Category Archives: Messages

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Upside Down Tree

A couple of days ago I had the urge to do a handstand. I ignored it, actually laughing to myself as I imagined how funny I would look upside down. I don’t know where the thought came from or why and I really didn’t think much about it.

That night I awoke between dreams and in my mind I saw the image of an upside down tree. The roots were in the air and the leaves were under the ground. The roots were not bare, either. They had white circles or leaves coming up off of them.

I found the image intriguing and thought I should paint it. I had no reason to think it might be connected to the handstand idea I had.

The next day I did a Google search to find out if the image I saw in my mind existed somewhere else. Maybe someone had seen it, too? Maybe it had meaning I did not know about.

I discovered many such pictures online, none exactly like the one I saw. What was interesting to me was that the upside down tree is linked to a yoga pose. When I discovered the link to yoga, I recalled my idea to do a handstand the day before. So! It wasn’t just a funny thought that passed through my mind! It must have been a message that I ignored because it seemed so ridiculous.

yoga-pose-handstand-8510-2Handstand Pose

From what I found in my research, handstand pose is one of the most difficult yoga poses. Besides the physical benefits of the pose – strengthening the shoulders, cardiovascular system, lungs, and lymphatic  system – there are numerous spiritual benefits. Spiritually, the pose is empowering, challenging, and liberating as it creates a new perspective by literally turning the world upside down. It also helps one get past the fear of the unknown.

In my research I stumbled upon a blog that explains exactly why I saw this inverted tree in my vision:

To be upside down instead of right side up, is paradoxical, it is uttanita. Uttanita in Sanskrit means to expand your awareness and shift your perspective, to see something in a new way. Uttanita means, flip it, the opposite is true and what is reality, truth, is the reality you don’t see. The world and your experience shows you ‘reality’, and the paradox is there is a whole reality that you don’t see or experience. (We know like 4-5% of the Universe, the rest is the hidden reality known as dark energy and dark matter, we don’t  see.) Uttanita is the revelation of that which is concealed, when you can shift your perspective to see that which is hidden.

The author goes on to say:

Adho mukha vrksasana is Sanskrit for downward facing tree pose, also known as Handstand. One of the philosophical roots of the asana (posture) of Handstand is from a 2000 +/- yr old yogic Vedic text called the Upanishads, a compilation of yogi sage’s wisdom. The Katha Upanishad says: “This universe is a tree eternally existing, its roots above, it’s branches on earth below. It’s pure root is Brahman, the immortal, from whom all the worlds draw their life, and whom none can transcend, for this Self is supreme.” Another yogic scriptural reference for the pose is the Asvatta Tree of Consciousness, from the Bhagavad Gita, Vs 15:1,2. “The shastras speak of the imperishable ashvatta tree as having its roots above and branches below; Its leaves are the Vedic hymns, and he who knows this is a knower of the Vedas. It’s branches extend below and above, and being nourished by the gunas create the entire universe with sense objects as sprouts; below in the world of humans stretch for the the roots promoting action. “

Synchronicity

For me the message to try to tackle this pose goes along with a major dream theme I have been encountering: embracing the feminine side. It also suggests that I need to view the world from a new perspective. My many masculine qualities tend to overshadow my feminine ones. I view life as a problem that needs a solution rather than just view it passively and without confrontation. In many ways I act like a warrior, ever on the lookout for the next attack. This makes me feel very uncomfortable in my own skin, pacing about and overly anxious.

The dream symbols I have encountered are strikingly obvious as to the message they bring. In one dream I saw a wounded deer. I thought the deer was dead but it looked so alive I took a closer look. I saw that its hind leg was injured and appeared to be imbedded in the ground. Unable to move, it was slowly starving to death. I recall thinking someone should just put it out of its misery, but I also had huge amounts of sympathy for it. I wanted to go back to help but also wanted to kill it. I couldn’t figure out which would be best.

danideer2.jpg w=900The deer is a symbol of femininity, grace and nurturing. It being wounded suggests that this quality in myself is “wounded” and my desire to “kill” it while also wanting to “help” it suggests I am at odds with accepting this part of myself.

I also had a dream where I was adopting a baby because it had been abandoned. I chose a girl baby over the boy only because the boy babies father took him in. I was left with the girl and look upon the boy longingly.

Just last night I dreamed of another baby. This one lost its left arm.

Babies are very similar to deer in their symbolism. They represent innocence, warmth, purity, vulnerability and helplessness. Loss of the left arm suggests that these qualities are missing in my life. Adoption symbolizes taking on something new or different. In this case the qualities of the baby represent qualities within me that I am denying. I am being asked, “What is missing in your life?”

Upside Down Tree

I tried to do a handstand but failed miserably. I will keep working on it, though. I suspect it will help since yoga has been so helpful to me thus far. The image of the upside down tree is still very vivid in my mind. The roots reaching to the sky represent Oneness while the leaves below represent the Earth and life upon it; our individuality via human experience. I suspect that the pose will help me to better recognize this Oneness.

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Cancelled

It has been a while since I have gotten any direct messages from my guides. It has almost felt as if I had been abandoned, though I know this is never the case. The entourage of 10 or 12 assistants/guides that have been with me since before December 12th recently dwindled back down to my normal 4, or my Team as I call them. Last night, however, the number increased back to 10. So, I suppose it should not have been a surprise that a message came soon after.

Becoming a Man

I had some odd dreams again and feel the need to include them since they came before the messages I received.

The first dream I recall is being with a tall, strong man. I don’t remember what he looked like, just the way he felt. His energy felt very large compared to mine and it surrounded me protectively, almost like a parent keeping an eye on their child.

We were talking about my need to pass as a man and I was being directed to pick out appropriate clothing at a store. I selected a large sweatshirt and jeans but when I put them on they were way too big. This I knew would be the case and I told my guide, “I told you they would be too big”. I then selected a medium sized shirt and pants and the same occurred. I remember thinking there was no way I would pass as a man. I was just too small. I told my guide that even a mens size small would be large on me. I never did try on the smallest size but instead thought about how tiny my female frame was and how difficult it would be to pass as a man.

Montana

The next dream I had was of being in Montana. Initially, I was in a store with my son. He had just woken up and was very hungry and grumpy. I walked along the isles looking specifically for an Odwalla drink, the green one, but I could not find one. Eventually I asked for help and the lady began to look up the drink on the computer while he associate gave my son a tiny pizza to make him happy. I accidentally dropped the pizza on the floor and picked it up while thanking the man. I never did get my drink.

When we left we traveled a wide dirt road. We encountered a group of men and one was carrying over the top of his head a large cow. It was wrapped up and huge and I remarked how I could never carry a cow that large but that I had cow tied one when I was small. Another man was there and took an interest, inquiring about where I was from. He was tall with blond hair and a rugged appearance.

He walked with me toward our land through the mountain passage. Somehow we ended up in his house. I became uncomfortable because I knew he was trying to distract me from going home. He took me into a room and asked me how I liked the house. I told him it was nice but I needed to get home. He then came closer and began to kiss me. I recall that he had slobbery kisses and the taste was not pleasant. I withdrew frommountain lake him pointing to my daughter who was sleeping in my arms (she is six so she was very big and I was holding her). He accepted this excuse but I was very uncomfortable by then and just wanted to get home.

Another man was there and they both questioned me about where we lived. I described it and they got out a map asking me to show where it was. I explained the property had been subdivided and showed where it was. The blonde man called to inquire about it and I remember him saying, “No, we are 1 and 2 not 3”. I recall wondering what he was talking about and recalling that our land was not in Montana but much farther south. I then asked my Mom, who was suddenly there with me, if she remembered the exit to our land. She nodded and said she did and I saw it in my mind, a tiny side road hidden in brush along the main route.

Disassembling Skeletons

I immediately found myself in a dream where I was standing in front of large animal skeletons. My job was to disassemble them. I took apart large bones, realizing they were cow bones or bones of a similar large animal. After I took off a bone I placed it in a simple white bag to be stored. I noticed that some of the bones had metal loops and screws in them where they were connected.

Symbolism of the above dreams:

Cow – symbolizes one’s docile nature; maternal instincts. The cow was bound in one dream suggesting a rejection of these qualities in myself. The bones of a cow suggest a lack of motherly emotions.

Shopping – represents one’s needs and desires. There is a selection process going on – choices being made or inspected.

Property – symbolizes feeling unstable in life; can also represent one’s current status in life. Since the property was broken up it may represent my feeling of being broken up in life.

Montana/mountains – represent determination and ambition as well as the higher spiritual realms. For me, I have actually lived in Montana so there may still remain some aspects from that time in my life that need to be addressed.

Messages

Upon waking from the last dream I saw in front of me a message being written. It was in glowing green letters and moved as if someone were writing it as I was reading it. It read:

“……has been cancelled……..”.

There was more to the sentence but I cannot remember the beginning or the end. The words disappeared as I recognized the word cancelled. I immediately wondered what it meant. I asked but received no answer. I understood it to mean that some plan or karmic debt had been cancelled or erased. I would no longer be addressing it in this life.

It appears that again some changes have been made to my plan. I did not feel good or bad with the receiving of this information. If anything, I felt a bit concerned. I asked if it meant my transformation would end. I was told, “No”, very firmly.

I fell back into the in-between state and found myself speaking to my guide. I got the same strong, protective and large feeling from his energy. He was standing and passing out something. He handed over to me a parcel of land. I saw a chunk of land broken off from a large piece and then it was passed over to me. It reminded me of a board game. The land was brown and two dimensional. Then gave me a set of golden keys. He said to me, “We will be here to help you”.

I immediately came out of my revere wondering what it meant. Why was he giving me keys to land? Was I going to get land? A house? I immediately thought it must be symbolic.

The symbolism of being given property and the feeling it gave me when I saw it was that a big change would occur in my life, one that separated me from my family in some way. The keys that come with it are gold and the symbolic meaning of this is that I will need to be adaptable to the changes but they will bring with them new opportunity and possibilities related to wealth and status.

I also heard the song Riptide by Vance Joy but only this part:

I just wanna, I just wanna know
If you’re gonna, if you’re gonna stay
I just gotta, I just gotta know
I can’t have it, I can’t have it any other way

Except I was singing the lyrics differently in my head. I was saying, “I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna go. I just wanna, I just wanna stay”. I was hearing this more than singing it and it hung around in my head until I got out of bed.

Considerations

I went to bed last night feeling very odd. I have been feeling it a lot lately. I am having trouble seeing my life ahead. There is nothing there. No plans. No change. No feeling. I feel done with life and I don’t look forward to much of anything anymore. The same feeling of not enjoying anything that I use to enjoy has come back and it bothers me. I can’t seem to change it, either. So I asked for help. I guess that is why I got those messages. I am receiving that help, was told as much, but there is so much information missing. I just hope it is not anything bad. I don’t think I can handle anything bad. I need good things to happen now, not bad things.

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Blue Jay

Today as I was going about my day, I noticed a huge blue jay sitting on my back fence. He just happened to be in the same spot where I saw the leaves of a tree formed into the perfect seven not long ago. I stopped what I was doing and watched him. He was beautiful and so magnificently marked. Blue jays are not around much here where I live so to see one is rare. I immediately took note that he may be bringing me a message.

Blue Jay Symbolism

From Animal Speak by Ted Andrews.

The blue jay has long been thought of as a bully and a robber, and although it can have those tendencies, it has other qualities that make it stand out positively. For those to whom the jay comes as a totem, it can reflect lessons in using your own power properly. It can also reflect lessons in not allowing yourself to be placed in a position in which power is misused against you.

The word ‘jay’ comes from the Latin ‘gaia’ or ‘gaea’ which has associations to Mother Earth. In Greek mythology, the union of Mother Earth (Gaea) and Father Heaven (Uranus) resulted in the first creatures who had the appearance of life. This reflects much about the intrinsic power associated with the jay. It has the ability to link the heavens and earth, to access each for greater power.

The black and white markings found on its blue wings also reflect this same ability. The sky (blue) separates the Heavens (white) and the earth (black). This is a totem that can move between both and tap the primal energies at either level. The jay is aware of this innate ability, and this is reflected in its blue crest–higher knowledge that can be used.

The main problem will be in dabbling in both worlds, rather than becoming a true master of both. Those with a jay as a totem usually have a tremendous amount of ability, but it can be scattered or it is often not developed any more than is necessary to get by. it is not unusual to find individuals with blue jays as totems to be dabblers–especially in the psychic and metaphysical field. They know a little bit about a a lot of things, and they use that knowledge sometimes to give the impression they know more, or that they are true masters.

The bright blue crest of the jay should always be a reminder that to wear the crown of true mastership requires dedication, responsibility, and committed development in all things in the physical and spiritual. The blue jay is a reminder to follow through on all things–to not start something and then leave it dangling.

The blue jay reflects that a time of greater resourcefulness and adaptability is about to unfold. You are going to have ample opportunities to develop and use your abilities. The jay does not usually migrate, staying around all winter, so look for there to be ample time to develop and use your energies to access new levels. It will stay around and work with you as long as you need it.

The blue jay is actually a member of the crow family, and most crows have no fear. Crows and jays alike will gang up to harass and drive off owls and hawks. The jay is fearless, and it is because of this that it can help you to connect with the deepest mysteries of the earth and the greatest of the heavens.

The blue jay is an excellent mimic, with a sharp eye and voice. It especially has a wonderful knack for imitating red-shouldered hawks. Old-time naturalists were convinced the blue jay derived pleasure from this activity. As with all members of its family, this sense of seeking pleasure–often at the expense of others–can reflect an imbalance. Sometimes jays show up when this is occurring in your own life.

Blue jays have a tremendous ability for survival with the least amount of effort. They reflect great talent, but that talent must be developed and utilized properly. If the jay has flown into your life, it indicates that you are moving into a time where you can begin to develop the innate royalty that is within you, or imply be pretender to the throne. It all depends on you. The jay has no qualms. It will teach you either direction.

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The Incompletes

Last night I had an uneasy feeling before bed. I instantly knew it had something to do with a mother figure and so assumed it was my mother-in-law since she has been doing very poorly. I had sensed previously that she does not have long left on this Earth – two years give or take a year to be exact. I could not get my heart to calm down after this feeling hit me. It is like it knew what I didn’t consciously know yet.

The Incompletes

I had a very upsetting and emotional dream last night. In the dream, I had just heard that my mother had died. It was unexpected and I was told a couple of days after it happened. I was devastated and experienced grief beyond description. I cried so hard that I could not breathe and it felt as if my entire midsection and heart had been ripped from my chest and stomped upon. In the aftermath of her death, I watched as her new husband first went through shock and then an intense grief of his own. Newly married, they had not had much time together. His previous wife had also died so this devastating loss was much more than he could bear. I watched as he walked about, head down and shoulders slumped, as if awaiting his own death.

Throughout the dream I cried and in between my bouts of grief I learned more details of my mother’s death. I learned them from my mother herself as she spoke to me from the Other Side.

The idea to speak to my mother directly came to me from within the dream and I calmed instantly and began to hear what she had to say. She told me how she died, saying it was a sudden heart attack that hit her during her waking hours. She collapsed as her heart failed her and she died almost instantly. I had hoped she had died in her sleep, so this disappointed me.

I remember asking her what would happen to her belongings – the house, dogs, etc – and recalling that she had written all her children into her will. She told me there was a problem, she had not updated her will since her marriage and by law all her property would go to her husband by default regardless of what her will stated. I felt as if being told of this conflict was in part for me to help prevent it, but at the time I did not really care. I only worried about her husband as he would not care either and would likely not last long after her death.

I then asked her when this would happen and she said, “The 21st” and I assumed it meant of this month. I then asked her if she had completed her transition after death and she said, “No. That will happen in July”. It seemed a long time to me but I just listened, still overcome with grief at losing her.

I kept fighting my grief and it would hit me suddenly and with such intensity that I wished myself dead to avoid it. In between these times I had clarity and calm and it was during these times that i would hear my Mom and receive her messages. One message in particular stands out to me.

My mother told me this: “There are soldiers coming down now. All us Intermediates are leaving”. I immediately recognized the part about the “soldiers” and thought there must be a war coming. I wondered, though, about these “Intermediates” as she called them. I assumed they were those who had not completed their transformation for one reason or the other and so were leaving now to return at a later date and complete it.

I again became overwrought with grief to the point that I could not breathe. My body shook and I woke up, tears streaming down my cheeks.

What Does it Mean

Waking up in tears from such a vivid dream about my own mother’s death really upset me. Was this a precognitive dream? Or does it symbolize something else? I got the dates of January 21st and July of this year. Is that about my Mom? Or is it about me and some symbolic “death” I will be going through this year? Maybe it is both?

I can never be certain if a dream is precognitive until after the time period passes when whatever is foretold should happen. The feeling I had from the dream suggests it is very much a possibility that death could be visiting my family again this year and that it could wreak havoc if things are not in order when/if it does happen. However, I am not very good at foretelling the future of those closest to me. My strong emotional attachment often skews the information. Yet I get told many things in my dreams and via my guides and when I receive information this way it is always true.

I plan to talk to my mother about my dream to at least forewarn her of the problems that could result if she does not update her will. She will listen, she always does, but she will take it with a grain of salt (I hope). I don’t like telling people of my precognitions, especially when death is involved, but in this case I feel I must.

Ego Death or Something Else?

As for the Intermediates and soldiers my mother spoke to me about in my dream, the information about them was not surprising to me. It was as if she was reminding me of them rather than telling me for the first time. I have long had visions that there are currently thousands of souls coming to Earth now with a unique purpose. I see them as streamers of light coming down from the Heavens. I have also previously had messages sent to me of an upcoming period of crisis that would result in the loss of millions of lives and change the way people lived. These souls can be seen as “soldiers” of both real war and a different, spiritual war.

As for the Intermediates, I have also gotten precognitive glimpses of such a group. When my husband’s boss and wife died last year, I got this message clearly and saw that many were choosing to end their reincarnations now so they could come back and help with the “adjustment” that the newer souls would be going through. There is a peak in the number of these souls – “soldiers” – coming in 2020. As they will be children first before they grow into their purpose, they will be confused and in dire need of guidance. I have seen myself as one of these human guides and assumed it meant I would leave this life before 2020 so as to be back in time to help.

I questioned my guide as to my accuracy in translating what I have seen and been told. I was not given a direct answer. I asked if I was one of these “Intermediates” and was told, “Yes”. But I wonder if I will truly “die” and join the other Intermediates or if I will continue with my transformation in this life first. I am confused because, though it feels like I will be leaving this body prior to 2020, it could be the infamous Ego death so many are talking about. I wonder, which is it?

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Harmonizing Earth

I wanted to start with a short update on the symptoms I have been experiencing this week.

  • Low energy
  • Fatigue
  • Deep, nearly dreamless sleep
  • Energy fluctuations
  • Mood swings
  • Voracious appetite
  • Root, second, third, fourth, third eye and crown chakra buzzing/activation
  • No lucid dreams or OBEs since the 12th
  • Headache (mild)
  • Neck ache (mild)
  • Lower backache (moderate)
  • Digestive changes (mild)
  • Body temperature fluctuations; feeling cold more than hot
  • Sweating, mostly in the mornings even when not hot

Sleep

I have been experiencing the deepest, most sound sleep I have had since I was a teenager. I am also sleeping almost as long as I did when I was a teenager. For me this is surprising as I have not been a sound sleeper since I stopped taking the antidepressant Zoloft. A side effect of stopping the antidepressant which I took at very low doses caused me to become a very light sleeper. I have had to wear earplugs to bed every night since in order to not be woken up by any little noise in the night. I have fought insomnia on and off since 2006, the worst of which occurred from 2012-2013. I have been blessed with good sleep since the start of 2014 but had to still use earplugs and Benadryl nightly.

I was instructed to stop taking the Benadryl three nights ago. I worried I would not sleep as well and would wake frequently in the night. The exact opposite occurred. I slept better and woke fewer times. In fact, one night I slept so deep that I woke up nearly peeing my pants (blush)! This is unheard of for me! Usually the only reason I wake up now is because I have to use the restroom and it is almost always 6-7 hours after falling asleep. I also am extremely drowsy when I wake up even after more than 10 hours of sleep. One morning I felt like I did after my c-section when I was anemic. It is a wonderful, floaty feeling that I relished that week after surgery and it came back to me on the 20th with such intensity that I had to force myself to get out of bed that morning.

Hungry

In addition to sleeping so much more than usual, I am hungrier than usual as well. This morning when I woke at 4am to use the bathroom I could not go back to sleep without eating something because I got an intense hunger that would not go away. I ate a good balance of protein and carbohydrates and then fell immediately back into a deep slumber.

The morning before I woke up so hungry that I felt sick and had to eat as quickly as possible so that I avoided blacking out. I was also filled with such anger at waking up that I kept hearing my inner voice say “eat” over and over and knew that my emotional response was a direct result of my low blood sugar. My “morning monster” was in rare form and I am glad I did not say or do things that I would later regret. Instead I mainly thought them and did not let the beast out on a rampage. Once I ate I felt so much better but the negative emotions lingered for some time. Later in the day I was again hit with similar emotions and frustration only for them to vanish as soon as I ate.

What is extremely weird about my increased hunger is that I have decreased my physical activity substantially since last weekend. I am only walking or doing yoga rather than my normal high intensity intervals (HIIT) and circuit training. I now recognize the reason I was instructed to stop the high intensity routines – my body is already working overtime enough and adding more to that load could put me into adrenal fatigue.

Erron – “Mountain of Strength”

My biggest upset since the 12th has been my almost complete loss of OBEs and near lack of dreams at night. I love my OBEs and without them I have been a very upset. Yesterday I was really mad because I have been requesting to astral for many days in a row and each time I felt it would not happen and it didn’t. Last night was no exception. I am not concerned anymore about it because I know they will return at some point and that I need this time to sleep and recover, but I still miss my OOB excursions.

When I woke at 4am this morning, I was a walking zombie as I stumbled about in the dark to find the restroom. Interestingly, I received and unexpected message as I groped blindly for the lights. In my mind I saw the name: “Erron”. It was spelled out in front of my mind’s eye and then pronounced very clearly: Er-Ron with the emphasis on the “Ron” part. This, of course, woke me up some and when I returned to bed I asked him who he was. I asked, “Are you an angel? An ascended master or something? (laughing)” He replied, “I am a friend”. I asked (still laughing), “Am I suppose the channel you?” He replied, “If you want”.

I stopped making jokes because he was very obviously not joining in on the fun. I then remembered yesterday that I had “heard” or perhaps just “remembered” that they (my Team) were requesting additional assistance in the form of “family” to help me through this difficult time. I remember recognizing this tidbit of information and thinking that I would soon see my grandfather, grandmother or father either in a dream or in a visit during the day. This is not uncommon for me so I just shrugged it off and forgot about it.

As soon I my thought surfaced, Erron responded to it, “Yes. I am your ‘family'”. I then thought back, “Ah, I guess we are all family” and he responded with agreement.

I wondered what exactly this “difficult time” was and what Erron was helping me with. He told me specifically that there was adjustment being made to my amygdalae. I knew this was part of my brain but that was the extent of my knowledge so I just let it be. He then told me that I was harmonizing with the Earth and I saw in my mind a couple of websites, as if he wanted me to research this when I woke up. I acknowledged this information and thought about music and how each person’s individual vibration is like their song. Each of our songs creates the music, the harmony, of Earth. I liked this analogy and it made sense to me why music made me feel so good. I was then told, “The Earth is our song” and I imagined each of us “singing” through our raised vibrations, our lights increasing and joining to brighten this world and bring it out of darkness.

As I contemplated our conversations, my crown chakra began to buzz and expand as did my third eye. My entire head felt alive with energy. I continued to try and focus on what I was being told. The last thing I heard was, “Abraham-Hicks”.  It was not long after that I fell back to sleep, my head abuzz with a soft, loving energy.

Research

When I woke up this morning I researched the name Erron (Eron) and found that it means “mountain of strength” in Hebrew.I immediately liked the name and the message that came with it. I would love to be a “mountain of strength”!

I then researched the amygdala. I found that the amygdalae (there are two on either side of the brain) are a set of small almond-shaped clusters of nuclei, located deep within our brain’s temporal lobe. They play a huge part in processing emotions and are the reacting part of the brain. Two hormones, adrenaline and cortisol, are released into the body by amygdala activation. When too much of either of these is released, specifically during extended periods of stress, there can be negative physical and emotional effects, one of which is – you guessed it – adrenal fatigue.

I discovered information on ways to help over activating the amygdalae. Interestingly, all of the suggestions correspond to the “instructions” I received about changing my diet and staying grounded. The top suggestion is to avoid negative situations and people. The next is to avoid stimulants like coffee and nicotine. This is followed by eating a balanced, whole foods diet and eating frequent meals to maintain blood sugar levels. Finally, controlling the mind and exercising regularly are also suggested. It is especially important to avoid these things if you are empathic, meaning you are easily influenced by the energies and emotions of others. I am indeed empathic, always have been, and have struggled to not be the effects of others emotions and energy my entire life. So it makes sense to me that my body would react equally as much in response.

Finally, I researched “harmonizing Earth” and “Earth harmonics”. I did not find anything significant or that felt right in my research. Maybe I will find more in time, but for now I will stick with the analogy of vibration being music. I like it and it makes sense to me. The Earth’s song is changing and my voice is part of that change. Indeed.

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Inner Sight

I did not sleep much last night and as I type this my eyes are heavy and my head is slightly aching in the right frontal cortex. Even though last night’s vibrations were exciting, I kind of wish they would have not continued so far into the night so I could have gotten more sleep. I have to work today so there is not much I can do except to continue through my day.

Symptom Update

A quick symptom update before I proceed:

  • Headache
  • Twitching in my left side and back (last night only)
  • Neck ache
  • Vision fluctuations
  • Interrupted sleep
  • Visual phenomenon
  • Buzzing sensations in head and third eye
  • Disorientation
  • Buzzing behind eyes and on either side of nose (forms a mask of energy)
  • Dry eyes (this could be from sleep deprivation)
  • Profuse sweating (in the morning)
  • Ear ringing (left ear only last night)

Inner Sight

I was told I would be given more information this morning about what occurred last night. I received some information in my sleep and between sleep during the night. There were intense energy spikes in my head area all night long, some of which caused my lower body to jerk, but this was infrequent. As I mentioned in my last post, I awakened to a familiar state three times after my initial strange experience. The familiar state is the deep trance state I covered in another post. Basically, my head felt expansive and surrounded by a soft energy that felt dense. The energy came in through the base of my neck and shot out through my third eye in what I can only describe as an intense, white light. I did not “see” a light but I sensed a tunnel forming in front of my eyes which heightened my interest. It is this tunnel that leads to conscious exit of the physical body. I have witnessed it before years ago when I spent over a month attempting nightly to consciously exit my body. I finally accomplished conscious exit but found I struggled to remain OOB. If I were to have surrendered like I was instructed I would have gone into the tunnel, passed through the “void” and into likely unfamiliar territory, though it is possible that I may have just gone OOB and gotten to explore as is my usual.

The odd experience I was unable to put into words remains that way. I honestly do not think there are words accurate enough to describe what happened. I do feel I tapped into a very ancient part of myself and that some kind of outward projection was achieved. I was witness to this projection but also the projection itself. This “splitting of consciousness” had a very confusing effect on my physical self. I was/am unable to comprehend it completely. I fell back into my body at the end of this experience feeling disoriented and alarmed, though this was only in my mind. My body was relaxed and completely oblivious to what happened. There were not even any vibrations which is the norm upon reentry.

I will say that my memory of the experience came back more fully as I returned to sleep and experienced continual vibrations in my head. The actual moment I felt part of my consciousness rise up and out of me there was an intensity of energy in my crown and third eye. It felt as if the top of my head exploded outward. At the same time, I saw this other me from behind, his long, blonde hair flowing behind him as he went away from me. I felt myself following him and being pulled upward as well. This movement upward is what wakened me. It felt very much like a conscious exit from my body and I sadly feel it ended prematurely because of my heightened awareness and my inability to shut off my mind as I had been instructed to do.

In my early years of OBEs I had mastered the ability to control my emotions and my mind so that I could remain out of body for many hours at a time. I spent many OBEs prior to this in sessions learning to master my emotions and my mind as these two things were quite a hindrance to my development. I recall the moment I achieved this ability. I was able to distance myself from the heightened emotions that so often overwhelmed me when I left my body. I became a quiet observer rather than a participant and as long as I remained the observer I was able to stay OOB.

Message

As I type this I realize that the message I was told I would get in fact was received but only now am I recalling it. During the buzzing in my head and intensity of energy in my third eyes, I knew suddenly with much clarity that I would eventually have similar experiences while awake – that it would be something I could “turn on” if I wanted. It is not necessarily the vibrations that I would turn on but the “sight”. The vibrations, I am told, will eventually barely be noticeable as I will adjust to the strange sensations that come with them.

I did not spend much time considering it at the time I received this message/knowingness yet now I am wondering how something like that will work. I am curious now. I am also thinking this is all just too weird to be real.

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Ascension Symptom Update

For the second half of the day I have been feeling nudged to write an update on the symptoms I have been having since my most recent kundalini experience.

  • Vision fluctuations, specifically my left eye feels very obviously dominant over my right
  • Vision “shifts”; vision appears to freeze frame (this happens mostly at night)
  • Tingling and warmth in my feet
  • One clogged nostril, each night the opposite one will be clogged for no apparent reason at around the same time each night
  • Extremely high energy
  • Intermittent buzzing in heart chakra and third eye chakra
  • Interrupted sleep; when I wake up I feel rested and ready for the day even if I have only had a few hours of sleep
  • Change in breathing/breath; I breathe deeper and slower
  • Heart rhythm changes
  • Increased body temperature, especially in the morning
  • Profuse sweating, especially in the morning
  • Attraction to specific smells, ie. patchouli oil, frankincense, and cinnamon

In addition to these symptoms I was asked to examine certain aspects of my life:

  • Physical exercise – change type and frequency
  • Harmful toxins – reduce or eliminate completely
  • Relationships  – examine them using the heart rather than the mind
  • Compassion – develop more for self and others
  • Fear – question fear-based life patterns
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Message in the Trees

This won’t be a long post but I wanted to at least share this with you all because it is so utterly astonishing to me.

Today while I was doing my normal workout at home I noticed an odd, green, circular shape in the back of the room. It appeared to be glowing or maybe a reflection that was being cast onto the window. What also was odd to me is that when I looked closer I clearly saw the number 7 jump out at me from the center of the green circle. I actually stopped what I was doing and went to take a closer look. When I did, I saw it was clearly not a glowing green orb or a reflection but it was a cluster of leaves at the end of one branch of a tree. As you can see in the picture most of the leaves are all gone now being Fall is in full swing. Yet, for some reason, this small bundle of leaves remains.

I was astonished at what I saw and so took the picture in case it went and disappeared on me. It didn’t disappear, it is still there, the number 7 still more obvious to me than the green leaves or the old rusty car in the background.

The number 7 has a meaning. This is what is written on Joanne Sacred Scribes Angel Numbers blog:

The mystical number 7 resonates with the energies of spiritual awakening, accepting and developing spiritual gifts and enlightenment, intuition and inner-knowing, introspection and understanding others, determination and persistence of purpose, good fortune and inner-wisdom.
Angel Number 7 tells of a beneficial time with obstacles overcome and successes realized.  Your angels are happy with your life choices and are telling you that you are currently on the ‘right path’.  You are encouraged to keep up the good work you have been doing as you are successfully serving your soul purpose and life mission and your angels are supporting you all the way.  Positive things will flow freely towards you, and this will assist you along your journey.
Angel Number 7 also suggests that you look to further developing your personal spirituality and encourage others to do the same.
Angel Number 7 encourages you to take up a spiritually-based practice, profession and/or career if you are so inclined.
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Left Behind

I had a very unusual dream experience last night. It was one of those dreams that continued even after I would awaken. I woke multiple times and when I returned to sleep the dream would continue.

Left Behind

I was awakened at 2am by my baby and tended to him for about a half hour or so. When I returned to bed I was irritated but managed to fall asleep after about a half hour of tossing and turning.

I fell into a dream of being on a school trip. I felt myself to be young, probably mid-teens and the trip appeared to be at a zoo or some similar outdoor themed park. I don’t recall much of the trip itself. It is the end that is the most vivid.

It had rained while we were preparing to leave and had stopped as we entered the parking lot where the bus and individual chaperone’s cars were parked. I had ridden with a couple of older ladies rather than take the bus so was heading toward their car being careful to avoid puddles of water when I suddenly realized I was not wearing shoes. I thought, “I forgot my shoes!”  I turned and began to head back to the park but only got half way because I saw that the parking lots was clearing out really fast. Suddenly concerned I may miss my ride, I ran back where I had been calling out to the women as I did. When I got to the place I had been previous the parking lot was almost completely empty. There was a few cars scattered here and there but there were none from my group.

I looked around suddenly aware that I was very much alone. I felt a myriad of emotions – fear, upset, nervousness, anxiety, abandonment, hurt. I scanned the parking lot for familiar faces and saw none. Then I looked for my phone in my purse, hoping to call and get them to turn around and get me. But it wasn’t there. I had left it in the car. My heart sunk. I knew they would probably assume I got in the bus or went with the other chaperones, so not miss me and just continue on home. I felt completely helpless and began to pace the parking lot.

I got the idea to ask one of the few remaining people if I could borrow their phone. A man let me borrow his. It looked identical to mine. When I began to try and use it, though, I could not figure out how. I tried typing in the number of my own cell and found the keys were in hand written form and when I punched in the numbers they came out all wrong. The owner of the cell finally asked me if he could type them in for me and so he did as I told him my number.

The phone rang but no one picked up. I left a message and waited.

I was there so long that the parking lot became empty and no people remained. The only light was at the corner of the lot near a side street. The rest of the area was very dark and though I was not afraid of the dark, I lingered near the light because that was where I would most easily be seen.

After hours of waiting and enduring massive amounts of anxiety and “what if’s”, I finally saw the old beat up brown station wagon pull up. The two women were inside and said, “There you are. Get in”. I got in but yelled at them saying, “How could you leave me! Did you get all the way home before you realized I was left here?” The driver said, “Yes. We thought you were in the other bus”. I sat in the back and sulked, finally allowing myself to calm down and feel relief. I remember finally feeling like I was safe but worrying how long that safe feeling would last.

Kidnapped

I awoke crying and upset over the dream. I had awakened a couple of times during it and it kept coming back. I finally asked to not have that happen again. Unfortunately, I ended up in another, similarly upsetting dream sequence.

I was walking from my old childhood school to another nearby school. I was an adult and had returned to the school as a teacher and was reliving memories as I walked from one familiar place to another.

I came to a school that was built into a mountainside. It was very cool looking and I was instantly interested. I went inside and ran into the principal there. She and I spoke and she asked me about myself. When I told her I was a teacher she began to try and sell the school to me and eventually told me the salary, how to apply and the days worked. I remember she showed me that I had no vacations. I had to work every day of the year and get paid the same amount as I already made. I was instantly not interested, thanked her and left.

I wandered near a bakery by the cafeteria. A couple of plump ladies were making breads and asked me if I wanted to help them with the last ten. I helped by rolling the rolls in powdered sugar and talked with the ladies and another woman helper.

Out of the blue, a man came in and locked all the doors. He then took me and the other lady prisoner. For some reason my husband was there and taken prisoner, too. He then decided he would rape me in front of my husband. I don’t recall the actual rape but I remember being embarrassed that my husband had to watch and feeling sorry for him. He then targeted another person, a small child of about 8 years old. I remember feeling I was 14 years old at the time and being very protective of her. I put my whole body over her to shield her and he left her alone.

We were trapped for a long time but I managed to escape when a maid unlocked the door and left it that way. My husband followed as did the other woman (who had been the child before). During this part of the dream I continued to awaken and return to sleep, each time having another portion of the escape play out in my dreams. We hijacked a school bus, crawled through snow and even had a flat tire at a truck stop all to avoid this man who was hunting us.

Reflection

I awoke feeling a bit overwhelmed by my dreams. Not only does the first dream suggest I am struggling with feelings of aloneness and isolation but it seems I am also struggling with some other fears. The second dreams is symbolic of feeling forced into a corner, one that is unfair and unwanted. It also symbolizes how I have been trying to escape the uncontrollable situation: by running. Throughout the dream I feel pursued by a man who wants to do me harm and imprison me. He didn’t catch me in the dream but he did keep catching up to me and I never could get far enough ahead of him to feel at ease.

I keep hearing a song in my head. It’s Flaws by Bastille. The main part of the song that keeps repeating in my head is, “Let’s finish what we started”. It has been going over and over in my head and driving me a bit nutty. The message seems clear: Stop running from yourself and let’s finish what we started.

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Beauty in the Dark

Before I go into detail on my morning’s excursion, I want to talk a bit about my day yesterday. My youngest (he’s almost 8 months now) has been going through a clingy, whiny stage for about a month now. Yesterday was probably the worst so far. I could not get anything done without having to endure wails of agony from my son. He also refused to take a nap and would not eat. I assume he is teething but there is no tooth or even swelling of the gums and one would think after a month of this a tooth would appear if it were teething! I spent most of the day catering to his needs. In between that I also had to cater to my older two children while fighting bouts of frustration and a feeling of overwhelm that kept rising up into my throat almost choking me.

Finally, after an entire day of enduring screaming and whimpering I took my baby to a room away from his siblings for some mommy time. He instantly cheered up, roaming around and playing but always coming back to mommy. I got out a book and read to him and he became elated, jumping up almost to standing and clapping his hands. He was so happy that later, when we ate dinner, he ate so much food I thought he would burst.

As the evening came to a close, my little baby settled down quietly and fell asleep earlier than usual, allowing me and my husband some alone time which was much needed. We ended up having some good conversations and for a very nice end to the day.

When I went to bed I did some yoga and read a bit of a book. I then set my intention: “I want to find my core self and continue whatever healing that has been started”. I did not set an intention to astral as I really did not have interest in it.

False Awakening

I awoke once at around midnight and then resumed sleep without incident.

I heard my baby crying very loudly for what seemed to be a long time. I ignored the screams and covered my head with a pillow, hoping my husband would take care of it. The screams continued for a while and then I heard the door open. I heard my husband come in and felt him set the baby on the bed. The baby continued to scream and my husband said to me, “You deal with him” and left the room. I sat up and grabbed the baby and had many thoughts hit me at once. I was so tired and just wanted to sleep and wanted to yell at my husband to come get the baby. I thought about doing this but felt conflicted because I knew my husband was frustrated and that I needed to take over.

I felt hazy at this time and struggled to understand what was going on. Part of me knew I was sleeping but the other part was sure I was awake.

I opened my eyes and heard my baby crying. I suddenly realized I had been dreaming and that none of the incident with my husband had even occurred. I suddenly became very concerned and got up to check on them. I found my husband soothing the baby downstairs and I let him be, sending him the thought, “Well done”. I noticed it was 5:50am, so I went back to bed.

Too Many Children

I could not go back to sleep at first. I was really cold and could not seem to get warm. I also kept hearing everything that was going on in the house. All my children soon got up and I heard the pitter patter of tiny feet along with talking (my oldest seems always to yell when she talks). I got irritated and began to curse my life silently to myself. I remember thinking, “I wish I had never had children. I wish I had never started this life”. Then I rolled over, put a pillow over my head and tried to sleep. I set an intention, “I want to go OOB”.

The next thing I remember is being outside with a group of people, most of them children. A story was played out in front of my eyes. It only lasted a second, like it had instantly been downloaded into my mind. I knew that a couple had started a family and had child after child very quickly. They had five children, the youngest just a baby. I saw in front of me these children and the couple. There were twin girls standing in front of me and a woman who was taking care of the baby.

I was semi-lucid as I heard myself talking with a woman while watching the scene in front of me. I saw the baby up close and knew he was a vampire baby. I shuddered at the thought. The woman taking care of him was not doing a good job and the next time I saw the baby he had become thin and gaunt and very close to death. The woman taking care of him was not concerned. I remembering thinking the baby was only half human.

The conversation in my mind continued. She recounted the story of the family, saying they got married quickly and jumped right into having child after child without giving themselves much time to bond with one another. I recognized this story as my own and remember saying to her, “I chose that adventure”, instantly recognizing that I was seeking adventure in life and grabbed onto an “acceptable” adventure which was getting married and having children. I did this without thinking of the long-term consequences and now I was stuck in the “adventure” and it was not so much fun.

Again the carriage with the baby came into my vision. I peered into it, assuming I would see a skeleton baby since he was surely almost dead the last time I saw him. I even envisioned the skeleton to prepare myself for the horror of it. Instead I saw only a blanket, no baby. I inquired where he was and the woman said, “Over there” and I looked and saw a plump little blond boy crawling around on top of a changing table. I asked, “He was almost dead the last time I saw him!” The woman replied, “That was his old caregiver. She neglected him a lot. He is fine now”. I saw the boy’s rosy cheeks and smile and wondered about him. The woman said, “He has a lot of energy”. I watched as the boy scooted to the side of the table and wiggled around. He did have a lot of energy. I was then aware that this baby needed a lot of attention and needed patience and help so he could learn to channel the energy properly.

Alaska – OBE

Something about the dream conversation shifted my awareness and the scene instantly changed to a new one. I found myself inside a house. The lights were out but I could make out the furniture and surroundings. It was a nice place and very cold. I was standing in the kitchen and could see the silhouette of sliding glass doors to my right. Moonlight poured through the window and illuminated the kitchen bar in front of me.

I was in the middle of another conversation with an invisible woman. Lost inside my mind, I talked to her until her voice was gone and I was talking to myself. I was rejecting the idea of my current “adventure”, mad at myself for taking on so much. One part of me was the voice of reason, the other part (the me in the dream) was the stubborn child.

Suddenly an idea came to me that I should look at buying a house. It was in Alaska and I got very upset by this. I looked down and saw I was holding a real estate brochure for a home. I glanced at it and saw it was a very nice house and a part of me was interested in buying it. I remember saying, “No! I don’t want to buy a house! I don’t want to live in Alaska!” I closed the brochure but my interest was peaked and I began to think about living in Alaska. I thought of the long winters and balked at the prospect of driving on icy roads again. I rejected that part. Then I thought, “I want to lay in the sun” and thought of going outside in the sun and then remembered I couldn’t do that in Alaska. I remembered when I lived there. The isolation. The darkness. I didn’t want that. Then I remembered I use to go to tanning beds and thought, “I could go to a tanning bed”. I looked at the brochure again and saw the price for the house was $1.5 million but then the price vanished and I couldn’t find it. That was way too much for a house!

Something clicked at this point and I looked at the glass doors and said aloud, “This is a dream”. Instantly aware I was creating all of this, I immediately recognized I was wearing heavy winter clothing. I tore off an imaginary coat and began to rip off what appeared to be a hat and goggles. I then went through the glass doors and outside, still tugging at my imaginary winter garb. I felt shrouded in heavy winter clothing and wanted it off.

Outside the moonlight was still illuminating everything quite well and I saw the yard was surrounded with trees and tall shrubs. The air was crisp and I knew it was still summer. My vision was blurry and I again took off goggles of some kind. My vision instantly cleared and I blinked a few times. I then looked more closely at the shrubbery and thought, “I should go that way” but then stopped myself thinking, “I don’t want to go that way” thinking that way meant I would be alone. I instantly wanted to go to the front yard so turned that way. I saw a privacy fence between myself and the front. I had the idea that if I crossed the fence I would find other people and not be alone. I decided to jump the fence and propelled myself upward. I went up quite fast, flying up so high that I worried I would not come down. To my delight, I did a flip mid-air and landed on the other side of the fence. In front of me I saw an open yard dotted with trees but I was still alone and it was still dark. I brought my hands up to look at them as it usually helps me feel more solid but when I brought my hands up instead of seeing glowing hands I saw heavily gloved hands. Disappointed and wondering why the gloves were still there (hadn’t I taken them off?) I decided I would try singing as it seems to always help me gain awareness. I launched myself into the air and began to sing loudly, “Ah ah ah” (like from the Little Mermaid). I began to be pulled upward very fast and I closed my eyes as I sang but my voice kept cracking and I could not get the cracking sound to go away. I kept singing, though, hoping I would escape the place I had been in.

I felt my energy settle back into my sleeping body and opened my eyes.

Beauty in the Dark

When I awoke I was pleased that my intention to astral had worked but I was not pleased that I had seemed to get nowhere in my experience. I also was upset to find myself yet again in Alaska. What did Alaska represent? Being alone. It represented all that I had felt when I had lived there in reality. I had gone in search of adventure but found the adventure was shrouded in loneliness. I had thought I could handle being alone but it had nearly killed me. The new adventure I had sought, having a family, was also shrouded in loneliness, but of a different kind. It was more bearable but I was drowning and felt similar emotions to how I felt when I lived in Alaska. In my OBE I had tried to escape the trap I had put myself in but could not. I felt burdened by a heavy shroud of winter clothing yet I felt cold still. It was very representative of my life and how heavy the burden of it felt. I could not free myself of it and the OBE seemed to indicate trying to escape was not the solution.

As I type this I am reminded of a song I wrote when I was living in Alaska. Back then I had yet to connect with my guide yet I was drawn to write music. I wrote many songs, the lyrics seeming to just flow out of me. I found moments of joy in the mostly sad songs I wrote. One of my favorites was called Beauty in the Dark.

Beauty in the Dark

I understand your sorrow
I understand your pain
I want to see you smile
I want to hold your hand.
And although this place is colder
And darker than where we’ve been
I’ll take you somewhere warmer
Be your light
In the dark.

Chorus

Take the darkness and wrap it around you
And you’ll find beauty in the dark
Don’t let the winds of the arctic prevent you
From searching for your heart

(Alternate ending)
I’ll find a way
I’ll take you there
Find somewhere where you belong.

Can’t you see the colors
Of the Northern Lights
They will offer comfort
In the dead of night.
And as the wind blows memories
Of places and times gone by
My love will be a blanket
Of warmth, of warmth.

Let me kiss the teardrops
From your swollen eyes
There is nothing to fear
It will be alright.
And as the days grow longer
In the Land of the Midnight Sun
Our love will grow much stronger
Lead us on, and on.

Chorus

Look to the bands of color
That paint the northern sky
A canvas filled with wonder
If you would only try.

Chorus (with alternate ending)

I guess I need to find beauty in the dark again.

Lucidity scale: 5

Intent stated?: Yes

Time to bed: 9:30pm

Time to wake: 5:50am; 7:30am

Meditation?: None

Physical Exercise?: Yoga

Mood: normal to low

Body: muscle aches

Tiredness: Moderate

Number of wakings: 2

Technique?: No

Sleeping position: stomach

Supplements: Natural Calm, Sleepy Time Extra Tea, Benadryl 25mg, Calcium 500mg, Vitamin D 1000mg, Vitex 150mg, DonQuai 150mg