Category Archives: Dreams

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Birthday Party Calm and Dream Messages

Yesterday we had a small family birthday party for my youngest, Elek. It was a Thomas the Train theme and quite cute. I had been feeling off most of the day but as the time of the party approach I shifted into party mode and began to prepare for the guests with gusto. This is not normal for me. I typically don’t want a full house as the energies are overwhelming even when it is my own family.

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Elek eating the frosting off the train that was on his cake. 

I prepared the food trays and got everything ready and barely noticed the high energies coming in with my guests. My children, my three nephews and niece (all under the age of 7) were there along with my mom, step-dad, brother and sister-in-law, my sister and my husband. My daughter invited her best friend from down the street at the last minute (my suggestion). So that means 14 people including me were present. Being everyone was family (except one) it was strangely comfortable and balanced energy-wise. Not the normal intensity that tends to accompany the baggage only family can carry.

 

After the crazy wild present opening and eating of the cake, I made coffee only to forget the actual coffee. lol Then, after correcting my mistake, I had a cup with my mom and step-dad as we watched the kids wreak havoc on the living room. My mom came up to me and said, “You sure have grown up……matured.” I said, “Why do you say that?” She said, “You are sitting down calmly with all this (motions to mess) around you. You don’t normally do that. You usually just have to tidy up. Now you are just sitting and waiting until the end.” I laughed and said, “There’s no point and besides I’m enjoying watching them.” Then I told her, “I haven’t washed the wood floor in I don’t know how long…” We got a good laugh out of that.

One of the presents my son received was the Pie Face Game. The kids were all gathered around it having a blast. I suddenly felt like a child, too, and challenged my husband to a match. He got pie face. hehe Again, not a normal thing for me to do…. There’s a video but I’m not sharing (sorry). BTW you have to play that game if you haven’t. Super fun!

The last guests didn’t leave until more than three hours after the party started. Before then, my other SIL came and had cake and picked up her kids. I was busily making dinner and still calm and collected – just content with the the way things were.

After the party I was happy to clean up. No exhaustion or irritability.

It’s not that I am a grump or mean party host, it’s just that I tend to hide when there are lots of people around and when I am out and about I don’t say much and keep my energy to myself.

Is this a permanent change? I don’t know. I am reminded of the comments and dream messages where I was told, “You have changed. You are calmer.”

Dream Messages

Surprisingly, my afternoon cup of coffee had no affect on me and I fell asleep without issue.

The first half of the night all I recall are the messages and conversations that remained upon waking. There was discussion about the Kundalini along with very muted Kundalini energy again. When I woke up suddenly at 11:11pm I knew that my demands for it to stop were not going to be met. In fact, the message was that there was no turning back. Once it (the K) started, it didn’t stop until it was done. I requested all contracts and “mission assignments” to be deleted and/or retracted, too. This, I feel is still being negotiated. My main request was for the amazing bliss of the Kundalini to never return. I don’t think that will happen. Sigh. That may be why it is being muted, though. I will take what I can get.

Dreams

I ended up in a dream sequence where I was in a world where there had been a major disaster and people were gathering in small communities. Everyone contributed. Money wasn’t used. A man was sitting in the center of the room meditating. He had been meditating three days straight. When he woke he was unsteady and a lot of attention was given to him to help him recuperate. The rest of the group were women and the place we occupied was a tall structure made of wood that resembled a barn.

Then I was looking for a winter coat with my friend. We seemed to look for hours for the perfect one. I chose a grey one with a black collar. Coats are protection.

In another dream I was standing next to a bright red corvette that looked more like a Porsche. It was to be driven to the southeastern U.S. I saw the map and everything. A dotted line crossed through the southern states (LA, MS, AL, GA) and circled up through the Carolinas. I remember talking to a man about my travels and actually being in one of those states, but not sure which one. My husband and I ended up in a restaurant eating alligator (I know weird!). He ate it but I abstained. I have eaten alligator in real life and knew it was not very good and too spicy. Alligators symbolize treachery and deceit.

When I woke up I was angry. I was trying to once again asking for a shut down of all my spiritual experiences but every time I thought of how that might turn out I got a sick feeling and felt like dying. Not a good sign. But I am struggling still with existing in-between. Why can’t it just be one way all the time?

A song came into my head then, one I haven’t heard in a long time. I kept hearing, “Borderline. Feel like I’m gonna lose my mind.” Sometimes I hate the music messages I receive.

 

 

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Dream: Meeting Tom Selleck

Well, not exactly Tom Selleck. The man I saw had chest hair like him and I thought of Tom Selleck when I saw/felt his chest hair. lol

Anyway, the night began with a mixture of dreams that involved me and others learning how to control a body. In the dreams we were a good distance away from the bodies. So far in fact that they resembled game pieces rather than physical bodies. I don’t remember much of the experience. It seemed to vanish upon waking. What I do recall is that when I woke it was from the Kundalini. Energy entered through my crown, shot down to my root and exploded back upward. My body’s response is what finally woke me up. The feeling was that I watched the energy as it poured through my “game piece” body but also felt what the body felt. When I woke I understood that it had been a lesson, a hands-on type of practice, to better understand how to handle the physical sensations of the body.

I am grateful the Kundalini was muted.

Dream: Meeting Tom Selleck

I was at the dentist’s office and was being told the treatment I would need. What I saw was an image of my lower jaw with teeth made of metal. I was told the coming surgery and reassured it would be okay and I would have ample anesthesia so it wouldn’t hurt that much. It made me anxious, though.

Sometime during the conversation I ended up in my old bedroom at my mom’s. Next to me was the dentist, a man a bit older than me with dark hair and eyes. I recall laying my head on his hairy chest and he allowed this. It felt nice but I wanted to be closer. The next thing I know he is laying on top of me. I attempt to kiss him. He turns his head away and does not allow me to. I can feel him resist and then reject me. There is a telepathic exchange here. He reminds me that we can’t do anything romantic.

He explains himself to me and this is when I see his hairy chest. I feel it, too. It is thick and dark and I am reminded of Tom Selleck for some reason. From that point on when I see this man I think “Tom Selleck”. lol

Throughout our telepathic exchange I keep being interrupted by my children with this or that kind of “emergency”. I lose track of where the man is and assume he has left but then see his white pick-up truck parked outside. It feels like a day or so has passed and I am so distracted I forget to look for him. I pause and check for his truck. It is still parked outside.

I walked outside noting the truck still parked there. It is nighttime but I see chickens out in the yard. I yell to my mom, “Hey, did you know your chickens are out and awake!?” I nearly step on a dead one. I nudge it with my foot and think, “They are all dying.”

The man comes up and stands next to me. He just appears out of nowhere, like he has been waiting for me. He says, “We shouldn’t give up…” He was about to continue when my daughter came running outside crying. The man puts his arm around my waist and pulls me close. I let him. My heart feels to burst open. I don’t linger, though, but break away to deal with my daughter. She is hysterical over math homework. I go inside with her and forget about the man.

Then I am watching a scene unfold. There is a woman (mother?) tending to her many children. The youngest is sick and dying. I see the baby in a bath. I think he is dead but his eyes are open and he looks alive yet I hear the prognosis and it is not good. I see my youngest child’s name spelled out in large, white letters. Then the mother is outside with a man. A letter falls from the sky and he opens it. I then recall saying, “But I’ve lost so many babies, I can’t lose anymore…”

I shift back to my mom’s house. I am kneeling by the wood fence in the back picking up fallen leaves that have gathered near its base. I feel the man approach. He wants my attention. I can hear his thoughts and feel his emotion. He doesn’t want me to give up on him. He comes closer, kneeling and helping me gather up the leaves. My heart begins to explode in love for him but I resist, focusing on a leaf I am placing in my left hand. I feel him pleading with me. He tells me that he thinks we can make it through this together. I want to embrace him and tell him I want what he wants, but I don’t. I just allow him to be close and continue to pick up the leaves. My heart is exploding and I am so happy for him to be there. It is the most amazing feeling and I want to feel it forever but I also feel I can’t trust my heart. Following it only leads to pain. I begin to cry.

I wake up crying. My heart continues to blaze for a long while after. I can’t sleep for a while but do eventually fall back to sleep.

Interpretation

The symbolism indicates that I am struggling with feelings of rejection. The fact that the man is my dentist means I am doubting his sincerity and honor. Surgery means an opening of the Self and/or healing. A pick-up symbolizes hard work and/or something that needs to be “picked up”. The chickens represent cowardliness but since they are “all dying” then perhaps courage is forthcoming? The babies are ideas and new beginnings. They are sick/dying so I feel a loss of hopes/dreams/new beginnings. The letter from the sky is a message to me but I don’t read it. I mention that I can’t handle more loss. The fence is an obstacle. The leaves represent fallen hopes, despair and sadness. I am cleaning them up. Leaves could also be a pun for actually “leaving” a situation behind me.

kundalini-snake

Lucid Dream Sequence 

When I return to sleep I entered into a dream sequence where I know I am dreaming. Even in recognizing it, though, I choose to follow the dream rather than create it.

In the beginning the lucidity comes on when I am trying to determine if the Tom Selleck dream really happened or was a dream. I have an internal debate and then decide I am dreaming. This is when I made the decision to let the dream show me what I need to know.

I recall being told something would take 32 weeks. I don’t know what but the number stuck.

I also spend a lot of this dream cleaning up messes – picking up after my children and cleaning in general.

There is a part of the dream where I am asked to return to the temporary job I just had. I am suspicious, though, asking, “What happened to the woman who came back to work?” I enter my old office but it is a portable building and when I open the door water cascades out. I walk inside and see the computer and office was not harmed. The water was only a couple of feet high. I look at a TV screen playing and tap it to see if it is solid. It is. I lose interest and leave. I don’t care if anyone has left me an email message.

Then as I am walking out of the building I encounter a woman. She is dressed in black and holding a machine gun. I go up to her to kiss her and she stops me telling me I need to do something first. I notice she has a full beard and comment on it. She doesn’t respond.

I head outside and there is a man with red hair standing there. He also has a full beard. For some reason I decide to kiss him. When I do it feels like a cylinder is placed into my mouth and all the way down my throat. I feel unable to breathe through my nose at this time, too. The cylinder remains and then another one feels to be placed into my root chakra. It extends all the way up into my 2nd chakra. The feeling is so weird! The cylinders feel like contained energy. It seems like the two cylinders are trying to join in the middle of my body.

The bottom cylinder distracts me and I attempt to pull it out but can’t. So I pull the one out of my mouth. It is like I pull out a huge snake! I’m surprised I didn’t gag.

When I wake up my root chakra is a ball of swirling energy that feels heavy and makes the area seem almost numb.

Interpretation

I suspect this dream sequence was to show me the areas I am still healing. The temporary job I had was during an especially emotional time. The water indicates the emotion. I am putting it behind me, though.

The woman that has a beard represents me and my decision to be more assertive in my life, to take charge and be more masculine. She says, “Not yet”. She is holding a machine gun which is anger and aggression that is out of control. Then I end up with the man with a beard. Beards are insight and wisdom. Since his hair is red it could be that I am attempting to address my anger.

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Dream: Dynamite

I’ve been unable to fall asleep at night the past few nights. It has been taking me an hour at least. Last night I decided to use the time and meditate on the lotus like in the book by Gopi Krishna. When I did I saw the flower in my mind’s eye but then it burst into a purple light like it was on fire.

Unfortunately, I was unable to remain focused for long. My mind wanders and I end up in a dream sequence in the in-between. I need to practice it more because I think it would help me to keep my mind focused so that when the Kundalini hits I can focus through it like Gopi did.

Dream: Dynamite

I was choosing clothes for school. I woke early and selected a pair of light blue jeans and then began to put on shoes that resembled red pleather Allstars. The shoes laces took a long time to lace and one had over abundant laces (the left one) while the other had too much lace on the left and not enough on the right. I eventually gave up and took them off realizing I didn’t want to wear bright red shoes. I recall selecting pink socks and then putting on my black, short boots.

When I went to school it was a massively huge building and I remember relating it to a school I knew from my past which was known for gang activity and bullying. I entered the building and ran into other kids but kept to myself. I remember meeting a boy who resembled Fred Savage (The Wonder Years) when he was a teenager. The boy was very interested in me but I wanted nothing to do with him so I ignored him and turned my back on him.

Then I was walking toward the end of the building to my class. When I met my teacher he looked like the grown version of Fred Savage and again I rejected him. He felt to be super interested in me, his energy needy. I remember him showing me the project we had been working on. I picked up what looked like a firecracker, you know the big M80? I lit it and it began to light up and remained lit with sparks flying off of it. It never blew up but resembled a flare instead. I remember thinking of the M80s as “dynamite”. There were pairs of these fireworks lined up along the base of what looked like a tall, pyramid shaped object. It was black and resembled a volcano. Three pairs on the left and three pairs on the right following the triangular base. All of the six pairs were lit and sparking but I began to blow them out despite the man asking me not to. He was begging me to stop, putting his hands in the way to keep me from blowing them out. I remember being angry at him for his interference and placing blame.

Eventually I left and walked down a long, very clean, white hallway. I was talking to a woman about picking up my son and how tired I was but that I needed to get groceries after school/work. We stopped in front of a machine that scanned the woman I was with. I froze wondering what was going on. She told me it was an ATM machine and this was how it recognized whose account to withdraw funds from. I was fascinated but knew it only worked for set amounts, specifically for $20 bills.

We entered another hallway and the woman went on her way. I recognized a friend making photocopies. When I went up to her I dropped a box I had been carrying that was full of supplies. Something broke that was organic in nature.

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Fred Savage 

Interpretation

When I woke I knew the firecrackers/dynamite represented the lighting of the Kundalini and the pairs were representative of the masculine and feminine. The Fred Savage looking guy was my masculine side. I recall him being chubby and this was a turn off for me. Then again, I don’t find Fred Savage particularly attractive anyway. lol

It appears there is a rejection of the masculine occurring in my currently. I’m not sure if my rejection of the firecrackers is positive or negative,though. It seems there is a rejection of the K energy. I don’t want it to rise like it has in the past. Perhaps I’ve had enough of its distraction?

Overall my dreams seem to indicate the potential for dramatic change fast approaching, a change I don’t want and am resisting.

Symbolism

Red – intense emotion, anger, passion, impulsiveness.

Shoes – my approach toward life. Changing my approach.

Shoelaces (tying) – preparing to move forward, take on a challenge.

Uneven shoelaces – the left is longer than the right, the feminine/masculine unbalanced, more focus on feminine.

Socks – flexibility, being more understanding of others and situations.

Dynamite – danger, a significant change is approaching and there may be a situation that blows up.

Volcano – unable to control emotions, if dormant then the emotions are under control but there is significant danger that it will erupt and be damaging and hurtful to others.

Pyramid – major changes will occur in short period of time.

ATM – desires for financial security.

Groceries – need for something in life, feeling something is missing.

Lessons

There was a whole dream sequence about my mom buying a single wide mobile home and putting it in the front of her yard. It was specifically meant for my sister’s family because they are unable (unwilling IMO) to provide for themselves and their son. They use their son to manipulate others into helping them and use their felony records as excuses as to why they can’t keep up with their bills.

This dream is a reflection of what is currently going on and how I feel about it. I don’t want to visit my mom’s house anymore because it now is mixed with the energy of my sister’s family and her husband especially has erratic energy/mood. My mom’s home no longer feels like the sanctuary it once was to me. I also have feelings of anger toward my sister for taking advantage of my mom, making the choices she does, and purposefully asking for handouts rather than working for herself to earn a living.

As I was thinking of the situation, my guidance said to me, “How’s what she is doing different from what you are doing?” This put me in my place fast. I am choosing not to work and living off my husband. He is okay with providing for me. It is no different from my sister not working and my mom choosing to provide for her. Perfect example of how the judgments we make about others are really reflections of our own self-loathing. More contemplation will come from this I am sure.

Vision

Speaking of self-loathing, I had a vision of looking in the mirror at my reflection. I took a razor blade and began to cut my face purposefully. I made vertical cuts every inch or so until cuts covered my entire face. When it healed the scarring made my face looked striped. It resembled bars, like a jail cell. My reaction to this was just curiosity and there was a feeling of gratification which was odd, like I was making a work of art out of my face.

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Dreams – Lost, Attacked and Reviewing Life Decisions

The geomagnetic storm continued through the night and is currently still in the yellow. Though I am not experiencing any physical symptoms – feeling super good actually – my sleep was majorly affected. We had a massive thunderstorm move through Central Texas last night around 2am. It sounded like a hurricane outside the winds were so high. I couldn’t get back to sleep after it woke me up and when I did I had weird, even scary, dreams that kept waking me up afterward.

Dream: Lost and Attacked

The dream began inside my old middle school, in a classroom that was my homeroom in 7th grade. There was a teacher who was also my peer telling me that she had to take a teaching job to pay off her $40k student debt. I was shocked that she had gotten so into debt from college. I counted myself blessed to have only had to pay off an $8k debt and told her about how my sister and her husband wracked up $30k in debt because they used the loans to live off of.

At some point the woman left and I sat in the teacher’s desk looking at books on a shelf behind it. One was a dream dictionary focusing specifically on anxiety dream symbolism. Curious, I flipped through the book and read through the examples of different anxiety dreams and how they manifested. One particular dream type associated with anxiety dreams were guide-led dreams where there was direct interaction and/or communication with one or more guides. I read it and said to my guidance, “Those kinds of dreams account for more than half of my dreams.” Then I thought about it and said to them, “But I’m not typically anxious, especially right now.”

I should have seen this reference as a clue of what was to come. Ha!

The next thing I know I am driving along city streets in my old SUV.  I hear a familiar song playing and the words, “Everything’s gonna be fine, fine, fine.” Looking ahead I seem to know where I am going and am focused and reassured. However, the road soon begins to look unfamiliar to me. Did I miss my turn? I saw the road ended ahead of me. There was a barricade marked with a big red X. I didn’t know what else to do but keep going so I went into the parking lot the road ended at. It was the parking lot of a college campus I think, but it was very dark and no lights were on.

I park my car but am completely confused. I don’t know where I am and when I try to think about how I got there I can’t recall anything. It’s like my mind is wiped clean. I begin to walk toward one of the buildings but it is unfamiliar and this worries me. For a brief moment I am reassured that all will be okay. I have a car, and my phone….wait a minute, where is my phone? I look down at my purse and it is not there. I think, “I must have left it in the car.” Then I think, “Where is my car? I don’t remember where I parked it?” Then I stop and can’t figure out where I am or how I got where I am despite just being in the hallway of the college building I entered.

I remember being afraid that I was losing my mind. It seems that my memory is wiped clean every few minutes. I decide to head back to the parking lot to find my car but cannot recall how I got where I was inside the building and then panic that I won’t be able to get out.  I walk outside and look at the street sign. I think I am on 6th Street but the sign has another name I can’t even read. I panic again, look for my phone, see it is missing and then freak because I can’t recall where I parked my car.

Somehow I manage to make my way back to the parking lot but it is unfamiliar and not the one I think I parked my car in. I walked by several people. I am frantic. Nothing is familiar and my car is nowhere. I see the parking attendant who is shutting the lights off for the parking lot. I walk up to her in a panic saying, “I can’t find my car. I can’t remember how I got here. I don’t know what to do. Please help me.” I repeat this over and over like a crazy person. The attendant takes me by the elbow and walks with me saying, “It’s okay. I can help you.” People walking past look at me like I’m crazy or sick.

Then I am laying in bed in my old bedroom at my mom’s house. I am still panicked and I feel someone standing to my left. I can’t see them, they are like a shadow, but I sense them and can mentally see their outline. I try to move away from them by shifting to my right but they bend over and grab hold of me. This terrifies me and I keep trying to pull away but I can’t move. I feel frozen and still feel hands on me. The hands seem to be pushing, though, not pulling. I begin to feel the person is negative and try to recite the Lord’s Prayer for protection but I can’t remember it and forget it mid-way. I am reminded of my recent amnesia and begin to despair. What is happening to me? Why can’t I remember anything? A male voice says to me, “You said you wanted to never have to work again. Now you’ll have that.” Is he making a joke? I said, “I don’t want to be like this all the time!” I heard back, “It won’t be all the time, just every once in a while.” I was not having that either and tried to pull away again. The hands seemed heavier and my body was still frozen.

Then I thought, “Maybe this person is not bad. Maybe I should stop resisting.” I relaxed my body. The hands remained firmly upon me. I tried to move my body, willing it with every ounce of my being, but I was paralyzed. Then I thought, “Maybe this person is trying to wake me up?”

And I woke up, my body jerking as I willed it to move.

When I woke up I was a bit startled but unafraid. I could feel the energy of the person from my dream still on my left. I tried to communicate with him but got no response, yet I knew he was not bad. Then I felt there were three more beings huddled over me, really close. I said, “What is happening to me?” They said, “You are breaking.” I didn’t understand. They did not communicate anything else to me, just remained standing over me.

lostDream: Get Out!

I was watching my ex-husband getting into a flat bed semi-truck loaded with large logs/lumber. He was leaving and I was not going with him. What is strange is that a man put a rag into the gas tank opening and connected it to an open canister of diesel. I remember thinking he was crazy as it would surely blow up the truck.

There was a discussion with a woman then about my ex separating from his current wife. The woman said, “She will be leaving a good thing (meaning money) like you did. Don’t you regret losing that kind of security?” I thought about it and said, “No. You can buy and buy all you want but it won’t make you happy. I could have stayed and had all the money I ever wanted. I could have done lots of things with that money, but I wouldn’t have been happy. I would have been miserable, maybe even killed myself. It’s not worth it.” There was discussion about leaving my current husband and the drawbacks of it being similar. To be secure versus being happy. Which is better?

Then the scene shifted and I was inside a home standing in front of a bed. I saw two of my children in it and went to get them. My mother-in-law was there and got super angry at me and yelled at me, “Get out of here! I don’t want you in here. Get out!” I told her I was just trying to get my kids out of her space so she could get some sleep. She was furious and ranting and raving so I left. My husband came in and began to defend her and scolded me for purposefully trying to upset her. I felt all the negative energy and tried to get away from it.

When I woke up a song was going through my head – Suddenly I See by KT Tunstall. The part that kept repeating was, “Suddenly I see, this is what I wanna be. Suddenly I see, why the hell it means so much to me….She makes me feel like I could be a tower, a big strong tower. The power to be, the power to give, the power to see, yeah, yeah.”

Considerations

The first dream, although confusing and scary, did not cause me to wake in fear or panic. I suspect I experienced a bit of sleep paralysis. I was very lucid toward the end but couldn’t move my body. The person pushing me was likely trying to wake me up and I wonder if it was the OOB version of me doing it. Hmmm.

I was a bit concerned when I awoke but not freaking out. The message, “You are breaking” bothers me. I wonder if my guidance meant “break” or “brake”. Am I stopping hard, as in “brake”? Or is this some kind of “break” – as in malfunctioning or maybe a vacation? Not sure but it was a strange message.

I am certain I was confronting some of my fears. Fear of going crazy, fear of disassociation, mental issues such as amnesia or dementia. The memory loss was very real and upsetting. I would not want to experience it as my waking reality, that’s for sure! My main focus was on getting back home in the dream so I was probably also confronting my inability to get home (as in spiritual home) because of memory loss.

The second dream was odd and I suspect I was sorting through past decisions from this life. Lumber indicates a fresh start in life is needed. When I woke up I was thinking about my ex-husband and kicking myself for not agreeing to half of his retirement in the divorce agreement. lol As his first wife I could have claimed it but I chose not to because we were only married 5 years and I didn’t see how I deserved to get money he would be working 20+ years to earn. There is some regret at the loss of the income/security I left behind, but I did not love him and would have been miserable if I had stayed. Every time I consider that life decision I do not regret it.

I’m not sure what the song is all about. Perhaps I am seeing a version of myself that is strong and capable – the power to be, give and see?

 

 

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Magnetics and Duality

Wow. Did you see the geomagnetic storm!? This one is a doozie. When they get up above 5 then I normally get physical symptoms – headache, stomach issues, lethargy and/or insomnia. This time I am getting more anger thrown at me. Sigh.

planetary-k-index

The anger thrown my way was in my dreams this time. I had a very active night of dreams but this particular one woke me up.

Dream: Anger from a Friend

I was traveling with a friend toward the mountains. We stopped at a restaurant where we were told that they were trying to rid it of a nasty rat infestation. I saw a man go into the basement portion to look for it. It was cluttered with boxes and crates and I saw the rat running behind the mess. I believe the rat was white.  I don’t know if the man got him. All I remember is seeing a man dressed in work clothing with a hardhat and a flashlight going in after the rat.

We waited in the parking lot which was facing a the mountains. I noticed there was snow on the ground and decided to take pictures of it with my phone. I wanted to send it to a good friend of mine. I recall taking a selfie and I did not look like I do in waking life. I had long, medium brown hair and was quite pretty. I made sure to send that pic to my friend because it had a beautiful shot of the mountains in it.

Then I was in the car jabbering away happily with my friend. I was so happy that we were reunited and wanted to catch up. My friend was silent most of the time while I talked. I recalled discussing all the spiritual things I had been going through and how I felt I was recovering and finally making progress. I remember asking my friend, “Did you go through all that, too?” My friend nodded and I replied, “Oh good! I was starting to think I was nuts.” Then my friend sent a wave of anger and irritation toward me along with an audible sigh that indicated disinterest and annoyance.  Images were thrown at me all at once. I knew the images represented what my friend was focusing on currently. The images were of politics and 3D world things. I saw an image of someone trail running as well as some images that must have come from the media, but I can’t recall them now. My friend said more but the energy and images were enough to cause me to recoil in surprise. This was not a typical response from this particular friend, a friend whom I cherished dearly and would do anything for. In fact, I had only received similar energy once before but it was not prolonged like this. My friend was obviously immersed in 3D world issues and did not want to be bothered with my spiritual excitement.

I woke up suddenly from the backlash of energy. I asked my guidance what was going on and received an answer, “Your friend wants you to move on.” Move on? I didn’t understand. Whatever the problem, though, it was obvious that my presence was not wanted at this time, whether it be physical or spiritual. It saddened me but then I remembered the current intense energies and shrugged off the experience, returning to sleep.

Magnetics and Duality

The rest of the night I had dreams about the dualistic nature of physical reality.  Rather than go into detail about all the dreams, I will relate what my understanding was of the messages being sent via the dreamstate.

First I was shown the Earth positioned between Venus and Mars. In physical location the planet Earth is positioned between two polar opposites – Venus the Goddess of Love and Mars the God of War. How appropriate. And purposeful.

Then I was shown how duality came into being. I saw an image in my mind of a dark mass of energy. I understood this to represent the state of being Whole and pure potential yet to be tapped into. Then the mass began to split in two. A brilliant spark of light resulted for an instant and what was left behind were two distinct masses of energy. Two individual but Whole masses of pure potential.

When this division occurred, duality came into being. There was an entire lesson on the physics of this division but it is lost to me now. In summary, the division created all the forces of the physical universe. Most of the information I received had to do with magnets and how they worked. Essentially, it was relayed to me that all one had to do was change the polarity of a magnetic from North to South to affect what it attracts and repels. So if a magnetic’s polarity is North it will attract only magnetics with a polarity that is South. Once the polarity is changed, however, that magnetic will then repel all magnetics with a polarity that is South.

Note: As I was tying this I kept misspelling “magnet” and typing “magnetic”. I finally requested clarity. I was led to this website and knew the term “magnetic” was the appropriate term. I did not argue as the definition is “anything that creates or has a magnetic field.” In essence, we are all magnetics aren’t we?

Information about magnetics was then applied to individuals. We repel and attract others (and anything with a magnetic field) based upon our own polarity. Yet, our polarity can easily be changed. It can be changed by coming into contact with someone (or something) that has an opposite polarity to us. In other words, put the magnetic in the field of a magnetic with an opposite polarity that is higher than its coercivity, plus a bit extra to neutralize the field it already has, and you change the original polarity of the magnetic.

Lost yet? I am barely following along but then I see the bigger picture so it is all lining up as I write this.

Ultimately, I was being shown this to explain how our relationships with others change throughout our lifetime; how we can be attracted to particular people, places and things only to seem to become repelled by those very people, places and things at a future date. We, as magnetics, change whenever we come into contact with other magnetics. Sometimes we change slowly and other times quite dramatically. I am shown that we add or lose protons (+) and electrons (-) all the time. Usually, this occurs very gradually. Sometimes this process can take lifetimes. Sometimes it can be instantaneous (and quite disruptive as you can imagine).

I wondered about this information. Perhaps the dream I had was showing me that such a change is occurring with my friendship? Is it possible that our polarities are changing, causing us to repel one another when before there was attraction? I was told, “Blend”. This in itself requires further contemplation perhaps for another future post. 🙂

Information about the sun (plasma), solar flares and geomagnetic activity was also relayed to me. I was shown that the dramatic changes occurring on planet Earth are resulting in similar dramatic changes in the magnetics of Earth (which means you and me and all life) and are a direct result of the sun (plasma).

At one point in time all this scientific explanation would have put me off for lacking a “spiritual” component. Yet this entire planet, universe, that we exist in, was created by Spirit (us). Science is just part of the end result of our creation. All of it – protons, neutrons, magnetism, plasma, etc – is a result of that beginning spark created by that split that resulted in duality. We’re living it.

The final message I woke with was that duality is purposeful. It is intended to help us experience ourselves. On my mind was a question posed by my guidance, “Why do you resist duality? Why not embrace it?”

Indeed, why not?

 

Sources

http://science.howstuffworks.com/magnet.htm

https://www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/themis/auroras/sun_earth_connect.html

http://www.livescience.com/54652-plasma.html

 

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Dream: Cruise Affair

Another early morning for me after a dream-filled night.

Dream: Dirty Pool 

Short dream of being at my mom’s and seeing an above-ground pool with water the color of green sludge in it. There was a discussion about a pool maintenance man who was to clean it, I saw him complete in scuba gear (it was a nasty pool). The pool guy had come to work drunk and was not doing his job, drunkenly falling off the side of the pool and laughing so hard he was crying. The man who I was talking with said, “You really need to do something about this situation.”

Dream: Cruise Affair

I was on a cruise by myself. While there I met a woman who I quickly became friends with. We ended up being intimate, something that surprised me even in the dream. I also recall the attraction to her caught me off guard. Our connection was intensely fiery and passionate. Thankfully, I do not remember any of the specifics of this love affair past kissing and some minor energetic impressions (whew!). I recall it was as powerful as any of the Kundalini dreams I’ve had in the past.

While we were walking to her room one evening we were being followed by a shady character who resembled a detective. He continued to follow us the entire trip and eventually I sought answers. I ended up in his cabin with another man and somehow got an AK-47 and fired so many shots at him that all that was left was a blood stain on the wall. I recall knowing the detective had been sent by my husband to spy on me. I laughed because my husband had told me he wouldn’t be concerned if I had an affair with a woman yet he obviously was.

Then I was back with my friend in her cabin. I suddenly knew I had to go and told her so. She didn’t want me to but let me and helped me to get my things ready. I recall going outside and putting my things in a yellow school bus. We talked the whole time and I was telling her that I was leaving one day early to try to avoid traffic and crowded planes. I recalled my entire journey to the cruise and back via plane while talking to her.

I also couldn’t remember the woman’s name and felt awful. I had a week-long affair with her and couldn’t recall her name!? I asked her, “What is your last name?” She said, “Haymen” and laughed saying, “I know, it’s kinda gross. It sounds a lot like hymen.” I laughed with her about it and told her about a coworker who had the last name Harman. Then I saw my friend’s first name in my mind. Lisa.

There was a container of orange juice sitting out that I grabbed and drank. She said, “I’m not sure that is any good. It sat out all night.” I said, “It tasted fine to me.” Then I began to change my mind about leaving. I said, “Maybe I shouldn’t go yet. I like it here.”

I guess I ended up leaving, though, because the next thing I know I am on the school bus waiting for it to leave. What is odd is that in the center of the buss was a long table and I was sitting at it along with others. Across from me was a black man who looked to be from Jamaica. He began to play the table like a hand drum. I played with him and so did everyone else. The sound was similar to a song I know.

The bus began to move. We passed by a group of school children all wearing red shirts. They were on a field trip. The black man stopped and sold them some balloons.They took them and blew them up or filled them with water. We watched as they took great joy in such a simple thing. I remember wishing I had joy like that.

In-Between

The dream was so vivid that I could not return to sleep after waking but lingered in the in-between. While there I had many visions and a long discussion with a guide. My guidance was saying to me, “You have to help us help you.” I responded that I didn’t want to do anything right now. I am too tired, too sad, to move on. This is why I wanted to return to the cruise ship in the dream. I want to stay where I’m at, in healing mode.

There was an instance where I saw one left shoe. The right shoe was completely missing. When I saw this I thought, “I guess I will be walking around with only one shoe.” But I understand that it shows I feel a part of me is missing.

I was able to also contact anger during this time. It is anger at feeling mistreated and controlled by men, an anger aimed at the male gender in general. I remember thinking, “If the male is not a child or elderly I don’t want anything to do with them!” There came with this an intention to never let a man manipulate or control me again.

Interpretation

The first dream indicates there is an issue that is especially repugnant to me (dirty pool). This issue is muddled with emotion and I am attempting to deal with that emotion but not doing very well. The way I am going about it is not productive – I am trying to avoid it rather than diving right in (drunk pool man). Yet I have all the tools I need to resolve it (diving gear).I really find humor in this dream.

I was surprised by the second dream because of my affair with a woman. Yet it shouldn’t surprise me since yesterday I was thinking that maybe having relationships with men was not good for me and considered that maybe I needed to be in a relationship with a woman instead. lol

The boat theme continues (its going on months now) with the cruise ship. Being on a boat is representative of exploration of emotion. A cruise ship is representative of a pleasant mood/emotion. The affair with the woman indicates I am seeking a relationship with myself but I feel watched by a “spy” sent by my husband. This is representative of how I feel in waking life, as if my every move is watched and judged by my husband. I end up killing the spy very violently which shows my emotional response – I am standing up for myself and not taking it anymore. The reference to “hymen” is likely a reference to virginity or purity, though I am not sure. Orange juice is energy/vitality. The school bus indicates I am about to take an important life journey. The drumming is representative of one’s strong will and determination (which I have plenty of). To hear drumming indicates a need to make steady progress and keep up the pace. The balloons in the end represent hopes and disappointments in my search for love. The children blowing up the balloons symbolizes hopes and aspirations. My reaction to them indicates I long for a return to a childlike love of life.

Songs

The song that was being drummed was It’s Time by Imagine Dragons, a song I have heard ever since 2011 when I was struggling with a negative work situation. The drumming sounded just like the very beginning of the song. 🙂 The lyrics are appropriate as well.

Another song came to mind after this one, a song that keeps coming up but I have not mentioned because I keep forgetting. It is Hand in my Pocket by Alanis Morissette. Specifically the part, “Everything’s gonna be fine, fine, fine.” 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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OBE: City of Light

Happy Spring Equinox!! I didn’t get much sleep last night. For some reason I had a super active dreamstate early on in the night, which is unusual for me. The following dreams all occurred prior to 1am.

Dream: Raped in India

Very vivid dream about protesting sexual crimes against women in India. I was with a group of women protesters who were outraged after hearing the story from a young woman who had recently been married. It was not her husband that raped her, though, but a group of men. We (me and the group I was with) were ushering her to safety up flights of emergency stairs on the outside of a building. I don’t recall much else in this dream except a degraded feeling and tidbits of a conversation about how to handle and recover from a brutal sexual assault. There was also a feeling of hopelessness at overcoming some of the beliefs of society in relation to men and their “rights” over women’s bodies and lives.

Lucid to OBE: City of Light

I was a teacher standing outside with other teachers with our groups of students. It was some kind of drill and we were waiting to go back inside. I realized I was dreaming straight away and decided to go back inside to find my water bottle. So I thought myself there and popped up inside the teacher’s lounge. The principal stopped me to ask me what had happened and reassured me I was not in trouble. Apparently after I left the students dispersed before they were suppose to and it was the fault of one teacher in particular.

Losing interest, I chose to fly away from the scene, lifting into the air and following a path through a park that I seemed to know well. It was very green with a wide dirt path in the center. I flew over the path and saw a parked car with a man peeking out from the inside. I knew he had slept in his car that night. I saw a river and very tall poplar trees. Everything was very green.

I had memories of being in this park  that I was recalling as I flew over it. Most are lost to me now but I recall camping there and the memories made me smile. Yet I have no recollection of such a park in this lifetime. Perhaps it was from another lifetime or other astral travels?

Still flying I came to a very large, clean and white city. The first thing I noticed was this gigantic building that resembled billowing clouds. It had a spiral staircase and large, white pillars. In my memory the staircase twisted and turned to create what appeared to be a giant number 8. The building was so tall it seemed to descend from the sky itself. The white of the building seeming to sparkle with glitter like a jewel and it was surrounded by a golden hue.

In front of the building was a wide, shallow pool of water that ran from the building in a straight line and then cascaded in a small waterfall down to the city below. The river of water was surrounded on both sides with white rock and was most definitely man made. It reminded me of the national mall in Washington, D.C. but the water was crystal clear and breathtakingly beautiful.

nationalmall

National Mall

On either side of the water were tall trees bright with Spring foliage. It was a glorious sight to behold and I floated there over the water looking at the building that seemed to descend from the sky and felt joyful and free. It seemed to me that this place was meant to be populated, that I had been there before and it was bustling with life.  I said to my guidance, “Where are the people? I want to see people. Where is everyone?”  I turned and looked behind me scanning for signs of movement but saw nothing but a quiet city. There was a bridge just beyond where the water flowed into a small waterfall to continue on its way. To the left was a church with a steeple. I flew over to it and landed on top of the steeple.

I was very aware that I was on top of a church and I had a thought that I was visiting a city of angels, a city of Light. In fact, I felt surrounded by angels though I couldn’t see them. The place just felt angelic, as if saturated with Divine Light.

I floated up with the intent to land in the water and felt my light body being pulled up quickly. I said, “I don’t want to go up. I want to stay near the ground.” I grew heavy and landed in the water as I intended, walking through it and enjoying the feeling of the cool water on my bare feet.

Then I heard my daughter calling my name from outside of the OBE. I didn’t want to go, though, and resisted the pull back to my body. It was like this place, this city of Light, was beckoning me to stay there and I so wanted to, but my daughter’s voice was too powerful a pull for me and I slowly returned to the dream scene I had just left. Then I quickly shifted from there back into my body and woke up.

Interpretation

The first dream was likely a result of something I felt prior to bed and so I was exploring the feeling in dreamtime.

The first thing I notice about the OBE is that I want to put my feet in the water. That has been a theme coming up in my dreams lately. In one I was actually sitting with my bare feet in a shallow pan of water. I seem drawn to walk barefoot in water over and over and that is the main thing I did in this OBE, too. I suspect it has to do with cleansing, healing and purification. Considering I was in a city of Light and felt to be surrounded by angels, the healing and rejuvenation part makes sense. Since I am seeking out my water bottle prior to the OBE, which also represents rejuvenation and healing, then this conclusion seems accurate.

The church indicates I am feeling a need for spiritual nourishment, the steeple indicates I am holding onto hope for success. I am pleased that I chose to stay grounded rather than flying off rather than being fearful of the pull upward. I am also pleased that I was excitedly looking for others, almost longing for them. Usually I do not care if others are present in my OBEs or not.

It is interesting to me that I returned to the dream and then to my body before I woke up. I recall all the sensations of being OOB like normal, though.

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Equinox Portal Open: Releasing the False Self

Did you feel the portal open last night? I did, well I did in my sleep anyway. My dreams are clearing up again and messages are coming through. The portal – gateway (same thing) – of this Spring equinox was one of those messages.

I was with a group of older individuals who I perceived as “celebrity” in status. Much like I am in waking life, their status did not impress me other than for me to take note of it and offer them my respect and gratitude. A gathering was under way and now that I am awake I understood it was a council meeting of which I was granted access. As I witnessed the meeting as more of an observer than a participate, I overheard them discussing the portal and how it was in “sections”. I saw it, then, but the image was confusing. It looked like universes superimposed over universes. The word that comes to mind is “stargate”. The sections of this stargate were what I was seeing. Each section built upon the other but not all sections were available for access at the same time. When complete, a portal was created that resembled a many petaled flower, or lotus, with petals overlapping the closer to the center one got.

At one point I recognized something they said and interjected saying, “I know what you are talking about! I’ve been on that spacecraft! But I didn’t know it was in sections. I guess I can see how that could be…how I’ve only been on one section at a time up until now…” They corrected me almost instantly, and I got a feeling here much like I use to get as a young child when I interrupted my parents while they were having a serious conversation. Obviously I had gotten my facts mixed up. They were not discussing a spacecraft but an actual event that was underway and would culminate at a much later date.

Two men from the group took me to the side and began to talk to me privately. As I look back on the experience I realize they were “babysitting” me similar to what happens when children interrupt adults and have to be supervised so as to not do it again. But this was done with great love and never did I feel that I had done anything wrong. It is only the me looking back at it that sees it that way.

The discussion here was about music and they were asking me if I knew their music. The year 1970 came up and I wracked my brain trying to recall what artists these men were. They looked familiar to me but I couldn’t place them, the time period they were referencing too far before my own birth for me to clearly relate. I recall hearing them ask me about the Mamas and the Papas and I recognized the band but otherwise was clueless. I began to tell them about my own musical library and got very excited then, going back over all the genres of music I have ever liked and listened to and remarking at how diverse it was. It made me feel accomplished for some reason when I recognized this about myself.

One of the men, his face clear to me even now, was very kind to me and genuinely interested in what I had to say. I was listing out all the bands I had ever liked (long list) and recall he stopped me when I mentioned The Cure. He repeated to me, “The Cure” and it brought on full lucidity, pulling me out of sleep. Upon waking I knew he was telling me that this portal and its many sections were part of the Cure for humanity.

I knew I needed to share this here on my blog because of this particular portal and its impact on those of us who are currently experiencing the intensity of the many shifts of 2017. This portal, of which the Spring Equinox is only one section, will provide us with opportunities for stepping into our authenticity. This comes with much shedding of the False Self, a process we have all experienced in our own way this entire lifetime. I, personally, have been chipping away, consciously, at this False Self since 2003. Some of you have been doing so for much longer periods of time, while still others have already managed to embrace your True Self but have yet to integrate it fully, still tying up the loose ends of your lives.

For those of you like me, who are very close to releasing the False Self completely (meaning the last layers of that onion are falling away), prepare for some intense healing and purging. I was warned that the 20th will be intensely powerful for me and to expect high emotion with it. I am already experiencing it. The False Self (Ego) does not release its hold without a fight and the closer we get to releasing it, the more it becomes like a noose around our throat.

2017 is kicking my butt.

 

 

 

 

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Dream: Space Gremlin

I’ve been on board craft in my dreams quite a bit but purposefully haven’t been focusing on dream recall because the dreams are so muddled and weird. I am still sleeping very deeply and so it is hard to remember anything until the early morning hours anyway.

Well this morning I remembered one of my space craft dreams and will share it. Warning it is weird! But then that goes well with me. 🙂

Dream: Space Gremlin

The dream began with me assisting some women with carrying out supplies for a children’s party. The woman was surprised I told her I would help and she handed me this giant toy abacus that was the size of a baby gate. I walked with her toward her destination but was not sure where that was.

The next thing I know I am sitting in front of a control panel. I see several small screens indicating the date, time, location coordinates and other things. I was adjusting the time specifically but the panel was acting crazy and not doing what it was suppose to do. A woman came to assist me. I was trying to set the time to 4 o’clock but the dial wasn’t working and so the time would speed forward or backward and the minutes would never be right. I settled on 3:59 and let it go.

Then a man entered the space and I saw that I was actually inside a space craft. The space was small, like the size of a small RV. There was only a narrow isle in the middle to move about in and on both sides there was metallic looking shelving and then the instrument panel where I was, which was black and silver with tiny screens. The ceiling was domed and white, connected by paneling. the man had with him this metallic looking liquid that moved and seemed to have a life of its own. It was an organism that he had recently contained and at the moment I saw it I knew it was not really contained. The organism could easily get into small spaces and whatever space it occupied it would destroy. It was especially ruinous to circuitry and anything mechanical.

Somehow the critter had gotten loose and this was the reason for the malfunctioning of the gauges. The man seemed to have control of the situation so I continued to fiddle with the screen. After some time I was able to set the time at 3:53pm, a minute too fast. The woman and I were surprised it worked but then the man told us he had contained the creature. He told us he had captured it inside a metal cylinder and put it in a metallic box to keep it from wreaking havoc on the ship. He told us that since the panel was working that he thought we could take a look at it. He got out this large mechanical arm and used it to reach into a container deep within the side of the ship. He pulled out what looked like a giant, metal block about three feet square. It appeared the creature had made a cocoon. He set the block down and told another man, “Smash it open.” The man took a hammer and did as he was told. Surprising the block crumbled as if it were a shell of some sort, cracking open and revealing a creature whose back was turned to us. The creature was eggplant purple and curled up. We moved in closer to look at it and it turned around quickly, snarling. When I saw the creature I was shocked because it had two sets of eyes, one on its head and one in its mouth. What was even stranger is that it had a pair of what looked like white bunny ears coming out of its tooth-filled mouth. I didn’t know whether to be afraid or to laugh. I felt the energy of the creature to see if it meant us any harm and knew it couldn’t harm us, so then just looked at it curiously.

When I woke I was still shocked at the vividness of this dream! I drew a picture to give you an idea of what he looked like. He was no more than two feet tall and from the backside he looked like a cute, cuddly purple stuffed animal.

alien.jpg

When I drew the picture my daughter was watching and she said, “It looks like someone is wearing a costume. See! There is a person inside of it!” I said, “Yeah, I can see that but what is with the bunny ears? Do you think the creature inside is vicious rabbit?” lol

Honestly, when I saw the creature the ears looked attached to the outside of the mouth right where the upper jaw and lower jaw met. They were the only part of the creature that was white. It was so real I am still wondering what kind of joke my guides were playing on me! Is this meant to be symbolic of something? I doubt I will be able to find a listing of “gremlin with bunny ears in his mouth” in a dream dictionary!

This is how crazy weird my dreams have been lately and why I have chosen not to focus on recall. Just too bizarre to bother.

Interpretation

I will attempt to interpret the parts I can.

The numbers all have meaning but the one I finally settle on – 3:53 – indicates changes are coming into my life because of the decisions I have made. It is a reminder to trust these decisions and the resulting changes even if the steps are not clear.

The abacus indicates outdated views on some matter. This coincides with me trying to set the time and it not cooperating. Spaceships are a journey into the Self and unknown aspects. The gremlin is symbolizes a problem I am not fully aware of. Perhaps it pertains to abundance,success or sexuality (rabbit)?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Dream and Message: Stop Hiding

Full moon dreams and messages from last night into this morning.

Dream: Stop Hiding

I found myself laying in bed with a man on my right. The covers were up over us. On the right of us was an elderly couple. On the left of us were two young, school aged children. There was a knowing that the man and I were to be in a pornographic movie. I felt guilt at this and was uncomfortable yet at the same time a part of me was okay with it and had agreed to do it. The man was talkative, trying to calm my nerves by asking me questions and cracking jokes. He was experienced while I was not.

The more comfortable he made me the more relaxed I became. We filmed the movie but most of it is lost to me, the sexual part anyway. I remember that the children and the elderly couple were watching, though, and that it bothered me. I also remember the cameras. Nothing was hidden despite us being under the covers. I recall an intimacy with my partner and afterward feeling that I would happily repeat the experience despite the guilt and feeling exposed.

Afterward I remember going home and being intimate with my husband. I was wracked with guilt over it and felt dirty.

Then I was talking with my partner from the film and taking a walk together. He was telling me about himself and asking me questions. I remember being acutely aware of my age and not wanting him to know how old I was. He appeared younger than me and very fit and attractive. I couldn’t understand why he would want to continue working with me when I was old and losing my physical beauty. I was happy and cheerful while with him and recall crawling into a giant dollhouse at one point and him saying, “What are you doing in there? You don’t fit!” He was right and I got right out wondering why I had done that and where the doll house came from.

Then we were laying on a green hillside. I think we were both completely naked, but I was mostly aware that he was. He looked like one of those Greek statues, very fit, muscular and lean. He was telling me how he felt he had failed at his art. I asked him what his art was and he said he danced. I asked, “What kind of dance?” I saw ballet. I smiled, impressed and told him so saying, “Oh! I like ballet!”. He still acted pensive and preoccupied. So I said, “Well I failed at being a singer, so you’re not alone.” There was a whole conversation here about art, choices and handling failure.

Then we went into a small, white room that had pictures hanging on the walls. They were all pictures from when I was in high school. There was a large picture of my best friend standing with her boyfriend at Homecoming and he pointed to them saying, “Is that them?” I said, “Yes, but don’t pay attention to these. They show my age.” I was acutely aware that several images had dates on them.

We continued to walk and talk for what seemed like a very long while. We could talk about anything and enjoyed one another’s company. He and I were to work together long-term. He was asking me questions about why I felt the need to hide my profession, our relationship and our work together. My answer came in the form of a dream within the dream.

Dream: Hide the Evidence

I went to my computer and began to type up my experiences in my journal. I was super charged with energy and extremely excited about the future with my partner (the man from above dream). I wrote about how he made me feel and my first on camera experience. It was very detailed. I also had the video of our experience together but can’t recall viewing it, just that it was there. Then I made sure to hide both my writing and the video away from my husband. I even went and cleared the computer history but after I would hide it, it would pop up on the main screen right in the center in bold lettering. I tried over and over to hide it and it kept reappearing. So my solution was the buy a laptop and hide the entire computer. I felt confident this would work and hid the laptop under the desk.

Dream: Our Work

My partner and I continued to talk, him asking me, “Why do you feel the need to hide? Why not just be yourself?” I remember feeling guilty, like I was bad and what I wanted was bad. I would be judged harshly if people knew. I equated the feelings of passion and aliveness I felt when I did my work with him as somehow wrong. This was based solely on what others thought, though, not on what I thought/felt.

The conversation shifted to him discussing our future work together. In this discussion we were floating over a crystal clear, flowing creek. I could see the rocks beneath the surface. It was no more than eight feet wide, maybe a little wider. My partner was explaining what the job entailed and what I would need to do, the characteristics I would need to have, to be successful at the job. I don’t remember all of what he said, I think because I did not doubt I had what it took. I do recall saying, “I can do that. I’m familiar with the Colorado (river).” There was a sense that this river was connected to the Colorado River. It felt like we were to follow it to its Source.

However, when he got to the last part of what he was saying I fixated on it. He said, “Sometimes the river floods.” He pointed to water standing in muddy puddles along the banks of the river. “You have to be willing to walk through the puddles to do this work.” I saw the puddles clearly and hesitated.

Message: Viernes 

That’s when I woke up. I knew something major had occurred in dreamtime. It was all very vivid in my memory. Who was this man I was with? Was he a guide? No, it felt like my Companion Traveler.

As I reviewed the dream in my mind I shifted into the in-between. I was having a conversation with my partner in Spanish (why Spanish again!?). I instantly translated it to English, too. lol We were talking about Spring Break and how we were to meet on Friday. I remember laughing about the word Friday in Spanish (viernes). My high school Spanish teacher (an awesome lady) made a huge deal out of viernes, saying it meant “beer day”, so I joked that we would be having a beer on Friday. lol

I woke up with viernes in my head and knowing that I was receiving a message about this Friday (it’s Spring Break here). What will happen, I don’t know, but message received.

angel.jpg

Song Message: I Believe in Angels

I fell into the in-between again as I was trying to make sense of my dream. I concluded that I was being confronted by my Companion Traveler. He was urging me to stop hiding from myself and others – to be my authentic Self. This means embracing those things I feel others judge as wrong such as my passion (sexuality) and mission (work). I am idealizing family life and avoiding problems (dollhouse). My partner feels he has failed to find balance in his life and relationships (ballet). I feel I have failed to find happiness, harmony and joy in my marriage (singing). We are both seeking a Homecoming, but I feel my tendency to follow old patterns and habits (age) is preventing it. The dream within a dream is a perfect example of how I hide my true self. He was explaining that I needed to connect the physical with the spiritual (Kundalini rising to Source). This I think was the symbolism of the river. We were following it to Source. This is our work and to succeed at it I can’t avoid my negative emotions and situations (muddy puddles).

I felt that my healing period was coming to and end soon. When it does, I will be asked to start moving forward and to stop hiding. This has been asked of me before without success. I am not sure I am ready to do it. I am told I will be when it is time.

This is when a song message came to me. I heard over and over, “I believe in angels…” It just kept repeating. I hadn’t heart the song in ages so had no idea what came after that part. When I looked up the lyrics the song made perfect sense as a message. If you look at the lyrics you will see there is a part that mirrors my dream.

I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see.
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I’ll cross the stream, I have a dream.