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Question and Answer Session

Another post from my short break from WordPress. This one was written on April 30, 2016.

Question and Answer Session

I needed some answers so I figured I would just start asking my guides and see what they give me. I use to do this after my first awakening. My journal during that time if full of question and answer sessions just like this one will be.

We are glad you are seeking our council. (I received a major blast to the heart that made my stomach drop and covered me with goosebumps)

Wow, I wasn’t expecting that!

We know. We have been waiting for you to appeal to us. It is about time.

I guess you already know what I am going to ask then.

Of course we do.

Why does my heart do that? What are you doing to me? It makes me feel like I am losing my breath.

Your heart is responding to what it knows. We know you. You know us. We are family. Always together.

Who are you?

We are the Many, you are the chosen. Is that settled now? (this made me laugh)

Who are the chosen? Why do you use that word to describe me/us?

The chosen are those who volunteered to be of service to Earth during this time, the time of the ascension. We are able to communicate through those of you who have been selected as candidates for contact. This you are and this you know.

This is not what I had in mind when I wanted to talk with you. I’m a bit caught off guard here.

Would you like us to explain? 

Explain what? I have forgotten what I was going to ask and my mind is blank.

In another year’s time you will not need to ask us the questions you wish to ask. You will know. We have already explained this and established it as fact for the time being. However, if you would like us to explain it again so you can have it in writing then we would be agreeable to that.

Okay then. What is happening to me in regards to my physical counterpart? Why is he so frequently in my thoughts? I feel like an obsessed idiot and it seems it was just forced upon me out of the blue.

We understand you have many questions and upsets regarding this matter. As you know we are limited in what we can reveal to you of this process because it is so very important that you do not booby trap yourself along the way, and you will indeed do this for you have too much emotional investment in the outcome. 

What you are experiencing is a melding of two consciousnesses. One which resides in you and the other which resides in him. You are similar but not identical. You were made from the same cloth and from this was cut the pattern from which you both created the lifetimes which you have lived. Each of you has created your own tapestry of experience and within each of your own experiences are pieces of one another’s. In this particular tapestry of experience you have chosen to join your two individual tapestries. With this comes a Remembrance of that which you Are. In this Remembrance is much detail and emotion. Lifetime upon lifetime upon lifetime. In this Remembrance you have both chosen to integrate all aspects of yourSelf for you have selectively created aspects across many different timelines simultaneously in order to create your own unique tapestry. Ultimately your tapestries will become one, a grander more elaborate version of the individual pair which composes it. 

So how does this go along with my human experience because what you are describing sounds more like something that is going on at higher levels.

There are no ‘higher’ levels, there is only You.

Okay, well then can you explain it more from the human perspective?

From your perspective it would seem that you were being invaded by another. In a sense, you are as his energy and yours are intermixing, although this is not visible to your human eyes. In the process of this exchange you will become more of the other and as such also more of yourselves. 

Is this the Wholeness I keep hearing about?

Yes, it is.

How many times will I be experiencing something like this in my lifetime?

Once.

Thank God. lol But then can it occur more than once?

If it were to happen more than once, it would be with other aspects and not with another occupying a human body as the aspects themselves exist outside of space and time. They are interconnected within the fiber of your being. They in fact compose that which is You. 

How do I avoid the almost obsessive thoughts? It is strange to me and I do not know what to do about it.

There is only the monitoring of thought that will bring you relief. In this we remind you to remain in the heart and as the observer. If you accomplish this task then the thoughts you are referring to will be nothing more than echoes reverberating in your head. They are of no consequence. Do not give to them more weight than they carry for this can lead to mental and emotional exhaustion. This you have already witnessed firsthand have you not? (they are laughing at me)

So the path to wholeness, as you call it, does it require his participation?

Yes and no. Yes in that he must consciously agree and no in that there is not a specific path or steps that he must follow in order to help you in becoming Whole. Consider yourselves to be on similar paths, parallel to the other yet intricately intertwined. What one of you accomplishes, so too will the other.

Do we have to meet physically for Wholeness to occur?

No, you do not.

So what is all this energy? Specifically from the heart but also the third-eye.

The heart energy you are experiencing is your connection to All. It is your finite body reacting to the infinite being that you are. It is like putting similar ends of two magnets close to one another. There is a pressure, a resistance, felt as the energy of both sides comes in contact. This is also how it is when you place the infinite up next to the finite. It is simply the energy of  You, one limited and one unlimited. 

Wow, I wasn’t expecting that explanation but I like it. It makes sense. And the third-eye? Is it the same.

Yes. With each vortex of energy there comes the sensation you are experiencing. Each is connected to the physical body but also to other aspects and other times. When one is active as you call it, then you have access to the other aspects and times via that particular vortex.

So, you mean that if my third-eye is active then I have access to the intuition – the vision – of other aspects of me on other timelines?

That is an appropriate rendition of what we have just explained, yes. 

I know there is more as I see what you are showing me but it is hard for me to understand the layers upon layers and vast connections I see. It is like a matrix over a matrix over a matrix.

It has been referred to as “fabric” by many others because of its resemblance. What you see is the tapestry we formerly discussed. What you see is intention and creation. What you see is the building blocks of God/Source.

I think it may be just a bit over my head, but then you know that. I guess I would just like to know how much more of this heart connection will I be subject to?

As much as you can handle and then some. It is not going away, Dayna. It is part of you. It IS you. This you have already concluded for yourself so why are you again asking us this question? 

I was interrupted by my youngest several times during this session so I ended it here. I was getting a bit overwhelmed by all the information that was coming through.

I must admit I am shocked from the amount of energy that was coursing through my heart during this exchange. It is like heart fire on steroids. lol And the imagery I was shown- wow! The very vastness of each of Us is beyond compare. There is nothing on Earth or in my limited human experience that even comes close. The “tapestry” is the only analogy that makes sense as it appears in interwoven layers of color. I could see the stars and the universe within its “fibers”. That is how big We are and I am sure We are even bigger than that.

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Lucid Dream: My Everything

This was a post I wrote when I had taken a short reprieve from writing here. I keep being reminded of what I was told in this experience and so looked back in my blog for it. I found I had written it privately and believe it should be shared now. The date of the original post is April 23, 2016. Enjoy!

Lucid Dream: My Everything

I was outside on a veranda of some sort that reminded me of a very large, white gazebo. The setting was somewhere in the deep South. It looked like a plantation estate that I had visited when I was in North Carolina. The sky was clear and a deep blue. There was a slight breeze and the green of the grass and trees indicated it was Spring.

I sat at a long, white table looking out at this beautiful place as I did my homework. On the paper in front of me I was writing numbers. Each number was in the millions. I was counting the places and trying to remember if millions had six zeros or eight. So I was looking back in my text when he arrived.

A man wearing a white dress shirt and black trousers approached from the lawn in front of me. He had come to see me and I looked up at him briefly as I did my homework. I was kind of dismissive and he said, “Oh, excuse me, you are busy. I will come back later.” Then he was walking out onto the lawn and away from me.

I stopped what I was doing and yelled to him, “No. Wait! I want you to come back. Please!” He stopped and turned, looking at me briefly and then walking onto the gazebo to stand next to me.

He said, “Really?” and sounded thoroughly surprised and hopeful. Still facing my homework I said, “Yes, of course.” I reached my left hand behind me and touched his pant leg and then apologized because I worried it would be unacceptable. I pulled myself up via his leg to stand up next to him.

I looked up at him this time and realized he was quite old. His hair was completely gray but thick and unruly. His face was kind but etched with deep wrinkles. The feeling I had was that he was the professor who had been teaching me. I knew him as my teacher. I did not recognize his face, I recognized his energy.

Then I reached up and kissed him on the mouth. The feeling from him was that he was very completely caught off guard by my behavior but that he had wanted me to do exactly what I was doing. My lucidity was full-on by this time and I could feel the kiss in all ways – very real!

I wrapped my arms around him. He hugged me close to him and nuzzled his face in the crook of my neck. I remember thinking, “I love him”. And fell into him, feeling absolutely no resistance.

Heart Bliss Explosion

With this came an intensity of desire that shot into my heart chakra and poured into all of my lower chakras. It was the most exquisite feeling I have ever felt.

I woke up and the energy intensified and poured through me. I did not want to wake up yet even while awake the energy was coursing through my heart and lower chakras. My root and second chakra were especially active but my heart was beyond exploding. The feeling is indescribable. It is passionate and tender and beautiful and all encompassing.

The appearance of the old man confused me. Who was he? My first thought was that I was just going to have these heart-connections with everyone I met now, that I must be a spiritual slut of some kind. lol It sure felt that way. Yet there was the man’s voice in my head and it was the same voice I have always heard – my Companion’s.

I realized that my Companion is my father, my brother, my son, my uncle, my…..you get the point. He is all of them. There was a complete recognition of him in this way, too. He is my everything. With this I saw him as pure, golden energy – swirling and pulsating. A Golden Man.

The energy continued to explode into and out of my chest. He was speaking to me the whole time, asking me to focus on him and what I was feeling and what I remembered of our interaction. I knew he and I had been discussing some things. My life, my hopes and dreams, my spiritual progression, etc. As I recounted what I remembered, I fell into this bliss-gasm and my heart felt ten, no a hundred, times its normal size. And the beautiful feeling, OMG I can’t even describe it.

And I knew he was drawing me towards him, embracing me. I suddenly felt as if I shrunk and became a child-version of myself. I was looking up at him and his appearance was more familiar. His tan skin and long, braided hair was distinct and my recognition of him was complete. I again realized he was everything to me – father, husband, son, uncle, friend, teacher, guide. I knew without a doubt he had always been with me, is with me always and is a part of me. He told me this as well. Communication was a constant. And the love was unlike any I have ever experienced.

Then I realized we were in a hot tub together. I saw him sitting across from me with a big smile on his face. I yelled, “Steven! It IS you!”

I remembered then why he gave me a name he gave me not long ago: Moab. The name meant “ancestor” in Hebrew but also meant “father” and numerous other things. It all made complete sense now. He was my Moab – my everything. My spiritual counterpart.

We discussed then what was going on and what would commence now. The whole time the heart bliss is exploding through my physical body and pouring down my lower chakras. I kept thinking, “Push it up” to keep it out of my lower chakras but at the same time I was receiving permission to allow it to go down – that it was OK to feel pleasure, passion, desire. I felt my crown and third-eye blaze at this time, so I knew the energy was beginning to rise.

I’m not sure how I was able to communicate through it all.

I kept asking for the completion of US; for the energy to complete it’s rise up through my crown and beyond. I was told it was not yet time, that I have work to do on many levels first. My physical counterpart was mentioned in this. Part of my completion is assisting him with his. My Companion also said that We must work on my life, tweak it and this alarmed me. He said, “Baby steps” and I felt the progression would be gradual, the changes gradual so that I would not overreact.

I then recalled a dream I had before meeting him on the gazebo. We were looking at a small Christmas tree. I had just made an ornament and put the name of my middle son on it. The branches were full and I saw that my son already had an ornament on the tree. In this I knew that my middle son was a “gift” to me. I felt such love for my middle son and knew he was also part of me – husband, father, son.…. My children are very, very important to me and to this life and my purpose here.

This is by far the most amazing experience I have had to date.

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Another Beneficial Conversation

I had another productive conversation with my spouse yesterday. I find it quite curious but welcome such conversations. For some reason I end up channeling information out of the blue in these conversations and it leaves me feeling awed and inspired.

The Council

These conversations are challenging because my husband is not on the ascension path with me. He is not familiar with the terms I use and finds it difficult to relate to my spiritual experiences. However, it is the very challenge of explaining certain concepts to him that creates the perfect opportunity for Spirit to use me as a channel.

To my surprise, my husband brought up a memory he had of what he called “the Committee.” He described this committee as a group with a dark agenda who made him feel small, insignificant and afraid. He encountered them while in session (similar to hypnosis) and described having multiple memories of this committee. He described the time related to these encounters as “folding in on itself” – as if time was nonexistent. Each time he recalled an encounter he felt judged by them. Finally, however, he recalled confronting this group. He said they told him what he would do and he said to them, “No, I will not do that.” He said then he felt freed of them and relieved.

I smiled in recognition and told him the time element was likely nonexistent because encounters with such committees (which I told him I called the Council) occur between lives and beyond the realm of Time/Space.

Then I shared with him my experiences with the Council. How when I first encountered them I also felt afraid, small and insignificant, like a child being sent to the principal’s office. However, after many experiences and discussions with them, I realized that this feeling was brought about by my Forgetfulness while in a human body and by the largeness of their energy. It does make one feel small and overpowered. There is a sense that what they say is what must be done and a sense that my own choices are faulty in comparison to their great wisdom.

Then I explained to him that how the Council appears to us is a direct reflection of us. If we are highly critical, judgmental, doubtful, fearful, etc – then we will perceive them through those lenses. As we become more aware of our own power and potential, the Council shifts dramatically from an authoritative or dictatorial group to a democratic or mentoring group. I congratulated him on his successful recognition that he was the director of his own life and no one, not even the Council, had the authority to tell him what to do unless he gave them that power.

Dreams as Teachers

The conversation then shifted to dreams and how I interpret them. I explained that I see everything in my dreams as a reflection of myself. Dreams are, to me, a gateway to the subconscious/superconscious and through them I am able to reach into a deeper, unseen part of myself and initiate great healing and growth. I explained that I am seeing my experiences in the physical in a similar way now. That each person, situation and event that comes into my life is a mirror of mySelf offering great potential for learning. He seemed to grasp the benefit to this.

Divine Connection

The conversation shifted to soulmates/twin flames/Divine counterparts (you choose your term). He wanted to understand what it was. I told him, “So do I!” I began by asking him if he thought it possible that his Higher Self could experience many lifetimes at the same time. He was curious to know what I meant.

Since he was in agreement with me that we exist outside Space/Time as Spirit, I started there, explaining that if we function from outside that boundary that we could in fact experience many lifetimes in many forms all at once. I used an octopus to illustrate my point. I told him to imagine that his Higher Self was the body of the octopus and that each of his legs extended into a different Space/Time. Each leg connects to an individualized consciousness that then experiences an individual lifetime. When that lifetime concluded it would retract back to the body of the octopus and be integrated there into the Whole. I explained that from where we are (in a human body) it would appear that we are the body of the octopus but in reality we are just one aspect, one leg, extended forth into a timeline to have a separate experience.

He seemed to relate and understand so I continued. I said, “What if two legs were on the same timeline? What if three or four or even more were on the same timeline? Is it possible?” He agreed that it would be (so do I). I asked him, “What if two of those individuals met? What do you think it would be like to meet yourself?” He thought about it. He didn’t answer but his face showed that he realized it would be an exceptional experience. Then I said, “That is the closest I can come to explaining the (soulmate/twin flame/Divine Counterpart) experience.”

The image of the octopus has stayed with me ever since this conversation. I see it as purple for some reason. The idea resonates with me and I can’t help but smile when I think about it. I hope it was helpful to you.

Teachable Moments

There is something educators are very good at: taking advantage of teachable moments. A teachable moment is an unplanned opportunity that arises in the classroom where a teacher has an ideal chance to offer insight to his or her students. It is a fleeting opportunity that must be sensed and seized by the teacher. Teachable moments have maximum impact.

As I reflect on this most recent conversation with my husband, it is obvious to me that it was a teachable moment. I have had many such similar moments with others, also. What is exceptional about these moments is that the teacher also becomes the student whether they are aware of it or not. It is the same from the student perspective, also. The student is also the teacher. The more we allow ourselves to take advantage of teachable moments in our lives, the more potential there is for growth on all dynamics.

 

 

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Hold On

Yesterday I went to get my hair cut. I wanted to cut it all off again, like I did in 2014, but my daughter talked me out of it. While I was getting my hair cut, a song came on the radio station they were playing in the salon. Right as it came on I heard my guidance say, “Pay attention to the song.” So I did and smiled when I recognized the song. It was a song I use to listen to my senior year in high school. The song was Hold On, by Wilson Philips.

The song happened to be one that I was listening to around the time when I was having conversations with myself about my future. I was feeling isolated and alone and finally prayed to God to send me someone to love. Though I was not aware of having guides at that time, I did receive answers. I thought I was talking to myself and left it at that. My answer at the time was that it would be a very long time before I would meet “the One”. It wouldn’t be until my 30’s (to a 17 year old this is a looooong time). I remember crying about waiting so long and that is when I prayed to find someone sooner.

At the time, the song Hold On, was not in the forefront of my mind. I didn’t look for signs or synchronicities at that time. I didn’t even know what a synchronicity was then. But when I came home from the salon and read the lyrics to the song my heart flipped-flopped in my chest. I laughed at my Team thinking,”Oh wow. Are you kidding me?”

Dream: The Little Engine that Could

It was a sunny and warm day. The sun was bright overhead and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. I waited near a railroad track with others of my own age group. We were all probably 10-12 years old. One member of my group laid down on the track. I remember thinking it looked comfy. I warned him that the train would run over him if he stayed there. Then we heard the whistle of the train, he got up and we boarded it. The train was only the engine part, though. There were not any train cars attached to it. It was one of those steam engines and reminded me of the story The Little Engine that Could.

peacock.jpg

Dream: Going to Prison

From the train dream I shifted into another dream where I was entering into an enclosure with a handful of other women. It was a low security prison with low fences and appeared more like a home than an institution.

We went through processing where we were each given blue shirts and pants. Then we met our prison guards, both women, and were taken into our living quarters where we were shown the kitchen. It was explained that because we were in the 4-5 group that we would have our food prepared for us each day. Once we got into the upper level groups we would have to prepare our own food.

After some time passed I received news that my sister from Alaska had requested a transfer to my prison. I was excited and shared the news with everyone but the guards were suspicious. When I met her, she looked just like me.

My sister seemed to disappear from the dream at that point and then I was learning that the guards who normally watched my group would be gone. As we waited for a breakfast of pancakes, my attention went to the back fence. In the distance I saw a beautiful white peacock flying down from the sky, its wings and tail spread. As I watched, it crossed over the prison fence and landed. When it landed it morphed into a woman wearing a jacket and a skirt that resembled a folded up peacock tail. The skirt was not white, though, it was tan.

The woman approached me and I saw her clearly. She had blonde hair but her hair was long on one side and super short on the other. In her hand she held a handgun. One guard saw her and alerted the other guard but the peacock women seemed almost to have magical abilities because she instantly immobilized the guard that came toward her. The male guard in the tower shouted something at her but did not advance.

Then the woman spoke to me. I don’t recall all the words spoken but I do recall seeing in front of me images representing our conversation. In the image was a young man with dark hair who I identified as my friend/boyfriend. He was standing a short distance away and seemed to be glowing in yellow light. The information passed on to me was that he would be away for three days. I kept thinking he was in Alaska but in the discussion I mentioned that his time zone was a hour ahead of mine and so the time for him would pass faster. I saw the time as 11:00 and knew he was ahead of me. I kept focusing on the three days and it seemed like an eternity to me. The woman said to me, “Just hold on for one more day.” Hearing this peaked my lucidity and I became emotional. I began to cry and woke up in tears.

I was able to recover from my upset fairly quickly. The song Hold On was going through my mind.

Interpretation

The first dream is giving encouragement, saying, “You can do this” via the story of the Little Engine that Could.

The second dream represents how I am feeling: Imprisoned in my life situation. It is a low security prison, which to me symbolizes that I am not feeling overly restricted. The sister from Alaska is representative of the me from that time in my life. That time in my life was similar to this time in many ways. The peacock symbolizes Spring, birth, new growth, longevity and love. The peacock turns into a woman. Her hair stands out to me here and I see her as being representative of an integrated or Whole version of myself. She is carrying a gun and helping me to break out of the prison. Her message is a significant one – one of hope and perseverance.

 

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Dreams

It’s been a very active week for dreams. Most are from one night and I awoke feeling very positive. The last one is from this morning and I woke feeling very pessimistic, probably because I woke up like every 2 hours throughout the night and didn’t sleep very well.

Dream 11-8-16: Preparing for Dinner 

I was with my family (soul family) at a beautiful retreat with rolling hills and a crystal clear creek running through the middle. We were preparing to meet for dinner. I recall that part of this preparation was to clean the grounds, meaning get any debris cleared away. I was scanning the area and saw a clump of leaves caught up in a bush. I cleared them away. There was quite a bit of time spent at this point looking for leaves.

Then, I went toward the main house which I never saw in the dream. I remember walking through the crystal clear, cool water. It was up to my waist and quite refreshing and enjoyable. There was interaction with others at this time but I cannot recall anyone except my dog Trooper, who was jumping and frolicking in the water and running up and down the hill barking. I remember shooing him away a few times because he was doing what he did as a puppy and nipping at my ankles. At one point he swam in the water with me. He loved to swim.

The next thing I knew I was inside the house with a few others. The main one I remember interacting with was a woman who I thought of as a mother figure. There was also a man who stood behind me the whole time I was there. The woman showed me a tray with five Cornish game hens all prepped for cooking. In recalling how they looked, they were super tiny and already appeared cooked. I remember doing the math and reminding her that she was short one, referring to my child. She told me that he could share with me. As she put them into the oven I saw the time was 2pm and asked her how long it would take to cook them. She said, “Just about an hour.” I realized this meant they would be done at 3pm and way too early. I said, “But then they will be ready too soon. Dinner is at 5.” She didn’t seem to care, though.

When I woke up from this dream it was 4am and I felt rested and wide awake. I actually felt very calm and happy.

Dream 11-8-16: Fishing Down Under 

I traveled to an island which we referred to as “Australia” but I recognized right away that it was symbolic of the subconscious mind. Me and two companions, a man and woman, traveled out on the ocean in a very small, fragile boat. The man and woman had fishing rods and were casting their lines into the ocean. I watched and did not fish. There was fear here of accidentally catching something too big and then not knowing how to handle that without sinking the boat.

The woman’s line went taunt and I grabbed it to help guide in the fish. I saw beneath the ocean the silhouette of a killer whale and held my breath. How was she going to get him on the tiny boat? We would surely sink!

Then the man was helping me guide the huge whale onto the beach. We must have successfully reeled it in. The woman was gone. The killer whale did not look like a killer whale, though. Instead he was brown and it appeared as if his lungs had been pulled from the inside out to where his face would have been. It was grotesque. We decided to throw it back before it died. My main feeling here was, “Now that we’ve got it, what do we do with it??”

Dream 11-8-16: Our Song 

I spent the entirety of this dream with a dark haired man who I was very in love with. I never left his side. We stayed close and enjoyed one another’s company like two love birds. There was a special song I was singing to him throughout the dream. I can’t remember it now, but in the dream I was playing a game with him using the song. The game was that when I sang the song we got to show each other how much we loved each other. The main issue here was that when I would sing the song and we would get close, my daughter would interrupt and we would have to stop. It wasn’t annoying and we laughed about it, but it happened throughout the dream more times than I could count. We never got to show each other how much we loved each other because of her interruptions.

Dream 11-9-16: Match

I was invited to participate in a match game. Similar to the Bachelor except that both men and women were choosing partners. When I got there people were already paired off and I had no one. This didn’t bother me much. I talked with some of the people, a woman especially who had paired with a man. Both of them were much larger/fatter than I was and had dark hair. I had no one there and so just made the best of it. I remember telling the woman that I was just going to focus on being healthy and start back on my diet to lose some weight.

Then we were all asked to clock in. We were given tickets we had to punch and stood in line. I punched my ticket and then it ripped. I was told I would have to punch my card again but I never did.

As we were leaving we all went our separate ways. I began to head one way saying where I was from and a man said, “Then you need to go that way.” I said, “Oh, okay” and went in the direction he was pointing. I walked down the street and noticed someone was following me. It was a dark hair man. He had two small dolls in his hands. One was female and the other male. The male doll was all blue and muscular and looked like an action figure. I remember wondering why the man was following me and not being sure I wanted him to and was a bit annoyed. The man dropped the dolls on accident and picked them up. For some reason I kept thinking they had no heads but when I looked, they did.

 

 

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Shoe Troubles

Something really weird happened at work today. I was given the job of crossing guard as soon as I arrived to work. So, I set off to my assigned location. On the way, my foot felt strange. I looked down and saw that one side of my shoe was flaring out. When I got to my location, I inspected it closer and saw that the entire sole had broken off and part of the toe was exposed. The shoe was falling apart! I didn’t have a walkie or my phone with me so I had to play crossing guard for 20 minutes with a shoe that was barely staying together. Then, halfway through, the other shoe started to do the same thing! By the time I hobbled back into the office both shoes were nearly in shreds. I had to take them off and go to my first class lesson in my socks! Thankfully, it was with kindergartners and they didn’t notice. No one did really. My husband, bless him, brought me another pair of shoes without hesitation despite it making him late for work. 🙂

The strange thing is, these shoes were practically brand new. I rarely wore them and they were a good quality shoe. When I looked at them closer I noticed that the sole was literally disintegrating! It was so brittle that pieces of it crumbled in my hands as I inspected the shoes. So very odd!

When this happened to me I immediately thought, “If this was a dream, what would it mean?” So I looked and found that shoes in general represent a person’s outlook on life. If a shoe falls apart like mine did it indicates that situations and/or people in your life which you feel you can rely upon are in danger of failing. The suggestion is to look around and find things that may be broken and in need of fixing. lol Well, I can see a lot of that…. But when I thought about what it could mean while it was happening I was thinking, “This is not a good sign. My life is about to fall apart.”

Here are pictures of my lovely shoes after they failed me and broke into pieces. It is just mind blowing to me how quickly they fell apart.

Overall, it was not a bad experience just a surprising one. I had a good day and enjoyed myself with the kids and successfully taught my first guidance lesson to kindergartners. It was really fun. 🙂 Tomorrow I get to do it again. Hopefully, this time, with shoes in tact. 😉

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OBE: Lights Inside

Eventful night last night. I was awakened at 3am from a series of dreams. There was so much Knowing that it took me a while to fall back to sleep.

OBE: Lights Inside

I knew there was a possibility of projecting but didn’t care one way or the other. I ended up in dream set in a shopping market. I had a load of groceries I just checked out and then the lights went out – power outage. I went toward the exit and it was really dark. A woman approached me to make sure I had paid. I showed her my receipt. It was for $66.

I went home and watched a movie which morphed into my dream. I watched a man swimming through thin air. This triggered my lucidity and I knew I was dreaming. I took the opportunity to exit my body. When I sat up I was very heavy and it took a while for me to get OOB. I saw the place where I had been sitting – my old sofa in the living area of my house. I knew I had to move away quickly and headed for the front door. The entire time I was talking aloud to myself. As I reached the front door I heard myself say, “I want to be more IN my body.” This caught me off guard and I changed it to “OOB”.

When I opened the door and went outside it was dark. I made sure to close the door behind me, pulling hard on it and listening for it to shut solidly. Then I flew out across the street, still talking to myself. I was saying, “I am going to see the truth” and “I will do this.” I am not sure what I was referring to at the time but now I think I was looking for answers to my life’s issues. At the time I could tell I was very lucid and was struggling to control my energy and stay stable enough to explore the area.

Across the street I saw a very bright light. When I looked closer, I noticed it was inside a house that was completely covered with lush, green, twisty vines. In that moment I knew the house. In my memory I saw it – it was a one-story house that was abandoned. It’s exterior all gray and crumbling. When I looked at the house in front of me, though, it was obvious someone lived in it. Not only was there a brilliantly bright yellow light on the left side but the rest of it was lit up as well. Curious, I went toward it to investigate.

But I stopped short, hearing my inner guidance suggesting there was something I needed to see here and pay attention. I knew I was way too lucid at this point and felt the energy swirling around my astral body indicating re-entry. I did not resist it.

Reflection

In considering this OBE and the dreams preceding it, I am entering into a period of clearing a very deep and previously untouched/avoided area of my subconscious. There is a fear here of the unknown but also a curiosity.

lemonadeIn-Between

I lingered in the in-between for some time after returning to my body. I like feeling the energy shifting. There is something comforting about it. Plus, I get to hear my guidance more clearly and receive messages from them.

It didn’t take long for the messages to arrive. The first was a very clear 11:11. Then my vision flashed and I saw a digital clock which read 3:11. I blinked and the time changed to 13:11.

Then I was standing in front of two, glowing yellow circles. The one to my left was my circle and inside it was my energy and that of my counterpart. I felt to be IN that circle but also outside of it observing. Then, to the right, was another circle. At the base of it I saw faces upon faces of children and other people I did not recognize. There were perhaps a dozen crowded in the base of the circle and their faces were very clear, though now I have no idea who they were. Above the crowd of people and in the center of the circle was a Styrofoam cup filled halfway with lemonade. There was a white straw poking out of the top. Then I saw blue writing on the cup. It said, “THIS IS YOU”. This brought me out of my reverie quickly and I knew the circle with the lemonade was representative of: “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” Very funny, Team! I didn’t get mad at them at least. They are right. Doing the best I have with what I got right now.

I got many other messages but being I am up so early in the morning and am gone most of the day now, I just don’t have time to write them all down. It was hard enough to write this OBE down. Where did all my time go??? Thankfully, I was able to scribble down some of what I remember from this morning while at work. Maybe eventually I will get a chance to make a post out of it.

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Play

I had a really good day today. Why? Because half of my job is playing. Yep. lol I get to play with little ones and listen to them jabber about their life problems. Something about playing makes problems seem so much smaller. Ever noticed that? I have.

Then there was the not so fun part of my day, but even that was quite entertaining. I got to play teacher for two class periods today. The 5th graders were perfect students. The 2nd graders, not so perfect and quite a bit hyper. lol But since half my time with them was reading a book by Weird Al Yankovic (yeah him! lol) we all had a good time.

I came home full of energy despite being awake since 4am (again) and did a short workout. Last week I skipped working out all week so as to help myself adjust. I actually think that was a mistake, though, because I always feel so much better after a workout. 🙂

But anyway, work is proving quite surprising and I am having fun having fun. lol Nothing better than getting paid to play and watch kids be kids. They are so entertaining and funny. Especially the kindergartners. Hahahah I had one ask me how old I was, which I then told him. He said to me, “My mom is so much older than you. She’s 19!!” He was so sure that 19 was bigger than the number I gave him. Too cute!

And today I made several new 2nd grader friends even though the classes I taught were (in my opinion) out of control. One girl told me about her class, “We’re always like that.” lol Then others of her class gave me hugs. I must have made an impression. And I really, really love little people hugs now.

Then still now when I go to get a student “friend” I have two or three others ask me, “Are you taking me??” When I tell them, “Not today”, the look on their sad little faces melts my heart. I’ve never been so loved and wanted in my life.

All of this has transformed my relationship with my own children. I find myself less serious with them and more goofy – making funny faces and telling jokes. I don’t normally do that! I hug them when I get home, ask them about their days and give them kisses. Not that I wasn’t happy to see them before, but now I see them through new eyes. The eyes of a mommy elementary school counselor. Pretty cool combo to be blessed with.

I’m excited tonight because I get to practice on my kids with two books I will be using in counseling lessons. I teach two kindergarten classes tomorrow on the topic of respecting other people’s property. We are reading Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Then Wednesday I get to read a book about tattle-tails called Bad Case of Tattle Tongue. That one’s gonna be fun! Can’t wait to see the kids reactions. 🙂

My experience thus far has me re-evaluating my career plans….again. I am even considering revisited my LPC. I only have three classes and an internship left. Whether I will do it, I don’t know yet, but working playing with little ones all the time is very appealing right now.

 

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Discouraging Dreams

It was a rough night for me.

Dream: Harvesting the Field

I was with another person walking alongside a field of grass that had been cut low. They were talking about the harvest and how a new crop of shrimp had just come in. I looked and sure enough there were very tiny shrimp laying in a grid pattern all across the field. The shrimp looked as if it had already been cooked. Tiny, popcorn shrimp. I was shocked and asked where the shrimp had come from. I was told it had popped up through the surface, as if the field was really an ocean.

I wandered into the field. The ground was firm, so no ocean underneath. Still a bit confused, I walked the rows of shrimp. They soon turned into other things and I stopped and looked at my feet noticing the shrimp had morphed into something else. Looking closely, I saw what resembled an eel and I mentioned this to my friend. I bent down and touched it. It was slimy but firm, similar to a slug and resembling a slug. Yet I continued to think of it as an eel. It was dark colored and I could not distinguish the head from the tail. My friend was very encouraged by this development.

The garden soon turned into a store with isles of miscellaneous items. I walked the isles and saw that most of the items were partially used or damaged. I was told I could take whatever I wanted so I investigated, looking for anything I might want. The isle I found myself on had oral hygiene items like toothpaste and mouthwash. I picked up some Listerine that was half full and then grabbed another bottle of a different kind of mouthwash and combined the two to make it a full bottle.

I ran into a friend I use to go to high school with and we talked for some time about her marriage to one of our classmates. They had married right out of high school and started a family only to separate sometime later. I listened as she told me her story and was surprised to hear their marriage had failed.

eel-1Dream: 3 Years

Still inside the store, I wandered down an isle and ran into a couple who wanted to talk to me. They were standing next to a bicycle. They wanted to talk to me about a relationship issue and potential outcomes. The news was not good, at least I didn’t take it as good. There was an entire recalling of a past relationship I had with a man soon after my spiritual awakening. I had struggled with our separation and the topic of discussion centered on how I handled that particular difficulty. I re-experienced that period in my life and got very upset at the prospects of something like that happening again because I had been miserable for several months. Never before nor since has a breakup resulted in that much agony for me.

There was mention of what I would do if this particular person came back into my life. I recall seeing him years later and much older and discussing how very unlikely it would be that I would ever hear from him again. There was a phone in this discussion and I remember not knowing how he would even know my number. I had memory of how nasty I had been to him the last time we talked and knew I would not welcome communication from him. The purpose of all of this was to help me recognize my tendency to get angry and cut off communication when I am hurt. But it was also to show me how resilient I am because I had thought that breakup would surely kill me, but it didn’t. I survived. Though I may see anger as a negative emotion, it actually gave me the strength to get past the impasse I faced at that particular time in my life.

I found myself standing there with the couple feeling extremely dissuaded, though from what course of action I am not sure. I looked at the bicycle and noticed it had turned to ash. It was still standing but had I touched it, it would have disintegrated before my eyes.

The discussion continued and I was told to expect my current situation to continue for sometime. I got 3 years as the very longest period it could span. This caused me much upset. I felt as if all of the life had drained out of me. Three years seemed an eternity to me.

I woke up feeling discouraged and apathetic with tears in my eyes. I found it difficult to shake the apathetic feeling I had. I remember thinking, “This is surely going to kill me.” My guidance said to me,”What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” To make it clear, I repeated to him, “This is going to kill me. I won’t make it. This is too much.”

It has taken me some time to get past the feeling I woke with. I am not feeling especially encouraged about moving forward with life right now. Whatever the dream discussion brought up has me feeling completely hopeless.

Symbolism

First dream: 

Field – going through a period of personal growth
Shrimp – feeling overpowered and/or insignificant
Slug – progressing through life very slowly, almost painfully slow
Eel – trouble with commitment; one who escapes responsibility or culpability
Store – emotionally/physically drained, searching for solutions
Mouthwash – think before you speak (totally my problem all.the.time)

Considerations about this dream: I am being asked to step up and take responsibility for my life/choices. Avoiding things will not help but only lead to more of the same. Need to confront issues head on and stop pushing off making a decision. I need to be careful of what I say so as to not end up regretting it.

Second dream:

Store – still searching for solutions
Bicycle – need to devote more time to myself; more leisurely pursuits needed
Ash – feeling the good times are over and nothing of value is left in my life; can also represent the end of a relationship, the dashing of all hopes, bitter change and life disruption.

Considerations about this dream: When I woke up I was in agony over the prospect of never feeling Alive again. I felt as if my heart had been torn from my chest and stomped upon. I felt alone and isolated from my soul family. I felt cheated. The feeling of loss was such that I did not feel I would recover from it. Thus, my statement about it killing me. It did not help that I had spent much of this dream discussing a past relationship breakup that had been devastating to me. The idea was that whatever I am going through/will continue to go through, will be much more devastating and last much longer than the past one. It is not easy to swallow such news.

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Revelations from a Conversation

Today has been interesting and it’s not even over yet. Whew! There are some energies swirling and I can’t quite get a grip on how to describe them. One minute I am UP and the next I feel like I’ve been hit over the head….literally. I blame this massive sinus headache I’ve had pretty much non-stop since Thursday. It could be the weather doing it but I have not had a sinus headache like this from the weather since around 1999.

I had a long conversation with my husband today about some of the changes I’ve been going through recently. Note: In editing this I see how much content there is here but I am going to leave it as is. So if it seems a little disorganized, I apologize.

We talked about how staying in the present moment – the NOW – does miraculous things for a person. For one, being in the NOW shifts you into your heart automatically. The mind is there doing it’s thing as usual but the heart takes the driver’s seat and indicator lights flash and are not missed. I gave him an example I will share with you all.

Yesterday, there was a shortage of staff and I was asked to go up front to help answer the phones. I am NOT a phone person and definitely not comfortable putting people on hold and transferring calls. Been there, done that, don’t want the t-shirt. lol Resistance came first and then I sought out a hiding place and began to think of excuses I would give for my no-show. lol Mid-thought I was interrupted with a reminder that resistance is an indicator light telling me that I needed to take advantage of an opportunity to stretch myself beyond my comfort zone. To learn. To grow. Because this is when the REAL growth occurs. The instant it came to me I headed to the front and jumped right in without hesitation. I didn’t think about it for even a moment. And I never had to answer phones. lol I ended up helping in another way.

Similar events to this have been happening every.single.day. My mind chatter is mostly off and if it does come on it is interrupted by my guidance. It’s pretty awesome actually.

So back to the conversation…..we also talked about how when you are in the present moment expectation is pretty much extinguished and intuition is turned up to the highest setting. Pretty amazing stuff!

Then, I tried to explain what it means to Trust and my experiences with it thus far. I explained how following the heart works for me, specifically why I am back working and how I got there. He kept asking me what my “plan” was. I told him it is to follow my heart. I explained that I had to drop all my ideas and beliefs about what I thought I needed or what I thought would bring me happiness and leave it to the universe. We even talked examples, some he would understand. How he thinks this or that will make him happy, so he fixes his attention on getting that and then when he gets it finds it doesn’t make him happy. I explained that the mind tries to logically figure it all out but it sucks at knowing what is best for us. We gotta get out of the mind and let our hearts guide us. That if we let it, our heart will show us everything our minds failed to and MORE. And we talked about how hard it is to follow the heart, to Trust. How it takes massive amounts of courage. I told him I have no idea where my heart is taking me, but I am betting it is better than where I have been. In saying this, I realized I was OK with not knowing where I would end up. I AM okay and I trust that I will be exactly where I am meant to be. He definitely isn’t OK with everything we discussed, but then at least now he understands that I am.

We also discussed being emotionally objective. He had complained that I did not react how he wanted/expected me to, to certain things he told me. He felt I was being uncaring and unloving. I told him it was because I chose not to react. I chose to acknowledge the feeling but I didn’t focus on a specific feeling so as to not let it direct my actions. I explained that at first, when I was doing this, I thought something was wrong with me. Why did I not feel anything?? I was beating myself up for being emotionally “numb”. But as the weeks have gone by I have realized that is not it at all. I DO feel I just don’t react or let my emotions take over. And the more we discussed it, the more I realized the emotional objectivity was purposeful so that he could go through whatever it was he needed to go through and get to a point where I could communicate with him without the interference of his heightened emotions. Pretty cool!

We even discussed karma and the seemingly endless cycles we play out lifetime after lifetime. We discussed how being “asleep” perpetuated these cycles and that now, in this lifetime, we are being given the opportunity to stop cycles, rewrite them, abolish them, edit them, etc. The more conscious (awake) we are, the more cycles we can affect.

And we discussed the interaction of multiple individuals who each have multiple, interactive “contracts” and how, if we listen to our heart/intuition, we will know when these contracts have resolved for each individual involved and when we can make adjustments to our portion of the contract(s). This was so incredibly clear to me in that moment I was in awe, but I am not sure he saw it like I did. But that’s okay. I saw it. Clearly.

The entire discussion only lasted maybe an hour, but in that short time I recognized just how much I have changed in the last month. October was truly about change – metamorphosis.

Pretty crazy amazing! Makes me excited to see what surprises await me tomorrow……