that is your Divine spark that Spirit is asking you to discover, to rediscover again and to bring forth.”

So it starts with speaking the truth, even if it is painful, and then to allow that truth to guide you forward. I know, though, that this is not easy.

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Dream Message: Invictus

Slept a little better last night. This morning after I woke early I was disappointed to once again have no memory of dreamtime. It is difficult enough to have nothing going on during the day that is spiritual or interesting but then to have dreamtime snuffed out, too? Frustrating! 

Dreams

A mixture of dreams came after my request. I recall being inside a home that had a very cluttered back yard (subconscious). I was attempting to clean it up. A large, odd looking fence (barrier) had partially fallen down. The fence reminded me upon waking of a yellow (solar plexus) snake (kundalini) because it curved and was rounded and fat. Anyway, I went to prop it back up and the entire fence collapsed. Some people came to help but I decided to just leave the fence down because of the hassle of it. The people brought up potted plants and set them on various tables. The yard was more presentable after that.

Then I got news that my MIL had sent hundreds of bags of salt (rubbing salt into a wound) to her son, my husband. They were trying to put them outside and I would not allow it. I took them inside and found a room that looked to be unfinished but there were metal shelves in it. I pointed and said, “Put them there.” When I looked around the area I saw it was a large room with smaller rooms around the perimeter, all of them under construction (something in-process, unfinished). 

Then I was in another house that was spiritually themed. There were tapestries, paintings, pictures, rugs, etc. Some of the picture frames (adjustments to a situation) had no pictures in them (situations unknown), though, which was odd. The home belonged to my friend, Angela. She was having a party or gathering of some kind. I recall seeing her husband there, too.

The dream specifics are blurry now, though. What I remember was that I was being encouraged to stay and Angela was helping me in some way to deal with some issues. I remember walking around half-aware of my surroundings while people milled about. The energy was high and positive and it felt like part of Angela’s work. 

Then I remember Angela informing me that her husband was not “part” of her work. She was focused on the feminine and all the people there were women. I realized that without the masculine my healing work would be more difficult and I suddenly was not interested in being there. 

This is when another woman entered and invited me to come receive healing. The woman had long, dark hair and her energy was very wise. At first she was telling me how Angela’s issues were in her heart and I knew this and said “heart” at the same time she did. However, then she was talking to me directly and it was as if Angela and I were the same person, or at least very similar. She again mentioned my heart and I can’t recall what she did after (healing maybe?), but I remember feeling emotional. It seemed like the woman was giving me a reading, explaining why I was struggling so much. After there is memory of a time frame being mentioned – thousands of years – as if the issues with my heart spanned many, many lifetimes.

At the end the woman handed me a piece of paper. I glanced at it and there were about a dozen men’s names all at the bottom of the sheet of paper. I think the names were of men who could help me. I thanked her and asked her who she was. I saw in my mind a word that started with an “I” and had an oversized “V” in the middle. Though I can’t recall the rest of the word when I woke I thought of “Invictus” which means “unconquered”. 

Odd Vision

When I woke again I tried to remember the details of the dream but fell into the in-between where I saw a peculiar visual. I was peeling off my own skin. It was in huge, thick, layers and felt really good. It felt like picking off a scab that was ready to fall off. The layer of “skin” was about two inches thick, though! The area I was peeling if off of was the front of my calf, just above the ankle. I started at the knee and peeled it all the way down to the ankle. Weird!!

I think the skin peeling may be representative of me relieving myself of something I have “worn” for a long time like pretense, or perhaps my past mistakes and how they molded me into who I am or appear to be to others. The peeling off of the skin is likely healing and the process of removing the old to reveal the new. 

Costa Rica – Clear It to Fill It?

Perhaps the dreams and vision are result of my considerations about staying in Costa Rica for a while? 

After my SIL invited me to live in a two bedroom house near the one she is renting I have been contemplating the idea of a retreat for a while. Though I am not thrilled about the idea of not having a particular goal in mind, the thought of leaving behind the burdens and responsibilities of my life for a short time is appealing. I would essentially unburden myself for a while and the time may give me the opportunity to decide what I want to fill the resulting “space” with. 

I can stay up to 3 months for $400/mo which would pay for a furnished home and all utilities. I would only have to pay transportation and food/supplies. My husband already told me I can work remotely while there, too, and my pay would be more than enough to cover any expenses I have. My SIL does equine therapy for kids in the area, following her soul purpose (following her heart). She is easy to get along with and I like her (more than any of my husband’s family members). If I don’t want to be around my SIL, the two houses are far enough apart that I could easily avoid any unwanted interaction. 

The cons to going are that neither of us speaks much Spanish and there are few English speakers in the area. The nearest town requires a cab ride to get there and they require masks be worn in any shops/stores. The country requires anyone coming in to get insurance while they stay there. I wouldn’t know anyone but my SIL. I have no idea what I would do in my free time, no plans, no drive to do anything specific. My usual workout regime would have to end, replaced with cardio and bodyweight exercises if I wanted to continue to stay in shape. I wouldn’t see my children and phone service is limited (have to Facetime mostly). 

I have considered perhaps doing an Ayahuasca ceremony while there, but am not sure it is needed or a good idea. My SIL says there are many spiritual seekers who frequent the area, so a ceremony would be easy to find. 

In considering what is holding me back my main concerns are what I would do with my time while there. It would definitely be an unburdening of myself – of the burdens I carry here at home – which would result in a space within that I would need to fill. So my main worry is that I would not know who I am when all the burdens – distractions – are removed.

I have been sitting on the idea, trying to let my heart give me a thumbs up or down, but have yet to get an answer or feeling in response. At the moment my husband is preparing to leave and will likely be gone a month, so I have some time to decide. 

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Be Ready

I was doing good and then….not. 😦

I woke this morning once again wishing that I could sleep longer. I even said to my daughter, “I wish I could sleep another 20 years.”

At least my desire to sleep was not fueled by the desire to escape this life. I just really wanted to linger forever in that heavy, wrapped in dreamy sleep feeling. As I write this I think of a blanket of stars wrapped around my astral body. Ahhhhh the feeling is wonderful!

Still, though, it was difficult to get out of bed knowing that not much was awaiting me except more of the same. Yawn.

But I got out of bed and moved through each step of my morning routine half-asleep. Conversations from the day before, random musings and lost dreams created a cocktail of thoughts, none of which really grabbed my attention.

Coffee. Yes! Funny enough, coffee in dreamtime = awareness, but this time in waking reality awareness was provided almost instantly. It is curious how coffee can do that, isn’t it?

I sat at my computer and checked WP, which is not my normal routine but I thought, Maybe a good blog post might improve my mood?

I discovered I was drawn to posts that validated and reminded me of recent messages I have received.

One message was, “Focus upon what you want, not what you don’t want.” Remember that one? Why is it so difficult for me to do?! Ugh!

Anyway, I found this short post almost immediately (Source). The message is the same:

I just couldn’t seem to get it right.

My body was in the correct position. My muscles were contracted. But every time I tried to find my balance, I would wobble and fall back onto my feet.

“Maybe you just can’t do crow pose,” I told myself.

“Bullshit,” I replied.

For months, I kept trying. During one practice session, I grabbed a pillow off my couch, placed it on the floor in front of me and promptly nailed the pose. never even coming close to face-planting in the pillow.

Curious, I removed the pillow and tried again.

No bueno.

It was then I realized the role that pillow was playing. Because the pillow was uncomfortably close to my face, I craned my neck slightly and shifted my gaze forward. Without the pillow, I was looking down at the ground, which was exactly the place I feared ending up.

Focus on where you want to be, not where you fear ending up.

It seems so simple, doesn’t it? Yet, it’s far from easy.

We all have a tendency to put our focus – our energy – on those things that we fear.

And much like a new driver who instinctively steers into an adjacent lane when looking in the sideview mirror, we tend to move in the direction of our focus.

Where are you looking?

Very succinct and to the point and just what I needed.

The next message I received recently, yet I didn’t blog about yet, was received yesterday morning.

“They will see you when you leave.”

There was more to the message but it is lost to me now. I came out of my reverie and intercepted the message which, of course, deleted part of it. I wish that didn’t happen! But it doesn’t matter. I remember enough.

At first I was confused, questioning what it meant and breaking it down into its parts to try and figure it out. Who is “they”? What do you mean, “leave”? Where am I going?

That got me nowhere.

I then recalled a message I got some time ago now (months now?).

“You will be seen.”

Hmm. Maybe the two are connected? Probably.

I got an image of a spacecraft coming down to Earth, leaving my physical body and getting on board with thousands of others – like in the Book of Revelation. lol

I decided to put the cryptic message on the “shelf” until later. Sometimes the message makes sense at a later date, sometimes not.

Back to this morning….The next blog I ran across seemed to answer my above questions, at least partially.

There is no reason to be-leave in something “otherly,” because when you leave your being, you give them that opening. Embody now, your natural state, know the truth and you are free.

Source

Do you see it? “Leave” is in there twice. Perhaps the message I received is not about going somewhere at all. Maybe it is about embodiment?

Other Considerations

As a result of the above two posts I entered into a kind of “ah-ha” moment which I am still processing. Previous messages and experiences began to line up as if to create an arrow pointing at…..I don’t know what. lol

I recalled a dream not long ago where I was told an event was being created “just for me” in November.

I recalled a conversation I had with my husband just recently. He was telling me about his theory of why his mother, who is sick and in pain all the time, won’t leave her body. He said he believed what kept us tethered to our physical bodies was communication. Our bodies allow us to communicate, he said. Without them we can’t communicate with others in bodies. I told him, “That isn’t true.” I went on to explain how when we come into this world we are taught that our body is the only way to communicate, but it is a lie and we believe it so it is our reality. There was much more to our conversation but this is what I was reminded of – the illusion we believe and so are trapped by.

There was also memory of a recent dream I had where I realized following the rules/crowd and being a “good girl” was getting me nowhere (Escape the Bus!).

Then there is memory of how one day I saw a soccer ball in a ditch. I turned around toward my dog and then turned back, intent on retrieving the ball for my kids, only to find it was gone. Vanished. I searched but found nothing, yet my memory was solid. I then thought, “I shifted timelines” but tossed the idea as ridiculous. Later that day a FB friend suggested I had jumped timelines. I thanked him for helping me to believe what I already knew to be true.

And a recent opportunity also came to mind. I can, if I want, go to Costa Rica and stay in a two bedroom home on 400 acres of private land. My sister-in-law lives there part-time working as an equine therapist.

There are so many other ideas/messages/experiences that come to mind, too. I am left with a feeling that is hard to describe except to say I feel like something is coming.

Be ready.

by

Message: Shift, Shift, Shift

Just a short post about what I am perceiving lately.

On Friday morning as I was preparing for my day, there was a loud noise in my dining room. I turned to see a painting slip on the wall, hang precariously for a moment and then fall to the floor. It landed upright facing the wall with the painting backside visible.

I didn’t try to put it back but left it where it fell.

Not long after as I was cleaning up the breakfast mess in the kitchen, I heard another noise, this time from the cabinet. A pan must have slipped – shifted – inside. I took note and said aloud, “Shifting. Things are shifting today.” My daughter was close by so I said to her, “I need to watch out today. Shift, shift, shift. I need to be careful on my drive to/from work.”

Fast forward to my drive home from work. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened and I had long forgotten my shift message. As I approached the on-ramp to the highway, though, I saw the traffic going North – the direction I was heading – was at a standstill. I thought, “Great. I need to get home (I had an appointment in 15 min)”.

As I drove onto the highway I saw that the road beyond the ramp was free and clear. Looking to my left I spotted the why – a blue, Chevy sedan was in the middle lane, flipped, tires in the air. The windows were shattered and people were running back and forth from vehicles parked on the side of the road with cell phones in their hands.

The accident had just happened, maybe even seconds before I arrived.

I drove on but had an odd feeling. I remembered the “shift” message and felt grateful. I knew it was just a reminder but still, it was one of those “time stood still” moments.

I don’t know if anyone was injured in the accident. From what I could it didn’t look like it.

A Change in Energy

The next day I noticed a friend had posted on FB about Jupiter going direct and Mars going retrograde. For me, at least, Mars doesn’t seem to impact me that much regardless of what direction it is traveling. I’m not sure about Jupiter but since it is one of the planets effecting my astrological chart, it could be a positive thing. Since Friday I have felt more decisive and less scattered mentally, which is a good thing. That could be a Jupiter blessing. 🙂

Speaking of decisiveness, when I woke this morning I was thinking of how I was tired of asking to go Home so much. It was not long ago that I had been practicing quieting my mind, pushing out negative thoughts and focusing more on positive, uplifting thoughts and feelings. How did I end up back in the “poor me, I want to go Home” state? IDK but a part of me is sick and tired of it. So when I woke I knew I needed to change that. Instantly I heard, “Focus on what you want”. At first I thought, “Going Home is what I want” but before I could finish the thought I scratched it and knew/thought, “No. Going home is a cop-out. It is an avoidance tactic.” Asking to go Home is me whining, playing the victim and avoiding change. It is all about focusing on things I don’t want. Grrr.

With the question “what do you want?” I instantly found my focus going to my heart. Within seconds an energy was noticeable. It wasn’t pleasant and warm. It was achy. I kept my focus there because, more than anything, what I want is to feel like I once did – Connected.

Interestingly, a few days ago in the evening during my nightly tune-in time, I had the idea of focus on expanding my energy field. When I did this, I noticed how much I had pulled in my energy like a blanket around me. I have been keeping it very close. This, I know, has been my protection. The more expanded my energy, the more I pick up, and lately what I pick up is not pleasant – anxiety, fear, anger, hate, distrust, paranoia, etc.

As I expanded my energy field I sensed a very large presence in front of me. It didn’t scare me. I often sense Spirit and energy of all kinds around me. Just to be safe, I asked for protection – only my guides and angels around me. The presence did not leave. If anything, it seemed closer. I perceived it like a shadow almost, but it was just that my energy created the illusion of darkness when it came into contact with this other energy.

I want to also add that I felt energy originate in my lower spine (just above my pelvic region) and spread and wrap around my entire body. An energy hug. Wonderful! So I have no doubt the presence with me is of the Light.

I have been focusing on expanding my aura ever since. Jupiter = expansion. haha

Other messages have been seeping in. Mostly that now is the time to use what I have learned to become the version of me I am here to be. This message can be a bit overwhelming because I begin to question how to do this. I feel completely unprepared! Yet at my core I sense that I am prepared and all the hard work it took to get here will pay off. I want to get to work already but have no idea how or which direction to go.

I feel like my foot is on the gas pedal and the brake at the same time and I am just burning rubber.

The message continues to be to put on blinders, to keep my gaze on the horizon. Keep looking ahead. No looking back or to the side.