Category Archives: Healing

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Stuck with You

Huey Lewis and the News – Stuck with You (1986)

I don’t know about you all, but the energies lately have thrown me into a tailspin. I read a recent astrological report which indicated the the 9th was an especially emotionally turbulent day. No kidding! Yesterday was no less tumultuous to me but I was too busy dealing with life issues to much notice my melancholy.

Mercury has been retrograde not even a week and I am already having technical difficulties. Usually it’s my husband who has the issues. Over the last two retrogrades his phone has given him issue. Well, it’s my turn now I guess! My phone works in all ways except to send and receive calls. It will sporadically send and receive (all day yesterday it did) but it is really annoying!

Then yesterday our hot water heater decided to overflow all over the garage and my husband had to spend most of the day replacing it. Thankfully he is a journeyman plumber so knows what he is doing but the water heater cost $500. Yuck!

On top of all this, we had planned my middle son’s 5th birthday party for that evening. So I spent all day preparing. Then a neighbor dropped his kid off and my husband agreed I would watch this little boy without telling me about it. What a mess! Imagine trying to clean house and prepare for a party with four kids age 7 and under running around – impossible!

Throughout the entire day I felt the pressure building inside me and I blew up on my husband around 3pm and hid in my bedroom for a little while until party plans brought me back out.

By the evening I was frazzled and sleep could not come soon enough.

When I woke up this morning I was angry at my Companion and Team for varying reasons I won’t get into. My Companion moved to my left side and was very close and not alone. I knew he was blocking Spirit, which I was pleased about. I have been so angry that I told him I would not channel anymore and was ready to stop blogging completely. I asked for no more nighttime travels to space or E.T. encounters. It is all too much for me right now.

Through all my upset I was hit over and over with warm heart hugs that spread throughout my body. Usually these settle me down but I just continued to yell at my Companion. Despite this, the hugs kept coming.

Once I settled down I began to hear a song playing in my head:

Yes, it’s true
(Yes, it’s true)
I am happy to be stuck with you
Yes, it’s true
(Yes, it’s true)
I’m so happy to be stuck with you
‘Cause I can see
(I can see)
That you’re happy to be stuck with me

Hahahaha! Who wouldn’t laugh? This is so like Steven to shove a song in my head about being “stuck” together and liking it! If I could strangle him I would.

No matter how angry or upset or depressed I get Steven always attempts to lighten my mood. I am usually too serious to laugh but this one was too funny.

But what is up with all these 80’s songs? Really?

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Holy Spirit – Heart Bliss

Today I went to visit my mom, step-father, sister and nephew. I usually go once a week but since the Christmas holidays I have not gone in two weeks. I missed it!

An interesting thing happened that I wanted to share with you all. My Mom, who has been a member of the Church of Christ all her life, came up to me and said, “I want to tell you something that you may think is creepy.” I said, “I don’t know if I want to know now.” She continued anyway.

She told me about her morning routine. She said, “Every morning when I wake up I come in here and do some gentle yoga stretches. Then I sit quietly for a while and ask for the Holy Spirit to come into me.” She showed how she stands facing the window and puts both her arms into the air to accept the Holy Spirit.

“Well, it does and it feels amazing! The first time it happened I started crying and it stopped. I find if I cry it always stops. But I was told by a woman at church to not resist it so I began to just ask for it to come into me. And it comes every time I ask”.

I congratulated her on her experience and she went on. “I have to tell you, though, it feels really, really good. Like orgasmic.” She giggled here and was a bit ashamed. I said to her, “Yes, but not sexual.” And she said, “Right” and nodded. I asked her, “Does it come in through here (I touched her back at her heart space) and then spread out all across your body?” She nodded, “Yes!” I asked her, “Does it make you just want to melt into the chair?” She said, “Yes, every time”. I told her, “I have felt that for a long time. I call it heart bliss”. She said, “Well I call it the Holy Spirit”. I said, “Same thing to me.”

My mom was so relieved after this that she began to talk to me about her bible studies and the book of Genesis. She told me she doesn’t like reading Genesis. She said, “It just doesn’t make sense to me. There has to be a whole lot of the story missing. For example, when Cain goes to the land of Nod to get married, how could he do that if Adam and Eve were the first and only people? Yet there is obviously a whole other group of people in the land of Nod. I think there had to have been at least five or six Adam and Eve’s.”

I laughed and said, “You should watch Ancient Aliens.” She gave me a questioning look so I went on. “Some people think that the first humans were brought here from outer space – seeded. Some people think that God did the same on many other planets”.

She didn’t even go there. LOL Instead she went on to how she was reading the book of John at the same time as she was reading Genesis so she was reading one book from each testament. I just laugh at how my mom handles information she is not ready for. She didn’t even skip a beat! LOL

I love my mom and I so very pleased to hear that she is experiencing the heart bliss. She is a total believer of the bible and experiencing the very same heart energy that I and many others have experienced and are still experiencing right now. It just goes to show that no matter your belief system the changes happening on Earth are affecting everyone regardless of their beliefs.

My mom is truly blown away by what she is experiencing. For her, something as wonderful as the heart bliss (Holy Spirit) is a life-changing event. I can’t wait to see if it expands into something more and I know if it does I will be one of the first to know.

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Energy Surges

Happy 2016 everyone!

I had a busy night last night welcoming in the new year. Although I stayed home and was in bed by 10pm, energetically and spiritually I was a busy woman.

Energy Surges

After I fell to sleep, I recall being bombarded by energy surges to my heart chakra. I knew what was going on while it was occurring, but all that remained was an odd memory of being zapped and talking with someone. I awoke at 10:30 and 12:30pm because of the zaps of energy. Both times that I woke I was extremely thirsty and felt completely exhausted and wiped out, so I didn’t really care to ask what was going on.

4:30 Briefing

I was awakened at 4:30am with tears in my eyes, but I did not know why I was crying. I was also starving and very, very thirsty. As I tried to remember what had happened, I recovered memory of being on board a silver craft of some sort that was hovering mid-air. I recalled very briefly a dream of being inside a silver helicopter, but I knew instantly this was how my human mind was trying to make sense of where I had been. The helicopter opened up from its center and I knew I had transferred from one craft to another. Unfortunately, that is all the memory I retained.

For a brief time I was upset that my memories were being wiped again but with that upset came an intense calm from my heart and a knowing that I was focusing on the wrong thing. An overwhelming amount of calm hit me then and I no longer cared what I had dreamed about. I just knew I would remember what I was meant to, when I was meant to.

Messages

Once fully awake I had a guide I did not initially recognize to my left. I asked who he was and felt he was the one who I call The Dr. This confirmed what I knew had been occurring throughout the night – I had been receiving major healing and adjustment and it seemed the focus was mostly to my heart. I commented, “How much more is there to clear!?” It just seems like the healing to my heart never stops! I was told then, “All wounds heal with time”.

I was then shown an image of the final result the healing and adjustment. I saw golden energy in human form. I was told, “This is you”. Then, I saw a light shoot up through the middle, starting at the feet. As it moved up the energy appeared to grow in size and intensity. When it got to the crown it exploded out in a cascading golden waterfall of energy. I asked what it meant and I was told, “You will continuously be connected to Source”. I asked what that meant and was told, “It is so you can do your work”.

I managed to fall back to sleep and when I woke up an hour later I had memory of something else. I had been talking to The Dr. and he had put both my hands into a cup full of crystals. I could feel the round, smooth cool crystals on my hands. What was interesting is that they were immersed in some kind of gel, a conductor of some sort. How I know this, I am not sure. I asked what had been happening was was told, “It clarifies thought”. I also knew this had been what I was doing on board the silver craft.

What is very cool about all this is that when I woke I knew exactly what I was suppose to do. Not only did I know what I was suppose to do, but I had memories of a review of not only this life but several past lives. The purpose of which was to alert me to a karmic pattern that I could break in this lifetime.

Changes

My Team has also been congratulating me on my progress. This often comes with a question, “Don’t you see how far you’ve come?” or “Do you see how much you’ve changed?” I have been overwhelmed by the intense energy and the holidays so I have not really thought about their questions. However, this morning I am acutely aware of how much I have changed. What I think is the most noticeable is how connected I feel to my purpose and my guidance. I am notorious for flat-out ignoring my intuition. Now it seems my intuition is unavoidable. It seems to almost shout at me and what is bizarre is that I listen and if I don’t listen I am easily swayed. It’s the heart connection. It is like a mind-wiping, beautiful, loving and comforting hug that says, “Remember”. Though my heart is far from being my primary compass, it is quickly shifting in that direction. I am feeling an intense pull to change. It is almost compulsory in intensity and it is coming directly from my heart center. And I know it is only going to intensify.

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Message: We Will Fill Your Cup

I had the entire day and house to myself yesterday. It was a much needed reprieve from my normal, hectic life. Plus the K energy subsided almost completely. Relief! I continue to have a lull in the energy but have incidences of high heart chakra energy and my third-eye is back to a near constant buzz.

I felt so good I visited the gym. This time I had absolutely no issues whatsoever and managed to stay over an hour. Yay! I did notice I was being stared at quite a bit. I was staring right back! hehe

Dreams: Unexpected Party and $70

Despite sleeping very well again, I had odd dreams. In one I returned to a home I didn’t recognize to find my mother-in-law in my kitchen burning something in the oven. I asked about it and then freaked out because my entire house was dirty – the floors covered in dirt and leaves, the kitchen had food and mess all over and the living area was just as dirty. I lost it and my MIL informed me that she was preparing for the party.

What party?

I went outside to try and find my husband and saw a parking lot full of cars and people. All of them were coming to my house! I spent most of the dream after that pacing in and out of my house and yelling at people that I didn’t know. I got lots of stares, like they were thinking, “What the f#^k is wrong with you?” I didn’t care. I was waaaay past caring.

I confronted my husband about it and he just ignored me. He does that and it just infuriated me more. I went back inside and locked myself in the back room frantic to figure out what to do. I wanted to leave, but I couldn’t – I don’t make enough income on my own and don’t want to return to education. There were 75 people I didn’t know and who I didn’t care to know in my house and they weren’t leaving. My head was spinning. What do I do?

I finally just  went back to the living area. There I saw children playing next to a Christmas tree. I got on my hands and knees and went up to the tree. I remember thinking,”What is a tree doing here? I already took it down!” I began removing the ornaments close to the floor because there were little ones. One of the children came up next to me and I smiled. I remember noticing a significant calm come over me. Suddenly I didn’t care about my anger or my lying husband. I just wanted to be with the kids.

Then I found myself at a check-out line holding a small vacuum. I gave the woman my money and she gave me back a wad of bills and said, “Here’s a bunch of money”. I took it and saw $70. Knowing she gave me incorrect change, I took it and went to the parking lot. I got to the car and there was my husband and two other men. I was still furious with my husband but got into the car with him and the other two men. What is funny is they were eating plates full of eggs!

Interpretation

When I woke I was not happy and immediately asked to be let out of this life. I completely wanted out. I don’t know why. It was like I was being asked to make an impossible decision and I didn’t want to.

I know that the dream is symbolic of how my marriage and relationship dynamics are not aligned with my heart. The anger and frantic energy is my upset at feeling unable to do anything about this.

The Christmas tree is representative of the gift my Team told me I received this Christmas – love. The children represent this love and they dissolve my anger completely. I feel at peace despite previously being angry. I feel like this is a message to focus on my heart.

Messages 

Of course my Companion was there and asking me to talk about my feelings and focus on my heart. I was still upset and asking for him to trade places with me since he seemed to know so much about what I am going through. I get so frustrated with him!

I saw very clearly a shoe box in the top of a closet. On top of it was very clearly written, “Questions”. I asked if I could ask some and was told yes but quickly found I didn’t really want to know the answers yet. I kept being referred to my heart but focusing on it made me feel like I felt in my dream – the frantic part. Who wants to feel that way? Not me.

Then I saw an empty cup on the shelf next to the box. I heard, “We will fill your cup”. I was reminded of the question, “Is your cup half empty or half full?” Mine is just empty. The symbolism was not lost to me.

My Companion tells me I was given a gift and this is what will fill my cup.

 

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Proposal from Spirit

I was asked by Spirit today if I would consider being a medium again.

I was not expecting it. I was doing a yearly forecast for a friend of mine (tarot reading) when Spirit stepped forward as I was tuning in. It was so crystal clear that I was a bit taken aback. I quickly took down the message and then a group in Spirit approached me.

It was like they were waiting in the shadows. I felt them – 10 of them – but one came forward to speak for the rest. That is how they usually speak to me because that is my rule otherwise they usually all speak at once and that would give anyone a headache. 😉

I wish I remember their exact words when they presented to me their “proposal”. LOL I laugh because it was very obvious this was a planned encounter. I do remember that they mentioned my heart being open as a sign that I was “available” to them in this capacity again. The woman speaking for the group was tall with very straight blonde hair that went to her hips. She looked like a model – tall, thin, angular features and blue eyes. Almost like an elf.

I told them I would allow them to come to me again (I had previously asked Steven to shut the gates to them) but I did not want them to harass or pressure me. And I would do it on my terms and only as long as it brought about good for both me and everyone else involved. In the past I stopped enjoying giving readings because I got caught up in the money making aspect of it. I was not greedy but I wanted to do it for a living. I learned quickly that making money using my spiritual gifts disagreed with me. I ended up in an Ego tug-of-war because of it and quickly entered my Dark Night (long, long story).

Mediumship is my absolute favorite spiritual gift. There is nothing like the energy that comes through or the personalities of those in Spirit I speak with. When I use this gift/ability it never ceases to blow my mind. And what is even more astonishing is that I forget pretty much everything Spirit tells after I break the connection. If I don’t record it, I lose it. All of it. It is like my memory is erased. I remember my clients would often return and say things like, “Remember when you said…..” and I would be like, “No. Sorry”. LOL

When I was openly a medium and giving readings as a living in 2003-2005 I felt the most in line with my purpose here. I wanted to do it forever. I really thought I had found my purpose. Nothing since has given me such satisfaction. I have seen Spirit again recently and held back. I don’t know if my husband would accept it. When I saw Spirit in a restaurant one time and told my husband he gave me a weird look. lol But in 2003-2005 I would openly tell people I was a medium and do readings pretty much everywhere I was. I was proud of my gift and didn’t care if it made people uncomfortable. I got a lot of strange looks! lol

My other favorite ability is my medical intuition. This ability never faded away. I always have it, but I don’t use it because I don’t want to know. Really, I don’t. 🙂 However, it is very useful in healing, so I always use my medical intuition to see energy blockages. I can usually see my own blockages as well. Since the light language transmission began and I started speaking and writing the codes, I have found that my healing ability is ten times stronger than it was. I will spontaneously begin to speak in light language while sending the healing. I have been told the healing can be felt intensely when I do this.

I suspect this is a nudge from my Team to get back on track and begin using my abilities again. Maybe this time I won’t stumble and fall flat on my face. I am definitely much more humble than I was in my twenties.

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Message: Be the Hummingbird

I took the advice given by many of you and focused on taking care of myself and this crazy energy last night. First, I ate a big meal. I immediately felt better. Then I took a hot bath with essential oils – 8 drops of lavender and 2 of Roman Chamomile. I also played music, specifically by Rising Appalachia (thank you KLeigh!). I was in one of my high’s before long and didn’t even mind when all three of my children crawled into the bathtub with me and began splashing.

Afterward I began to lose the high and fall into the exhaustion, but I let it happen and did not resist. My Team has been very close and the message I keep getting is to let go and allow. I went ahead and had some wine and watched some T.V. The whole time I had strange energy sensations all over my body and kept receiving high heart hugs from my Companion. Wonderful and calming. I also, for the first time since these energies began wracking my body, I had a rising of desire from the lower chakras. I pushed it down but it made me smile. I think my blockages are clearing.

I slept very, very well.

Dreams

I almost felt normal before , of course, I began to think that everything that happened to me these last 10 days or so was not real, not true, and I could be normal and move on with my life as planned. This thought was immediately interrupted with a knowing that I knew better than that. Then everything flooded back in and my body was covered in another energy hug. I was told, “You will rest tomorrow and we will talk tonight”. I recognized the energies of my Council of 12 and knew we would talk about contracts. Something felt final about it and I asked, “We are finalizing the contract?” I received confirmation but I joked and said, “Nothing is ever ‘final'” and reminded him of my ambivalence. Instead of humor I received a more serious energy from him. That shut me up and I went to sleep.

Teaching Developmentally Delayed Adults

The first vivid dream I recall is actively teaching adults who were most obviously developmentally delayed. We were doing language and vocabulary activities and I soon realized they were all at very different levels. Some were already able to spell while others couldn’t. I remember directing them to use block letters to spell out an answer to a question. It was like they were toddlers in preschool but some of these individuals were older than me!

I woke momentarily and knew this dream was representative of the various levels of consciousness of those on Earth. It was a bit disturbing to think that so many of us are at the spiritual toddler stage!

Be the Hummingbird

I had an entire dream where I was learning to be the hummingbird. This is symbolic of my mission here. I am being asked to fulfill my mission.

Bus Turned Trailer

Another vivid dream was of my husband and family. I was walking down a dirt road in the country. Tall, green trees and lush grass were all around and the dirt was that orange-red color I remember from my childhood days in east Texas. I looked up and saw my husband towing a white trailer behind him. He was not in a car and the trailer was one that should have been hitched to at ruck. I said to him, “Where’s your bus? Is it broken?” He just turned, smiled and waved at me and continued on. I knew he had our children in the trailer, but I kept going in the opposite direction

This dream woke me up with a start. I knew the symbolism right away. The loss of the bus is significant. Being on a bus or some other form of public transportation is representative of one’s family or group dynamic. In this dream the bus was broken and replaced by a trailer. In recognizing this I saw that a message I have been receiving was coming out in my dreams. My husband and family are moving in the opposite direction from me.

spiderweb-2

Messages 

The amount of information coming to me now is extremely high. I have been processing it for some time now. This partly because I am struggling to accept it and partly because I don’t know how to impart it.

Message 1: My mission is to embody the light; to be a beacon of light as well as to ground and anchor the new energies. I am also to activate others and act as a guide. I work with energies in many ways, more than I am aware of in this Earth consciousness.

Message 2: I am being asked to embody the light now. To do this I must drop relationships and connections that do not harmonize with my own frequency. If I am unhappy, depressed, angry, etc then I am not embodying the Light and so not fulfilling my role here. I have to “step up” now. Others are also receiving this message.

Message 3:  When I hit the age of 40 next year things are really going to shift to a higher level of intensity. I have already been warned of this as it will start next summer right before my birthday to prepare me. I am told 40 is a significant age for more than just me. It has to do with spiritual maturity and ability to hold more Light.

Message 4: I was greeted this morning by Eric who is a member of our ground crew. He is living presently in a physical body like me. He showed me a web, like a spider web. In the center the fibers of the web are very close and they get farther apart as it expands. He explained that the web is being extended now. With this explanation I was told that some members of this web are interconnected with me at a very, very deep level. These are the ones in the center. Others a less so and as the web extends outward even less so. Those most connected to me, those with me in the center, are extremely spiritually intense connections.  The others are less intense and more casual relationships. Our strength comes via these connections. The web grows stronger with each connection.

We are building the web now. The center is first and the most important. We will gather on a spiritual level first but eventually in the physical as well. I see large areas of light across the U.S. These epicenters of Light are crucial.

Message 5: I again saw my Companion as non-human in form. Those who read my previous description say he is Arcturian, but I identify him by his energy, not his appearance.

This time I was accepting of his appearance. He is beautiful beyond description! In accepting him, I accepted myself. I looked down at my hand and saw a non-human hand. Three long, thin, blue fingers and one thumb with over sized fingertips. I laughed because I was immediately reminded of a frog. Also with this acceptance I began again to think in terms of We. I have done this before but it had stopped.

We have many names. We take many forms. We are the Many. 

Elohim.

Day of Rest

When I awoke this morning my husband and three children were gone. They are on a camping trip and won’t be back until tomorrow evening most likely.

Day of rest indeed! 🙂

 

 

 

 

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Dreams: Missed Test and Egg Within an Egg

Yesterday turned out to be a very strange day. After the panic-inducing heart chakra intensity, I was hit with nausea and total exhaustion. I also had a strange sensation around my head that felt similar to my crown being very wide open except that there were vibrations with it. For a brief moment I thought I would spontaneously leave my body. So I waited it out – the nausea, dizziness, vibrations, and strange “off” feeling eventually settling. When it did settle, my heart chakra fire was completely gone and I felt a sudden sadness descend upon me.

My heart felt like an empty pit. No matter how much I focused on it, it remained unresponsive. However, it did not feel normal. It felt hollow, like someone had come and suffocated my heart center or tried to cover the energy with a blanket. I guess it could also be related to someone throwing water on a blazing fire.

The sadness soon turned into despair over my current situation. For some reason everything that was wrong with my life, specifically my family situation, was uncomfortably obvious. My Companion would not leave me alone about it, either, and I was not liking the questions he was asking me. I have often described my Companion as being my own personal shrink, one that there is no escaping. Sometime his persistent questions and nudging can be excruciatingly annoying. Like a personal hell. This was the case last night.

Dream: Missed Test

I had a dream that woke me at 3am. In the dream I was in a car with someone discussing school. I could see that we were traveling down a street with golden colored buildings that resembled a college campus except the buildings were smaller, more like houses. We stopped at a mailbox while the man informed me of my current progress towards my degree. He mentioned that I had been lax in my studies and had been skipping classes. There were only two more classes until I finished.

A large, gray mailbox was opened. Inside were 8 smaller mailboxes. These were the mailboxes of the students in my class. Inside each mailbox were 8 cards. On the envelopes were congratulatory messages and I knew that the comments inside the cards related to a successful score on a recent test.

I had forgotten about the test and this was the main reason I was with the man discussing my progress. The test was on the 24th and my score was not among the mailboxes because I had missed the test. I felt that I had failed it but the feeling I got was that I could still make it up.

When I awoke I was protesting. To make a long story short, I am being asked to let go of situations and relationships in my life that are not complimentary to my mission. My human mind perceives this as a threat and is reacting accordingly. I am completely refusing to do anything I am being asked to do because to do so means a complete disruption of my life. In essence, it means a complete new start. How can they ask me to do something like that? It is horrifying! This is the test I missed. I know now why I missed it. I will no doubt fail it miserably.

Dream: Egg Within an Egg

I somehow fell back to sleep. This time I was with two men and they were talking about time travel. Dr. Who was mentioned but not present. When Dr. Who is in my dream it usually indicates I am receiving healing.

The two men were discussing how to use a clothes dryer as a portal to another time. I saw the open dryer, the light very bright, but did not want to go inside. I never did go inside.

It was then that someone took me to the side and showed me a very, very large egg. It was the size of a person. It was cracked open and inside was the yolk of a normal sized egg. It was an egg within an egg. I was asked to look at it. The golden yolk was the last thing I remember before waking.

When I woke I had a very long talk with my Companion. And I continued to reject what I am suppose to do. I got very sad again and he again pointed it out to me by saying, “You are sad. You are lonely. You don’t have to be this way”. While we were talking about the upset this change would cause to my life he showed me an onion and I watched as layers and layers were being removed by some unseen person. He said to me, “Sometimes even the onion cries”.

Heart Hurt

This morning the heart energy is back but this time it seems to hurt. There is an extreme loss feeling with it but it is again wide open. My lower back hurts and I am restless again. I don’t want to be in my own home. I have an urge to go on a long vacation – alone. We have a family trip in January and I want to cancel it or find a way out, even though I am the one who planned it.  I don’t understand why I feel like this. I love my family.

 

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Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

I watched a movie last night that I have seen many times – Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. If you haven’t seen it, then you should. It is one of my favorites. The movie relates how our heart remembers even when our mind forgets – love really is the most powerful force in existence.

How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot! /The world forgetting, by the world forgot / Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! / Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d.

From Eloisa to Abelard by Alexander Pope

An explanation of the quote is here.

I had not intended to watch the movie but my husband started it and then promptly fell asleep. So I decided to watch it again because I remembered the movie so vividly from the last time I had watched it.

Without going into specifics about what I am going through currently, this movie really hit home this time around and I was sobbing by the time it ended. Of course, I had two glasses of wine in my system by that time. lol

The movie reminded me that we cannot hide from the heart, no matter how hard we try. It also reminds me of the amnesia that comes with incarnating on this planet. Despite it, we really are not as blind as we may think. Our hearts will always guide us to where we need to be if we just listen.

Are you listening?

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Tough Day

I don’t have time to go into much detail and I’m not sure I could anyway, but today has been probably the toughest day for me ever. I mean it.

I don’t call friends for help. I did twice today. Twice. It helped some, but didn’t really give me any answers. I don’t know what the <expletive> is going on but it is NOT funny.

When the intensity was at its peak I was begging and pleading with my Companion to take it away. He told me to focus on my heart. Yeah, well that made it more intense since it was coming from my heart to begin with.

I did focus there, though, since I couldn’t really do anything else. And the answer I got was, “You need this to Remember”. Okay. Thanks.

My day didn’t start out like this. My heart center has been non-stop with energy for about three days now, but nothing unbearable. I could easily forget about it by keeping busy, which I did all morning. But around 2:30pm, when I was preparing something in the kitchen, it hit full force. It nearly knocked me out of my chair.

I won’t call it a bolt of lightening but it is similar in intensity. I can’t breathe, I can’t think, I can’t really do anything about it. I finished what I was doing and went outside to sit in the sun. The whole time I am asking my Companion to make it stop, to take it away, to fix it, or whatever. Can’t really remember now. It lasted over an hour. That’s when I caved and called out to my friends. Thankfully both were there.

I understand that we are being reUnited with members of our soul group now. I understand that I will be asked to do things that are outside my comfort zone. I get it. But this feels like I am being “summoned”.

I would much rather have my Companion yell “Get out now” like he did the first time.

Please pray for me. Honestly, I don’t know what else to say except that I need help getting through whatever it is that is happening to me. I don’t think healing would help, so hold back on that. I fear it would make the intensity worse.

 

 

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Spiritual Loneliness

The energy surges are taking a toll on me. It started out as a high and then yesterday sent me into a restless numbness. I began to see my life as not my own again, but this time it was not in forgetfulness or lacking of emotion. No, this time it was a complete rejection of my life. It screamed, “This isn’t me! This isn’t my family!”

What is ironic about it is that yesterday my husband was gone all day and I had all three of my children at home with me. Since they are so young, I avoid driving places when I am alone with all three. So, we were home all day to figure out what to do with ourselves. I felt completely unmotivated and disinterested in doing anything. I was, in effect, a sloth-person. lol

The numbness bothered me so much that when my husband got home I searched the house up and down for something alcoholic. Anything. Unfortunately, all we had was scotch whiskey (yuck!). Thankfully, I was able to mix up a cocktail and have a drink despite my hating the taste of whiskey. I made one for my husband, too, but we drank them separately.

By this point I was so agitated (not sure why) that I became defiant. I got angry at this spiritual path I am on. I blamed it for how I was currently feeling and wanted the “transformation” to be done and over with. Of course, I had to show that I was in control, so out came the cigarettes my husband bought me months ago after I quit. I had one but nearly choked on the taste and nastiness of it. But I continued defiantly to smoke it until I could not longer bear the taste.

Thankfully by this time the drink had done its job and I was feeling calmer. I no longer cared one way or the other, transformation or not, and went to bed early.

Dream: Under the Bridge 

I had many dreams last night, but only one stands out to me now because of the message it brings.

I was in my Mom’s house in her bedroom laying next to my husband in her bed (I know weird). He was being flirtatious. I suggested we get a fishing pole and went and got one out of the garage. I put the hook where it wouldn’t hurt us and went back into the bedroom.

My middle son was there tagging along and my other two came out of nowhere and soon I had all of them surrounding me. I gave the fishing pole to my husband and retreated, feeling suffocated by their demanding energy. I retreated into what once was my old bedroom growing up and lay down on the waterbed (yeah I had one of those in my teens).

There was a small t.v. set by the bed on a table. It was on so I hit the power button to turn it off. It was one of those older versions, silver and heavy with large knobs on the left hand side. Then the t.v. turned on on its own and showed a green reboot screen. I was upset. Why did it turn back on?? I just wanted to sleep and here it was turning on! Not only that but it was playing music!

I tried to turn it back off but it wouldn’t respond. The t.v. turned computer was rebooting. That was when I noticed the song:

Well, I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way
I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way
Yeah, yeah, yeah

I recognized the song. It was a song I use to love in high school. Red Hot Chili Peppers, Under the Bridge.

This woke me up. I looked at the clock: 5:30am. Talk about getting upset. I am so tired of waking up early for “talks”, especially after the previous day.

Spiritual Loneliness

After some prompting, I settled into my heart space and calmed a bit. It was then easy for me to see that I had slipped out of this space the previous day and the Ego had gained ground. But it was so easy to resolve that.

The first message I got was, “We must remove the negativity”. My answer was,”Good luck. I have been negative my whole life”. I saw then what looked like steam rising off my aura, but knew it was the a release from my heart chakra. So this is what is happening? Great.

A question was asked of me, “How can one be so lonely when surrounded by a family that loves them?”

I did not want to go there. To the place of loneliness. Yet I knew instantly this was my problem. I am lonely. I have been lonely my whole life. Lonely for my family. I miss them.

There was no emotional release just a request to go Home. Of course, I got, “You know you can’t. You have work to do”.

I then saw a long, hand written letter in front of my eyes. It hurt my heart to see it and I had a great longing rise up from within. I read the first line: I am sorry, brother, that we can’t be together right now….” But my conscious mind interfered and I could not read the rest. The loneliness turned to grief turned to disappointment.

I believe a reUnion occurred at some level. It is clear to me now that this reUnion has been difficult for me to process on this side.  From the heart this memory is less upsetting, though there is still a reaction. The longing is so strong in the heart that I avoided it and so it was not allowed to process. I have to process it somehow. When I try, all it does is remind me of what I don’t have and what I am suppose to do.

There is memory that we (my family) chose Earth families and relationships with souls we are not as connected with – like second or third cousins. We did this on purpose. We knew it would be a lonely path. We knew it would be difficult for us. Why am I so courageous there and so cowardly here?

Remembering is not always pleasant that is for sure.