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You Belong Here

Have you all been staying grounded through this full moon? If not, you should. It makes a huge difference.

It’s Spring Break in Texas. I’ve been hanging out at my mom’s in the country with my three kids during the day. Mostly I’ve been outside in the sun for two days. It’s been nice. Beautiful. When I drove to my mom’s the first morning I was really out of it while driving to the point that I kept forgetting where I was and having to remind myself. On the way home, after an entire day outside, I was the complete opposite. Never felt better. Today was a little better. I guess the grounding from yesterday did me some good because I was pretty grounded when the day started. Still am. Feeling balanced and very much in my body. It’s nice.

One thing that has been prevalent over the last couple of days are the messages I see on the 40 minute drive to/from my mom’s. I will just be driving along, thinking or singing or whatever, and some word or number will just pop up and then another and another. Usually they are in line with my thoughts and energy. So very obviously messages.

For example, yesterday night I was feeling great, singing loudly (lol) while driving to an old favorite and saw very clearly the word “freedom” pop out at me from a nearby car. The number 111 followed almost immediately after.

Then on the way home today I was feeling a bit out of it and thinking about some things, mostly not positive and feeling a bit down about things (long story). I was asking my guides what the point of all this – life – was. Why am I here? When can I go Home? That kind of thing. As soon as I have the thought about going Home a car catches my eyes and the word, “Journey” pops out. At the same time the song Fireflies by Owl City is playing and the last part of the chorus rings in my ears – “cause everything is never as it seems”. Then, literally a second after, I look up and a billboard sign catches my eye and it says, “YOU BELONG HERE.” LOL

I am a bit stunned by the whole message and go into a kind of daze, blinking my eyes and trying to shrug it all off. Then the song repeats and seems to echo – cause everything is never as it seems…..Geez.

This is just one kind of message. Wait until you read about this next one…

Woken in the middle of the night with awful tooth ache. Entire right side of my mouth aching. But this is normal when you have braces and I knew it was just that, but suddenly I got a bit paranoid. I had heard several messages within the past week about getting dental insurance. I got a phone call reminding me to go for a cleaning. I keep putting it off and made yet another excuse as to why I can’t go. The woman asked me if I wanted to sign up for their dental plan. I said no. Then this week I think I got three flyers in the mail for dental cleanings at a majorly reduced rate. On top of that, my daughter has been begging me to make her a dental appointment, too (yeah weird!). Then my mom and I literally just spoke about insurance that day. For some reason, right at that painful instant all these memories hit me at once along with a memory of being told by the dentist, “Braces move your teeth and can cause them to crack. You need to make sure you go to your cleanings.” Ughhhhhh. I went into baby panic attack mode thinking this pain would lead me to a root canal. Eventually I tuned into my heart and recognized the messages as a warning. So I plan to schedule that cleaning (cringe). Can you tell I hate the dentist? lol Oh and my teeth feel fine this morning. It was just the braces.

watersnakeFinal story of signs from the universe….

Went fishing today with my kids. No, we didn’t catch any. There were kids running up and down the banks of the creek and pond throwing in branches and stones and being complete idiots to scare the fish. Sigh. I was trying to teach my daughter how to cast and fish, etc. She wandered away while her cork sat untouched in the water. Like a good mommy I watched it for her. I headed toward the bank of the pond and felt an odd sensation beneath my right shoe. I moved a bit and it remained so I looked down at my feet. Probably the biggest freakin’ snake I have ever seen was up in the air squirming about trying to get out from under my foot. LOL It scared the bejesus out of me. It was literally in.the.air and came up to my knee! I jumped backward and screamed and it flew directly into the water. I think my heart raced for a good few minutes after that one.

I don’t know what kind of snake it was. It was pure brown so maybe a garter snake but not sure if they get that big. My first thought after I calmed down was that it was a message about the Kundalini energy. We’ll see. It also could just be a message to watch out where I step next time. 🙂 Glad it was too freaked out to bite me. Or maybe it was about to when I saw it…trying not to think of that.

Anyway, if you are on this “journey” with me, remember “everything is never as it seems”, “you belong here,” and “look before you take a step.” hehe

Happy equinox and full moon crazy snake energy to you from me.

Edit: BTW I did some research. The snake encounter I had was with a yellow bellied water snake. Gotta share this video to give you an idea of just how enormous it was….

 

 

 

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Dream and Message: Stop Hiding

Full moon dreams and messages from last night into this morning.

Dream: Stop Hiding

I found myself laying in bed with a man on my right. The covers were up over us. On the right of us was an elderly couple. On the left of us were two young, school aged children. There was a knowing that the man and I were to be in a pornographic movie. I felt guilt at this and was uncomfortable yet at the same time a part of me was okay with it and had agreed to do it. The man was talkative, trying to calm my nerves by asking me questions and cracking jokes. He was experienced while I was not.

The more comfortable he made me the more relaxed I became. We filmed the movie but most of it is lost to me, the sexual part anyway. I remember that the children and the elderly couple were watching, though, and that it bothered me. I also remember the cameras. Nothing was hidden despite us being under the covers. I recall an intimacy with my partner and afterward feeling that I would happily repeat the experience despite the guilt and feeling exposed.

Afterward I remember going home and being intimate with my husband. I was wracked with guilt over it and felt dirty.

Then I was talking with my partner from the film and taking a walk together. He was telling me about himself and asking me questions. I remember being acutely aware of my age and not wanting him to know how old I was. He appeared younger than me and very fit and attractive. I couldn’t understand why he would want to continue working with me when I was old and losing my physical beauty. I was happy and cheerful while with him and recall crawling into a giant dollhouse at one point and him saying, “What are you doing in there? You don’t fit!” He was right and I got right out wondering why I had done that and where the doll house came from.

Then we were laying on a green hillside. I think we were both completely naked, but I was mostly aware that he was. He looked like one of those Greek statues, very fit, muscular and lean. He was telling me how he felt he had failed at his art. I asked him what his art was and he said he danced. I asked, “What kind of dance?” I saw ballet. I smiled, impressed and told him so saying, “Oh! I like ballet!”. He still acted pensive and preoccupied. So I said, “Well I failed at being a singer, so you’re not alone.” There was a whole conversation here about art, choices and handling failure.

Then we went into a small, white room that had pictures hanging on the walls. They were all pictures from when I was in high school. There was a large picture of my best friend standing with her boyfriend at Homecoming and he pointed to them saying, “Is that them?” I said, “Yes, but don’t pay attention to these. They show my age.” I was acutely aware that several images had dates on them.

We continued to walk and talk for what seemed like a very long while. We could talk about anything and enjoyed one another’s company. He and I were to work together long-term. He was asking me questions about why I felt the need to hide my profession, our relationship and our work together. My answer came in the form of a dream within the dream.

Dream: Hide the Evidence

I went to my computer and began to type up my experiences in my journal. I was super charged with energy and extremely excited about the future with my partner (the man from above dream). I wrote about how he made me feel and my first on camera experience. It was very detailed. I also had the video of our experience together but can’t recall viewing it, just that it was there. Then I made sure to hide both my writing and the video away from my husband. I even went and cleared the computer history but after I would hide it, it would pop up on the main screen right in the center in bold lettering. I tried over and over to hide it and it kept reappearing. So my solution was the buy a laptop and hide the entire computer. I felt confident this would work and hid the laptop under the desk.

Dream: Our Work

My partner and I continued to talk, him asking me, “Why do you feel the need to hide? Why not just be yourself?” I remember feeling guilty, like I was bad and what I wanted was bad. I would be judged harshly if people knew. I equated the feelings of passion and aliveness I felt when I did my work with him as somehow wrong. This was based solely on what others thought, though, not on what I thought/felt.

The conversation shifted to him discussing our future work together. In this discussion we were floating over a crystal clear, flowing creek. I could see the rocks beneath the surface. It was no more than eight feet wide, maybe a little wider. My partner was explaining what the job entailed and what I would need to do, the characteristics I would need to have, to be successful at the job. I don’t remember all of what he said, I think because I did not doubt I had what it took. I do recall saying, “I can do that. I’m familiar with the Colorado (river).” There was a sense that this river was connected to the Colorado River. It felt like we were to follow it to its Source.

However, when he got to the last part of what he was saying I fixated on it. He said, “Sometimes the river floods.” He pointed to water standing in muddy puddles along the banks of the river. “You have to be willing to walk through the puddles to do this work.” I saw the puddles clearly and hesitated.

Message: Viernes 

That’s when I woke up. I knew something major had occurred in dreamtime. It was all very vivid in my memory. Who was this man I was with? Was he a guide? No, it felt like my Companion Traveler.

As I reviewed the dream in my mind I shifted into the in-between. I was having a conversation with my partner in Spanish (why Spanish again!?). I instantly translated it to English, too. lol We were talking about Spring Break and how we were to meet on Friday. I remember laughing about the word Friday in Spanish (viernes). My high school Spanish teacher (an awesome lady) made a huge deal out of viernes, saying it meant “beer day”, so I joked that we would be having a beer on Friday. lol

I woke up with viernes in my head and knowing that I was receiving a message about this Friday (it’s Spring Break here). What will happen, I don’t know, but message received.

angel.jpg

Song Message: I Believe in Angels

I fell into the in-between again as I was trying to make sense of my dream. I concluded that I was being confronted by my Companion Traveler. He was urging me to stop hiding from myself and others – to be my authentic Self. This means embracing those things I feel others judge as wrong such as my passion (sexuality) and mission (work). I am idealizing family life and avoiding problems (dollhouse). My partner feels he has failed to find balance in his life and relationships (ballet). I feel I have failed to find happiness, harmony and joy in my marriage (singing). We are both seeking a Homecoming, but I feel my tendency to follow old patterns and habits (age) is preventing it. The dream within a dream is a perfect example of how I hide my true self. He was explaining that I needed to connect the physical with the spiritual (Kundalini rising to Source). This I think was the symbolism of the river. We were following it to Source. This is our work and to succeed at it I can’t avoid my negative emotions and situations (muddy puddles).

I felt that my healing period was coming to and end soon. When it does, I will be asked to start moving forward and to stop hiding. This has been asked of me before without success. I am not sure I am ready to do it. I am told I will be when it is time.

This is when a song message came to me. I heard over and over, “I believe in angels…” It just kept repeating. I hadn’t heart the song in ages so had no idea what came after that part. When I looked up the lyrics the song made perfect sense as a message. If you look at the lyrics you will see there is a part that mirrors my dream.

I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see.
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I’ll cross the stream, I have a dream. 

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Message: Time is Not Linear

Last night I watched a movie that I recommend to you if you haven’t already seen it. It is free if you have Amazon Prime. I don’t know if it is on Netflix or not. It’s called The Cokeville Miracle. It’s based on a true story. My daughter and I watched it and were both crying most of the movie. So be aware that it is a tearjerker but not because it is sad, but because it is beautiful.

I went to bed crying and woke up crying. Lots to process this morning. Full moon energy is powerful this month. I am still struggling to recall dreams from early on in the night but my morning dreams are vivid and revealing.

Dream: Healing Boat

Suddenly found myself sitting on the deck of a boat in the middle of a calm, blue-green ocean. All I could see for miles and miles was ocean and a clear, blue sky. My focus, though, was on a woman who seemed to be walking on the water. She was talking to a dog that was swimming in the water below her. The woman had dark hair and was wearing a gown of white lace that seemed alive, swirling around her like energy or millions of tiny butterflies. If looking at her, the top of her – face, torso, arms – was solid looking but her hips and legs were a mass of swirling white.

The woman was talking to the dog, asking him to retrieve a ball or something floating on the water. He was paddling fast but making no progress and she was thinking (I could hear her thoughts) that he was just playing with her as was his normal personality. There was another thought originating from someone else about dog treats and what kind to give him to encourage him to go after the toy. It was a lighthearted conversation and pleasant.

Similarly I was telepathically speaking with the other woman about the woman floating over the water. I knew she traveled OOB every night and that this was normal for the place I was visiting. Everyone went OOB. Everyone was super tuned in to their spiritual – well innate – abilities. I remember thinking, “I guess I’m not special after all” but I didn’t react to this knowledge despite recognizing a part of me was very attached to wanting to be “special”.

From aboard the boat I watched them but then began to get pulled into a memory of my own dog, Trooper. I knew the dog in the water was my dog and the woman floating above the water was me. There was an entire recollection of a lifetime of memories with my dog, but they were not memories from this life though they were very similar. I remembered that he got lost for a long time and one day just appeared standing at the front door to my old house. Yet the dog that returned home was not the dog that was lost but an exact duplicate of him and one I accepted wholeheartedly as my lost dog. In the recollection I was talking to someone, saying, “He just came home one day.” The memory confused me, though, because I also remembered him dying and so to see him so solidly at the front door upset me to no end. I began to cry at the joy of seeing him and the realization that he was not alive but had been dead for nearly 5 years. I could not make sense of it.

In the midst of my tears a voice said, “It’s not your reality here.” It woke me up and I fell into heaving sobs over the loss of my dog. 5 years and I still have such heartache over the loss of him.

Time is Not Linear 

Memories surfaced of the time I had with my dog. I missed my companion and wished he was here right now to assist me in yet another difficult life transition. He had been there for the entirety of my first marriage, through my Dark Night and into the first years of my current marriage. I again began to feel guilt over his death. I was reminded that he never really died and that he was still a part of me. This calmed me because I knew it to be true. I saw him often in dreamtime.

After crying for a short while I Knew that I was still in the midst of major healing. I was still dreaming of being on the boat (unknown or subconscious aspects of Self). The good news is that I never go into the water and the water is always calm. The boat is always white and I feel protected, safe and comfortable, as if I am on a long vacation away from everything. I recognized the boat was my protected healing space where I received helped as I sorted through lifetimes of memories and jumped to various timelines doing healing there, too. The boat never moves, it floats, as if suspended in time. That is how my life is now as well. Everything is temporarily suspended while I heal.

There was Knowing that this healing work is purposeful and necessary, preparing me to “move on” to my next step. I am very acutely aware that I am not yet ready to take that step. I don’t know how long it will take me to be ready, either.

map_specnewsdct-83_ltst_4namus_enus_650x366

I was shown the healing I am doing as a mass of yellow. It looked similar to a weather map showing precipitation in a certain area. Yellow would indicate moderate rainfall, green light and red intense. Thee was no red (yay) but some minor spots of green. Most of it was yellow. In this case the map was of the Austin area focused on the main highway heading toward Austin. The yellow color was bunched up along the highway and then masses of it were circling Austin. I saw the map as representing a map of my healing on the way to my center (core).

When I finally calmed down, I drifted into the in-between over and over. I kept running into full stories of alternate lives I lived parallel to this one, at least that is the best way to describe them. This has been coming up for several months now but I have not been ready to confront what what I was experiencing. I kept assuming I was just entering into dreams and then forgetting them in full when I attempted to retrieve the memory.

I will have full recollection of an entire life similar to this one with subtle and sometimes major differences. The memory will be so vivid that it catches my attention but as soon as I focus on the memory it vanishes and all that will be left are impressions and feelings. For example, one time I had a full memory of a list of things I needed to do and was about to leave the house to retrieve them. When I focused on the memory to get more details I knew it was not important or related to this lifetime and I lost the specifics, only retaining the impression of the list and the feeling of needing to go to my car.

While in the in-between I went to a beautiful house and began to pull down white shades on huge windows overlooking a view of a valley full of trees shrouded in mist. A woman said to me, “You will open them again soon” and I looked back at the windows and realized I had been allowed to view one of these alternate realities of mine. I also recognized the house. I had been there before.

My guidance came through then and said, “Time is not linear.” With this information I saw the typical timeline that one connects to an individual lifetime explode outward as if hit by a bomb. There was no longer a line but a void full of dots resembling stars. I knew this meant that my perception of time was being altered. It gave me a strange feeling that is hard to describe.

I was told that multiple timelines are available to me. I got a feeling that I was shifting rapidly through them all the time during this healing process. Past, present and future were all Now in these experiences.

 

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OBE: Blurry Tunnel of Light

I think I am already feeling the energy of the full moon. Had several lucid dreams and an OBE last night into this morning.

Woke at 11pm feeling off. My heart was not feeling right. It didn’t hurt but it was unsettled, like there was this energy tending toward anxiety but I wasn’t anxious. When I turned on my side, my heart would skip beats. This is familiar to me. My heart did that with every one of my pregnancies. Higher blood volume causes it and it is perfectly normal. But I’m not pregnant now. Why is my heart doing that when I am on my right side? Even when I was in other positions my chest felt odd. I had a bit of worry at this time that maybe I am following in my mother’s footsteps and developing arrhythmia. She had to go on medication and doctor’s suggested she have surgery because her’s got so bad she passed out a few times.

So I couldn’t return to sleep for a long while, waiting for my heart to feel normal again. For some reason I determined the cause of my heart issue was dehydration so I got up and drank a bunch of water. It solved the problem.

Dream: Stolen Luggage

I was in a foreign country with a bunch of traveling companions. We had stopped at an apartment and were in the parking lot. A friend saw someone she knew from years ago and went to reunite with them. It was an ex-boyfriend. They were both older and graying. There was another man who was there but he looked ill, like he had AIDS. I remember thinking I knew him but thought of him as a “she”.

Someone came and warned me that our stuff had been messed with. Inside the apartment I couldn’t find my bag. All our things had just been tossed into a corner. I was upset because without it I had nothing. I was especially upset because my identification and wedding ring were in it. I remember wishing I had been wearing my ring. Then I would have it to use as money if I needed it.

I went to use the bathroom and was interrupted by two black priests. I remember trying to go #2 and saying to them, “Do you mind?” They looked at me and went on with whatever they were doing. I don’t think they understood me.

Interpretation

Being in a foreign country represents change in my life. Since I am lost/stuck in it, then I am not ready for this change. I am seeing a friend reunited with an old lover but when I see the person I know he has AIDS, so is terminally ill. Not a good sign. My luggage is lost which means I feel I have lost my identity. Lost ID means the same thing. The lost wedding ring indicates unresolved issues with my marriage. The priests indicate I am looking for spiritual guidance. Since I am using the toilet in front of them I am likely trying to cleanse something I feel is dirty or unclean about myself.

Vision

I had awakened briefly and before returning to sleep received a vision. At first it was in the form of a letter. I saw it was written in Japanese and knew it was from a male who wanted to communicate with me. Who he was, I have no clue. When I saw it I immediately said, “I’m not interested in what you have to say.” The image vanished.

Then I saw a cell phone in front of my eyes, the screen clear and the face of a man began to form in the screen. I again cut it off sending a nasty energy toward whoever was sending it. I was not in the mood.

Then I saw very clearly a closed coffin preparing to be put into the ground. The scene was complete with sunny day, trees, and green grass.

Then the scene shifted again and I saw rain, but it was not normal rain. It was millions of tiny, rainbow crystals falling from the sky.

My interpretation of these visions is that I am going through a death process. The raining crystals is likely related to healing. Rain represents tears or crying and forgiveness and grace.

Lucid Dream: Spiritual Retreat

I was in my old bedroom at my mom’s house. She came into the room, waking me, to ask me if I was going to go with them that morning to the weekend retreat. I told her I wasn’t. She explained what kind of retreat it was and I saw images of it while she spoke. I told her I didn’t need to go and pray to some statue of a saint who spent her lifetime as a nurse taking care of people. My mom said it would help me focus on my heart. I told her I knew quite well how to do that. I got irritated with her and her with me. She left the room.

Then I heard a loud ring, like a doorbell. My step-father yelled he would get it but I got out of bed. I went to the computer and checked FB noticing the FB feed was all messed up. It was like a collage of everyone’s feed and it moved around the blue screen. I could hear people’s conversations and my sister’s was one I was focusing on. I tried to turn off the sound but the speaker was not working. I climbed under the desk and unplugged it but it still wouldn’t turn off. That’s when a newscast began to broadcast really loudly. I got upset I would wake someone and turned the monitor around thinking I could turn it off there. I finally figured out how to turn it down via the speaker.

Then I was in bed again and looking at the wall. A screen was sharing my sister’s FB feed. She was announcing that she had just bought an expensive water filter. I was yelling at the screen because she had just been evicted. Yet she spent $1000 on the machine. I yelled, “How can you be so stupid!?” My husband came in and asked me what was going on. I told him. I saw a yellow jacket wasp on the blanket and told him to kill it. He ignored me. It flew up and then landed again and I wanted it dead yet he still wouldn’t kill it. I prepared to kill it when it landed near his thumb, the stinger touching it. He was unafraid and didn’t move, almost willing it to sting him.

Then I became extremely lucid. I was in my own bed looking at a box standing in the corner of my room. It was black and had a picture I recognized on it. It was a Pandora Star machine! The machine helps induce OBEs. I saw it in action, the lights flashing. I heard someone say, “The lights will be noticed even after you go OOB.” I could see the outline of a man’s shadow standing at the foot of my bed.

Interpretation

I was almost fully lucid during this string of dreams. I think many of the symbols were reflections of things I had been thinking about the previous day. The sounds I heard were noises-off, indicating I was ready to exit my body. My guidance is obviously trying to encourage me to stay in my heart, to teach me, but I feel I don’t need teaching. My irritation at my sister also came through (she was evicted and makes dumb decisions when it comes to money which is why she was evicted). Wasps are negativity. My husband seems to be the source of this negativity. I want to kill it, but he seems to want to be its friend. The Pandora Star was obviously there to get me to go OOB. 🙂

chiron-the-wounded-healerOBE: Blurry Tunnel of Light

Immediately I knew I could exit my body. I sat up thinking, “I can do this!” There was no strange energy in my chest, no heaviness or sluggishness. It felt very real and I think that is why I was encouraging myself.

I stood up and went into the hallway. I could hear my family moving about and went toward a bedroom. My vision was on but extremely blurry, like how I use to see without my glasses before I had laser surgery to correct my vision. I saw in front of me a very, very long, golden lit hallway resembling a tunnel. I followed it despite only see blurry yellow and shadows. I said aloud, “I can see clearly now.” The song came to mind as I said it. My vision cleared instantly but still was not crystal clear. I saw my husband standing near the dresser putting socks on our youngest. I smiled and went toward him asking, “What are you doing?” He said, “You said you didn’t want to go.” I felt happy to see him but at the same time I felt repelled by him. This contradiction seemed to affect my OBE because as I went to hug him I was sucked backward down the tunnel and back into my body.

As I awoke, I heard someone say, “Chiron 3-4”. And then I heard, “Chiron the wounded healer “. I remember reading yesterday that this next full moon in Virgo (tomorrow, March 12) will be influenced by Chiron. I believe Chiron is in my chart.

I tried to go back OOB but just wasn’t feeling it. I had become to aware and awake and to try and go back would be difficult. There was a strange feeling with me as I got out of bed. It felt like I had no future and no past. I didn’t like it.

It was raining outside when I woke. So I guess the rest of the song from my OBE was not meant as a message – “It’s gonna be a bright, bright sun shiny day.” Not here. lol

The OBE was showing me my current situation that needs healing. The conflicted feelings I have for my husband need to be addressed. The fact that he tells me, “You didn’t want to go” suggests he is going to go without me; leave me behind. I cannot see the situation clearly, though, so there is more to uncover before it can be resolved.

 

 

 

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Dream: Good Morning

Interesting dream this morning that I wish to recount for documentation purposes. I think it is a good reflection of Venus retrograde’s current affects on me.

Dream: Good Morning

I was inside my dorm room in college and on the phone with an ex-boyfriend. He had called me and was asking me, “Can you come over…. now?” I knew he was only calling me because he had no one else to call and was feeling sexual and lonely. So basically he wanted a mutually beneficial sexual encounter with me. Our history together came to mind. When we broke up, he made it very clear his only intentions for me were as a casual,sexual partner. This was unacceptable to me and I was devastated by his announcement and decided to stay clear of him because of my strong desire to be with him and it’s destructive tendencies. I told him, “No. You know I can’t.You told me you had no romantic interest in me, remember?” It was very difficult to say because all I wanted to do was go to him. My resistance to going made me literally squirm in my skin.

I hung up the phone and said to someone (my guidance?), “Please help me get him out of my head, out of mind! I can’t take it anymore. I want him GONE!” I was desperate to be rid of him and all memory of him.

Then somehow I ended up meeting him, only it wasn’t him but someone like him. It was a casual encounter and he was heading to work. He told me, “I have to go to work but you can come with me. It only pays $10/hour, but it’s the best I can do until I graduate.” He mentioned his schedule was Monday – Saturday. I laughed and said, “Don’t forget Sunday.” He smirked and said, “Yeah.”

We drove into a mall and parked the car inside of it next to a row of tables where people were dining. I remember thinking it odd that we didn’t park in the garage. The car was a white station-wagon type car that I didn’t recognize. He took me through the mall and outside to a city street, pointing to where he worked. A huge sign read, “Good Morning” – the name of the business. He said he was the store manager.

We walked in through double glass doors through a small entryway and then into the main store. It looked like a diner. He sat down and was talking to his mother, who he introduced to me. He had with him a large, yellow dog, like a Labrador. What is odd here is that he shifted from being male into female with light hair. There was an invitation from him/her for us to be romantic and I resisted, feeling any connection to him/her would be destructive, just like the other man. Yet I was extremely drawn to him/her and found it difficult just being there. I wanted to leave but I wanted to stay and be with him/her. The whole time the visual shifted between this man and this woman, back and forth.

Eventually I felt like I needed to leave because there was an invitation being sent by the male version for us to be romantic partners yet his actions and words said, “We’re just friends”. His energy said one thing but his person said the opposite and it was unacceptable to me. So, I told him I had to go and said goodbye. I remember looking at the female version and seeing a bare back and noticing how large she was. I remember finding it unattractive and telling myself, “I’m not attracted to him. He’s not my type anyway. I don’t want anything to do with him anymore.” That’s when I realized I was seeing both gender versions because a balance had been reached between masculine and feminine.

As I left through the front glass doors I was overcome with a feeling of being both male and female and of kissing someone that was not there, the energy very strange around my mouth and face. I ended up stopping in my tracks and pleading with my guidance, “I want him out of my head/mind. I just want all memory of him GONE! Please!” It was heartwreching because even as I asked I could not get him out of my mind.

When I went inside the mall I was disoriented and lost. I couldn’t find the car and wandered around noting I was on “Level 1”. I wondered if maybe we entered through the ground floor? Eventually I asked a woman for help, telling her I was lost and didn’t know where I had parked. She asked, “Where did you come in from?” I said, “I don’t know, some store. I entered from over there.” She said, “Was the store called ‘Good Morning’?” I said, “Yes!”

Then she morphed into the man I had just left behind and he was taking a woman who had just gotten a haircut to the register. As he was checking her out he said, “With your $50 coupon and 40% off your total comes to….” I somehow knew she owed no money. Then I asked him, “I thought you didn’t give haircuts.” He said, “I don’t. I check people out, though.”

Then he walked me back to the store, the sign again very obvious – “Good Morning”. He told me I shouldn’t be embarrassed about being lost and that he could have handled his dog on his own (felt I was suppose to have taken the dog with me to take care of it while he worked). The feeling I had was of confusion. Why was he with me again? I felt a strong feeling that I was never to be rid of him.

I don’t remember ever finding the car. I woke up in the midst of asking my guidance, “I want him out of my mind/head. Please get rid of him. I want him GONE!” I was convinced that his presence in my life was destructive.

Interpretation

I feel like I was revisiting an old relationship in this dream. The mall indicates my life choices and how they shape my personality and view of Self. I am trying to establish who I am. The car is my path. Being I parked it in the mall it indicates that I am seeking to make sense of this life decision and it’s impacts on me. The two versions of the man were the past version or my memory of him and the current remnants of him in my memory. I returned to issues I had with this particular man and was reliving them. The shifting from male to female version indicates reaching a balanced state. This kissing and energy are likely me wishing to remain in the balanced state but there is resistance to it, also. The store name is likely a joke from my guides or maybe a message relating to a new start. The number 40 has been coming a lot, so it likely another message, as is the number 50. The check-out versus hair cut may have to do with a message about me and how I view myself (haircut) and wanting to “check-out” of that self-image. The man is somehow assisting me with checking-out of this version as he says that is his job.

Overall my feeling upon waking was frustration. It seemed like there was an invitation to be a better, more whole version of myself but I was rejecting it for the destruction I felt it was bringing into my life.

You know what funny about this dream? I was motivated to get out of bed by the prospect of a hot cup of coffee and starting a new day. lol So good morning, fresh start, new day.

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Dreams: Ruined Christmas and Piranha in the Toilet

Lots of dream activity for me last night. My guides want me to take notice and aren’t giving up.

Dream: Ruined Christmas

I was in bed and couldn’t sleep. I could hear a movie or recording being played by my husband in another room. It was religious and loud and irritating. I went into his room and asked him several times to turn it down or off. I couldn’t sleep and had not slept for two days. I got so irritated at him because he purposefully wouldn’t turn it off. I went to my bed and cried and cried from the frustration of it.

Then I was being prompted to get out of bed and participate in preparation for the festivities. There was family everywhere, most my husband’s family and those he considered family but aren’t. I remember one of his friends who he considers family asking me, “Do you think you could help by cleaning the house?” I told her, “I am just too tired. I need to sleep.” She was disappointed but I didn’t care. I saw my family show up and leave to go Christmas shopping together. I didn’t go and didn’t want any presents. What would be the point of more stuff? Instead I kept searching for a quiet place to get some sleep.

I was confused then, wondering how I forgot it was Christmas day? Then I felt like it didn’t matter because it was just another day anyway. I wished it wasn’t so full of family and friends. I just wanted them to all go away. They were ruining it. I remember crying quite a bit at this time from being so tired and frustrated that I couldn’t get sleep for family being around.

I ended up in a hidden room. There was a man inside who opened the doors. I saw a long table inside and a hallway leading to a bathroom. I sat down at a table and closed my eyes to rest. The table was very long and I wondered why everyone was trying to set up the kitchen table when this one was already there? The room was cluttered, but who cared?

Moments later more of my husband’s family arrived. I opened my eyes feeling more rested and then opened up a box. Inside were house shoes. I took out a pair and put them on. They fit. My SIL was also putting on some slippers. She was pleased mine fit and asked me if I had gotten enough sleep. I said I was better.

Interpretation

I think this dream is asking me to confront some issues I am currently not wanting to deal with. One is my husband and our relationship. Another is family. Christmas symbolizes family togetherness, reunions, and celebrations. I am not feeling any of those things and want to avoid it all. In fact, I feel like my family ruins Christmas for me. I just want to sleep (avoid it all) and am extremely tired and frustrated. The slippers indicate I am feeling sluggish or insecure or that I am being lazy or may need to relax.

Dream: Renovated Garage and Piranha in the Toilet

I was at my mom’s house and she was having her garage renovated. I saw it and it enormous and completely cleaned out. I went into my old bedroom and noticed that there was water coming in through an electrical outlet. There were red furnishings nearby and so I moved them to safety. At the time I was going to take the trash out and had gone into the room thinking I could take the trash through the window as a shortcut. I changed my mind and went toward the front door but I never had the cans in my hands. They were just in my mind.

Then I was standing over a toilet looking inside. I saw it was full of clothing. Then a huge fish came out of the bottom and began to eat the clothes. I looked closer and realized it was a piranha. It shocked me and I thought it dangerous to have a piranha in the toilet. What would happen if someone sat down on the toilet? Would it eat their behind? lol One of my kids was with me and I asked him, “Hey, look what’s in the toilet!” The fish had retreated and so I had to lure him out. I found some folded laundry, picked up a shirt and put it in the water, jiggling it to get its attention. The fish came out and began to eat the shirt. I woke up just as I was about to jerk the shirt out with the fish attached.

Interpretation

I am in a period of idleness and inactivity (garage). The renovation of it indicates I am overcoming my judgement of this. Taking out trash is getting rid of old and negative behaviors/patterns. The water coming into the room indicates hidden emotion connected to trying to rid myself of these negative patterns. Red is anger. Toilets are a release of emotions. Finding a piranha in the toilet means something is eating me up inside but is at a subconscious level and trying to come through. It is eating clothing, so it is eating at my public self or how I am perceived by others. Maybe I am afraid of how others will view me if I deal with whatever is eating me up inside?

Raisins

Dream: Too Many Raisins

This was a short dream where I was eating cereal and it was almost all raisins. I was freaking out because I didn’t want raisins in my cereal. I was pulling them out one by one but there were so many I felt I would never succeed in riding myself of them.

Interpretation

Cereal is the start of a new stage in my life –  New beginnings. Raisins represents negative forces that are working against me. There are too many and I am losing hope of riding myself of them.

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March Through May – Let Go or Hang On?

There are currently 5 gamma ray bursts, some of significant size, heading toward Earth. 5 at a time is more than I’ve ever seen. This on the heels of almost continual geomagnetic storms where the K-Index shoots into the red zone (currently in the yellow zone) combines to make for quite an energy onslaught. Add to this Venus retrograde in Aries (later shifting into Pisces) and you may be feeling a bit on-again, off-again. One minute buzzing with energy and the next exhausted or just unmotivated. If you’ve been feeling it, hang on because this entire month is set to be a crazy ride and my guidance indicates it will continue into May.

For me the energy onslaught has had mixed results. I’ve been slightly bi-polar but nothing extreme, just kiddie rollercoaster stuff. My guidance is very quiet but not gone. Their messages are less vocal and more intuitive, sentences and visuals infrequent and tending to arise in dreamtime rather than during the day. I feel as if I’ve been let loose to test my new wings. Will I be able to fly or will I stay grounded in 3D? This is all part of the shift into 5D apparently. The rollercoastering is normal and will eventually stabilize. Where first I was on a major rollercoaster ride going from high bliss states down into near suicidal depression, I am now experiencing less intense shifts from one extreme to the other. Bliss has turned into a calm, happy acceptance and the depression is more of an irritable restlessness. Eventually (I am told) I will remain on a pretty even keel depending on what vibration I finally settle into.

If you’re family members have not been affected by the intense energies, noticing or commenting on the ascension energies in their own way, then they may not for some time. There is still a large group who have not chosen to accept the invitation and they may never accept it. I am told to expect many to exit this life and try again via a new body. This is a repeat from around 2014 when many were choosing to exit.

Many children, mostly those born in the early 2000’s, will begin to be affected by the energies right now. Emotional outbursts, minor (sometimes major) illness, and other setbacks may manifest. There are some who have already adjusted and may begin to express ideas and thoughts relating to spiritual and metaphysical subjects – dreams, spirit guides, imaginary friends, energy, empathy, questioning, etc. My daughter was born in 2008 and I have already noticed that her normally overly emotional tone has skyrocketed. She is also asking questions about dreams and telling me more of her dreams. She’s the only one of my children who saw Spirit as a child and told me about what she was seeing. She also had a whole group (5 or 6) of imaginary friends she played with, each with their own name and personality. I suspect she will eventually regain memory of some of this in the future.

Venus retrograde began to affect me almost a week before Venus actually went retrograde. My dreams introduced me to it via an entire dream sequence about me helping an ex-boyfriend move out of his apartment. So fitting of Venus retrograde! Since then, I have been on a journey of reflection and introspection not only in dreamtime but actively during my waking hours. Most of the reflection is on more recent relationships with family and partners. Thus far, I am finding this healing not uncomfortable but not pleasant either. There are some things I do not want to confront or deal with.

If you are currently in a relationship the Venus retrograde may ask you to inspect the relationship further. What are your motives? Is the relationship giving back what you are putting into it? Are you happy? Content? In Apathy? Where do you see the relationship going? How are the patterns of this relationship similar to other relationship patterns? Can you break certain unhealthy patterns? Add to this inspection the intense energies and you get a sometimes volatile combination. I suspect (though it hasn’t happened yet) that my emotions will begin to bubble up uncontrollably sometime in April and maybe into May. This may or may not be the same for others, I am not getting that specific information, but with my fiery tendencies (Leo after all) and Venus retrograde heading into Pisces in April, I may just say “enough is enough”. My goal is to try to keep my emotions under control – both the fires of anger and passion alike. 🙂

How to mitigate these energies? The best you can! Everyone is a little different. I’ve found that my normal outlet – high intensity exercise – does not work for me right now. I run out of steam early on and end up exhausted, in low blood sugar mode or just feeling wrong. I am finding art, music, dance and other creative outlets working much better for me. Writing, meditation, yoga, long baths, silence, nature (especially soaking up the sun) are all helping much more than intense exercise. I actually didn’t do any sort of exercise for over a week and felt better for it. Yesterday I tried running for 20 minutes since lifting weights has not been working out and even running made me feel like death afterward. My body is protesting loudly saying, “Rest! You need to heal right now.”

Another little tidbit, a bit of future advice coming from my guidance, the next few months may bring about some abrupt changes for some who have been resisting change for a while. Work-related issues abound as do familial ones. I am reminded of my sister’s situation right now. She and her family were recently evicted from their home. She feels like her life is crumbling down around her. These kind of life hiccups will run rampant. They are meant as little wake-up calls to get you to notice patterns and habits that are not serving you.

The picture I chose for this post is purposeful. This time period is going to ask each of us, “What do you need to hang onto and what do you need to let go of?” If you hang onto those things that you shouldn’t then it will be just like the picture. Eventually you will be hanging onto a tiny thread and, ultimately, it will break.

 

 

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OBE: Walking Backwards

Not surprised I astral projected this morning. I requested it prior bed. I am so blessed to be able to just request it and it happen.

Prior to the projection I had a dream and vision I want to recount first.

Dream: Family Restroom

I was sent to a new school against my wishes. I had forgotten my lunch in my rush to get to school. I was thinking about having to buy lunch. I felt in my pocket. My daughter had slipped half of a cookie sandwich into it.

I joined a group inside a room. They were practicing a music performance.  The class was preparing to go on stage. I saw the music sheets but it was scattered with musical notes popping off the page. Mostly I saw the flat sign. I remember hiding the fact that I was sneaking bits of the cookie.

I headed to the bathroom and when I returned the entire class was gone and a cleaning lady was inside. Wandering the unfamiliar halls, the principal asked me where I was going. I told her I was lost and suppose to be performing. She told me to follow a girl who was with another group who was also to perform but they were to recite lines of a poem. I lingered there and was asked why I was there. I told the teacher I was told to go there.

I followed the girl and ended up in the lunchroom sitting next to a high school boy who was a junior or senior. I was distinctly aware I was only 10, even seeing myself with this realization. I had blonde hair and was a bit chubby. The boy was dark blonde with thick, unruly hair. The boy took a liking to me. He was one who did not follow the rules. We got along well and he said to me, “I need to keep you around.” He made me feel special. There was a sense that I fit in with people like him, not with everyone else who followed the rules without question. The boy was not bad, he just pushed limits and questioned authority when something didn’t make sense to him. I was the same. I liked myself for being that way.

Then I was walking with the same girl trying to get back to class. I knew the school was four stories high with four sections on either side of us. She asked me, “Where is the family restroom?” I pointed to it. There was a sign on the door of an entire family walking behind a person in a wheelchair. I said, “I guess everyone goes in there together.” I laughed about it and the image of the blue sign with the family on it is the last I recall of the dream.

Vision

I woke at 4am and couldn’t go back to sleep. I fell into the in-between at once point and saw an image of a pig in a tutu dancing. When I woke I heard the word “swine” and recalled others dreams I have had with pigs in them. I knew it was a message.

Interpretation

My thoughts on the dream are that I was being schooled in my present life situation and what I am to do right now – focus on family. I am against this and feel a bit lost. The number 4 dominates. The pig vision could refer to selfishness, opulence of a situation where I think one thing is true but it is not.

OBE: Walking Backwards

Something clued me in to the fact that I could detach from my body. I took the opportunity and sat up OOB. I felt odd as I stood up. My blankets were stuck to my feet and I was not in my bedroom but somewhere else. I could see the front door from my bed. It was very close. As I walked toward the door, I was talking aloud to myself the entire time. I said,”I need some clarity please.” I had assumed the strange feeling I had was because I needed more energy, yet I could see very clearly and vividly and all my perceptions seemed in tact. The closer I got to the door the more the feeling bothered me and the more I talked. I realized now I was talking to one of my guides because I felt the answers coming back to me. The reply I kept getting was, “Healing.”

When I got to the door I could see out the window. The window was very distinct with four panels. When I walked outside and down a step I could feel the cool night air hit me. It was chilly. Out across from me I could see the street lights of an unfamiliar neighborhood. The strange feeling was still bothering me, though, and I ended up coming back into my body.

I lingered for a bit in body and received a vision of a man wearing what looked like a green, glittery alien suit. There was a bright colored symbol on his forehead right where his third-eye would have been. He was short, too, like kid sized. Was he an alien or was my guide being funny? I had no fear, just curiosity. I am not even sure it was a suit….

As I caught the vision I heard, “Healing.” I knew my visitor was helping me with healing.

As I left my body again I announced my agreement to receive healing. I once again sat up OOB talking the whole time. I was in the same bedroom. This time I pulled the blankets off me before I got up. The strange feeling was still with me. Again I could see very clearly the front door as light came through from outside. I headed directly for it and as I got closer it disappeared and I floated outside. The strange feeling was really strong and I heard again, “Healing.” I walked toward the street, looking to my left. I saw the bright white outline of clouds and a brilliant light. It looked beautiful, like a sunrise in Heaven, but I shifted my focus to my right. There was a sense of, “Don’t look!.” Instead I focused my attention down toward the greenery at my feet. It was like clover or some similar plant and was cool to the touch. I knelt down and put my hands in it and said aloud, “This is healing. I am healing.” There was a sense of peace in doing this. Even with my eyes closed I could see the entire scene in which I found myself. The night sky and green grass dominated.

Looking up at the white of the street curb I became curious. Where was I? I could see houses but then it completely changed to a city street. There were tall buildings and cobblestone streets. I walked into the streets and looked down them. The buildings went on forever and it looked like an ally. I began to head down the street, saying aloud that I wanted to fly and trying to lift myself up into the air. The voice said, “You can’t.” I felt magnetically pulled down, noticing the strange feeling was stronger than ever.

I turned around, my back facing the city. I was still talking aloud and saying something like, “I want to see what’s behind me.” I began to feel myself pulled into the city. It was like a suction cup energy and I was floating backwards. I couldn’t see where I was going, only where I had been.

I came back into my body quickly and my heart was pounding furiously. Within seconds the alarm clock went off.

Considerations

The feeling still bothers me. What was it? It is hard to describe. It felt sorta like I couldn’t breathe, like something was sitting on my chest but it was purely energetic. It caused me to think my energy was low, but that obviously was not the case because the OBE was clear and solid. My best guess is that I was sensing the healing occurring at the physical level somehow.

The OBE indicates that I am not wanting to look forward, or not needing to at this time. I am in a period of intense healing, which is made clear to me over and over. I think the white light and clouds could be indicative of going Home, or my draw to leave this body and life behind me. Thus, me being told not to look.

 

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Documenting Dreams

I’ve been sleeping deeply again and struggling to recall dreams. It is not as difficult as it was just a couple of weeks ago, though.

Dream: Dissertation 

In this dream I was with one man most of the dream. We were classmates at the doctorate level. He had just completed his dissertation and handed me a very thick manuscript. It was ridiculously thick and heavy, with pages numbering in the thousands at least. I commented that I could not believe how long it was and joked about how it must not have all come from him. He got serious and said, “It is everything I’ve learned.” With his comment I got a flash of lifetimes upon lifetimes upon lifetimes. It was so fast that I cannot recall specific lifetimes but I understood that much work had gone into his compilation and I revered him for it.

Throughout this dream we were walking through various doors into rooms that looked like very expensive and ancient libraries with wall-to-wall shelves filled with books.

Interpretation

This actually felt like I was hanging out with a friend and we were comparing notes on our spiritual progress through this classroom called Life.

Dream: Selecting a Crystal

This dream is hard to recall but I spent much of it going through crystals in order to pick the right one for me. The last one I remember and the one I finally chose was a rainbow colored crystal about the size of my hand and in the shape of a thick wand with a jagged tip.

Interpretation

This dream felt like my guidance was helping me with healing, urging me to participate in this healing.

Dream: Gathering

Most of this dream was in a kitchen that was brightly lit. We were preparing dinner for a group. I remember mostly that someone had made deviled eggs but when I took a bite I realized the egg portion was actually a boiled potato with the skin still on. It was way too big to be an egg, too, as it was the size of a potato. It had a small hole dug out where the filling was placed, just like a deviled egg.

There was a man who was at the gathering who spoke with a thick accent and kept staring at me. I knew him but wasn’t sure how. I also knew he was interested in me as I could feel his intentions. Interested just meaning he was curious and observant but there was also a romantic undertone with this interest. I noticed his eyes following me as I moved about. We had picked him up from the streets. He had been homeless and wandering wearing only a thick coat. He came with us to the gathering and ate with us. One of the women in my group told me, “_____ is interested in you. He is telling everyone, too.” She looked over her should at him and I saw that he was sitting across the room talking to a woman and kept glancing in my direction. I cannot recall the name of this man but I remember what he looks like and it is very similar to a person I know online.

Once we were finished with dinner, everyone went home. I traveled with some of my group to a shop that sold food. It was very European looking with a glass store front and very small. There was a woman standing behind the counter cooking a very large zucchini squash. It was being roasted like a hot dog on a skewer and the woman kept basting it with a reddish colored liquid.

Interpretation

I am still healing (kitchen) and so is a large number of my group. I want to focus on starting anew and it may be something I consider to go against the grain or be judged badly by others (deviled egg). I am being lazy (potato) about this start, though. There is someone I do not know well (foreign man) who has interest in me. This feels similar to other dreams where I am cautioned that there may be someone who is deceiving me. Maybe this is the man? Maybe he is getting to others like in the dream? At the end I am likely discussing the future and the abundance or fertility that awaits me (squash) if I stop being lazy.

Dream: Water Park Without Water

Again I was with a group and we were contemplating going on a slide in a water park. I remember having a discussion with someone about it and getting a feeling that they were not in agreement. Then I watched a dark haired woman picking up jewelry from the ground. She eventually was the first to go into the water park and walk backwards up one of the slides. There was no water on the slide and so you could walk the slides easily. I followed her up one.

Interpretation

There is a discussion going on about my self-worth (jewelry). I am picking up jewelry, so trying to regain my self-worth. There was too much emotion (waterslide) but it is drying up (no water). Going up the waterslide means I am taking back control because to go down a slide is to lose control.