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Rejecting Desire

The night before last, my guide asked me, “Why are you here?” I replied, “To help”. He then asked, “Who?” and I replied, “The Many”. He repeated his question. I thought about it and began to list off names. At first I was uncertain, but as I listed them I began to remember people from my past and included people from my present. They were not all family members, but this didn’t surprise me.

He then asked me if I believed helping people was only done though positive interactions with them. I thought about it. I recognized that the answer was, “No”. Again, I did not think about it too much but just accepted the answer as fact. I knew I had negative experiences and interactions with people in my life and it made sense that perhaps my “helping” them was through negative interactions.

New School

I fell asleep after the conversation and had an interesting dream. The dream began with me riding in a car along a very dark street in a city. I was not driving. It was raining and I remember feeling uncomfortable. I came to an intersection and saw a classmate of mine in her SUV waiting at the light. I looked and she was asleep. I remember yelling out, “Look at her! She’s asleep! Why isn’t she awake?”

My car continued through the intersection and I remember seeing a woman with dark brown hair. She took my hand and walked me up to a school. It had stopped raining but the sky was still overcast.

The school was very obviously an elementary school and it appeared to be an older one, perhaps built in the 1970s. She led me into the building and I looked down and saw golden colored carpeting. I looked around and saw dark wood trim and a very nice, clean space that was also painted a golden color. It appeared to be the cafeteria but it was divided into sections for the different grade levels. I noticed staff members standing around the edges and a speaker, the principal, at the front.

I leaned against one of the walls that separated the space as the principal spoke to the staff and students. I listened as he gave a history of the school but I do not remember it now. I was noting how few students there were. This was a small school! There were maybe 20 children in each of the sections and I noted three sections, two at the bottom and one at the top. They were seated at tables like in a cafeteria but they weren’t eating. The room was being used as an assembly room at that time.

A man passed by me and looked at me curiously. He was wearing cowboy boots and jeans and looked a lot like my mother’s husband, with long, brown and graying hair that was thinning on top. He smiled at me and I felt uncomfortable and briefly worried he was coming onto me. I did not want that and shrank back from him. I felt very out of place and uncomfortable.

The principal paused and then introduced the woman who walked me into the school. A little girl came up next to me to stand for a minute and asked me a question. I did not know how to answer her and was saved by the woman who came with me who told the girl to go sit down. She then walked up and began to speak.

I knew the woman who brought me was associated with a benefactor to the school and she mentioned his contribution to the school and also mentioned how very well adapted the school had become. This had saved them money in heating and cooling, she said. She then pointed me out to the group and introduced me as new staff at another school, calling me “Indy”. I smiled and thought to myself, “I like that name”. I looked down at a red folder in front of me and saw my name written on the top – but it was not my real name. It said, “Indiana”. I remember again liking the name, especially the nickname – Indy. When I read the last name I do not remember it fully but I swear it said, “Jones” as in “Indiana Jones”!

Interpretation

My interpretation of the dream is that I was being introduced to some individuals I would be “helping” and they belonged to a newer group of Souls than my own group. I was a “teacher” or similar to them. I may not be fully comfortable with this position, as indicated with my feeling uneasy and out of place.

The part where I remarked how an ex-classmate of mine was “asleep” at the wheel stood out very strongly in my dream. I believe this part of my dream was me recognizing how people often sleep through life, as if on automatic pilot. This particular classmate was one I really disliked in school and continue to not like. Perhaps I was recognizing that she was not aware of being this way.

The interesting part is where I am called by the name Indy and see the full name – Indiana Jones – written on a red folder. I like the name and seem to accept it. I remember very clearly, “I LIKE that name”. Even now, the name Indy is appealing to me for some reason! However, the name Indiana Jones is very much linked to the movies by that name. I use to love watching those movies! They were full of adventure, romance and mystery.

It was brought to my attention that perhaps I am about to embark on an adventure. The red folder may be symbolic of the root chakra or sexual energy and desire. Because my new name was written on the folder, could it be that this “new” adventure is linked to sexual desire?

Rejecting Desire

I did not mention it, but when I woke from this dream I was very uncomfortable with the part about the man looking at me. This is what stuck with me when I woke up and I became a bit panicked over it. Out of the blue I began to remember how it felt to desire someone, not just in a sexual way but be completely drawn to them. I pushed the memory away because it came with a feeling or knowing that I might be feeling this again. I think the fear came because I worry this person will not be my husband. I completely rejected the feeling/knowing because I do not want that to happen!

After spending time writing out the dream and looking at the symbolism behind it, I began to remember other dreams. These dreams I have written about in my blog before. In them I am either telling someone I cannot be with them because I am married and/or feeling huge amounts of guilt for cheating on my husband (which I have never done). My husband admits to having similar dreams.

Then it occurred to me that perhaps my Higher Self is trying to tell me something. Perhaps I am rejecting what I am being told because I do not want to confront it. And then I realized the dream and this adventure could be a warning of things to come.

When I considered the possibility I wondered if it was a warning. Upon realizing this was very likely, I asked, “When?” and heard “November”. All at one my stomach flip flopped and my heart felt like it was going to explode out of my chest. I couldn’t get the feeling in my heart to go away and even now I am struggling to control it. It is a beautiful, wonderful feeling! It makes it hard to breathe, in a good way. It isn’t at all sexual. It is like a part of me is overjoyed and exploding with love. Yet I reject the feeling because I shouldn’t be feeling it. And when I stop to try and get control of myself I get covered in psychic chills and goose bumps which only makes it that much harder to reject the feeling.

And what does it all mean to me? What is the truth? That something is about to happen and I need to be ready to handle it? A part of me worries I will meet a man. I don’t want to meet anyone! Yet the feeling I get says to me that it is good, wonderful, amazingly fantastic. If you could feel the explosion in my heart right now you would understand.

I don’t want any upheaval in my life or my children’s lives. I want stability. I do not want to upset the balance. I do not want my family to go through divorce or separation or anything of the sort.

I am hoping that I am overreacting. That all of this is just a clearing of my chakras and something at a subconscious level was released. We’ll see I guess.

After Calming Down

All this overwhelming emotion and energy happened yesterday. It has not since returned, though I miss the wonderful feeling and do want it back. I have had many conversations with my guide since then. I recognize that I have a choice and that my Ego is overreacting, as is the norm. I also recognize that I created this, even though I have no obvious conscious memory of it.

I have been asking for help and healing. My second chakra has been blocked for some time. With it comes repressed emotion, lack of sexual desire and overall numbness in life. My heart chakra has also been blocked, though only partially. With the second chakra blocked, the energy balance of my other chakras has been suffering, resulting in overall numbness. I have been sleeping heavily to compensate and having intensely vivid dreams.

I made it very clear to my guide that I did not want to meet anyone or have any crazy, sexual attractions to anyone but my husband. While doing so, I realize it is totally up to me and that I was being made aware of what I was creating prior to its manifestation. Usually I am against knowing things in advance, but I am very relieve to have seen this before it materialized. I can avoid a major disaster.

It did occur to me that maybe nothing of the such is being manifested, that instead I am finally making progress in clearing the blockages. The amazing feeling I experienced was just that – a clearing out of the chakras that have been blocked. The feeling I had was very similar to kundalini energy when it rises. It is better than any drug. It is marvelous! If I could, I would lose myself in the feeling and keep it forever.

I hope beyond hope that the latter explanation is the winner and that my initial reaction is wrong. We so easily manifest, often without knowing it. I do miss feeling those wonderful feelings I felt yesterday, but it is not worth it to me to sacrifice everything I have built for that feeling.

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Mile Markers

There is something going on with me – it is just a feeling I get. Along with the signs I have been receiving both from my guides and from my dreams, the feeling has been intensifying. I cannot describe the feeling because it is subtle, seeming to be buried very deeply within my subconscious. I believe it is a Knowingness that is slowly rising to the surface and as it does, it begins to break through into my consciousness as odd, new feelings and intuitions. That is the best way to describe it and I believe it to be accurate because I can actually visualize the process!

Mile Markers

I began to take notice of the “shift” in my own energy and perception two days ago. I had just noticed that I had 12 in Spirit assisting me. This always means something significant has happened. I had 12 when my daughter was born. I had 12 when I reached my 36th year. I had 12 when I met my husband. So far, their presence has not indicated anything negative. What is odd, though, is that knowing they are near causes me to become nervous and I don’t know why. I have decided, though, that the 12 are present because significant milestones in my life have been reached.

It is like running a long race or marathon. Imagine that your life is a long road and along the road are mile markers. Each mile marker has significance, similar to how they do in a race. When you reach them, you know you have made it and this uplifts you because you have achieved part of your goal. You had set out to reach mile maker 5 and you did – time for a silent celebration as you continue upon your path. As you progress and reach mile marker, after mile marker, you become tired and struggle to keep going. The only thing that keeps you going is that you can see the next mile marker and that you are getting close to the end. So, by mile 20, you are tired, weary and wanting to stop for a rest, but you know if you stop you are likely to struggle to start running again. You are so tired you can feel it in your bones. Then, along the sidelines you hear cheering and see crowds of people lined up giving encouragement, saying, “You can do it! You’re almost there! Don’t give up!” You listen. You dig deep and find energy that you didn’t know you had and you keep going. Then you see the mile marker and know you have achieved yet another goal. But there are more. Not many, but more.

I don’t know exactly what mile marker I am on, but I accept that I must have reached one recently.

Three

Two nights ago I awoke earlier than I wanted to. Again. I managed to fall asleep and had odd dreams. Though I can’t remember the dreams completely, I do remember that there was a theme: three. I recall briefly a confusion because in one dream there were three of me all together and identical. There were more dreams like this with three of one thing. When I awoke I knew only that 3 was significant.

I was going to write about it after it happened but did not feel inspired to. But the number followed me and I began to think of its significance. Mainly I knew that it represented the Holy trinity – body, mind and spirit. This felt right and I wondered about it.

I began to wonder about the angel number meaning, specifically of 333. This angel number is a message that one’s guides are close and helping at this time. This felt correct to me as well. This number is also representative of spiritual gifts and reminds us that we have a higher purpose to fulfill using those gifts.

Killing Babies

Not only did I have the dream of the number 3, but I also had a disturbing dream. I did not remember the dream until last night, but it occurred the same night as the dream about 3’s. In this particular dream the specifics are lost to me but I distinctly remember recalling that in past lives I have killed babies – my own and others’. I have had a past life recollection of getting an abortion but this was not the only time I did such a thing. When I try to recall the dream and these acts specifically I feel such sadness that I cannot find the memories in detail. However, the feel of the emotion is so full of guilt and shame that I know what I have done in past lives is despicable. I do recall briefly in a dream that I murdered my own child after his/her birth when he/she was quite a bit older than newborn. I do not remember exactly what I did but it affected the baby’s organs, because in the dream I recall destroying the middle of the child. I believe I either drowned him/her or smothered him/her.

In considering the dream now, I believe I should not focus so much on whether I did these things in a past life, but more on the symbolism. To kill a baby in a dream symbolizes the ending of something that you once were a part of. What am I killing or considering killing off in my life? Because I specifically pinpointed the center of the baby in my dream, it could be that I am killing off a piece of my heart. It is sad, but I believe I can relate to this.

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Look for the Light

For the last two or three days I have been getting messages as I lay down to sleep. My thoughts have been pretty much nonexistent but I have been struggling to fall asleep for some reason. I finally asked two nights ago what was going on. I was told that I was “healing” and receiving “help”. Then, without asking, I was told to, “Look for the light”. Last night I was told this again and it worried me. Don’t people see “the light” when they die? So I asked some questions about what it meant. I was told I would be “conscious” when it happened and that I would be “okay”.

When I asked others what they thought it meant, I got various responses. Some said that it just means to look for the positive in life while others said it meant to stay in the Now. A good friend of mine said: “Looking for the light helps to transition our experience to that which feels good, expansive, reaching towards Spirit. You are light!!” I believe her answer was the most spot on. Why? Because my guide has been saying, “Remember who you are”. I am still not sure who that is.

Following the Light

I was awakened this morning to my bed shaking. It was not violent shaking, like in The Exorcist, but it was noticeable enough that it made me concerned and I held my entire body completely still. It passed quickly but I recalled the same thing had happened earlier in the week. I wondered if it meant I was about to go OOB? I do not recall experiencing shaking before projecting, at least not in my bed.

I tossed and turned as I tried to return to sleep. I had awakened early again and it irritated me because I really wanted to sleep in! I finally said to my guide, “I want to astral. Please!” I did not get a response but a feeling that it was possible, almost like he said, “If you really want to”.

I must have fallen asleep soon after because the next thing I remember was being in my bed in my mother’s house where I spent most of my childhood. I heard people talking and climbed out of bed sluggishly to see what was going on. I recall there was a tall woman with very dark brown, almost black, shoulder length hair, doing most of the talking. I was listening to her and trying to interact but I felt heavy and cumbersome, as if I were sleep walking. I went out into the hallway as the woman spoke to me and other people. The room was brightly lit and golden colored. It sounded like there were many people in the house but all I saw was the woman. She seemed very lively and alert, smiling and bright, almost like she was glowing. She was discussing gifts and I wondered if it was the holiday. I recall being seated on the floor with my baby son and looking through various toys and other objects. I heard that all of it was brought from “there” but I don’t know where “there” was. I was upset because it was cluttering the floor and got very irritated with everyone, though I could not see them. The irritated feeling is familiar to me in life and it seems it all came out of me true-to-life. I instantly wanted the mess gone! I snapped at the woman and told her I only wanted her to bring the one thing and pointed to this odd looking tall, yellow toy. I think it was a block sorting toy, you know the kind where the baby puts the shape into the correct hole? I grabbed the toy and went back towards my bed, leaving them there.

I got back into bed and kept thinking about how I wanted to leave my body. I was very aware of the bed and could feel that I was in my body. I started going through the different methods I use to try for conscious exit. I thought of rolling out of my body and rocking back and forth. Whenever I tried to rock back and forth I kept feeling different parts of my body like my hands and believed I had messed it up. Frustrated, I began to look for the hypnagogic images that I use to get, but I saw none.

I lingered in my body for some time, sensing the energy fluctuations and wondering if I would feel the vibrations. I even asked to feel them, but never did. During this time it felt like I was going in and out of my body very quickly, almost like my energy was shaking very rigorously. Perhaps this was the vibrations but without feeling?

Suddenly I was aware of a large, leafless tree in the corner of the room. It was dark in the room, but I could see the outline of the branches very clearly. It was a short, squat bush with branches that had very pointy ends. Recognizing that it was very obviously out of place, I went over to it. When I reached it, I knew I was OOB and became instantly disinterested in the tree. I went towards the window and through it, momentarily losing my vision as I did.

On the other side of the window it was dark but the large pool I knew would be there was lit up and glowing a vivid, crystal clear blue. I went directly into the water, fully expecting to feel myself become one with it. Instead, it felt as if I were in a bubble, surprisingly dense and not fluid at all. I also could not see under the water, which is not the norm. I felt myself instinctively hold my breath. I willed myself to continue breathing, dove down a bit and then resurfaced. When I did, I saw the edge of the water and noticed a glowing, red light switch was mounted on the side, just above the glowing, blue water line. I found it curious and went over and flipped the switch, fully expecting the entire pool to turn a glowing florescent red color. Instead, nothing happened. Disappointed, I exited the pool and flew up into the night sky.

Once I was flying, I looked out ahead of me. It was dark, but it didn’t bother me at all. I was at the level of the tree tops and looked down at their dark silhouettes as I flew. I did not want to be pulled up, so I purposefully stayed in the branches, even grabbing onto them. Then I noticed a light in the distance behind the trees. I went toward it, hoping to find out what it was. When I got to where I had seen the light, it was gone.

I turned around to head back towards the house. I could see my mother’s bedroom window. It was lit up and golden yellow, as if the lights were on inside. I went towards the window, intent on going inside. Knowing I would meet resistance, I prepared myself and lost my vision. At this time I also remember humming a tune without words. As I tried to enter the room, the volume of my voice humming the tune intensified. I lingered in the blackness for a little while, still humming and hoping I would emerge on the other side and in the light. Unfortunately, I went back into my body and woke up.

Surfacing Memory

I lay in bed a while and could hear my family still moving around the house. This told me I had only been asleep briefly. I rolled over and began to recount my OBE, hoping to pick up any tidbits of information I may have lost.

I recalled the OBE in its entirety and knew I had been in the lower astral realm. I also recognized that the dream prior to it was semi-lucid and likely also in the astral somewhere but the way my dream self felt, all heavy and cumbersome, did not seem to fit. Perhaps this was me trying to become more conscious and not succeeding?

I do not believe I ever woke up between experiences but instead used my going back to bed to help me achieve more awareness. I am not sure if this is what is called a “false awakening” but it seems to fit. It worked and I was able to fully take control of the experience.

Oddly, as I was sorting through the memories, one surfaced that I completely missed. When I was in my “bed”, trying various methods to exit my body, I found myself inside a small, golden room. It was small and box-like, almost like an empty closet. In front of me was a door and I was instructed to “open it”. I did. After I opened the door I was suddenly aware of the tree in the room.

Why So Much Darkness?

Although I got what I asked for, I was disappointed to once again have such a dark and dreary OBE. I immediately asked my guide why this was. He, of course, asked me, “Why do you think?” and I remembered how he keeps telling me, “I am you” and “This is you” in reference to my OBE. I realized that I am not seeing because I do not see any alternatives for the situation I find myself in in life. I feel trapped, as if any decision I make will have the same results. I do not feel I have much to look forward to except more of the same. These considerations result in darkness because I am not able to “see” beyond. This makes sense because my guide has also been telling me, “You will see”. Interesting.

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Lightening Bolt

12

Yesterday was a struggle. I awoke in a bad mood and then decided to write my husband a letter since we never seem to be able to communicate without interruption from our children. It is so hard to have any alone time with each other! Anyway, I actually started to write to a friend and then realized it was something I should be telling my husband and so copied and pasted it into a Word document and then added more. I told my husband to read it and let it be and then heard him typing and knew he was responding.

We ended up having a good conversation about my considerations and upsets. It was helpful but I wish we had had more time to talk. It never seems we have enough time for each other these days. The good thing is that my husband did not feel the way I thought he did, and that helped ease my upset. I noticed afterward that my shoulders were more relaxed. The tension, which had been so fierce that it felt my shoulders were stuck to my ears, was gone.

In the evening I sat outside listening to a neighbor play classical music. It seemed fitting and I smiled as I looked up at the half moon. The air was crisp and cool and the night was very quiet except for the beautiful music. I relaxed and let out a huge breath that I must have been holding in without knowing. When I did, I noticed my guide near and also that there were others. It actually felt a bit crowded and I knew instantly there were 12. At first I was a bit shocked but my guide said sent me a feeling that said, “It’s okay” and I asked why they were there. He said, “To help” and I accepted it. I did not feel like asking anything else.

Later, as I lay in bed preparing for sleep, I focused on healing a friend. As soon as I began to meditate I heard, “Look” and saw a white light in the distance. I tried to look closer but when I did I could not see it. I still felt the 12 near me and tried to again focus on healing. Instead my thoughts kept drifting away from my original intention to other intentions – all of them healing related. That is when I experienced an odd energy coming through the top of my head.

Lightening Bolt

The “lightening bolt” is what I call the odd energy. It has happened almost every night this week. Last night it happened for the fourth time. I don’t know what to call it, so I will describe it instead.

It always happens when I am laying in bed usually ten minutes or so before I finally drift off to sleep. It usually happens when I am laying on my stomach, which I have been feeling I should do for some reason even though I am not a stomach sleeper. it is almost like I get told to do it, but it really is just a thought that comes to me that says, “Turn over” or “Lay on your stomach”. I briefly have the intention to defy the “order” but then resolve to just do it because it comes from my Higher Self and I know that whatever the reason, it is a good one.

When I lay on my stomach I usually cannot get comfortable, which I know will happen and is why I am not a stomach sleeper. Usually I cannot keep still and hear a quiet, calm voice say, “Be still”. So I comply. After a while of being still, it happens. I get hit with what I can only describe as a lightening bolt of energy. It comes from above and strikes me in the head, usually from above and at an angle. It doesn’t hurt but it makes my entire body jump. This is not under my control at all and the movement reminds me of what happens when I have dreams that I am falling and jerk back to waking reality, shocked and a bit afraid. Yet the “lightening bolt” of energy is very obviously a stream of energy coming from somewhere and the residual energy of it lingers where it enters my head for some time after the event.

The first time it happened I was just stunned and wondered what the heck had just happened. I eventually let it go, chocking it up to some odd, deep relaxation side-effect even though I was not even close to a deeply relaxed state when it occurred.

The second time it happened I began to wonder if it was something intentional. But what?

The third time it happened I had been anticipating it and waiting. When it happened, it caught me off guard – which is the usual. I focused on how it felt and could not figure out what exactly the energy was or what its purpose was.

When it surprised me once again last night I noticed that the energy seemed to go through my entire body in a straight line. Last night it exited out my left side near my knees and feet. Each time the lingering energy always sits in my head near my crown chakra. This time I felt as if I were being observed and, since I knew I had 12 guides near, I was convinced that they were behind this odd lightening-like energy.

Questions

I am convinced that this energy is some kind of healing energy but I may be wrong since I have never experienced such an energy and have not read anything of similar experiences. Perhaps it is related to kundalini awakening? Or perhaps it is just an adjustment being made by my Higher Self and I am not meant to know its purpose other than that I am being “helped”.

If you have had such an experience, even a similar one, can you please share it with me? I am curious to know what might be happening.

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Hover Car

I am getting a bit tired of not being tired. 🙂 Again I awoke at 6am when I could have slept another two hours! It is funny how just a year ago I was struggling with horrible insomnia and begging to just be able to sleep through the night and now I am not tired, not caring if I sleep and waking up after a full 7-8 hours wide awake. Perhaps it is the ascension process or maybe the result of letting go of negative life patterns and habits that were causing me stress. Likely a bit of both.

Hovercraft

I was able to return to sleep briefly this morning and as a result I had a very interesting dream. I want to share some of it and my thoughts because it feels significant to me.

In the dream I was with my ex-husband but he shifted between my ex and my current husband. One minute it would be my ex I was talking to and the next it would be my current husband. I spoke to them as if they were the same person, though, which is confusing but did not confuse me at all in the dream.

In my mind, the main person I was interacting with and speaking to was my ex. I remember discussing with him and another male figure our relationship and how he was my “best friend”. I thought about how well we communicated and how simple our relationship was. My ex was not the brightest but he was very loving, thoughtful and sensitive – much more sensitive than I was. He cared about how I felt and if I was sad, depressed or otherwise he went to great lengths to try to make me happy. Our conversations were simple and fun loving – no serious stuff usually. We talked about practical things, usually music, nature, hunting, fishing, camping, the outdoors and my husband’s crazy, exciting job. I listened better back then, I think.

Anyway, in the dream, I was flying in a hover car with my ex husband and I remember seeing the color silver. We moved swiftly and I could see the destination in front of us. Now, when I try to remember where we were going, I can’t and the destination in my memory is merely a horizon painted with pastel colors in an arc surrounding a final point of white light. The feeling was of loneliness and hope mixed with a bit of regret. It is hard to describe.

Considerations

When I awoke, I immediately wondered if my ex is someone much closer to me on the Other Side than I previously thought. The feelings I brought back from the dream were that we were very close and the memories that flooded into my mind of our time together as husband and wife were acutely different than the memories I am currently creating in my present relationship. The differences between the two relationships stood out stark in comparison to one another – black and white in so many ways.

I began to regret that I had met my ex when I did. I lived in so much fear and was so young. I did not know who I was and struggled to define myself, caught up in what I thought I was suppose to be and do based upon what others in my life wanted. I was not yet to the point where I firmly understood what I wanted and where I wanted to go in life. Unfortunately for my ex, I began to see these things and make decisions about what I wanted and it did not go along with our relationship. We grew apart, but I can fully take the blame for it.

I was able to “see” that my ex and I were best friends above all else. We could talk about anything and we understood each other. Even when we split, there was no animosity or anger. We knew it was a necessary evil. We knew it was time to move on. It hurt him more than me, but I think that was his lesson. And now that I have matured and can fully understand, there is a sadness for all that could have been had I not been the person I was back then. He chose to be the way he was this life, as I did, and I have a feeling in future lives we may choose to be close again but maybe not as distant physically.

This is not to say that my ex is more significant to me than my current husband – that is not true at all. I did not have the connection to him that I had the instant I met my current husband. I often wonder about that “love at first sight” reaction I had when I looked in his eyes. Is that simply a trigger implanted there by myself to get me to take a significant path in my life? Or is it “real” and connected to a bond that between us that spans many lives? I have read  (Michael Newton’s Life Between Lives) that triggers are rehearsed by us prior to life and many times they are linked to the eyes so that when we meet someone who we have agreed to learn significant lessons with we “trigger” something inside ourselves. Usually it is a feeling or a knowingness. For me, the instant I saw my husband’s eyes I thought, “He is my angel”. I had also been warned by my guides that I would “meet someone” that day.

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Beyond Illusion

Last night I sensed, finally, that the energy is calming down. Whatever has been going on energetically has been wreaking havoc on my emotional state and I am glad it is settling down. My guide continues to tell me, “It will pass” and, though I am tired of hearing such messages time and again, I know he is right. I just have to get through these hills of intensely turbulent energy in order to reach a valley and rest.

Message

As I recognized that the calm was finally returning, I let out a sigh of relief. At the same time, I wondered to myself, “What is going on?” As is typical of my guide, I got a response.

He showed me what appeared to be the energy of the Earth. It was jagged and looked a lot like lightening bolts of varying shades of color. The main colors I saw were red, green and blue but there were other colors like white and yellow that were less distinct.

Then I saw a vision of the level right above Earth blending and blurring with that of the Earth plane. I could see Spirit descending into the Earth plane and also some on the Earth place ascending to the level of Spirit. It was as if the two were experiencing an exchange, but neither stayed on the other side but was planted firmly in their world.

It reminded me of the vision I got years ago of myself standing in between two distinct worlds but not quite in one or the other. I stood in a mist that was gray and white and moving. On one side was Earth; our physical reality. On the other side was what I assumed was “heaven” or the “other side”. Now that I am older and understand more about the different planes that surround Earth, I know that the plane right above that of Earth is the astral plane.

After seeing these visions, which occurred in mere seconds, I understood without knowing exactly what it meant. I also knew that with this energy change I once again would leave my body more frequently. In fact, I suspected I would do so the next morning.

OBE

I could not fall asleep until close to midnight. That has been my pattern this month and it really has not been bothering me. In fact, I have not wanted to go to sleep. I don’t know why but I suspect it is because I do not want to confront something that will be happening in my sleep. Most likely healing which means confronting not so nice aspects of myself.

When I finally fell asleep I had dreams of fishing intermixed with dreams of sexual frustration. I won’t go into detail but in a nutshell the dreams were symbolic of my waking life. Ultimately, these dreams woke me up and I knew right away that I was working on my second chakra, trying to clear whatever was holding it so tightly closed. I knew that my feelings of overwhelm with my family was ultimately the perpetrator.

I fell back to sleep, dreaming that I visited my daughter at school where she was tutoring another child. I spoke with her teacher because my daughter was struggling to get her student to work and was doing his work for him. The teacher explained that was the way the program worked – everyone teaches someone else. I then lost my daughter as I tried to relay the message that part of her problem was she could not see well and might need glasses.

I left the room and then the school, watching the students pass by and noticing they were high school students. I sort of felt transported back to my middle school years because I was aware that I was walking outside of the very school I attended then. The students were very vivid and real as was the parking lot and the entire scene as I walked outside. Then, I suddenly thought, “How did I get here?”, but I did not remember. Then I thought to myself, “This is a dream!”

Upon realizing I was dreaming I became overjoyed and the scene brightened. I immediately dropped the pack of juice boxes I was carrying and launched myself up into the air. The day was bright and the sky blue and dotted with fluffy clouds. I soared upward very fast and thought to myself, “Uh oh, not so high!” Then I leveled out and looked down at a group of students. A young man was looking up and pointing at me. This occurred at the same time as a memory of a book I was reading where the author had recounted her own OBE and how she had to be careful of flying so as to not upset the other travelers. I recognized I was creating this very scene below me and allowed it to occur.

I reached down and took the hand of the young man as I said to him, “Come fly with me!” I pulled him up and he went soaring above me. I said to him, “Not so high!” as if to warn him not to go into outer space. I then let him carrying me along below him and I enjoyed the free feeling for a bit.

My thoughts got the better of me as I remembered, all at once, what I had been planning to do as soon as I got OBE. I began to request things all at once. “I want to be with the One” and “I want to Know” were among the requests. They all came out at once and then I began to sing them loudly and with great hope. I wanted to be reunited with the Source, to go beyond the illusion of life and the illusions I seemed so attached to.

As I sang I felt pulled upward again and the scene blacked out. I kept singing but instantly knew I would not go anywhere. I was pulled back into my body and gradually settled back in.

Beyond Illusion

The experience I had this morning did not seem very significant at first but now that I look back upon it, I feel it showed that I am opening up again to the adventure of creating while OOB. It is also promising to me that I did not find myself in the dark.

I have been reading a book called Doing Time on Earth: Unmasking the Hidden Mind Directing Our Lives. So far I have been fascinated by the book and it is one of the reasons I go to bed so late. There was one part of the book where the author discusses how she had a lucid dream in which she was trapped inside a cage made up of her own responsibilities. She saw how she was trapped inside this cage but was able to break free and rise above to experience peace and calm. She then returned to it and all the illusions of her life, recognizing each of them as restraining her in this life.

Reading the author’s experience made me think about my cage and how to break free. This is why I asked what I did while OOB. I likely went about it wrong and I am still trying to figure how to go about it, but I think I will get there eventually. I likely am not quite ready to get beyond my own illusions. Illusions can become comfortable and safe.

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Kundalini

What is Kundalini?

Kundalini is the power of the Divine located in each and every individual soul who incarnates into the physical.   Each of us possesses this Divine power within us, though most of us go through our lives without ever tapping into the limitlessness of our own Divinity.  Through our own Kundalini energy, we can experience pure Love, greater Knowledge, and increased intuition and connection to the universe.

Kundalini energy remains dormant for the most part.  Lying in wait until it is unleashed by a trigger or specific stimulus.  As I said earlier, not everyone will experience a release and rise of their Kundalini energy, but those who do are destined to do so in order to achieve a spiritual consciousness unique to their own spiritual journey.  The Soul chooses a specific event, time, place, emotional state, etc.  When the exact moment occurs and Kundalini begins to rise, the individual cannot ever return to their previous state.

The release of Kundalini energy can be triggered by meditation, yoga, breathing exercises, Reiki, healing and other spiritual exercises. When the Kundalini energy rises through the chakras, it can cause major change which can be problematic.

Kundalini Awakening

A Kundalini awakening is the rise of the Kundalini energy up through the seven major chakras starting with the root chakra.  This “awakening” may happen spontaneously to some while others may work years to unlock the power of their own Divinity on their own.  If you have begun to explore your own Spirituality,  then you need to be aware of Kundalini energy and the effects of  it.

Spontaneous awakening of Kundalini can be caused by many things.  Near death experiences, traumatic experiences, pain, deep sorrow, healing, intensive meditation and physical or mental illness can all bring about a Kundalini awakening.

Though the Kundalini awakening is considered a great prize by many seeking spiritual enlightenment, the process of Kundalini rising can cause many problems and setbacks for the individual.  When the dormant or potential aspect of the Kundalini arises, it means the transformation of individual consciousness into fully expanded Consciousness of the Divine. That process of transformation and purification is marked by both ecstasy and sublime experiences of the Divine, as well as by “dark nights” of the soul.  Kundalini awakening can create experiences that mimic psychiatric and somatic disorders such as schizophrenia, manic depression, and psychosis. Whether you are purposeful in awakening your Kundalini energy or not, the experience will change your life.

Typical Symptoms of a Kundalini Awakening

  • Burning hot or ice cold energy/sensations moving up the spine.
  • A feeling of air bubbles or snake movement up through the body.
  • Pains in varying locations throughout the body.
  • Tingling in the genital area, spine, or head.
  • Stiffness in the neck.
  • Pressure within the head (can be described as dull pain or heavy sensation).
  • Intense energy in legs and other parts of the body.
  • Fast pulse and increased metabolism.
  • Sensitivity to sound, light, smell, and people.
  • Orgasm sensations in different places in the body, or total body orgasms.
  • Mystical/religious experiences, revelations, and/or spiritual revelations.
  • Increase in psychic abilities.
  • Problems finding emotional balance (depression, mood swings, confusion, mania).
  • Anxiety or anxiety attacks, due to lack of understanding of what is going on.
  • Insomnia or sleeplessness.
  • Loss of concentration and memory.
  • Purposeful isolation because of confusion and lack of understanding.

Kundalini Meditation

If you feel you are ready to initiate a Kundalini awakening for yourself, then there is a simple process you can follow.  Before you decide to start this process, however, please remember that awakening your Kundalini energy will change you and you will never be able to return to the state you were in prior to the experience.  A Kundalini awakening will bring out all your long hidden issues from this life and from previous lives, it will awaken your Divine nature which may include the onset of psychic abilities you have yet to know of, it will be confusing and most likely lead you through a transformational process which many call “the dark night of the soul”.  Consider where you are in life, where you wish to be in life in your future, and whether you feel a “call” from inside you that says, “Yes I am ready”.  For those of you unsure as to whether you are ready, I recommend consulting someone who has been through a Kundalini awakening.  Discuss their experience and research all you can on the subject before making a decision.

When I say that initiating a Kundalini awakening within yourself is simple, I mean it.  All you have to do is follow some simple steps:

  1. While in a meditative state, let it be known to your guides and to the universe your intention.  State that you wish to awaken the Divine within yourself.
  1. Focus on your root chakra and imagine it flowing in a clockwise direction.
  1. Continue to state your intention. As you do so, increase the rotational frequency of your root chakra slowly until it is speeding too fast for you to follow it any longer.
  1. Firmly state your intention once more and end your meditation.

Once you have done this, you should not have to ask again.  Meditating regularly and practicing spiritual exercises that increase concentration and help you explore your own spirituality will help the process.  A Kundalini awakening is a process that can last years.  Make sure that you have a good support system while you are going through the process.  You will need the compassion and understanding of close friends and family to help you through the most intense parts of your transformation.

 

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Meditation: Remembering Your Dreams

Meditation with Purpose – Remembering Dreams

I have had people asking me about how to remember their dreams and have more restful sleep.  Because of this, I have decided to include another meditation for remembering dreams in this newsletter.

The following is a meditation technique that can be used to help you remember your dreams. The meditation can also be used to help you sleep.

Before you meditate to remember your dreams, make sure you are not waking to any kind of loud noise or alarm clock.  If this means you can only meditate on nights when you do not have to wake early for work, then that is okay.

Prepare for bed as usual.  Wear clothing that is comfortable and nonrestrictive. Lay in bed with your head propped up on a pillow or two with your legs stretched out straight in front of you.  Pull the covers up over you as if you were going to sleep. Fold your hands in your lap and close your eyes.

Let your body relax.  Starting with your feet, relax your body until you reach the top of your head.  Take deep breathes in and out as you do so and allow your mind to release all the stresses and thoughts from your day.

Visualize yourself standing in a dark room. It is completely dark. There is no light anywhere but you feel safe and calm.  There is a door in front of you.  You can barely make out the edges of the door but you can clearly see the doorknob.

You hear someone say to you, “This is the door to your subconscious. Anytime you want to remember your dreams all you have to do is open this door.”

The door swings open slowly and a brilliant white light floods through the small opening.  The door does not open all the way but just a few inches allowing you to only the see the brilliant white light and nothing else. It feels inviting and warm like the pillow your head is resting against. You feel your body relaxing all the more and you want badly to fall asleep.

You hear a voice reminding you to open the door.  “Open the door”. It repeats over and over again. “Open the door”.  “Open the door”. 

You reach out and open the door.  You see nothing but feel a powerful urge to fall asleep. You give into that urge.

This meditation is meant to help you fall asleep and help you to recover your dreams through visualization. To recover your dreams (if you do not remember them or only remember parts), simply meditate and visualize the door in front of you.  Slowly open the door and allow the dreams to reenter your consciousness.  Make sure that when you decide to remember your dreams that you are in a quiet place where your meditation will not be interrupted.

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Astral Projection Techniques

Astral projection is a normal and naturally occurring event that occurs approximately three to five times a week if the person is experiencing at least 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep per night.  In astral projection, a person’s spiritual body leaves their physical body and enters the astral planes as well as other world planes. During this time, a person’s conscious mind is typically asleep and dreaming while their spiritual consciousness is communicating, traveling, learning, and participating in numerous activities on the Other Side.

Through my experience in astral, I have learned that the astral realms have the potential to provide us with knowledge of not only the Other Side, but also of ourselves, our bodies, our purpose in the physical, and our connections with those in Spirit as well as those who are physically with us.  The healing provided by astral travel is numerous and includes but is not limited to:

  • Physical and emotional rest
  • Release of tension
  • Healing of body systems and organs
  • Spiritual rejuvenation
  • Soul planning
  • Family reunions on the Other Side
  • Spirit Guide communication
  • Auric clearing and cleansing
  • Chakra balancing and “tuning”
  • Spiritual insight
  • Reminders of life lessons/goals

Since we all astral project, we subconsciously already know how to leave our physical bodies during sleep.  However, to consciously astral project can be complicated and sometimes even scary to those who do not know much about astral projection.

Astral Travel: What to Expect

If you have never astral traveled and/or know little about it, the following is information that will be useful to you, especially if you decide to try the techniques in this document.

Astral Travel/Projection occurs when the ethereal body separates from the rest of the spiritual body.  The ethereal body is sometimes also called the emotional body but in essence it is the part of our Soul that resides in our subconscious.

During this disconnection, the conscious mind is typically asleep and already dreaming.

Those who remember their astral travels usually remember them as very vivid dreams.  Typical astral projection dreams include flying, superhuman abilities and strength, alien/unearthly environments, intense physical sensations and/or emotional reactions, and more.

There are a few, however, who will spontaneously astral project AND consciously remember the experience as REAL.  For those who have done this, the following symptoms were likely to have been present:

  • Loud “whoosh” sound in the ears (sounds like wind blowing in your ears)
  • Tingling sensations up and down the spine
  • Body twitches and spontaneous movement of limbs
  • Fluttering of eyes under eyelids which can sometimes lead into Rapid Eye Movement (REM)
  • Pounding heart; increased heart rate
  • Loud popping noise
  • Sound of Velcro or zipper
  • Other noises that may range from talking, to static noise, or banging (do not focus on them!)
  • Flashes of imagery in the mind (early stages of REM)
  • Bright white light or other colors behind eye lids
  • Feeling of lightness or “flying”
  • Numbness or paralysis in limbs This occurs only after reaching an astral state where the astral body has not left physical body – to end this state simply focus on moving a single toe or finger.

The symptoms listed above are also symptoms of what hypnotherapists call the “trance state”.  Without going into detail, the trance state occurs when the body enters into a very deep state of relaxation.  All of the symptoms are very normal and should not be feared.

If you do find yourself fearful of one or more of these symptoms then ask your guides to prevent you from consciously going into astral.  Just because you do not enter the astral state while conscious does not mean that you cannot become conscious once you have already left your physical body.  In fact, almost all of my astral travel experiences have occurred after I fell asleep because I found the symptoms I experienced to be overly distracting and scary.

The following is an astral projection technique that I have used in the past with success.  I created this technique by using the following resources as well as information provided to me by my Companion, Steven:

Astral Dynamics:  A New Approach to Out-of-Body Experience, by Robert Bruce

The Secret of the Soul, by William Buhlman

Astral Projection Exercise

Technique #1

Go to bed at your regular bed time.  Do not drink alcohol, take sleeping pills, or do any other kind of recreational drug prior to going to sleep.  I advise that you try this exercise when you do not have to wake up at a designated time for work or other activities due to a schedule or daily routine.

Lay on your back in your bed.  Feel free to pull the bed covers up over your body – do whatever it takes to make yourself comfortable.  Prop your head up on a pillow being sure to support your neck.  Rest your hands in your lap or over your belly. Close your eyes.

Take several deep, long, slow breaths.  Counting to four between each inhale and exhale can help if your mind wanders.

Once you feel relaxed, focus on your body.  One by one, tense and relax the muscles of your body starting with your feet and moving up through your legs, torso, chest, back, shoulders, and face.

Begin with your feet – tense your feet for five seconds….then release and relax for five seconds.  Tense your feet again for five seconds…..then release for five seconds.

Now move to your legs and follow the same procedure.

Move to your abdomen and torso and follow the same procedure.

And so on and so forth until you have tensed and relaxed all of the muscles of your body.

It typically takes about five minutes to effectively tense and relax your body.  Take more time if needed.

Now mentally state your intention. The statement should be something like: “Tonight I would like to astral travel and remember the experience.  I trust my guides and angels to watch over and protect me.

Now that your intention has been clearly stated you can relax and let yourself drift off into sleep. Try to stay on your back for as long as you can; however, if you move to your side, it is okay.  Trust that your guides and angels will direct you as needed and that you will remember what you are meant to remember.

Astral Projection Exercise

Technique #2

Some people have difficulty with astral travel when they are overly exhausted or on a tight schedule.  Sometimes, changing the technique can help instigate an astral experience.

The following astral technique can be used at any time and is especially effective for those who hope to bring on spontaneous astral projection.

Go to bed at your regular bed time.  Set your alarm clock so that it goes off about four hours before your normal waking time.

When your alarm clock goes off in the middle of the night, turn it off and set it to go off at your normal waking time.  Take a few deep breaths (in case your heart is still pounding from the alarm).  Do not get up unless you truly have to (a restroom break is acceptable).  Lay on your back with your head supported with a pillow.  Make sure you are comfortable. Then you can 1. do Technique #1 or 2.  you can simply state you intention (see technique #1) and go to sleep from there. I usually just do option #2 because when I wake in the middle of the night I do not need to relax and tense my  body – I am already very relaxed. Typically I just state my intention and go to sleep from there. Usually I enter into astral with no problem.

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Developing Clairvoyance

Clairvoyance is the ability to sense the realm outside our five human senses or extras sensory perception (ESP). The term, Clairvoyance, comes from French “clear vision” and is sometimes known as the “sixth sense”. The Clairvoyant will be able to perceive objects, persons, thoughts and events, past and present, to gain information into those instances.

In developing your clairvoyant ability, it is important to stay away from negative emotion and thoughts. It will be very difficult to continue any emotional and spiritual growth if there is no true emotional belief about the possibilities ahead. It is sometimes a good idea to keep spirituality and beliefs about developing clairvoyance to yourself unless other people are receptive to these ideas, as many people still disregard developing clairvoyance as a waste of time.

It is essential to develop self-trust. There are some guidelines to follow when first beginning to trust you new clairvoyant abilities. The first guideline is to heal your emotional issues. As you work through your emotional issues you will develop a desire to help others. You must also become emotionally and spiritually balanced so that the messages you receive are clear and not distorted by your own thoughts . Know that once images and messages are received they will increase as your adeptness improves in using the techniques. You must make the effort to explore each message that is given. As they are proven accurate, your trust in your clairvoyant abilities increase proportionately.

Meditation and yoga can help your developing clairvoyance. Yoga teaches the body to relax and stretch beyond what it is normally capable of. Meditation teaches us to quiet our very noisy mind and stretch beyond what we are normally capable of. It is as important to relax the body as it is to quiet the mind. Try to still your mind through meditation so that you are able to receive the messages that you are being given. Our innate clairvoyant abilities are always delivering messages to us, but they usually become lost in the chaos of our own minds.

If you are interested in developing clairvoyance then you should begin learning how to relax your body and quiet your mind. Developing clairvoyance can take many years to master, while for others, developing clairvoyance is a quick and easy process. Practice yoga to physically relax and learn good breathing techniques. Practice meditation to eliminate stress and quiet your mind. You will begin to see the messages that have always been there much more clearly once you have developed an ability to meditate.

In the beginning you will want to start easy so that you will be able to feel the energy and focus that is necessary to tap into your ability. Start simple by practicing by yourself or with a friend and as you power grows you can start interfacing with the more complex scenarios. Before beginning any exercise you will need to clear you mind of all negativity and daily clutter. Remove the stresses and thoughts that my cloud your mind; when you are relaxed and clear headed you can try the psychic test listed below.

1. Try to predict the outcome of a football, baseball or basketball game (any sport will do). First, begin by just trying to focus and predict the winner of the game and later on you can try to see the final scores.

2. Work with a friend and a standard deck of cards, trying to guess the color, number or suite. You will be able to work your way up into predicting 2 of the two choices or even 3!

3. When you are driving in traffic, try to visualize the artist of the next song or even commercial on the radio. Once you’ve grown adept at determining the artist you can add the artist and song an so on.

4. Another place I found that makes for good practice is when going to a meeting try to pick the color of the shirt of a person that will be there. After a few successful predictions, start adding multiple people or the actual outfit they may be wearing.

5. Grab a friend with some a few dice and try to predict the number on one and working your way up to deriving the total. For an even harder task, try to determine the number rolled for each dice.

Above all else, remember that you can’t force the situation, it comes naturally to everyone and you just need to be patient. After a few trial runs you will begin to feel the energy, the focus and be able to understand what you need to do to tap into your “sixth sense”.

References:

http://psychictestonline.com/psychicabilities/techniques-for-developing-your-clairvoyance/

http://ezinearticles.com/?Developing-Clairvoynace—Some-Tips-For-Developing-Clairvoyance&id=1203079