Category Archives: Messages

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Kundalini Dream and Message: This is What You Came For

A very active night. Previously, about three days ago now, I told my guidance that I was willing to have Kundalini encounters in dreamtime. I did not expect that it would happen so quickly, though!

Kundalini Dream

I’m with an older man whose looks I can’t recall. I think he is heavy set with dark hair and a beard. I watch as he picks up a tiny, newborn kitten (the feminine). It is weak and he doesn’t think it has a chance. I tell him otherwise, take it from him and explain that I use to raise baby squirrels (locking away emotion) when I was young. At this point I recall thinking the kitten was a squirrel.

I feed the kitten milk using a syringe. The man is still skeptical but I can tell the kitten has the will the live by the way it eagerly takes to the milk.

Then I’m in a room that reminds me of a library but I don’t see any books. There are rectangular, wooden desks and someone I know from work is sitting at one. I am nursing him to health. It appears that he was the kitten and now he is better and stronger. I show him a schedule of when to take his medicine and what dose but the medicine is written in weight – 1lb.

We discuss his progress and he says, “I did 5lbs today.” I advise him to be cautious and not to rush things. With this I realize his parents are not his parents but caretakers. I know them, also, and wonder why they abandoned him. When we talk about this he seems very sad. In fact, I can feel what he feels and so am quite sympathetic. I know in time he will just get stronger and so I keep encouraging him.

Then two other people come into the room. One I recognize. It is my SIL. The other is a woman I do not know. As the woman is leaving, my SIL says something like “Go with God” (she would never say this in real life) and the woman turns back and says, “God has nothing to do with it.” My SIL rolls her eyes but the other woman never sees it.

Seeing my SIL roll her eyes, I call her out, telling her something to the effect that for every time she rolls her eyes, someone is doing the same to her four times as much.

I turn around, feeling very sad for some reason, and crawl into bed (not sure where my bed comes from but it was there). I curl up on my left side in the fetal position. I can see the man I am helping looking at me. He looks concerned and comes over to comfort me. He says something but I can’t recall what. It feels like he is offering to hold and comfort me. I allow him to join me in bed.

I begin to cry as he crawls into bed on my right and spoons with me, wrapping his arms around me. I can feel how open and vulnerable he is – I am. In him I recognize aspects of myself.

A warm energy hits my heart and root at the same time and spreads throughout my body in all directions. It is absolutely beautiful! The feeling takes my breath away. I am Home.

Sadly, I woke up in that instant, tears still streaming down my cheeks, the beautifully warm energy still swirling around my body. It was especially noticeable in my heart chakra. Oh how I have missed the heart bliss!!!

I remember hearing a song playing in my head and a guide being nearby. The song was Come Away With Me by Nora Jones. The specific lyrics I heard were, “Come away with me on a bus….and I want to wake up with the rain falling on a tin roof…”

I remember saying to my guidance, “I really like him.” I said this because I recognized the man as he is not a newcomer to my dreams. He isn’t a frequent visitor but I have seen him in my dreams at least 5 times over the last four or five years. Usually we are just friendly, having long discussions as we sit facing each other. He tells me about his life, how he feels, his concerns, worries, and plans. In one he was telling me what he wanted in a partner. Specifically, that he wants to marry and have a family of his own, but his relationships don’t ever seem to pan out despite lasting years sometimes. He has also expressed interest in me but has not acted on it because I am married and I am 10 years older than him. I do not fit with his goals, specifically that he wants children of his own. My response has always been understanding, acceptance and compassion.

Never has the Kundalini been present in dreams where he was involved. I don’t even know if he is conscious of meeting me in dreamtime. If he is, he has never mentioned it, but then I have never asked him.

So, when I woke from this dream I was somewhat concerned about what it might mean. I have long wondered what was going. Why do we keep meeting up in dreamtime? Are we just soul family helping each other out?

I considered talking to him the next time I saw him and fell back to sleep with this on my mind.

Dream: This is What You Came For

The same coworker from my previous dream is present. I am listening to him talk to a friend. He is explaining how he is still recovering from his most recent breakup. He is very sad and lonely. I recognize this feeling, this melancholia, because I have felt it, also. He is Homesick, searching for something he cannot quite put his finger on and feeling lost and worn down by all his perceived failures.

For some reason I am on the ground below him facing up. It is quite odd but they don’t seem to notice I am there. The woman tells him that he needs to take his time and heal. She reminds him there is no rush.

As I listen I become extremely emotional and begin to cry. I know that if this man and I were to get involved that it would be an impossible situation. Our age difference alone would be a challenge, but there are so many other factors involved. I remember thinking how unfair and painful these types of connections can be. I think, “I don’t want to hurt anyone else.”

My tears wake me up and I lay in bed in for a while, again wondering what the hell is going on.

Another song is going through my head. The lyrics are, “Baby, this is what you came for. Lightning strikes every time that she moves.” But the end part, after “lightning strikes” is muted. It is as if I am being reminded that my purpose here involves the Kundalini and that “lightning” will strike.

My guide is present with me there is a discussion between us. I only recall bits of it now. I remember knowing my energy tends to draw in others. That it is just the way I am. I should not blame myself but just be aware of it and cautious. Then I recall being shown a piece of mail, like a FedEx envelope. I hear, “Express mail” and “Two days”, but I know it is not “mail” but rather symbolic of communication. So, in two days I will receive communication?

Dream: Melting Ice Cream

I am in a kitchen (nourishment). There are young children of various ages around me. I am thinking of my diary (worry) and memories of this very large pad of paper comes to mind. It is gigantic, about four feet by two feet! In it I am writing very personal things, some of which involved the coworker all my other dreams have been about. I lay the pad down. When I see it, I am reminded of very ancient papyrus. It is stained and worn, like I’ve been writing in it since the beginning of time.

Then I am outside, the man from the previous dreams is still my focus. It seems like I am gathering information on him. Spying on him? IDK but I am definitely observing. I turn around and see what looks like my diary rolled up and being pushed along by the wind. Worried someone will find it and read it, I frantically run after it. I tell a woman to stop it and she puts down her foot and it stops but then falls down near some stairs. When I go to retrieve it, I find it is not my dairy at all but a laundry hamper full of pillows (comfort, safety, protection) and other items, mostly various fabrics. I offer it to the other young women around me. They come and take what they want and I select two pillows. My diary is no longer on my mind. Instead I seem to want to encourage the women to take pillows from the basket.

Next, I end up in the kitchen with children. I open the refrigerator (feeling cold or frigid sexually). It is nearly empty. I open one of the drawers and begin to write in ink on the bottom of the drawer. I see my handwriting on the inside of the other empty drawers, too. When I realize that others could see what I am writing, I erase the ink with my fingers.

That is when I discover ice cream pops (desire, youth, lust) of various kinds inside one of the drawers. They are melting (failures). Some have bites taken out of them. I realize the children had snuck the ice cream and then hidden it in the fridge because they were afraid of being caught.

I sternly ask the children which one of them did it. They try to lie but I am able to get confessions from some of them. I explain it is wasteful. They apologize.

There is this one young girl who I speak to briefly. She had left one of the ice creams inside. I said, “Wow! You have grown so much! You’re taller than me now!” I look up at her. She has long, dark hair and a medium complexion. I know she was Hispanic and I also know who her mother is. I gave her a huge hug and am very proud of her.

Then another young, Hispanic woman came over. She opened her arms up wide and the young woman said, “She wants a hug, too.” The two young women together pulled me into a three-way hug. It felt warm and comforting and I immediately began to cry. The emotion I was feeling was a mixture of relief and Homesickness.

When I wake I am feeling grief over my age and my lost youth. The years flew by and I am already in my 40’s. I realize that I need to really cherish these years of my life because, one day very soon, they will be gone. My children will grow up and have lives of their own I don’t want to be left regretting not spending more time with them. Every day is precious and should not be taken for granted.

Interpretation

I woke in tears yet again. The above two songs kept repeating in my head. I consider my dreams and their symbolism. My conclusion is that I am being encouraged to heal and allow the Kundalini to show me the path.

There are obvious fears holding me back. Mainly that the Kundalini has a tendency to bring about painful experiences for myself and others. That is why I pull out of the first dream before the energy is able to fill me up completely. But it is not just fear of hurt that causes me to pull away. It is also the memory of Home and how homesick it makes me when I experience Home again. This reality is so harsh and ugly in comparison and I end up horribly depressed when I come “back down”.

111, 1111

I’ve also been seeing 111 and 1111 quite a bit lately. I see it on the clock almost daily. In fact, one of the visions I had this morning while in the in-between was of 1111. Then today, I noticed my stats:

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Dream: Teaching Government – and a Message: The Light Will Prevail

I was in a car driving in Montana. I watched the beautiful scenery fly by through the car window. The trees had a vibrant orange foliage. The colors, blurred by the speed of the car, formed what appeared to be smear of orange on the window.

I knew I was going to report to my new job. I was unsure what I would find. As we rounded the bend I saw a large building and thought, “That must be the school.” 

When I walked up to the school building, teachers were rushing about and I could not find anyone to get directions from. I saw the front desk and went to inquire there. The counter was long and gray with a second counter below it for people on the other side to rest against. It reminded me of a teller’s station at a bank. The receptionists were on the phones talking or talking to people at the counter. I overheard their conversations. They were discussing a new policy to ensure no one came into the building infected. Everyone, even the teachers, had to wait in a long line to enter the building. They had their temperature taken and were given an amount of time to wait before interacting with others. 

When I got to the front of the line and spoke to the receptionist I told her I was the new teacher. She asked me what I was going to teach and I said, “Government”. She congratulated me and instructed me to check in, which meant I had to go through the line. 

I walked around to the side of the building and bypassed the line in order to observe everyone around me. It was all very odd to me the way they operated this school – the lines, the mini-quarantine, the metal detector-like boxes everyone had to walk through. They even had little gates that lifted only when a person was granted access. 

When I went through the line I somehow managed to avoid the same stringent inspection. They asked me where I had been and I said, “I was on a walk”. They told me, “Stand over there.” I think I was told I had to quarantine for a whole day but that isn’t what happened, so maybe it was 1 hour? 

A nice woman approached me and gave me keys to my classroom along with some other materials that I would need. I remember a rolling chair that had a compartment on the back where I could hide things. A bag of chips was in the compartment when she demonstrated how it worked. There was a cover that went over the back of the chair. The chair also had a way to position the chair to make it easier to get out of it. I thought it all a bit too much but it was cool regardless. 

Then the woman asked me about my plans. Did I tend to create lesson plans well in advance or as needed? I told her I liked to have an outline for the entire year and several weeks of plans written. She seemed to disapprove and explained that it was expected that I create lessons daily because government was a subject that required students to really master each topic before moving onto the next topic. I nodded my agreement and said that every lesson could be adjusted to the needs of the class. I remember thinking of how the subject itself could be very difficult for some students to master.

The woman also explained that I would be jumping right into teaching. The previous teacher would not be there to assist. I had assumed he would be so this made me a little apprehensive. 

I looked down at the keys to my classroom and decided I would go take a look at it. I had to get into yet another line. This time a student came up to me and smiled. She told me she would be in my class and was highly energetic. I greeted her warmly but I began to second guess my decision to teach there. I wondered if I was under contract. Could I leave whenever I wanted? 

The next thing I remember is being in a car with the woman who had given me my introduction. We were heading to the nearest town which was 30 minutes away. The town was where I would be staying while I was there. I remember asking about the distance and the woman said the school was at least 30 minutes from any town. I again thought about changing my mind. Did I really want to have that long of a commute? A commute that long in the winter could be brutal. 

As we drove I looked out the window and commented on the river. I think my daughter was there. I pointed out that the rivers in Montana were three times the size of the rivers in Texas. All I could see out both sides of the car was this massive river. It was very turbulent with rocks poking out in places. 

A man who happened to be in the car with us was asking me about Texas rivers. He said he owned land in New Braunsfels. I told him about tubing on the Comal River. In my mind I saw the crystal clear waters of the much smaller Comal River. In comparison to the river I was seeing out the window, the Comal was so much more beautiful with its emerald green, clear water and calmer, lazy current.

Considerations

It seemed like the dream was a warning of what lies ahead. When I woke I was thinking of the info I received in a dream in 2013 that told of the Corona Virus and a “change in government” that would happen around 2022.

For me, Montana is symbolic of my journey. As one travels through life, they encounter mountains and valleys. The mountains are the challenges, the valleys are the calmer, easier periods. In many of my recent dreams, I’ve recalled conversations with others about possibly relocating to Montana. I have declined those invitations, indicating that the harsh winters are just too much for me. Now, in this dream, I am moving to MT to teach government. I can’t say for sure if “government” is directly related to my own journey, a Collective lesson, or both. Based upon the virus precautions I observe in the dream, I can’t help but think I am being shown a glimpse of a possible future, one where the US is requiring everyone go through stringent protocols in order to just live their lives. This may mean long lines, temperatures taken, vaccines given, quarantines required, etc. 

The discussion I have about lesson plans seems to be a warning that it would be advisable that I not make any long-term plans at this time. Instead, it is suggested that I take it day-by-day, changing my plans as needed and adjusting to “student” needs. It could also indicate that there is no set path at this time; that the Collective is experiencing a type of “zero point” and so no one path is THE path, but instead all paths are available and open to us. 

When I write about this zero point I see a single point that then explodes into a starburst pattern in all directions. 

The massive river I see indicates a period of turbulence and challenge. I am contrasting this to a calmer river – perhaps a period in my life. In the dream I wonder if I can change my mind. I see the crystal clear, emerald green waters of the Comal River as preferable to the massive and turbulent water of the river I feel surrounded by in the car. 

It felt like I was being encouraged to enjoy this time in my life because major change would be coming. It feels like that change is not something I can control, like it will happen around me via the changing political climate in the US – and likely the world as a whole. I heard, as I awoke, that the Light will prevail in the end. It wasn’t just the Light in general, but my own, also. 

Pic of my personal journal with the prediction (#19)

I was reminded of a list of predictions I was given early into my spiritual journey. So, I opened up one of two, three-inch binders that hold a printout of my personal journal. 

I found the list of predictions for the next 50 years. It was written in August, 2003. One of those predictions did have to do with the political climate in the US.  

“[A] Political party shift will occur in the middle part of the fifty year period. Two new political parties will emerge and Democratic and Republican moderates will merge into a new party.” 

Considering I wrote down these predictions in 2003, the “middle part” would be around 2026. This is very soon! 

I find it difficult to imagine that the Democrats and Republicans would “merge” in any way, but it is possible. The political parties in the US have undergone numerous shifts throughout history. At one point the Republican party was more like today’s Democratic party. So, anything is possible. In fact, I was thinking just this morning how during the Civil War the term “radical” was used as much as the word “liberal” is used today to describe members of a political party with more extreme beliefs. 

I suppose this dream could be considered quite ominous but I prefer to focus on the message I received as I awoke: The Light will prevail.

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Waiting for the Call

Since my Kundalini dream last week, not much else has happened. The K has been quiet and dreams have been strange if recalled but mostly forgotten. I have had some interesting messages from the Universe that have come in various ways all seeming to add up to one complete message that I am not completely open to hearing. 

First, I have been less resistant the last couple of days. In general the energy seemed to be lighter and I was more go-with-the-flow than I have been in a while. Sleep was generally very good and solid and the normal day-to-day problems I tend to focus on or mull over were just not worth my time.

Then, yesterday, on my morning walk, I was thinking of our ski trip to Montana the week after Christmas and going through a mental list of things we still need. One thing I realized was a must have was Chapstick. Lips tend to get very chapped when temperatures are below freezing all the time. I remember thinking, “I need to get some Chapstick.” With that thought I put my attention on the parking lot ahead of me and my dog, Monty. That is when I saw very clearly a tube of Chapstick laying directly in my path. When I inspected it I saw it was brand new, unopened and still sealed. It was even the kind I usually get for the kids – cherry flavored! I laughed and thanked the Universe for the gift.

The rest of the day was good. We put up our Christmas tree and then me, my husband and the boys went to a nearby hiking trail for an evening hike with the dog. The Fall colors were beautiful in the light of the setting sun! The air was brisk but not too cold and there weren’t too many people out and about. I took some great photos. I somehow caught a perfect image of my own shadow in one picture, which felt significant to me. It is as if my HS is saying, “Here I AM. Pay attention. Listen.” 

Toward the end, as I walked ahead of everyone, I heard two owls (wisdom, inner guidance) hooting to each other. I couldn’t find them in the trees but they were very chatty. 

As we drove home we came across a small group of deer (guidance, resilience, change) running through a parking lot (lack of movement in life). 

My husband and boys decided to go to a movie after we got home. I snuggled up in bed with my cup of tea and zoned out watching two episodes of The 100 before doing my nightly meditation. This is when all the messages I pushed away purposefully from the day came back in spurts. It felt like my guidance was tapping on my shoulder very gently asking me to please pay attention. Some of the messages that came through included: 

A thought that the things I nitpick and get irritated about in my day-to-day life are not important and that, someday, I will look back and regret how I behaved because it was not from a place of love. Memories of other times this has happened came into my mind and I remember knowing I should listen but my Not-Self came back with the thought –  it is pointless to change because I always fail when I try.

A sense that change is coming. There was a presence all around me that felt to be pressing upon me with a feeling of “get ready”. 

My mind went back to an email I received earlier that day. The title was, “Comfort zones are where dreams and goals go to die.” My thought to this was, “I like being wrapped up in my comfort zone, safe to the point of boredom. It is better than the alternative, the uncertainty and the unknown.” After this thought I thought, “I don’t even know what my dreams and goals are anymore.” Then, feeling and Knowing excuses were pointless in the face of my guidance/HS, I asked, “Fine. What should I change?” I knew it was almost everything. 

Then the song returned that had come to me before as a message – “It’s time to be a big girl now, and big girls don’t cry.” 

The messages were received but I purposefully pushed them out of my mind. In doing this I was asked why I might not want to hear. I knew there was more than one reason. First, I struggle to grab onto any hope that there might be something ahead to look forward to. If I hope and things don’t turn out how I hope they will, I feel sorely disappointed. Then there was the fear of stepping into the unknown. Always fear of the unknown.

Dreams

I had several interesting dreams. Sadly, only fragments remain. 

In one more vivid dream, I was flying over a vast, crystal clear lake. Alongside me was a drone. I could hear the buzzing of its little motor. The drone spoke to me, asking me to follow it. Below, a small boat came into view and I knew the operator of the drone was on that boat. I could see a man fishing from the boat. I was told to go to a large rock so I did. I landed on top and looked around. The lake seemed to stretch for miles all around, its water a vivid, aqua blue. I could see everything that was under the clear water. There were fish of all kinds. Many looked tropical while still others looked like fish from a coral reef. The water was very deep yet I could see the rocks of the bottom as if they were just a couple of feet below. Then I heard someone call to me. I turned to look and saw three young men on the mainland. They wanted to come to my tiny rock island. I told them to be careful because the distance between my island and the mainland was far. I saw one young man jump and feared he would fall but he landed with ease next to me. I am pretty sure he floated across. When he landed I saw he was a good two feet taller than me. He asked me about the fishing and I told him about how the fish seemed like those from an aquarium and a coral reef. I didn’t think they would be good to catch and eat.

In another dream I was in a house with a small group. One was a medium and there was discussion about my gifts as a medium. I remember telling those in the group that I was not very good at what I did, at least not good enough to make a living doing it. I gave many reasons why I could not and would not try again. Throughout this I watched this man who was a trance medium. He had with him an older woman with red hair. There was much talk about this man was at what he did. I watched him do his work and saw how good he was. I felt completely unable to be anything like him. I was told my way was not his way, my gifts were not his. I remember receiving encouragement and support but I would not believe. My self-doubt was strong. At some point I remember a male voice very clearly say to me, “Don’t be afraid.” As I heard this a very strong energy came in and filled my entire head and began to migrate down. I could feel and hear the vibration of this energy. It was very familiar and though I was not afraid, I did startle awake instantly. 

Considerations

I am not sure why I didn’t realize I was OOB in the first dream. It was obvious to me when I awoke, though. The dream imagery was very vivid as was the feeling of my astral body and the clarity of my perception. It felt to me like I had entered an astral landscape. It was a place where flying was normal yet I did not realize this fully. The clear lake is symbolic of my inner world being cleared to make ready for making change in my waking reality. The fish represent choice and fishing represents making that choice. I “fish” for the next opportunity but am hesitant to make that choice. I am on an island which symbolizes feeling isolated, alone and trapped. The fact that the distance between the mainland and island appears far but really isn’t symbolizes that things are not as they seem. 

My sense of the second dream is that it represents a conversation between myself and my Team of guides. Recently I was asked if I would consider returning to previous “work”, work of a spiritual nature. The idea of trance mediumship came up as an option and I told my guidance I was not opposed to it because I feel I am capable, especially after experiencing several unintended instances of it. So the second dream appears to be a continuation of this conversation and the energy I felt toward the end was likely a practice attempt but I awoke and interrupted it. 

When combined, the messages and dreams indicate preparation for something up and coming, a change of some kind. The way I responded indicates my preparedness. While a part of me is ready, another is unwilling to take risks, afraid of and pessimistic about the future. As I contemplate all of this, I feel I am ready for change but don’t want to go it alone. The lack of support and direction is what holds me back. I just don’t have a solid Knowing or Call in any one direction. I am just waiting for the Call.

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More on my Human Design Research

I continue to read the book, The Definitive Book of Human Design, as well as do online research into HD. The following are some of the thoughts I’ve jotted down over the last week.

Uranus Opposition

I have been thinking of how I am currently experiencing my Uranus Opposition and what I read in HD about what that meant. It is a turning point taking a person from a focus on their South Node to a focus to their North Node. The North node is my purpose and focus for this lifetime. It is where I “shine”. The North Node is challenging but fulfilling. I believe mine is in the 9th House and in Scorpio. The South Node is about the past and what is comfortable and secure. I think mine is in my 3rd House in Taurus. 

In thinking of my North Node and what I was told in a recent astrological reading, I recalled my North Node indicated I would be most fulfilled working in the spiritual, traveling and/or meeting new people, transcending the material, diving deep and the transpersonal. It is clear to me that my South Node has been my focus for a while – my family, my safe place, karmic contracts, retreat. I was reminded of spiritual experiences I have documented in my blog, experiences that helped me Remember my purpose/mission here. I acknowledged that I did indeed Know my path.

I have also noticed that those things related to my South Node seem to be fading from my focus more and more. I have always been drawn back to my family land and my mother – my “safe space”. Lately, however, I am not feeling a draw to that at all. Instead I feel like walking away from it forever. Leaving it in the past where it belongs. It isn’t that I don’t love my mother or my family roots/land but that I no longer feel the weight of it, or its pull, upon me. I feel freed from obligation and responsibility, like I am finally letting go of my past and everything that had been weighing me down. 

I have never been one to hang onto material possessions. My past homes, land, and possessions were easily let go of as I moved on. Usually I sell most everything when I move. My thought is, “I can always buy another.” I am definitely not sentimental! I don’t attach to the things I buy. Cars are just cars. Homes are just homes. The memories are always with me. I don’t need things in order to Remember. Yet I obviously was holding onto what my family land and home represented – safety/security. My Mom represents that as well. She kept me safe as a child, so why wouldn’t I feel safe with her near? But with my recognition of this and now letting go of it, I can see the glue that held it all together. I am now recognizing that I am safe/secure no matter what. I don’t need a place or a person to feel that way. 

There was an analogy in the HD book I am reading about the Not-Self. The Not-Self is suppose to be the passenger in the car while the HS is the driver. The Not-Self is linked to the mind and the mental. In the 7-centered Being the Not-Self was the driver but now that we are 9-centered it has not realized that it cannot drive this vehicle; it isn’t capable. It must surrender to the HS and sit in the back seat and just enjoy the ride. 

I thought about how I have surrendered many times but it seems that every time I end up trying to drive the car. In thinking of this I laughed because I am reminded of being a child going on a family road trip sitting in the back seat asking, “Are we there yet?” Children are content to sit in the back enjoying to ride for a while, but the boredom sets in when the drive just goes and goes with the same scenery passing by. I can relate to this boredom. It is how I feel right now. I keep asking, “Are we there yet?” in hopes that I will get to go Home soon. My HS answers, giving me a time period for when the next interesting thing will come along, but it seems like “forever” to me. 

Projectors Need Support

Recently, in the in-between, I heard, “Time to be supported.” 

This reminded me of something I heard on a FB video post by a HD analyst. He said that Projectors need lots of support because they do not create their own energy and so often lack the motivation to continue on a path. Many find themselves struggling to finish college and stay financially stable unless they can find a benefactor, usually a Generator, to support them either financially or otherwise. I find this benefactor idea applicable to my situation. I had Generators all around me, pushing me to finish college when I no wasn’t motivated to do so. I had Generators pushing me to stick it out at work, too. I have also sought out support when I wanted to do something. If I couldn’t find that support I usually didn’t persevere. I find it very difficult to succeed in business-type ventures without a partner. I am aware that I need support. I have always been aware of this. 

My Family and HD

HD feels to explain so much. It fills in the gaps and allows me to better understand all of the information my guidance has provided throughout my lifetime.

I have been researching the charts of family members who have had the most influence over me. All are Generators or Manifesting Generators. Four so far are 2/4’s! My Mom, brother and both of my sons are 2/4’s. Since I am a 6/2, we share the 2 line (Hermit). 2 lines are fiercely honest. We call people out who are inauthentic. We have a strong inner Knowing. Trust is very important to us. Break our trust and it is very difficult to regain it. We are here to be blunt and need lots of alone time. The wisdom of a 2nd line is to recognize that letting someone else in makes life more beautiful and fulfilling. We need to let others in to see outside our little bubbles. We tend to carry with us memory of our origins so have a deep sense of Homesickness. 

My Mom, who has been the most influential in my life, has a chart that really compliments my own. It explains why we get along so well and are so connected. Not only does she have the same variable as me (mentioned in another blog post), but her undefined centers and defined centers compliment mine. I am almost all undefined or open. She is almost all defined. 

My definition is the same as both my sons. I am single-definition. 40-45% of the population is single-definition. This means I do not go around feeling like I need someone else to “complete” me. I am independent and okay being on my own. Energy flows naturally through us. We don’t need relationships and are just fine on our own. In romantic relationships I seek out only the very best partners (super picky). Just anyone wouldn’t do because why would I be with someone who isn’t the best when I am just fine on my own? And in relationships if the other restricts my freedom in any way I am happy to say “Bye!” and won’t look back. I choose to be with who I am with. The lesson of a single-definition is to accept that we do actually need others. 

My Mom and younger sister are triple-definition. I haven’t researched this yet but I have researched split-definition. My older sister is split-definition. The split-definition person feels they are missing their other half and is always seeking out someone to complete them. They can become highly co-dependent. When alone with their thoughts they are often “split” inside. One half says one thing, the other half questions it or says another thing. They never have a true sense of clarity because of this. My daughter is split-definition and I asked her if this describes her. She agreed that it did. 

The most revealing part of HD so far to me is how the undefined centers of our aura seek out others who have those centers defined. When we find them and they “click” perfectly in place like a puzzle piece, then we feel it. The more “clicks” the more they may impact us. This can explain soul connections and other similar connections. It can also explain why some people repel us.

My Defined Centers

I only have two defined centers – Throat and G-Center. I am grateful for this because of all the defined centers to have, the one that really counts (IMO) is the G Center.

G Center – Love, Identity and Direction. The Seat of the Higher Self (Magnetic Monopole). 57% of the population has a defined G Center. Note: The G Center is located in the center of the chest where we traditionally think the heart chakra is located. The Heart Center in HD is not in the center of the chest, but is associated with willpower (self-esteem), Ego and the material world.

Those with a defined G-Center have a consistent experience of Love and a fixed and reliable self-identity. They Know who they are! They are secure in their love for themselves and can love others without becoming dependent on them (yes!!!). They have a sense of their own correct mission and direction in life and naturally can point out new direction and love for others.

The downside – “Although their G Center is defined, succumbing to expectations imposed on them or conditioned by others, while rejecting their own direction and thereby denying themselves love, can lead them to experience such a sense of loss in their life that they give up on themselves altogether” (The Definitive Book of Human Design, p. 101). I, personally, can relate to this as I feel this IS and has happened to me. 😦

Throat Center – Communication and Manifestation, Metamorphosis and Transformation through interaction with the world. 72% of the population has a defined Throat Center.

The Throat Center transmutes and directs how information from all parts of the BodyGraph manifests in the world. “If the Throat is connected to the G Center, one speaks from personal identity and direction, from the higher self” (p. 55). If someone has a defined Throat connected to a defined motor (root, sacral, heart, solar plexus) they can always manifest but it doesn’t mean they always should. A Throat connected to a motor can create impulsiveness, talking too much or not enough, and the giving away of energy to every impulse. I, by the way, do not have this issue (I have no defined motor) but I still tend to talk too much at times. This is likely borrowed/conditioned from one of my many Generator family members who do this. lol

Driver/Passenger

Shifting Gears……the below dream supports the driver/passenger analogy as written in the book I am reading.

From page 21:

“In a human being, the Personality Crystal of Consciousness…..sits above your head…in the Head Center at the top of the BodyGraph. This Personality Crystal manifests what you identify with as your Self, of who you think you are, and is called the passenger or passenger consciousness. The Design Crystal of Consciousness…..is seated in the Anja Center….and manifests the biogenetics of your body, or the physicality of the form. It is referred to as the vehicle or form consciousness. The relationship between these two crystals is likened to a backseat passenger (Personality) who rides in a vehicle (Design) operated by a third party – the driver.”

As mentioned already, the driver is located in the G Center. It has two functions – 1. It holds everything together (the Personality Crystal and Design Crystal) in the illusion of separateness and 2. It connects us to our movement in time through space and guides us along our path (destiny) in life.

What I find fascinating is that from the beginning of my spiritual awakening the analogy of the car, driver and passenger has been numerous. I can’t count how many dreams and OBEs I’ve had using this analogy!

Dream: I Do It All

In this dream I was with a girlfriend. We went to the entrance of a large theater-like place. There was a line out one side and a booth with a man selling tickets. My friend turned around and went up to the booth, cutting in line but since the line was so far from the booth the ticket master didn’t notice. He gave her a ticket. I asked my friend what she was doing and she said, “Voting”, so I figured everyone was in line to vote. The place did not feel like a place to vote, though. 

I walked in front of the ticket booth also cutting in line. I looked at the person in line apologetically as the ticket master walked up to me. He was a very odd guy, though. He didn’t look like he belonged there. He was telling me how he did all sorts of things besides giving out tickets. I saw mental projections in a screen in my mind as he told me. I saw an image of him with drugs and my reaction was surprise. Then, out of the blue, he hugged me close to him. When he did this he said, “Don’t you know? I do it all.” With his words and hug came a swirl of images and memories. I knew all the memories and people in them and in that instant an energy came into and filled up the area at my solar plexus. It was like the ticket master and I became one. His energy swirled within me, expanding outward until it went past my body. The energy brought with it Knowing. I Remembered and responded to the man but I can’t recall my specific words. The Knowing was that all men, all experience, were One and I was One with them. We are all One.

Planning

As I woke the energy continued to swirl. It was a pleasant feeling, though not blissful, just pleasant, like I was feeling a part of myself long forgotten, a part connected and Knowing and without expectation. 

The man in the dream continued to speak to me for a while after. I shifted in and out of the in-between so some of what was said is lost now. It remains mostly as a Knowing. I do remember that he reminded me, “You are here to experience what you are Not.” With this came an understanding that my life at present is part of that experience of who I am Not. I Remembered Knowing this. How could I forget it? I remember asking if my entire life was going to be like this? It felt that once I had experienced enough of who I am Not, then I can settle into being who I AM. 

There was comfort in knowing my life at present is part of this “experiment” and not something “wrong”. I didn’t go off course. There is no reason to resist it or fight it. With this understanding I asked the man, “Please help me surrender. I am tired.” The exchange here was pure telepathy. Words can’t describe it but the summary of it, if I had to give it words, is that he is the Driver and I am the Passenger but We are a Team. As the Driver he would always take me to places I desired to go but he alone decides the route because only he has access to the map. 

There is memory of discussing where we are headed. I remember seeing a tiny, black box. In it was being stuffed something much bigger than the box, yet it still fit perfectly. There were other black boxes of various sizes all around, but the smaller one was the focus. The discussion during this visual was hidden behind it but I remember part of it was me describing what I would like to do next. I think I said the word, “Witch” but it was mixed with other words, all describing a spiritual path. The man asked me if I was certain as he stuffed the black box. This is when I became aware of the the discussion and knew he and I were planning together how I/We would make the transition away from experimentation/observation. 

In another vision from the in-between there is vivid memory of opening up a refrigerator door. It was a tiny fridge sitting on the floor. Inside it was empty but I could see clearly the icy interior. The man asked me, “What are you looking for in there?” This brought me out of my reverie and as the visual faded I wondered about what I thought I had put inside it. The only answer I received was that somehow the fridge represented a feeling. Security. Safety. Seeing the fridge was empty reminded me that there was no need to use it to preserve these things. They were already and always would be, mine, and no one could take them from me.

by

Question Answered and a Return to the Clarion Call

Lots of high, chaotic energy, strange dreams and syncs lately.

On my drive into work yesterday I got a strange feeling in my crown/head area. I worried I would pass out because my vision shifted a bit and I saw blotches of dark spots. As it was clearing, a thought occurred to me that it was spiritual and not something to worry about. What I was experiencing likely went along with other incidents, incidents which lined up in my memory, flashing in sequence. The minute I understood this I was stopped at a light. In front of me a license plate read, “111X19”.

Maybe 10 minutes later my husband told me something and included the current time, “1:11”. 

The memories that came to me in that short, odd experience while driving, were recent. It was a day, maybe two days, before the election. I was researching Human Design (HD) while feeling very upset and overwhelmed with my life, current troubles and problems and just in general. Though I didn’t save the article I was reading, I recall that while reading it certain words and sentences would trigger emotion and realizations. I also ended up being inundated with flashes of memories in my head, while knowing these memories were showing me the answers, providing what I somehow missed. But in the moment the memories and emotion and realizations were so much that I grabbed my head, bent over, closed my eyes and began to sob as I yelled out loud to my guides, “Stop it! Get out of my head!” 

What I experienced is unprecedented for me. I often get memories as answers. I often get huge Knowings accompanied by strong emotion. These are not unusual. BUT the way they came all at once into my head, invasive/intrusive, without me being able to control it all, was just too much. I knew it wasn’t an attack. I knew it was to help me, but at the time it made me feel crazy, it made me question my comfortable little illusory reality. A reality I was instructed to return to while I waited. Funny how easily I reintegrated into that illusion. How easily I forgot. 

In the days since then I have been able to slowly process what happened that day but it has not been without interruption. The election and the crazy energy still present has made it difficult to consciously digest it all. Thankfully consciously doing this work is not a requirement. If anything, it can be a hinderance.

I realized on that day and still now that the whole re-introduction to HD that I have found myself in was in answer to a question I have been asking: “Who am I?” I have been asking this question because it became clear to me how chameleon-like I can be. I have noticed a destructive pattern in my life – I tend to become what others want me to be. My HD profile warns against this specifically. 

I have only two closed/defined centers – the G-center and Throat. The rest of me is wide open. I take in others deeply using my open centers. So it is not unusual really that I would sorta become the Other in the process of this. It is also hard for me to know what emotion is mine and what emotion is from Others. Add to that the fact that I connect to Spirit in much the same way and it can make for a mess of identity confusion!

Thankfully my guidance spent several years teaching me how to differentiate between Me and Other. I can see why they did that now. It was a pre-requisite. 

The answer to my question, “Who am I?” was, “A Projector”. 

One of the things I read in that article (here it is, I found it!) is that I am here to BE a Projector! That is who I am. And there is SO much in that answer, so much in BEing a Projector. The memories, Knowing and emotion flowing through me were showing me all at once what BEing a Projector means. And it is HUGE. So much so that I couldn’t bear Knowing it because so much of who I think I am is not Me. So much of my life is inauthentic. It feels like I need to completely start over. And of all the Knowing I had, that consideration was the most unbearable. 

Here are the key phrases and words from the article that created the inflow I spoke about above:

In Human Design, it is important for you to recognize the “signposts” or clues that you are either on or off your path to fulfillment.

Are you consistently feeling bitterness or success?

When I read to word “signposts” I remembered many dreams from years ago that indicated I needed to be paying attention to signposts. Then I read the word, “bitterness”, which is how I feel when I am my Not-Self. I have been bitter most, if not all, my life. Edit: I discovered this post from my other blog which is entitled Signposts. Another sync to add to the bucket.

The trouble with most adult Projectors is, we have been deeply homogenized and conditioned from birth. Highly susceptible to the pressures to act like the Manifestors or Generators that our parents wanted us to be, we don’t know how to let go of all that and allow ourselves to just be Projectors.

So how do you “be” a Projector? Many of us are deeply enmeshed in a life we are not well suited for, on the edge of exhaustion and burnout, bitter about the jobs, mortgages and commitments that drain us. How do we live our designs?

The above two paragraphs were when the inflow became so much I yelled for it to stop. 

It’s the most difficult thing about being a projector because you are so deeply conditioned, that’s its just so difficult to just let go and start from scratch.

The rest of the article discusses how the Projector finds success when they help Others find success. This was very real to me! I have always known I am here to help. I have always known that for me to be successful then I must help Others be successful. My focus should always be on Others, not on myself.

After I had calmed down a bit, I returned to my HD search and found this article: Projectors – A Clarion’s Alert.

What drew me to it was the word, “Clarion”. I remembered receiving messages about a, “Clarion’s Call”. It struck a chord with me and more emotion resulted. 

The post I wrote with Clarion Call in it was called – Messages: Ezekiel and Echelon. Here is a link to that post if you want to read it.

The entire first echelon is called the “Clarion Call” – the call to the heart. It bears witness to the large number of souls awakening at this time to bring forth the fruit of man’s potential.

My search also took me to this post, also from 2017, where I met a woman in dreamtime who said her middle name was, “Clarion”. I knew when I woke it was referring to a call I would received at some point. 

Eventually I just stopped following the impulse to research HD. I remember thinking, “I need to process.” Boy did I ever!

Ultimately, I realize now how time is on my side at this point. Time is needed to get from point A to B. The Knowing I had says lots of change is needed. OMG! SO much change that to think about it is overwhelming and I just want to curl up in a ball. 

I have been attempting to move toward change but it is slow-going. I am encountering resistance. With everything I am experiencing now, all the Knowing and inner PUSH, the most obvious change needed is in my relationship. I have lost myself in trying to be what my husband wants/needs. I need to find myself again. As long as he is around me, his energy becomes my energy.

Dream Message

Sleep has been difficult, as you might guess. Syncs are coming at me, energy is high and erratic, and “stuff” keeps happening. I’m surprised I haven’t lost it, but I am holding it together. 

I don’t remember my dreams much but one memory is vivid.

In the dream I am visiting a classroom (life lessons), my classroom. There are student desks and everything. It is well lit. Golden. Near the white board sits a stand full of my weights, just like in my home gym. I go up to it. The video projector (maybe symbolic of my HD profile?) screen is down and a woman is instructing the watchers to do an overhead triceps extension using 10lb weights. I attempt it but then realize I am not holding any weight. I go to get the 10lb dumbbells but they are not in the right place. I grab what I think are the right ones only to discover they are mismatched – 10 and 12lbs. So I go back and see that all my weights are moved around. Someone has been messing with them and stole some! 

I go in the hall and talk to the janitor, asking her who cleans my room. We go in and I tell her no one is ever in the room, no students, just me, so it must be the person who cleans it. I show her the evidence and see a pair of gym shorts – not mine. The woman doesn’t have any answers, so I just leave.

Sitting in my car I contemplate whether I should just bring my weights back home. I remember thinking how heavy it would be and time consuming and then I think, “Wait. This is just a dream so it doesn’t matter anyway.” lol I can’t believe I didn’t wake up in my dream, but I didn’t. I just knew I was dreaming.

I then began to drive but I knew it was in the wrong direction (pressure to follow status quo). I attempted to turn around and found myself at a military entrance. So I faced my car back toward traffic. That is when the car was gone and I found myself running across more lanes of traffic than I could count. All the lanes were heading left. I needed to go right. But the opposite lanes never materialized and I just kept crossing traffic!

Eventually I made it to the other side (the lanes still going left, no right lane). I ran into a young man and I began to walk along the side of the highway against the flow of traffic with him. There was a guardrail and I saw several backpacks dumped in the ditch. I said, “Someone’s stuff was stolen!” The young man grabbed a backpack and handed it to me. While I looked through it he handed me an ID on a lanyard. Inside of the backpack was the folded clothing of a girl. The ID read, “Michele Garcia”. I remember thinking how sad it was that she didn’t have her things. I took note of the name, noticing she spelled her first name with juts one “l”.

For some reason I exited the dream and shifted into the in-between. In this space I was talking to someone. Myself it seemed. I said, as if repeating something I heard, “start something meaningful…..” Then I heard and said, “sustainable”, as if correcting myself. This woke me up and I thought, “Meaningful or sustainable? Maybe both??” 

I will add that I seemed to be talking to someone all night long – well more than one someone. It caused me to have very poor sleep quality and I can’t remember even one thing discussed except the dream and message above. Ugh! 

So I came away with two answers – BE the Projector that I am. Follow my strategy and authority. Listen to my HS, which just so happens to also be my authority (self-projected). Listen to the words I speak because they will be my Truth. Wait to be invited. Wait to be acknowledged (seen).

The second answer is – “Start something meaningful and sustaining”. I’m not quite sure what that even means for me, but I can ask the Universe to show me.

by

OBE: You Are Fire of the Sun

I’ve been having some trouble getting a solid night’s sleep lately, waking frequently throughout the night and then way too early in the morning. Thankfully, I got a solid night’s sleep last night, but I woke at 5:30am.

I had awakened sobbing from a dream. All I recall now of the dream was warning two people, one was my cousin, not to go walking in a certain place. It was flooded and there were snakes. Their response was to get angry and yell, “We told you to stop telling us that!”. Hurt by their anger, I said, “I was just trying to help.” My heart hurt as I burst into tears.

I tried to clear my thoughts and meditate because my guidance recently told me to take advantage of Dusk and Dawn to set an intention for the day. Unfortunately, my mind was very awake, so it took some time to clear them.

Dream: Asleep on the Job

I was at a gathering at work. We were outside but it looked like inside, so my guess is it was at one of the shops. I was extremely tired. All I wanted to do was sleep. So I found my husband to see if we could go home. He was super talkative and extroverted (like normal) and eventually left me and went off to do something. He left a wad of money in his seat. I grabbed it to keep it safe. I only recall the $100 bill but there was more.

The dream continues with me finding places to sleep, drifting off and then waking myself up with thoughts of things I needed to do. I would even prepare chairs with blankets and pillows to get comfy. lol

In one instance I was “sleeping” and thinking of my “other” job where I worked at a school either as a teacher or counselor or both. I kept thinking I needed to go check-in or I would lose my job. There were memories of the building, the parking lot, even the inside. That time, I woke up and hurried back to the main building to prepare to go to my other job before it got too late.

Inside I passed a line of employees. My husband was there and offered me a plastic square with various pills attached. He said, “Take it.” I said, “I already took my vitamins this morning.” Each employee took their pills and went into a room. I asked what they were doing. He said, “Playing a new game.” In my mind I saw a video game reminiscent of Space Armada.

I bypassed the line and went upstairs, passed an “exit” that also felt like a bathroom and entered the only room there – a bedroom. There was a large bed under a window. I climbed in, happy to get some sleep. I remember thinking, “I feel safe here.” When I looked around the room I saw a bedroom but knew it was also my “office”.

Again, I drifted in and out of sleep. Again I was thinking of my other job. I kept thinking to myself, “Just a little longer. I’m sooooo tired.” My thoughts would be answered with a visual of a clock showing it was nearly 3pm.

OBE: You Are Fire of the Sun

At some point I recognized my intense tiredness was a clue as was my “other” job. I thought, “I don’t have another job. I must be dreaming.” In that instance I felt the bed I was in was in many places at the same time – in my house in my current reality and also in other places and times. It was also as if the bed, with me in it, spun around as my perspective shifted.

Fully lucid now, I decided to try and get up and out of the bed but was uncertain because it all felt so real. Ultimately, I opted to rock back and forth for a bit in hopes of rolling out of my body. I did this a while and then shifted to a back and forth motion. The entire time I was mentally communicating with someone and I vaguely recall them advising me.

When I left my body it was quick and seamless. I stood there for a moment and then rushed out of the room and down the stairs. Trying to fly wasn’t working so I walked.

At the bottom of the stairs I saw my MIL and another woman sitting with paper in hand. They were focused on some task. Behind them were rows upon rows of bicycles. Hundreds! I remember being disinterested in running into the same things I always did when OOB, so I jumped up, floating over the tops of the bikes intent on exiting the scene.

As I flew the sense of freedom was wonderful. I began to rise higher and higher into the sky. Faster and faster. What is interesting is that I held onto one of the bicycles (to journey alone, independently) as I flew. Below me I could see the city lights and above me the stars.

Eventually the speed at which I was rising was phenomenal and I closed my eyes saying to my guide, “Slower. Slower please.” I did slow down but kept moving up into space. I remember not knowing what I wanted to do with this OBE. So I said to my guide, “Show me what I need to know.” I paused reconsidering, and said, “Take me into space. Take me to another planet.”

For a moment I felt to be nowhere. All movement ceased and I experienced the typical shift that takes me to a new place. My vision came on clearly and I was floating through outer space towards a light.

The next thing I remember is falling very far and dropping into water. I did not go under the water but bobbed to the top. It was all dark up until that point when suddenly the lights turned on. I was in the most blue water I’ve ever seen. It was crystal clear. Ahead of me was a beach and above me a brilliant blue, cloudless sky.

Someone told me to put my feet down because it was shallow. Sure enough I could stand and walked up toward the beach.

The sand was pure white and all along the beach were parked oversized construction vehicles of all sorts. They looked to be abandoned, though. I went to investigate, flying up and around them. Wherever I am must be home to giants, I thought.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement so flew toward it. Just beyond the beach was a small town. The dwellings were all brown and reminded me of a cardboard material. People were walking through the narrow streets. They looked human.

Someone saw me and I flew up as I said, “Hello.” Many stopped and gasped, mouths open, frozen where they stood. I heard someone say, “What is she wearing?” I have no idea if I was wearing anything, nor did I care.

I flew around for a bit, explaining to them I was not from their planet. I began to tell them about the things I ate. One man was holding large, green leaves that curled around the edges. I pointed at them and said, “I could eat that.” But then the man looked as if he were counting them. I said, “Oh. It looks like you use them for money here.”

There was a commotion behind me and I knew they were intent on catching me to study me. I was flying, though, and knew they wouldn’t not be able to.

Then I shifted suddenly back to where my physical body was. My vision went black and then turned back on. I was aware of being very tired and once again laying in the bed. I wanted to go back to the planet and was talking to someone. This time I heard the voice of this other person. It was a male voice and appeared to be coming from a large, blue floating capsule of some sort. In my memory it reminds me a blue pill (could mean blissful ignorance). It even had two white stripes on each end.

I can’t recall what the voice said but it was a distinct voice, very gruff. I realized that I could go back to the planet just by willing it, so I did despite the voice reminding me that the people there wanted to capture me.

Then I was floating over the sandy beach area. The blue of the sky was so vibrant! Below was what looked like woven, straw baskets. A man was standing on top of one of the basket lids. Again it was as if giants made the baskets. They were enormous!

I flew down and landed on the lid near the man. I found it was bouncy and began to jump on it like a trampoline. It was super fun! The man was asking me to stop jumping. I knew his intention was to capture me so I made it a game, getting close to him and then jumping out of his reach.

He pleaded with me to stop so I did and landed next to him. We sat down and I looked at him curious about this human-looking alien. I said to him, “You look like me.” He nodded. Looking at him I noted the differences. For one, his head was oversized, as were his ears and eyes. In my memory he is almost like a caricature drawing and the Mad Libs kid comes to mind, too.

I said, “You have five fingers like me but three toes.” I touched his large toe and noted how the other two toes bent toward the big one. The small toes seemed to have no function at all.

The man reached over and touched my toes. He paused as he touched one of my smaller ones. He said, “You have the mark like me.” I said, “Do I?” He pointed at a tiny white streak across my toenail. He said, “See that? You are fire of the sun. No one can look directly at you.” In my mind I saw a streak of a blue flame. I confirmed, “Sounds like me.” Then he said, “You are a beacon.”

I got the feeling from his words and the images in my mind that I am never truly seen by others.

Without warning I was pulled back to my physical body. The sensation of it was fluid and smooth.

Considerations – Human Design

It has been a while since I’ve had an OBE. I’m glad I asked to be shown what I needed to see. I find that those OBEs where I direct what happens tend to do very little for me these days.

This one appears to be a reminder. In the past I was shown/told that I am a beacon, as are others like me. I thought of a lighthouse back then. Now, though, it seems the message is that, as a beacon, I will never truly be seen. This feels accurate to me. I don’t feel seen in this body. I feel invisible to most others. How odd that my “fire” goes unseen? If I am so bright, if I am indeed a “beacon”, one would think others couldn’t help but see me? But the message was clear, they are drawn to me but never really see me, for to look directly at me would “blind” them, much like when one looks directly at the sun.

A while ago now, a friend of mine introduced me to Human Design. When I think of the message in this OBE and the other messages I’ve been receiving, my Human Design result came to mind. I am a Projector.

Not only are Projectors gifted with the ability to recognize, we are given attributes that are designed to be recognized. We are magnetic beings, designed to attract attention. It is the frequency of our Aura that draws someone who sees and recognizes us for the particular qualities we carry and thereby invite our guidance into their lives. In fulfilling that recognition, we find our signature of success.

The Art of Being a Projector

I believe the dream I had prior to my OBE was a reminder that I am not doing my true work but instead choosing to “sleep” on the job. My true work is as a teacher/counselor (even Projector says this). Yet at this time in my life I do not feel drawn to teach or counsel. The motivation is gone.

I also recently had an astrological chart done. For some reason the nodes come to mind. My South Node is in Taurus and the 3rd House. When I look up what I was told about it, I see that it involves feeling safe and being in my “safe place”. You can see that in my dream. My safe place is my bed. If you were to ask me my favorite place to be, it would be in bed, surrounded by fluffy pillows, sleeping. When I am asleep I feel closest to Home. I feel safe.

My North Node is where I shine – my astrological destiny. I believe (if my notes are correct) it is Scorpio and the 9th House – spirituality, foreign travel/people, transcending the material, diving deep and the transpersonal. And I do feel most alive when these things are a part of my life. Right now they most definitely are NOT.

I stopped writing here because I suddenly felt no reason to continue. So I went on my morning walk. For some reason writing this post left me unsettled and depressed. To never be seen is an awful fate. How lonely.

A song came to my mind and I kept singing it as I walked.

When I returned home I was reminded of a message I received not long ago – You will be seen. So perhaps I can be seen, but it is rare. This gives me some hope I guess.

by

Kundalini Dream: The Universal

Ladies and Gentleman we have lift off.

Not sure why that came to mind but I will go with it. 🙂

I wrote an entire post and was ready to publish when WP froze on me. When I attempted to recover the post all that remained were the first two lines (above). 😦 So here I go again.

After yesterday’s message to “speak my truth”, I had a memory come to me out of the blue while I was preparing my breakfast. I recalled an incident from August, 2014. Without going into detail, the result of the experience left me recognizing that a part of my life was not in line with my Truth. Though I took no major action at the time, a decision was made on a subconscious level. That decision was to rid my life of those things which were not in line with my Truth and replace them with things that did.

Prior to bed last night I was thinking of all the experiences I’ve had in the past six years and asking my guidance once again, “Why? Why did all these things happen?” It felt like it had all been for nothing.

Today, after this morning’s experience, I see that my question was answered. Everything that transpired after August, 2014, has been in line with that subconscious decision to rid myself of that which did not resonate with who I am. 

Kundalini Dream: The Universal

I with two others inside a small home that was very welcoming. Inside were two small rooms, one in the front and one in the back. Between the two was a small ramp. I knew the house was located in Alaska (the last frontier).

Within this dream occurred another dream. In it I was speaking to a man. He was very muscular, tall and completely bald. It seemed like we were getting to know one another. All I remember of our conversation is that he referred to me as “the Mother” and also as, “The Universal”. Note: Upon waking I recalled the man and thought of Mr. Clean, thus the featured image.

Then I was back in the tiny house observing myself as a young girl running into the back room via the ramp. 

When I arrived in the back room I was again my older self. I sat down at a picnic table (solidarity and harmony). The man sat next to me on my right. In front of us was a woman, though I can’t recall what she looked like. The back room felt like a screened in porch (feeling carefree) and there was a sense of a garden around us, though I never saw it.

The woman spoke to us about our connection but mostly I recall visuals at this time. I saw a large, 2D, circular image of the Earth. At the top was a spot or circle. At the bottom was another one. There was a line running from the top circle to the bottom. From the two sides were lines of energy coming toward the center.

I recognized the top circle as The Father and the bottom as The Mother. Together they were known as The Universal. When I saw the image I recalled the conversation I had with the man. I turned to him and said, “You called me The Mother and also The Universal!” 

The woman began to explain some other things but again, all I recall is a visual. I saw pillars falling in upon one another. The feeling was chaos and destruction. There was also a sense that the two – The Father and The Mother – were causing this chaos and destruction. For a moment it all seemed surreal, like watching a superhero movie play out. Our job was to save the world from utter destruction. If we did not work together we would destroy each other. 

Understanding the woman was indicating that the man and me were to come together, I said, “We have nothing in common, though!” I turned to the man as if asking for his opinion. He said, “We both like to work out….” A visual of a gym came to mind and I realized he was correct. I smiled and said, “And we both like to sing.” Something about knowing this made me hopeful.

And then I began to feel the man’s energy. It was magnetic and intoxicating, a very familiar feeling. 

At this moment in the dream the man scooted closer to me, putting his left arm around me and pulling me towards him. In that instant the visuals of the pillars falling came on vividly. They were all I could see. Complete devastation. Yet at the same time it was perfection. Organized destruction.

Alongside the visuals I felt the man’s energy coming in from my right, merging with my own. My entire midsection from my throat to my root came alive with energy. The energy in my heart was amazing. Oh how I’ve missed it! It was complete ecstasy.  

I started to cry and woke up. I immediately asked to return, but could not.

Messages

I went in and out of the in-between for a little while after. During this time I received two messages.

The first was, “6 months”. The feeling was this message related to an ending. I recalled a previous Knowing that in February/March something would change. 

The other message was, “You can start a new life, but not yet.”  

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Message: Down in a Blaze of Glory

So my daughter tells me her dreams every once in a while. She says that for a while now they have been upsetting, even violent. I told her I have heard others say the same thing. Most recently she says her dreams are about our family being in danger – our home was on fire, someone broke in, hostage situations, etc.

She has also told me she thinks she died in 9/11 when the World Trade Centers were bombed. She told me this several years ago but then again after the anniversary this year. I asked her why she thought this and she described a dream she has in which she was running for her life in the streets of a large city. The buildings towered over her, the sky was dark and debris was falling from it. There were hundreds of others running with her. I asked how she died. She said, “I was hit in the head by something that fell from the sky.” I asked her why she thought she died in 9/11 and she said, “The dreams are just so real. It feels like it really happened to me.”

My daughter has also described numerous experiences where she feels she cannot move but is wide awake (sleep paralysis) as well as obviously lucid dream states that she wakes herself up from.

When my daughter was young (2-4 years old) she would tell me about Spirit she saw. She pointed to someone once, describing what she saw. It was my recently deceased grandfather. She also saw our recently deceased neighbor outside her bedroom window, calling him “a one-armed man”. He had lost his arm in an accident when he was young but she had never seen him in real life to know that.

I find it interesting that my daughter is experiencing this now when for years she experienced nothing. I’ve been feeling strongly that this year is more than an upsetting, eye-opening year because of the events taking place around the world. I keep hearing/Knowing that this year is a pivotal one for those who are Spiritual Warriors. It is time to step into that role fully.

Up until now I can’t say I’ve had any violent or upsetting dreams. However, I tend to not be upset by dreams in general. After my daughter told me about her dreams I, of course, had a dream in which our home was being broken into and items stolen. I woke, hearing a loud “bang!” and went downstairs to check. I felt shaky but otherwise unconcerned.

Then, last night, I had another strange dream. It felt like I was witnessing an actual event. The event may have been in this timeline’s past or on another timeline altogether, or could be a future event. Then again it may not be an actual event at all. Yet it reminded me of when I was a child and how I would receive vivid images of events when they were told to me. Later in life I discovered these vivid images were me witnessing the event through the eyes/mind of the experiencer.

Below is the dream I had this morning. Prior to this I had woken briefly and before I fell back to sleep I heard a voice say, “Do not be afraid.”

Dream: Dawson Mass Murder

I was floating down a country road in an unfamiliar area. Someone was with me, giving me a tour of the area and describing the events that occurred there.

What I saw was a vast field of tall, dead grass. To the left of the field was a grove of deciduous trees. The road near the field was small and might have been made of dirt, but I am uncertain. The area felt to be located somewhere in the Northeastern US, but I was not informed of the “where”.

Then I was observing a scene unfold. A group of people were standing in the field. Someone was barking orders at them, but I can’t remember what they were being told to do. Whatever it was, the people were not doing it. I could hear one woman’s thoughts. She was adamant that no matter what she would stand her ground. She was responding to the threat of death by fire and repeating to herself, “I like fire. It feels good.” It was as if she was trying to convince herself that death by fire was pleasant and as a result she believed it.

Then there was a commotion and a rise in fear among the people gathered there. Out of nowhere a gush of fire was shot at each of them as if someone was using a blow torch. They each caught on fire and began to burn alive. The entire time the woman was smiling, enjoying the feeling until she collapsed on the ground next to her companions.

The scene shifted. I was still at the field but there was now a fence to the left and the area seemed groomed and less wild. In the exact location where the group had died stood a circle of tall, thin trees. I knew there was a tree for each of the victims. I noticed a person could walk into the circle and inside were places to sit. It felt like it was placed there to honor the fallen.

As I woke, I wondered what I had just witnessed. I heard, “Dawson” and felt like I had been witness to either a mass murder or suicide event.

Strange Sync

Upon waking I went downstairs to get my morning coffee. My husband is prone to play music loudly in the mornings (he is a morning person) and for some reason he had awakened with a particular song in his head. He asked me, “Have you ever seen the movie, Young Guns? My brother said it was his favorite when he was growing up.” I said, “Yes. I think that movie was lots of peoples’ favorite. It was very popular at the time.”

Before he was able to play a song I knew what song he was going to play. The lyrics, “down in a blaze of glory” came to mind along with a memory of my dream, the people all on fire standing together, dying together. Then the song was playing and I said to him, “It’s very interesting that you are playing that song this morning. I just had a dream….” I described the dream but my husband was upstairs in the shower, so never heard me.

After hearing the song, I can’t help but think that it is part of a bigger message – to “go down in a blaze of glory”, to stand firm in my truth no matter the threat to my own survival – or to be more specific, the Ego’s survival. And going “down” does not mean the end. It is transformation by fire, something I am already very familiar with; The Phoenix. Rebirth.

Considerations

A friend of mine recently relayed to me that she felt a breakthrough was on the horizon. I responded with, “I think we are all anticipating something right now. It is ‘in the air'”.

Though I am not having great spiritual breakthrough experiences like I’ve had in the past, there are still messages coming through. These messages indicate, like I said above, that the time we have been preparing for is here – NOW. The preparation has been thorough. We have now the tools needed to step into our role, whatever that role may be.

My question has been, “What is my role? Who am I?” The answer is coming in bits and pieces but I have now received the same message enough times to know that that role is well known by me (my HS) and the timing of it is crucial and pre-planned.

Yesterday I wrote of an opportunity to go to Costa Rica where I can effectively unburden myself, opening up a space within that can then be filled with the New. Upon further research I discovered that though Costa Rica is open to visitors from the US, the state of Texas is not permitted entry. Our Covid numbers are just too high.

I wasn’t really disappointed to discover this fact. I had an inkling that the opportunity was more symbolic of what it is I need to do right now.

As if to affirm my suspicions, I came across a blog post and video that basically reiterated my Knowing. The video stated that the time is Now, that the present and future are coming together and that “we have to completely redefine who we are” (@23:45).

The video title is, Set the Mother Free and the Soul comes Home. Now if that isn’t a sync, I don’t know what is! To state the obvious – I am being guided to unburden myself. The burden I feel is as a mother in this time on Earth.

Now the question is, “How do I do that?” I have no doubt that the answer will be provided to me. If not to go to Costa Rica for three months, then something else.

At 30:51 she asks, “What do I have to do to set you free?” The answer: “Speak the truth always. Shatter the spell, this pretending that she doesn’t exist and the soul isn’t important. Each and every one of you has the Mother imprisoned within you and that is your spark, that is your Divine spark that Spirit is asking you to discover, to rediscover again and to bring forth.”

So it starts with speaking the truth, even if it is painful, and then to allow that truth to guide you forward. I know, though, that this is not easy.

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Be Ready

I was doing good and then….not. 😦

I woke this morning once again wishing that I could sleep longer. I even said to my daughter, “I wish I could sleep another 20 years.”

At least my desire to sleep was not fueled by the desire to escape this life. I just really wanted to linger forever in that heavy, wrapped in dreamy sleep feeling. As I write this I think of a blanket of stars wrapped around my astral body. Ahhhhh the feeling is wonderful!

Still, though, it was difficult to get out of bed knowing that not much was awaiting me except more of the same. Yawn.

But I got out of bed and moved through each step of my morning routine half-asleep. Conversations from the day before, random musings and lost dreams created a cocktail of thoughts, none of which really grabbed my attention.

Coffee. Yes! Funny enough, coffee in dreamtime = awareness, but this time in waking reality awareness was provided almost instantly. It is curious how coffee can do that, isn’t it?

I sat at my computer and checked WP, which is not my normal routine but I thought, Maybe a good blog post might improve my mood?

I discovered I was drawn to posts that validated and reminded me of recent messages I have received.

One message was, “Focus upon what you want, not what you don’t want.” Remember that one? Why is it so difficult for me to do?! Ugh!

Anyway, I found this short post almost immediately (Source). The message is the same:

I just couldn’t seem to get it right.

My body was in the correct position. My muscles were contracted. But every time I tried to find my balance, I would wobble and fall back onto my feet.

“Maybe you just can’t do crow pose,” I told myself.

“Bullshit,” I replied.

For months, I kept trying. During one practice session, I grabbed a pillow off my couch, placed it on the floor in front of me and promptly nailed the pose. never even coming close to face-planting in the pillow.

Curious, I removed the pillow and tried again.

No bueno.

It was then I realized the role that pillow was playing. Because the pillow was uncomfortably close to my face, I craned my neck slightly and shifted my gaze forward. Without the pillow, I was looking down at the ground, which was exactly the place I feared ending up.

Focus on where you want to be, not where you fear ending up.

It seems so simple, doesn’t it? Yet, it’s far from easy.

We all have a tendency to put our focus – our energy – on those things that we fear.

And much like a new driver who instinctively steers into an adjacent lane when looking in the sideview mirror, we tend to move in the direction of our focus.

Where are you looking?

Very succinct and to the point and just what I needed.

The next message I received recently, yet I didn’t blog about yet, was received yesterday morning.

“They will see you when you leave.”

There was more to the message but it is lost to me now. I came out of my reverie and intercepted the message which, of course, deleted part of it. I wish that didn’t happen! But it doesn’t matter. I remember enough.

At first I was confused, questioning what it meant and breaking it down into its parts to try and figure it out. Who is “they”? What do you mean, “leave”? Where am I going?

That got me nowhere.

I then recalled a message I got some time ago now (months now?).

“You will be seen.”

Hmm. Maybe the two are connected? Probably.

I got an image of a spacecraft coming down to Earth, leaving my physical body and getting on board with thousands of others – like in the Book of Revelation. lol

I decided to put the cryptic message on the “shelf” until later. Sometimes the message makes sense at a later date, sometimes not.

Back to this morning….The next blog I ran across seemed to answer my above questions, at least partially.

There is no reason to be-leave in something “otherly,” because when you leave your being, you give them that opening. Embody now, your natural state, know the truth and you are free.

Source

Do you see it? “Leave” is in there twice. Perhaps the message I received is not about going somewhere at all. Maybe it is about embodiment?

Other Considerations

As a result of the above two posts I entered into a kind of “ah-ha” moment which I am still processing. Previous messages and experiences began to line up as if to create an arrow pointing at…..I don’t know what. lol

I recalled a dream not long ago where I was told an event was being created “just for me” in November.

I recalled a conversation I had with my husband just recently. He was telling me about his theory of why his mother, who is sick and in pain all the time, won’t leave her body. He said he believed what kept us tethered to our physical bodies was communication. Our bodies allow us to communicate, he said. Without them we can’t communicate with others in bodies. I told him, “That isn’t true.” I went on to explain how when we come into this world we are taught that our body is the only way to communicate, but it is a lie and we believe it so it is our reality. There was much more to our conversation but this is what I was reminded of – the illusion we believe and so are trapped by.

There was also memory of a recent dream I had where I realized following the rules/crowd and being a “good girl” was getting me nowhere (Escape the Bus!).

Then there is memory of how one day I saw a soccer ball in a ditch. I turned around toward my dog and then turned back, intent on retrieving the ball for my kids, only to find it was gone. Vanished. I searched but found nothing, yet my memory was solid. I then thought, “I shifted timelines” but tossed the idea as ridiculous. Later that day a FB friend suggested I had jumped timelines. I thanked him for helping me to believe what I already knew to be true.

And a recent opportunity also came to mind. I can, if I want, go to Costa Rica and stay in a two bedroom home on 400 acres of private land. My sister-in-law lives there part-time working as an equine therapist.

There are so many other ideas/messages/experiences that come to mind, too. I am left with a feeling that is hard to describe except to say I feel like something is coming.

Be ready.

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Message: Shift, Shift, Shift

Just a short post about what I am perceiving lately.

On Friday morning as I was preparing for my day, there was a loud noise in my dining room. I turned to see a painting slip on the wall, hang precariously for a moment and then fall to the floor. It landed upright facing the wall with the painting backside visible.

I didn’t try to put it back but left it where it fell.

Not long after as I was cleaning up the breakfast mess in the kitchen, I heard another noise, this time from the cabinet. A pan must have slipped – shifted – inside. I took note and said aloud, “Shifting. Things are shifting today.” My daughter was close by so I said to her, “I need to watch out today. Shift, shift, shift. I need to be careful on my drive to/from work.”

Fast forward to my drive home from work. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened and I had long forgotten my shift message. As I approached the on-ramp to the highway, though, I saw the traffic going North – the direction I was heading – was at a standstill. I thought, “Great. I need to get home (I had an appointment in 15 min)”.

As I drove onto the highway I saw that the road beyond the ramp was free and clear. Looking to my left I spotted the why – a blue, Chevy sedan was in the middle lane, flipped, tires in the air. The windows were shattered and people were running back and forth from vehicles parked on the side of the road with cell phones in their hands.

The accident had just happened, maybe even seconds before I arrived.

I drove on but had an odd feeling. I remembered the “shift” message and felt grateful. I knew it was just a reminder but still, it was one of those “time stood still” moments.

I don’t know if anyone was injured in the accident. From what I could it didn’t look like it.

A Change in Energy

The next day I noticed a friend had posted on FB about Jupiter going direct and Mars going retrograde. For me, at least, Mars doesn’t seem to impact me that much regardless of what direction it is traveling. I’m not sure about Jupiter but since it is one of the planets effecting my astrological chart, it could be a positive thing. Since Friday I have felt more decisive and less scattered mentally, which is a good thing. That could be a Jupiter blessing. 🙂

Speaking of decisiveness, when I woke this morning I was thinking of how I was tired of asking to go Home so much. It was not long ago that I had been practicing quieting my mind, pushing out negative thoughts and focusing more on positive, uplifting thoughts and feelings. How did I end up back in the “poor me, I want to go Home” state? IDK but a part of me is sick and tired of it. So when I woke I knew I needed to change that. Instantly I heard, “Focus on what you want”. At first I thought, “Going Home is what I want” but before I could finish the thought I scratched it and knew/thought, “No. Going home is a cop-out. It is an avoidance tactic.” Asking to go Home is me whining, playing the victim and avoiding change. It is all about focusing on things I don’t want. Grrr.

With the question “what do you want?” I instantly found my focus going to my heart. Within seconds an energy was noticeable. It wasn’t pleasant and warm. It was achy. I kept my focus there because, more than anything, what I want is to feel like I once did – Connected.

Interestingly, a few days ago in the evening during my nightly tune-in time, I had the idea of focus on expanding my energy field. When I did this, I noticed how much I had pulled in my energy like a blanket around me. I have been keeping it very close. This, I know, has been my protection. The more expanded my energy, the more I pick up, and lately what I pick up is not pleasant – anxiety, fear, anger, hate, distrust, paranoia, etc.

As I expanded my energy field I sensed a very large presence in front of me. It didn’t scare me. I often sense Spirit and energy of all kinds around me. Just to be safe, I asked for protection – only my guides and angels around me. The presence did not leave. If anything, it seemed closer. I perceived it like a shadow almost, but it was just that my energy created the illusion of darkness when it came into contact with this other energy.

I want to also add that I felt energy originate in my lower spine (just above my pelvic region) and spread and wrap around my entire body. An energy hug. Wonderful! So I have no doubt the presence with me is of the Light.

I have been focusing on expanding my aura ever since. Jupiter = expansion. haha

Other messages have been seeping in. Mostly that now is the time to use what I have learned to become the version of me I am here to be. This message can be a bit overwhelming because I begin to question how to do this. I feel completely unprepared! Yet at my core I sense that I am prepared and all the hard work it took to get here will pay off. I want to get to work already but have no idea how or which direction to go.

I feel like my foot is on the gas pedal and the brake at the same time and I am just burning rubber.

The message continues to be to put on blinders, to keep my gaze on the horizon. Keep looking ahead. No looking back or to the side.