Tag Archives: ascension

by

Peace

I just wanna make you laugh
I just wanna see that smile
Babe, we’re only here, oh, for a little while
I just wanna hold you till we fall asleep
I want love, I want us, I want you, I want me, I want peace

I woke this morning with the chorus from this song in my head and a feeling similar to how I was feeling not long ago – I didn’t want to get out of bed. A specific line of the chorus, “we’re only here, oh, for a little while”, kept repeating in my head. I love the song and it has been used to relay a message to me before, but this morning I just didn’t want to hear it.

Where Did the Memories Go?

As the song played in my head, memories of my youth began to trickle in. Specifically, a memory from when I was 12 years old. My father came back into my life after years of disconnection. He just popped back in, out of blue, and acted as if nothing had changed. Of course, me being 12 and all, everything had changed.

He brought with him a girlfriend. A very garish woman with big hair and penciled in eyebrows that made her look like a clown. Her makeup was dark and befitting of a twenty-something year old. Yet her clothing was more in line with her age – around 50 or 60. I don’t remember the woman’s name now, but I know I instantly did not like her. This is also not surprising considering the circumstances.

We went to a fancy restaurant – Red Lobster (back then it was considered high end – really!). We were there to celebrate my younger sister’s birthday. She would be turning 10. After eating, the garish woman and my father presented my sister with her gift and I was extremely jealous when she opened it. She got Clinique make-up! I remember looking at the little, sea green compact and feeling my heart sink. I thought to myself, “She is too young for that!” and wanting it desperately for myself. But I kept my mouth closed and smiled, pretending to be happy for her.

The memory stopped there but the feeling of it did not. I was so full of hate back then. It was me against the world. It was vile. I am not sure how I made it through my teens because that feeling pretty much stayed with me until I was in my mid-twenties. It grew and changed as I suppressed it and tried hard to not become the effect of it. Sometimes I managed to keep it at bay but most of the time it hung over me like a dark rain cloud.

Much of my feelings stemmed from anger but I also believe I brought some of them into this life with me. Especially the feeling that I should be loved more than my siblings. I secretly always wanted to be an only child. I have since remembered my last life. It was brief but I do know one thing – I was the only child. Hmmm. Ha! I was also not treated well and my life ended in a horrible way – murdered by a father figure; drowned in a shallow fountain in an unfamiliar place. Torn from my family, life taken from me abruptly and betrayed by someone I thought loved me, I found myself trapped between the Other Side and Earth – bound to a life that was no longer mine.

All these memories were instantly with me as I awoke this morning. Why? Perhaps it was because yesterday, looking into my daughter’s face as we spent time reading together before bed, I thought about how I use to cherish similar memories of my own childhood, yet, I could not remember them. Where did they go? And I thought to myself that this must be why I am so bitter about having to live life. I have lost memories I once cherished.

time_joakim_kraemer_photography_One Life, Many Me’s

I read yesterday in one of the many blogs I now follow on WordPress that as we change, we leave a part of ourselves behind. We shift into a new Self. This is part of living. It is part of change. And change is the one constant – it is expected, though many of us fear it and reject it.

I have had many me’s in this life. The first, my childhood – when joy and laughter were still very much a part of my life. This me only lasted for about six years. Too short, if you ask me.The second me began with my parent’s divorce and stayed until my mid-twenties. This was probably the most challenging part of my life. I went through middle and high school, met my first husband, went to college and then left my first husband. I lived in parts of the U.S. I never thought I would and traveled across the world to Australia and the U.K. Yet I was not complete. I felt lacking. All the time.

The third me emerged with my spiritual awakening at around the age of 26. I recall recognizing the other me’s during this time. They felt foreign to me. When I looked at those me’s a didn’t recognize them as a part of me. I was so different. There is no way they could be me. Even now, when I recall memories of those times, they seem surreal and dreamlike, as if they were just one of my many astral travels.

And now I feel like I am entering into another stage, one that will create yet another me. Hopefully the final me. I have yet to see where one me ended and another began, but this could be because I am in the midst of it. I worry that in order to transform into the new me there needs to be a drastic ending somewhere. For example, the beginning of the current me came after several drastic ends – the biggest being divorce. The ending of the childhood me came with divorce as well. And it could be that there will be divorce this time as well, but not necessarily the divorce of man and woman but a divorce of old habits, behaviors and beliefs.

Peace

The final feeling that came with hearing the song by O.A.R. this morning was an irritation at not getting to astral along with a rejection of astral travel – almost as if it serves only to slow me down right now rather than help me progress at the rate I should be. Typical of that internal conflict that has proved so difficult to overcome in this life – the ego versus the Self. Always, when I thought about the purpose astral travel serves in my life, I heard the line “we’re only here for a little while”, as if to say “Focus on living your life now, not on other planes of existence as it is this existence which is most important at this time”. And the message is clear – we are only here for a little while, just a blink compared to the eternity of that which we are. And the peace we find in ourselves can be found anywhere, even here on Earth, if we accept our chosen path, do not allow the ego to confuse us and misguide us, and travel it wholeheartedly. Easier said than done.

by

Autism and Ascension

treesunI was a bit sleep deprived yesterday as I drove in to work. It was my first day and I arrived 10 minutes late. Usually it would upset me, but I just shrugged it off. Don’t sweat the small stuff, right? My boss was understanding, which I figured he would be.

My day was a bit slow at first. I was taken for a tour of the campus and then to my office – or, er room. To my surprise my office space was the size of a small classroom with a huge walk-in closet space for storage. Wow. I was not prepared for such a large space and so felt a bit overwhelmed. But then I got to work brainstorming what I could do with the space.

Autism

After lunch I met with an occupational therapist and a speech therapist who I will be working with. I immediately like them and we discussed social skills groups for middle school students. Since my space was so large, we decided to use it for the groups. I learned that all the students involved – around 18 – are autistic or display characteristics of autism. I had been told in advance that I would be working with two autistic students but not so many. Thankfully I have the support of the OT who spent the previous year working with the students and find tuning the groups.

I am not very familiar with autism except from what I have learned via my studies and my one experience with a student with Aspergers Syndrome. From what little I know, autism can range from severe to mild with the main issue being the individual struggles with the ability to recognize social cues. There are also speech and cognitive delays early on, delays in motor development, intense interest or fixation with things, objects or activities (or the exact opposite) and other obsessive tendencies. I have an inkling that autism is the predecessor to how ascension will affect humanity in the future. This has not been fully revealed to me, however, and this is the first time I have mentioned it at all because the information is so incomplete. My exact purpose for interacting with these children is not completely known to me yet, either, but I feel it goes hand in hand with my life purpose to help prepare the path ahead for those following behind.

landscapeStrange Dream Experience

I left my first day of work feeling hopeful. My mind was buzzing with ideas on how to decorate my space so I went shopping and bought a few things. On my way home I was caught in a horrible traffic jam that I learned would not let up for hours. I spent the next hour following Navigator’s suggestion on the fastest route home. I returned home exhausted but thankfully my husband beat me home and my mother-in-law made dinner. I was able to rest and hit the sack earlier than usual.

I awoke in the middle of the night wide awake. I tried to return to sleep but just couldn’t so I set the intention to astral and relaxed on my back with my head propped up.

The next thing I remember is dreaming but the dream eludes me now. I do recall heading to bed in the dream and falling asleep. I slept very hard and when I woke I found myself floating over my family’s land in the country.

There was no vibrational fluctuations to suggest that I went OOB but yet there I was, floating outside and seeing vividly the grass, trees and sky. I instantly recognized my grandparent’s place and hovered there taking in the expansiveness of the land around me. The colors were bright but not excessively so. In fact, it was just very much like I was awake except that I was floating in the air.

I stayed there a while, not moving much, having a conversation in my mind with someone that I could not see. Of course, I don’t remember the conversation now except that I wanted to change scenes and go somewhere more interesting. The minute I had that thought I began to feel myself being pulled upward with great speed. I saw the tops of the trees and resisted the pull, knowing it would take me into outer space and then I would ultimately wake up back in my body. I did not want that and so I closed my eyes and willed myself to transition out of there. But to where? I had no set place in my mind.

I felt the familiar shift in energy that suggests I have transitioned to a new environment. Yet when I opened my eyes I was still hovering at tree level over my grandparent’s land. In front of me was their driveway and to my left was the open field they called the Klein patch.

I again recall that I was speaking with someone but I can’t remember any of the conversation now. Instead, it is all a blur and somewhat dream-like when I try to remember it in detail.

The next thing I remember is waking up in my bed, realizing I had been OOB and then deciding to go back to sleep without much thought about the uneventful astral I just experienced.

Ascension

Today I am mulling over yesterday’s events from my first day at work to the strange dream/OBE I had. What was I talking with my guide about? Why can’t I remember? And what is the connection between autism and ascension?

I feel there is more to know but that I am blocked to receiving all the information at this time. There is a part of me that is considering channeling but it has been so long since I have channeled that I am uncertain that I can keep my ego at bay well enough to get the truth.

What I am aware of is that the feelings of negativity and longing for Home that I was feeling just a few days ago has all but been extinguished. The energy that accompanied this feeling also has calmed and I, in turn, feel much calmer. I felt this way yesterday while at work as well and I found myself intuitively knowing things about people before they spoke. In fact, I had to stop or correct myself several times during conversations because those I was speaking to looked at me like, “How did you know that?” Oops!

I am still also very affected by the intense love and dedication I felt all around me while at work. I said several times, “It is obvious this place is loved” or “It is obvious someone loves this place”. I wonder if that is why there are so many more autistic children there? And I have an inkling that these children are extremely sensitive to the energy of others and of the planet and so such an environment is calming to them. And to me.

I look forward to seeing where this will lead.

by

Eleven

I forgot that if I want it and ask for it – demand it – it will be received. Silly me!

Yesterday, I wrote in my blog post that I was done with the funk I was feeling and no longer wanted it. This morning I woke up feeling normal. Rather than linger in my bed I wanted to get up immediately. I felt good. What a difference from the last few days!

All because I told the universe that I was done. Ahh, the power of intention!

Eleveneye-light

This is my last day of freedom from the workaday world. Tomorrow I start my new job. So this morning, even though I wanted to get out of bed, I lingered, taking advantage of the little me time I had.

At first I couldn’t sleep and I just tossed and turned thinking about how good I felt and how different I was perceiving things. Everything seemed so much better! The day was not dreaded. The painful heartbreak longing for Home no longer palpable.What a relief! I also felt that September would not be as bad as August. The heavy cloud of negativity and emotionality dissipating.

I must have begun to doze because my thoughts became 3D images which blended into music and color that was vividly clear. I found myself inside a two story house laying in bed. I suddenly became very aware that I was late and needed to get up. I opened my eyes and saw my brother standing over me, smiling and in a very relaxed mood. He said, “Hey, don’t you think you should get up? Its 11a.m.?” Seeing him and hearing him say the time put me in a frenzy and I immediately got up and began looking for my daughter. I also gave him a piece of my mind, asking how he could have let us all sleep so late. I had specifically set the alarm for 6:15a.m. My daughter was suppose to be at the bus stop at 7a.m. If we hurried, we could get her to school before mid-day. I also told him he needed to get ready for school as well. He was likely late, too!

While I was rushing about in this house, I got a very peculiar feeling that something was was not quite right. Where was my husband? Why was I talking to my brother? What was this house? Yet I went through the motions of the dream anyway, letting it continue. My confusion had not awakened me to the fact that I was dreaming….yet.

For some reason, I kept looking at the clock to check the time. It said 11:00 every time I looked. One time I thought it said 1:00 only to check again and see it was 11:00. The whole time I felt this urgency. I was late!

I noticed my mother’s dog following me around. She needed to go potty. I told my brother he needed to take her out, but he ignored me. Finally, I decided I would have to do it and began trying to remember if there was a fence or if I would have to put her leash on. I couldn’t remember. I asked my brother and he just laughed at me like I was nuts. Then I thought, of course there is a fence and remembered a picket white fence around the front. But what about the rest of the yard? Was there fencing?

I thought hard and recalled seeing a fence around the back and a road coming in – the driveway. To the side was a construction entrance, though, with a huge metal building. To the other side of the house was a wire fence that was horizontally spaced to where anyone could cross through. It would not keep a dog in. On the other side of it was a hotel.

I went outside with the dog as I was recalling the layout around the house and looked around. The feeling was that I was in Alaska. Alaska?? I began to panic. It was nice now, but what about later, when the snow came? I didn’t want to drive in that stuff again!

The panic I felt caused me to become very aware of my surroundings and lucidity hit me very suddenly. I got calm and stared up at the massive trees, their branches coming down near me. I looked at the huge, green leaves and they sparkled and glimmered as if they were dusted with glitter.

Then I was in my bed and I heard music. I listened to it while I watched a huge leaf shine in front of me, totally mesmerized by the leaf. Then I realized I was hearing music and I must be about to exit my body. The instant I realized it I also decided I didn’t want to leave my body. The instant I decided this, the music stopped and it was very quiet. I also could no longer see the leaf.

I lay there thinking about how I had the opportunity to leave my body, but I kept wanting to get up and out of bed. I wanted to start my day. I felt the familiar buzzing of energy that told me I could still leave, but I kept making the same decision. I wanted to get up.

11-11Geckos and 11:11

I feel clearer today than I have in a long time. It is really quite a difference and I am not sure what exactly happened to cause it. I know the energy is shifting again, I wrote about it yesterday, but this morning I can feel it. It is very obvious. But I wonder, was this shift in energy caused by my decision to not feel how I was feeling or was it caused by some universal energy shift? Or both?

I have been seeing 11:11 on the clock quite a bit lately. I just ignored it mostly because it is not uncommon for me to notice the number. However, after having the lucid dream this morning, I wonder if perhaps there was more to it?

I am also seeing more geckos. I actually saw one last night. He ran across the floor in front of me and I captured him and let him go outside. He was bigger than most I have seen and such a pretty shade of pink. Pink!

Interestingly, both the number 11 and gecko totem send the message. The gecko says pay attention to your dreams and your intuition. The number 11 also reminds us to pay attention to our intuition – specifically that it is time to connect to our higher self in order to know our mission and purpose in this life. Eleven is the number of spiritual awakening and enlightenment. So that feeling I had this morning of getting up and the message in my dream that I was late and needed to be somewhere went hand in hand with the number 11.

Dog

It is also interesting to me that I had a dog with me yesterday during one dream and again encountered a dog in this one. To see a dog in your dream symbolizes intuition, loyalty, and protection. Whenever I see a dog in my dreams it reminds me that I am not alone and my guides are there assisting me in whatever way I need. It is a message that my guides will not leave my side and will offer protection when I need it.

Big Picture

As I absorb this new feeling – which is very similar to how I felt back in May – I think I am starting to better understand what is going on with me. It is hard to put into words and I am not completely sure I could put it into words just yet anyway. The main message is that I need to trust and follow the guidance I receive, however I receive it. I also need to be prepared to make choices that will be outside my comfort zone, though acceptable once my ego is put in check. I also understand that I am in no way obligated to make any changes or choices – it is all up to me. And that I can change my mind at any time.

by

Homesick

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????It’s the last day of a three-day weekend. My husband and kids are home and we are getting a lot accomplished. New quartz counter tops were installed on Friday, followed by the glass tile back splash and new stainless steel appliances. Yet every morning I struggled to get out of bed. I did not want to open my eyes and when I did it was hard to pull myself out of bed. Usually my stomach growling pushed me to get up. Other times hearing my baby cry or my children calling my name instantly propelled me from my bed. And by the end of the day things were not so bad. Things were even good. Yet when I closed my eyes at night to go to sleep I knew that it would all repeat in the morning.

Homesickness

This morning was no different except that my husband came in and woke me up with kisses. I tried to be in a bad mood but it was difficult with so much love. I suspect his dreams told him that I needed him as he mentioned them as he hugged me close. He said he kept dreaming that things were interrupting us and keeping us apart; from communicating. He wanted to fix it which was why he was snuggling close to me at 8am.

I finally accepted his love and cuddled back, but I could not enjoy it. I was still haunted by my own dreams. Dreams of wanting to go home but not being allowed to. In one I was at work and got a message from the boss that was a warning. It said that she was the boss and that anyone who questioned her would face the consequences. Then I wandered the workplace trying to find a way out. I felt conflicted. I wanted to go home yet could not push myself to leave. 

In another dream I was in my old high school town leaving the school and looking to go home. I ran into all kinds of obstacles and picked up a black and white dog on the way. In the end I found myself inside a train running towards the caboose. A man was with me but I don’t know who he was. When I got out of the train I ran along the tracks and was told I could not go that direction. But I didn’t listen and continued to run as the tracks collapsed and tried to envelope me. I just wanted to get home. I vaguely recall hearing a woman say “26” and I felt if I could just get to 20 that I would make it home.

When I woke up I felt such sorrow and loss that it made it hard to see the sun as a promise of a new day – a new start.

My OBE’s stopped a few days ago and my sleep has been solid with dreams similar to the ones I recounted above. They don’t stop, either. And I am tired of them. I have been reading channeled messages lately about how the changes in energy are about to fluctuate once again but this time they will split up, sending us down our individual paths where we will meet up with groups that we will work with. It is all very vague, though, and doesn’t help me feel any better. One message spoke about how difficult the month of August was and I can completely relate. I am super happy to see August gone but I worry that September won’t be much better. The confusion of energy is exhausting me and makes me feel so unable to act and even if I could act I have no idea what I would do.

Indulgence

Over the last couple of days I have been feeling drawn to read up on anything metaphysical. I guess I am searching for some rational explanation for what is going on with me. I am also trying to find out what I am suppose to do next. Am I suppose to be using my gifts again?

I have read more channeled messages than I ever have in my life. I never get much out of channeled messages. They are all so wordy and repetitive, as if the Spirit that is communicating is trying to distract us by the numerous words. I like to get to the point, which is likely why I have never been too good at channeling. I am too impatient to listen to long, drawn out messages. I just want a nice, short paragraph that gets straight to the point. I found some reassurance that what I am experiencing is normal, but nothing substantial.

I did, however, find something in a recent article – Scientific Approach to Reincarnation and the Journey of Souls After “Death”. In the article there is an section about Dr. Micheal Newton’s finding on what occurs between life. In this section, stage nine specifically, there is one particular sentence that stood out to me: ” This meeting is also to encourage us to have patience, to hold true to our values, to trust ourselves in the midst of difficult situations, and to avoid indulging in anger and negativity”. Specifically the very last point about indulging in anger and negativity really hit me hard. I understand it well.

A memory hit me from my late-twenties in which I had an experience where I realized I was drawn to tdoghe negative, specifically to feeling negative and depressed. When I realized this I was able to immediately pull myself out of it. Also, my guide has told me simply to say “Stop” to those thoughts which are negative. It does work, but it is a lot of work at first and, honestly, I do find that I am drawn to the negative. So the word “indulge” really made sense to me. Is it an indulgence?

To indulge is to “allow yourself to have or do something as a special pleasure”. Do we really find pleasure in anger and negativity? I think I do. At least, I recognize that I find enjoyment in being negative.

It seems to me that it would make since that negativity and anger would be considered a “pleasure” because when we are out of our bodies and Home we are surrounded by the opposite at all times. Our very nature is the opposite. So, in a weird way, that which is negative could be addictive as it allows us to experience something we are not. It is like those who are addicted to a powerful drug like heroine. It allows them to feel such intense pleasure that is so alien to their life in a body that they seek it out over and over.

Could it be that I am struggling to not indulge in negativity?

At first, when I saw I had fallen into the trap, I was hard on myself, but my guide pointed out that I am doing far better than most. I internalize most of the negativity I feel. I do not push it on others. I do not take it a step further like so many do. I do not allow myself to be overcome by it to the point of losing myself in it. I fight it and have been victorious. Yay – I guess. I have a long way to go, that is for sure. Thankfully I do not indulge in anger. lol

More to Learn

As I struggle to keep from indulging in negative thoughts and actions, I am also obviously struggling with an intense desire to return Home. A part of me is fighting this life and I am aware of a deep dissatisfaction that pervades all that I do. It comes with a feeling of impatience. And a feeling of waiting. I honestly feel that I am waiting for my next set of instructions which usually comes with feeling direction and purpose. I have neither right now. As I wait, I struggle because it is so very hard to wait. And I am told this is important; that I am learning and still need to learn more. There is a lesson that needs to complete still. When I hear this from my guide I roll my eyes and let out a huge breath. I feel like lessons are the worst. I feel like a student being told by her teacher that she has to do one more chapter and answer the questions before she can be released from school. After that, well, its playtime, right?