Category Archives: Healing

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Purification Update and Other News

My purification is going well. I am on day 9 today and feeling better everyday. When I first feel the Niacin it is intense but the flush doesn’t last as long and the prickling and burning sensations are also decreasing. I also do not have significant purging of chemicals, medications and other toxins. For example, yesterday I just felt my neck get stiff and had a stink come out of my pores. I end off each day feeling refreshed and positive.

Sleep

My sleep has improved significantly since starting. I sleep a solid 8-9 hours and only wake once. Once! I sleep so hard that when I wake up I rarely remember my dreams and even if I do, I don’t care about them. The sleep is just awesome! I have not slept like this since my teen years. Oh how I’ve missed it!

Unfortunately, I am not receiving any guide communication or experiencing any lucid dreams, in-between states, or OBEs. I just sleep and wake and go about my day. I suspect this will continue until the purification concludes. I am already halfway through so am hoping I will be done in another 10 days or so. Fingers crossed!

Spiritual Happenings

Though I have not had much in the way of a spiritual connection this last week, I have had some interesting things occur. The night of the 20th I was hit with a sudden twinge of nervousness. It hit me deep in the stomach area and came out of the blue, you know the “sick” dread feeling? I could not mentally figure it out so I focused on my heart space. The answer I got was that I was being asked to make some kind of decision. I remember running from this decision, whatever it was, and finally announcing to my guides, “I don’t want to do that now”. The feeling immediately vanished and has not returned.

Yesterday I was watching TV and felt a distinct shift in the energy around me. I wondered about it, but again, trying to mentally figure it out was not happening. So, I focused on my heart and recognized where the shift was coming from. It was a “change of guard”. In other words, my guides were changing out. Not all of them, but some of them. This is not really an unusual occurrence, just not often recognized when it does happen.

The number of guides I have around me has shrunk substantially during the purification process. I am back to my usual 4. Sometimes there is the usual 12 I have become accustomed to, but so far more often it is just the 4. I suspect this is just a temporary thing and honestly, I don’t care much one way or the other. I am enjoying my sleep!

Response to Blog

A final thing that happened this past week was a first for me since I started my blog. I got a nasty, insulting blog comment. It was only one word and I quickly marked it as spam. What is interesting is, just a week prior, I had a dream in which I received a nasty blog comment and was discussing with my guide how to respond to such negativity. So it was really no surprise when I got the comment. I feel like my guides had prepared me well for it and others like it.

It is amazing to me how much I have changed and this negative comment helped me see this in myself. I did not react with upset or anger. No Ego reaction at all. I just saw the connection with my dream, acknowledged it, marked the comment as spam, and then went on my way. Occasionally, I would think back on it as if I was looking to see if any part of me would react. It was like I was probing for the Old me, to see if any remnant of her remained. I could touch her reactions but only as memories. It was and is such a freeing experience to be able to detach from that part of me. Every day I wonder if she really is “dead” and if so, when exactly will I finally “bury” her?

Honestly, I think the anxious feeling I had on the 20th was a request to finally “bury” her  (the Old) and I was not, still am not, ready to do that. I feel I am still holding onto the memory of her with a fascination that is hard to describe.There is an almost obsession with all that was in comparison to all that currently is. Was that really me? Where did she go? Is she still in there?

It is like getting out the old photo album. You see yourself years ago and laugh at your hair, your clothes, or the silly and sad memories that go along with it. Part of you wants to go back and try to re-experience the old times, to feel it as if it is real right in the present moment. But there is only so much that can come of that and eventually you put the photo album away to gather dust. Eventually, there is little interest at all in ever looking back.

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Strange Chills

Today is day 5 of my purification and I feel like I have been doing it for a month. Yesterday’s dosage of Niacin caused me to have the strongest reaction I have ever had to it. I literally looked like I had a very bad sunburn on all exposed parts of my body. I didn’t feel bad, just looked bad. There was some tingling but not much and it was not as bad the first reaction I had, which is interesting. Later, after the flush faded, I had unexplainable bouts of depression just hit me for seconds to a minute at a time and then vanish just as quickly.

I suspect that what was getting purged from my system is years of the antidepressant Zoloft. Though I didn’t take large quantities of it, I did take it for an extended period of time in my late 20s. Ever since coming off of it I have had to wear earplugs to sleep because I became a horribly light sleeper. I am hoping when this purification is over that the earplugs will no longer be needed and whatever damage was done by that horrible drug will be reversed.

Spirituality

One of the worst side-effects of this purification is that I have lost almost all spiritually related experiences since starting. I understand this is because my physical body is going through quite an ordeal, but I feel extremely cut-off from my Team and Council now. They are there, as proved the other morning by them waking me up to a message which I then wrote out and posted, but other than that there is very little communication. Even when focusing on my heart space all I get is a sense that all is okay and going well. That should be enough, I suppose, but I wish I could have a cool guide-encounter via dream or OBE.

There is, of course, the occasional crown chakra tingling and feeling that something is going on beyond the veil between myself and my Team. The knowingness is only via a feeling and if I try and figure it out more than I just can’t seem to get anywhere. My mind is blocked, which I think is the point. Feeling the communication should be enough, right?

Strange Chills

I did want to mention something that happened on my way home from my purification yesterday as it was very odd and a first for me.

While driving there were moments when the traffic would suddenly stop and this would, of course, cause me to react and my physical body would send adrenaline into my arms and legs momentarily. It was not huge amounts of adrenaline, either. However, for some reason, I felt a cold chill on my skin, almost like I walked into a deep freeze but even colder than that. It felt like every nerve in my body activated and was quite similar to localized kundalini energy sensations I have gotten in the past.

After it happened the first time, I became use to the traffic conditions and the adrenaline aspects stopped but the chills continued. So, it was not the adrenaline itself causing the sensation. It slowly wore off over the length of the drive until it was no longer noticeable and I was hit with an intense exhaustion.

If I had not had all of the odd energy sensations I have had in my lifetime, I would have gone into panic over the strange chills. They were quite intense and very distinct. I decided to enjoy the sensation rather than reject it and they almost had a soothing quality to them.

I am curious if they will show up again today. I suspect something about the purification – the Niacin and length of time in a sauna – caused this phenomenon. Perhaps it was the Zoloft and other similar medications I have taken in the past being purged? I can only guess.

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Purification Progress

Today is day four of my purification. My cold is gone and I am becoming use to the changes in routine due to the program.

I had more energy yesterday after I finished the program, enough that I was able to do my normal activities. For the first two days of the program I had to lay down and take power naps, so the increase in energy back to my norm was nice. Unfortunately, the increase in energy made it hard for me to fall asleep last night.

Results Thus Far

Besides the increase in energy, I had some serious reactions to the Niacin on day 2. Not only did my skin flush but I got dizzy, nauseated, light headed, and tired. This only lasted about a half hour, thankfully. I suspect the Niacin was releasing the radiation from old sunburns, x-rays and other toxic substances as all the symptoms I experienced are classic radiation symptoms. Today my dosage increases again so I expect more releasing of toxins, though with less intensity.

I am also getting use to the increase in cardio. I use to run almost daily before my third child, but stopped and replaced it with weight training and that has been my routine ever since. Getting back into the routine of running, even if via interval training, has been hard to return to. Follow that with hours in the sauna and any body would want to sleep the rest of the day!

I am drinking a gallon of water just while doing the program. I then drink probably close to another gallon when I am home. The results have been a purging of my skin. While I am in the sauna my face looks like I recall it looking in my 20s. Unfortunately, when I get out is when the wonderful skin problems erupt. I suspect this will diminish over time as I am already seeing it do so. It is like getting a very long facial every day. 🙂

It is important to eat 6 servings of veggies per day and so I have been doing so. I normally eat 3-4 (inadequate) so this has my body a bit confused and I am suffering some digestive discomforts but these are diminishing as well now, too. I mostly eat broccoli, spinach, carrots and bell peppers but am diversifying because I think the broccoli is causing me to bloat. lol Last night I ate cabbage and bok choy, with no side effects. My new favorite snack is now miniature bell peppers. So yummy!

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Purification

Yesterday I began the long process of purifying this physical vehicle (body). I have done this in the past (8 years ago) but am doing it again for several reasons. First, I had a c-section last year that pumped my body full of nasty medications (morphine for one) and have had several rounds of antibiotics along with various pain medications and local anesthesia. This along with environmental toxins, past recreational drug use and psychological medications, I figured it was time to do it again. I also want to help this spiritual process I have been going through by making sure the body adequately adapts and adjusts to it.

The routine is simple. Take prescribed amounts of various vitamins and minerals, exercise at a moderate intensity for 20-30 minutes and then do a stent in the sauna. The main ingredient here is the Niacin as it is the vitamin that helps dislodge residual drugs and toxins that are lodged in the fat cells of the human body. The exercise circulates the Niacin, which often causes a major flushing and tingling of the skin, and the sauna heat causes the body to sweat out the toxins through the skin.

The time in the sauna is extensive. Yesterday I spent 2 hours in it. Today will be 3. The next day, 4. Then I think it plateaus. I will continue the program until there remain no more reactions to the Niacin and my body has flushed all the toxins. It can take 3 weeks or longer going in daily, so it is quite a regime.

Day One

It is funny how 8 years changes you. Last time I did this program I felt rejuvenated and full of energy. I looked forward to the run and enjoyed the sauna. Yesterday, however, I felt like a slug as I ran on the treadmill and the sauna seemed to suck the life out of me. My blood sugar dropped (my fault) and my blood pressure dropped at the same time and so I got dizzy and nauseous. Thankfully a bit of food and cool air resolved that quickly.

When I got home I felt exhausted and couldn’t get enough to eat and drink. I drank a gallon while there so was surprised I wanted more water. I probably drank another gallon at home. I craved carbohydrates and couldn’t get enough so finally broke down and had  a tootsie pop. lol I am still getting over this cold so that also hit me in the evening like usual and didn’t help how I felt (yes it is safe to do this program with a cold).

I slept like a rock last night, getting about 9 hours of sleep, but I am still tired today. I just want to lounge around and do nothing but will be leaving for day two of the purification in an hour. I know that this feeling of exhaustion will leave soon enough as my body adjusts to the change in routine, I just wish it didn’t hit me like a ton of bricks.

I don’t know how much spiritual activity I will have while on this program, so not sure how often I will write. I am not motivated to do much right now and my focus on the spiritual is none.

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Heart Center Adjustment

As I mentioned in my last post, I was unable to fall asleep last night. Part of it was my illness, but the other part had to do with an odd feeling in my heart space.

The feeling is hard to describe but it felt as if there was trapped energy there. I had requested help from my guides to fall asleep and was instructed to focus on my heart space. That is when the strange energy became very strong. It was not the normal pulling sensation nor the vortex-like spinning I am use to. Instead, it felt like my entire midsection from my collarbone to my pelvis was buzzing, jumping and shooting with electrical energy. It was not a comfortable feeling and reminded me somewhat of being anxious, but it was not the same.

Oddly, the sensation pulled me into the in-between and I lay there for so long I thought I must have fallen asleep because I don’t remember anything from that time period. I want to say I was in the in-between at least half an hour. When I regained awareness, the strange feeling was intensely apparent and large, like my entire mid-section were engulfed in electrically charged flames. I didn’t feel hot, though, just different, as if I were split in two but only in that part of my body.

I awoke and then went back into the strange sensation which now no longer bothered me, falling into a very deep sleep. My dreams were in an environment I have not been in before where the atmosphere is similarly charged with the same heart-space energy except in the dream the energy was deeply calming and felt like an extension of myself.

When I awoke there was a knowing that I had received intense healing. I also knew the illness I currently have is a direct result of some of the changes I am going through, My body is reacting to them, adjusting and correcting itself. I am glad a cold is all that resulted!

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Dream: Bluejay Turned Cat

I couldn’t fall asleep last night because of a nasty head cold I came down with a couple of days ago. It is funny how this cold works. Through the day I feel fine but then once the evening approaches I begin to get all stopped up and my throat hurts. I can’t sleep with a stopped up nose and sore throat. Nasal spray and Benadryl were my go-to’s but it still took me until midnight to fall asleep.

Bluejay Turned Cat

I was inside a house talking to a parent-figure for some time. The house seemed filled with twilight – the ambiance was calming with a bluish-gray tinge and sparkling energy that was energizing and familiar to me. I never saw who I was speaking to but I knew him.

Suddenly, I saw what appeared to be a large spiderweb covered in dewdrops. It was spectacular looking except that there was a large bluejay trapped in it. The bird was flopping around trying to get free and I watched it, hoping it would succeed. I eventually felt bad for it and stopped my conversation to help free it. However, it freed itself without issue and flew off.

I followed it and found myself walking in the twilight on a beautifully manicured green lawn. Down below was a large lake with cattails and lily pads. There was still an energy and bluish tinge to the air.

I watched as the bird turned into an orange striped cat. He was meandering toward the pond. He would turn into the bluejay ever so often and this did not seem to bother me. To me, they were one in the same.

The cat stopped and seemed to have something around his leg. I went to try and help and he flew (turned bluejay) across the pond to the other side. He then ran out of my sight, again turning into the cat.

I noticed he had dragged something with him across the lake. It was a green extension cord. How odd.

I was speaking with a boy at this time, my other half or twin. We decided we wanted to get the cat and he said the parent person had a boat. I saw it in my mind, a nice, flat bottomed boat. We requested to use it and permission was granted. However, I was afraid I would fall out and explained I had never been in a boat before. I was told I would have to do it without the parent person’s help. I would have to row my way across on my own.

Interpretation

I felt to be in a school situation at this time and much of the conversations I had are lost to me. However, the dream symbolism suggests I have overlooked something (bluejay) and am trying to control my spiritual progression (stuck in web). The bird turns into a cat suggesting that the overlooked aspect is connected to the spiritual feminine, independence, creativity and power. The green cord could be symbolic of connection to the spiritual like the silver cord so often observed in OBEs by others. Green symbolizes healing.

I seem uncertain about how to retrieve what I desire which is to help myself heal and reconnect to my spiritual feminine, independence, creativity and power. It is important to note here that bluejays also can symbolize the mind, body, spirit.

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Clearing the Path

My night was full of healing dreams last night. I had so many that it would be the longest post to write about them all. What seems to be happening, though, is that I am being guided through memories from my early life – teen years mostly. In one dream, I even ran into my high school friend’s father who died several years ago. I told him,”You look different”, and he asked me, “How?”  I said, “You don’t look so harsh”. Of course, this is a reflection of me more than him, but it was so very vivid that I wondered if I actually met him or if it was a dream creation of mine to help me learn.

I recall having a conversation about that high school friend, discussing how I felt I should still keep in touch with her. My guide asked me questions that I did not hear aloud and I reflected upon our severed relationship. I felt guilty for not being there for her during her cancer but then I realized we had drifted apart long before then. I remember saying, “We were too different”. At the end of that dream I realized that relationships are purposeful. She came into my life to help me and when she was no longer needed, she left. I acknowledged this and moved on.

In another dream I ran into an old coworker who I feel I wronged. I hugged her upon seeing her and she flinched as if I hurt her. She put her hand to her left shoulder and held it and I apologized asking, “Did I hurt you?” She did not reply and I realized she had a chip on her shoulder which I reminded her of. Her healing is not done and she is still bitter. I felt no remorse for what I did upon that realization. It is her burden to carry, not mine.

When I finally woke up for the day, I heard very clearly a voice say, “You are becoming crystalline”.

Chakras as Alarms?

When I went about my day today, I found my reactions to my husband were full of anger. I didn’t understand and could not hold back my spite towards him. I also noted a strange sensation in my second chakra. It was almost like that sinking feeling one gets in their stomach when they are nervous, but this was lower down and not very strong. I have never felt anything like it. I recall recognizing this feeling was out of place. I wondered, what was going to happen?

The day continued with me remaining irritated at him. It finally subsided later on after he told me something that upset me and I just accepted it and moved on with my day. Later on, however, I got onto the computer and happened to see an email he had typed. It was related to what he told me earlier in the day so I read it.

I became completely enraged by the email because 1. it revealed he had not told me the full truth and 2. the subject matter was something I should have been consulted about, but was not.

He left to take the kids to a party and I got to be home alone. I immediately remembered the second chakra feeling I had at the beginning of the day and I wondered, when did he send the email?

I checked the date and sure enough he had sent it the night before. Somehow, I had sensed his betrayal and a part of me knew. Had I just paid attention I would have known why I was so upset with him most of the day.

This betrayal is not the end of the end or anything, it is just about being able to trust my husband. This is a core issue in the realm of the second chakra which is all about relationships and creativity. My second chakra acted as an alarm to try and help me understand why I was feeling the way I was feeling, but I didn’t catch onto it. I will next time.

It is interesting to me that all this occurred today after receiving the message about becoming crystalline.

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Giving Up the Reins

I had a profound dream last night. It was one of many dreams. I feel I was on the brink of lucidity most of the evening.

Giving Up the Reins

I was at a gathering that was similar to a stock yard show or rodeo in its look and feel. I was standing near an arena that had a high, metal fence, watching people get onto their horses only to either be thrown off or successfully “tame” them. It appeared that the rider would cause their horse to go out of control purposefully. The goal was to regain control with both horse and rider safe, sound, calm and controlled.

I was aware that I was to be in this competition, too. I was standing next to this bay mare. She was spectacular and stood taller than me. She would nuzzle me occasionally and I would reach up and pet her, stroking her dark mane. I was very comfortable with her, which is unlike me both in reality and in most of my dreams. I am typically nervous around large horses.

I felt ill prepared for this competition and was discussing it with someone who I did not see but who seemed to change from male to female and then back again. We were discussing how I felt about going into the ring. I remember saying, “This is my first time. I don’t know if I can do it”. We discussed my options, one of which was to let someone else take my place.

At one point the decision became heart wrenching for some reason. I was particularly fond of my horse and did not want someone else handling her, much less taking her into the ring where she, too, had never been. It was at this point that I saw who would be taking over. She was a champion and had already successfully won several competitions. She was set to win this one, too, and had just completed her turn with top scores. She was tall, slender, and had long, flowing blonde hair. Her blue eyes sparkled and she appeared to know me and sympathize with my situation.

Emotion welled up from deep within me as I made my decision. I handed her the reins and said, “Ok. You can take over”. My whole body shook with grief at this decision as the blonde gracefully accepted the reins and prepared to mount my horse. There was a dark haired, shorter woman, standing beside the blonde who seemed disappointed. She said, “I guess I won’t be placing today”. I realized she had been set to win second place but now that the blonde was going to compete in my place, this other woman would be third.

Reflection

I awoke from this dream crying and knowing a decision had been made. I immediately recognized the horse to be me, my body and Ego, in this physical incarnation. I saw myself in this dream as the me I have always been in this life – a mixture of nature versus nurture to put it simply. It appeared to me that the goal here was to get “horse”- my Ego and body – under control in a way that I had not yet done. I was nervous, which is to be expected, and did not feel I could do it being it would be my first time. I was consulting with my guides and my Higher Self. I recognized, upon waking, that I had agreed to let my Higher Self take over. I am not sure why this was such a difficult decision. Perhaps I feel like a failure not being able to do this on my own? Or perhaps it is my affinity to my human form?

This could be my Ego reacting to this decision, but this decision feels very final. I was asked upon waking, “Are you okay with this decision?” and I immediately answered, “Yes”. The images and thoughts in my mind at this time were of me leaving behind this life and all its connections and experiences to return to the peace and rejuvenation of the Other Side. I was completely, 100%, ready to do so. I heard in response, “We will help you. It will be easy”.

I am completely calm this morning. Though I have not yet completely computed the experience in my mind, my heart knows this was a turning point.

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The Dr. Returns

Last night was an eventful night. No, I didn’t project nor was I even lucid, but I had a sequence of dreams, all connected, that culminated in one nearly lucid dream in which I again met up with the Dr. (from previous blog posts).

Military

The first dream in the sequence was focused around the return of a military mission. I was inside a dorm room and waiting for a man to return. He was not my husband but someone I knew. I recall helping organize some things – photographs, keepsakes, etc – while waiting.

Infected

The dream then shifts from a military feeling to a medical facility feeling. I was of two Me’s – the me observing the dream and the me as a character in the dream. My character persona was wearing an all white hospital gown and there was a long conversation going on between the observer me and another individual, a woman.

The character me is standing in the middle of a bright white room as we are talking. This is when it got weird. A tiny, illuminated, blue square of energy shot out of nowhere and made contact with the dream character me. This blue cube was three-dimensional and about one inch all around.

Once the cube inserted itself inside the character me, the observer me knew this meant a physical change would occur. She (I) recognized the change to mean that having children was no longer possible and there would be a gradual deterioration of health.

Phil

There is a long period of blurred images and experiences during this time. I am aware of making the decision to be with a man much younger than me. My awareness is very, very diminished but I somehow know that we had sexual relations and am filled with a happiness and peace that is hard to describe. I remember laying next to him in a void. I say void because it seems so dark and devoid of features other than a long, wooden or metal “bed” which we are laying on.

When my awareness comes back to me, me and this man who I know as “Phil”, are discussing a third member of our group. She is the me from the previous dream, the one who was “infected”. I know she cannot be with us because she is struggling to manage her illness. I see within my mind a screen showing her vital statistics. The statistics are shown as a green line that is in an arc heading higher and higher. However, when she becomes infected the arc, a greenish color, begins to descend and turn red. I see this “memory” of the doctors explaining what she needs to do. She must take this medicine to manage her condition as it will slowly affect her, causing her physical condition to deteriorate more and more.

Then I am talking to this “other” me, who seems very child-like, even though she is fully grown. She is very frail and thin, her skin pale and almost translucent. I find her on the floor in a white hospital-like setting, with an IV in her arm. She is unresponsive and I say to her, “Why did you do that?” and in my mind I know she has overdosed on the drug she is suppose to take to help her illness. I shake her and am worried. I have a communication with her that is without words. In it, there is a vision of her showing me three drawings she has done. They are familiar to me and are childrhuman-dnaen’s drawings. I see my initials on the top of the paper and point them out to her, congratulating her on her ability to draw and write her name.

Phil, who had been with me, is now gone but I can talk to him in my mind. The dream becomes muddled here as I gain awareness. I recognize my deep connection to this man and know he is 29 years old. At the same time i recognize this number to be significant as it adds up to 11. I am so happy to be with him but know that our communication is limited to only times he initiates. I trust him, though, and know that no communication does not indicate no connection.

I attempt several time to write an email to Phil about the ailing me. I type his email – Philateree@gmail.com.  The first time I try to send I type the address wrong and it does not go through. The second time I type it, I wake up.

The Dr. Returns

I awake to such an overwhelming calm and peace. The dream sequence is still vivid and I try to make sense of it. Am I sick? Does the dream character me indicate that I am physically ill?

My mind is filled with questions and I struggle to find the connection with my Higher Self. Why can’t I connect?

That is when I sense my guide and recognize he is the same man as in my dream. I instantly think, “Phil”. I then remember the dream I had a while back about “Dr. Who” and realize that he is the Dr from that and other dreams. He sends confirmation.

Much knowingness floods into my mind and I recognize that for some reason I have been afraid of whatever healing is about to be initiated. My dreams represent this fear. The military connection has to do with emotional repression. The illness represents a need to be healed. The IV represents healing and that an important message has been missed.

The tiny blue cube was a mystery, though. What did it symbolize?

I heard a response – “Genome”.

This response confuses me. “What genome?” and I think, “The human genome”.

I had to get up and get ready for work so I had to stop communication there. I am still trying to figure out what all these dreams signify and I am at a loss. I know I felt good this morning, so that is a positive. I suspect that my Ego is overreacting, so I distrust myself to decipher what it all means. All I know is that the last time I met with the Dr he initiated an intense healing of my heart.

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Dream: Temptation

Sometimes I have very emotional dreams. This morning I awoke to one such dream.

Temptation

Most of the details of the beginning of the dream are lost to me now, but I recall the most important details.

The dream consisted of me meeting this good looking, Hispanic man. He appeared younger than me and reminded me of someone but I cannot figure out who. We were in a house that I was not familiar with and he and I had just met. When I saw him I was hit with such a familiar pang of recognition in my heart that it took my breath away. I do not know if he had this same connection, but I think he did based upon the way the dream went.

I avoided him for some time, speaking to him briefly and engaging in only casual conversation. I made sure to keep my distance because being near him caused an overwhelming amount of desire and I was certain he would notice. Perhaps he did because he kept coming closer to me and would not allow me to go far.

Throughout this I was overcome with feelings of foreboding, continually thinking of how I was married, had children and would not do anything to cause them potential suffering. I felt as if I had been ripped in two every time I saw this young man who would not go away and who I did not really want to go away. It was an agonizing feeling!

Finally, I gave in and stopped dodging him. Just looking at him was painful and also amazingly wonderful. I don’t remember what he was saying to me but I ended up allowing him to kiss me. This was, of course, probably not a good idea as the kiss caused me to understand the intensely deep connection that existed between us.

I broke away from the kiss and began talking one hundred miles an hour about my husband and family and how I could not, would not, do anything that would put them at risk. I remember wishing I were single so badly that it hurt. My insides were in all kinds of knots with energy welling out of my first, second and third chakras.

Message from Azekiel

I awoke still feeling the agonizing split between what I wanted and what I felt was “right”. I could not figure out why I was once again having this type of dream! Then I remembered the brief OBE I had where I was allowed to witness an agreement being made between my Higher Self and some others. I remember that there was a man involved and that he was married. I also knew the agreement was that he and I would meet. I remember I felt sorry for him.

Needless to say, I was not pleased with this memory and the sudden realization that I was preparing for a meeting. Dread is all I felt. All I could think was, “Why?”

My guide was very close and he said very simply, “You are sad”.

twin-flame-swirlI didn’t feel this was true, but then maybe it was? Maybe I am hiding from a part of myself, some part deeply connected to a past where I was unfaithful? I do recall a life that fits that description.

In that, I remembered too much, I think, because I did find the sadness and two tears slowly rolled down my cheeks. I asked for healing, hoping to avoid any meeting like in my dream.

My guide said, “The healing needs to come via the physical”.

Just my luck!

I asked, “Who are you? What is your name?”

He replied, “Azekiel”.

I knew he was trying to prepare me, to help me with some big hurdle that is holding me back. I am not exactly sure what it is or why the healing needs to come via the physical. I suspect the person I am meeting has a similar need. Perhaps he and I are cancelling a karmic debt?

Near OBE

I fell back to sleep, asking to project. I was on my stomach and almost instantly found myself in the in-between but I was not becoming conscious like is normal.

I suddenly felt to be laying in my mother’s bed and all I could think about was the man from my previous dream and how desperately I wanted to be with him. The agony was very real and I just wanted to stay asleep and not have to confront the situation.

I felt someone shake me and say, “You need to get up now”. I ignored it and pushed against the hand saying, “I want to sleep”. The shaking happened again and I groaned. I heard other noises, the noises of a busy house – children’s voices, pitter patter of tiny feet, talking, etc. I specifically heard my sister’s voice. I do remember thinking that all I needed to do was roll out of my body, but I literally felt too tired to bother.

I woke up feeling so much better but I don’t know why. Perhaps I am just accepting that this needs to be done. Sigh.