Category Archives: Healing

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Current Symptoms of the “Shift”

I figured it was about time that I share some of the odd sensations and physical issues I have been having since my last update.

Current Symptoms

  • Headache, especially in the mornings and at night
  • Stomach upset in the morning
  • Energy sensations in third eye, crown and base of head
  • Deep sleep
  • Vivid dreams often with messages
  • Upper back stiffness
  • Lower back (pelvis) stiffness
  • Leg pain (feels like “growing pains” from youth)
  • Restless energy in legs
  • Ringing in ears (mostly right ear)
  • Dry, flaky skin that is manageable but irritating
  • Increased thirst
  • Visual anomalies (seeing flashes of light, colored streamers coming out of son, etc)
  • Tiredness/lack of motivation
  • Periods of total calm
  • Odd, heavy energy that descends over crown of head
  • Sleep disturbances

Coping Mechanismsclary-calm-did-you-know

This is what I have been doing to handle some of my symptoms:

  • Upset stomach – I drink a glass of water and eat something calming like oatmeal with fruit
  • Leg restlessness and pain – Put feet up and/or meditate to ground energy
  • Dry skin – Wash face with grapeseed oil, limit harsh chemicals
  • Increased thirst – Drink!
  • Back pain – Yoga, stretching, exercise
  • Headache – Ask for healing, rarely I take Ibuprofen
  • Tiredness/lack of motivation – When tired, I try to sleep; for motivation I go outdoors
  • Sleep disturbances – Meditate, focus on heart chakra, let it pass without fixating on it

These are life changes I have made that have either eased or completely eliminated my symptoms:

  • Drinking mineral water with apple cider vinegar in the morning with daily probiotic
  • Limiting gluten (not gluten-free, I can’t do that)
  • Limiting sugar and refined carbohydrates
  • Drinking alkaline water from Kangen machine daily (usually 1 gallon or more)
  • Eating organic as often as possible
  • Eating 3 or more servings of veggies daily
  • Stopped using antiperspirant deodorant completely

Current DoTERRA Essential Oil Usage

  • ClaryCalm/Monthly Oil Blend– aids in self-acceptance, expressing one’s inner child, enhances sexuality, promotes balance
  • Whisper/Women’s Oil Blend – assists in balancing masculine/feminine energies; calms anger and other negative emotions
  • Patchouli – helps individuals be more grounded and stable
  • Serenity/ Calming Oil Blend – calms negative feelings, promotes forgiveness of self and others, assists in relieving self-criticism and judgement of others/self
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Amazing Grace

The energy event I experienced early this morning was indeed very different from the others. I suspect it is not complete, so perhaps this was just the first “course”.

Crystal Beach

I was walking through a large, brown and gold colored mall searching for an exit. I came upon two glass doors and opened them. When I went into the room it resembled a waiting area and was lit up with a golden color.

A dark haired little girl was at the door and looked up at me. I said to her, “I know you” but she said, “I don’t think so”. I stared at her for quite some time trying to place her but the memory was not there.

I saw that there were two office doors ahead of me. I read their signs but all I recall now is they were businesses offering alternative healing.

I turned to my left to leave and saw double glass door with small revolving doors. I saw outside was bright and very white and thought I saw the ocean so went outside to investigate.

I walked onto a crystal white sand beach that stretched quite a distance on both sides of me. In front of me was the most vividly blue water I had ever seen. It shimmered in the sunlight and the entire scene reminded me of the Arctic except it was not snow nor was it cold. I said, “It looks like snow!”

I looked out ahead of me and saw mounds of snow-like sand piled high and people frolicking about on top of it. There were also tons of people all around me enjoying the beach. I sought out a place where there were no people and saw to my left an expanse of white and blue that stretched for miles, not a soul to be seen. I reveled in the beauty for some time, talking to an unseen companion.

Curious about where I was, I soon found myself floating high above the beach and moving farther away, watching the beach, turned coastline turned continent shrink below me. I saw an unfamiliar continent stretched out before me, the coastline shimmering brightly below me. I tried to say it was India but the shape was wrong. I soon concluded I was not on Earth. This was some other place.

heart_chakra2Healing Session

I then found myself inside one of the healing offices and could still see the beach through the glass door. There was a tall, dark haired man who was “the Dr.” His female assistant I recognized instantly as an old friend in life. I was at ease and knew why I was there.

There was a table in the center of the room. I lay down on it and the woman stood at my left shoulder. She touched it and whispered some words I did not recognize but there was a “P” sound at the beginning of the phrase. This was when the Dr., who was standing on my right at my midsection, began doing his work.

I was suddenly filled with an intense energy at my heart chakra. It felt that my chakra expanded outward and then upward forming a bubble of energy that hung over my entire body like a hot air balloon. The power of the energy caused my legs to involuntarily begin to kick out and I was uncomfortably aware of this to the point that it distracted me from the pleasant energy.

The heart energy continued to intensify and along with it my head was engulfed in energy as well. I was still focused on my legs, however, and this brought the attention of the Dr.

He came to my right leg and asked me to focus on it. So I did and the kicking stopped but the left leg still kicked so high that it was at a 90 degree angle to my body. I focused more and was able to calm it. By then, though, the heart energy has subsided.

Gathering Sand

I was then heading toward a bag and opening it up to retrieve a silver metal bowl. When I picked it up, it began to vibrate and make music. I recognized the music to be, “Amazing Grace”. I exclaimed to my healers, “It’s playing Amazing Grace!” They acknowledged this and the music stopped.

I told them I wanted to gather some white sand for later and was told that my husband was already gathering it. I looked outside and sure enough there he was with my children in the sand.

Then I was holding sand in the silver bowl. It formed into balls, like snow balls, and I held one out amazed at how easily it kept its shape.

My two healers were laid out on the table and so I approached them with the bowl. They had laid out a red, embroidered blanket and the Dr. was on my left and his assistant in front of me.

I accidentally spilled some sand on their blanket on onto the Dr. and laughed it off. Then I felt I needed to sing and began to sing Amazing Grace. Yet the words and melody that came out of my mouth were not of that song but of The Old Rugged Cross. Specifically:

And I love that old cross where the Dearest and Best
For a world of lost sinners was slain.

Refrain:
So I’ll cherish the old rugged cross,
Till my trophies at last I lay down;
I will cling to the old rugged cross,
And exchange it someday for a crown.

The assistant began to sing along with me, trying to harmonize but I was singing to high for her. I kept singing it over and over and then was overcome with tears of joy mixed with longing. I awoke sobbing.

Messages

When I awoke I still felt the energy lingering over my body and knew that I had received intense healing. My guide was there and I knew what the song meant. The song is symbolic of so many things: my Christian upbringing, how life’s sufferings will one day end with a reward, how that reward is reunion with myself/the One. I was hit with knowingness that I am soon to be done with my lives on Earth, only two more. That I am the one who determines what “level” I am at – there are no generic levels. I am learning to be a guide and am currently doing that, though I have no memory while in the physical body of doing this. This life has been successful (I was taken through parts of it and asked to evaluate them) and has gone as planned. I asked how this “success” will be experienced after death. I was shown/told that when I return to Myself there will be a great ripple of energy sent out and I will be the center of it. Every One will know my jubilation and I will be More than I was before this life. The result is a celebration of Self that is indescribable in human terms and experience.

I was also told:

  1. I am purging my heart chakra of the “things I have done and that have been done to me”.
  2. The Dr’s name is Saul and his assistant’s name is Rebecca.
  3. The Higher Beings who have been in contact with me are three. I got the name Azriel this time along with Melchizedek but resisted this. When asked by one of these Higher Beings why I was resistant, I realized I did not feel worthy.
  4. I am to listen to my heart when I find myself resistant to the messages I receive.The feeling will not lie.
  5. I am Worthy. This message brought more tears and intense emotional release.
  6. The name of the place I visited is Jelung pronounced, “Ye-Lawn”. I spell it the way I was shown but it was not written in English letters. I was told it was a place “Created for me” and “of healing”.
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Healing My Baby in Astral

Last night was rough. My baby was sick all day and then through the night with the stomach flu. My husband took first watch. I woke up at 1am for the second watch. Baby was feeling horrible and not eating or drinking. I was worried sick. I got him to drink some water and then later gave him a bottle with rice cereal since he didn’t throw up the water. Then he fell asleep but I could not sleep because of worry.

Screaming Baby and Fighting Dogs

I finally began to drift in and out of sleep around 4am. I kept being woken up by sounds. The first was of a crying baby. It was one of those terror-filled cries and I jolted awake listening for my baby. The other sound was of dogs barking hysterically and there was a vague image in my mind of dogs fighting. This also jolted me awake.

I knew these odd sounds were typical signs of approaching astral. I thought, “I am going to astral tonight”. But then I could not sleep.

Broken Kitchen Sink

I found myself in a dream that quickly turned lucid.

I was inside a house holding my baby. Oddly, the baby was female and not male. There was a woman, my neighbor, who was there and I knew she owned the house. She was in the kitchen and I stayed to the side floating up near the corner. A man came inside and looked at me like, “Who are you” and he and the woman and her daughter left.

I went to the sink and was using it as normal. The sink seemed to suddenly fill up with water. Was it clogged? What was wrong? I turned off the faucet but water kept pouring into the sink. Where was it coming from? I checked the dishwasher. Nothing. I went back to the sink and it still was full and getting fuller.

That was when I discovered that it was raining! Inside the house! I was also getting wet and could feel the drops as they hit my skin. Suddenly realizing it was a dream I shouted, “This is a dream! I want out! I want out!”

I woke up still feeling the rain on my skin. I didn’t know why I asked to get out except that I was worried about my baby.

OBE: Healing My Baby in Astral

I had more OBEs than I can count right now. Most are short so I won’t include them. I will say that I was talking with a guide while attempting these OBEs and asking him to help me be better at staying OOB.

The first long OBE occurred after two short ones that were stifled by low energy.

I sat up out of my body and floated up into a dark room.

I made my way downstairs, seeking out my son. My intent was to heal him.

I found him sleeping and checked on him. He was sleeping and okay. I then stood back and said, “He is green! He is blue! He is blue! He is green!” I don’t know why I said this but when I said it the bundle that was him glowed with color. The entire time my intent was to heal him and the colors, for me, are associated with different types of healing.

Then my daughter ran down the stairs yelling something and distracted me. She went out the front door and I went back into my body.

The other OBEs will be in another post. For this one, I will say that I have never attempted to heal anyone in astral like this. I once touched a woman’s face to erase a scar, but that is it. I am pleased that my baby is better this morning. Perhaps my healing worked?

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Root, Heart and Head

I had a busy night last night.

Marrying the Enemy

The dream began in the mountains along a narrow road. The view of the valley below was spectacular but it was soon noticeable to me that there were cats everywhere! There were more cats than I could count and they were all different colors. At first I was wary of them but a man approached me and assured me they were harmless. I recall seeing them in vivid detail and thinking they were out of place.

The man was very handsome. He was my height with medium length brown hair, brown eyes and golden skin. He was wearing a tan, leather tunic that matched his skin and was tied with a dark brown belt. We talked for a while, discussing a feud that had been raging between two families. As we talked, I recognized the battle was between my side and his side.

I confronted him asking, “Why did you surrender? Now I have to marry you.” I mentioned that I was too old to be married. I felt ashamed.

Then I was wearing a long, flowing and lacy white wedding gown. I could see myself from outside of myself and a lace veil was covering my face revealing only my eyes. I was crying and the man said to me, “If you cry, I cry”. I saw tears in his brown eyes.

He then said, “We will stop here then” and he cradled me in his arms and we fell to the ground.

I was overcome with the complete relief that comes with surrender. My root and second chakras lit up and energy expanded outward. I felt safe.

Then I was walking with the man and we came upon a woman laying completely naked in the snow. She was lovely with long, blonde hair, blue eyes and creamy skin. Her breasts were poking up above the light powdering of snow that surrounded and partially hid her nakedness.

She spoke to us saying that she wanted to be with my husband. I did not deny her this and looked to my new husband. I remember looking at her and finding her very beautiful. My husband and I became one at this point in the dream and I seemed to become both male and female.

lotusRoot, Heart and Head

I awoke overcome with a strong surging in my root and second chakras. I recalled this previously occurring in the dream and allowed the energy to expand, reveling in it. With it came a rigorous back and forth shaking vibration which I partially ignored because I felt so loved and accepted, as if all my previous fears and mistrust of others melted away.

I remained awake as the energy surged through me and the strange vibrations continued. The energy seemed to skip my third chakra entirely, lighting up my heart chakra which became so full it felt as if it would explode out of my chest. I felt so much love that I wanted to cry. I heard my guide say to me, “You are beautiful”.

As the energy in my heart subsided I became aware of a massive amount of healing energy covering and going through my chest from the back. It expanded to cover my entire back and for a moment I became confused about which side was my front and which was my back. They seemed to be the same.

I felt at the same time an energy expanding from deep within my brain. It felt to originate from the very center, right behind my third eye and nose. It expanded until it hit my ears and then shot down the back of my neck and up to my crown. It did not fill my entire head, completely missing the areas behind my cheeks and my forehead.

Within my head the strange horizontal vibrations started up and remained constant. With them came a sound similar to the sound of an idling truck, it was a low rumbling with a higher pitched ticking.

I lay in the energy and vibrations for some time and if I became overly alert I heard my guide remind me to relax.

Moving Out

I must have dozed because all of a sudden I was entering a vacant apartment. I was aware that movers had just been there. There was a bare bed in the center of the room, a side table and a few odd objects. The objects were an alarm clock without its cord which sat in the middle of the bed; a small, white animal statue that I knew contained animal oil; and a pair of boy’s underwear that were blue and white.

I remember commenting about each of the objects. The man from my previous dream was there answering my questions. He said the clock was mine, that I left it. I understood that it symbolized time travel and was related to my previous dream and my exploration of past lives. I do not remember what he said about the other two items. I believe the underwear symbolized my children and the oil symbolized sexuality and sensuality.

The man confirmed that we were moving out. We were done here. This woke me up.

I immediately knew this dream was good. I felt so relaxed and wonderful, as if the weight of a thousand worlds had been lifted from my shoulders.

I then questioned the energy grid memory and was told my energy was being mapped. I understood it to be a good thing related to healing and so did not ask any more questions. Then I heard, “Your dreams are your heart sifting through the past”.

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Energy Grid

Yesterday I decided that I will not stay at my current job. I am done accepting situations that I do not agree with or that are not ideal in my world. My job is not bad but the system that created it is. I wish to disconnect myself from a system that suppresses individuals.

As I went to sleep last night I asked to received assistance in determining my next course of action. I accept the feelings I have been having about my career and know what I don’t want in my life more now than ever. But what do I want? I understand that part of the process of learning what one wants is to experience enough of life to know what they don’t want. I am comfortable with the process now more than ever. I am told I will be shown what is next and I felt the truth of it so strong that I was overcome with tears. I know it will be that way and I am fully accepting of whatever is next on my agenda.

Energy Grid

Like so many nights since the birth of my son, I fell asleep while meditating. I was awakened by my son’s cries and got up to help my husband tend to him. When I lay back down I could not remember what I had been dreaming about. When I searched my memory I got a very strong impression that has me wondering about its significance.

I experienced myself as both in my body on the bed and outside my body as an observer. There was a male entity in the room who was dark and fluid in his movements. I did not sense anything negative about him.

This man moved from one side of my physical body to the other very quickly. He did not go around but over my body and as he did he wove what I can only describe as an energy web across my body. It was white and shimmery like a spider’s web with dew on it, yet it looked like a net more than a web made up of identical square boxes. When I questioned what it was, I heard “grid”.

The color of this grid changed from white to green and it reminded me of a security blanket of some sort. I am not sure what its purpose is but I felt very strongly at the time that it was meant to keep me in my body for a certain amount of time.

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Blasting Through the Past

Today I went into session and ran into quite a few past lives.

France, 16AD

The first thing I remember about this life was my death. I was hung and I was forced outside my body when I couldn’t breathe. I would go back into my body only to be forced out again the next time I lost consciousness.This went on for at least a half hour. The people who hung me left my hands free and what do you do with your hands when you are hung? You try to rip the rope out from around your throat. But it is futile.

Why was I hung? I immediately recalled the previous weeks where I had been sneaking off with a young maiden into the woods and doing unholy things. I was found out and immediately dragged to a tree and hung. Oh the things one will do for love (or sex in this case!). I also recall that I was a simpleton in that life. Not exactly bright. The main thought in my mind when I was dying was “Stupid. Stupid. Stupid” along with a feeling that “they” had been right about me all along.

While recalling this life/death, I felt in my physical body areas of the past pain “light up” and then “turn off”. Specifically the top of my head where they had hit me when they took me down, the tips of the fingers on my right hand where I grabbed the noose, and the very top vertebrae of my spine. My heart chakra was also buzzing with energy the entire time. It always amazes me how trauma “recurs” in the body when it is remembered, even if it is from a very, very long time ago.

Eastern Europe, Early Middle Ages during Roman rule

I recalled my death and again I was at the point where I was forced out of my body by an impact. This time I had been wounded by an axe-like weapon.

I saw my body laying on the ground face up in reddish colored dirt. I was wearing a copper-colored armor of some sort but it obviously didn’t protect me against the weapon that hit me. I had a huge gash from my right shoulder down to my left hip and it there was a red, gaping wound in between.

I hovered over the body for about ten minutes very alert to the fact that I was mortally wounded and not really caring about much else. I was not conscious of being OOB. I thought I was dreaming. I remember not having any guilt or remorse from life and thinking only of my duty which was to kill the enemy.

India or Asia, around 600BC

This was a memory of my birth. What was odd is that I recall not being in my new body until after I/it came into the world. I waited and watched my mother give birth to me. She was very pale skinned and completely naked. She was also covered in sweat and making a lot of noise, screaming and moaning. The room was dark with a reddish hue and there were women helping her give birth.

When the baby, my new body, came out I instantly went into my new body. But I could not breathe. There was something over my face and I gasped for my first breath. On top of that, I was allowed to fall to the floor and it was some distance though the fall was not a hard one. I felt my new tiny heart pounding in my chest as I struggled to live. I heard my mother screaming, “No!” and heard a woman tell another woman to get a sheet. It was not in a language I am familiar with so it took me quite a while to translate what I heard.

Then I was looking up at this woman who had medium toned skin and straight, long black hair. She also had something on her face, either tattoos or jewelry. She looked down at me and pulled away whatever was covering my face. I took a breathe and was relieved and calm. The woman was kind and saying something under her breath. I believe she was praying or inciting something. She touched my forehead several times and I heard my mother call out, “I want to see him”. There was quite a bit of fuss over me and my state at this time and though I struggled to remember the exact words there was a sense that these women thought me to be very special. I specifically recall hearing myself referred to as “one who sees”.

As I think back to this life I am enthralled by it. I knew I chose to enter my new body last minute on purpose. I also knew I was born in the caul that life. That was why I couldn’t breathe. I made the decision never to come into my new body that late again. It was much too traumatic!

Finally, I wonder about the situation into which I was born. My mother was white in comparison to the women who helped her birth me. Were they slaves? I wonder….

oliveMiddle East/Mediterranean, during Egyptian rule 1000BC

This memory is a short one. I initially recall being in the branches of a tree reaching to pick a fruit. I knew the fruit was an olive and that I was a young boy of around 8-9 years of age. The memory continues with me slipping and falling to my death. I hit my head and snapped my neck.

In going over the memory I knew that I was in a rural area that was either occupied or ruled by Egypt at that time. The year was about 1000BC, though it was hard to determine because I don’t think years were thought of that way back then. My mood was very happy and care-free. I had no idea what was about to befall me and when it happened I did not feel any pain.

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Emotional Objectivity

I had difficulty sleeping last night. I kept waking up and then slept very lightly.

Grandmother’s Funeral

I had another vivid dream about my grandmother. This time we were all in her house and her casket was in the middle of the room. I remember calculating the time it had been since December, when she died (which is not true, she died in May). I counted seven months which means it was July, 2015.

The most vivid part of the dream was going into the room where the casket had been and seeing all the boxes and things piled up. I was talking to my mom, the whole time breathing through my mouth as I knew the body had been there some time. I asked her, “Does it smell?” She said, “No”. So I breathed though my nose and it was fine. The closer I got to the place where the casket had been, the more I began to smell the smell of rotting flesh. I commented on it and my Mom said, “It does not smell!” very obviously irritated. The smell was very real to me and I can still smell it! Gross!

Then I was sorting through a freezer and my grandmother was there. I remember seeing her and thinking it odd that she was there but that it was as it should be since it was her stuff.

I awoke suddenly to hypnagogic imagery and buzzing energy all over my body. In the imagery I saw trees, a garden, pathways. But soon just fell asleep only to wake several more times and get very little sleep.

Emotional Objectivity

Although I do not recall my other dreams, I do recall what was being worked on. I awoke feeling unable to accomplish the goal which was emotional balance and objectivity. Basically, I was being taught how to have emotion without being the effect of the emotion. I was stating very firmly my opinion that doing this would be an injustice to my life experience. Emotional up’s and down’s are what make life interesting and fun, right? However, I know that I will not proceed to the next level without mastering emotional objectivity. It seems so impossible!

It is okay to have emotion but it is not okay to let your emotion control your experiences. As a life experiencer, we choose to come to Earth to master life and one of the biggest challenges is emotional objectivity. While out of the body we have no problem doing this but while in it, well we often get caught up in our emotion. I was being taught last night how to better control my emotional reactions. I can do it if I try hard, but it is one of those things that takes lots of effort in the beginning and it is so much easier to fall back into old habits. I am trying, though.

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Be Aware

Last night was full of intense dreams.

Grandmother

In this dream I was with someone and we were walking through a parking lot looking at what appeared to be a water tower. I was being instructed on how to move the water in order to put our fires. I remember only that the water tower was one of those old metal ones that an individual might keep on a farm.

Then I saw my grandmother walk by and exclaimed, “Did you see that! It was Nanny!”. She appeared younger than when she passed, probably around my age instead of 89. Her hair was short and dark brown and she just walked by without looking at me.

Later, I was sorting through some things for my grandmother. I was in the “bunk house” and sitting on the floor. I was putting tiny bits of food into bags. Someone was saying to me, “Nanny is here”. I replied, “Nanny is dead, she can’t be here”. They continued to say it and I continued to sort the food until finally I took note and thought, “Nanny is here?”

The next thing I remember is sitting in my mother’s living room in her leather recliner. My grandmother was there with me and talking to me. She appeared different than normal, though. Her face was older but her body was that of a small child.

She came up and hugged me and I let her. But she smelled odd. Sweet and sickly. I didn’t like the smell. She smelled like the old people at a rest home. She smelled like death. I remember shying away from her bare skin but allowing her to hug me. I felt repulsed by her, but I loved her.

She curled up into a fetal position and I felt helpless and wanted to run away. She looked up at me and said, “Please don’t let me suffer. Please don’t let me suffer”. I jumped up with her in my arms and gave her to my mom who was sitting on the sofa next to me. I placed her curled up child body in my mother’s arms. My grandmother’s body began to look a lot like my middle son. He/she said, “Please don’t let me suffer”. I felt an overwhelming amount of guilt at the sight of seeing her/him and was overcome with grief.

I awoke in tears.

Reflection

I awoke and could not stop the tears. I understood what we had been discussing in the dream. I began to avoid my grandmother as she got older. I felt uncomfortable around her. I could sense death coming to her. I could smell it. The whole house smelled like it. Towards the end I forced myself to visit her so she could meet her latest great-grand son. He was already a month old when I finally went. I let her hold him and took a picture. I felt like running out of there as fast as I could. I always felt like that when I visited her toward the end.

When my grandmother was in hospice, I took my entire family to visit and we sat around and sang hymnals to her. She opened her eyes when I said hello to her and stared at me for some time. Her pupils were small and fixed. My mom said she likely couldn’t even see me.

I watched as my mom moistened my grandmother’s lips with glycerin. The hospice would not give my grandmother any water or food. My mom was torn up over this. She did not know this is what hospice did. She did not think she would have to sit by and watch her mother starve/dehydrate to death. I felt wretched inside. I was willing my grandmother to go, to be at peace.

I wasn’t there when my grandmother passed away a day later. I knew when it happened, though, and I felt such relief. My grandmother was finally out of her prison.

The next week my grandmother visited me often as I drove to work and throughout the day. She was around me for about a week straight. I told no one in my family. She was happy and full of energy, so unlike the woman I knew in life. I knew had I known her when she was younger that we would have had great fun together. She was adventurous and mischievous in youth. Oh how life had changed her!

Then I remembered the article I read about measles. There was a personal account by a woman in her 90’s who lost her 6 year old son to the illness. There was a picture. He looked just like my middle son. I broke down into tears at the thought of losing my son. I believe that is why the dream showed my son in the end. I so fear losing him.

I recognized my fear of what death does to the physical form. The smell. The decay. The void that follows a loved one’s departure from life. Illness and old age show no mercy. It is so difficult to confront that in life. I hate that I avoided my grandmother because of it. The guilt was present in my dream. I believe she was there helping me as part of her revitalization and as part of my healing. I mentally sent her a thank you and an I love you.

Message

I fell back to sleep and had dreams about work which I will not go into. When I finally awoke my husband would not let me return to sleep. I ended up dozing in the “in-between” state until I finally got up.

During this time I saw a very clear vision. In front of me was a simple, silver, metal lunch box. It had raised lettering that said, “Be Aware” on the top. Below those words it said, “Change Ahead”. At first I read ‘Beware” but I felt my attention drawn back to the top words and saw it was, “Be Aware”. I was corrected in order to see the correct message.

Be aware: Change ahead.

When I questioned what “change” this was, the answer I was given was a visual of my chakras from bottom to top.

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Benign

I just got a call from my dermatologist’s office. I was told the biopsy result. She called it a “benign irritated seborrheaic keratosis”. She congratulated me and hung up. When I looked up the term I learned it is basically an irritated mole.

I texted my husband and he sent back, “What???” I laughed because I had no idea what it was either until I looked it up. It basically is just a mole that somehow got irritated. Considering how dry my skin had been (it is no longer that way) I am not surprised. I am still wondering where the mole came from in the first place. There wasn’t one there before. It just appeared out of nowhere.

In my research I found that these moles are linked to a metabolic disorder known as Syndrome X. Curious, I read more about it. My mother and sister fit the description almost perfectly! Me, not really. The only thing I have – well had – was overly dry skin. However, it is clear that I am a likely candidate for such a disorder based upon my genetics and past bad eating habits. I wonder if anyone in my family has this condition?

Ascension After All?

So now I am again thinking my physical issues may have in fact been ascension related. Most of my complaints are gone now. This temporariness is characteristic of ascension symptoms. They come on suddenly and then leave just as suddenly. They may stick around for a while (hours to days to a few weeks), making you paranoid that you are seriously ill, but they go away just the same.

Since my last symptoms list I have lost the following symptoms (they vanished):

  • Dry skin
  • Headaches
  • Extreme thirst
  • Extreme hunger especially at night
  • Deep sleep
  • Eczema/rash/mole/skin sensitivity
  • Sexual dysfunction/disinterest

My current symptom list:

  • Lower back ache
  • Upper back tightness
  • Sweating
  • OBE’s and lucid dreams
  • Direct guide communication while OBE or in lucid dream
  • Vision issues at night where image stops and seems to “jump”
  • People starring at me for no reason
  • Energy sensations/buzzing
  • Ringing in ears on and off
  • Trapped/built up energy in chakras resulting in intense need to ground energy
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Shutting Down

I made an appointment to see a doctor in my area for the end of the month. I have to bring a bunch of paperwork with me, so I went ahead and filled it out. It always blows me away when I fill out the family and personal medical history! I have heart related issues on both sides of my family, pretty much guaranteeing that I will have some kind of heart-related issue in my life. High blood pressure, heart disease, heart attack, stroke, high cholesterol, blood clots, and faulty heart valves. I am probably missing something in that list, too. It also really freaked me out when I wrote in my grandmother’s cancer since she got it when she was around my age. It didn’t help me feel any better.

Strange Premonitions

I am going to call this a “premonition” but it is really not like what most think. I didn’t get a vision or hear a voice or even have a dream. The last couple of days I have been doing something normal and have suddenly worried I would lose muscle control in my hands and drop whatever I was holding. For example, yesterday, I picked up the remote control which was dragged into the kitchen and slobbered on by my baby (his new favorite toy) and I got a distinct worry/feeling that my hand would suddenly drop the remote despite my holding onto it. I was a bit concerned at first, wondering if it were really happening, and had to do a reality check. I squeezed the remote and all was okay, but I didn’t forget the weird feeling/flash.

I had another similar flash/worry while typing on the computer this morning. It was the same as with the remote. While I was typing I suddenly kept feeling that my hands were going to just stop doing what I asked them to. I had a “flash” of this more like a worry than a vision and I kept having to double check what I was typing. Interestingly, I kept mistyping things and got very frustrated for a bit.

Perhaps I just created all of these visions from my overwhelming consideration that something is not quite right? I don’t know, but I can tell you that it is very unsettling to have these types of visions. It is like for a millisecond I truly believe that I have this loss of muscle function. I panic and then find I was only day dreaming it.

I will put this on the “shelf” in the back of my mind like I do all the other weird things that I can’t explain. Hopefully it is not a real premonition and just me being a worry wart.

Staring

I mentioned this in one of my other posts and since I am still noticing it, I will bring it up again. Whenever I go out into a store or a public place, I catch people staring at me. It is not just glancing, but dead on staring. It is also not just men, though there are more men than women who do it. And it is not a stare that I am comfortable with. It leaves me with an uncomfortable feeling like I need to go check the mirror to make sure I don’t have a big booger on my face.

I don’t know what it is and when I consult with my guide I hear, “How you appear on the outside is not how you appear on the inside”. I don’t get what he means, though. What the heck do I look like to people that they keep staring at me?? I want to think they are looking at something positive, like my inner radiance (gag) is shining through. But I don’t feel radiant. I have been told that my aura is a bright sun-colored orange right now. Maybe that has something to do with it. Who knows.

But then I get what my guide said. How I feel on the inside is not visible to others. They are seeing something else. It is funny to me that they might be seeing beauty because when I go out into public now I don’t wear makeup. Most of the time I am even wearing sloppy clothing and my hair is just pulled back out of my face. All the men in my life have told me that I look better like that. Maybe I do? That just makes me laugh out loud.

I still wish I knew what they were staring at.

goddessShutting Down

I did not directly tell my guide to stop talking to me, but it has gone silent during the day. I think just my writing about it the other day was the cause. It was not like I was getting constant chatter throughout the day anyway, so don’t think that. It is never like that, more like I am constantly aware of another presence close by. I just decided that I needed to do what I was being urged to do: focus on my life and live it. I suddenly realized that I was attempting to escape reality by going into my own spiritual world and this was not going to be allowed. Rather than get depressed about it, I decided to just suck it up and deal with it. I mean, we are here to live, right?

The feeling I am having is telling me to listen to my heart. My heart is telling me to follow up on the physical issue worries that keep bothering me. I keep remembering a dream I had about a hurricane. At the time the message was that I was in the eye of hurricane. So perhaps now I am coming into the “storm”, whatever that means.

I am also going to resume auditing. I believe I start next week. The initial interview brought up some issues I didn’t even know I was holding in. It is amazing to me how actually talking to someone who you know will keep what you say confidential is such a relief. No judgements will be made, no invalidation of what you say – just real listening and acceptance.

So, for now, I am focused upon the physical. I will not be seeking out spiritual experiences. If they come to me, I will accept them and use them to gain insight into life. I will share them in this blog as well, but I have a feeling there will not be many in the coming weeks. Just a feeling I have.