Tag Archives: ascension

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Symptom Update

Although I have already written today I wanted to update you all on the physical issues I mentioned in a post last week.

Vision Concerns

Early last week I noticed that the vision in my left eye suddenly had gotten blurrier. I suspected my contacts no longer fit and so figured I needed to go to the eye doctor since it had been nearly two years since my last visit. I went in on Saturday and got all the normal vision tests and this new picture of my retina that is now offered in place of dilation. I wanted to make sure I didn’t miss anything as I was sure that my vision had gotten horribly worse and that I may have some kind of macular degeneration or something bad like that.

The doctor was very nice and somewhat chatty, which was okay. He told me what the computer said my prescription would be and it nearly matched my current prescription. When he tested it out using his machine (not sure what that huge thing is called) he told me that it appeared that my left eye vision had improved and that I needed a prescription .25 less than I had. He said that the headaches, dryness and blurry vision was likely caused by over-correction of my vision. Ha! And here I was thinking my eyes had gotten horribly worse. They got better!

I was sent home in a new pair of contact lenses that had the exact same prescription as my others because they did not have the new prescription I needed in stock. When your vision is over-corrected it is like squinting into the sun – just too bright, thus the headaches and eye fatigue. So in a week when my contacts come in I hope that my headaches get better.

Oh and it is no miracle that my eyes improved. The doctor said it is normal as one approaches their 40s for their near-sightedness to get better (sigh I’m getting old!). He says he sees many of his patient’s prescriptions completely change from near-sighted to wearing reading glasses! Since I got lasik back in 2000 there is a chance this could happen to me sooner rather than later. Perhaps it already is?

Circulation Concerns

Another issue I was worrying about was overly cold hands and feet along with aches in my legs and what appeared to be an increase in spider veins. Rather than go to a vein specialist and get tons of tests, I started taking niacinic acid (niacin) because my research said it helps with circulation. Niacinic acid is the kind of niacin that causes a flushing of the skin. This often comes with a prickling hot sensation. It actually looks like you have a sunburn and even feels similar. I had the flushing for the first couple of times but now I don’t get it anymore. I am taking 500mg in the morning and then again before bed. My feet are much warmer as a result! Yay!

Dry Skin

Something that has been a major issue since moving to the city in July has been overly dry and irritated skin. I first had major acne issues on my face. I got those under control with antibiotics twice only to have it come back with a vengeance afterward. I suspected the antibiotics were actually messing up my stomach, disrupting the normal balance in my system and so when I stopped taking it everything went out of whack making my issues worse. I swore not to go back on the antibiotics and I haven’t, but I have been struggling with dry skin everywhere ever since.

The last straw for me was getting eczema on my wrist. I don’t get eczema so I saw this as my body crying out for me to do something different. I researched eczema and came across Aalgo.com and their organic seaweed powder. I ordered some and used it on my face three days in a row and saw significant results. My eczema disappeared after two treatments! I still have not had time to take the bath yet but that will be next. If you are struggling with eczema, psoriasis or any other dry skin condition, I recommended Aalgo.

Diet Sensitivities

With all my physical concerns I finally followed a thought of mine that asked me to consider changing what I was putting into my body. Water was the first on the list. When I moved I left behind well water. Untreated and naturally mineralized, I have been drinking well water since my birth with rarely a time in my life when I was not. I suspected early on that the water I was drinking and using here in my new home was the cause of my skin issues. I began drinking 8.8 alkaline and mineralized water last week. So far I think it is helping. I intend to keep drinking filtered and alkaline water. I really think the treated stuff is damaging to me.

Besides water, I have begun to lose my appetite for certain foods and my intuition has been telling me to change what I eat for some time now. Lately I have been skipping eating when I am hungry because nothing looks good in my fridge or pantry. I stumbled across the GAPS diet online and ordered the book, Gut and Psychology Syndrome by Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride. I am still waiting for it to be delivered and I don’t know how much of the diet I will follow but I was drawn to the GAPS diet because of its focus on balancing gut flora. Something about the information I read on the page said to me, “Get the book and do this”.

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Root Canal

After the message I received yesterday morning about being “reset” and to listen to my body, I spent most of my day wondering what was going on but not really understanding. I was very tired and grumpy all day and had a headache that just would not go away. The tiredness got the better of me and I was able to lay down for a brief rest. I didn’t really sleep but I rested. This is not normal for me as I usually am not near tired enough to even lay down and get anywhere near relaxed for very long – too much to do! The headache was a dull ache at the front of my head that would spike into more pain and then dull out. It did this in cycles throughout the day and at its worst I even took some Ibuprofen but it did nothing. The pain remained.

Vivid Dreams

I was so tired last night that I went to bed at 8:30pm. I had two distinct dreams that I recall.

28,000 Years Ago

I don’t remember the first dream so well now, but I remember enough details to have an idea of what it was about. The main things I recall was being in this small house that had been converted into a meeting area. I was inside with a bunch of other people, all men. I remember the walls were stark and reminded me of an old house from the 1800s – white-washed plank walls, wooden floors, and rectangular in shape. There was an old fireplace also that no longer worked and was only about a foot deep and bricked up.

I was the only woman there and was dressed in 1800s style with a long dress and corset. I was talking to a man but he was doing most of the talking. There was talk of war and I recall seeing a map and discussing the time period. Oddly, we were discussing all of Earth history as I was telling him about Alexander the Great, Egypt and some of the wars that occurred over time. I was looking at a map of the U.S. with him and all of these great nations were written over the top of the map. The US was mostly uninhabited as I recall yet we discussed how people had migrated there way before historians theorized.

It was at the end of the dream that I remember discussing 28,000 years ago and what was happening in the Americas. Most of the conversation is lost to me now, but upon waking I realized we were discussing the role of women in history and how it changed over time. I researched 28,000A.D. and found that this was the time when man began using stone tools and developing culture. Much of what I have found shows that women during this time were held in high esteem and honored, holding status equal to or above that of men.

Training as a Lesbian

The next dream I had is very memorable.

In this dream I was with mostly women and I recall being with a friend of mine I use to know many years ago. She was very sexually promiscuous at the time and very fiery and spirited. In the dream she had come onto me and I had at first struggled with her interest in me and then figured I would just see what happened. We hugged and that was it because she stopped and said, “Not yet”. I then was led by her to a bus to go on a journey to a friend of hers who had taught her how to be a lesbian. I remember being conflicted during this time because I am not interested in women at all and the thought of performing oral sex on a woman is gross to me. I remember thinking about it for quite some time along with the worry that my husband would be upset. I later decided he would not care because it would be with a woman and not a man.

On the bus my friend was driving and we went through a gate and traveled a long, dirt road that was very winding and hilly. It went through mountains and valleys dotted with old farm houses and villages. The first house we went by was occupied by a small family and the hut they lived in had a large lake behind it. I wanted to stop but felt I needed to go on.

We then stopped in a small town. It appeared miniature upon closer inspection and in retrospect I realize I was flying during this part of the dream and peaking into all the windows. The village was made up of tents and a one-room schoolhouse. When I looked inside the school it was empty except for a stamp or something similar in the color purple. All of the tents and other houses also had this inside them. I remember talking to one of the woman from the bus during this time but do not remember our conversation.

I got back into the bus and my friend set it on cruise control. However, as it approached a large hill it began to speed up. My friend asked me to help her by pressing the brake, so I did, but I felt nervous. She steered it around a sharp curve and all was okay.

I then found myself at our destination. I never saw the outside but inside it appeared to be an old castle with dark gray stone walls. We were given books and the friend of my friend was preparing to teach me the art of being a lesbian. After a while I found another book laid upon my bed. It was an old book with a red leather cover and I remember being told I was to read it as well. At one point I was reviewing the table of contents and saw how many chapters were there. I did not recognize the words of the chapters and so skipped down to the end to writing I did recognized. The last chapter was entitled, “Knowing”. I asked the teacher, “Why do we need to go through all these chapters before we get to “Knowing”?” Then I asked, “Why can’t I just learn by doing?”

I remember looking over at my friend and she was tending to her nose – she had a nosebleed. She went over to a pool of water and began scooping buckets of water out. I saw that the stone pool had birds perched on the edge which flew away when she drew the water. They looked like small cactus plants – little round, green cactus birds with thorns all over them!

I looked into the pool and saw it was almost dry and the water was dark like the castle walls. In fact, everything was dark and dank. Yuck.

yinyangMessage: Root Canal

When I awoke I felt my root and third-eye chakras buzzing and it felt as if the energy was pulling – the root chakra energy was flowing down and the crown chakra energy was pulling up. My lower back was aching and my headache was back.

My guide, who revealed himself to me as my Healer whose name is “George”, then showed me what appeared to be a long, white and fuzzy tube stretching along my spine through each of my chakras. It’s diamater was approximately 8 inches. I then heard, “root canal” and remembered the visual I had gotten the day before of the teeth. “So my chakras are getting a root canal?”, I asked. I got a nod and feeling of, “Yes” as the answer.

He told me that for the next couple of days this would be occurring and that I would likely feel discomfort, maybe even sick. He showed me that my third-eye was open during this time – very open – which explains the headaches I have been having.

I then wondered why this was happening. It was then that the dreams I had began to make sense to me.

To dream that you are a lesbian, or in this case training to be one, symbolizes a union with aspects of yourself, self-love, self-acceptance and passion. Ultimately being lesbian represents being comfortable with ones sexuality. So it appears I am being led, or taught, how to reunite with the feminine aspects of myself.

I began to understand why I needed a chakra ” root canal”. The purpose of a root canal is to clear out infection and then bring the tooth back to normal functioning. The same would hold true with chakras. Each chakra and the pathways between them is being cleaned out and then will be brought back to full function. I was shown that I have much past “decay” from past lives where I was victimize or brutalized as a woman. As a result, I associate such treatment and the resulting feelings with everything that has to do with being a woman and femininity.

I thought about this for a time and recognized those things I associated with being a woman: passiveness, degradation, fear, timidity, weakness, powerlessness, pain. My guide reminded me that there are good aspects related to the feminine: compassion, sensitivity, nurturing, sympathy, love, support, patience. All of these things I also deny in/to myself when I deny the feminine aspect of myself.

I admit, I am not very excited about this chakra ” root canal”. I was told there is nothing I can do to stop it. It has already begun. I asked what would happen after and I was shown that I would undergo more kundalini energy fluctuations. The image I got was that new energy, or white light, would pour through the newly cleaned channels and fill each chakra. I was told this would not be pleasant and I got a sense that I may be experiencing my own spiritual trauma as a result. Not exactly something to look forward to.

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Reset

The energy was different last night. It felt like it was building up from the day before as I had been anxious most of the day for not reason. It did not feel as if I would have anything interesting occur in the night but when I thought about what it might mean I heard a song in my head: It is Well With My Soul. I began singing it aloud and started to cry because I was hit with such a feeling of love and support along with so many wonderful memories of growing up singing gospel songs with my family, especially memories of my grandparents.

I fell into such a deep sleep that when I was awakened sometime in the night I could not remember my dream, though I knew it had been an important one by the way I felt. I tried and tried to remember it, but it seemed I was too tired because the more I tried to remember, the more tired I became.

Virus

I soon found myself in a very intense dream. It was intense because I felt the energy in it moving me along. The energy was especially intense in my mid-section.

I entered a school in the dream and went into a classroom where I was met by a man who I did not recognized. He was tall and thin with a short cut beard and mustache and was wearing old fashioned clothing like from the 1800s. I don’t remember what we spoke about but I do recall he was trying to get me to kiss him. I was concerned someone would see us and pointed out the camera in the room. Eventually, though, I gave in and allowed him to kiss me. I felt nothing from the kiss and left the room soon after.

I realized not long afterwards that I was working at a school either as a teacher or a teacher of teachers (most likely the latter). I mingled with some of the teachers and then opened up my laptop to retrieve my presentation. When I logged in the computer seemed not to be mine and was filled with pornography video titles and films. I tried to get the computer to turn off but it wouldn’t and I finally had to unplug it. I was extremely embarrassed that my coworkers saw this and explained that the images were not mine.

I then opened up my phone to try and access the document I had not been able to access on my computer and found my phone had also been taken over. My list of contacts was gone and the screen was black except for a list of videos with sexual names that took the place of my contacts. I recall one video began to play and it had a name like Hot Penis’ and Juicy Cunts. I was horrified!

By this time the teachers had moved to the other side of the room and I began to calm down a bit. The images flashing on my phone would not stop and eventually I became curious about them. I watched an image of two men who were obviously about to get sexual and then shut my eyes. I then opened them from curiosity but willed myself to focus on trying to contact support.

I managed to contact someone via chat and he gave me a list of computer virus’. I knew I had the first virus on the list and asked him what I could do about it. He told me, “Nothing. It is a lost cause. All you can do is wipe the hard drive”. I was in denial so decided to try to reset my phone hoping it would at least give me access there.

merry-go-roundShort OBE

I was awakened suddenly by the screams of my baby. I got up and tended to him. It was 5:30am and he wanted solid food so I gave him some rice cereal. He began to doze off while eating so I put him back to bed but my husband yelled at me and it got me upset. It went back to bed but it took me a while to sleep because I was irritated.

I soon found myself in a house. My vision was shifty and mostly in black and white. I was waiting for my children to be dropped off by the bus but somehow knew the buses were all out of commission for a while and so the kids would be coming via carnival rides. I watched as a merry-go-round came by my house. It was on tracks and appeared to be in a line with other rides and set up like a train.

My two older children got off the train and a nice man came in with my baby boy in his arms. He was similar to the man I had just seen in my previous dream and was smiling and cheerful. He said something to me about it being cold and that he was sorry about the open air transportation my children had to use. With that, he bundled up my baby real tight. Then, when he saw how tired and depressed I was he told me, “You know registration is open for the early childhood school?” I hung my head and said, “Yes but we don’t qualify for that”. He nodded his understanding. I continued, “We make too much money”. I was filled with upset about how the only way I could get decently priced childcare in this country was to be miserably poor. The man’s face showed that he completely understood my predicament.

He left me with my children and I sat at a table all by myself moping and staring out into the darkness of the room in front of me. I looked at the table and began to organize it. As I did, I noted how vivid the objects were and I said to myself, “I am dreaming”. It was then that I began to see the room more clearly, but it was still in grays and browns and very dim.

I got up and wondered where the man had gone to. I also remembered my previous dream and felt I should see if I could initiate astral sex with the man since it seemed obvious to me that I needed to. Within moments I changed my mind about that since the man was nowhere and no one was materializing. I also knew I was in the etheric as my energy was low and I felt weighed down. It didn’t help that my mood was very low as well.

I went toward the door intent on getting outside the house. I remember thinking as I opened the door, “It will be light”. But when I opened the door it was dark and I could tell it was an unfamiliar neighborhood. It appeared to be a very hilly subdivision composed of high end houses with very large, paved driveways. I could see ten or so of them in front of me. I hesitated, thinking to myself that it was no use to try and astral as I felt so beaten down and tired. My mood was definitely difficult for me to overcome and I struggled to make a decision.

I finally decided I would go out, not knowing what I would do out there. When I tried to step through I felt something heavy against my lower leg and foot. It felt like a pillow and I kicked at it, but it would not move. This challenge caused me to fight against the pillow, now intent to get out. It was as if my increase in motivation was against me because I instantly went back to my body.

Hypnagogic Images and Messages

When I came back into my body I felt heavy with sleep, so tired I could barely move and didn’t want to anyway. I knew I had been OOB but did not care, my mood remained low as if I had been beaten down. I was on my back and stayed there but felt stiff so had to move to compensate. Within moments of laying still I began to see shapes forming in front of my eyes, geometric patterns in black and white – no color. At first I wanted to watch them but then thought better of it and ignored them. The images continued in the background of my vision for some time, expanding and contracting but never in vivid color.

I stayed in the in-between state for some time. Often I would find myself near exit and would change my mind. “What is the point? I’m not going to be allowed to go anywhere anyway”, I thought to myself. One time I found myself doing yoga and caught myself in the midst of going OOB and stopped it. Another time I was kicking as if trying to jump out of my body. It appeared I was intent on going OOB but then I would wake in the midst of it with negative thoughts and stop it.

At one point the exit opportunities stopped and I began to receive messages. This came from a guide who I am not familiar with. His voice was different than the main guide I speak with. He said to me, “Listen to your body”. I was caught off guard by this and immediately woke up and changed positions. I wondered what he meant briefly but then didn’t care.

Then I was again caught off guard by this guide who put in my head the most vivid picture of smiling teeth. There was a very ugly man behind the teeth but it was very obvious to me that I was meant to focus upon the teeth. I again heard, “Listen to your body”.

More awake, I began to wonder what he was going on about and why he was bothering me. I then got a visual of a body and the chakras were lit up all along the body. One by one each of the chakras lights began to go out and turn dark. Then I heard, “We are closing them”. I knew he meant my chakras. I then heard again, “Listen to your body”.

By this point I could not go back to sleep as I was a bit worried about what I had been shown and told. Was I going to have trouble with my teeth? Or was that just a sign of me being stubborn? And then why would they be closing all my chakras?

I heard a quick reply to my last thought, “To reset you”.

Of course, that makes no sense to me either but okay, whatever. I will pay attention to my body. So far I just feel very tired. I wonder, though, if I will be feeling physical symptoms of some illness or if it is related to something spiritual? As usual it is likely I will just have to play this by ear.

Dream Considerations

I can’t seem to get my dream out of my mind, especially after the message to listen to my body.

To get a computer virus in a dream suggests that something in one’s life has gotten very out of control. Pornography watching in a dream suggests one has issues with intimacy, power, control and effectiveness. I had forgotten up until now my conversation with my guide involving this dream. After he told me to listen to my body the first time I immediately thought of the dream and said, “My body wants me to have sex?” To which he replied, “Yes”. This is absurd to me. My body doesn’t want anything. It is a body! So I said back to him, “Too bad. I don’t want it”.

I am wondering if this is more symbolic, related to my transformation and energy. I can’t help but think about how my guide told me in the dream that there was nothing I could do besides wipe the hard drive on my computer or reset my phone. Then he told me my chakras were all being closed. Am I being “wiped”? Why?

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Opened Door

Last night I again had very vivid dreams, dreams that seem to be directing me and asking me to explore aspects of my Self which I have previously chosen to abandon.

Searching for Father

In the first very vivid dream I was with many orphaned young boys in a very large mansion that appeared to be a boarding school of some kind. Specifically, I was working with a boy whose father was Arnold Schwarzenegger. The boy was the bastard of Arnold and so had no real relationship with him. The other boys were in similar predicaments and I was helping them to meet their father’s for the first time.

The young Schwarzenegger stood in line very nervous. He went up some stairs and I followed with my consciousness (I do not recall having a body but seemed to follow the story and act as a guide to the child). When the child got to the door he was nervous and a loud voice boomed out to him from a speaker, asking him questions about himself. The voice was of his father and the child answered as he stood with the body guard not knowing if he would be let in.

The child was allowed in and found himself standing inside a chamber filled with odd items that I could not name. They looked like very large, blown up silver shrapnel and wires tossed about and every once in a while there appeared to be a yellow or red flash of light. I, at this time, felt to be one with the child and experienced this with him. I suddenly knew where we were: we were inside the brain of his father. I recognized instantly the items strewn about to be the neurons and pathways of the brain. The lights were the paths lightening up when a thought occurred. It was quite fascinating and all at once I realized that the brain and the body were like a robot controlled by the spirit who occupied it. I saw this first hand and knew this man in real life was allowing his body to control him more than he was controlling the body. He was the robot.

33Looking for 33

The dream changed at that point and I found myself with my great aunt (the sister of my grandmother who passed away last year). She was driving a truck and I was the passenger. She appeared happy and alert but I was distrustful of her because in real life she has dementia.

She drove along the road heading through a city. I saw road signs and heard her say the road name. I watched as we drove by it. The truck lurched and made awful noises and I swore it would fall apart. I held on for dear life.

We went past the city onto a dirt road that quickly turned rocky. Boulders stood in the way and my great aunt happily drove over them. Eventually we were forced to stop as the road dead ended in a pile of rocks and a mountain side. I explored it and saw a mirror perched on a bolder facing the mountain. I looked up and saw a handful of rugged men with wild eyes looking at us and knew this was not where we belonged. I took the mirror and flung it at them. It shattered at their feet. I turned and ran yelling behind me for a man who was with me to pick up my great aunt and bring her along.

We reentered the city and I heard the man (my guide?) say, “33 is this way. You will see it clearly”. I listened and went with him. Soon I saw a cafeteria and tables with numbers. I clearly saw table number 33 and went toward it. When we got there I saw two older black women sitting in the table. I let my middle son sit with them and opted to sit at another table next to them, table number 99. There was a nice black lady sitting at it, too.

Eventually I went over to table 33 with my son and spoke with the black ladies. They asked about my son and his growth. I said he had not gained much in weight or height. One woman said to me, “This is common of the middle and younger children in our family. They are often deformed”. I thought this odd and then asked, “I wonder, do you have abilities in your family, too? My grandmother is the only one that had them in my family”. The lady told me, “Yes, our mother had abilities. She would often confuse her other life with this one, talking about times long gone. She was thought to be crazy by some and eventually she stopped talking about it”. I knew the life her grandmother was caught up in was during the middle ages and understood. I told her, “I have control over mine”.

She then asked me, “Is there anything you are concerned about?” I thought about it and then said, “Not really, but my legs are bothering me. I have all these spider veins now”. I pointed them out to her. As I thought about what I was about to say next she said my thought back to me, “You wish you were black like me”. I answered, “Yes, especially now”. I remember wishing I were darker skin so no one would notice the spider veins and recalled my past life as a black woman.

Message: Spiritual Trauma

I awoke from the dreams instantly thinking of how I had been inside the brain of a man and then had been sitting at a table with the number 33. I wondered why I had chosen table 99 and then moved to 33. 99 means endings; that a part of my life is ending allowing for a new beginning. 33 symbolizes guidance and that all is possible at this time. I wondered briefly what it all meant.

Before I had time to think about it much further my guide began to speak to me.

“Spiritual trauma.”

All at once I was hit with knowingness. I wish I could adequately describe how this happens. It is so fast, so instantaneous, that all I can do to make sense of it is try to break it down. It is as if an entire dialogue occurs in an instant. One could say that it is “downloaded”, it happens so quickly.

I instantly knew these two little words were huge for me. My job is to help those experiencing spiritual trauma. I just knew it. I didn’t know how but the knowingness caused my heart and third chakras to activate and I lost my breath for a moment. To me, this is validation itself, big as day.

My mind went crazy with thoughts. What is spiritual trauma? What am I suppose to do? And then a realization, “So these are the instructions you told me were coming?”

My guide responded, “Yes. Just consider it” and I knew he meant I needed to listen with my heart. These were not instructions in the sense that I had to do what I was told. I could choose. I always have a choice.

I kept wondering about my dreams and the recent message, trying to make sense of it all. My guide interrupted and said, “Turn off your brain”. It stopped my thoughts and I realized what he meant. I needed to clear my thoughts and stop the whirlwind of questions. But I couldn’t. I was stuck on worrying about spiritual trauma. Was I in trauma? I did not think I was, but perhaps I had been.

My guide asked, “What are you afraid of?”

I replied, “My power”. Then I thought some more and I said, “My quick tongue. I need to think more before I speak. I often hurt others feelings when I blurt out things. I need to stop doing that”.

He replied, “The biggest challenge we face in life is fear of ourselves”.

86798832-open-door1Opened Door

I kept hearing over and over, “Turn off your brain”. So that is what I attempted to do. When I finally did, I found myself standing at a door. I was wearing a heavy winter coat and it was dark. The door began to open slowly, light pouring though. I walked through into a wintery scene but it was obvious the snow was melting. Spring was on the way. Warmth was spreading out and bringing new life to a desolate place. I saw I was standing on a sidewalk lined by large trees. Icicles were heavy on their branches and dripping with water

Recognizing what was happening I became too aware and the scene in front of me faded. I understood it to mean that something frozen in my life was thawing out. In dreams, something being frozen represents that which has been suppressed, rejected or denied. Could this vision indicate that my spiritual gifts are about to reemerge? I have for sure suppressed them for a very long time.

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This House is Haunted

After yesterday’s morning upset and some talk with friend online, I was reassured that this stage in my spiritual transformation is not uncommon and will pass as all stages and transitions do. Right now I need to focus on my life, the people I love and the purpose I came here to fulfill. The spiritual me and the physical me must stay in balance.

A friend of mine who is a veteran of the kundalini and the ascension process reminded me that we are both student and teacher in life, as we are also both spiritual and physical. She said to me:

The same must happen with Spiritual and physical– the two must become one, IN you. There is not two. There is, as the Vedantins say “One without a second”. As you ALREADY know, the Spiritual is being everything we perceive as physical. The idea, for me, and I suspect for us all is to let go the divide. To let what is happening with you (/me/us) in the dimensions happen right here in *this* dimension. To be the avenue, as it were, for the Spiritual to reach the ground level Earth-life.

It is becoming more and more clear to me that this physical experience I am choosing to participate in has so very much to do with the spiritual; that the two are one in the same. I don’t know exactly when this happened – maybe yesterday or last night or perhaps it has been on-going – but I am seeing things a little different every day. It is mostly occurring at night I believe, as last night I had yet again more interesting revelations.

They Don’t See Me

I had a very intense dream last night. In it, I was a waitress working at a restaurant and feeling very out of my element. I did a lot of cleaning and typical duties of a waitress. While cleaning I recalled seeing the door hinges were messed up. Whenever one would close the door the hinges would come loose. When I inspected them I found there were no hinges at all, just small nails. I had to reposition the nails every time but did it as that was my job. I remember also feeling unappreciated in my work and considered quitting, knowing I deserved better, but I stayed on anyway.

I became aware that the restaurant changed owners and was listening as the owner discussed physical layout changes with another waitress. I offered the help of my husband who I explained could do renovations, thinking he could fix the faulty doors. The owner nodded to me in recognition of what I said but then continued to talk to the other waitress about the changes as if he had not heard me. I again interjected saying that my husband could do it for much less than a contractor. This time the owner completely ignored me. I began to feel overwhelmed with emotion at this second rebuttal. I began thinking, “They don’t even see me. They don’t see me”. Then I started sobbing uncontrollably.

This House is Haunted

I awoke to real tears and my heart chakra pulling but not too badly. I soothed myself instantly without the aid of my guides. It was then that I heard a familiar song in my head: Dearly Departed by Shakey Graves. Being this was the third morning I awoke to this song, I took notice and instantly recognized the message.

The specific part of the song that I hear is, “You and I both know that the house is haunted. You and I both know that the ghost is of me”. Symbolically, a haunted house represents unfinished emotional business usually related to childhood, family members present and passed, or repressed memories and/or emotions. The fact that the house is haunted specifically relates to running from these things rather than confronting them resulting in a personal “haunting”. If these things are not dealt with then they can harass you much like a ghost harasses the residents of the house they haunt.

Doctor

I managed to fall back asleep quickly and fell into another dream. In this one I was at a university but I was a teacher with my own room. I don’t recall all of the details of the dream but I was helping some doctoral students with something and allowed two of them along with their professor to use my room to complete some business that needed tending to after hours. I remember watching as the professor wrote out checks and kept track of them on a ledger. I noticed that as each check was written it showed up as a debit in my personal checking account. This alarmed me and I told the professor about it as he left. Part of me did not want to pay for another person’s debts but another part did not care and was willing to let it slide.

The professor had gone and I had resigned myself to a loss in money when he returned and told me he would repay me. I then left with a young woman. We got into a push cart. It looked like something from out of the middle ages. As we lay in the cart I began to slip off and the woman got upset with me. I remember feeling like I had insulted her in some way. It was then that the professor, who I knew as “Doctor”, stopped the cart. That is when I awoke.

This is the second time that a doctor has been in my dreams. The first time was an OBE where a man I met actually told me he was a doctor. I do not need to be told anymore directly that there is a message here.

To see or go to a doctor in a dream suggests that spiritual and emotional healing is needed. It could also indicate physical issues and the need to go to a real life doctor.

Physical Issues

Aside from the myriad of emotional issues I carry with me, which I will not go into now, I have been having some minor physical issues lately. I have also been led to research some things regarding these issues and have my theories about what might be happening.

I will not/cannot assume these are all ascension symptoms, especially now that I am taking a break from the spiritual changes I was going through. Here are the issues I have at present:

  1. Vision changes, especially my left eye. I wear contacts and this week my vision has suffered. I believe it is a change in the shape of my eye rather than an increase in my prescription because I see fine out of my glasses. I plan to make an appointment with an eye doctor to remedy this but delay because I still have five pairs of contact lenses left from my old prescription.
  2. Severely dry skin. This has been slowly getting worse and worse. Recently I got a patch of eczema on my arm and that was when I began to research it. I bought some organic seaweed bath called Aalgo that I found while doing a Google search. Thankfully it has been working like a charm and within two treatments eradicated the small spot of eczema I had. I used it on my face, which has also been extremely dry, flaky, and acne prone. I have noticed marked improvement there as well. I highly recommend Aalgo to anyone suffering from skin issues.
  3. Achy legs and increase in spider veins. I have long dealt with bad circulation and gross spider veins. They have never been an issue other than making me hate to show my legs and really they are not that noticeable. But lately my legs have been aching in the morning and my right leg is looking much worse. I am considering going to a vein specialist to have them treated but upon comparing my legs to those who have gotten treatment I recognized I am overreacting. I did start taking niacin because it was recommended to help with circulation. It has been helping.
  4. Cold hands and feet. I have always had cold hands and feet. My lips will even turn purple sometimes! This has been throughout my entire life but has been much more prominent lately. A coworker years ago suggested I may have Raynaud’s but I am not sure about that and if I do then there is not much I can do about it. My mom has the same symptoms and so I assume it is hereditary. The cold feet are the worst and keep me from sleeping.
  5. Numbness in legs and hands. This only happens when I sleep. It wakes me up and I have to move my hand and/or leg to fix it so I can go back to sleep. I am not sleeping oddly or anything, they are just numb and tingly. I am usually sleeping on my back when my hands are tingly and it is normally my left hand. I am sleeping on my side when I have tingling/numbness in my legs. Usually it is only one leg and the one I am sleeping on. I would not think it a big deal except that is has been on-going for several months now.

I know I should just schedule a physical and get checked out. I was suppose to have my thyroid checked when I was pregnant because I was sweating profusely for no reason. I never had it done. I suspect it may be the problem now but then again none of the symptoms really match up to hypothyroidism or hyperthyroidism. It was mentioned to me that this break to focus upon the physical could be to get me to focus more on a healthy lifestyle. Now with this doctor theme in my dreams I am beginning to think it very well could be.

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Graduated

I have been trying to make sense out of what is happening to me ever since my kundalini experience on the 12th. I am stumped. Why would all of that happen and then suddenly stop? Not only that, but the OBEs and lucid dreams that led up to the kundalini stopped as well. I feel as if I were built up and built up with exciting prospects for change only to be allowed to fall back down and be left to ponder what happened and flounder about in the physical. I feel completely let down and abandoned.

No More School

In a dream I visited a university campus. I felt very at home there and wished to stay but I knew it was just a visit. This saddened me and I spent as much time as I could there mingling with other students and visiting areas of the campus I was familiar with.

I recall going to the lobby of the dorms and seeing other students waiting in line for the keys to their mail boxes. I told them they would be waiting a while because I had waited and never gotten my keys. I then stopped and ate some chocolate fudge that was left there for the students. When I turned to look back, the students had gotten their mailbox keys. I wondered why I never got mine and it bothered me.

I went into the elevator and a young man pushed the number 6 and then the number 7. I thanked him, thinking he pushed the number 6 for me since that was my floor, but he looked at me strangely and I quickly realized he had just pushed his own floor number. I got out at the sixth floor and then found myself going back down and to the gym available to the students of the university. I watched the students going into the gym and waited, deciding to come back later and leaving again for my room to get my ID. I never went back because there was no ID to get. I was not going to be a student anymore. I graduated.

I met up with some rough looking guys, people I would never hang out with. I talked to them but I do not remember what we talked about. I left the university with them, though, and headed on a road out of town. I was in the lead driving but had no car, it was more like I was floating. I had to stop at a car wash where there was lined up many trucks. They left only one lane of traffic and I led the others out and around the parked trucks.

The dream ended with me grieving about not getting to stay. I told someone who was with me, “I want to stay here”. As I grieved I felt my root chakra activate and huge amounts of the energy shot up through me and into my physical body. I did not wake up, which would be the usual. Instead I continued in the dream and in grief.

Graduated

I woke up feeling very disappointed and sad. Though I did not get a direct message, I knew what the dream meant. I was no longer going to be going to “school”. I had graduated. I got the message earlier in the week that I had graduated but I assumed it meant I went to a new school and that more was awaiting me. I had gotten my hopes up for nothing. There would be no more school. I was done with whatever it was I was doing. I am not even sure now what that was. Maybe it was “ascension” or maybe it was just an adjustment of some sort. I do know that nothing is going on now. I am back to “normal”, or maybe even below normal as I am not having much in the way of spiritual experiences.

I tried to go back to sleep and soon found myself walking through a door that led into a dark room. My awareness peaked suddenly and I began to cry as I realized where I was and what was happening. I was being brought into a room by one of my guides. It was dimly lit but my vision turned on suddenly with my awareness and I saw lanterns lit along the sides of the room. It was a golden color and the feeling was that I was being brought in to receive a message.

Unfortunately, my awareness was too much and so I stopped the encounter with my guide before it began. I was only able to receive the calming energy that hit me in waves starting in my left side and radiating out my right side and up and down my entire body. I was too upset to allow it to continue for long, though. I told my guide immediately that I felt abandoned. He, of course, told me instantly that was not the case. I did not want to hear what he had to say. I knew he was going to tell me that I was done with whatever I had been doing, that the original plan had been changed, reasons unknown to me.

I got very upset because there is little I enjoy about the physical life I live right now. I look forward only to my sleep where I can escape into dreams that hopefully will turn lucid or where I can go OOB. Each morning when I wake up to realize I have once again not been allowed these little pleasures leaves me feeling that much more disinterested in life.

I was told this later on this morning:

To remain balanced between the Spiritual and the physical is a challenge few take on. It is worthy of only a few and you are one of the few. Beware indulgence in one or the other for you are both and to deny one is to deny part of yourself.

This only confirmed what I had assumed – that I am not continuing the spiritual transformation at this time because I need to focus on the physical. It is very frustrating because all the physical has to offer me is less than pleasant. For example, my baby is going through the clingy stage. If he is not in my lap or in my arms then he is crying non-stop. I cannot be alone without having to endure his cries, which to a mother is total torture. I would like nothing better than to fast forward time past this stage for it is my least favorite. I see so many women my age celebrating the graduation of their children and I envy them. Why did I wait so long to have children? I am too old for this.

I am told that it is time to move to the next “level” – whatever that means. From what I can make of the information I came back with from dreamland this morning, that level involves being a “teacher”. All I can think of is the countless days ahead of me spent tending to my children and it is overwhelming. I have concluded that I am just not very good at being a mother. Yet that seems to be what my guides are pushing me to focus upon. I would much rather have to endure a catastrophe where a bomb hits my house and I suffer horrible pain but then die a quick death than endure the suffering of a mother. Perhaps that is the “warrior” in me coming out. I have to laugh a bit at this because most would not want the pain of a horrible death and here I am not a bit afraid of that yet terrified of the prospect of being a mom! Ha!

Touche.

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Upside Down Tree

A couple of days ago I had the urge to do a handstand. I ignored it, actually laughing to myself as I imagined how funny I would look upside down. I don’t know where the thought came from or why and I really didn’t think much about it.

That night I awoke between dreams and in my mind I saw the image of an upside down tree. The roots were in the air and the leaves were under the ground. The roots were not bare, either. They had white circles or leaves coming up off of them.

I found the image intriguing and thought I should paint it. I had no reason to think it might be connected to the handstand idea I had.

The next day I did a Google search to find out if the image I saw in my mind existed somewhere else. Maybe someone had seen it, too? Maybe it had meaning I did not know about.

I discovered many such pictures online, none exactly like the one I saw. What was interesting to me was that the upside down tree is linked to a yoga pose. When I discovered the link to yoga, I recalled my idea to do a handstand the day before. So! It wasn’t just a funny thought that passed through my mind! It must have been a message that I ignored because it seemed so ridiculous.

yoga-pose-handstand-8510-2Handstand Pose

From what I found in my research, handstand pose is one of the most difficult yoga poses. Besides the physical benefits of the pose – strengthening the shoulders, cardiovascular system, lungs, and lymphatic  system – there are numerous spiritual benefits. Spiritually, the pose is empowering, challenging, and liberating as it creates a new perspective by literally turning the world upside down. It also helps one get past the fear of the unknown.

In my research I stumbled upon a blog that explains exactly why I saw this inverted tree in my vision:

To be upside down instead of right side up, is paradoxical, it is uttanita. Uttanita in Sanskrit means to expand your awareness and shift your perspective, to see something in a new way. Uttanita means, flip it, the opposite is true and what is reality, truth, is the reality you don’t see. The world and your experience shows you ‘reality’, and the paradox is there is a whole reality that you don’t see or experience. (We know like 4-5% of the Universe, the rest is the hidden reality known as dark energy and dark matter, we don’t  see.) Uttanita is the revelation of that which is concealed, when you can shift your perspective to see that which is hidden.

The author goes on to say:

Adho mukha vrksasana is Sanskrit for downward facing tree pose, also known as Handstand. One of the philosophical roots of the asana (posture) of Handstand is from a 2000 +/- yr old yogic Vedic text called the Upanishads, a compilation of yogi sage’s wisdom. The Katha Upanishad says: “This universe is a tree eternally existing, its roots above, it’s branches on earth below. It’s pure root is Brahman, the immortal, from whom all the worlds draw their life, and whom none can transcend, for this Self is supreme.” Another yogic scriptural reference for the pose is the Asvatta Tree of Consciousness, from the Bhagavad Gita, Vs 15:1,2. “The shastras speak of the imperishable ashvatta tree as having its roots above and branches below; Its leaves are the Vedic hymns, and he who knows this is a knower of the Vedas. It’s branches extend below and above, and being nourished by the gunas create the entire universe with sense objects as sprouts; below in the world of humans stretch for the the roots promoting action. “

Synchronicity

For me the message to try to tackle this pose goes along with a major dream theme I have been encountering: embracing the feminine side. It also suggests that I need to view the world from a new perspective. My many masculine qualities tend to overshadow my feminine ones. I view life as a problem that needs a solution rather than just view it passively and without confrontation. In many ways I act like a warrior, ever on the lookout for the next attack. This makes me feel very uncomfortable in my own skin, pacing about and overly anxious.

The dream symbols I have encountered are strikingly obvious as to the message they bring. In one dream I saw a wounded deer. I thought the deer was dead but it looked so alive I took a closer look. I saw that its hind leg was injured and appeared to be imbedded in the ground. Unable to move, it was slowly starving to death. I recall thinking someone should just put it out of its misery, but I also had huge amounts of sympathy for it. I wanted to go back to help but also wanted to kill it. I couldn’t figure out which would be best.

danideer2.jpg w=900The deer is a symbol of femininity, grace and nurturing. It being wounded suggests that this quality in myself is “wounded” and my desire to “kill” it while also wanting to “help” it suggests I am at odds with accepting this part of myself.

I also had a dream where I was adopting a baby because it had been abandoned. I chose a girl baby over the boy only because the boy babies father took him in. I was left with the girl and look upon the boy longingly.

Just last night I dreamed of another baby. This one lost its left arm.

Babies are very similar to deer in their symbolism. They represent innocence, warmth, purity, vulnerability and helplessness. Loss of the left arm suggests that these qualities are missing in my life. Adoption symbolizes taking on something new or different. In this case the qualities of the baby represent qualities within me that I am denying. I am being asked, “What is missing in your life?”

Upside Down Tree

I tried to do a handstand but failed miserably. I will keep working on it, though. I suspect it will help since yoga has been so helpful to me thus far. The image of the upside down tree is still very vivid in my mind. The roots reaching to the sky represent Oneness while the leaves below represent the Earth and life upon it; our individuality via human experience. I suspect that the pose will help me to better recognize this Oneness.

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Three Dreams and a Decision

I have been struggling these last few days with the apathetic feeling as well as with a feeling of being “done”. I feel smothered by my life and unable to escape. I know that this trapped feeling is caused by my own thoughts but I seem not to be able to get the feeling to go away. No amount of yoga, meditation, or exercise helps for very long.

Last night I went to bed asking for help on this matter. I do not like feeling like this and, honestly, I feel as if all the progress I seemed to have made back in December has been destroyed. My guide reminded me that this is normal. “Two steps forward, one step back. It does not mean you are not succeeding. You are learning, adapting and becoming stronger“. Yeah, well, it sucks. That doesn’t feel like progress, it feels like wading through muck.

Three Dreams and a Decision

Similar to the prior night, last night I awoke four or more times in the night. This time, however, I recalled the dreams I had been having prior to waking up.

Dead Chickens and Geese

The first dream I awoke from was a weird one. I had been left in charge of my mother’s chickens. My job was to feed and water them and make sure they were okay. They were inside a large pen and it was pretty crowded. There was small chicks, adult chickens and adult geese.

I had not checked the birds in several days when I went to check on them. To my disbelief, I found three large, white chickens and two white geese dead. Their bodies were torn apart all over the pen while the other birds pecks around and seemed to not notice. I did not want to mess with the mess so I called my husband to help. I dreaded telling my Mom but knew I would have to.

I could not figure out what had killed the birds. My husband and I inspected the pen and the only place where something could have gotten in was a hole through the laying boxes. I concluded that a raccoon or opossum must have come in and killed them. I told my mom and all was okay.

To see dead chickens in a dream indicates a decision to no longer be cowardly. To see dead geese suggests a decision to stop being domesticated. The baby chickens indicate that perhaps I have other fears that are “growing” that will need to be tended to later.

Unexpected Guests

In the next dream I recall I was inside an unfamiliar house. It was mine, though. I walked through it and surveyed it, noting it was quite nice and had a very calming, healing energy to it. I went outside and walked along the stone patio to the back. I saw a nicely manicured green lawn and a small, stone and mortar wall. There were large trees whose trunks and lower branches were painted a rusty red. I wondered about it but decided it didn’t matter. I also saw three cats roaming about. They were friendly and I wanted to pet them but they would not come close enough. To the left was a huge lake, the waters were dark and there was a ripple of a current. I decided I liked it there.

I went back toward the house and ran into people I did not know. They were asking me for popcorn, saying my husband had told them we had some. I assumed my husband had invited them and so was pleasant but told them I did not have any popcorn. They had a cooler with them and one man pulled out a beer. They walked around the house and yard as if they were viewing it as a potential purchase. I watched them for a while and then approached the man when they were outside. I was eating popcorn and explained all we had was a tiny amount. I showed him this and then offered them all some Christmas popcorn. They were not interested.

The men were looking over the edge at the lake below and asked if we had ever swam in it. I said no. Then the men decided to go down to swim and all were preparing to follow. There was a woman with a small, blonde headed girl and two men total.

The men went down and walked along the sewer pipe that led from the house. I remember looking at it and seeing the patio. I recalled that there once was a pool there but it was now gone. I wondered what had happened to it.

I followed the men down to the lake old-gas-pumps_100171573_mand saw that the water was flowing more rapidly than it appeared. The man was going to jump in and I suggested a spot. He pointed to something and when i looked I saw that the water was full of antique gas pumps of varying colors and shapes. It was like a gas pump graveyard!

The house in this dream symbolizes aspects of myself. I focused upon the healing aspects the most. The tree suggests I have solid foundations to build upon. The water represents emotion and since it is dark the emotion is unknown or unexpressed. The water becomes more rapid, though not overly, which suggest the emotion is growing in intensity. The uninvited guests symbolize new challenges and interests in life  The popcorn indicates positive growth and new ideas. Finally, the fuel pumps indicate untapped energy that is waiting to be utilized.

Decision

I awoke from this dream in a sour mood. I was still feeling unable to cope with my life and feeling trapped by it. The feeling is hard to describe but I will say it is very uncomfortable. I admit I thought of some not so good solutions to try and avoid the problem. However, I suddenly was hit with an idea – I needed to take a week vacation by myself. I just needed to go somewhere alone by myself for a while to get away.

I immediately thought how purposeless that would be because I would just return to the same life I left. Nothing would change. I began to get caught up in the hopelessness of my situation (or at least it seems so to me) and thought about escaping in the night never to return. I love my family, my children, but I recognized that there is a part of me that does not enjoy parenting or being an adult. I recalled a few past lives that confirmed why I had these feelings but pushed them away. I recognized that it is OK to feel like I do. I am not bad to feel this way and I can leave anytime I want. Oh it is so tempting!

After thinking upon this for a while I recalled good ol’ karma. Now I am not sure that karma even exists, but I do know that I have a very strong purpose when it comes to my family. I just cannot leave my children and my husband never to return. This would go against my agreement to them. I don’t know how I know this, but I do. I could do it, nothing says I can’t, but the feeling is that I need to fulfill my part. This is important to me as well as to them. I don’t know the full extent of it, but the feeling does not lie. It says, “The only way out is through”. If I want this cycle to be done, I need to go through this and fulfill my part for whatever reason.

So I returned to the idea of a week long vacation. I decided it was a good, temporary solution. It would offer me relief and give me something to look forward to. Also, I would need to plan this out and planning trip is something I have done in the past with great success. It could be fun. But where would I go? What would I do? This, I feel, will come to me. All I need to do now is making the decision. So it is made. I will plan to take a trip alone during Spring Break. I asked my husband if this would be okay and he said it would be.

Any suggestions as to what I should do? I thought maybe I could visit the Monroe Institute. Or maybe there is somewhere else that would be better? A warm place would be nice and a place where I can meditate, sleep, and be surrounded by beauty and positive energy.

Lavish Hotel

I fell back to sleep after making my decision and jumped into a semi-lucid dream. I was walking with my mother down our road. To the left I saw a huge hotel that had been built. It was at least 12 stories high with windows that reflected the light like mirrors. It had a silvery-blue sheen to it and was quite grand.

I remarked to my mother about this and she pointed ahead. I saw a large shopping center being constructed. I was very excited to see this and know that our small town would be booming soon because of this new development.

We decided to go into the hotel to look around. We went up to the top floor where we stood for a while in awe of the grandeur of the place. The walls were white with gold trim and the ceilings were domed and high.

We saw that the entire top floor was a fine restaurant. We stood in line and decided we just wanted dessert. A waiter came to us and recommended something. He said he would bring it to us and so we waited in the waiting area. As we waited, a man, his wife and children were sitting near us. The man was eating dessert and his son was climbing all over. I watched him and his children and thought of my own.

A hotel indicates a shift in perception is occurring and that old habits need to be replaced with new thinking. It also indicates the need for a vacation. Eating dessert represents enjoying life, indulgence or temptation.

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Bunnies and Dead Dogs

After my very vivid dream about the death of my mother, I was a bit shaken. I finally told her about it the next day. As I suspected, she did not freak out. Instead, she told me that she had recently had a sudden vision of herself passing out and being found by her husband dead on the kitchen floor. She also told me that she has been having dreams about death – her own and her husbands. She has also been worrying about updating her will.

She told me she believed that I was just picking up on her emotions; that the dream was not precognitive. This may be true, but I did not feel better after telling her about my dream. I told her that, too. We agreed that I would give her a call on the 21st and joked a bit to make ourselves feel better. I asked her before hanging up to please tell me if she felt anything out of the ordinary.

I have done all I can do now. I pray that my dream was just a worry dream like my mother said.

Bunnies and Dead Dogs

Last night I woke up at least four times throughout the night. Each time I awoke from odd dreams. Now, hours later, I can only remember one dream and of that dream, only a small portion.

In the dream I recall walking outside in the grass while talking with someone. It was beautifully green all around – the grass, the trees, everything. It reminded me of Spring.

When I got to a certain area outside, I noticed a dead, black and white Australian Shepard. He was black and white and brown and very beautiful. I kept walking, thinking it odd to see a dead dog, when I passed by another identical dog, also dead. I blinked, thinking I was seeing things, but the dog was there still. I turned around and where the other dead dog had been there were several small, black and white bunnies hopping about. I was confused for a moment, thinking that the bunnies were also dead. However, they continued to hop around happily.

Afterward, I was with my middle son and he was asking me to get something for him. I responded to his request but first had to wash my hands. I went to a nearby sink and began washing my hands. When I looked down they were covered with blood. I recall wondering how I got blood all over my hands. Had I killed the dogs?

Interpretation

I am not sure what this dream means but I can figure out the symbolism attached.

A dead dog symbolizes either the loss of a good friend or the deterioration of one’s own instincts. Dogs typically represent a strong, loyal aspect of one’s self so this would be the part of myself that has died.

The rabbits are interesting. Rabbits represent good luck, welcomed changes and also vulnerability. The colors of the rabbits I think are significant. Black symbolizes fear of intimacy and white symbolizes faithfulness and love. From the looks of the dream so far, it appears that I am focusing on developing more intimacy and love within my relationships.

The washing of bloody hands represents cleansing away of guilt.

A Feeling of Finality

Lastly, I continue to be haunted by a strong apathetic feeling. It feels so final and unavoidable. I seem not to care much about anything anymore except my family. In fact, I nearly quit my job because we could not find an affordable babysitter for 20 hours a week. We did find a solution but when I thought about quitting, I was okay with that option. When I wondered what I would do instead, I got a feeling to trust that something would come my way.

It just seems like everything is ending or becoming finalized in my life. Then what? I don’t know. I think that is what bothers me the most. I honestly don’t have any answer to the question my guide is always asking me: “What do you want?” Hell if I know.

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The Incompletes

Last night I had an uneasy feeling before bed. I instantly knew it had something to do with a mother figure and so assumed it was my mother-in-law since she has been doing very poorly. I had sensed previously that she does not have long left on this Earth – two years give or take a year to be exact. I could not get my heart to calm down after this feeling hit me. It is like it knew what I didn’t consciously know yet.

The Incompletes

I had a very upsetting and emotional dream last night. In the dream, I had just heard that my mother had died. It was unexpected and I was told a couple of days after it happened. I was devastated and experienced grief beyond description. I cried so hard that I could not breathe and it felt as if my entire midsection and heart had been ripped from my chest and stomped upon. In the aftermath of her death, I watched as her new husband first went through shock and then an intense grief of his own. Newly married, they had not had much time together. His previous wife had also died so this devastating loss was much more than he could bear. I watched as he walked about, head down and shoulders slumped, as if awaiting his own death.

Throughout the dream I cried and in between my bouts of grief I learned more details of my mother’s death. I learned them from my mother herself as she spoke to me from the Other Side.

The idea to speak to my mother directly came to me from within the dream and I calmed instantly and began to hear what she had to say. She told me how she died, saying it was a sudden heart attack that hit her during her waking hours. She collapsed as her heart failed her and she died almost instantly. I had hoped she had died in her sleep, so this disappointed me.

I remember asking her what would happen to her belongings – the house, dogs, etc – and recalling that she had written all her children into her will. She told me there was a problem, she had not updated her will since her marriage and by law all her property would go to her husband by default regardless of what her will stated. I felt as if being told of this conflict was in part for me to help prevent it, but at the time I did not really care. I only worried about her husband as he would not care either and would likely not last long after her death.

I then asked her when this would happen and she said, “The 21st” and I assumed it meant of this month. I then asked her if she had completed her transition after death and she said, “No. That will happen in July”. It seemed a long time to me but I just listened, still overcome with grief at losing her.

I kept fighting my grief and it would hit me suddenly and with such intensity that I wished myself dead to avoid it. In between these times I had clarity and calm and it was during these times that i would hear my Mom and receive her messages. One message in particular stands out to me.

My mother told me this: “There are soldiers coming down now. All us Intermediates are leaving”. I immediately recognized the part about the “soldiers” and thought there must be a war coming. I wondered, though, about these “Intermediates” as she called them. I assumed they were those who had not completed their transformation for one reason or the other and so were leaving now to return at a later date and complete it.

I again became overwrought with grief to the point that I could not breathe. My body shook and I woke up, tears streaming down my cheeks.

What Does it Mean

Waking up in tears from such a vivid dream about my own mother’s death really upset me. Was this a precognitive dream? Or does it symbolize something else? I got the dates of January 21st and July of this year. Is that about my Mom? Or is it about me and some symbolic “death” I will be going through this year? Maybe it is both?

I can never be certain if a dream is precognitive until after the time period passes when whatever is foretold should happen. The feeling I had from the dream suggests it is very much a possibility that death could be visiting my family again this year and that it could wreak havoc if things are not in order when/if it does happen. However, I am not very good at foretelling the future of those closest to me. My strong emotional attachment often skews the information. Yet I get told many things in my dreams and via my guides and when I receive information this way it is always true.

I plan to talk to my mother about my dream to at least forewarn her of the problems that could result if she does not update her will. She will listen, she always does, but she will take it with a grain of salt (I hope). I don’t like telling people of my precognitions, especially when death is involved, but in this case I feel I must.

Ego Death or Something Else?

As for the Intermediates and soldiers my mother spoke to me about in my dream, the information about them was not surprising to me. It was as if she was reminding me of them rather than telling me for the first time. I have long had visions that there are currently thousands of souls coming to Earth now with a unique purpose. I see them as streamers of light coming down from the Heavens. I have also previously had messages sent to me of an upcoming period of crisis that would result in the loss of millions of lives and change the way people lived. These souls can be seen as “soldiers” of both real war and a different, spiritual war.

As for the Intermediates, I have also gotten precognitive glimpses of such a group. When my husband’s boss and wife died last year, I got this message clearly and saw that many were choosing to end their reincarnations now so they could come back and help with the “adjustment” that the newer souls would be going through. There is a peak in the number of these souls – “soldiers” – coming in 2020. As they will be children first before they grow into their purpose, they will be confused and in dire need of guidance. I have seen myself as one of these human guides and assumed it meant I would leave this life before 2020 so as to be back in time to help.

I questioned my guide as to my accuracy in translating what I have seen and been told. I was not given a direct answer. I asked if I was one of these “Intermediates” and was told, “Yes”. But I wonder if I will truly “die” and join the other Intermediates or if I will continue with my transformation in this life first. I am confused because, though it feels like I will be leaving this body prior to 2020, it could be the infamous Ego death so many are talking about. I wonder, which is it?