Tag Archives: ascension

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Revelations from my Past

In the summer of 2003 I began writing a journal of my experiences. I did this at the urging of my guides in order to chronicle my spiritual awakening. The journal covers the time frame from 2003-2007. I printed it out and put it into two, three inch binders and have not thought of it much since then. Yet yesterday I thought I should get it out and read. So that is what I did.

I am currently in the Spring of 2004 and have already discovered that I forgot well more than I thought I had!

Kundalini

I have long suspected that what I experienced in from 2003-2007 was kundalini but I wasn’t completely sure of this. I didn’t remember enough of the energy sensations or other symptoms. I am now certain it was kundalini, kundalini that was triggered spontaneously through meditation.

My first experiences with kundalini were generally ignored or passed off as unknown physical issues, panic attacks, mental problems (depression) or something else. I often experienced intense surges of energy that would come into me all at once and then move out. I assumed this energy was that of my guide and thought no more of it. I had chakras turning on and off all the time. I thought it normal – just a part of a spiritual awakening. I oftentimes would become so full of odd energy that I would become thoroughly nervous and anxious and have to escape somewhere to get away. I listened to the people who I associated with, assuming I just needed to “ground and protect” because the energy was either Spirit energy or the sometimes negative and overwhelmingly intense emotions of the people who I came into contact with.

I found an entry I wrote of conversation I had in May 2003 where I was told, point blank, by a person I knew in a chat room, that I was “preparing to ascend”. That was not the first I heard of ascension, either, but for some reason I just didn’t consider it important I guess because I never focus upon it in my journal. So I answered my own question about whether ascension was even known about in 2003. It obviously was, except to me who was oblivious.

Finally, I talk quite a bit about having an overwhelming sexual energy that I cannot avoid that followed me through the rest of the 2003. Not only was I having spontaneous orgasms during sleep, meditation and OBEs but I was also in two very intense relationships, one of which was so difficult to disconnect from that I grieved it for many, many months afterward.

This is what I have found just so far. I suspect I will discover much more as I get further into my journals.

planetsExtraterrestrial Contact

This is where it gets really bizarre, especially for me who shies away from anything E.T.

On September 28, 2003, I wrote down a long conversation I had with my guide. Her name was Leslie and this conversation was prior to my meeting Steven:

When I first began speaking with Leslie, I had many questions about evolution. Who are we? Are we descendants of chimps and apes? Or are we transplanted extraterrestrials left to colonize Earth?……

First of all, we are genetically altered versions of Andromedans and Earth primates. The planet Earth was first used as a source of minerals and other natural resources, a mining planet used for its richness in many minerals and substances depleted on the planet of our origin…..The first people of Earth were not human. They were of an ancestry millions of years old and from many light years away. These beings were very spiritual, are very spiritual, and had an extremely advanced culture of their own on other planets…..When the population of Earth was created, Earth had been through the Jurassic and other evolutionary processes which resulted in the rise of mammals…..The Andromedans saw the potential for Earth as a new colony….Earth gave them the opportunity to refine the species more because the primate, the most sophisticated human-like animal, was a social and emotional creature. These social and emotional qualities were what Andromedans view as a special aspect, a part their own species that had been lost over thousands of years of evolution.

The entry takes two pages, single spaced, so I won’t type the whole thing here. It goes on to say that it took the Andromedans a long time to perfect their genetic modification – lots of trial and error. They ended up only manipulating a few genes and created Homosapien but he was lacking culture, social structure, and norms and values, which took generations of evolution without interference. So they deposited them in pockets around the Earth and left them to “evolve” without interference. The longer humans were left untouched, unguided, the harder it became to interfere in their evolutionary development.

I go on to say:

Now, we humans are in a state of change. Our biology is changing. Evolution is bringing us back to that spiritual center we once had. Our emotions are causing us to feel stagnant. Human biological needs are met through industrialize society. There is no longer the urge to survive as in the past. So, the time has come to awaken the spiritual side. The genes inserted by the Andromedans are now becoming activated. More and more people are experiencing psychic phenomenon. Soon, the Andromedans will visit Earth again to take note of our progression. When they do see we are approaching an age of spiritual enlightenment and telepathic communication, they will make themselves known to us once again. At first there will be more sightings of unusual aircraft and electromagnetic interference. Later, they will actually make contact and reestablish the ties we once had.

Their ultimate goal, and one we should not fear, is to rejoin the human population in order to add the component of emotion into their species. We are what they hope to become. Once we reach that period of spiritual enlightenment and telepathic thought, they will return to complete that goal.

Now, if you are like me, you are likely reading this with disbelief and then thinking, “This is complete B.S.”. Maybe so. I cannot prove any of it, but at the time this information flowed out of me with such ease and clarity that I had no doubt there was truth to it. This was also before I had ever heard of any of the E.T. information on the web. I actually still know very little because every time I try to research it I feel repelled by it. It is also interesting to me that Atlantis was a colony established by the Andromedans.

Pleiades

Fast forward to May, 2004. I have since met Steven and for a time another guide named Amoradon. He tells me he is from the Pleiades and provides me with quite a bit of information which I find fascinating.

Here are some of the things he tells me:

I was discussing spirit guides with Amoradon. He told me that the council is a group of spirit guides who assist Earth Travelers (Steven has always called me an Earth Traveler and his term for a guide is Companion Traveler – I now find this interesting as well).

Me: Does everyone who travels Earth have a council?

Amoradon: No. Only those specified in the Great Plan are allowed to counsel with the council.

Me: What is the Great Plan?

Amoradon: It’s God’s plan for humanity.

Me: Is there only one plan?

Amoradon: Yes.

Me: Are the members of the Council also Earth Travelers?

Amoradon: No. They are those to which we go to seek knowledge here at Home – Pleiadia. They have lived many lives and have had many life lessons learned. To pass on their knowledge is considered a great privilege.

The conversation goes on but doesn’t make much sense to me. He mentions the Council of Pleadia and the Elders and going “beyond God”. He defines “beyond God” as “the planes of existence which surround God. It ‘exists”‘ where God is NOT. We are God, ‘existence’ is the womb of God. God grows, expands, and gives birth to new Gods (us). We are of God and of all other Gods”.

Not long after this conversation, I am taken while OOB to a place that is beyond beautiful and am told it is the Pleiades. I have various visions of my guide wearing an interesting mesh outfit. I get such clarity in my visions that I even draw them in a notebook.

Eventually I become overwhelmed by all of this and ask to not be shown or told anymore about the Pleiades or Andromeda.

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Trapped Energy

I couldn’t sleep last night. My mind was quite active and my body was as well. I could not keep still!

Somehow I managed to drift off to sleep and had an odd, semi-lucid dream about energy work. I awoke from this dream feeling very off and fidgety. It is hard to describe really what I was feeling as I have not ever really felt it before. Yet, I somehow knew what was wrong without knowing how I knew.

Trapped Energy

When I woke up from the semi-lucid dream state I was in, I was overly warm. I won’t say hot but I felt an intensity of energy that was pulsating in different areas on my body. This weird sensation seemed to generate a heat from within that made me very uncomfortable. The heat was not so much physical as it was spiritual, but I did feel warmer than normal.

The odd sensation made me feel the need to move and squirm. I guess I thought it would help but it didn’t. The more I moved, the more uncomfortable I got.

I was suddenly hit with the idea that I needed to focus on the energy and see where it was in my body. When I did this, I felt energy in spots all over my body. I felt it mostly in my lower body and abdomen. What is odd is that the energy would be in a certain spot and then jump to another spot. It was like I had polka dots of energy all over my body and they were lighting up and then going out only to transfer to another spot.

Recognizing that I needed to do something with this strange, haphazard energy, I got up out of bed and sat in a chair. I planted my feet firmly on the ground and focused on sending energy from my crown down into my feet. I did this for quite some time, visualizing a flow of energy down my spine and into the ground. As I did this, the fidgety feeling got less and less. After about five minutes, my eyes began to droop and I felt very relaxed. It had worked!

When I got back into bed I felt the energy was still not settled like it should be. I asked for assistance and felt the need to do Reiki on myself. I placed my hands on my midsection, where most of the energy still lingered, and focused on pulling energy out with one hand and pushing on the energy with the other. I eventually felt I should place one hand, my right one, palm up. When I did this, I felt the energy subside even more.

As this was happening, I felt energy settle over the top of my head around my third eye and up to my crown. I felt like I was wearing an energy helmet. I knew this meant I was receiving healing from my guides. Thank you!

Then the energy in my midsection intensified over my root and second chakras. It was a bit painful in my lower back. I just continued to focus on moving the energy out.

I felt all at once that I needed to focus on bringing energy in from my crown, so I moved my hands to my head. I did this for a little while and then felt I needed to use my hands to push the energy down. So I went over my entire body with my hands in a sweeping motion, pushing the energy down past my knees. I did this about six times.

Finally, I felt the need to move the energy out from both sides of my body. So I started in the center and with the same sweeping motion moved the energy to the side and then down. I did this about three times.

Feeling balanced and calm, I was able to easily fall asleep. I now understand why some people who experience this weird energy feeling find they need to sleep on the floor. I wonder if what I felt was what some people call “vibrations”? I could feel a buzzing within the dots of energy but it was not like the vibrations I get when about to go OOB.

Symptom Update

  • Ringing in ears
  • Popping in ears
  • Skin irritation/dryness
  • Vivid dreams
  • Energy fluctuations
  • Trapped energy
  • Restlessness
  • Moodiness

I have either a ringing or popping in my ears daily now. It is like I am changing altitude when I get the popping and the ringing is very slight, almost unnoticeable. The restlessness has been more intense. Yesterday I went on three walks and I have been feeling more inclined to exercise, feeling it is needed now more than ever. After last night’s weird energy issue, I can see why I was drawn to be outside so much that day.

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Sewer Cat

Yesterday was a weird day. I say that because I had such an odd feeling most of the day. I felt unmotivated and restless. I was moody and negative as a result. My mind kept focusing on two things: my physical health and my happiness.

Skin Issues and Concerns

My dry skin issues continue. Thankfully my face has dramatically changed from bad to good. I was experiencing tiny bumps, redness and dryness all over my face. Prior to that (this is going back to August last year) I had chin acne that looked more like lesions that I needed antibiotics to clear up. Now my face feels baby soft, is clear and radiant and if I do get any acne it clears up overnight and without redness or irritation. So that is the good news.

The bad news is that I am getting more itchy patches of skin. This started about six weeks ago with a patch of eczema on my arm. That went away. Around the same time I saw a strange looking spot on my right leg that looked like it was healing. I had no idea when it happened so I kept an eye on it. Since then, the sore has not healed and now looks like a pink mole. Additionally, the itchy patches have spread to both of my legs and one elbow and forearm. Though they are bothersome, especially after a shower or at night when I am trying to sleep, they are not getting larger or causing that much trouble. I use to get rashes on my legs in the past and always had to take get steroids to get rid of them. I was told it was an allergic reaction to something but the cause was never identified and since it didn’t happen much I just let it go. I suspect I will have to get steroids again to rid myself of this irritation.

The pinkish bump is what is bothering me the most. I have an appointment with my dermatologist in three days and I suspect she will want to biopsy it. Yuck. Of course I think the worst case scenario – that it is some kind of cancer – and have been scouring the internet to figure out what it is. It looks mostly like psoriasis or basal cell carcinoma. Neither is a concern to me but more of an inconvenience and a bother. I really don’t want to have to have to deal with either.

Happiness

It has been a long time since I have felt truly happy and it has not gone unnoticed. I have tried to keep myself busy so as to not think about it too much but it is pointless to try to run from the truth as it will eventually catch up to you.

I won’t go into the details about what exactly it is that is causing me to feel this way in part because I am not exactly sure what the source is. I will say that it is not the first time in this life that I have felt this way and I suspect that it originates not only from experiences in this life, but in past lives as well.

I was shown in a vision this morning two dimly lit rooms attached to the side of my house. When I saw them I said to my guide, “We don’t go in those rooms”. He said, “You should”. I recognized the symbolism and mentally went into the rooms, noting that the floors were drab and dingy and needed to be replaced. I thought about renovating them and felt up to it, but nothing happened and the vision vanished. I recognized the message, though.

I have read online that the ascension process leads to all kinds of life changes. People sell their houses (check), relocate (check), leave their jobs (check), experience death and loss (check), leave relationships, and often do things that others consider out of character. This is purposeful in that it is part of the healing process as people begin to recognize those things in their life which are not true to them.

If I reflect on my life in the past year, I experience most of the above changes. I left my negative job in February, 2014 only to again change jobs in August, 2014. In this juggling of jobs, I moved from full-time to part-time and it has relieved my job-related stress. I also had my third child in March 2014 and took six weeks of maternity leave. While on maternity leave, my husband and I decided to sell our house and relocate. Then my grandmother died in May 2014. That same day, my house sold after two days on the market. The rest of the summer was spent preparing for moving by finding a new house. At the last minute we found a house. The numerology number of this house’s address is an 11. The two streets leading to the house are named, “Glorious” and then “Ascent”. So imagine driving home every day and reading “Glorious Ascent” on the way to your new home. 🙂

Despite these changes and the relief that came with them, I am still feeling a change needs to be made. My home life is less than ideal; my relationship with my husband strained and becoming more so. I continue to pull away from him and I honestly don’t know why.

Sewer Cat

I went to bed with both of the above issues on my mind. It is no surprise that I had a night of vivid dreams.

The one dream I recall the most involved me coming home to a house that was not mine. I felt very out of place in the dream but it did not “wake” me up within it. There was a little girl there who I recognized but could not remember. We talked and then she opened the front door and let in a scruffy, white cat. She was excited, saying the cat had gotten lost and she was so happy he was home. She mentioned how some people had been abducting cats for profit and she had worried he was one of them. I remember thinking that I hate cats.

Then she said something about hearing a noise. I listened closely and sure enough there was a noise coming from the bathroom. It sounded like a meow, very faint.

The girl ran into the bathroom and came out holding a wet, white cat. It was covered in grime and looked like an old rag. She said, “He must have gotten stuck in the sewer. I pulled him out of the toilet”. I thought that I would rather stay away from the cat. The girl was happy as this cat had been lost as well.

I remember at this time meeting with the girl’s father. For some reason I was staying with them at their house and I slept in the same bed as this man. It was completely harmless as we were both married, but there was an odd energy between us, an energy that pulled us together like a magnet. I was very aware of this energy and trying to avoid it as was he.

As I lay in bed next to him trying to sleep, he moved closer and grabbed my hand. He held it and the magnetism was indeed very strong. There was a distinct sadness to it along with a strong bond that I cannot describe. I snuggled in closer to him and laid my head on his shoulder. The energy was so strong that I began to struggle to breathe because I was holding my breath and pushing the feeling down.

The man turned toward me all at once and kissed me passionately. I felt as if my midsection would explode and the energy was so intense that it woke me up. I lay there wishing myself back into the dream and hearing my guide say, “Its okay”.

The energy was again stuck in my second chakra but it was not painful. It was exploding outward and I urged it upward. It did move up into my third chakra and then somewhat into my heart chakra but then it stopped. I felt the energy needed somewhere to go but I couldn’t get it to go anywhere. So it just stayed, built up within me.

I eventually laid on my side, hoping it would stop, but it didn’t. I finally pushed it down through my feet and it let up. I was able to go back to sleep after that.

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Information Transfer

I almost forgot something very important that happened this morning.

Information Transfer

A little bit of background first. Last night, prior to going to sleep, I began to wonder about what was to come next. I again asked to be shown and given more detail about what exactly I am suppose to be doing right now. I also asked for healing because my collar bone on the right has been catching and becoming quite painful. My guide responded to the first question by telling me, “There is more information, information you have yet to process”. I did not question this as it appeared so obvious. Then he said to the latter request, “Done”.

At some point, during an in-between state that I often find myself in, I became aware that I was doing something odd. I don’t recall exactly when this was during the night but I recall it quite vividly. I will try to describe it the best I can.

I became aware of reaching up above my head into “space” and pulling down energy. I could see my glowing yellow astral hands and astral arms reaching up, grabbing the energy and pulling it down. I then placed this energy inside my energy body, specifically at my crown. I don’t recall there being specific information in this process, only that the energy had density and light and color. The color of this energy was dark, almost black but it was surrounded by light and when it came into my energy body it was absorbed quickly and the dense darkness evaporated.

I completed one cycle of taking energy and integrating it into my own and then went on to another. It was like I was taking bites of food, putting them into my mouth and slowly chewing on them. Bite after bite after bite. I don’t know how many times I did it but eventually my consciousness became too much and I “woke up” suddenly within an energy transfer, astral eyes wide and mind wondering what was going on.

In awe, I looked above at the space where I was getting these dense, dark energy balls. It appeared to be four or five feet directly above my head. I sensed a presence above me as well. It was also dark and hard to make out. I could tell it had human features and was much taller than a human.

My first thought was that I was in communication with something not of this universe. I immediately shut down that thought because it seemed ridiculous. Plus, I didn’t want to fall victim to the extraterrestrial hype that is plastered all over the internet.

But what was it? And what was I doing?

The only explanation I have come up with relates back to what my guide told me prior to sleep:  “There is more information, information you have yet to process”. I suspect that this exchange was more than just energy, it was information. I was slowly taking it in and integrating it. I wish, though, that I remembered more. I guess I will add it to my list of unknowns.

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Come a Little Closer

When I woke up this morning the above song was in my head. It is called Come a Little Closer by Cage the Elephant. The specific part of the song that i was singing was the chorus – Come a little closer, then you’ll see. But the rest of the chorus, which I did not know until I looked up the lyrics, makes quite a bit of sense to me.

Come a little closer, then you’ll see
Come on, come on, come on
Things aren’t always what they seem to be
Come on, come on, come on
Do you understand the things you been seein’
Come on, come on, come on
Do you understand the things that you’ve been dreaming
Come a little closer, then you’ll see

Cage The Elephant – Come A Little Closer Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Interestingly, I felt really good upon waking. My energy was high and I felt excited but I didn’t know why. My dreams had been very vivid and were still very much on my mind. As I thought of them, my guide surrounded me in energy. It wrapped around from behind and came around to the front, shooting from my midsection both up and down until it covered me entirely. The entire time, the song kept repeating in my head.

georgeMonkey on a Train

The first dream I had in a long line of dreams last night was an odd one. I was on a train with many others but we were “working”. I am not sure what our job was and I was only really aware of a couple of other people with me – one man and an older woman who was the supervisor.

As I did my rounds I went to the cargo area of the train. It was huge and piled with suitcases and other things. I remember seeing movement and saw a small monkey sitting on top of one of the suitcases looking at me. He looked like one of those circus monkeys or maybe even a little like a real-life Curious George. I wonder if this was purposeful since I was told the name “George” yesterday in my dream?

I sent someone after him but he ran and entered the train where all the people were.

Caustic Beach

The next thing I recall is being outside in a tropical area. I was talking to someone, a man, about leaving because someone in our group had done something wrong. I walked out toward the beach and saw that instead of sand, there were these strange, small green plants. They appeared to be succulents and were prickly and grew close to the ground. I tiptoed over them, being careful not to step on them. I accidentally did and my foot stung for a bit but I managed to make it to the water. I remember someone asking me why I went that way, knowing what the plants could do. I suddenly saw in my mind a memory of the man who we had been searching for. He ran across the beach barefooted and his feet became swollen and sore from the plants whose thorns and venom made them like raw, open blisters.

We went back to the apartment to “wait it out” before we made our next move. Again, I still felt like someone in our group was a fugitive and I was along for the ride.

While waiting, I began to write down some things on a piece of paper. When I did this, I was instantly transported into a large auditorium. I looked up and saw that I was not alone. I was sitting next to a man who was looking over at what I was writing down. He said, “How do you know the answers? I couldn’t find them anywhere.” I looked at him and said, “It is easy. They are right in front of you”. The man looked quizzical. I looked closer at him and his appearance. He had a mop of sandy blond hair on his head and his build reminded me somewhat of a football player.

Death Certificate

I was again transported to a new scene. I was walking through double glass doors into a building. I saw in front of me a group of school girls dressed in black or gray huddled together in a group. They were various ages but the oldest was no more than 10.

I was approached by a woman, their teacher. She welcomed me and showed me the class list, asking if my name was on it. I looked at the list and saw around five handwritten names in a column. All of them were just first names except one: Linda, J. For some reason I knew this was me and told the teacher. She ushered me to my seat.

The teacher went on to talk to use about class and what we would be doing. She approached me and showed me a sheet of paper. She then asked me to fill in the name of the person who would declare the cause of death. It was then I realized I was looking at my own death certificate. I showed her that it was already written. The word, “Psychica” was written there. The teacher said, “Are you sure you want just anyone’s name there?” I thought about it and began to wonder whose name I should put there. The coroner? The medical examiner? What was the person’s title that I should put there?

It was then I noticed another class next to ours. It was much larger and there was a lot of laughter coming from the class. I wished I could be in a fun class. I peeked around the corner and saw them playing a game. Behind them was the ocean.

I turned to my teacher and said, “I didn’t know we were near the ocean!” She nodded. I said, “I can’t even hear it. It is so quiet!”. Then it was as if clouds or fog lifted and the drab building we were in opened up to reveal a beach with all sorts of people on it. I saw we were on a peninsula, too. Water on both sides!

In front of me I saw a large ship with people on it. They were all having a grand time jumping and partying. Then another one went by. It was pure white and towered high in the sky. People were jumping down from the top and being caught in white capsules that enveloped them. I was in awe.

It was then that a boat came and parked in front of my class. I was told that a game was on going. I watched as people got into seats and began tossing things at me and my classmates. They were suppose to hit us. If they did, they scored a point.

A ball came toward me and hit between my legs. The guy who threw it cheered and I said, “No, you didn’t hit me”. Everyone got silent and then they agreed, he had not made the point. So he tried again and I blocked him with a black and white backpack.

It was then that I was moved to another class. I don’t know why exactly but it was obvious that I was moved. I immediately noticed they were all wearing pure red clothes. I saw familiar faces and felt at ease.We stood together, this small group of five or so (all women), looking ahead. A blonde woman turned and looked at me and said, “You have lots of engrams”. I was shocked. What did she just say to me? I turned to a classmate standing beside me and asked, “Did you hear what she said?” “Yes,” she said, “But I don’t know what an engram is”. I said, “I do. I wonder why she said that?”

When I sat down, the same girl who said the strange thing to me approached me. She had blonde hair cut in layers and appeared to be in her mid-twenties. She said something to me about teaching ELA (English Language Arts). I recognized that she was introducing herself so I told her, “I am a teacher, too, but I don’t teach ELA”.

I thought for a while as did she. Then we both began to talk at the same time. I said, “I forgot, I don’t teach, I’m a counselor”. She said to me, “Oh yeah, I am also a counselor”. I remember feeling that I had said something good. I was remembering something important.

stewardWe are Stewards

I began to feel very weird at this time in the dream. I knew I was dreaming and all the dreams I had been having were coming into my mind at once. The symbolism was not lost to me and I was trying to understand it all. I began wondering to myself, “Why did I have a backpack again? Why was it black and white? And why am I now wearing red? Why did that woman tell me I had lots of engrams? And what was that death certificate about?”

This is when I awoke hearing the song in my mind. I let the energy envelope me.

I continued to wonder about my dreams. The feeling I had was perplexing. Why was I so happy? The energy continued to move through me and it reminded me of the colors I saw in my dream. Black and white. What do those colors mean? Yin and yang? Male and female? And then why did I move to red?

I instantly thought of my root chakra and heard, “We are clearing it”. The energy began to intensify and I hoped it would move into one chakra but it didn’t. It just lingered and felt calming.

Then I heard him say,”We are stewards”. I questioned this saying, “Me? You and I?” He replied, “Yes”.

Then I began thinking about what the woman said to me about engrams. An engram is a term used in Scientology. It is “a mental image picture which is a recording of an experience containing pain, unconsciousness and a real or fancied threat to survival. It is a recording in the reactive mind of something which actually happened to an individual in the past and which contained pain and unconsciousness. It must, by definition, have impact or injury as part of its content. These engrams are a complete recording, down to the last accurate detail, of every perception present in a moment of partial or full unconsciousness.”

The fact that I was told I have a lot of engrams was not surprising to me. I am sure I do. I thought about some of the past lives I have remembered and got a bit nervous.

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222

Initially upon waking this morning at 6am yet again, I was in a horrible mood. I felt a wall of impenetrable darkness descending upon me and I was caught up in it. I don’t know exactly what caused it because I do not recall my dreams now. This is likely because, whilst in the midst of the dark feelings, I swore to forget my dreams upon waking, to not write about them and ignore any messages they might bring. I recalled them at the time of this declaration. I do not remember a bit of them now.

I tossed and turned for some time, the feeling of gloom heavy upon me. I must have fallen back to sleep, though, because I soon became lucid while in a dream.

Service

I found myself in my car waiting in a long line at a gas pump. I was out of the car pacing about and talking to some of the people in front of me. I could see a building ahead of me. It appeared to be the service station but it looked more like the front porch of a country house. It had wood porch beams with red, cracked paint, and wood steps leading up to the porch. People were walking back and forth gathering donations while also taking payment for the gas.

I filled my car and heard a voice say, “I’m George. I will be helping you today. That will be $101.00”. In my mind I saw an image of the bill and the amount was odd. It said, “$.001.00”. I was shocked and said, “I didn’t even fill up my tank”. He said, “It is a service charge. Your car is due for service”. I said, “I don’t want service now”. He said, “Ok. I will adjust your bill”. Then in my mind I saw, “$15”. That was more like it!

Being I did not fill my car up completely, I filled it up again. This time I heard the voice of George again and he said, “That will be $100”. I was confused and then he said, “Oh, I will take the service off”.

I pulled up to the porch where the donations were being sorted and rolled down the window of my Prius. A woman asked me, “Who helped you”. I said, “George. I think”. She stopped a young man who was busy and he stopped. He had a piece of paper or something over one side of his face. I found this weird.

I got out of the car for some reason at this point. I saw a man standing near the edge of the porch. I studied his face. He looked to be caught up in his thoughts. He also seemed sad. I felt sorry for him and wanted to comfort him but since I did not know him, I decided not to. He looked like the Marlboro man and I believe he was even smoking a cigarette. Note: When I first met my guide Steven he appeared to look similar to the Marlboro man – hat and boots and all!

Somehow, the man and I began talking and I saw him as a guy I use to go to school with. I was suddenly aware that I was back in my hometown. He told me that there was some kind of celebration going on and invited me to stay. I thought against it and then heard my name called from across the parking lot. There were girls I had gone to school with. I had not seen them in ages!

They were in a pickup and drove by, asking me to come to the event. I decided to go. “Why not?” I said to the guy. And we walked down the street towards the celebrations. I recall asking what the event was and they said this young boy was going to demonstrate his amazing gift. I don’t know what the gift was but they made it sound supernatural.

Being lucid as I was in this dream, I was still somewhat foggy until this point. I took over the dream at this point and decided to go home to my house. I was instantly transported to a room. I left the room and walked into the master bedroom. My first thought was, “No one is going to be there”. And sure enough, no one was. The walls and ceilings of the room were gray and the room was dark. I saw the bed to my left and on the wall in front of me was a bulletin board. On the board was a large piece of white paper with bright red writing on it. I did not try to read it but the numbers 222 jumped out at me. The red ink had drip marks and almost seemed like blood.

I remember thinking, “None of this matters” and feeling very hopeless about the pointless experience I was having. With this thought I awoke.

222

This number indicates that I am being asked to have faith that everything is happening for a reason. I may not be able to see it now, but there is always a purpose behind everything in life. My guides are asking me to not lose faith and to try not to get caught up in negativity and hopelessness.

Easier said than done.

waitUnderstanding

I avoided writing anything upon waking this morning because I was so disillusioned by all that has (or hasn’t) been happening to me lately. I actually was ready to write a post that said I was no longer going to focus upon dreams and ascension-related issues or kundalini. I really felt done with it all when I woke up.

What I have since realized is that what I am feeling is very normal considering what I am being told. I am not a patient person, haven’t ever really been patient. I like to keep busy and I like to feel needed and challenged. Yet I am being told now that it is not time yet. I am being held back for a reason; a reason that I do not know or fully remember. I recognized also that my passion, my life’s work, is what is on hold. On hold for quite a while, too. How would you feel if you knew your purpose, or at least had an idea or a feeling of what it was, and was told, “Sorry. Not yet. You have to wait”. How patient would you be? Could you wait a year? 5? 10? 20?

These exact same conditions occurred for me after my first awakening in 2003. I did not listen to the warnings I got back then (so new and over zealous). I embarked on a journey that I was destined to fail because I was not ready yet. The timing was wrong. I was forewarned, told it would be four years. I didn’t want to wait. I remember my guide saying to me when I made the decision, “You will regret doing this”. He was right, too. But at the time I thought it was the right move.

Now it seems I am fulfilling other promises I made. I know who they are to. My husband. My children. Maybe to others as well.

The waiting is hard, but I have done it before. It is odd to me how I know when it is “time”. I get told. I hear a voice tell me when. Yep. Ha! Call me crazy but that is how it happens.

It has happened three times now. The first was when I left my ex. I heard, “Get out now!” (I will never forget that). The second was when I met my current husband. I heard, “This is it” when we first came face to face. I had been told the night before, “You will meet someone” but I shrugged it off. “Yeah. So I will meet someone. I will meet a lot of people”, I replied. Imagine my surprise to hear “This is it” as I am looking into my current husband’s eyes thinking, “He is my angel”. The final time was last year when I heard, “Leave” and knew it meant it was the right time to sell my house, a house I tried to sell two times before without success. Then there is a bidding war and we made $30k more than our asking price! This and other perfectly timed things happened.

After three times, I do not doubt there will be a fourth. And I do not doubt that timing is everything. I had to wait years for each of these moments. I struggled with the same feelings I have now. It is HARD knowing you are waiting for the next step and can’t take it until everything is just right. Its even harder when you know that if you try to move forward too soon that you will face much more misery than if you just waited. I only needed to learn that once. Not again.

So I will suck it up and wait. God help me. This will be hard. I know just under four years before the next step. My guide says, “That is not a long time”. Yeah, well, you come down here and live it. Then maybe you will think differently!

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Toy Store

I awoke in a very sour mood this morning. Not only did I wake up at 6am on my day off (again!) but I awoke with an answer to a question I asked my guides upon sleeping that did not make me happy.

Green Serum and Classroom

The dreams I had last night were part of why I woke up feeling so negative.

Green Serum

In one dream I was with small a group of people. Some I recognized. They were all people associated with my husband. Specifically, his boss, who died last November from double lung failure, was there. The whole dream centered mostly around his boss. He was receiving a treatment for after his death and was being taken to a special place to be rejuvenated. The treatment was in this large container that reminded me of those tubes you put your deposits in at the bank. Inside was this gelatinous florescent green liquid. I could see the large bubbles in it and my focus was on this tube most of the dream.

I went along with the group as my husband’s boss, we will call him Bob, was taken to a facility that specialized in rejuvenation. I watched as the group gathered around him in a circle. He was in the middle holding the cylinder. I remember that his arms was the primary focus at the time. The people appeared very knowledgeable in the process, as if this was their primary, or only, purpose.

After watching this, “Bob” came up to me holding the green cylinder. We spoke but I do not remember what about. The only thing I remember him saying is, “I’m sorry”. I accepted his apology and thought nothing of it. I had no issue with what he had said to me when he was alive (he had called my guide a “Demon”). Note: Later, after I woke and recalled the dream, I got angry at him for not writing a will before his death which caused major issues for my husband at work. Maybe he was also apologizing for this?

The others then approached me and were trying to get me to go to the facility to have the samegreen procedure done. I do not recall feeling resistant but instead they seemed to try to be selling me this opportunity; convincing me to do it. I remember saying, “I don’t care about the wedding”. This is the second dream in two nights where I resisted attending a wedding.

At this time I remember everyone separated into their own little spaces in the room and did their own thing. Bob went with his cylinder and took a shower. I stood watching and not knowing what to do, so I began to cook up a pot of meatball stew. I remember Bob came out and commented on the stew. He loved food when he was alive.

Classroom

The next dream I had was of being in a classroom of very young children. The desks were being rearranged and the teacher was a female who appeared to be in her 20s. I suggested a new position because the desks were too close together. It was then I realized I was fully grown like the teacher but was sitting at a desk with the students!

The teacher told us that while we waited she was going to give us an assignment in advance because we were farther ahead than she anticipated. She said, “You can get a head start”. The assignment was a puzzle and there were phrases we were suppose to match with current movies. There was no list of movies either. I immediately told her, “I don’t know of any movies. I have three kids and don’t get to see movies anymore”. All the while the other kids were easily matching movies with quotes.

I looked up and around the room. The teacher’s desk was not a desk. It was this large, golden colored podium-thing similar to what a council sits behind. I saw no council just this high-standing, ornately embellished golden piece of furniture. It seemed very out of place.

Not Now

Before bed I had asked when I could OBE again and when, if ever, I would have another energetic/Kundalini experience. I also asked what I was suppose to be doing now (again) as I do not feel anything is happening other than the same ol’ same ol’.

My dreams revealed to me that I was to stay in the same pattern I am in for a while longer. How long was not revealed but the feeling I awoke with was that it could be another long stretch. Really the message was clear: “Not now. You are trying to go too fast. You need healing”. Yeah. Okay. More healing. Great. Seems to be a never-ending process of “more healing”. What about more OOB exploring? What about the fun stuff?

I was shown a memory from just the day before. My daughter had wanted a specific toy that my son was playing with. She didn’t want it until he was playing with it. Prior to that she couldn’t care less about the toy. When I told her that she had to wait and suggested she find another toy, she went into one of her agonizing, painful screeching and moaning episodes. You would think she was in the midst of the worse agony ever! “But I want that toy! I don’t want to play with anything else. All the other toys are boring. I don’t like them. They’re no fun. I want that toy!”. No amount of pointing out all her other toys, toys she had previously enjoyed playing with, would change her mind. She went on to say that my son always got what he wanted and she never did. How it was not fair and I didn’t love her, etc. etc.

The memory hit me suddenly and the message was not one I could avoid, especially when my guide said, “Why don’t you look?” This was in reference to the physical. He was basically telling me that I was acting like my daughter. My focus was only on the toy (astral/spiritual) that I wanted to play with and all other toys (possible substitutions in the physical) were “boring”. Considering I had just been whining about how “boring” my life is, that there was nothing exciting about it, I felt very unhappy with my guide at that particular moment. How dare he!

I won’t go into the mental tantrum I put on for a while longer after that (eyeroll).

When I finally calmed down and gave up on trying to get some kind of reprieve from my apparent misery, I was covered in psychic chills. I initially resisted but heard, “Let me” and so relaxed and they intensified. It does instantly calm me down. But I was left with a sad, apathetic feeling. I don’t like that feeling at all. I honestly feel a lot like how I did as a kid when I would be told to go to my room for hours at a time or was grounded for a week and couldn’t go outside to play. What is it that I am suppose to do while I wait?

Toy Store

I must have dozed off after this conversation with my guide. During this time I had a lucid dream or vision, not sure really which it was.

I was in a room full of toys. It appeared to be a toy store actually. The shelves were piled high with toys, all the way to the ceiling, and even the isle behind me was full of toys of every shape and size. They all had a golden glow about them.

I was wandering around, looking at the toys but feeling disinterested in them. I felt someone was watching me and out of the corner of my vision noticed this man, as clear as day, crouched down in the corner of the room watching me. I felt nervous, as if I had been caught doing something I shouldn’t be doing. I decided to ignore him, but something in my mind “woke up” and I thought to myself, I know that man!”

I turned back around and looked at him. He stood up from his crouch and walked toward me. He was taller than I had anticipated and I had a very “Uh-oh I was caught not doing my job” feeling. I also felt like he was my supervisor. I was overcome with a familiar feeling. I have gotten it in life when my supervisor would come into my work area to observe me. I always feel on edge when this happens, like I need to do my best and look like I am doing what I am suppose to even though when my supervisor wasn’t around I would often slack off.

The image of this man was quite clear to me, which surprised me. I also recognized him, which threw me off and increased my awareness. He was tall and fair skinned with medium brown hair that was cut short. He was very ordinary looking but attractive at the same time.

After realizing he was my guide, I said to him, “You are watching me like a supervisor watches his employees”. He said, “Yes”. I came out of my reverie and digested the experience, thinking of all the toys that were around me. He said, “You have so much to choose from”. I felt very ashamed of my behavior then. He said, “What would be interesting to you?” He was asking me to think of what “toys” in the physical I would like to “play” with. I told him I wanted to feel intensity of emotion again. Other than that, I honestly don’t know.

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Working on the Heart

Yesterday was a good day overall but by the time I went to bed I was not feeling very positive about it. I had started to convince myself that everything that had occurred the night before and morning of had been untrue or ego-created. It left me with a deflated feeling and I could not fall asleep.

My guide interrupted my self-pity and said, “None of it has changed”. I told him I thought that the idea of me training to become a guide was ego-influenced. But the feeling I got from him was to stop thinking about it and meditate. So that is what I did for some time. I focused upon my body, starting at my feet and moving up to the top of my head. As I did this, I focused on how my body felt to see if there was something I was missing that my body was trying to tell me. Besides a few stiff joints and tense muscles in my chest and neck, there wasn’t much I got from this exercise. After I finished I rolled over and attempted to fall asleep but this time it was not immediate. I was caught up in thoughts about my work and solutions to a situation I have encountered (not a big one).

My guide once again interrupted my thoughts when I became a bit irritated by my wandering mind and lack of sleep. He said, “Focus upon your blessings”. So I did that and my mood immediately increased. I fell asleep not long after.

I’d Leave it All

I woke up sometime in the middle of the night from a dream I no longer recall. In my head was one phrase from a song called Budapest. The phrase I was singing in my head was “For you, I’d leave it all”.

I lay there singing the phrase over and over in my head for a while until it dawned on me that it was a message from my guide. I immediately knew it was about being a guide and commented to him on it. The phrase was very representative of a guide’s job. They are selfless in their work, compassionate in their nature and patient and loving with their charge. In effect, they “leave it all”, “all” being themselves, behind to do their job.

I again told him I thought that there was no way I was training to be guide. I had none of the characteristics that one would need to be a guide. I was impatient, selfish and quick to frustration and anger. My guide quickly reminded me, “You are not the same when you are here”. The impression was that when we are not in a body that all the flaws we had while in it are expressed to a lesser degree. Some of them are nonexistent when one takes into account the pure love and acceptance that exist on the Other Side. Impatience is tempered with understanding. Selfishness is nonexistent as there is no Ego to contend with. And frustration and anger are felt only as a memory of our human selves.

I have always been told that all guides must keep more of a connection to their human experiences than those who are not. I never asked how this was done. Since hearing that my guide has two other lives in the physical while also being a guide in the spiritual, I am guessing that the way guides maintain connection with their human experiences is because they are currently in a human experience!

I fell back to sleep after recognizing there was more to being a guide than I first thought.

krising1Walking-In

I found myself in an odd dream state. I was in school and I knew I was a student. What grade I was in, I was not sure but it was definitely elementary. I felt very out of sort; not myself at all. I was in a classroom sitting at a desk and looked around at the unfamiliar setting. I remember a boy who sat near me and other odd things that happened in between the recollections of being in the school. Is was like I was popping in and out of a scene and a body.

Every time I found myself in this classroom and in another beingness I was confused. Where was I? Who was I? What am I doing here?

At one point I was eating lunch. I stayed in the classroom because I did not want to be around the other kids. The boy stayed with me. Who was he? Why was he here with me?

I only recall a bit of this lunch experience. I had two drinks, one was a red colored juice. The boy questioned me about it. I told him, “I like having two drinks”.

I then found myself walking through the halls, stopping at the bathroom. I took a good look at myself in the mirror. The image was very vividly clear and unfamiliar. The girl was not me! She had long, wavy, dark blonde hair that went to her waist. Her face was round and she had large, sad eyes. She was quite stunningly pretty. Then, I looked at her body and saw she was wearing a sleeveless, light colored dress. Her arms were much too big, though and the rest of her was well. I remember being taken aback by how fat she/I was.

I looked again at the girl’s face to take my mind off of her fat. I was hit so suddenly with a repulsion of the way her body looked and felt ashamed for thinking it. I thought instead about how pretty her face was but could not help but think what a shame it was that her face was not pretty enough to distract from her obesity.

The dream continued on for some time after that. There was an encounter with a couple of dark skinned kids. The girl was very interested in getting this me to be her friend but there was something sinister about her that repelled me. She asked a lot of questions and requested that I be her partner for a class assignment. I sought out the boy instead, distrusting the girl. She seemed to want to do bad things and wanted me to help her do them. I was the quiet, shy, smart girl. Why would she want to be my friend? The whole situation felt very off.

I awoke from the dream not sure what to make of it. As I went over the image I saw in the mirror I realized this girl was me. Maybe a past me or a current me that I am unaware of. The rejection and sadness that hit me from focusing upon her memory was surprising to me. The fear of rejection strong and the disgust at her fatness even more so.

Working on the Heart

Later in the morning I recalled something my guide had said to me that I had forgotten. He reminded me that our work was not done and I instantly knew that I would be focusing on clearing my heart. This was prior to me going to bed and so now I am certain this dream, this “walk-in” as it would seem, was to help me recognize where certain aspects of my current personality come from. The most intense emotion came with the thought of being rejected. There was also intense fear of being fat. Interestingly, I have worked hard in this life to maintain a healthy, thin physique, sometimes to extremes. There was a feeling of unease around the girl and an overall distrust of her. In this life, I distrust people when I first meet them and it takes a very long time for me to fully trust a person. I actually don’t know if I really have ever fully trusted anyone. I always seem to be waiting for them to hurt me.

At first the dream had me thinking I must have regressed from “teacher” back to “student” but the feeling of the dream says this is not so. I was completely confused each time I found myself in the body of the girl as if I had been suddenly taken out of somewhere else. The whole experience/dream was very weird. The only thing I know for sure is that this dream initiated a strong emotional response from me. I felt the emotion build up in my chest as I recalled the image of the young girl, her sad eyes and overweight body. She was so beautiful! Yet life for her was misery because she was trapped in a fat body. So unfair!

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Attunement

Yesterday was quite an emotional roller coaster for me. After getting yet another allergic reaction (cause unknown) I took a Benadryl and the reaction went away. Unfortunately I was very drowsy the rest of the day and took an hour long nap because of it. Later, my husband wanted to go out to a movie by himself siting that he had watched the kids “all day” (which was untrue) and I was in no mood for his antics. We had a nice fight which then resulted in both of us feeling exhausted and disappointed. All the time we were arguing I felt an energy settle over my entire head. It felt like my head was a hot air balloon ready to fly away at any moment! This feeling was not ignored and I eventually knew to listen (this was after our fight was done) and saw my wrong in the situation. I decided that every day I would do something nice for my husband above and beyond what I already do. I then apologized to him and told him this, saying he should go to the movie. He, of course, jumped at the opportunity and left within fifteen minutes.

I was left alone with slumbering children but was not tired since I had taken a nap that afternoon. I decided to watch a movie – A Little Bit of Heaven. The movie is about a young woman who is diagnosed with colon cancer. She is told she is dying during a dream in which she meets God (who happens to be Whoopi Goldberg).

While watching the movie I was reminded of how I received my own message last July. I wondered about it for some time and by the time the movie was over I was feeling my guide close.

At bedtime I brought up the subject of death and I was told once again, “You will know when it is your time”. When I asked how, he said, “I will tell you”. I did not doubt it. I had a strange feeling settling over me and my crown and third eye chakras were pulling quite intensely. When I noticed I heard, “It is opening” and I immediately connected all the skin issues I have been having to this fact.

My guide then said a whole lot to me. I do not remember all of what he said, but I was surprised at how much he said. I am use to one sentence or one or two word phrases. This was a whole paragraph and it flowed together very well without interruption. This, of course, has everything to do with me and nothing to do with my guide. I am the one that interrupts the communication – thinking/focusing too much upon it and trying to anticipate what will be said next. I will add that I was fully conscious at this time – not on the verge of sleep or even relaxed. I was very alert and quite awake.

What he said to me basically was that this whole process is what I wanted. The knowing of things to come, the kundalini, the shifts in energy, the spiritual gifts – everything was purposeful. I could see this and he acknowledged that he knew I knew. He told me that the warning of the time I had left was purposeful so that I could “prepare” and I was reminded of the movie and how the girl had time to prepare for her passing. There is a grieving process involved, much like Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, MD’s 5 Stages of Grief.

I recalled the conversation I had with my husband when his boss and his boss’ wife were dying. He asked why people choose to suffer. I told him it was because they wanted time to prepare themselves and their families for their passing. To suffer through a slow death is the most selfless way to die. I told him I would choose that path rather than a quick death, even if it meant I would suffer great pain.

These thoughts all came back to me and I felt I needed to choose. Life or death. As I lay there my guide asked me, “What do you want to do?” I said, “I don’t know”. He urged me to feel from my heart and so I did. I felt nothing for life but when I thought of death I felt great longing. I said, “I want to go”. He said, “Okay”.

I went to bed feeling calm and without upset at this decision.

Dreams and Messages

I had a dream-filled night. The dream I recall most vividly is the one I awoke to. In the dream I was visiting a school and quite happy and full of such energy as I flitted around from place to place. I recall going through an amphitheater where an orchestra was playing. My mom was conducting and as I went through she would stop the orchestra and say, “My daughter! Look!” They would all focus upon me and I tried to hide, not wanting all that attention.

When I left the theater, I met up with a classmate and we were catching up, laughing and discussing old times. She was tall with auburn hair that she tucked behind her ear. We were discussing going through a door, one that was off limits. We hid from a teacher but he caught her. I felt no fear at this because I was a teacher, too. I told her, “Don’t worry, I will handle this”. As I left her I gave her a hug and said, “You are getting taller” and she said, “No, you are”.

I awoke from this dream feeling very high energy and so positive that I was surprised by the amount of joy I felt.

My guide was instantly there and began to speak to me yet again. I cannot recall word-for-word everything he said, but he was again speaking to me about my decision. However, I quickly learned that the decision I made was not what it seemed.

Attunement

In my mind I saw a vision of a beautiful place. I instantly recognized it and heard the name. I am not sure if I have it right but I do know the last part of it contains “Laria”. It was as if I were standing on the top of a tall structure. It was made of a whitish material, some kind of stone. It glistened in the sunlight. I could see a clear blue sky above me and the orange sun was very clearly visible in front of me. At the level of the building were puffy white clouds in all directions. Upon seeing it I recalled the sensation of being there – the wind in my hair and a feeling of of total peace and serenity.

organI told my guide, “I know that place!” and he said, “Yes”. “I want to stay”, I said, as the vision began to fade.

I then saw another image and I knew it was located in beautiful place, Illaria. In front of me appeared a large open area and rising in columns one after the other were what seemed to be beams of colored, translucent light. These were large enough for a person to stand in and they went from the floor up higher than I could see. When I saw this, I thought “It’s an organ!”

I knew each of the beams of light to be associated with a tone or sound and all of them together played “music” except that this music was not like any on Earth. It resonated throughout one’s being, flooding them with not only a feeling but a sound beyond what ears can hear. I remembered the sound. Heaven sings all the time! It is filled with this music! The memory of it even now has me near tears. It is the most beautiful thing and no words can describe it.

My guide was speaking to me as I remembered this place and the feeling that went with it. When I saw the columns and wondered what they were for, he said, “Attunement”. And I knew what he meant. I knew that my own vibration would reach the same vibration as these columns of light. It was similar to tuning an instrument to that of the other instruments in a band. When one gets it just right, such a beautiful, pure, rich, and blended orchestra there will be! All the instruments play as if One. And what marvelous, heart moving music results!

As I was soaking up all of this my guide mentioned to me about how I was at this place and I remembered my dream. I recognized that I was not the only one at this place. I said to him, “There are thousands of others”. He nodded. I recalled how I greeted my friends, my colleagues, in the dream. There was a distinct feeling that I had moved on and they hadn’t. That I was “teacher” and they were still “student”. My thoughts drew a confirmation from my guide. I asked him, “Does that mean I am training to be a guide?” He asked, “Is that what you want?” I thought a bit. I remembered that when I first learned of guides that I often asked if I could be one. I remembered this and said to him, “Yes!”

We discussed the role of a guide for a while after this. I do not think I am a “guide” yet, as I do not feel ready and so I questioned him. “Am I learning to be a guide?” The word “apprentice” popped into my head. He nodded. I said, “But how can I do that? I am living a life!” He said, “I have two lives right now”. This puzzled me. Do guides live lives on Earth while simultaneously acting as guides to others who are on Earth? I suppose this could be. Why not?

I understood then that many were moving into new positions as guides or “teachers”. This was needed in order to help the many others who were struggling to adjust to the changes on Earth. That is when the conversation moved to the ascension, or what is happening on Earth now. I asked why it was happening now. Why now? Why me? And wasn’t it “cheating” to have all this help getting to a higher “level”? My guide, of course, said there is no “cheating”. “It is a group effort necessitated by group need. Transformation is a challenge and such challenge as this requires great collaborative effort”.

It was not until later, after this in-depth conversation, that I realized that my willingness to “die” was in fact a willingness to “live”, just in a different state. It had seemed to me so very real that I would actually die and leave this physical body. I was/am completely open to doing so without hesitation. Maybe that is what was suppose to happen?

Future

I must have dozed a bit after this as I recall a brief dream about dogs and seeing my Trooper romping with a German Shepard. I woke up from this dream still feeling extremely positive. However, I felt again that my guide wanted to talk and I knew instantly what the topic was.

I remembered the dream/OBE I had not long ago when I overheard a group discussing my life. I remember knowing that I was to meet a man, a married man, but I did not think much of this during the experience other than feeling pity for him. As I remembered this my heart and solar plexus chakras lit up with energy. It was a pleasant, warm, buzzing feeling. It was a feeling that made me want to shout out with glee. I understood what it meant immediately.

Rather than be resistant to it, I was open to it but a bit unsure that the idea was a good one. It was then that I remembered the timing had been changed because I was not yet ready. I still believe this to be so. I am not wanting to meet anyone and have that kind of connection. It would be disruptive to my life and would throw me into a tailspin. Yet I was now knowing, again, that it was to be. Why?

The answer I got was that it was necessary. The meeting would be mutually beneficial. For me, it was to help clear some blockages and facilitate much needed healing. Of course, I immediately wanted to know when. I heard “December” right away but then I knew this was not set in stone. Changes had already been made and might be needed again depending on my readiness.

A bit apprehensive still I began to get a bit worried. I told my guide, “I can’t handle that right now. I don’t think I can resist such a strong connection”. I was, of course, thinking it meant the kind of connection I have experienced in this life so far. My guide immediately corrected this idea. He said, “What does it feel like now?” He was referring to the amazing feeling I was having in my third and fourth chakras.

I focused upon the feeling for a while. I could make it come and go just by thinking about this “someone”. Weird. The more I focused upon it, the more I realized it was love. Pure and simple love. There was no sexual desire or misplaced emotion. No expectation. I did not tap into it totally but what I felt was enough to calm me down. This was no threat to my marriage.

But I knew instantly that he would not have the same experience. He would want more. No wonder I pitied him in my OBE.

All of this information is a lot to digest. I know I am missing some of what occurred this morning, but that is okay.

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Ascension Symptom Update

Just a quick symptom update.

Current Ascension Symptoms

  • Loud ringing in my ears that eventually goes away
  • Deep sleep
  • Lack of OBEs and lucid dreams
  • Numbness, usually in hands and/or legs
  • Itchy, dry skin
  • Rash on lower legs
  • Restlessness
  • Energy fluctuations
  • Trapped energy
  • Burning sensation on surface of skin
  • Allergic reaction (skin)
  • Intensity of physical body sensations
  • Feeling disconnected from the physical human form

The ringing in my ears has been on and off. One day I had the ringing very loudly in my left ear that lasted for quite some time. The next day at approximately the same time my right ear did the same thing. Then the next night I had the intense influx of energy that made both my ears ring and clog up similar to a very high pressure sensation. I suspect this particular incident may have been Spirit merging with me that caused the high pressure feeling from within as the energy moved in from the right and then exited from the left. It left behind energy, though, which I then had to push down and out my legs.

I still mostly get the numbness in my hands and it goes away pretty easily. I have been feeling restless in my legs, like there is trapped energy there. I have moved the energy out and it helped but last night the trapped energy feeling was so intense that I could not move it out and had to lay on my side to alleviate it. When I questioned why this was happening I was shown energy coming in through my crown and stopping in the middle around my solar plexus. I also saw energy moving up from my root chakra but then the flow was blocked at my sacral plexus. So, the energy is not able to fully circulate as it is suppose to.

I have also noticed a little thing that I feel is much bigger than it may seem. I have been focusing a lot on my sense of feeling. Not only am I experiencing odd sensations on the surface of my skin – numbness, tingling, burning – but everything feels more intensely.  For example, while walking from one building to another at work I walk across this gravel surface. As I walked I was keenly aware of the rocks crushing beneath my feet and it gave me a little chuckle. I could feel the change of positioning the rocks created as my foot moved across them and it thrilled me. I have also noticed that when I am touched it feels extremely sensitive, more so than usual. I wonder if this has anything to do with the skin changes I have been experiencing?

Finally, I have been experiencing what I can only call a “disconnect” from the human form. I no longer really care that much about how I look. I don’t wear makeup when I go out of the house (except to work). This is very out of character for me! I have been forgetting to take showers (I know, gross!). One day I forgot after four days! The hair on my legs was like a forest. EEK! I am also highly intrigued by the body at the same time. I spend a lot of time just observing the different shapes the human form can take. For example, while observing my daughter in gymnastics, I kept focusing upon the human form and all the differences, admiring it in a way I normally wouldn’t. I briefly wondered if this was how Spirit sees the human form? Am I being shown this to remind me that I am NOT my body?

Edit: While typing this, I began to have an allergic reaction again. I don’t know what to, but my ears, face, neck and shoulders are burning and hot and I am getting a rash as well. Just like last time. Benadryl to the rescue. 😦

Sudden Urges

Along with the above symptoms, I am getting tons of ideas and thoughts and a strong desire to not only write them down but also speak about them. I am so busy, though, that I do not get enough time to write them down and when I finally sit down at the computer to write I feel like I need to be “prompted”. What I mean by this, is I feel like I need someone to ask me questions in order for me to say what needs to be said. This is very frustrating for me because I do not talk to people who are experiencing what I am experiencing. I communicate with them via FB or my blog, but that is it. In fact, I know no one close to me who is going through what I am going through. Yet what I am feeling needs to happen is for me to be prompted into action in order for what I am feeling inside, this welling up of information, to come out. And I hear one of my guides say, “That’s quite a conundrum”. I think one of my guide thinks this is funny. Poo!

Since I cannot find the prompting that is needed, I will just write some of the ideas that have been coming to me. I am not sure yet what I will do with them, but at least I can free my mind of them for the time being:

  • EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and trauma
  • Reiki and other forms of healing on the sick and elderly
  • Reiki and other healing modalities to transition an individual to the Other Side; releasing fear of death
  • Video taping myself (talking about what I don’t know)
  • Children and ascension

I know I am missing some of the topics that have crossed my mind this week, but oh well. They will come to me if needed.