Category Archives: Ascension

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What to Do?

Another night without an OBE or lucid dream. Another day feeling lacking because of it. I really miss my OBEs. I don’t understand completely why they are being denied to me right now. I sleep so deeply at night that even if I were to get OOB I likely would pop back into it very quickly for lack of energy. It is such a bummer!

I am told that I should not go OOB for two reasons:

1. I was told, “You will leave”. I later asked for further explanation of this and got the feeling that I would somehow find a way not to return to my body. This seems absurd to me because in all my OBEs I have always desired to stay out and never return, yet my body always seems to suck me back in whether I want to return to it or not. Therefore it seems very unlikely that I would successfully “leave”. Yet that is what I am being told. It is possible that I am misunderstanding and that “leave” may mean something else. But what?

2. I was also told now is the time for me to “focus on life” in order to maintain “balance between the physical and spiritual”. I understand this as well but I am so not interested in my life. l would rather seek out all that remains unexplored of the astral and the spiritual. It seems that I just recently returned to the spiritual path only to find a huge “Dead End” sign posted in front of me.

On a side note: This reminds me of a dream I had not long ago after I asked about a certain path. I saw the dead end sign in it and assumed it meant that path was a dead end. Now I am wondering – perhaps the sign was telling me that the spiritual path was the dead end?

What to Do?

Without my spiritual excursions and experiences I spend my days feeling without purpose. I don’t have much going on in my mind except typical mundane activities – what to eat for dinner, what chores need doing, etc. My mind is totally and utterly bored. In the past I fixed this by returning to school, but even then I found that my mind was not satisfied or challenged. I need that mental stimulation and challenge! The spiritual has always provided me with the never-ending questions that arise with each new experience and breakthrough. It never gets boring! I am not a fun person to be around when I am bored.

So what do I do? Typically, I seek out something to fill my time and my thoughts. I have already contemplated returning to school to complete my LPC but my heart just isn’t in it. I have thought of returning to the gym to continue my weight lifting and health kick, but I get a firm “No” from within. I have considered promoting my DoTERRA business, but feel this is not the right time for that either. The only thing that seems to come with a “yes” is doing the GAPS diet, but I am not excited about it.

The first stage of the GAPS diet limits the foods one can eat to only boiled or stewed meats and veggies, fruits and nuts, homemade yogurt and kefir, and coffee and/or tea. There are no grains of any kind allowed and absolutely no starchy foods or vegetables. The first stage only lasts a week but I am already second guessing it because my children will likely strongly resist and my husband, though he says he will do it, is so easily enticed by carbohydrates and cheeses.

Every day one is suppose to drink a glass of lukewarm water with a pro-biotic in the morning before eating. Then, they are suppose to eat every meal with a glass of beef, chicken or fish broth (homemade). This stage is the most important because it replaces the bad gut flora with good gut flora and heals the lining of the stomach. It also was developed so that those with food allergies or other major issues (autism, digestive problems, IBS, ulcerate colitis, etc) can heal gradually and with the least upset to their fragile system. The author warns that some may end up with stomach-flu-like symptoms after a day or two on the diet but that this is a byproduct of the toxins being released.

As a short-term solution, I have very few concerns about the diet. However, I cannot see myself on this diet for the long-term because of the amount of work that goes into it and the resistance my family will give me. We love our carbs and dairy! None of the stages of the diet allows simple carbs, wheat or gluten and the author makes it very clear that all dairy should be “raw” and if not then fermented. My beloved oatmeal would be completely out of the question as would all store bought dairy products. I am all for eliminating processed foods but I do not feel I need to eliminate dairy, wheat, gluten or other grains from my diet.

I have decided not to make my own yogurt, kefir or fermented veggies such as sour kraut. Not only do I not have the time but I gag just thinking about leaving milk or veggies to sour on the counter. Ick! And I despise cottage cheese for that reason. Ha! I do not feel this will “ruin” the diet for me, thankfully. I bought some kefir yesterday and do not look forward to drinking it. It is an acquired taste for sure!

What Else to Do?

Following the diet will keep me somewhat busy, but then again it is not very mentally challenging. I do not know what I will do with myself otherwise. I am very irritated at this “ascension” process, or whatever it is, as it seems like I am being asked to “do nothing” with myself and like it! Actually, it is more like I am being given the option to do whatever I choose, but the only thing I want to do is focus on the spiritual and going OOB, but I can’t do that now, can I? I am still doing yoga almost daily and I meditate at night but I am falling asleep when I do it! I really have no desire to do much else. Really lame, I know.

For my own sanity I need to find something to keep me mentally challenged and “winning” or I will fall into hopelessness and despair. I wish it were easy for me to “just be”.

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Unexpected Allergic Reaction

I am beyond freaked out about what happened to me today. While visiting my mother I decided to eat an afternoon snack with her and my children. She was making peanut butter and honey sandwiches but I was browsing through her cabinet and decided to eat some golden raisins because I was extremely hungry and didn’t want to wait. I ate a small handful and then sat down to eat some peanut butter and honey sandwiches. While I was eating my left ear began to burn. I get this reaction when I take niacin so I ignored it and kept eating. However, my entire face began to feel hot as well and it spread to my left ear. Eventually, I became so uncomfortable that I went to the mirror to see what was going on. My face was beet red and covered in tiny bumps. Across my cheeks the dots were red while my face remained a normal color but my forehead was completely red! I didn’t feel right, either, and this really worried me. Upon further inspection my chest and arms were also covered in tiny red bumps. Ahh!

I put some Cortisone on my face and then took some Benadryl to try and get the reaction to stop and my mind buzzed with questions. What did I eat that caused this? The raisins? The peanut butter? The honey? Bread?

I began to feel really weird around this time and I asked my husband to get the kids together so we could leave. The entire drive home I felt off and worried but my face began to calm down halfway home and by the time I got home the redness and rash were gone.

Completely Weird

I don’ t have allergies. The only other time I’ve had a reaction similar to this was as a child when I had a reaction to high chlorine levels in the pool. That time it was horribly itchy and all over my body. This did not itch and seemed only to be associated with my upper body. My ears burned and my face and neck felt hot. The odd feeling is not easy to describe. The closest thing I can compare it to is feeling slightly ill, like right before coming down with the flu. I once had a similar sick feeling after eating a huge number of cashews (like four handfuls or something – way too much) but there were no other symptoms.

I am still not sure what caused it. I am thinking the raisins. I eat raisins all the time, though, even white raisins. My mom said it might be the sulfates in them, and she could be right, but that would be a first for me, too. I just don’t know and I guess perhaps it is one of those things my guide was warning me about. I am worried about eating peanut butter now, too and I LOVE peanut butter.

Ascension and Body Changes

I have read online that many experience strange changes in appetite, food preference, allergies and sensitivities when they are going through the ascension process. When my guide asked me to pay attention to my body because it was going to show me where the changes were taking place, I was told to expect something to happen with my face. I assumed the warning was for more dry, irritated skin, not an allergic reaction!

I looked up what chakras skin rashes and allergies are associated to. The skin is controlled by the crown chakra and allergies are associated with the third chakra (digestion) and/or the fourth chakra (immunity). I found this information here.

In my research on golden raisins (I’m almost 100% sure it was the raisins that caused the reaction), I discovered that dried fruits such as raisins often have mold on them which can cause allergic reactions. The non-organic ones contain sulfates which are also a common allergen. Since I usually buy organic raisins for my kids and had some recently without any reaction, I suspect the perpetrator here is the sulfates. Again, I hope its not the peanut butter because I would seriously cry if I couldn’t have peanut butter.

I really hope I don’t run into anymore allergies. The sudden rash and weird feeling are very scary.

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The Next Level

Last night I had yet another intense dream. This one was very obviously a message about the next level my guides warned me about. Now that my chakras have been “reset”, the kundalini is rising again.

Graduation and Marriage

I found myself within a semi-lucid dream in the midst of preparing for my graduation ceremony. I was arriving along with my classmates who I recognized to be my classmates from my actual high school graduation class. I remember not quite feeling things were right and I suspect this is because I was nearing that moment when one becomes completely aware they are dreaming. Unfortunately, I never made it to that level and remained mostly unaware that I was dreaming throughout the dream.

I sat through the ceremony, watching a classmate I did not recognize brought up to the podium. She was much older than a high school student should be. In fact, she was very mature, likely in her 50s, with short, graying, brown hair. On a screen played moments from her life. She must have been a veterinarian, either that or an animal lover, because the screen showed moments in her life that mostly involved her taking care of animals of all kinds. She was quite beautiful when she was younger and I remember thinking she was a great actress.

When the video completed the ceremony continued but I do not recall most of it as I was distracted by a woman who came in wearing a dress that was white on top and black on the bottom. The other students were mostly wearing all black evening dresses but this woman was not. Her dress was quite elaborate with a huge, white bow taking up the entire bodice. I recall thinking she was quite brave to wear something so out of the ordinary. Amidst this I was considering my own attire but never saw what I myself was wearing.

Then dream then shifted to me fiddling with my cell phone amidst waiting to go home from the ceremony. I remember thinking about going to college and the city of Dallas was on my mind for some reason. I was looking through my phone for an old lover, trying to find text messages that we shared. I managed to find some old pictures taken with my camera as well as our text messages and considered the possibility of contacting this man to resume our affair. I was completely set on doing this despite being married and was trying to figure out how to keep the affair a secret. I recall worrying that my husband would find the messages on my phone and so I was also thinking of deleting them.

At some point, I lost interest in finding the old messages because they disappeared and I assumed them lost. I remember interacting with some old classmates and being presented with a hand-made quilt. After receiving the gift, my friend pulled a small box out of her pocket and told me to open it, that it was from my husband. I opened the tiny box and found a stunningly beautiful diamond and platinum wedding ring with the biggest marquis cut diamond I had ever seen. I recall feeling overwhelmed and astonished at the sight of it, believing my husband would never buy me something so expensive and at the same time completely enthused that he did. I looked up at the friend who gave it to me and she had changed to another woman, this one with long blonde hair and blue eyes who appeared to be in her 30s. She smiled and told me that we would be renewing our wedding vows at our upcoming wedding.

Upon receiving the ring and the message I felt a strong energy begin to build in my root chakra and expand outward. In the dream this was not yet recognizable on the physical level and so felt much like my dream body was expanding outward very rapidly. The energy pulsated and filled me with an intense sexual urge and I eagerly focused upon it, urging it to expand upward. As I did this I excitedly told the woman with me that I wanted this very badly to happen; that I needed it to happen. I began to focus on the feeling and this only fed the intense energy that was building within me. The energy began to move up and expand out so intensely that it woke me up.

ksiring2The Next Level: Kundalini Rising #2

As I woke, I was still conversing with the woman but soon recognized it was not a woman at all but the same guide who I have had with me throughout this life. The energy continued to expand in my root chakra and as it rose it intensified and all I could think was, “This is the sexual energy I have heard others describe when they talk about kundalini. It is happening to me!” I was thoroughly excited because I have had this kind of energy rise in me before and the result was a spiritual whole-body orgasmic experience that is indescribable.

With that thought I began to encourage the movement of the energy upward. When it hit my second chakra and began to move through it, I felt a twinge from deep within me and heard my guide say, “Slow down, it will be painful if you push it”. I stopped and listened. He said, “You carry much pain in this area. You have been sexually traumatized in many of your lives”. I vaguely saw play out in front of me a life of sexual abuse that I have yet to remember. It was distant as if not my own life, but I suspect it is one of many similar lives I have lived. I then heard again about the life where I spent 15 years struggling to survive and I suspect part of the survival included prostitution. I know that such lives exist because I have touched on them in my past life recollections. In one I gave myself an abortion and knew the pregnancy was the result of prostituting myself. I only recall the actual failed attempt, not the life.

I continued to try to move the energy up but whenever it came near to exiting the second chakra, I was filled with a very odd sensation and so stopped. My guide told me to take my time. I then saw in my mind a flash of my dream where I received the wedding ring and heard, “The merging continues”. I recognized then the symbolic meaning of my dream and its message to me that I had graduated and was now to “marry” myself.

The energy still lingered throughout my communication with my guide and I finally became exasperated. If you have ever had sexual energy build up but then never complete to climax then you will understand my frustration! I thought about waking my husband but then the idea of it actually stopped the energy completely. This confused me. I was told that the energy I was feeling, this kundalini, though very similar to sexual energy in the way the body interprets it, is not at all the same. “It is very important not to confuse the two”, he told me. Bummer! lol

He then said to me again, “Pay attention to your body”. I did not understand why I was getting this message again. “Why?”, I asked. “It will tell you how you are changing” and then he reminded me of my vision and how it had blurred suddenly in my left eye. Upon a visit to the eye doctor I was told my vision had improved. “So the changes will not be painful or bad?” and he said, “Not painful, but uncomfortable at times”. Then I imagined the sexual-like energy hitting me in the middle of the day and realized how very “uncomfortable” that would be! I can’t imagine that I would get anything done if distracted like that.

I could not return to sleep after all of this. Even now all I can think about is the energy I felt. I told my guide that I would not mind more of that! I look forward to it, actually.

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Quick Update

Yesterday was the 21st. In case you don’t recall, I had a very vivid and emotional dream on the 3rd of January that my mother died of a sudden heart attack. I was given the 21st as the date and assumed it was of this month. I told my mom because I knew she wouldn’t overreact and then called her yesterday to make sure all was well. She was fine. 🙂 She did, however, spend the beginning of the week with her lawyer editing her will and making sure that IF something were to happen, everything would be in order. So, if the reason for my dream was to get my mother to sort out all her things, then it worked!

I hate to think the 21st is of some other month. That day will be at the back of my mind until we reach July, which is the month I was told in the dream. I suspect that the dream was just to help my Mom take action but I can’t help but worry that it may mean otherwise. It was just too vivid and emotional of a dream to not notice.

Symptom Update

I don’t have much to report in the way of spiritual experiences and kundalini/ascension symptoms. It seems that the quiet period I have been in continues despite my asking for at least some kind of recreational OBE, lucid dream or other spiritual phenomenon.

Current symptoms that I have or have noticed periodically include:

  • Feeling very balanced and/or calm for long periods of time
  • Headache
  • Tiredness/deep sleep
  • Frequent waking during the night
  • Tingling in root chakra
  • Buzzing in root and third eye chakra
  • Painful electrical sensation in lower body/legs (one night only)
  • Lower back pain (mostly upon waking)
  • Numbness/tingling in hands that wakes me up
  • Connecting psychically/spiritually to people without intention
  • Temperature fluctuations during sleep

Sleep Patterns

The most pronounced change I have experience has been in my sleep patterns. I seem to have good energy during the day but as soon as I get into bed my eyes get heavy and I yawn as if exhausted. I have been meditating before bed and every time I do I fall asleep very quickly – as soon as I start to meditate! Then I wake up suddenly three to five times during the night. I usually feel overly hot or cold when I wake and then I have to use the restroom. I always think I won’t be able to return to sleep because I wake up very rested and alert, but then I always fall instantly back to sleep.

Dreams

My dreams are also very vivid and frequent. Some I remember, some I do not, but when they are occurring I am very engrossed in them and feel their impact upon waking. I had one recently where I was buying a new house with my husband and we found a forgotten part of it in the back that wash huge and in disarray. I was very into this dream and had much excitement about the prospect of renovating the new found space. It was odd because one room was full of small refrigerators and I was going to get rid of them! Then last night I dreamed our refrigerator was damaged. So interesting that I keep dreaming of fridges. The symbolism is not lost to me either since refrigerators represent one’s tendency to be emotionally cold or distant. In both dreams there was something wrong with the refrigerators which causes me to suspect I am working on eliminating the cold aspects of my personality.

Spiritual Guides

There has also been a shift change when it comes to my guides. I say shift change because it feels like they work with me in shifts similar to what nurses do in hospitals. The most recent guide I have met calls himself “George” and showed me a visual of himself that was quite detailed. He had very orange-red hair and medium colored skin with freckles, not the pale skin one would expect of a red head. What was strange, though, was that his eyes were so pale blue they almost appeared to be glowing white. He told me he was helping me as a healing guide and was the one who told me about my chakras all being reset. His voice is very quiet compared to the other guides I have had speak to me, almost airy sounding. He also told me his time with me would be very brief. For all I know he is already gone and a new guide will soon introduce him/herself.

I find it curious just how many guides have been around me since December. I am use to my typical team of 4 but I have run into quite a few more than that in my dreams, astral travels and visions. I do not recall ever having so many previously unknown (to me consciously at least) guides and I wonder if this happens with everyone whose energy is transitioning.

Future Plans

I have been told that the chakra reset that I just went through will result in some changes. I was not told specifically what they would be except to expect more kundalini energy fluctuations. I suspect the painful electrical sensation in my legs was the first of this type of energy. The energy modifications appear to be moving from my feet up, but it is hard to tell because right now I sleep very deeply through most of it. Perhaps I should thank my guides for this deep sleep if it is keeping me from feeling pain. I really prefer to sleep through the painful parts!

I do not know for sure how long this lull is going to last, but I prefer the deep sleep to having insomnia. The one night I had trouble sleeping reminded me of the two years of insomnia I suffered through and I hate to think I will ever have to experience that again. I was told that the end of this month would be the beginning of more kundalini energy changes, so I am awaiting them a bit apprehensively. Since it is so hard to know what is going to happen next – there seems to be no set patterns or sequence to kundalini – I will just pray that the experiences are positive. I would love me some more popcorn clouds and hynagogic imagery!

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Symptom Update

Although I have already written today I wanted to update you all on the physical issues I mentioned in a post last week.

Vision Concerns

Early last week I noticed that the vision in my left eye suddenly had gotten blurrier. I suspected my contacts no longer fit and so figured I needed to go to the eye doctor since it had been nearly two years since my last visit. I went in on Saturday and got all the normal vision tests and this new picture of my retina that is now offered in place of dilation. I wanted to make sure I didn’t miss anything as I was sure that my vision had gotten horribly worse and that I may have some kind of macular degeneration or something bad like that.

The doctor was very nice and somewhat chatty, which was okay. He told me what the computer said my prescription would be and it nearly matched my current prescription. When he tested it out using his machine (not sure what that huge thing is called) he told me that it appeared that my left eye vision had improved and that I needed a prescription .25 less than I had. He said that the headaches, dryness and blurry vision was likely caused by over-correction of my vision. Ha! And here I was thinking my eyes had gotten horribly worse. They got better!

I was sent home in a new pair of contact lenses that had the exact same prescription as my others because they did not have the new prescription I needed in stock. When your vision is over-corrected it is like squinting into the sun – just too bright, thus the headaches and eye fatigue. So in a week when my contacts come in I hope that my headaches get better.

Oh and it is no miracle that my eyes improved. The doctor said it is normal as one approaches their 40s for their near-sightedness to get better (sigh I’m getting old!). He says he sees many of his patient’s prescriptions completely change from near-sighted to wearing reading glasses! Since I got lasik back in 2000 there is a chance this could happen to me sooner rather than later. Perhaps it already is?

Circulation Concerns

Another issue I was worrying about was overly cold hands and feet along with aches in my legs and what appeared to be an increase in spider veins. Rather than go to a vein specialist and get tons of tests, I started taking niacinic acid (niacin) because my research said it helps with circulation. Niacinic acid is the kind of niacin that causes a flushing of the skin. This often comes with a prickling hot sensation. It actually looks like you have a sunburn and even feels similar. I had the flushing for the first couple of times but now I don’t get it anymore. I am taking 500mg in the morning and then again before bed. My feet are much warmer as a result! Yay!

Dry Skin

Something that has been a major issue since moving to the city in July has been overly dry and irritated skin. I first had major acne issues on my face. I got those under control with antibiotics twice only to have it come back with a vengeance afterward. I suspected the antibiotics were actually messing up my stomach, disrupting the normal balance in my system and so when I stopped taking it everything went out of whack making my issues worse. I swore not to go back on the antibiotics and I haven’t, but I have been struggling with dry skin everywhere ever since.

The last straw for me was getting eczema on my wrist. I don’t get eczema so I saw this as my body crying out for me to do something different. I researched eczema and came across Aalgo.com and their organic seaweed powder. I ordered some and used it on my face three days in a row and saw significant results. My eczema disappeared after two treatments! I still have not had time to take the bath yet but that will be next. If you are struggling with eczema, psoriasis or any other dry skin condition, I recommended Aalgo.

Diet Sensitivities

With all my physical concerns I finally followed a thought of mine that asked me to consider changing what I was putting into my body. Water was the first on the list. When I moved I left behind well water. Untreated and naturally mineralized, I have been drinking well water since my birth with rarely a time in my life when I was not. I suspected early on that the water I was drinking and using here in my new home was the cause of my skin issues. I began drinking 8.8 alkaline and mineralized water last week. So far I think it is helping. I intend to keep drinking filtered and alkaline water. I really think the treated stuff is damaging to me.

Besides water, I have begun to lose my appetite for certain foods and my intuition has been telling me to change what I eat for some time now. Lately I have been skipping eating when I am hungry because nothing looks good in my fridge or pantry. I stumbled across the GAPS diet online and ordered the book, Gut and Psychology Syndrome by Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride. I am still waiting for it to be delivered and I don’t know how much of the diet I will follow but I was drawn to the GAPS diet because of its focus on balancing gut flora. Something about the information I read on the page said to me, “Get the book and do this”.

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Root Canal

After the message I received yesterday morning about being “reset” and to listen to my body, I spent most of my day wondering what was going on but not really understanding. I was very tired and grumpy all day and had a headache that just would not go away. The tiredness got the better of me and I was able to lay down for a brief rest. I didn’t really sleep but I rested. This is not normal for me as I usually am not near tired enough to even lay down and get anywhere near relaxed for very long – too much to do! The headache was a dull ache at the front of my head that would spike into more pain and then dull out. It did this in cycles throughout the day and at its worst I even took some Ibuprofen but it did nothing. The pain remained.

Vivid Dreams

I was so tired last night that I went to bed at 8:30pm. I had two distinct dreams that I recall.

28,000 Years Ago

I don’t remember the first dream so well now, but I remember enough details to have an idea of what it was about. The main things I recall was being in this small house that had been converted into a meeting area. I was inside with a bunch of other people, all men. I remember the walls were stark and reminded me of an old house from the 1800s – white-washed plank walls, wooden floors, and rectangular in shape. There was an old fireplace also that no longer worked and was only about a foot deep and bricked up.

I was the only woman there and was dressed in 1800s style with a long dress and corset. I was talking to a man but he was doing most of the talking. There was talk of war and I recall seeing a map and discussing the time period. Oddly, we were discussing all of Earth history as I was telling him about Alexander the Great, Egypt and some of the wars that occurred over time. I was looking at a map of the U.S. with him and all of these great nations were written over the top of the map. The US was mostly uninhabited as I recall yet we discussed how people had migrated there way before historians theorized.

It was at the end of the dream that I remember discussing 28,000 years ago and what was happening in the Americas. Most of the conversation is lost to me now, but upon waking I realized we were discussing the role of women in history and how it changed over time. I researched 28,000A.D. and found that this was the time when man began using stone tools and developing culture. Much of what I have found shows that women during this time were held in high esteem and honored, holding status equal to or above that of men.

Training as a Lesbian

The next dream I had is very memorable.

In this dream I was with mostly women and I recall being with a friend of mine I use to know many years ago. She was very sexually promiscuous at the time and very fiery and spirited. In the dream she had come onto me and I had at first struggled with her interest in me and then figured I would just see what happened. We hugged and that was it because she stopped and said, “Not yet”. I then was led by her to a bus to go on a journey to a friend of hers who had taught her how to be a lesbian. I remember being conflicted during this time because I am not interested in women at all and the thought of performing oral sex on a woman is gross to me. I remember thinking about it for quite some time along with the worry that my husband would be upset. I later decided he would not care because it would be with a woman and not a man.

On the bus my friend was driving and we went through a gate and traveled a long, dirt road that was very winding and hilly. It went through mountains and valleys dotted with old farm houses and villages. The first house we went by was occupied by a small family and the hut they lived in had a large lake behind it. I wanted to stop but felt I needed to go on.

We then stopped in a small town. It appeared miniature upon closer inspection and in retrospect I realize I was flying during this part of the dream and peaking into all the windows. The village was made up of tents and a one-room schoolhouse. When I looked inside the school it was empty except for a stamp or something similar in the color purple. All of the tents and other houses also had this inside them. I remember talking to one of the woman from the bus during this time but do not remember our conversation.

I got back into the bus and my friend set it on cruise control. However, as it approached a large hill it began to speed up. My friend asked me to help her by pressing the brake, so I did, but I felt nervous. She steered it around a sharp curve and all was okay.

I then found myself at our destination. I never saw the outside but inside it appeared to be an old castle with dark gray stone walls. We were given books and the friend of my friend was preparing to teach me the art of being a lesbian. After a while I found another book laid upon my bed. It was an old book with a red leather cover and I remember being told I was to read it as well. At one point I was reviewing the table of contents and saw how many chapters were there. I did not recognize the words of the chapters and so skipped down to the end to writing I did recognized. The last chapter was entitled, “Knowing”. I asked the teacher, “Why do we need to go through all these chapters before we get to “Knowing”?” Then I asked, “Why can’t I just learn by doing?”

I remember looking over at my friend and she was tending to her nose – she had a nosebleed. She went over to a pool of water and began scooping buckets of water out. I saw that the stone pool had birds perched on the edge which flew away when she drew the water. They looked like small cactus plants – little round, green cactus birds with thorns all over them!

I looked into the pool and saw it was almost dry and the water was dark like the castle walls. In fact, everything was dark and dank. Yuck.

yinyangMessage: Root Canal

When I awoke I felt my root and third-eye chakras buzzing and it felt as if the energy was pulling – the root chakra energy was flowing down and the crown chakra energy was pulling up. My lower back was aching and my headache was back.

My guide, who revealed himself to me as my Healer whose name is “George”, then showed me what appeared to be a long, white and fuzzy tube stretching along my spine through each of my chakras. It’s diamater was approximately 8 inches. I then heard, “root canal” and remembered the visual I had gotten the day before of the teeth. “So my chakras are getting a root canal?”, I asked. I got a nod and feeling of, “Yes” as the answer.

He told me that for the next couple of days this would be occurring and that I would likely feel discomfort, maybe even sick. He showed me that my third-eye was open during this time – very open – which explains the headaches I have been having.

I then wondered why this was happening. It was then that the dreams I had began to make sense to me.

To dream that you are a lesbian, or in this case training to be one, symbolizes a union with aspects of yourself, self-love, self-acceptance and passion. Ultimately being lesbian represents being comfortable with ones sexuality. So it appears I am being led, or taught, how to reunite with the feminine aspects of myself.

I began to understand why I needed a chakra ” root canal”. The purpose of a root canal is to clear out infection and then bring the tooth back to normal functioning. The same would hold true with chakras. Each chakra and the pathways between them is being cleaned out and then will be brought back to full function. I was shown that I have much past “decay” from past lives where I was victimize or brutalized as a woman. As a result, I associate such treatment and the resulting feelings with everything that has to do with being a woman and femininity.

I thought about this for a time and recognized those things I associated with being a woman: passiveness, degradation, fear, timidity, weakness, powerlessness, pain. My guide reminded me that there are good aspects related to the feminine: compassion, sensitivity, nurturing, sympathy, love, support, patience. All of these things I also deny in/to myself when I deny the feminine aspect of myself.

I admit, I am not very excited about this chakra ” root canal”. I was told there is nothing I can do to stop it. It has already begun. I asked what would happen after and I was shown that I would undergo more kundalini energy fluctuations. The image I got was that new energy, or white light, would pour through the newly cleaned channels and fill each chakra. I was told this would not be pleasant and I got a sense that I may be experiencing my own spiritual trauma as a result. Not exactly something to look forward to.

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Wharf

Not much has been going on with me spiritually this week. My ascension symptoms have decreased and I am feeling pretty much normal. When I check my chakras they are all open except for my crown, my third eye being the most wide open of them all.

Ascension Symptom Update

I am noticing that I am back to the high-energy state I was in prior to December 12th. I am also no longer experiencing the sweating and hot flashes that I was back then, which is a relief.

  • high energy
  • mood swings
  • feeling cold
  • seeing images/shapes out of corner of my eye
  • mild headache on and off
  • disinterest and/or feeling apathetic
  • deep, near dreamless sleep
  • restless at times

OBE – Wharf

I could not fall asleep last night because I was so cold but eventually I did. I suspect it was around midnight but am not sure.

I suddenly became aware that I was swimming in the water beside a wooden pier of some sort. I was not alone. Next to me I could sense a person; a man. Curious as to who was with me, I reached out and touched him. His body was solid and I could feel his arm and his back. He was facing me.

It was dark, so I suspected my vision had not turned on yet but I did not think much about it at the time. The man with me responded to my touching (I guess he thought I was sexually interested) and began to kiss me. I allowed him to, but was not really into it. I felt nothing in response to his kisses. I was more curious about who I was with.

As if my curiosity acted like a command, my vision suddenly brightened as if a light switch was turned on. I saw in front of me and very close a young man with brown hair and pale skin. I immediately stopped kissing him and inspected him. He looked directly at me with bright blue eyes that had flecks of different colors in them.

I realized that this young man was very young, probably only 15 or 16 years old. I was a bit surprised by this. “He’s just a boy!”, I thought to myself. The young boy stared at me uncomfortably and said, “Age doesn’t matter here”. I wondered to myself, “Can he read my thoughts?”

I recall thinking all kinds of things to myself about how young he was and how I would not have kissed him had I known. I am certain now, thinking back on the experience, that my thoughts were easily read by this young man because I sensed he was very disappointed that his sexual adventures with an older woman had been stopped. I laugh to myself now about it because I did not feel horrified or disgusted by his young age, just disinterested.

The young boy, whose name I know is Ryan (not sure how though), began to leave. I saw as he left that we were inside a building, a very old one at that. I must have gotten out of the water because I felt myself standing on a solid surface but it was swaying and moving as if with a current and I knew I must be on a pier of some sort. I surveyed the room I was in an saw it was made of old wood with spaces between each plank that let the light in.

I turned to my left and saw a man lounging nearby. He was just as vivid a sight as the boy was and seeing him took me by surprise. He was older than the boy with yellow, curly hair and deeply tanned skin. I went toward him to get a closer look and found myself face to face with him quite quickly. I looked into his eyes and saw/felt he was intrigued by my inspection of him. I saw his eyes appeared green and gold with some brown around the edges. I asked him, “What color are your eyes? Are they hazel?” He smiled and said, “Are they?” I somehow knew at that time that he and I had met before but I could not place him. I remember asking him, “You, too?” and he said, “Yes”.

comedytragedyI stood back and looked at him some more. He really was quite handsome, in a rugged sort of way. He was lean and tan and wearing a Speedo or maybe some of those tight fitting boxer briefs. I was amazed at how much detail I was seeing. I could see the tiny, curly blonde hairs all over his arms and legs and also the tattoos. I said to him, “You have tattoos” as I touched his left leg. I looked more closely at the tattoo and saw that it was of the comedy/tragedy mask. It took up his entire left thigh.

He allowed me to inspect him, his face showing his amusement. He said to me as I was looking at his tattoos, “Bet you wouldn’t guess I was a doctor”. I looked up at him, thought a moment and said, “No”.

He got up and headed toward the same door the young boy had gone through. I followed and watched as he walked down a dimly lit corridor. I could see it swaying with the tide and saw lanterns hanging from the rafters.

I yelled after him, “What’s your name!?

He turned and yelled back, “John”.

I said, “Nice to meet you, John. I’m Dayna”.

The interaction with John and Ryan was curious to me and I stood there wondering about it. I thought I must be in California but I am not sure why I thought this. I also wanted to know more about this John.

As I thought about everything my awareness began to increase exponentially. I felt myself come back into my body and immediately began to recount the OBE.

False Awakening

I laid there a while going over the OBE in my mind and then decided I must get up and type it up as soon as I could or else I would forget it. I got up and went to the computer and sat down. I began to try and type it up in an existing document but it would not allow me to. My daughter came and began to bother me about watching t.v. showing me the yellow triangle of the internet connection which meant access was limited. She kept bothering me to the point that I told her to go downstairs.

I suddenly realized I was not really awake but actually dreaming. I forced myself to wake up, feeling very, very groggy and finding that I could not remember where I was or what I had been doing. I knew I had an OBE but could not remember anything about it. I concentrated and was able to remember it. I got out of bed right away and wrote it down before I ended up in another dream.

Factors Influencing Projection

Lucidity scale: 5 increasing to 8

Intent stated?: No

Time to bed: Midnight

Time to wake: 5:30am

Meditation?: No

Physical Exercise?: Yes

Mood: normal

Body: normal

Tiredness: Low

Number of wakings: 1

Technique?: No

Sleeping position: Right side

Supplements: Multivitamin, Mineral supplement, Natural Calm, Sleepy Time Extra Tea, Calcium 500mg, Vitamin D 1000mg, Vitex 150mg, DonQuai 150mg, Biotin 1000mg, Vitamin E 400mg

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Observations

An interesting thing happened yesterday that quite took me by surprise.

This year, like all the years since I married my husband, all the family met after Christmas to celebrate together the “Hedge Christmas”. The name comes from one year when the host used a bush as the Christmas tree and thus the name stuck ever since. In total, about 20 people sit cramped in a small living area and exchange gifts, one at a time. It usually takes at least three hours for the gift giving and in between we eat and chat and see family we have not seen in a long time. FYI – this “family” is not blood family, they are friends of my husband who he loves very much and the only relation is that his brother is married to a daughter who is related to the main family in this group. She is rarely ever in attendance BTW.

The celebration was set for the evening at 7pm, which is not the usual and I worried about my babies being tired as their bedtime is at 8:30pm. I asked the night before for my guides to help me through the event because every year I end up a knot of nerves and unsettled energy. I never quite feel comfortable and always want to leave as soon as I can.

The big surprise for me was that I did not once, NOT ONCE, feel unsettled, anxious, fidgety or energetically unbalanced. In fact, I felt completely calm, relaxed and comfortable. The event went well, though my children did end up screaming and crying from being overtired and wanting their beds. Funny enough, even my children’s crying and misbehavior did not get on my nerves.

When I got in the car to head home I quietly congratulated myself and searched in vain for the knot of energy that typically sits in my stomach after such an event. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. I was so unsure what to do with this new feeling that I even tried to conjure up the familiar feeling, certain that I must have missed it somewhere in the chaos of crying children and gift giving.

I couldn’t find it…..anywhere.

Observations

One of the things I was able to do at this family event was take notice of the reactions of different individuals to me. I mainly do this by paying attention to their responses and to how their energy feels.

One particular young lady I know is very cautious of me. I am deserving of this and feel bad that I have made her cautious of me. I never intended any rudeness toward her, but in the past I have been in a not so good place around her and I have a tendency to snap and give off negative vibes when I feel overwhelmed energetically. Rather than let my ego respond to her cautious response to me, I merely recognized my responsibility for it and knew that it would take a long time to repair. I knew to only send her positive vibes and treat her as I would treat myself from now on and that eventually she would let down her guard. I obviously hurt her and like anyone who has been hurt she responded by putting up her guard. I would do the same.

This young lady is in fact the one whose face I kept seeing when I was doing yoga. From the experience I recognized that I often reject in others that which I have denied myself. This young lady is happy, naively innocent in many ways, and generally good-natured and warm-hearted. So when I was around her in the past I was not very nice to her.

With other individuals in the group, I did not find the same energy. Most were happy to have me respond differently to the situation and I even got hugs from them. Some even reacted in surprise to my calm, open receptiveness. But with them all there was an uncertainty there as if they secretly wondered, “How will she be tonight?”

My husband has told me that most of them are afraid of me. I laugh at that because I am truly very harmless. However, I am loud and blunt and often say things that come out all wrong and with the wrong energy. Though I have not done this to most of them, they have heard about me and so my reputation has them a bit nervous.

Yes, I can be that bad. I am not very fun when I feel trapped. I am like a hyper bird in a cage who keeps bumping their head into the bars in an attempt to get free. If someone happens to be in my way, well they end up with a wing in their face unfortunately.

I am working on that. lol

After last night’s victory, I was able to see that I have not lately had much of that anxious energy that I have lived with my entire life. Usually, when I am in groups the energy is really bad and can make me literally run the other way. This mostly happens in groups larger than five people, even family groups larger than this. During my first spiritual awakening this feeling intensified and would rise up to my throat and cause me to noticeably shake and tremble. I learned quickly that this rise of energy was connected to Spirit and how to control it and it soon stopped almost completely. But there still remained the nervous knot in my stomach that would cause me to eventually feel all the symptoms of major anxiety as listed in the DSM-IV (I think it is now DSM-V now though). At its worst, I felt this high anxiety even when alone.

This energy came back the day after the 12th of this month, when I had the intense kundalini energy. It rose up so fast within me that I ended up outside all day long in order to get it under control. I must admit, it is a scary feeling even for one who at one point was accustomed to it. I am in awe of my past self for surviving so many months of this feeling almost non-stop. How did I do it??

Denying Emotion

When I think about how different I feel I cannot help but connect it to message I keep getting from my guides. They have said, “You are changing” and “You have changed. Don’t you feel it?” And I am now seeing it, feeling it, more and more.

One of the things I am working on was made apparent to me last night in my sleep. I do not remember my dreams now but I was talking with a woman about emotion and holding pieces of what appeared to be pictures that represented emotions. When I awoke I said to someone (I was still conversing as if in the dream), “So denying emotion denies me access to myself?”

What I am able to remember from my dream discussion is that every time we avoid a situation because it causes us anxiety or discomfort, we are denying ourselves an opportunity to really know our Self. Because in each uncomfortable feeling, each uncomfortable experience, we are forced to grow and expand beyond our safe place. It forces us to glimpse within our Self a piece of the unknown; a piece of our forgotten Self. It also allows us to grow into acceptance of not only ourselves but of others. For in each expanding experience, each challenging, excruciatingly difficult confrontation with our Self, we expand also for everyone else.

So the next time I find myself sitting in an uncomfortable space, one that makes me want to run the other way or that fills me up with such anxiety and fear that I want to lash out at someone, I need to sit with the feelings and listen. I need to let the feelings flow through me and in doing that I will be able to see the truth behind them. And in seeing that truth be released from the fear, the anxiety and other negative feelings that result from the denial of that truth.

There really isn’t any horrible monster hiding behind that fear. It is only me.

by

Purging Continues

Since the big bang of kundalini energy I experienced on the 12th, I have not had anything near as intense occur. Additionally, I have not had any significant lucid dreams or OBEs. I am told this will continue through the end of the year and not to expect any major changes until January 2015. Apparently, I am in an adjustment period but I am not really sure what that means. I do know that I have been sleeping very deeply and for long periods of time. I have also met a new assistant named Eron who has been communicating with me.

Purging Continues

Even though kundalini has slowed down considerably I continue to experience buzzing and pulling energy in certain chakras, primarily my crown and lower four chakras. As I begin to once again remember my dreams I am noticing that my dreams tend to be about making decisions, confronting fears and accepting change.

Fear of Success

One main fear that I am working on is the fear of success. A dream I had two nights ago indicates that I am afraid of the responsibilities that come with success and power, specifically group norms and rules of those who enjoy a high standard of living. In the dream my husband was promoted to a high position and I was as well. I was told this by someone who worked for the police department and the position my husband got was one of those high up political positions that comes with high pay and lots of responsibility. I had no issue with my husband’s promotion but I was told that I would also be rising to an administrative type position. I was not concerned about my ability to do the job and even visited my past assignment to say goodbye and prepare to leave. However, on my first encounter with the higher-ups I grew nervous because I did not like “fake” people and could sense their pretense.

When I woke from this dream I felt very unsettled. I could feel energy all around my head buzzing and expanding. I instantly thought that if I wanted to have success in my life that I would have to confront my uncomfortableness with groups and pretense.

Self-Denial

Last night I had a dream where I was moving very swiftly down a highway with my daughter. I do not recall being in a car but there was cars all around me. The cars in front suddenly slowed and stopped and we passed by an accident where a truck had hit people. Three dead bodies littered the road and ambulances and police cars were all around, their lights flashing. I remember looking at a dead woman’s body and another body with head trauma and feeling bad for them.

We continued on the highway and then there appeared a man standing in the middle of the road in front of me. He had dark hair and was wearing blue jeans and a blue-gray t-shirt. I stopped and escorted him off the road. When we reached the side of the road there was a woman standing behind some railings. She looked at me and said point blankly, “You’re late”.

The dream then shifted and I was visiting a school for juvenile delinquents. I was a substitute half-day and just sat in the class while the kids calmed down. The lights had been turned off and we all just sat there. Then the teacher came in and the students left. A meeting was held and the boss was chastising a teacher for having a relationship with a student. I left with the others and thought to myself, “I am so glad I don’t work there anymore”.

Upon leaving I entered an elevator and went down to the first floor. From there the dream went black and I found myself in a void. I was semi-lucid here and had a conversation with two men.

At some point I began to wake up from orgasmic sensations that began to move upward toward my heart chakra. When I became conscious of the sensations I inadvertently stopped them from reaching my heart. Upon realizing what I did and recognizing some things about myself and my life, I broke down in tears.

Eron

My new assistant (or new to me at least) quickly began to talk me through whatever was happening. I recognized that I had been denying myself so many things in life and was grieving over this. He told me that I had the power to enjoy life again; to experience pleasure again. It was all up to me. All I could think about was that if I enjoyed life again I would hurt others. I was reminded that sometimes the help we give to others is not always viewed as “good”, that even those things we do that are considered “bad” are assisting others.

I began to enter the in-between state that I often do upon waking too early in the morning to conversations with a guide. It was during this time that I was awakened by words from my guide. He said to me, “My name is Eron. I am the first of your family. I am here to help”.

This woke me up because I did not know what he meant by “first of the family”. What family? And why “first?

I then wondered about him because I could not get a visual of him which is usual since most of my guides “show” themselves to me either in dreams or in a “picture” in my mind. So, I asked him, “What do you look like?

He replied, “I am silver”.

Silver? What does that mean? I wondered to myself. Then I asked him, “What do I look like?”

He replied, “You are white”.

I thought about this for some time because I had never considered my “color” or my guide’s “color”. What do the colors mean? Are they like what Newton’s patients describe in his books? Is our color representative of where we are developmentally?

Based upon Newton’s premise, white is the color of a beginning soul. However, there is no mention of silver. I was never quite comfortable with Newton’s idea of soul’s having a certain color based upon development and now I am again wondering if it is inaccurate.

Dream Recall

Interestingly, I recalled a dream I had last week as I typed the above considerations. It was a short dream and one that really seemed insignificant at the time, but perhaps there was more to it than I realized?

In the dream I had returned to the house we sold in July. I was walking up the back steps to the porch where a couple of people stood. I do not know who they are now, but in the dream they seemed to be old friends of mine.

When I approached one exclaimed, “You are so white!” I looked down at myself and said, “Yeah, I have not been out in the sun much lately”. I had assumed they meant my skin was pale because I had not been sun bathing! lol

Now as I recall the dream I am wondering if they were in fact trying to focus my attention on the changes within me. I hear over and over from my Higher Self, “You have changed. Don’t you feel it?” And I do notice a change but it is not that noticeable to me.

by

1989

Recently the subject of aliens and alien encounters has been coming up quite a bit. Not only have I been spontaneously remembering events in my previous awakening that involved E.T.s but also I have been seeing quite a bit online. Since I really do not know what, if any, significance this has on my spiritual development or even the changes occurring on Earth at this time, I figured a brief review of my own experiences would help me to at least get a grip upon what it may mean for me.

1989

My one and only experience with E.T’s occurred in the summer of 1989. I was 12 years old and spending time with my family in front of the television watching a movie. It was dark outside, approximately 10pm and I had become restless and bored with the movie. I don’t remember what we were watching now, but for some reason I wanted to get out of there so I went outside.

I walked out to the back yard where my Mom’s large pool was lit up and the night was calm. I didn’t hear the familiar sounds of the cicadas or really any loud insect sounds, which was surprising. I took a deep breath of the night air. It felt freeing for some reason to be outside.

It was then that I felt I should look up. When I did I was surprised to see that the sky was blocked by what appeared to be a large, circular object covered with very large, multicolored lights. The object, which could only be a space ship, was hovering just above the trees and over the top of my Mom’s large swimming pool. Of all the colors, I most remember the red light that was right over the top of me. Though my memory is hazy, I do recall how I felt: awe. I was not afraid and did not feel like I should run for my life. I just stared up at this saucer ship, mouth agape and eyes wide, wondering what would happen next. I felt like I was in the middle of a scene from Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

It is then that I lose memory of what happened next. I know I was there much longer than it seemed yet the next thing I remember doing is running into the house to get someone to come outside with me so I could show them what I was seeing. I knew that if no one else saw it, they wouldn’t believe me.

It took forever but finally my Mom came out with me. When we got to the pool the saucer was gone but I could see it off in the distance flying off. It appeared only to be a mass of lights that hovered in mid-air. My Mom saw it and said, “That is probably just one of the military planes from the military base. You know they are always flying over our house”. I said, “No way! There is no sound! Listen!!” And she did listen for a moment and it was dead silent.

At that moment the lights in the distance vanished and I stood there excitedly trying to get my Mom to agree with me. I was only able to get her to agree that something had been there, but not that it was of alien origin.

To this day I cannot fill in the gap in my memory. I honestly don’t know what happened before I ran inside. I do know what I saw, though, and it was not man-made.

constellationThe Pleiades

During my first awakening there was a time when I was visited by an assistant who called himself Amoradon. He spoke to me in great length about the Pleiades and I recall going on OOB excursions with him to places that appeared to not be of this Earth. Unfortunately, I did not write most of these experiences down as this was way before my dream/OBE journal but I do recall visiting a planet in the Pleiades where the land floated like islands in the air and where people projected into physical bodies from their own physical bodies on that planet.

On one such OBE, I recall entering into a floating vessel or building. It was doughnut shaped and made of a material that appeared to be organic and living. The walls breathed as I walked down the corridor and were the color of skin and spongy to the touch. Inside this vessel were many beds where individuals slept. They were attended to by tall beings in white and their place of slumber was separated from other individuals by white linen that hung from the ceiling. I visited a friend there and was told she was projecting to her body on Earth and was “sleeping” so any attempt I made to communicate with her would likely be lost as her main awareness was present with that body. I remember watching holographic images projecting out of her slumbering form and being told that what I was seeing was like a “dream” to her. I remember being a bit overwhelmed by this experience but also excited.

I do not remember the name of the planet I visited but I do remember I was told this place was real and that some individuals on Earth were in fact visiting in the way my friend was. I wondered if I was one of them but I do not remember if I got an answer. However, the place with the floating islands felt very familiar and like home to me and I cannot help but wonder if I am like my friend, projecting from a slumbering body some light years away in another galaxy.

Note: I will say that the holographic images I saw projecting out of my friend were very memorable and I told her about them a couple of days later. She confirmed that she had indeed been wearing the dress I saw her in.

Dreams and Past Lives

Not only have my past experiences with E.T.s and other worlds been resurfacing but I have been having dreams of them as well. Though I do not remember much of my dreams lately, last night’s dream was particularly memorable.

In the dream I was speaking with a woman about the “series” were were actresses in. It was coming to an end and I remarked about her role and how very little lines she had. I asked her why she didn’t interact with me and she told me, “You have bad breath” (lol). I said back to her, “Yeah, I do sometimes but all my friends know to just tell me and I will take care of it”. I was suggesting she get to know me better but she was not interested.

Then we watched a scene of the show as it was played out. The story was this:

Thousands of years ago, an alien race colonized planet Earth. They left behind their hybrids (versions of themselves created by genetic modification of the planet’s hominid species with their own DNA) to colonize the planet and left in search of other promising planets. They had to leave because their civilization had failed (Atlantis) as an earthquake and other natural disasters destroyed the life-sustaining dome that allowed them to prosper and take advantage of Earth’s many natural resources. When their dome cracked, they could not withstand the high nitrogen content of Earth’s atmosphere and had to leave in order to save their population. They fled back to their home planet leaving behind their workers (humans) and some of their overseers (also hybrids who could live in Earth’s atmosphere) with a promise to return.

The scene before us was of present day Earth. The reigning ruler of this particular region was a woman and she was meeting with three individuals who had just arrived from the stars. Thee three individuals stood at least two feet taller than the tallest human and were wearing black and silver square helmets that covered the edges of their faces only revealing their coal black eyes and strange, yellowish skin. They wore flowing, black and silver robes and their hands were gloved.

They came with news: they were the original inhabitants of Earth who had left the colonists hundreds of thousands of years earlier with a promise to return. When they hadn’t returned, all but a few of Earth’s inhabitants remembered their promise and those memories were much changed from the original.

The reigning ruler was meant to welcome these men with open arms and bring them to council where the next step could be determined. Unfortunately, the woman did not do this. Instead, upon greeting the three individuals, she ordered her guards to seize them and held them captive. She did this out of fear of losing her power and out of fear of the unknown.

Watching the scene unfold I said to the woman with me, “She was not suppose to do that! That is wrong!”

The dream ended there but I cannot help but be reminded of a story I was told long ago by Amoradon about where humans came from. It was very much like the story above, that humans were genetic creations that blended the DNA of an alien race with primitive hominids. This other race originally inhabited Earth thousands of years ago and did so during the “evolution” of man. I was told they were in fact the ones responsible for the evolution but had to abandon the planet after a series of natural disasters wiped out their technology which was the only way they were able to adapt to the dramatic climate changes and atmosphere of the time. I was told they visited Earth and continue to but do so in secret, although at first their visits were not a secret at all.

I have also recalled many past lives of living on other planets. In one I was a man who was greedy and made money off the death of hundreds of colonists who I sent to a planet that I knew was about to be engulfed by a dying star. In another I was living in a house that was multiple stories, made mostly of a glass-like material that did not break and was filled with technology I could not have ever imagined or made up.

This information along with all the Pleiades information was too much for me and I asked for the information to stop. Yet I have always wondered, what if it were true? What if?