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Dream: Standing Rock

Prior to the string of OBEs I had this morning, I had several very intense and emotional dreams.

Dream: Standing Rock

The main part of this dream was inside a huge mansion that was being built by the wife of a billionaire. She had bought the land and constructed a stone wall all the way up the mile or more long driveway. On the top of the hill was the mansion. It was nearly finished and she was inside preparing for bed. I remember shifting into her in the dream and looking out the window. It was dark outside but she/I saw movement and became alarmed. I went outside to investigate and saw several children running away dressed in Indian costumes and holding toy bow-and-arrows.

I yelled, “Get off my property!” I had my own bow-and-arrow for some reason and was shooting it at them but it was bouncing off because it was not a real one. The kids ran and an adult or two appeared from behind large boulders. They were also dressed as Indians. They said, “This is not your property. It is ours.” I didn’t understand.

Then I was outside the woman’s body looking at her through their eyes. They saw a woman caught up in material things, completely blind to the world around her. They pointed out her jewelry to me and I said, “Everything on her is worth thousands, maybe more.” I recognized how many people could live comfortably off of just what she wore on her body. They said to me, “There are hundreds more like her.” I felt pity for her and them, as did they. There was great sadness.

They then took me to the outer limits of the property. There were bulldozers and lots of moved earth. The natural beauty destroyed to make way for the mansion. We stopped atop a hill. There was a natural stone arch and we stood beneath it looking down at the valley below. I could see a dark pool of water and wondered about it. It looked completely black.

Then I was above the pool and realized it was not black at all but that its bottom was covered completely in obsidian! It was the most beautiful pool of water I had ever seen and I had to go down to it.

obsidianThere were two small ceremonial fires near the water’s edge, smoke billowing out. I knelt down by one and put my hand into the crystal clear water. It felt sacred. As I began to enter the water I was filled with overwhelming amounts of emotion and began to cry in heaving sobs. The obsidian was brought to my attention and very soon after I heard very clearly, “Standing Rock”. I was crying so hard my heart was hurting and I couldn’t breathe. I heard, “Be the buffalo.” I woke up.

I continued to cry upon waking. I couldn’t stop. I didn’t understand the emotion – what was I feeling? Was it pain? Was it sorrow? Was it love? Was it all of those things and more?

Honestly, these outpourings of emotions are so powerful and my heart so affected that I feel beside myself with concern. This time I felt a near compulsion to up and leave my entire life/family behind. To just go. Where? I have no idea. My personal problems seemed so insignificant. I felt like a tiny speck on the face of this planet, incapable of creating the change needed to make this place what it could be – should be.

I have not felt a compulsion such as this except when I was hit with the heart connection with my counterpart that knocked me on my butt and then made me want to up and leave everything to go to him. To feel such a draw to leave again out of blue because of the state of the world is a completely new experience for me. I wanted desperately to help. To DO something about it. Nothing else mattered. Nothing.

The emotion here is beyond words. My heart is still burning in my chest. The feelings seem to be a mixture of love for this planet, injustices done to millions for the sake of profit and power, sorrow at the destruction of the planet and guilt for ignoring it. It seems like I received a taste of what our friends in Spirit (ETs or Earth’s caretakers) feel all the time coming from this planet. It is excruciating. How could anyone ignore it? How could I?

big_thumb_6a111efaec242d6f9514afdbbab65dc5Dream: Recruit

It was 3am and I spent a good hour asking my guidance, “What is happening to me!?” Because honestly this is utterly confusing! All of it hitting me in the heart. What do I do with it!? How do I get it to stop!? I have not felt this much confusion since my heart connection was initiated. I feel like I am being called, no PUSHED, into action. It’s like my Team is saying, “Take a real good look at why you came here.”

I attempted sleep but asked for something good to happen. I told my Team, “Please. No more agonizing tears and heart intensity. I just can’t take it!”

They didn’t listen.

I found myself dropped into the middle of a military operation with hundreds of other recruits. I was new and did not know what I was doing. They were doing a morning stretch – calisthenics and yoga. All the recruits were women. The one in charge said to the group, “The new recruits from out of state have just arrived.” Was that me?

Then I was transferred to another part of the facility. I was to be a part of a team. I realized they were trying to find a place for me and figured I would do better as part of the cheerleading squad. I outright rejected this. When I did the warm-up with this group I gave up. They were doing advanced yoga poses there was no way I could do.

As I left this new facility it began to rain and I got out an umbrella and walked toward another building. The storm intensified. High winds began to pick up my umbrella and pull me into the air. I was carried about ten feet and then dropped. Others were being tossed about, too. I was able to make it into the doorway. When I opened the door, a boy was reaching toward me. He asked me, “Are you blind?” I didn’t know why he asked that and ignored him. Then I saw that he was feeling around and that his eyes were white. I realized he was blind and wanted me to help him down the stairs. I took his hand and did just that but it seemed that he was me. That I was the blind one. I also had a single Hershey’s kiss with almonds in my hand. I remember thinking that peculiar.

Then I was inside with a bunch of others who were standing about in shock about the storm. One woman who was dressed very nicely, had her hair done up and was wearing expensive jewelry, was upset. I asked her why and she said, “I was separated from my partner.” I reached out to hug her, saying “I was separated from my partner, too.” She put her hand out, rejecting my sympathy. She said, “I guess a century apart has hardened me.” I felt bad for her, completely understanding her situation. I leaned in to hug her again and this time she let me saying, “Not completely hardened I guess.” She hugged me back tightly and I could feel her very physically accepting my love and support. With that, I began to sob uncontrollably, a gut-wrenching, painful welling-up of emotion coming from my heart and all my lower chakras.

When I awoke I was again beside myself with concern. Two times in one night!? And what is up with the woman being apart from her partner for a whole century!? Where was I? Am I really a recruit of some sort being prepared for something, a battle? A confrontation? A mission?

My guidance is of NO help whatsoever. All they say is, “Listen to your heart.” But my heart in such a twisted knot and hurts so much that to listen to it is agonizing. They did send me a familiar song phrase over and over, “I’ll never be the same…” What the hell did I sign up for in this life?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Thanksgiving OBEs

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I was blessed with several OBEs this morning. 🙂

OBEs: Creation

I had a string of four or five OBEs in a row which were continuations upon the first, initial OBE. So, I am just including them all together as one OBE. Others have commented that my ability to re-enter a scene after leaving it is rare. I don’t know about that, but I have a lot of fun doing it.

It began as a lucid dream in which I found myself in two places – in my own bed and in a sleeping bag on the living room floor. My MIL came into the house with a huge duffel bag. I asked her why she was bringing in her things and she said she was moving in. I got furious and yelled for my husband. The whole time he was hurriedly taking more of her stuff upstairs and I was shifting to the other bed. The last shift brought me to full awareness and I got up out of my body and yelled his name. Suddenly, the outline of a man in energy form appeared in front of me. He grabbed me by both wrists and pulled me toward him roughly. The tangible physicality brought me back to my body but I was laughing and in the midst of vibrations.

I exited my body and again stood up. I knew I was OOB and I immediately went to creating my experience. I thought, “He will be standing right there (in front of me)” Sure enough, I reached out and felt a man there and again saw the energy outline. My vision was otherwise off and on throughout. I hugged the man and he pulled me into him. It was so real and I was thrilled to be in the experience, playing around and seeing what I could do with it. I felt his entire body and kissed him but he would not get his tongue out of my mouth and I had to tell him to stop. lol Totally a created dream character! I knew this but didn’t care because it was fun! It ended though when I realized I was fully dressed and he was not and with that I also realized I was not interested in a sexual encounter with a made-up dream man. Ha!

I shifted back into body and then went right back out. This time my room morphed into a very large theater with row upon row of seats. I was at the top looking down. I saw a man leaning over something similar to a very large control console, buttons lit up and strange levers covering it. I flew up behind him and wrapped my arms around him. He was solid and warm. I began to say to him, “Hello Jay!” but I stopped myself short. Was it Jay or Ray? Then I said to him, “I just wanted someone to hug.” And I hugged him really tight from behind. He was wearing a flannel shirt and blue jeans and had dark hair and some stubble on his face. I knew him but wasn’t sure how and it confused me. He turned, smiling and it was too much for me and I shifted back into my body.

I went back to my body in full vibration mode. I shifted out quickly, fully intending on creating a different experience and knowing I could. I sat up in bed and looked down at my lap. At the same time I knew I wanted to see a male friend of mine. I spoke aloud as I looked down at this flat board that began to swirl as an image formed upon it. It reminded me of my Kindle. I said, “I want to see ________. I don’t want to be with him. I just want to see him.” I said this a couple of times, like I was trying to convince myself of something. At one point, I remember saying, “I don’t want to be him.” haha

The image on the dream Kindle swirled and then I saw an icon show up. An hourglass. Hahaha  It was so amazingly vivid! I heard a voice say, “Do you want to see you? Do you want to be you?” It confused me and the scene shifted to the familiar blackness and energy that indicated I could travel to another location. A portal was opening. I was too aware, though, or maybe too afraid of what I was about to see?

Still completely thrilled that I was getting so much OOB time, I shifted out of body immediately and flew up into the air. There was music playing, a lovely, familiar tune. I said aloud, “I hear music!” I again was asking to see my friend but was being playful by this time, listening to the music and laughing as I began to float down stairs. I couldn’t see so I lifted what seemed like layer upon layer of a sweater-like material from over my eyes. My vision came on but it was like I was squinting. What didn’t I want to see?

As I descended the stairs, the music intensified and it was very loud in my ears. I slowed, knowing I was not meant to leave the confines of my bedroom. I had done well staying in my room but now it was time to return to my body and be done for the morning.

This was the song that was playing. When I awoke I knew it was for The Dark Crystal. I loved that movie as a kid.

I was reminded of the prophecy of the Crystal and the entire story line. It seems appropriate to my journey to Wholeness and the masculine and feminine aspects. It was a good message to receive this morning and I am grateful. If you haven’t seen the movie, I highly recommend it.

When single shines the triple sun,

What was sundered and undone

Shall be whole, the two made one,

By Gelfling hand, or else by none.

Something about my travels this morning began to re-open my second chakra. It is aching and sore this morning. I see this as a positive sign as well.

Image credit: The Dark Crystal – Esoteric Analysis.

 

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Change Can Be Amazing

Lots going on. Energetically. Spiritually. Emotionally.

I was so tired yesterday afternoon I took a nap when my youngest took a nap. I rarely ever take naps. I don’t know where I went while I slept. It was like I sunk into the abyss. When I woke it felt like I had been drifting at sea, swaying to the point that I could physically feel myself rocking back and forth. When I checked online I saw that while I slept there had been an earthquake off the coast of Japan. This struck me as significant. There must be a massive coronal hole stream, I thought.

Despite getting a good nap in, I still slept deeply last night and, as has been normal for me of late, I had tons of vivid dreams. Rather than go into each one, I will just summarize their messages as I am tiring of the dream drama, though yesterday’s accounts were quite humorous.

Finalization

When I awoke sometime in the middle of the night and again this morning I knew a decision was being finalized. The last remnants of indecision are being cleared away. There is inspection of the past, of decisions made or not made, of directions taken. Relationship dynamics are being analyzed.

I spent quite a bit of time in a clear blue swimming pool with my family. I also was inspecting a house that could have been built but never was while also reflecting on the house that was built, its floors uneven and unstable. I spoke to a couple – a potential future version of myself and marriage – comparing their house to ours. Theirs had a family room, ours did not.

Balance

I am heading toward balance. Balance between masculine and feminine. Wholeness. This came through as preparation for a wedding ceremony. My clothing was the focus, specifically my shoes. I had on tan work boots at first and was laughing at how big they were on my feet. I knew they were the shoes of my other half, though, which is why I was laughing. He works hard and provides me with protection. I chose to take them off and selected a pair of black, dress boots – feminine but also masculine. I had on a white, lace skirt with a black blouse. Yin-Yang.

It’s Time

My guidance was quite insistent, coming through my dreams so intensely that it transferred into the physical, waking me up alarmed. This time it was not a pleasant experience. One of my guides wanted me to pay attention and so did what he does best and used pain to snap me out of sleep (sleep here being both the real deal and unawareness).

The dream here occurred in a parking lot at night. I headed to my parked car through a dimly lit section of the lot, keys in hand. As I walked a Hispanic man wearing ghetto clothing came up to me saying, “What are you doing out here alone? You need some help?” But his voice and mannerisms suggested he was not there to help. He came close and I pushed him away, turning and calling to my friends for help. My call sent the man away with a smirk on his face. I picked up my pace.

When I got to my car, the key would not work properly. It kept slipping and the entire outside of the end of it fell off. A fair haired man approached. I knew him as a friend. He came up behind me, though, and grabbed me firmly saying very loudly, “It’s time.” The message here was that it was time to pay attention to his wants/desires; for us to be together. I rejected this and pushed back but he was too strong and grabbed me around my waist, forcing me up against the car. He then stuck his finger between my ribs, pushing in so hard that I cringed in pain.

I woke up and could still feel his finger jabbed between my ribs. It did not let up for some time. I could hear him repeating, “It’s time.”

Anger Toward Men

Both yesterday after my nap and once I awoke this morning I experienced a surge of anger toward the men in my life. It came all at once and the feeling is to push them away and stand alone. Thoughts that go with these feelings are, “I don’t need anyone” and “Men suck.” lol I feel extremely aggressive; ready for battle. There is also a feeling of anger toward myself for allowing myself to be manipulated and controlled by men in general along with a rejection of any attractions I have felt/feel toward the opposite sex.

Almost Done

The water element repeated last night. Water = Emotion. For a fire sign like me, water/emotion can be confusing when in copious amounts as it has been. I like to be in control of my emotions. Lately I’m not. I was shown water and then I saw very clearly, “20%” written as if on a blank screen. The message was received as, “20% left.” So, almost done. I can’t wait.

Change Can be Amazing

Sometime in the morning I had phrases from songs come into to my mind. The main one was,”In weakness or in strength, change can be amazing.” It comes from the song below. Note: When I hear these phrases it does not necessarily mean the entire song is the message. Usually it is just the single phrase I am given that is the message. The entire message of this song is a good one, though.

 

 

 

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Dream Marathon Continues

The dream marathon continues as does the surging emotions.

Dream: Through the Mountains

I was traveling with my husband and family through the mountains. These mountains resembled the ones from a distant foreign land. I have no idea where, though. There were sparse trees and the trees that were there were shrubby. I’m not sure there was grass. All I recall is a tan color so it could have been sand or dirt.

As we traveled my husband stopped to interact with some birds. He held one up and talked to it. It talked back. I assumed it was a parrot of some sort. I was in a hurry to continue on so told him I was leaving and walked on without him for a short distance.

Somehow my family got ahead of me. They had entered a building, like a visitor center and were listening to a woman talk about the place. As I rushed to rejoin my family a woman stopped me and asked, “Don’t you want to take your picture with a star?” I turned to her and quickly answered, “No thank you.” In my mind I saw a bluish colored nebula and remember thinking it odd that I could take a picture with it.

I finally caught up with them and sat down. They had just finished listening to a lecture and were eating. I began to eat a huge brownie and handed it over to someone. I remember them saying, “Wow, you almost ate the whole thing! It’s huge and it was $7.” She seemed to think the cost was too much. I didn’t care.

Dream: Gas Station Stopover 

I was at a gas station with a man (guide?). I saw a man wearing only green, plaid boxer shorts walking past. He was talking to his friends and I saw something come out of his rear. When I realized what it was I was grossed out. At the same time he began to urinate. He seemed not to care and laughed. I commented to my friend about it saying, “How can someone do both at the same time and out in public like that?”

My attention was then drawn to a very muscular man standing nearby. He wore no shirt and was very attractive. I mentioned that he must work hard to look like that. Someone said, “Yeah, but look, he is flawed.” I then saw that he had a huge scar on his back that ran from his waist up to his opposite shoulder. It reminded me of a battle scar.

Another man walked past doing what the first man was. He just allowed the feces and urine to overflow and fall on the ground at his feet as he walked. Again I was disgusted.

Then I was sitting inside the car in the driver’s seat waiting for the tank to fill. A blonde woman in a black car pulled up and then backed up to touch my car. My experience of this was that her car somehow pushed into my car, the two cars merging, and left me only a couple of feet of leg room. My lower body was nearly pinned under the steering wheel. A part of me disengaged and confronted the woman who seemed overly rude and selfish to me. I found her in her own car hiding under the dash below the steering wheel. I asked her, “What are you doing down there?” She didn’t answer but looked frightened and confused. I then told her, “You are squishing me! If you keep doing that you are going to kill me!” Then I burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably.

I woke up in tears and it took me a few minutes to recover.

Dream: Preparing for a Concert

I was going to a concert with my mom, brother and sister. We were parked on the side of the road to pick up my brother. I was in the front passenger’s seat and knew I needed to adjust the seat so he could sit in the back. When he arrived he got into the back seat but then I remembered I had my youngest with me. That is when I saw he was walking into the ditch wearing only a diaper. I yelled at my Mom saying, “Why isn’t anyone watching him!” I became worried because he was crawling into the ditch and then into the drainage pipe to play in the water. I worried we would not be able to retrieve him. That’s when I said to my mom,”Do you want me to stay home and watch him so you all can go to the concert?” The feeling here was that I did this often in real life so that others could enjoy things.

Interpretations

In the first dream I believe I was confronting the obstacles (mountain) in my life, specifically my marriage. He is playing with a parrot, which can symbolize someone who is mocking me or being repetitive. Since I declined taking a photo, I was refusing to look closely at myself and situation. Since it was with a star it seems to symbolize belief in fate/luck or could be asking me to look at my origins (blue nebula). The brownie is self-indulgence or belief that I deserve a reward. It comes at a cost, though: $7.

The gas station dream seems to be all about needing to reenergize and revitalize myself. I need to take time out to refuel because I am running low on energy/motivation/life. The feces and urine indicate a need to purge myself of negativity and negative influences in my life. There is a rejection of certain feelings. These things need to be acknowledged and expressed even if they are disgusting to me. The muscular man symbolizes a desire to have strength and power. But he is scarred. The scar represents deep seated issues that have never entirely healed associated with my own personal power. He could also be the masculine side of me. The blonde woman is another aspect of myself. She is selfish and careless and causes me harm. Our paths are merging (the two merging cars) but I feel that she is killing me and it causes me great upset. The lower half of my body which is pinned is connected to the lower chakras.

In the last dream we are heading to a concert. This represents a desire for harmony and cooperation. Since it is my mom, brother and sister, there may be a desire for me to have harmony with them specifically. I am concerned about my relationship with them. The car is also representative of that specific path, which is why my mom is driving and not me. My son could represent my consideration that I feel new to this situation somehow, or inexperienced in some way. I choose to stay home and care for him rather than go to the concert. This seems to signal a release of responsibility to this part of my life but could also be showing me a pattern in my own life where I choose to forgo something for the betterment of the group.

 

 

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Dream: Aderito

My dreams continue to be abundant, complex, and chock full of messages and symbolism.

Dream: Aderito

I was teaching a class to two students. For some reason I thought I was teaching them Spanish. I could see a brightly lit classroom and the two students, one male and one female, sitting in front of me just behind an overhead projector. We were practicing speaking a language and I was giving them words/sentences and they would repeat them back to me. I can’t remember all that was said now but the two students began to speak among themselves in a language that resembled Spanish but obviously was not. I interrupted them because I knew enough to know they were talking about me. I thought I heard the word, “Abuelita”, so I said the word to them and they both looked at me, their faces showing their humor. I couldn’t figure out why they were referring to me as a grandmother. I kept questioning them and finally the male student said to me, “Aderito”. Still confused, I woke up wondering why I often speak Spanish in my dreams anyway and why I was being called a “granny”. Weird!

I almost forgot about the dream until I began writing a post and it all flooded back into my mind along with the correct word the two students were saying – Aderito. What was that? What does it mean? Is it even Spanish?

Well, apparently it is Italian! No wonder I was confusing it with Spanish – the two languages are very similar. And upon looking it up I found that it means “Joined” in English.

I don’t remember any part of the rest of the conversation that the two were having about me probably because I was fixated on thinking they were saying I am old. Which I am, kinda. lol Not a granny but then who knows when you are in dreamland! Hahaha

Dream: All Red

I had a dream in which I was in a house that was completely red. Everything was red. Like the whole house was painted in blood. I don’t recall the specifics now. I only remember that I was in the house with my husband.

Red – Anger, aggression, raw emotion.
House – One’s own soul and Self.

Dream: Lodge

I visited a huge log cabin. Inside the walls were made of wood paneling and the ceilings were huge round logs reminiscent of a mountain lodge. I was with a woman and we were discussing various things that made no sense and so have been lost to me now. I remember sitting and looking at the lodge. It was vast with more rooms than I could count. It was comfortable and I remember thinking, “I like it here.”

Then I was outside with the woman and saw the ranch surrounding it. There were residential cabins all around it for the workers and visitors. There were people scattered about doing various jobs. It was like a sustainable community.

I wandered to the front drive in a car and then turned around to re-enter. I was thinking, “I like it here. I would like to live here someday.”

The gate was partially closed and I ended up on a bicycle, pedaling in. I saw a school bus approaching and as I pedal in tons of children both on foot and on bicycles surrounded me. I saw a woman caretaker in the background dressed in a dress standing behind them. They said, “Is the bus coming!?” I said, “Yes, I just saw it.” I knew some of the kids went to public school while others stayed and were homeschooled. They ran toward the road but some stayed with me, so close I couldn’t move. They were full of love and I felt comforted by their presence. A tiny baby was on the ground in front of me and I worried he would be squished. One boy said, “He’s bigger than he looks. See!” And the baby got up and walked right through all the bikes.

Lodge – Feeling stuck in life.
Log – Transformation.
Ranch – Needing to take stock of your life and determine what you want.
Bicycle – Desire for balance.
School bus – About to venture on important life journey necessary for personal growth.
Small baby – Worries that others will detect your vulnerabilities.

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Neptune, Ruler of All Things Spiritual

Yesterday I experienced a HUGE shift during the middle of the day. After weeks (a month?) of intense emotion which pushed me to my absolute limit, haunting and sometimes disturbing dreams, and relentless hounding by my Team of guides, all of it went CALM and for the first time in a month I was feeling immense relief and smiling from ear-to-ear. I had the urge to paint for the first time in weeks as well and it was the creative outlet I needed to push past the last remnants of funk that have been clouding my days.

When I woke this morning I was smiling. Yeah. Woo-hoo! It’s about time! There was still a Knowing that some particularly difficult times are awaiting me, but I didn’t care. I was just happy to be alive and, for me, that is a rare thing!

This morning my good friend Litebeing commented on something I posted yesterday on FB. I had been considering deleting my entire online presence – disappearing completely from the internet, even deleting email accounts I’ve had for years. She commented that Neptune had stationed direct last night and to hold off on making any decisions until its influence upon me had diminished because it can cause uncertainty, fogginess and confusion. She published a post on Neptune Direct and it peaked my interest. Was Neptune the cause of all my funk and now the huge relief I am feeling?

In a search for the answer, I returned to the astrological forecast Litebeing did for me in May this year. Sure enough, Neptune is a very strong influence in my chart:

The planet Neptune is about creativity, spirituality, and dissolving of reality. It has been in my chart since Feb 2003 and is in the 1st house. It coincides with my first awakening which is no coincidence. It will remain until 2021. At age 40 I hit a developmental cycle which will propel me into public view, increase creativity, exaggerate mood (ugh), and increase psychic and empathic connections.

Litebeing gave me additional information about what is happening with my chart currently. She said, “Natal Neptune is conjunct your Moon (emotional center) and they are square Mars natally. Lots of emotional upheaval and extreme sensitivity is your normal. Transiting Neptune is squaring your Moon and Neptune and opposing your Mars at this time.” I read this and am a bit overwhelmed but thinking, “Why did I do this to myself!??”

This information brings clarity to a dream symbol I have been encountering the last few weeks, though. The gun. There is a gun/gun reference in my dreams almost nightly. I see the gun as a symbol of protection and this coincides with my guidance suggesting I surround myself in protection because I am super empathic right now. Have I been doing this? No because I don’t feel it will do any good. Hahaha Me and my pessimism!

Saturn is also influencing my chart right now (through December). I am not sure if I hate Saturn or Neptune more right now. Thinking Saturn is worse based upon what came up in my forecast. It makes me super moody and depressed (that is my tendency anyway).

Saturn may cause a tendency to be more melancholy and depressed but if I am willing to work this could be a good time career-wise. Since I tend towards the melancholy I suspect I will be depressed……..In Nov/Dec there is a high likelihood for arguments especially with men. LOL Delays in relationships and testing of relationships also likely. In February relationships become more balanced and there is stability all around, especially money-wise. Practical love. Is there such a thing? Added bonus is that someone with a lot of Saturn influence like me tends to be more mature and patient. I laughed at the patient part.

I also have Jupiter influencing my chart right now. Jupiter makes everything bigger. Since October Jupiter has shifted my focus to the occult, going deep within, being more analytical and intuitive, powerful and sexual.  Could it get anymore complicated!?

Thankfully everything should begin to level out by February and definitely by March. My job ends at the end of January and my dreams/OBEs continue to indicate that something will happen by this time as well (4 moons, two of which have already passed). My gut Knowing is that it is a time of endings, completion of some cycle. I wish I could take a long nap and wake up in February.

Good news is that the career portion of my life is taking off. By the time I finish with this job assignment I will have accrued $14k. Not bad for 10 weeks of playing with kids all day. 🙂 Though I have no idea where I will be led career-wise when this job is over, I feel optimistic (yeah) about my job prospects in the future. In the past I was certain that work/finance would never be an issue for me. This certainty wavered last year but has now returned along with an interest in returning to the work-a-day world. My current job has played a significant grounding role in my life these past few weeks. Without it I think I would likely have dropped into the deepest, darkest depression ever. So thankful for the stabilizing influence it has had in my life! In fact, work is the only stable thing in my life right now. Ha!

I have nine days off for Thanksgiving break so the stabilizing influence of my job will be missing during this time. Additionally, my 9th wedding anniversary is on Thanksgiving day this year. However, my guidance indicated to me this morning that much work will be done in the coming days – healing, clarity, integration, heart-centeredness, creativity, etc. I look forward to having more clarity, heart-centeredness and creativity. I am not sure I am eager for more healing and integration.

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Dreams this Week

Some dreams from earlier in the week. I have been inundated with vivid dreams that invoke strong emotions. In these I was upset or angered by the dreams.

Dream: Many Faced Man

I entered into a house on a hill. It was big with lots of space. In the center of the room was a long, rectangular, white table. There were people I knew gathered around it. Someone then collapsed onto the floor. The person was left there until morning. By morning the body had begun to decay and it smelled awful. There were flies everywhere. The feeling was of disgust.

Then I was with a man I knew. He was very interested in me and kept me close. The strange thing was that the feeling from him was indecisive. This showed in the dream as his face shifting. It was like he had ten or more faces in one face and he would show me one of those faces and then another based upon what he wanted. I rejected this and was not interested in being played this way. The rest of the group was encouraging us as a couple and I became restless, wanting away from them and especially the man. He was very happy and loud and talking to me quite a bit. All I recall now is that the feelings he sent me were too confusing. One minute I thought he was one way and then he would shift to being another way. I didn’t like it.

Dream: Healing Lodge

The next thing I knew I was in a car with my friend Sophia driving. I was still upset by the man, feeling manipulated by him and not wanting that to continue. I didn’t know what to do about it. The discussion here was that I needed rest and healing and Sophia said, “Why don’t you let me drive you to the lodge?” I remember accepting this and going along but still felt unsettled.

We got to the lodge which was on a mountaintop. Inside, Sophia took me to the restroom. She entered into the middle stall and began to change her clothes. I went into the first stall and just sat there staring at the closed door. Then I saw my friend Eric come in. He said, “Welcome Dayna! So good to see you here!” He then entered the third stall. I just continued to sit and stare at the stall door feeling absolutely nothing.

Dream: Full House

In another dream I was partially lucid and in my grandparents old home. In the living area there was a sofa that was old and tattered. I was to stay the night there but the floors were grotesque. They were covered in dirty spots and smelled like urine. I sat on the sofa and it was just as dirty and I tried to curl up and sleep but the smell of urine was too strong. There was a show on the TV. I remember only that it was the show Full House.

In-Between

Then I shifted into the in-between. There I saw three brand new tablet computers on the floor. One was at my feet as if given to me specifically. I looked down at it and heard/felt it to mean, “Communicate”. I was not interested in listening to this suggestion.

Symbols/Interpretation

Corpse – An aspect of Self which has died; a feeling of deadness inside.
Flies – Filth, dirtiness or the breakdown of a plan of action.
Face (shifting) – A person in your life is untrustworthy.
Lodge – Feeling stuck in life; not knowing what to do.
Bathroom – Need to relieve one’s self of a burden; need for healing/purification.
Urine – Unwilling to confront certain emotions; having a pissy attitude (lol)
Carpet/Flooring – Foundations; since these are stained and ugly indicates unwillingness to confront an issue.

 

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Dream: Weight of the World

This week has been riddled nightly with vivid and intensely emotional dreams. My days are “normal” with a bit of a numb feeling. But at night it’s like I am being hit from all sides. This one was from this morning. From what I can gather, there is some major clearing going on that goes beyond my individual clearing.

Dream: Weight of the World

Felt to be on a vessel of some sort. I was transferred to another one.

Then I was in a house with a group of people. We were putting up food. Lettuce was being put away. My food was open. I asked another person if they wanted some of my peas telling them I would pack them frozen and when they thawed they were perfect for eating. Then I went to the fridge and got out eggs. One split in half. It was frozen.

The others in the house were preparing to leave. 6 of us would stay. I remember discussing how we would live together in a sustainable community. We talked about solar power and I perked up, discussing how if we disconnected from the power grid when it failed we would be able to maintain our power as a group.

The scene shifted and I was floating along a road. I took a road and saw it went parallel to the main one. There was trash and beer cans indicating a party had been there the night before. I stopped at a church and ran into two women. One women was huffy and angry. She asked about a woman and a man. I told her they were in the hospital. I saw the woman in my mind sitting by the bed of a very sick man. He looked almost like someone with AIDS. There was such love between the two of them and I felt every bit of it. I mentioned to her that he was still sick and she said, “Then there is no point in picking her up, then.” She got very angry and walked away. The other woman talked to me for a bit about the woman having great potential, talking about how she was as a child and mentioning how good she would have been as an actress.

I turned and saw groups of people walking through the church. They looked to be in a parade. The main group I watched was all dressed in light blue scrubs, like they were all nurses. They were singing, “I’ve got guns in my head and they won’t go…..” When I saw them I filled with huge amounts of grief. It welled up from within, splitting my heart in two with such pain I could not breathe. They continued to sing, “I’ll be a dreamer ’til the day I die…” and the grief became super intense. I began to sob uncontrollably, the pain was so much that I didn’t know if I would survive it. As I began to gain consciousness I heard, “Autism” and I felt huge amounts of sorrow for everyone in the world who was struggling and feeling trapped in the human condition.

I woke in heaving sobs, my heart hurting so badly I did not know what to do about it. I couldn’t breathe for the crying and my throat felt like it would explode. It seemed like I was purging the heaviness of the world – all of the sorrow, grief, despair and pain of millions upon millions of people. I told my guidance the pain would surely kill me.

I went into the in-between and heard, “Be a manager. We will help you.”

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Picture of my butterfly friend.

Butterfly Friend

As I have been able to do since this onslaught began, I easily adjusted and went about my day as if all was “normal”. This afternoon, near the front of my car, I saw at my feet a small butterfly on the ground. He was very obviously struggling so I reached down and offered him my finger. He grabbed on and I carried him into my car. He traveled with me all the way home, slowly recovering from the colder temperatures that came in today. I took him inside, hoping he would completely recover but knowing I could not let him go and that ultimately he would die.

My youngest was fascinated with him and fiercely protected him from my other two children, shielding him with his entire body to make sure no one touched him or hurt him. Unfortunately, the poor butterfly died despite all his protection. He was just too weak.

The butterfly I found was a Buckeye Butterfly. Such a magnificent creature. So fragile and beautiful. Unfortunately, I am not sure his message is a positive one. Ending of a cycle perhaps? Or maybe something else.

I feel exhausted today. It is like all my inner strength has been sucked away. I would like a reprieve from this crazy emotional purging.

 

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OBE: False Start

Another mid-work-week OBE.

OBE: False Start

Awoke at 4am and then ended up aware in body hearing noises-off. I heard my husband above me working on an a/c vent. Looked and saw him on ladder. Knew I could exit and so moved my body to see if I could. I moved completely to one side of my bed. It felt too solid to me for some reason and so I moved back into my original position. Then I began to hear voices and knew without a doubt I could exit. I automatically opened one of my astral eyes and saw my room. It was dark and I lingered there for a while experiencing the ability to see through closed eyes. I could feel my physical eyes and astral eyes which was really cool.

I shifted and rolled out of my bed coming to a standing position next to it. I saw the room was very crowded with furniture. The dark was broken by sudden light and there was furniture lining the walls, furniture I use to have when I was young. Then I saw my husband by the door smiling. I saw the door and all I could think of was getting out of the cramped room and away from my sleeping body.

As I neared the front door the furniture was more dense and there was a fish aquarium right next to the door partially blocking it. I saw my husband and asked him about the furniture. He said he liked it that way. I thought it needed to be cleared out. The desire to get out of the cramped space was strong.

I pushed past the aquarium and squeezed through the door. On the other side I saw my mom kneeling next to my daughter. She said hi and I waved as I went downstairs.

When I got downstairs I ran into my husband again with our youngest child. I still wanted out of there and the urge to get to the front door was strong but I felt held back as I stood there looking at my husband and child. My energy then shifted quickly and I was back in my body with very strong, hectic energy. Once I settled in I opened my eyes a bit disappointed that the OBE had been so short. It was 4:33am.

Considerations

When I woke I knew I was suppose to pay attention to what I saw. The cramped room and the feeling of wanting out of it made me realize that it was reflecting my current feelings. My husband’s stuff crammed into my space is very much how I have been feeling lately. I have also been trying to get away from the feeling of being cramped in life or burdened with all the responsibilities I have.

 

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Heart Bliss vs. Heart Fire

Yet another post from my WP break. I’m being led to re-read these old posts and share them. Interestingly, my third-eye and crown chakras are active after a very, very long break. This one is from April 25, 2016.

Heart Bliss vs. Heart Fire

I couldn’t sleep last night. My heart, third-eye, and crown were alive with energy and so was I. lol My mind was also in overdrive. I’m not sure why I am thinking so much! I hear my guidance telling me, “You have a lot to say, so say it!” lol They are encouraging me to “speak my Truth” yet I’m not quite sure what that is. I suppose, though, that it will come to me.

Even now there is so much I want to write about but I don’t know exactly where to start. SO much flowing through my heart and mind.

I guess I will start with the heart energy. There are distinctly two kinds I am feeling. This was not so evident before, but now I have a sense of it. There is my favorite kind, which I will call heart bliss. Then there is the other kind which I will call heart fire. The main difference is former feels amazingly beautiful, expansive, and all-encompassing while the latter feels like an intense, deep, burning that splits my heart in two and courses straight through my back like someone has stabbed me.

I have no issue with the heart bliss. Bring it on! lol The heart fire, on the other hand, is quite unsettling at times and there is a rejection of it when it is at its worst. Most of the time the heart fire just sits there as if to remind me I have shit to work on. For five days now I have had the heart fire as an almost constant. In contrast the heart bliss was fleeting, only lasting a bit longer than the lucid dream in which I contacted it.

Since my most recent encounter with Steven and the amazing heart bliss, I have been different. Each dose of heart bliss seems to push me to the next level. Level of what, I’m not sure, but afterward all I can think of is getting more of that heart bliss. Lately my mind is on the latest heart bliss episode and seeing Steven sitting there across from me in that hot tub smiling. The recognition and knowingness along with the amazing feeling makes me want to return and stay there and never leave. I had not seen Steven look like he did in that experience since an unexpected OBE in 2004 where I met him and he looked like that.

Memories

Seeing him and feeling Steven this time brought about an inspection of his energy and the energy of my physical counterpart. They feel identical and it is very confusing to me! How this is possible, I don’t know, but I know it is purposeful.

In considering the energy similarity – match may be more appropriate – memories surfaced about when I first met Steven.

His energy scared the shit out of me. I mean literally repelled me. I couldn’t run from it because he wasn’t physically present, so I just pushed him away and spoke instead to a female guide. Later, when he came to me his energy – he – was huge again and I was scared but fascinated at the same time. He made me feel special and loved and I was drawn to him despite being afraid. As our relationship grew, I fell in love with him. From what I could tell at the time, being in love with a guide was not a “normal” thing, so I hid it from people who knew me. I worried I was going crazy and making up a relationship with an imaginary lover and so this meant I was messed up in the head. In fact, I judged myself quite harshly for this “fault”. I was constantly conversing with him throughout the day and he was also with me in my dreams and OBEs. He was a constant presence in my life.

My fear eventually got the better of me and I got in so deep into the “fantasy world” I was in (this was my reasoning at the time anyway) that when I was asked by Steven to “merge” and agreed, the things that happened after were too much. The spontaneous past life memories were intense and the OBEs even more so. Yet I wanted more so kept asking for more. I remember getting so impatient that I told Steven, “I want to know it all” and one night I got what I asked for. This was not in an OBE, this was while wide awake. I am not sure what happened exactly but suddenly memory upon memory upon memory of past lives hit me all at once. It was too much for me to mentally process and I must have cried for most of the night. I remember rocking back and forth, wrapping my arms around myself for comfort as I sat on the front driveway in the middle of the night. I can still see the clear night sky dotted with stars in my memory as if it is happening right now.

The memories wouldn’t stop no matter how hard I tried to make them stop. I begged Steven to make it to stop. It finally did but I was in shock afterward, like on the brink of insanity.

After that I told Steven to go away. He backed way off and gave me space and eventually I stopped feeling him/hearing him. I  must have grieved for an entire year – maybe longer – after that. I just wanted to die and go Home. That was all I could think about. That is when my Dark Night hit me hard, too.

Steven slowly shifted back into my life over many years. And then it was back to “merging” and him asking me permission to do so. I now know he had to have my permission, but of course I would give  it to him. There is nothing I would not do for him and at least now I don’t feel ashamed or crazy to say that. I understand who he is now. Finally! I must be completely dense to go as many years as I have with our connection and not connect the dots. Duh! But then I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. Everything happened exactly as it was meant to.

Spiritual Merge – Physical Merge

As my heart fire was ripping through my chest last night and my mind was going a thousand miles an hour in all directions, somehow knowingness got through to me. I heard Steven whispering to me. Anyway, he asks me to focus on my physical counterpart. He does this a lot and it use to drive me crazy but now not so much. It is like slowly information has trickled down into my conscious mind in bits and pieces and is settling in putting the puzzle together piece by piece

What he tells me is that while I am merging with him at a spiritual level, this in itself is not enough. There is a missing piece – the physical. Steven is not able to merge with me completely because he is not physically present. Honestly, I can’t even begin to imagine the power of such a merge and just thinking of the possibility of it makes me want to die. lol In fact, Steven told me this morning, “You have not really seen me yet. When you do, you will die a thousand deaths.” I did not take this as a bad thing either. I would love to die a thousands deaths. lol After feeling what I have felt there is a longing to die in this way. Completely.

But back to the topic. I can’t get distracted by the heart bliss even though it is all I think about. lol The physical merge is a necessity for a complete merge into Wholeness. I am still not completely sure what Wholeness means or looks like, though. I also don’t know what it means to merge at the physical level.

With this, I kind of disengaged. I am not sure I am ready to hear what a merge in the physical entails. I think this is because I am still afraid to accept all the feelings I am having. The confusion between their energy is making all this very difficult to process. But then I am hearing now that processing is not productive. It is best to think of their energy as the same energy for it IS intended to be as such.

Of course my mind immediately wants to take over and this is where it gets hard to shut it up. All these “what if’s” come into play and the heart fire doesn’t help.

Thankfully, I have done a SHITLOAD of work with Steven already. So much in fact that he is telling me, “We are very close.” I am shown 40 again as a very big year for me/us. The way I understand it, Steven has already ascended. A while ago. And has been helping me ever since. I won’t say he is more advanced but he has finished and is focused on getting me to the finish line now. Once I finish, we will “regroup” in Spirit and then split off from each other again to make our individual journeys. We have done this many, many times. This particular merge is not the same as the one I am working on with him presently, though it is intricately connected.

And I wonder about the intense feelings, heart bliss and fire, and how long it will last. The feeling I get in return is that it will not ever really go away. Thankfully I am at the point of acceptance now. Just let it in.