Category Archives: synchronicity

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Stop Questioning

The past can teach us so much, if we take the time to listen.

In terms of the world, we all know this to be true. We are taught history as we grow and mature into adults, albeit a biased one depending on where you grow up. If we have good teachers, we are taught to pay attention to past mistakes so that we can avoid making them again in the present and future. Sadly, so many are not taught this, forget they are taught it or ignore what they are taught altogether preferring to be told what to do rather than think for themselves. And even if you are one of those who thinks for themselves, it is easy to get caught up in the present whirlpool of events and be blinded by them. 

The trap is real. It is forged by time and space, humanity and duality. We really do end up stuck in quicksand when we agree to incarnate into this physicality. 

For me, personally, the reality of forgetfulness has been hard to swallow. I knew it to be true in one sense – in that when we descend into this reality was Forget who we Are. I knew it partially in another – that memories fade as we age and ultimately become distorted by the degradation of our mental faculties. It has left me wondering, “How can I avoid making the same mistakes if I cannot trust my own memory?” 

The recent return of an old friend and lover has revealed just how unreliable my human memory is. The more I read through my old journals, the more I realize just how skewed my memory has become. Sure, it has been almost 20 years. I should give myself a break, right? But still, I am not that old yet and I had such certainty when it came to my memories. Yet, I am finding what I recall is very, very lacking and my selective amnesia is to blame.

Throughout our present email communication, I have felt a familiarity and a kind of dejavu sense. Curious, I dove into my journals to read, specifically, the old emails I had kept. What a shocker I was in for! Not only did I forget the emotion and the specifics of the relationship, but I noticed that the me of the past has not changed much in her reactions to life over the last 20 years. It was clear to me that my thoughts created my discontent. My constant looking forward, my constant seeking of “more”, and my feelings of inadequacy and lack drove me into despair time and time again. And, truly, I am such a drama queen!

As if to hit it all home, I had a distinctly synchronistic message come to me ahead of this realization. One morning, before my walk with our dog Monty, my attention was pulled to a cartoon my children were watching, Gravity Falls. If you don’t know about it, you should check it our because it has a lot of deeper meaning to include time travel, alternate realities, inter-dimensional travel and symbolism. In this one particular episode the main characters recognize that they had all been chosen to play specific roles. I saw that they wore symbols and, at the exact moment I was drawn to pay attention, the question mark symbol came into view. It was frozen in my memory. 

Later, as I returned from my walk, I looked down and saw clearly in the asphalt the outline of a perfectly shaped question mark. I paused, knowing it was no coincidence, and time seemed to pause briefly. I wondered what it meant as I turned and saw the stop sign ahead of me. I thought, “Stop questioning.” Hmmm

In putting two and two together, it was clear to me that most, if not all my self-created problems, were the result of my constant questioning. In my early years of awakening, my guides would tell me, “You’re asking the wrong questions.” I had always thought I needed to formulate my questions better, but in this moment I thought, perhaps, the real message was that I needed to stop questioning so as to not be pulled into the inevitable paradox that resulted. The Knowing process is not a mental one anyway, it is a spiritual one. Knowing is not questioning. Knowing is Knowledge that is derived from our Higher Selves, from our Core, from Source. 

And, of course, one of the things I noticed from my journal is that it was FULL of questions. I would ask so many and write the answers. Half or more of the answers I received about my own future never came to pass. So often I would catch myself laughing at my own naivety. My journal was full of examples of the snares I set for myself. It was obvious I was looking for adventure, for something magical and exciting to save me from my boring and very mundane existence. I imbued everything – every experience, every dream, every synchronicity, every thought – with significance and meaning. And then I would fight against that significance and meaning to create a masterpiece of a storyline and keep myself entertained.

The most humbling part of this realization is that I continue to do this to this day. I have shifted somewhat, yes, and matured despite my own self-sabotage, but in general I continue as always, a creature of habit, as we all are. 

But I am human after all.

Ultimately, I recognize that through all of this, the lesson is to learn to embrace the moment, to accept what IS. It is something one must practice daily until it becomes a new habit. It isn’t easy, either. Life has a way of making us forget (as I mentioned earlier). The quicksand will suffocate you if you fight it. Allow and you will remain above the surface. 

All of this goes hand-in-hand with gratitude. If you sit in acceptance of your life you feel nothing but gratitude. That gratitude is instantly lost when you compare the present moment with the past or the future. When one is truly in the present moment, the mind is quiet and you are filled with a presence that swells with gratitude. And if you allow that gratitude to grow by focusing solely upon it, something altogether greater is felt: Bliss.

Stop Questioning. Surrender. Accept. BE.

BEing, surrendering, accepting doesn’t mean you stop living. The moment is fluid and so must you be to remain within it. There is no DOing until the moment brings it into BEing. This is where the practice of Noticing is needed. You Notice an opening as the flow shifts subtly and then, in that moment, either choose to flow with it or continue to observe it. This choice is not made in the mind. It is automatic, made by the Higher Self. Once that moment is gone, it is gone. And that is OK. The Higher Self Knows and chooses in accordance with its purpose. There is no point in questioning that for it just IS. 

And with all the above Knowingness, I realize it was brought to me by a simple request, but one I have made time and time again with spotty results. The request was, “I want to feel the Bliss all the time.” Well, now we know how, don’t we? 

As if to further demonstrate, I had a night full of dreams where all I felt was Bliss. Not the raging, volcanic Kundalini kind of Bliss but the full body, tingling with Love kind. My favorite. It revealed to me my True Self, the one that I often find myself being when I am OOB or in a lucid state. I am pure Joy and wish nothing more than to share it with others, for when I am with others that Joy is amplified. 

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Let Your Light Shine

Woke this morning in tears. Sleep has been good but with good sleep comes dreams and, in this case, counseling.

Dream: Earth is Hell

The dream began in a large, open space like a school cafeteria. There were tables where stations had been set up. I knew I was a teacher and attending a gathering of other teachers.

I remember working with a student. He was about 10 years old, African American and very troubled. All the students I worked with were troubled. There were other students in the group with him and I was giving them various tasks, most simple cleaning tasks. When I gave this boy a task he outright refused and walked away. I followed him and saw his anger at knowing I was not going to give up on him. I remember knowing I needed to approach him carefully, that any pressure would cause him to get confrontational. I knew he was capable of physically injuring me and would if provoked. So, I opted to be gentle and patient with him despite wanting to shake him vigorously in my impatience. He listened but I remember knowing he didn’t hear my words, so I focused on sending him love and acceptance. I somehow knew through the whole interaction that I was practicing and that I was meant to practice in this space. I also knew my human self would not be so patient. But the more I practiced, the more likely my human self would Remember.

Afterward, I went to a “station”. They were handing out slips of paper and other teachers were taking them. I remember seeing students across the room. I felt very tired. A coworker took a slip of paper, volunteering for some project. I remember not wanting to participate in any of them. She sat with for a bit, giving me a choice of 4 questions to answer. I selected the question about my “condition”. I told her I was disinterested in life and very sad. I remember worrying about telling her this. I thought, “I’m depressed. If they know I’m depressed they may fire me.”

The woman listened attentively and offered support saying, “We will help you.” She then pointed to a man across the room mentioning he had just separated and was available. I assumed she meant he was single and she was looking for a relationship. I suggested she talk to him and she smiled and gave an excuse. Looking back on this, I am not sure that was what she meant.

Then I was walking through the same space to a section that was set up as a gym, only the machines were none I recognized. I tried using a few but didn’t know how to operate them. I just ended up feeling foolish as I got tangled up in them. Some I recognized must be massage chairs, others I couldn’t figure out at all.

At one point I walked past some men sitting in a group using machines. I sat in the machine hoping to use it but had no idea how. One man asked me about something I was carrying on my back. I hadn’t noticed it. He told me, “That is something a coroner (preoccupied with death) uses” and pointed to a room I could see through a large viewing window. I thought, “Janitor’s closet” but he said “coroner”. He suggested I put it back and I began to look around but had no idea where to go. He said, “Here, let me take it for you.” He lifted the contraption off my shoulders, smiling. I thanked him and looked more closely at the thing he took off me. It looked like it had stirrups with cuffs and long chains. I wondered how it was used. Just like all the other things in this “gym” none made any sense to me.

I walked to a more isolated section and saw my husband sitting on the floor. I mentioned to him that they had saunas (he was looking to use one yesterday) and he just smiled and pulled me toward him. This is when I saw a tiny pair of grey toddler shoes. I said to him, “Look! These look just like the ones Elek use to wear.” I had a moment of nostalgia and then pulled away. I remember feeling his needy energy and not wanting to stay in it.

I ran into my mom and we walked around together looking at stuff in the gym. We approached a podium and there was a woman there who seemed like a host. On the podium was a small box that had something inside. When I opened it, I saw it was full of tobacco. I put it all back in and thought I should give it to my Mom’s husband who smokes.

There was another group of people sitting together in yet another machine. It had rounded edges with comfortable seats like inside a hot tub. In each seat was a person with a pencil. I recognized the game and said, “Look, their playing your game – Words with Friends! You should join them.” My mom joined them happily.

Nearby, a man was standing with a group of people. They were discussing purgatory. Someone asked me if I believed in hell. I said, “Earth is hell. I should know, I’ve talked to the dead all my life.” When I said this I felt a familiar feeling inside. It is like a part of me lights up. At the same time I feel like everyone around me is receptive to what I have to offer. All attention is on me. I realized then that I was speaking my Truth. I Remembered where I come from and the stark contrast between that place and the one I was now living (not in the dream) was upsetting. I became overwhelmed at all the darkness and despair. I could feel it seeping into my Being. It was so dark.

At this moment I felt someone put their hands on mine. When I looked up, a whole group of people were gathered close around me. They were sending me unconditional love and acceptance. They recognized and truly saw me.

The last thing I saw was the woman who had put her hands on mine. The way I experienced it, I must have been on my knees because they were all standing over me so closely they formed a dome over my head. The woman was familiar.

Let Your Light Shine

I woke up in tears and lay in bed sobbing for some time.

I knew the woman whose face I had just seen in my dream. I don’t know why I didn’t recognize her in the dream. It was so obvious who she was. It was the woman whose job I now have. The woman who had died of cancer, who I had watched slowly deteriorate and lose connection with this reality. She always loved me and believed in me. She was so gracious, calm and patient in life yet she was very much like me. We got along wonderfully and she would confide in me things she would not normally tell people. She always told people how much she loved me, though she never told me this. It seemed pre-destined how our meeting and departure happened.

But it was not grief that woke me. It was Knowing that I had fallen into the darkness and was being lifted out. As I woke the group from the dream communicated with me, telling me that I was never alone and to return to that feeling of love and acceptance anytime I felt overwhelmed by this place. They reminded me that my normal state of Being was one of openness, acceptance and love.

The tears came freely when I was told this because I Knew it was correct. And in that moment I could feel so much! All the energy and emotions of the Earth, the Collective on Earth. I didn’t know what to do with it all. How does one manage? It is too much! I can’t help everyone, but that is all I want to do. I want it all to go away, to stop, to make it all better.

I instantly recognized that I had been protecting myself from the overwhelming state of this place by shutting down but it was not working anymore. My purpose is to feel deeply all of it. They assured me that if I took refuge in Them, that I could and would succeed.

Eventually the tears stopped but I couldn’t sleep. My guidance continued to talk to me. Instances in my life flashed in my memory. They told me, “Let your Light shine”. With it came a memory from when I first started teaching. The schizophrenic student I had. I’d been called to a special meeting to discuss him. I was told by another teacher there, “You are the only one of his teachers we could invite.” When I asked why, they told me that his illness manifests as him seeing everyone as evil and dark. He would not listen to anyone who he perceived to be this way. His mother told them that he described me as an angel, one of the only ones that wasn’t dark/evil. My memory of that time is a picture. In the picture I see a Light Being whenever I think of his description of me. I am also overcome with such grief at the memory because, in the meeting, they said to the student, “Look Chris. Your teacher is here.” He looked at me without any expression, but he did look. After that meeting I broke down in tears in my car.

That student never returned to school. He was institutionalized.

I was also reminded of a question I had asked before sleep.

My husband and I had a disagreement before bed. So, I went to bed wondering what was wrong with me. Why did I feel the way I did and react the way I did all the time? Surely I must be a control freak?

Then I was reminded of something I had realized in March. It wasn’t that I was a control freak. It was that I wanted to help. All of it came from that place within me that wishes only to be of service. Yet it feels like no one, not even my husband, wants my help.

March 29: Practicing my Design

Loud noises in my house me woke me up. I heard the distinctive sounds of weights hitting the floor and knew my husband was working out. When I got out of bed and saw my husband he was doing squats. I immediately saw he had incorrect form and was trying to lift too much weight but I didn’t say anything. In the past, when I’ve attempted to help him by showing him correct form, he has gotten very irritated with me. I knew that saying something to him would likely create the same response from him and so kept silent. It was at this point that I my strategy came to mind. I need to “wait for an invitation” before giving advice or helping, but I knew he would never ask. I thought to myself, “But he might hurt himself using that much weight and incorrect form.” 

I went downstairs, walking right past him and fighting the urge to offer assistance without an invitation which is what I normally do. I remembered reading that if an invitation is not given and the Projector feels they just absolutely need to inform that the Projector can ask the person if it is okay for them to help. 

When I came back upstairs my husband was finished with his workout. When he walked by me I asked him if he would be okay if I offered him some advice on his form. He immediately began to talk about how he thought I might comment on this or that and I let him because he was right, in the past I had just offered up my critique without him asking for or wanting it. This had led to him holding some resentment and he needed to express it. When he was finished I said, “Will you accept my help or not?” He laughed and said, “Yes.” I asked, “Do you really mean it?” And he agreed that he did.

When I showed him what I saw and provided him with the information I felt he needed so that he would not injure himself he began to laugh. The main thing I was showing him was that he was not pushing his hips/butt back as if sitting down which is the main motion of a squat. He was laughing because when he was younger his brother and father would laugh when he pushed his butt out because he has very well defined glute muscles. He said that ever since then he has been overly aware of his butt when he squats. I said, “You want to push your butt out. You have a beautiful butt!” lol Based upon his reaction my help was well received.

I was left feeling very proud of myself for handling the situation like I did. However, I felt somewhat sad at the same time. I am a CPT and have all this knowledge yet so few request my knowledge and I find myself offering it up without invitation all the time. This has led to so many negative responses. The most common is that people react as if I am a know-it-all and they are put off completely by this. They think I am judging them or trying to make them wrong somehow. This has been my life theme and it is utterly frustrating. I have taken numerous losses. I have several family members who desire to lose weight and get healthy yet none of them ever really persists when it comes to working out, eating healthy, etc. My SIL even invited me to work out with her and it went well but then she never extended another invitation. Instead, she hired her own trainer and attempted to lose weight that way without much success. I took her actions as an indication that something about me was off-putting to her. Maybe I gave her too much instruction before she wanted it? IDK but it has been the same with other family members and even one woman who seemed to want a running partner yet stood me up when the time came. So, my overall feeling is that it does me no good to try out a career as a personal trainer because, as a Projector, starting my own business like that will automatically fail without people extending an invitation for me to do it. Without the invitation I am dead in the water. 

The other day it occurred to me that one of my reactions to people rejecting me so frequently is that I offer up my advice anyway and just accept that they will respond poorly. I have even become confrontational at times, especially with family or people I know on a more personal basis. I figure if they aren’t open to hearing me that at least I will have said what they need to hear and at some level the information will be received. I would rather them receive it than not at all and have accepted that people will come to resent and even hate me. I think “Fuck it. I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t.” 

But lately there is a part of me asking, “How has this worked out for you?” And what I’ve found is that, yes, I get to say what the other person needs to hear, but in the end it has alienated me from people and left me even more isolated. At the very least it has created upset among family members and left this ridge of energy that never truly goes away. And as a result of this constant feeling of rejection, I have become less and less likely to accept invitations when they come. Invitations to gatherings especially. Honestly, I dislike most gatherings anyway so not going is usually my response. So, I avoid birthday party invitations from extended family members, trips or event invites from family members, even invitations for lunch or other very relaxed, one-on-one invitations with my husband or family. I’ve just lost interest in pretty much any social-type situation and most people have figured out I’m not interested, taking it personally. I usually hear from my husband when someone says something. I’ve heard that they think I don’t like them, which isn’t wrong but isn’t completely accurate. I don’t like sitting through the pretense, listening to random life stuff and discussing things that are of no interest to me. 

For me, I guess, my method of forcing my Knowing onto people is how my bitterness manifests itself. However, there is another, more successful method I have used. I become certified in some way and then put myself into a position/job where others come to me for information/advice. So the invitations are assumed or are part of my job description. I have been a teacher, counselor, healer, medium, and psychic. In all of these careers I have had wins. I have also had losses, but mostly wins in that I am able to share what I Know and it is well received. In the past, the areas where I feel my inner Being lighting up have been when teaching, giving readings and singing. 

In my HD profile the only channel I have is the 1-8: the channel of inspiration. This one is “to contribute or not”. And, not surprisingly, it involves groups. What is funny is that as a Projector, groups are not my thing, yet with this channel I am called to groups to share my Knowing. 1-8 channel: the 1 is about creating and the 8 is about groups. 

Our Shadow is Our Contribution

In HD the open centers in a chart represent the not-self which is also know as the shadow self. Since my guidance told me that my shadow self is being triggered in certain situations now, the term has stuck in my mind. 

Today, while researching more on HD and considering having an actual session with a HD professional, I came across how the open centers, also known as the shadow self, represent our contribution to the world. This was a shock to me. Really? All those parts of me that represent my not-self are how I contribute or make a mark on this world? Maybe I am getting it all wrong, though. Perhaps it is not the not-self so much as our learning about the not-self and choosing to be more flowing and free? So, technically, the shadow self is how we contribute most because through non-resistance and acceptance of these aspects of ourselves we can be a better version? The open centers are most definitely what we came into the world to learn. The open/Shadow Self is the curriculum we come into this life to learn. And being all but two of my centers are open/undefined, well I have quite the curriculum from which to help others! That means I can influence others through all of those areas. Compared to someone with only one undefined center, I am a rock star. 

Considerations

After this morning’s dream and realizations, I went downstairs. My husband immediately apologized and from there we talked. I told him my dream and some of the syncs that came up. One sync was that when I woke up I remember Knowing that I needed to just let other people be. Acceptance is key. This meme came up in my FB feed:

As a 6th line, my tendency is toward optimism, yet in life I am anything but. I recognized that when OOB or in the dreamstate I tend to be the best version of myself: Optimistic, happy, hopeful. I see in others their best attributes. I do not easily tend toward the negative. But the instant I come back into this body I feel heavy and sad. I see the world as hopeless and lost. I feel unable to do anything about it and have accepted nothing can be done. This is what I’ve learned while on the roof. I see it everywhere. This world feels like a lost cause to me.

What this morning’s dream experience showed me is that I have been trying to do it all on my own. The question posed to me many times about my methods is this: How is that working for you? Not well, not well at all.

The problem is more than just me trying to force what I Know on others. That is just a surface problem. The real source is the overwhelm. When I feel this place, I feel it all, and it is just too much. I felt it in the dream and it was too much. I’ve felt it in the past and I am left feeling small and powerless to change it. It – all the pain, sadness, grief, loss in this world – is just too BIG. Yet I am being advised to feel it. The way to manage it, They say, is to Remember. Remember the total love and acceptance of Home, of those who love me, of the Light.

Easier said than done. In the dreamstate this is so obvious. In this body and on this plane it is hard to find.

What I was left with was a visual and feeling of how I can be, and will be according to Them. Going with the flow and accepting. Somehow I will be the Light I am meant to be. I have to trust that it will be.

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Message: Shift, Shift, Shift

Just a short post about what I am perceiving lately.

On Friday morning as I was preparing for my day, there was a loud noise in my dining room. I turned to see a painting slip on the wall, hang precariously for a moment and then fall to the floor. It landed upright facing the wall with the painting backside visible.

I didn’t try to put it back but left it where it fell.

Not long after as I was cleaning up the breakfast mess in the kitchen, I heard another noise, this time from the cabinet. A pan must have slipped – shifted – inside. I took note and said aloud, “Shifting. Things are shifting today.” My daughter was close by so I said to her, “I need to watch out today. Shift, shift, shift. I need to be careful on my drive to/from work.”

Fast forward to my drive home from work. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened and I had long forgotten my shift message. As I approached the on-ramp to the highway, though, I saw the traffic going North – the direction I was heading – was at a standstill. I thought, “Great. I need to get home (I had an appointment in 15 min)”.

As I drove onto the highway I saw that the road beyond the ramp was free and clear. Looking to my left I spotted the why – a blue, Chevy sedan was in the middle lane, flipped, tires in the air. The windows were shattered and people were running back and forth from vehicles parked on the side of the road with cell phones in their hands.

The accident had just happened, maybe even seconds before I arrived.

I drove on but had an odd feeling. I remembered the “shift” message and felt grateful. I knew it was just a reminder but still, it was one of those “time stood still” moments.

I don’t know if anyone was injured in the accident. From what I could it didn’t look like it.

A Change in Energy

The next day I noticed a friend had posted on FB about Jupiter going direct and Mars going retrograde. For me, at least, Mars doesn’t seem to impact me that much regardless of what direction it is traveling. I’m not sure about Jupiter but since it is one of the planets effecting my astrological chart, it could be a positive thing. Since Friday I have felt more decisive and less scattered mentally, which is a good thing. That could be a Jupiter blessing. 🙂

Speaking of decisiveness, when I woke this morning I was thinking of how I was tired of asking to go Home so much. It was not long ago that I had been practicing quieting my mind, pushing out negative thoughts and focusing more on positive, uplifting thoughts and feelings. How did I end up back in the “poor me, I want to go Home” state? IDK but a part of me is sick and tired of it. So when I woke I knew I needed to change that. Instantly I heard, “Focus on what you want”. At first I thought, “Going Home is what I want” but before I could finish the thought I scratched it and knew/thought, “No. Going home is a cop-out. It is an avoidance tactic.” Asking to go Home is me whining, playing the victim and avoiding change. It is all about focusing on things I don’t want. Grrr.

With the question “what do you want?” I instantly found my focus going to my heart. Within seconds an energy was noticeable. It wasn’t pleasant and warm. It was achy. I kept my focus there because, more than anything, what I want is to feel like I once did – Connected.

Interestingly, a few days ago in the evening during my nightly tune-in time, I had the idea of focus on expanding my energy field. When I did this, I noticed how much I had pulled in my energy like a blanket around me. I have been keeping it very close. This, I know, has been my protection. The more expanded my energy, the more I pick up, and lately what I pick up is not pleasant – anxiety, fear, anger, hate, distrust, paranoia, etc.

As I expanded my energy field I sensed a very large presence in front of me. It didn’t scare me. I often sense Spirit and energy of all kinds around me. Just to be safe, I asked for protection – only my guides and angels around me. The presence did not leave. If anything, it seemed closer. I perceived it like a shadow almost, but it was just that my energy created the illusion of darkness when it came into contact with this other energy.

I want to also add that I felt energy originate in my lower spine (just above my pelvic region) and spread and wrap around my entire body. An energy hug. Wonderful! So I have no doubt the presence with me is of the Light.

I have been focusing on expanding my aura ever since. Jupiter = expansion. haha

Other messages have been seeping in. Mostly that now is the time to use what I have learned to become the version of me I am here to be. This message can be a bit overwhelming because I begin to question how to do this. I feel completely unprepared! Yet at my core I sense that I am prepared and all the hard work it took to get here will pay off. I want to get to work already but have no idea how or which direction to go.

I feel like my foot is on the gas pedal and the brake at the same time and I am just burning rubber.

The message continues to be to put on blinders, to keep my gaze on the horizon. Keep looking ahead. No looking back or to the side.

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Dream: Race Car Romance

It’s been a busy weekend and I continue to be pretty tired in the evenings with little dream recall. Last night I was especially tired because I went on a 4+ mile run-walk with my husband before dinner. So, by bedtime my eyes were very droopy and I fell asleep quickly.

Prior to bed I asked my guidance to allow me to see “heaven”. I asked to be shown where I will go when I die. Mostly, I was just curious. If I was shown the afterlife that awaits me (I believe everyone has their own “heaven”) I don’t remember it. What I remember instead is a strange dream.

Dream: Race Car Romance

The dream began with me being in my bedroom from when I was in middle school. Instead of it looking like a normal bedroom it was filled with deep water and I was swimming in it, occasionally diving deep into its depths. I believe I was not in my human form but am unsure what form I took. It felt like I was a car but then I saw myself as human but then also fish-like (mermaid maybe). Sometimes I would dive too deep into this water and someone would have to rescue me and pull me up to the surface before I drowned.

I was pulled up time and time again until the last time I finally paid attention to what was going on. Around me was a crowd of onlookers in a circle around me and my savior, a man who I felt I recognized but couldn’t place. His face shifted from a color, like a blue color, to a human face with dark hair and eyes. He seemed short or child-like, as did I, and I remember thinking in that moment that I finally recognized him. I knew I would fall for him as many victims fall for those that save them. As I had this thought I was looking at this man and feeling that, “Uh oh” feeling deep within me as if I knew he represented something significant and would bring into my life swift change more powerful than I had known before.

The dream shifted and the water was gone. I was standing on solid ground in my bedroom looking at a white bookshelf. On the top of the shelf was a stack of paper. I was taking pieces sheet by sheet looking for a blank one to draw on but each sheet had on it drawings of cars. Some had color on them, like a child had colored them, but as I pulled more out the drawings had less and less color until they were without color altogether. All the drawings were of race cars with rocket-like pipes coming out the sides and other alterations that made them look like rockets or spaceships with four tires. They were obviously built for speed.

As I looked through the drawings I recognized some were telling a story. I said to someone, “Oh, it’s a love story.” And I remember seeing two cartoon-like cars interacting as the pages flipped quickly and moved like a movie.

Then I was selecting a shirt to wear with the help of another girl. The shirt I selected had a race car on it also and was vividly colored. I mostly remember the color blue but there were streaks of yellow and white as well. It reminded me of something a super hero would wear. What is interesting is the shirt had two pieces. The back piece went over the shoulders like a cape and flowed down my back to my waist. The front piece snapped around the neck and covered my chest only. I remember the girl helping me put on the front piece, snapping it snugly into place around my neck. It felt tight but not restrictive.

Then I was told it was time to go and I got into a line to board a bus. It felt like I was in school and I remember seeing many people around me all going to their individual destinations. The bus I was boarding seemed more like a train or tram. It was sleek and aerodynamic as if it could go very, very fast.

Considerations

When I woke from the dream the presence of a guide was in front of me. I heard, “It’s time to go.” I didn’t know what he meant but it felt important. I thought, “Time to go Home?” He said, “No.” But my first thought was that I was about to die. I started worrying about my doctor appointment on Friday and thought I might get a phone call indicating something is wrong with my blood work. This concern quickly passed, though.

My guess, based on the dream, is that my guide is referring to something else, something fast and maybe life changing. A race car can indicate moving in the “fast lane” or fast movement. It can also represent a race of some sort and arriving at a destination fast. A car in a dream usually represents an individual’s life path or the path they travel with others. It is dependent upon the type of car. A race car is not a family car, so this is likely a symbol of my personal path.

In my dream I seem to shift between being a car and being something else, something more human and fish-like. I dive into the water (subconscious) and have to be rescued. I am rescued by the same man many times and finally recognize him. When I see him I feel that I will fall in love with him while also recognizing his role in my life. The feeling I get is significant and comes with a type of nervousness that I have felt in life before, where I want to run away out of fear but also stay out of fascination and desire to know what will happen next.

When I see him there is a crowd of people standing all around us. They stand back and form a circle similar to what happens when a person is rescued from near death in real life.

The strange race car clothing seems to indicate that I will take on a new persona. Clothing is how we present ourselves to the world. The clothing snaps around my throat in the front. This could symbolize my voice. It is not constricted.

As I board the bus/train I feel to be going to school but am also in a school so perhaps it is symbolic of a specific lesson I am about to learn that is related to a life lesson that is on-going. The bus/train looks like it will go fast so maybe a very fast-paced lesson.

This song was going through my head as I woke:

“I can be your hero baby. I can kiss away the pain. I will stand by you forever. You can take my breath away….”

When I went for my morning walk today I saw the sun through the thick clouds. It looked like the moon but I know the moon is not full right now and so this confirmed it was the sun. I was reminded of a dream/OBE I had long ago where I saw the sun and the moon in the sky, side by side slowly moving closer together. I knew this symbolized the masculine (sun) and the feminine (moon) coming closer and closer together until they merged. I looked at the sun-moon in the sky and said to myself, “The sun is the moon is the sun”.

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More Money Messages and Dreams

In a previous post I was given a date in January. I knew it meant that I needed to refer back to January this year for information regarding my current inner healing work. There wasn’t much I could conclude from a quick review of that month, though. However, yesterday, while on a walk, not 100 yards from my front door, I saw a crumpled up mass of trash in the middle of the road. As I got closer I realized it was money – $20. This is the second time this year I have found money in the middle of the road. The last time was in…..January!

Of course I picked up the money and took it inside, once again thrilled at my “luck”. However, as I began to consider the “why” of it, my intuition was saying, “Pay attention.”

The previous amount I found was two $100 bills on the road parallel to each other. The message seemed to me to be related to the number 11 and the significance the number carries. It also seemed to represent two aspects of a whole – masculine and feminine – whole in themselves yet still connected. At the time of that money discovery the money came along with certain thoughts which also pointed to the message.

Similarly, the $20 bill on the road came after much consideration about relationships and partnerships, what I want, my own tendencies, etc. I had not been thinking of these things at the exact moment of discovery of the money, though. When I saw the money it was so crumpled that it was unrecognizable as money. Only upon close inspection did the $20 markings show. Anyone walking past would have thought it trash.

The number 20 is all about partnerships and relationships, romantic and otherwise. It carries with it a tendency of the individual who has been given this number to function best when in a partnership. It isn’t dependency but more that the individual is more capable when working as part of a team (partner or group). In contrast to the two $100 bills, which were separated, the $20 is whole in itself. The only thing that bothers me is the crumpled state of the money.

Then yesterday, on a walk in the same neighborhood, there was a $1 bill on the sidewalk. It looked brand new, all straight and crisp. My daughter was with me but didn’t see it until I had it in my hands. I said, “This must be for me!”  because, well, the universe keeps sending me money on my walks/runs. Three times this year, twice this week!

Upon inspection I realized some other things about the $1 bill:

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The letter in the circle on the left is significant. I exclaimed to my kids, “Look! It even has my name on it!”. I handed it to my kids who all wanted to touch it as if it was some kind of special $1. When I got it back I noticed it has 11’s on all four corners. I’d never noticed that on money before so I checked the cash in my wallet. It seems to be a $1 bill thing only. The number coincides with the letter in the circle – the 11th letter is K.

Something felt right about this message. I’m not exactly sure what, but it seemed to indicate that all is well, I’m on the right path and to trust my inner Knowing. There was also a thought that it represented a countdown of sorts. Everything about it screams solid foundations. Here is the numerological meaning of 1.

Aside from money finds, I’ve been having lots of interesting dreams, some disturbing and others that seem to be hinting at the future.

Dream: Foreign Gate 

I was a passenger on a very large airplane (higher awareness, new state of Being). It was so massive that there were three rows of seats and a divider with a door in the middle. As we entered I was asked to put my carry-on luggage (identity, security, responsibilities and burdens) away but could not find an overhead compartment for them. The one over my seat was full of some old lady’s stuff – boxes of make-up (self-image, self-confidence) she was selling (replace burdens with confidence). The flight attendant told me to find another place so I set my luggage aside. I remember telling the attendant that it was wrong for the lady to take up so much space with make-up and that something should be done about it. Nothing was done about it, though.

When we were departing the place I was told to retrieve my things. There was someone with me who told me I needed to go through the “foreign gate” (change into new phase of life) where they had been put. I hesitated and did not want to go through the gate but I wanted my luggage so I did.

On the other side there was luggage scattered everywhere. All of it was identical: black carry-on’s. Mine was a black carry-on. I checked through numerous bags but could not find any with my name tag on it. I began to panic, searching through them multiple times. I never found my carry-on. I did find my red and black backpack (knowledge gained) which was a relief.

The man with me advised me to just leave the luggage (message to “let it go”). Someone else had taken it. I was beside myself with upset to the point that I had this sick feeling in my stomach, a nausea that was abnormal. The man kept reminding me that I had my backpack, so I had what I needed. My thoughts mirrored his words. I said, “Yes, but I will have to go and buy new clothes, new contact solution….everything.” There was a feeling that I would okay despite the set-back but the worry surpassed it.

Still panicking, I woke up suddenly. The feeling was lingering in my stomach. It was an “oh shit” feeling. I hate that feeling, especially when I have no idea what to make of it.

Dream: Flooded Basement

I was in a house (soul/self) with my husband (soul connection to husband) and kept noticing standing water (emotion). He was focused on something upstairs, a washing machine (need to resolve issues of the past to move forward) that had been buried (suppressed) and he was digging up (coming to surface). I finally got him to notice the water and he said the whole basement (basic needs and desires, confusion, suppression in subconscious) was flooded (overwhelmed by emotions) about three feet high. He knew about it all along and was just ignoring it determined to dig up the washer. He kept saying the flooding in the basement was because the washer was installed improperly. I remember seeing him digging up a chunk of dirt covered in thick grass and brown leaves (disappointment, despair) and him saying he had been working on it for an hour. I also remember seeing water standing around the a/c in the corner of the house.

Inside my husband had done something with the washer and was draining it I think and water was pouring all over the carpets (protection from harsh reality). There was discussion about a new sofa (laziness, boredom or need to clear mind/thoughts) and it being 38in and only getting cleaned for free if it was 40in. I saw it and it was huge and the back of it arched over the dining room table.

I was upset about the flooded basement. I crawled on the railings of the stairs because they seemed to be upside down (no progress made), the risers above me and the railings below. I never got down to the basement and knew I would have to sleep in a house that was flooding. I was nervous and didn’t want to stay.

Note: The next day my husband actually dug up a part of the front yard to fix a busted water main. The scene was nearly identical to pieces of the above dream. There was water standing near the a/c units and large chunks of sod piled on the driveway from his excavation of the pipes.

Dream: Giant Ladybug

I was inside a large kitchen (life alteration, transformation) and commented on how clean it was. The kitchen had many parts and was larger than normal with several sinks, ovens and work stations on both ends. There were women preparing foods and I helped by making the carrots (clarity, abundance and fertility). I kept adding carrots because I felt it would not be enough. I put them on the stove and noticed a bottle of soda (rejuvenation) had gone missing. I went outside to find it and walked past a group of older women sitting at a table waiting for the meal. There were brown leaves (fallen hopes, despair, loss) blowing past and I commented that the last time we gathered the leaves hadn’t fallen yet. I kept looking for the soda and saw it near some tools. When I picked it up it was obvious soda was not what was inside. It was some kind of chemical. Then I saw a very large ladybug (beauty and good luck) whose shell was rusty orange with gemstones (riches, spiritual protection) where the spots should have been.

Considerations

June’s energy has grown in intensity since the first week and continues to grow. I suspect July is going to be a humdinger of a month. All the messages and syncs continue to escalate despite my asking my guidance to give me a break. My dreams seem to be preparing me for change and show how I am working on confronting certain fears and beliefs related to that change.

In addition to continuing to get messages about Atlanta on a daily basis (it’s ridiculous, really), there are other smaller messages here and there. For example, on one of my walks I kept finding discarded bird eggshells (rebirth) along the path, all in almost perfect condition.

At first I was struggling against the messages and intuition I am having. Of course, the struggle came from my Ego assuming the messages and accompanying feelings meant “NOW” and so, understandably, there was some freaking out. But now I recognize that these messages are memories ignited within by certain aspects of my life trajectory (timeline) coming into view (trigger events). It would be like driving along a highway and seeing that your destination is an hour drive away when previously the signs indicated days of travel.

So now I am hovering somewhere between anticipation of said future changes and complete acceptance/surrender. My focus is on keeping an open mind and heart, acknowledging any expectations and setting them aside so that I can freely accept into my life that which will be for the greatest good of all.

This excerpt from an astrological blog I follow jumped out at me:

Living through Expectation prevents you from ever leaving the Past, since our Expectations are based on our Past Experiences.  If you Want to Experience Life As It Is, Moment to Moment, you have to “Cancel, Neutralize, Upgrade,” thank the mind for attempting to Contribute, chuckle at it, and Open to an [sic] Blank Slate.

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Gratefulness Challenge

Today I read an article discussing how to make yourself more optimistic. Since I consider myself a realist (pessimist in denial lol) I figured I would read it all the way through. One of the suggestions was to write down five things every day that you are grateful for. Do it for one week and see how it changes your perspective. I thought it was a good idea, so started today. Funny enough, when I got home tonight a friend on FB had posted that she was participating in a gratefulness challenge. Ha! Love how the universe works!!!

So here are my 5 things for today in no particular order. 🙂

I am grateful for:

  • The sun and warmth today. A thunderstorm hit in the early morning hours but as the sun rose, the sky cleared and it warmed to 72 degrees. My kind of day!
  • My three beautiful children. They bring me joy every day.
  • My health.
  • My job and the financial security it brings me.
  • My home/Home.

I plan to do this for at least a week, maybe longer. I will try to post daily, but that may or may not happen considering I am back to work full-time. Join me if you like! 🙂

In Other News…..

I woke my two oldest up early and sent them to the bus stop and they didn’t have school today. Ooops! lolol

All day my heart chakra has been fired up – higher heart, too. My throat has also been very active. Feels like a snake is wound around it and trying to choke me. Ugh. Thankfully, no sickness. Knock on wood.

During my lunch break I saw this sitting across from me:

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No big deal except that it is. I saw it the first time on 12/12/16 and forgot about it. It came along with more 11’s than I could count. When I saw it today I laughed because I realized this box has been sitting there the entire time I’ve been working at this place. Look really closely where it comes from…..

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Sometimes I think Tennessee is stalking me. LOL

Finally, just because it was so odd – On my commute home today at 4pm I was behind two very obviously drunk drivers. One was on a four lane highway scaring everyone who tried to pass them, the other on the interstate. I mentally sent them a note: New Year’s Eve was two days ago…. 😉

 

 

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11101

Woke at 4:40am and couldn’t go back to sleep. Sigh. I had returning to work on my mind, too. Probably because I have to go back on Monday. 😦 So I wasn’t in a very good mood. It took me a while to relax and center in my heart but I only fell into the in-between, never sleep.

All day yesterday I was feeling this anticipatory energy. It bothered me because I couldn’t identify the source. The feeling was similar to that first day of school feeling. Nervous anticipation. I had to go shopping while I had this energy, so I did, but it followed met through the store. Despite the strangeness of it, people kept smiling at me, looking directly in my eyes, and talking to me. This is unusual so I noticed. I was with my youngest and focusing on him, smiling, joking around, so maybe that attracted their attention. Or maybe my Light was brighter than usual?

One old woman stopped me to talk to me about her grandson and how he was pretending to read, reading to her “Bras and panties” on a pretend sign he saw on the highway. lol She had a nice, gentle, grandmotherly energy and I could see her return to that memory like she was there when she told me. She even got up really close to me, nearly touching me, to tell me her story. 🙂

When I checked out, the energy began to dissipate. It was about 1pm that I sensed it settle. Then I heard the cashier say, “After your discounts your total came to $111.01.” That stopped me mid-sentence and I looked at the register and laughed. As I paid the bill I told her, “111. I see that number all the time. It follows me.” She said, “Really? That’s odd.” lol Not to me.

When I looked at the receipt later on I noticed that not only was the total showing tons of 1’s but the items purchased equaled 11 and so did the sale and total savings. Ha! 11 overload. Funny enough as I am writing this, I am reminded that as I left the store, receipt in hand, I noted the time was 1:01pm.

After that, the energy stabilized and I felt much better. Perhaps the energy was transitional which is why it felt so first-day-of-school-like. 🙂 Some people, like me, get nervous with transitions, while others, like the old lady, are old pros at them and may even look forward to the change they bring.

The rest of the afternoon was spent with an old friend. Our second visit this week. Our two little ones played while our husbands took the older ones to an outdoor family recreation center. So, we got to chat with less distraction – no distraction once our little ones both took naps. 🙂

My energy soared during the visit. It was so nice. Unfortunately, my energy plummeted by evening.

Time is on Your Side

So back to this morning. When I woke in a sour mood and struggled to return to my heart, this song was in my head, specifically: “Time is on your side, it’s on your side now. Not pushing you down and all around, it’s no cause for concern.” Love Coldplay.

 

 

 

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Welcome to the Jungle

This song came to mind yesterday morning. The only words I heard were, “Welcome to the jungle.” I immediately played the song to see why I was getting the message. As I listened, I knew it meant that a decision had been made regarding the job I interviewed for the day before. Jungle = back to work, back to the 3D grind. I knew I got the job.

I let it slip my mind and went about my day. At 5pm I got the phone call. My daughter had asked me the day of the interview if I was going to take the job. I told her that I would know when they offered it to me because the answer would just come out of my mouth and there would be no hesitation or feeling of dread. This is in fact what happened.  When the woman said, “We would love it if you would come work with us”, I replied, “I would love to!” And you know what? I actually felt excited. Good sign! Yay!

The excitement remains with intermittent moments of concern at the idea of having to get up early and come home late every day. I am so spoiled now with my routine of wake up whenever and do whatever I want all day long. Yet my guidance and heart tell me this is what I need to do for now. I need to get back into the work routine. I need an outlet for my creativity. I need to be productive and contribute to the world via direct interactions with those who need me the most – the children.

When I follow my guidance and heart, things line up like dominoes for me. It was within a week of knowing I needed to take this step that this first domino was presented. I had not even applied for this position but someone at HR thought I would be a good fit. When it was offered I immediately knew that even though it is a temporary, full-time position that it would lead to a permanent one if I took it. I also knew that if I wanted it, it was mine. When I got to the interview and met the two women who interviewed me, I knew again that the job was mine. My answers just flowed out. I had not prepared nor even thought about what I would say, yet with each question the right answer emerged. There was even one time I responded and what came out of my mouth surprised me because I had no idea why I answered the way I did. Then later, one of the ladies gave me information that confirmed what I had said was correct.

This is the domino effect in a nutshell. I’ve seen it happen enough times now to know that it is no accident. Now it is just a matter of letting the dominoes fall and lead me to my destination. To question the path or try to look too far ahead does me no good. I must trust that I am being led in the right direction and thankfully my past experience shows my trust will be rewarded.

My guidance reassures me that this path is “clear”. I was shown it in a dream last night. It appeared as a brilliant white, spotless, paved path. It veered to my right and I could see a good distance down it. There was another path, to the left. It was also white but my attention was directed to the path on the right and I heard distinctly, “The path has been cleared.” I also received “Uranus” as part of the message, saying the planet is directly influencing this part of my journey.

Though I awoke feeling a big apprehensive about the future because of the heavy change ahead, my guidance continues to reassure me, asking me to be optimistic and Remember who I am.

Since I begin work sometime mid-week next week, I will not have much time to blog. The hours I will be working are 7:15am – 3:45pm with a 20 minute commute one-way. This makes for a long work day and an early morning (ouch!). However, I will have the typical school holidays – one week for Thanksgiving and two weeks for Christmas – which will be nice.

Note: I already have a contract position and turned down an assignment that would have started November 1st. It did not feel right to me at the time. I am still technically employed by this employer and could received a contract at any time, but have the option to turn them down. The job I just accepted runs until the end of January.

 

 

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Chapter 7

I’ve been meaning to write about my recent chapter adventures but kept forgetting. So much has been going on that it slipped my mind. Sometime last week, actually around the 20th, I was told I had begun Chapter 7. Okay but what happened to Chapter 6? lol The last information I had received was that I was on Chapter 5.

Then today, Molly’s post reminded me that I was in Chapter 7. In it she referred to Adam’s post which I had read yesterday but never caught the analogy he presented about the layers of the light body, the 7th layer being the lid to the cup. And now in rereading Adam’s post I remember my guides telling me not long ago, “We will fill your cup“. Talk about synchronicity! Hahahah I’m blown away!

So what happened to Chapter 6? I have no clue. Obviously it was a short chapter. I entered Chapter 5 prior to going to Mt. Shasta so maybe when I returned is when Chapter 6 started? I was not told about it, so I can only speculate.

I just love it when my connection with others illuminates my path. Thanks Adam and Molly. 🙂

 

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Waterfall

From the minute I woke up this morning until just a few moments ago, reminders of the waterfall in my most recent dream have been everywhere.

When I went down for breakfast this morning, this was on the counter:

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Drawing of Angel Falls by my daughter, Adrian.

I had not seen the drawing before this morning, but I knew immediately what it was and my dream came straight into my mind.

Shrugging it off, I went about my day only to see an article in my news feed with this picture attached:

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So now I am taking notice. What did I miss about the waterfall in my dream? Obviously I missed something or else I wouldn’t be seeing waterfalls first thing in the morning!

So I looked up the dream interpretation of waterfall:

To see a waterfall in your dream is symbolic of letting go. You are releasing all those pent up emotions and negative feelings. Alternatively, the dream represents your goals and desires. In particular, if the waterfall is clear, then it represents revitalization, regeneration and renewal. Source: www.dreammoods.com

Ok. Got it. Great. Can I move on with my day now?

Well, my day has royally sucked. I don’t know if it because I didn’t get much sleep or if it something in the air (energy) today, but I have been very, very down on myself all day. I held back the emotion of it most of the day but eventually it hit me full force and all I could do was allow it to flow. I absolutely hate the feelings that came up and have not been too easy a charge for my guides today I am sure.

Then I get a message from a friend about my waterfall dream and how beautiful it was. Though I am pleased to get the message, there is the waterfall coming up again!

I put it out of my mind. Again. My frame of mind at this point is, “Whatever. Go away (guides).”

Then I am in tears because everything in my life doesn’t fit and I don’t know what to do about all that has happened to me since December. There is an awful feeling that I will feel like this for the rest of my life. That nothing is ever going to get better.

Then memories of last night come up. My husband and I were suppose to go to a concert but he got the address wrong and by the time he figured it out we would have been over an hour late for it. So we gave the tickets to friends and went out to eat. The topic (he brought it up) was divorce. Not ours but his best friend from high school was getting divorced after 16 years of marriage. My husband went on to tell me all the similarities between us and them. What is weird is that he rarely talks to this friend, had reached out to him months ago and just now received a call and this was the news he was given. Things were really feeling surreal and I felt uneasy for some reason. So I ordered a 20 ounce margarita. lol

As the evening went on, the subject shifted and my husband was asking me about a particular person. Well alcohol makes me very happy. I’m a happy drunk (well I was buzzed anyway). lol So when we talked about this person I smiled so big and could not help it. I could feel myself come alive and though I tried to stop it and hide it, it was too late. My husband saw it and said, “See! Look how you light up!” Oops! And I kept smiling after and laughing, making excuses for myself and eventually it all blew over. I think I smiled for the next three hours straight, though.

And the contrast between that happy high and this miserable low I now found myself in was just too much. I told my guides that I couldn’t take it anymore. Then life interrupted and I sucked it all up and moved on. You gotta do what you gotta do, right?

Later, I sat down to reply to an email. As I finished up the reply I looked to my left and saw the words, “Let It Go.” Hahaha! Those words were written on a piece of music sitting on top of my husband’s keyboard. From the movie Frozen. You may have heard of it….:)

Now I am still obviously dense because even though I have the messages, I am wondering, “Let go of what?” And as I type this I am reminded of a moment today when I was feeling so, so much and every feeling was conflicting with another feeling and I was thinking, “I shouldn’t be feeling this” and “What is wrong with me” and so on and so forth. I remember being told amidst my upset, “What is wrong with feeling what you feel?” With this came the idea to pay attention to those very feelings.

Ha! Me, pay attention to my feelings? hahahaha

And now I am thinking that maybe I have been letting go all along, just letting go of the wrong thing. Maybe. But then I still doubt. I have no clue. I’m hopeless.