Category Archives: Dreams

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Hover Car

I am getting a bit tired of not being tired. 🙂 Again I awoke at 6am when I could have slept another two hours! It is funny how just a year ago I was struggling with horrible insomnia and begging to just be able to sleep through the night and now I am not tired, not caring if I sleep and waking up after a full 7-8 hours wide awake. Perhaps it is the ascension process or maybe the result of letting go of negative life patterns and habits that were causing me stress. Likely a bit of both.

Hovercraft

I was able to return to sleep briefly this morning and as a result I had a very interesting dream. I want to share some of it and my thoughts because it feels significant to me.

In the dream I was with my ex-husband but he shifted between my ex and my current husband. One minute it would be my ex I was talking to and the next it would be my current husband. I spoke to them as if they were the same person, though, which is confusing but did not confuse me at all in the dream.

In my mind, the main person I was interacting with and speaking to was my ex. I remember discussing with him and another male figure our relationship and how he was my “best friend”. I thought about how well we communicated and how simple our relationship was. My ex was not the brightest but he was very loving, thoughtful and sensitive – much more sensitive than I was. He cared about how I felt and if I was sad, depressed or otherwise he went to great lengths to try to make me happy. Our conversations were simple and fun loving – no serious stuff usually. We talked about practical things, usually music, nature, hunting, fishing, camping, the outdoors and my husband’s crazy, exciting job. I listened better back then, I think.

Anyway, in the dream, I was flying in a hover car with my ex husband and I remember seeing the color silver. We moved swiftly and I could see the destination in front of us. Now, when I try to remember where we were going, I can’t and the destination in my memory is merely a horizon painted with pastel colors in an arc surrounding a final point of white light. The feeling was of loneliness and hope mixed with a bit of regret. It is hard to describe.

Considerations

When I awoke, I immediately wondered if my ex is someone much closer to me on the Other Side than I previously thought. The feelings I brought back from the dream were that we were very close and the memories that flooded into my mind of our time together as husband and wife were acutely different than the memories I am currently creating in my present relationship. The differences between the two relationships stood out stark in comparison to one another – black and white in so many ways.

I began to regret that I had met my ex when I did. I lived in so much fear and was so young. I did not know who I was and struggled to define myself, caught up in what I thought I was suppose to be and do based upon what others in my life wanted. I was not yet to the point where I firmly understood what I wanted and where I wanted to go in life. Unfortunately for my ex, I began to see these things and make decisions about what I wanted and it did not go along with our relationship. We grew apart, but I can fully take the blame for it.

I was able to “see” that my ex and I were best friends above all else. We could talk about anything and we understood each other. Even when we split, there was no animosity or anger. We knew it was a necessary evil. We knew it was time to move on. It hurt him more than me, but I think that was his lesson. And now that I have matured and can fully understand, there is a sadness for all that could have been had I not been the person I was back then. He chose to be the way he was this life, as I did, and I have a feeling in future lives we may choose to be close again but maybe not as distant physically.

This is not to say that my ex is more significant to me than my current husband – that is not true at all. I did not have the connection to him that I had the instant I met my current husband. I often wonder about that “love at first sight” reaction I had when I looked in his eyes. Is that simply a trigger implanted there by myself to get me to take a significant path in my life? Or is it “real” and connected to a bond that between us that spans many lives? I have read  (Michael Newton’s Life Between Lives) that triggers are rehearsed by us prior to life and many times they are linked to the eyes so that when we meet someone who we have agreed to learn significant lessons with we “trigger” something inside ourselves. Usually it is a feeling or a knowingness. For me, the instant I saw my husband’s eyes I thought, “He is my angel”. I had also been warned by my guides that I would “meet someone” that day.

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Beyond Illusion

Last night I sensed, finally, that the energy is calming down. Whatever has been going on energetically has been wreaking havoc on my emotional state and I am glad it is settling down. My guide continues to tell me, “It will pass” and, though I am tired of hearing such messages time and again, I know he is right. I just have to get through these hills of intensely turbulent energy in order to reach a valley and rest.

Message

As I recognized that the calm was finally returning, I let out a sigh of relief. At the same time, I wondered to myself, “What is going on?” As is typical of my guide, I got a response.

He showed me what appeared to be the energy of the Earth. It was jagged and looked a lot like lightening bolts of varying shades of color. The main colors I saw were red, green and blue but there were other colors like white and yellow that were less distinct.

Then I saw a vision of the level right above Earth blending and blurring with that of the Earth plane. I could see Spirit descending into the Earth plane and also some on the Earth place ascending to the level of Spirit. It was as if the two were experiencing an exchange, but neither stayed on the other side but was planted firmly in their world.

It reminded me of the vision I got years ago of myself standing in between two distinct worlds but not quite in one or the other. I stood in a mist that was gray and white and moving. On one side was Earth; our physical reality. On the other side was what I assumed was “heaven” or the “other side”. Now that I am older and understand more about the different planes that surround Earth, I know that the plane right above that of Earth is the astral plane.

After seeing these visions, which occurred in mere seconds, I understood without knowing exactly what it meant. I also knew that with this energy change I once again would leave my body more frequently. In fact, I suspected I would do so the next morning.

OBE

I could not fall asleep until close to midnight. That has been my pattern this month and it really has not been bothering me. In fact, I have not wanted to go to sleep. I don’t know why but I suspect it is because I do not want to confront something that will be happening in my sleep. Most likely healing which means confronting not so nice aspects of myself.

When I finally fell asleep I had dreams of fishing intermixed with dreams of sexual frustration. I won’t go into detail but in a nutshell the dreams were symbolic of my waking life. Ultimately, these dreams woke me up and I knew right away that I was working on my second chakra, trying to clear whatever was holding it so tightly closed. I knew that my feelings of overwhelm with my family was ultimately the perpetrator.

I fell back to sleep, dreaming that I visited my daughter at school where she was tutoring another child. I spoke with her teacher because my daughter was struggling to get her student to work and was doing his work for him. The teacher explained that was the way the program worked – everyone teaches someone else. I then lost my daughter as I tried to relay the message that part of her problem was she could not see well and might need glasses.

I left the room and then the school, watching the students pass by and noticing they were high school students. I sort of felt transported back to my middle school years because I was aware that I was walking outside of the very school I attended then. The students were very vivid and real as was the parking lot and the entire scene as I walked outside. Then, I suddenly thought, “How did I get here?”, but I did not remember. Then I thought to myself, “This is a dream!”

Upon realizing I was dreaming I became overjoyed and the scene brightened. I immediately dropped the pack of juice boxes I was carrying and launched myself up into the air. The day was bright and the sky blue and dotted with fluffy clouds. I soared upward very fast and thought to myself, “Uh oh, not so high!” Then I leveled out and looked down at a group of students. A young man was looking up and pointing at me. This occurred at the same time as a memory of a book I was reading where the author had recounted her own OBE and how she had to be careful of flying so as to not upset the other travelers. I recognized I was creating this very scene below me and allowed it to occur.

I reached down and took the hand of the young man as I said to him, “Come fly with me!” I pulled him up and he went soaring above me. I said to him, “Not so high!” as if to warn him not to go into outer space. I then let him carrying me along below him and I enjoyed the free feeling for a bit.

My thoughts got the better of me as I remembered, all at once, what I had been planning to do as soon as I got OBE. I began to request things all at once. “I want to be with the One” and “I want to Know” were among the requests. They all came out at once and then I began to sing them loudly and with great hope. I wanted to be reunited with the Source, to go beyond the illusion of life and the illusions I seemed so attached to.

As I sang I felt pulled upward again and the scene blacked out. I kept singing but instantly knew I would not go anywhere. I was pulled back into my body and gradually settled back in.

Beyond Illusion

The experience I had this morning did not seem very significant at first but now that I look back upon it, I feel it showed that I am opening up again to the adventure of creating while OOB. It is also promising to me that I did not find myself in the dark.

I have been reading a book called Doing Time on Earth: Unmasking the Hidden Mind Directing Our Lives. So far I have been fascinated by the book and it is one of the reasons I go to bed so late. There was one part of the book where the author discusses how she had a lucid dream in which she was trapped inside a cage made up of her own responsibilities. She saw how she was trapped inside this cage but was able to break free and rise above to experience peace and calm. She then returned to it and all the illusions of her life, recognizing each of them as restraining her in this life.

Reading the author’s experience made me think about my cage and how to break free. This is why I asked what I did while OOB. I likely went about it wrong and I am still trying to figure how to go about it, but I think I will get there eventually. I likely am not quite ready to get beyond my own illusions. Illusions can become comfortable and safe.

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The Sun is on It’s Way

The night before last, for the first time in a while I could not fall asleep. I don’t know when I finally did fall asleep, but I felt tired in the morning. As a result I was not very focused through my work day and felt as if I were floating through in a dream most of the day. By the end of the day I was feeling pretty down because I accidentally noticed that an old high school classmate who made my middle and high school years pretty miserable, had another baby. Something about seeing her happy really ate me up inside. It seemed unfair that someone so nasty, deceitful and materialistic was getting to be happy. So unfair! I know, though, had I been more rested, that it wouldn’t have matter to me a bit.

It didn’t help that my middle child, most likely struggling to adjust to a new baby brother, continues to create messes the minute my head is turned. Yesterday he chose to open up nail polish and paint the bathtub while also getting out toilet bowel cleaner and pouring it over the top of the polish. Perhaps he was trying to clean his mess? Regardless, it was just another kick when I was already down. I felt many times that I would lose my mind yesterday. I am so happy the day is past.

So last night when I settled down to bed I was beat. The energy that I have been feeling all week, depleted. I was also very down and completely unnerved by the day’s events. I just wanted to get away and hide somewhere quiet and safe. I felt again as if I could not get far enough away from my life. I remember thinking I needed a break and asking for one.

“I’m a Lesbian”

I awoke again at 6a.m. feeling much like I did when I went to bed and irritated because the house was silent which indicated to me my husband was still asleep. Not good since his job on my days off is to get everyone up and ready for the day and allow me to sleep in. After trying unsuccessfully to not think about the fact that he was asleep, I finally went down and woke him up. I returned to my bed feeling the heaviness of the burden that is my role in this family. I feel that if I were to disappear the entire household would crumble down and fall apart without me there to make sure bills got paid, trash got put out, homework was done, lunches made, groceries bought, meals prepared and cleaned up….the list goes on and on.

Somehow I managed to returned to sleep and fell into an odd dream. I was with my middle son (the one who painted the bathtub with nail polish) and we were entering a restaurant. The hostess greeted us and my son said to her, “I’m a lesbian”. She looked at me and said, “Lesbian? Oh,” as if this meant we could not eat there. When I heard the term lesbian it felt very off yet a part of me seemed to accept it like, “Yeah he is”. I looked at the hostess as she was joined by another woman and they both looked at me questionably as if I were expected to explain. I stood there, struggling to figure out what was going on. I looked at my son, standing there naked, his white-blond hair stark in contrast to the brownish ambiance of the room. As I looked at him I kept thinking to myself, Lesbian? Lesbian?

Now, looking back on the experience, I know that the word was a trigger to get me to wake up, but at that point it was just very confusing because a part of me knew it was dead wrong and out of place but another part wanted to just accept it and happily have my dinner.

Hundreds of Houses

The trigger must have finally worked because the dream vanished and I felt the familiar floating feeling that comes with a disconnect from my body.  I instantly recognized I was OOB, too, but was not excited to find that once again I could not see well because it was dark. I also recognized I was inside my mom’s house and went directly to a window to exit. I flew into it, hoping to go right through, but met resistance and so opened it.

When I went outside it was still dark. Disappointed (I really wanted it to be light which often happens when I go outside), I floated up and hovered while I surveyed the space around me. I was definitely not outside my mom’s house but somewhere else, somewhere with mountains.

After I got my bearings, I remembered that I wanted to try something a member of my astral projectors FB group had posted. This being that they chanted “OM” to help them let go. I had told myself to try this the next time I went OOB but doubted I would remember it. Yet, here I was, in the midst of an OBE, thinking to myself, “Chant OM!”

So I did, but it didn’t come out quite right. Instead of sounding like the familiar chanting, it came out more like a howl. In fact, I sounded like I was howling at the moon! Instead of laughing at this, I got very serious and focused on trying to do it “right”. So I tried it a few more times, still hearing more of a howling sound that continued to get more and more like a wolf’s howl than the OM I wanted. I think once, and only once, did it sound something like I wanted.

At some point I gave up on trying to OM and instead just thought, “Let go”. At the same time as I thought this, I noticed that the mountains in front of me were dotted with hundreds of houses. Each of them was lit up with yellow light. Each house was identical – white, two-story, with four square windows with the familiar four tiny boxes inside each. All of them lit up brightly. When I saw how many there were I took it all in and recognized it as beautiful. Yet I was disinterested. A part of me was still holding onto the sadness I had gone to bed with.

I began to feel the familiar pull upwards that often hits me. I am not certain of what it is meant to do but I had a distinct feeling that I needed to go along with it. In fact, I felt at that time a knowingness that was saying, “Just go with it” along with a message saying, “Let me show you”. I all at once gave into this feeling, wanting, desiring to know what lay ahead.

But I must have still been resisting because I began to flounder and the upward sensation stopped suddenly. I felt the familiar floaty feeling I get when I come close to my body and resisted the temptation to settle back into my body. The message still strong that there was something I needed to see, to be shown.

viewThe Sun is on It’s Way

I willed myself back to where I had been. Within moments I was again floating near the mountains but the white, yellow-lit houses were gone. Instead the mountainside was dark as was everything else. I again felt the familiar pulling sensation and felt/knew that I needed to let myself be pulled up. For some reason I also began to sing loudly. There is a faint memory with the singing that I needed to raise my vibration and a recognition that the darkness of my vision coincided with the darkness I was feeling.

As I sang, I was pulled up with ever increasing velocity. Usually I resist, thinking I will soon end up in space looking down at planet Earth, but this time I sang loudly, “I don’t mind going into space”, repeating a variation of that thought several times and accepting that soon I would be looking down at the Earth.

But my hand scraped something hard and I realized that although I felt to be miles up in the sky, I was not. Then I opened my eyes and for a moment saw with color and clarity. I was very close to the ground and flying fast. I remember looking down as I flew and seeing a pair of white sandals all alone on the hillside in the grass. I wanted to reach down and pick them up, but felt pulled away and upward over the mountains and hills.

I also remember the song I was singing, melody and words. I sang:

“‘Cause I know it’ll be okay,

And the sun is on it’s way,

Everything is always just that way”.

As the words to the second line came out of my mouth, I saw vividly the bright, morning sun rising to my left right along with the words “the sun is on it’s way”. It was an amazing, vibrant orange-red and its rays reached out and illuminated my vision. The sky exploded in color, a pastel shade of blue dotted with white clouds and the oranges and reds of a brilliant sunrise. I looked to my right as I sang the last line and saw the once dark mountain side brighten and come alive with color, the green so vibrant that it made me want to cry.

All the while I was soaring low on the horizon and singing, feeling much lighter and more free than I had been feeling in the previous gloomy darkness.

The emotions that hit me, mostly joy and relief, caused me to return to my body. I did not want to open my eyes, but when I did, my cheek was wet with tears. Although the experience did lift my spirits for a moment, when I awoke I was reluctant to get out of bed.

Reflection

This morning, as I reflect on the experience, I realize that my energy and vibration has been very low despite my energy seeming to be high. I also have been stuck in some negative past experiences which, unfortunately, have pulled me into similar scenarios while OOB. I have been considering this as I mull over my most recent OBEs and I believe I was testing it during this particular experience. Result? Success!

Singing has always elevated my mood. No matter how down I am, the act of singing pulls me out of the despair. In my earlier OBEs, singing was often in the background and I have many pleasant memories of dancing and singing with my dog, Trooper, in the sunshine and warmth of my own astral landscape. I also have many a memory as a child of singing made-up songs as I played with my dolls or wandered around the yard aimlessly. Presently, my own daughter sings her own made-up melodies and dances happily much like I did when I was her age.

Perhaps the biggest lesson this experience taught me is that my thoughts create my reality, no matter where I am. And if I can just get in control of them, then I can pull myself out of whatever funk I find myself in. I have learned this lesson before, but, as another post in my FB group reminded me, sometimes we need to be reminded of lessons we have already learned because, despite us knowing the lesson, we may not have fully integrated it.

Finally, I believe there was a breakthrough in this OBE that is very significant. I decided to “let go” and do something different than I had done in my other OBEs. I have been trying, unsuccessfully for the most part, to control my OBEs and the results have been more of the same: dead ends, sudden endings, dark gloominess, and a feeling of failure upon waking. This time I let myself be taken wherever I was going and ended up regaining my vision. I also realized that the loss of my vision was an illusion. The colors and beauty were always there but my mood and fight for control overshadowed them. It was only when I let go that the darkness disappeared and let in the light.

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The Timekeeper

This high energy cycle I’ve been going through all month continues along with the deep, hard sleep that seems limited to 7-8 hours max. I forgot to mention that I am ridiculously hungry right now, too. I often wake up in the morning so irritable from my hunger that I am starting to think of myself as the terrible morning monster. My whole family knows to avoid me, especially my husband who keeps accidentally initiating important conversations as soon as he sees me awake. I, of course, bark back at him a response or two, my mind focused only on one thing: food. Usually, within about 30 minutes of eating, I am back to my normal self, but thirty minutes is a long time and I often put my foot in my mouth more than once during that time.

These “symptoms” are, of course, all very much common to the “ascension” process. Yet, when one is going through them they wonder, “What the hell is wrong with me?” I can’t help but think I must have some undiagnosed illness waiting, like the monster in my closet, to jumped out at me when I least expect it.

Alaska

I had, again, a really vivid dream that came with me into sudden wakefulness at 6 a.m. Being this is my day off, I was very irritated that I was wide awake at such an early time. It only made me more frustrated when my rumbling stomach forced me out of bed and down to the kitchen.

I returned to bed after my snack and instantly felt I needed to take what little time I had to meditate. The instant I chose to do this, I began to receive messages. But I am getting ahead of myself. I need to recount the dream first so that you understand a bit about the messages I received.

In the dream I was at a home in the mountains of Alaska. I found myself suddenly just there and was a bit out of sorts and trying to get my bearings for some time. I seemed to be surrounded by “family”, though I have no idea who the people were. There was a couple who appeared to be in the mid to late 40s and were happily giving me and my group a tour of their home.

I don’t recall much about the tour but I do remember that we were talking about moving there. I did not like the idea and was relieved when I discovered it would be my sister, her husband and new son that would be moving there and not me. There was some interaction that reminded me of my past with my sister that I participated in, but it all seemed very out of place being we are so much older now than we were then.

At one point we were exploring a home for rent near a creek that flowed into the ocean. The house was an empty, very nice multistory home positioned right next to a rapidly flowing, crystal clear creek.  My companion and I explored the area, me commenting on how nice it was and how we should rent it. I stood next to the creek and saw a large, orange colored Koi fish feeding. Something was said about the fish, but I don’t recall it now.

We went down a trail that led into the woods. It appeared well kept and made of some kind of fabricated stone that was speckled gray and white. It led into a cavernous area that was really a man-made outdoor atrium of some type, with tall stone columns and passages. We went inside and I thought there would be bats and sure enough one flew out in front of my sister. It was large but I was not afraid of it, more in awe of it.

The dream gets hazy here for a bit but I do remember that there was a moment when I was holding back a large bear. I had my hands in its mouth (it was asleep) and was yelling at someone to get away, saying, “It’s a bear!” The person was actually sleeping with the bear and I was trying to get them to notice. Something here triggered my memory that there was a bear in another dream but I never could (nor can I now) recall the dream.

Then, we were back by the house with the couple. The place was beginning to depress me. I complained of it being cold more than once, remembering that 60 degrees was warm to them. I also remember a man flirting with me and I was a bit annoyed at him. Not only was he short and unattractive, but I knew connecting with him meant connecting with Alaska and there was no way I was staying there. He was nice enough, though, but I also knew he was part of this “family” living in Alaska. No way!

We went outside and in front of the house was this enormous lake. The water was dark and it was beautiful in its own way, but I commented to the others how it was “ugly”. We somehow ended up on the other side of it and then owner just walked across it, showing me that although it seemed deep it was really very shallow, the water only reaching his calves. I was surprised.

time_joakim_kraemer_photography_Timekeeper

I awoke suddenly from the dream and later, after my snack, settled down to meditate. Like I said earlier, the messages came almost instantly. The first thing that I heard was, “You have a Timekeeper”. This peaked my curiosity. What is a Timekeeper? I wondered, and Why do I only have one?

I was instantly encouraged not to break the state of consciousness I was in. It is hard to explain how this was communicated, but I instantly calmed my mind and let go of my focus upon the many questions arising in my mind.

Without words I knew what was happening. The dreams I have been having are part of a process of purging myself of past issues; issues that hold me back in some way. Much of the purging has to do with old patterns and beliefs. Specifically, the Alaska theme is representative of a time in my life when I was very depressed and felt surrounded by darkness, both literally and figuratively. I felt as well as was told that I must, “pass through the darkness to get to the light”.

The Timekeeper, whoever “he” is, was there and accessible to me, though he seemed “above” me and almost unreachable. I asked his name and heard an “M” name that reminded me of Marion but I am not sure if that is correct. Like is usual, when I hear a name it becomes jumbled and distorted and I doubt the accuracy of the name I receive. Initially, though, before it became jumbled, it sounded a whole lot like Marion but I am positive I skewed the name so it sounded familiar to me.

When I asked what a Timekeeper was I was told, “I am here to help you see”. My guide has been telling me that I will “see” soon but I never quite understood what he meant. See what? Will I literally see something or does it mean I will increase my awareness and so then, “see” more?

I assume this Timekeeper is helping me return to times in which I struggled in order to help me gain awareness of the struggles and lessons I endured. What did I learn while I was in Alaska that is so important? In my memory of it, I realized that I had a shadow I defeated: death.

Shadow Man

I struggled to recall if I had ever meditated or had any recollection of intensely vivid dreams or experiences during that time. I could not, at first, remember anything of significance other than the sudden onset of creativity that resulted in playing the guitar and writing songs that contained strong messages to myself.

Then I recalled a time when I sought out the darkness that was haunting me and causing so much pain in my life. I don’t remember where I got the idea from – the internet? But I did take time to close my eyes and focus. When I did, I found a very surprising thing: a shadowy figure that was there for a brief moment and then vanished.

Intrigued, I tried to find him. I searched my mind for his hiding place and I found him, hiding in the corner of my mind. He had no definition and was very slippery. One moment I would see him clearly, the depth of his dark features endless. Other times he would vanish or appear to be see-through.

I remember him vividly and when I “caught” him, I was flooded with memories and despair. I immediately knew he represented the thoughts that had been tormenting me and willing me, endlessly it seemed, to die. He was death.

There were memories he was associated with, memories from my past and childhood. I don’t remember them now, but when I realized who Shadow Man was, I knew his trickery and I fought him in my mind, banishing him (or so it seemed). For some reason, at that time, the Shadow Man was very real to me. Yet, I did not learn of such creatures and such until many years later when I went through my spiritual awakening.

Shadow Man was in one of my OBEs not long ago. Is he back? Did I only think I got rid of him? I suspect so. The draw towards death never left me completely. It has been more controllable but it has shifted faces and form. It is deceptive and distracting. In fact, after that first encounter with him, I traveled to Alaska and went through some very dark days and more came after that.

I am certain that Shadow Man is merely an aspect of my Self. I suspect the Timekeeper who is helping me is working hard to help me see him and other aspects of my Self that might be booby trapping my awareness, steering me towards negativity and thoughts of death. But something tells me there is much more to a Timekeeper. What?

If you know, please feel free to fill me in.

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I am Home

It seems I have entered into a new pattern of awareness. That is the only way I can explain it anyway.

It started with the blood moon the beginning of this month and continues to accelerate. The major change has been most noticeable in my sleep patterns. I am not tired when I go to bed, yet when I close my eyes I almost instantly drift off to sleep. Then when I sleep, I sleep very, very deeply and often do not remember my dreams. Then, occasionally I will have a night where I have dreams galore but then cannot remember the details upon waking. Other times there are dreams that come out vividly seemingly from nowhere.

The other change has occurred in my waking awareness. I first had more calm and then it shifted to noticing things, synchronicities and deja vu amongst other things. Amidst these, noticeable, but gradual changes in awareness.

I have not been writing about everything that happens because if I did I would end up with posts so long no one would have time to read them. Also, I have come to realize that sometimes the things that happen to me need to be digested over time before their true meaning and significance is realized.

Test

This morning when I awoke I recalled a very long, in-depth dream. This surprised me since that has not been happening much this month.

The dream was set inside of a moving, armored, all-terrain vehicle. I almost want to call it a military tank but hesitate since I was on the inside and the feeling was not that I was going to war or anything of the like. I was sitting with a man who I admired quite a bit. He was my superior and I recall pushing back a romantic thought towards him, almost like I was internally reminding myself that was not my purpose for being there. He had on a helmet and was discussing flying, referring to me and a flight I would be taking as a newly trained pilot. I was listening and donned my own helmet. It was green and made of metal and covered my entire head. in front was a clear panel that covered the entire front of my face.

I remember feeling anticipation and nervousness as I listened to him. I knew this was an important step for me and I did not want to fail. This “test” would determine whether or not I was ready to pilot my own craft (what kind I am not sure).

The color green was very prominent in the memory of this dream as was the color silver which was the color of the metal vehicle I was in.

Mental Facility

Instead of the dream ending with me preparing for flight it actually fast-forwarded to another destination. I found myself standing in a line at a very large building built to hold many people. It was silver in color and very tall, so tall I could barely make out the top. It was square and also had a military feeling to it.

As I waited in line I was with a familiar group of people and I knew they were traveling with me. We were being processed by this facility to receive mental treatment. At first I thought it was a mental hospital but that thought was immediately replaced with “mental” as a stand-alone title for this place.

As I waited I looked down and saw soft, green grass all about. It was vibrant and separated the steel posts that designated the lines for for entrance into the building. I noticed very large animal feces all about and recognized it to be deer feces. I mentioned it to the guy I was standing with who confirmed they belonged to deer that frequented the place. I responded, “Those must be some very big deer. I sure wouldn’t want to come into contact with one of them!”

At the entrance I was expected to present my I.D. and sorted through my purse to get it. At this time I remember opening my wallet and finding huge amounts of money wadded inside. I retrieved my driver’s license and stuffed the money back inside, worried the people behind me might be watching and then want my money. I also felt guilty of having so much for some reason.There was one guy who was suspicious. A criminal?

When I got through to the other side, a woman kept my I.D. and gave me paperwork to fill out. I had to list the types of food I liked, my weight and measurements of my body. I could not answer all the questions and asked if that was okay. It was.

Inside we were placed into a dormitory together. I was with various individuals of all ages and genders, some family groups, others singles. We were waiting together and I was concerned about when and what we would eat and also concerned about my baby. I asked for milk and was told they had limited amounts of it and that I would have to use powdered formula. I took it but worried I would run out. I remember looking around with a feeling of uncertainty at this time. Finally, though, a gallon of milk was located and I had plenty for my baby.

Inside the dorm I went about making food with what provisions I could find. It happened to be beans. I began cooking them and found there was not much. A woman beside me began opening ground turkey. I asked where she got it and she told me the pantry. I immediately went to look and found canned food and such and began looking for ingredients to make a stew. I found a can of chitlins and was told to look twice. Realizing the can contained pork intestines, I put them back. For some reason they had a Hawaiian name and a Hawaiian man later came and got them to eat.

Pool

As if the dream were not already weird enough, it got weirder. I found myself with my group in the water of a swimming pool. I watched as a suited individual was pulled down into and under the water. She was wearing what appeared to be white, astronaut suit but it was really scuba gear. Under the water she became me and I breathed under water for a bit and then surfaced and looked about. I remember feeling very uniquely separate from the others at this point and a bit unsure of where I was and why I was there.

In the water the group was pairing off and one guy kept looking at me as if he wanted to know if I was interested. I immediately told him I was married (or did I think it?) and moved away from him. Not only was he unattractive but I just was not interested.

I heard something and looked up to see the instructor. He was discussing the training we were going through. I don’t remember now what he was saying but it was obvious that I was still in the “mental” facility going through some kind of training. Another interesting thing was that everyone was wearing white.

Promotion

Suddenly I was doing my laundry and standing in front of a washing machine. It was overfull and I was pulling out paper. It was paper used for wrapping presents and I was not sure how it got there. As I unloaded it to make the washer less full I was talking with a woman. I was able to get the load lessened and then my attention was brought back to the instructor who had just been at the pool side. He was addressing me and holding up a large tapestry of some kind. He opened it up and it was a commendation that had been sewed for me. It was the size of a quilt and was green and white. It very clearly stated that I was promoted to Captain. When he told me this I was intensely happy and surprised at once. The rest of the group was also very congratulatory. I kept looking at the tapestry and the word “Captain” continued to repeat in my mind.

Waking Messages

I awoke at this time. Fully awake without drowsiness, I realized it was very early and still dark. I don’t know what time it was but I suspect about 5:45-6a.m. This is the time I have been waking all week regardless of when I have to get up.

I tried to return to sleep but could not. So I went over the dream in my mind and wondered about its meaning. As I did, I must have drifted in and out of the state in-between sleep and wakefulness. It is a very deep meditative state that is easy for me to fall into upon waking.

During this time I would find myself conversing with someone and other times I would be in the act of doing particular things. The messages I received are difficult to remember now, which is not unusual, and I remember being reassured that I would remember what I needed to when I asked to remember.

One message was that I had three more levels. The other was simply the word “migraine” along with the image of the helmet I was wearing in the first part of the dream. This message immediately brought me to full awareness as I panicked a bit but then knew it was okay and purposeful. At this point I was hit with a calmness and knowingness that reassured me all was going as planned and caused me to not care about what it might mean.

The next thing I remember is doing yoga and realizing suddenly that I was, bringing me back to full awareness. I then began to “know” things but at the same time I was speaking to myself with certainty, but the voice did not seem like mine, yet it was. It is hard to explain. I was telling myself, “I am suppose to do this, that is what I was told to do”, and I began to do “it”. “it” was to meditate.

So that is what I did and I struggled with it because I kept being brought back to full awareness by things I was being told, triggered by my desire to remember, word-for-word, what I was “hearing”. I went back and forth between states for some time and finally the message got through to me – “Don’t focus on any one thing. You will remember what is needed.”

And that is when I let go and gave in. When I returned from this state, I did not remember everything and as I tried to remember I began to lose specifics very quickly. Yet I instantly began to know that what I was going through was purposeful and part of the process. The deep sleeping, the high energy in the day, the synchronicity, the deja vu, – all of it was part of the “ascension” process as was that movement from “level to level” as per the promotion to Captain in my dream. I also remembered what I had been doing before bed (I could not remember it before then). I had been saying to myself, “I am home” and I fully recognized that what I was longing for, this “Home”, is an illusion, much like everything else I experience in the physical. That Home is really me. Home is everywhere that I am. It is with me all the time and I can access it anytime. I went to sleep repeating to myself, “I AM HOME”.

Note: I am currently reading Confronting Your Immortality by Gordon Phinn. I highly recommend this book. I am in the middle of the book and have been reading it before bed the past few nights. It is from this book that I recognized how my beliefs have been limiting me, specifically my belief of what Home is.

by

Seven

So far this week has been pretty dull compared to last week. I am more irritable but not in a bad way. I am not surprised that I am falling below the wonderful plateau of temporary emotional stability I had last week. It is a common cycle in my life. I am grateful for experiencing the reprieve, though.

Deja Vu

Yesterday I had a very powerful deja vu experience. It happen like they usually do. I was at work and was called to help someone who had lost their brothers within months of each other. So my job was to listen and give assistance as needed. As I was listening and giving information about the five stages of grief everything suddenly seemed to brighten. At the same time it was as if the moment were in slow motion and everything I was experiencing was very familiar. I suspected deja vu and then looked at a bookcase and seeing it cemented the feeling. Definitely deja vu.

I have not had deja vu in a long time. Around the time of my spiritual awakening, probably in 2003 or thereabouts, I had deja vu quite frequently. Back then I was not use to it and at first I found it curious and then exciting. I had been told by others that it meant I was exactly where I was suppose to be. Eventually, though, the experiences were soon followed by a series of negative life events. So, since this time, I have begun to see deja vu experiences as warnings. I know it is not logical, but I cannot seem to help but worry when I have one. What if I end up having similar negative things happen after them?

With this specific deja vu, I remembered that I had been in that exact place and time, doing the exact thing I was doing – classic deja vu. The feeling with it was very dream-like as well and I wrought my brain trying to figure out when I had experienced this before. My conclusion was that I must have dreamed it, or at least the past experience was similar to that of a dream.

I am not certain that I will associate this deja vu with future negative happenings, but I will definitely be wary. Perhaps deja vu is a result of pre-life review – that time before we enter the body when we review particular events that we will struggle with. I also feel that these reviews are meant to trigger memories within us so that we are ready to do the right thing at the right moment. So, it makes complete sense that I would worry about what is to come after having deja vu.

Hidden Belief Revealed

This morning, after a pretty deep somewhat dreamless sleep, I woke up and felt one of my guides very close. I had just dreamed about thousands of old people. There had been a discussion about them. The old people were above the age of 70 for the most part, many of them deteriorating at a fast pace; their bodies not functioning properly and letting them down. The discussion focused on my opinions of old people. I made it very clear that they were more of a burden than anything and “got in the way” (my exact words). The person I was talking to was listening and then when this person did speak (they were neither male or female) they gave me a phone number that I repeated a couple of times, along with the number 7. My opinion about the elderly was questioned but I awoke before I could respond.

Upon waking I remembered my stance on the elderly and was at first shocked and then accepting of my opinion. I realized somewhere within me there is the belief that if one cannot contribute to society that they should no longer be supported by society. Where this belief comes from, I am not 100% certain, but it contributes to my present life issues, specifically family issues that I will not go into right now. I am fairly certain this belief of mine stems from a past life (or many). I know I had a life in Germany around the time of the holocaust but not during it. Perhaps it stems from that life?

I did not remember the phone number, despite saying it several times, but I did remember the number 7. I am not too familiar with the number 7 but from what I remember about it, 7 is the number of spirituality and developing and increasing one’s spiritual ability. The number 7 is a message from one’s guide that now is the perfect time to focus upon development of one’s spiritual ability, to seek answers and truth from within and encourages others to, also.

golden-dragon-scalesOBE or Something Else?

After accepting the dream conversation that revealed one of my hidden beliefs I felt very defeated. I disliked myself very much yet I knew the belief was mine and needed to be worked through. This was overwhelming to me, of course, as the very rejection of this belief creates difficulty in resolving it.

I could still feel my guide with me and I said to him, “I want to astral”. He nodded. I rolled over and closed my eyes.

The next thing I remember was awakening within a dark room. I could sense I was in my bed and that was all. I felt groggy and tired. Despite this, I pushed myself to exit my body and get past the groggy feeling. I felt heavy and cumbersome as I rolled to the side and sat up. I felt the disconnect from my body but it was sluggish. I just wanted to get out and away from the feeling!

After what seemed like forever, I disconnected from the heaviness of my body and began to float through the house I was in. It was not familiar and the lights were out. I could not see well but it was enough to make out shapes and objects in the room. I was in typical living area with a TV, sofa, tables, etc. I felt a presence with me. It was male and tall and not threatening. I recognized him to be my guide and acknowledged him. I then knew his name and said to him, “You are…” excitedly, but his name eludes me now. We talked but I do not know what we said now. It was mostly me recognizing him and his relationship to me. I also remember him saying to me, “This is you” and “I am you”.

I made my way to the other side of the room and stood in front of the door. A child was there, but I do not know who it was or if it was male or female. It appeared to be a small girl but I did not interact with her at all. I only recall a slight glow about her, but did not focus on it. I then stated out loud, “I want to see the light”.

I made my way to the door and intended to go through it but when I got to it I met resistance. Not deterred I willed my way through it and just popped out on the other side of the door.

I found myself outside but it was still dark. My surroundings felt more familiar here but I was still not sure where I was. I kept calling out, “I want to see the light” over and over. I did not initially intend to say this and the memory of setting the intention was hard to remember. I could not figure out the right words. Now in recalling this I know I meant to say, “I want to see my Higher Self” but for some reason I could not recall those words.

As I continued to say, “I want to see the light”, I felt myself being pulled upward toward the sky. At first I resisted, a bit worried I would end up in outer space which is not where I wanted to go, but I eventually allowed myself to be pulled up. When I did, there appeared before me row upon row of shimmering golden leaves outlined with light green. But when I focused upon them more the “leaves” appeared more to be gold leafed armor plating. My vision was bright and completely filled with the images of tiny, sparkling, golden leaves.

My movement upward began to accelerate and I got uneasy. This, of course, blacked out my vision. I wish I could just go with it and not resist! Anyway,  when this happened I did not want to wake up so I calmed myself down and let myself just float in the blackness. I stopped moving upward but did not go back into my body. I just floated in darkness. At this time is when my guide began to speak and I just floated in darkness while we talked.

He explained to me that what I was experiencing was all a result of me. I was creating it. I cannot remember his exact words now but the message was clear: this was all my creation; my reality. Why was he telling me this again? He also told me that of the information I remembered or received while OOB, I would lose 70%. His exact words were, “70% is lost”. I don’t remember the rest of what he said, but I guess with a 70% loss that is about right.

When we were done talking, I realized my eyes had been closed. I slowly peeked out and light came shining through and I vividly saw the outside. The light shown through my eyelids very brightly and caused me to awaken. I opened my eyes and the memory of my conversation with my guide hit me. I focused on remembering the experience and then willed myself back to it.

I was back outside in darkness with limited vision. I saw an animal pen of some kind with a dog inside. There was also the shadow of a man on the other side of it. At the same time I felt the warm fur of a dog next to me and recognized my Trooper was with me. I reached down and petted him. It did not register with me to question what dog was inside the pen, though. I wanted instead to find out who the man was. I should have been afraid but I wasn’t as I flew toward the tall, shadowy figure and called out to him, “Hey!” I flew up and over the pen to come down to the other side where the man was but when I looked down he was gone.

I awoke and was not in a good mood. It was irritating to me that my vision was so poor and the conversation with my guide had me wondering if my experience was just a very vivid, lucid dream and that I was not really leaving my body at all. He did say that everything around me was created by me so that must mean that I am just dreaming. The thought made me question all my experiences. It felt like I was out of my body, but if I was OOB, where was I going? To my own created world? If so, what was the fun of that? The disappointment created by this possibility made me disinterested in any more such experiences. I lay in bed, disappointed, as hypnagogic images flashed through my mind. They kept distracting me and when I focused on them they would vanish. I knew I should ignore them and that if I did I would consciously exit my body. But I didn’t want to. I was too let down by the message that it was all my creation and that I was likely just in some kind of self-simulated realty. I want more than that.

by

Pulling Teeth

As my near dreamless nights pile up, I am allowed glimpses of dreams as if to “show” me that progress is being made. Yet the impatient part of me is struggling to see any progress being made. It has been at least a week (more maybe?) since I have had any significant OBE and the dreams I do have are quickly lost to me upon waking. I have also been waking frequently, an average of three times per night. Yes I have a baby who still awakens at night, but that is usually at 4am and only once. The other times I awaken suddenly and then, of course, must use the restroom. Each time my dreams fade quickly, even if I try to hold onto them. And if I do manage to remember a dream, it is usually lost in subsequent dreams and I cannot remember anything except a general idea or feeling upon waking.

Pulling Teeth

During one of my wakings last night I awoke very disturbed from a dream about teeth. Dreams about teeth are very common but I have not had one in a long time. Usually any dream I have about my teeth represents stubbornness on my part, yet this dream was unlike any other I have ever had.

In the dream I was with a man (guide?) and we were discussing a surgery that I needed to have. The surgery was that all my upper teeth would be pulled and then I would get dentures. I was not happy about this and very nervous. I remember asking to be sedated during the procedure and worrying about pain. I was reassured that I could be sedated and that, though it would take a while for my gums to heal afterward, I would be okay. I had to wait for my gums to heal, though, in order to be fitted for dentures. Throughout our conversation there was another scenario being played out that involved the man I was talking to. He was not being very honest, in fact he may have been a con man. Anyway, I remember thinking I disliked what he was doing and what he was planning to do – it was very wrong. How that went along with my teeth being pulled, I don’t know, but it definitely left a feeling that allowed me to remember this dream upon waking.

Here is what Dreammoods says about teeth: Common dreams: Teeth.

15957214_largeRebuilding a Car

I had another dream that I remember from last night. This one was after my last waking in which I had to go downstairs several times and eat because I was so hungry.

In this dream I was at a mechanic’s shop. It was a typical shop in a metal building with a large garage door. Inside were two men, but the one I spoke with most often was very young and reminded me of my brother in age and appearance, though he was definitely not my brother.

I spoke with the young man at first to talk about the car I brought in. The car was very vivid to me. It was the car I had when I was a teenager in high school – a white,1987 Ford Escort. My mom drove it, then my older sister, then me. My younger sister even got it but she burned up the engine. I recall its red interior and every little thing about it and in the dream I did also.

I told the young man I was interested in restoring the car and he said they would do it. We walked around it and discussed what would need to be done. I showed him the small dent in the fender and he told me the seats would have to be recovered. I decided to leave it white and he quoted me $1200 just for labor. I remember thinking it was reasonable and wanting to do it but feeling like I needed to ask my Mom for permission.

I stayed in the shop a while, going the refrigerator and making myself at home in a kitchen/waiting room. I remember using some milk to give to my baby and recalling I had left it there from a previous visit. I then noticed the table had some missing chairs and mentioned it to the young man, thinking the chairs did not belong to the table. I soon realized I was wrong and let it be and decided to leave the milk there because it was already nearly expired.

Interpretation

Cars have always represented life paths to me. In this particular instance the car came from my high school years and was with my family from the time I was 10 to my early 20s. It was connected to many life events and memories and the fact that I was wanting to restore the car suggests a desire to return the events of that period in my life and make them “like new”.

Mechanics and mechanics shops can be compared to hospitals (which are also very common in my dreams lately) in they they are places of “repair” or healing. Since I encountered a mechanic it is even more real to me that I was seeking healing and repair of a specific time in my life. The fact that I am concerned about getting permission from my Mom implies that I have some issues with her or that maybe she has issues from that time as well that need healing.

The milk is also very prominent in my dream. Milk symbolizes maternal instinct and motherly love as well as compassion and love. The milk is not sour or bad in the dream but I imply that it is expired which suggests a need to pull back on the love I extend to certain people in my life. I am not sure exactly who but in real life I have been distant from my own mother since we moved so I believe this is the person who I have withdrawn from.

Healing

I know I am going through a deep healing period in my life where I am again being asked to reflect upon past issues and work to resolve them and let them go. It is my belief that issues remain as long as their is a lesson to be learned from them. Sometimes they also remain because they are linked to others who also have not learned from them or let them go. We carry our issues with us like baggage along with our memories and links to the people we love. It makes sense to me, then, that even though we may feel “done” with an issue, the issue remains because some other person we love has not come to terms with it. As One, we all contribute to and benefit from each others healing.

So, even though I have been through my childhood time and time again, I recognize there is still something left that has yet to be recognized. So I continue to return to those moments. Perhaps the pulling teeth dream is representative of my view about returning once again to that time in my life? It makes sense. I am resistant to returning again to that time because I have gone over and over those memories. I am told, though, that it will be painless and I can “sleep” through it. So, perhaps, I will be continuing to do most of the healing in my sleep.

by

Four Levels

Last night I had some very vivid dreams which included communication with one of my guides. I then ended up OOB for a short time.

4 Levels

The dream started inside a building that had a golden hue about it. It was also very clean and sanitary and reminded me of a hospital. I was with my best friend from high school as she appears presently and she was telling me about a stalker.

While with her I was transported in my mind to outside of the building and saw that it was indeed a very tall structure. I was talking with a female who I didn’t see and she seemed to be instructing me. We were discussing the four levels of the building. I was acutely aware that the floors had purpose. The top floor was reserved for those who were advanced and nearing the end of this incarnation. The levels below were based upon individuals’ progress in their current life. I was discussing people I seemed to know, saying their names and knowing their level. One woman’s name stood out to me. She was at the third level and her name sounded like “Ah-te” or similar. It sounded very foreign, almost Egyptian.The levels seemed very important and I was focused intently on them.

Then I was aware of being with my friend again. We were hiding from her stalker and we ended up in the bathroom of the first floor. I asked her what it was about, implying that a stalker only stalked because he was given reason to. She laughed and said she had not had sex but had done everything but. This shocked me as her relationship in present time is so perfect. I told her, “I would never do that”.

Then I was floating in this circular shopping area. The buildings of different shops were all around the perimeter and I was in the middle, the parking lot. It was deserted and dark. I flew up to a restaurant and saw it was owned by my friend and was doing quite well.

Then I was back with my friend who was laying down, her eyes closed. We were still on the first floor and the stalker was over her, looking down at her. I wondered if she was dying. The stalker lost interest and left.

I then found myself back in the shopping center. This time the business that was owned by my friend had gone under. In fact, all the businesses seemed to be out of business.

OBE

Suddenly I was very aware of my surroundings and my vision became crisp. I was very aware that I was OOB and thought, “I am asleep”.

I seemed to be in my grandparent’s living room. I looked down at the sofa and saw my husband sound asleep stretched out upon it. He was wearing only his boxers and his head was propped up on a pillow. I went closer, examining him with my eyes and feeling giddy, much like a child who is about to play a practical joke. I smiled and felt mischievous but not like in my other OBEs. “The child” was not present – I was very much myself, just a much happier, free version of myself.

I leaned over my husband, inspecting his face and listening to his breathing. He looked very peaceful. I then touched his arm gently and he shifted slightly. I rubbed the palm of my hand over his chest with more pressure, feeling the warmth of his body and smiling. He made a sound and I moved back and looked at his face. His eyes were closed and there was drool on his mouth. This made me laugh silently to myself.

I would have stayed longer but instead I awoke suddenly and was back in my body.

Considerations

As I lay in bed not wanting to get up, I thought about my dream and the OBE. I knew there was a message in it, but I could not put it into words. The levels were curious to me. What did they represent? Chakras? Levels of consciousness? And my friend and her cheating on her husband along with the failure of her “business” left me wondering. Could it be that I was recognizing that all thing pass and that things are not always what they appear to be? That is what the message seemed to be.

I tried not to take the message literally. I mean, I am not considering cheating or leaving my husband. Yet, I wonder if the cycle of my current life is coming to yet another end? Or perhaps I was just reflecting on possibilities? My OBE seemed so positive to me, as if I were relishing the time I have with my husband. Yet the feeling I had was of a friend who finds her friend sound asleep at a sleepover and wants to put shaving cream on his face, make him move and wipe it all over himself, then laugh hysterically, proud of my success. Even now I think how funny it would have been to have succeeded in startling him awake.

I wonder sometimes if this is what I am like when I am not in a body. Do I have this kind of relationship with my current husband on the Other Side? Are we good friends who like to play jokes on each other? I can imagine how our conversation would go upon a return from this life:

“Hey you!”, I would say, and punch him in the arm. “How did you like being my man servant this life?”

He would laugh and say, “What? Me?” Then he would think and say, “You know, I think we should be siblings next time around. Then we can really teach each other a lesson or two”.

Sometimes I really think life is just a big, ol’ game to us when we are not in a body. Puts a whole new twist to the saying, “Lighten up”.

by

Two Bodies – March, 2014

Of all the mornings this week, this is the one I would expect would have me in a good mood. Unfortunately, I feel very grumpy and on edge.

Why would I expect to be in a good mood? Because I had an interesting double body experience – well really it was an OBE but it was peculiar.

OBE #1: Two Bodies

It began with me being awoken by my husband opening the garage to leave for work. One of the unfortunate aspects of having a master bedroom located over the garage is that when the door is opened it is pretty loud. I heard it right through my ear plugs and so woke up with a start. I could not go back to sleep after that because the dream I had been having was so vivid and I was mulling it over.

About an hour later I heard my children wake up and turn on the t.v. downstairs. I did not want to get out of bed, though. I was so comfortable and it was chilly in the room making getting up that much more unappealing. I was a bit stiff so positioned myself somewhat on my back (can’t sleep on my back because I am pregnant) and stretched myself out. It felt nice and I closed my eyes just wanting to lay there and relax.

The next thing I know I am sitting in a large, open room at a table with two women. One woman is a counselor from my old place of employment. I recognize her blonde hair and mannerisms instantly. I listen as she speaks with another woman I do not recognize. They are discussing scheduling and I listen in, ever so often I offer up my opinion but am mostly just awed by the fact that I am sitting with the counselors and that, well, I am a counselor! I tell the woman I once worked with, “It is nice to be working with you as a counselor”. I do not recall her replying.

I look behind me as the other woman speaks to someone across the room. There is a woman preparing a projector as if she is about to give a presentation. There is no one else in the room. I look around and something about the space and the situation “wakes” me up. When I become lucid the scene disappears and I feel myself laying in my bed.

I have only my mental vision when I look around me so the colors are all variations of black, white and brown and the scene is very shifty, as if the room is moving in slow motion. This is the usual when I see with my mental vision, but for some reason I notice more about it than I typically do.

The room is not my bedroom but a similar room in that it is arranged the same with the door in the same place and about the same amount of space between the door and bed. I am aware of people outside of the room as I can hear them talking but cannot make out what they are saying. The bed I am laying in is very small, perhaps twin sized, while my real bed is a king. I get up and feel myself in two places as I do so – I am both in the bed and walking across the room to the door at the same time. The feeling is odd in that as I separate from my physical body there is resistance and if there had been sound (there was none) I would have heard the sound of static or Velcro.The separation is a particular feeling and I struggle with it. Why am I in both places? I want to be with the me across the room, not the me in my bed. Why am I separating so slowly and not completely?

I do end up walking to the door as if to leave but my confusion at being in two places keeps me from leaving the room. The separation ends instantly and I am back in my physical body but my consciousness is still not so aware as for me to completely wake up.

OBE #2

I look around the room and notice a man walking past. He has no shirt on and a white towel is wrapped around his waist. I ask him who he is and he tells me he is just passing through. For some reason I get interested in this man and invite him over to me. When he comes close he disappears but I can still feel his presence. I then feel my left leg and then my right leg lift up into the air as if they are being held or are resting on someone. I do not feel hands on me, though. The peculiar feeling of being in two places hits me again. I can feel both pairs of my legs and am willing myself to go with the legs that are raised. Unfortunately, something about me willing myself to move out of body shifts me into full awareness and I find myself settling into my physical body.

OBE #3

I do not open my eyes. Instead I think about what just happened and, knowing I could easily return, I let myself drift back into between states. The next thing I know, I am flying high over a highway and below there is snow covering the roads. There are plows and I am talking to someone about the roads. I observe a plow below me and follow behind, flying along the road. Then I look on the other side of the highway and watch as a plow flies down the road at very high speeds. A smaller truck follows behind swiftly and I recall that my thoughts were that these vehicles were moving very fast. I observe the scene for a bit, noting the mountainous terrain and then shift back into my physical body.

Realizing I need to wake up, I slowly open my eyes but am instantly not in a good mood. I tell my guides I want to go back and to stay. I get messages from them to try and get me to stop considering such a thing. One familiar one is, “Think about your life”. Another one I hear is, “You have much left to do”. I am not pleased to hear these things.

Resistance

While I am pleased that I was able to have such an interesting OBE, I am now very on edge and cannot seem to get myself going this morning. Part of it has to do with not being able to return and stay in astral for a longer period of time. Another part of it has to do with the fact that my week long vacation is almost at an end. I do not look forward to having to wake up early and come home late from work. I do not look forward to resuming my hectic schedule. It is nice to have nothing to do.

I also notice that I am resisting something about my future. I am not certain what it is exactly but I do have a longing to return to my past; to when I was so deeply connected to the spiritual. I miss that connection and feel that no matter what I do right now, that deep connection will not return for some time. I resent the things in my life that keep me from the excitement that spiritual connection brought. I was constantly learning new things about life and myself. I was astraling frequently and able to block out the bland mundane reality that was my life whenever I wanted. That is not the case now.

Part of me wishes I had never started on the spiritual path because now that I know what I am missing it makes living in this physical reality that much harder. I will always be longing for Home. Yes, I longed for it before but it was not a conscious thing. I didn’t really know what it was that was missing from my life. Now that I know, now that I have a taste of what it is that was/is lacking, I will forever yearn for it.

by

Astral Space Capsule – February, 2014

I have not been able to get a solid night’s sleep in some time. So, of course, I have not had very many vivid dreams and no OBEs. I think this is because I keep waking up every 1 to 2 hours either from baby kicking and squirming or from needing to use the bathroom.

Baby Dream

Today is my first day of my new counseling job. I awoke at 4:30am from some weird dreams. Strangely I had slept harder than in previous nights and so it was a surprise to me that I remembered my dreams at all. I had a dream where I was in shop as a cashier and working with money. My husband’s boss who passed away last year was my boss and he was discussing giving me money. A woman stopped by and mentioned that her daughter was having her baby but that it was due in November. I remember thinking that there was no way the baby would survive since November was so far away. The baby had to have just be conceived! It was a boy and I overheard that the father was my sister’s ex-boyfriend. I didn’t say anything to her about it since I didn’t want to give her anymore bad news. The guy was a loser.

Later, I was in the hospital and the woman and her daughter were there. The baby had been born and had survived to my surprise. I remember hearing her talking about him and describing how small he was. She showed me a picture of him and he had large jowls like a dog and I remember realizing that the baby was a girl and not a boy. It also had a very short torso and seemed deformed. I congratulated the woman but the whole while was thinking “Poor woman”.

I went to the bathroom with a nurse who wanted me to tell her how long it took me to pee. She gave me a clock and I went in. I didn’t think I would have much pee but for some reason it gushed out of me and got all over the toilet. I frantically watched the clock and I saw it was at 15sec. Another gush came out and another still. I seemed to be full of pee! I noted that it took about 25-30sec total. I then saw I had peed out something weird. It looked like a piece of flesh. It had veins and everything on it and was about 3 inches long. I was horrified.

This part of the dream woke me up and I tossed and turned for an hour afterward with the dream on my mind. The piece of flesh bothered me. I finally had to get up to pee at 5:30am and then tried to go back to bed. I laid on my right side because my hand kept going numb when I laid on my left side.

OBE #1: Astral Space Capsule

My head had barely hit the pillow and I was asleep. But this time I immediately left my body. I also instantly knew I was not in my body. But, like in other recent OBEs, I had an almost frantic, full of energy feeling that I sometimes get. So, “the child”, as I call her, was in charge during this one.

I found myself inside a space craft. There were large metal cylinders that were moving and I was aware that the shape was circular, like a pod. I was in the middle and knew that someone was about to blow up the space pod. I couldn’t really do anything but wait as I could find no exit. I sat in the midst of these large metal cylinders waiting. The cylinders pumped back and forth, horizontally next to me. I had no fear. I actually didn’t really have any emotion other than being not quite sure what the heck I was doing there.

I then noticed more large cylindrical tubes coming into the pod from the outside. My attacker was infiltrating the pod. With each cylindrical shaft that forced its way into the pod, I felt there was a bomb placed inside. I heard an audible countdown as several more cylinders forced their way inside.It is strange but I had no fear of the impending explosion.

Still having the strangely overwhelming energy of “the child”, I somehow managed to leave the capsule at the very moment the countdown reached zero and exploded. I never even experienced the explosion. Instead, I shifted to a new scene after a brief blacking out of my vision, and found myself in an unfamiliar bed. I immediately flew up and out of the bed and down some stairs.

OBE #2: Christmas House

The place was unfamiliar and I remember recognizing that I was in astral but being concerned about the time. I consciously thought about how I got back into bed at 5:30am. I knew I had only a half hour before my alarm would go off. I also remembered that I needed to get up because if I didn’t I would be late for my first day at work!

I pushed these worries out of my mind as I went downstairs. Oddly, I could hear myself talking to myself, reasoning with myself about how not to worry. I recall a woman being there and most of this scene is lost to me now. I do know I was in a house and was dealing with my worries as I frantically flew about it.

At one point I went outside the house and decided I would spy on the neighbors. It was dark outside and I realized my energy level was low but I chose to do nothing about it. My vision was good except that I seemed to have hair over one of my eyes. I kept noticing that my left eye had a veil over it and kept thinking that I needed to brush my hair out of the way.

I flew out of the house I was in and into the street. It was not a street I am familiar with. It appeared to be in a suburb lined with multi-story houses of various brick colors. The house I was going toward was reddish colored brick and more than one story. It had a manicured lawn and seemed to be middle to upper middle class.

When I got to the front door of the house the obstruction in my vision vanished. The door was dark colored and had a tiny window in the top.  I remember worrying briefly that it wouldn’t open but I easily opened it. Inside it was dark but there was a small Christmas tree illuminated in the corner on my left and I could see the house was very nice, clean and neat. I decided to grab the tree and knock it over (not sure why) and then I flew up the stairs. Each step of the stairs also had a tree, but not a Christmas tree, more like a huge pine/fir tree. I knocked each of them down one by one as I flew up. Something blocked me from continuing up the stairs, though, so I headed back down them still with the overly energetic feeling.

When I got to the bottom I encountered the woman again and there was a rocker recliner. Under it were two children, a boy and a girl. I reached under to get them, feeling attracted to them for some reason. I remember the woman said something to me but I don’t remember what now. I grabbed the young boy and pulled him out, telling him it was okay. He came close to the other child, a little girl who was his sister, and licked her face. I remember thinking it was funny and told him to lick me. He licked me and then I licked him but did so in his mouth. It was very strange. It was not a kiss but an actual lick. I could taste the inside of his mouth. This grossed me out at some level and it brought me back to my body as I was rejecting the scene entirely.