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Purging Continues

I awoke at 3am and then at 5:30am in tears. Really? Sigh. I hate this purge crap.

Dream: Apartment Search in Mexico

This dream began with me traveling into a town in Mexico with my mom. We were discussing where I would live. As we drove, the road beneath us turned white with strips of white granite at intersections. I told her, “Oh I can see so much better now! I like it when the roads look like this. If I were going to live anywhere it would be here.” She said, “Downtown?” I said, “Yes, I like this area.”

As we continued the area began to get more ghetto-like, with shabby one bedroom apartments and narrow, crumbling asphalt roads. I mentioned this was an area I would not live in and that the apartments cost $200-$400 month. I added that mostly college students lived there. It was pretty grungy.

Then we were outside and my mom was wanting to stop and get some ice cream. We stood across the road from a coffee shop and she went in, asking me repeatedly if I wanted something sweet. I said, “No, I’m stuffed” and I really felt full to the point of wanting to vomit. She went inside and got some ice cream. When I saw it I nearly threw up.

Then my mom was talking about the construction of a new home. I saw its brilliant white walls and immaculate, new condition. I was sad, though, and ignored her and her excitement seemed only to make me sadder.

broken-mirrorDream: Date in Mexico

The dream shifted and I was heading into a restaurant to meet my counterpart for a date. I saw him sitting at a small, white table waiting for me and instantly smiled. Then I saw he was not alone. He had brought with him a blonde woman who was dressed very professionally in a silver dress suit with high heels. They were sitting together with their laptops open and she was jabbering away. I remember thinking, “Why did he bring her??” When he saw me he looked uncomfortable and said, “I hope you don’t mind but she wanted to come along.” I remember thinking it a bad idea and feeling like the third wheel.

I watched them talk for some time, feeling uncomfortable and twiddling my thumbs. Then I heard him mention his new laptop and show how it could roll up, tube like. This peaked my interest and I went over to see for myself. I mentioned how I could only see it useful for painting and got out a paint brush and painted the laptop screen with white paint. Neither seemed to notice and I felt instantly stupid and apologized, grabbing a cloth to clean it off.

As I cleaned the screen they continued chatting. I ended up having to use paint thinner to get it clean. As I was rinsing the rag a woman sitting at the bar began to heave and cough. She began to throw up blood. I felt sorry for her but did nothing. Someone said she was a hemophiliac and it was normal and not to worry. The whole time everyone, even me, spoke Spanish.

Then my “brother” was there and it was his birthday. I mentioned he was 9 years old, but said, “nino” instead of the number. Then I remembered he was 10 and said, “No, he’s 10!” but I said, “Domingo” instead of “diez.” Everyone began to sing happy birthday in Spanish.

My counterpart and the blonde woman were still jabbering away, totally oblivious to me, so I left. As I left I asked someone behind the counter for help but got my words mixed up and had to tell him I didn’t know how to say it in Spanish. He pointed me toward the door and others came to assist me.

I got into a car and sped off, feeling very sad and rejected and wondering what I had done wrong. I recall following a route through the rough part of town and then taking a turnpike toward the newer section of the city. I looked at my reflection in the car mirror and I looked pretty bad. My face had large dry scabs and I looked pale and old. I compared myself to the blonde woman and realized I was no match for her.

Dream: Dead Dogs and Lost Car

At some point I parked and walked for a long time, talking to someone about how I felt. I ended up walking into the back of a brand new restaurant kitchen. The people watched me but said nothing. I went up through to the front and found them serving samples to a select few. I went directly to the door and outside where a woman dressed in a blue suit put a microphone up to my face and asked me if I was the owner. I stood there silent and shocked. Another woman came out and told me it was the grand opening of the restaurant and they thought I owned it. I told the reporter I had no idea and left feeling confused about how I had gotten there.

I walked searching for my car but did not know where I was. The city I was in was obviously not in Mexico. Everyone spoke English. It was also clean and modern. I wandered in the dark streets for a while lost and eventually ran into a woman walking her two dogs, one tiny and black the other large and white. She asked if I needed help, I said I did. She resembled the blonde woman from before but was not as nicely dressed.

We talked for a while, but I only remember feeling very sad. We were at a parking lot and I told her, “I can’t find my car.” She said, “I bet I know where you parked it.” I looked over the parking lot and saw some cars and several bloated, dead, white dogs. I remembered my dog Trooper then and knew he was in my car. I began to worry he would die. The woman reassured me he would be fine.

She asked me to tell her what was wrong and I told her about the failed date and how I felt rejected and unable to compete with the blonde woman. All I remember her saying now was, “But he asked you to come didn’t he?” I nodded. She said, “Then he wanted you there.” Her reassurance didn’t help and I began to worry more about my dog, thinking he was all I had left. I began to cry.

When I woke up the song, Come Monday was going over and over in my head. Specifically, “Come Monday, it’ll be alright. Come Monday, I’ll be holding you tight.”

Interpretation

The above three dreams were like one. When I woke I was beside myself with upset, still crying, and feeling confused and disoriented. When I remembered my current life and situation it compounded my upset. The woman in the dream, all professional, pretty and flawless, was in my mind. I saw her as perfect and me as flawed and undesirable. My mother in the first dream was also her, though I saw her differently – more mother-like. In all three parts she was happy, confident, and positive, jabbering away without a care in the world. 

I am certain we are discussing my emotional state in the beginning (apartments). I wish to overcome it but the reality is I am in poor condition (rundown apartments). I believe the professional woman is what I desire to be and the version I present to others. I hide the undesirable version of myself because I know she will be rejected for her unworthiness. My upset about my “true” self is apparent throughout the dream series and I feel it is the reason my counterpart rejects me. The new home at the end of the first part is to show me that the future holds promise. I am unwilling to look at it, though, still caught up in despair.

The boy in the dream looked like my brother. I suspect he represents my counterpart on some level, my masculine aspect. Domingo likely relates to spirituality, spiritual nourishment. The woman vomiting blood could be a deep emotional purging or cleansing and a cry for help. 

I can’t find my car or where I parked it. I feel unable to find my path, lost in life. The parking lot indicates a need for rest. The dead dogs represent loss or loss of a friend. 

I think the song was trying to give me hope that this too, will pass. I hope so. I am so very tired of feeling like this. Plus, Lunes comes after Domingo. lol

Dream: Grieving

I was at a home located on my grandparents land with a small group of friends. The dream scene was familiar but nothing like reality. We heard a young boy cry out and several of us went out after him in the dark. I remember not being able to see as I ran up the road. Ahead of me it was dark but behind me it was so bright I couldn’t see.

Then I was in a bathroom with a young boy. The bathroom was also his bedroom, though. His parents were throwing a party and it was quite loud. He stayed in his room to stay out of trouble. Someone said since his room and the bathroom were in the same room it was the perfect place for a friend to sneak in and molest him. I was horrified and worried about the boy.

The person I was with questioned the boy but he did not give out any information except that his parents often had parties and he hid there for his own protection. I remember recognizing the place and getting confused between the dream and reality. Someone asked the boy to give five positive events that happened in 2016. When they asked him, I began thinking of my own but ended up talking about my grandfather. I suddenly missed him horribly and began to cry. I remember saying, “I haven’t seen him in my dreams in so long. I hope he’s okay.” I heard back, “He’s okay. Don’t worry.”

I was still talking about him when I woke up.

Interpretation

I feel I was exploring parts of myself that need inspection in all of the dreams I had. When I woke from this dream I was thinking of all the male figures in my life who I loved and lost. My grandfather came to mind first followed by my father and then others in my life who have gone, not necessarily in death. I felt such horrible loss and I remember thinking “Why does everyone I love leave me?” This is not true, of course, but that is the place I found myself in when I awoke.

2016

I did think of 5 significant events in 2016 eventually. Mt. Shasta in May, Nashville in October, meeting my counterpart in October, the emotional/empathic overload of November and December, and all the Kundalini rising incidents inundating the year. And in the midst of it all was the fabulous time I had getting to know my counterpart along the way. It was a great year for the most part and I would not give it back for anything. I learned so much about myself and grew exponentially. It wasn’t always easy, but then who grows when life is easy?

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Dreams and Upset

A night filled with dreams, many of which had me waking up upset or angry.

Dream: Lost on a Cruise Ship

I entered a cruise ship with a group and was assigned my room. I don’t recall ever going inside, though. Instead, I walked the halls with a portly young man talking about my grandmother and how I can communicate with her even though she is dead. Specifically, I told him about how she visited me in a dream and my mother and I made her a chocolate cake and reminisced about how much I use to love cooking with her. I continued to tell him all kinds of things about my life and spiritual experiences. I held nothing back. He listened, at first very interested and then becoming quieter and quieter. When I was finished telling him everything (and I mean everything) about myself he made an excuse that he had to be somewhere and got away from me quickly. When I tried to follow him, he literally ran away and I received a feeling from him of, “Get away from me! You’re nuts!” I felt completely destroyed by his reaction. Never had I shared everything about myself so openly and honestly. What I said was genuine and came from my heart. I trusted him wholeheartedly and he rejected me outright and with such fear and rejection that I was left feeling obliterated and spiritually desiccated.

Then I went looking for my room. I thought I was in room #112 so went toward the front. I saw the maitre D of the hotel go into the room I thought was mine. Something felt wrong so I walked past and decided to go to the front desk because I had no key. I stood there with two blonde girls, sisters, and requested a new key. The man at the desk asked if the girls were mine, I said no. I was given a new key and saw my room number was 68.

I went looking for my room and went through hallway after hallway unable to find it. I found rooms 67 and 69 but my room was missing. I went up an open elevator with others as I looked. The operator of the elevator had a negative energy. Strangely I shifted into him while I was also myself. He pushed a button and let out a swarm of zombies. I remember being relieved and allowed myself to be overcome by them, relishing the dead feeling over the awful rejection I had previously experienced.

Interpretation

To be on a cruise represents an emotional journey. In this case, it has to do with coping with feelings of rejection. Being locked out of my room indicates I am feeling unable to shift into a new state of mind or personal identity. The numbers of the room indicate what I am rejecting and/or searching for. I never find my new room, instead being swept up in negativity and allowing myself to succumb to the zombies and feeling “dead”. The feeling from this dream is that I made a decision to never open myself up to another because it is too painful. In the dream, at the moment the man rejected me I remember thinking, “I knew this would happen. That’s why I never reveal my True Self to anyone.” My choice is to remain closed off and dead rather than feel the pain that results.

Dream: Toy Ark

I walked to a school and interacted with others who I knew. There was a woman struggling with a boy who would not come into the school. She asked for my help and I obliged. I spoke to the boy and he seemed to trust me. He had a small toy with him that fit in the palm of his hand. I saw that it was Noah’s Ark and had tiny animals in white that fit into slots in the toy. I commented on it and how well he put it together. The dream gets fuzzy here but the next thing I recall is holding the boy close to me while covered with a blanket. I felt motherly and recognized he needed to feel loved and secure. I gave that to him willingly. A woman came to retrieve him and I nudged him, making his little toy fall and pieces dislodge. I picked it up, apologizing and placing the pieces back. I saw the deck of the ark and a tiny, white angel figure was in the middle. The figure began to move on its own, walking across the deck.

Interpretation

This dream intrigues me. The boy I think is an aspect of me. An ark is symbolic of Wholeness and the preservation and protection of something valuable. I end up holding the boy close and recognizing his need for love, protection and security. I cradle him close to me and feel a connection to him. Then I see the ark, the tiny angel walking across it, which could indicate Divine assistance toward Wholeness.

gac-fruitDream: Possum and Fruit

I was inside my old childhood home. My friend David was there sitting at a desk. It was dark and difficult to see. Strangely, the room shifted into a room with screened windows. I don’t recall what I said to David but he left and I was sitting at the computer searching for something, a video I think. I found a DVD was in the drive and there were two files on it, both of them videos I had made where I discussed my OBEs and answered questions. It was not what I was looking for so I gave up.

Something moved below me and I saw a small, adolescent opossum. It was fuzzy and gray and appeared like a pet. I saw it crawl up on the face of a child, the boy from the previous dream, and seem to sniff around. I shooed it away and it ran and hid under a bush. I worried about how it had gotten inside and found a rip in the window screen of an open window. I went to close the window and saw both an opossum and a large dog trying to get in. I closed the window.

Then I went outside to check the bush near the window, suspecting it was the opossum’s den. I found my friend had stashed fruits there. One was a very large, rotting mango and the other fruits were spiky and unfamiliar. I picked up a spiky fruit and it was ripe. It was orange with some yellowing sections. I remember wanting to eat it, but I kept it instead, and asked someone if they wanted it. Then the opossum ran out from under the bush.

Interpretation

I’m not sure what the first part represents. Perhaps I am discussing my spiritual experiences and teaching others about OBEs? The opossum looks like a pet. Funny enough, I keep seeing them in my back yard at night lately. Opossum brings the message that something is not what it seems and to inspect it further. My shutting the window indicates I feel abandoned. The torn screen indicates my optimism has been destroyed. The mango represents sexuality and/or lust. It is rotten so I leave it. Rotten fruit indicates a missed opportunity and/or a premature ending to a relationship. The other fruit is one I did not recognize but it looks something like the image above. Fruit in general represents growth, abundance and financial gain. Since it has spikes on it, maybe these things could be uncomfortable for me? I’m not sure but I give it away.

Dream: Parking Lot Robbery

I was driving by a parking lot and saw something suspicious. I went to investigate and realized the parking area was being robbed. I drove over a barricade and stopped near the kiosk to call for help. Inside, I grabbed a radio handle and called into it, “911”. They responded and I told them the parking lot was being robbed. Then I heard voices approaching so hid beneath the counter. They could hear the radio dispatcher replying so came into the small building and found me hiding there. They were just kids and I confronted them, asking them to stop what they were doing. The kids held up guns, but they were green, see-through water guns. I remember thinking they were idiots to use guns like that. Just as I took the guns from them, a young girl came up holding a gun that looked real but then held it out to me. I took the gun and realized it, too, was a water gun. The dispatcher was saying something over the radio about the parking lot being “community” and “donation only”. Then a male voice responded, “That’s why it is a perfect target.” The three kids stood there with me and some of their team were yelling at them to get out and running past toward the exit. That is when I both heard and saw the sirens of an emergency vehicle approaching.

Interpretation

Parking lots indicate I need to slow down. Robbery suggests an identity crisis or that I am suffering from a major loss. 911 indicates that I am seeking help. It can also indicate that I need immediate assistance with the crisis I find myself in. There is also the angel number meaning but I feel it is more the dream symbol meaning. The “robbers” end up shooting water guns. Water guns indicate I am having difficulty expressing my true feelings. The sirens represent a warning and act to focus attention on the problem at hand.

 

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Last Day

Today was my last day at work and a busy one. As soon as I got to work I had to go outside for crossing guard duty. It was a beautiful, clear, brisk morning and all the kindergartners were dressed up as fairy tale characters. I saw more Elsa’s and Cinderellas than I could count. lol As I stood there waiting for children to gather on the curb I saw a lone, white bird fly low across the sky. It was a stork of all things. Quite unusual!

When I was done with duty my morning was full with several students requesting to see me and a couple of guidance lessons in kindergarten, first and fourth grade. They had announced my last day that morning and so everyone was saying goodbye and wishing me well. I got more hugs than I can count, some from students I had never really interacted with.

I received a beautiful drawing from one of my sweet second graders. She was shy and withdrawn when we first met, resisting hugs and keeping her distance. Since then she has blossomed and hugs have been a normal greeting from her. I got at least six from her today, one in which she didn’t want to let go. Such a sweetheart.

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Drawing left on my desk today. 

Another student, a little second grader whose mom has stage four cancer, requested to see me again today even though I saw him just two days ago. Not the hugging kind and preferring more distance than most, I could feel he just felt better in my presence, as I did in his. When I thought about how I was leaving him when he most needs me I felt sad and teared up. I feel like I am “abandoning” these kids.

Yet when I left work for the last time today, I felt my time there was complete. I felt no sorrow at leaving. My only concern was for all the time that was about to be mine and what I would fill it with. I knew immediately that I needed no distractions for the inner work I am about to do and I shuddered at the thought of it. This job served its purpose and now it is time to move on.

While on the drive home I began to feel a familiar heaviness in my heart, a distinctive signal that some purging was coming. Sure enough by the time I drove into my garage there were tears in my eyes and a feeling of not being able to handle this anymore. “This” being whatever is happening and has been happening to me.

Then, after dinner tonight, my husband showed me a picture he and my youngest drew together of the number 218. My youngest can’t count well yet and when he does he counts “2….1….8”. lol He repeats it no matter how many times you ask. So they colored it for me. My daughter added her part as well which caught my “eye”. I had to include it here for you all.

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My daughter says hers is an “eye”. The interesting thing is that one of my long-time clients just asked me about a vision she keeps seeing in meditation. The vision? That of a blue eye looking at her. Prior to that, I heard that a sign of Kundalini awakening is receiving vivid visions of eyes. Funny, the one eye I remember seeing was that of an ET. I painted it. Remember? lol

eyepainting

As for 218, well it equals 11 of course! lol Here is the angel number meaning in case you are curious.

And don’t think I forgot about the stork. Nope. Storks are all about rebirth and renewal. A good sign? I hope so.

Emotionally, I am better now, until whatever is happening hits me again and I feel like I am dying from the inside-out. Yay for transformation and “inner work”…NOT.

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Dreams: Full Moon Camera and Kindergarten

Some strange dreams last night.

Dream: Full Moon Camera

I was standing outside in a familiar place with a person I can’t identify. It was dark and there was a full moon. I was pointing at it and said, “I want to take a picture but my camera had a lousy phone. Do you think you could take a picture of it for me?” The person just pointed at the moon. I looked closer, trying to see clearer and then the moon began to descend toward me. It had a metallic cord attached to it and the moon part became this giant moon eye that opened and closed. As I focused on it, it began to resemble a camera but had this beam of white light coming out of the lens. The moon camera and I just stared back at each other, the light not bothering me, and this eventually woke me up.

Full moon – Represents completeness/Wholeness. The fact that it turned into a camera causes me to wonder if maybe I need to inspect something about or within myself.

When I woke from this dream I thought about an OBE ET encounter I had once where a light that looked like the moon was used to draw my attention away from some energy work being done on me. The moon camera was really alien-looking in the dream. It was familiar, though, and I was not afraid. I assume it was meant to illuminate me somehow, though seeing it only woke me up.

Dream: Kindergarten

Me and a group of three other students were led into a Kindergarten classroom. We were shown our desks and then got sent to pick up our work packets. I went to a table and saw my packet on top, my name clearly written in bold letters. There was one large piece of paper on the bottom the size of poster board that resembled a map. I saw it was to be colored and this disappointed me. I thought the work way too easy and I sulked some at my desk while a blonde boy excitedly talked and jabbered. He irritated me because he was not following the rules and would get us all in trouble. There was also a student I remember who was not at our table but was familiar. I knew him as my brother but he was older than the other kids, had dark hair and eyes, and spoke only Spanish. Our teacher was old with salt and pepper gray hair but I remember him being a substitute.

The number 5 was repeated over and over during this time. Not only was I 5 years old but we were counting something and 5 came up several times while I was talking to my brother. I was counting up to 5 and he was saying  it was 6.

We were taken out of class and I got distracted on the way by a small nest situated on the grass near the building. There were three, yellow chicks with brown markings and strange bills. I worried they were too exposed and knew a storm was coming so I went into a warehouse to find something to cover them. My brother was with me. I found nothing and so returned to the nest and found the mother there with the chicks. When they saw me, though, they ran to me like I was their mother. Looking at the mother more closely I realized she was a Kiwi bird. I also noticed there was one egg still in the nest but it was mushy, very obviously rotten.

Kindergarten – Represents a transitional life phase and unresolved feelings of separation.

Nest – Comfort, home, new opportunities. 

Kiwi – Represents a situation I am trying to hide from or avoid.

Ducklings – The baby Kiwis looked like ducks. Ducks symbolize a situation one is trying to “duck” or avoid. They also carry the message of “If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it’s a duck”. Some things are too obvious to deny.

Rotten egg – Eggs represent birth and creative potential. In this case these things must have gone bad. 

Interpretation

When I had this dream I was very upset that I had been sent “back” to Kindergarten. I was in a sour mood but set on following the rules and being a “good girl”. That is why the boy was irritating to me. I didn’t want any attention drawn to me because I was set against getting in trouble. This strikes me as very symbolic of how I approach life sometimes. Something that stands out to me is that the packet had my nickname “Dayna” on it rather than my legal name. Usually I see my legal name in dreams, so perhaps it reflects that I have changed and  it also seemed like someone was trying to get my attention.

The baby chicks and Kiwi mother were very vivid in the dream and much of my attention was focused on them. I wanted to save them and spent a long time looking for something to cover them from the “storm”. They could symbolize something I am trying to avoid (seems to be a theme in this dream anyway) but they may also symbolize me and my three children and me trying to protect them from what I view as a “storm”. My “brother” tagged along with me in the dream. We interacted but I cannot remember any of that part. It is like it has been wiped from my memory.

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8 OBEs: Missing Chakras?

Last night I was so exhausted I went to bed at 8pm. My eyes were heavy and my body relaxed like I had taken a sleeping pill. Very unusual for me. I ended up sleeping until about 3:30am when I woke up wide awake. I knew when I returned to bed that it was likely that I would project.

OBE: Sludge Run

I awoke seemingly in my body watching a scene play out before me. I was in it but not in it. I was being given instructions and realized that I was some kind of recruit. My group and I were then instructed to run before we were overcome by the water. The members of the group, dressed in gray PT clothing, began to run. I turned and saw a huge brick wall with thick, gray sludge pouring over the top. People were running away from the sludge and screaming. The road they were on had a huge hole in the center which slowed some down. I thought it all fun and knew they did, too. I began to giggle and felt the familiar sensation of coming back to body awareness.

OBE: Beanie Man

Realizing I had gone OBE but had not taken charge, I allowed myself to return to observer mode because I still felt very tired. Basically this means I went OOB but lingered in a horizontal position over my sleeping body and watched my dream images without being pulled into the dreamstate. I watched as a man wearing a multicolored beanie stood with his back to me. At this time I heard someone say, “The 23rd.” I said, “Of this month?” Then I couldn’t remember what month and wondered. I heard back, “September.” That’s when I remembered it’s January. The date given was familiar so I asked to be able to go to the person who it reminded me of. I heard nothing but saw the man again, back to me. I tried to enter the scene then and came back to body awareness. When I returned my heart was pounding in my chest and I felt uncomfortable, like something was very wrong. This feeling passed but I think only because I quickly entered into the in-between.

chakras

Three Exits

I then had three separate exits from my body, each with interesting results.

The first exit started with heavy vibrations. I was able to exit only to find myself quickly back in my body. My second chakra felt to be a big, gaping hole of nothingness. In fact, the hole felt to be what was sucking me back into my body.

The second exit was the same and when I came back to body awareness I felt the nothingness, the gaping black hole, in my solar plexus. There was a sensation of my ribs bending inward from some unseen source and the vibrations were still high and stable. Again I felt them even after I exited my body and they continued upon re-entry.

The last exit was successful but the body vibrations were very intense and electric. I felt them even after I exited my body and was leaving my bedroom. What was even stranger was that the whole time I was OOB I was taking huge breath-fulls of air as if I was struggling to breathe. They were slow, deep and labored. I figured if I got away from my body it would let up, but even as I went down the stairs the labored breathing continued. I remember wondering if my physical body was struggling to breathe and if maybe it was dying. I also remember not caring if it did. Not long after this last thought, I returned to my body where I was breathing fairly normally but the vibrations were still high and my heart felt very strange, like a deep, emptiness where it should have been. For the short time I stayed with my body, I shifted positions and took deep, meditative breaths. I felt instructed to do this but not from guidance, from a Knowing that it would help stabilize my energy.

OBE: Can’t Sing

This time I was able to get OOB without incident, the vibrations not following me OOB. I successfully made it to the stairs and tried to sing because singing helps raise my vibration. I couldn’t get any sound to come out. It was like I was hoarse and this strange, raspy sound came out. I continued to sing, though, and eventually the sound was smooth but it did not come from my throat. Rather, it seemed to come from my Being, and was without sound but more of a vibration. Hard to explain. The surprise of this change brought me back to my body and my throat felt odd, but not a nothingness – indescribable.

OBE: Backward Slide

The vibrations came on quickly. Again very strong and I felt them intensify rapidly. I didn’t wait and pulled myself OOB with great ease. I was out and at the stairs, full perceptions. I saw the stairs, a golden hue tinted everything. I decided to slide down the stairs backward, floating just above them. It felt like a water slide and was great fun. When I got to the bottom, my vision was so vivid that I had to remind myself I was not awake, that I was OOB and that it was not real.

In the kitchen I saw my whole family. My two oldest were wearing their backpacks and looked directly at me. I waved and said hello while hovering above their heads near the ceiling. My husband looked directly at me and gave me a nasty look that communicated something like, “You suck. Go away. I’m going to ignore you now.” The energy from him told me he was not happy with me but I didn’t care. Then the kids began to go out the back door, which was all wrong. I remember thinking about where I would go next when I returned to my body. In retrospect, this OBE seemed to be located in the future, or at least it felt that way.

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OBE: Alarm Clock

Almost immediately strong vibrations overtook me and practically lifted me OOB. It was crazy fast and the vibrations had sound, like an electric motor or high-voltage power lines humming and crackling. I was able to pull myself out of my body with some effort. It wasn’t the sticky taffy feeling this time. Instead, it felt like the vibrations were shaking me in the opposite direction while also following me in my intended direction. I have never felt vibrations like this. Totally crazy!

Finally, OOB, the strong vibrations continued while I looked at my surroundings. It was my bedroom but there was a small nightstand to my right which isn’t normally there. I saw a black alarm clock sitting on it but the front of it was facing away from me. As soon as I wondered about it the vibrations escalated, picking me up and putting me back in my body. I felt myself enter through my sacral plexus this time and a gaping hole sensation remained after I was back in my body. I felt very dizzy and strange and decided I should open my eyes and not attempt further exits.

Considerations

I suspect the strange vibrations and chakra black holes are a result of my shifting Light body. It could be that the chakras have shifted or that they are blocked, but the latter seems wrong being I re-entered and exited my body via these chakra centers. How they are different is hard to say but my experience is that they were like black holes of nothingness. The vibrations were the most extreme I have ever felt, very stable but almost violent in intensity. Yet, strangely, they felt normal and even when they persisted while OOB I was not bothered by them. The noise was also new. I have heard all kinds of noises-off prior to exit but never while OOB and these seemed to be produced by the vibrations of my energy body because they were in sync, almost like my energy body was singing. This is something like the sound I heard:

 

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Ascended?

Funny how when I write about how disconnected and disengaged I feel that things shift. Just last night, while enjoying the house to myself once again a feeling came over me and Knowingness just seemed to pour through me. It is Knowing that I’ve had before yet somehow ended up assuming was wrong or false, so remembering it was like a bolt of lightening, waking me up in the Now moment and causing me to go, “Oh yeah, that…” It was followed by a feeling of “Oh shit.” lol But not really a bad feeling, only a realization that just because I allow myself to fall out of sync with my Higher Self for a while doesn’t mean that the mission/plan has changed. Nothing has changed.

For the next half hour I could see ahead in this life. It was not specifics, just a general feeling of what is to come. It was like I had on special future-seeing goggles that allowed me to peruse the next two to three years as if flipping through a picture book to the end. The overall feeling was there were some things coming up that were not pleasant but that in the end it would all smooth out and I would be exactly in the right place. I could see how everything up until now played out as planned, too. It created within me a very masterful feeling, like an all-knowing planner/creator-type mastery. Yeah, it’s gone now. Fleeting but enough to shake me awake.

I will say that being in this state of Remembering caused me to feel uncomfortable. When it hits it feels strange, like something from a Sci-Fi movie; dreamy and surreal. A part of me always rejects the feeling. Being aware of both the part of me that Knows and the part of me that hides from Knowing is what creates the uncomfortable feeling. Lately I have been pushing away the Knowing and focusing on being “normal”, trying to be the me prior to Awakening. That is never easy and always fails to work, yet it does offer a brief reprieve which I desperately needed after November and December’s empathic overwhelm. This time I must have really done a good job of avoiding to be surprised by sudden Knowing.

The Knowing didn’t stop there, though. It has remained and persisted throughout my dreams.

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Dream: Reuniting with MySelf

I recognized myself as male in dreams spanning throughout the first half of the night. Though I don’t recall all of the dreams, toward the end I began to gain lucidity. I walked through a door and spotted a very obese, blonde woman laying on the floor. At the same time I knew I had entered into a prison and was aware of iron bars on the windows. I recognized the woman as my partner, my wife, but also as a part of me. An aching followed. I had missed her terribly! I ran up to her, looked into her eyes and wrapped my arms around her. She embraced me back. That was when I realized I was as obese as she was but I didn’t care. I was so very happy to be reunited with her. It had been too long. I was so happy I began to cry. The tears woke me up. I was still crying upon waking.

When I woke I knew the dream represented a major step towards Wholeness for me. Not only did I identify myself as male, but I encountered my female Self and we embraced, reunited after a very long time. While recognizing this, I noticed my entire crown was lit up with energy and the energy was jumping around my head. It was like I had a light show going on in my head but it was very comforting. My guidance was reassuring and I was in a kind of daze of Knowingness.

Yet another connection is that in my dreams I tend to sit or be on the right. Also, while I tend to favor my left side when I sleep, lately I have favored my right. Feminine corresponds to left side of the body, right hemisphere or the brain. Masculine corresponds to the right side of the body, left hemisphere of the brain. It appears I am identifying with and balancing the masculine right now.

Dream: Ascended?

I was driving on a 5 lane residential street. I moved into the far right lane but was slowed by a work crew who appeared to be dusting for bugs. A Native American worker told me they were monitoring tree bark. I could see it on the road in piles. It was rusty orange. He said the bark’s diameter was thinning because of drought.

Then I was at a house that was also my place of work. I had two weeks remaining and wanted to quit but didn’t because it was good money. Though I wore an apron like a waitress I knew I was employed by an escort service. I felt to be betraying myself in staying for the money. I began talking to a man about it. He mentioned to me a word I now can’t remember but this word represented a situation ascended individuals often find themselves in. They desire to be and communicate with other ascended individuals about 5D things and find their existence in 3D very unfulfilling and lonely. He told me that I was perfectly normal and repeated to me that it was typical of “ascended individuals.” When he said this I became extremely lucid and the phrase seemed to echo in my mind.

I woke up trying to remember the word used but couldn’t. Then I wondered, “Surely he wasn’t implying that I am already ascended? If so, then what does that mean? I don’t feel ascended but then again I’m not sure what it feels like to be ascended.”

The rest of the dream makes sense to me. The right side of the road equals the masculine. Tree bark represents one’s thick skinned nature. It is thinning so I must be letting down some protective barriers. I have only 2 weeks left at my job and have often thought of leaving but stay because the money is so good. I would rather be working because I enjoy the work than for the money.

What Happens After Ascension?

The above dream message had me thinking this morning. If I have somehow ascended, now what? What happens after? I recognize that I really didn’t understand the word “ascension” nor had I even thought about what happens after because, to me, the ultimate goal is leaving this physical body/experience and returning to Source. I didn’t consider that it is a continual process, one that never really ends or begins. Never-ending spirals of consciousness. So, really, to be told I have ascended only means I have gone beyond the point before, the “end” being reached but only an end to what came before so that something new can begin and I can ascend through the next spiral. If that makes sense. lol

I found this article helpful in case you would like to read more on what others have said about what happens after ascension.

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Disengaged

This week has been non-eventful. Spiritually, there is nothing much to report besides continued strange dreams and an occasional ear ringing. Emotionally, I am pretty stable but experienced some depression around the full moon. That is gone now. I continue to have little to no interest in spiritual topics. I have been ignoring FB and spiritually related posts and feel repelled by some topics which previously would have intrigued me. Light Language is one of those topics as well as energy shifts/reports, gamma ray bursts, walk-in’s, predicted portals, stargates, galactic alignments, ETs…well most everything. It seems like I am throwing off old clothing and replacing it with something new. What that is exactly, I’m not sure, but right now I really just feel like throwing in the towel on all the things spiritual. Disengaged.

On a positive note, I am experiencing physical balance once again. Whatever happened to my physical body back in October did a number on it and threw my system into major confusion. I have no explanation but I felt it and it sucked. My hormones were especially out of sync and are finally coming back into balance. I also don’t have the abdominal discomfort that I was experiencing in November and December. I feel really good compared to the last three months and for that I am extremely grateful, especially since everyone around me (my husband and half of my coworkers) are struggling with nasty allergy symptoms and have been since the last week of 2016. Me, no allergies whatsoever. Happy dance!

I wanted to share some of the dreams I’ve been having throughout this week to give you an idea of what is going on under the surface. I love how dreams allow one to look into the deeper realms of their subconscious and see what is going on behind the scenes. Plus, I’ve been told I’m in contract negotiations again. Yay. Whatever. Yeah, that’s my attitude in a nutshell right now.

Dream: Stolen Apples and Hot Air Balloonapples

I was at my mom’s house looking at an apple tree. It was covered in apples, at least 50. A person came, picked them and put them in a basket. Then the basket full of apples was stolen. I was shown another apple tree that only produced one apple at most per year. It did not produce any this year. Then there was another tree that had just died from lack of care. A final tree thrived despite not being cared for. It was not fruit bearing. I remember being told November was the best month to pick the apples and so I assumed that I would have to wait until this November for the next harvest.

Then I looked up and saw a brilliant hot air balloon rising into the sky. I took a photo of it, zooming in on the balloon. It was rainbow colored. I turned and saw the location from which they were taking off. A man asked if I wanted to take a ride in one. I said no. I then watched another balloon take off and took video of it but the sun was too bright and blinded me.

Apple – knowledge, wisdom, prosperity. Perhaps I feel these things have been stolen from me? Since November came up, maybe that was the month they were stolen? That was a really difficult month for me. The other trees may have been aspects of my life. One didn’t produce, one died and the one that was not fruit bearing thrived. Perhaps this means I need to just be happy with no fruit?

Hot air balloon – time to overcome depression, a process of individuation, or a spiritual quest. Can symbolize a need to become elevated. I didn’t want to take a ride so maybe I am hesitant to continue the journey. I know the depression part won’t happen. I’ve been depressed most of my life. 

Taking picture/video – Need to focus on something. In this case, the balloon (depression? Spiritual elevation? not sure). 

Dream: Foal

This one made me happy. 🙂

I was in the woods crossing a metal bridge made of sections that moved as I walked over it. I had tried to skip the bridge but was directed to walk over it. On the other side I saw horses. A foal ran up to me and nuzzled me, pushing his head into my body. I hugged him and felt such joy. He was newborn, a fuzzy brown and white mustang.

Bridge – important decision and/or critical junction point has been reached. Transitional period and can indicate a connection between two things has been made.

Foal – New understanding, fresh energy. 

Horse – strength, power and endurance.

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Dream: Upside Down Bowl

I was pouring cereal into a bowl and saw that the bowl was upside down. Then I noticed the cereal had raisins in it. I mentioned I didn’t want raisins and began to pick them out one by one.

Bowl – one’s sense of security. Since it’s upside down perhaps I feel like my life has been turned upside down. Yep that’s probably it.

Cereal – represents new project or stage in one’s life.

Raisins – negative forces in one’s life. 

Dream: 8 Dead Cats

This dream came the morning of a day of major emotional purging.

I was in a hotel and heard a commotion from outside. I looked out the window and saw what looked like the legs of a white, hoofed animal. I went down to investigate. Opening the front door I saw a horrid scene. There were dead cats strewn all over the road and people standing there, mouths open. It was obvious the cats had been hit by a car. Some had guts pouring out of their bodies. There was blood everywhere. I counted them. There were 8.

Hotel- Transitional period in life, shift in personality. Temporary escape from life.

Cat – independence, feminine sexuality, power, and creativity. Since they were slaughtered it could be that I feel this part of me has been destroyed (very true). 8 is my life path number and is similar in meaning to the symbolism of the cat. 

Visions

While in the in-between I have been receiving visions of the numbers 1, 11, 111, and 1111 in neon blue. This happened on at least three separate occasions that I can remember this week. In one instance I saw a sign that flashed first 1, then 11, then 111, then 1111, as if in sequence. When I tried to ignored it, it flashed again. Really irritating! Not surprisingly I keep seeing those numbers in my waking life. One day a boy wearing a jersey with a big blue 11 written on it came by me twice in the same day.

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Dreams and Message: Haripura

Sorry I’ve been so quiet. Not feeling too motivated to write in my blog. Plus, there is little to report other than dreams. My mood has been low for the most part with occasional spurts of energy and/or contentedness. I’ve also been tired early in the evening, sleeping deeply and then waking up at 3:30-4am every morning wide awake. My guidance is quiet for the most part. My Knowingness tells me I am taking a Time Out. I’m okay with that, too. Feeling spiritually numb, disinterested and disillusioned.

Dream: Cooking and Gardening

I was in a house similar to my mom’s preparing a tuna dish by adding the tuna and mayo. I remember making a huge batch of tuna salad but I didn’t eat it. My friend Yvonne was there helping me with the ingredients and also gave me a present – a case full of eyeliner of various shades in a small, wooden box. She said they had been a gift to her, but she didn’t want them and wanted me to have them.

Then I was outside looking at a garden. All of the veggies were leafy green types: broccoli, Swiss chard, spinach. Some of the plants, I think the spinach, was going to seed. I remember being mostly focused on the broccoli and talking about harvesting it.

Then I was talking with a man. I felt a desire to just be close to him because I was lonely. I didn’t hug him or get close, instead I chose to go off on my own. I laid down on the grass near the garden path of broccoli and closed my eyes feeling that I needed to be alone and preferring it to the possibility of rejection or disappointment that comes with being close to others. Overall, I felt very lonely but just accepted that was the way it was going to be.

Broccoli – in need of spiritual nourishment and/or putting up my defenses in a certain situation.

Tuna – stamina and agility, building strength and character through life experiences.

Mayo – disappointment in my waking life.

Eyeliner- there is something I need to focus my attention on.

Opening a box – some aspect of myself is being revealed to me, something once hidden is being revealed.

Dream: Bus Money

I was on a bus with a bunch of people. It resembled a school bus inside but I never saw the outside. The front had no seats and was full of children sitting on the floor. I was in the back sitting on the right. A guy came to the back and sat on the left across from me. He resembled a musician, perhaps the singer of a rock band. I just looked at him and remember that he seemed full of himself. Then a person came on and was handing out money. He handed me a $100 bill but did not give one the the musician. I took it but was not sure why it was given to me or if I wanted it.

Musician – need to be more expressive of my feelings.

Money – success and prosperity is within reach, can also represent a quest for love or power.

Riding bus – going along with the crowd, little control over life or situation.

In-Between: Haripura

Saw myself about to receive an injection. When I looked at it there was written on the syringe the word, “Haripura”. As I woke I heard both the word Haripura and Aripura.

The feeling from this vision was that I need to inject myself with enthusiasm or energy for life. It can also mean I am in a time of healing. This corresponds to a message I have received and a Knowingnes that I am currently taking a Time Out. Haripura is Sanskrit and the name a of a town in India. Aripura means “an enemies” town. There is also a link to a particular medicament. Info found here. I am not sure what the message in the name is. It may just be another reference to India/Hinduism.

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A Mission Reminder and Dreams

Yesterday I got the entire day to myself and it was much needed. Toward the end of the day, while watching a new Netflix original series called Travelers, I felt the familiar presence of my Team and a Knowing come over me. There was a feeling of separateness from my body and life and I knew I was being urged to become the Observer. There was also knowing that part of this process was distancing myself from the emotion of a situation and learning to control that emotion by taking a neutral stance. There was also a knowing that this is a practice, it is not something that will come naturally but it is needed in order for me to make progress and fulfill my mission.

Not long after, my family returned home and I noticed that my vision was different. I felt to be viewing them and the environment as if through a screen. I felt very large, like I was hovering there watching rather than sitting on the sofa in a physical body. It was quite surreal. When I interacted with my family after that I continued to feel this strange largeness and disconnect yet I felt very peaceful and comfortable.

Dream: Pitfalls

I was traveling the road to my old house in a blue bus. The road was not paved, though, and I flew despite the feeling of being in a bus. As I navigated the familiar road, I noticed huge pits had been dug into the road. One was the size of car. Each pit looked like a grave. They were rectangular in shape and at least eight feet deep. I remember talking to someone, likely a guide, about the holes and expressing my concern for other travelers. I asked, “Who dug these? Why would they dig them in the middle of the road?” I was told, “The teachers dug them.” I wondered aloud, “Were they repairing the septic? Putting in new pipes?” I got no answer.

I continued to be concerned. Surely others would fall in and not be able to get out. I easily maneuvered around each pit as I expressed my concerns. I remember hearing back agreement. Yes, they were dangerous to travelers. Yes, someone could get stuck or hurt. I remember saying someone should fill the holes, especially the biggest one. I turned back and saw that it had been filled almost to the top. This didn’t set my mind at ease, though, because it could still slow someone down.

Interpretation

The road is a life path and goal. In this case it is a road from my past which to me represents the beginning of my current family. Me driving a bus indicates that I am the leader of a group, my family group.The holes in the ground represent holes in this path, areas of lack that need to be filled. They represent opportunities to grow into wholeness, represented by filling the holes.

Dream: Waiting for the Bus

Then I was at my old driveway. I knew it was in the future. I was talking to my husband about repairing the road. I remember knowing my husband and I had separated. My daughter was there as well saying that two others owned the road and should help pay the cost. I told them their part of the road could wait because it was newer.

We went down to wait for the bus. It was my entire family and though it felt like the future, all my children were their current age. My youngest kept going into the road and I remember keeping a close eye on him. We heard a noise from our driveway (it is a long road in and of itself) and thought maybe the bus has accidentally gone down it. Instead, we saw my cousin coming down the road in a water truck. We watched her head down the main road and I knew she was going to wash the road.

As we waited for the bus I remember looking at my watch and seeing it was five minutes past 12. I told my husband, “We are way too early. The bus doesn’t come for another 20 minutes.” We headed back to the house and waited there. At this time my husband wanted to get intimate. He put his hand on my thigh. I felt a surge of energy in my root chakra that began to expand. It was a very pleasurable sensation, so much so that it woke me up.

Interpretation

A driveway represents the end to a journey, security and rest, and the path toward inner peace and spirituality. Since we were discussing repaving the road it is likely there is a consideration that repairs to this path/journey are needed yet I determine that repairs can wait. Waiting for a bus indicates setbacks. The road is a path toward a goal or goals. The fact that someone is washing the road indicates that there is cleansing or purging on this path. I’m not sure why the chakra explosion occurred. Perhaps to indicate work is still needed on this chakra center and what it represents.

Messages

When I woke I saw very vividly an image of a cartoon-like dragon laying down. On its left was the number 1. One its right was the number 9 with a space and the the number 111. I took note of it and then drifted into the in-between again. This time I heard the number 623. That number was repeated so I knew I was meant to investigate the angel number and message.

 

 

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Day #7

Today is the final day of my gratefulness challenge. I will continue to count my blessings as part of my daily, morning routine but I won’t be blogging about them anymore. I have found that in focusing on my blessings daily my mood is boosted, especially when I am thinking about those things. However, once those things pass from my mind, the boost in my mood is lost. I have concluded that in order to maintain a more positive outlook, one should purposefully focus on those things for which they are grateful throughout the day, making a habit of it.

Today I am grateful for:

  • Being a woman. Not only is the female physical form the more attractive of the sexes (to me anyway), but it offers up so much more in the way of experience than that of the male physical form. The experience of carrying a child in my womb, of giving birth, and of becoming a mother is one I will always cherish. There is nothing more beautiful in this world than the connection/bond between mother and child. I remember when I was pregnant with my last child. Though it had been accidental, I cherished every moment of that pregnancy from his first movements and kicks to the intuitive connection I had with him even while he was in my womb. The female body changes, blooms/blossoms along with the growing baby. I was my most beautiful when I was pregnant.
  • My five senses and what they allow me to experience via this physical body. When I think of all the senses, my most favorite is the sense of touch. My memories from childhood and other cherished moments in my life come first as a sensation of touch and the intimacy that comes with it. After that the sense of hearing would be my next most cherished perception. Followed by taste, smell and sight. I rank sight as last because there is so much more to be seen than the physical eyes allows. This may sound crazy, but in this life I have often wished to be blind at times so as to not be distracted by what my physical eyes perceive. I feel that if I lost my sight, I would be forced to rely on my inner vision, which is far superior.
  • The Kundalini. I wasn’t sure I would include the Kundalini in my list but upon considering it, I must say that it’s activation has changed me far more than any spiritual experience I have had to date. I do not regret the experience of it nor do I wish it to go away. I eagerly await its return because each time it visits (or should I say she?) I am changed for the better.
  • Life. I am ALIVE and grateful to be so.
  • The Earth and all she provides. In my memories of before and between lives I see Earth from a distance. I have also viewed Earth from space while OOB. Every time I see her I am overcome with love for her. She is so beautiful, so unique, so perfect. She can be soft, gentle and nurturing but she can also be brutal and cruel. She is the epitome of duality. And as I type this I am reminded of how similar she is to the Kundalini and I know it is because the Kundalini is alive and active in her as much as it is in me. The Kundalini has taught me that we, the Earth and I, are connected; One.