Category Archives: Dreams

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Dreams, Conversations and short OBE

Last night was full of wonderful healing energy and a great many interesting conversations and dreams. It began with some powerful surges of Kundalini. They were brief, though, and didn’t keep me from falling asleep.

Dream: Drowning Girl

I had this dream two nights ago but feel it is appropriate to share now.

I was in a boat (unexplored emotions and feelings) with a mother (aspect of self) and her daughter (inner child). The daughter had no legs (feeling helpless). She was just an upper body and midsection. The boat was moving at super high speeds like a speed boat. The mother was holding onto her daughter in an attempt to keep her from going overboard. 

We traveled at high speeds for a while but then the mother lost her grip on her daughter. The girl fell into the dark water and the boat stopped a short distance after, docking near a pier located near some homes. Me and the mother got out of the boat and the mother despaired, wailing for someone to rescue her daughter. I felt unable to help and also called for others to assist, but no one came. I remember worrying the girl couldn’t swim because she had no legs. She surely would sink straight to the bottom.

I looked down at the water’s surface to see if I could see her and saw bubbles rising to the surface. I yelled to the mother, “Look! Bubbles! She’s there!” The mother jumped in and was under water for a while. When she finally surfaced she had her daughter in her arms but she was unresponsive. The mother blew in her face like a mother’s does to get a baby to take a breath, and it worked! Eventually the girl revived and was okay. We were all so relieved. I began to sob and woke up in tears.

Interpretation

It feels like this dream is about my inner child and my desire to save her from a situation that feels out of control. Her lack of legs indicates she is unable to move or progress on her own. She may feel stuck. It seems the dream message is that surrender must occur before progress can be made. My emotion felt displaced and it confused me. I have no idea why I cried so much. Relief maybe?

Dream: Failing Grades

I was back in high school and my teachers were telling me that I was failing their classes. Specifically it felt like I was failing Algebra and there was a question about an English paper that was due. There was discussion about the classes I was passing, too. History was one of them and I commented that it made sense being I was a history teacher. I remember looking at my grade in Algebra (logic). It was a 55 and I knew that I would not pass no matter how hard I worked because I didn’t have time to make up all the missed assignments. 

Eventually I decided that it was pointless to try so hard to pass because I had already graduated a long, long time ago. I remember talking to another woman in my same position and telling her, “I have a Master’s in School Counseling. I was just going to school because it was fun. No one even noticed my age.” I was very proud that I could pass so easily as much younger than I really am. 

The administration in the front office was very irritated with me and had called in someone higher up as well as the police when they discovered I was not who I pretended to be. This is when I decided to just leave with the woman. I said, “What are they going to do? They have my old address, my old information from when I attended in my teens. They can’t find me. There is nothing they can do.”

We went outside and flew along a road to a circular, dirt drive near an old, wooden home. It felt like my new address for some reason but it turned out I had just parked my car there. Rather than go to my car, a guy took us to this van and out of it came two Mexican men with pizzas they said we ordered. I was asked to pay and I remember using a fake card number and signing my husband’s name. lol 

The dream fades out here but I remember traveling.

Considerations

I feel this is a positive dream. It reminds me of a very recent dream where I was still in high school but telling everyone I was much older and had already graduated. In that dream I had been told, “It’s time to go now” and the message was that it was not helping me to repeat the same lesson over and over again, a lesson that the younger version of me mastered a while ago. So last night’s dream seems to be a continuation of that theme except that I decide to leave. My attitude is “screw the consequences”. I realized I was able to fool everyone into thinking I was someone I am not and so they would not be able to find the real me.

So it seems I am done pretending to be this other version of me. I am done learning lessons that I have already learned and repeating the same classes over and over again. 

Discussion and Short OBE

I recall having numerous discussions while in the in-between. Much of it was about the Kundalini, which has been more active than usual. It was explained to me that when it rose this next time to be ready for a major clearing to occur. It felt like a warning but at the same time I was not concerned. I remember worrying I would have major panic but felt it would not be an issue this time around.

In one very vivid memory, I was conversing with three individuals dressed in white. It reminded me of the environment from the movie The Island and there is probably some symbolism to be had in that, too. A woman and I were discussing my current issues with my marriage. She began to tell me about her own situation. She explained how she had a strong connection with a man and so left her husband immediately because there was no comparison. As she explained the amazing connection she had with the new man, I saw him standing behind her. He had a big, puffy, blonde beard. Next to him I saw her husband who also had a beard, only it was red. The husband went up to the other man who was about a foot taller than him. He then kissed the man passionately and they kissed for a while. The woman said to me, “Look what I have to deal with.” LOL

After this interesting conversation I put my attention on how I was feeling. I knew I was OOB but I was floating just over the top of my sleeping body. The energy was so wonderful and I played with it, spinning around and willing myself to expand and contract. Eventually, though, I decided I would just exit my body and see what I could find or explore.

The first attempt didn’t last. I had trouble disconnecting and felt too heavy so I immediately just let myself fall back into the amazing energy. I almost fell asleep but then decided to try exiting again. This time I was successful and flew out of my bedroom. I could still feel the heavy energy. It was not lifting even as I flew up into the air. I opened my eyes as I jumped/flew down the stairs. I could see my dog at the bottom looking up at me. The entire house was golden in color and very bright. As I flew down I could feel the sensation that comes with falling, as if my stomach jumped into my throat. It was a thrill and I was joyous as I reached the bottom but within seconds I could feel that feeling as if someone says, “NO” and I was sucked back to my body.
I didn’t feel myself transition, though. Instead I floated there in the brilliant energy again. This time, talking to the woman who I had been talking to before, I told the woman, “I will stay right here, then.” As I told her this I created a long board and began to apply glue to it. I was showing her that I would glue myself to that spot and stay put. LOL

I lingered in the in-between for a while, soaking up the healing energy. This is how I started my day and I am so grateful for it.

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Dream: Erupting Volcano and Lightning Tower

As the “great conjunction” approaches my need for sleep has increased but my ability to fall asleep has decreased. I suspect all the holiday activities are to blame. My company held its annual Christmas party yesterday and so I spent several hours around a large group. While there I could sense them all – their gratitude, their struggles, their worries, their hope – and felt a comradery I’ve not felt before. Most of our employees I know only in name and feelings their individual energies was revealing in more than one way. But the more people I am around, the more wired I tend to be afterward. Sometimes it can take hours for me wind down.

Despite my lack of sleep I am having higher instances of Kundalini activity and my dream recall is also increasing.

I can’t help but wonder if the great conjunction of Saturn and Jupiter is contributing to all this new activity. Years ago, after several OBEs, I woke with memory of the movie The Dark Crystal. Here is the post if you want to read about it.

The theme song of the movie was in my head along with memories of the prophecy the entire movie was based upon. I loved the movie as a child so the memories immediately took me back to that time in my life. Surprising, I recalled the prophecy word-for-word:

When single shines the triple sun,
What was sundered and undone
Shall be whole, the two made one,
By Gelfling hand, or else by none.

When I heard about the up and coming “great conjunction” I recalled the part of the movie where Aughra said, “The great conjunction is at hand!” In another part of the movies she describes what the conjunction means:

“The Great Conjunction is the end of the world…or the beginning. End, begin. All the same! Big change! Sometimes good, sometimes bad!“

I had the below dream two nights ago. You will see how this dream relates to the above conjunction message if you focus on the symbolism of the dream.

Dream: Erupting Volcano and Lightning Tower

I was in a field behind my Mom’s house with my MIL (aspect of self, the old crone, wisdom). She was asking me to follow her. I had with me a bowl of food (spiritual sustenance) and my phone (communication). I saw that sky was overcast. Huge, dark clouds were rolling in but the sun’s rays were breaking through in areas. It was beautiful so I took out my phone to take photos but the food I carried was making it difficult. I couldn’t take a picture with just one hand and stood there fumbling a while before I put down the food bowl.

My MIL was waving for me to follow so I left the beautiful sky and ran after her. She was way ahead and I had to catch up.

The terrain changed. Trees disappeared and a rugged, dessert-like landscape took its place. I found myself standing near boulders (obstacles) at the base of a steep mountain (difficult path). Above and in the distance I saw a wide, solid red column of fire in the sky. In awe, I stood looking at it, again fumbling with my phone to take a picture. I remember exclaiming, “It’s a volcano (Kundalini)!” What is odd is that the eruption was not in spurts, shooting upward. Instead the column of fire seemed to flow like a river into the sky without any interruption in flow.

I went closer to inspect the odd volcano only to discover a tower rising high into the sky. It was like the tower connected to the sky and if you climbed it you could reach God. As I looked up at the tower I could see bolts of lightning striking it (the Tower card in traditional tarot). The entire tower would light up. I saw then it was made of metal in a grid fashion like a phone tower. The metal conducted the energy and the entire tower glowed bluish-white.

I remember climbing still further. Eventually we reached our destination which resembled an abandoned resort (transition is over) in a tropical area. I could see above me the empty rooms.  Rain (strong emotion) was falling in sheets but it didn’t get me wet. I walked toward the edge of the resort. There was a road that ended in a vast ocean. I could see a small fawn (true friends, faithfulness) struggling in the water. I wanted to save it and began to reach for it, telling my MIL, “Look! It’s a baby deer!” I could see it clearly as it approached the shore but then it morphed into a baby (new beginnings) when it reached the shore. I think I held it but can’t remember. 

Interpretation

This dream feels like both a warning and a Kundalini dream. The volcano is unlike what I’ve seen in other dreams. While volcanic eruptions are common Kundalini symbols in my dreams, the volcanoes tend to send fire into the sky in spurts. Sometimes there is lightning accompanying the eruption. I have described some of my experiences with the K energy as “lightning bolts of energy”, so that is likely what the lightning symbolizes in this dream as well. I find it interesting that in this dream the volcanic eruption is sustained, flowing continuously from root (Earth) to crown (Heaven).

Image from the Osho Zen Tarot deck

The tower is symbolic of the Tower card in tarot. When this card comes up it is a warning of major changes, usually unexpected. The change destroys the old to make way for the new. It typically shakes up the world of the person and there is no avoiding it. This is where the quote from Aughra comes in. The Tower card represents big change – sometimes good, sometimes bad but always destruction of the old to make way for the new.

The abandoned resort indicates a period of transition is over. The road, or my path, ends in an ocean of emotion and there is even more emotion with the rain, but I never get wet, meaning the emotion doesn’t overwhelm me. I try to rescue the fawn from drowning, meaning I want to avoid losing what the fawn represents – true friendship and/or faithfulness in a relationship. When it morphs into a baby it indicates new beginnings.

To add to the above dream and symbolism, I woke with the song Paradise by Coldplay in my head. The specific part I heard was:

And so lying underneath those stormy skies
She’d say, “Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh, I know the sun must set to rise.”

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Karma: A Simple Explanation

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, 2020 has been a tough year. Not only has it been tumultuous on the outside (Covid, politics and other world events) but my personal Universe has been quite “bumpy”. Besides all the drama of the near-death of my sister, I’ve also been dealing with personal issues relating specifically to my marriage. Fights are not uncommon and one fight in particular brought up a subject that I want to talk about in this post: Karma.

December 7th

A typical argument ensued. My husband blew up, stormed out and then later returned, calmer, and we actually communicated for a while. The question had come up regarding why he and I are still together which led to him finally “inviting me” to share my truth (as a Self-Projected Projector this is key for me to feel heard and work my magic).

I shared with him a dream I had a while ago where I recalled a past life from around the 1400-1500s. In this dream, my husband was my fiancé. In that lifetime he was a very well-off, rich, noble born man. He was tall, well groomed, blonde and very egotistical. I was petite, beautiful but in a plain way, and from a lower status family. Our marriage was pre-arranged and I did as I was told.

In the end, I broke off our engagement (meaning I lost the support of my family), choosing instead a poorly man who was crippled and likely to die in a year. I loved this other man with all my heart, though, and gave up a life of riches and wanting for nothing to be with a someone who could give me absolutely nothing. My husband’s past self could not handle the rejection. No woman had ever rejected him! In fact, women flocked to him. He was spoiled and entitled and full of himself. His only interest in me was in the pursuit and possession of me. Had I married him he would not have stayed faithful and though I would have wanted for nothing I would not have had love or the freedom to be myself. 

After that, all I remember was that the man I married did die within a short time after I made my choice to be with him. What I recall of him is that he had to walk with a cane because his legs were malformed; twisted as if he had some kind of nerve disorder from an accident or perhaps genetics. He had a brilliant mind, though.

More questions and discussion led to an invitation to explain karma. So, I explained what karma was and how it worked. Interestingly enough the explanation flowed out of me in an unexpected way (as will happen with Self-Projected Projectors like myself). 

I saw how we as spiritual Beings view karma versus how we as humans see it. There is no “good” or “bad”. It is simply decisions and our tendencies to repeat decisions rather than learn from them when in a human body. When we return to Spirit we recall our human life much like a dream. Only parts stick out – the parts that contain high emotion or trauma mainly. Even still those things are not seen as important. They are like in our peripheral, just on the outskirts of our awareness until they build up and become hard to ignore, like pesky flies or mosquitoes that we ultimately have to put our attention on. Karma occurs when the repetitive choices become those “pesky flies”. To resolve this we must reverse the repetitive decisions so that balance returns. 

My husband brought up how we forget when we come into the body. I said that we don’t forget but that the human body/biological Being and the Spiritual Being when merged do not speak the same “language”. The genetic memories and the Spiritual memories combine and become cellular memory but it is below the surface, in the human subconscious. The challenge then is to learn how to tap into these memories via increased awareness so that we then can make difference decisions and shift the pattern in order to create balance. Then those pesky flies disappear.

In my mind I saw all of this that I explained as if a Universe were around me. It was so clear but now, as I try to recall it, the clarity is lacking and my explanation falls short. 

The important part is that my husband has been given the chance to have the life with me that was denied him in another lifetime. I am giving him that chance and also gaining a chance to experience a path I opted out of in the past (maybe several past lifetimes). My husband believes he killed me, or at least had me killed by “the butcher” (his words). I don’t remember this, so I can’t say whether it is true but he had certainty that it was what happened. I told him that what I perceived is that in that life he struggled with letting me go. He just couldn’t do it. So, in this lifetime, his must come to the point where he can do that – completely. 

Sync

I wasn’t going to post about the above conversation initially, but a post on FB changed that. I don’t usually watch posted videos but this one caught my eye. As I watched, a question about “why do we incarnate” was answered.

At the 12 minute mark you will hear what made me decide to share my karma explanation today:

Jurgen explains that you/we don’t decide to reincarnate via our Ego-Self but make that decision via the “energy field of the totality of yourself”. From that vantage point we see all our aspects, everything that we are, and we choose to reincarnate in order to “level the playing field”. I explained to my husband that we sense imbalance and seek to create balance and that is what karma is. Period. It isn’t “good” or “bad”, it is just imbalance.

What I saw in my mind and tried to communicate to my husband was like a small universe – The universe that is me – with clusters of stars of “light”. It seemed that the overly bright clusters of stars/light were what caught my attention and as a result I would “zoom in” to see why. The more focused I was on a specific area the more “karma” it contained.

December 9th – Dream and Possible Past Life Memory

In this dream I was in the gym at a weight machine I have never seen. It was cables with large “S” hooks. I was using it for upper body, chest or shoulders. There was a man there who I was talking to. The man took a cable and hooked it up and then I lifted for a bit. We were talking throughout and he wanted to take me somewhere. It felt like he was interested in me for a relationship. I think he was a teacher and we were talking about what we had that in common.

Then I was in his car driving over very uneven terrain. The road had huge rocks and ledges of rocks. It was super bumpy but he drove it like he had no concern for the roughness of it or that it would damage his car. He also drove fast. I was holding on tight as he drove towards what looked like a cliff composed of large, flat, colored rocks. He went over it with only a large bump. No crash as it seemed would happen.

The man took me into a dilapidated house that was very long and narrow inside. The kitchen was the main part I recall as well as all the family members that were crowded inside. The appliances were out dated and the sink was not hooked up. His family were very uneducated and poorly in appearance. They reminded me of people from slums. I accepted them as they were, though. They noticed I was not like them. 

The man told me that he still lived with his ex and their son. I saw her walking through the house. She was blonde but looked to be high on drugs. She looked awful. I was polite, though. The situation seemed to be that he felt obligated to help her. I also knew his job as a teacher was the only income they had.

Then the man took me to another area of the house, a living area. Inside were more family members of all ages. There was a little girl who I liked and was drawn to. The man began preparing something that looked like tortillas. I told the girl she was special to get homemade bread as most these days didn’t even know how to make it. I described my bread machine to her. She was fascinated.

The man was talking to a male family member who was lingering there. An older man. They spoke of the family assets and how they owned millions in property which they bought to house everyone in the family, young and old. They built a house for a grandparent to take care of them which turned out to be very expensive. I had no judgment at the time, just curiosity, but in considering it now I think it sad to spend so much on housing but not take care of any of it. It was also strange that all the family were so poorly and didn’t seem to care to bathe or take care of themselves.

Then I was with the man alone in a separate room. Near the back was an opening and I walked toward it. I stood at the opening which was like a wide open door and looked out at the swamp-like conditions outside. It would have been beautiful except that there was trash and litter, old cars, etc., dotting the landscape. It saddened me. Then the man turned and told me he was not interested in a long-term type relationship with me. It was odd that he would go to such effort to introduce me to his family but not want anything to do with me in that way. I didn’t get my feelings hurt, though. I got a sense that he had decided to stay with them regardless of how they brought him down. He did it out of duty. It felt that he didn’t want to complicate matters by bringing me into his mess.

I ended up going into a small office with an older man who was family to this young man –  a great uncle or something (higher more wise aspect). It was strange that the office was connected to the house I had just been in. The office was also very cluttered. Floor to ceiling books (wisdom, information) and other items, but the clutter looked organized. It felt like the man was highly intelligent.

The man was professional looking, dressed in a sweater vest, shirt and tie. He had dark hair, wore glasses and reminded me of someone I know in this life. He offered me a seat but they all had white spots on them. He commented on how no one ever wanted to sit in them. I told him I understood why. So he pulled out a different chair that was hidden in the corner. The chair was covered in brown, furry fabric and swiveled. I sat in it. I knew he was a counselor and I was there for a session but I don’t recall ever having one, at least not a normal one. What I do remember is going back into the cluttered and dilapidated house with a sponge and wiping the layers of dust off of things in an attempt to clean up. As I cleaned I said that I couldn’t understand how no one ever took the time to clean. I was shocked that anyone would live in such a state permanently. I was happy to clean and had thoughts of thoroughly cleaning the entire house. I also thought of how I could cook them meals, meals they had never tried before.

Considerations

I believe this was a past life dream.  

It felt like the family situation, generations all living together, symbolized many past lives or aspects. They lived together (all part of one) in the bayou and/or the Appalachians or deep South. So perhaps many lifetimes occurred in the same area? Or it could be a direct link to this lifetime and the importance of family.

At the beginning of the dream when I was talking to the man I was in a gym attempting to lift weights. This symbolism indicates that I was talking about a “weight” I am carrying. The man is carrying it, too, because he is also lifting weights in the gym. The gym is symbolic of self-improvement, so the man and I were there discussing how to improve ourselves. This is where I get the idea that it may relate to a past life, specifically because of the “S” hooks. This takes a more literal meaning to me as the person I know in this lifetime has “S” in his name and the “hook” here is how were are connected (hooked).

What is odd is that this past life feels like it was more his than mine. That maybe he thought about inviting me to participate but then chose to take a different path?  

If this is true, that I was being shown a past life scenario, then it could be that there is an opportunity to resolve karma similar to the karma my husband and I are trying to resolve. The similarity being that both men did not get to be with me in those lives and now have the opportunity to try the path they rejected. My husband didn’t get to be with me because I refused him. Perhaps my friend didn’t get to be with me out of duty to his family and seeing the added complications being with me would create? If this is the case, I find it interesting that now the roles are reversed and I am the one with family obligations getting in the way.

Whatever the case, the dream and karma explanation came within days of each other, which is not a coincidence. I have been specifically asking for clarity on my life in general, so this kind of dreamwork is not unusual. I just wish I could make better sense of it all.

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The Kundalini: Questions

More crazy dreams. I have no clue why, for most of 2020, my dreams and recall have been so funky, but this year has been odd all around. It is like a wave of strange and mysterious poured into the Collective Consciousness and has been slowly replicating, like a virus (ha!). As each “cell” of the Collective Be-ing is overtaken by this force, the “new” replicates” and overtakes more “cells”. We are now infected with the “new” and, as each “cell” is changed, the entire system is “shocked”. Electric shock therapy comes to mind for some reason. Perhaps it has the same result as ECT, perhaps not. I think it has to do with the the individual and how ready they are to accept this change. If not ready, then what? I shudder to consider the possibilities of this.

But I digress…..my main reason for this post was to ponder my dreams and what was on my mind as I awoke.

Dream: Leaving the Movie Theater

I went to a movie (experience one is focused on) with my mom and early on decided to leave the theater. I went to a restaurant (seeking spiritual nourishment) and sat at a table with two men and a woman. What was odd is that I sat there telling them what to look for in a bad relationship. I specifically targeted one of the men who would say and do things to try and control his girlfriend. They were to be married and I was trying to help them avoid a difficult path. It was very obvious that the relationship was not a good one but no one there seemed to see that.

I left to return to the movie. I found my ticket stub and approached the ticket counter but my foot hit the low counter. I saw the ticket person was in a wheelchair (dependency on others). I apologized for kicking the counter, blaming my high heels (sexual expression). The woman took my ticket and I asked if the movie was still playing. She told me the movie playing was “Halloween” and not the one I had been watching with my mom. She motioned to the theater to her right so I went in that direction but found no entrance. So I stood and waited for my Mom to emerge, checking the time and being confused. It was during this time that my root chakra activated, buzzing extremely strongly and woke me up.

I fell back into the in-between where I had a conversation with my guidance. I remember specifically trying to manifest someone in the bed with me, imagining how it might feel to have a partner who was like me and who I could merge the physical and spiritual with. I wondered if it was possible? And if so, would I survive it? Was I even capable? I did get an answer – Yes. I fell asleep not long after.

Dream: To the Bank…um Grocery Store

Most of this dream occurred in the dark (the unknown, unseen). The first part I recall is discussing purchasing food. I was with a younger woman sitting at a computer (communication, information). She kept suggesting we visit this particular website I had never heard of, some kind of social media site. I finally asked her what age group generally visited the website. She said, “Twenty-somethings.” I said, “Well I’m 44 so that website isn’t for me.” Ultimately I ordered four items. I think it was fish or chicken, or both, but I can’t remember except that I saw a visual of meat.

Then I was talking to my son who was upset because no one noticed his new haircut (loss, defeat, lack of progress). I told him I would fix it and upon looking saw that he had a buzzcut but had long, shoulder-length hair hanging around the edges. I took scissors and trimmed it but he ended up looking like he had a bowl cut in the front. lol

Next, I was with my husband traveling in a car (life path) in the dark. I had four checks in my hands that were written to pay for the food I purchased. We arrived at the bank (resources) when it was still closed. They let us in and we waited in the lobby as the employees prepared to open. I remember browsing through essential oils and picked up one called “Pleasure”, put some on and decided to buy it. I remember sending my husband to buy the oil blend but then he left the bottle behind. I didn’t go get it since I has already put some oil on me.

When we finally paid for the food I remember noticing that three of the meats were white colored but the last was red like salmon. I was told the red meat was in fact Flamingo (maturity, security) meat. lol It was specifically for my husband.

As I was leaving the bank I came to the double glass doors where I saw a gentleman assisting an elderly woman with her grocery cart. I held the door for him as he was coming in and he looked me in the eyes and said, “Thank you.” The man walked back outside with me, though, and I said, “Oh, I didn’t know you were going out.” He smiled at me and said, “It is great to see you again.” I said, “Oh? I hardly ever come here.” He said, “Well, you come here more than she does (the woman he was helping).” The man was walking backwards as he said this so he could look me in the eyes. He was quite handsome with black hair and pale skin. His eyes were also dark and when he smiled I swear his Light chased away the darkness of the night.

Then our paths diverged but as I walked out in the parking lot looking for the car I kept running into him. I mentioned this and he would just laugh and remind me that he saw me often.

Eventually, I came to some parked cars but I couldn’t see anything. It was pitch black outside. I scooted between the front bumpers of two cars and ran into a dog (protection, guidance) on a leash (restraint). The dog jumped up on me and startled me. I looked down and saw a beautiful Golden Retriever (retrieve, gain control). It licked me and whined and I remember petting it.

At this moment a message was sent to me. It materialized in my mind. I heard a woman’s voice as I read the letter. It said that her four horses (wild, free nature, sexuality) had gotten out and she was worried because her two dogs were not with them. She said, “I know they could find their way home if the dogs were with them, but without the dogs I fear they will be lost.” I saw two beautiful Irish Setters and remember thinking, “Those are not herding dogs…” and thought they would likely kill the horses.

When I woke up a song verse was repeating in my head, but only part of it, “I hope you know, I hope you know….”

The Kundalini: Questions

After I woke, I remember talking with my guidance, asking them questions. I was thinking of all the times the K has risen. It seems that it is either while I am sleeping (this is most frequent) or it is initiated by another K-active person, masculine specifically. When I am asleep I encounter other worldly Beings – non-human entities as some call them – OR one of my guides initiates the K. Sometimes my guides and the non-human entities are one and the same.

I wanted to know, “Can I initiate the K on my own? Or do I need someone/something else to initiate it for me? Why was I told to ‘let him initiate’ when specifically in contact with K-active masculines (has only happened two times)? Is this because, as a woman, I am suppose to be passive? Will it always be that someone/something else has to initiate the K in me? Or can I do it myself?”

I was very much missing the K energy and attempted to get it to rise without success. I can get the energy to swirl and expand, but not from the root upward. When I focus, breathe and relax/surrender, the K will originate in my middle back and then expand in a circular fashion outward until it is bigger than my physical body. Then I can sit in this bliss for a while but it doesn’t go any further than that.

My experiences of being “initiated” are much different. The energy will move either from root to crown or from other areas down and up at the same time (usually my head/neck or heart). The energy is very electric and orgasmic, extremely intense and pleasurable, and when it reaches my crown I feel transported elsewhere where I become One with everything. When in this state of Oneness I sometimes sense another in my body with me, or at least that is what it feels like. It seems that there is another energy occupying the same space as me. The other energy has looked through my eyes but often it just sits there with me. I am not uncomfortable with it. Instead it feels natural, as if this other energy is part of me and always has been.

As I conversed with my guidance, the song kept going through my head, especially when I asked “Why?”

“I hope you know, I hope you know….this has nothing to do with you. It’s personal, I hope you know….”

So, maybe, my experiences with the K are unique; my own? Maybe I experience it as I do because it is what I need and how the K works for me? It is hard to know for sure without others’ experiences to compare it to.

What is interesting is that when I went online one of the first things I read was a post on FB by a K-active female friend. She described a K experience she had that was very similar to one of my own. It seemed not only to be a sync but also a response to my questioning – I am not alone nor are my experiences unlike other women’s, at least this friend’s experiences are similar.

I would like to hear from other females who are K-active. Do you find you have to be “initiated” for the K to rise? Or can you initiate it yourself while not in a dream or with a male energy around you?

The bliss episodes I experience are pleasant but the rising experiences are few and far between. I long to experience that Oneness more frequently. If I could be there all the time, I would. The erotic, pleasurable experiences are great, too, but I long to be One with All, to feel that expansiveness and everything that goes with it.

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Let Them Eat Cake

Strange dreams lately and they go all night long. Yet none of them seem significant really. It is more like I am doing “work” of some kind that I am not suppose to consciously know about. Or maybe I am visiting other lives in other dimensions parallel to this one?

Some examples:

Dream of washed out bridge and high flood waters. I only recall bits and pieces. I was with a group and we were to travel across this bridge and along this particular road. Where we are going is unknown. Information is presented to the group that a huge flood has wiped out the bridge and the flood waters are still high and turbulent. When we get to the bridge it is very dangerous to try to cross. There are no paths around and going through or over is particularly high risk. What I recall most vividly is seeing a large, concrete bridge poking out of flood waters that are a yucky, puke brown color. The water is swirling and frothing and very turbulent as it forms eddies and whirlpools around the bridge. 

Interpretation – bridges symbolize change, connecting points to make progress towards something. This bridge collapses under the pressure of flood waters which symbolizes high emotion to the point of becoming destructive. Since the bridge collapses an opportunity to progress is missed or broken.

Dream of old couple’s house. I visited a couple living in a quaint house somewhere in the country. The location reminded me of North Dakota or somewhere with vast plains and farmlands. I recall that work was being done on the home inside and out. The inside was dirty with dishes in the sink and dust. Items needed to be moved and rearranged but otherwise all was in working order. Outside I remember being told to move a very large fence beam off to the side. I placed it alongside a road. The beam was almost the length of a football field yet I was easily able to move it. I remember walking along the side of the road and seeing various pillows tossed about. I asked the old man if he wanted them and he did so I told another man to go pick them up. The other man felt like an ex-convict yet he was helping so I didn’t judge him for his past. The old woman was also there but mainly to nod her approval of the process. The last thing I recall is talking to the woman about someone I know in this life. She told me he was in a relationship with a woman who was very negative and controlling and made sure no one visited without her prior knowledge. When I asked why he was with her, I was told that this woman tended to his needs. I saw a mental picture of her rubbing his back and soothing him, much like a mother would a son. I remember telling the old lady, “He wouldn’t even let me touch him.”

Interpretation – It seems that I am exploring a part of my past from another lifetime or perhaps a potential that never materialized. The house, or lifetime, is dirty and dusty which means neglected or forgotten. The fence, which symbolizes a barrier of some kind, is taken down, allowing me access. Pillows are comfort and being they are scattered about it likely means the comfort once felt has been scattered about, too. The discussion at the end is the summary of what the house scene represents. 

Dream of being in jail and pregnant. I remember that I was sentenced to time in prison. The prison was not like normal ones with bars and such. Instead it was quite low security with rooms more like a rehabilitation center. I remember going into a room with a group of other girls/women. The room had showers and seemed to be a place I visited often. I was given a number and went to a locker that was made of metal wire and see-through. Inside were people and I seemed to shrink down and become small to go into the locker to be with them. The next thing I recall is being told I was in labor. I don’t recall feeling pregnant really or feeling any labor pains but I was upset because I wanted my mother to be there during the process. I was told she couldn’t be and I would have to do it alone. This upset me very much and I began to cry and wail in protest. 

Interpretation – Jail symbolizes feeling stuck or trapped. Showers are healing. Lockers indicate I am seeking something lost or hidden. I shrink down which means I focus in on what is inside this hidden aspect. I find others, so likely my soul family who I travel with in this lifetime. I am pregnant, which symbolizes potential rebirth. News about my mother is upsetting which likely indicates that I feel I need guidance from my HS but it is not forthcoming. I am told I must do it alone (they won’t tell me what to do) which is always hard to hear but I hear it often. 

Dream of turbulent sea. This dream seemed to also take place in jail-type environment. I was young and with a group of others my age. We were in school learning and somehow ended up inside a book we were reading. I remember watching as well as being in the scenes. There was a vast, pitch black, turbulent sea. The waves were high and tossing us about. In the water there was this large, grid-like, black structure that moved through the water like it had stealth technology. It seemed like something was being explained to me but I only recall that the end result was positive. 

Interpretation – the sea usually symbolizes calmness and inner strength but since it is black (the unknown) and turbulent (high emotion) then it indicates upheaval. The grid-like structure reminds me of the grid-like, black liquid that I felt poured upon my energy body a couple of times now. It is always over my mid-section near my sacral. My guess is this dream represents a conversation about this healing work.

HD

Upon waking this morning I was once again thinking of HD. Rather than be critical of myself for what might be weaknesses or drawbacks of my particular design, I embraced it. One thing I am usually really critical about is how much I dislike people in general and don’t want to be around them. I recognized that I do like to be around people but prefer the contact be distant such as when I go shopping or on walks. It is more personal, one-on-one interactions that I avoid. 

What is interesting is that when I woke up my friend had reacted to a comment I made in a FB message  yesterday. She waited until later to react which I find synchronistic. My friend is also a Projector like me so understands and can relate to much of my emotional response to life. This was my comment:

“I think the part that pisses me off the most about being a Projector is that we are completely Other-oriented and I really dislike other people in general and want them to all leave me alone (Generators at least). But I am a 2nd line and that goes with the territory.”

Her reaction was to laugh, which I can understand. I have even laughed about it! Yet the comment relays very accurately how I feel and have felt my entire life. 

When considering the comment and my feelings I understand that it is through my experiences as a Projector that I developed this emotional response to life and the general Generator majority. All the way through until my mid-thirties I felt a genuine desire to help whoever I could but now that desire has waned and grown almost completely non-existent. It is because of my failure to help that this occurred, or at least my consideration that I failed to help. My guides tell me otherwise. 

As early as my teens I wanted to get away from people and places with lots of people. High school was one such place and my entire high school only had about 100 students! But to me, that was way too many people because I sensed from the majority of my classmates a lack of genuineness. But the part that was really difficult to accept is that few were interested in changing that. I was lucky to have found a single friend who was open to what I had to offer but our senior year she drifted away leaving me alone. I was okay with that because I knew my friend well enough to know it was a phase and by that time I saw freedom ahead, freedom from the close-minded, sleepwalking majority (or so I thought).

When I ended up in Montana I soon realized that less populated places didn’t ease my misery. It wasn’t the number of people that was the problem, it was the quality of people. My move to Alaska proved that and then some and I hightailed it back to Texas.

Embracing the fact that people were not the issue, I tried to use my gifts to help with mixed success. I still found myself both alone and not alone at the same time. Part of me loved the alone time while another part craved a significant partner and small group of like-minded friends. It was a miserable place to be and I still experience this internal split to this day. 

And no matter how hard I tried, it seemed my “help” was not wanted. I went unheard, ignored or ostracized. The only time someone wanted to hear me was when they were getting predictions of their future. People would flock to me in that regard. “Tell me what will happen”, “Tell me what to do”, “Tell me….” to the point that their words repeated with such regularity that I began to despair. The answers I gave were always the same – “Your future is what you make it. You have free-will. You already Know, just Look.” No one wanted to hear that, though, did they? They still don’t. Sigh. 

As a 6/2, Self-Projected Projector, I can feel when my messages are accepted and when they are not. The minute, no the second, the other hears something they don’t want to hear, I might as well be on mute. My words do not hit home. They are lost in the wind. 

Most of the time, the Other wants to babble on about things that really don’t matter, things they have been conditioned to talk about, things they feel have been done to them (victim mentality), plans they have, material things they want, or complaints and excuses. This list goes on. They don’t realize I can see into them, to their core, and I know when they are using words/communication to fill that uncomfortable space. I know the truth behind the words. I sense the insecurity underneath. The desire to be accepted. Their hesitancy to speak their truth and the reasons behind it. And the more I sit and listen to this babbling, the more uncomfortable I get. Their energy is actually painful after a while. I feel sucked dry of my energy to the point that if I don’t get away I might pass out right then and there.

When I am around people who are talking via their Not-Self (most people) I literally can’t physically stand it for long. When I was younger I felt this, too, but I thought something was wrong with me so I made myself follow the “rules” and pleasantries only to later feel resentment (bitter). Why? They just don’t want to hear me, I mean really HEAR me, because to do that means they have to hear themselves. 

So now, nearing my mid-forties, I honestly do not like nor want to be around other people. I am certain now, though, that “most” people are the Generators of the world. I understand that the reason I am not driven to use my gifts “to help” is the result of so many failures to really get through to others. Sure, I help by telling them what I see for their future, but that is so superficial, so pointless really. If no real perception shift was created by my time with them, then, to me, I failed.

So I say, “What’s the point? Let them eat cake.” 

I only use that quote because it is what popped into my head. Yet at the same time I realize it is true, but not because I feel that I am better somehow than everyone else. No. Because “cake” symbolizes extravagance, indulgence…..everything that is materialism. Others are so distracted by the material and it is the reason they refuse to hear, to Know, to See, to confront the illusion. 

From what I’ve read about Projectors like me (6/2 Self-Projected), we are meant to be optimists, to see humanity’s possibilities despite the great many negatives inundating the world today. I don’t think that will ever be me. I try to be a realist but tend mostly towards pessimism. The difference is realists look for creative solutions while pessimists have just given up. Perhaps something will change before I die but I will not hold my breathe. Humanity as it is, in my opinion, is doomed to self-destruct. The most I can hope for is that I find at least one other like me who I can hold onto, confide in, be my true Self with, to live out the rest of my years with. 

Image source

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Waiting for the Call

Since my Kundalini dream last week, not much else has happened. The K has been quiet and dreams have been strange if recalled but mostly forgotten. I have had some interesting messages from the Universe that have come in various ways all seeming to add up to one complete message that I am not completely open to hearing. 

First, I have been less resistant the last couple of days. In general the energy seemed to be lighter and I was more go-with-the-flow than I have been in a while. Sleep was generally very good and solid and the normal day-to-day problems I tend to focus on or mull over were just not worth my time.

Then, yesterday, on my morning walk, I was thinking of our ski trip to Montana the week after Christmas and going through a mental list of things we still need. One thing I realized was a must have was Chapstick. Lips tend to get very chapped when temperatures are below freezing all the time. I remember thinking, “I need to get some Chapstick.” With that thought I put my attention on the parking lot ahead of me and my dog, Monty. That is when I saw very clearly a tube of Chapstick laying directly in my path. When I inspected it I saw it was brand new, unopened and still sealed. It was even the kind I usually get for the kids – cherry flavored! I laughed and thanked the Universe for the gift.

The rest of the day was good. We put up our Christmas tree and then me, my husband and the boys went to a nearby hiking trail for an evening hike with the dog. The Fall colors were beautiful in the light of the setting sun! The air was brisk but not too cold and there weren’t too many people out and about. I took some great photos. I somehow caught a perfect image of my own shadow in one picture, which felt significant to me. It is as if my HS is saying, “Here I AM. Pay attention. Listen.” 

Toward the end, as I walked ahead of everyone, I heard two owls (wisdom, inner guidance) hooting to each other. I couldn’t find them in the trees but they were very chatty. 

As we drove home we came across a small group of deer (guidance, resilience, change) running through a parking lot (lack of movement in life). 

My husband and boys decided to go to a movie after we got home. I snuggled up in bed with my cup of tea and zoned out watching two episodes of The 100 before doing my nightly meditation. This is when all the messages I pushed away purposefully from the day came back in spurts. It felt like my guidance was tapping on my shoulder very gently asking me to please pay attention. Some of the messages that came through included: 

A thought that the things I nitpick and get irritated about in my day-to-day life are not important and that, someday, I will look back and regret how I behaved because it was not from a place of love. Memories of other times this has happened came into my mind and I remember knowing I should listen but my Not-Self came back with the thought –  it is pointless to change because I always fail when I try.

A sense that change is coming. There was a presence all around me that felt to be pressing upon me with a feeling of “get ready”. 

My mind went back to an email I received earlier that day. The title was, “Comfort zones are where dreams and goals go to die.” My thought to this was, “I like being wrapped up in my comfort zone, safe to the point of boredom. It is better than the alternative, the uncertainty and the unknown.” After this thought I thought, “I don’t even know what my dreams and goals are anymore.” Then, feeling and Knowing excuses were pointless in the face of my guidance/HS, I asked, “Fine. What should I change?” I knew it was almost everything. 

Then the song returned that had come to me before as a message – “It’s time to be a big girl now, and big girls don’t cry.” 

The messages were received but I purposefully pushed them out of my mind. In doing this I was asked why I might not want to hear. I knew there was more than one reason. First, I struggle to grab onto any hope that there might be something ahead to look forward to. If I hope and things don’t turn out how I hope they will, I feel sorely disappointed. Then there was the fear of stepping into the unknown. Always fear of the unknown.

Dreams

I had several interesting dreams. Sadly, only fragments remain. 

In one more vivid dream, I was flying over a vast, crystal clear lake. Alongside me was a drone. I could hear the buzzing of its little motor. The drone spoke to me, asking me to follow it. Below, a small boat came into view and I knew the operator of the drone was on that boat. I could see a man fishing from the boat. I was told to go to a large rock so I did. I landed on top and looked around. The lake seemed to stretch for miles all around, its water a vivid, aqua blue. I could see everything that was under the clear water. There were fish of all kinds. Many looked tropical while still others looked like fish from a coral reef. The water was very deep yet I could see the rocks of the bottom as if they were just a couple of feet below. Then I heard someone call to me. I turned to look and saw three young men on the mainland. They wanted to come to my tiny rock island. I told them to be careful because the distance between my island and the mainland was far. I saw one young man jump and feared he would fall but he landed with ease next to me. I am pretty sure he floated across. When he landed I saw he was a good two feet taller than me. He asked me about the fishing and I told him about how the fish seemed like those from an aquarium and a coral reef. I didn’t think they would be good to catch and eat.

In another dream I was in a house with a small group. One was a medium and there was discussion about my gifts as a medium. I remember telling those in the group that I was not very good at what I did, at least not good enough to make a living doing it. I gave many reasons why I could not and would not try again. Throughout this I watched this man who was a trance medium. He had with him an older woman with red hair. There was much talk about this man was at what he did. I watched him do his work and saw how good he was. I felt completely unable to be anything like him. I was told my way was not his way, my gifts were not his. I remember receiving encouragement and support but I would not believe. My self-doubt was strong. At some point I remember a male voice very clearly say to me, “Don’t be afraid.” As I heard this a very strong energy came in and filled my entire head and began to migrate down. I could feel and hear the vibration of this energy. It was very familiar and though I was not afraid, I did startle awake instantly. 

Considerations

I am not sure why I didn’t realize I was OOB in the first dream. It was obvious to me when I awoke, though. The dream imagery was very vivid as was the feeling of my astral body and the clarity of my perception. It felt to me like I had entered an astral landscape. It was a place where flying was normal yet I did not realize this fully. The clear lake is symbolic of my inner world being cleared to make ready for making change in my waking reality. The fish represent choice and fishing represents making that choice. I “fish” for the next opportunity but am hesitant to make that choice. I am on an island which symbolizes feeling isolated, alone and trapped. The fact that the distance between the mainland and island appears far but really isn’t symbolizes that things are not as they seem. 

My sense of the second dream is that it represents a conversation between myself and my Team of guides. Recently I was asked if I would consider returning to previous “work”, work of a spiritual nature. The idea of trance mediumship came up as an option and I told my guidance I was not opposed to it because I feel I am capable, especially after experiencing several unintended instances of it. So the second dream appears to be a continuation of this conversation and the energy I felt toward the end was likely a practice attempt but I awoke and interrupted it. 

When combined, the messages and dreams indicate preparation for something up and coming, a change of some kind. The way I responded indicates my preparedness. While a part of me is ready, another is unwilling to take risks, afraid of and pessimistic about the future. As I contemplate all of this, I feel I am ready for change but don’t want to go it alone. The lack of support and direction is what holds me back. I just don’t have a solid Knowing or Call in any one direction. I am just waiting for the Call.

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Kundalini Dream: Old Man

It has been a very long time since the Kundalini has visited me and it seems that other spiritual experiences are few and far between these days, also. However, I suspect this may be soon to change as we near the end of 2020. I hope I am right!

Last night, as I lay in bed doing my nightly breathing meditation (33 breaths with hands held in prayer position), my guidance was close. I was asking if I would ever feel what I have felt in the past – the heart connection and the Kundalini rising in conjunction with the connection with another; Union. I was feeling pessimistic but also there was a part of me that was accepting and Knowing. My guidance reassured me that I should not lose hope and keep on believing. I started to doubt it was my guidance telling me this when I began to feel energy building in my spine just beneath my rib cage. It was in the form of a ball and swirled warmly as it grew in diameter. The more I fell into the bliss of it and tuned into my guidance and Knowing, the more the energy expanded and filled me. It was subtly beautiful, warm and comforting. I usually call it an energy hug or blanket because of how safe and loved it makes me feel. 

I began to wonder about some things as I drifted to sleep. One of the thoughts I had was about Human Design and the undefined root chakra. When the root is undefined it makes a person feel pressure to get things done. They try tirelessly to relieve the pressure only to have another pressure take its place. It makes rush to get things done. It makes them feel frantic because nothing alleviates the pressure. I know the feeling well as I have had it my whole life. Yet now when I feel it I remind myself that I don’t have to hurry and that whatever it is can wait or not be done at all and the pressure disappears. I have somehow managed to allow and flow with the energy of the root. I recall observing my Mom rushing about all her life. She has an undefined root. I have also seen my husband do this (all the time) but I don’t have his chart so I can only speculate. My guess is my sister, who is always late, has a defined root, and my daughter, too, because they tend to procrastinate. 

I also thought of what it might be like when two people merge here in the physical. These were my last thoughts before I drifted into sleep.

Kundalini Dream – Old Man

I woke at around 3am with a half stopped up nose that made my other nostril hurt. I had to stay standing a while to clear the half that was clogged and then managed to fall back to sleep. The last things I was thinking about were my marriage. 

The dream sequence is broken, leaving me unsure of what happened first and last, so I am guessing as to how it proceeded. The most prominent part of the dream is that I was with small a group of people outside. The area was unfamiliar. I could see a plain of tall, dry grass (discomfort and loneliness) and a large river (the flow of life). Yet at other times I swear I was in my Mom’s house a place I spent half of my childhood years. 

At my Mom’s house there was an older man with white hair and a prominent pot belly. He handed me a paper with a job description on it. I read the job description which included a list of foods to be purchased. For some reason I became upset at the prospect of a job that was beneath me and paid so little. I told a person who was there with us that I wasn’t going to take a job that paid so little and was a service-oriented job similar to a maid or live-in housekeeper and cook. I remember saying that I deserved to be paid at least $20/hour, actually more and I was adamant about it. 

Then I was standing outside near the river. A house was nearby but it was old. I could see into it because the beams were exposed with some leaning in and others already fallen. Someone pointed up so I looked and I saw what appeared to be a tiny space craft. Someone said, “Oh look. It’s our drone.” I realized it was a drone (learning through observing) and watched it circle around as if spying on us. 

For some reason I was asked a series of questions about the old man. I don’t remember them all but do recall saying that I liked his energy and felt drawn to him.

Then I was standing right next to him, my left side touching his right, looking into the depths of the dilapidated house. I remember looking over at the old man and being acutely aware of how our energies mingled. Down in the basement (subconscious, unknown) I could see wooden pillars on cement blocks. The space was almost entirely opened up in the back where I could clearly see the river. I remember commenting on the river’s proximity and knowing it was meant to be that way. Someone asked me how I felt about the old man. Would I consider him as a partner? I considered his age and his physical state – he had a large pot belly and probably in his 60’s. I took note of this but his energy was so attractive that I said I wouldn’t mind being with him.

The next thing I recall is sitting at a table. Across from me sat a young man and to his right was the old man. The young man was highly energetic and for some reason he decided to switch seats with the old man so that the old man was sitting directly across from me. 

The dream is blurry here as I seemed to switch scenes going from the table to my old bedroom. In the bedroom scene I was in bed and to my left my daughter sat at a desk typing on a computer. I also remember shifting between my bed and the other areas of my Mom’s house. I recall the old man was visiting the house and that he played music. I also remember he was quite odd and quirky and was about to leave on a trip. My husband was there and chatting with the old man. All I remember is that I watched the old man closely, recognizing his energy and wanting to be close to him. In the bedroom scene my daughter stole my computer’s hard drive and battery so that when I tried to use it the keyboard was missing.

Back in the main part of the house, the old man was preparing to leave. He mentioned something about Kentucky and traveling. I briefly saw a map, one I’ve seen before from a dream where I visited Georgia. I remember my daughter was there and said something about a baby (new life, new beginnings, hope) and the time frame of a week. The old man said it would take more than a week and I heard the date of the 25th which made me think of Christmas.

I don’t remember how but the next thing I recall is the old man standing behind me and I began to gain lucidity. His mere presence sparked the K and it began to rise up in an intoxicating way. The higher it went the more lucid I became until it suddenly stopped mid-way, around my solar plexus. It lingered there, filling me up and expanding. I remember that at some point the man and I embraced and I could feel his large abdomen pressing against me. Eventually I woke up but the energy lingered for a while and I lay there breathless wanting badly to return to sleep so that it could continue to rise. 

Music Message

As I drifted in and out of the in-between a song was going through my head – Coldplay X&Y. The specific part was, “You are me are floating on a tidal wave together…you and me are drifting into outer space.” 

I kept feeling energy in my head, specifically near the crown and third-eye. It was light, not heavy. The energy was inviting, asking me to surrender to it, but I couldn’t get my mind to stop. I wanted to remember the dream experience. I wanted to relish the lingering bliss. I knew that my resistance was keeping me from something. It was as if my guidance wanted to show me more and was beckoning to me. 

The entire time the Coldplay song is still going through my head. Pieces of it repeat – “I know something is broken and I’m trying to fix it, trying to repair it anyway I can….”

I know I fell back to sleep and had more dreams but they are blurry and I think they blended with my dream memory. I believe this is when the split scene of me in bed and then in my Mom’s house occurred but I can’t be certain. There was no memory to my computer in this scene and I was trying to write down my dream account. lol

When I woke I had a thought about the pillars in the basement and the scene where I was sitting across from the old man. These reminded me of a previous Kundalini dream from September this year where I was shown an image of pillars falling in on one another. Perhaps the meaning of the fallen pillars in the basement is an indication that I am in the midst of the chaos depicted in that dream? A chaos that was in fact an organized destruction. All of it leading up to the inner Union of masculine and feminine.

I am hoping that the dream message about the 1 week and the 25th has to do with something up and coming related to the Kundalini. I so miss these Kundalini experiences and would love to have them more often.

Post Image – Missouri River, Montana

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More on my Human Design Research

I continue to read the book, The Definitive Book of Human Design, as well as do online research into HD. The following are some of the thoughts I’ve jotted down over the last week.

Uranus Opposition

I have been thinking of how I am currently experiencing my Uranus Opposition and what I read in HD about what that meant. It is a turning point taking a person from a focus on their South Node to a focus to their North Node. The North node is my purpose and focus for this lifetime. It is where I “shine”. The North Node is challenging but fulfilling. I believe mine is in the 9th House and in Scorpio. The South Node is about the past and what is comfortable and secure. I think mine is in my 3rd House in Taurus. 

In thinking of my North Node and what I was told in a recent astrological reading, I recalled my North Node indicated I would be most fulfilled working in the spiritual, traveling and/or meeting new people, transcending the material, diving deep and the transpersonal. It is clear to me that my South Node has been my focus for a while – my family, my safe place, karmic contracts, retreat. I was reminded of spiritual experiences I have documented in my blog, experiences that helped me Remember my purpose/mission here. I acknowledged that I did indeed Know my path.

I have also noticed that those things related to my South Node seem to be fading from my focus more and more. I have always been drawn back to my family land and my mother – my “safe space”. Lately, however, I am not feeling a draw to that at all. Instead I feel like walking away from it forever. Leaving it in the past where it belongs. It isn’t that I don’t love my mother or my family roots/land but that I no longer feel the weight of it, or its pull, upon me. I feel freed from obligation and responsibility, like I am finally letting go of my past and everything that had been weighing me down. 

I have never been one to hang onto material possessions. My past homes, land, and possessions were easily let go of as I moved on. Usually I sell most everything when I move. My thought is, “I can always buy another.” I am definitely not sentimental! I don’t attach to the things I buy. Cars are just cars. Homes are just homes. The memories are always with me. I don’t need things in order to Remember. Yet I obviously was holding onto what my family land and home represented – safety/security. My Mom represents that as well. She kept me safe as a child, so why wouldn’t I feel safe with her near? But with my recognition of this and now letting go of it, I can see the glue that held it all together. I am now recognizing that I am safe/secure no matter what. I don’t need a place or a person to feel that way. 

There was an analogy in the HD book I am reading about the Not-Self. The Not-Self is suppose to be the passenger in the car while the HS is the driver. The Not-Self is linked to the mind and the mental. In the 7-centered Being the Not-Self was the driver but now that we are 9-centered it has not realized that it cannot drive this vehicle; it isn’t capable. It must surrender to the HS and sit in the back seat and just enjoy the ride. 

I thought about how I have surrendered many times but it seems that every time I end up trying to drive the car. In thinking of this I laughed because I am reminded of being a child going on a family road trip sitting in the back seat asking, “Are we there yet?” Children are content to sit in the back enjoying to ride for a while, but the boredom sets in when the drive just goes and goes with the same scenery passing by. I can relate to this boredom. It is how I feel right now. I keep asking, “Are we there yet?” in hopes that I will get to go Home soon. My HS answers, giving me a time period for when the next interesting thing will come along, but it seems like “forever” to me. 

Projectors Need Support

Recently, in the in-between, I heard, “Time to be supported.” 

This reminded me of something I heard on a FB video post by a HD analyst. He said that Projectors need lots of support because they do not create their own energy and so often lack the motivation to continue on a path. Many find themselves struggling to finish college and stay financially stable unless they can find a benefactor, usually a Generator, to support them either financially or otherwise. I find this benefactor idea applicable to my situation. I had Generators all around me, pushing me to finish college when I no wasn’t motivated to do so. I had Generators pushing me to stick it out at work, too. I have also sought out support when I wanted to do something. If I couldn’t find that support I usually didn’t persevere. I find it very difficult to succeed in business-type ventures without a partner. I am aware that I need support. I have always been aware of this. 

My Family and HD

HD feels to explain so much. It fills in the gaps and allows me to better understand all of the information my guidance has provided throughout my lifetime.

I have been researching the charts of family members who have had the most influence over me. All are Generators or Manifesting Generators. Four so far are 2/4’s! My Mom, brother and both of my sons are 2/4’s. Since I am a 6/2, we share the 2 line (Hermit). 2 lines are fiercely honest. We call people out who are inauthentic. We have a strong inner Knowing. Trust is very important to us. Break our trust and it is very difficult to regain it. We are here to be blunt and need lots of alone time. The wisdom of a 2nd line is to recognize that letting someone else in makes life more beautiful and fulfilling. We need to let others in to see outside our little bubbles. We tend to carry with us memory of our origins so have a deep sense of Homesickness. 

My Mom, who has been the most influential in my life, has a chart that really compliments my own. It explains why we get along so well and are so connected. Not only does she have the same variable as me (mentioned in another blog post), but her undefined centers and defined centers compliment mine. I am almost all undefined or open. She is almost all defined. 

My definition is the same as both my sons. I am single-definition. 40-45% of the population is single-definition. This means I do not go around feeling like I need someone else to “complete” me. I am independent and okay being on my own. Energy flows naturally through us. We don’t need relationships and are just fine on our own. In romantic relationships I seek out only the very best partners (super picky). Just anyone wouldn’t do because why would I be with someone who isn’t the best when I am just fine on my own? And in relationships if the other restricts my freedom in any way I am happy to say “Bye!” and won’t look back. I choose to be with who I am with. The lesson of a single-definition is to accept that we do actually need others. 

My Mom and younger sister are triple-definition. I haven’t researched this yet but I have researched split-definition. My older sister is split-definition. The split-definition person feels they are missing their other half and is always seeking out someone to complete them. They can become highly co-dependent. When alone with their thoughts they are often “split” inside. One half says one thing, the other half questions it or says another thing. They never have a true sense of clarity because of this. My daughter is split-definition and I asked her if this describes her. She agreed that it did. 

The most revealing part of HD so far to me is how the undefined centers of our aura seek out others who have those centers defined. When we find them and they “click” perfectly in place like a puzzle piece, then we feel it. The more “clicks” the more they may impact us. This can explain soul connections and other similar connections. It can also explain why some people repel us.

My Defined Centers

I only have two defined centers – Throat and G-Center. I am grateful for this because of all the defined centers to have, the one that really counts (IMO) is the G Center.

G Center – Love, Identity and Direction. The Seat of the Higher Self (Magnetic Monopole). 57% of the population has a defined G Center. Note: The G Center is located in the center of the chest where we traditionally think the heart chakra is located. The Heart Center in HD is not in the center of the chest, but is associated with willpower (self-esteem), Ego and the material world.

Those with a defined G-Center have a consistent experience of Love and a fixed and reliable self-identity. They Know who they are! They are secure in their love for themselves and can love others without becoming dependent on them (yes!!!). They have a sense of their own correct mission and direction in life and naturally can point out new direction and love for others.

The downside – “Although their G Center is defined, succumbing to expectations imposed on them or conditioned by others, while rejecting their own direction and thereby denying themselves love, can lead them to experience such a sense of loss in their life that they give up on themselves altogether” (The Definitive Book of Human Design, p. 101). I, personally, can relate to this as I feel this IS and has happened to me. 😦

Throat Center – Communication and Manifestation, Metamorphosis and Transformation through interaction with the world. 72% of the population has a defined Throat Center.

The Throat Center transmutes and directs how information from all parts of the BodyGraph manifests in the world. “If the Throat is connected to the G Center, one speaks from personal identity and direction, from the higher self” (p. 55). If someone has a defined Throat connected to a defined motor (root, sacral, heart, solar plexus) they can always manifest but it doesn’t mean they always should. A Throat connected to a motor can create impulsiveness, talking too much or not enough, and the giving away of energy to every impulse. I, by the way, do not have this issue (I have no defined motor) but I still tend to talk too much at times. This is likely borrowed/conditioned from one of my many Generator family members who do this. lol

Driver/Passenger

Shifting Gears……the below dream supports the driver/passenger analogy as written in the book I am reading.

From page 21:

“In a human being, the Personality Crystal of Consciousness…..sits above your head…in the Head Center at the top of the BodyGraph. This Personality Crystal manifests what you identify with as your Self, of who you think you are, and is called the passenger or passenger consciousness. The Design Crystal of Consciousness…..is seated in the Anja Center….and manifests the biogenetics of your body, or the physicality of the form. It is referred to as the vehicle or form consciousness. The relationship between these two crystals is likened to a backseat passenger (Personality) who rides in a vehicle (Design) operated by a third party – the driver.”

As mentioned already, the driver is located in the G Center. It has two functions – 1. It holds everything together (the Personality Crystal and Design Crystal) in the illusion of separateness and 2. It connects us to our movement in time through space and guides us along our path (destiny) in life.

What I find fascinating is that from the beginning of my spiritual awakening the analogy of the car, driver and passenger has been numerous. I can’t count how many dreams and OBEs I’ve had using this analogy!

Dream: I Do It All

In this dream I was with a girlfriend. We went to the entrance of a large theater-like place. There was a line out one side and a booth with a man selling tickets. My friend turned around and went up to the booth, cutting in line but since the line was so far from the booth the ticket master didn’t notice. He gave her a ticket. I asked my friend what she was doing and she said, “Voting”, so I figured everyone was in line to vote. The place did not feel like a place to vote, though. 

I walked in front of the ticket booth also cutting in line. I looked at the person in line apologetically as the ticket master walked up to me. He was a very odd guy, though. He didn’t look like he belonged there. He was telling me how he did all sorts of things besides giving out tickets. I saw mental projections in a screen in my mind as he told me. I saw an image of him with drugs and my reaction was surprise. Then, out of the blue, he hugged me close to him. When he did this he said, “Don’t you know? I do it all.” With his words and hug came a swirl of images and memories. I knew all the memories and people in them and in that instant an energy came into and filled up the area at my solar plexus. It was like the ticket master and I became one. His energy swirled within me, expanding outward until it went past my body. The energy brought with it Knowing. I Remembered and responded to the man but I can’t recall my specific words. The Knowing was that all men, all experience, were One and I was One with them. We are all One.

Planning

As I woke the energy continued to swirl. It was a pleasant feeling, though not blissful, just pleasant, like I was feeling a part of myself long forgotten, a part connected and Knowing and without expectation. 

The man in the dream continued to speak to me for a while after. I shifted in and out of the in-between so some of what was said is lost now. It remains mostly as a Knowing. I do remember that he reminded me, “You are here to experience what you are Not.” With this came an understanding that my life at present is part of that experience of who I am Not. I Remembered Knowing this. How could I forget it? I remember asking if my entire life was going to be like this? It felt that once I had experienced enough of who I am Not, then I can settle into being who I AM. 

There was comfort in knowing my life at present is part of this “experiment” and not something “wrong”. I didn’t go off course. There is no reason to resist it or fight it. With this understanding I asked the man, “Please help me surrender. I am tired.” The exchange here was pure telepathy. Words can’t describe it but the summary of it, if I had to give it words, is that he is the Driver and I am the Passenger but We are a Team. As the Driver he would always take me to places I desired to go but he alone decides the route because only he has access to the map. 

There is memory of discussing where we are headed. I remember seeing a tiny, black box. In it was being stuffed something much bigger than the box, yet it still fit perfectly. There were other black boxes of various sizes all around, but the smaller one was the focus. The discussion during this visual was hidden behind it but I remember part of it was me describing what I would like to do next. I think I said the word, “Witch” but it was mixed with other words, all describing a spiritual path. The man asked me if I was certain as he stuffed the black box. This is when I became aware of the the discussion and knew he and I were planning together how I/We would make the transition away from experimentation/observation. 

In another vision from the in-between there is vivid memory of opening up a refrigerator door. It was a tiny fridge sitting on the floor. Inside it was empty but I could see clearly the icy interior. The man asked me, “What are you looking for in there?” This brought me out of my reverie and as the visual faded I wondered about what I thought I had put inside it. The only answer I received was that somehow the fridge represented a feeling. Security. Safety. Seeing the fridge was empty reminded me that there was no need to use it to preserve these things. They were already and always would be, mine, and no one could take them from me.

by

Irruption Imminent

Strange title for my post, but it will make sense soon enough. When I wrote the title I was thinking, “Eruption”, like a volcano, but an altogether different word resulted. A word I had to look up because I needed to know WHY I wrote it.

Definition – a breaking or bursting in; a violent incursion or invasion.

Well, isn’t that significant in and of itself? Think about it.

High Emotion

For me, personally, it is an emotionally intense time right now. I have been experiencing high emotion for a while (all of 2020 actually) but now the emotion appears to be pointing me toward taking action in my life. At first it was saying, “Here. Look at this.” It didn’t ask me to do anything. It just asked me to observe. Now it appears to be saying, “Now that you have observed, what are you going to do about it?”

I have already written a bit about the emotion I am experiencing. My family life has been the main source ALL YEAR. It is no joke now, though, as the issues are on my front door step and knocking. There is no ignoring that! It is one thing to have a sister near death because of a hidden Meth addiction and another to discover your own husband has revealed a secret just as destructive!

BTW my sister is healed and well except that there is evidence that she is using again. But we all kinda knew that would happen.

Then there is this damned election. I have my views and have shared some of my frustration. As a 6/2, Self-Projected Projector, I see and Know so much of the bigger picture, but if I don’t wait to be invited to share my wisdom then what I say either goes unheard or is met with much worse. I become an easy target when I share without being invited and after a lifetime of being shunned, attacked, and made invisible because I did not follow my authority and wait, I am not going to even attempt to say anymore about where this is all headed. I think the premonitions and insight I have already revealed tell the story well enough – well to those who wanted to hear anyway.

Then there are incidents like this:

Dream: Paralyzed Girl

I am in a house with two very strong-willed woman. There is a knock on the door. When the door is opened there is a small child laying on a cot at the door. She is tied to the cot and uses her tiny arms to wheel herself around. She has sores on her body and is very thin and malnourished. Her legs are shriveled and deformed. The girl asked the women if they would take a moment to talk with her about God. The women laugh hysterically at the girl, mock her and slam the door in her face. 

I feel for the girl and so open the door. I lean down and talk with her, asking her if she needs help getting home. The girl, who is struggling with her wheeled cot, is grateful and lets me assist her over some difficult terrain. 

When I get her over the rocky soil I see she has a much more difficult road ahead. The path goes through a canyon that is riddled with more jagged rocks, a stream and more treacherous terrain. I pick the girl and her cot up and carry her home.

When we get to the end of the canyon there is a large door. I know it is the place she calls home but that it is a convent full of nuns who do not treat her well. Yet it is the only place she knows to be home and it is her safe place. I trigger a latch that swings open a small gate to access the door. The girl then points back to the path and says, “My cot!” Realizing we dropped it along the way I go back to retrieve it but I walk along the ridge. Looking down I see the girl swimming through the stream like a fish. She finds her cot and then cannot move using the cot as the wheels catch on the rocks.

I go down to help and she is grateful. She seems to have more strength and is a bit older. Yet she is still pale and malnourished. When I see her I ask her, “Can I?….” My intent is to give her healing. Maybe if I give her some of my energy it will help her? When I hug her close to me, she is so tiny in my arms. I feel her energy and take it into my own, willing my energy to fill her with strength. When I do this I am overwhelmed with grief at the unfairness of it all. My heart aches. The energy of the girl feels to become the energy of all who have ever been in her shoes. It is too much for me to bear. I begin to sob and wake up. 

When I wake up the tears continue and my heart aches, literally. There is an energetic heat in my chest. It is familiar. I have felt to take on all of humanity’s past hurt before. I think it was the Fall of 2016 when I has incidences similar to this. One was with Native Americans and the other with Autistic children. This time it seemed to be unwanted, neglected children.

I had to sit up and walk around a bit because the grief was so intense. Thankfully, it subsided quickly. These incidents always leave me feeling so small and insignificant. I want to help but feel unable to. There is nothing worse than having a purpose “to help” but not being able to help in the capacity that is needed.

After a short while the emotion returned and I grieved some more. The grief felt to have no specific origin. It just poured out of me. I sat up in bed and allowed the purge to run its course. 

And then like this:

Dream: Lacing Sandals 

I somehow drifted back to sleep. I was in my mom’s garage. She was asking me to go to the store for her and pick up some groceries (spiritual nourishment). She handed me a list. As I got into her car a man was there. He was very tall. He got into the back seat, his legs taking up the entire space. I said, “Are you going?” He just looked at me. Taking this as a “yes”, I left. I said something about driving in the dark and how it would be okay.

When we arrived at the store I went about my shopping and the man went off on his own. I encountered some people while shopping. Most were men who would watch me and sometimes follow me and touch me. I remember one man grabbed my wrist suddenly as if to pull me toward him in a sexual way. I said something to him warning him to not touch me and he let go. It felt like all the men in the store were after me for sex and I began to feel uneasy.

Then I am with an older gentleman sitting in seats as if watching a show but there is no screen or TV. He is asking me questions and I am holding the soles of two sandals (my foundations). I pick up tubing and begin to lace the left sandal. I have extra tubing that I cut off and then tie a knot to finish the sandal. I hold it up and admire my work. Then I pick up the right shoe and begin to lace it as well.

The man is asking me what I think of a dating a man who plays football. I remember replying to him, “I don’t know. I have never dated a man who liked football. I guess it wouldn’t matter, though.” I notice that the tubing I am using to lace the left sandal is becoming very thin, almost to the point where it could break. I continue to lace it, though, and tie it in a knot like the other shoe. As I am lacing and talking an energy is moving through me and my second chakra becomes highly active. I remember thinking in the moment the energy began to rise that I wouldn’t mind a male partner to have sex with. lol 

The tubing of the right shoe I am holding begins to interest me as the energy circulates. I recognize that the dream is covering a deeper, subconscious interaction. I am receiving an energetic adjustment of some kind. The adjustment is to the right portion of the pranic flow (Pingala). 

Question: Should I Burn the Bridge?

And finally, there is the feeling of just being FED UP! I am in that space where everything that I have ever disagreed with or felt to be bullied into needs to GO! All the things my husband bullied me into, guilted me into, manipulated me into, etc., I am questioning now. I wake up with it on my mind. This morning I woke thinking about what I told myself in a dream the other night, “Start something meaningful and sustainable.” I keep thinking, “What does that look like for me? What is it?” I have no idea. 

I’m not angry. No. It is a different feeling. Shocked is a better word I think. I was shocked to learn my sister was a Meth addict, but this shock is at myself and something I have allowed into my life that is directly opposed to my core Being! WTF!? And now I am so enmeshed in it that to untangle myself could in itself be traumatic.

The feeling has me wanting to make decisions that could lead to the burning of one or more bridges. My main struggle is that making a decision to burn a bridge is so final. I need to make sure I am doing it for the right reasons. I need to make sure I understand the consequences.

My spontaneity might win out, though.

A good example of how I feel……

I have a pattern in my life I fought for a long while, until I stopped. I use to job hop. I would stay in a job until I got bored, usually 6 months to a year – and then quit. I would quit because I would get this feeling like an itch almost. It said, “Get out. Get out. Get out.” If I ignored it, I would end up feeling penned in, trapped, and resentful.

This pattern of job hopping was fine when I was single but when I got married and had children it became stressful because of all the responsibilities I had as a provider. So I decided to stick out a job that I wanted to leave. I did it for 10 years! I was elated that I could do it at first. But then it became very, very obvious why I felt the way I did. Slowly it revealed itself. The job was toxic. The people were toxic. I couldn’t sleep. I was depressed. Miserable. Every cell of my Being was screaming to get out.

So, I finally did, and then, lol, the next job I was at only 5 months and the next only 1 year. But guess what? Neither ever became toxic.

I know now that job-hopping was a result of following my authority. The only reason I stayed at that toxic place is because all the people I knew (Generators) were staying in jobs for years and years. Happy. Satisfied. My husband encouraged me to stay. So did my Mom (both Manifesting Generators). I thought, “Something must be wrong with me.”

No, nothing was or is wrong with me.

So that itch is back but it feels to be everywhere now. My job feels itchy. My marriage feels itchy. Some of my family feels itchy (not my children).

The show Stranger Things comes to mind and that big, black, monster – Mind Flayer/Shadow Monster – with tendrils likes snakes eating up the Light in its attempt to turn everything Upside Down.

Upside Down. That is what my life feels like. Question is, do I act on this itch or do I wait until I can act without creating a scene of mass destruction….or is mass destruction even avoidable?

by

Question Answered and a Return to the Clarion Call

Lots of high, chaotic energy, strange dreams and syncs lately.

On my drive into work yesterday I got a strange feeling in my crown/head area. I worried I would pass out because my vision shifted a bit and I saw blotches of dark spots. As it was clearing, a thought occurred to me that it was spiritual and not something to worry about. What I was experiencing likely went along with other incidents, incidents which lined up in my memory, flashing in sequence. The minute I understood this I was stopped at a light. In front of me a license plate read, “111X19”.

Maybe 10 minutes later my husband told me something and included the current time, “1:11”. 

The memories that came to me in that short, odd experience while driving, were recent. It was a day, maybe two days, before the election. I was researching Human Design (HD) while feeling very upset and overwhelmed with my life, current troubles and problems and just in general. Though I didn’t save the article I was reading, I recall that while reading it certain words and sentences would trigger emotion and realizations. I also ended up being inundated with flashes of memories in my head, while knowing these memories were showing me the answers, providing what I somehow missed. But in the moment the memories and emotion and realizations were so much that I grabbed my head, bent over, closed my eyes and began to sob as I yelled out loud to my guides, “Stop it! Get out of my head!” 

What I experienced is unprecedented for me. I often get memories as answers. I often get huge Knowings accompanied by strong emotion. These are not unusual. BUT the way they came all at once into my head, invasive/intrusive, without me being able to control it all, was just too much. I knew it wasn’t an attack. I knew it was to help me, but at the time it made me feel crazy, it made me question my comfortable little illusory reality. A reality I was instructed to return to while I waited. Funny how easily I reintegrated into that illusion. How easily I forgot. 

In the days since then I have been able to slowly process what happened that day but it has not been without interruption. The election and the crazy energy still present has made it difficult to consciously digest it all. Thankfully consciously doing this work is not a requirement. If anything, it can be a hinderance.

I realized on that day and still now that the whole re-introduction to HD that I have found myself in was in answer to a question I have been asking: “Who am I?” I have been asking this question because it became clear to me how chameleon-like I can be. I have noticed a destructive pattern in my life – I tend to become what others want me to be. My HD profile warns against this specifically. 

I have only two closed/defined centers – the G-center and Throat. The rest of me is wide open. I take in others deeply using my open centers. So it is not unusual really that I would sorta become the Other in the process of this. It is also hard for me to know what emotion is mine and what emotion is from Others. Add to that the fact that I connect to Spirit in much the same way and it can make for a mess of identity confusion!

Thankfully my guidance spent several years teaching me how to differentiate between Me and Other. I can see why they did that now. It was a pre-requisite. 

The answer to my question, “Who am I?” was, “A Projector”. 

One of the things I read in that article (here it is, I found it!) is that I am here to BE a Projector! That is who I am. And there is SO much in that answer, so much in BEing a Projector. The memories, Knowing and emotion flowing through me were showing me all at once what BEing a Projector means. And it is HUGE. So much so that I couldn’t bear Knowing it because so much of who I think I am is not Me. So much of my life is inauthentic. It feels like I need to completely start over. And of all the Knowing I had, that consideration was the most unbearable. 

Here are the key phrases and words from the article that created the inflow I spoke about above:

In Human Design, it is important for you to recognize the “signposts” or clues that you are either on or off your path to fulfillment.

Are you consistently feeling bitterness or success?

When I read to word “signposts” I remembered many dreams from years ago that indicated I needed to be paying attention to signposts. Then I read the word, “bitterness”, which is how I feel when I am my Not-Self. I have been bitter most, if not all, my life. Edit: I discovered this post from my other blog which is entitled Signposts. Another sync to add to the bucket.

The trouble with most adult Projectors is, we have been deeply homogenized and conditioned from birth. Highly susceptible to the pressures to act like the Manifestors or Generators that our parents wanted us to be, we don’t know how to let go of all that and allow ourselves to just be Projectors.

So how do you “be” a Projector? Many of us are deeply enmeshed in a life we are not well suited for, on the edge of exhaustion and burnout, bitter about the jobs, mortgages and commitments that drain us. How do we live our designs?

The above two paragraphs were when the inflow became so much I yelled for it to stop. 

It’s the most difficult thing about being a projector because you are so deeply conditioned, that’s its just so difficult to just let go and start from scratch.

The rest of the article discusses how the Projector finds success when they help Others find success. This was very real to me! I have always known I am here to help. I have always known that for me to be successful then I must help Others be successful. My focus should always be on Others, not on myself.

After I had calmed down a bit, I returned to my HD search and found this article: Projectors – A Clarion’s Alert.

What drew me to it was the word, “Clarion”. I remembered receiving messages about a, “Clarion’s Call”. It struck a chord with me and more emotion resulted. 

The post I wrote with Clarion Call in it was called – Messages: Ezekiel and Echelon. Here is a link to that post if you want to read it.

The entire first echelon is called the “Clarion Call” – the call to the heart. It bears witness to the large number of souls awakening at this time to bring forth the fruit of man’s potential.

My search also took me to this post, also from 2017, where I met a woman in dreamtime who said her middle name was, “Clarion”. I knew when I woke it was referring to a call I would received at some point. 

Eventually I just stopped following the impulse to research HD. I remember thinking, “I need to process.” Boy did I ever!

Ultimately, I realize now how time is on my side at this point. Time is needed to get from point A to B. The Knowing I had says lots of change is needed. OMG! SO much change that to think about it is overwhelming and I just want to curl up in a ball. 

I have been attempting to move toward change but it is slow-going. I am encountering resistance. With everything I am experiencing now, all the Knowing and inner PUSH, the most obvious change needed is in my relationship. I have lost myself in trying to be what my husband wants/needs. I need to find myself again. As long as he is around me, his energy becomes my energy.

Dream Message

Sleep has been difficult, as you might guess. Syncs are coming at me, energy is high and erratic, and “stuff” keeps happening. I’m surprised I haven’t lost it, but I am holding it together. 

I don’t remember my dreams much but one memory is vivid.

In the dream I am visiting a classroom (life lessons), my classroom. There are student desks and everything. It is well lit. Golden. Near the white board sits a stand full of my weights, just like in my home gym. I go up to it. The video projector (maybe symbolic of my HD profile?) screen is down and a woman is instructing the watchers to do an overhead triceps extension using 10lb weights. I attempt it but then realize I am not holding any weight. I go to get the 10lb dumbbells but they are not in the right place. I grab what I think are the right ones only to discover they are mismatched – 10 and 12lbs. So I go back and see that all my weights are moved around. Someone has been messing with them and stole some! 

I go in the hall and talk to the janitor, asking her who cleans my room. We go in and I tell her no one is ever in the room, no students, just me, so it must be the person who cleans it. I show her the evidence and see a pair of gym shorts – not mine. The woman doesn’t have any answers, so I just leave.

Sitting in my car I contemplate whether I should just bring my weights back home. I remember thinking how heavy it would be and time consuming and then I think, “Wait. This is just a dream so it doesn’t matter anyway.” lol I can’t believe I didn’t wake up in my dream, but I didn’t. I just knew I was dreaming.

I then began to drive but I knew it was in the wrong direction (pressure to follow status quo). I attempted to turn around and found myself at a military entrance. So I faced my car back toward traffic. That is when the car was gone and I found myself running across more lanes of traffic than I could count. All the lanes were heading left. I needed to go right. But the opposite lanes never materialized and I just kept crossing traffic!

Eventually I made it to the other side (the lanes still going left, no right lane). I ran into a young man and I began to walk along the side of the highway against the flow of traffic with him. There was a guardrail and I saw several backpacks dumped in the ditch. I said, “Someone’s stuff was stolen!” The young man grabbed a backpack and handed it to me. While I looked through it he handed me an ID on a lanyard. Inside of the backpack was the folded clothing of a girl. The ID read, “Michele Garcia”. I remember thinking how sad it was that she didn’t have her things. I took note of the name, noticing she spelled her first name with juts one “l”.

For some reason I exited the dream and shifted into the in-between. In this space I was talking to someone. Myself it seemed. I said, as if repeating something I heard, “start something meaningful…..” Then I heard and said, “sustainable”, as if correcting myself. This woke me up and I thought, “Meaningful or sustainable? Maybe both??” 

I will add that I seemed to be talking to someone all night long – well more than one someone. It caused me to have very poor sleep quality and I can’t remember even one thing discussed except the dream and message above. Ugh! 

So I came away with two answers – BE the Projector that I am. Follow my strategy and authority. Listen to my HS, which just so happens to also be my authority (self-projected). Listen to the words I speak because they will be my Truth. Wait to be invited. Wait to be acknowledged (seen).

The second answer is – “Start something meaningful and sustaining”. I’m not quite sure what that even means for me, but I can ask the Universe to show me.