Category Archives: shift

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Re-Writing the Self

My personal period of rest and rejuvenation continues. I am told this is widespread, that I am not alone in this.

There has been a slight increase, however, in communication from my Team and the night before last I actually did have a brief moment of contact with my Council. Unfortunately, the excessive exhaustion I am experiencing makes the memory of such events a blur and increases my disinterest significantly. All I want to do is fall back into the wonderful drowsy feeling of deep, uninterrupted sleep.

Messages Received

The messages I have received through these brief communications are short and to the point.

Message from Council, August 6, 2:30am.

“We are here. We will bring you Home soon”.

“When?”, I asked but got no response. I felt, though, the presence of 12 in Spirit around me, which I have not felt in some time.

Message from Companion, August 4, around 10pm

I suddenly felt a calm descend upon me, indicating my Companion was near. I was instructed to focus on my heart and the feeling intensified.

I was told, “You can receive at any time”. With this came a knowing that I could open up and “download” information from my Council whenever I chose. This was an ability I had not been using, thinking it was done to me rather than me initiating it at will.

I had been feeling as if I were about to “die” all day and this thought returned. With it was a knowing that I would be shifting out of the pilot’s seat again.

I asked, “Will it be the same?”

I heard, “No”.

I briefly had a mental picture of a bowl and spoon with the action of folding in ingredients slowly and recognized this to mean this shift was part of that process.

Then next day I experienced being gently pushed back as my Higher Self resumed control briefly. It was indeed a different experience.

Message from Council this morning

“You are re-writing the Self”.

I have since had a strong desire to rid myself of “baggage” I have been carrying around. This baggage is more figurative such as disconnecting from people from my past who I no longer feel a connection. It comes with a re-evaluation of who I am. I am asking questions again such as, “Does this align with my purpose?” and “Does this feel right for me?”

Sudden Knowing

I have been feeling that I will be “directed” toward my purpose or “work” in this life. I keep seeing myself as working to help people move from the “dark” to the “light”. The “dark” being they are sleep-walking through life. The “light” being they wake up and recognize they have been asleep. I do not force my help and many times it will completely go unnoticed.

This type of work is not only my purpose in this life but in future lives as well.

To clarify – being directed is not being told what to do but rather being led by feeling or synchronicity. I sense that this will involve a feeling of moving aside to allow my Higher aspect in.

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What was That?

Sleep deprived me went to work today. Perhaps that is why I had the experience I had?

What was That?

Today I had to report for the typical back to work gathering to welcome new staff and learn about the coming year. I was in a good mood and not thinking about anything in particular when my boss called on me to introduce myself. As this was sudden and unexpected, I looked at him like, “What?” He just smiled and waved me on.

The minute I stood up this energy came seemingly down from above and from the left at the same time. It was like I was shrouded in it. I felt suddenly very much like I was dreaming, as if I had been pushed back from the scene. The faces of the people looking back at me, the tables and windows, the sun shining into the room – it all seemed very shifty. It was literally like whenever this energy settled upon me that the room and its contents shifted upward and away from me, or I shifted upward and away from them.

At the same time this happened I felt very calm and composed. There was not one ounce of anxiety or nervousness. When I spoke my voice sounded hollow, like I was talking through a paper tube.

I continued to speak, saying who I was and what I did. When I finished I could feel my face flushing as I sat down. This was the only sign of nervousness I had.

I immediately felt I had messed up, yet I knew it didn’t matter. All of it felt very unreal.

Hours later I am still wondering what happened.

Was this my Higher Self descending down and somehow taking over?

Or was this the “walk-in” soul taking charge like I was told he would?

Was the original soul displaced when this walk-in came in suddenly? Is that why everything seemed so dreamlike and shifty? Did I get pushed aside? Did I become the observer rather than the performer?

Will this happen again??

Since then I have felt normal. Things feel real enough. The only thing I notice is that my head is buzzing at the back and sides again.

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Time for Something New

I was reading a blog post yesterday which about happiness. The point that got through to me was that those who are most happy are the ones following their heart and doing those things which fill them with joy regardless of what others say or what society deems “correct”.

It was not long after that the words of that post got through to me. I knew that what made me happiest was the spiritual process I have been going through most of my life. The experiences, the knowing, the insight, the healing – all of this is what brings me joy.

I am living my purpose.

When I awoke this morning I again thought of my purpose. I knew it was “to awaken”. That was the sole reason I came into this life.

I knew I had practiced and practiced this before coming. I even got a taste of it in prior lives. My last one especially.

Of course, I came into this life to do more than “awaken”, but it is my primary reason for being here. I have other contracts to fulfill; other smaller purposes. I think the main difference between my soul’s purpose and these contracts is that the contracts are like side-jobs. They are the tying up of loose ends.

When I wonder, “Why me?”, and “Why now?” I know that it is because I am “done” and moving onto something new, something different.

The answer is more of a feeling that is hard to describe, but basically I have advanced to new things.

“Advanced” is individual. It does not mean I am better or worse than anyone else. It just means that I have reached, as my guide calls it, “critical mass”. I am not completely sure what  that means but in my heart it means that I am done with what I have been doing and now can do something else. Move on. Move forward. Advance.

It kind of feels like loss of interest, really. Like I use to feel as a child. You know how children find something they like and do it over, and over, and over again because they love it soooo much? And then, one day, they suddenly have no interest. It is like the light switch shuts off on that particular interest. Then another one turns on.

This is “advancement” the way it feels to me. I have lost interest and am moving on. And I am not alone. Lots have lost interest.

Time for something new.

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Results of the Shift

For the past two nights I have dreamed of past acquaintances, both of which died suddenly and unexpectedly. At first I thought it to be a coincidence, but after last night’s dream I have changed my mind.

“I Can’t Get Through”

I almost missed the visit and message last night since it was muddled up with a longer dream I was having. However, upon waking it was clearly separate from the rest of the dreams I had.

The specific memory I have was of seeing this person, who I knew while growing up and who died in 2012. His daughter, my best friend from school, was in my dream as well. He was trying to talk to her; to get her attention. I don’t recall the specifics of what he was trying to tell her, but I do recall seeing his face covered in disappointment. I asked him what was wrong and he told me, “I can’t get through”.

My personal memory of him was blurred but I do recall trying very hard to get a good look at him because I recognized him. He looked like I last recall and I was happy to see him. But his disappointment was strong and that, I think, is why I remember.

Plans, Plans

The night before last I had a very in-depth dream in which I discussed the building of a house with someone I knew in life. He had also passed away and this was not the first time I had seen him in my dreams.

He was not trying to pass on a message – at least not that I recall. Instead, he was telling me of all the plans he had never gotten the chance to act upon. He was very enthusiastic. This is also how I remember him in life.

It seemed he came to talk to me as he asked me why I moved my family from our old place. I don’t remember my answer now. Instead, I just recall seeing him and his beaming smile. It was obvious he was very happy on the Other Side. He was also “whole”, which he had not been in life.

Understanding: Widespread Results of the Shift

It did not take me long to put the two night’s visits together. There was a reason for these encounters.

The every increasing energy shifts and changes brought about via the shift has not gone unnoticed by those who do not believe in the ascension. Most don’t even know about it. Yet, they feel it and they are distraught. They do not understand they are clearing out their past – their hurts, their disappointments, their upsets, their “sins”, their karma. All they know is that they are haunted by a feeling of emptiness and an upset over things they should be able to put behind them.

Their loves ones on the Other Side are trying to reach out to them. They should be able to. The veil is thin enough now that entering the subconscious via dreams to pass on messages is easier now than ever. Unfortunately, the messages don’t always get through. The mind blocks them. And if the messages do get through, disbelief and doubt toss them out.

This is why my friend’s father was so disappointed. He was showing me his attempts have not worked. He wondered, “Why can you see me but she cannot?

He knew the answer. She doesn’t believe in God or the afterlife for one. This was what he taught her, too. How could she ever receive a message from someone who is just gone? And if the message does make it through, she will toss it out, figuring it just a creation of her own mind. Unfortunately, this only creates more grief and more blocks and thus the cycle continues.

I recognized his appeal to me: talk to her, get her to see I am still here, I still exist.

I told him I won’t do it. Even if she did listen to me, she would still have those same blocks. She just does not believe.

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Folding in the Higher Self

This epic blue moon did not invoke any OOB states or profound spiritual experience for me. I was not expecting that, though. I knew I would have another night of deep sleep, and I did.

However, I did have early morning communications from my guide in the form of dreams and insight.

Folding in the Higher Self

One particularly strong memory was of a discussion in which I was being shown the definition of the word “fold”. I saw the written word and also pictures of the meaning of the word. I recall talking about folds in the skin and seeing layers of belly fat rolled one upon the other. In that memory I also recall hearing this was the wrong definition.

Then I recall joking about the word, turning it into “felled” such as “felled one’s enemy”. Apparently this humor was not appropriate and I was awakened immediately.

When I awoke I saw clearly in my mind a bowl and a mixing spoon. I knew this meant the definition I was being asked to consider here was the cooking definition – the combining of ingredients without forcing the air out of the mixture. This is done by mixing the lighter ingredients into the denser ingredients gradually and with very little pressure. The action is repeated until the the ingredients are fully combined. Step by step this involves moving the lighter ingredients around the side of the denser ones. Then, moving them underneath. Finally, by moving the entire mixture over onto itself.

What This Means

I find it interesting that this definition was used to describe my current transformation and the transformation of many others across the globe. Specifically, the combining of denser ingredients with lighter ingredients is superbly analogous to the ascension process.

The lighter ingredients are analogous of the Higher Self and the higher vibrating energy that it brings. This “light” infiltrates the lower vibrating or denser energy of the Earth Self. Ultimately, the two will completely combine and merge to create something new.

These two aspects must be combined slowly so as to not force the air out of the mixture. In the case of ascension, the “air” would of course be the physical body and the folding process is necessary for the preservation of it.

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Spiritual Hibernation

Despite being told a while back to expect contact from the Council around the time of a great meteor shower, I have still not gotten any communication. The current meteor shower (Perseid) has been on-going since last week but is most visible in mid-August. Therefore, if communication is going to come it is likely not coming for a couple of weeks.

When I awoke this morning I again felt very groggy. I fall deeply to sleep every night and wake with nothing much but a few fleeting dreams which I take little interest in and promptly forget. I feel completely vacant inside, as if all the revelations I had previously are nothing but a dream. I can’t help but think that it was all nonsense. Perhaps I made it all up in a desperate attempt to create some kind of excitement in my life?

Perhaps I am thinking these thoughts because the consistent message I have been receiving lately is, “Live your life”. Of course, compared to the amazing insights and experiences I had the end of May/beginning of June, my life is boring and dull. I just can’t get excited about it. At all.

Spiritual Hibernation

The intense drowsiness I have been experiencing, the lack of motivation, the illness (I have another cold!), the sluggish way I move about my day – all of these remind me again of the message I got from a dream – Bear, John.

Bear’s hibernate and that is exactly what I have been doing. And according to that post, I can expect 30 days of it. If it is 30 days from that post, I am 22 days in. But if I have 8 more days they feel like an eternity. I really wish I could sleep through it all. I mean really sleep.

Hibernation is, like you all know, a time of rest. The body shuts down almost completely. Every process slows down to the minimal amount needed to keep the body functional.

Spiritually it is the same. Everything slows down to the point of seeming to stop completely.  The part that was awake is now again asleep.

I have heard that when one spiritually hibernates they have entered a time in their life when the experience of living life itself offers them spiritual acceleration beyond what internal experiences and introspection can offer. If this is true, then so be it, but I do not see that happening currently. But then again, perhaps all this hibernation is doing is helping me learn acceptance and patience. These two things are very difficult indeed at this point.

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Preparations

I feel that I am being prepared. For what, I am not sure. Maybe the next “step”, whatever it may be.

The preparations I am to make were requested of me today. I, of course, can choose. It was made clear that if I choose to ignore these requests that it will only slow progress but not stop it.

I am to immediately cut out all meat from my diet. I can eat dairy and eggs (thank you!) but nothing that was butchered for its meat.

No more alcohol. I think I got that message loud and clear a couple of nights ago. I tried a margarita last night and again had trouble sleeping. Its seems alcohol has a reverse effect on me now. Instead of acting as a depressant it acts like a stimulant.

No smoking. I don’t smoke much, just one at night before bed, but I guess it’s too much.

Meditate more.

Rest and drink plenty of water.

These requests came while I was driving today. The energy entered via my crown where an intense buzzing could be felt. It was not the profound opening up that has happened in the past but was a less intense version of it.

Why my guides choose to communicate with me while I am driving I don’t know. My vision is affected and everything I am experiencing immediately takes on a very dream-like appearance. The lines on the highway and the chinking of the pavement seem to glow and I feel as if I am flying rather than driving. Today it felt like everything around me curved-like and dancing and shifting, as if I were looking through binoculars.

Regardless, I always feel completely safe.

I suspect this preparation is for Friday. A recent dream revealed this day. Whether it is this Friday or another one I am not sure but I think this one since there is full moon that night. We’ll see I guess.

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Walk-In Considerations

In my research of walk-in’s I have discovered much about the different kinds and what they entail. There is not much information out there on the subject, however, which can make it quite difficult to really understand the process. There are a variety of terms used and a variety of combinations of such types of walk-in’s that even one well versed in the process has difficulty determining the specifics of their case.

For me, the process has been gradual with a large span of time in which it was “paused” and the original continued primary control of the life and body. The process then resumed after the original completed what she intended.

I want to briefly explain what I mean by “original” so that there is no confusion. She is me, just without enhancement or upgrade. She is the 3D version; the one without memory; blind and without “sight”.

She is a projection of a me that has been in stasis. The autopilot. The one in control while I focus on other “projects”.

The Returning

I am now in the process of returning. This is the best explanation I can come up with for what is occurring.

This process takes time. Time to integrate. Time to Remember. Time to merge.

Some primary components of returning are resuming control of the body and mind. These components are many but a few are causing complications.

There is a distinct dislike for the physical mechanism yet there also remains a distinct love and attachment to it. The old me is comfortable with her routine and her care and maintenance of the body consumes much of her time. I am still unsure how much of this care is necessity and how much is vanity.

The mental fixation on physical beauty is illogical and acts to fixate one on the illusion. I struggle to get the old to let go of her habits and routines in relation to the body. This will take time.

There are many habits like this that need to be broken. Many mind circuits that need cutting. These circuits repeat and clutter the mind. At the moment it is very difficult to repair these circuits while also preparing the body and subduing the old personality. It is a juggling act.

To push the old personality too hard is to intensify the circuitous mechanisms of the mind.

Fear also stands in the way. There is no greater obstacle to overcome than fear. But it can be done.

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Sleeplessness and Dreams

The quiet voice returned yesterday. Not that it ever really went away. I did that. I went away. Or should I say the “other” me came back with a vengeance.

I was in the midst of living my day when it returned. What is interesting here is that it was so barely noticeable but at the same time it was all encompassing and impossible to ignore.

I don’t remember now what exactly was said but it was simple statements that I heard, statements that reflected the moment I was in. Sometimes they were requests asking me to take notice. Other times they were explanations; lessons. I do remember that I was reminded that I choose how I feel and react. I was also reminded to accept that which I can no longer control. If it is done, it’s done.

Listening and acknowledging the truth of these insights, I began once again to let go of arguments and resistance. This helped but it was difficult. The other me was/is very strong.

It became suddenly very apparent that maintaining control of the host body is a process that never ends. I must persist or lose control. I must remain always in touch with the body; the mind; the heart. If I relax and assume I have it “all under control” then the other me returns. I honestly wish she would go away and get over herself.

It is so much work. Why is it so hard?

And my guide said, “It will be easy”. Which part? Ha!

Sleeplessness

Falling asleep was difficult last night. I had a flashback of those years in which I suffered greatly from insomnia. I do not want to return to that! Yet there it was, heavy and having over me and causing great mental strain and confusion.

I appealed to my guides. “I want to sleep!”, I said. “What is going on?”

It was than that a phrase entered my mind, “Inside it is chaos. We will fix it”. I recalled hearing a similar statement recently. So this is the chaos?

I withdrew into my heart space and from there I was able to observe some of what was going on. The other me was quite upset about the current changes and the ones yet to come. The mind felt overwhelmed and the thoughts were haphazard and did not make sense. There would be one thought and another, disconnected one would pop up.

At some point, exhaustion overcame me and I fell asleep.

Dreams

The night was a busy one. I wish I recalled in detail everything but unfortunately my exhaustion must have eliminated the memory upon reentry.

I do recall waking at one point from a dream in which I was hunting down an entity. In the dream this entity had attached itself to me and was the cause of the chaotic thoughts and resistance. I had located it and was capturing it when I awoke. I immediately surrounded myself with light and returned to sleep. All I recall of this entity was that it was very small and resembled a little blob with a face.

The next dream I recall was returning to Alaska and reuniting with my ex-husband. For some reason I was very happy and felt safe, as if he could erase all my problems. I remember being at his work and there was a man who masturbated and got semen all over a glass table. Undisturbed, I cleaned it off with a wet rag. I remember looking closely at the glass as I cleaned it.

There was discussion about a trip. A woman who was there was about to have a baby and was going to go on a spiritual purification-type journey. I wanted to go with her but the timing was in question. She wanted to leave now and I told her I wanted to finish my visit and to wait. I remember seeing a calendar in my mind and deciding to leave on a Friday. The destination was one I knew and I told her, “That is where I go to school”.

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Breaking Free and OBE

I spent much of the day yesterday going through my old journals and blog posts in order to identify how many lucid dreams and OBEs I’ve had over the years. I entered it into an OpenOffice spreadsheet while also reading through various entries.

Later that evening I went out with my husband and had a couple of glasses of wine. I regretted it almost instantly and even more so later in the night because I was unable to fall asleep.

I tossed and turned most of the night, my thoughts upon my journal entries and a strange, nagging feeling I could not decipher. Around 2am the source of the feeling revealed itself.

Cocoon

Firstly, I noticed how disconnected I was from what I had written over the years. All feeling was absent as was the memory of most of the experiences I described. It was as if someone else lived my life. Next, I was quite disturbed by just how little progress and change I have made since 2003. The cyclic patterns of my life just keep on going. Over and over and over. I seem never to learn and I forget so easily the lessons I do learn and then end up re-learning them later as if my mind was wiped clean of the lesson. I have the same complaints, the same high’s and low’s, the same fixations. Finally, there was a feeling that something about these patterns directly relate to my level of conscious awareness.

Somehow, for some reason, I have never really been connected to this life or this body. It has been a dream all along and so much resembles a dream upon analysis that I cannot avoid the reality of such a conclusion.

I wondered to myself, “Where have I been?”

I then recognized what the odd feeling was. I felt to be trapped inside a very small, confined space. I desperately wanted out. I needed to get out. It felt as if I could move somewhat; push out an arm here, a leg there. Yet no matter how hard I struggled there was something constraining me.

butterflyIt was then that I saw it: the cocoon. And a new feeling along with knowingness came over me suddenly. I was about to break free of it and what would emerge would be so very different from what went in.

For a moment I was worried. What will emerge? Will it be me? Or, like the butterfly, will I be totally different?

There was a mixture of both nervousness and elation at the thought. I felt my guide close and I knew he was reveling in what was transpiring. I sent forth a mental query and he responded with, “What do you feel?”

It’s All a Construct

That is when I knew. It is all a construct. All of it. Me. The Earth. The Universe.

But what does that mean? Why is it that I am only now recognizing this?

I have been asleep this whole time! I thought I was aware but my awareness is nothing compared to the awareness that I am, that is available and can be tapped into. What I have here, in this lifetime, is like a tiny pinprick of light in a universe of darkness.

I became temporarily overwhelmed. “It has all been a ruse”, I thought. “This life that I have been living, blindly wandering through, is a trap. Who created it? I don’t know, but I am not at all interested in continuing on this way”.

I knew to escape this trap I needed to break free of the mind. I knew I had been lost in it, consumed with it and its pictures and emotions. I focused on my heart the best I could. I had to live from the heart in order to break free of this cycle. It was the only way.

I also had to be in the body. I have not been in it. I have been away from it often. In and out. In and out. Like when we dream, the specifics are lost and only symbols remain; left to be decoded and interpreted.

I should be able to remember every minute, every second, of my life. It should be distinctly real. But what is real?

Lucid to OBE: Visiting Multidimensional Me’s

I fell into an odd slumber, though I am not even sure “slumber” is the right word. I was completely aware of what was going on and felt more to be in the in-between than anything. However, it was obvious that a “dream” was occurring and I was in the midst of it while also being outside of it.

I traveled to many places, places I had been before while OOB and in dreams. I recognized these places and identified them to my guide along the way. Upon recognizing the places, I also recognized myself in these places. A different Self in a different life. I saw several lives like this and saw similarities and differences. It was like I was seeing the hundred faces of Me.

In between visits I had conversations with my guide. The scenes would be there but I would be removed from them in a separate space with my guide. I said to myself and to him, “It’s like a carnival mirror” and in my mind an image was clear as day. There I was, standing and facing a mirror and looking at the reflections of hundreds of Me’s looking back at me.

The spokes of the turning wheel were all me, branching out in different directions. This was multidimensionality, all of it was Me.

Confused, I pulled out of the scene and instantly found myself OOB. I knew I was OOB but my vision was suddenly completely gone and, though I could sense my surroundings, I was fumbling around blindly, feeling very distraught about what had been revealed to me.

Who am I, then? What will happen next?

I called out to my guide while OOB. What does it mean? Where are you?

It was not long after that I willed myself back to my body. When I came back into it the energy was jagged, almost painful. My body felt alien and rigid. I wondered briefly if it was about to die. Was my rejection of the repetitions of life, of the trap of the body, causing the body to reject me?

My heart was doing odd flip-flops and I felt I might be sick. I rolled over and the energy settled and I felt better. I fell into a fitful sleep after, waking at 5:30am and not getting more than a few hours of rest. I knew, though, that I didn’t need it.