Category Archives: Healing

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More Manifestations of the Shift

I figured it is time for a quick update on current manifestations of ascension. Below are what I have noticed:

  • Hot Flashes
  • Sweating
  • Mild Cold – sore throat, chest congestion
  • Third-eye activity – pretty much non-stop
  • Crown chakra activity – on and off, usually in conjunction with third-eye
  • Second chakra buzzing
  • Intense heavy feeling in legs/feet (stopped prior to onset of cold)
  • Visual anomalies – seeing shadows or silhouettes of people out of corner of my eye
  • Dry eyes (stopped after onset of cold)
  • Dizzy spells
  • Intense hunger (ongoing)
  • Intense thirst
  • Ear ringing
  • Pressure in ears
  • Ear ache that comes and goes (infrequent)
  • Heart chakra activity
  • Recognition of pieces/aspects of me returning to this body
  • Sudden surges of energy (usually in the in-between)
  • Time hiccups – lost time, time moving fast or very slow
  • Disconnect with this life; feeling alien to this world
  • Intense emotional outbursts and sadness as if losing someone dear to me
  • Periods of irritability and not wanting to be around or near others’ energy

I’ve been sick with a cold. It came on a couple of days ago along with some hot flash-type activity and an intense hunger. I am told this is because I am cleansing and re-balancing my energy. I was told the cold is a result of the imbalance of energy caused primarily from the ingestion of meat over a period of about a week. Part of me thinks this is “crazy” but I cannot ignore the fact that all the feelings of negativity and disconnect came during this period of time.

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Pyramid Meditation and Experience

As predicted in a message I received over a week ago, the 20th brought about yet another strange energy experience.

Pyramid Meditation

I have been reading Dolores Cannon’s Convoluted Universe Book 1 and am nearing the end of it. In one of the chapters there is discussion about how to balance chakras using a pyramid to help funnel the energy into the solar plexus which then balances out one’s whole energy system. This was in conjunction with information on how to manifest in the physical.

Since I had just read about it, I decided to try it as I did my nightly meditation.

The directions are simple:

Relax in your normal meditative position (mine is laying down with head propped on pillow).

Focus on your third-eye chakra while envisioning yourself laying in the center of a giant pyramid. Position yourself 1/3 of the way from the bottom, or base, of the pyramid.

When I did this, I immediately went into the in-between. I mean immediately! There was no time of clearing my mind or deep breathing. As soon as I saw myself inside the pyramid I went elsewhere. I don’t know where I went, but I went fast. So fast that I had this strange energy seemingly come at me with such force that I immediately came back from wherever I had been thinking, “What the hell!?”

The energy was that same energy as I had the night of this blog post. BUT this time the energy was not scary and did not shake me up. It felt more normal and balanced, like I had gained control of it somehow.

It is the oddest energy I have ever felt and I have felt some pretty weird energy! It felt like I was in a million pieces and then converged back into one whole piece. It’s like I am shattered, splitting into different aspects of myself and then reassembled.

The majority of the energy sensation was centered around my head this time. So this may be why I was less shaken.

Explanation

Of course, upon coming out of this strange experience, I went back to the pyramid meditation. This time there was no immediately departure but I think it is because I was looking for the experience. I did have an odd energy traveling through my body. What is interesting is that it did center around my solar plexus!

I requested an explanation but rather than a direct answer, I ended up going elsewhere again.

The memory of what occurred is mostly lost to me now. Again, it was like it was siphoned off before I had a chance to remember it in full. What I do remember is going from one “Me” to another; back and forth, back and forth. I also recall not being alone but having a man with me who was completely white. I don’t remember details of his face but I remember he had human form and facial characteristics.

The energy that went with this movement between “Me’s” is what brought me back to my body. I checked the clock and it was 10:30pm. I had expected much later as I had settled into meditation at 9:40pm. So the time from my pyramid experience to waking from the next experience was less than an hour!

When I finally came back to full, physical body awareness I remember seeing the White man. He was standing next to a smaller White person. They reminded me of statues they were so still. This visual actually shocked me enough to cause me to completely forget what immediately preceded the vision.

Mostly what I recall is the feeling of moving. It was the same strange energy of breaking apart and reassembling. What is odd is that I did not have fear and it felt like it was systematic – go to point A, then B, then C  and then repeat. Could the pyramid have caused this strange movement?

Messages

I returned to sleep but woke several times in the night, each time thinking I had slept longer than I had.

I had several messages during this time:

The number 6 repeated itself. Angel number 6 has to do with maintaining balance between spiritual and physical.

The number 114 repeated itself enough to wake me up, the number still very clear in my mind. Angel number 114 says that if one uses caution and wisdom they will be successful in business and money matters and life in general. This goes well with my thoughts from last night as I kept thinking of my business.

Dream: Slaughtered Cats

Upon waking the last time this morning, I recalled a vivid dream in which I was inside a mobile home cooking dinner. The stove wouldn’t work and the bread was stale. I was with an old man whom I was suppose to marry. He kept asking me what boy’s names I liked, as if we were going to have a baby.

I left, feeling weird about the whole thing, and as I left saw that the house was made of glass and had a specific entry and exit separated by glass.

When I went out of the home, there was a maze-like walkway with walls waist high. The first thing I saw was carnage and fur. Upon closer inspection it was massacred cats. Some were still alive but they were eating the dead cats!

I walked past the cats and went into a hallway that turned into a school. I remember meeting up with some people and telling them, “It’s safe. I made it that way” and seeing all kinds of tarps and posters up in the halls. Though I couldn’t read them, I knew they had messages or invocations that made it safe.

I’m not sure what the dream implies but it was very odd. I have never seen slaughtered cats like this. Most of them were black, too. Maybe I am overcoming some bad luck? 🙂

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Healing Spheres of Golden Light

In an attempt to get a longer, more restful sleep, I gave in and took 25mg of Benadryl last night. I slept until 7am with few wakings for a total of 10 hours of sleep!

Dreams and False Awakenings

The Benadryl gives me that heavy, full-of-sleep feeling, so although I did dream, I have few memories of dreams. The few memories I do have are riddled with false awakenings indicating that I was nearly lucid, but just not quite enough to wake up and recognize I was dreaming.

In one particular false awakening instance, I had “awakened” from a dream and rolled back over to return to sleep only to find that I was feeling a very strong energy in my root chakra and a churning desire in my second chakra. I recognized this and decided I needed to wake my husband to release some of the energy.

I got up out of bed (remember this is a dream but I think I am awake) and look for my husband. I find him sitting inside an unfamiliar car in the driver’s seat. He sees me and is surprised. I have a blanket wrapped around me and still feel very groggy. I reach over and kiss him passionately he. He is surprised and we make out for a short while. I am pleased because I feel such an overwhelming desire for him, a desire I have not felt since after the birth of our second child.

Gaining hope that perhaps we can rekindle that new love feeling, I am about to ask him to come into the house when he points ahead at a person walking along the road. He says,”I wonder why they are out so late?” He is curious and begins to drive toward the woman. This reveals an entire group of people walking along the road. A light appears which I think are car headlights. Turns out it is flashlights and the group is much larger than I thought.

My husband, being the socialite he is, questions the woman who says there is a neighborhood meeting. My husband gathers data from her to the extent that I lose interest completely in my original reason for being there. I remember thinking, “That does it for me”.

I recall following my husband as he talks and mingles with the group and we all walk outside along a dirt path that winds through woods and houses. I am flying in one of these instances and recall being just above the treetops and wanting to get out of there and explore. This is not allowed. I am to observe the scene and I do not like it.

False Awakening Two

I then “awaken” in my bed and hear water running. I wonder why it is running and not stopping so I get up to investigate and find the toilet has not shut off. I fix it and hear a noise in the kitchen.

There is a golden hue in the kitchen (all the house is unfamiliar). I go out and find my middle son is awake. I tell him to go back to bed.

It gets hazy here but I remember then being in a mall looking for my children after returning from the group of people my husband was with from the other dream. I find them wandering around and frantically gather them up to take them home. There is a man giving out wads of 100 dollar bills. I take one and do not believe it is real and throw it on the floor. On my way home I pick it up and say I will give it to my husband as he might believe the money is real.

When we get home the house is full of those people my husband was with. I tell them to leave. I did not invite them and they can’t just walk in without knocking and asking for entrance.

There is this shorter, middle aged woman who is very familiar there. She gives me a defiant look and resists my orders to leave. I see her as a threat to my marriage as she was the one leading the group and my husband tends to go along with what she asks him to do. Eventually she and the others do leave my house but my husband returns and invites them in. I feel powerless to do anything about it and feel a strange uncomfortable feeling. I do not want to feel this in my own home so I leave and stand outside looking at the front door.

Healing Spheres of Light

I awaken feeling this odd energy over my body. As I come to full awareness, I both sense and see these pulsating, golden spheres on my back and shoulder areas. They seem attached to me and I see one is placed where my shoulder and arm meet and another is six inches higher near my neck. Where they are touching me is an odd sensation, one I do not like.

Fully lucid, I want the feeling to go away. Still in the in-between, I see very clearly the golden spheres attached to grayish looking branches or vines. They are “ripe” and falling off like fruit falls off a tree. The vines seem alive, almost fleshy-like and seem to retreat somewhat when a golden sphere of fruit falls off. It is a very alien-like scene, like something from a Sci-Fi movie, and I withdraw from it, wanting it to go away as I still feel the strange feeling. It feels like I am being zapped with energy and where the energy touches me is a radiating alien energy that goes deep into my Being. I feel invaded but it does not hurt nor do I think I should be withdrawing from it. Yet a part of me does not want anything to do with these spheres.

Recognizing that something is being done to me, I wake fully and immediately question the experience. I see in front of me a hand written note on white paper. As I begin to read it I hear my guide say, “Why don’t you take this opportunity to love others?” I remember the dream and my rejection of the large group my husband so happily embraces. I want to retreat from it; to isolate myself from this “group”. The uncomfortable feeling returns and I say to my guide, “I don’t want to. Do I have to?” I hear, “No, but you will have to learn it at a later date” and I know that if I do not learn it now, that I will in another life. I cringe.

The feeling goes away but my hips feel very sensitive and I struggle to get comfortable. The feeling is not like any I have had before. It kind of feels like my legs were popped out of the hip socket and then replaced. Like I had been rearranged.

To Learn or Not to Learn, That is the Question

Fully awake, I perused my dreams, trying to remember them. What I found is that I began to re-write the dreams. For example, where I was in the car with my husband and he sees the woman, I re-wrote it by seeing instead an army in front of us who we both began to fight. There was a full on assault with guns and bombs. I came out of my reverie knowing I had re-written it and struggled to remember the original. The message was not lost on me, though.

In this life I tend to choose to avoid groups. I avoid making connections with groups. I do this to protect myself but also because groups make me uncomfortable. Last night, I stayed home with my youngest rather than go to a party with my husband. I chose this because it is outside my comfort zone. I have always been this way, mostly. Sometimes when I go to a party I am very social and open. But this is rare. I usually stand or sit far away from the crowd and rarely do I initiate a conversation.

I recognize that my real Self is very sociable. For some reason I chose to be the opposite in this life. I remember lives in which I was social and being social was easy. Not so in this life. The dreams I had last night suggest that I am to learn a lesson about sociability. It is linked to my husband and our marriage. I suspect there is a hidden “lie” that needs to be revealed but in order to do this I must step outside my comfort zone. I must challenge myself in order to “free” myself.

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Wide Open

I had a realization yesterday. While at yet another meeting, I began feeling anxious and panicky for no reason whatsoever. Yes, I was at a meeting and expected to voice my two cents, but it was nothing out of the ordinary and usually I am quite relaxed at such meetings. So the anxiety was out of place.

I thought at first there must be geomagnetic storms or something causing the anxiety but something didn’t feel right about that conclusion. I felt I should inspect the feeling more and recognized that I had increases in the anxious feeling when I would focus one whomever was talking.

Was I perhaps picking up on their energy?

That was when the idea came to me to surround myself in protection; to block the energies coming in from all around me.

I visualized an egg-shaped shield of protection around my body while focusing my energy into the ground and out through my crown chakra. When I did this, I unintentionally put up the violet flame. I don’t normally do this. Honestly, I don’t remember the last time I put up an energy shield and I don’t recall ever using the violet flame. In fact, I didn’t consciously think, “I invoke the violet flame”. I just noticed that the shield I had erected around me was a pinkish-purple color and the words “violet flame” popped into my head.

Taking deep breaths I left the shield in place and focused my full attention back on the meeting. My heart rate dropped significantly and my breathing settled. I no longer had anxious thoughts when just moments before I had thought, “I am going to pass out” or “I need to get out of here”.

The rest of the day was similarly clouded with anxious thoughts that made no sense. I did not take the time to put the shield in place as I was too distracted and had already forgotten about my experience in the meeting. I had another meeting at the end of the day which had me a bundle of nerves and no matter how I tried to settled (I even stopped to meditate) the nerves would not calm down. I knew in my heart there was no reason for my concern but I seemed unable to control the anxiety over this meeting because my boss had not told me why we were having it.

At the meeting I soon discovered that my intuition had been right. There was no need for the worry. I was being called in for a consult! Haha!

You are Wide Open

I had a headache most of the day that came and went along with the strange changes in mood. I just felt off-kilter most of the day and could not wait to settle down to sleep. Except, like all of my nights this week, I could not fall asleep. I was tired but wide awake and alert for no reason. Thankfully my thoughts were not ridden with negative visions or strange concerns.

As I lay there trying to meditate I focused on my third-eye and heart simultaneously. When I did, I suddenly saw this odd pattern of energy dancing around me. I recognized it as my aura but it was unlike any visual I have ever had of my energy body. It was in waves of pink and indigo and was moving in and out and through me very quickly like electricity. I could see tendrils of color oscillating across my line of sight. It was absolutely spectacular.

As I recognized what I was seeing, a question began to form in my mind. Before the thought was completed my Companion said to me, “You are wide open”.

With this came an understanding that the current process I was going through was causing this sudden openness to everything that I had previously been closed off to. It was like I had returned to my youth, a period when I was bombarded with similar unwanted feelings and found it difficult to cope. But this time I knew how to shield myself but had gotten lazy over time because it had become second-nature. Apparently I could not rely on the shield just automatically being there right now. It would take specific intention to keep myself shielded from unwanted emotion, energy and negative feedback.

Thankfully my headache is gone today but I have energy sensations around my head. It feels like gentle healing energy all around my head and face. Almost like someone is wrapping me in a pillow of energy. It is subtle and calming.

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Dream: Healing Surgery and Nursing Kittens

Since yesterday’s download I have made sure to maintain the connection via my heart center. It is not an easy task but has been manageable and almost second nature. It appears that I had some training on this at some point in my 10 hours of sleep the night before last that instructed me to focus on my heart anytime I felt unstable.

Listening and Making Changes

I have finally stopped the one cigarette a night habit that I was asked to end over a month ago. I replaced this habit with a new one – reading. I actually use to read nightly before bed while sipping a cup of tea when I had been struggling with insomnia and it was the perfect solution to that dilemma. So it was not a difficult switch back especially since I am reading Castaneda’s The Teachings of Don Juan.

I have also begun taking the supplement Maca root three times a day upon an urging to balance my physical body. This was not a specific instruction, just a gut feeling of mine to try something for my second chakra which has been giving me issues since the birth of my last child by c-section. So far I have noticed it has been helping to purge the meridians between the root and second chakra and the second chakra and the third.

Dream: Healing Surgery and Nursing Kittens

Prior to bed I had a memory suddenly emerge of a lucid dream in which my heart chakra was healed. I knew this was a message that similar healing was to occur in my lower chakras. I asked if I would be lucid and was told, “No”. Accepting this, I fell asleep.

In the early morning hours I had a vivid dream in which I was laying in a hospital bed with tubes and monitors on me. I had just had major surgery and was becoming aware of what had occurred. I looked down at my swollen body and saw my abdomen and entire lower body was fully exposed. My body felt numb and huge, as if I were a 500lb person instead of a 130lb person. I also had a light pink, nearly healed incision line that went across my belly button from one side of my body to the other. I wondered briefly why they had not just used my c-section incision spot. I worried my new scar would mean I would never wear a bikini again.

I was instructed to move about to initiate quick healing and recovery from the surgery. The man instructing me had dark hair and reminded me of a coworker. I listened to him, recognizing him as my doctor.

I climbed out of bed and waddled around. I recall at this time having food presented to me and being ravenously hungry. There were plates of food but the one I recall most vividly was one of macaroni and cheese and green peas. I picked out the peas and ate all the macaroni.

Then I was watching a scene in front of me in which a young girl found 8 small kittens and was feeding them and taking care of them. The girl said she named one kitten “Blue”. I remember shifting into the scene and helping her gather them up and nurse them but the kittens were a strange orange-yellow color. One little gray one was thought to be dead but turned up alive.

Healing

I awoke from this strange dream to a feeling of energy in my mid-section. What is interesting is that the energy was in exactly the same place where the incision had been in my dream. It felt like someone had cut me in half at the stomach but there was no pain. The energy went all the way around my stomach and I could feel it around my middle back.

I quickly connected the dream with the healing energy I was feeling and recognized the presence of my Companion. He confirmed healing was taking place and that blockages in the meridians were the main focus. It was interesting to me that the area of healing was between the second and third chakras and I recalled in my dream that the kittens were a strange orange-yellow color – a blend of the two chakra colors.

I was wondering what this healing meant when my Companion sent me a visual of the energy coming up from the root and connecting to the heart. At the same time I saw energy entering via my crown and connecting with the heart. This visual showed energy flowing into my heart from both directions and there was a recognition that this was a good thing. Then I received a message that this would take time but was 40% complete.

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Rewired

The 180 degree shift in perspective I experienced on the 1st was brief. It barely lasted 24 hours. The day after was difficult with me falling back into pessimism and doubt. It didn’t help that I stupidly drank some wine so I ended up with only 5 hours total sleep.

Events from Yesterday

It actually started the night before last when my husband got mad at me because I wanted to be alone and he didn’t. He saw this as me “rejecting” him and went into a “tantrum” of sorts. The last thing he said to me was that he thought maybe we should consider “other” options for our marriage. These kinds of phrases are becoming more and more his weapon against me and I should have known it was nothing other than hot air, but it bothered me nonetheless. This, along with the one glass of wine I drank kept me up until 1am.

The next morning I awoke grumpy and went to work without incident. The day went fine but I could not shake the unease caused by my husband’s words the night before. I spent the day thinking about my life and what I wanted to keep and what I didn’t want to keep. Sadly, I was ready to throw it all to the wind and this bothered me immensely. Where was my heart in all this? Non-existent it seemed. Note: Apparently Venus retrograde invites reflection upon relationships to determine if they should stay or go but to hold off on the decision until after it goes direct. Venus goes direct on the 8th but I do not plan to make any changes.

When I got home it was like chaos had hit with a vengeance. My mother-in-law watches my two youngest during the day. She had been instructed to not let them upstairs unattended, but apparently she forgot and I discovered a pair of my eyeglasses had been twisted backward. Thankfully they were the old pair but my new, $400 pair was missing. I went searching and found them safe and sound but covered in little fingerprints.

What was really crazy is that my MIL had done damage all on her own. She had gotten a spoon stuck in the garbage disposal and somehow flushed one of my baby’s shirts down the toilet!

My remedy to this awful mess at home was to lock myself in my bedroom and do 35 minutes of heart-centered yoga. Ahhh!

Rewired

I went to bed wanting the day to disappear and asking questions of my Companion about the purpose of all this and how to fix it all. He responded, but I don’t recall now what he said (this seems to be the pattern these days). I meditated myself to sleep and had more strange dreams.

In one dream I was depositing a $5,200 something check. In another I went to an airport and found a black and white cat in a bag on the elevator. Then I was discussing going on a trip to the Caribbean but I could not take my “boss” with me. At this point I suffered extreme sadness and loneliness as I was told that this trip was a solo trip.

When I awoke I felt somber and asked why I had been told, “We will bring you Home” only to have not have this happen. I was told that Home was within me and that I had misunderstood the message. This, of course, only made me more depressed. It was explained to me that I was being “rewired” but at the same time I heard “retrial”. I felt them to be one in the same.

Strange Memories Resurfacing and Evaporating

Finally, I have strange past-life memories resurfacing at odd times. Mostly, I do not remember them after I have them resurface. It is like they are rising up out of me like smoke, disappearing as they escape. Sometime I can regain the memory, but this is unusual.

One such memory of remembering returned to me while driving. I suddenly remembered waking up one night and remembering suddenly that I had once murdered my own child by drowning him. The memory was not as vivid as the extreme guilt that came with it and I thought to myself, “I should be punished”. With this thought came my Companion’s words, “Haven’t you been punished enough?” and I recalled the life before this one where my own father had drowned me when I was only a child. With this memory came the realization that I have been holding onto the belief that I deserve to be miserable for what I did and that I have been punishing myself ever since. With this belief came also the belief that I was not a good parent. I saw the Karmic cycle and at first thought the child I had drowned had drown me in a later life. I knew this was not the case as it was the actual emotional loss that was cycling, not the relationship. Karma is not revenge, it is a self-inflicted purging.

This all occurred in mere seconds. The words of my guide seemed to help evaporate the feelings that arose within me and I fell asleep quite quickly upon their erasure, the memory of it gone as quickly as it arrives. Yet, it returned to me the next day only to again be lost. I only remembered it yet again when I began to fall asleep that night.

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Dichotomy

Lots of change happening. First off, on the first day school resumed after summer break my morning started off with news that my sister-in-law had gone into labor five weeks early. I knew that meant I would likely have to leave work early and I did. Then I had to change my schedule because they kept mom and baby in the hospital for observation. I guess they do that when baby is really early. So today was my first full day back at work. Thank goodness I can change my schedule!

The day was busy, but not hectic. I had sent out a form in Google Docs, the first ever and I really like it! Anyway, I had four referrals and so had to follow up on each of them. In addition I had some other things to do and so the day filled up fast.

What is memorable about this day, though, is the last minute referral of a student who had been crying nonstop since Monday. When I went to see him I knew he was struggling and when he saw me his eyes immediately filled with tears. We went for a walk and chatted and I listened and felt such overwhelming love for him and his predicament. I understood him and I wanted to make him better yet at the same time I was somewhat detached and calm. In a way, I think this detachment helped me help him better because by the end of my time with him he was calm and I could tell a heavy burden had been lifted from him. I gave him hope and in that I think was the biggest gift I could have given him.

I didn’t realize this, of course, until I was on my way home over an hour later. It suddenly hit me then all at once and my heart overflowed for him. His mother had written me and told me thank you – that he was so much better for talking to me – but that wasn’t it. I understood him because I had been him so many, many years ago in my youth when I was nearly his same age. How horrible to have all that one believes to be solid and true in their life snatched away and smashed to bits. That is what his world is now and what mine had been so many years before. I had no one and was not nearly as receptive as he.

And I know he will be alright and I think that is the best feeling ever.

78

All this happened before I thought about the significance of a number I received in my dreams last night. I was discussing the years 1978-1979 for some reason. I remember recognizing that I had already been born and speaking the year 1978 as if I were trying to figure out what was going on. The number returned after today’s events and so I looked it up.

The number says that one has reached a balance between the spiritual and the mundane and with this comes an inner peace and joy as well as material abundance.

When I read the meaning of this number I knew that my experiences today were significant. For the first time in a very long time I felt true heart emotional connection to my work. The overflow I felt has not been felt by me since around the time of my daughter’s birth. I have been blocked to my work and my connection with those I worked with since then. Yet today I felt it again. It spilled out of me and was not sorrow but a mixture of emotions that are indescribable and beautiful. I felt a true connection and purpose that I had all but given up on.

All I can say is that sometimes I feel that a part of me never gives up on me yet at the same time another part of me wishes only to destroy my only chance at happiness. How strange to be so dichotomous. I wonder how I have made it this far at all.

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Rejection of Mankind

I had a very healing sleep last night. It was full of dreams but I won’t go into detail on them. Instead I want to elaborate upon the realization I awoke with.

Rejection of Mankind

As usual, I did not want to get out of bed when I awoke and my Companion was close and prompting a “review” of the night’s events.

I recalled many dreams in which I was observing today’s youth and intercepting them when they did unacceptable things. This recollection rekindled the deep loss which I suffered during my long stent working with juvenile detention and alternative youth programs. The rejection of my attempts to help was a huge loss for me since that was my purpose for being there. To have your purpose thwarted day in and day out eventually tears you down to a point of apathy in regards to that purpose.

In recognizing this loss I also saw that I had come to many conclusions about mankind:

  • Mankind is hopeless and cannot be saved.
  • Mankind is more bad than good.
  • Mankind is lazy and selfish.
  • Mankind will choose the easy route over the hard one.

Ultimately, I decided I do not like human beings and rejected being one.

Upon analysis, I spotted it: In rejecting mankind, I rejected myself and limited my ability to take part in the wonderful aspects of being human. I slowly disconnected myself from all that it is to be human and in doing this closed myself off from the human aspect of myself.

Because ultimately all that I concluded about mankind, I also concluded about myself:

  • I am hopeless and cannot be saved.
  • I am more bad than good.
  • I am lazy and selfish.
  • I will choose the easy route over the hard one.

Such beliefs sabotage one’s ability to create because it is these beliefs that form one’s reality.

I also recognized that in rejecting mankind, I also rejected my children, my husband and my family; thus, isolating myself even more.

When I searched deeper I saw the pain I was attempting to hide from: If I cannot help the younger generation, how can I help my own children? How can I save them from the evils of being a part of the human race?

My failure and subsequent loss related to working with today’s youth transferred to my own children in my mind. Additionally, it transfers to my current counseling position in that I do not expect those I work with to get better and so I do not put forth the effort I once put forth in my earlier days.

In my earlier days I believed in each and every one of the kids I worked with. To me, they were all special and exceptional. In contrast, when I look at the children I work with now, all I see is their faults and not their potential.

Solution: Return of Purpose

The solution to this dilemma is simple: return to a point in time when I was having great wins and fulfilling my purpose. “Return” here means to go back to a moment where I felt accomplished and relive it in as much detail as I can. Do this over and over until there is a realization.

Since I have yet to do this, I am not sure how it works exactly but it makes sense. It does not undo all the loss I have experienced. This will have to be dealt with on its own. When this will occur, I don’t know, but it will at some point. I cannot continue to live without purpose; numb to experience and to others.

It is clear to me that this is where lies the disconnect between my upper and lower chakras.

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Savasana Meditation

While my baby took his afternoon nap, I felt I needed to lay in savasana and meditate for a while. I situated myself on the floor in my bedroom, head facing north and palms up to receive.

Almost immediately I began to feel hovered over by several guides. My Companion, or main guide, was to my left instructing me and explaining what was happening. There was more of a feeling of his guidance than words, though I did hear sentences every now and again.

My head had been buzzing prior to meditating but now it was becoming the massive energy helmet I have become use to. The only difference in the helmet was that it did not extend around the back of my head as usual but just covered the top, sides and forehead.

As the energy increased I heard, “Focus up” and so I rolled my eyes up and back into their sockets, focusing as best I could on my third eye. I then heard, “Tell me if you feel pain”.

I tried to stay focused on my third-eye the best I could but my second chakra was lighting up. The energy formed a kind of upside down crescent moon shape with my belly button in the middle. The energy did not hurt but I could tell there was something different happening in this area.

Around the time my second chakra began to buzz, my heart chakra also began to activate and there was a memory of a dream I had when much healing work was being done on this area. I felt something similar was happening, though not for the same purpose. This was an alignment.

My Companion was now near my crown and I felt the presence of three others all down near my second chakra. I could not see them but the feeling of their energy was large and they seemed to fill up all the space right above me. I felt cocooned.

I again received instructions to focus upward, so I did, but I kept being distracted by my second chakra and the strange occasional surges in my heart chakra.

As I lay there accepting the healing I began to have thoughts that are not common for me anymore. They were barely there but the presence of them incited a comment from my Companion, “That is good”. The particular thoughts were of wanting that wonderful desirous feeling that comes with new love.

The thoughts faded as quickly as they came but there was an energy that lingered and I could feel movement in my root chakra. The energy there did not rise but seemed to spread out and settle. My second chakra continued to buzz strangely.

Then my right leg began to feel funny and the muscles in my thighs around my knees began to twitch. I knew there was tension in my legs from the energy, especially my right leg. This also reminded me of the heart healing dream I had. My right leg had been involuntarily kicking during the dream healing. I wonder what causes it?

Eventually the energy blanket that comes with entering light trance brought me out of a reverie I did not know I was in. Interestingly at this same moment my baby awoke from his nap and my husband arrived home with our other two children. It seems the healing session was over.

I feel blessed to have received such wonderful healing. Thank you.

by

OBE: I Need You, You Need Me

I awoke at 6:30am disappointed because I had not gone OOB or had a lucid dream, which I had asked for prior to sleep. My guide was close and the memory of my dreams still vivid. I recalled a lesson I had been learning while sleeping, but only the gist of it: that all of us and every thing in the universe is composed of the same material. This knowledge and the memory of my dreams made me feel empty for some reason. In fact, I was succinctly aware of the emptiness I felt and upset that I was still feeling it even after all the spiritual “advancing” I’ve been doing.

My guide was close and I understood the message that we are the same but I wanted to know, why am I still here on Earth? Why do I feel like this? Will I ever feel fulfilled? I heard/felt that my Companion wanted me to be happy so I said back, “I am not happy here, so why don’t you just take me back?”

I rolled over on my side still overly aware of the empty feeling. In fact, I felt like just a shell with nothing inside – no urge, no passion, no nothing. It is not a fun feeling to have.

As I was laying there, my Companion communicated with me but most of it is lost to me now. What I do recall is that I heard music; a song being sung by a lovely voice and background music. It sounded familiar, like Enya, but nothing she ever sang. I tried to ignore the music but got a nudge to tune into it. Listen.

OBE: I Need You, You Need Me

As I listened to the music, I heard the message. I don’t remember it all word for word now, but it was a message of love, encouragement and optimism. The most poignant part of the song were the words, “I need you, you need me”.

I got caught up in the music, letting the violins and other instruments of the background music sway me into its rhythm. I recognized that the music made me feel lighter; calmer.

The next thing I remember is that my right eye seemed to open of its own accord (my left eye was covered by the pillow). I saw my bedroom wall, the green paint cast in a brilliant golden glow. The vividness of my normally blurry, uncorrected vision, was absent. This vividness clued me in to the fact that my physical eye was not open. I was looking at my bedroom with my astral eye!

Though the music was still playing and the woman still singing, I took advantage of the opportunity to exit and simply got up out of bed and my body. I felt no vibrations, no energetic shift – nothing. In fact, it was as if I had been transported instantly to a brighter, more colorful version of my own home.

Up and out of my body, I traveled out of my bedroom and down stairs. My vision stayed on, crisp and clear. The golden shimmering of the atmosphere which was my new house seemed to dance around me as I moved. The music and singing continued. By now I was singing along.

I went down the stairs and then found that I moved in circles, as if my stairs became a winding staircase that moved up instead of down. I stopped and looked across at the point from which I started the “descent”. I was directly across from it. There had been no descent or ascent! I had just gone in a circle!

Still singing, I again started down stairs. I could hear my husband talking to someone. I knew he was leaving early for a trip to San Antonio and I wanted to kiss him goodbye. The words of the song began to repeat now: I need you, you need me.

This time I did descend and stood watching my husband standing at the front door with another man. I assumed it was my brother-in-law but I am not now sure that was who it was. I focused on my husband more than him.

As I began to move toward them, one my boys, completely naked and golden in color, ran right past me. He moved so fast he was like a streak or a ball of energy more than the form of a person. I said hello and put my hand down to touch the top of his head (must have been my oldest son). I felt his hair brush my hand as he ran past.

Still focused on my husband I said to him, “Have a good trip”. He smiled and said, “Thank you”. I lifted up off the ground and began to fly over toward him, intending to hug him. He put his hand out and said, “Be careful” as if he thought I would knock him over in m exuberance.

I slowed down and came to a stop in front of him. I looked closely at him and reached out my hand to touch his eye. I said, “What’s that? You have something on your eye”. I touched his left eye and saw that what looked like a sty. I closed my eyes and kept my finger there, sending healing to him.

As I sent the healing I felt my energy destabilize. I did not attempt to stabilize it. Instead I allowed myself to be drawn back into my body. I settled back in without incident, still hearing the words of the song in my mind. “I need you, you need me”.

Clear Message

When I opened my eyes back in my body I immediately knew my Companion had given me what I asked for. Once again, my “tantrum” was successful, but I did not feel thrilled to have gotten my way. I still felt empty. The message was clear, though, I was needed and I need my Companion. Similarly, we all need one another. That is what’s missing and why I feel empty, or at least part of why. I lack meaningful connections in my life.

I suspect the OBE encounter with my husband was to show me that there is an obstacle in my path. The sty specifically symbolizes this obstacle and is likely representative of the avoidance of intimacy in my life. I attempt to heal it, so I recognize my own ability to heal this issue.