Category Archives: Healing

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Blasting Through the Past

Today I went into session and ran into quite a few past lives.

France, 16AD

The first thing I remember about this life was my death. I was hung and I was forced outside my body when I couldn’t breathe. I would go back into my body only to be forced out again the next time I lost consciousness.This went on for at least a half hour. The people who hung me left my hands free and what do you do with your hands when you are hung? You try to rip the rope out from around your throat. But it is futile.

Why was I hung? I immediately recalled the previous weeks where I had been sneaking off with a young maiden into the woods and doing unholy things. I was found out and immediately dragged to a tree and hung. Oh the things one will do for love (or sex in this case!). I also recall that I was a simpleton in that life. Not exactly bright. The main thought in my mind when I was dying was “Stupid. Stupid. Stupid” along with a feeling that “they” had been right about me all along.

While recalling this life/death, I felt in my physical body areas of the past pain “light up” and then “turn off”. Specifically the top of my head where they had hit me when they took me down, the tips of the fingers on my right hand where I grabbed the noose, and the very top vertebrae of my spine. My heart chakra was also buzzing with energy the entire time. It always amazes me how trauma “recurs” in the body when it is remembered, even if it is from a very, very long time ago.

Eastern Europe, Early Middle Ages during Roman rule

I recalled my death and again I was at the point where I was forced out of my body by an impact. This time I had been wounded by an axe-like weapon.

I saw my body laying on the ground face up in reddish colored dirt. I was wearing a copper-colored armor of some sort but it obviously didn’t protect me against the weapon that hit me. I had a huge gash from my right shoulder down to my left hip and it there was a red, gaping wound in between.

I hovered over the body for about ten minutes very alert to the fact that I was mortally wounded and not really caring about much else. I was not conscious of being OOB. I thought I was dreaming. I remember not having any guilt or remorse from life and thinking only of my duty which was to kill the enemy.

India or Asia, around 600BC

This was a memory of my birth. What was odd is that I recall not being in my new body until after I/it came into the world. I waited and watched my mother give birth to me. She was very pale skinned and completely naked. She was also covered in sweat and making a lot of noise, screaming and moaning. The room was dark with a reddish hue and there were women helping her give birth.

When the baby, my new body, came out I instantly went into my new body. But I could not breathe. There was something over my face and I gasped for my first breath. On top of that, I was allowed to fall to the floor and it was some distance though the fall was not a hard one. I felt my new tiny heart pounding in my chest as I struggled to live. I heard my mother screaming, “No!” and heard a woman tell another woman to get a sheet. It was not in a language I am familiar with so it took me quite a while to translate what I heard.

Then I was looking up at this woman who had medium toned skin and straight, long black hair. She also had something on her face, either tattoos or jewelry. She looked down at me and pulled away whatever was covering my face. I took a breathe and was relieved and calm. The woman was kind and saying something under her breath. I believe she was praying or inciting something. She touched my forehead several times and I heard my mother call out, “I want to see him”. There was quite a bit of fuss over me and my state at this time and though I struggled to remember the exact words there was a sense that these women thought me to be very special. I specifically recall hearing myself referred to as “one who sees”.

As I think back to this life I am enthralled by it. I knew I chose to enter my new body last minute on purpose. I also knew I was born in the caul that life. That was why I couldn’t breathe. I made the decision never to come into my new body that late again. It was much too traumatic!

Finally, I wonder about the situation into which I was born. My mother was white in comparison to the women who helped her birth me. Were they slaves? I wonder….

oliveMiddle East/Mediterranean, during Egyptian rule 1000BC

This memory is a short one. I initially recall being in the branches of a tree reaching to pick a fruit. I knew the fruit was an olive and that I was a young boy of around 8-9 years of age. The memory continues with me slipping and falling to my death. I hit my head and snapped my neck.

In going over the memory I knew that I was in a rural area that was either occupied or ruled by Egypt at that time. The year was about 1000BC, though it was hard to determine because I don’t think years were thought of that way back then. My mood was very happy and care-free. I had no idea what was about to befall me and when it happened I did not feel any pain.

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Emotional Objectivity

I had difficulty sleeping last night. I kept waking up and then slept very lightly.

Grandmother’s Funeral

I had another vivid dream about my grandmother. This time we were all in her house and her casket was in the middle of the room. I remember calculating the time it had been since December, when she died (which is not true, she died in May). I counted seven months which means it was July, 2015.

The most vivid part of the dream was going into the room where the casket had been and seeing all the boxes and things piled up. I was talking to my mom, the whole time breathing through my mouth as I knew the body had been there some time. I asked her, “Does it smell?” She said, “No”. So I breathed though my nose and it was fine. The closer I got to the place where the casket had been, the more I began to smell the smell of rotting flesh. I commented on it and my Mom said, “It does not smell!” very obviously irritated. The smell was very real to me and I can still smell it! Gross!

Then I was sorting through a freezer and my grandmother was there. I remember seeing her and thinking it odd that she was there but that it was as it should be since it was her stuff.

I awoke suddenly to hypnagogic imagery and buzzing energy all over my body. In the imagery I saw trees, a garden, pathways. But soon just fell asleep only to wake several more times and get very little sleep.

Emotional Objectivity

Although I do not recall my other dreams, I do recall what was being worked on. I awoke feeling unable to accomplish the goal which was emotional balance and objectivity. Basically, I was being taught how to have emotion without being the effect of the emotion. I was stating very firmly my opinion that doing this would be an injustice to my life experience. Emotional up’s and down’s are what make life interesting and fun, right? However, I know that I will not proceed to the next level without mastering emotional objectivity. It seems so impossible!

It is okay to have emotion but it is not okay to let your emotion control your experiences. As a life experiencer, we choose to come to Earth to master life and one of the biggest challenges is emotional objectivity. While out of the body we have no problem doing this but while in it, well we often get caught up in our emotion. I was being taught last night how to better control my emotional reactions. I can do it if I try hard, but it is one of those things that takes lots of effort in the beginning and it is so much easier to fall back into old habits. I am trying, though.

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Be Aware

Last night was full of intense dreams.

Grandmother

In this dream I was with someone and we were walking through a parking lot looking at what appeared to be a water tower. I was being instructed on how to move the water in order to put our fires. I remember only that the water tower was one of those old metal ones that an individual might keep on a farm.

Then I saw my grandmother walk by and exclaimed, “Did you see that! It was Nanny!”. She appeared younger than when she passed, probably around my age instead of 89. Her hair was short and dark brown and she just walked by without looking at me.

Later, I was sorting through some things for my grandmother. I was in the “bunk house” and sitting on the floor. I was putting tiny bits of food into bags. Someone was saying to me, “Nanny is here”. I replied, “Nanny is dead, she can’t be here”. They continued to say it and I continued to sort the food until finally I took note and thought, “Nanny is here?”

The next thing I remember is sitting in my mother’s living room in her leather recliner. My grandmother was there with me and talking to me. She appeared different than normal, though. Her face was older but her body was that of a small child.

She came up and hugged me and I let her. But she smelled odd. Sweet and sickly. I didn’t like the smell. She smelled like the old people at a rest home. She smelled like death. I remember shying away from her bare skin but allowing her to hug me. I felt repulsed by her, but I loved her.

She curled up into a fetal position and I felt helpless and wanted to run away. She looked up at me and said, “Please don’t let me suffer. Please don’t let me suffer”. I jumped up with her in my arms and gave her to my mom who was sitting on the sofa next to me. I placed her curled up child body in my mother’s arms. My grandmother’s body began to look a lot like my middle son. He/she said, “Please don’t let me suffer”. I felt an overwhelming amount of guilt at the sight of seeing her/him and was overcome with grief.

I awoke in tears.

Reflection

I awoke and could not stop the tears. I understood what we had been discussing in the dream. I began to avoid my grandmother as she got older. I felt uncomfortable around her. I could sense death coming to her. I could smell it. The whole house smelled like it. Towards the end I forced myself to visit her so she could meet her latest great-grand son. He was already a month old when I finally went. I let her hold him and took a picture. I felt like running out of there as fast as I could. I always felt like that when I visited her toward the end.

When my grandmother was in hospice, I took my entire family to visit and we sat around and sang hymnals to her. She opened her eyes when I said hello to her and stared at me for some time. Her pupils were small and fixed. My mom said she likely couldn’t even see me.

I watched as my mom moistened my grandmother’s lips with glycerin. The hospice would not give my grandmother any water or food. My mom was torn up over this. She did not know this is what hospice did. She did not think she would have to sit by and watch her mother starve/dehydrate to death. I felt wretched inside. I was willing my grandmother to go, to be at peace.

I wasn’t there when my grandmother passed away a day later. I knew when it happened, though, and I felt such relief. My grandmother was finally out of her prison.

The next week my grandmother visited me often as I drove to work and throughout the day. She was around me for about a week straight. I told no one in my family. She was happy and full of energy, so unlike the woman I knew in life. I knew had I known her when she was younger that we would have had great fun together. She was adventurous and mischievous in youth. Oh how life had changed her!

Then I remembered the article I read about measles. There was a personal account by a woman in her 90’s who lost her 6 year old son to the illness. There was a picture. He looked just like my middle son. I broke down into tears at the thought of losing my son. I believe that is why the dream showed my son in the end. I so fear losing him.

I recognized my fear of what death does to the physical form. The smell. The decay. The void that follows a loved one’s departure from life. Illness and old age show no mercy. It is so difficult to confront that in life. I hate that I avoided my grandmother because of it. The guilt was present in my dream. I believe she was there helping me as part of her revitalization and as part of my healing. I mentally sent her a thank you and an I love you.

Message

I fell back to sleep and had dreams about work which I will not go into. When I finally awoke my husband would not let me return to sleep. I ended up dozing in the “in-between” state until I finally got up.

During this time I saw a very clear vision. In front of me was a simple, silver, metal lunch box. It had raised lettering that said, “Be Aware” on the top. Below those words it said, “Change Ahead”. At first I read ‘Beware” but I felt my attention drawn back to the top words and saw it was, “Be Aware”. I was corrected in order to see the correct message.

Be aware: Change ahead.

When I questioned what “change” this was, the answer I was given was a visual of my chakras from bottom to top.

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Benign

I just got a call from my dermatologist’s office. I was told the biopsy result. She called it a “benign irritated seborrheaic keratosis”. She congratulated me and hung up. When I looked up the term I learned it is basically an irritated mole.

I texted my husband and he sent back, “What???” I laughed because I had no idea what it was either until I looked it up. It basically is just a mole that somehow got irritated. Considering how dry my skin had been (it is no longer that way) I am not surprised. I am still wondering where the mole came from in the first place. There wasn’t one there before. It just appeared out of nowhere.

In my research I found that these moles are linked to a metabolic disorder known as Syndrome X. Curious, I read more about it. My mother and sister fit the description almost perfectly! Me, not really. The only thing I have – well had – was overly dry skin. However, it is clear that I am a likely candidate for such a disorder based upon my genetics and past bad eating habits. I wonder if anyone in my family has this condition?

Ascension After All?

So now I am again thinking my physical issues may have in fact been ascension related. Most of my complaints are gone now. This temporariness is characteristic of ascension symptoms. They come on suddenly and then leave just as suddenly. They may stick around for a while (hours to days to a few weeks), making you paranoid that you are seriously ill, but they go away just the same.

Since my last symptoms list I have lost the following symptoms (they vanished):

  • Dry skin
  • Headaches
  • Extreme thirst
  • Extreme hunger especially at night
  • Deep sleep
  • Eczema/rash/mole/skin sensitivity
  • Sexual dysfunction/disinterest

My current symptom list:

  • Lower back ache
  • Upper back tightness
  • Sweating
  • OBE’s and lucid dreams
  • Direct guide communication while OBE or in lucid dream
  • Vision issues at night where image stops and seems to “jump”
  • People starring at me for no reason
  • Energy sensations/buzzing
  • Ringing in ears on and off
  • Trapped/built up energy in chakras resulting in intense need to ground energy
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Shutting Down

I made an appointment to see a doctor in my area for the end of the month. I have to bring a bunch of paperwork with me, so I went ahead and filled it out. It always blows me away when I fill out the family and personal medical history! I have heart related issues on both sides of my family, pretty much guaranteeing that I will have some kind of heart-related issue in my life. High blood pressure, heart disease, heart attack, stroke, high cholesterol, blood clots, and faulty heart valves. I am probably missing something in that list, too. It also really freaked me out when I wrote in my grandmother’s cancer since she got it when she was around my age. It didn’t help me feel any better.

Strange Premonitions

I am going to call this a “premonition” but it is really not like what most think. I didn’t get a vision or hear a voice or even have a dream. The last couple of days I have been doing something normal and have suddenly worried I would lose muscle control in my hands and drop whatever I was holding. For example, yesterday, I picked up the remote control which was dragged into the kitchen and slobbered on by my baby (his new favorite toy) and I got a distinct worry/feeling that my hand would suddenly drop the remote despite my holding onto it. I was a bit concerned at first, wondering if it were really happening, and had to do a reality check. I squeezed the remote and all was okay, but I didn’t forget the weird feeling/flash.

I had another similar flash/worry while typing on the computer this morning. It was the same as with the remote. While I was typing I suddenly kept feeling that my hands were going to just stop doing what I asked them to. I had a “flash” of this more like a worry than a vision and I kept having to double check what I was typing. Interestingly, I kept mistyping things and got very frustrated for a bit.

Perhaps I just created all of these visions from my overwhelming consideration that something is not quite right? I don’t know, but I can tell you that it is very unsettling to have these types of visions. It is like for a millisecond I truly believe that I have this loss of muscle function. I panic and then find I was only day dreaming it.

I will put this on the “shelf” in the back of my mind like I do all the other weird things that I can’t explain. Hopefully it is not a real premonition and just me being a worry wart.

Staring

I mentioned this in one of my other posts and since I am still noticing it, I will bring it up again. Whenever I go out into a store or a public place, I catch people staring at me. It is not just glancing, but dead on staring. It is also not just men, though there are more men than women who do it. And it is not a stare that I am comfortable with. It leaves me with an uncomfortable feeling like I need to go check the mirror to make sure I don’t have a big booger on my face.

I don’t know what it is and when I consult with my guide I hear, “How you appear on the outside is not how you appear on the inside”. I don’t get what he means, though. What the heck do I look like to people that they keep staring at me?? I want to think they are looking at something positive, like my inner radiance (gag) is shining through. But I don’t feel radiant. I have been told that my aura is a bright sun-colored orange right now. Maybe that has something to do with it. Who knows.

But then I get what my guide said. How I feel on the inside is not visible to others. They are seeing something else. It is funny to me that they might be seeing beauty because when I go out into public now I don’t wear makeup. Most of the time I am even wearing sloppy clothing and my hair is just pulled back out of my face. All the men in my life have told me that I look better like that. Maybe I do? That just makes me laugh out loud.

I still wish I knew what they were staring at.

goddessShutting Down

I did not directly tell my guide to stop talking to me, but it has gone silent during the day. I think just my writing about it the other day was the cause. It was not like I was getting constant chatter throughout the day anyway, so don’t think that. It is never like that, more like I am constantly aware of another presence close by. I just decided that I needed to do what I was being urged to do: focus on my life and live it. I suddenly realized that I was attempting to escape reality by going into my own spiritual world and this was not going to be allowed. Rather than get depressed about it, I decided to just suck it up and deal with it. I mean, we are here to live, right?

The feeling I am having is telling me to listen to my heart. My heart is telling me to follow up on the physical issue worries that keep bothering me. I keep remembering a dream I had about a hurricane. At the time the message was that I was in the eye of hurricane. So perhaps now I am coming into the “storm”, whatever that means.

I am also going to resume auditing. I believe I start next week. The initial interview brought up some issues I didn’t even know I was holding in. It is amazing to me how actually talking to someone who you know will keep what you say confidential is such a relief. No judgements will be made, no invalidation of what you say – just real listening and acceptance.

So, for now, I am focused upon the physical. I will not be seeking out spiritual experiences. If they come to me, I will accept them and use them to gain insight into life. I will share them in this blog as well, but I have a feeling there will not be many in the coming weeks. Just a feeling I have.

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Hypoglycemia

Most of the day yesterday I felt very on edge. I felt very close to breaking down into tears most of the day and that was curious to me. Yes I had a bad day the day before but it really didn’t signal “the end”, did it? Yet that seems to be how I was feeling/thinking most of the day yesterday. I literally felt that this was just the beginning and more was to come.

Hypoglycemia

Last night I woke up three times. Each time I had to use the bathroom, which is very irritating to me in itself. However, one time I awoke thinking the word “hypoglycemia”.

I had been dreaming about going into a very large bathroom. It had a very wide, open layout and the shower was one of those that was built into the room and open so that someone with a wheelchair could use it. I remember thinking about this while I was in the bathroom. I used the shower while fully clothed and then left. I remember that my clothes were still dry even though I had just showered.

Taking a shower indicates healing in a dream. Specifically spiritual and/or physical renewal. The fact that I had my clothes on indicates that change in my outward appearance does not change who I am on the inside. Being in a bathroom could be a direct reflection of me needing to use the restroom or it could be indicating a desire to cleanse myself emotionally and psychologically. Perhaps it is both.

I instantly put the two things together – the thought of hypoglycemia and the shower dream. I then had a memory of the search I had done on the internet about my frequent need to urinate during the night, my intense thirst throughout most of the day and some of my other issues. The top result was hypoglycemia.

Why was this in my mind upon waking?

When I was 28, I had a very scary experience while at work. I lost my vision, felt faint and had to sit down. Upon sitting, I could not see anything and it was really scary. The nurse was called and sent me some orange juice and peanut butter crackers. Within a minute of drinking the orange juice, my vision returned and after I ate all of the snack I felt normal.

I went to the doctor who could find nothing wrong with me and she told me I was hypoglycemic. She instructed me to eat every 2-3 hours and told me what to eat. I did this and did not have an issue again until I was pregnant.

I had previous experiences like that all the way back to my early 20’s. One time i checked my blood glucose levels with a coworkers device. My blood sugar was 72. This is very low but I felt fine. One is considered hypoglycemic when their blood sugar levels drop below 70. Here are symptoms of hypoglycemia:

  • blurry vision
  • rapid heartbeat
  • sudden mood changes
  • sudden nervousness
  • unexplained fatigue
  • pale skin
  • headache
  • hunger
  • shaking
  • sweating
  • difficulty sleeping
  • skin tingling
  • trouble thinking clearly or concentrating
  • loss of consciousness

When I have had episodes of low blood sugar I experienced: blurry vision, rapid heartbeat, mood changes (horrible ones!), nervousness, fatigue, headache (always), hunger (sometimes), shaking (horrible), skin tingling, trouble thinking clearly. I almost had the loss of consciousness that one time. That meant my blood sugar had gotten very low. Scary!

cosmicshowerDiabetes

I was told at the time that I did not have diabetes, just low blood sugar caused by my intense exercise routine and not eating enough. When I adjusted my diet, I had no more issues. If I ever did feel the symptoms come on, which for me are irritability, hunger, and headache, then I eat and they went away.

But now I am experiencing increased thirst and hunger throughout the day even though I have decreased my exercise and intensity of exercise substantially. I still eat five or six times a day, but I am finding that within an hour of eating breakfast I am hungry again! Add to that the skin issues I have been having, the sexual disinterest (dysfunction), irritability, fatigue, blurry vision or vision changes, tingling in my hands/feet, and it sure seems very likely that I have or am developing diabetes. For a full list of symptoms, click here.

I also have a family history of type 2 diabetes. My grandfather was diagnosed with diabetes in his 70s. He had a sister who lost a foot from diabetes. All of his six brothers and sisters got diagnosed with it later in life. My mom is hypoglycemic and getting worse (though she would deny it).

Putting Two and Two Together

Once I was up and thinking about all of this information it did not take me long to connect it with the other messages I have gotten. Not long ago I was told, “Listen to your body” and it is like that message has made me ultra sensitive to everything going on with my body. I actually started thinking I was becoming a hypochondriac! But the feeling only intensified after my dermatologist appointment.

I long ago asked myself what the cause of my death would be. I instantly knew it would be kidney failure. I put it on a “shelf” in my mind to save for later. I now cannot ignore the fact that the kidneys suffer from what diabetes does to the body. Nor can I ignore the fact  that in two of my three pregnancies my kidneys were the first area of my body to threaten to shut down from pre-eclampsia. I have also had protein in my urine since I was a small child. No known reason for it and the amount is always so slight that the doctors never worry about it.

Maybe I am over thinking all of this but I cannot ignore the feeling. So I will be looking for a doctor in the area and getting a complete physical to find out if there is really anything wrong with me.

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Bad Day

Yesterday I went to the dermatologist to try to figure out the source of my skin issues. She immediately diagnosed me with eczema. I don’t remember the specific type of eczema (she gave it a name) but she said it was a result of an allergy. She asked me if I had ever had allergies in the past. Based upon my answers, she urged me to get an allergy test done because allergies change over time. Then she gave me a prescription hydrocortisone cream for the eczema.

I also have folliculitis on the back of one of my legs. She said it was likely caused by me itching my overly dry skin. She gave me some antibacterial gel for that. I have had folliculitis before so bad that I had to take prednisone, so I was not surprised by this diagnosis.

Then I showed her the odd sore on my right leg that has been there since the first week in January. She immediately said, “That’s got to go”. She told me that it looked like a mole to her and that anything that grew that fast and had not gone away needed to be biopsied. So right then and there they numbed a spot on my leg and removed it. I was told I would know the result in about a week.

I had suspected she would biopsy it. When I first saw it (and I had to use a mirror to see it), it concerned me. My first thought was that it was some kind of cancer which I researched. It looked to me like basal cell carcinoma. When I asked her what she thought it was, she mentioned basal cell carcinoma and one other possibility that I had never heard of. When I asked her if I should be concerned, she said no and told me she had one on her face. She told me it just had to be removed and if it was cancer then I may have to come in and have more skin removed. That was it.

So I went from the dermatologist straight to get my prescription cream. It took an hour to fill because it was 4:30pm and I guess everyone goes to Walgreens to fill prescriptions at that time of day, or at least it seemed like the case! On a positive note, my high deductible, Obama Care crap insurance that costs too much cut the doctor visit and prescription cost in half. I guess Aetna isn’t so bad after all.

I called and told my husband what had happened. I had only just told him about my concerns and the doctor appointment this past weekend because I just didn’t feel like telling him. He wasn’t concerned then and still wasn’t when I told him about the biopsy. When I got home he hugged me and said, “Mema (his mom) wants to know if she can have your car when you die”. I said yes, fake-laughing about it. I really didn’t think it was funny.

Dread

Something about the biopsy and possible skin-cancer diagnosis caused me to feel dread, like more is coming. I keep thinking, “If I have cancer on my skin, what is to say I don’t have it somewhere in my body, also?” Thinking about that possibility bothers me but not so much. I decided long ago that if I get diagnosed with some kind of cancer in my body that I won’t seek treatment. I will let whatever happens, happen.

I went to bed really exhausted. I guess it was the day’s events or maybe I was just tired because I woke up at 5am that morning and could not go back to sleep. I was woken up about an hour after falling asleep. I remember being outside my body and resisting coming back to it despite the strong pull. My son had been wailing and that was the “pull” back. I was so groggy when I got up to soothe him. Then I struggled to return to sleep.

When I woke up I was filled with despair and disinterest in life. I recall only one other time when I felt this low and that was in 2005. I suspect my review of my journal from that time is what has triggered some of this despair. That and the bad day I had yesterday.

I had a strong urge to delete my FB account this morning along with a strong urge to ask my guides to stop talking to me during the day. I have done the latter in the past because it was just too depressing to be constantly reminded of the spiritual. I eventually asked them to stop communicating all other times, too, except when absolutely necessary. Then they came back and I am feeling the need to make the same decision again. I honestly would rather they had just stayed quiet than to give me hope of something good happening. Unfounded hope is worse than no hope at all.

Trend

When I went on FB today to check the groups I am a part of, I discovered that a close friend had deactivated her account. It had just been active yesterday and I thought it odd that I also had the same urge. I understand why she would deactivate her account. I probably should also.

But I keep seeing things posted that end up helping me. One such post I saw today I am going to share with you. It helps me feel a bit better about how I have been feeling. Maybe it will help you, too.

If I’m Waking Up, Why Don’t I Feel………Better?

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Trapped Energy

I couldn’t sleep last night. My mind was quite active and my body was as well. I could not keep still!

Somehow I managed to drift off to sleep and had an odd, semi-lucid dream about energy work. I awoke from this dream feeling very off and fidgety. It is hard to describe really what I was feeling as I have not ever really felt it before. Yet, I somehow knew what was wrong without knowing how I knew.

Trapped Energy

When I woke up from the semi-lucid dream state I was in, I was overly warm. I won’t say hot but I felt an intensity of energy that was pulsating in different areas on my body. This weird sensation seemed to generate a heat from within that made me very uncomfortable. The heat was not so much physical as it was spiritual, but I did feel warmer than normal.

The odd sensation made me feel the need to move and squirm. I guess I thought it would help but it didn’t. The more I moved, the more uncomfortable I got.

I was suddenly hit with the idea that I needed to focus on the energy and see where it was in my body. When I did this, I felt energy in spots all over my body. I felt it mostly in my lower body and abdomen. What is odd is that the energy would be in a certain spot and then jump to another spot. It was like I had polka dots of energy all over my body and they were lighting up and then going out only to transfer to another spot.

Recognizing that I needed to do something with this strange, haphazard energy, I got up out of bed and sat in a chair. I planted my feet firmly on the ground and focused on sending energy from my crown down into my feet. I did this for quite some time, visualizing a flow of energy down my spine and into the ground. As I did this, the fidgety feeling got less and less. After about five minutes, my eyes began to droop and I felt very relaxed. It had worked!

When I got back into bed I felt the energy was still not settled like it should be. I asked for assistance and felt the need to do Reiki on myself. I placed my hands on my midsection, where most of the energy still lingered, and focused on pulling energy out with one hand and pushing on the energy with the other. I eventually felt I should place one hand, my right one, palm up. When I did this, I felt the energy subside even more.

As this was happening, I felt energy settle over the top of my head around my third eye and up to my crown. I felt like I was wearing an energy helmet. I knew this meant I was receiving healing from my guides. Thank you!

Then the energy in my midsection intensified over my root and second chakras. It was a bit painful in my lower back. I just continued to focus on moving the energy out.

I felt all at once that I needed to focus on bringing energy in from my crown, so I moved my hands to my head. I did this for a little while and then felt I needed to use my hands to push the energy down. So I went over my entire body with my hands in a sweeping motion, pushing the energy down past my knees. I did this about six times.

Finally, I felt the need to move the energy out from both sides of my body. So I started in the center and with the same sweeping motion moved the energy to the side and then down. I did this about three times.

Feeling balanced and calm, I was able to easily fall asleep. I now understand why some people who experience this weird energy feeling find they need to sleep on the floor. I wonder if what I felt was what some people call “vibrations”? I could feel a buzzing within the dots of energy but it was not like the vibrations I get when about to go OOB.

Symptom Update

  • Ringing in ears
  • Popping in ears
  • Skin irritation/dryness
  • Vivid dreams
  • Energy fluctuations
  • Trapped energy
  • Restlessness
  • Moodiness

I have either a ringing or popping in my ears daily now. It is like I am changing altitude when I get the popping and the ringing is very slight, almost unnoticeable. The restlessness has been more intense. Yesterday I went on three walks and I have been feeling more inclined to exercise, feeling it is needed now more than ever. After last night’s weird energy issue, I can see why I was drawn to be outside so much that day.

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Fishing Cats

My second chakra is once again blocked and this time it seems much more severe. I had hoped that with my success at unblocking it not long ago that it would remain that way, but I guess not.

What Does a Second Chakra Blockage Look Like?

Emotional Disconnection or Lack of Emotion. If the second chakra is blocked then there will be difficulty feeling and expressing emotion. The source of this could be some kind of trauma from our past, childhood conditioning or just from the  fear of worrying what others will think of us if we show emotion.

Difficulty with or Resistance to Change. The second chakra is also linked with the ability to adapt to change or new situations. The second chakra is the root of emotional and mental flow. When we are feeling forced into a corner by life, we may shut down mentally or try to control the situation by trying to push people and events into a more comfortable mold.

Difficulty Enjoying Sex or Sensual Experience. The second chakra is also connected to enjoyment of the senses and of sex. When it is blocked we may find it difficult to enjoy sex, withdraw from intimate situations or find any sensual experience uncomfortable or less enjoyable. This may or may not result is lack of enjoyment of the physical act of sex (inability to achieve orgasm, less fulfilling orgasm, pain during sex, fertility problems, etc.).

Trouble with Problem Solving using Creativity. The second chakra is also linked to our creative ability which is an inherent part of problem solving. This chakra allows us to think outside to box and see possibilities in life. It is the heart of inspiration in the individual.

Why is This Important?

The second chakra is our sensual link to the physical. It allows us to experience life via the senses – the pure joy and wonder of the physical world. The second chakra also allows us to create from emotion rather than thought and gives us spiritual, emotional and physical intimacy. This allows us to establish a deeper connection with others. In other words, the second chakra is our passion.

Passion, which often is immediately connected to all things related to sex, is also how we open up to Source and that deeper sense of Self. This kind of passion is not connected to the Ego Self but to the Higher Self and is about being a conduit for something much larger than ourselves. It is only with passion that we can create something new and wonderful in the world. It is passion that allows us to bring change to the world. When we have this kind of passion it is a sign that we have gotten out of our own way.

My Experience

For a while I have experienced a gradual shutting down of my second chakra. This is often most obvious to me anytime my husband and I are intimate. I just have no interest at all and often I actually push him away. When I do allow intimacy, I flinch at his touch and find myself mentally blocked to any pleasure sensation. I am tense and refuse to relax. I find certain smells repulsive. It is like I am being touched by a rapist or something! I do not get this way with my children, thankfully.

I am also very ridged toward new experiences in life. Anything not in my normal routine is questioned and sometimes vehemently protested (this especially when my husband suggests something). I have been doing better at this and allowing myself to do things out of the norm. I notice almost immediate relief when I do this.

Emotionally I am on and off depending on the situation. I don’t feel devoid of emotion like I use to. The numbness is gone. I am grateful that I at least have some emotional fluidity still. This indicates that my second chakra is not completely blocked but it sure feels like it!

Beside the physical symptoms of blockage, I also am aware of the energy itself. Whenever I have a surge of feeling or pleasure it stops abruptly at my second chakra. Sometimes I even experience a twinge of pain in my second chakra. The blockage is so very obvious that I cannot help but notice it. Unfortunately, I do not know what to do about it.

Dream: Fishing Cats

I went to bed very disturbed by my lack of ability to experience any kind of pleasure in life. I asked what I could do about it and my guide told me I was already doing it. I sighed because I honestly don’t know what I am doing other than asking that it be fixed. Perhaps that is enough?

I had several very vivid dreams last night but will only recount the one that is directly related to the second chakra.

In the dream I was walking along a creek in the woods talking to man about the creek and how it should have a pond dug into it so fish could live there. Not long after I said this, I saw a small pond and upon closer inspection saw a fish swimming in it. I was able to look under water at the fish in more detail and it had large, flowing fins and was gray in color. I was delighted!

I then saw from below the water several cats of various colors pacing along the rim of the pond. One jumped in and tried to catch the fish I was watching. He missed. I moved my vision to above the water and saw all of the cats were doing the same. They were fishing!

At first I was worried about the cats as some seemed mean but eventually I began to like them and watched them with interest as they tried, and failed, to catch fish.

Somehow the dream ended with a sexual encounter but there was absolutely no enjoyment in the encounter.

This dream is very interesting because it again has cats in it but this time I am pretty confident that these cats represent femininity and sexual fulfillment and enjoyment. Fish are ideas and since the cats were fishing, it was representative of my concerns about my second chakra (the cats) and looking for solutions (fishing). The sexual encounter in the end sums up the dream’s point: exploration of my concerns about my second chakra.

angeldevilFeelings

After weeks of waking up in a pretty good mood I awoke this morning in a very sour one. I was immediately angry at my husband and I have already had to take a walk to help ease the upset I have been feeling. It is a swirl of negative emotion that seemed to come out of nowhere but I have linked it directly to my dreams and frustrations.

I feel like something is very wrong with me and that it is somehow all my husband’s fault. This is totally untrue and i recognize this, but I still FEEL it! All of the resentment I have ever had towards him seems to be seething out of me, oozing through my pores and making me a general grumpy person today. Thankfully the walk I went on helped dissipate these feelings somewhat, or at least I was able to make more sense out of them.

A memory came to me from out of nowhere while I was on the walk. It was from about two years ago, prior to when I became pregnant with my youngest.

At the time I had stopped by Walgreens on my way home from work to pick something up. As I was leaving the store I felt eyes on me (you know the feeling that someone is watching you?). I turned and there was a man in his car to my right. He had just pulled into the store. He was staring directly at me with these intense brown eyes. When I turned to look at him our eyes locked. It was only briefly but that was all it took. I was hit with complete recognition of him yet I had no idea who he was!

Ashamed but not sure why, I turned and pretended to look down at something in my car. I was completely frozen, though, and so did nothing pretty convincingly. My heart was pounding and I didn’t know why and all I kept saying to myself, “Don’t look at him. Don’t look up.” I became unfrozen so turned on my car and put it into gear. All the while I could feel his eyes still on me. Why was he doing that!? Why wouldn’t he stop!? I peeked out of the corner of my eye and saw him still there. I saw enough to remember what he looks like even now. He appeared to be about my age, maybe a few years younger. He had brown hair that was long and wavy and came to just above his shoulders. He had one section tucked behind his ear.

I left the parking lot wondering who the man was and considered several times that I should go back and talk to him to find out. I was terrified to do that, though. I still am not sure why. Perhaps I was scared that we had a connection that I would not be able to resist? Yes, I think that was it. I know it was. In fact, I remember thinking that I had just passed up an opportunity; a fling or an affair or whatever you want to call it. Part of me desperately wanted to turn back around but another part of me, the stronger part, did not allow this.

This memory came to me with emotional intensity. I quickly pushed the emotion down. Swallowed it hard. When I did that I walked passed two men in the front of a house. One turned and looked at me a long, long time. I said hello and he responded in kind and turned back around. I kept walking and then he turned around and stared at me again. I felt uncomfortable. DejaVu. And I silently wondered to myself, “What the hell is he looking at?!” LOL I laugh about it now but at the time I really was wondering if I have some kind of sign on my forehead that says, “Stare at her until she screams”.

I wonder now if the recollection of that memory is the key to my second chakra blockages. It likely is I just don’t know how yet. I dread, and I mead D.R.E.A.D. something like that happening again. It terrifies me. I know it shouldn’t, but it does. I think it scares me because I know that I will not allow anything to come of it. The classic Devil and Angel on the shoulder scenario but I honestly don’t know which is which in this case.

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GAPS – Day 3

Just a quick look at yesterday. I will likely not post much more on the diet from now on since my family is settling into it pretty well now.

My daughter had her first tantrum over what she could eat. She came home from school and wanted Raisin Bran as a snack. My mother-in-law told her no and she commenced to her yelling, kicking, and “dying” routine. So mother-in-law called my husband who gave her permission to eat it (boo on him!). I came home just after, oblivious to the drama and saw her sitting with her new bowl of cereal. I immediately told her no and then I got the tantrum. I stuck firm and we went for a walk. Cereal forgotten and replaced with mother-daughter time. Score!

My son is doing much better. He still hates his probiotic and the cod liver oil (who could blame him?) but he is eating better and much happier. My mother-in-law watched him yesterday and all I got from her is, “I hate this diet. There are no snacks for the children”. When I explained there were snacks just not the kind they were use to and that they would get over it, she said, “Well get rid of all of it then so they can’t see it”. I explained that not all of it would be forever excluded from our diet. Why waste good food? We didn’t eat bad before. Mainly I just need to toss the Goldfish, sweets and cereal bars. I told her I would.

I made Fish Soup last night – a first ever for me. I thought “Nasty” when I heard the name but all the websites online said it is a big winner for families with kids. So I made it. This was the recipe I used:

Fish Soup – total time to prepare and cook was approximately 40 minutes

  • 6 cups chicken stock (homemade)
  • Several baby carrots cut up
  • Two stalks of celery, chopped
  • Three sprigs of fresh parsley, chopped
  • 1 white onion
  • 2 cloves of garlic, chopped
  • 1 small bok choy, chopped
  • 1 cluster of broccoli florets
  • 2 Swai filets, thawed
  • Salt and pepper to taste
  • Lemon if desired

Put all ingredients except the broccoli and Swai in a large pot. Bring to a boil and then turn down the heat and allow to simmer until carrots are tender. Add broccoli. Allow broccoli to cook until bright green (maybe 2 minutes). Add Swai whole to the pot. When the fish turns opaque and flakes then it is done (approximate 2-3 minutes).

Serve with lemon and more parsley if this suits your tastes.

This recipe was a huge hit. My husband said it was his favorite meal of the week (wow). My daughter didn’t like it much but she had a tummy ache during dinner.

Positive Change

As a family we have eaten a much greater variety of meats and veggies than is normal for the week and the week isn’t even done! In four days we have eaten – chicken, ground beef, ground lamb, bone broth, and fish. The fruits and veggies we have eaten is triple what we normally eat. We have eaten a dozen apples, 8 bananas, 4 pears, blue berries, bok choy, broccoli, kale, onion, garlic, parsley, carrots, celery, spinach, cucumber, beets, lemon, and ginger. I still have brussel sprouts and peppers I have not used yet.

If you are thinking of trying this diet, I will say that you will need to grocery shop more than is your norm. I have already taken two trips to the grocery store and am considering a third (fruit is low again). Also, if you think you are making enough for your family, double it. I made an entire crockpot of chicken soup and it lasted two days. I made an entire crockpot of meatball soup and it lasted ONE day. The night I made boiled meat patties there was one patty out of 10 that survived for leftovers. The fish soup was gone after one meal with only a tiny portion left which my husband took for lunch today. I never thought I would have to cook so much! Ha!

It can be done, though, and is not too bad since most of the meals are pretty easy to prepare. I have three small kids and was able to do it and I work part-time. I know I could do this if I worked full-time, though the grocery shopping would have been harder.

Overall I think this diet is a great way to get your eating habits in order. It has been a great learning experience for my entire family and my children did not die from lack of carbohydrates and sugar.