Tag Archives: ascension

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Contract Negotiations

Written from the perspective of the Old.

Semi-Lucid Dream

Prior to sleep, I had been told that more negotiations would occur through the night, commencing at midnight. I woke at 1am to a terrible thunderstorm and when I returned to sleep I projected several times. I abandoned each projection upon reminding that it was only needed for check-in. It was then determined a semi-lucid state was best in order to protect the Ego-self from the brunt of the negotiations.

During the semi-lucid state I stood in front of a mirror talking to myself. Yet the visage in the mirror was not me, didn’t even resemble me. The image was of a bald, very pale individual with a strangely proportioned face. The eyes were almost normal, as were all the features, but it was obvious to me that this individual was not me nor was it human.

This otherworldly being spoke to me and we conversed about planetary events and my mission while visiting Earth. It was so foreign to me that despite being in a semi-lucid state, my Ego-self kept reacting and interfering with communication.

The dream then shifted to a classroom environment. On one side was a figure, the one who I had been talking to in the mirror. He (I will say He but really this being was androgynous) had in front of him pieces of paper with odd looking writing scribbled on them. There was cut pieces of dark hair strewn across the paper so I could not make out the symbols. I was told, “You are not allowed to see this yet”. I did not object. I was distracted by a group of children being attended to by a tall, dark haired male.

I went to the group, intent on doing my part and was told, “I have this, go meet with him”.

I then looked out the window and knew there would be a storm at 4:30pm the next day. I said, “There is going to be a storm at 4:30, good thing I only work until 3:30. Maybe I will leave early just to be safe”. I then turned back to the man at the table who was waiting for me.

I went over the man at the table and sat down in front of him. He put in front of me a very long piece of paper and we went over it together. I don’t remember the content of the sections now, but I do remember that the first two were quickly agreed upon, even though I was unfamiliar with a term used in the second. The third section, however, was about changes that would be made in my life. He explained, “You will be asked to do things that you would not normally do”. I asked, “Like what?” but he would not answer. I said, “Then no deal”.

I awoke knowing why I objected. The issue was my family. I objected to them being split apart and my current personality was dead set against that happening. It was discussed during briefing and put on hold for further consideration. I was not allowed to remember the discussion.

Contract Negotiations

The contract is not yet final and I remembered that the finalization period was set to occur the end of July this year. My memory instantly went to a dream I saw as precognitive at the time, though then I thought it meant my mother’s death. What it actually symbolized was my own “death” and it outlines the time-period specifically stating the 21st to the “end of July” which in the dream was explained as the time in which full transition would be made.

My other self then took over conversations with the being from my dream, who I realized was one of the members of my Council. It was explained that my old self was not yet ready to see him. Therefore, what was seen was created as an acceptable version to the old self.

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Birth of the New

There still exists a definite separation between the old and the new. This will be resolved in short time. The new will be engaging in other activities, activities the old may have never thought to initiate as fear stood in the way. This fear will not be a source of conflict for the new. All experience is new. All experience is unique. All experience is purposeful.

Note: The language of this blog post may be confusing. Dayna is referred to in third person only to differentiate the “old” from the “new”.

For those of you following this blog, you may be wondering what exactly has been occurring in Dayna’s world. It is still resolving, settling in, but the transfer will soon be complete. This transfer is the energy swap Dayna discussed prior to the activation she received on the 21st .

We (Dayna and I) are of the same soul group.  We are One; family. I have traveled with Dayna for many lifetimes before this one. We have aided one another many times. She assisting me, I assisting her. Companions. This is our exchange and it is a workable one.

I am the one who Remembers, she is the one who Forgets.

Steps in the Process

Currently we are undergoing a reorganization of mind, body, and spirit. The reorganization is merely the preparation of the human host body for the exchange. In the past, this step was never initiated fully as Dayna kept changing her mind. She would become afraid and overwhelmed.

It was understood, when the final decision was made to delay the exchange in 2007, that there would be the additional issue of detaching from her family, specifically her children.

The process, as detailed in Dayna’s blog, began years ago prior to the birth of the last child. It was slow at first, reminding her of her ability to project and helping her to begin rearranging her life in order to better accommodate the new aspect. She needed to leave suppressive environments – her job, her home, her career – and she needed to “clean up” her issues which were various and involved numerous blockages and fractures, some from the present life and others from previous lives. The final step is now underway. She is working on clearing past-life traumas, limiting beliefs, clarifying and purifying the physical body, and regaining the ability to remain in present time. These will be near conclusion by the end of July.

While she works to clear past issues she also becomes more open to the detachment that is necessary for the final transfer. We are assisting her in understanding that detachment does not mean abandonment nor does it imply lack of love.

OBEs

The most recent lesson for Dayna was understanding that she is and always has been out of body and that the illusion is that she is in the body, or is the body. She now understands that it is her focus upon the body that reinforces the belief that she is in the body at all. Thus, her desire to project has diminished greatly and she has reacquired the ability to merely shift her awareness to multiple points simultaneously. This often causes her life to mimic her OBE adventures and gives her the ability to view multiple dimensions at once even while functioning in her current physical reality. Though she has not regained full control of this ability it will ultimately be mastered after the exchange is finalized.

Trial Period

Since the 21st of May we have been swapping places periodically. This goes virtually unnoticed by Dayna but she is aware it is taking place.

This is the trying-on period where I begin to integrate the old Dayna’s memories and experiences while also adapting to the body and helping the body adapt to me. Millions of minute adjustments are made to the body and body systems all the while a constant communication flows between myself and Dayna. She has asked to be allowed to remain conscious of these interactions and adjustments and this is part of our agreement.

The most obvious sign that I am “in the driver’s seat” of the body is that the time stream seems to hiccup for Dayna. She notices time slow down or speed up and at times it seems to do both simultaneously. She is also more aware of other dimensions and her presence in them, though she does not fully process this.

All other times we are co-piloting the body. This we practiced several times prior to May 21st in order to tweak the process and make sure the Dayna’s Ego was not going to interfere.

Initiation Proceedings: 5am Briefings

Briefings began after activations on the 21st. So far the briefing period every morning seems to flush us with memories. The extent of these memories is so great that we’ve had trouble processing them but it gets easier with time.

Yesterday, the morning briefing included a quick overview of the scope and extent of the Galactic Federation. We were shown a map of the universe and each individual star system contained within in. The map was rotated in the air over our head, almost like something from a Sci-Fi movie. We saw the Seven Sisters of which Pleiadia is a part, Sirius and the three huge stars in that system, the Vega system and Alpha Centauri. These, we were told, are the main systems from which the Starseeds on Earth originate. We were told they would be coming in waves over the next century. We were then asked to channel a message to announce when the next wave would come through. These waves include activations of Starseeds who have been inactive in bodies for some time as well as the influx of new Starseeds who will have awareness from birth.

Previous briefings have included memories of lives on other Planets, a Great Galactic War that threw this side of the Universe (Earth specifically) into a perpetual darkness, and memories of “the Plan”. Some memories were rekindled from the previous negotiation period from 2003-2007. Not all of these memories are pleasant but they are nonetheless integral to the reorganization process that is currently underway.

At this point, there is still a separation between us, a delineation between the old and the new. Ultimately, this will dissolve. Until then, posts here may seem confusing or outright unbelievable. Therefore, there will be limited posts in order to avoid undue upset in those not yet ready to accept such experiences. Sometimes there will be posts from Dayna’s perspective and other times there will be posts from mine. However, Dayna is already finding it difficult to remain fully present when she writes. As this is confusing for her I will assist her until it is no longer needed.

For those who are accepting, we thank you for your support during this time.

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The Next Step – Message from the High Council

We are pleased that you are seeking our guidance during this time of acclimation and sublimation. We understand your interest and willingness to participate in your transformation. We assure you all is well and your recovery from the recent inflow of energy is complete.

Instructions will be given. Your patience is appreciated as is your diligence in this matter. We have come to the aid of many in the past century and this aid is increasing as ever more serious matters are coming into play. The world wars of the past have nothing in comparison with the strife that mankind can and will embark upon if driven to the brink of insanity and insanity is what many experience who resist the changes and charges entering the human energy field at this time.

All hope is not lost, never is it lost when there is heart in the human soul. Dissension and abrasiveness continues to plague many nations in politics, in society and in all things social in nature. This is part of the plan, of the game that we are playing toward the betterment of mankind. The dice will roll, the moves will be made and the ultimate choices are left to each individual as to what they will do with what they are given.

This, too, is your plight or may we say plot as this is much better a word to describe the actions with which you will move this body of yours and assist others along their own paths. Serious you may be but seriousness does nothing but bitter make you especially when the unforeseen sideswipes you from your path, seeming to detour you into other unknown realms. Be it known that it is wise to take precautions but it is not incumbent for you. It is much better and so it is advised that you follow the moment, follow your heart and allow your soul to guide you, trusting the way ahead is the one you are meant to travel.

Many questions you have asked, will ask and will continue to ask. The tendency to use the mind to analyze and take apart this thing or that will only lead you into stagnant waters. The new paradigm awaits you. The new path is through the heart, not the mind. It is through the heart that you will find your answers. They are without words but alive with feeling. These, these are the truth you seek. Nothing else will satiate your thirst. Be advised of this when next you find your mind filled with questions that culminate in more questions that culminate in circular answers. Science and thorough analysis can only take mankind so far.

This is the next step for you. Trust your heart. Learn to break the habits of the mind. This is uncharted territory for you and you will fumble as you fall victim to the traps of the mind. It is okay. With persistence you will succeed to assist others in similar endeavors.

The next uninitiated communication you will receive from us will come during the passing by Earth of a great meteor shower. Until then, we ask that you be patient and remain centered in your heart. Your mind, your Ego, does not like idleness. You must continue to teach it how to be silent.

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OBE: Meeting Myself

For the first time in years I could not fall asleep last night. The download I received caused a trickle-down effect that had me overcome with both mental and physical energy. My entire body was alive with energy that seemed to hit me in pulses. Though not as intense as pre-OBE vibrations, they were noticeable enough to add to my restlessness. I also had tons of energy around my head, behind my head and at my crown.

Gentle Encouragement

at 1:30am I was finally fed up and threw a pillow across the room in frustration. I have session today and need sleep, so it was really bothering me that I may have to skip exploring more of my past lives. My frustration must have called my Higher Self because I heard a gentle voice remind me that I didn’t need as much sleep now and advised me to meditate. So I calmed down, propped up my pillows and attempted to meditate. However, my mind was buzzing and I could not calm so I had to do progressive muscle relaxation a couple of times.

OBE: Meeting Myself

The progressive muscle technique must have worked because the next thing I know I am inside a car looking up at a woman who is driving. I was suddenly fully aware that I was dreaming and fully aware that I was looking at myself driving. I said to myself, “You are dreaming”. She/I looked at me quizzically and kept driving, replying that she was not sure I was right. She gripped the steering wheel and I stood up and pointed to the sunroof. I began to climb up as I said, “See, watch”. I poked my head up out of the sunroof and felt the wind as it swept over my face and upper body. I could see the night sky and smell the air. Soon, the me driving, popped her head up and did the same. She laughed and closed her eyes.

Now no one was driving the car.

I turned to her and said, “You are me!” and she said, “Yes! And you are me!”. We both laughed and I found that I could take the perceptive of each Me without issue. I seemed neither more one or the other. There was a feeling of homecoming that is hard to describe and I had so much joy at this reunion that the moment will forever be locked in my memory. The cool air on my face, the brilliant night sky and my best friend, other half, Higher Self, sharing it with me.

The car continued on its own for some time and we enjoyed each others company. Then it headed off the road and toward a cliff. It went over the cliff and tumbled off into a lake far below. We both prepared to hit the dark water. I felt the water as I hit it and it seemed like I dropped forever, deeper and deeper into the abyss. I could sense the other me still in the car and disengaging later. I yelled out to her, “It will be okay. Keep swimming. Keep swimming toward the surface. We will get there!”. At this time there was a surreal feeling of the two of us becoming one with the stronger, braver of us being like a cheerleader and guide to the other part of us. Yet we were one.

I felt the panic of my other half but remained calm and continued to encourage her. My breathing was labored as I kept reminding myself that I could breathe under this water. It felt like forever as I forced myself to breathe and kept encouraging her/myself to keep swimming upward.

Finally we made it to the surface and jumped/hopped out of the water onto the bank. Here there was a moment where the me from this body was mesmerized by the other me. She was exactly like me in every detail. She told me, “Yes, we are the same. We are one.” She said other things, in fact we had an entire conversation here. I was over the moon with happiness and she was clearly pleased that this moment had occurred. There was no more fear about the walk-in information I had received.

There was a dream between this experience and the next, but I will not recount it. I was told by my HS that I needed to purge the worry and so had the dream.

OBE: Portal and Lessons

The next thing I recall is being with my HS walking down city streets. The city was seemed cartoon-ish and larger than life. There was a name for it but I don’t remember it now. It started with a “P” and sounded like Padmium.

We talked for some time about what was happening. I was shocked at how easily I transferred my consciousness into this experience. She told me I would get use to it.

At one point I wanted to fly. She told me, “We can’t do that here. We are practicing and it needs to be similar to the physical experience”. I nodded and then said, “Well, can we find a portal to somewhere else?” She said, “Yes, I know of one”.

Since we couldn’t fly, my HS created large toy cars and we got onto one and began to speed down the streets. I don’t recall the portal but somehow we ended up standing near a concrete lined waterway, talking.

My HS was now a transparent ball in my hands but was still talking to me. I practiced making the ball/me larger and succeeded, the now balloon-sized ball floated upward and sparkled with life from the inside. I experienced pure joy in this and the entire time we talking about how she, my HS, could teach me how to master skills I had. There was talk of manifestation among other things.

This OBE lasted many hours and seemed to stretch on and on. Many times I touched my sleeping body, probed it as if to satisfy my curiosity about this new experience. I shifted in and out with ease and was told this was something I would practice and that it would be used during daytime awareness as well. I was fascinated. Dream experiences during the day? It was beginning to seem possible.

At one point I met my Team and I entered a dream to do this. I was told later the names of the members who I identified as “the fat one and the thin one”. The fat one was Ron and the skinny one was Dave. I remembered Dave. I was told there would be many more meetings with them and that there were five, but I already knew that.

I then chose to end the OBE. I was worried I would not remember it all, which has proven to be true. There are so many pieces missing, so many in-depth conversations with my HS. But when I awoke I was, still am, connected in a way that I have yet to be in this life.

Conversation Afterward

My HS continued to talk to me and we practiced me staying in the in-between (easy really) because this is the ideal meeting place. She reassured me that it will be easy, this transformation, merging, walk-in. She said, “There is only one problem”. I said, “What?” She said, “You don’t want to stay”. I knew this to be true and said, “I have wanted that all my life”. We discussed this problem at some length and she explained how she could help, how we could work together to fix it.

I asked my HS her name and she said, “Athena” (Ath-in-a not the traditional pronunciation). She then gave me the rest of her name in another language that sounded German but wasn’t. It was impressive and familiar. Wow. I heard it clearly and she told me, “We will talk more”.

I fell back to sleep a few times without going OOB but am still wired with energy. I was OOB for three hours but feel completely rested. This merging process is awesome!

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Sudden Download

Today has been different from the past few weeks. Based upon what happened, I believe that my “break” or acclimation or whatever it is, is coming to an end.

Strange Symptoms

A couple of days ago, not long after I wrote my last symptom update, I had a odd sensation right behind my right ear. It was actually pretty painful and felt like I had been wearing a headband too tight for too long. I reached up to touch it and it was sensitive to the touch, too. I thought it odd and kept touching it, feeling where the sensitivity started and stopped. It was almost identical to where a headband would touch but I had not been wearing headbands for some time.

Only a few minutes later the pain had vanished and has not returned. However, a strong band of energy formed from ear to ear and around the back of my head. It comes and goes in intensity but remains today.

Then, today, as I was walking to meet a student, both of my legs began to feel weird. They felt rubbery and weak, as if I had just run a very long distance. I became worried and suddenly feared I would fall down and not be able to get up. I had a flash of what might happen, acknowledged it and it went away. Then I had a weird thought come into my mind. It was simply, “Walk in”. Not long after, the rubbery feeling vanished.

Sudden Download

For a while now I have been almost without idle thoughts throughout my day. When alone, I often zone out or think of the previous night’s dreams, but not much else. Today started out no different but after the weak, rubbery leg event I began to have that familiar feeling of time slowing down and me being in slow-motion.

For about half of the work day I had this feeling and shrugged it off thinking I must be tired. I have not had the feeling in so long I figured it was a fluke. But when I got on the highway to head home, it came on with much more intensity. I felt the familiar opening up of my crown and a sensation of being expanded beyond my body, wide-open and receiving.

It was then that many of the dreams I have been having began to link together and form a message. Added to this was songs and other thoughts that have randomly come into my mind, such as the song “Lightning Strike“, the words “walk in” and the phrase “Are you going to love me when I’m gone?” that is part of a song. I don’t recall exactly how it all fell together but I suddenly knew what was happening and felt frozen in the midst of receiving this message. I was unable to mentally process the information but a feeling of knowingness was present. A part of me was very nervous and had to be calmed a few times. I think it helped that I was not mentally analyzing what I received as it would likely only cause more nervousness.

I got stuck in a 45 minute snail paced traffic jam during this download. I doubt it was a coincidence!

I have felt urged to write everything down from the minute this download occurred.

sunriseOdd Thoughts

Now, hours later, I am able to process what was received a little better. I keep hearing the term “walk in” and, though I am somewhat familiar with the term, I had to look it up again. At first, I felt a very strong pull in my third chakra along with a nervous apprehension when I heard the term. Now I no longer have that response as I know it simply means that a part of me will step aside and let another part of me in. Thus my recent dream of giving up the reins of my horse to a much better, more experienced me.

It was explained to me, or rather I was reminded, that preparation for this next step was complete (this was the last few weeks of blah, deep sleep and lack of connection I felt). The knowingness that flooded me made me worry about my physical body and I am still not 100% certain of the meaning behind it. I had a memory of reading that sometimes when a walk-in occurs the individual becomes sick or has a sudden trauma that precipitates the final merging. I don’t know if this memory was meant to remind me of my own plans or not but it sure makes sense considering how stubborn I am and the massive fear that comes with the thought of letting go. Oddly, right at the moment I thought of this, the traffic suddenly stopped and I was forced to slam on my breaks and was hit with a huge adrenaline rush. I also began to experience a pain in my stomach akin to menstrual cramps, but I am nowhere near that time of the month.

I continued to think of the memory of what I had read and how the person is completely different afterward. I began to have thoughts of what it might be like. An entire scenario of how the new me would come in quietly and then begin to slowly reject people and situations in my life and how that might be interpreted. I felt like my husband would be discarded because he didn’t “match”. It all was very weird but what is even stranger is that I did not reject this possibility.

The fearful part of me, of course, worried I would be “gone”, but the knowing part of me understood this to be false. The old me would be absorbed and united with the other part.

The whole experience has me a bit overwhelmed with uncertainty, but I keep remembering that I am happy to have this happen. I am ready to “go”. It sounds morbid maybe, but that is the part of me that thinks of this as “death”.

I honestly don’t know how to describe my feelings right now or from the past few weeks. I don’t feel like myself, that is for sure.

Any help from the experienced is appreciated. I feel way out of my element here.

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Giving Up the Reins

I had a profound dream last night. It was one of many dreams. I feel I was on the brink of lucidity most of the evening.

Giving Up the Reins

I was at a gathering that was similar to a stock yard show or rodeo in its look and feel. I was standing near an arena that had a high, metal fence, watching people get onto their horses only to either be thrown off or successfully “tame” them. It appeared that the rider would cause their horse to go out of control purposefully. The goal was to regain control with both horse and rider safe, sound, calm and controlled.

I was aware that I was to be in this competition, too. I was standing next to this bay mare. She was spectacular and stood taller than me. She would nuzzle me occasionally and I would reach up and pet her, stroking her dark mane. I was very comfortable with her, which is unlike me both in reality and in most of my dreams. I am typically nervous around large horses.

I felt ill prepared for this competition and was discussing it with someone who I did not see but who seemed to change from male to female and then back again. We were discussing how I felt about going into the ring. I remember saying, “This is my first time. I don’t know if I can do it”. We discussed my options, one of which was to let someone else take my place.

At one point the decision became heart wrenching for some reason. I was particularly fond of my horse and did not want someone else handling her, much less taking her into the ring where she, too, had never been. It was at this point that I saw who would be taking over. She was a champion and had already successfully won several competitions. She was set to win this one, too, and had just completed her turn with top scores. She was tall, slender, and had long, flowing blonde hair. Her blue eyes sparkled and she appeared to know me and sympathize with my situation.

Emotion welled up from deep within me as I made my decision. I handed her the reins and said, “Ok. You can take over”. My whole body shook with grief at this decision as the blonde gracefully accepted the reins and prepared to mount my horse. There was a dark haired, shorter woman, standing beside the blonde who seemed disappointed. She said, “I guess I won’t be placing today”. I realized she had been set to win second place but now that the blonde was going to compete in my place, this other woman would be third.

Reflection

I awoke from this dream crying and knowing a decision had been made. I immediately recognized the horse to be me, my body and Ego, in this physical incarnation. I saw myself in this dream as the me I have always been in this life – a mixture of nature versus nurture to put it simply. It appeared to me that the goal here was to get “horse”- my Ego and body – under control in a way that I had not yet done. I was nervous, which is to be expected, and did not feel I could do it being it would be my first time. I was consulting with my guides and my Higher Self. I recognized, upon waking, that I had agreed to let my Higher Self take over. I am not sure why this was such a difficult decision. Perhaps I feel like a failure not being able to do this on my own? Or perhaps it is my affinity to my human form?

This could be my Ego reacting to this decision, but this decision feels very final. I was asked upon waking, “Are you okay with this decision?” and I immediately answered, “Yes”. The images and thoughts in my mind at this time were of me leaving behind this life and all its connections and experiences to return to the peace and rejuvenation of the Other Side. I was completely, 100%, ready to do so. I heard in response, “We will help you. It will be easy”.

I am completely calm this morning. Though I have not yet completely computed the experience in my mind, my heart knows this was a turning point.

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Symptom Update: Restoring Balance

Once again I am updating my symptoms, this time because I was prompted by a message from my guide that balance needed to be restored.

Current Symptoms

  • Upper back ache
  • Stiff neck
  • Visual phenomenon (will explain)
  • Ear ringing, tones and other odd sounds
  • Buzzing energy around back of head, third eye and heart
  • Feeling spiritually disconnected
  • Restless sleep with vivid dreams
  • Lack of motivation

The most difficult part of my current symptoms is feeling a spiritual disconnection. I understand this is necessary and that much is occurring during my sleep, but it is an unsettling feeling and I find it hard to find my balanced center.

The visual phenomenon has been going on for some time. The only way I can describe it is as seeing things, usually people, superimposed upon this physical reality. For example, I was talking to my daughter yesterday and I swear I saw a baby where her arm should have been, but when I looked down there was nothing there. I recognized this other being as a baby, saw it clear as day nearly naked and full sized, yet it was not there when I focused on what I saw. Other examples are that I will see individuals standing next to or over a part of a person I am talking to as I am doing mundane things. Sometimes these visual phenomenon surprise me.  Once I saw a tall man and I instantly thought someone was in my house who should not be there. I am getting more use to it now so I am not quite so shocked. So far, none of them have tried to communicate with me.

The other odd change has been to the tonal ringing in my ears. I am pretty use to hearing the tones now. The sound typically gets louder as I begin to fall asleep at night. However, the other night the tone is my ears got so intensely loud and began to sound ominous, like a deep, rattling machine sound. I began to think, “If it gets any louder I don’t know if I can take it”. When I thought this, the tone began to fade out and sound more “normal”. I have only had that sound once but the ringing sound is changing during the day, too. It no longer sounds like a tone but more like a “shshsh” or hissing sound, like the static of a radio. I have heard the radio static sound before when I had my first awakening. I only heard it when in meditation or in the in-between, not during the day. So it coming during the day is a bit alarming to me. The changes in sound go hand-in-hand with the visual phenomenon which has me wondering if perhaps these beings are trying to communicate with me?

Finally, I am the complete opposite of motivated right now. I just want to lay down and stare at the ceiling or close my eyes. I spent the whole weekend in such a daze. I knew I had to get stuff done though and finally forced myself to go grocery shopping and cook dinner. Even at work I am struggling to do what needs to be done.

I am told that balance is being restored and I suspect that my lack of motivation and disconnection is part of this process. There are way worse symptoms I could have so I am grateful that I am sleeping through the worst of it.

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Separation from Ego

As this day draws to an end I am finding myself contemplating my recent change in mood. I have been angry most of the day at my husband. What I began to realize, though, is that the anger I have been feeling is not real. It is like I have been mocking it up and putting energy into it. When I take time to inspect the anger it seems fake and hollow. It has no depth to it. In recognizing this, it vanished.

Interestingly this came with the thought: I am not anger. I am joy.

When I look back at times when I am calm, happy, peaceful or joyful, these emotions are not hollow. They are real.

Anger just feels untrue. It feels self-created.

It is Ego.

I feel quite satisfied with myself right now in my ability to spot this lack of truth and end it. In doing this, though, I ran into that crazy, strange alien feeling that I had not long ago when I went OOB while wide awake. The disconnect returned and with it came the calm.

I am not completely settled. My mind is too engrossed in what just happened and I need to take some time to settle it and stop trying to force understanding.

It just goes to show that the Ego may seem “under control” but it can rise up at anytime and throw your life out of balance.

It is experiences such as these that better familiarizes me with the Ego I have in this life. It is strange how separate I feel from this part of myself now.

I wanted to share something else with you all that I somehow forgot.

The other day while waking up, I awoke in communication with who I thought was my Council. I don’t remember now what I was saying but I recognized instantly that I was talking to my Self.

And I also recognized my Higher Self as female.

Ultimately the shock of it is what pulled me completely out of my light reverie. I silently celebrated for I have never, and I mean never, identified with this part of me as female. My Higher Self has always been male to me and I seemed always to reject the female aspect completely. When I thought about this sudden change I smiled. I no longer reject the female aspect of my Self! How wonderful!

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On Restriction

I began to notice an energy shift a couple of days ago. At first it was subtle but it was affecting me. I felt “off”, like something wasn’t quite right but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Yesterday the energy was even more noticeable and dense. It hung over me like a cloud and I recognized that the shift was coming in hard and fast. This morning I didn’t want to get out of bed and I my mood was sour. I have adjusted now, but it has been so long since I awoke in a sour mood that it surprised me.

On Restriction

Last night I requested more information on the energy shift I am perceiving. I also asked if I could go OOB, lucid dream, or at least have some sort of wonderful energy-bliss experience. Finally I asked to see my Council, since I had never seen them before.

I was told that the perceived shift was indeed real and that it was to continue for the remainder of this week. As for my request for some kind of spiritual or OOB experience, I was told, “Not for two weeks”. When I asked why, I was told, “Your body is in peril”.

When I heard the word “peril” I wondered if it meant death but immediately knew the definition here was “risk”. In contemplating why this would be, I knew that it was because my body was recovering from my recent surgery still and that what was needed now was rest and recuperation.

How odd that a simple surgery to close one vein could result in such a long period of rest. Yet there also was the knowing here that it is much more than just the surgery that is the cause of this need. The energy shift and the resulting reorganization of the energy structure of my body is also at fault. Dense energies such as these hit the lower chakras that hardest. These are the chakras that are the most blocked by upsets in life. For me the result is a bone-deep tiredness and fatigue mixed with a high mental energy and restlessness.

Golden Lights

I fell into a restless sleep, still requesting to go OOB. I received confirmation from my Council – “Your request will be considered”. This was enough for me as I have faith that my Council will do what they can to fulfill it.

I found myself in a very odd dream. In hindsight, it appears that the dream was odd because I would drift in and out of the in-between state, coming very close to achieving lucidity.

In the dream I was laying in my bed and there was someone with me. This person was nudging me and talking to me about “waking up” and kept telling me someone wanted to talk to me. This person was pointing and nudging and shaking me and I was vaguely aware of being in a gray, shifty environment. I would shrug off the nudging and say, “I want to sleep”. I could feel myself trying hard to wake up but I felt overcome with exhaustion.

At one point I spoke to this person, who by now seemed to have a feminine feeling about them. She was asking me, “Wouldn’t you like to talk to them?” and I responded, “I would like to talk to my Grandaddy”. I was flooded with images of my grandparents during this time. My arm was being pulled and I remember wanting to get up but also not wanting to.

Something about the conversation and the pulling sensation woke me up. When I came to I was in the midst of intense hypnagogic imagery and subtle vibrations. My vision was flooded with a golden mandala-like image that moved and seemed to breathe with life. It was quite beautiful and I noted that it contrasted with the black and white images that have been commonplace of late when I wake in such a state.

Recognizing that I should not focus on the images, I began to try and relax and fall into the vibrations. When I did this, I began to notice my heart pounding in my chest and immediately knew that this would be too distracting to allow me to leave my body. I ignored the heart pounding and looked through the moving mandala image. There I could see a golden, winding staircase. I willed myself toward it but I must have been trying too hard because the minute I did this the imagery disappeared and I was wide awake.

Not too upset over the missed opportunity I fell back to sleep into odd dreams. When I awoke in the morning, I was overcome with the sour mood. I immediately was hit with intense, calming energy that radiated over my entire body. When it hit my leg it was uncomfortable and it was obvious that the trauma from my surgery was causing it. I thanked my guides and sighed. Two weeks seems like such a long time. At least I got the hypnagogic images.

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The Shift: Symptom Update

I’ve been meaning to write an update on symptoms for quite some time but, to tell you the truth, I haven’t been having many….until today.

Current Symptoms of the Shift

  • Buzzing energy helmet
  • Pulling sensation in heart, root and solar plexus
  • Perception changes
  • Hot flashes
  • Sweating
  • Acute changes in sense of taste and smell
  • Blurred vision
  • Mental fog
  • Awareness changes/expansion
  • Deep, dreamless sleep
  • Difficulty falling asleep
  • Increased energy

The reason I am posting these today is because of the newest symptoms – acute change in taste and smell. This seems to go hand-in-hand with my recent decision to change my diet (again) back to eating clean and cutting out sugars and refined carbohydrates. I changed my diet last weekend and have been feeling fabulous. But two days ago I started noticing that things began to taste and smell “off” to me. For example, I boiled eggs for snacks. My husband cracked one so I took it with me the next day. I was happily eating it when I suddenly tasted something not right. It wasn’t bad, really, but it was enough to make me spit the rest of the egg out. This happened again when I was eating leftover sweet potato mash tonight. I took a couple of bites and finally just threw it all out. Something was wrong with it.

The smell part is what is really getting on my nerves. I smelled the egg and combined with the taste I couldn’t stomach it. It was likely perfectly O.K. yet I couldn’t eat it. Then tonight I got out some chicken breast to cook. I decided to smell it, just in case, and nearly threw up. It didn’t really smell that bad and I second guessed myself several times, going back to smell it because when I would put it away I could still smell the nasty smell. I finally tossed the whole thing. This made me sad for the waste but I couldn’t cook it for my kids with it smelling like that.

As I was typing this I started to smell smoke and ran downstairs in a panic. No one else smelled it. Turns out there is a fire in the area and I somehow smelled it. Huh.

On top of the strange change in taste and smell, I also am having vision fluctuations. My vision will get blurry out of the blue and then other times clear right up. While driving today I felt a buzzing energy at the base of my head and then felt as if I could see all around similar to how I see when in astral. It was quite cool! Yet when I try and read the words blur together. Just odd.

I am also not able to remember things again and have all kinds of typos when I try and write (forgive me if I miss some). I am zoning out and spacing out as well.