Category Archives: Dreams

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Message: Time is Not Linear

Last night I watched a movie that I recommend to you if you haven’t already seen it. It is free if you have Amazon Prime. I don’t know if it is on Netflix or not. It’s called The Cokeville Miracle. It’s based on a true story. My daughter and I watched it and were both crying most of the movie. So be aware that it is a tearjerker but not because it is sad, but because it is beautiful.

I went to bed crying and woke up crying. Lots to process this morning. Full moon energy is powerful this month. I am still struggling to recall dreams from early on in the night but my morning dreams are vivid and revealing.

Dream: Healing Boat

Suddenly found myself sitting on the deck of a boat in the middle of a calm, blue-green ocean. All I could see for miles and miles was ocean and a clear, blue sky. My focus, though, was on a woman who seemed to be walking on the water. She was talking to a dog that was swimming in the water below her. The woman had dark hair and was wearing a gown of white lace that seemed alive, swirling around her like energy or millions of tiny butterflies. If looking at her, the top of her – face, torso, arms – was solid looking but her hips and legs were a mass of swirling white.

The woman was talking to the dog, asking him to retrieve a ball or something floating on the water. He was paddling fast but making no progress and she was thinking (I could hear her thoughts) that he was just playing with her as was his normal personality. There was another thought originating from someone else about dog treats and what kind to give him to encourage him to go after the toy. It was a lighthearted conversation and pleasant.

Similarly I was telepathically speaking with the other woman about the woman floating over the water. I knew she traveled OOB every night and that this was normal for the place I was visiting. Everyone went OOB. Everyone was super tuned in to their spiritual – well innate – abilities. I remember thinking, “I guess I’m not special after all” but I didn’t react to this knowledge despite recognizing a part of me was very attached to wanting to be “special”.

From aboard the boat I watched them but then began to get pulled into a memory of my own dog, Trooper. I knew the dog in the water was my dog and the woman floating above the water was me. There was an entire recollection of a lifetime of memories with my dog, but they were not memories from this life though they were very similar. I remembered that he got lost for a long time and one day just appeared standing at the front door to my old house. Yet the dog that returned home was not the dog that was lost but an exact duplicate of him and one I accepted wholeheartedly as my lost dog. In the recollection I was talking to someone, saying, “He just came home one day.” The memory confused me, though, because I also remembered him dying and so to see him so solidly at the front door upset me to no end. I began to cry at the joy of seeing him and the realization that he was not alive but had been dead for nearly 5 years. I could not make sense of it.

In the midst of my tears a voice said, “It’s not your reality here.” It woke me up and I fell into heaving sobs over the loss of my dog. 5 years and I still have such heartache over the loss of him.

Time is Not Linear 

Memories surfaced of the time I had with my dog. I missed my companion and wished he was here right now to assist me in yet another difficult life transition. He had been there for the entirety of my first marriage, through my Dark Night and into the first years of my current marriage. I again began to feel guilt over his death. I was reminded that he never really died and that he was still a part of me. This calmed me because I knew it to be true. I saw him often in dreamtime.

After crying for a short while I Knew that I was still in the midst of major healing. I was still dreaming of being on the boat (unknown or subconscious aspects of Self). The good news is that I never go into the water and the water is always calm. The boat is always white and I feel protected, safe and comfortable, as if I am on a long vacation away from everything. I recognized the boat was my protected healing space where I received helped as I sorted through lifetimes of memories and jumped to various timelines doing healing there, too. The boat never moves, it floats, as if suspended in time. That is how my life is now as well. Everything is temporarily suspended while I heal.

There was Knowing that this healing work is purposeful and necessary, preparing me to “move on” to my next step. I am very acutely aware that I am not yet ready to take that step. I don’t know how long it will take me to be ready, either.

map_specnewsdct-83_ltst_4namus_enus_650x366

I was shown the healing I am doing as a mass of yellow. It looked similar to a weather map showing precipitation in a certain area. Yellow would indicate moderate rainfall, green light and red intense. Thee was no red (yay) but some minor spots of green. Most of it was yellow. In this case the map was of the Austin area focused on the main highway heading toward Austin. The yellow color was bunched up along the highway and then masses of it were circling Austin. I saw the map as representing a map of my healing on the way to my center (core).

When I finally calmed down, I drifted into the in-between over and over. I kept running into full stories of alternate lives I lived parallel to this one, at least that is the best way to describe them. This has been coming up for several months now but I have not been ready to confront what what I was experiencing. I kept assuming I was just entering into dreams and then forgetting them in full when I attempted to retrieve the memory.

I will have full recollection of an entire life similar to this one with subtle and sometimes major differences. The memory will be so vivid that it catches my attention but as soon as I focus on the memory it vanishes and all that will be left are impressions and feelings. For example, one time I had a full memory of a list of things I needed to do and was about to leave the house to retrieve them. When I focused on the memory to get more details I knew it was not important or related to this lifetime and I lost the specifics, only retaining the impression of the list and the feeling of needing to go to my car.

While in the in-between I went to a beautiful house and began to pull down white shades on huge windows overlooking a view of a valley full of trees shrouded in mist. A woman said to me, “You will open them again soon” and I looked back at the windows and realized I had been allowed to view one of these alternate realities of mine. I also recognized the house. I had been there before.

My guidance came through then and said, “Time is not linear.” With this information I saw the typical timeline that one connects to an individual lifetime explode outward as if hit by a bomb. There was no longer a line but a void full of dots resembling stars. I knew this meant that my perception of time was being altered. It gave me a strange feeling that is hard to describe.

I was told that multiple timelines are available to me. I got a feeling that I was shifting rapidly through them all the time during this healing process. Past, present and future were all Now in these experiences.

 

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OBE: Blurry Tunnel of Light

I think I am already feeling the energy of the full moon. Had several lucid dreams and an OBE last night into this morning.

Woke at 11pm feeling off. My heart was not feeling right. It didn’t hurt but it was unsettled, like there was this energy tending toward anxiety but I wasn’t anxious. When I turned on my side, my heart would skip beats. This is familiar to me. My heart did that with every one of my pregnancies. Higher blood volume causes it and it is perfectly normal. But I’m not pregnant now. Why is my heart doing that when I am on my right side? Even when I was in other positions my chest felt odd. I had a bit of worry at this time that maybe I am following in my mother’s footsteps and developing arrhythmia. She had to go on medication and doctor’s suggested she have surgery because her’s got so bad she passed out a few times.

So I couldn’t return to sleep for a long while, waiting for my heart to feel normal again. For some reason I determined the cause of my heart issue was dehydration so I got up and drank a bunch of water. It solved the problem.

Dream: Stolen Luggage

I was in a foreign country with a bunch of traveling companions. We had stopped at an apartment and were in the parking lot. A friend saw someone she knew from years ago and went to reunite with them. It was an ex-boyfriend. They were both older and graying. There was another man who was there but he looked ill, like he had AIDS. I remember thinking I knew him but thought of him as a “she”.

Someone came and warned me that our stuff had been messed with. Inside the apartment I couldn’t find my bag. All our things had just been tossed into a corner. I was upset because without it I had nothing. I was especially upset because my identification and wedding ring were in it. I remember wishing I had been wearing my ring. Then I would have it to use as money if I needed it.

I went to use the bathroom and was interrupted by two black priests. I remember trying to go #2 and saying to them, “Do you mind?” They looked at me and went on with whatever they were doing. I don’t think they understood me.

Interpretation

Being in a foreign country represents change in my life. Since I am lost/stuck in it, then I am not ready for this change. I am seeing a friend reunited with an old lover but when I see the person I know he has AIDS, so is terminally ill. Not a good sign. My luggage is lost which means I feel I have lost my identity. Lost ID means the same thing. The lost wedding ring indicates unresolved issues with my marriage. The priests indicate I am looking for spiritual guidance. Since I am using the toilet in front of them I am likely trying to cleanse something I feel is dirty or unclean about myself.

Vision

I had awakened briefly and before returning to sleep received a vision. At first it was in the form of a letter. I saw it was written in Japanese and knew it was from a male who wanted to communicate with me. Who he was, I have no clue. When I saw it I immediately said, “I’m not interested in what you have to say.” The image vanished.

Then I saw a cell phone in front of my eyes, the screen clear and the face of a man began to form in the screen. I again cut it off sending a nasty energy toward whoever was sending it. I was not in the mood.

Then I saw very clearly a closed coffin preparing to be put into the ground. The scene was complete with sunny day, trees, and green grass.

Then the scene shifted again and I saw rain, but it was not normal rain. It was millions of tiny, rainbow crystals falling from the sky.

My interpretation of these visions is that I am going through a death process. The raining crystals is likely related to healing. Rain represents tears or crying and forgiveness and grace.

Lucid Dream: Spiritual Retreat

I was in my old bedroom at my mom’s house. She came into the room, waking me, to ask me if I was going to go with them that morning to the weekend retreat. I told her I wasn’t. She explained what kind of retreat it was and I saw images of it while she spoke. I told her I didn’t need to go and pray to some statue of a saint who spent her lifetime as a nurse taking care of people. My mom said it would help me focus on my heart. I told her I knew quite well how to do that. I got irritated with her and her with me. She left the room.

Then I heard a loud ring, like a doorbell. My step-father yelled he would get it but I got out of bed. I went to the computer and checked FB noticing the FB feed was all messed up. It was like a collage of everyone’s feed and it moved around the blue screen. I could hear people’s conversations and my sister’s was one I was focusing on. I tried to turn off the sound but the speaker was not working. I climbed under the desk and unplugged it but it still wouldn’t turn off. That’s when a newscast began to broadcast really loudly. I got upset I would wake someone and turned the monitor around thinking I could turn it off there. I finally figured out how to turn it down via the speaker.

Then I was in bed again and looking at the wall. A screen was sharing my sister’s FB feed. She was announcing that she had just bought an expensive water filter. I was yelling at the screen because she had just been evicted. Yet she spent $1000 on the machine. I yelled, “How can you be so stupid!?” My husband came in and asked me what was going on. I told him. I saw a yellow jacket wasp on the blanket and told him to kill it. He ignored me. It flew up and then landed again and I wanted it dead yet he still wouldn’t kill it. I prepared to kill it when it landed near his thumb, the stinger touching it. He was unafraid and didn’t move, almost willing it to sting him.

Then I became extremely lucid. I was in my own bed looking at a box standing in the corner of my room. It was black and had a picture I recognized on it. It was a Pandora Star machine! The machine helps induce OBEs. I saw it in action, the lights flashing. I heard someone say, “The lights will be noticed even after you go OOB.” I could see the outline of a man’s shadow standing at the foot of my bed.

Interpretation

I was almost fully lucid during this string of dreams. I think many of the symbols were reflections of things I had been thinking about the previous day. The sounds I heard were noises-off, indicating I was ready to exit my body. My guidance is obviously trying to encourage me to stay in my heart, to teach me, but I feel I don’t need teaching. My irritation at my sister also came through (she was evicted and makes dumb decisions when it comes to money which is why she was evicted). Wasps are negativity. My husband seems to be the source of this negativity. I want to kill it, but he seems to want to be its friend. The Pandora Star was obviously there to get me to go OOB. 🙂

chiron-the-wounded-healerOBE: Blurry Tunnel of Light

Immediately I knew I could exit my body. I sat up thinking, “I can do this!” There was no strange energy in my chest, no heaviness or sluggishness. It felt very real and I think that is why I was encouraging myself.

I stood up and went into the hallway. I could hear my family moving about and went toward a bedroom. My vision was on but extremely blurry, like how I use to see without my glasses before I had laser surgery to correct my vision. I saw in front of me a very, very long, golden lit hallway resembling a tunnel. I followed it despite only see blurry yellow and shadows. I said aloud, “I can see clearly now.” The song came to mind as I said it. My vision cleared instantly but still was not crystal clear. I saw my husband standing near the dresser putting socks on our youngest. I smiled and went toward him asking, “What are you doing?” He said, “You said you didn’t want to go.” I felt happy to see him but at the same time I felt repelled by him. This contradiction seemed to affect my OBE because as I went to hug him I was sucked backward down the tunnel and back into my body.

As I awoke, I heard someone say, “Chiron 3-4”. And then I heard, “Chiron the wounded healer “. I remember reading yesterday that this next full moon in Virgo (tomorrow, March 12) will be influenced by Chiron. I believe Chiron is in my chart.

I tried to go back OOB but just wasn’t feeling it. I had become to aware and awake and to try and go back would be difficult. There was a strange feeling with me as I got out of bed. It felt like I had no future and no past. I didn’t like it.

It was raining outside when I woke. So I guess the rest of the song from my OBE was not meant as a message – “It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun shiny day.” Not here. lol

The OBE was showing me my current situation that needs healing. The conflicted feelings I have for my husband need to be addressed. The fact that he tells me, “You didn’t want to go” suggests he is going to go without me; leave me behind. I cannot see the situation clearly, though, so there is more to uncover before it can be resolved.

 

 

 

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Dream: Good Morning

Interesting dream this morning that I wish to recount for documentation purposes. I think it is a good reflection of Venus retrograde’s current affects on me.

Dream: Good Morning

I was inside my dorm room in college and on the phone with an ex-boyfriend. He had called me and was asking me, “Can you come over…. now?” I knew he was only calling me because he had no one else to call and was feeling sexual and lonely. So basically he wanted a mutually beneficial sexual encounter with me. Our history together came to mind. When we broke up, he made it very clear his only intentions for me were as a casual,sexual partner. This was unacceptable to me and I was devastated by his announcement and decided to stay clear of him because of my strong desire to be with him and it’s destructive tendencies. I told him, “No. You know I can’t.You told me you had no romantic interest in me, remember?” It was very difficult to say because all I wanted to do was go to him. My resistance to going made me literally squirm in my skin.

I hung up the phone and said to someone (my guidance?), “Please help me get him out of my head, out of mind! I can’t take it anymore. I want him GONE!” I was desperate to be rid of him and all memory of him.

Then somehow I ended up meeting him, only it wasn’t him but someone like him. It was a casual encounter and he was heading to work. He told me, “I have to go to work but you can come with me. It only pays $10/hour, but it’s the best I can do until I graduate.” He mentioned his schedule was Monday – Saturday. I laughed and said, “Don’t forget Sunday.” He smirked and said, “Yeah.”

We drove into a mall and parked the car inside of it next to a row of tables where people were dining. I remember thinking it odd that we didn’t park in the garage. The car was a white station-wagon type car that I didn’t recognize. He took me through the mall and outside to a city street, pointing to where he worked. A huge sign read, “Good Morning” – the name of the business. He said he was the store manager.

We walked in through double glass doors through a small entryway and then into the main store. It looked like a diner. He sat down and was talking to his mother, who he introduced to me. He had with him a large, yellow dog, like a Labrador. What is odd here is that he shifted from being male into female with light hair. There was an invitation from him/her for us to be romantic and I resisted, feeling any connection to him/her would be destructive, just like the other man. Yet I was extremely drawn to him/her and found it difficult just being there. I wanted to leave but I wanted to stay and be with him/her. The whole time the visual shifted between this man and this woman, back and forth.

Eventually I felt like I needed to leave because there was an invitation being sent by the male version for us to be romantic partners yet his actions and words said, “We’re just friends”. His energy said one thing but his person said the opposite and it was unacceptable to me. So, I told him I had to go and said goodbye. I remember looking at the female version and seeing a bare back and noticing how large she was. I remember finding it unattractive and telling myself, “I’m not attracted to him. He’s not my type anyway. I don’t want anything to do with him anymore.” That’s when I realized I was seeing both gender versions because a balance had been reached between masculine and feminine.

As I left through the front glass doors I was overcome with a feeling of being both male and female and of kissing someone that was not there, the energy very strange around my mouth and face. I ended up stopping in my tracks and pleading with my guidance, “I want him out of my head/mind. I just want all memory of him GONE! Please!” It was heartwreching because even as I asked I could not get him out of my mind.

When I went inside the mall I was disoriented and lost. I couldn’t find the car and wandered around noting I was on “Level 1”. I wondered if maybe we entered through the ground floor? Eventually I asked a woman for help, telling her I was lost and didn’t know where I had parked. She asked, “Where did you come in from?” I said, “I don’t know, some store. I entered from over there.” She said, “Was the store called ‘Good Morning’?” I said, “Yes!”

Then she morphed into the man I had just left behind and he was taking a woman who had just gotten a haircut to the register. As he was checking her out he said, “With your $50 coupon and 40% off your total comes to….” I somehow knew she owed no money. Then I asked him, “I thought you didn’t give haircuts.” He said, “I don’t. I check people out, though.”

Then he walked me back to the store, the sign again very obvious – “Good Morning”. He told me I shouldn’t be embarrassed about being lost and that he could have handled his dog on his own (felt I was suppose to have taken the dog with me to take care of it while he worked). The feeling I had was of confusion. Why was he with me again? I felt a strong feeling that I was never to be rid of him.

I don’t remember ever finding the car. I woke up in the midst of asking my guidance, “I want him out of my mind/head. Please get rid of him. I want him GONE!” I was convinced that his presence in my life was destructive.

Interpretation

I feel like I was revisiting an old relationship in this dream. The mall indicates my life choices and how they shape my personality and view of Self. I am trying to establish who I am. The car is my path. Being I parked it in the mall it indicates that I am seeking to make sense of this life decision and it’s impacts on me. The two versions of the man were the past version or my memory of him and the current remnants of him in my memory. I returned to issues I had with this particular man and was reliving them. The shifting from male to female version indicates reaching a balanced state. This kissing and energy are likely me wishing to remain in the balanced state but there is resistance to it, also. The store name is likely a joke from my guides or maybe a message relating to a new start. The number 40 has been coming a lot, so it likely another message, as is the number 50. The check-out versus hair cut may have to do with a message about me and how I view myself (haircut) and wanting to “check-out” of that self-image. The man is somehow assisting me with checking-out of this version as he says that is his job.

Overall my feeling upon waking was frustration. It seemed like there was an invitation to be a better, more whole version of myself but I was rejecting it for the destruction I felt it was bringing into my life.

You know what funny about this dream? I was motivated to get out of bed by the prospect of a hot cup of coffee and starting a new day. lol So good morning, fresh start, new day.

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Dreams: Ruined Christmas and Piranha in the Toilet

Lots of dream activity for me last night. My guides want me to take notice and aren’t giving up.

Dream: Ruined Christmas

I was in bed and couldn’t sleep. I could hear a movie or recording being played by my husband in another room. It was religious and loud and irritating. I went into his room and asked him several times to turn it down or off. I couldn’t sleep and had not slept for two days. I got so irritated at him because he purposefully wouldn’t turn it off. I went to my bed and cried and cried from the frustration of it.

Then I was being prompted to get out of bed and participate in preparation for the festivities. There was family everywhere, most my husband’s family and those he considered family but aren’t. I remember one of his friends who he considers family asking me, “Do you think you could help by cleaning the house?” I told her, “I am just too tired. I need to sleep.” She was disappointed but I didn’t care. I saw my family show up and leave to go Christmas shopping together. I didn’t go and didn’t want any presents. What would be the point of more stuff? Instead I kept searching for a quiet place to get some sleep.

I was confused then, wondering how I forgot it was Christmas day? Then I felt like it didn’t matter because it was just another day anyway. I wished it wasn’t so full of family and friends. I just wanted them to all go away. They were ruining it. I remember crying quite a bit at this time from being so tired and frustrated that I couldn’t get sleep for family being around.

I ended up in a hidden room. There was a man inside who opened the doors. I saw a long table inside and a hallway leading to a bathroom. I sat down at a table and closed my eyes to rest. The table was very long and I wondered why everyone was trying to set up the kitchen table when this one was already there? The room was cluttered, but who cared?

Moments later more of my husband’s family arrived. I opened my eyes feeling more rested and then opened up a box. Inside were house shoes. I took out a pair and put them on. They fit. My SIL was also putting on some slippers. She was pleased mine fit and asked me if I had gotten enough sleep. I said I was better.

Interpretation

I think this dream is asking me to confront some issues I am currently not wanting to deal with. One is my husband and our relationship. Another is family. Christmas symbolizes family togetherness, reunions, and celebrations. I am not feeling any of those things and want to avoid it all. In fact, I feel like my family ruins Christmas for me. I just want to sleep (avoid it all) and am extremely tired and frustrated. The slippers indicate I am feeling sluggish or insecure or that I am being lazy or may need to relax.

Dream: Renovated Garage and Piranha in the Toilet

I was at my mom’s house and she was having her garage renovated. I saw it and it enormous and completely cleaned out. I went into my old bedroom and noticed that there was water coming in through an electrical outlet. There were red furnishings nearby and so I moved them to safety. At the time I was going to take the trash out and had gone into the room thinking I could take the trash through the window as a shortcut. I changed my mind and went toward the front door but I never had the cans in my hands. They were just in my mind.

Then I was standing over a toilet looking inside. I saw it was full of clothing. Then a huge fish came out of the bottom and began to eat the clothes. I looked closer and realized it was a piranha. It shocked me and I thought it dangerous to have a piranha in the toilet. What would happen if someone sat down on the toilet? Would it eat their behind? lol One of my kids was with me and I asked him, “Hey, look what’s in the toilet!” The fish had retreated and so I had to lure him out. I found some folded laundry, picked up a shirt and put it in the water, jiggling it to get its attention. The fish came out and began to eat the shirt. I woke up just as I was about to jerk the shirt out with the fish attached.

Interpretation

I am in a period of idleness and inactivity (garage). The renovation of it indicates I am overcoming my judgement of this. Taking out trash is getting rid of old and negative behaviors/patterns. The water coming into the room indicates hidden emotion connected to trying to rid myself of these negative patterns. Red is anger. Toilets are a release of emotions. Finding a piranha in the toilet means something is eating me up inside but is at a subconscious level and trying to come through. It is eating clothing, so it is eating at my public self or how I am perceived by others. Maybe I am afraid of how others will view me if I deal with whatever is eating me up inside?

Raisins

Dream: Too Many Raisins

This was a short dream where I was eating cereal and it was almost all raisins. I was freaking out because I didn’t want raisins in my cereal. I was pulling them out one by one but there were so many I felt I would never succeed in riding myself of them.

Interpretation

Cereal is the start of a new stage in my life –  New beginnings. Raisins represents negative forces that are working against me. There are too many and I am losing hope of riding myself of them.

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OBE: Walking Backwards

Not surprised I astral projected this morning. I requested it prior bed. I am so blessed to be able to just request it and it happen.

Prior to the projection I had a dream and vision I want to recount first.

Dream: Family Restroom

I was sent to a new school against my wishes. I had forgotten my lunch in my rush to get to school. I was thinking about having to buy lunch. I felt in my pocket. My daughter had slipped half of a cookie sandwich into it.

I joined a group inside a room. They were practicing a music performance.  The class was preparing to go on stage. I saw the music sheets but it was scattered with musical notes popping off the page. Mostly I saw the flat sign. I remember hiding the fact that I was sneaking bits of the cookie.

I headed to the bathroom and when I returned the entire class was gone and a cleaning lady was inside. Wandering the unfamiliar halls, the principal asked me where I was going. I told her I was lost and suppose to be performing. She told me to follow a girl who was with another group who was also to perform but they were to recite lines of a poem. I lingered there and was asked why I was there. I told the teacher I was told to go there.

I followed the girl and ended up in the lunchroom sitting next to a high school boy who was a junior or senior. I was distinctly aware I was only 10, even seeing myself with this realization. I had blonde hair and was a bit chubby. The boy was dark blonde with thick, unruly hair. The boy took a liking to me. He was one who did not follow the rules. We got along well and he said to me, “I need to keep you around.” He made me feel special. There was a sense that I fit in with people like him, not with everyone else who followed the rules without question. The boy was not bad, he just pushed limits and questioned authority when something didn’t make sense to him. I was the same. I liked myself for being that way.

Then I was walking with the same girl trying to get back to class. I knew the school was four stories high with four sections on either side of us. She asked me, “Where is the family restroom?” I pointed to it. There was a sign on the door of an entire family walking behind a person in a wheelchair. I said, “I guess everyone goes in there together.” I laughed about it and the image of the blue sign with the family on it is the last I recall of the dream.

Vision

I woke at 4am and couldn’t go back to sleep. I fell into the in-between at once point and saw an image of a pig in a tutu dancing. When I woke I heard the word “swine” and recalled others dreams I have had with pigs in them. I knew it was a message.

Interpretation

My thoughts on the dream are that I was being schooled in my present life situation and what I am to do right now – focus on family. I am against this and feel a bit lost. The number 4 dominates. The pig vision could refer to selfishness, opulence of a situation where I think one thing is true but it is not.

OBE: Walking Backwards

Something clued me in to the fact that I could detach from my body. I took the opportunity and sat up OOB. I felt odd as I stood up. My blankets were stuck to my feet and I was not in my bedroom but somewhere else. I could see the front door from my bed. It was very close. As I walked toward the door, I was talking aloud to myself the entire time. I said,”I need some clarity please.” I had assumed the strange feeling I had was because I needed more energy, yet I could see very clearly and vividly and all my perceptions seemed in tact. The closer I got to the door the more the feeling bothered me and the more I talked. I realized now I was talking to one of my guides because I felt the answers coming back to me. The reply I kept getting was, “Healing.”

When I got to the door I could see out the window. The window was very distinct with four panels. When I walked outside and down a step I could feel the cool night air hit me. It was chilly. Out across from me I could see the street lights of an unfamiliar neighborhood. The strange feeling was still bothering me, though, and I ended up coming back into my body.

I lingered for a bit in body and received a vision of a man wearing what looked like a green, glittery alien suit. There was a bright colored symbol on his forehead right where his third-eye would have been. He was short, too, like kid sized. Was he an alien or was my guide being funny? I had no fear, just curiosity. I am not even sure it was a suit….

As I caught the vision I heard, “Healing.” I knew my visitor was helping me with healing.

As I left my body again I announced my agreement to receive healing. I once again sat up OOB talking the whole time. I was in the same bedroom. This time I pulled the blankets off me before I got up. The strange feeling was still with me. Again I could see very clearly the front door as light came through from outside. I headed directly for it and as I got closer it disappeared and I floated outside. The strange feeling was really strong and I heard again, “Healing.” I walked toward the street, looking to my left. I saw the bright white outline of clouds and a brilliant light. It looked beautiful, like a sunrise in Heaven, but I shifted my focus to my right. There was a sense of, “Don’t look!.” Instead I focused my attention down toward the greenery at my feet. It was like clover or some similar plant and was cool to the touch. I knelt down and put my hands in it and said aloud, “This is healing. I am healing.” There was a sense of peace in doing this. Even with my eyes closed I could see the entire scene in which I found myself. The night sky and green grass dominated.

Looking up at the white of the street curb I became curious. Where was I? I could see houses but then it completely changed to a city street. There were tall buildings and cobblestone streets. I walked into the streets and looked down them. The buildings went on forever and it looked like an ally. I began to head down the street, saying aloud that I wanted to fly and trying to lift myself up into the air. The voice said, “You can’t.” I felt magnetically pulled down, noticing the strange feeling was stronger than ever.

I turned around, my back facing the city. I was still talking aloud and saying something like, “I want to see what’s behind me.” I began to feel myself pulled into the city. It was like a suction cup energy and I was floating backwards. I couldn’t see where I was going, only where I had been.

I came back into my body quickly and my heart was pounding furiously. Within seconds the alarm clock went off.

Considerations

The feeling still bothers me. What was it? It is hard to describe. It felt sorta like I couldn’t breathe, like something was sitting on my chest but it was purely energetic. It caused me to think my energy was low, but that obviously was not the case because the OBE was clear and solid. My best guess is that I was sensing the healing occurring at the physical level somehow.

The OBE indicates that I am not wanting to look forward, or not needing to at this time. I am in a period of intense healing, which is made clear to me over and over. I think the white light and clouds could be indicative of going Home, or my draw to leave this body and life behind me. Thus, me being told not to look.

 

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Documenting Dreams

I’ve been sleeping deeply again and struggling to recall dreams. It is not as difficult as it was just a couple of weeks ago, though.

Dream: Dissertation 

In this dream I was with one man most of the dream. We were classmates at the doctorate level. He had just completed his dissertation and handed me a very thick manuscript. It was ridiculously thick and heavy, with pages numbering in the thousands at least. I commented that I could not believe how long it was and joked about how it must not have all come from him. He got serious and said, “It is everything I’ve learned.” With his comment I got a flash of lifetimes upon lifetimes upon lifetimes. It was so fast that I cannot recall specific lifetimes but I understood that much work had gone into his compilation and I revered him for it.

Throughout this dream we were walking through various doors into rooms that looked like very expensive and ancient libraries with wall-to-wall shelves filled with books.

Interpretation

This actually felt like I was hanging out with a friend and we were comparing notes on our spiritual progress through this classroom called Life.

Dream: Selecting a Crystal

This dream is hard to recall but I spent much of it going through crystals in order to pick the right one for me. The last one I remember and the one I finally chose was a rainbow colored crystal about the size of my hand and in the shape of a thick wand with a jagged tip.

Interpretation

This dream felt like my guidance was helping me with healing, urging me to participate in this healing.

Dream: Gathering

Most of this dream was in a kitchen that was brightly lit. We were preparing dinner for a group. I remember mostly that someone had made deviled eggs but when I took a bite I realized the egg portion was actually a boiled potato with the skin still on. It was way too big to be an egg, too, as it was the size of a potato. It had a small hole dug out where the filling was placed, just like a deviled egg.

There was a man who was at the gathering who spoke with a thick accent and kept staring at me. I knew him but wasn’t sure how. I also knew he was interested in me as I could feel his intentions. Interested just meaning he was curious and observant but there was also a romantic undertone with this interest. I noticed his eyes following me as I moved about. We had picked him up from the streets. He had been homeless and wandering wearing only a thick coat. He came with us to the gathering and ate with us. One of the women in my group told me, “_____ is interested in you. He is telling everyone, too.” She looked over her should at him and I saw that he was sitting across the room talking to a woman and kept glancing in my direction. I cannot recall the name of this man but I remember what he looks like and it is very similar to a person I know online.

Once we were finished with dinner, everyone went home. I traveled with some of my group to a shop that sold food. It was very European looking with a glass store front and very small. There was a woman standing behind the counter cooking a very large zucchini squash. It was being roasted like a hot dog on a skewer and the woman kept basting it with a reddish colored liquid.

Interpretation

I am still healing (kitchen) and so is a large number of my group. I want to focus on starting anew and it may be something I consider to go against the grain or be judged badly by others (deviled egg). I am being lazy (potato) about this start, though. There is someone I do not know well (foreign man) who has interest in me. This feels similar to other dreams where I am cautioned that there may be someone who is deceiving me. Maybe this is the man? Maybe he is getting to others like in the dream? At the end I am likely discussing the future and the abundance or fertility that awaits me (squash) if I stop being lazy.

Dream: Water Park Without Water

Again I was with a group and we were contemplating going on a slide in a water park. I remember having a discussion with someone about it and getting a feeling that they were not in agreement. Then I watched a dark haired woman picking up jewelry from the ground. She eventually was the first to go into the water park and walk backwards up one of the slides. There was no water on the slide and so you could walk the slides easily. I followed her up one.

Interpretation

There is a discussion going on about my self-worth (jewelry). I am picking up jewelry, so trying to regain my self-worth. There was too much emotion (waterslide) but it is drying up (no water). Going up the waterslide means I am taking back control because to go down a slide is to lose control.

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Lucid Dream: Subject Complement

Slept deeply. Woke at 5am furious and with certain thoughts and intentions I won’t go into detail about now. Fell into the in-between.

Lucid Dream: Subject Complement

I was sitting at the bar in my kitchen looking at my phone feeling very much awake and aware. On the phone was an image of my WP page and a list of comments about a certain blog post I had written. I don’t know what the blog post was about specifically but it was a combination of all the thoughts I had previously been having prior to entry into this dreamstate.

I noticed comments by my friend Molly (love you!) and then below her was a comment from someone who has not commented on my blog in a very long time – Silent Winds of Change. I know him and am part of his FB group, as is my friend Molly. His comments were interesting and different. Rather than comment on the post content he was proof-reading the post. lol The first comment was about a misspelling but I can’t remember the word I misspelled now. The second comment he made was about the subject complement. He said, “Of course all women love honeys bee” Then he said, “Look at the subject complement.”

When I read the comment I saw the image on the screen of my phone change. It went all black except for a tiny pinprick of light. As I focused on it, it grew larger and larger until an image appeared of a tiny, golden colored honey bee sitting on the concrete. There was a young man standing over it looking at it in awe. The tiny bee was perfectly detailed all the way to its shimmering tiny wings, it’s body so brightly golden it glowed.

As soon as I began to say aloud what I was seeing, the image began to shift and parts of it started to move jaggedly from one side to the other, like the connection was breaking up. I said aloud, “Do you see that!? Is it moving?” I turned and my youngest, wearing only his diaper, was standing up on the bar stool next to me. He looked and he said, “No.”

I looked down and my phone disappeared and I blinked my eyes, trying to figure out what happened. I knew I was asleep but it felt so real and I was trying to get in touch with my physical body by blinking rapidly. I could feel the stone counter top cold under my fingertips.

Then the phone reappeared and the image returned. This time I could see eyes popping up all over the screen. The eyes would open and look at me. Several at a time came up, all of them open and looking at me. I began to cry as I watched this happening, as if a message was coming through but I cannot remember any particular message. The tears began to drip out of my physical eyes, bringing my awareness to my physical body but I would shift between awake and dreaming, back and forth and confused as to which reality was which.

My alarm went off, bringing me softly awake, tears still dripping out of my eyes. I heard the song, Total Eclipse of the Heart – “Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I’m only falling apart. There’s nothing I can do, it’s a total eclipse of the heart”.

Interpretation

I’m not really sure what the meaning of this experience was but the symbolism of the bee comes to mind straight away. Bees represent balance, nurturing of family, community, love, teamwork, healthy communication, etc. There is a link to the hexagon and the number 6, the number of the planet Venus (currently retrograde), symbolic of love, communication, balance and union.

Honey is also mentioned and this is what is said about honey:

Symbolically, honey represents nourishment, reward, sweetness, sensuality and wealth. Honey is associated with gold in many myths and legends. This equates it to reward achieved after an arduous undertaking. As bees are ceaseless in productivity, the lesson translates to mean something like: With hard work, we earn the gold.

The message itself about subject complement is unclear to me. I was never good with grammatical terms and though I understand enough about what a subject complement is, I don’t see the link at all. I think “bee” is the subject compliment in that sentence. Perhaps the message is to be or “see” (as in the eyes) the bee and reap the “gold” of the honey?

When I awoke I was much calmer, the anger had dissipated and I no longer wanted to follow through with all of my set intentions.

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Dreams, Themes and Ship”Wrecked”

I’ve not been sleeping well the last few nights and dealing with all kinds of emotion for release. It’s been difficult with the sleep deprivation, a lingering head cold, and single parent status (husband is out of town) to remain centered through it all. I was finally able to get some decent sleep last night after taking a Benadryl along with herbal sleep supplements but I woke in a sour, resistant mood.

There has been a pretty much on-going geomagnetic storm since March 1st. This is after a short reprieve from a similar pattern. We’re being pummeled by the sun and in-between by gamma rays. I never know how I am going to react to these cycles. Sometimes I am feel great and other times exhausted, like a sloth-woman, or emotionally sensitive like now. I’ve actually gone through all of the above in a short period of time with the most common response being tired and sluggish, like all my energy has been sucked out of me.

planetary-k-index

Dream Themes

I am at least recalling some dreams but have not really had time or the motivation to write them down. There is a theme that I spotted recently that should be noted. This theme is that someone in my life is deceiving me. It has shown up via various symbols, the two most recent being a lamprey and a raccoon. The lamprey dream I documented already. The raccoon dream was two nights ago. In the dream I was on a boat (another repeating symbol) and trying to get away from evil, aquatic raccoons (lol). Only one out of ten was remaining and he was hiding in the boat somewhere. I was warned that he would hurt me, even kill me, if allowed close enough.

The boat theme continues to come up. This symbol indicates that I am ready to deal with and cope with my emotions. Thankfully the boats I am on are always in good condition as is the water.

Dream: Snakes

Short dream last night where I was visiting my sister at her new place in the country. She was located in another state. It was one of the more southern states but which one, I don’t know. I remember thinking Kentucky but knowing that was wrong. The weather was cooler than Texas, much more temperate. She was growing raspberries and had just harvested some. I remember tasting them.

In the dream I spoke of being offered a job in another state, but I could not for the life of me remember which state. My sister told me I could buy and RV and live on the 40 acres that came with her rental house. I went looking at the land and it was spectacular. Definitely much greener than Texas. I pointed out a spot in the trees saying I could live there. My sister said, “That’s the river.” I looked and saw it was indeed a small, crystal clear river. It had blended in somehow. Then I saw tons of small snakes in the water and on the banks. They were all colors and sizes and so many that they were squirmy and crawling over each other to get away. I saw their markings were like those of the rattle snake. I was not afraid of them, though, but fascinated.

Interpretation

I believe this dream was mostly a discussion of my life, considerations and current issues. These issues are of a delicate nature (raspberries) and I am being reminded to take my time and be kind to myself. The RV is movement, the water is emotion and the snakes are the Kundalini and/or transformation.

snake

Dream: 18

This dream is somewhat blurry now but the part I recall most vividly is being in my old bedroom at my mom’s house laying in bed talking with a classmate. He had just turned 18 and was romantically interested in me. My perception of him was as Hispanic but he resembled the same man I often see in my dreams. He was very eager to stay in communication with me, repeating that he was 18 and old enough now and asking me for my email address. I wouldn’t give it to him, telling him he already knew it. He wanted to meet me every morning before class from 7:30-8:30am. He said he would pick me up in his car. I asked what we would do and he said, “I don’t know. Talk.” I saw his intentions in my mind and told him, “Don’t you know I’m 40 years old and have three kids?” He didn’t seem to care. In my mind I went over the pros and cons of exploring a relationship with him. I was extremely drawn to him but kept seeing my children and my responsibilities as blocking any possibility of us being together.

Interpretation

More considerations coming out, these having to do with communication and rejection of a part of myself. When I woke up I was angry.

jeepDream: Black Jeep

I was attending a ceremony at a temple with my friend, her husband and a group of their friends. The man performing the ceremony was older with gray hair, a beard and a large belly. He took us through fields and into a mountain temple where he began to sing/chant in another language a very powerful invocation. His voice was operatic and he was reading/singing the runes off a stone pillar in the center of this temple.

The entire time I felt out of place. My friend and her friends were all connected and had similar beliefs and lifestyles. They all ate vegetarian and wore handmade clothing made of hand woven cloth. On their feet they wore sandals and some were barefoot.

I went with the group to a house where we would all be staying. As the food was being prepared I went into my bedroom. I found a bible laying on the table. It was my friend’s. I opened it and a piece of paper fell out. On it was marked scripture and my friend’s thoughts. One was in Corinthians and the note was that this was what she believed Oneness was. There were other slips of paper but I can’t remember what they said.

When I went back to the group they had all eaten already and offered me food. I told them I did not like veggies for breakfast and got disapproving looks. They had boiled or poached eggs and I took three. I was offered some coffee but told it had in it an antibiotic. I thought it odd and asked which one and was told Zyvox. I argued with them saying it was an anti-viral. I decided not to drink the coffee. lol

Then my friend and her family were leaving. I watched them walk away and noticed they had left their Jeep. They had left the keys in the ignition. I tried to lock it and found it was still running, so I took the keys out and tried to lock it. The Jeep began to drive very fast by itself. What was odd is that from inside the windows were all black and I couldn’t see. I began to panic and pulled the emergency brake. That stopped it. I re-inserted the keys and pushed in. This turned off the Jeep and allowed me to lock it.

Interpretation

It felt like I was trying to come to terms with conflicting lifestyles with this dream. When I woke I felt jealous of my friend for having a spouse that had similar spiritual beliefs to her own. There was consideration that I must change myself and life more than I am willing to. There was a feeling when I woke up that I didn’t want to ever be “pregnant” again and a total resistance to the transformation I am going through. I saw it as too painful and told my guidance, “I never want to experience a connection to anyone like that again.” The Jeep represents taking action – doing. I feel unable to control it and see it as “bad” (black) or the unknown. The emergency brake is me indicating I want it to stop, I don’t want to go forward. There was also a feeling that it may be time for me to go along with my husband’s spiritual beliefs again but it brought a feeling of uneasiness. It makes me feel stuck.

This caused me to remember I had an entire dream sequence where I was purposefully closing doors and trapping myself in a tiny room. My friends would open doors, smiling and encouraging me, and I would angrily grab the knob and slam it in their faces. I did this over and over until the doors stopped opening. I stood inside the tiny, claustrophobic room and slumped over the sink.

When I woke up a part of a song was repeating in my mind – “Did I build this ship to wreck?” Goes perfect with the boat theme.

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Lucid Dream: Visit to My First Home

I was sick all day yesterday with a head cold (sore throat, congestion, stuffy nose) and did not get much sleep the night before because of a flare up of IBS brought on by eating salmon. The day seemed like it stretched on and on with no ending. I was dead tired but couldn’t sleep so the slow-motion of the day was difficult to bear. My youngest never took a nap, either. Seems like when I need a nap, he doesn’t. lol My husband is in Florida for a week so it is just me and the kiddos. Thankfully all three of my children went to bed without issue.

I slept very deeply and woke around 5:00am wide awake. I turned on my fan to block out street noise and create a kind of white noise effect which helps me to sleep when I wake too early. It did it’s job.

Lucid Dream: Visit to My First Home

I had been in a dream where I was laying on the ground with a blanket along with many others. It felt like we were watching the stars together but also like we were all in a “class” and waiting to head off on our separate journeys. I don’t recall anything spectacular in the sky. I was too distracted by a black man who came to assist me with my chakras and healing. What I recall most was him asking to help. He kissed me and his lips seemed fluffy, like clouds and I told him about it because it surprised me. Then my chakras began to flare up starting at the root, but it was too distracting and I disengaged from him. It was time to go, then, and people began to leave, picking up their blankets and going off in different directions. I did the same.

Then I was standing and looking at a tropical plant that was in a raised flower bed. It was not doing well, though. There were bulbs planted around it on four sides and they were sprouting all around it. It indicated it was Spring and I wondered what kind of flowers they were. Then I had a thought, “Everything mom tries to grow, dies.” It’s a family joke. My mom always said (still says) she had a brown thumb.

All of a sudden I realized where I was. It was my first childhood home, the home I lived in until I was 9 years old. I was standing on the patio adjacent to the living room. I was delighted! Immediately, I turned and scanned the yard to see what it looked like and what time period I was visiting. It was well manicured, chain link fence still up, swing set and tree house missing except for a tiny little fence. What I saw indicated that I was likely visiting it after we moved and the new owners came in and removed the tree house and swing set

I walked the sidewalk around the side of the house and to the pool area. To my surprise, the pool was still there. Hadn’t the new owners filled it in? I went through the fence gate and surveyed the area. There was no pool furniture and the pebble concrete patio was overgrown with weeds. The wading pool was still there. I took a closer look at it, remembering the lobster-sized crawdad I found and kept in there and all the times we use to splash water from the pool into it just because we could.

The swimming pool itself was a beautiful crystal blue color like it was being kept up by someone. I laughed inwardly because my mom was always struggling to keep it blue and it usually had a green tinge to it even when in top condition. She would be excited to see it looking so perfect. It looked just like I remembered, the sides smooth and round and the slide and diving board right where they should be.

I decided to jump into the shallow end. When I landed I didn’t go under like I expected. I forgot the last time I swam in the pool I was 9. Being full grown, the water came up to my chest and I could stand without issue. I could feel the coolness of the water and delighted in it. I didn’t linger, though, but walked up the steps and out, flinging water purposefully like I use to do as a child.

Still exploring, I noticed the pool equipment was still there as was the wood privacy fence. As I headed toward the diving board I noticed a tiny, brown poodle waddling around by the side of the pool. I saw her and knelt down, recognizing her immediately as one of the poodles we had when we lived there. In fact, she and the two other poodles lived long lives that stretched past our departure date.

I spoke to her saying, “Are you Sut-Sue or Bo-Jo (short for Mr. Bojangles)?” I couldn’t figure out which poodle she was yet she was brown and round like Sut-Sue was. I petted her for a while, smiling from ear-to-ear and thinking how I needed to tell my mom everything as soon as I could. Again I said aloud, “Are you Sut-Sue or Bo-Jo?” It was like I was trying to remember the third poodle, and my favorite, but couldn’t.

Something from outside the dream environment caught my attention then and I woke up hearing my alarm going off. I smiled and then began to cry tears of remembrance.

Considerations

I had such a happy childhood growing up in that house. After we moved it was like my world fell apart. I missed that house/time all the way into my late teens. When I finally visited there at the age of 19, after my father’s death, it was nothing like I remembered and I was able to put that time in my life behind me. Obviously, though, I still consider that time in my life one of the happiest.

I realize now that I might have been visiting the house at an earlier time than I thought. My earliest memories of Sut-Sue were as old and blind with gray hair and barely able to move. In this lucid experience she was brown and much younger. The missing swing set and tree house would also fit for an earlier time period. The tree house was built by my dad for my older sister and the swing set was much later than that. Yet the pool was built when my mom was pregnant with me. Maybe I was visiting that same year? Or it could be that I was in an alternate reality, one of my own creation. The latter is most likely but then who knows.

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Dream: Catching Lampreys

This morning was the solar eclipse. Two days before was Maha Shivaratri or “The Great Night of Shiva”, a Hindu festival celebrating the consciousness field of Lord Shiva. The 25th was Shiva’s Cosmic Dance of Bliss assisting humanity in overcoming their karmic ignorance to transcend into a state of supreme bliss by awakening to one’s true self. Shiva is known as the “Transformer” and the supreme being who creates, protects and transforms the universe. Last night a portal opened and a veil lifted allowing for a night of spiritual sovereignty and illumination.

For me, personally, I did not experience anything significant last night except for a few dreams and some minor Kundalini. The night before, however, was most transformative as I had a substantial Kundalini rising event that brought clarity and bliss. My experiences coincided with the Maha Shavaratri (24th) and Shiva’s Cosmic Dance of Bliss (the 25th). I feel like Shiva and I danced together and he gave me a glimpse into my Self. I am truly honored to have been allowed such an experience.

Though I slept deeply, I still had some significant dreams accompanied by Kundalini energy up and down my mid-section. At one point it felt as if my entire torso was three times its normal size and filled with a buzzing, warm and comforting energy. My root chakra was also very active throughout the night.

Dream: Catching Lampreys

I was on a large boat with a group. Most of the group were elementary aged children and it felt to be a field trip of some sort. A teacher brought up a bucket full of lampreys but when I looked into the bucket I saw many colorful lobsters. They were all colors – blue, red, green, yellow – and seemed almost fake in appearance and did not move as if dead. I touched them, fascinated, and watched as they were placed into brown sacks. I remember wondering why they called them lampreys because what I saw was lobsters. That was when I saw an actual lamprey. It was being held up and I said, “Wait I want to take a picture.” I had with me a large, underwater camera. I tried to focus on the lamprey but could not get the focus to work. When I looked at the lamprey all I could see were rows and rows of sharp teeth. I was not afraid, however, just fascinated.

As we came ashore a young girl about the age of 10 took my hand and said, “Come with me!” She was really excited and wanted my help with something. She took me into a room and asked me to help her with her computer. I sat down and began to investigate the computer issue. The screen was playing some kind of soap opera. The girl crawled under the desk at my feet. I felt odd when she did that, sensing a sexual aura around her and not understanding why someone so young would be exuding such an energy toward me. I continued to fiddle with the computer feeling uncomfortable as the girl moved about under the desk where I couldn’t see her. I kept feeling like she would reach up and begin touching me in a sexual way and I sat frozen there wondering how to react. The girl never touched me but I felt my root chakra flare up and begin to expand up, up, up, filling my second, third and fourth chakras with a warm, buzzing and comforting feeling.

Then the girl crawled out from under the desk, stretching herself cat-like on the table next to me. Her pants were half off, one leg out and one leg in, and she had matured into a young woman. Her blonde hair was long and flowed to her waist and she was quite beautiful. I asked her, “How old are you?” She replied, “16”. I remember looking at her, admiring her beauty and wondering how she could have grown so rapidly from a 10-year-old to a 16-year-old. I was extremely attracted to her, also, but it was not a sexual attraction. The whole time my entire torso was buzzing and I felt to be expanding outward with energy.

I woke up still experiencing the rapid energy expansion in my lower four chakras.

Still in the in-between I saw a golden energy man standing over me with his arms outstretched. I fell into his arms, resting my head on his shoulder. The energy hug I experienced was exceptionally comforting and safe.

Interpretation

My dream indicates I am exploring my subconscious and emotions (ship). I find strength and persistence in excess (lobsters) but do not believe it is real (dead/fake). I also find that someone is taking advantage of me or exploiting me (lamprey). I take a good look at them (photo) but cannot see them clearly (unfocused).

The girl that came to get me was an aspect of myself. She wanted my help with current life issues (computer) containing much drama (soap opera). Her maturity suggests that I am also maturing. The attraction to her is similar to the attraction and love I have been finding for myself and this body. The number 16 has been coming up in my dreams lately. It’s relates to home and family and its message is to trust my intuition.