Had a full moon Kundalini lucid dream experience last night within an hour of falling asleep. It was another preparation for the full rising. Based on the dream symbolism I suspect more Kundalini dreams/experiences will be coming by Easter. Thanks for reading. ❤
Last night while meditating my Companion told me he would be meeting me later that night. By the time I was in bed doing my nightly meditation I had all but forgotten about it. While meditating he reminded me. I had noticed a difference in the energy throughout the day and by this time it was very acute. So, I did not doubt my Companion would do what he said.
EFT
While meditating I was led to do something I have never done. I began to tap with three fingers on certain points on my body. At first I did this on my pelvis quite unconsciously but was led to pay attention to what I was doing. Next, I felt led to tap on the space just above my heart. After that I felt drawn to tap on my left wrist area. Then I was drawn to tap on the spaces right…
Slept 11 hours last night. I’m really enjoying sleeping this much. It is a rarity. Unfortunately, I awoke to my daughter freaking out because her younger brother had broken a glass all over the kitchen floor. She had a sleepover last night so I had two drama queens to contend with. lol Thankfully her friend seems not to be a morning person and was pretty quiet.
Dream: Dry Lake to Control Freak
Woke at 5:30am and asked to project. Fell back to sleep and entered into a semi-lucid dream. I was traveling with a man across the tallest bridge I have ever seen over a massive lake. The bridge was golden in color and had what seemed like levels that rose high up into the sky. There were people in these levels, too, all waiting for something. Men, women, children of all races. They wore nondescript clothing that appeared identical to me. All of them had looks of anticipation on their faces, as if they were hoping something or someone had come for them. To help? To bring them something? I don’t know.
I closed my eyes, scared of being up so high. I took a peek out several times. Every time I did I would look down and see the lake below me and this very narrow, golden footpath my partner was using but I never saw his feet. It was like we were floating. I knew then my partner was carrying me.
We arrived at a lake and I lost track of my partner. I swam across it with a group of people. On the opposite shore we turned back to go to a spot out in the lake to see a penguin. I recall wearing goggles. From there we watched something on a large screen, me wearing my goggles. I took them off momentarily to adjust them and felt someone grab my leg. I was pulled under and I could not make it back up for air. I was held under far longer than I should have survived and knew I was dreaming. Full-on lucidity resulted.
I came up out of the water and saw my friends were all gone. There was a giant killer whale float we had been using and it was in the distance. I swan toward it only to find the water disappearing. I saw thousands of people and floats coming toward me walking in the waist deep water. I asked someone if they had seen my partner. No one had.
By the then the water was completely gone. I saw a pick-up and began to push it toward the shore. It’s headlights were on. The sun was peeking over the tops of the trees and I could see a hedge of bushes in front of me. I stopped the truck there and looked at a short wall. There was a subdivision of houses on the other side. I wanted to explore it. I thought, “Should I take control of the dream?” I decided, “No, I think I will see where this takes me. I am curious.”
I jumped the wall and went up to a street sign. It was still very dark but I saw the street was S. 48th St. I knew it was far from my home. I walked along the streets for a while when a small mobile home caught my eye. It was well taken care of and I decided to explore it. I walked up the ramp leading the the front door. There was a very large grandfather clock taking up half the walkway. I bumped into it and it almost fell.
The door was open. I went inside and saw a small child laying on the sofa. She woke up crying and I picked her up. She looked Indian and was very small. She said her head hurt. I saw an Indian woman in the other room watching TV and went toward her. She panicked at first but then was concerned for the child, too. She said to me, “I knew someone would come looking for her mother.” The woman took us to a bed around the corner. The woman was there asleep. The child crawled up to her mom.
Then the woman told me their story. How the mom got sick and could not function. She had terrible, incapacitating headaches. Now her daughter was getting them, too. I went up to the woman who was conscious. I told her something like, “You have to learn to let go. You can’t control everything. You are killing yourself by trying.” I then told her three things she should stop trying to control but I can’t recall them now. I realized as I was telling her these things that my problem was also trying to control everything. I knew the dream had fulfilled its purpose then and I felt myself return to my body.
Interpretation
I am transitioning (bridge). There are others relying on me (people on bridge) and the message is it is important that I cross through this stage.
I feel restricted (lake) and am exploring my emotional state (swimming). I am trying to protect myself from emotional harm (goggles) and need to confront something in my waking life that I know is hurting me. I am told the situation is not as serious as I think and to relax (penguin). My emotions will subside (receding water) and guidance will be given (killer whale). Then I can pick-up where I left off (truck). I am seeking illumination (headlights). I go in search of solutions to what is holding me back (hedge and barrier). I find a situation that is temporary (mobile home) and am shown to not let my emotions get the better of me (headache). I give myself advice about control and am told to let go of certain issues, to trust all is working out as intended.
I find it interesting that I do not take over the dream but allow it to show me what I need to see. This is not common for me. While I am allowing the dream to show me things I am also observing it and learning from it to the point that I recognize it’s lesson and end the dream when the message is received.
When I woke up the song Complicated was going through my mind – “Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?”. lol Yet I feel a part of this message is not meant for me but for someone I know in my life – “I see the way you’re acting like you’re somebody else gets me frustrated.” They spend the majority of their life acting like they are somebody else, but I know them, have seen their true self and it is frustrating to me that they continue to act like someone they aren’t to fit in. The message to both of us is to stop complicating life, to stop putting conditions on life (conditional thinking, putting conditions on people and situations), and to be true to ourselves. There is no need to pretend we are someone else. Honesty is needed.
More dreams to document. Seems like I am working through a lot of life issues and a resistance to moving forward.
Dream: Coping with the Future
Something had happened that decimated the population of the planet. I was with a group traveling through the now mostly destroyed land. We came upon an open field with flocks of chickens roaming about. There was a large barn and mill located next to it and up the hill was a college. We discussed what might have happened had the college students known the chickens were there. Likely a fight or worse. But no one was there now. The sickness had taken the people and the chickens were all that was left.
We talked about how the chickens might be infected. There were some that were very erratic. We also discussed possibly staying there but decided instead to take a couple of eggs with us.
We moved along and found a patch of earth to plant a small garden in. We buried the eggs. I’m not sure why we did this. It seemed we thought the soil (accidentally wrote “soul” here) would incubate the eggs.
Not long after someone had come through and uprooted our plants and dug up and cracked one egg. One egg was hard boiled and was eaten. The other was lost. We discovered a small group nearby and they confessed. They welcomed us in and it seemed they had a nice community going but something felt off. We went driving into the nearby town (we called it Fairbanks) and saw some groups of survivors in tattered clothing. One family, a man, wife and two kids was walking by. The man had a very tiny, black and white puppy in his hands. I smiled at him and he chased our car trying to get handouts.
Then there was an entire scene about a man needing a lawyer. They searched for one and brought in a woman who he identified as his wife who he thought had died in the outbreak. He had a new partner and so did she and there was no issue between them.
Interpretation
This dreams seems to be all about moving forward, goals and commitment to them. I am discussing my fears (chickens) and my potential (eggs). I leave the fear behind and move on to focus on my potential, hoping for growth (burying them). I feel like all my hard work (garden) is destroyed. The people I know are not who they seem to be. Help is available if I ask (lawyer).
Dream: Parking Ticket in New York
I was invited to my mom’s but was very upset with her and gave her a piece of my mind about some things. I told her the energy was ruined and I couldn’t stay. She didn’t understand. I remember telling her, “Do you know you are spending $6k a year on them? That will be $18k in 3 years!”
I went into a side room to repaint a painting I had completed. I began to outline it but got paint all over some towels and eventually gave up because of so many mistakes. Then I saw I had been painting on the wrong side and the original painting was fine. It was a painting of the Earth from a distance with clouds and rainbows of color around it.
Then I was outside on a wooden deck. It had large holes in it where it rotted out. I was talking to my ex-in-laws about it. I ended up showing them a cool trick I could do. I believe I became pretty lucid here, almost to the point I could have taken over the dream. I was putting up my hands in front of me like hanging onto an invisible rope. Then I would let myself fall forward or backwards and it was like I was swinging on thin air. It felt really cool.
I left and went outside to drive home for the day. The scene felt different. I knew I was in N.Y., New York. It was raining outside and I opened the door to a very large, black pick-up. I got soaked in the process. Then I saw a huge sign on the front of my windshield. It said, “Do Not Leave Until You Pay.” I got out of the car (it stopped raining) and pulled off the sticker. Under it was a parking ticket. There were objects placed on my truck to keep me from driving away. I was about to get angry when I realized there was no point. The ticket was for $321 and I had to pay in order to go home.
There is a whole scene here where I seem to be going in circles. I realize I am getting nowhere once I figure it all out. I get frustrated and say aloud, “What is the point of all this! I want out!” I see in my mind a visual of two signs. The one on the left says, “Lesson 1”. The one on the right, which is double the size says, “Lesson 2”.
I wake up and I am angry.
Interpretation
The first part is again me dealing with family issues. The numbers are likely messages. 6 and 18. I am looking to recreate the picture of the situation but keep running into emotional messes (paint on towels) only to discover the painting is complete. There is a disconnect with my Self (holes in deck) being addressed. I am being advised to fully Trust that all is working out as it should (invisible rope section of dream). I am seeking to go Home (leaving from work). I see my life experience – work (the truck) – as negative (black). There is emotion with this (rain). I feel unable to move forward and lost (parking ticket). The number 321 is likely a message in and of itself. I can’t go Home until I finish what I started. The message “Do not leave until you pay” is a direct message. I am shown how cycles repeat and also given another direct message that I have two lessons that need to be learned.
Another night of interrupted sleep. The K-index is in the red again, too.
Dream: Car to Poodle to Baby
I was in an unfamiliar house having a discussion with my mom about my sister. She had parked her car in the driveway. I was helping with a truck and the car began to move on its own. I mentioned it to my mom and she said it was broken but sometimes did that. I asked why she didn’t sell it for my sister to get her some money. My mom acted like this would be a terrible idea.
Then the car was a small, toy poodle. I knew it had been sleeping for years. It suddenly moved and walked into the house. I told my mom who was upset by this and asked me to get it. I found it curled up on the coffee table. It was making an awful noise so I said to it, “Are you hungry? Do you want me to make you some food?” I figured it must be hungry if it had been asleep for years.
I picked up a tray of black metal objects – pens, scissors, razor blades. I filled the tray with water and was about to add baby rice cereal. I saw the sharp objects and thought, “This is not safe for a baby!” I emptied the tray of its contents and left the water, then added the cereal. I presented the food to the poodle but it had turned into a baby.
Dream: Putting Away the Lawn Mower
Then, I was walking down a hallway in the house and ran into a woman with long, auburn hair. When I saw her I recognized her calling her by name I don’t recall now. I greeted her warmly and she said hello and then hugged me. I asked her how she had been and if she had a good holiday. It felt like I meant Christmas but I honestly had no idea what I was saying or why. She said she had. She walked away. I had no clue who she was but apparently some part of me did know.
Next, I heard a noise in the garage. I went to investigate . The same woman was holding a lawn mower and moving it into a corner. I asked her, “Do you need help?” She said, “No. I’m just putting this away.” I went over to her and watched her scoot the lawn mower up against the wall. I noticed the garage was nearly spotless with a painted grey floor that shined. Definitely not my garage! lol It was two-car with two separate doors. The lawn mower was being placed up against the small space between the doors.
The woman smiled at me and said, “So, have you decided what you will do?” I knew she was talking about “work” and in my mind it felt akin to a teaching job but another part of me knew it was not the same work. I said to her, “Yes, I have decided not to leave. I will wait.” She said, “If you are sure.” There was a feeling from her that this may not be the best decision. Yet I felt happy and carefree. She looked at me closely, then, staring into my eyes. She said, “You look good.” I saw through her eyes the view of my face. It was radiant, flawless and stunningly beautiful.
She wiped her hair out of her face and left smudges. I said to her, “Your face is dirty.” She said, “It is? I must have gotten grease on it from the lawn mower.” She wiped her face with her hand and put more black streaks on it. I reached up and wiped it clean noting that if she kept touching it her faced would stay dirty. She was taller than me and I felt very drawn to her. I said to her, “Why am I so attracted to you?” I was standing with my face only inches from hers, my body touching hers. It felt nice but I had no romantic intentions. She looked down at me, smiled warmly and said something I can’t fully recall but it had to do with the masculine energy and the work they (men) were doing being independent from the feminine right now.
Considerations and Symbolism
I woke with a start. I knew the message she had given me was important. Why? I’m not sure. I could still remember the woman, smell her, even feel her breath on me as we stood nose to nose. She was awesome! She felt powerful to me. She was also very beautiful, her long, auburn hair thick and picture perfect. I wanted to be like her. That was my attraction!
Our conversation puzzles me a bit. What decision? What “work”? My first thought is that when she asked me what I will do and I said I had decided to stay that she was asking me about my marriage. That still feels correct. The feeling from her that it may not be wise came with a Knowing that I am putting myself at risk somehow. But how? I’m not sure but there has been, for many months now, two dream messages/themes that keep repeating. It is that someone is being deceptive and/or deceitful and to protect myself. I am sure it will all be clear at some point.
The first part of the dream seems to be a discussion about my mom and sister and their situation. The car is broken, so something is unfinished. Since it moves on its own then it could be that I feel unable to control the situation. It turns into a poodle which symbolizes a snobbish attitude. I feel I am better than my sister. The baby symbolizes new beginnings. The food is nurturing. Since it is full of sharp objects, specifically a razor blade, it means things I said in the past are coming back to me. I am attempting to fix it.
I think the auburn haired woman is me. She has been on vacation which symbolizes healing and recuperation. Similarly, garages symbolize a period of inactivity and feeling directionless. It is nearly spotless, so maybe lots of cleaning up has occurred. That it is a two-car garage symbolizes that I am not the only one going through such a period. The mower is a message to keep my temper and anger under control. It is between the doors of the garage so perhaps the anger is between myself and the other person. Like in the dream, I need to put it (the anger) away. The fact that the other woman unknowingly keeps putting black marks on her face from the mower suggests that I unknowingly present myself to others as dirty or flawed in some way. When I see my true self, though, I am beautiful and flawless.
Yesterday we had a small family birthday party for my youngest, Elek. It was a Thomas the Train theme and quite cute. I had been feeling off most of the day but as the time of the party approach I shifted into party mode and began to prepare for the guests with gusto. This is not normal for me. I typically don’t want a full house as the energies are overwhelming even when it is my own family.
Elek eating the frosting off the train that was on his cake.
I prepared the food trays and got everything ready and barely noticed the high energies coming in with my guests. My children, my three nephews and niece (all under the age of 7) were there along with my mom, step-dad, brother and sister-in-law, my sister and my husband. My daughter invited her best friend from down the street at the last minute (my suggestion). So that means 14 people including me were present. Being everyone was family (except one) it was strangely comfortable and balanced energy-wise. Not the normal intensity that tends to accompany the baggage only family can carry.
After the crazy wild present opening and eating of the cake, I made coffee only to forget the actual coffee. lol Then, after correcting my mistake, I had a cup with my mom and step-dad as we watched the kids wreak havoc on the living room. My mom came up to me and said, “You sure have grown up……matured.” I said, “Why do you say that?” She said, “You are sitting down calmly with all this (motions to mess) around you. You don’t normally do that. You usually just have to tidy up. Now you are just sitting and waiting until the end.” I laughed and said, “There’s no point and besides I’m enjoying watching them.” Then I told her, “I haven’t washed the wood floor in I don’t know how long…” We got a good laugh out of that.
One of the presents my son received was the Pie Face Game. The kids were all gathered around it having a blast. I suddenly felt like a child, too, and challenged my husband to a match. He got pie face. hehe Again, not a normal thing for me to do…. There’s a video but I’m not sharing (sorry). BTW you have to play that game if you haven’t. Super fun!
The last guests didn’t leave until more than three hours after the party started. Before then, my other SIL came and had cake and picked up her kids. I was busily making dinner and still calm and collected – just content with the the way things were.
After the party I was happy to clean up. No exhaustion or irritability.
It’s not that I am a grump or mean party host, it’s just that I tend to hide when there are lots of people around and when I am out and about I don’t say much and keep my energy to myself.
Is this a permanent change? I don’t know. I am reminded of the comments and dream messages where I was told, “You have changed. You are calmer.”
Dream Messages
Surprisingly, my afternoon cup of coffee had no affect on me and I fell asleep without issue.
The first half of the night all I recall are the messages and conversations that remained upon waking. There was discussion about the Kundalini along with very muted Kundalini energy again. When I woke up suddenly at 11:11pm I knew that my demands for it to stop were not going to be met. In fact, the message was that there was no turning back. Once it (the K) started, it didn’t stop until it was done. I requested all contracts and “mission assignments” to be deleted and/or retracted, too. This, I feel is still being negotiated. My main request was for the amazing bliss of the Kundalini to never return. I don’t think that will happen. Sigh. That may be why it is being muted, though. I will take what I can get.
Dreams
I ended up in a dream sequence where I was in a world where there had been a major disaster and people were gathering in small communities. Everyone contributed. Money wasn’t used. A man was sitting in the center of the room meditating. He had been meditating three days straight. When he woke he was unsteady and a lot of attention was given to him to help him recuperate. The rest of the group were women and the place we occupied was a tall structure made of wood that resembled a barn.
Then I was looking for a winter coat with my friend. We seemed to look for hours for the perfect one. I chose a grey one with a black collar. Coats are protection.
In another dream I was standing next to a bright red corvette that looked more like a Porsche. It was to be driven to the southeastern U.S. I saw the map and everything. A dotted line crossed through the southern states (LA, MS, AL, GA) and circled up through the Carolinas. I remember talking to a man about my travels and actually being in one of those states, but not sure which one. My husband and I ended up in a restaurant eating alligator (I know weird!). He ate it but I abstained. I have eaten alligator in real life and knew it was not very good and too spicy. Alligators symbolize treachery and deceit.
When I woke up I was angry. I was trying to once again asking for a shut down of all my spiritual experiences but every time I thought of how that might turn out I got a sick feeling and felt like dying. Not a good sign. But I am struggling still with existing in-between. Why can’t it just be one way all the time?
A song came into my head then, one I haven’t heard in a long time. I kept hearing, “Borderline. Feel like I’m gonna lose my mind.” Sometimes I hate the music messages I receive.
Well, not exactly Tom Selleck. The man I saw had chest hair like him and I thought of Tom Selleck when I saw/felt his chest hair. lol
Anyway, the night began with a mixture of dreams that involved me and others learning how to control a body. In the dreams we were a good distance away from the bodies. So far in fact that they resembled game pieces rather than physical bodies. I don’t remember much of the experience. It seemed to vanish upon waking. What I do recall is that when I woke it was from the Kundalini. Energy entered through my crown, shot down to my root and exploded back upward. My body’s response is what finally woke me up. The feeling was that I watched the energy as it poured through my “game piece” body but also felt what the body felt. When I woke I understood that it had been a lesson, a hands-on type of practice, to better understand how to handle the physical sensations of the body.
I am grateful the Kundalini was muted.
Dream: Meeting Tom Selleck
I was at the dentist’s office and was being told the treatment I would need. What I saw was an image of my lower jaw with teeth made of metal. I was told the coming surgery and reassured it would be okay and I would have ample anesthesia so it wouldn’t hurt that much. It made me anxious, though.
Sometime during the conversation I ended up in my old bedroom at my mom’s. Next to me was the dentist, a man a bit older than me with dark hair and eyes. I recall laying my head on his hairy chest and he allowed this. It felt nice but I wanted to be closer. The next thing I know he is laying on top of me. I attempt to kiss him. He turns his head away and does not allow me to. I can feel him resist and then reject me. There is a telepathic exchange here. He reminds me that we can’t do anything romantic.
He explains himself to me and this is when I see his hairy chest. I feel it, too. It is thick and dark and I am reminded of Tom Selleck for some reason. From that point on when I see this man I think “Tom Selleck”. lol
Throughout our telepathic exchange I keep being interrupted by my children with this or that kind of “emergency”. I lose track of where the man is and assume he has left but then see his white pick-up truck parked outside. It feels like a day or so has passed and I am so distracted I forget to look for him. I pause and check for his truck. It is still parked outside.
I walked outside noting the truck still parked there. It is nighttime but I see chickens out in the yard. I yell to my mom, “Hey, did you know your chickens are out and awake!?” I nearly step on a dead one. I nudge it with my foot and think, “They are all dying.”
The man comes up and stands next to me. He just appears out of nowhere, like he has been waiting for me. He says, “We shouldn’t give up…” He was about to continue when my daughter came running outside crying. The man puts his arm around my waist and pulls me close. I let him. My heart feels to burst open. I don’t linger, though, but break away to deal with my daughter. She is hysterical over math homework. I go inside with her and forget about the man.
Then I am watching a scene unfold. There is a woman (mother?) tending to her many children. The youngest is sick and dying. I see the baby in a bath. I think he is dead but his eyes are open and he looks alive yet I hear the prognosis and it is not good. I see my youngest child’s name spelled out in large, white letters. Then the mother is outside with a man. A letter falls from the sky and he opens it. I then recall saying, “But I’ve lost so many babies, I can’t lose anymore…”
I shift back to my mom’s house. I am kneeling by the wood fence in the back picking up fallen leaves that have gathered near its base. I feel the man approach. He wants my attention. I can hear his thoughts and feel his emotion. He doesn’t want me to give up on him. He comes closer, kneeling and helping me gather up the leaves. My heart begins to explode in love for him but I resist, focusing on a leaf I am placing in my left hand. I feel him pleading with me. He tells me that he thinks we can make it through this together. I want to embrace him and tell him I want what he wants, but I don’t. I just allow him to be close and continue to pick up the leaves. My heart is exploding and I am so happy for him to be there. It is the most amazing feeling and I want to feel it forever but I also feel I can’t trust my heart. Following it only leads to pain. I begin to cry.
I wake up crying. My heart continues to blaze for a long while after. I can’t sleep for a while but do eventually fall back to sleep.
Interpretation
The symbolism indicates that I am struggling with feelings of rejection. The fact that the man is my dentist means I am doubting his sincerity and honor. Surgery means an opening of the Self and/or healing. A pick-up symbolizes hard work and/or something that needs to be “picked up”. The chickens represent cowardliness but since they are “all dying” then perhaps courage is forthcoming? The babies are ideas and new beginnings. They are sick/dying so I feel a loss of hopes/dreams/new beginnings. The letter from the sky is a message to me but I don’t read it. I mention that I can’t handle more loss. The fence is an obstacle. The leaves represent fallen hopes, despair and sadness. I am cleaning them up. Leaves could also be a pun for actually “leaving” a situation behind me.
Lucid Dream Sequence
When I return to sleep I entered into a dream sequence where I know I am dreaming. Even in recognizing it, though, I choose to follow the dream rather than create it.
In the beginning the lucidity comes on when I am trying to determine if the Tom Selleck dream really happened or was a dream. I have an internal debate and then decide I am dreaming. This is when I made the decision to let the dream show me what I need to know.
I recall being told something would take 32 weeks. I don’t know what but the number stuck.
I also spend a lot of this dream cleaning up messes – picking up after my children and cleaning in general.
There is a part of the dream where I am asked to return to the temporary job I just had. I am suspicious, though, asking, “What happened to the woman who came back to work?” I enter my old office but it is a portable building and when I open the door water cascades out. I walk inside and see the computer and office was not harmed. The water was only a couple of feet high. I look at a TV screen playing and tap it to see if it is solid. It is. I lose interest and leave. I don’t care if anyone has left me an email message.
Then as I am walking out of the building I encounter a woman. She is dressed in black and holding a machine gun. I go up to her to kiss her and she stops me telling me I need to do something first. I notice she has a full beard and comment on it. She doesn’t respond.
I head outside and there is a man with red hair standing there. He also has a full beard. For some reason I decide to kiss him. When I do it feels like a cylinder is placed into my mouth and all the way down my throat. I feel unable to breathe through my nose at this time, too. The cylinder remains and then another one feels to be placed into my root chakra. It extends all the way up into my 2nd chakra. The feeling is so weird! The cylinders feel like contained energy. It seems like the two cylinders are trying to join in the middle of my body.
The bottom cylinder distracts me and I attempt to pull it out but can’t. So I pull the one out of my mouth. It is like I pull out a huge snake! I’m surprised I didn’t gag.
When I wake up my root chakra is a ball of swirling energy that feels heavy and makes the area seem almost numb.
Interpretation
I suspect this dream sequence was to show me the areas I am still healing. The temporary job I had was during an especially emotional time. The water indicates the emotion. I am putting it behind me, though.
The woman that has a beard represents me and my decision to be more assertive in my life, to take charge and be more masculine. She says, “Not yet”. She is holding a machine gun which is anger and aggression that is out of control. Then I end up with the man with a beard. Beards are insight and wisdom. Since his hair is red it could be that I am attempting to address my anger.
I’ve been unable to fall asleep at night the past few nights. It has been taking me an hour at least. Last night I decided to use the time and meditate on the lotus like in the book by Gopi Krishna. When I did I saw the flower in my mind’s eye but then it burst into a purple light like it was on fire.
Unfortunately, I was unable to remain focused for long. My mind wanders and I end up in a dream sequence in the in-between. I need to practice it more because I think it would help me to keep my mind focused so that when the Kundalini hits I can focus through it like Gopi did.
Dream: Dynamite
I was choosing clothes for school. I woke early and selected a pair of light blue jeans and then began to put on shoes that resembled red pleather Allstars. The shoes laces took a long time to lace and one had over abundant laces (the left one) while the other had too much lace on the left and not enough on the right. I eventually gave up and took them off realizing I didn’t want to wear bright red shoes. I recall selecting pink socks and then putting on my black, short boots.
When I went to school it was a massively huge building and I remember relating it to a school I knew from my past which was known for gang activity and bullying. I entered the building and ran into other kids but kept to myself. I remember meeting a boy who resembled Fred Savage (The Wonder Years) when he was a teenager. The boy was very interested in me but I wanted nothing to do with him so I ignored him and turned my back on him.
Then I was walking toward the end of the building to my class. When I met my teacher he looked like the grown version of Fred Savage and again I rejected him. He felt to be super interested in me, his energy needy. I remember him showing me the project we had been working on. I picked up what looked like a firecracker, you know the big M80? I lit it and it began to light up and remained lit with sparks flying off of it. It never blew up but resembled a flare instead. I remember thinking of the M80s as “dynamite”. There were pairs of these fireworks lined up along the base of what looked like a tall, pyramid shaped object. It was black and resembled a volcano. Three pairs on the left and three pairs on the right following the triangular base. All of the six pairs were lit and sparking but I began to blow them out despite the man asking me not to. He was begging me to stop, putting his hands in the way to keep me from blowing them out. I remember being angry at him for his interference and placing blame.
Eventually I left and walked down a long, very clean, white hallway. I was talking to a woman about picking up my son and how tired I was but that I needed to get groceries after school/work. We stopped in front of a machine that scanned the woman I was with. I froze wondering what was going on. She told me it was an ATM machine and this was how it recognized whose account to withdraw funds from. I was fascinated but knew it only worked for set amounts, specifically for $20 bills.
We entered another hallway and the woman went on her way. I recognized a friend making photocopies. When I went up to her I dropped a box I had been carrying that was full of supplies. Something broke that was organic in nature.
Fred Savage
Interpretation
When I woke I knew the firecrackers/dynamite represented the lighting of the Kundalini and the pairs were representative of the masculine and feminine. The Fred Savage looking guy was my masculine side. I recall him being chubby and this was a turn off for me. Then again, I don’t find Fred Savage particularly attractive anyway. lol
It appears there is a rejection of the masculine occurring in my currently. I’m not sure if my rejection of the firecrackers is positive or negative,though. It seems there is a rejection of the K energy. I don’t want it to rise like it has in the past. Perhaps I’ve had enough of its distraction?
Overall my dreams seem to indicate the potential for dramatic change fast approaching, a change I don’t want and am resisting.
Symbolism
Red – intense emotion, anger, passion, impulsiveness.
Shoes – my approach toward life. Changing my approach.
Shoelaces (tying) – preparing to move forward, take on a challenge.
Uneven shoelaces – the left is longer than the right, the feminine/masculine unbalanced, more focus on feminine.
Socks – flexibility, being more understanding of others and situations.
Dynamite – danger, a significant change is approaching and there may be a situation that blows up.
Volcano – unable to control emotions, if dormant then the emotions are under control but there is significant danger that it will erupt and be damaging and hurtful to others.
Pyramid – major changes will occur in short period of time.
ATM – desires for financial security.
Groceries – need for something in life, feeling something is missing.
Lessons
There was a whole dream sequence about my mom buying a single wide mobile home and putting it in the front of her yard. It was specifically meant for my sister’s family because they are unable (unwilling IMO) to provide for themselves and their son. They use their son to manipulate others into helping them and use their felony records as excuses as to why they can’t keep up with their bills.
This dream is a reflection of what is currently going on and how I feel about it. I don’t want to visit my mom’s house anymore because it now is mixed with the energy of my sister’s family and her husband especially has erratic energy/mood. My mom’s home no longer feels like the sanctuary it once was to me. I also have feelings of anger toward my sister for taking advantage of my mom, making the choices she does, and purposefully asking for handouts rather than working for herself to earn a living.
As I was thinking of the situation, my guidance said to me, “How’s what she is doing different from what you are doing?” This put me in my place fast. I am choosing not to work and living off my husband. He is okay with providing for me. It is no different from my sister not working and my mom choosing to provide for her. Perfect example of how the judgments we make about others are really reflections of our own self-loathing. More contemplation will come from this I am sure.
Vision
Speaking of self-loathing, I had a vision of looking in the mirror at my reflection. I took a razor blade and began to cut my face purposefully. I made vertical cuts every inch or so until cuts covered my entire face. When it healed the scarring made my face looked striped. It resembled bars, like a jail cell. My reaction to this was just curiosity and there was a feeling of gratification which was odd, like I was making a work of art out of my face.
The geomagnetic storm continued through the night and is currently still in the yellow. Though I am not experiencing any physical symptoms – feeling super good actually – my sleep was majorly affected. We had a massive thunderstorm move through Central Texas last night around 2am. It sounded like a hurricane outside the winds were so high. I couldn’t get back to sleep after it woke me up and when I did I had weird, even scary, dreams that kept waking me up afterward.
Dream: Lost and Attacked
The dream began inside my old middle school, in a classroom that was my homeroom in 7th grade. There was a teacher who was also my peer telling me that she had to take a teaching job to pay off her $40k student debt. I was shocked that she had gotten so into debt from college. I counted myself blessed to have only had to pay off an $8k debt and told her about how my sister and her husband wracked up $30k in debt because they used the loans to live off of.
At some point the woman left and I sat in the teacher’s desk looking at books on a shelf behind it. One was a dream dictionary focusing specifically on anxiety dream symbolism. Curious, I flipped through the book and read through the examples of different anxiety dreams and how they manifested. One particular dream type associated with anxiety dreams were guide-led dreams where there was direct interaction and/or communication with one or more guides. I read it and said to my guidance, “Those kinds of dreams account for more than half of my dreams.” Then I thought about it and said to them, “But I’m not typically anxious, especially right now.”
I should have seen this reference as a clue of what was to come. Ha!
The next thing I know I am driving along city streets in my old SUV. I hear a familiar song playing and the words, “Everything’s gonna be fine, fine, fine.” Looking ahead I seem to know where I am going and am focused and reassured. However, the road soon begins to look unfamiliar to me. Did I miss my turn? I saw the road ended ahead of me. There was a barricade marked with a big red X. I didn’t know what else to do but keep going so I went into the parking lot the road ended at. It was the parking lot of a college campus I think, but it was very dark and no lights were on.
I park my car but am completely confused. I don’t know where I am and when I try to think about how I got there I can’t recall anything. It’s like my mind is wiped clean. I begin to walk toward one of the buildings but it is unfamiliar and this worries me. For a brief moment I am reassured that all will be okay. I have a car, and my phone….wait a minute, where is my phone? I look down at my purse and it is not there. I think, “I must have left it in the car.” Then I think, “Where is my car? I don’t remember where I parked it?” Then I stop and can’t figure out where I am or how I got where I am despite just being in the hallway of the college building I entered.
I remember being afraid that I was losing my mind. It seems that my memory is wiped clean every few minutes. I decide to head back to the parking lot to find my car but cannot recall how I got where I was inside the building and then panic that I won’t be able to get out. I walk outside and look at the street sign. I think I am on 6th Street but the sign has another name I can’t even read. I panic again, look for my phone, see it is missing and then freak because I can’t recall where I parked my car.
Somehow I manage to make my way back to the parking lot but it is unfamiliar and not the one I think I parked my car in. I walked by several people. I am frantic. Nothing is familiar and my car is nowhere. I see the parking attendant who is shutting the lights off for the parking lot. I walk up to her in a panic saying, “I can’t find my car. I can’t remember how I got here. I don’t know what to do. Please help me.” I repeat this over and over like a crazy person. The attendant takes me by the elbow and walks with me saying, “It’s okay. I can help you.” People walking past look at me like I’m crazy or sick.
Then I am laying in bed in my old bedroom at my mom’s house. I am still panicked and I feel someone standing to my left. I can’t see them, they are like a shadow, but I sense them and can mentally see their outline. I try to move away from them by shifting to my right but they bend over and grab hold of me. This terrifies me and I keep trying to pull away but I can’t move. I feel frozen and still feel hands on me. The hands seem to be pushing, though, not pulling. I begin to feel the person is negative and try to recite the Lord’s Prayer for protection but I can’t remember it and forget it mid-way. I am reminded of my recent amnesia and begin to despair. What is happening to me? Why can’t I remember anything? A male voice says to me, “You said you wanted to never have to work again. Now you’ll have that.” Is he making a joke? I said, “I don’t want to be like this all the time!” I heard back, “It won’t be all the time, just every once in a while.” I was not having that either and tried to pull away again. The hands seemed heavier and my body was still frozen.
Then I thought, “Maybe this person is not bad. Maybe I should stop resisting.” I relaxed my body. The hands remained firmly upon me. I tried to move my body, willing it with every ounce of my being, but I was paralyzed. Then I thought, “Maybe this person is trying to wake me up?”
And I woke up, my body jerking as I willed it to move.
When I woke up I was a bit startled but unafraid. I could feel the energy of the person from my dream still on my left. I tried to communicate with him but got no response, yet I knew he was not bad. Then I felt there were three more beings huddled over me, really close. I said, “What is happening to me?” They said, “You are breaking.” I didn’t understand. They did not communicate anything else to me, just remained standing over me.
Dream: Get Out!
I was watching my ex-husband getting into a flat bed semi-truck loaded with large logs/lumber. He was leaving and I was not going with him. What is strange is that a man put a rag into the gas tank opening and connected it to an open canister of diesel. I remember thinking he was crazy as it would surely blow up the truck.
There was a discussion with a woman then about my ex separating from his current wife. The woman said, “She will be leaving a good thing (meaning money) like you did. Don’t you regret losing that kind of security?” I thought about it and said, “No. You can buy and buy all you want but it won’t make you happy. I could have stayed and had all the money I ever wanted. I could have done lots of things with that money, but I wouldn’t have been happy. I would have been miserable, maybe even killed myself. It’s not worth it.” There was discussion about leaving my current husband and the drawbacks of it being similar. To be secure versus being happy. Which is better?
Then the scene shifted and I was inside a home standing in front of a bed. I saw two of my children in it and went to get them. My mother-in-law was there and got super angry at me and yelled at me, “Get out of here! I don’t want you in here. Get out!” I told her I was just trying to get my kids out of her space so she could get some sleep. She was furious and ranting and raving so I left. My husband came in and began to defend her and scolded me for purposefully trying to upset her. I felt all the negative energy and tried to get away from it.
When I woke up a song was going through my head – Suddenly I See by KT Tunstall. The part that kept repeating was, “Suddenly I see, this is what I wanna be. Suddenly I see, why the hell it means so much to me….She makes me feel like I could be a tower, a big strong tower. The power to be, the power to give, the power to see, yeah, yeah.”
Considerations
The first dream, although confusing and scary, did not cause me to wake in fear or panic. I suspect I experienced a bit of sleep paralysis. I was very lucid toward the end but couldn’t move my body. The person pushing me was likely trying to wake me up and I wonder if it was the OOB version of me doing it. Hmmm.
I was a bit concerned when I awoke but not freaking out. The message, “You are breaking” bothers me. I wonder if my guidance meant “break” or “brake”. Am I stopping hard, as in “brake”? Or is this some kind of “break” – as in malfunctioning or maybe a vacation? Not sure but it was a strange message.
I am certain I was confronting some of my fears. Fear of going crazy, fear of disassociation, mental issues such as amnesia or dementia. The memory loss was very real and upsetting. I would not want to experience it as my waking reality, that’s for sure! My main focus was on getting back home in the dream so I was probably also confronting my inability to get home (as in spiritual home) because of memory loss.
The second dream was odd and I suspect I was sorting through past decisions from this life. Lumber indicates a fresh start in life is needed. When I woke up I was thinking about my ex-husband and kicking myself for not agreeing to half of his retirement in the divorce agreement. lol As his first wife I could have claimed it but I chose not to because we were only married 5 years and I didn’t see how I deserved to get money he would be working 20+ years to earn. There is some regret at the loss of the income/security I left behind, but I did not love him and would have been miserable if I had stayed. Every time I consider that life decision I do not regret it.
I’m not sure what the song is all about. Perhaps I am seeing a version of myself that is strong and capable – the power to be, give and see?
Wow. Did you see the geomagnetic storm!? This one is a doozie. When they get up above 5 then I normally get physical symptoms – headache, stomach issues, lethargy and/or insomnia. This time I am getting more anger thrown at me. Sigh.
The anger thrown my way was in my dreams this time. I had a very active night of dreams but this particular one woke me up.
Dream: Anger from a Friend
I was traveling with a friend toward the mountains. We stopped at a restaurant where we were told that they were trying to rid it of a nasty rat infestation. I saw a man go into the basement portion to look for it. It was cluttered with boxes and crates and I saw the rat running behind the mess. I believe the rat was white. I don’t know if the man got him. All I remember is seeing a man dressed in work clothing with a hardhat and a flashlight going in after the rat.
We waited in the parking lot which was facing a the mountains. I noticed there was snow on the ground and decided to take pictures of it with my phone. I wanted to send it to a good friend of mine. I recall taking a selfie and I did not look like I do in waking life. I had long, medium brown hair and was quite pretty. I made sure to send that pic to my friend because it had a beautiful shot of the mountains in it.
Then I was in the car jabbering away happily with my friend. I was so happy that we were reunited and wanted to catch up. My friend was silent most of the time while I talked. I recalled discussing all the spiritual things I had been going through and how I felt I was recovering and finally making progress. I remember asking my friend, “Did you go through all that, too?” My friend nodded and I replied, “Oh good! I was starting to think I was nuts.” Then my friend sent a wave of anger and irritation toward me along with an audible sigh that indicated disinterest and annoyance. Images were thrown at me all at once. I knew the images represented what my friend was focusing on currently. The images were of politics and 3D world things. I saw an image of someone trail running as well as some images that must have come from the media, but I can’t recall them now. My friend said more but the energy and images were enough to cause me to recoil in surprise. This was not a typical response from this particular friend, a friend whom I cherished dearly and would do anything for. In fact, I had only received similar energy once before but it was not prolonged like this. My friend was obviously immersed in 3D world issues and did not want to be bothered with my spiritual excitement.
I woke up suddenly from the backlash of energy. I asked my guidance what was going on and received an answer, “Your friend wants you to move on.” Move on? I didn’t understand. Whatever the problem, though, it was obvious that my presence was not wanted at this time, whether it be physical or spiritual. It saddened me but then I remembered the current intense energies and shrugged off the experience, returning to sleep.
Magnetics and Duality
The rest of the night I had dreams about the dualistic nature of physical reality. Rather than go into detail about all the dreams, I will relate what my understanding was of the messages being sent via the dreamstate.
First I was shown the Earth positioned between Venus and Mars. In physical location the planet Earth is positioned between two polar opposites – Venus the Goddess of Love and Mars the God of War. How appropriate. And purposeful.
Then I was shown how duality came into being. I saw an image in my mind of a dark mass of energy. I understood this to represent the state of being Whole and pure potential yet to be tapped into. Then the mass began to split in two. A brilliant spark of light resulted for an instant and what was left behind were two distinct masses of energy. Two individual but Whole masses of pure potential.
When this division occurred, duality came into being. There was an entire lesson on the physics of this division but it is lost to me now. In summary, the division created all the forces of the physical universe. Most of the information I received had to do with magnets and how they worked. Essentially, it was relayed to me that all one had to do was change the polarity of a magnetic from North to South to affect what it attracts and repels. So if a magnetic’s polarity is North it will attract only magnetics with a polarity that is South. Once the polarity is changed, however, that magnetic will then repel all magnetics with a polarity that is South.
Note: As I was tying this I kept misspelling “magnet” and typing “magnetic”. I finally requested clarity. I was led to this website and knew the term “magnetic” was the appropriate term. I did not argue as the definition is “anything that creates or has a magnetic field.” In essence, we are all magnetics aren’t we?
Information about magnetics was then applied to individuals. We repel and attract others (and anything with a magnetic field) based upon our own polarity. Yet, our polarity can easily be changed. It can be changed by coming into contact with someone (or something) that has an opposite polarity to us. In other words, put the magnetic in the field of a magnetic with an opposite polarity that is higher than its coercivity, plus a bit extra to neutralize the field it already has, and you change the original polarity of the magnetic.
Lost yet? I am barely following along but then I see the bigger picture so it is all lining up as I write this.
Ultimately, I was being shown this to explain how our relationships with others change throughout our lifetime; how we can be attracted to particular people, places and things only to seem to become repelled by those very people, places and things at a future date. We, as magnetics, change whenever we come into contact with other magnetics. Sometimes we change slowly and other times quite dramatically. I am shown that we add or lose protons (+) and electrons (-) all the time. Usually, this occurs very gradually. Sometimes this process can take lifetimes. Sometimes it can be instantaneous (and quite disruptive as you can imagine).
I wondered about this information. Perhaps the dream I had was showing me that such a change is occurring with my friendship? Is it possible that our polarities are changing, causing us to repel one another when before there was attraction? I was told, “Blend”. This in itself requires further contemplation perhaps for another future post. 🙂
Information about the sun (plasma), solar flares and geomagnetic activity was also relayed to me. I was shown that the dramatic changes occurring on planet Earth are resulting in similar dramatic changes in the magnetics of Earth (which means you and me and all life) and are a direct result of the sun (plasma).
At one point in time all this scientific explanation would have put me off for lacking a “spiritual” component. Yet this entire planet, universe, that we exist in, was created by Spirit (us). Science is just part of the end result of our creation. All of it – protons, neutrons, magnetism, plasma, etc – is a result of that beginning spark created by that split that resulted in duality. We’re living it.
The final message I woke with was that duality is purposeful. It is intended to help us experience ourselves. On my mind was a question posed by my guidance, “Why do you resist duality? Why not embrace it?”
Another early morning for me after a dream-filled night.
Dream: Dirty Pool
Short dream of being at my mom’s and seeing an above-ground pool with water the color of green sludge in it. There was a discussion about a pool maintenance man who was to clean it, I saw him complete in scuba gear (it was a nasty pool). The pool guy had come to work drunk and was not doing his job, drunkenly falling off the side of the pool and laughing so hard he was crying. The man who I was talking with said, “You really need to do something about this situation.”
Dream: Cruise Affair
I was on a cruise by myself. While there I met a woman who I quickly became friends with. We ended up being intimate, something that surprised me even in the dream. I also recall the attraction to her caught me off guard. Our connection was intensely fiery and passionate. Thankfully, I do not remember any of the specifics of this love affair past kissing and some minor energetic impressions (whew!). I recall it was as powerful as any of the Kundalini dreams I’ve had in the past.
While we were walking to her room one evening we were being followed by a shady character who resembled a detective. He continued to follow us the entire trip and eventually I sought answers. I ended up in his cabin with another man and somehow got an AK-47 and fired so many shots at him that all that was left was a blood stain on the wall. I recall knowing the detective had been sent by my husband to spy on me. I laughed because my husband had told me he wouldn’t be concerned if I had an affair with a woman yet he obviously was.
Then I was back with my friend in her cabin. I suddenly knew I had to go and told her so. She didn’t want me to but let me and helped me to get my things ready. I recall going outside and putting my things in a yellow school bus. We talked the whole time and I was telling her that I was leaving one day early to try to avoid traffic and crowded planes. I recalled my entire journey to the cruise and back via plane while talking to her.
I also couldn’t remember the woman’s name and felt awful. I had a week-long affair with her and couldn’t recall her name!? I asked her, “What is your last name?” She said, “Haymen” and laughed saying, “I know, it’s kinda gross. It sounds a lot like hymen.” I laughed with her about it and told her about a coworker who had the last name Harman. Then I saw my friend’s first name in my mind. Lisa.
There was a container of orange juice sitting out that I grabbed and drank. She said, “I’m not sure that is any good. It sat out all night.” I said, “It tasted fine to me.” Then I began to change my mind about leaving. I said, “Maybe I shouldn’t go yet. I like it here.”
I guess I ended up leaving, though, because the next thing I know I am on the school bus waiting for it to leave. What is odd is that in the center of the buss was a long table and I was sitting at it along with others. Across from me was a black man who looked to be from Jamaica. He began to play the table like a hand drum. I played with him and so did everyone else. The sound was similar to a song I know.
The bus began to move. We passed by a group of school children all wearing red shirts. They were on a field trip. The black man stopped and sold them some balloons.They took them and blew them up or filled them with water. We watched as they took great joy in such a simple thing. I remember wishing I had joy like that.
In-Between
The dream was so vivid that I could not return to sleep after waking but lingered in the in-between. While there I had many visions and a long discussion with a guide. My guidance was saying to me, “You have to help us help you.” I responded that I didn’t want to do anything right now. I am too tired, too sad, to move on. This is why I wanted to return to the cruise ship in the dream. I want to stay where I’m at, in healing mode.
There was an instance where I saw one left shoe. The right shoe was completely missing. When I saw this I thought, “I guess I will be walking around with only one shoe.” But I understand that it shows I feel a part of me is missing.
I was able to also contact anger during this time. It is anger at feeling mistreated and controlled by men, an anger aimed at the male gender in general. I remember thinking, “If the male is not a child or elderly I don’t want anything to do with them!” There came with this an intention to never let a man manipulate or control me again.
Interpretation
The first dream indicates there is an issue that is especially repugnant to me (dirty pool). This issue is muddled with emotion and I am attempting to deal with that emotion but not doing very well. The way I am going about it is not productive – I am trying to avoid it rather than diving right in (drunk pool man). Yet I have all the tools I need to resolve it (diving gear).I really find humor in this dream.
I was surprised by the second dream because of my affair with a woman. Yet it shouldn’t surprise me since yesterday I was thinking that maybe having relationships with men was not good for me and considered that maybe I needed to be in a relationship with a woman instead. lol
The boat theme continues (its going on months now) with the cruise ship. Being on a boat is representative of exploration of emotion. A cruise ship is representative of a pleasant mood/emotion. The affair with the woman indicates I am seeking a relationship with myself but I feel watched by a “spy” sent by my husband. This is representative of how I feel in waking life, as if my every move is watched and judged by my husband. I end up killing the spy very violently which shows my emotional response – I am standing up for myself and not taking it anymore. The reference to “hymen” is likely a reference to virginity or purity, though I am not sure. Orange juice is energy/vitality. The school bus indicates I am about to take an important life journey. The drumming is representative of one’s strong will and determination (which I have plenty of). To hear drumming indicates a need to make steady progress and keep up the pace. The balloons in the end represent hopes and disappointments in my search for love. The children blowing up the balloons symbolizes hopes and aspirations. My reaction to them indicates I long for a return to a childlike love of life.
Songs
The song that was being drummed was It’s Time by Imagine Dragons, a song I have heard ever since 2011 when I was struggling with a negative work situation. The drumming sounded just like the very beginning of the song. 🙂 The lyrics are appropriate as well.
Another song came to mind after this one, a song that keeps coming up but I have not mentioned because I keep forgetting. It is Hand in my Pocket by Alanis Morissette. Specifically the part, “Everything’s gonna be fine, fine, fine.” 🙂
Dream: Get Out!
