Category Archives: Dreams

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Dream Message: Invictus

Slept a little better last night. This morning after I woke early I was disappointed to once again have no memory of dreamtime. It is difficult enough to have nothing going on during the day that is spiritual or interesting but then to have dreamtime snuffed out, too? Frustrating! 

Dreams

A mixture of dreams came after my request. I recall being inside a home that had a very cluttered back yard (subconscious). I was attempting to clean it up. A large, odd looking fence (barrier) had partially fallen down. The fence reminded me upon waking of a yellow (solar plexus) snake (kundalini) because it curved and was rounded and fat. Anyway, I went to prop it back up and the entire fence collapsed. Some people came to help but I decided to just leave the fence down because of the hassle of it. The people brought up potted plants and set them on various tables. The yard was more presentable after that.

Then I got news that my MIL had sent hundreds of bags of salt (rubbing salt into a wound) to her son, my husband. They were trying to put them outside and I would not allow it. I took them inside and found a room that looked to be unfinished but there were metal shelves in it. I pointed and said, “Put them there.” When I looked around the area I saw it was a large room with smaller rooms around the perimeter, all of them under construction (something in-process, unfinished). 

Then I was in another house that was spiritually themed. There were tapestries, paintings, pictures, rugs, etc. Some of the picture frames (adjustments to a situation) had no pictures in them (situations unknown), though, which was odd. The home belonged to my friend, Angela. She was having a party or gathering of some kind. I recall seeing her husband there, too.

The dream specifics are blurry now, though. What I remember was that I was being encouraged to stay and Angela was helping me in some way to deal with some issues. I remember walking around half-aware of my surroundings while people milled about. The energy was high and positive and it felt like part of Angela’s work. 

Then I remember Angela informing me that her husband was not “part” of her work. She was focused on the feminine and all the people there were women. I realized that without the masculine my healing work would be more difficult and I suddenly was not interested in being there. 

This is when another woman entered and invited me to come receive healing. The woman had long, dark hair and her energy was very wise. At first she was telling me how Angela’s issues were in her heart and I knew this and said “heart” at the same time she did. However, then she was talking to me directly and it was as if Angela and I were the same person, or at least very similar. She again mentioned my heart and I can’t recall what she did after (healing maybe?), but I remember feeling emotional. It seemed like the woman was giving me a reading, explaining why I was struggling so much. After there is memory of a time frame being mentioned – thousands of years – as if the issues with my heart spanned many, many lifetimes.

At the end the woman handed me a piece of paper. I glanced at it and there were about a dozen men’s names all at the bottom of the sheet of paper. I think the names were of men who could help me. I thanked her and asked her who she was. I saw in my mind a word that started with an “I” and had an oversized “V” in the middle. Though I can’t recall the rest of the word when I woke I thought of “Invictus” which means “unconquered”. 

Odd Vision

When I woke again I tried to remember the details of the dream but fell into the in-between where I saw a peculiar visual. I was peeling off my own skin. It was in huge, thick, layers and felt really good. It felt like picking off a scab that was ready to fall off. The layer of “skin” was about two inches thick, though! The area I was peeling if off of was the front of my calf, just above the ankle. I started at the knee and peeled it all the way down to the ankle. Weird!!

I think the skin peeling may be representative of me relieving myself of something I have “worn” for a long time like pretense, or perhaps my past mistakes and how they molded me into who I am or appear to be to others. The peeling off of the skin is likely healing and the process of removing the old to reveal the new. 

Costa Rica – Clear It to Fill It?

Perhaps the dreams and vision are result of my considerations about staying in Costa Rica for a while? 

After my SIL invited me to live in a two bedroom house near the one she is renting I have been contemplating the idea of a retreat for a while. Though I am not thrilled about the idea of not having a particular goal in mind, the thought of leaving behind the burdens and responsibilities of my life for a short time is appealing. I would essentially unburden myself for a while and the time may give me the opportunity to decide what I want to fill the resulting “space” with. 

I can stay up to 3 months for $400/mo which would pay for a furnished home and all utilities. I would only have to pay transportation and food/supplies. My husband already told me I can work remotely while there, too, and my pay would be more than enough to cover any expenses I have. My SIL does equine therapy for kids in the area, following her soul purpose (following her heart). She is easy to get along with and I like her (more than any of my husband’s family members). If I don’t want to be around my SIL, the two houses are far enough apart that I could easily avoid any unwanted interaction. 

The cons to going are that neither of us speaks much Spanish and there are few English speakers in the area. The nearest town requires a cab ride to get there and they require masks be worn in any shops/stores. The country requires anyone coming in to get insurance while they stay there. I wouldn’t know anyone but my SIL. I have no idea what I would do in my free time, no plans, no drive to do anything specific. My usual workout regime would have to end, replaced with cardio and bodyweight exercises if I wanted to continue to stay in shape. I wouldn’t see my children and phone service is limited (have to Facetime mostly). 

I have considered perhaps doing an Ayahuasca ceremony while there, but am not sure it is needed or a good idea. My SIL says there are many spiritual seekers who frequent the area, so a ceremony would be easy to find. 

In considering what is holding me back my main concerns are what I would do with my time while there. It would definitely be an unburdening of myself – of the burdens I carry here at home – which would result in a space within that I would need to fill. So my main worry is that I would not know who I am when all the burdens – distractions – are removed.

I have been sitting on the idea, trying to let my heart give me a thumbs up or down, but have yet to get an answer or feeling in response. At the moment my husband is preparing to leave and will likely be gone a month, so I have some time to decide. 

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Dream: Escape the Bus!

For a while now I’ve been redecorating our house in order to make the inside (and out) match me a bit more. With my kids older now, I am able to put back some things I took out long ago when they were babies and toddlers – lamps, plants, breakable items, nice accents, etc. Just a couple of weeks ago I replaced the living room TV stand that we’ve had for almost 12 years with a new console table and end table. I also got two matching lamps, new pillows for the sofa and a matching throw. I cleared and decorated the fireplace mantel with candles and some nicer items. In the sitting room I bought a new rug and added a lamp, pictures and a plant.

In October we are having our kitchen cabinets resurfaced and extended. That same month we are putting in a large Arizona stone patio and hardscape in the back yard. In the summer we had our front yard landscaped, so when it is all done the outside of our home will be transformed.

Believe it or not, these changes are not that expensive if one takes into account how the change makes everyone in the house feel. I added yellows, golds and creams in the colors in the living room which brightened the space up quite a bit. The new cabinets will be in a light gray and also brighten things up. To me the cost is worth it and I also get to be creative, which helps my overall mood. Once the patio is in I may even buy a hot tub for the family as a Christmas gift. We’ll see…

I am really enjoying creating change in my home, decorating it creating an atmosphere of calm. Prior to having children I always had a nice home with nice things. Nothing extravagant, just comfortable. I didn’t realize how much I missed feeling at ease in my own home until now. Wow! What a difference and I’m not even finished yet.

Similarly, I continue to focus on what I want to manifest for myself in other areas. At night I am allowing myself to re-experience the connection feeling to the best of my ability. All-over energy hugs are a common side-effect and I am not complaining! I hope to recreate the feeling 100% eventually but for now, baby steps.

Dream: Escape the Bus!

My memory of the dream is fading quickly. I haven’t been sleeping as well or as long as I want because school is back in session and the boys need to be on the bus before 7am. Plus my nose is clogging at night again. 😦

I remember sitting on a school bus (following the crowd) that was completely full. The bus was white (doing what is good or right) and the people were all wearing light colored clothing, like robes. The bus wasn’t moving. It was like it was waiting in traffic, but I don’t remember seeing anything outside the bus to confirm. My feeling was of being stuck on the bus and “following the crowd” (this is what a school bus symbolizes, too!). 

Then I was talking to some others and the bus background faded. I am not sure where we were but we all had the idea to stop waiting around and exit the bus. In my mind I was thinking about leaving and returning home. I remember telling them my decision – “I’m just going to run.” I was ill prepared for this because I was wearing sandals with straps, shorts and a t-shirt, but I figured I could do it. The distance was about 15 miles but I had run nearly as far in the past so knew I could do it. A woman with dark hair wearing a tank top and shorts had the same idea and I watched her take off down the road. She got pretty far before I, too, began to run.

In this dream, like another I had recently, my stride was off. It felt like my legs wouldn’t do what I wanted them do. Despite this, I kept going, forcing myself to move even if it meant I crawled or moved without grace, which I did for a bit as the others watched. Eventually, I was able to get both legs to work and I made progress. The interesting thing is how I perceived my legs. They felt like jello, all wobbly and soft.

The entire time my group was with me. I recall seeing a man with dark hair who was familiar to me. I watched him out of the corner of my eye, trying to figure out how I knew him. He seemed not to notice me, though.

We got to a hub (preparation for travel or movement) that resembled a mix between the inside of a hotel lobby and an airport waiting area. There were clusters of chairs in circular areas here and there with people waiting to leave through a door. Large floor to ceiling windows separated the circular waiting areas and outside I could see water for miles. Some people were in lines awaiting departure, others were seated in chairs.

I remember looking for a map of our destination, finding one and looking at it. The young man was next to me, also looking. The map is hazy in my memory but there was water and marking on it resembling instructions for planes and/or boats. I mentioned the name of the place we were going and it sounded like a hotel or resort name. In fact, I remember now that the people waiting there were all going to various resorts that were located on islands. 

Someone asked if I needed help and I asked for directions to my “hotel” (transition). The man told me how to get there and I knew it was not via one of the hubs. I could get there on foot. I remember seeing in my mind the path. It was a dark (unknown or hidden) path along trails through trees and shrubs.

I sat for a while discussing the path ahead with the group. Interestingly, I sat next to the dark haired man and lay my head on his shoulder. He put his arm around me and pulled me close. I looked up him and he looked down at me lovingly. I felt safe and loved. It was as if I had known him a long time but I couldn’t remember who he was. It was only the feeling that was familiar.

Sadly, before I could focus more on the feeling between us, I woke up. The last thing I recall is knowing I would not travel alone.

Memory

As I typed out this dream I recalled an OBE I had in March, 2015, where I visited a spiritual processing hub. In the OBE people were lined up waiting to get on planes to various locations. It felt as if they were traveling off planet. There was a sense that I had been there before and knew some of the people there but the Knowing was energetic. What I recall the most of this OBE is knowing I would get to go Home.

I also recalled a dream I had in 2014 where I was going to a reunion in Tennessee. Again, I was waiting in a lobby, this time an airport lobby. I recall being in the arms of a man who felt like family to me. He put his arms around me, hugged me and I felt safe. Again, I was excited about getting to go Home.

The previous OBE and dream were at different times in my life but both were prior to experiencing a heart connection in December, 2015. What I noticed about both dreams is I had a strong feeling of Home or going Home. In this morning’s dream I was leaving the bus to return home/Home.

Here is the dream from 2014:

I was with some friends, though I can’t remember them now. There was a distinct feeling that I was considering doing something “wrong”. The feeling hung around and seemed to grow throughout the dream. I felt horribly guilty.

As the dream progressed it became obvious what I was feeling guilty about. I had been ignoring the advances of a man for some time but felt a magnetic attraction for him and eventually I gave in. Then we were a “couple” though it was not sexual. I remember also that someone said “He pursued you” and that we were going on trip to Tennessee. However, I had lied to my husband and did not tell him that I planned to continue on from Tennessee to another, more northerly state after we got to Tennessee. Nor did I tell him about the man I would secretly go away with.

When we arrived at the airport, I sat and waited with this man. I felt at peace with him and I experienced such a strong love feeling in my heart that it extended down through to my root chakra. I did experience the sexual energy of the root chakra but it was different – it was elation mixed with a spiritual passion that is hard to describe. Had I been lucid in this dream it would have caused me to cry with joy. All I wanted to do was snuggle into this man’s arms. It was as if his energy calmed and soothed me and I felt like I was reunited with a piece of me that had been missing.

As we waited at the airport a large group of people came toward us – more people than I can count. I knew them all. They had come to welcome us. I was immediately aware that my husband was among them and I saw him come through the middle, smiling. I felt so much shame at what I had done that it was overwhelming but the man I was with soothed me and I felt the wonderful flood of peace/joy flood through me. He smiled and I asked him, “I get to go Home?” and he said, “Yes”.

That is when I woke up. The feelings lingered as I woke and I was horrified because I suspected that the dream was a premonition – that I would meet someone and leave my husband. And I knew, if the man I met made me feel like I felt in the dream that I would not be able to resist. The thought of that scared me and made me feel horribly unworthy and like a traitor without having done anything!

Considerations

I am now noticing something from the dream from 2014 that I didn’t before. In the dream my husband is smiling and happy that I am with the man who I have such a deep love for. I have recalled this particular dream many times because it did in fact foretell the future. For one, I met the man I had so much love for and the meeting happened because I drove to Tennessee. I did feel horribly guilty, as if I were doing something very wrong. Yet I never understood why my husband seemed to be giving me his blessing in the dream. In the past year, however, with the changes I see in my husband, it makes sense. He has now given me his blessing. Ha! And here I am having a dream with a similar dark haired man, at another “airport”, heading off to an unknown destination that feels like Home.

Rather than try and look too deeply into the meaning of this dream and the previous dream memories it evoked, I will just let it be. I will say that I have had a really good day today. I woke from the dream with feelings of hope and awe. Reviewing my past dreams was a good reminder that one can never really know what is in store for them in the future but you can bet it will be filled with some magnificent surprises, twists and turns! 🙂

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OBE: Black Humvee

I woke at 4am and couldn’t return to sleep. Thoughts were on a recent repetitive message – “2 years” – and a dream where I stated that the end of the world would come on Sept 28, 2025. I was feeling depressed about my life, the lack of meaningful forward movement and had a feeling that time is running out.

OBE: Black Humvee 

Somehow I entered into an OBE. I knew instantly I was OOB. I was inside my grandparent’s underground (subconscious) home in the kitchen (seeking spiritual nourishment), a place I often find myself when OOB. I was facing the front door and decided to go outside. There was interaction taking place with someone but I don’t know who. It was like I was two people – the dreamer and the conscious explorer. 

As I approached the door I thought about how to become more lucid and so I was. When I went outside I tested my dream legs to see if I could fly. There was a strong pull down like gravity and I accepted this as the rules for the experience. 

Just outside the fence was parked a large, black (unknown, hidden) Humvee (hard work). I climbed inside via the passenger side and crawled to the driver’s seat. I knew it was owned by a man who was very strong and intimidating. My intent was to drive it so that this man knew. I was feeling mischievous. I turned the key to the ignition and it roared to life. Looking through the front windshield I saw how high up I was. I thought about driving over everything in front of me but changed my mind. The truck was way to big and I didn’t want to wreck it. I climbed out and went to explore.

Looking to the right of the house everything looked as it did in my memory except there were many young people milling about. Some were hovering in the air. This is when I realized I, too, was hovering and flying about. 

I observed the people. Some were in larger groups and others in pairs – couples. 

I flew past the people toward where the barn should be but instead found a construction site (work in progress). The fences had been remade into wood and were taller. Where the barn was stood a large house. I remember thinking how it would be nice to live there and wondering if I could buy the acre and home from my mother. 

Then my mother was there and she took me into the home. She asked me how I liked the church (spiritual healing, connection) they were building. I was surprised it was a church and knew then I couldn’t buy it as it was meant for many people, not just me and my family. 

Inside the church was made completely of wood that shown that yellowish color of new pine. It also smelled of pine (longevity, recovery). There were stairs and ramps heading up to a platform and behind that another area that my mother told me was where people would be baptized. The ceiling was very tall and the space quite big. I recall feeling peaceful.

Lucid Dream: Erika and Darius 

I came back to my body briefly and then returned but not to the church. Instead I was inside a garage (something is “parked”, lack of movement). My husband and MIL were near and I found a fabric grocery bag full of things on a shelf. It had opened, stale potato chips (loss of health, neglect of physical state) inside and I knew it was my MIL’s. Rather than toss the contents I took it to my husband and told him it was his mother’s and that I didn’t want to throw anything away because of how upset it would make her. The bag smelled of rotting food (decline), though.

My husband was tending to his mom and she was acting frantic and worried, which is normal for her. He was asking me if I would go with them somewhere, me driving a truck and him driving a car. I told him I wouldn’t – couldn’t – and he knew it. He didn’t argue with me, instead saying he would take the Prius (MIL’s car – soul journey) because his mother always kept it full of gas. There was discussion about how the car was having lots of issues and they were becoming more and more severe. The car would not last much longer. I was glad the car would be gone soon as it had been a major headache for me.

My husband handed his mom the grocery bag and she sifted through the contents, pulling out baby food (new nourishment) and exclaiming as if she was opening a present. She was super happy to have the baby food, pulling each container out and showing it to her son. That is when I saw the baby girl and knew the baby food was for this baby. I called the baby “Erika” and I recognized her. I had many feelings at this time. Mostly I felt upset that this baby was coming into the world to be the daughter of my SIL and BIL. I felt a connection to the girl. I didn’t like that I had worked so hard to make her the person she was only to have her come into a new life and forget me and everything we had accomplished together. I also didn’t like that she wouldn’t know me and would instead cling to her new family. 

Similarly, I saw how my MIL was being helped by this baby. She would have renewed purpose, which her life has been lacking for some time. My husband, too, would have purpose but in helping his mother who would struggle more and more with old age (the Prius represents MIL). 

Something about the scene took me back to my grandparent’s land (ancestry) and the young people gathered in groups and pairs. I floated there and watched them and a name came to mind – Darius. I went directly to him, then, shifting immediately into a new scene where I hovered in front of a 10 month old baby. He was chubby, black and super cute. When I saw him I was sad again. I knew him. He was family. There was Knowing that many were incarnating now and it upset me to think of so many loved ones purposefully coming to Earth now, at a very difficult time. There was a part of me that understood and accepted this and my connection to these new Beings but at the same time I was outraged at the injustice of it. It wasn’t fair that they would go through so much pain and hardship. I remember thinking of what was to come and shuddered.

I began to cry and purposefully pulled myself out of the dream scene and back to my body. The transition was smooth and without the typical bumpiness. 

Considerations

It feels like this lucid/OBE experience was meant to show me some things about myself and why I am responding to life the way I am now. There was a strong sense of being two people – the dreamer, or unconscious, version and the conscious version. I was able to see that the memory and Knowing I have as the conscious version is being interpreted and processed by the less conscious version. Thus, my responses in the dream were a mixture of calm, acceptance and outrage.

The Humvee is an interesting dream symbol. Trucks = work, so a Humvee would have a similar meaning but more in terms of the Collective and “war” since Humvees are traditionally used by the military. Black indicates the hidden or unknown, the subconscious or unconscious. So something about this work is unknown and maybe even a bit scary to me. There is a masculine feel to the Humvee as well, which I see as symbolic of what drives this “war” – the masculine and all it represents.

This is the second time now that I have associated my mother with a church. Perhaps I am reminding myself that the feminine should be honored at this time. I retreat to the feeling that comes with being inside the church. It brings me peace. And even though the church is “under construction” it already serves a purpose, indicating that once complete it will have much more of an impact on everyone.

Other Thoughts

Lately my mind has been on the future quite a bit. I can’t seem to shake the premonitions I had so many years ago when I first awakened and was flooded with visions and Knowing. One such vivid vision was of the White House on fire – bombed. I still see it so vividly. Also very vivid in my mind is seeing Fort Hood, Texas as a rubble field, also bombed.

I know that the future is not set in stone and for a long while I pushed aside my early visions as just a “potential” future, denying they could ever happen in my lifetime. Now I am not so sure. I keep having flashes of “what if’s”, which are not necessarily premonitions, but instead a mixture of what could be and my own fears or dread of them happening.

For example, I feel (and fear) that no matter who becomes President, the US economy is headed for a complete collapse. If this happens so many possibilities exist. The divide between the haves and have not’s is already widening. If it continues Civil War could result. Yet I have had previous visions also of the US being attacked by an outside force. What that force is – another country, a terrorist group, or just forces of Darkness in general, is unknown.

Despite all these worries, at my core I am exceptionally calm about it all. I have always been told by my guidance that I will be safe and need not worry about myself and my family. There is also a deep understanding I cannot put words to that indicate every.single.thing that is and will happen has a higher purpose.

About a month ago I actually wrote a post that I never posted about how everyone on Earth right now is being polarized. I opted not to post it because I know that it likely won’t make a difference in how people are reacting to what is transpiring in this world right now. And that is OK. The only person I have any control over is myself and I choose to NOT react, but to observe.

How do you not react to everything? React doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings or thoughts. Let yourself feel. Let yourself have an opinion. It is OK. You are only human. I have an internal dialogue that I let play out when I get overwhelmed and upset over things. I just don’t verbalize it or share it with anyone because it won’t help matters. In fact, it will serve only to further polarize things. In the end, the dialogue always shifts away from the upset and back to my Knowing and acceptance of what is.

Hopefully, my honesty about my previous premonitions and fears doesn’t trigger anyone. If it does, I am sorry as that was/is not my intent. I hope my sharing assists in a better understanding of how I perceive this unique time in human history and that is all.

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Dream Message: The Stages Can be Found in Leviticus

Had a dream this morning that was unusual. In it was mentioned the book of Leviticus. Specifically, it was said to me, “The stages can be found in Leviticus.”

Dream: Leviticus

I was in a home (soul journey). There were many people gathered. I recognized some of them. One was a FB online friend, one was my sister and the other was Bonnie Greenwell (Kundalini author).

I stood talking to the FB friend for some time. He was telling me about his progress in the program and what stage he was on. While we talked I prepared one of my protein smoothies (seeking nourishment). I spent a long time listening to this friend and did not say much. He seemed engrossed in what he was saying and I did not want to interrupt him.

Then Bonnie came and stood next to me. We stood there together watching the group. I recognized then that I was at an AA meeting. I offered Bonnie some of my drink and she accepted. I remember pouring her some while discussing the group. Though I don’t recall most of what was said in the dream, I do remember what she said to me. I had just told her about my FB friend and was also talking about my sister and her struggles. That is when Bonnie said, “The stages can be found in Leviticus.”

Bonnie then thanked me for the drink saying, “That was good! Thank you. Was there much peanut butter (self-indulgence) in it? I can’t normally take much peanut butter but this was perfect.” I told her, “Only 1 tablespoon. I don’t add more than that or else I would make the whole thing peanut butter.” We laughed.

I spotted my sister in the room and went to her. She was uncomfortable and I knew it was her first meeting. At this point I realized we were in a parking lot (lack or movement, “parked” in life) and not in the room. I introduced my sister to my FB friend but little was said. I even suggested she date him but she was not interested. That is when a car pulled up and my sister excused herself. She told me she had to go take a dose of something. I knew it was Methadone.

When my sister came back she was concerned others had seen her. I told her not to worry, that everyone understood and she was not alone. She relaxed some but then wanted to leave. I knew the Methadone kept her from experiencing the effects of any drugs. I was happy to know she could not get high anymore but she seemed depressed about it.

She then drove me home. I commented on how surprised I was that she could drive so soon after her surgery. She had on each hand a dinner plate with designs. One was Cardinals (good omen, message from loved one, rebuilt relationship) on a Tree of Life and the other was also a Tree of Life. I said, “Where did you find that?” as I pointed to the Cardinal one. She said it was our mother’s.

When we got home our mom coddled my sister, taking her to the bathroom and tending to her every need. I went to my old bedroom because I was going to stay the night. It was full of chairs placed in a circle (life cycles). My mom came in and I commented on the change. I knew I would have to sleep on a cot in the middle of the circle (being the observer).

Then my dog Monty jumped up on me and was super excited to see me. I petted him and hugged him. My sister said, “Look at his eyes! They look like he is smiling.” I looked close and indeed his eyes were smiling.

Message

When I woke I was thinking, “What stages?” I thought maybe the stages had to do with AA and the 12 Steps, since I was attending an AA Meeting in the dream. So I did a search but couldn’t find much about stages or even steps.

When I was about to give up, I found this and knew it was the answer I was seeking. I don’t know much about the book of Leviticus but this sermon, written in 1964, really spoke to me, specifically that “holiness” equates to “wholeness”. In the end, I understood the message in my dream was that the stages were about how to become Whole again, something we all strive for.

This word [holy] is derived from the same root from which a very attractive English word comes. This word is wholeness. So holiness means wholeness, being complete. And if you read wholeness in place of holiness everywhere you find it in the Bible, you will be much closer to what the writers meant. We all know what wholeness is. It is to have together all the parts which were intended to be there, and to have them functioning as they were intended to function.

Leviticus: The Way To Wholeness

The dream itself seemed to indicate that there is still hope for my sister. That is what I felt upon waking, at least. There is also a deeper meaning, I am sure, which is indicated by the sermon I found online. And there is a message for me – and you – as well.

What I got most out of the sermon is how God is patient with us, so we should also be patient with ourselves. God does not force us to change. He gives us a choice. We always have a choice.

The stages were indeed mentioned in this sermon.

The first is giving up the old for the new. We cannot hang onto the old life anymore.

The second is practicing love; living from the heart.

The third is knowing God. I interpret this as knowing The One, or that part of our self that Remembers that we are all One – our Higher Self. And in knowing God/Self, we better know ourselves.

The fourth is that we need to make a choice. We can choose to keep things the same – to live in our misery – or we can choose to change. As the article says, “a decision is expected of us.”

God never says, “I’m going to make you leave your misery.” Rather, he says, “If you prefer being broken and don’t want to be healed, you can stay right where you are. But if you want life, then this is what is ahead.” God never forces his will upon us. But he sets the choice before us, makes it very clear, and then expects a response on the basis that he has given.

Update

I think the main reason for the above dream and message came as a result of a phone call. I finally called my mom to check in. Turns out she was in the car with my sister and nephew and the entire call was on speaker phone.

I had been avoiding calling my mom. I didn’t want to hear anything negative. I didn’t want to confirm what I knew – that my sister went home to her rundown RV to recover rather than stay with my mom. And that is exactly what happened, too, except that the RV roof sprung a leak so my sister and nephew had been staying with my mom all week while it was being fixed.

I knew my sister likely shared her pain meds with her husband and that they may have even sold some. I didn’t mentioned this of course and I don’t plan to. It is what it is. My sister has to decide if she wants to recover or relapse. It is her choice and her choice alone.

Then there is my own struggles with life that I believe the message was related to. Without going into detail, I will say that like my sister, I also have a choice. Though it isn’t related to drug relapse, it isn’t that far off.

Life is composed of habits, some good and some bad, some outright destructive. We tolerate so much that we should not. We tolerate the undesirable out of fear of change and the unknown, out of complacency, and out of the belief that we must place others’ happiness above our own.

The part of the above sermon that really hit home for me was this: “If you prefer being broken and don’t want to be healed, you can stay right where you are. But if you want life, then this is what is ahead.”

I want healing. I want life. Don’t you? Yet I have chosen to remain broken.

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Message: Morning Star

I am experiencing a slight uptick in dream recall and guide visits lately. Messages are more frequent and last night I experienced Kundalini energy in my dream.

Message: Strength, Change, Communication

A week ago now I received a message via FB. That morning I had been somewhat down and in need of reassurance. The first post I came across was one of those word finds where you write down the first three words you see. The words I found were “strength, change, communication”. At the time I thought nothing of it but later in the day the words seemed to be whispered to me over and over. I finally wrote them down. When I did, the word “bravery” came to mind also.

Dream and Message: Bliss….Bravery

In the dream, I was with an Indian man who was showing me how to market his successful product as my own but I don’t know why. His product looked like dynamite or fireworks – tubes of red paper rolled very tightly. I was told they were not fireworks or dynamite but rather fire starters. I watched as he put one in a fire, lit it and it slowly ignited, orange flames taking over. Understanding, I looked at a box of six, which was how they were sold, still thinking they looked like dynamite or fireworks.

When I woke I saw a vision of a food package, I think for a drink but am unsure. At the top was writing. It said, “Bliss”. Then at the bottom I read, “Bravery”. It felt like I was being asked to drink it but I woke up because the message was so unique and obvious.

Message: You Will be Called

I have been watching a show called Manifest. It is about a plane that goes missing for five years only to suddenly reappear. The people on board do not experience time passing as 5 years but only hours. Many experience psychic abilities where they receive visions of the future. They refer to the visions as “the callings”.

It occurred to me that “the callings” were similar to what I have felt in my lifetime. I haven’t had them often, though. I receive strong Knowing that sometimes bring me to tears but always feel “big” and include a sense of being compelled toward a certain action. I refer to these experiences as “being Called”.

I realized the show, like others I have watched, contained a message that I will be Called again. Not only that but I have been told by my guidance to expect it.

The show’s name also feels significant. Manifest. Yep.

Message: Morning Star

This morning I had a very long Kundalini dream. The energy was muted but memorable. In the dream I was with a dark haired, dark eyed and very familiar man. His eyes are what is most memorable but I spent a portion of the dream tying to memorize his features (unsuccessfully). He reminded me of the man I use to see off and on in Kundalini dreams from 2014-2016.

Only broken pieces of the story line remain. Mostly I remember the man asking me questions and me answering them. When I answered him we were transported to scenes which appeared to be representations of what I was telling him.

In one scene I was outside a house with a man. At first he stood beside me and then he seemed to lose his footing and fall. I held the man in my arms as he grew old, turned to bones and then dust, crumbling in my hands. The dark haired man had asked me about the man, something like, “What about….?. My answer was ,”I was told to [be with him]”.

Another question he asked me was, “Where did you come from?” Hearing his question, I was transported to outer space where I floated past planets and stars. Then I burst through a “crack” in space and found myself on the other side of it staring at a long, golden cluster of stars that sparkled and had bursts of purple and white colors throughout. I said to him, “I Remember now….I’m from the stars.”

The next thing I remember is holding this man’s hand and getting into a large bed with him. I lay close to him and felt immensely happy and content. It was pure bliss. My entire body was warm with energy, especially my heart. I remember wanting it to last forever. I am surprised I didn’t start crying.

Then we heard the man being called (felt like we were in his home and his bed and his family was calling him) and he got out of bed to leave. I reminded him that he had no pants on and he turned back toward the bed to retrieve his shorts. I watched him, trying still to memorize him, wanting to remember as much of him as possible. He was wearing a plaid, button down shirt. The shirt came down just enough to cover his rear.

I woke, my entire body still warm with energy, especially my heart. Asking to go back, I fell into the in-between where I stood facing a starry night sky. It was early dawn. I looked up at the moon and saw a small star above it. I heard, “Morning star”. I remember asking, “Isn’t that Venus?” and received confirmation.

Meaning of Morning Star

The morning star is the planet Venus (Aphrodite, Goddess of love). It can also be Sirius and less likely to be the planet Mercury. It is also a symbol of hope and is another name for Jesus, who “shows the way” (I think Wayshower).

  • Morning star, most commonly used as a name for the planet Venus when it appears in the east before sunrise
  • Morning star, a name for the star Sirius, which appears in the sky just before sunrise during the Dog Days
  • Morning star, a (less common) name for the planet Mercury when it appears in the east before sunrise
    Source Wikipedia

“The Morning Star’s appearance indicates the dawn of light that ends a dark night. As such, Jesus Christ as a savior, source of hope and happiness is identified as The Morning Star.” Source

Music Message

I woke up hearing this song:

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Dreams and Message: Full Disclosure

I know I’ve not been posting much lately, and I apologize. An update is overdue. Right now, however, I am finding no motivation whatsoever to write publicly. For one, I feel like putting attention on certain things is counterproductive. I also want to be more balanced and centered when I post, and this state comes and goes lately and does not seem to remain stable for long. This is part of the energetic state of the world right now and my adjustment to that energy shifts as that energy shifts (which is frequent!).

Very quickly I will update on my sister and then move on from there because, for me, lingering on the topic doesn’t fill me with happy-happy-joy-joy vibes. lol

My sister had a successful surgery on the 7th of August, spent some time in ICU, was moved to a regular room and then discharged (maybe a week ago now? I can’t remember the exact date). I have not been reaching out to her or my family to stay informed. There are some posts on FB but I do not react or respond to them. I am remaining as withdrawn as I can, stepping back and letting everything play out.

Sadly I know that my sister and my Mom’s futures are intertwined, and not in a positive way. There are some deep-rooted karmic lessons being played out. My job is to step back, observe and to try and not get emotionally involved. The last big emotion I felt was frustration and anger because I could see what was coming, but then I let it all go. If I could, I would move as far away from my family as possible. If it were not for my Mom, I would have disconnected long ago. My half-brother is the only sibling I prefer to have contact with, and even he has distanced himself from the drama (smart man!).

Interestingly enough, my guidance suggested I review past journal and blog entries. I did this by chance yesterday (posted the result) and this morning did another quick search. Just so happens I found this post from July, 2013:

Long ago, when the family issues began getting to me, I was given advice by Steven. He said, “Step back”. I understood this as “mind my own business”. I also got the message to “let them learn their lessons” and “stay out of it”……. I have successfully stayed out of it. I am proud of myself for being able to do so. It is hard seeing family do stupid things and then have to face the consequences of it, especially my Mom. I want to protect her……That is not my job, though.

Apparently the “bumpy ride” message I got from my guide John applies to family drama. I am not looking forward to it. It bothers me to know that my Mom is being unfairly treated; to know that my sister would take advantage of not only her but anyone else who allows themselves to become a victim. I feel like my sister is lost to me. I don’t understand her or know her anymore. I love her, but I don’t like her at all. I would never hang out or be friends with someone like her. That kind of dishonestly and selfishness is toxic.

All of this family drama is part of my lesson here. I was very curious what lesson my sister could be learning. I was told it had to do with controlling human emotion and physical desires. From what I can tell, she is failing miserably at it……..I also know the only way for her to overcome her problem is to get past her physical emotions and bodily urges and listen.

OBEs

I haven’t been sleeping well again. I wake around 4:30-5am and cannot return to sleep, usually because my nose is clogged. Two nights ago when this happened I had to walk around to get my nose to clear and the fell asleep. I ended up having a string of OBEs. They were hard to recall because I fell back into dreaming afterward. I do know there were five and I was being guided through them, working on raising my vibration. In one I sang to raise my vibration and flew around with a guide. In another I was carrying a small girl on my back.

Dreams

Lots and lots of odd dreams lately. This morning I woke early also and my nose was clogged again (grrr!). This time I did some gentle yoga to pass the time. I mulled over the dream I had prior to waking through the poses because when I woke from it I had been crying.

Dream: Winning the Race

I watched a woman running a marathon. Toward the end she got a burst of energy and sprinted to the finish. The woman then received her trophy and won the honor of becoming “queen”. Rather than accept the honor, the woman took the trophy to the rightful queen who had been locked in a fancy, castle for a very long time.

The queen was blonde, pale and beautiful. She accepted the trophy crown but it was gold, long and rectangular and did not look like a crown.

Then I was the winner of the race, only it was a half-marathon. I knew I had decided to finish early, rather than run the entire marathon. Exhausted, I went to my apartment to pack up and leave rather than rest. I decided to take off my sweaty clothing beforehand. I also needed to pee really bad. As I sat on the toilet, relieving myself, I was thinking of the things I needed to pack, which were few. The peeing, which seemed to go on forever, woke me up. My face was wet from tears. I was baffled by my emotional response to the dream.

Interpretation – My gut tells me this was a dream about the journey I am on. The queen is me, in both instances – one running a race, the other locked up and then freed. The dream feeling is that I took an opportunity to finish early. The end, where I am leaving my apartment, felt like me leaving a situation and never looking back. Apartments are emotional situations. I also take off all my clothing (outward appearance) and urinate (relief, letting out something I had been holding onto). The tears were tears of relief but they left me with conflicted emotions.

image source Wikipedia

Dream: Slow Loris

In one I was with a woman who was looking for a guy and his girlfriend. I felt like I was hovering, observing. She was shown the room the man was in and he was in the bathtub naked with his girlfriend. lol I recall the girlfriend tossing her clothing – a black, spaghetti strap top. Then they were gone and two woman were talking to me about an upcoming “event”. They were discussing it as if it were “secret” and I told them not to bother inviting me for some reason. It felt like it was an event I wouldn’t want to attend alongside others. The one woman said, “We knew you would say that which is why we are creating an event just for you.” She handed me a brooch as an invitation. It was beautiful! Made of gold or some metal. It looped around and at the end of the loops were jewels. I remember taking it, somehow knowing the event was in November and saying, “I don’t know if I will be able to go. Something might come up.” In my mind I was thinking of my sister and other things that might happen. 

Then I was outside in the back of a small home. There was a road that ran along the back and there were items tossed here and there. I spotted a kid’s toy – a gun of some sort that looked like a Nerf gun or water gun. I went to pick it up and a boy rushed up to me. I hadn’t seen him there. I turned and asked, “Is this yours?” He snatched the gun and I said, “Cool gun! How does it work?” He showed me some lights and such and kept walking. I followed, stopping to look at some bikes that had been left on the side of the road. One was a toddler bike, for a 3yr old but the training wheels were broken off.

A man approached and asked if I wanted the bike. He asked his son, the boy, to show me it still worked. The boy got on the bike. I told the man my boys were too old for it and turned to leave because the man had a strange energy.

As I turned and walked back toward the home the man came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. He then ran forward with me, lifting me off the ground. We flew swiftly forward and he then set me down. I wasn’t afraid, somehow knowing he meant me no harm. When he put me down he asked me, “How was that?” I said something back acknowledging his ability. He stood facing me, smiling, and seemed to want more. I didn’t recognize him. He had light hair and was tall and skinny. He pushed me to the ground and leaned over me like he was exerting his dominance. I didn’t resist, still knowing he didn’t intend me harm. He let me get up and I walked back toward the house. 

On my way back I began to fly, hovering close to the ground, looking at the scenery. There were these beautiful shrubs near the house. They had red tips and were quite overgrown. I floated over them, touching them and watching as the red tips came off and flew around me like flower petals.

Then I spotted something on the ground near the white porch beam. It was a peculiar feather. I picked it up and asked aloud what kind of bird had such a feather. I carried it with me as I talked to someone and this person motioned the feather saying it was some creature I had never heard of. I remember thinking, “sloth” and “slow loris” and as I looked down the feather turned into a fluffy white animal of some sort. It had the face of a cat but without legs. The body was just a long fluffy tube. 

I held the cat thing for a while noticing its behavior. It seemed quiet and like it wanted to hide. The person was telling me about it but I can’t recall what they said. I just remember putting the cat thing on my shoulder and hearing little cat noises and feeling claws gripping my shoulder even though it had no feet. 

At one point the cat thing withdrew into a tube, shrinking down like an eel would do. The outer fluffy part slid away and became separate. I knew to keep the cat creature with the fluffy tube and set it free.

Somehow I ended up in the house at a kitchen table feeding the cat thing. It was eating pats of butter. When I put my hand too close it accidentally chomped down on my finger but it didn’t hurt. I remember saying I shouldn’t have done that as it was eating and it thought my finger was the butter.

Interpretation – The dream about “November” stood out. It seems to indicate some “event” will take place. Maybe it has to do with the brooch? Hard to say but it resembled a LL symbol. A brooch means moving forward, important choices and can be an award for one’s efforts. The cat creature could represent the Kundalini. I think it significant that I took the cat creature into my grandmother’s kitchen. This is the location I use to go to for K events and other significant OBEs. Butter symbolizes richness and flavor. It can mean the end of hard times and the need for more love and affection. 

Messages

From this morning:

“Full disclosure” is coming. “Don’t worry, you will be clear enough when it does.”

“Give yourself the opportunity to hold space-time. These will not be there when you leave.”

Vision: Saw the tar pits in California. Remembered how when I visited the tar pits the guide told us how many animals fell in and suffocated, trapped forever. I thought the only way to avoid getting trapped was to be a bird and stay on the edges. With this thought I saw a small, white bird fly down to the edge and dip one toe in. Woke up knowing, “Earth is the tar pit of the Universe.”

Vision: I am sitting next to a man (he’s on my left) at a round table. Across from us sits another man, watching us. He feels important and motions to the plates in front of us. Eagerly, I reach down and pick up a juicy hamburger and take a bite. The man does this, too. It tastes wonderful. I feel guilty, thinking, “I’m eating meat.” I look down and the meat is gone. The burger no longer looks like a burger but still has a round shape. I come out of my reverie suddenly.

My thoughts: Whatever “full disclosure” is, I will be ready for it. As for “holding space-time” I am not sure what it means but I remember saying back to my guide, “You are right”. It feels like “holding space-time” means living in the physical and mastering the experience. The Tar Pit vision is self-explanatory. I think I am trying to be, or am, the bird. The hamburger vision was very real – touch and taste specifically. Hamburgers = wholeness.

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Dream: Wasted

Had some upsetting dreams this morning.

Dream: Wasted

I woke around 6am and went back to sleep asking to go OOB or to have a K dream or anything substantial because it has been so long since I’ve had any experiences that motivated or inspired me. I ended up having a teary dream instead.

The part of the dream I recall the most is being at this house I didn’t recognize. I was outside standing in the yard noticing my surroundings. There was a narrow sidewalk (step outside your comfort zone and accept change) with flowers and flowering shrubs on both sides. The flowers were growing very well, so much so that they would hit a person’s legs as they walked on the sidewalk. 

My husband was with our neighbor outside talking. It appeared they were adding a stone landing in front of the back porch. I called out to him to tell him about the overgrown sidewalk but he seemed to not hear me. I walked up and saw the stones placed equal distance apart. I stood on the porch (viewpoint from outside of some situation) looking down at them and said, “This looks good. Great job!” Again, he seemed not to hear but by this time it felt like he was just ignoring me because of his conversation with the neighbor.

I decided I would have to clear the path on my own and turned back toward it. When I looked, though, someone had already cleared it. I thought, “Of course.” I was irritated that someone had already done it. Not sure why. Perhaps I was feeling as if the purpose I thought I had – of clearing the pathway – was never my purpose to begin with? Or maybe it was from feeling I was wrong?

I walked down the sidewalk inspecting the work done. It was neat and well done. On one side, the right side, were chairs set up facing the sidewalk, as if an audience frequented the space. The seats reminded me of movie theater seats (viewing path from perspective of observer). One sole flower was still close to the sidewalk. I pushed it toward the chair and it easily slid in place, roots and all. The flower was white and reminded me of a lily (relief from worries of life).

I turned to the other side, the left side, where there had been a field of flowering plants, all white lilies, but they had vanished. Instead there was a room without a roof and I found myself at the front of a house looking at a ceiling height wardrobe. At first I opened the door and saw clothing but shut it. I recall thinking I wanted to see something else. Then I slid the same door open and the clothes were gone. In their place were CDs (change, transition, possibility), hundreds of them all in slots and organized. 

I recognized the CDs to be the music collection of my ex-husband. He loved country music. Something about seeing all the CDs upset me. I saw two large sections of CDs and recognized one to be his CDs and the other to be mine from when we were married. I recalled that I also had country music in my collection. All the songs and artists I had in my collection came to mind vividly to the point I had recollections of singing to them while driving along the country roads in Montana.

Upset and feeling very down and depressed about life, specifically thinking that my lifetime has been for nothing, I picked up the first collection of CDs, my ex’s. It was large and heavy, about a three by three feet cube filled with CDs. I placed them on top of me like a blanket (seeking security, protection) and pulled my own box of CDs on top of me as well. I curled up in the fetal position and lay there with the CDs on top of me. They did not feel heavy at all. I wept slow, sad tears and perceived myself both as the person crying and from the perspective of an observer above, watching myself crying while surrounded by lilies.

Some of what I was feeling was related to feeling ignored by my husband. He ignored me, preferring to talk to the neighbor. My husband loves to talk to others and is most happy when he is in conversations with others. He loves meeting new people and getting to know about them. He will talk to the neighbors and strangers and anyone when he is in the mood to talk. The dream brought up my consideration about this trait of his. His talking often feels hollow. It is as if he does it out of habit or maybe as a coping mechanism. Sometimes having to listen hurts me, like eats at my own energy in an almost painful way. I feel this with others who talk as if out of habit, too. Their words have no substance behind them. I sometimes feel like their talking is to fill up the space of the moment so that the speaker can pass the time without really feeling the moment. I think, “Do they ever shut up? Can they just be quiet and sit comfortably in the silence?” 

I recalled my heart connection was this way, too. He talked and talked as if trying to fill up the space between us in order to avoid something. The love? The connection? Who knows. I remember wishing he would just be quiet for a moment, to just stop and feel. 

Some of what I was feeling was related to the past, also, to all the things I did to try to connect to my ex. The music was just one example of how I changed myself to try to connect to him. I hated country music when I met him but since he liked it, I began to like it, too, to the point that I began to adopt it into my own music collection. When we parted ways, I brought my music with me but rarely listened to it after. Why? Because in reality that music was not my preference. It wasn’t truly me. 

The feeling here about that time was it was a “lifetime” wasted. The feeling about my current “lifetime” was the same: wasted. 

Considerations

My tears woke me up and I lay there feeling sad for a while. 

I remember a song was in my head as I woke. “Cause all of me, loves all of you…….You’re my end and my beginning….” I’m not sure why it was in my head but it continued to play despite my thoughts and discussion with my guidance, as if a reminder of something.

Memories of other dreams were present but in bits and pieces. I recall seeing visuals indicating delay and postponement. The feeling was/is that no movement is to be made for a while – it felt like years and years.

My first thought to my guide was, “We were discussing that weren’t we?” “That” here is referring to me considering exiting life and why. My guidance nodded confirmation and reminded me of how far I had come but the feeling that it has been for nothing was strong. In fact, the feeling dominated. I saw this life and all my lifetimes to be like those empty words that hurt to hear. That all my time has been to fill up the space of existence but has been without substance. Hollow. 

I remember thinking that if I had to do this life all over again I would omit ALL the spiritual experiences. My guidance was intrigued by this. Why? Because those experiences are why I feel so disconnected from the physical, from the world, from the sleeping populace. 

I began to begrudge our “creators”, that alien species who created humans and then abandoned us abruptly. They left us (humans) after centuries of playing our “Gods”. They taught us nothing of our true nature. They allowed us to worship them, to look to them for all the answers. Then, when they left, we didn’t know what to do. So in desperation we created our own Gods and those who saw the opportunity took power from the rest of the population who so desperately longed to be “guided” by their creators. But with those creators gone, the only guidance they had came from within but they did not know how to follow that guidance, choosing instead to follow other humans who claimed to have been chosen to lead them. But in reality, those “leaders” knew no more than anyone else. 

My disappointment in humanity was – IS – strong. It feels so hopeless. I remember talking to my guidance about how we humans are “children”. Our “parents” (creators) left us to fend for ourselves. The reality is that no matter how much they taught us, we would not truly know until we were on our own, left to fall and pick ourselves back up over and over again. They watch from afar, waiting to see if/when we will finally “grow up”. 

It seems the core of my sadness and desire to depart this reality is based upon how truly impossible the task of waking up humanity feels to be. I wish our creators would come back and give humans a good ass whooping.

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Lucid to OBE: Return to Past Dream and Music Message: You Don’t Know You’re Beautiful

Last night marked the third night of listening to a 30 minute Delta State track, or binaural beats as some call it. The first time I listened I was startled awake by a familiar feeling. The feeling is hard to describe unless you’ve consciously gone OOB, meaning you were not using a method like the WBTB (wake back to bed) or going OOB via a lucid dream. When you leave your body consciously the sensations tend to be much stronger, which is why I prefer to exit via a lucid dream. So when I began to feel literally sucked out of my body via my heart center it startled me awake. Then I lay there, heart pounding for a while, as if I had just sprinted a short distance.

The second and third times I listened to the music I did not have this happen but did find myself drifting into the in-between for short periods. My mind has been super over-active lately so it takes me the full 30 minutes of my meditation time to shut it down. 

I’ve also been sleeping pretty deeply for a while now, which I am not complaining about since prior to this deep sleep period I was not sleeping very well. 

I woke at around 4:45am from an odd dream and then got back into bed but lay there wide awake for some time. 

Lucid Dream: Return to Past Dream

I traveled to a past dream I had some time ago. In fact, I don’t even recall when I had this dream or if I documented it. Yet when I returned to it, I recalled it vividly. I remember exploring the dream scene to the point of returning to it and then watching it fast forward and rewind based on what I was interested in. 

The dream itself involved a past coworker, a history teacher who had retired. He had taken me to his cabin in a vast, hilly grassland located below a mountain range that was reminiscent of Montana. We then traveled to where he taught college aged students history. The classroom was located under ground and we walked through a tunnel to get to it.

I recall sitting in a desk watching him teach. A feeling came over me and I began to miss teaching to the point of considering returning to work in that capacity.

In my return to this dream I sat back in that seat and re-experienced that feeling. I’m not sure why. I believe I was conversing with a guide about it. 

I also returned to the scene of the cabin nestled under the shadow of the mountains far from civilization and shrouded in moonlight. The starry sky overhead seemed so big. I felt safe despite the vulnerability the openness brought. It seemed as if I was being asked to focus on how I felt at this time. There was a sense of someone saying, “This is where you belong”.

Then I was inside a home looking at a shelf with toiletries hanging on the wall next to a doorway. My ex-coworker was there and I mentioned the shelf, saying I missed it. I distinctly recall staying at the house and using the shelf to hold my things and I knew the toiletries it contained were mine.

I focused on a small bar of soap feeling the desire to reclaim the shelf and its contents.

I began to take down the shelf using a screwdriver. When I got the shelf on the floor I began to disassemble it. My coworker stopped and asked me about it. “Oh, it’s the shelf. Are you taking it?” I felt a bit guilty for not asking but responded, “Yes”, and continued to take it apart. The tiny screws kept slipping through my fingers. There were four and I was counting them to make sure I had them all. 

There is a mixture of visuals here – faces from my past blurring into other faces and life scenes all at once. Most of what I recall are the faces of past coworkers, bosses and students. All memories of my time spent teaching. 

OBE 

The strange blast of memories led me to realize I was dreaming. There was the familiar feeling of being OOB – heavy yet mobile, as if something was weighing me down. Sleep maybe?

I immediately shifted away from the strange memory daze I was in. 

I found myself in a place that was not my bedroom, though somewhat like it. What was surprising here was how well I could see. Realizing I was OOB I moved quickly and with joy at the chance to play. I have not been OOB in some time and miss the freedom it offers.

Sadly I can’t recall what I did next only that I ended up back in my body. My heart was beating erratically but I ignored it and shifted back out. My vision was not clear at first and I closed my eyes tightly to check if I was really OOB. When I realized I was my vision returned and I could see through closed eyes.

Again my vision was full-on and I rushed out of the room and down the stairs. I attempted to fly or float down but could not lift myself up any higher than I would be able to in the physical.

At the bottom of the stairs I saw my dog, Monty. I took him with me toward the front door. My vision was fading in and out at this time and I kept reminding myself “I can see” to turn it back on.

Someone knocked on the front door and I opened it. 

Outside was an unfamiliar scene. The neighborhood street was there but it was crowded with people in cars. One car in particular had people driving it that were trying to get my attention. The car seemed incomplete, though, as if the back end was missing and it had no roof over the front. The man in the car was standing up out of the driver’s seat waving wildly at me. My dog was growling and barking. I opened the door widely to encourage Monty to go out, which he normally would do when the opportunity is offered. He didn’t budge though and backed up, hiding behind me.

I went outside, fearless, towards the car. The man inside was honking his horn and still waving. I recall turning back toward the house momentarily. I had the thought of, “What to do now?” With that thought I began to feel like a joyful and mischievous child. The clothes I was wearing suddenly felt heavy and cumbersome. I think I had on a coat. I thought, “I want to be naked” and began to happily tear my clothes off. The idea of being naked was exciting and I desperately wanted to be free of the burden of wearing all those clothes.

As I tore off the first layer my vision began to fade out and I knew I was moving back into my body. I tried to relax into it, allowing myself to return with the intent to instantly leave again. Sadly, when I returned my heart was doing odd things in my chest again and it felt very uncomfortable. There was a slight sense of breathlessness, too, which I think was the main reason I did not go OOB again.

My heart settled soon after I came firmly back into my body. I lay there a while. A song was going through my head. Specifically the lyrics, “You don’t know you’re beautiful….”

Considerations

Most of my OBEs lately seem to be odd like this one. So my best bet is to try and focus on the symbols within it.

The return to a previous dream seems to simply be a dream conversation with a guide. The feelings it provoked in me reminded me of that satisfied feeling I use to get when I was a teacher. There were times early on when my entire body would get covered in goosebumps during teaching. This always happened when my class was very engaged and interested in what I was saying. Whenever this happened I would think/feel, “This is why I’m here.”

The shelf and my focus upon it appears to symbolize something I “put on the shelf” and am now wanting to take back and focus on. Since the shelf had toiletries on it, specifically a bar of soap, perhaps I am seeking healing or cleansing?

The OBE itself seems to be mostly about me trying to remove the burdens that are weighing me down. I am easily able to manipulate my ability to see, which is a positive sign.

The car without a roof with the man in it is interesting to me. I don’t know who the man is but in a previous OBE I was warned I would meet a man who had a car that was incomplete – the rear end was missing and there was no speedometer. The warning was that he would go very fast. I believe the missing back end of the car was symbolic of “no going back” and the possibility of “high speeds”. In that past OBE I remember deciding I would stay clear of the man and in this current OBE I turned away from him despite him yelling and waving at me to come to him.

Could it be the same man? Not sure but interesting nonetheless.

Overall, I am curious about the return to the past dream and how it made me feel. Lately I have been contemplating those things in life which brought me that “covered in goosebumps” feeling. Not many things have. Teaching primarily has brought on that feeling. I only got the feeling when I was teaching certain subjects, though – spiritual and self-help topics. For example, I first felt these feeling when teaching Psychology in high school. It also occurred when speaking to groups about spiritual topics – spirit guides, meditation, mediumship, spiritual abilities – and when giving readings. Finally, it came when teaching very young children guidance lessons. Guidance lessons focus primarily on helping children learn social skills such as how not to bully, speak over others, tattle, etc. With the little ones I think the feeling came from mostly from their openness and complete joy at being with me; full acceptance and connection.

My current life and career is devoid of such feelings. Completely lacking.

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Kundalini Dreams, Symbols and Music Message: I Know I’d Go Back to You

Before I get into this post, I wanted to update on my sister. The last I heard she was signed out of the hospital to go home and wait for her upcoming surgery. She has to inject herself with antibiotics daily using a port they put in her arm. The last time I chatted with her online she told me she had been feeling ill again, with a fever and had called for an ambulance. She did not end up going to the hospital that day but she said she thinks it will happen. However, there has been no news that she is back in the hospital.

The insurance change was approved and surgery is set for August 7th.

Kundalini Dreams

I don’t get many of these lately.

Woke around 4am from a dream. In the dream I was going out my front door headed out on my daily walk. A man approached me, startling me. He had on a helmet and was sitting on a bike. He smiled and asked me if me and my kids wanted to join him and his kids on a bike ride. When I saw him I recognized him. I believe I had seen him in a previous dream. My first thought was that if I let myself I would be drawn into his energy and it could culminate in a K connection. I experienced brief panic. Why was he at my front door? Why was he at my house? I woke up concerned and a bit panicked.

I don’t recall what the man looked like now except that he was middle aged and seemed somewhat fit, though not muscular. He was most definitely not overweight. In the dream the fact that he was at my house bothered me. I suspect this is symbolic of my spiritual openness to this man, whoever he is – guide or otherwise. I am allowing him near my Home (Soul).

When I woke from the dream a male guide was close by asking me questions and encouraging a discussion. He was asking me about the male physique and my considerations that it is not beautiful like the female body. I replied that some men are attractive to me, specifically those who take care of their bodies and keep in shape. I think the male form looks best with some muscle, though not big and bulky. I do not like male bodies that have fat in the stomach and thighs like a woman. The “man bod” is very unattractive to me and the pot belly/beer belly body actually grosses me out. A thin male body with little muscle is acceptable but not a turn on. 

Similarly, women who let their bodies go are also not attractive to me, though women who gain fat in the right places (hourglass) can maintain their good looks even at 30% or more body fat at times.

I’m not sure why we were discussing the attractiveness of bodies to me except that my guide was trying to get me to look past physical appearance. I recall him pointing out how much I work on my body – weight training and cardio to achieve a certain look. He suggested I stop for a while and see what happens. I said I feel better when I am active. He suggested yoga. I said it is boring. lol I do know if I stop working out as often that I will maintain my appearance because I’ve done it before many times. If I had to stop for whatever reason it would not upset me and I could easily stay in shape with less time spent on such endeavors. I prefer, however, to continue to reach for my goal which is to sculpt my body so that I have more muscle and less fat. I’m looking to maintain a youthful, strong and healthy body. I want to feel proud of how I look and I do.

K Dream: Decorating Cupcakes

After this brief discussion with my guide (lasted maybe ten minutes), I fell back to sleep. 

Then I am standing in a kitchen next to a man. The man is decorating cupcakes (to satisfy simple desires, love) and I am watching, fascinated with how good he is at it. The frosting on some cupcakes looked like cascading water. I commented on his artwork, complimenting him. He turned and asked me about my own cupcakes. Why didn’t I add more differing types of ingredients like chocolate or peanut butter cups? I replied that I preferred simple decorations and ingredients. Then I watched as he added a newly finished cupcake to a tall tower of cupcakes that were balanced one on top of the other. I told him to be careful because it was so tall and could topple. He wasn’t concerned and I heard a chuckle escape his lips. Overall, I seemed to amuse him.

I recall feeling a connection to this man. It was as if he was inviting me in to share in his energy. Briefly I connected with his energy and could feel my chakras tingle with the K energy. It moved through me reminding me of previous encounters and I could not help but fall into the feeling.

I turned away, looking down at my hands. In each hand I held a cupcake only they were blueberry muffins (change or situation that is beneficial), not cupcakes. They had no frosting but I knew they were no different than cupcakes, just intended for breakfast. It seemed the man was encouraging me to decorate my cupcakes/muffins, to create a masterpiece like the ones he created. 

The K energy continued to circulate and it woke me. Thankfully it was mild in comparison with other incidences but there was a strong magnetic pull from within me. Being the energy was quite calm I was able to feel into what my core was telling me and recognized once again that my entire purpose for being in this body, in this life, in this time period on Earth, was that feeling – or the result of the movement of that energy, Divine Union. All of my Being desires nothing more than to achieve that Union with Self and even more to have that while in this physical body and experience. It is embodiment, it is ascension, it is power and that power is Me. 

Music Message

As the energy moved through me a song was going through my head. Specifically the lyrics – “I know I’d go back to you.” 

The song seemed to mirror my feeling of longing, as if to say, “You know you want to”. At first I denied this and grew resistant but that didn’t last long. How can I ignore that Knowing? How can I deny what I feel? Do I really want a plain old muffin? Or do I want a full blown cupcake with lots of decadent frosting? lol

Astral Sight

I fell into the in-between while enjoying the K-bliss. My body felt so relaxed. I floated there in bliss. 

The next thing I recall is a sense of remote viewing of the bedroom and spaces beyond. I saw my room and some of the things in it in great detail. It was as if I had on special binoculars that allowed me to see through my closed eyelids and zoom in on objects. 

One would think I would become more lucid with such an experience but I seemed to just want to float in it rather than take over the experience. I could have flown off to explore, but I didn’t. I just allowed and looked around. Sometimes I would come back to my body but it was easy to send my vision out and away, as if accessing a portal or some window into the astral. 

Signs and Symbols

I’ve been trying to take notice of what the Universe is showing me. Focusing on my feelings and intuition whenever possible. This can be difficult with all that is going on right now in the world and with my family, but I persevere.

Broken Eggshells

I’ve seen bird eggshells here and there. Most of them are dove eggs but the other day I saw a turquoise one with brown spots. I even picked it up and inspected it, finding it pretty. Overall, I noticed the eggshells but didn’t think much. It is that time of year. The birds in Texas have babies all summer long.

Then a few days ago, while on a walk, I heard a noise just behind me, so close to my head that it made a significant amount of noise. What was that? I turned and there, mid-fall, was – yep, an eggshell. lol Mama bird decided to discard it right over my head.

So what does an eggshell mean? Well, eggs represent new life, rebirth and transformation. Being the egg is broken and I am only seeing the shell, perhaps it is a message that something has been born – something that has yet to be recognized. Since once almost dropped right on my head, well, I can’t help but think I am being asked to “pay attention”. lol

Dead Blue Jay

On a walk this week I came across a beautiful male Blue Jay, only he was dead. It looked as if he had just lay down on the side of the road and died. I tried to look closer but I had my dog Monty with me so I couldn’t get as close as I wanted. Monty wanted to eat him.

Blue Jay’s symbolize faithfulness, longevity and strength. If one encounters a dead one it symbolizes coming problems. The problem(s) most likely will come through someone you know and love, perhaps even a partner or a family member you are close to. In general, though, dead birds can be good omens symbolizing rebirth and new beginnings. So perhaps the Blue Jay is saying, “Hey, there are some issues coming up, but don’t worry, they are helping to pave the way to something new”?

Feathers Everywhere

I am also seeing feathers pretty much every day, sometimes more than once a day. They are in perfect shape and usually something about them draws my eye and attention. I typically have the urge to pick them up, but I never do. Why? They are just songbird feathers, nothing unique for this time of year. None has hit me in the head yet, either. lol

Feathers symbolize a strong celestial connection to the Heavenly realms, as well as love, truth, protection, new beginnings and rebirth. 

1111

Yes, I am seeing this number again as well. Not much to be said about this except that I am use to seeing it and it’s counterpart 111.

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Dreams Indicate a Lesson Will Repeat Itself

Meant to post this over the weekend but was too busy. The following dreams were from Saturday morning, July 11th.

Dream: World History A

I was in a college setting. The color brown was prominent as if I was in an older building similar to very old universities. I was discussing my upcoming school schedule with a man. I remember being asked about returning after such a long break and reminded how I failed a class – World History A (first half of the full course). He indicated that in the end I had just failed to come to the class and did not even bother to withdraw. So he had to assign me a grade in the end.

I remember feeling a dislike for the course and not being excited to have to repeat it but I also had a hopeful, determined feeling about returning to school and finishing the last semester to obtain my second bachelors degree once and for all.

Looking at my schedule I had five classes but the only ones I recalled were World History B and Algebra. Algebra was the last class and World History B was the third one. The fourth class was an elective the school had assigned me because I had not selected one. I asked if I could retake World History A during 4th period and was told I needed to speak to the professor about it. I asked if he was “black” and described the professor I remembered. The man told me, “I don’t know.”

My memory of the World History A course indicated I did not like the professor’s teaching style. The class was asked to read The Hobbit  chapter-by-chapter together, analyzing the characters and then taking very long tests about the story. I recall my grades being poor and my final grade was 34%. There was anxiety about how my new grade would be determined. Would they average my first grade with my new grade? If so that would mean I would have to make a very good grade this time around.

The World History B class was with a new professor who had a teaching style much easier for me to adjust to. It focused on the Lord of the Rings trilogy. The World History A teacher had a style I struggled with. I could never figure it out which is why I did so poorly. I made a decision to study harder this time around and pass the course once and for all so I could graduate and move on.

I was taken to meet the World History A professor. He was in a room surrounded by many students and did not appear as I thought he would. Yes, he had darker toned skin but he was not “black”. He was also very laid back. He had many of students surrounding him and they were all very friendly, almost too much so, like they were intoxicated or high. Many of them touched me as they passed and looked at me like they were looking into my soul.

I asked if he would allow me to add his class. He reminded me the first day of school had just passed and I would miss out on that first day. I reassured him I could handle the missed work. He agreed to let me join the class.

My dream memory fades out here and I remember having a conversation with a guide. He shows me three uncooked hot dog wieners and points to the first one. I knew they represented men in my life (wiener = penis = masculine) and that he was saying the World History A class was representative of this first masculine energy somehow. I had failed the lesson pertaining to this masculine energy and so now was returning to give it another try.

Dream: Bosu Fruit

I left the school to meet up with my Mom and step-dad. I was walking outside near a large garden with my mom waiting for her husband. He pulled up in a van and asked if I could get him the hose. I walked to the garden and saw a large watering set-up with various size hoses. I selected one that was tossed to the side and offered it to him. He said it was too flimsy and pointed to a larger one. I recall looking closely at the system and marveling at how it worked. The garden was lush and tall flowers peaked over the fence nearby. I believe they were sunflowers.

Then we drove to a house and went inside. My mom and I went on the back patio. I noticed her hair was very curly and she commented that she over did it and had not intended it to be that way. I told it it looked nice and remembered how she use to get perms to make her hair that way in the 80’s.

Then I saw a short tree full of ripe fruits. There were some fruits on the ground, too. I began to select them, sorting through those that had imperfections from birds and small animals taking bites out of their ripe flesh. The fruits were small and fuzzy like peaches and quite red. I asked my Mom what they were called and she said, “Bosu fruit”. The name didn’t make sense to me and I kept asking her again and she would repeat “Bosu” but I would think Kumquat or peach.

Then we were eating a dish made from the fruit I had picked The dish had a red sauce that tasted like spaghetti sauce. I remember this confused me. It was a fruit, right? Why did it taste like tomatoes? When I looked in the sauce I could see the red fruit, some in whole pieces. I kept eating the dish. The taste is still very strong in my memory.

Bosu

When I woke I lingered in bed and songs and conversations floated through my mind as I drifted in and out of the in-between.

I remember wondering what “bosu” meant. I got a full sentence that I can’t remember now (of course) but it was something like, “It’s time to awaken and expand your consciousness, not contract into yourself.”

The name Bosu reminds me of the BOSU ball used in exercise. It is mostly used for increasing one’s proprioception – the body’s ability to sense location, movement and action without thinking about it. Proprioception is sometimes described as the “sixth sense”.

BOSU ball

It feels as if the fruit symbolism and name is meant to remind me to trust myself and use my intuition or sixth sense to guide me. 🙂

Considerations

I’m not sure what the history class dream signifies except that I am returning to a lesson I failed to learn. Being it is a history class that focuses on The Hobbit it could be about my journey to Self. The Hobbit is about a hermit who has to step outside of his comfort zone and venture into the unknown. So perhaps that is the lesson I need to learn still? The Lord of the Rings trilogy of the second class is also a symbol. Here it is indicative of the second half of this lesson. My guess is it is more about the world being disrupted by a great evil and the part I have to play in it alongside others who have similar missions. I am to learn both lessons in the same “semester”. The Algebra class is also part of this semester indicating that logic and reason are also a lesson somehow.

My take on the dream is that I am back-tracking. This makes me feel a bit disappointed. It seems I am always going back to lessons and it is tiring. No wonder I was so determined in the dream to “study hard” to pass the classes and graduate!

The bosu message is also interesting. It just felt that I was being asked to return to a more expanded consciousness; to expand rather than contract inward. The fruit itself initially looked like and felt like a Peach. Peaches symbolize love and relationships. The fruit itself was a deep shade of red, though, and ultimately tasted like a tomato, which is also a fruit. Tomatoes represent approaching good fortune, passionate and often concealed love, and fertility. Red in and of itself is the color of love and passion

Combined, the two dreams seem to indicate a return to a lesson involving the masculine energy (or a male individual). The fruit part indicates a concealed, passionate love connection as well. This lesson would be one that was not fully learned. As the teacher reminds me in the dream, I stopped attending class but never officially withdrew. Therefore, I avoided the lesson in the end, maybe because I felt I could not successfully complete it after failing so many tests. I may not have withdrawn completely because a part of me was still interested or believed I could pass the class. 

Much of the first dream involved my consideration about the teacher of World History A. I saw his skin as black and disliked his teaching style. The color black can symbolize the unknown but it can also represent a dark side or aspect of something. When I finally met him he was not black after all and his students were all intoxicated. To me this is symbolic of the Kundalini energy and points to my withdrawal from my previous lessons with the energy.

The Hobbit symbolism gives some insight into the lessons I was learning at least. Knowing me, the lesson asked me to expand beyond my comfort zone and I was not ready to. Instead I chose to stay in my “Hobbit hole”. lol This I can completely relate to. When given a choice to take a risk or stay safe, I tend to choose safety.