Tag Archives: Astral Travel

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Evidence of Integration

I had an interesting day last night that culminated in yet another unplanned OBE this morning.

Bus Wreck

Last Friday night, as I sat outside listening to the far off sounds of a marching band playing in some football stadium, I suddenly was hit with knowingness. There would be a bus accident. I immediately thought it was sad and worried about the kids on the bus but was told not to worry. So I let it go and forgot about it.

Yesterday morning, while perusing the morning headlines, I saw a headline that made my heart sink. Texas college grieves after 4 killed in bus crash. I read the article and remembered my premonition. It came out of the blue and there was no reasoning behind it. I couldn’t do anything to stop it. Yet I got the information anyway. That’s why I hate premonitions.

Avoided Accident

It is as if the news of the bus wreck was meant to remind me that I could pick up on future events. That afternoon, while returning from work, the minute I got on the freeway I got an nagging feeling. I ignored it because I was feeling very at easy and happy, which is not a norm for me, so I was enjoying it and didn’t want to ruin it by worrying over a “nagging feeling”. Yet every time I would settle into my happy mood and look at the clouds and beautiful sky I would get a thought that said, “Focus”. And I would hear it and think, “I really should pay attention”. The thought kept returning along with the nagging feeling and I thought to myself, “Any moment there could be an accident. But I shouldn’t worry about ‘what if’s’, they only make me anxious”.

I was almost home and the nagging feeling was gone when it happened. I was merging right to exit when the car in front of me suddenly swerved and put on their brakes. I saw some bits of tire on the road and decided not to merge and stayed in my lane only to be confronted a split second later by a huge piece of tire that was big enough to cause an accident. I put on my breaks and swerved a bit into the lane to my left. I watched as the driver behind me also reacted and almost hit a cement truck. I then saw the truck drive swerve into the fast lane. Thankfully, no one was in his path. As I finally began to merge, the truck drive drove past and look at me. We stared at each other and I thought to him, “Glad you are okay”. He drove on.

Then the adrenaline hit me. I exited the highway and suddenly knew that all the signs had been there. And I had listened. My heart was pounding and my arms weak. I had been ready and everyone involved was okay. And it suddenly occurred to me that had I chosen to go ahead and merge that the driver behind me would have not reacted well to the huge piece of tire. He would have swerved to wide and hit the cement truck. And I realized it was not me the feeling was meant to help. It was them.

Dream

I found myself in a dream. I was not fully aware and just followed along, In the dream I was at a gathering. We were in family groups and I was with my husband sitting at a rectangular table. Our children were not there. My husband had to sit near the aisle and I sat in the center. My mother and her husband were above and behind us. Her husband also sat near the aisle.

Then I found myself with my old high school best friend at the bottom of the auditorium where I had previously been with my husband. I greeted her and she seemed down. There was another girl with her. We all talked, catching up on old times. My friend mentioned that she had an issue with hormonal acne. I asked her if she had been to a dermatologist and she looked horrified. She then got very emotional but did not cry and the other girl seemed concerned. They both stopped talking and acted like they wanted to get away from me. They made excuses and began to walk away together. The other girl kept looking behind at me and I felt very uncomfortable, wondering what I had done wrong. I chased after them asking them why they were leaving and what I had done wrong. The girl yelled back that they didn’t want me to come with them. So I stayed back and felt horrible and rejected.

The feelings were intense enough to wake me up.

Wide awake I immediately was reminded of all the times in my life when similar things had happened. I began to beat myself up, telling myself, “I am not good at being a friend” and “No one likes me” and “It is better if I just don’t try to be friends”. There were other thoughts as well and they eventually made me cry, though not huge amounts. I have lived with these feelings my whole life and I wondered, “Why? Why does this keep coming up? Why won’t it go away? What am I doing wrong? Why can’t I be a good friend? What is wrong with me?”

I couldn’t sleep and the feeling was lingering. Yet I had this distinct calm wash over me along with the feeling that I needed to examine the scene in the dream. What happened?

As soon as I started looking at what I did rather than what they did, I saw what the problem was. I hadn’t been listening. I had missed something. Some nonverbal cue. And it had been my downfall. I broke communication with my friend. I was no longer sharing her reality. And because of that she was hurt and thus, wanted to get away from me and avoid it happening again.

Relief followed this realization and then I began to remember similar times in my past when this happened. They piled on top of one another and they were all the same. All this time I had thought they were mean. They were the ones who had been out to hurt me. It was their fault, not mine. And I understood. I was not a good listener. I was not caring about them. It was all me, me, me. I lost a best friend for that and I have few friends now because of that.

Yet I also realized everyone else is the same. They are like me. They want to be heard. They want to be listened to. They will seek out those who listen. Who will hear. I have stopped trying to seek out someone who will listen. I have been hurt too many times and it isn’t worth it. But maybe, just maybe, I have been wrong this whole time and if I just listened to others without any expectations for myself things would be different.

All these thoughts kept me awake from 4am to around 5:30am. I had given up on returning to sleep.

graycat_chairOBEs

Then I was dreaming again. I was at a house this time. The owners were moving out and me and my mother and some other family I did not recognize were watching them. They were unable to take everything with them and they were leaving behind their three dogs. I lingered, watching them. They gave us permission to take what they left so I went inside while my mom waited in the car outside. I remember seeing the dogs, two of them huge Basset Hounds with long hair and one a small Beagle. They were running into the road and I had concern they would be hit.

I spent a while inside the house collecting mostly toys my kids would like. Their garage was full of them. I then wandered into the back yard but it started to get dark and my mom was yelling at me to hurry. I then saw a light shine through a window and went back inside, roaming through the kitchen and then making my way back into the yard. When I looked up, though, there was a ceiling and I was confused for a moment. That particular room was run down and dirty.

It was at this point that I suddenly gained awareness and the entire scene vanished. I was no longer in that dark house but in a newer one with brand new wood floors and nice furnishings. I was instantly happier and lighter and crawled along the wood floors like an infant. I was very aware of being naked and thinking about how I must look to someone, concerned about the way my breasts must have looked but not so much to worry about it.

As soon as I stopped caring about how I looked I felt myself lift up and I stretched out my astral body and willed myself up into the air. I was a bit unsteady at first but soon was hovering over the floor and then flying towards the door. The room instantly got brighter and I could see the furniture of the living area in front of me.

But I lost energy and the room instantly darkened. I was then hovering near my body and disappointed to have left. I willed myself back and there I was again, in the house. This time, however, I was standing in the kitchen, There was a yellow hue around everything and the floors were very shiny. I looked around and took in the scene. It was bright and I did not have any issue with seeing. I was glad for this. I had worried something was wrong with me in my last OBE since I couldn’t see well.

Then I heard a scratching coming from a door in the kitchen. I went over to it, looking closely at the white shutters that covered the bottom of the door. Since I could see outside I pulled back two slats of the shutters to look out. I could see a small shadow outside. I yelled at the animal, “You can’t come in!” and left the door as it was but the two slats fell off, broken. I knew the animal was a gray cat and I didn’t want him inside. I don’t like cats.

I then lost vision and I returned to my body. I stayed in the in-between state for some time, trying to decide if I would go back. The energy buzzed around me and felt comforting. I could feel that it was more intense around my heart chakra. I allowed the hypnagogic images to come in and watched them for a while. I almost went into one but my curiosity caused the image to suddenly fade. I eventually gave up and opened my eyes.

Evidence of Integration

I was told a while back to expect changes resulting from merging with my Higher Self. I was not given much information as to what that meant but had faith that it was a good thing. Since then I have experienced some subtle changes that I believe are a result of this merging process, also known as integration.

Of course there are my OBEs. They started back up at the beginning of the merging and have since continued, becoming more frequent and interesting. I suspected my OBEs from yesterday were an attempted soul retrieval which was later confirmed by some avid astral travelers I communicate with. This is a big changed from my previous astral experiences and I can’t help but wonder if perhaps I am going to have more similar experiences.

Then there is the change in how I perceive things. My guides still communicate with me, but during the day their messages are more blended with my own thoughts – almost imperceptible. I often miss their messages because of this but eventually they get through to me, one way or the other. The best example of this was the message to integrate yoga into my life.

Then there is the overall different feeling I have. It is hard to explain but I feel more whole than I did a couple of years ago. I am more certain and less likely to accept things in my life that I do not want. Yes I have been depressed more often but I think that is part of the process. I am healing and purging some repressed emotions which opens chakras and creates all sorts of symptoms (kundalini symptoms) that can be quite bothersome.

I don’t know how much longer this will all take but I am getting a glimpse of what I will be like in the end and I am liking it.

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Into The Deep

I was awakened at 4am by my daughter. She must have caught my cold because she was coughing but it was just the typical dry cough that comes with postnasal drip. She went back to sleep but I, of course, could not. Then, whenever I would start to doze off, she would cough loudly once or twice and wake me up again. So, I went to another room to try and get some uninterrupted sleep.

I tossed and turned for some time, thinking, “I should just get up. I’m too awake”. A song kept going through my mind by Saints of Valory, Neon Eyes (Into the Deep), specifically the part, “But won’t you follow me, into the deep”. I just kept singing it over and over and finally decided to stop. Then I got hungry so I had to run to the kitchen for a snack. Finally, stomach content and mind quiet, I drifted off to sleep.

OBE #1: Hotel

I don’t remember what I was dreaming about, but I know I was dreaming. What I do remember is being awakened by someone brushing against me. I opened my eyes suddenly and scanned the darkened room. But it wasn’t the bedroom I was in. It looked like a hotel room. I could see the windows, the door and the edge of the bed I was laying on.

I looked around for whoever brushed against me and I heard crying. It was a quiet, sobbing sound and it was from a very small child. I urged myself to get out of bed to help. As I slid out of bed, my astral body felt heavy, as if I were carrying forty pounds of dead weight.

I mentally called out to the child, telling her it was okay. Then I saw her. She ran up to me and took my hand. She was very tiny, only about two to three feet tall and looked up at me with big, tear filled eyes. She was wearing a pink dress that flared out like a tutu with white stockings that went right up to the bottom of the dress and pink Mary Jane’s. In the dark of the room, she seemed to glow with her own light and I immediately wanted to help her.

I followed her toward the door, still feeling very heavy. The heavy energy was pulling me down and I knew I needed more energy. I tried to summon it, but the moment I began to ask I rushed back into my body.

OBE #2: Negative Feeling

I immediately set the intention to return and I was back in the bed, in the dark hotel room. I got out of bed, my astral body again feeling burdened by heavy energy. I began to make my way toward the door but stopped. I didn’t like the feeling of the place or the feeling of my energy. This time there was no little girl and I felt a strong sense that something was not quite right. In the little time I was there, I gathered heaps of information. All at once the knowledge was there and I knew what the bad feeling was. There was negative sexual energy and it was focused on the child. There was a child molester involved in the energy.

Within moments of recognizing all this I was sucked back into my body once again. I lay in the buzzing sensation that surrounded me for a moment and set the intention to return again. Instantly, I returned once again to the scene.

OBE #3: Energy

This time I got out of my body quickly and with less heaviness but it felt like I was dragging myself behind me. The farther I got from my starting point, the easier it got. I reached the door and opened it, intent on getting out of the hotel room and leaving the negative energy behind me. I looked up at the stars and thought how nice it would be to be able to see daylight. Why was it still so dark? I wanted to shift to another scene, anywhere but where I was. And I knew that in order to do this I needed to free myself of the heaviness I was feeling.

I rubbed the palms of my hands together and said, “I need more energy”. The minute I said this I was hit with intense amounts of energy. I felt like I was buzzing while at the same time being shaken. It is hard to describe. It felt like my astral body was shifting back and forth very quickly.

I was disappointed to find myself back in my body as the shifty sensations continued. I thought, “What did I do wrong?” and realized that asking for more energy had not been the right thing to do. But what was?

I wanted to return to astral but there was a nagging feeling that it was almost time to get up and that I had things to do. Reluctantly, I moved and stretched out my body, leaving the prospect of another trip OOB behind me. Again the song repeated in my mind, “But won’t you follow me, into the deep”.

Note: It was suggested by other astral travelers that this OBE was in fact an attempted soul retrieval. This is the first ever soul retrieval OBE I recall having and I am curious if there will be others.

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Out of Sorts

I don’t normally post twice in one day but I have way too much going on to not.

I posted about my multiple OBEs first because I was afraid I would lose too much of what happened. As it was, after I initially posted I had a memory about a shadow man that I had to add and even now memories are coming back to me. I recall seeing and discussing crystals with a man (one of my guides) while OOB. The memory is fuzzy so not sure if I will add it or not. However, it has convinced me that healing is on the agenda for me and that no matter if I refuse, it will continue.

Jet Blue

No doubt you all have heard by now about the Jet Blue scare that happened on Thursday. It has been all over the media and social media has popped up with selfies, photos, videos and personal accounts of the near-miss. Well, what you don’t know is that this specific event hit very close to home for me. My husband was on that flight.

My husband was doing some work in California and had scheduled his flight home from Long Beach that day. The entire morning, my middle son was talking about Daddy coming home. In fact, he was so excited to see his Daddy again that he was refusing to eat saying, “I’m gonna wait for Daddy”. He kept asking, “When is Daddy coming home?” And I kept telling him, “Not until after lunch”. He also kept asking, “What time is it?” but this is a normal question for him right now.

The last time my son asked about his Daddy I was about to jump into the shower. It was about 11:30am. When I came downstairs after my shower I saw I had missed a call and had a voice mail. I saw the call was from my husband and tried to call him back but it went directly to voice mail. So I listened to my voice mail and heard the unexpected.

My husband’s voice was calm when he said, “Our plane had to turn back because one of the engines went out. We landed and had to slide down the emergency slide. I am fine.” Minutes later, he called me back and told me more. He still sounded calm. My first thought was, “Wow!” My second was, “I never suspected any of it”.

When my husband arrived home at 8:30pm that night he was still pretty calm. He finally did confess to me, however, that when the engine blew, there was a loud bang followed by immense amounts of smoke. He said when this happened, his first thought was, “I am going to die”. Then he immediately reached out and took the hands of the two men sitting to either side of him. He told me, “There is nothing like thinking you are going to die to get you to really appreciate life”.

Emotionless

I am actually still waiting for the impact of my husband’s near-death experience to hit me. But it hasn’t. I am happy he is okay, but I never felt he was not okay. I never even suspected anything was amiss. My son must have because he was so tuned into seeing his Daddy all morning. Why didn’t I?

My husband spoke to me about his experience more yesterday and then mentioned it yet again today. It is obvious that it really affected him – for the better, too. I feel guilty for not feeling anything. I don’t even feel relief. What is wrong with me?

All I can say is that there must be something very wrong with me.

Healing

Last night I sensed again that something is very “off” with me, especially my energy. But I also think that there is something going on with the Earth’s energy and that, maybe, I am susceptible to it. Or perhaps I am just mixing up all the energy I am being bombarded with and as such it is making me feel very out of sorts.

As I prepared for bed last night, I knew I was in dire need of healing. I knew I needed to pick apart some of the things I have yet to confront in life. There are some things I am avoiding looking at. Why? Because I worry I will have to make changes. And change isn’t comfortable.

As I settled down to sleep, though, I did ask for help healing some of my internal aches and pains. So it is no wonder that I had dreams and OBEs that were along those lines. Yet, when I woke up, I was in a very sour mood. It has passed now, but it feels like I use to feel when I was a child I was told I needed to do something and I do not want to do it. What do I have to do?

Finally, one thing I did not mention in my other post, is that this healing I am getting is preparation for something. I remember as I came to full awareness after my last OBE, that I was speaking with my guide. I remember saying to him, “Is this what happens before…?” and he said, “Yes”. And now I am wondering, “Before what?”

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I Wanna See Sunshine

I know I wrote recently that I was told while, also simultaneously knowing, that I need to stop going OOB for a while. Yet this morning I experienced more OBEs than I can count. I lost track after about my fourth exit from my body. In fact, I had so many that I hardly remember the first few, which is unfortunate.

Dream

Before my OBEs I awoke from a disturbing dream. In the dream, I was in a parking lot with a man who was stealing a woman’s dog. It was a brown and white Sheltie. The man had it wrapped up in a white blanket and was trying to drive off in his pickup truck. I climbed in holding a 22 caliber pistol strait at him and warned him that I would shoot if he continued trying to drive away. I stopped for a moment looking at the gun I was holding and thinking, “I don’t want to kill this man”. As I did, the gun shrank and appeared to be a BB gun. The man did not listen to me and began to shift the truck into reverse, so I shot him multiple times with the BB gun.

I grabbed the small dog and remember thinking how awful that anyone would want to hurt a defenseless animal. I felt so much sympathy for the little dog. At that moment I remembered my own dog, Trooper, and was filled with huge amounts of guilt and shame for how I allowed him to suffer before finally putting him out of his misery. The shame finally woke me up and I laid in bed near tears for a while, telling my guide I wanted the feeling to stop. I just wanted it to stop.

OBEs

I got up and used the restroom and tried to go back to sleep but I could not stop swallowing from a sudden onset of nasty postnasal drip. My body also felt very stiff and achy and the only position that was comfortable was laying on my back. Ugh! I am getting sick, I thought. The last thing I remember was thinking about my dog and how I was warned a year prior of his upcoming death. I was being hard on myself, telling myself I was “stupid” and “avoiding the inevitable” resulting in my dog, and me, suffering more than necessary. I remember telling my guide, “You told me, yet when the time came you were silent.” And I recognized this theme repeating in my life – being told of future things and then getting no information near the time the event occurs.

Cleaning Floors

The very next memory I had was being out of my body. I was in my Mom’s house standing in her kitchen watching the floor being cleaned by my middle son. It was an odd sight and I remember thinking, “Why is he cleaning the floor?” He was naked and had a white cleaning cloth in his hands he was using to scrub the floor. The kitchen furniture had been removed so all I could see was the brown tile floor and my 3 year old son cleaning.

I instantly knew I was OOB and so began to move away from the weird scene and towards the door. I wanted outside. Plus, it was dark and I wanted to see better.

When I opened the door it was still dark outside. I don’t remember much after this except feeling the familiar pull of my body. I also remember hovering right near my body for some time and having a conversation with someone.

Shadow Man

The next thing I remember, I was with several young people. I was laying in my bed and they were around me. I remember knowing I was OOB but I was too mesmerized by the people to really think about it. Everything felt so real and I was surprised by how solid I felt. It was so surreal! I kept looking at them and one took my hand and led towards a car. The other two people got in and I followed. The car was a small, red car but I am not sure what type, maybe a Honda Fit?

I don’t know where we went but I do remember moving in the car for a bit. The movement felt like we were floating rather than driving on a road. The trip is hazy, though, like I lost lucidity for some time. What I next recall is somewhat odd and scary, though. This time I remember seeing the back of a person I did not recognize. He was dark and I could not see anything except the lack of color. I was sitting very close to him when he turned around and grabbed me. I saw his face, but it was changing and shifting and I knew I should confront him because he was not real, he was me; my fears. But before I could do anything the fear caught hold of me and overwhelmed me. I instantly went back to my body. I did not awaken, though. Instead I opened my astral eyes and saw this blue veil, like a window curtain with light behind it. The light got brighter as I watched. Instead of following, I withdrew and allowed myself to settled into my body.

zebraZebra

There were several other exits from my body but they are all a blur now. I would leave, find myself in my Mom’s house, go outside and then be pulled back to my body. This happened about four more times before I realized I needed more energy and focus to make my experiences more worthwhile.

The next time I left my body, I opened my eyes to find myself in my Mom’s kitchen once again. It was dark but not so dark I couldn’t see and there were more people in the kitchen this time. All of them were cleaning the kitchen floor! I don’t know who the people were, but this time I spoke with them. I don’t remember what was said word-for-word, but it was about the floors and why they were being cleaned. The gist of our conversation was that the floors being cleaned were representative of me.

At some point in the conversation I wanted to go outside. But this time I wanted it to be light outside. I needed to see. I knew I needed energy for that to happen so I rubbed the palms of my hands together vigorously and said, “More energy please”. Then, I got the idea to ask for something else. I wanted to see what would happen if I asked to see my Higher Self. So, as I went through the door I stated, “I want to see my Higher Self” and then repeated it. When I opened the door it was still twilight but instead of seeing the front yard I saw a small, brown horse standing in front of me. When I saw him I was delighted and yelled out, “Hi!” and his name, but I cannot remember his name now except that it started with an “A” and was three syllables. Then I looked to my left and there was this enormous Zebra walking towards me. He was at least ten feet tall and very vivid. When I saw him I was delighted and said, “Hi Steven!” I noticed there were others with him, probably about three or four that I could count right off, but they were not as big and I don’t know if they were zebras or horses, just that they were all animals.  I insteantly knew I was seeing my guides and knew also they were coming to me in the form of animals for a reason, though the reason was a mystery to me.

As Steven the zebra approached me I got worried and backed up. The feeling was, “I don’t want this” as if letting him come closer meant something scary would happen. What? I don’t know. The minute I backed away I lost hold and fell back into my body with quite a bit of force. I immediately felt my pillow over my eyes and kept them closed as I recognized I was in my bed and there was no zebra coming toward me.

I Wanna See Sunshine

I knew I was still in-between states and could return whenever I wanted. So I made a plan. This time I would go back and I would make it light outside so I could see. I also kept the intention to meet up with my Higher Self.

I opened my astral eyes and found myself inside the house again but this time I was standing at the front door. I immediately went outside.

When I walked outside the door I was thinking about how I wanted to see light outside. With that thought I began singing a song at the top of my lungs – “I wanna see sunshine on my way”. As I sang, I noticed the outside was still dark but that there were sparks of light popping up and moving about me as if they were alive. It was like I was surrounded with stars or huge fireflies. The light moved around me and sparkled in the darkness.

At this point I saw that I was holding hands with my daughter. I was delighted! She did not speak to me but I could feel her little hand and see her very clearly. I wanted to show her how to fly, so I took her hand and pulled her up with me as I launched up into the sky. I was still singing at the top of my lungs – “I wanna see sunshine on my way”.

As we topped the trees, I looked down and saw construction machinery, bulldozers and backhoes. Each of them was sitting digger-1198220-min an illuminated bubbled of white light and surrounded by black. It was like someone wanted me to see each of the machines rather than the trees and land around them. The visual of the construction equipment is still the most vivid memory I have of this experience. They were very out of place.

Once I saw the machinery I noticed I was still singing at the top of my lungs, my hand still holding my daughter’s hand. We continued to face the machines as a force began to pull up backward and upward. I continued to sing as I noticed buildings and lights flash by us as we increased in speed. I felt like I was flying backward at hundreds of miles per hour.

I remember thinking we just passed San Fransisco and were heading toward the Pacific Ocean. I remember seeing a flash of the San Francisco bridge and the lights of the city sparkling in the dark of early morning. I then wondered how far we were going to go. Where were we going?

With my concern growing the scene blacked out all at once and I immediately woke up in my body. I felt my hands resting on my stomach and began to move them. When I did, I noticed they were tingling and numb. I also heard my daughter scream something and knew it was morning and my children were already up.

Hot Tub

Despite moving and noting that it was morning, I managed to find my way back out of my body. This time I was standing next to a hot tub. Inside it were two women and one man. They were lounging in it and I was looking at them and talking to them about why I was not able to stay OOB for as long as I wanted to. I could hear the bubbles of the water as it circulated around the hot tub and see the steam from the heat dancing in front of the faces of the occupants. I remember saying, “I am having trouble with having enough energy” and “I wish I could stay out longer”. The whole time I felt happy and at ease; almost bubbling over with joy and excitement. The people in the hot tub felt like family. In fact, I remember feeling a bit confused because I kept thinking of them as my siblings but they did not look like my brother and sisters. The man was very feminine looking, almost asexual, with dark hair. The women had light brown hair but I do not remember much except their eyes and how they looked at me lovingly. All three of them appeared to be quite young, probably around 20 at the most.

At some point I decided I wanted to get into the hot tub. I put my arm in the water and felt that it was very warm. I commented on its warmth as I allowed myself to be surrounded by the water. I then looked at the guy who was straight in front of me and he said, “What?” I said back to him, “You know what”, and went straight toward him, convinced that my energy problem stemmed directly from a blockage in my root chakra.

I woke up soon after this feeling a buzzing in my root chakra along with some mild cramping and aching in my abdominal area. I knew instantly that I was OOB specifically to help clear my energy blockages. I still felt sluggish from sleep and tried to go back OOB but my daughter came in with my husband telling me they wanted me to go out to eat breakfast with them. I still had the song I was singing in my head as I got out of bed.

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Mini-OBE

JWGQ000ZYesterday was a long day. When I went to bed I was wide awake and it was already 11pm. I don’t think I was able to fall asleep until some time after that. I just felt awake but my mind was mostly blank except for the question that remained from the night before: What is it that I am here to do, exactly?

I know I am here to help and so I asked my guide, “Who?” His response? “The many”. I was kind of hoping to get more specifics, you know? But I should have known better. It doesn’t work that way. But I instantly knew that one way I was helping was via this blog. One would assume this would give me great joy, but it did not. I only sighed. I will likely never know the people who I help via this blog. That is really okay. Really.

I have recalled an in-between life experience that illustrates just how powerful even our smallest actions can affect others. In this in-between life recollection, I stood with three others and we held hands. As we did, our experiences were exchanged and I was able to see how my actions affected each and every one of them. What is unbelievable about it is that I had never even met two of them in that life. Yet, my actions still affected them. Unfortunately for me, what I did was not positive and I was there to see the far reaching consequences of my actions. I guess I didn’t learn my lesson from that life because I know I have repeated such actions time and time again in this life and will likely do so again in others. Yet I also know that both positive and negative actions (as we humans define them anyway) are equally important and necessary. For example, something I write in my blog may be interpreted as a personal attack by another even though it is not intended as such. And that in turn will affect them and possibly others if they pass on the effect. It can also happen the other way around and be a positive effect. Either way, I have served my purpose – to help – even though it may not always seem that I, in fact, helped.

thSucked into the Bed

The above were my thoughts as I drifted off to sleep. Unfortunately, my sleep was fitful and I tossed and turned most of the night. I don’t know why that is but I do know that one time I awoke very angry. I won’t go into detail about it now, but it was enough upset that I believe my body reacted making my back very tight and sore. I managed, somehow, to fall asleep despite this, but my thoughts and anger infiltrated my dreams.

I found myself in an unfamiliar house. It was where I was living but I did not know it. There was a woman who was there to create problems. I knew in the dream that she represented that which I had fallen asleep angry about. The feelings I felt were all transferred into her – anger, frustration, deceit, disappointment, caution – this tall, beautiful and graceful woman. Recognizing she was not to be trusted I was not very nice to her.

This woman had deceived my husband and poisoned him with lies. She gave him something, a small pill of some kind, and he took it. Then I watched as she pulled him to her, seductively, and he embraced her. When he did, a huge hole opened up in the bed between her legs and sucked him in. He did not resist and I watched as his body was completely engulfed and the bed seemed to boil, a blackness overtaking him.

I watched in horror, feeling deceived and defeated. Yet as I stared open mouthed, I saw my husband’s arms reach out from the hole in the bed and grasp wildly about. The woman grabbed him and pulled him out. I noticed that he was gray and covered in dirt or something black. Defiled. I pleaded with him to reject her and come with me. The woman sat smiling and my husband did not move. She offered him another pill and he took it and my hopes of him returning to sanity disappeared. I yelled at them both, “Then the two of you can have each other!”

Upset followed me into the kitchen, as did the woman. I immediately saw a young girl who I recognized to be my daughter in her early teens but she looked nothing like my real life daughter. She had left me a present on the counter. It was a large, green toad statue. I oohed and awed over it, telling her thank you. She then showed me a card for her dad. I could see her writing on the card. It looked just like her writing now – the writing of a 6 year old – and was done in green crayon. The woman took it and with a green crayon, lightly colored over the message. I yelled at her to stop and noticed that the woman looked like my mother.

Awareness Takes Over

I moved away from the kitchen to the breakfast nook. It was country styled, painted in white. I noticed there was an opening below it and when I peered into I saw that it went to the outside. I could not figure out how to close it and was concerned by this. I then saw another opening to the left of the table and as I focused upon in, a gray tabby cat crawled in. I yelled at him and the woman, saying the holes needed to be fixed and that wild cats were coming in. As I yelled, another cat came in, an orange tabby, and hissed at me. Then both crawled up onto a sofa. I tried to touch one and it lashed out at me and hissed. I did not know what to do and felt confusion wash over me. I have never felt so unable to act as I did at that instant.

The woman was there and commented about it, but I do not remember what she said. I became fully lucid at this point and began to look around the house. As I did, the country style kitchen vanished and was replaced with a very nice living room and foyer area with wood flooring and upscale furniture. The scene became brightly vivid. I look about and saw a nice floral sofa and dark, maple or cherry wood furniture. I noticed there was no TV. For some reason no TV seemed odd to me.

I turned towards the front door and searched for a coat rack as I pulled off my shirt/coat. Yet at that time I at first saw the evil lady from before do this and saw her reveal her breasts and head towards the sitting area. At some point, though, I became her and the entire “evil lady” persona was gone, replaced by a me that was searching for an astral partner.

It was at this point I returned to my body briefly and consciously chose to go back. As soon as I did, I was back in the house and saw a large, black man go into the bathroom. I decided to follow him and interrupted him doing his business. However, the man inside was not the man who I had seen go in. He was a spindly, geeky white man with blondish hair and a dorky surprised look on his face. I said to him, “You are not a black man!” And he continued to stare at me. I was very conscious of the sound of someone peeing and saw he was peeing into the toiled and onto the wall. Then I saw my reflection in a mirror that was covering the entire bathroom wall. I turned and looked at myself and my face and hair were glowing. I also noticed the left side of my face was bulging like one would see in one of those carnival mirrors. Seeing this, I tried to focus more but instead ended up back in my body.

Analysis

I always consider what my dreams/experiences mean when I awake from them. My first thought was that my thoughts prior to sleep had created the dream and I instantly recognized the truth of the symbols. I will not go into detail this time because the symbolism is connected to a very real, raw issue in my life that is personal in nature. However, I will say that I remembered a conversation I had before bed that I forgotten until after this dream/experience.

The conversation was with my guide and I saw precisely that my conflict again was arising from within. However, the conflict presented itself as two people within me – the me before my spiritual awakening and the me after. My guide made me aware of this distinction by asking me, “Who are you?” I answered him with my name prior to my awakening. My guide has asked me this question many times, but this time I recognized that perhaps he asks this to get me to think about which part of me is dominant and why.

I actually had a brief moment where I wondered if the two aspects of myself were in fact two very different souls in one body. I am not sure if this is even possible, but maybe it is? But more likely the two aspects are merely my ego and my Higher Self.

After waking and remembering this conversation I became very hopeless about the situation I found myself in. The symbolism of the toad is that one is trying to hide their true Self. It very much represents how I was feeling prior to bed – betrayed, stupid, deceived. I also felt that I had been living a lie and did not know how to reverse it which follows with that feeling of confusion I had upon not being able to keep the cats out of the house. Cats that are hissing, biting or clawing indicate a need for me to pay attention to what my intuition is telling me. Am I ignoring my intuition? Has all that I have been doing these past 7 years been wrong? It is never fun to think that you have been wrong, especially for such a long time.

Yet now, as I analyze my dream/experience I am not worried. I remember my guide told me that what I experience in astral and dreams is a reflection of myself. What I saw were my worries and the result of me beating up myself for something that may or may not been true.

by

Astral Elevator

I didn’t go to sleep last night with the intention to astral – though I guess I really always have that intent – so, I will just say I went to bed without asking to astral.

At one point  I began talking to my guide. I recalled a Facebook post from the previous day in which an artist told of his struggle with depression and explained how he overcame it by finding his life’s purpose and focusing upon that. I remember asking, “What is my purpose?” and knowing instantly, as I always do, that I am here to “help”. I always immediately asked, “How?” and feel lost in that I have never had a strong knowingness in exactly what kind of help I am here to give. Feeling once again hopeless of ever finding the intense desire and motivation to help that I envy others having of their personal life purpose, I fell asleep. It was around 6:30am and I was laying on my back.

Astral Elevator

I soon found myself in the midst of a dream. I was semi-lucid and for a while I struggled with maintaining even a small amount of awareness. This struggle showed itself by causing aspects of the dream to seem hazy while other parts were crystal clear.

The first part of the dream was set in a hotel. I was waking up and remember going to the bathroom momentarily and wrapping a towel around me as I left and went to join the rest of my family. This part of the dream is difficult to remember in full because I kept gaining and losing awareness. It is like the dream “flashed” in and out like a strobe light, with parts being more illuminated than others.

I walked into the hotel bedroom and saw my Mom and my two oldest children. There was a table and I sat down and noticed my sister and her husband (my cousin) and their baby were there as well. I don’t remember everything we talked about but I do recall that my cousin asked me at once point about a man I use to know. In the dream I told him, “He should be a minister and not a teacher”. In reality, this man is both a teacher and a minister.

At this point the dream fades out some and I am aware that I am walking back to the bathroom. I realized on the way the reason why I was struggling to see, thinking to myself, “I never washed my face”. I went into the bathroom in order to do this but the dream again fades out.

The next thing I remember is walking along a sidewalk outside the hotel and being greeted by smiling strangers. I began very conscious of being in my towel because I had reached in to pull off my bra and then changed my mind and left it on, worrying someone would see.

I went inside the hotel and waited with a bunch of young people. I felt very inappropriate standing there in a towel so avoided eye contact with them. The elevator opened and a woman rushed inside and I waited for my turn. The elevator was full but I remember saying, “I think there is room for more” and I went in.

Inside the elevator there were children, mostly pre-teen aged. I remember being very worried about my room number – I couldn’t remember it. At first I thought it was 427, then thought it might be 627. When the woman asked me what floor I told her, “I’m not sure. 4”, and saw her push the button on the elevator. I noticed there were only 6 floors total and wondered if I was wrong about my room number. The woman told me, “I forget my number all the time” acting as if it were completely normal to forget.

Come Thursdaybig-blue-bulldozer

Once again I blacked out and when I could recall what was going on again I found myself outside with my two children. We were going to a school and I remember thinking the school was not safe and stopping outside of it with my children. I remember feeling the urge to fly and not being sure if I was dreaming or not. As if to prove I was dreaming, I looked to the retaining wall outside the school and saw it crumble before my eyes, revealing a miniature, blue bulldozer.

I turned and looked at my children and had the idea to fly. I leaped up into the air and only succeeded at jumping high. When I landed, though, I could feel the pebbles beneath my feet as they poked at my bare feet. This convinced me that I must be on the right track. I tried again, this time aiming at going over a chain link fence, but fell short again. This did not deter me, though, and I grabbed my son and daughter by the hand and said, “Let’s fly! I will show you!” I jumped with them and we succeeded.

Once in the air my vision became crystal clear and I was very certain that I was OOB. I looked down and around below me and saw that where the school building was suppose to be was a crystal, blue shimmering lake. It seemed unreal, though, almost as if it were made out of glass or some other material. To my left I saw the treetops and was overwhelmed by the vastness above and around me. I felt free and exhilarated as well. The emotional overwhelm blacked out my vision and I remember thinking that I wanted to keep seeing so I said, “Clarity now”, and focused on feeling the arms of my two little ones who were flying with me.

I guess I did something right because there was a shimmering of the scene around me as it went from dull grays and browns to vivid color. As my vision returned, the scene shifted and I found myself flying alone over city streets I did not recognize. It was like I went back in time to the 1950’s because the cars were all shiny, older models with the rounded headlights and car bodies. The streets reminded me of a small 1950’s town because the store fronts were reminiscent of the Back to the Future movie. My ears were flooded with music as well. The song, “Come Monday” by Jimmy Buffet was playing and I was singing along.

I flew along the sides of the cars as they traveled through the intersection below me. I reached for the door handles, hoping to hitch a ride inside of one. I could never quite catch up to one in order to grip the door handle and soon gave up, moving toward oncoming traffic for a moment and then changing my mind as I hovered in the intersection.

A big, blue bus came towards me and I got the idea to grab onto it. I thought at first it was a trolley but when I grabbed onto its railing the railing moved and it appeared to be a large, blue blade of some sort similar to a helicopter blade. I kept hold of it and it swung out and about. At one point it took me by the driver’s window and he smiled at me. It was like the metal blade thing I was on was flowing like a long ribbon.

The bus took me with it down a road into a more rural area. I watched the scenery around me change and just enjoyed the ride. The entire time I could hear the Jimmy Buffet song playing around me and I was singing along. However, instead of singing, “Come Monday”, I would sing, “Come Thursday” or “Come Sunday”. I remember thinking to myself, “I need to remember this”.

As I flew along, I realized I was no long with the bus. I looked up to see what I was holding onto and saw that I was hanging from a cluster of white balloons. I remember smiling and just feeling glee as I flew along and looked at the countryside below. It was a nice feeling.

Then I noticed that I was flying over a cemetery. The front gate had a large bed mattress on top. The mattress was light gray and was very obvious. I wondered about it as I hovered over it and then noticed someone walking toward me and the cemetery. As I looked down I became frightened because the man was completely black. I recognized him to be a shadow person and just looking at him made me feel fear in the pit of my stomach. He was tall and had what appeared to be a crown on his head, though it was all black and I could not make out where the crown started and the head ended.

Feeling the fear triggered something in me and rather than retreat from the man, I flew toward him yelling at him something that I cannot remember now. My intent was to make him disappear and to confront the fear that created him. Unfortunately, the fear must have been too much and as I drew closer and close to him I woke up.