Category Archives: Messages

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OBE: Love, Family and Togetherness

Woke at 6am wide awake. Despite wanting to return to sleep, I was thinking of the migrant crisis at our border and it was upsetting me. My main concern was the sheer numbers of people wanting to come to the U.S. Mostly, I was mad and thinking to all the migrants, “Go home!”

After feeling upset for a short time, my guidance asked me, “Why don’t you want them here?” I thought how the migrants would require lots of assistance, in the form of money, housing, food, etc. My thought was interrupted with other thoughts (my guide’s and my own)- They want to work. They want to provide for their families. They want a better life. Then I was asked, “What are you afraid of?” I knew immediately and answered, “I don’t want to lose what I have. I am comfortable. I don’t worry about money, food – the basics. I can go to the store and buy whatever I want without a second thought. I don’t want that to change.” I felt ashamed for feeling this way. I knew that my fear was not mine alone and that it was the source of the inequality in the world.

I wondered about the solution but was not happy at the answer I received. To make things more equal, those who have, must give to those who do not have. It was simple, but at the same time extremely difficult to accept, mostly because it meant I would have to give up some of what I had. I thought of what it was like living in Costa Rica – the lack of a/c, the lack of hot water, the bugs invading my living space, the simplicity. I thought, “I don’t want to live that way.” But I knew/know that there are worse ways to live. Much worse.

Rather than dwell on the subject, I shifted my attention to going OOB. I was already in the in-between and shifting into subtle vibrations. My attention easily flowed to the astral realms, which I could perceive all around me, and back to the physical, which I knew I was still lingering in. At times my awareness was more on my body – the heaviness of my eyelids, the pillow next to my head, the position of my body, the sounds in my house. Then my awareness would shift to the astral and I would struggle to know if my eyelids were physically opening or opening in the astral. I could hear noises-off in the form of my husband’s voice very close to me and my children talking in the background.

I talked to myself, commanding, “Body asleep, mind awake.” I never use this command, so I’m not sure why I did, but it seemed to work

OBE: Pressure

I blinked my eyes. Still they felt heavy. Still they felt physical. I commanded again, “Body asleep, mind awake.” This time when I thought those words I got up out of my body. I felt a familiar heavy, sticky feeling as I sat up and moved away. Realizing eyes were open (I thought them closed), I looked around me as I moved away from my body, noting my room was not familiar and the door was in a different location. The room was dark and objects resembled large, shifty shadows. I went to the door and grabbed the knob. It opened without me turning it. I stepped outside into a hallway. It was still dark. I remember thinking that all I had to do was will the light and it would come. And it did, along with an entire, unfamiliar house. I was standing in a living room, a gray sofa to my left and kitchen to my right. The air was golden and bright, shifting with my gaze. The space felt small compared to what I’m use to.

As I walked towards the front door, I encountered my husband who questioned me. His energy was like a wave of pressure as it came at me. He was cajoling me, but I don’t know what about. The energy and pressure was familiar and I thought, “I don’t want this.”

I shifted back to my body momentarily and exited again.

OBE: Love, Family and Togetherness

When I exited my body this time, the heavy feeling was gone, my vision was clear. To my right was a window. I thought, “Maybe I should exit via the window.” For some reason, though, I felt this was not the right exit, so I went back through the bedroom door out into the house.

When I entered the living area I felt my energy subsiding like it does when I’m about to shift back into my body. I paused and said, “Awareness now.” Realizing that I said something unusual, specifically, “awareness” I thought to myself, “I am Awareness”. So, I said, “Clarity now!” I looked down at my hands and saw them in detail down to the tiny lines around my knuckles. I didn’t linger, though, but floated through the living area without any encounters. In fact, I barely recall the inside of the house at all except that it was cast in the same golden light as before. I wonder now if that golden light is me and not the space like it seems to be? Ah, yes, I think so!

I exited through the front door and found myself in yet another unfamiliar scene. Thin, wiry saplings lined a grass path out to the street. Their leaves hung down and touched me as I floated through. I reached up and touched a green sprout, noting its newness. Ahead of me I saw a busy street. Tall buildings lined the street and could be seen in the distance. It reminded me of San Francisco.

A car sped by and I noted how it didn’t slow down when it passed. The road had four lanes; a highway. I looked up at the tops of the buildings. Instead of windows I saw gigantic, open cardboard boxes piled one on top of the other.

Another car sped by and I floated out into the middle of the road. I thought about how one might hit me if I lingered there, so I hovered there tempting one to do so. I saw a car approaching. I turned and faced away from it, floating onto my back in complete surrender. I said, “Go ahead, hit me.” I thought it would surely just speed through me but it went around me instead. When I saw it go past, I thought, “Huh.”

I decided to explore the area. There were people lingering about on the city streets. The ambiance was not one I liked. It felt stunted; greedy. I flew along the sidewalk and paused outside a large building that sold Christmas items. Two thugs were lingering by the entrance and came towards me. Feeling their negative intentions, I ignored them and opted to go inside.

When I went inside it was like going into Santa’s workshop. There were people standing in line to buy items. The ceilings went on forever. Stained glass windows let in rainbows of light. Christmas lights were strung across the entire place. Decorated trees and all kinds of items were on display for purchase.

Everyone looked at me when I entered. I was floating there and flew higher, over everyone’s heads. They looked at me in awe. One child pointed. I knew they could see me. I appeared supernatural to them. Thrilled at this, I let them ooh and awe over me. I don’t think I spoke but I remember thinking they were all on the “wrong path” as I felt how caught up in material possessions they all were.

I shifted momentarily. I found myself facing a house. Again, it resembled the houses in San Francisco. I was at the open front door, looking in. A family was around their dinner table. A blonde boy around the age of 8 was standing across from me. I told the family, specifically addressing the boy, “Consumerism is destroying you”. The boy’s thoughts were apparent – “Toys?”. I said, “Toys won’t give you anything.” I began to leave. The boy yelled, “Wait! What can we do about it?” I paused and said, “Love, family and togetherness.”

As I flew away, my physical body pulled me back and I slowly opened my eyes, aware of a very dry mouth. I had been sleeping with my mouth wide open. lol

Understanding

My OBE was fresh on my mind as were my words, “Love, family and togetherness.” The migrant surge came to mind again, but this time I was accepting of the solution. All we need to do is think of all of mankind as our family – because they are.

The warning I received long ago about populations migrating north came to mind. It is happening now. It isn’t going to happen when I’m old woman, like I thought. And it will keep happening. No wall will be big enough or high enough to keep them out.

For some reason I felt completely calm and accepting. I am reminded of the highway scene in my OBE and how I surrendered, saying, “Go ahead, hit me.” Hahaha. Yes, go ahead.

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Dream Message: Epoch

The other night I was trying to retain a dream message in my memory, repeating phrases, even spelling words so that I would remember. That says a lot in itself about what was going on in dreamtime. It is clear that I was consulting with my guidance, or at least that they were advising me.

I’ve forgotten the words now except for one: Epoch. When the word was originally spoken, it was accompanied by another word before it but, despite trying, I lost that word. Epoch is defined as: “A memorable event or date” or “an event or a time marked by an event that begins a new period or development”. 

Fast forward to the moments before I woke for the day. I was in a semi-lucid moment or dream. What I recall most distinctly is that someone was telling me about today being my birthday and saying, “Happy birthday!”. There is momentary memory of stepping up into a golden light. Oddly enough, I see myself from a distance doing this, as if accepting an award or stepping on stage to receive a gift. I was listening and agreeing until I realized it was not my birthday and so questioned the other person. Eventually, though I accepted this ‘gift’ and awoke.

Funny enough, I momentarily lost the word epoch and instead was thinking “Echelon”. Ha! So somehow epoch and echelon went together in my mind when I woke. Echelon is a word that is used often in the military but the root of the word means “ladder”, so it is best thought of as the rungs of a ladder or stages of development or advancement. So, perhaps, echelon goes hand-in-hand with the idea of it being my birthday because they mark a new year in a life. And so does epoch in that the day may mark the beginning of a new period of development.

IDK if there is any truth to a new period of development or not. I don’t feel this day is any different from any other. It just feels like a typical Friday.

In between these two instances I had a dream where I have momentary clarity. I was talking to a man (a guide I presume). A woman was standing in the middle of a completely empty and dark auditorium. A light was cast over her, illuminating her face. I went up to her to ask her a question but my guide said, “That isn’t (insert name I can’t remember).” So I turned toward my guide and saw other people behind him. I went up to one of those people and my guide repeated, “That isn’t ____.” After scanning the faces of all the people around me I recognized what he was trying to tell me. All the people were me. I then said to him, “Then I will just use my gut, my intuition. It has always guided me well.” 

Dream: Split Brain

I am walking outside in a nice, wooden area with a spacious lawn that stretches out towards a body of water. There are large oak trees here and there and I am standing facing the water looking out over its surface and beyond. I then turn and walk around the area. That is when I notice a huge tree root has surfaced. There is a crack in it. I yell to someone, “Did you see this?” I walked over to inspect the root, noticing the root itself is split. The root runs about twenty feet towards the downward slope of the hill. Below it, though, the ground has eroded away exposing a network of roots, large and small. I kneel down and look into the space noticing I can see the base of a tree beneath the tangle of roots. The exposed roots have enough space between them that I could easily crawl down inside and stand up. I say to the person (a man), “There is a grand canyon crack in the ground and a huge cavern has formed under here!”

Amidst my exploration of this area I shift scenes and find myself watching and listening to a man talking about a specific therapy. Remembering the split tree root, I listen. While listening, I reach up and touch my head, pulling my fingers through my hair only to discover a huge split in the entire left side of my skull. The split is deep enough that I can put my fingers into it and feel the edges of my skull. I freak out, asking, “When did that happen?!” I worry that I am going to die or at least be very ill affected. 

The man on the screen speaks about my affliction and a treatment for it. A wide, black, fabric covered headband is gently placed around my head at the temples. A treatment is then administered. I see and feel tiny needles extend from the interior of the black fabric. I think they must be sewing up the crack and wait to feel the poking needles as they puncture my flesh. I only feel a kind of electric current running through my head. The man is explaining how the current is used and I know that this treatment is different than any I have ever received. 

I see a book open before me and then it shifts into a kind of PowerPoint presentation or PDF document whose pages can be turned. I watch/listen, eager to see if there is hope for me. 

I watch the pages before me. They move like a video. A man is doing a yoga pose, or something like it. He is kneeling and then putting his weight all on his left side, opening up his chest, his right arm up and the other braced against the ground at the elbow. He pushes his right leg into the air, his knee bent at 90 degrees. The pose is both a hip opener and a heart opener. I try to imitate him but keep losing my balance and falling over sideways. I am told it is okay if I cannot do it and help will be given.

I feel my head for the crack and it seems to be gone. I look down at the pages in front of me. There is scientific data being shared, a study of others who had a crack in their skull like mine. It mentions the people afflicted had to do time in prison, some 15+ years, all of them men. They had done spontaneous acts in a schizophrenic-like state of mind. This information worries me. Am I destined for such a fate? I wonder.

Then I am back at the tree’s exposed roots. A man is telling me that the reason for the problem stems from an attempt to from a sloping hill. The area was much lower previously and the added dirt had eroded away suddenly. In other words, it was a man-made problem created when man attempted to change the elevation of the land. I saw a glimpse of the past, someone with a bull dozer pushing huge piles of dirt up against the trunks of the trees. Then I looked and saw the base of the trunk below the broken ground and saw the proof of just how much dirt had been brought in. The space was deep enough that I could stand up in it and my head would remain below the surface. The man said that they could fill the hole with sand but I thought the sand would not be enough, a quick but not long-term solution to the problem. I saw the sand being poured into the space but only half the space was filled.

Considerations

I wake puzzled. What does the dream mean? Is it symbolic for what I called “the grand canyon split” I experienced during those first months after discovering my twin? After my heart blew open so wide that I was left with a magnetic pull so intense that I had to fight with myself to keep from following that pull? 

The “surgery” was quite real to me, so much so that after I woke I could still feel the sensations of it. What a peculiar feeling!!!

Perhaps the symbolism lies with the tree, the exposed, split root and cavern that resulted? The visual of that long, large root is quite vivid. It was like a tree itself it was so large and the crack within it, exposing the light colored flesh of the pulp inside, also vivid in my memory. The cavern created within the roots is also very memorable. I wanted to crawl inside to investigate. It was like a small world of its own and I did not fear it whatsoever nor was I concerned the trees would collapse upon me or that it must be fixed. The roots within the space were large and very strong.

I wonder why a mound of dirt was placed there to begin with? Is this symbolic of a type of work being done to my human consciousness? 

Dirt in a dream means emotional instability, incapability of going on, lack of direction or a difficult time ahead. In the dream dirt had been put over the roots to change the elevation of the land, hiding the roots and trunks below. Perhaps in the past (like past lives) I had experiences that built up layers of dirt (instability)? So some event exposed what lay below but cracked a main root, meaning it was more than I could handle.

In contrast, roots mean the opposite – stability and the initial causation or starting point of something. The roots are deep and strong. The deeper the roots the greater the fruits. So the deep roots I see indicate I am stronger than I think. I may be ready now to explore what was hidden.

It may be that my own “brain” is a clue. Perhaps the split was caused by my listening to my mind/logic rather than my heart? That is how it felt at the time. Surgery is performed and I am “healed”, but it could be that it is just a temporary “patch” similar to the sand being brought in.

Sand is used to fill up the space around the exposed roots. Sand symbolizes the passing of time. It also symbolizes lack of focus and stability. Like the dirt, the sand will not hold and is not a long-term solution. Piles of sand indicate resolution, so perhaps it is a positive sign, at least for the short-term. 

Finally, the idea of a split within the brain reminds me of the right and left side of the brain; masculine and feminine, logic and creativity. The left side of the brain, where my split was located, is connected to the masculine. It could be that the area that needs attention is the masculine.

Regardless, the feeling I woke with was concern mixed with mild alarm. But I’m not worried. I am secure in the knowledge that I am receiving assistance. 

by

Stop Questioning

The past can teach us so much, if we take the time to listen.

In terms of the world, we all know this to be true. We are taught history as we grow and mature into adults, albeit a biased one depending on where you grow up. If we have good teachers, we are taught to pay attention to past mistakes so that we can avoid making them again in the present and future. Sadly, so many are not taught this, forget they are taught it or ignore what they are taught altogether preferring to be told what to do rather than think for themselves. And even if you are one of those who thinks for themselves, it is easy to get caught up in the present whirlpool of events and be blinded by them. 

The trap is real. It is forged by time and space, humanity and duality. We really do end up stuck in quicksand when we agree to incarnate into this physicality. 

For me, personally, the reality of forgetfulness has been hard to swallow. I knew it to be true in one sense – in that when we descend into this reality was Forget who we Are. I knew it partially in another – that memories fade as we age and ultimately become distorted by the degradation of our mental faculties. It has left me wondering, “How can I avoid making the same mistakes if I cannot trust my own memory?” 

The recent return of an old friend and lover has revealed just how unreliable my human memory is. The more I read through my old journals, the more I realize just how skewed my memory has become. Sure, it has been almost 20 years. I should give myself a break, right? But still, I am not that old yet and I had such certainty when it came to my memories. Yet, I am finding what I recall is very, very lacking and my selective amnesia is to blame.

Throughout our present email communication, I have felt a familiarity and a kind of dejavu sense. Curious, I dove into my journals to read, specifically, the old emails I had kept. What a shocker I was in for! Not only did I forget the emotion and the specifics of the relationship, but I noticed that the me of the past has not changed much in her reactions to life over the last 20 years. It was clear to me that my thoughts created my discontent. My constant looking forward, my constant seeking of “more”, and my feelings of inadequacy and lack drove me into despair time and time again. And, truly, I am such a drama queen!

As if to hit it all home, I had a distinctly synchronistic message come to me ahead of this realization. One morning, before my walk with our dog Monty, my attention was pulled to a cartoon my children were watching, Gravity Falls. If you don’t know about it, you should check it our because it has a lot of deeper meaning to include time travel, alternate realities, inter-dimensional travel and symbolism. In this one particular episode the main characters recognize that they had all been chosen to play specific roles. I saw that they wore symbols and, at the exact moment I was drawn to pay attention, the question mark symbol came into view. It was frozen in my memory. 

Later, as I returned from my walk, I looked down and saw clearly in the asphalt the outline of a perfectly shaped question mark. I paused, knowing it was no coincidence, and time seemed to pause briefly. I wondered what it meant as I turned and saw the stop sign ahead of me. I thought, “Stop questioning.” Hmmm

In putting two and two together, it was clear to me that most, if not all my self-created problems, were the result of my constant questioning. In my early years of awakening, my guides would tell me, “You’re asking the wrong questions.” I had always thought I needed to formulate my questions better, but in this moment I thought, perhaps, the real message was that I needed to stop questioning so as to not be pulled into the inevitable paradox that resulted. The Knowing process is not a mental one anyway, it is a spiritual one. Knowing is not questioning. Knowing is Knowledge that is derived from our Higher Selves, from our Core, from Source. 

And, of course, one of the things I noticed from my journal is that it was FULL of questions. I would ask so many and write the answers. Half or more of the answers I received about my own future never came to pass. So often I would catch myself laughing at my own naivety. My journal was full of examples of the snares I set for myself. It was obvious I was looking for adventure, for something magical and exciting to save me from my boring and very mundane existence. I imbued everything – every experience, every dream, every synchronicity, every thought – with significance and meaning. And then I would fight against that significance and meaning to create a masterpiece of a storyline and keep myself entertained.

The most humbling part of this realization is that I continue to do this to this day. I have shifted somewhat, yes, and matured despite my own self-sabotage, but in general I continue as always, a creature of habit, as we all are. 

But I am human after all.

Ultimately, I recognize that through all of this, the lesson is to learn to embrace the moment, to accept what IS. It is something one must practice daily until it becomes a new habit. It isn’t easy, either. Life has a way of making us forget (as I mentioned earlier). The quicksand will suffocate you if you fight it. Allow and you will remain above the surface. 

All of this goes hand-in-hand with gratitude. If you sit in acceptance of your life you feel nothing but gratitude. That gratitude is instantly lost when you compare the present moment with the past or the future. When one is truly in the present moment, the mind is quiet and you are filled with a presence that swells with gratitude. And if you allow that gratitude to grow by focusing solely upon it, something altogether greater is felt: Bliss.

Stop Questioning. Surrender. Accept. BE.

BEing, surrendering, accepting doesn’t mean you stop living. The moment is fluid and so must you be to remain within it. There is no DOing until the moment brings it into BEing. This is where the practice of Noticing is needed. You Notice an opening as the flow shifts subtly and then, in that moment, either choose to flow with it or continue to observe it. This choice is not made in the mind. It is automatic, made by the Higher Self. Once that moment is gone, it is gone. And that is OK. The Higher Self Knows and chooses in accordance with its purpose. There is no point in questioning that for it just IS. 

And with all the above Knowingness, I realize it was brought to me by a simple request, but one I have made time and time again with spotty results. The request was, “I want to feel the Bliss all the time.” Well, now we know how, don’t we? 

As if to further demonstrate, I had a night full of dreams where all I felt was Bliss. Not the raging, volcanic Kundalini kind of Bliss but the full body, tingling with Love kind. My favorite. It revealed to me my True Self, the one that I often find myself being when I am OOB or in a lucid state. I am pure Joy and wish nothing more than to share it with others, for when I am with others that Joy is amplified. 

by

Ser-Vive!

Another memorable dream.

Dream: Ser-Vive!

The beginning of the dream is hazy. I remember traveling in the mountains. There was lots of snow and many pauses along the way. My husband and children were with me but they were always in my peripheral. My husband was occasionally within view but blurry. What I do recall of his looks does not match my husband in this lifetime. Instead of fair hair and eyes, the man I saw had dark, almost black hair, pale skin and a sinewy build. 

As we traveled there was discussion that seemed to go on in the background. As I recall it now, it is clear that I was conversing with my guidance and the dream morphed from that conversation. Only bits and pieces of info remain along with the accompanying visuals. 

I remember recognizing the “four elements” and seeing them appear as colors in my visual field alongside the dream scenario that was playing out. For example, brown was Earth and red/orange was Fire. In my dream, I sat selecting colors to form a rainbow and was especially seeking the Air and Water elements. For some reason, I selected green because I noticed it was missing in the rainbow. I selected it to represent Water while blue represented Air and put a beautiful orange and yellow alongside the red recognizing their combination to create Fire.

At one point I was standing outside in the snow with a mother and her daughter. She was taking photographs but the image was not clear. It was so cold that the ice crystals were suspended in the air. At the time I was traveling with my husband to our destination, climbing into a large, black truck or SUV. I recall a voice whispering to me, our discussion in the background of the dream moving me along the path of my dream experience. The destination was stressed as important. It felt almost as if I were reading an epic fantasy novel where the protagonist was being ushered towards their purpose by supporting characters. 

The destination turned out to be a cave located somewhere in the mountains. When we entered the cave, a mystic was waiting for us. I don’t know the mystic’s gender as it shifted constantly as did his/her face. The mystic was hunched over, held a staff in hand and wore a brown cloak. The mystic said, “It’s about time.” 

On the floor in front of the mystic was a man laying face down and splayed out as if he had fallen from a great height. Was he dead? No. It was clear that he represented the future and I knew somehow that the man that was with me would become the man on the floor but not yet. We were in the place of no-time – somewhere between the past and the future but not in the present.

The mystic spoke to my “husband” asking him if he knew why he was there. I don’t remember the conversation but it was positive. My husband seemed to know exactly why he was there. He had a purpose to fulfill and a destination to reach. The mystic nodded, pleased at the response he received.

Then my husband shifted from beside me to the floor. I don’t recall seeing him after that.

Next, the mystic asked me the same questions. I don’t recall my answer, just that I felt undecided how to answer. What was the right answer? Would I say the wrong thing? Unlike my “husband” my purpose was not clear to me. I didn’t feel to have a destination at all, actually.

Sadly, much of what we said is lost to my memory now, which is likely how it is suppose to be. What I remember happening was that the Mystic told me my purpose was to “survive”. I didn’t like hearing this. What do you mean, survive? That seems so pointless. 

The mystic said to me, “I have a letter for you.” I could see the letter as the mystic pulled it out. I don’t know what words were said here but the letter felt to be one written between myself and my husband, though I don’t know if I wrote to him or him to me. It felt like I was being offered this letter. I wanted to read it but for some reason I didn’t take the letter. Instead, my mind drifted as I thought of how pointless my life felt. 

There was a long pause. I remember saying, “Why did I go back to him (my “husband” in the dream)?” I am thinking this man was my ex in this life, but he most obviously isn’t! Yet I Know I return to him over and over again, his destination becoming my own for a while. Why?

I soon realized I had shifted into my mind, caught up in the questions I had about my “husband”.

Eventually, it became clear that the mystic had turned away from me focusing elsewhere. I didn’t want that so I questioned the mystic. The mystic said, “You don’t want to stay”. At the time it felt like the mystic meant I didn’t want to stay there in that cave and wanted to leave. In hindsight I believe what the mystic meant was I did not want to stay in this life and fulfill my purpose so then there was no point in continuing our discussion.

Concerned, I told the mystic I did want to continue and so the mystic turned back toward me. 

What I recall next is a mixture of thoughts and visuals. I do not know what was said first, or last. The progression is lost and I believe this to be the result of being in the Now where all is experienced at the same time.

I recall being asked how I serve others. My answer was that I use my Voice – I tell them what they need to hear. There was a strong pulling sensation in my throat when I said this, like knowledge was moving into my throat and out of my mouth.

The word “survive” came up again but this time along with the word “service”. My mind went to certain ideas that have been coming to me recently, ideas about volunteering, helping others, and just generally being of service however I can. Yet, I have no idea how to go about this and so just push it out of my mind because no one is asking me for my help. I feel I must be invited, but invitations don’t come very often. This left me with a feeling of failure, even more so now that I was being reminded that service is why I am here. 

Then I recalled a vision I had long ago when my gifts first materialized. In it I was standing in a mist between heaven and earth (or at least two places), assisting those on one side to get to the other. I was also reminded of how I brought my “husband” to the cave where he continued on to his final destination. Thus, I saw myself as a kind of escort, taking people from one point to another. I took people to their destinations (purpose), but I had no “destination” of my own, not really. I just moved back and forth over and over again.

For some reason, learning this made me extremely sad. How awful to not have a destination except that of the person I am currently helping! What of my own destination!!?

The word service was repeated and the scene shifted.

I was now standing with my mother who was beside a bed with a pile of luggage. She was going on a trip and had all her belongings packed. She stood with a small bag in her hands. Inside were many cassette tapes. She was smiling as she looked down at them. She told me they were recorded songs given to her by her husband to keep her company on her long journey. I knew she was preparing to leave and said, “I have some great songs you could take with you. Would you like them?” She seemed undecided. I remember mentioning one song. If she could just take one, I think she would like it. My mom agreed but then I remembered and said, “Oh, I left it at home.” In my mind I saw a CD case full of CD’s stored under my bed. 

Then, I woke up.

Considerations

As I awoke I knew the scene with my mother was an example of my purpose. It confused me, though. The symbolism of my mom with her packed luggage seems to point to her exiting this life, her luggage full of memories. I knew in the dream that she was leaving soon and that everyone leaves this place eventually. Then, so must I, correct? We all eventually die, our destination being Home, correct?

Then my guidance reminded me that I volunteered to be here. I am a volunteer. Maybe my Home (destination) is different?

This is when the word “Wayshower” came to my mind. Is that what I am? Is that what the vision meant? I’m escorting people their destinations? I pause and think, “Not that again (Wayshower, volunteer, guide, etc).” lol

The Ferryman comes to mind but then that doesn’t fit exactly, just the going back and forth, over and over again. Sigh.
So, then, my Home is not the same Home my mom is returning to? Or is it?

I don’t understand. 

Not long after I wake the word “service” pops in my head again. I accept it. “Fine”, I think, what else can I do? And then I wonder about being told “survive” and I see the word survive another way – Ser-Vive. Vive is French for “Live!”. So I am being told my purpose is to, “Sur-Vive = Serve Life”. 

I’m so not feeling it. lol

by

Lucid Dream: Woman in Black

Prior to bed last night I felt a presence in front of me. When I acknowledged “him” I heard, “Are you ready?” I replied, “Yes.” The presence faded a bit and then was hardly noticeable. 

Lucid Dream: Woman in Black

The dream began inside a small cabin with only one room (similar to a recent OBE). The room had a bathroom/changing room and a couple of small windows draped with tulle-like, colored fabric and there was fabric in other areas as well, all pastel colors. There was an older lady in the room with me talking about performing a musical involving singing and dancing. I remember commenting that it was not difficult and demonstrated a few dance moves that resembled ballet. 

Eventually, I excused myself to the bathroom and while inside relieved myself in such a way as it brought on full lucidity in my dream. This is when it was obvious to me that I was accompanied by someone, a voice without form or gender.

When I exited the bathroom I seemed to be seeking something or someone. The voice came with me, always a bit behind or to the side and just out of view. 

Instead of finding myself inside the cabin (success on one’s own), I was standing on a porch (new opportunity) looking upon a mountain scene filled with tall pine trees. Ahead of me was a rocky, overgrown road. As I stepped off the porch (which I never saw but just assumed was there), I knew it was raining and mentally said, “I will feel the rain.” Sure enough, I could feel the cool rain (emotion) as it hit my skin and felt it running down my arms and legs. Beneath my feet I felt the cool, round stones (obstacles) of the road. Feeling it all so acutely and seeing everything so clearly, I became delighted and ran along the road down the hill. I told my companion, “The rocks don’t hurt my feet.”

For some reason I believed myself to have entered the past and was curious about what I would find ahead of me. There was a sense of direction, like I knew where I was and where I was going. For example, I knew ahead of me, at the bottom of the hill, I would find a much bigger road, and I did. The road was much smaller than I recalled, though, and this is when I realized I was floating just above the tree line. Looking down at the road, hidden by the trees, I flew down to its edge and thought at first it was paved but soon recognized the dirt was just well packed from all the traffic. The road was very narrow, as if for foot traffic and carts. 

I heard the familiar noise of a car engine and soon saw a small, rounded vehicle coming towards me. I hid behind the trees and watched in surprise as it parked. I thought, “How are there cars here in the past?” I stayed hidden as I watched a large man exit the tiny car. I worried he would see me, and he did, but he only glanced at me and then went on his way. I saw other cars parked nearby and eventually my curiosity pulled me out of hiding.

What I saw next reminded me of a small, seaside village. There were rows of tiny, identical, brightly colored houses lining the beaches and a small harbor. I wondered why the houses were such bright colors and was told that was all that was available. I accepted this answer. The scene was so vivid and colorful that I stopped briefly to take it all in. Eventually, I felt pulled to keep looking for whatever I was looking for, and so moved on.

There was a shift and I entered a warehouse (stored energy/hidden resources). It was quite open and clean with light gray floor, walls and ceiling. There was a woman holding a very tall, black, metal object that resembled a square post. She was inserting it into this machine, holding it steady as she fed it vertically down into it. Watching her, it soon became clear that she was inserting a massive key into a kind of lock. The metal object had various cutouts on it that the lock adjusted to and I heard the lock click as it unlocked. 

From this point, I went deeper into the warehouse, still looking. In another room I encountered a group of workers, all men. Their supervisor whispered to them to stop working and keep an eye on me. He said something like, “Watch that woman…” What he said indicated that he wanted to make sure I was safe, worried that I may get hurt by the machinery. 

I went into another room. A man was sitting in his station where he was operating some other kind of machine. The room was very long and composed of many isles similar to a bowling ally. 

Recognizing what I was seeking was not there, I turned and left.

When I exited, the scene shifted and I was again outside in the middle of a town with hard, packed dirt roads lined with modern buildings. In front of me was a very nice building with tall, glass entry doors and arched pillars. Its color was a very light tan and its texture was smooth and without seams. There was a sign out front with big, black letters that read: CORE. The letter C was a crescent moon (feminine energy). 

For some reason, I didn’t recognize the word as CORE but instead as a church. I knew this was the place I was looking for and immediately started to run towards it at a full sprint. I don’t know why.

This is when the invisible presence next to me became visible. A woman wearing a black, Victorian style, full-length, lace gown, sprinted in front of me and went through the glass doors before I could get to them. She was completely black from head to toe! A black cat trailed behind her.

Shocked, I ran faster, trying to catch up.

When I burst through the double glass doors the woman was standing there facing me. She was waiting for me, her cat sitting at her feet. I remember Knowing she was there for me, and she was who I had been seeking, but before I could speak to her she vanished into thin air, leaving her cat behind. I remember saying, “Of course!” with a Knowing that she would do just that.

I stood there for a bit, shocked at what had just happened and communicating with the voice. There was encouragement. I was being asked to stay. My response was that it was all too much. I felt overwhelmed but also confused. The whole lucid experience to that point and the many signs and symbols began to pull me away from the scene. I felt my energy returning to my body slowly, flowing like water. The sensation was familiar and calming.

Understanding

When I woke I recognized the lock and key as symbolic of a door being opened and the woman as being my shadow aspect, a part of me yet unknown and perhaps holding secrets that were to be revealed. The cat at her feet and the crescent moon are both symbolic of the feminine. The word CORE is another clue: core wound, core Self, core of the problem. 

As I lingered in bed, trying to stay awake so that I could recall the entirety of the experience, I inevitably entered the in-between where I had another dream that I can’t recall now. There were visions intermixed with discussions, also.

In one vision I saw a snake very clearly. It was moving, slithering, and then it vanished as I exited the vision. I recognized its significance as I recalled a physical snake encounter I had just two days ago on my morning walk. Snake = Kundalini = transformation.

I recalled a conversation with my guidance, from when I’m not sure, but I know it happened. In it, I was reminded of the year 2015. That spring I made some major gains. The Kundalini was burning through blocks and I felt the best I have in this life. I was certain, filled with Knowing and calm. My days were filled with unexpected surges of joy. Joy for just Being. A child-like joy that would rush through me and make me want to giggle and hug and kiss whoever was closest to me.

That year I met a twin flame/heart connection that further catalyzed the energy and the Kundalini was volcanic and explosive, filling my ears with a roaring sound and paralyzing me with ecstasy. 

In this conversation I was asked to compare what I am experiencing now to then. The surges of joy have returned, that is for certain. I just overflow with joy, love and gratitude. My mind is calm and quiet. I feel content with just Being. The Kundalini is much quieter than it was back then, though. The energy is much more calm and blissful but there is still a hint of an untamed desire that ebbs and flows underneath it all. When I feel that desire, I initially want it to grow, but then disengage completely.

I am again asked why I resist. I say, “I’m not”. I hear back, “You ARE.” lol And I eventually agree: I am. The reason being that anything that feels that good has to be bad. In this physical, dualistic reality, something that good screams, “Caution. Turn back.” 

And so a conversation I’ve had more times than I can count begins, again, but I will leave it at that. It is clear, though, that the woman in black is me and she is beckoning me to follow her and face her full-on. Maybe her disappearing is symbolic of an untruth? Perhaps she was trying to tell me there is nothing about myself that is ever truly hidden? Those things which feel BIG and scary are neither.

A song is going through my head the entire time: “My head and my heart…..” The conversation shifts to questions regarding following my heart and silencing my mind. What if I followed my heart? What if I followed that feeling? Why not? My head is what tells me what I feel is “bad”. My head is what tells me what I feel is “illogical”. And the more I think about what I feel, the more justified I am in ignoring it. When angels tell me “run” and monsters call it “love”.

by

Running from Amour

Are you running from something? 

I awoke this morning from a strange dream and even stranger sensation that swept over me. I realized quickly I was conversing with someone. Our talk convinced me that I am running. Sprinting even.

Dream – Hungry

I only recall the tail-end of the dream. My memory begins on a dirt road in the woods where I stop as I witness someone fall. There is a bridge made of heavy metal and somehow the bridge lifts up, like a drawbridge. A person with a cart falls down into the creek below.

I run to help search for the person. It feels like I was traveling with the person. As I climb down into the creek bed I can’t remember if I find them or not because the dream gets hazy.

The next thing I recall is climbing down large boulders and rocks towards the edge of the ocean. I can see people in military uniform swimming in the ocean. I question one of them and he says, “These are our orders.” I think it odd that they have been ordered to swim and look out across the water for evidence of this. Sure enough, I see other men in uniform swimming in the ocean. They seem to be having a good time, too. A group of them is lingering around a massive, concrete footing for a bridge that is no longer present. Perhaps it fell into the ocean long ago? What strikes me as odd is that these men are shining with a silver light and when I look closer (they are far away) I make out what looks like shiny, silver scales along their backs like they are wearing some kind of armor. Note: I wrote the word “amour” instead of armor and I do not think this is coincidence. You’ll see why.

One of the men in uniform comes swimming close by and tosses a tray of food onto the shore. A young, blonde girl sitting nearby kicks the tray of food away in rejection. I grab the tray before it falls into the water and scold her saying, “Don’t do that. Someone might want to eat that even if you do not.” I took the tray of food and offered it to another child who was also sitting on the shore.

I climb up toward the young, blonde girl who rejected the food. I see my sister near her, sitting quietly on a rock looking out to sea.  I sit down next to the blonde girl and we talk for a bit. The girl says very little when I ask her why she kicked the food. She seems to not be there wholly. Then there is a whole section of the dream that seems to come into my mind like a vision. It feels to be part of a conversation and distracts me from the young girl momentarily.

The vision shows my sister and my mother as one person, their faces blurring from one to the other and morphing as I try to focus. There is a Knowing that one or both of them is dead and I am being allowed to know this ahead of time. I wonder aloud, “Is this the last time I see them?” There is a sense of loss that comes with this and a feeling that time is slipping away and if I do not pay attention, my time with my mom/sister will be gone. Focusing on the shifting face of my mom/sister there is regret and a sense of lost time. It is similar to how one feels when they grow older and suddenly realize their children have grown up and they can’t figure out what happened to all the time they thought they had.

With this momentary sadness comes a thought-flow that I think belongs to my sister. Do I somehow telepathically connect with her? IDK but the thoughts would be along the lines of what she may be thinking now. She is worrying about her son, wondering how they will get him to school every day with a vehicle that is unreliable and no permanent place to sit their RV. She is wondering if she will have to have her son stay with someone. She is wondering if anyone will help her.

My attention suddenly shifts back to the young girl I am sitting with and the issue at hand: her rejection of the food. I recognize that she is hungry and say to her, “You are grumpy because you haven’t eaten. You should get something to eat.” There is recognition that she is like me (she IS me). 

Explanation: As a little child I experienced something unique when it came to hunger. When I got hungry I wouldn’t recognize it as hunger. I would get so hungry I’d get grumpy and irrational, pushing food away, feeling sick at the sight of food, and refusing to eat. Only when I was forced to take a bite would I realize I was starving and then I would devour the food quickly and with relief.

In the dream I was explaining this to the little girl, trying to convince her that how she was feeling was the direct result of her hunger.

For some reason my attention is once again pulled away as if I am conversing with someone behind the scenes of the dream. This time, I shift into a dream scene where I am staring at text on a computer screen – a blog post. I decide I want to take a post I’d written and combine it with another. I begin to copy the text, right clicking on my mouse and moving down the screen from the first word to the last. As I do this I feel this amazing feeling sweep over my body, as if the mouse is highlighting my energy body instead of the text. The feeling produces a strong attraction, like a magnetic pull. It was so sublime I pause and sink into the feeling of it. It is marvelous!

Conversation

The feeling pulls me out of my reverie and the dream fades as I acknowledge that I’m not alone. My heart lights up momentarily with the recognition of who I’m communicating with. The feeling lingers but lessens, the energy swirling about, ebbing and flowing as if conscious. It feels very much like someone is dancing with me but at a distance. My heart sparks briefly but I pull away. 

I attempt to dismiss what I Know is happening and focus on my dreams. I recognize that the little girl in the dream is me and I know immediately that my “hunger” is causing me to reject the very nourishment I need. 

The amazing magnetic energy returns and swirls around me, lighting up my heart. A voice asks, “Do you feel that?” I reply that I do. I wonder (or maybe I am asked) why I pull away. I realize with great clarity that I am running away from it. I reply, “I’m scared.” 

The energy I am “dancing” with feels to be teasing me. It comes closer and then withdraws. I reach for it and it pulls away. It is not long before I recognize that it is not pulling away, I am. 

I am asked, “Why?” I don’t recall my exact answer but when I think on it now, the answer is that the feeling is so BIG, so amazingly and perfectly matched to me, that I can’t believe it is real. It must be a trap. It has to be a trap. It has to be “bad”, right? Yet when I feel it, I am so drawn to it that all I want to do is let it consume me completely; be one with it. 

With this I experience a brief vision and energetic sensation. In the vision I see someone put their hand into my stomach area, just above my right hipbone. I resist. The hand withdraws and a hole is visible. It is clear that what I am experiencing and seeing is healing and I acquiesce. The hand reaches in and pulls out a cord or energy. Something releases. I feel a twinge of discomfort when this occurs. Afterward the energy is noticeable in the area and as I continue to talk to this Other, the energy moves upward, ever so slowly, towards my heart.

From this point on there is a definite recognition of the Other and we continue to communicate. I remember discussing what could be – a walk in the woods, a quiet evening, just BEing together. It all feels and sounds wonderful and I agree to stop resisting. However, it seems I am not in control of that as the resistance remains. There is Knowing that I must be patient as this is a process that cannot be rushed. I feel patience from the Other along with willingness and an acceptance of what Is. 

Amour

Back to the “coincidence” mentioned above. I believe that armor in my dream is relevant here in that I wear quite a bit of it to protect myself from potential hurt. So, in writing “amour” instead of “armor” I am being told that love (amour) is the only thing that can penetrate that armor. 

This goes further in that before bed last night I was feeling drawn to a images of castles in a show I was watching. There was a very Arabian feel to the show and the images in it. It felt almost as if I was returning to my past, and when that thought crossed my mind I felt that, in one or more of my past lives, I’d had a great love, one that trumps all other love. And momentarily, I felt a rush to my heart but pushed it away because….well it scares me for some reason. 

And it feels to me the reason for my pushing this love away stems from a deep wound which was made fresh by an experience in this life that reminded me of the very real pain that comes from losing love. So the overall message is that I am “running from amour”. It sounds ridiculous and it is, but then fear is a very real thing and fear of losing a love like that, well, I can completely relate.

There is also a movie named Amour. Whether it is a movie I should watch, IDK, but I might. It seems like the kind of movie I would like.

by

The Best of Us is no Better Than the Worst of Us

Sleep has not been my friend lately. Where I had a good month of great sleep, sometimes 10 hours or more, now I am lucky if I get a solid 6-7 hours. It could be due to the environment. In Costa Rica I slept exceptionally well but then I was rarely around people, had no schedule to keep and purposefully did very little. Since returning home I’ve returned to my previous schedule and am again exercising, though not as frequently and only when I feel like it. My encounters with people are much higher here at home and my time in nature limited. So, at night I often find myself staring into the darkness, sometimes for hours, not really finding good, solid sleep until after midnight.

Last night I fell asleep pretty quickly but then woke at 1:30am and found our car gone from the driveway. Realizing my husband had driven somewhere in the middle of the night, I was concerned and tried to call only to discover his phone ringing downstairs. So, I lay awake until I heard him return because I was worried. When he returned I discovered he had gone to the office (lol). My worries abated but my mind was very awake for some time after.

I lay awake thinking of a recent incident mostly.

Since June our company has been dealing with fraudulent checks written against our checking account. We opted to get a system where we upload the checks numbers and amounts and any check that doesn’t match one of these checks/amounts is flagged and has to be approved before it clears the account. It stops the fraud 100% which makes my job so much easier. Well, just this week, one of the fraudulent checks that came through was written by an ex-employee, someone who had worked for the company 9 years and who I’ve known 14 years. He is 72yrs old and recently had double hip replacement. That he would write a $20k check using our company’s account info, printed on checks ordered with our checking info on them, is a shock. Turns out he is well aware, did it knowingly, pushed by a group of people he met online and has since become friendly with. The group pulled him in with sexual content, specifically a young women who he fell in love with. This caused his wife to divorce him, kick him out and subsequently he left his job to move in with the woman. He recently admitted that he gave this group all his personal information to use as they pleased – old check stubs, bank info, addresses, people he knew, etc. When they ask him to write and sign checks, he just does it.

Unable to comprehend this man’s sudden lack of judgement, my mind was pulled towards my sister’s situation and how I similarly am unable to comprehend her decisions. 

I knew before falling asleep that my dreams would align with my thoughts prior to bed. I don’t recall my dreams but when I awoke there was memory of a summary of a night’s-long discussion.

As I woke I heard this: “The best of us is no better than the worst of us and the worst of us is no worse than the best of us.”

Along with this message, I had flashes of various “memories” and Knew how it all fit together as a message. 

Honestly, I was a bit overwhelmed and also very ashamed of myself and my behavior in this life. What I was being told was that our main purpose in this physical experiment is to show love and compassion towards our fellow man. Jesus came to mind – how he taught that everyone is our brother and our sister. He loved everyone equally and unconditionally. The beggar and the leper were shown the same love and compassion as anyone else. If a stranger came knocking, asking for help, food, shelter, clothing and whatever they needed was provided without question or judgment. 

I saw how I withdrew help to my sister because of my judgement of her actions, my supposition of her situation and my overall lack of compassion for her and her family. Her actions and “lack of sane judgement” have been my justification for not helping, when I could – can. 

Of course, I wondered, “Surely I shouldn’t just give her money and whatever she asks for? She would just take advantage as she has proven she will by her past actions. So, if I am to help her, how?” My guidance said this, “Ask her, ‘How can I help you?’. When she answers, pay attention to your immediate response, the one that comes from your heart, not your mind, and offer her that.” I realized right away that she may actually answer by asking me to listen, to be available as her sister and to not judge her!

Then there was memory of a dream. On the 5th of August I woke up crying from a dream, but it didn’t make sense to me. 

In my dream I was being given a $2500 check from a very old, rich woman. I was very grateful but saw she wrote my name as “Dani”. When I tried to ask her to change it, she had left and her assistant told me, “No problem” and then scratched through the name and wrote in the correct one. The old lady came back and said, “I am going to pay all your expenses, too.” She handed me the check – a large, leather bound globe of Earth. I could feel the topography and details on the surface as I looked down at it. Across the top was a very long name written in black ink. The name was so long, it went around the entire circumference of the northern hemisphere. I saw my name a bit lower down, also written in black ink. Beside it was a signature line marked with an X. For some reason I thought the long name on top was of a lawyer and felt the check was a “joint check”, meaning that only when the lawyer gets paid will I get paid. The amount of the check was in the billions. The amount I would be paid after all expenses were paid was $500.

I asked for help on FB but everyone was saying it must be a warning of a class action lawsuit. I knew that was not correct. This morning I recognized why I was sad from the dream. I will not be “paid” until the entire population of Earth is “paid”. The lawyer represents “judgement” or better yet, the scales of justice. I was being shown that for me to escape this place, so must everyone else here. One does not leave without the rest. We are all One. 

This is not the first time I’ve heard: We are all One. Thus, for one to advance/ascend, so must all the others. We are only as advanced/ascended as the least advanced/ascended in the group. We leave no one behind.

The best of us is no better than the worst of us and the worst of us is no worse than the best of us. 

When telling my husband about what I woke Knowing, an analogy came to mind. Imagine a group of people on a tiny lifeboat out in the vast ocean. There is a destination but the only way the boat will make it to that destination is with every person on that boat alive and intact. The thing is, the boat is horribly overcrowded, there are few resources, and the winds are unfavorable. Somehow, though, everyone on the boat must get along and help one another in order to complete the journey. If even one person dies, jumps overboard or pushes others off, the journey will fail. The boat will not be received on the other side unless the original occupants are all accounted for. 

This is our predicament on Earth. Everyone is out for themselves. People are pushing others off the boat, restricting resources, choosing sides, and just generally being selfish and self-interested. The only truly successful life is one where we show love and compassion for our fellow brothers and sisters despite every inclination to do otherwise. 

In my recent review of my old journals I read through a conversation with my guidance. In it I asked if I could “sit out” the “game”. I was told, “Of course you can. It is your choice.” Similarly, the post from 2013 (Tossing Pebbles) repeats that we all have a choice: “It all comes down to you.” I realized that if I sit out the game, which tends to be what I do, then I am not helping anyone, especially myself.

I know that if I were to die today and do a life review, I would be saddened by my lack of love and compassion towards others. 

All of the above was clear to me as I awoke. Of course, I struggle to know how to make changes so that I can be more like Jesus was. It seems easy but so much of my conditioning says, “Protect what is mine. Us versus Them. Survival of the fittest.” Uh-huh, exactly the problem.

Of course, I jump to extreme examples in my mind but the change doesn’t have to be extreme and sudden change. It is simply approaching each moment, each encounter, with, “How can I help?” It is shifting from viewing others as strangers to others as being my brothers and my sisters. And most importantly, listening to my heart and following it. If I do all these things, life will slowly transform into a more loving and compassionate one, and with it so will I. 

by

Birthday “Present”

My birthday was so-so. It was just another day, really, which is normal for me. I am 45 and feel 65. I see this place as a giant theatrical production and I seem to be the only one that can see behind the masks everyone is wearing. I remember too much and because of that I feel isolated. The other actors urge me to play my part and I think, “What’s the point?” I play my part, though, because it is all I know, but I long for my true self. I want to be free.

On my birthday I suddenly decided I would get the vaccine. My daughter wanted to get hers and so, in support of her, I got mine, too. Her main reason is she wants to “fit in”, typical of her age group. All her friends are getting it. My reasoning is that I’ve had ample warning of this event from the start of my awakening to the present, and it is up to me to decide what I am going to do with that knowledge. It occurred to me quite succinctly that the only control I have of the future is in my own actions.  With all the info over the years, all the “warnings” from my guidance of what was to come, perhaps it would be wise to at least take the proper precautions? 

After feeling through the idea for a while, I realized it would make no difference. The feeling I received back was completely neutral. So why did I follow through with it? In the end, it just felt right. 

In the November 2019, my daughter and I suffered through the worst “flu” we’d ever had. It was so bad that at the beginning of it I was worried and requested assistance from my guides. I had a really high fever and Ibuprofen and Tylenol did nothing to control it. The only way to describe how I felt was – “like death”. My body didn’t ache, really. I did have a headache but I don’t recall it being why I felt bad. It was a feeling I’d not ever felt, not even in my previous sickest moments of life, not even when in the hospital after a C-section, not even when I had pre-eclampsia. I would get these intense, all-over body chills and my whole body would shake. I was so cold and couldn’t get warm and then it would pass and I would be sweating profusely. Sounds just like a fever, right? And I did have one. I don’t remember the numbers but I do know no amount of medication could completely rid me of it. In my desperation, I asked my guidance for help and they gave it. Out of the blue I received an all-over body energy hug and with it came immediate relief. This would last long enough so that I could sleep. Unfortunately, I would wake with the same symptoms all over again and have to ask for more, and would receive immediate relief again. Had it not been for the repetitive healing relief by my guidance, I may have resorted to a trip to the hospital that night!

The following days I had no fever but continued to experience chills and hot flashes. With it came  seemingly never-ending, dry heaving coughing fits. Eventually my entire abdominal area was sore and I had to hold myself with my arms to relieve the discomfort. For me, the coughing was only relieved by purposefully relaxing as it seemed the more I resisted the coughing, the more I would cough. Thankfully, the chills and hot flashes only lasted a few days and the coughing lasted a little over a week. 

My daughter didn’t fare as well. Her coughing fits lasted much longer and she stayed in bed most of the day while I continued to work. She also had the chills and hot flashes and splitting headache along with fatigue and body aches. She told me several times, “I would rather be dead than go through this.” 

Anyway, part of my reason for getting the vaccine is that if this virus is worse than what I had in November 2019, I sure the hell don’t want to get it. I have had the flu before, but never, NEVER, like that! I do not want to have whatever I had ever again if I can help it. My daughter agrees. She and I were the only ones in our family to get that “flu” so badly and the memory of it is still vivid. It was really, really bad and that is an understatement. That my guidance had to step in to help is evidence of how sick I was. In my entire life I’ve never received healing like that. It seemed miraculous to me.

The day before my birthday, as I was skimming through news articles for my area, I noticed all the news on the migrant issues at the border. The articles have been common place, so this was not the first time I paused, but for some reason this time I got a kind of “OMG” moment because I remembered my guidance warning me of a “massive migration north” due to climate change. The words, “The time is Now” came to mind and I got a sinking feeing in my stomach. 

I felt drawn to read through my old, typed out journals from 2003-2006. I’ve been through them before and written about this journal several times in this blog. There are two, completely full, three-inch binders and the pages are single spaced. That’s a lot of info to sift through! I haven’t read every single page, of course, but it seems every time I go back through it, I find exactly what I am meant to.

In 2003 I write out a list of things to expect in the next 50 years. Among them is climate change and mention of the massive migration north along with major changes to the U.S. political system around the “middle of the 50yr period” (around 2026).

In 2005 I talk about one of my first visions which also mentioned climate change, a mass migration and a “flu-like” virus that wipes out a large portion of the world population. Here is what I wrote in December 2005:

I was driving home from my BF’s house. It was around 4am. Because I was unable to sleep, I had quietly left his bedroom, whispering something to him about me needing to get home. I rushed out of the house in a hurry, eyes blurry, and still wearing my nightclothes.

The roads were empty and I struggled to focus on the road because I was extremely tired. Once I got the the main road, however, I do not remember driving on the road nor do I remember seeing the familiar landmarks on the way home.

What I do remember is still hard for me to handle. I had just begun communicating with Spirit and my spiritual guide was one among the many voices I heard in my head at the time. I no longer considered myself crazy or insane by this time. I had already recognized that what was happening to me was something extremely sane, something bizarre, something life changing.

I had not had any visions like this prior to this time, so when the visions came upon me, they hit me like a ton of bricks. I remember gasping because of the enormity and extreme realness of the images pouring into my head.

The first thing I saw was an image of myself standing in this light gray mist. On one side of me were people of all kinds. These people represented Earth and the many who lived upon it. On the other side was what I perceived as Heaven filled with Spirit, love, light, and so much more than I can describe. I stood in the middle, not on one side, not on the other. In the gray mist I saw myself reaching out to the people of Earth. As I would reach them I would grab people and one by one pull them to the other side, the side full of light and love.

When I saw this vision, I cried and cried out, “NO!” over and over again to my guide. He only said to me, “It will be” and continued to remind me of this as the visions continued.

I pushed it out of my mind as hard as I could, asking for it to stop. It didn’t stop, though.

The next visions came in waves. By this time I had tears streaming down my face and I remember seeing the lights reflecting off the asphalt of the highway I was on. It seemed I was on a kind of auto pilot as I drove. I saw the road moving in front of me as if in slow motion, visions continuing to force my attention elsewhere.

I saw many things. The first was the White House on fire. There were no angry people in protest nor was there any evidence of the cause of the fire. Yet the fire burned and I felt what I would call a “wind” of massive change and upheaval pour through me.

The visions continued. I saw the rivers swelling with water and the oceans rising, splitting the U.S. in half at the Mississippi River. I saw the land falling into the ocean and people moving to escape the sweltering heat. I saw a new, flu-like disease wiping out portions of the populations of the world. I saw war and terror overseas and greed and political corruption here in the U.S. I saw a huge rubble field replace the parking lots of the school I worked at which is located across from a major military instillation.

Like a wave, the visions kept on and I heard voices crying out and calling to me amongst the chaos that was enveloping my mind. By this time I remember pulling up to my house and turning off the car. I was sobbing and begging for it to stop. “Please”, I said, “Please let me only hear one voice.”

And it stopped. All at once it was quiet and the visions were gone. I heard a quiet voice say, “I am here.” It ended then and I hope it never repeats.

In 2013 I have a visit from a guide where I am given more specifics about what to expect around 2020. This reiterates what I had been told before, but, of course, I’d forgotten about it by then. I have shared that post on here before and here it is again. The virus comes up as does a “change in government”. Based upon this discussion it seems many factors will lead to the decrease in population I am told about.

All throughout my journal I am told that the world is going through its own spiritual awakening that mirrors my own just on a much larger scale. I am reminded that I am loved, I am never alone and there is no judgment, only pure acceptance of what IS. 

So the virus comes up frequently as do other changes. The reason for it seems always just so that I am aware but in the visit with my guide he repeats how “It all comes down to you” and the choices I make – we all make. 

The memory of my experience with the awful flu in 2019, my subsequent review of my journal combined with the OMG feeling and “The time is Now” message, it is no wonder that I woke the morning of my birthday with the decision to get the vaccination. I have often gotten warnings of the future and have felt unable to really do anything with the information I receive. Perhaps this time I can? I may not be able to change what happens on a larger scale but at least I can protect myself and my family – or at least try. 

Some of you may wonder what my stance is on this virus. Do I think it is real? Yes. Do I think it is as dangerous as the media, government and CDC say it is? No, but the fear these sources spread is. Do I believe the warnings my guidance has given me over the years – yes, but my experience with such “predictions” has taught me to take it all in stride, to wait and see and not jump to conclusions. Do I think that the vaccinations are “bad” for me, potentially altering my DNA or tracking my movements – no.

My guidance warned me in 2019 with “put your blinders on” and I am following their advice. Blinders keep a horse looking straight ahead at the path in front of them. They keep distractions to a minimum, blocking the horses view to either side and behind them so the horse doesn’t startle or panic. This is what I believe all of us should do right now. The amount of distraction around us right now is ridiculous and so many of them lead to fear, anxiety, panic and even paranoia. Keep your eyes and focus straight ahead. Focus on what you know in your heart to be true and nothing else. Ignore the distractions. That is all they are and their purpose is meant to slow you down, “injure” you so that you are dependent upon another/others or become completely immobilized. 

My decision was not made in fear. I don’t fear the virus. I don’t fear death. In fact, I joked about how maybe getting the vaccine would kill me and end my misery. lol Honestly, I just don’t want to get sick like I did in 2019 so if I can decrease that likelihood, then I will. Maybe my decision won’t change a thing, maybe it will. We will see. 

I got the Pfizer vaccine because that is what my daughter got. I wanted the Johnson-Johnson one because I really don’t want to get jabbed twice, but it is not readily available in my area and so, since my daughter could only get the Pfizer one, I got it along with her. So far, no problems other than a sore arm. 

When we went to the vaccination clinic the huge space was almost completely vacant. There were two others beside us. As we waited our 15 minutes at the end (to make sure we had no allergic reaction) the nurse approached me and wished me a happy birthday. She was super nice and pleasant, her energy very calming. She seemed like an old soul to me. When we left I felt elated for some reason, which confirmed to me that my decision was sound. 

We will be getting the second dose at the end of the month.

If you now want nothing to do with me, then I bid you farewell and all the best on your journey. It could be your road and mine have now diverged. It could be we meet again in this life, or the next one.

I am not a puppet. I don’t follow the crowd. I do what feels right for me and I don’t push my beliefs and opinions on other people. I think if the rest of the world did this it would be a much more peaceful place, don’t you? 

Keep your blinders on. 

by

Days of Dreamwork

Since I’ve been back from Costa Rica, my dreams have been really vivid and somewhat odd! I often wake up with a realization or an understanding about some aspect of life. I have been warned now, several times, of upcoming changes. Some mornings I wake up in tears, other mornings I was up in ecstasy. lol I prefer the latter, of course, but, like you will see below, you can’t have the good without the bad. 😉

Below are some of those dreams.

July 25th – Dream: Embrace the Darkness

I was with a group and we were exploring an old resort that had been abandoned for a long time. It was still daylight when we went in. I saw a space that looked really new with large, leather sofa chairs and tables. I commented on how new they looked and wondered why they hadn’t sold them. I saw old phones and knew it had been a call center. Then we looked around and it started to get darker. We got separated and I was with this one guy. My flashlight on my phone wouldn’t work and settings kept coming up where I could select a weapon – knife, sword, etc. I began to get worried and at one point was all alone in a dark space. I worried it was haunted but nothing happened to confirm that. I remember seeing an old bathroom and walking down long halls. I knew to get out I had to go back the way I had come. I had to use the screen of my phone to light the way a few times but it was not near enough light. I remember thinking that the space was not unlike my dark bedroom and that all I had to do was close my eyes and go to sleep. There was nothing to be afraid of.

What is funny is that after I awoke and got out my phone, I accidentally turned on the flashlight! Hahaha!

I think the meaning of the last dream is that we need to get comfortable with the darkness. If we calmly walk through it we will find that the darkness is not scary at all and can be quite comforting. Eventually, if we are patient, we will find the Light. 

Ride the Wave, Enjoy the Ride

Recently, a FB ad kept coming up. After about the fifth time I paid attention and took a screenshot for proof. The reason it was so meaningful is because my sister’s name was in it. It is her name with the word “health” after it. Firstly, her name is rare. I’ve never met anyone with her name. Second, her name means “Goddess of truth”. Third, the word “health” does not describe her. If anything, her life has been the opposite. 

I sent the website to my mom and said, “Message or oxymoron?”

Later in the day, I spoke to my husband about my sister and her addictive tendencies. She works very hard to convince others she happy and without problems when on social media and even in person. I mentioned that she is afraid of her own darkness and so runs from it straight into anything which numbs her pain or hides the truth. I told him that we are not all that different from her, we just choose to distract ourselves in other, less harmful ways. 

Then last night I was finishing up watching a Netflix series called The Gift. The last episode reminded me of my dream. The show reminds us that life is a “gift”. The good and even the bad are to be relished. You cannot have one without the other. When I listened to the ending monologue I couldn’t help but think of the 8 Winds of Buddhism and how it applied. 

This morning, a dear friend of mine wrote about addiction and how so many of us are addicted, just not always to those things most stigmatized by society like drugs and alcohol. Addiction is our method of avoidance. Avoidance of pain, of uncomfortable truths, of life, etc. I realized what she wrote tied into everything above. This is part of what she wrote:

“What is your relationship to pain? Reflect on this….a lot. Learn to become aware of the pain, to stay present with it, to even be kind to it. Learn to breathe with it and give it space rather than allowing it to hold court. Stop believing that you shouldn’t have to feel it, or something is wrong with you or your life if it’s there. These are the fundamentals of self-compassion. If we don’t learn to consciously embrace our pain we will continue to self-medicate and dissociate from it, each other, and ourselves.”

So, it seems to me that my dream about the darkness was connected to the other incidents and realizations. I recognized this and understood that I need to confront some aspects of my own darkness. But what?

Dream: Just a Job

I remember being with a group of women. We were in a small space together getting ready – putting on makeup and making ourselves look beautiful. It didn’t take me long to recognize what we were preparing for. A knock came at the door and one woman was called forward and left with a man. I backed up, not really interested in working. I recognized that I was a call girl and knew I would be paid $65 for a half hour. 

I had all kinds of thoughts about my job. I remember knowing I enjoyed my work but then also that it was just “work”. I remember thinking it “fun” and being very interested in sexual acts of all kinds. I remember seeing two men together and being told to listen for a “pop” when they kissed (never heard it, not sure what it meant). I remember seeing a woman climb up on this inversion table-looking device where she laid out naked while another woman came from below. I saw all kinds of various sexual acts, some that would be considered taboo even, but I never once flinched. 

Then I was back in the room looking at a large palette of makeup. A woman was with me showing me some special lipsticks and bragging about selling them. It all reminded me of selling Mary Kay makeup and I was just not interested. In fact, I felt disinterested in pretty much everything in life. I just felt flat; neutral. I remember thinking that at least sex was fun. lol

When I woke I was a bit curious about the dream. It felt like it was an exploration of my past linked with some of my considerations in the present. It may explain why I don’t connect sex with love. Why I am so matter-of-fact when it comes to sex. I do recall past lives when I was a prostitute and it is likely I have been one in many more lives than I recall. The feeling of disinterest was strong and similar to how I feel presently. Perhaps this is part of my darkness? 

Regardless, the message seems to be that you can’t have the good without the bad. Ride the wave and enjoy the ride. 

July 26 – Night-Long Dream: Columbus Day

I was with a group in a forest. We were on a mission looking for someone(s). The most vivid part is when we went onto the lake (emotion). It was dark (unknown, hidden) and the water was solid but pliable. I was told that during the winter it would solidify only there was no ice, just darkness, almost like we were walking on the solar system in that it had a glittery appearance under the moonlight. At one point, though, a wave (unexpected event) came up and pushed me hard, throwing me a distance. Instead of landing on the surface, I fell down into the depths (forced into the unknown depths). Surprised that the water had opened up and swallowed me like that, I swam to the surface. As I swam, I saw a man’s foot and brushed his toes (togetherness). They were warm to the touch and I thought, “He’s still alive.” I told the people on top of the lake when I returned to them but we did not go get the man.

We then continued our search and came upon my mom’s house where somehow I ended up with some fajita meat and tortillas. I took them to a school to give them to a teacher there. When I gave them to her she laughed and asked if someone couldn’t wait and I noticed that several had been eaten. I confessed to eating one and seeing two others eat some also. She said she had hoped to feed 50 people but said it was not a problem because she had ordered a large turkey dinner. She place a huge turkey (fear) on a tray on the counter and showed me. Then, she gave me keys (access to something) and instructions on how to take the fajitas to her office. I went along a maze of hallways and came to a glass enclosed office with a counter out front. I saw the door and went around the side and was let into the office by a student. I didn’t even need to use the keys.

I realized the teacher was not a teacher anymore but some kind of supervisor to other teachers. She organized gatherings and didn’t actually teach classes. The two teachers under her both had PhD’s. I thought that I would never get a PhD in education because it made no sense to me. It felt like someone was asking me questions about my choices here, thus my thoughts.

The dream shifted to me sitting in some chairs in the school entrance. A small blonde girl had been with me and had been taken away. I sat down by a man and the girl was returned. Her hair had been dyed a dark brown. She hid under a large tray which I removed and put in a wagon I had with me. I then began to go over papers with lists of names as I sorted through clothing that was both mine and the man’s. I remember seeing names and explaining the names were of students in the alternative school where I use to teach. I mentioned how many had not made it to the next level and were repeats.

The man sitting next to me helped me sort the clothing as I read through the list. I was sorting out the clean from the dirty. I remember being a bit embarrassed at my underwear (private self) being there but he paid no attention to it. He was very quiet and accepting of me. I did see some of his clothing in the mix, but can’t recall what type. He was telling about himself, specifically that his birthday was in three days. I saw a calendar and Columbus Day. Yet for some reason I called him a Taurus so I was convinced the day was at the end of April. Someone asked, a guide I think, if this man was acceptable to me. I said, “Yes. He seems nice.” I liked how he was quiet and observant. His energy was very calm.

Then the dream shifted and I was standing near what resembled a crypt in an ancient temple. I looked below and saw two graves that were dug out and very deep. In adjacent rooms were more holes without bodies. I wanted to go down and looked toward a man who was sitting next to another man. I don’t know which man was the person I looked to but one said, “We want to be alone.” The feeling was they didn’t want me there. I took no offense and went exploring.

I walked around in what felt like a temple space that was very ornately painted with high ceilings. It felt like a place in Turkey maybe or it could’ve been Hindu. I came to a vendor who had tapestries and woven textiles. I looked through some of the smaller textiles, picked one up and noticed the patterns moved. I smiled as I realized I could control the movement and saw a bird taking flight. A man and woman approached, fascinated and the man asked me what I did for a living. I told him I used my imagination to make things better, that I do this in my dreams in order to make the world a better place. I showed him how and he was intrigued. He wanted to learn and grabbed a textile and I showed him. The image was of a person sitting in a garden. I made the bees buzz and move around the person. He tried and created moving images on his own textile.

Excited, the man took a tapestry and draped it around himself and walked away saying he was going to use his new ability to help him get the job he wanted. I watched him walk away, the tapestry forming to his body and hanging down like a white robe. I was pleased.

Considerations

When I woke I recalled two things specifically: the solid, dark water and Columbus Day. I knew the dark water was symbolic of the depths of my subconscious. I am thrown down into it (possibly the collision I’ve been warned about) and not afraid. I see a man’s foot and brush his toes (togetherness, the small details, more to be known). He is just floating there. I suspect this indicates a karmic relationship or maybe that I am aware of this man at some level. He is in my “depths”, below the surface, alive and waiting there.

The Columbus Day date was on my mind and I woke thinking, “Columbus Day is in October. It is not in April or May (Taurus).” I looked it up and sure enough it is in October. I was told a while ago now that I would meet someone in October. I wonder if this information is to indicate when? Is the man a Taurus? Or is his birthday really on Columbus Day? The laundry being sorted indicates that he and I share something intimate. The saying “airing my dirty laundry” comes to mind. This means “personal or private affairs that could cause distress or embarrassment if exposed.” Perhaps the man and I talk about personal things together? He felt like someone who does not judge, which may be why I am comfortable with him. He sat there calmly observing, which I liked.

The last dream also stayed with me, specifically my explanation about what I am here in this life to do. I create via my imagination and dreams, making things better here on Earth. I seek to make things more beautiful and images of nature appear in the fabric.

The empty graves in the crypt is interesting. They are far below me and very deep. I want to go explore but the man tells me to go away. An empty grave can mean resurrection or it can mean preparation for death. I remember thinking the empty graves odd and I was curious. Where were the bodies? So, it likely means resurrection.

July 31st – Dream: Free

The setting was reminiscent of a post-apocalyptic scene. I was a child in a large, nearly empty warehouse with other children. I recall being sent to bed and having to follow strict rules. I struggled to sleep and was sneaking around with other kids. I remember being strictly forbidden to have any relations with boys but I snuck around trying to do this without much success. There was fear but I’m not sure what of. I also recall being shown how I was born, which was not natural. Me and my siblings were born via a large, shallow pool with pods in it connected by a metal grid with tubes coming out. Natural birth no longer existed.

Then I was on a trip down a road being shown the state of the world. It was desolate and gray with lots of construction going on and large trains hauling materials and cleaning up debris. I saw statues of horses, hundreds of them, being piled into a train car by a crane which was pulling them out of a large, metal container. This visual was extremely oversized, as if it was meant to make an impact. On the other side of the road I saw a statue of a small deer and a man. I questioned what happened to all the animals. A man said they were all dead and all that was left was what I was seeing. I wondered if someone had turned all the animals into stone.

Then I was in an encampment. I overheard plans to bomb the neighbors who were called “The U.S.” The reason for the bombing was stated as a need to keep the country (or it’s influence) from getting bigger and becoming a threat. The thing is, the U.S. was not a threat. It was just a peaceful camp, not big enough to do any harm to anyone. I feared for them and wanted to warn them.

I snuck out and ran toward the U.S. side. I could see men sneaking around putting bombs in select places. Fearing the worst, I began to scream, “There are bombs! You need to get out!” There was this loud noise that drowned out my calls. It was coming from a large body of water where people were working. The workers were out in the water. I kept running toward them, screaming so much that my voice cracked and became hoarse. I ran until they could see me and finally they heard me and they began to run out of the water towards safety. I saw a horse startle and run away and also a rabbit. I thought, “They still have horses and rabbits here!” I was amazed. I swear I heard a voice answer, “Yes, they do.” The bombs began to go off all around, but the people escaped.

I was running to hide and found this bubbling stream or brook that went deep into the ground. I knew the path and jumped in, letting its waters take me down into darkness. I grabbed onto a root during part of the journey and then dropped into the abyss. It took me to the other side and I stepped out, hiding as I peeked out at the space. It was another workspace, like a warehouse with cranes and people wearing welding helmets. Someone saw me and I withdrew. Then a whole group of guys recognized me. They knew I had helped them.  

Then I was in my mom’s house. It was dark and I was with some others. I again felt to be sneaking around and doing what I should not. There was this large, black man who I recognized. I went up to him and he embraced me. I felt an amazing attraction to him. I also knew he was gay yet I didn’t care. It felt that life had restricted us so much that we wanted only to be free. The expression of this came as desire and when we embraced I felt as if I had been “released” and “set free” and I surrendered completely to the man. I wanted nothing more than to release all control to him and when I did this it was such a relief that all the pent up, suppressed life force within me was expressed as intended. It felt as if I was meant to be this way and I had no shame. And when I thought, “He is gay”, I didn’t care and knew it didn’t matter. I did not hold back. I was not afraid.

When I awoke my second chakra was aching and I realized that all I want is to be “free”. I feel that something deep within me wants only to fully surrender, to hand all control to another with full trust that he will protect and cherish me. A part of me is exhausted from life, from trying to control things, people and situations. All I want to do is flow with life, to feel fully and express what I feel without restrictions and rules. 

I was asked to look/feel into the feelings I was having and saw many occasions of men taking what was not theirs to take, misusing their power and creating fear where there should be none; times when I’ve surrendered fully only to have someone abuse the control I’ve handed them, taking with brute force what should be handled with care. I recognized that I purposefully withdraw and keep up my guard. I realized all I need to do to open up again is to trust and that is so very hard to do. Even the smallest sense of deceit from the other and I shut down, tight as a clamshell. I heard an encouraging voice say, “Trust……let it happen.” And there the message is again: Let it happen, let it happen. It’s gonna feel so good. 🙂

by

Visions, Messages and 2 OBE’s

As I was shifting into sleep last night, a visual came at me from my left. What I saw is hard to recall now. It was, I think, branches of a golden tree that looked also like many roads extending from a central point. With it was a feeling that is difficult to describe. It felt like a part of me was opening up or reaching toward something in the distance. Almost as if something new was emerging from me, extending in a new direction. There was a guide on my left, also, and he said to me, “You will have many options.” When he said this to me, I was also saying it. It was as if he and I were speaking with one voice.

There was a brief conversation that followed. I was informed that options would be available to me. When I asked, “When?” I heard, “Soon” and “You know when.” What I recall most vividly from this conversation was a feeling of hope and curiosity. It was obvious that a new path and direction would become available to me after so many years of seeing just one. 

Rather than ponder all the “what if’s”, I soon fell asleep and, to my surprise, had an unexpected OBE.

Dream: Dead Baby Elephant

Rather than relay the entirety of the dream, I only want to focus on parts.

I was with a group and the subject of what to have to eat came up. I said, “I would really like some pudding. Chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, lemon – all of them!” The rest agreed with me and soon it was decided some would go to the store to get some. When they came back, they had forgotten the pudding mix but bought all kinds of other ingredients. I laughed saying, “It happens. Sometimes we just get sidetracked and forget what we were originally looking for.” I don’t recall ever eating any pudding, though.

Pudding symbolism – you are leading a satisfactory but unexciting life and it’s time to step out of your comfort zone. 

The message in the dream makes complete sense. It is so easy to get sidetracked and forget one’s purpose. It’s best not to get upset over our forgetfulness, but take it all in stride. 

The next significant part is when I was driving down a dirt road and a large, Australian Shepard dog came bounding up beside the car. I was thrilled to see it and wanted to take it home. We turned around and exited the car looking for the dog. Someone said the dog had gone after just eating. He pointed to a herd of elephants. A baby one was dead and all of it had been consumed but its ears and trunk. The herd was standing around the dead baby in mourning. I felt my stomach sink when I realized the dog had killed and eaten a baby elephant.

This dream woke me up because I recognized what the symbolism meant. Elephants symbolize the family and relationships among other things. When I saw the dog (fidelity and protection) had killed and eaten a baby elephant I was devastated. I saw this as the death of a relationship and/or my family.

Visions 

When I woke there was a guide nearby and I was wide awake. There was a conversation, but I don’t recall much of it now because I kept shifting into the in-between. I do remember I would say things that would cause me to come out of my reverie suddenly, things that surprised me. One time I was being very childish and fearful, trying to avoid something. 

I remember seeing visuals mostly. In one case, I was outside standing under a huge tree whose branches came down around me and nearly touched the ground. The tree was dripping water but it was not raining. I knew that it had been covered in ice and snow that was melting. I looked up at its branches feeling hopeful but saw the branches were covered in hundreds upon hundreds of cockleburs. They were heavy and hung like fruit from the tips of all the branches. The visual shook me awake as I recognized the symbolism/message of it. It was clear to me that I was being told two things. 1: The ice/snow is melting meaning whatever has been holding me back is clearing so that movement forward can be made. 2: Despite being free to move forward, minor annoyances will plague my path, annoyances that will pile up and become difficult to ignore and avoid.

Another vision occurred while discussing with my guide what lay ahead. I asked to Remember something specific and was told I would Remember many things. With this, I saw myself approach a large refrigerated cooler like one would see in a grocery store. I opened the door and pulled out the only item inside. I realized immediately it was coffee and knew it symbolized “awareness”. 

I fell asleep focusing on feeling what it is I wish to feel in the future.

OBE: Ice Skates

The next thing I remember is being in my bed in a room that was not my bedroom. I was very, very tired but kept hearing conversations that made me get up and investigate. I saw two coworkers at a computer attempting to print something. For some reason I interrupted, saying some things that made no sense to them but did to me. It was about “codes” that had to be used to get the computer to print. They looked at me oddly and I felt immediately self-conscious and disoriented. I lay back down in my bed and felt an intense heaviness hit me. I fought the heavy energy as I tried to make sense of what just happened. I remember answering someone with, “So, that wasn’t real?” I felt relief that what I had just experienced was a dream. That is when I began to recognize I was in the in-between and the sounds I heard (conversations and such) were noises-off.

Realizing I was asleep and in the vibrational state, I decided to get out of bed. The instant I decided this, I was out of bed (and my body) and standing in a house I didn’t recognize. It was a nice house. Quaint. The furniture in it was antique and the walls were made of multicolored, reddish brick. It was spacious and there seemed only to be one room. 

I walked toward a large window in the kitchen area. I could see outside and wanted to exit. I felt the window and it was solid, so I pulled up the window and crawled out of it. As I exited the house I saw a strange sight. There was a full-sized oven with stove perched upon a landing facing the house. There was an opening above it where food could pass through. I thought it odd and wondered about it briefly before looking ahead at my surroundings.

Ahead of me was a long, wooden fence that reminded me of fences I use to see on farms in Montana and elsewhere. I could see a dirt road on the other side and further down the road there were more fences and a roads as far as I could see. It was a clear day and very quiet and calm. It seemed like I was in a rural area of a foreign country.

Above me was a giant tree covered in small, red berries. The branches were too high, so I jumped a bit to grab a berry. When I did this, every berry on the tree fell off all at once. I remember thinking it odd and considered looking down at the ground at the berries but something stopped me. Instead, I turned toward the fence gate. There was a shift in my energy and I decided to look at my hands and say, “Clarity now.” My hands were solid and did not shift. I moved my fingers and they felt solid and real. Then I took my hands and felt down both sides of my body from my hips up to my breasts. I felt solid and very real by my vision was almost tunnel-like, as if I were wearing a virtual reality headset.

As I moved toward the road I noticed my legs and especially my feet felt very heavy and unsteady. I decided to take off my pants and boots but it was difficult. I got my pants down to my knees and walked like this down the road to an intersection. I turned to my right and saw what looked like a small group of apartments in the distance. I saw people standing out front. I walked toward them and saw they were young women. What was odd is they appeared to be wearing ice skates on their feet. One said, “You’re trying to get those off? Let me help you.” I hobbled over to them and sat on a wooden bench, sticking my boot-laden foot toward the girl. The girl grabbed on and began to pull but the realization that I, too, was wearing ice skates hit me and the entire scene slowed down as I shifted back into my physical body. 

I didn’t wake up, but instead lay there listening to noises-off and feeling into the subtle vibrations of my energy body. Eventually, one of the voices solidified and I sat up OOB to find a young girl about the age of 9 leaning down and kissing me. Her mouth remained pursed and she looked like she was anticipating something. I sat up and reached down with my hand brushing her crotch area as if to find out if she were real. She withdrew from my touch as if fearful. I remember calling her my daughter, but she didn’t look like my daughter.

I followed her into another room where I told her I would teach her about her body. She lay on the bed as if she had done it a thousand times and seemed afraid. I tried to calm her as I lifted her shirt but when I touched her she cringed. Something about this scene felt as if I were playing out some long-forgotten memory and I froze as I focused on her whimpering. I thought, “This is not right” and pulled back, shifting back into my body where I finally awoke. 

Considerations

I have no idea what to think of either of these OBE’s. lol Weird is my first thought! 

The first one seems to be more symbolic than anything. Mostly I recall that my astral body felt odd. Heavy, yes, which is not unusual, but it seemed unreal to me, like it was not mine but a bodysuit I put on. Even after looking at my hands and feeling my body it felt unreal. And my vision was also odd. Like I was wearing a helmet that blocked my peripheral vision. 

The ice skates seemed to be a continuation of the message about “thawing out”. I can’t help but recall the message I got a while ago now (Feb/Mar) that something would happen after the last snowfall. It feels like that message is related. I’ve had many dreams where there has been a light dusting of snow or a frozen landscape. This is the first where the snow/ice is melting.

The second OBE felt like I entered into another lifetime or another person’s body/experience. IDK. Perhaps I was a man? I didn’t linger long enough to find out but my intent was to fondle the girl and that is NOT something I wanted to experience. It seemed like the little girl was use to the treatment, which just saddens me. Yet I know that such experiences are not uncommon in this harsh world. So why would I enter such a scene? Perhaps it is part of my Remembering?